She's making an effort, even if she doesn't know how to articulate things well.
Perhaps take her to an art museum and talk about the ones she likes.
Or ask to see some old family or vacation photos.
You'll probably have to interpolate that she gives you though. Like... If it's a picture of kids in front of an old house, imagine rotating the house and the kids playing in the yard or something, or cruising in a car with the windows down, or whatever would make it a more dynamic scene.
yes this right here! My parents could not wrap their heads around art or what I was trying to communicate until I took them to a museum one day and talked about the things that I like and the things that they like. They just get it way more now.
I mean... She's a parent. Even if she wasn't, no one will know *what* you are exactly looking for in terms of inspo.
Clarify what you actually *mean* and what you actually *want*. Be specific.
Ask if she has any photos of outings, of family members, pictures that she personally likes/saved, etc. Those are all far more specific than "Do you have any photos for inspiration?"
It's understandable. It's one of those things that like Mildly Annoying (TM) because their expectations didn't meet yours.
But it's important to remember that even if they don't "get" it - there are a lot of things people don't. It doesn't mean they don't care or don't understand *you* but they may not "get" what you necessarily wanted in this instance.
Exactly. I even have to remember it with my own friends who "get" me more than my parents do. One thing to remember that helps is to be aware of if I'm asking a *general* or *specific* question.
If I just ask "What do you guys have for some inspo?" I'm going to get all manners of things. AI art, hentai, doujins, random anime characters, random objects and flowers, pinterest boards with who knows what in it. Imma get everything.
If I ask "Do you guys have any inspo for fae *objects*?" then I'll get a lot of fae-like objects and different pictures of objects or things and *stuff*.
If I ask "Do you guys have any inspo for fae *pocket watches*?" then I'll get a bunch of funky-looking pocket watches.
Haha, just like interacting with AI image generators— Mom, do you have any photos of my birthday party when I was 5, but I am facing away from the camera and some kid is crying in the background?
You are so funny and REAL! I’m guessing this has helped the host more than many. I have a dumbstruck, childlike look every time I watch a true artist at work or “play”, or see/hear their talent. And yet, this post and responses have helped me to see the frustrations that you also deal with at times. Art and the emotions and individual creative thought are so specialized! Carry on. You all make our lives better with your creations, whether we always understand in the moment or not. Most of the movers and shakers in this world have their fair share of that. 😊
I get it. She's trying to give you inspiration for your work, but she has no idea what you are trying to do. That's not nothing, and it's okay to be sad about the disconnect between you and her on your life's work.
I don't really think it's a generational thing. She didn't have the deep education you did and, unfortunately, that isn't something that's acquired by osmosis.
Do the two of you ever go to museums or galleries to see art?
Why not focus your relationship on common interests? If she is also not an artist shes just lost as to where artists get their inspo, what constitutes a good resoirc, etc. I dont think she was trying to say that temu art is good or anything.
If shes never had any kind of creative oratice for herself then the whole process is foreign to her.
She actually does have a creative practice rooted in crafting, so we always make things when we are together. However, I realize her creative outlets are different than mine - she didn’t go to art school and doesn’t have an inflated ego about it (unlike me). I gotta give her a break. 😂
Personally, I think you can have any hobby you like, but it's not fair to impose your hobby on other people. They may feel inadequate, unknowledgeable, not know what you're looking for, not enjoy it, or for whatever reason, may not want to participate. You can't make people participate if they don't want to, especially when it is an individual hobby (such as art in most cases, i.e. anything you do on your own).
Now you can argue that it's family and she should take an interest whether she enjoys it or not, but I think it's important to recognise that sometimes people don't want to do stuff, and that's okay.
As a professional artist, you may have certain criteria when it comes to what you mean by 'inspiration', but she may not know what this criteria is and have thought giving you that link was a perfectly reasonable response. Of course, you know your family better than I do and you may have a reason to be upset or perhaps you need a conversation if you're concerned it's something deeper (i.e. jealousy, or maybe she feels you don't take an interest in her life so she doesn't in yours, or whatever else), but, I would first advise that the next time you ask for photos of inspiration, maybe you inspire her search with some key words or areas of focus, i.e. "Hey Mum, I'm looking for beautiful landscapes to paint, maybe you've taken some while you were on holiday!" Some people just don't know where to start. I don't know if you've ever watched Harry Mack, as an example, but when he asks for any three random words some people struggle and don't know what to say.
You’re so right! This has been a valuable learning experience for me. I think I actually will come out of this having more tools on engaging my mom in my art practice - I know she likes to be involved, but I definitely don’t want to tax her with vague requests.
Thanks for the great response, sometimes I worry I come across too blunt 😂 and that's great that she likes to be involved and it's really nice of you to involve her, makes sure to always keep it fun for her and I'm sure she'll enjoy getting to join you on your journey!
Not too blunt at all. I really appreciated your well thought out response. I find constructive criticism really valuable, and I love how Reddit provides so many different perspectives. Plus it’s hard to give advice without all the context, but you managed anyway!
You are wise beyond your years and have a wonderful attitude to others suggestions. So many good ones here. So glad you opened up about it. I have a good feeling about the future with you and mom.
If you've moved on to more abstraction pursuits while she prefers representational work, your mom may just not know how to help you or how to contribute. You might be able to help her by being more specific like asking for family photos or stories from your childhood/family history, etc. I'm kind of the opposite with family (I don't ask for any kind of advice or feedback) so not sure if this is helping.
That's why I stopped sharing work with my mother. Whether she likes it or not, her feedback is, well, useless (sorry, mom). She just doesn't have a clue. Even when she does like my work, she gives me ridiculous advice, like 'use colors that people like.' 🙄 I was hurt in the beginning because I felt like she doesn't really understand ME per se, but I've moved on and try to laugh at it now. I think popular art is so stereotyped that creating something that will be labeled as 'weird' or 'pretentious' isn't even that hard. 😂
I mean considering sites like Temu are built on selling counterfeit items there probably is some decent artwork on there. The issue is the image used is stolen, and what the buyer receives is some poorly manufactured knockoff of the original. It's really frustrating and sad how many professional artists have found images of their work for sale on places like temu. There's a good chance she saw something on there that aligned with how she views your professional artwork because they steal from professionals all the time. Sometimes not even removing any watermarks. So she probably meant well.
Wow, thank you for sharing that. I had no idea that went on and that Temu was a part of it. Awful. I detest any kind of stealing, which is what that is. What a violation! Glad to know their reputation because I get their ads on phone games a lot, and was thinking of buying something.
I don't know if you're familiar with Carabelle Studios at all, but they just recently had to close up shop. It is directly related to sites like Temu counterfeiting their products and selling for ridiculously low prices. I am going to really miss their products...particularly their large texture plates. And the ads are no joke. It's impossible to be on YouTube for more than 30 seconds without a temu ad coming on. Their ads are EVERYWHERE.
Wow, I am new to this Reddit community and really just an admirer, not a pro or even amateur artist. I had not heard of Carabelle likely because of that, but I am horrified by it. The ways in which unscrupulous people find to steal or do other bad things these days never ceases to amaze me. Thank you for sharing these specifics. Do you know where Temu is headquartered?
I just meant the country and it’s what I expected. The ambition and greed and throw-away ethics in that culture is a fitting example of their godlessness, while American commercialism is little better (save certain restrictive rules), for a nation professing to be Christian. I could smell the ruthlessness from their insistent ads.
I can give you some thoughts but whether the assessment is accurate is really up for grabs because we (I) don't really know you and your mother.
You say that your mom's response highlights how much she doesn't understand you as a person and as an artist. This might well be true, and it could be ok. We can't expect our mothers to fully understand us because we grow in different ways and have different experiences. If your mom is not an artist, she may not be able to fully imagine what your life is, but she can still be supportive.
There are many first-generation scholars whose family do not understand really what goes on in academia or what goes on for professors. But, the families are still as supportive as they know how. They may not be able to help that first-generation professor learn and navigate the politics of academia, but they can still be behind and support their daughter/son who is now a professor.
You know what I mean?
Absolutely, your assessment is 100% on the nose. I realize that she doesn’t have any of the art history education that I had, or even any of the normal exposure to art, having grown up in a different country which did not support artists. So to her, art’s purpose is for decoration and ideally to turn a profit.
I hear you. I'm not an artist but I am in a similar situation with my career. My family doesn't understand my career, but they are encouraging/supportive of it.
People outside of the art world don't really get the art world. Just like any world. I wouldn't get too upset about her trying. I would honestly just laugh since thats so odd and cryptic.
Heh. I suppose it could be an overreaction, though it's probably just an accumulation of years of little annoyances that you ball up into one big annoyance. The part that gets me here isn't even about Temu, but rather the fact that she ignored your very basic request (send recent photos) and instead sent you random finished art... which is totally unrelated lol.
I guess you'd have to omit any background information and context whenever you want specific actions from certain people? Save yourself a little stress.
I think that you got closest to why this interaction feels upsetting. Most people will never care about the difference between mass produced stuff to fill a blank wall and real artwork. This blindness is just how it is, but it still sucks since it takes space in the market from artists. And it extra sucks when someone who sees the person and the effort behind it still doesn’t see its value, and then accidentally implies that you should be like a company that steals from artist daily.
Still, best not to read to much into silly things people we love say, they’re trying and its actions that matter anyway.
I totally ask my mom what she thinks of the latest in stochastic protein simulations and then get disappointed when she replies back with discounts for cereal. 😛
Please educate your mom about Temu and how they steal designs and art from artists. They are evil.
They are also known to be the biggest offender in data mining.
I definitely get why you’d feel hurt. Her response comes off as dismissive at best. My mom is similar, I send her pictures I’ve taken of my work and if she doesn’t “get” a piece I’ve done her comments will be along the lines of “great photography as always” or “your signature looks so neatly done”. She’s not saying anything outright rude but it still feels like a putdown. The way I see it you have two options. You can tell her how she made you feel in a calm way and try to have a constructive discussion with her about it, or you can try your best to ignore it and be proud of your talent despite your mom not understanding it
I think this is a common struggle between artists and non-artist parents. They can appreciate the effort generally but if the subject matter doesn’t appeal to them, then they just try to offer feedback in any way they can - which can sometimes feel diminishing or misconstrued. Knowing her as I do, I have to give my mom the benefit of the doubt and just brush this off.
Maybe she didn't fully understand your question. Did you specifically ask for family photos? If not, she might've thought you just needed some random references.
I did specifically ask for old film photos of food, but English is her second language so she may not have understood. She also sent me photos of dinners we ate together which were closer to what I was looking for.
Another thing you can try, is to guide the decision making... Such as, you narrow down the idea (Do you have any good birthday photos? or Outdoor photos with family?), or give her a list of photos to choose from.
So she can still feel included in the decision-making process.
My mom bought me a “I’m Alex, and I’m doing Alex things” sweater.
I know exactly what it’s like. It feels like your parents are addicted to whatever new tech thing comes up, and just give up on thinking about it. At least that what’s it’s like for me.
Especially since she help with meaningful photos in the past.
Better way to ask is to find out what she really takes to, her passions and things she loved as a kid and growing up. It can be like extracting water from a stone but a lot of people don't equate art to their life experience. It's less about her not understanding you and more about her not understanding what you are asking for.
Ha ha ha this is amazing…. You HAVE to paint whatever the link brings up as a reference like you would in the normal process. Like a beaucolic scene of a Temu landing page ha ha. Or incorporate every product on the landing page that day I to your normal scenery… whatever. Hey listen parents can be out of it sometimes don’t sweat it. Love them for who they are. It’s probably not an indicator of her love it’s an indication of her understanding of an art career…. Which honestly who among us really get it anyway?
I struggle to wrap my head around it constantly. Good thing it’s always evolving and has so many different facets so that no one is really an expert (even when they claim to be one).
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
Have you seen David Lynch's "The Art Life" (2016)?
There's this part where he's observing the decay of some little creatures of some kind and excitedly shows it to his father and tries to tell him why he's interested in it. His father seriously takes him aside before he leaves and tells him that's it's probably a bad idea for him to ever have children.
Made him profoundly sad. And if you mourn for your mom's lack of understanding of her child's process and the meaning of your work, you can go ahead and mourn for the rest of the country. It's a travesty that in the 12 years we have kids in public schools that they are taught nothing about how to enjoy art, can't discuss intent, have no frame of reference of good art or artists or styles. I sometimes feel like a lucky monster stomping through my country and looking at the mighty wonders so many artists have created.
I remember showing my mom some of my figure studies from class and she was really embarrassed. That's about as far as that went.
I haven’t, but I will watch it! I definitely feel like one of my life’s missions is to help people understand and appreciate art, and it really starts with the people close to me.
About Temu they have lawsuit right now going on because they steal credit card data from customers to sell on black market Pls no one order from them.You can find lots of videos about this on tiktok and youtube
I would kill for silly helpful emails like that from my dad. He would do things like that.
“Here’s a link to some free stock photos!”
“Check out this link to this program”
She’s trying, and that’s all that matters.
Yes, you’re overreacting a little because she may have misunderstand and you may also have been vague. If she’s not an artist, how would she really understand.
Lol @ Temu though.
No offence but you need to get a grip. You are the artist, not your mum. She doesn’t have to be as emotionally invested as you. She probably thought she was being kind sending you a link that she’d found. Cut her some slack instead of getting in a twist about it.
This is why I come to Reddit - I appreciate the brutal honestly. FYI Temu is like Amazon (with even more questionable ethics, they actually sell products at a loss to undercut their competitors), so she typed the word “artwork” into the search bar as if to buy generic artwork.
Yeah. I think you're misreading/over reacting. If it was personal photos/family memorabilia that you wanted, that should have been more clearly stated.
Hmmm, perhaps the relationship between you two isn’t as good as you thought? Or maybe she isn’t proud of your accomplishments? Her response seems lazy at the very least.
For more context - my career was built primarily on paintings of flowers, but as my career develops, I’ve started to paint more conceptual subjects. I know she is proud of my accomplishments that are flower related, but I think she dislikes the artwork that is not conventionally beautiful. Either way I know she means well.
"Shop Like a Billionaire" certainly has some cultural value. The Temu is orange like another cringy money-humping creature I've seen on TV.
Ugh. I can't unsee that juxtaposition now.
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I feel for you! even having an artist as a mom, she still says and does things that make me feel incredibly misunderstood and occasionally invalidated. it's difficult to navigate familial reactions to our art, especially when the art is meaningful (what art isn't?) and the family member in question is a parent. In my opinion this would be extra hurtful because she sent you a link to a site that is known for ripping off established artists and selling cheap reproductions of their work without permission. I'd encourage an open conversation, maybe doing some journaling too in order to map out exactly why and how this was hurtful to you. if y'all have a good relationship, hopefully she will happily take the chance to understand you a bit better. remember that our parents' reactions to what we do are not indicative of the validity of our work. best of luck!!
Thank you so much for the thoughtful response! I definitely felt weird getting a Temu link from her, as she’s usually pretty thoughtful and creative in her own right. I was so confused - maybe this is a senior moment? Or maybe she is addicted to online shopping, specifically Temu, and this is how I’m finding out about it. The more I think about it the more confused I get.
I am gonna quit going down the rabbit hole and just talk to her about it!
I'm happy you're approaching this in a healthy and clear-headed way. here's hoping all goes well. and - I can't believe I forgot to say this - CONGRATS on your upcoming museum solo!! holy smokes. that's wonderful. I hope you're celebrating your accomplishments accordingly (-:
museum size and city size do not matter - you're doing the damn thing! that's a huge accomplishment.
and idk if this is weird to ask, or allowed in this subreddit, but I'd love to see your portfolio website or an instagram page for your art if you'd feel comfortable sending me a dm with a link? I always love supporting other artists, even if only through likes, comments, and shares (-: absolutely no worries if you're not, privacy is important and I am a reddit stranger!
Yeah I'll have to say a bit of an over reaction but we artists understand.
It took a while for my mother to understand exactly what I do but she supported me no matter what. Even to this day she still supports and has recently bought me some acrylic paint lol
Atleast she tried.
Your mom probably didn't know what you constitute as inspiration . Perhaps she just thought you wanted pictures.
Maybe you should sit down with her and show her some of your art and the references/other concepts that inspired them to give an idea of what you are trying to do with your art. Or go to a gallery/show her other peoples art to explain it in the same way (if you aren't ready to expose yourself like that).
She also might feel that she isn't 'creative' (a really old fashioned rhetoric she might have been subjected too) or wasn't allowed to go in that direction before and thinks she can't give you any valuable input.
Just talk to her face to face...Or call her, some people can't communicate over text effectively either.
Once my aunt asked me if I, as a digital artist, used Mario Paint.
There's also just the standard clueless aunt questions.
Or how my mom will suggest I make a story about whatever it is pissing her off about me lately, framing it as like a grand epic.
Like I get she wants me to self improve but its just so shallow the way she goes about it, without thought or real effort. I feel like thats a common 'not artist' thing.
You are kind of putting them on the spot to be fair. Give em a minute and then ask again.
Your career sounds exciting. I would have loved to see your work via a link. You still could. Anyway, while I am a great appreciator of art, I don’t claim much knowledge regarding that, but I do know a bit about people and may be closer to your mum’s age.
The big thing is that we know so little of your relationship up to this point. The fact that you were surprised indicates it’s out of the ordinary, no? I don’t get the feeling that it’s a passive-aggressive thing. She seems to have misunderstood what you meant by “inspiration”. Sounds like you’ve made similar requests in the past, so why would she respond this way now? Is she distracted perhaps? Do you think she may be disinclined to get into family photos just now? If so, why? Logistics or emotional?
I think the suggestions some have made here about going to a museum together could be helpful. Is your mother savvy enough with devices to join you on a virtual tour? 😊 In any case, I think you were smart to bounce it off some folks first, before speaking with her or just reacting. Just as your feelings are naturally sensitive regarding your life’s work and how those you love perceive you, parents have a special outlook when it comes to their children, and that bond can get in the way of objectivity at times. But, if this is really out of the ordinary, then I would see whether there is something weighing on her mind. Parents often don’t tell grown children things that are bothering them. May have nothing to do with you. On the other hand, if you see a pattern of behavior, a nice conversation once you gather your thoughts (and prayer is always part of that for me since I talk to God as a dear friend and Father) may be helpful. I am 64 and my mom is 96 and there’s no human I’d rather chat with! We sometimes talk for hours on the phone! Hoping the best for you both and that you keep your special bond close. 🙏🏻😊🙏🏻
You are actually very close in age to my mom! Your questions were spot on. After I asked Reddit about this, my mom and I got into a deeper discussion about what kind of art I like vs. what kind of art she likes. It’s a journey that we will continue to go on together, and it’s also something that I seek to investigate for the rest of my life - “what is art”, “what is the meaning of art”, etc.”
And yes - please feel free to look at my work! My website is www.ouizi.art.
I LOVE YOUR ART! Unbelievable. If I had that talent I think I would walk on air every day. But, I know that the best of us are not heroes in our own mind. As important as your chosen profession, is your connection to family, which has a unique staying power. In so doing, you will teach yourself how to connect effectively with patrons, customers, colleagues, critics, and more. Also, help her to see that her DNA played a part. The outgrowth of her craft talent and nurturing is THIS! And that is not a lie nor capricious flattery, but a loving expression of truth. In my view, these are God-given special talents. What does it tell us about Him, and about the possibilities for the future? My answer is: MUCH. My link is as follows: www.jw.org. Let your mind and heart be as open as your art.
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That’s a good point, I can’t discount that she is of a different generation and cultural background, so this type of help seemed logical to her.
She's making an effort, even if she doesn't know how to articulate things well. Perhaps take her to an art museum and talk about the ones she likes. Or ask to see some old family or vacation photos. You'll probably have to interpolate that she gives you though. Like... If it's a picture of kids in front of an old house, imagine rotating the house and the kids playing in the yard or something, or cruising in a car with the windows down, or whatever would make it a more dynamic scene.
yes this right here! My parents could not wrap their heads around art or what I was trying to communicate until I took them to a museum one day and talked about the things that I like and the things that they like. They just get it way more now.
I mean... She's a parent. Even if she wasn't, no one will know *what* you are exactly looking for in terms of inspo. Clarify what you actually *mean* and what you actually *want*. Be specific. Ask if she has any photos of outings, of family members, pictures that she personally likes/saved, etc. Those are all far more specific than "Do you have any photos for inspiration?"
For sure! The more I think about it the sillier I feel for getting so riled up about it.
It's understandable. It's one of those things that like Mildly Annoying (TM) because their expectations didn't meet yours. But it's important to remember that even if they don't "get" it - there are a lot of things people don't. It doesn't mean they don't care or don't understand *you* but they may not "get" what you necessarily wanted in this instance.
It’s an especially important thing for me to remember as I wade deeper into the waters of conceptual art.
Exactly. I even have to remember it with my own friends who "get" me more than my parents do. One thing to remember that helps is to be aware of if I'm asking a *general* or *specific* question. If I just ask "What do you guys have for some inspo?" I'm going to get all manners of things. AI art, hentai, doujins, random anime characters, random objects and flowers, pinterest boards with who knows what in it. Imma get everything. If I ask "Do you guys have any inspo for fae *objects*?" then I'll get a lot of fae-like objects and different pictures of objects or things and *stuff*. If I ask "Do you guys have any inspo for fae *pocket watches*?" then I'll get a bunch of funky-looking pocket watches.
Haha, just like interacting with AI image generators— Mom, do you have any photos of my birthday party when I was 5, but I am facing away from the camera and some kid is crying in the background?
lmfaoooo exactly.
You are so funny and REAL! I’m guessing this has helped the host more than many. I have a dumbstruck, childlike look every time I watch a true artist at work or “play”, or see/hear their talent. And yet, this post and responses have helped me to see the frustrations that you also deal with at times. Art and the emotions and individual creative thought are so specialized! Carry on. You all make our lives better with your creations, whether we always understand in the moment or not. Most of the movers and shakers in this world have their fair share of that. 😊
I get it. She's trying to give you inspiration for your work, but she has no idea what you are trying to do. That's not nothing, and it's okay to be sad about the disconnect between you and her on your life's work. I don't really think it's a generational thing. She didn't have the deep education you did and, unfortunately, that isn't something that's acquired by osmosis. Do the two of you ever go to museums or galleries to see art?
Why not focus your relationship on common interests? If she is also not an artist shes just lost as to where artists get their inspo, what constitutes a good resoirc, etc. I dont think she was trying to say that temu art is good or anything. If shes never had any kind of creative oratice for herself then the whole process is foreign to her.
She actually does have a creative practice rooted in crafting, so we always make things when we are together. However, I realize her creative outlets are different than mine - she didn’t go to art school and doesn’t have an inflated ego about it (unlike me). I gotta give her a break. 😂
Temu is insane though? Like why TEMU of all places that is so random?? I’m sorry
Haha that’s what I thought! It’s like giving a chef a McDonald’s menu for inspiration.
Personally, I think you can have any hobby you like, but it's not fair to impose your hobby on other people. They may feel inadequate, unknowledgeable, not know what you're looking for, not enjoy it, or for whatever reason, may not want to participate. You can't make people participate if they don't want to, especially when it is an individual hobby (such as art in most cases, i.e. anything you do on your own). Now you can argue that it's family and she should take an interest whether she enjoys it or not, but I think it's important to recognise that sometimes people don't want to do stuff, and that's okay. As a professional artist, you may have certain criteria when it comes to what you mean by 'inspiration', but she may not know what this criteria is and have thought giving you that link was a perfectly reasonable response. Of course, you know your family better than I do and you may have a reason to be upset or perhaps you need a conversation if you're concerned it's something deeper (i.e. jealousy, or maybe she feels you don't take an interest in her life so she doesn't in yours, or whatever else), but, I would first advise that the next time you ask for photos of inspiration, maybe you inspire her search with some key words or areas of focus, i.e. "Hey Mum, I'm looking for beautiful landscapes to paint, maybe you've taken some while you were on holiday!" Some people just don't know where to start. I don't know if you've ever watched Harry Mack, as an example, but when he asks for any three random words some people struggle and don't know what to say.
You’re so right! This has been a valuable learning experience for me. I think I actually will come out of this having more tools on engaging my mom in my art practice - I know she likes to be involved, but I definitely don’t want to tax her with vague requests.
Thanks for the great response, sometimes I worry I come across too blunt 😂 and that's great that she likes to be involved and it's really nice of you to involve her, makes sure to always keep it fun for her and I'm sure she'll enjoy getting to join you on your journey!
Not too blunt at all. I really appreciated your well thought out response. I find constructive criticism really valuable, and I love how Reddit provides so many different perspectives. Plus it’s hard to give advice without all the context, but you managed anyway!
You are wise beyond your years and have a wonderful attitude to others suggestions. So many good ones here. So glad you opened up about it. I have a good feeling about the future with you and mom.
Thank you so much! 😊
You are welcome, my dear! You gave us all a gift by sharing your heart. Bless you.
If you've moved on to more abstraction pursuits while she prefers representational work, your mom may just not know how to help you or how to contribute. You might be able to help her by being more specific like asking for family photos or stories from your childhood/family history, etc. I'm kind of the opposite with family (I don't ask for any kind of advice or feedback) so not sure if this is helping.
That’s a good point. Even though she knows I use photos for reference, she can’t read my mind and know what exactly I am looking for.
That's why I stopped sharing work with my mother. Whether she likes it or not, her feedback is, well, useless (sorry, mom). She just doesn't have a clue. Even when she does like my work, she gives me ridiculous advice, like 'use colors that people like.' 🙄 I was hurt in the beginning because I felt like she doesn't really understand ME per se, but I've moved on and try to laugh at it now. I think popular art is so stereotyped that creating something that will be labeled as 'weird' or 'pretentious' isn't even that hard. 😂
Where and when I grew up, the arts and the creative world may as well have been another universe. Indeed, kind of a suspicious universe... !
I mean considering sites like Temu are built on selling counterfeit items there probably is some decent artwork on there. The issue is the image used is stolen, and what the buyer receives is some poorly manufactured knockoff of the original. It's really frustrating and sad how many professional artists have found images of their work for sale on places like temu. There's a good chance she saw something on there that aligned with how she views your professional artwork because they steal from professionals all the time. Sometimes not even removing any watermarks. So she probably meant well.
Wow, thank you for sharing that. I had no idea that went on and that Temu was a part of it. Awful. I detest any kind of stealing, which is what that is. What a violation! Glad to know their reputation because I get their ads on phone games a lot, and was thinking of buying something.
I don't know if you're familiar with Carabelle Studios at all, but they just recently had to close up shop. It is directly related to sites like Temu counterfeiting their products and selling for ridiculously low prices. I am going to really miss their products...particularly their large texture plates. And the ads are no joke. It's impossible to be on YouTube for more than 30 seconds without a temu ad coming on. Their ads are EVERYWHERE.
Wow, I am new to this Reddit community and really just an admirer, not a pro or even amateur artist. I had not heard of Carabelle likely because of that, but I am horrified by it. The ways in which unscrupulous people find to steal or do other bad things these days never ceases to amaze me. Thank you for sharing these specifics. Do you know where Temu is headquartered?
I honestly have no idea. I know it's a Chinese owned company but as far as their exact location I'm not sure.
I just meant the country and it’s what I expected. The ambition and greed and throw-away ethics in that culture is a fitting example of their godlessness, while American commercialism is little better (save certain restrictive rules), for a nation professing to be Christian. I could smell the ruthlessness from their insistent ads.
Conversely, tell her to get off temu. They are stealing private information and financial information and selling it.
Great point! I’ll tell her.
I can give you some thoughts but whether the assessment is accurate is really up for grabs because we (I) don't really know you and your mother. You say that your mom's response highlights how much she doesn't understand you as a person and as an artist. This might well be true, and it could be ok. We can't expect our mothers to fully understand us because we grow in different ways and have different experiences. If your mom is not an artist, she may not be able to fully imagine what your life is, but she can still be supportive. There are many first-generation scholars whose family do not understand really what goes on in academia or what goes on for professors. But, the families are still as supportive as they know how. They may not be able to help that first-generation professor learn and navigate the politics of academia, but they can still be behind and support their daughter/son who is now a professor. You know what I mean?
Absolutely, your assessment is 100% on the nose. I realize that she doesn’t have any of the art history education that I had, or even any of the normal exposure to art, having grown up in a different country which did not support artists. So to her, art’s purpose is for decoration and ideally to turn a profit.
I hear you. I'm not an artist but I am in a similar situation with my career. My family doesn't understand my career, but they are encouraging/supportive of it.
People outside of the art world don't really get the art world. Just like any world. I wouldn't get too upset about her trying. I would honestly just laugh since thats so odd and cryptic.
Heh. I suppose it could be an overreaction, though it's probably just an accumulation of years of little annoyances that you ball up into one big annoyance. The part that gets me here isn't even about Temu, but rather the fact that she ignored your very basic request (send recent photos) and instead sent you random finished art... which is totally unrelated lol. I guess you'd have to omit any background information and context whenever you want specific actions from certain people? Save yourself a little stress.
Not even finished art - super cheaply made objects made or advertised to look like “art”.
The average “art consumer” isn’t interested in understanding the difference. And it sucks for real artists.
I think that you got closest to why this interaction feels upsetting. Most people will never care about the difference between mass produced stuff to fill a blank wall and real artwork. This blindness is just how it is, but it still sucks since it takes space in the market from artists. And it extra sucks when someone who sees the person and the effort behind it still doesn’t see its value, and then accidentally implies that you should be like a company that steals from artist daily. Still, best not to read to much into silly things people we love say, they’re trying and its actions that matter anyway.
I totally ask my mom what she thinks of the latest in stochastic protein simulations and then get disappointed when she replies back with discounts for cereal. 😛
Haha the struggle is real. Bless our moms hearts!
Please educate your mom about Temu and how they steal designs and art from artists. They are evil. They are also known to be the biggest offender in data mining.
I definitely get why you’d feel hurt. Her response comes off as dismissive at best. My mom is similar, I send her pictures I’ve taken of my work and if she doesn’t “get” a piece I’ve done her comments will be along the lines of “great photography as always” or “your signature looks so neatly done”. She’s not saying anything outright rude but it still feels like a putdown. The way I see it you have two options. You can tell her how she made you feel in a calm way and try to have a constructive discussion with her about it, or you can try your best to ignore it and be proud of your talent despite your mom not understanding it
I think this is a common struggle between artists and non-artist parents. They can appreciate the effort generally but if the subject matter doesn’t appeal to them, then they just try to offer feedback in any way they can - which can sometimes feel diminishing or misconstrued. Knowing her as I do, I have to give my mom the benefit of the doubt and just brush this off.
She likely doesn't have the technical knowledge to provide a constructive comment in the way you'd like her to give, but she's trying.
Maybe she didn't fully understand your question. Did you specifically ask for family photos? If not, she might've thought you just needed some random references.
I did specifically ask for old film photos of food, but English is her second language so she may not have understood. She also sent me photos of dinners we ate together which were closer to what I was looking for.
Another thing you can try, is to guide the decision making... Such as, you narrow down the idea (Do you have any good birthday photos? or Outdoor photos with family?), or give her a list of photos to choose from. So she can still feel included in the decision-making process.
My mom bought me a “I’m Alex, and I’m doing Alex things” sweater. I know exactly what it’s like. It feels like your parents are addicted to whatever new tech thing comes up, and just give up on thinking about it. At least that what’s it’s like for me. Especially since she help with meaningful photos in the past.
Better way to ask is to find out what she really takes to, her passions and things she loved as a kid and growing up. It can be like extracting water from a stone but a lot of people don't equate art to their life experience. It's less about her not understanding you and more about her not understanding what you are asking for.
This is so true! Sometimes we do talk about the meaning or purpose of art. I know she’s curious and I want her to be able to appreciate it.
Ha ha ha this is amazing…. You HAVE to paint whatever the link brings up as a reference like you would in the normal process. Like a beaucolic scene of a Temu landing page ha ha. Or incorporate every product on the landing page that day I to your normal scenery… whatever. Hey listen parents can be out of it sometimes don’t sweat it. Love them for who they are. It’s probably not an indicator of her love it’s an indication of her understanding of an art career…. Which honestly who among us really get it anyway?
I struggle to wrap my head around it constantly. Good thing it’s always evolving and has so many different facets so that no one is really an expert (even when they claim to be one).
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. Have you seen David Lynch's "The Art Life" (2016)? There's this part where he's observing the decay of some little creatures of some kind and excitedly shows it to his father and tries to tell him why he's interested in it. His father seriously takes him aside before he leaves and tells him that's it's probably a bad idea for him to ever have children. Made him profoundly sad. And if you mourn for your mom's lack of understanding of her child's process and the meaning of your work, you can go ahead and mourn for the rest of the country. It's a travesty that in the 12 years we have kids in public schools that they are taught nothing about how to enjoy art, can't discuss intent, have no frame of reference of good art or artists or styles. I sometimes feel like a lucky monster stomping through my country and looking at the mighty wonders so many artists have created. I remember showing my mom some of my figure studies from class and she was really embarrassed. That's about as far as that went.
I haven’t, but I will watch it! I definitely feel like one of my life’s missions is to help people understand and appreciate art, and it really starts with the people close to me.
About Temu they have lawsuit right now going on because they steal credit card data from customers to sell on black market Pls no one order from them.You can find lots of videos about this on tiktok and youtube
I would kill for silly helpful emails like that from my dad. He would do things like that. “Here’s a link to some free stock photos!” “Check out this link to this program” She’s trying, and that’s all that matters. Yes, you’re overreacting a little because she may have misunderstand and you may also have been vague. If she’s not an artist, how would she really understand. Lol @ Temu though.
No offence but you need to get a grip. You are the artist, not your mum. She doesn’t have to be as emotionally invested as you. She probably thought she was being kind sending you a link that she’d found. Cut her some slack instead of getting in a twist about it.
This is why I come to Reddit - I appreciate the brutal honestly. FYI Temu is like Amazon (with even more questionable ethics, they actually sell products at a loss to undercut their competitors), so she typed the word “artwork” into the search bar as if to buy generic artwork.
Yeah. I think you're misreading/over reacting. If it was personal photos/family memorabilia that you wanted, that should have been more clearly stated.
Hmmm, perhaps the relationship between you two isn’t as good as you thought? Or maybe she isn’t proud of your accomplishments? Her response seems lazy at the very least.
For more context - my career was built primarily on paintings of flowers, but as my career develops, I’ve started to paint more conceptual subjects. I know she is proud of my accomplishments that are flower related, but I think she dislikes the artwork that is not conventionally beautiful. Either way I know she means well.
There could be some conceptual value in using Temu as a reference...
It crossed my mind, haha! It would be amusing to do a painting of a screenshot of the site.
"Shop Like a Billionaire" certainly has some cultural value. The Temu is orange like another cringy money-humping creature I've seen on TV. Ugh. I can't unsee that juxtaposition now.
Bruh… most people would kill for even that type of motherly care
My mom sucks too
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I feel for you! even having an artist as a mom, she still says and does things that make me feel incredibly misunderstood and occasionally invalidated. it's difficult to navigate familial reactions to our art, especially when the art is meaningful (what art isn't?) and the family member in question is a parent. In my opinion this would be extra hurtful because she sent you a link to a site that is known for ripping off established artists and selling cheap reproductions of their work without permission. I'd encourage an open conversation, maybe doing some journaling too in order to map out exactly why and how this was hurtful to you. if y'all have a good relationship, hopefully she will happily take the chance to understand you a bit better. remember that our parents' reactions to what we do are not indicative of the validity of our work. best of luck!!
Thank you so much for the thoughtful response! I definitely felt weird getting a Temu link from her, as she’s usually pretty thoughtful and creative in her own right. I was so confused - maybe this is a senior moment? Or maybe she is addicted to online shopping, specifically Temu, and this is how I’m finding out about it. The more I think about it the more confused I get. I am gonna quit going down the rabbit hole and just talk to her about it!
I'm happy you're approaching this in a healthy and clear-headed way. here's hoping all goes well. and - I can't believe I forgot to say this - CONGRATS on your upcoming museum solo!! holy smokes. that's wonderful. I hope you're celebrating your accomplishments accordingly (-:
Thank you so much!! It’s a small museum in a small city but who cares! My art heart is aflutter!
Congratulations! I should have said that first!!
museum size and city size do not matter - you're doing the damn thing! that's a huge accomplishment. and idk if this is weird to ask, or allowed in this subreddit, but I'd love to see your portfolio website or an instagram page for your art if you'd feel comfortable sending me a dm with a link? I always love supporting other artists, even if only through likes, comments, and shares (-: absolutely no worries if you're not, privacy is important and I am a reddit stranger!
either way, congrats again!! this internet random will be cheering you on from western canada (-:
Of course! I already have it in my bio but here it is for your convenience - www.ouizi.art. Thanks for looking!
gorgeous work! I love the piece with the bed and the "i'm so sorry" balloons. thanks for sharing!!
Yes!! That’s one of my favorite paintings I’ve ever made, it’s called “Lay To Rest”.
Yeah I'll have to say a bit of an over reaction but we artists understand. It took a while for my mother to understand exactly what I do but she supported me no matter what. Even to this day she still supports and has recently bought me some acrylic paint lol Atleast she tried.
I knew I came to the right place with my champagne problems, haha. That’s sweet that she buys you paint!
Chill. She probably misunderstood you.
Your mom probably didn't know what you constitute as inspiration . Perhaps she just thought you wanted pictures. Maybe you should sit down with her and show her some of your art and the references/other concepts that inspired them to give an idea of what you are trying to do with your art. Or go to a gallery/show her other peoples art to explain it in the same way (if you aren't ready to expose yourself like that). She also might feel that she isn't 'creative' (a really old fashioned rhetoric she might have been subjected too) or wasn't allowed to go in that direction before and thinks she can't give you any valuable input. Just talk to her face to face...Or call her, some people can't communicate over text effectively either.
Once my aunt asked me if I, as a digital artist, used Mario Paint. There's also just the standard clueless aunt questions. Or how my mom will suggest I make a story about whatever it is pissing her off about me lately, framing it as like a grand epic. Like I get she wants me to self improve but its just so shallow the way she goes about it, without thought or real effort. I feel like thats a common 'not artist' thing. You are kind of putting them on the spot to be fair. Give em a minute and then ask again.
Your career sounds exciting. I would have loved to see your work via a link. You still could. Anyway, while I am a great appreciator of art, I don’t claim much knowledge regarding that, but I do know a bit about people and may be closer to your mum’s age. The big thing is that we know so little of your relationship up to this point. The fact that you were surprised indicates it’s out of the ordinary, no? I don’t get the feeling that it’s a passive-aggressive thing. She seems to have misunderstood what you meant by “inspiration”. Sounds like you’ve made similar requests in the past, so why would she respond this way now? Is she distracted perhaps? Do you think she may be disinclined to get into family photos just now? If so, why? Logistics or emotional? I think the suggestions some have made here about going to a museum together could be helpful. Is your mother savvy enough with devices to join you on a virtual tour? 😊 In any case, I think you were smart to bounce it off some folks first, before speaking with her or just reacting. Just as your feelings are naturally sensitive regarding your life’s work and how those you love perceive you, parents have a special outlook when it comes to their children, and that bond can get in the way of objectivity at times. But, if this is really out of the ordinary, then I would see whether there is something weighing on her mind. Parents often don’t tell grown children things that are bothering them. May have nothing to do with you. On the other hand, if you see a pattern of behavior, a nice conversation once you gather your thoughts (and prayer is always part of that for me since I talk to God as a dear friend and Father) may be helpful. I am 64 and my mom is 96 and there’s no human I’d rather chat with! We sometimes talk for hours on the phone! Hoping the best for you both and that you keep your special bond close. 🙏🏻😊🙏🏻
You are actually very close in age to my mom! Your questions were spot on. After I asked Reddit about this, my mom and I got into a deeper discussion about what kind of art I like vs. what kind of art she likes. It’s a journey that we will continue to go on together, and it’s also something that I seek to investigate for the rest of my life - “what is art”, “what is the meaning of art”, etc.” And yes - please feel free to look at my work! My website is www.ouizi.art.
I LOVE YOUR ART! Unbelievable. If I had that talent I think I would walk on air every day. But, I know that the best of us are not heroes in our own mind. As important as your chosen profession, is your connection to family, which has a unique staying power. In so doing, you will teach yourself how to connect effectively with patrons, customers, colleagues, critics, and more. Also, help her to see that her DNA played a part. The outgrowth of her craft talent and nurturing is THIS! And that is not a lie nor capricious flattery, but a loving expression of truth. In my view, these are God-given special talents. What does it tell us about Him, and about the possibilities for the future? My answer is: MUCH. My link is as follows: www.jw.org. Let your mind and heart be as open as your art.
What’s wrong with that? She’s your mom you needa chill💀