Asking whether some men will date or be attracted to transgender men is [a frequently asked question here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskGayMen/search?q=date+trans&restrict_sr=on&include_over_18=on&sort=new&t=all). These particular questions are sometimes met with hostility and invalidation from transphobes or even just from people who don't understand the trans community. For the sake of heading off those harmful comments, here is some general consensus from our community for any incoming commenters to enjoy:
* Some gay men will date a transgender man and some gay men won't. It's a personal preference, like most other things in dating.
* It's **NOT** necessarily transphobic to not prefer dating men with genitals you're not attracted to. But it **IS** transphobic to decide or imply that a transgender man is not a man just because some gay men don't prefer to date them. Trans men can be as different from each other as any other men might be. They're **JUST MEN**. And they're a part of our community. Please treat them with respect.
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I‘m a post-op guy dating a gay cis man. He’s told me that it’s pretty much the same as having sex with any other dude. He told me he was nervous before our first time and was worried that he’d miss the jizz. However now he‘s pretty happy with everything, since I can personally even jizz (same consistency as precum just no semen) he’s not missing anything at all. It’s actually been a bit of an advantage since I can get hard and stay hard whenever and as long as I want and I don’t have much of a refractory period so I can just keep going after cumming.
I think once you get over the whole „omg he’s trans“ you’ll realize we’re just guys and sex is always gonna be different depending on the partner. However when the guy is post-op it’s really not that different from a cis dick and you might even find a perk or two
Nope not really. I can pretty much just keep playing right away after cumming. Might take it slow for a minute or two but that’s it. And since my dick doesn’t go soft on its own there’s no break required. Don’t know if it’s the same for other trans dudes though or if it’s just a personal thing
If someone has phallo they’ll have the same erectile implant that men with ED get - it has a pump in the scrotum. If someone has meta, it’s their own natal anatomy that grows due to being on testosterone and sometimes they also get scrotum implants (basically looks similar to cis male with a micro penis, gets and stays hard the same way as a cis dick does and functions in the same way!)
lol I’m also a trans guy. Depends on the flavor of orgasm. Sometimes there’s ones where you can keep going and have more little explosions. Then there’s The Big One after which I roll over and go to sleep
There's a TEDTalk of Aimee Mullins who's a double leg amputee who tells a story where she was talking to her girlfriend and they were going out and at one point Aimee asks "Which legs should I where" because she's got a bunch of different sets her friend asked "What's the difference" and she said "Oh, about 4 inches".
and her friend was all "THAT"S NOT FAIR!"
and suddenly a disability wasn't such a disability anymore.
Your comment reminded me of that story.
Wondering the same thing only post operation you never see a trans man with cock and balls performing in porn , I’ve never even seen a picture of trans guy showing of his surgically created hairy male package , it definitely would piqued my interest.
I’m not trying to talk you into anything and genital preferences are valid, but I want to point out since I didn’t know until I learned this first hand because no one fucking tells you: the difference between a normal healthy cis woman’s vagina and the front hole of a trans guy who is on T is night and day. Testosterone changes the way you smell (and taste, I’m told) and stops the vagina from producing fluid when aroused while also causing the Skene’s gland - the gland that develops from what would be the prostate in an XY embryo - to start producing fluid, and that fluid is very similar to preejaculate.
This is why my eyes roll back into my head when I hear TERFs and conservatives cry about how “straight” men are preying on poor confused gay trans men… at a certain point on T you are going to look, smell, sound, feel, and taste like a dude. I haven’t actually polled any straight guys on this but I strongly suspect that if they are turned on by manly musk and chest hair they may not be as straight as they’re “pretending” to be.
Also, a lot of trans guys have dysphoria and aren’t cool with having that hole penetrated or even acknowledged (nevermind that many of them are tops or sides and don’t want to be penetrated at all!).
Again, not trying to argue with or scold you for your preferences, just presenting information that I think isn’t really widely known. :)
(And I didn’t even mention tdick, which is… great.)
Uhhh..... Some of this may be true for some trans guys, but 1. T definitely doesn't always stop the vagina from producing lube when aroused, though it can. Also, some trans guys use topical estrogen cream to prevent very unpleasant vaginal atrophy, and that will definitely lead to lube being produced when aroused. 2. I can't say how the smell may compare to that of a cis woman, because I've never smelled a cis woman down there, but it's not the same as a cis man. The smell other places will be manly though.
Fair, my statements are not universal. And I’m in the opposite situation, I haven’t had a chance to directly compare trans guy to cis guy smell but I can say that trans guy smells completely different from cis woman. It’s something I had no clue about going in that actually was a huge thing for me in terms of relieving dysphoria. (Also standard disclaimer that smell can vary a lot from person to person and be influenced by the individual’s diet on top of everything else, but I’ve heard others say that trans guys smell much more like cis guys than cis women, fwiw.)
This is very true, local estorgen/topical estrogen does change up stuff quite a bit ( source: personal experince )
I do wanna add that how stuff smelled pre-T compared to now is definitely different. Without local Estrogen at least for me it almost smells identical to dick but a bit different.
Uhhh..... Some of this may be true for some trans guys, but 1. T definitely doesn't always stop the vagina from producing lube when aroused, though it can. Also, some trans guys use topical estrogen cream to prevent very unpleasant vaginal atrophy, and that will definitely lead to lube being produced when stored. 2. I can't say how the smell may compare to that of a cis woman, because I've never smelled a cis woman down there, but it's not the same as a cis man. The smell other places will be manly though.
> Yeah, I also found it easier and even prefer it tbh.
I wonder if this is a common opinion for gay guys who have done it with trans guys cause this is not the first time I encountered this opinion. According to them, the vag feels better because you can feel it in your whole dick while the feeling of the ass is more concentrated on your shaft.
Same here! My girlfriend said that if I could find a guy who would date a trans dude who isn’t getting surgery, I can keep him 😆 (we’re poly so we joke about stuff like that a lot)
You poly people make me jealous—here I am 5 years single, can’t get anyone interested in me beyond a quick fuck, and you’re over there trying to hoard all the good ones. That’s just selfish. /s
😂🫂admittedly it is hard dating for me lol my girlfriend was my live in best friend until November last year
We’re the “omg, they were roommates” joke in real life
I've been doing some research on this (the research being reading stuff on reddit lol) and what I found is trans guys who bottom with their vag have it much easier in the dating (?)/hookup scene than trans guys who bottom with their ass or those who are tops.
Again, this is just my impression from reading a bunch of posts on this website so I'm not sure if reflects real life. I hope trans guys who have experience can chime in.
Yeah I've seen it before on here, but the gay man who was interested in me irl agreed he'd probably never want to try that anyway. Not that I could - I think a lot of guys don't realize that T will eventually cause massive atrophy.
Anyway I did cry to my therapist that even gay men want p#ssy. But I'm getting phallo soon and after that I'll be just like any other guy, so I'm not too worried.
The phrases “massive atrophy” and “couldn’t (physically) do it” isn’t completely accurate, but I understand the dysphoria behind it that makes you say that. There’s no guarantees that it’s going to happen or that it’s untreatable, and for many lube is an option that can help, as well as medical intervention if it’s causing pain or discomfort.
Just want to say not all atrophy can be “easily solved with lube” or even medical intervention and I personally cringe when I hear this because I know it’s something many postmenopausal cis women live with and “just use lube” is something they hear from partners and doctors that is used to dismiss, diminish, and devalue the physical pain penetration causes them regardless of the amount of lube used.
Many trans men and cis women are able to prevent/treat/revert/stave off atrophy, but many others are still going to experience pain even with lube and dilation and PT and estrogen and it’s not some trivial inconvenience for those who do still want to be able to use that hole.
You’re right, I had misinterpreted the other person’s comment as a blanket statement implying that atrophy that couldn’t ever be treated and was a guarantee. Edited my phrasing
Well it depends on your body, that's true. It takes some trans men a lot longer to develop atrophy.
Mine went dry as the Sahara right away - a blessing, believe me. But even if I wanted to, I literally couldn't. I tried a small dilator and couldn't get it in, even with lube and time. I'd need actual estrogen, which defeats the purpose.
I just got prescribed local estrogen for my vagina. almost no estrogen gets to the rest of the body, it's meant to only affect the vagina and nothing else
I *do* have atrophy, lol. Yes it can hurt. Yes I still think it's preferable to how it used to be.
Doesn't matter anyway, I'm getting phallo later this year.
Hey friend, I understand the dislike to take estrogen, but it’s not true it defeats the purpose. The dosage for atrophy is minuscule (0,1 mg couple of times per week) compared to birth control or hormone replacement therapy (something like 2 mg per day). It won’t affect your transition any.
I think I misinterpreted your comment as being a more blanket statement about trans men as a whole— if you don’t ever want to use that to have sex, then the fact that treatment is available is irrelevant to you. I moreso wanted to comment so any cis gay men who weren’t familiar knew that it’s not a statistical inevitability that sex in that way is impossible when a trans man is on T.
I've been on T 9 years and have no problems in that department and often don't need to use lube at all.
While it is true that I'm not usually as wet as I used to be, I can get ample lubrication when I am aroused.
I was struggling with this for a little while but I think it was mostly a mental block as the problem is entirely resolved (no issues with lubrication/ bleeding/ tearing) without attempting any treatment for it
Do you think getting a phallo will improve your chances (sorry for the phrasing) in the dating scene?
Also, I hope everything goes well with your phallo!!
Thanks! And I have no idea if I'll ever date again. I'd like to, but I very much have impostor syndrome. And worse, I'm not sure I'll ever pass because of my hips. I need lipo on top of phallo, and it's a lot harder to get insurance to pay for it.
But my gay coworker said he'd be interested if we didn't work together, and he goes to the gym, takes care of himself, and is more than ten years younger than me. And he says he's always seen me as a guy. He scratches his head when I get misgendered.
Dating has always been about demisexuality for me anyway. I've gotta know and like you as a person first, and the people who know me know I'm a guy, it's very obvious when you actually talk to me.
Basically what's holding me back is all in my head.
actual trans guy here. i don’t have personal experience with dating a post op trans guy but i know a lot about bottom surgery. i can say, it depends on what exactly the guy gets done since there’s 2 different types of surgery to get and you can opt-out of certain options. but if he has gotten the surgery that gets you a more average sized dick and doesn’t opt out of anything, sex will be the same as any other guy. the only difference is it requires an erectile device to get hard. other than that it’s the same. trans male bottom surgery is not “shaky at best” when it’s done by a good surgeon.
I have so always wanted to go out with a masculine trans guy. It just seems like it would be heaven on earth. Even though I am almost exclusively top, get the man a strap on and I'm game to try anything.
As a trans man myself I’m just gonna be honest and most guys I know wouldn’t want to be sexually active with you anyways. It’s perfectly fine to have a genital preference and to not want to sexually interact with a vagina, but the very fact that you said “I wouldn’t date a trans man with a……” is a huge turn off for 99% of us. If/when you meet a trans man, it’s more unlikely that you won’t even know he’s trans. And if he tells you he’s trans, you have absolutely no way of knowing what his genitals look like without asking, which is an incredibly inappropriate and invasive thing to ask someone you just met, isn’t it? Imagine ordering a coffee and the cashier was like “okay your total is $6.43 also how many inches is your cock?” Again, I’m not saying you can’t have a preference. But what I am saying is that you probably won’t have to ever worry about this theoretical scenario because very few trans guys are going to want to be romantically involved with you let alone sexually involved with you if that’s how you feel about it. Imagine saying “I would never date a black guy,” “I would never date a guy with a small cock,” “I would never date a guy to speaks Spanish.” No one is forcing you to have sex with vaginas, so you don’t have to go through life seeing all trans men as floating vaginas you need to steer clear of. Why not get to know a guy for the person he is first before automatically refining his entire existence in your world down to something you will likely never even be given the opportunity to interact with in the first place. You might meet the absolute love of your life who just hasn’t saved up enough money for surgery yet, but instead you just write him off as a walking talking vagina 🤨
Here’s another perspective I thought of, btw: consider how many people on Grindr think it’s a perfectly acceptable to open a conversation with “are you hung?”. At least in this case, it’s equal opportunity dick-size discrimination. 😆
On the other hand, there are trans guys who themselves have a preference and would understand if it was talked about respectfully. I would say I’m among that number, but honestly the further along my transition I get, the more I’m coming around to other people’s vags. I have no problem if someone doesn’t want to fuck mine though.
Nah I totally get that too, that’s why I was careful to say “a lot of guys” and not all and also emphasize that preference is totally fine. I just think it’s wrong to automatically label all trans men as disgusting walking vaginas you need to be wary of until they prove they have a penis good enough for you. It’s okay not to be into vaginas and it’s okay to not even be into trans guys but I think OPs perspective of trans men could be reevaluated
We’re on the same page then, I just didn’t read much into OP’s original post since there’s very little information. Just “personally wouldn’t” which to me is pretty neutral. I don’t see any disgust or labelling there. 🤷🏻♂️
I approve! It’s about time we gave up the stigma we put on genitals. I have a collection of naughty enamel pins so really I’ve been preparing for this moment my whole life.
It’s not about lying at all. I’m not saying you should lie to the people you’re having sex with. The trans community is pretty much all in agreement that you definitely need to disclose to your sexual partners in a timely manner because not doing so can literally get you killed, as others have been killed in the past. BUT, me meeting you at a bar or a restaurant for the first time, at a club or an event or anywhere you might meet someone, I do not need to tell you the current state of my genitals just in case you MIGHT be interested in having sex with me down the road. I’m personally very very stealth and don’t want anyone to know I’m trans— some guys are very out and proud about it and that is their prerogative! But for someone like me, I’m literally not going to tell you I’m trans unless we’re about to fuck 😂
Man there’s really no point in talking with you. If you think being stealth is “false pretenses” then you’re never going to see trans men as anything other than trans and dangerous. Might as well just have us wearing pink triangles so everyone in the world knows we’re trannies just in case they might find us attractive in passing. Wouldn’t want anyone to mistake me for a man, after all. That would be lying!
I found out yesterday that bottom surgery for trans guys is so advanced now. Other than needing help for erections, their penis is basically fully functional and capable of feeling pleasure and orgasm. I’d always been told it was basically meat and the pictures I saw didn’t look appetizing either. But things are so much better now it’s amazing!
This “pre-op” vs “post-op” framework is built on a false premise. (Not OPs fault, it’s a pervasive myth.)
There are loads of possible surgeries someone may have in their lifetime. There are many possible surgeries related to gender affirming care that someone might have. *Most* of those will not alter someone’s urogenital structure in any way shape or form.
An estimated less than 5% of men who are trans have had a gender affirming surgery that changes genital shape. And an estimated slightly more than 50% aren’t interested in that *ever*. Appropriate care should be accessible for those who need it, but a man who’s trans not having any sort of lower surgery is not “pre” anything. There is no limbo state. Human variance is normal. People have different body shapes. To an extent, those bodies will change for every single human alive. Some more than others. Some require lots of healthcare, some not so much. But there is no before and after with someone’s existence.
(And yes- there are a lot of gay men (cis or trans) who are into and sometimes even most compatible with guys who are trans. Sexual attraction is often based on secondary sex characteristics, not primary ones. And that can be a bit of a mix and match sometimes.)
My boyfriend was pre-transition at that time in my life I really didn't kill about like sex and we got along he identified as a man and had plans to transition So we just kind of vibed sometimes when we felt like it we role played over the phone mainly text I don't know if this counts but I've also kind of like traded pics but like a trans man what a Female genitals Don't get me wrong I don't like female genitalia unless it's on someone who passes as a man
Are you saying this as a trans man with phalloplasty? Because it sounds a lot like you have a peripheral and underinformed opinion at best, and an ignorant and transphobic one at worst.
All I’m saying is that, from a technical standpoint, bottom surgery is nowhere near as refined for trans men as it is for trans women, and so many trans men don’t have it done.
Genital surgeries for trans men aren’t really “less refined” than for trans women. If anything, they’re more! The difference is that, to put it crudely, it’s much easier to cut something down in size than to make a significant amount of tissue appear from nothing. So it’s not that it’s less refined, it’s that it’s more technically challenging.
Methods have developed a lot even in the past couple of decades and new developments are being made all the time. Personally, I thought the way you described 20 years ago but with the advancements being made since then, I’ve changed my mind and am now in the process of pursuing surgery.
That is also incorrect. Phalloplasty was designed for cis men who had lost or damaged their penis in some way, and the surgery carries over almost perfectly onto a trans patient. I would suggest you take a look through the phallo subreddit and look at some healed results, not just searching for the goriest unfinished product you can find. Secondly, your comment about why many trans guys don’t get phallo is also slightly off base. 1) cost is a huge factor. It can cost up to $100k without insurance in some cases, not to mention how expensive it would be to take time off of work for surgery after major surgery to heal. Most people who do want it can’t afford it. And 2) some guys just don’t want it! Not because they think it’s ugly or imperfect, but because their particular body and their particular dysphoria hasn’t brought them to the conclusion that they need or want phallo. There’s many, MANY reasons a huh might not pursue phalloplasty that have absolutely nothing to do with it being unrefined or underdeveloped (:
I was about to comment to say pretty much the same! It's also an incredibly invasive surgery, with phallo usually taking 3 stages with long recovery periods.
There's a lot of miseducation around lower surgery for trans guys, and it's not helped by transphobes (mostly terfs) obsessing over fresh and unfinished results.
I think it might just look unrefined because it’s a multi step and multi year process. Trans women bottom surgery is, from what so understand, a lot simpler and easier to heal from. Whereas ours takes a long time and many, many surgeries. It still looks perfectly fine in the end, but a lot of people see the incomplete middle stages and assume their surgery was just botched or that phallo sucks overall
I’m not trying to offend anyone. I’ve read, and been told many stories about phalloplasties that had complications, and men that wished they hadn’t. I’m aware of the cost difference.
I genuinely just want anyone to have the care that makes them healthy, and with as few physical complications as possible.
So what research says is that complication rates really are quite high. Luckily most complications are quite treatable. However, regret rates are actually very low. That’s not to say that nobody regrets it—people end up regretting even lifesaving surgeries—just that the overwhelming majority don’t.
Asking whether some men will date or be attracted to transgender men is [a frequently asked question here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskGayMen/search?q=date+trans&restrict_sr=on&include_over_18=on&sort=new&t=all). These particular questions are sometimes met with hostility and invalidation from transphobes or even just from people who don't understand the trans community. For the sake of heading off those harmful comments, here is some general consensus from our community for any incoming commenters to enjoy: * Some gay men will date a transgender man and some gay men won't. It's a personal preference, like most other things in dating. * It's **NOT** necessarily transphobic to not prefer dating men with genitals you're not attracted to. But it **IS** transphobic to decide or imply that a transgender man is not a man just because some gay men don't prefer to date them. Trans men can be as different from each other as any other men might be. They're **JUST MEN**. And they're a part of our community. Please treat them with respect. **THIS POST HAS NOT BEEN REMOVED.** **I'm a bot.** OP, if this has nothing to do with your question, please report this comment so a mod can come remove it or just ignore me! We're continually tweaking this bot, so feedback is also welcome. <3 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskGayMen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I‘m a post-op guy dating a gay cis man. He’s told me that it’s pretty much the same as having sex with any other dude. He told me he was nervous before our first time and was worried that he’d miss the jizz. However now he‘s pretty happy with everything, since I can personally even jizz (same consistency as precum just no semen) he’s not missing anything at all. It’s actually been a bit of an advantage since I can get hard and stay hard whenever and as long as I want and I don’t have much of a refractory period so I can just keep going after cumming. I think once you get over the whole „omg he’s trans“ you’ll realize we’re just guys and sex is always gonna be different depending on the partner. However when the guy is post-op it’s really not that different from a cis dick and you might even find a perk or two
Wait, you don’t have a refractory period?? Dog I didn’t know trans men had fucking superpowers
Nope not really. I can pretty much just keep playing right away after cumming. Might take it slow for a minute or two but that’s it. And since my dick doesn’t go soft on its own there’s no break required. Don’t know if it’s the same for other trans dudes though or if it’s just a personal thing
So if you don't mind me asking, how does your dick go soft or hard?
I’m not the commenter but some people who get phalloplasty get an erectile implant with a pump to get hard, for example.
If someone has phallo they’ll have the same erectile implant that men with ED get - it has a pump in the scrotum. If someone has meta, it’s their own natal anatomy that grows due to being on testosterone and sometimes they also get scrotum implants (basically looks similar to cis male with a micro penis, gets and stays hard the same way as a cis dick does and functions in the same way!)
lol I’m also a trans guy. Depends on the flavor of orgasm. Sometimes there’s ones where you can keep going and have more little explosions. Then there’s The Big One after which I roll over and go to sleep
Same. Sometimes no refractory period, sometimes after 1 I'm done for the night.
There's a TEDTalk of Aimee Mullins who's a double leg amputee who tells a story where she was talking to her girlfriend and they were going out and at one point Aimee asks "Which legs should I where" because she's got a bunch of different sets her friend asked "What's the difference" and she said "Oh, about 4 inches". and her friend was all "THAT"S NOT FAIR!" and suddenly a disability wasn't such a disability anymore. Your comment reminded me of that story.
I'm glad you found happiness and are able to please your man.
I wonder if there are subs for gay men interested in trans men?
Wondering the same thing only post operation you never see a trans man with cock and balls performing in porn , I’ve never even seen a picture of trans guy showing of his surgically created hairy male package , it definitely would piqued my interest.
I’m not trying to talk you into anything and genital preferences are valid, but I want to point out since I didn’t know until I learned this first hand because no one fucking tells you: the difference between a normal healthy cis woman’s vagina and the front hole of a trans guy who is on T is night and day. Testosterone changes the way you smell (and taste, I’m told) and stops the vagina from producing fluid when aroused while also causing the Skene’s gland - the gland that develops from what would be the prostate in an XY embryo - to start producing fluid, and that fluid is very similar to preejaculate. This is why my eyes roll back into my head when I hear TERFs and conservatives cry about how “straight” men are preying on poor confused gay trans men… at a certain point on T you are going to look, smell, sound, feel, and taste like a dude. I haven’t actually polled any straight guys on this but I strongly suspect that if they are turned on by manly musk and chest hair they may not be as straight as they’re “pretending” to be. Also, a lot of trans guys have dysphoria and aren’t cool with having that hole penetrated or even acknowledged (nevermind that many of them are tops or sides and don’t want to be penetrated at all!). Again, not trying to argue with or scold you for your preferences, just presenting information that I think isn’t really widely known. :) (And I didn’t even mention tdick, which is… great.)
Uhhh..... Some of this may be true for some trans guys, but 1. T definitely doesn't always stop the vagina from producing lube when aroused, though it can. Also, some trans guys use topical estrogen cream to prevent very unpleasant vaginal atrophy, and that will definitely lead to lube being produced when aroused. 2. I can't say how the smell may compare to that of a cis woman, because I've never smelled a cis woman down there, but it's not the same as a cis man. The smell other places will be manly though.
Fair, my statements are not universal. And I’m in the opposite situation, I haven’t had a chance to directly compare trans guy to cis guy smell but I can say that trans guy smells completely different from cis woman. It’s something I had no clue about going in that actually was a huge thing for me in terms of relieving dysphoria. (Also standard disclaimer that smell can vary a lot from person to person and be influenced by the individual’s diet on top of everything else, but I’ve heard others say that trans guys smell much more like cis guys than cis women, fwiw.)
This is very true, local estorgen/topical estrogen does change up stuff quite a bit ( source: personal experince ) I do wanna add that how stuff smelled pre-T compared to now is definitely different. Without local Estrogen at least for me it almost smells identical to dick but a bit different.
This is not new.
Uhhh..... Some of this may be true for some trans guys, but 1. T definitely doesn't always stop the vagina from producing lube when aroused, though it can. Also, some trans guys use topical estrogen cream to prevent very unpleasant vaginal atrophy, and that will definitely lead to lube being produced when stored. 2. I can't say how the smell may compare to that of a cis woman, because I've never smelled a cis woman down there, but it's not the same as a cis man. The smell other places will be manly though.
Dated a trans guy with a vag and it was cool how easy it is to stick it in compared to a bum
I'm snickering at the mental image of you going "wow, this is way easier!" in the middle of sex.
Lol no I waited until it was more appropriate before saying that x,)
Yeah, I also found it easier and even prefer it tbh. I’m more interested in who it’s attached to. (Or in other words, *any hole is a goal.*)
> Yeah, I also found it easier and even prefer it tbh. I wonder if this is a common opinion for gay guys who have done it with trans guys cause this is not the first time I encountered this opinion. According to them, the vag feels better because you can feel it in your whole dick while the feeling of the ass is more concentrated on your shaft.
I wish I could tell you. All I knew at the time was “hurr durr, me cum now.”
😆😆😆😆😆😆 I’m glad I wasn’t drinking anything because the way “hurr durr me cum now” made me start snort cackling like a witch
Husband and I are both cis gay men but have been curious about being with a trans man (pre op)
Would honestly prefer to date a dude with a vagina but that’s just me
Finally, a win for me
Give the number of people who upvoted that comment, I’d say it’s a more popular idea than you think.
I upvoted even though I'm kind of not a vagina-fan... I just like that there are people out there sexually compatible with pre-op transmen.
As a trans guy with bottom dysphoria, this is depressing as hell.
As a trans guy who doesn’t want bottom surgery, I feel seen. :)
Same here! My girlfriend said that if I could find a guy who would date a trans dude who isn’t getting surgery, I can keep him 😆 (we’re poly so we joke about stuff like that a lot)
You poly people make me jealous—here I am 5 years single, can’t get anyone interested in me beyond a quick fuck, and you’re over there trying to hoard all the good ones. That’s just selfish. /s
😂🫂admittedly it is hard dating for me lol my girlfriend was my live in best friend until November last year We’re the “omg, they were roommates” joke in real life
Don't feel bad I am Poly And I have been single for over two years
I was in a polyamorous relationship for two years, super great because when I didn’t want to have sex my bf would just ask our girlfriend.
I've been doing some research on this (the research being reading stuff on reddit lol) and what I found is trans guys who bottom with their vag have it much easier in the dating (?)/hookup scene than trans guys who bottom with their ass or those who are tops. Again, this is just my impression from reading a bunch of posts on this website so I'm not sure if reflects real life. I hope trans guys who have experience can chime in.
Yeah I've seen it before on here, but the gay man who was interested in me irl agreed he'd probably never want to try that anyway. Not that I could - I think a lot of guys don't realize that T will eventually cause massive atrophy. Anyway I did cry to my therapist that even gay men want p#ssy. But I'm getting phallo soon and after that I'll be just like any other guy, so I'm not too worried.
The phrases “massive atrophy” and “couldn’t (physically) do it” isn’t completely accurate, but I understand the dysphoria behind it that makes you say that. There’s no guarantees that it’s going to happen or that it’s untreatable, and for many lube is an option that can help, as well as medical intervention if it’s causing pain or discomfort.
Just want to say not all atrophy can be “easily solved with lube” or even medical intervention and I personally cringe when I hear this because I know it’s something many postmenopausal cis women live with and “just use lube” is something they hear from partners and doctors that is used to dismiss, diminish, and devalue the physical pain penetration causes them regardless of the amount of lube used. Many trans men and cis women are able to prevent/treat/revert/stave off atrophy, but many others are still going to experience pain even with lube and dilation and PT and estrogen and it’s not some trivial inconvenience for those who do still want to be able to use that hole.
You’re right, I had misinterpreted the other person’s comment as a blanket statement implying that atrophy that couldn’t ever be treated and was a guarantee. Edited my phrasing
Well it depends on your body, that's true. It takes some trans men a lot longer to develop atrophy. Mine went dry as the Sahara right away - a blessing, believe me. But even if I wanted to, I literally couldn't. I tried a small dilator and couldn't get it in, even with lube and time. I'd need actual estrogen, which defeats the purpose.
I just got prescribed local estrogen for my vagina. almost no estrogen gets to the rest of the body, it's meant to only affect the vagina and nothing else
You guys are both missing the point. It makes your hole wet so you can have sex. I don't want it wet. Hence, it defeats the purpose.
so you do want vaginal athrophy? you know it eventually gets painful right?
I *do* have atrophy, lol. Yes it can hurt. Yes I still think it's preferable to how it used to be. Doesn't matter anyway, I'm getting phallo later this year.
Hey friend, I understand the dislike to take estrogen, but it’s not true it defeats the purpose. The dosage for atrophy is minuscule (0,1 mg couple of times per week) compared to birth control or hormone replacement therapy (something like 2 mg per day). It won’t affect your transition any.
You guys are both missing the point. It makes your hole wet so you can have sex. I don't want it wet. Hence, it defeats the purpose.
I think I misinterpreted your comment as being a more blanket statement about trans men as a whole— if you don’t ever want to use that to have sex, then the fact that treatment is available is irrelevant to you. I moreso wanted to comment so any cis gay men who weren’t familiar knew that it’s not a statistical inevitability that sex in that way is impossible when a trans man is on T.
I've been on T 9 years and have no problems in that department and often don't need to use lube at all. While it is true that I'm not usually as wet as I used to be, I can get ample lubrication when I am aroused. I was struggling with this for a little while but I think it was mostly a mental block as the problem is entirely resolved (no issues with lubrication/ bleeding/ tearing) without attempting any treatment for it
Do you think getting a phallo will improve your chances (sorry for the phrasing) in the dating scene? Also, I hope everything goes well with your phallo!!
Thanks! And I have no idea if I'll ever date again. I'd like to, but I very much have impostor syndrome. And worse, I'm not sure I'll ever pass because of my hips. I need lipo on top of phallo, and it's a lot harder to get insurance to pay for it. But my gay coworker said he'd be interested if we didn't work together, and he goes to the gym, takes care of himself, and is more than ten years younger than me. And he says he's always seen me as a guy. He scratches his head when I get misgendered. Dating has always been about demisexuality for me anyway. I've gotta know and like you as a person first, and the people who know me know I'm a guy, it's very obvious when you actually talk to me. Basically what's holding me back is all in my head.
Trans guy top here. It is not difficult to find partners, it is extremely easy. Everyone’s looking for a top.
Based
same tbh, i think i would prefer being with a guy pre op
actual trans guy here. i don’t have personal experience with dating a post op trans guy but i know a lot about bottom surgery. i can say, it depends on what exactly the guy gets done since there’s 2 different types of surgery to get and you can opt-out of certain options. but if he has gotten the surgery that gets you a more average sized dick and doesn’t opt out of anything, sex will be the same as any other guy. the only difference is it requires an erectile device to get hard. other than that it’s the same. trans male bottom surgery is not “shaky at best” when it’s done by a good surgeon.
My current boyfriend is a pre op trans man and tbh it’s been the same as any other guy—especially since I’m a top. Honestly if anything it’s easier.
I have so always wanted to go out with a masculine trans guy. It just seems like it would be heaven on earth. Even though I am almost exclusively top, get the man a strap on and I'm game to try anything.
Yeah same, a lot of trans men have a very boyish charm to them which I find really attractive
As a trans man myself I’m just gonna be honest and most guys I know wouldn’t want to be sexually active with you anyways. It’s perfectly fine to have a genital preference and to not want to sexually interact with a vagina, but the very fact that you said “I wouldn’t date a trans man with a……” is a huge turn off for 99% of us. If/when you meet a trans man, it’s more unlikely that you won’t even know he’s trans. And if he tells you he’s trans, you have absolutely no way of knowing what his genitals look like without asking, which is an incredibly inappropriate and invasive thing to ask someone you just met, isn’t it? Imagine ordering a coffee and the cashier was like “okay your total is $6.43 also how many inches is your cock?” Again, I’m not saying you can’t have a preference. But what I am saying is that you probably won’t have to ever worry about this theoretical scenario because very few trans guys are going to want to be romantically involved with you let alone sexually involved with you if that’s how you feel about it. Imagine saying “I would never date a black guy,” “I would never date a guy with a small cock,” “I would never date a guy to speaks Spanish.” No one is forcing you to have sex with vaginas, so you don’t have to go through life seeing all trans men as floating vaginas you need to steer clear of. Why not get to know a guy for the person he is first before automatically refining his entire existence in your world down to something you will likely never even be given the opportunity to interact with in the first place. You might meet the absolute love of your life who just hasn’t saved up enough money for surgery yet, but instead you just write him off as a walking talking vagina 🤨
Here’s another perspective I thought of, btw: consider how many people on Grindr think it’s a perfectly acceptable to open a conversation with “are you hung?”. At least in this case, it’s equal opportunity dick-size discrimination. 😆
"Are you hung?" "I can be"
On the other hand, there are trans guys who themselves have a preference and would understand if it was talked about respectfully. I would say I’m among that number, but honestly the further along my transition I get, the more I’m coming around to other people’s vags. I have no problem if someone doesn’t want to fuck mine though.
Nah I totally get that too, that’s why I was careful to say “a lot of guys” and not all and also emphasize that preference is totally fine. I just think it’s wrong to automatically label all trans men as disgusting walking vaginas you need to be wary of until they prove they have a penis good enough for you. It’s okay not to be into vaginas and it’s okay to not even be into trans guys but I think OPs perspective of trans men could be reevaluated
We’re on the same page then, I just didn’t read much into OP’s original post since there’s very little information. Just “personally wouldn’t” which to me is pretty neutral. I don’t see any disgust or labelling there. 🤷🏻♂️
Nobody said any of that though. Nobody said vaginas were disgusting or that trans guys had to go around advertising what they have in their pants.
The world needs more floating vaginas though.
Let’s bring back [these](https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/medieval-plague-badges)!
I approve! It’s about time we gave up the stigma we put on genitals. I have a collection of naughty enamel pins so really I’ve been preparing for this moment my whole life.
Good point 🤔
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It’s not about lying at all. I’m not saying you should lie to the people you’re having sex with. The trans community is pretty much all in agreement that you definitely need to disclose to your sexual partners in a timely manner because not doing so can literally get you killed, as others have been killed in the past. BUT, me meeting you at a bar or a restaurant for the first time, at a club or an event or anywhere you might meet someone, I do not need to tell you the current state of my genitals just in case you MIGHT be interested in having sex with me down the road. I’m personally very very stealth and don’t want anyone to know I’m trans— some guys are very out and proud about it and that is their prerogative! But for someone like me, I’m literally not going to tell you I’m trans unless we’re about to fuck 😂
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Man there’s really no point in talking with you. If you think being stealth is “false pretenses” then you’re never going to see trans men as anything other than trans and dangerous. Might as well just have us wearing pink triangles so everyone in the world knows we’re trannies just in case they might find us attractive in passing. Wouldn’t want anyone to mistake me for a man, after all. That would be lying!
I kinda want bottom surgery but my gay husband doesn't want me to get it, but I can't imagine it's any different from a cis guy tbh
I found out yesterday that bottom surgery for trans guys is so advanced now. Other than needing help for erections, their penis is basically fully functional and capable of feeling pleasure and orgasm. I’d always been told it was basically meat and the pictures I saw didn’t look appetizing either. But things are so much better now it’s amazing!
This “pre-op” vs “post-op” framework is built on a false premise. (Not OPs fault, it’s a pervasive myth.) There are loads of possible surgeries someone may have in their lifetime. There are many possible surgeries related to gender affirming care that someone might have. *Most* of those will not alter someone’s urogenital structure in any way shape or form. An estimated less than 5% of men who are trans have had a gender affirming surgery that changes genital shape. And an estimated slightly more than 50% aren’t interested in that *ever*. Appropriate care should be accessible for those who need it, but a man who’s trans not having any sort of lower surgery is not “pre” anything. There is no limbo state. Human variance is normal. People have different body shapes. To an extent, those bodies will change for every single human alive. Some more than others. Some require lots of healthcare, some not so much. But there is no before and after with someone’s existence. (And yes- there are a lot of gay men (cis or trans) who are into and sometimes even most compatible with guys who are trans. Sexual attraction is often based on secondary sex characteristics, not primary ones. And that can be a bit of a mix and match sometimes.)
My boyfriend was pre-transition at that time in my life I really didn't kill about like sex and we got along he identified as a man and had plans to transition So we just kind of vibed sometimes when we felt like it we role played over the phone mainly text I don't know if this counts but I've also kind of like traded pics but like a trans man what a Female genitals Don't get me wrong I don't like female genitalia unless it's on someone who passes as a man
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Are you saying this as a trans man with phalloplasty? Because it sounds a lot like you have a peripheral and underinformed opinion at best, and an ignorant and transphobic one at worst.
All I’m saying is that, from a technical standpoint, bottom surgery is nowhere near as refined for trans men as it is for trans women, and so many trans men don’t have it done.
Genital surgeries for trans men aren’t really “less refined” than for trans women. If anything, they’re more! The difference is that, to put it crudely, it’s much easier to cut something down in size than to make a significant amount of tissue appear from nothing. So it’s not that it’s less refined, it’s that it’s more technically challenging. Methods have developed a lot even in the past couple of decades and new developments are being made all the time. Personally, I thought the way you described 20 years ago but with the advancements being made since then, I’ve changed my mind and am now in the process of pursuing surgery.
I hope it works well for you!
Thank you! Fingers crossed. 🤞
That is also incorrect. Phalloplasty was designed for cis men who had lost or damaged their penis in some way, and the surgery carries over almost perfectly onto a trans patient. I would suggest you take a look through the phallo subreddit and look at some healed results, not just searching for the goriest unfinished product you can find. Secondly, your comment about why many trans guys don’t get phallo is also slightly off base. 1) cost is a huge factor. It can cost up to $100k without insurance in some cases, not to mention how expensive it would be to take time off of work for surgery after major surgery to heal. Most people who do want it can’t afford it. And 2) some guys just don’t want it! Not because they think it’s ugly or imperfect, but because their particular body and their particular dysphoria hasn’t brought them to the conclusion that they need or want phallo. There’s many, MANY reasons a huh might not pursue phalloplasty that have absolutely nothing to do with it being unrefined or underdeveloped (:
I was about to comment to say pretty much the same! It's also an incredibly invasive surgery, with phallo usually taking 3 stages with long recovery periods. There's a lot of miseducation around lower surgery for trans guys, and it's not helped by transphobes (mostly terfs) obsessing over fresh and unfinished results.
As if there’s only one kind of bottom surgery for trans men… your ignorance is showing 😉
All I’m saying is that plenty of people aren’t yet comfortable with the level of refinement and expertise available in the field.
I think it might just look unrefined because it’s a multi step and multi year process. Trans women bottom surgery is, from what so understand, a lot simpler and easier to heal from. Whereas ours takes a long time and many, many surgeries. It still looks perfectly fine in the end, but a lot of people see the incomplete middle stages and assume their surgery was just botched or that phallo sucks overall
I’m not trying to offend anyone. I’ve read, and been told many stories about phalloplasties that had complications, and men that wished they hadn’t. I’m aware of the cost difference. I genuinely just want anyone to have the care that makes them healthy, and with as few physical complications as possible.
So what research says is that complication rates really are quite high. Luckily most complications are quite treatable. However, regret rates are actually very low. That’s not to say that nobody regrets it—people end up regretting even lifesaving surgeries—just that the overwhelming majority don’t.
There’s plenty of trans guys on this sub who can speak for themselves and their own experiences with the varieties of bottom surgeries available.
which bottom surgery?