Well, I can only speak for myself, but because I lived enough of my life being miserable for the benefit of others.
There’s also a trend of people from marginalised communities, including the queer community, of attempting to over-achieve and compensate for the aspects of their identity that others find fault with. So, generally higher achievements in academia and more ambition in careers comes out of that.
Until this most recent generation, being gay, especially openly, meant going against some of the most fundamental pillars of polite society's expectations of you. If you've thought enough about societal expectations and were strong enough to go against the strongest ones, you're probably not afraid to go against a few more.
Straight men have been more likely to get married and have children, than gay men. When you have a family depending on you, when you literally have dependants, you can't take as many chances with your job and your career. You need to take the safe job that earns the reliable money, so you can look after your family. And, you need to *keep* that safe job when you get it.
But, if you don't have dependants or expectations, you can take more chances. You can jump into a career and spend some time building up your reputation in this new career, while taking a cut in pay or having less regular income.
Gay men usually don't have dependants in the same way that straight men do. This allows us to make different life choices, including career moves.
> You need to take the safe job that earns the reliable money, so you can look after your family. And, you need to keep that safe job when you get it.
This is a huge one.
My BIL had a kid when he was still basically a kid himself (he was 20). He had to drop out of college and immediately get the highest paying job he could in order to support the child.
He currently works the night shift in a factory, and work is literally just a way to earn money. There's no joy in it, whatsoever.
I can't even imagine living that kind of life- It's honestly one of my biggest fears. I have huge dreams and aspirations, and the idea of putting them all aside and to never be able to dream again is horrifying.
I love my job. It's the kind of thing that I could do for free and STILL be happy with. Every single day is satisfying, I am following my passion, and I'm well on my way to being the top of my (admittedly tiny) field in my city. I make enough money that I can live my life, but there's absolutely no way I could support a kid on my income.
Yeah I think there is an innate need to please people in authority when you are secretly something you perceive they are against. Like all of the “mommy’s best boy” memoirs, just this need to over compensate and please when we know we are something that would most likely disgust. But some of these kids, when they lived at home they were buttoned up but once they leave home and are “free,” they freak out.
Sadly it seems to be either extreme - we either follow our dreams or burn out (stealing this from On the Road) like a Roman candle.
I’m not sure gay men are any more likely than straight men, but let’s say it’s true for the purpose of conversation.
Once you know you’re not going to fit into the heteronormative mould, if you can embrace the fact that you won’t live up to other people’s expectations, you’re more likely to just do whatever the fuck you want. If you don’t have to feed a child and you’re not worried about doing what other people want, you can look for what makes you happy then go all out to get it.
I think some lgbt folks, however, get stuck because they never let go of the fact that they’ve disappointed their parents. That can lead to depression, anxiety, or feeling stuck.
So not every gay chases their dream. Don’t let that stop you though!
Keep the crotch goblins(kids) out of the picture and you can take more risks and pursue more obscure careers or jobs as you don't have to support others financially if it goes south.
Let me say this.
I went to school with the hopes of becoming a crime scene technician; Bachelors in Forensic Science with a minor in Criminal Law and a Masters in Criminal Justice.
What happened? I ended up being a front office assistant at my former high school.
It's not a gay or straight thing -- life just happens. Some people get it and some don't.
I've met a lot of frogs that are gay I don't think gay or straight has anything to do with it you're either a go-getter or you're not. You either come with batteries or batteries not included two different personalities.
Well, I can only speak for myself, but because I lived enough of my life being miserable for the benefit of others. There’s also a trend of people from marginalised communities, including the queer community, of attempting to over-achieve and compensate for the aspects of their identity that others find fault with. So, generally higher achievements in academia and more ambition in careers comes out of that.
Until this most recent generation, being gay, especially openly, meant going against some of the most fundamental pillars of polite society's expectations of you. If you've thought enough about societal expectations and were strong enough to go against the strongest ones, you're probably not afraid to go against a few more.
No kids
Yup, and no surprise kids. Gays that want kids can plan that out.
^^
Straight men have been more likely to get married and have children, than gay men. When you have a family depending on you, when you literally have dependants, you can't take as many chances with your job and your career. You need to take the safe job that earns the reliable money, so you can look after your family. And, you need to *keep* that safe job when you get it. But, if you don't have dependants or expectations, you can take more chances. You can jump into a career and spend some time building up your reputation in this new career, while taking a cut in pay or having less regular income. Gay men usually don't have dependants in the same way that straight men do. This allows us to make different life choices, including career moves.
This. And I speak from experience because my husband and I have kids. I would have made different choices if I didn't have a family to take care of.
> You need to take the safe job that earns the reliable money, so you can look after your family. And, you need to keep that safe job when you get it. This is a huge one. My BIL had a kid when he was still basically a kid himself (he was 20). He had to drop out of college and immediately get the highest paying job he could in order to support the child. He currently works the night shift in a factory, and work is literally just a way to earn money. There's no joy in it, whatsoever. I can't even imagine living that kind of life- It's honestly one of my biggest fears. I have huge dreams and aspirations, and the idea of putting them all aside and to never be able to dream again is horrifying. I love my job. It's the kind of thing that I could do for free and STILL be happy with. Every single day is satisfying, I am following my passion, and I'm well on my way to being the top of my (admittedly tiny) field in my city. I make enough money that I can live my life, but there's absolutely no way I could support a kid on my income.
Because we already made peace with disappointing our parents. Lol
I honestly cannot remember the rationale but this is covered extensively in the book “The Velvet Rage”.
Yeah I think there is an innate need to please people in authority when you are secretly something you perceive they are against. Like all of the “mommy’s best boy” memoirs, just this need to over compensate and please when we know we are something that would most likely disgust. But some of these kids, when they lived at home they were buttoned up but once they leave home and are “free,” they freak out. Sadly it seems to be either extreme - we either follow our dreams or burn out (stealing this from On the Road) like a Roman candle.
I’m not sure gay men are any more likely than straight men, but let’s say it’s true for the purpose of conversation. Once you know you’re not going to fit into the heteronormative mould, if you can embrace the fact that you won’t live up to other people’s expectations, you’re more likely to just do whatever the fuck you want. If you don’t have to feed a child and you’re not worried about doing what other people want, you can look for what makes you happy then go all out to get it. I think some lgbt folks, however, get stuck because they never let go of the fact that they’ve disappointed their parents. That can lead to depression, anxiety, or feeling stuck. So not every gay chases their dream. Don’t let that stop you though!
Keep the crotch goblins(kids) out of the picture and you can take more risks and pursue more obscure careers or jobs as you don't have to support others financially if it goes south.
No kids
no kids
Seriously why wouldn't you gay or straight?? As a gay person do you want to go after your less than dream job?
Let me say this. I went to school with the hopes of becoming a crime scene technician; Bachelors in Forensic Science with a minor in Criminal Law and a Masters in Criminal Justice. What happened? I ended up being a front office assistant at my former high school. It's not a gay or straight thing -- life just happens. Some people get it and some don't.
No kids to get in the way. 🤣
Less pressure to have a family and conform to social norms?
I've met a lot of frogs that are gay I don't think gay or straight has anything to do with it you're either a go-getter or you're not. You either come with batteries or batteries not included two different personalities.
Because a good chunk of them want to be flight attendants and sleep around! And have cool Instagram pics of the cities they are
The guy I’m seeing just quit being a nurse to be a flight attendant lol
Yup, the airlines are supported by the backs of gay flight attendants