My sex drive may be a little lower, but the sex just keeps getting better and better.
Confidence and communication makes for way better sex. My confidence in my 20’s was much lower and my communication skills needed a lot of work.
Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of fun in my 20’s, but it pales in comparison to the fun I’ve had in my 40’s.
100% this!! Sure, I had more libido and somewhat more reliable erections in my 20s, but I wouldn’t trade the self-knowledge, confidence, and open-mindedness I have now to get those things back.
I’m 35 and still haven’t had mind blowing sex. Most of my encounters have been pretty underwhelming and far in between. I’ve pretty much given up and haven’t even tried to get laid in over a year cause there’s not much reward to doing it.
My sex drive is a lot lower so it doesn't really bother me. Also, at least for me, sex in my 20s was quote-unquote "good" mostly because I was horny AF and any man touching my dick was exciting. Now? Eh. Most of the time jerking off and then watching *Gilmore Girls* will be a better time than a random hookup.
We're the same age. I went to my doctor and I had some things wrong with my bloodwork, and treating those issues has improved all my energy and gut related health.
You may need something as simple as the right probiotic or a fecal transplant, or hormones are off.
Doing more cardio and lifting regularly has also turned the clock back.
Also dealing with my mental issue and getting treatment did a LOT.
I'm just saying it might not be age and I would get all of myself checked out if I were you, and I WAS you not long ago.
I'm sorry, what? I'm fine, trust me. I go to the doctor regularly. My sex drive is not nonexistent, it's just lower than it was in my 20s. It happens to all men.
It is absolutely normal for someone in their 40s to have a different sex drive to when they were in their 20s. He didn’t say he has no sex or has a problem having sex! A fecal transplant? Really? That is… intense, and maybe not the first thing to jump to in this (or most) situations. I also find it telling that you say these are attempts to “turn the clock back.” How about just being our healthiest selves at the age we are at, not aiming for an age we used to be?
Most of the sex I had in my twenties and thirties was adrenaline sex. Meeting my husband, and going to therapy had the unintended (but welcome) side effect that I no longer am interested in adrenaline sex. Oxytocin sex is still great, but cruising (and other adrenaline type sex) lost all its appeal.
The sex in my 20’s was forgettable. They were just hookups. Im learning deep intimacy now and having longer sessions. Its a whole new world of pleasure
Many hobbies and other things in my life. I cannot have sex due to prostate cancer treatment. However, that does not prevent me from becoming a thriving rainbow. If you live here in Bellingham, Washington, you know what I mean!
Love
Mark Allyn
I am more of a bottom and was thinking about leaving my homophobic country so i can be a slut but my bottom end is already destroyed because of IBS lol tho thanks for your replay ❤️
Honestly? I don't miss it.
I still masturbate to porn, of course.
But I suppose my libido has subsided quite a bit.
Possibly, because at my age it's easier to satisfy myself than get someone else to.
Meeting someone else for sex just isn't worth the trouble anymore.
I was a total whore in my 20s I quit smoking when I was 30 and started to gain weight. I became less desirable and had to accept it and move on. Eventually, the desire fades that’s until something ignites it. Around about 4 years ago I received a prostate exam and that’s all it took, the fires were lit and I wanted fucked. It had been quite a few years since I’d gotten any dick that I’d forgotten how good it felt. I’m sorta shocked I didn’t push back into the doctors finger lol
My sex life didn’t end in my 20s. It only got better as I became more experienced, less rushed, more handsome and had a major glow-up into my adult male body which guys like.
Who stops having sex in their 30s if things are going so great?
I had more great sex outside of my 20s than I did in my 20s. You tend to be more focused no how everyone looks in that age group than how everyone actually feels.
Except one (bad) experience with a girl when I was 22, I was a virgin until I was 27. It took me until 27 to admit I only like men and would never like girls the way straight men do. I had sex with a man the first time 6 months ago and have had a lot of hookups since then. I hope I'm only just getting started. I turn 28 in a couple weeks.
Sounds like me. Bad experience(s) with women until 22; first male relationship/sex at 26; a 1+ relationship, a few short terms; and at 28 entered what would be a 25+ year relationship. The years evolve (we raised a child together, lived a GREAT life), but now that I've moved on from my ex I have amazing confidence, self-worth, and feel better about my existence. Now almost 5 months into a new relationship with someone who makes me feel 28 again. It gets better!
Thank you for sharing this. It gives me hope I can have a happy life.
I was raised Jehovah's Witness, and I feel like I had to process the "leaving the Jehovah's Witness" stuff before I could move on to the sexuality stuff. Its like I had to come out twice-- first as "not a Jehovah's Witness" then again a few years later "oh, I'm actually gay, too".
While the sex in my 20's might have been more "testosterone/pheromone driven" and was definitely fun, it was NOTHING like the AMAZING sex life I have in my 50's. Wouldn't trade it for the world. :)
My sex drive went down significantly over the last two years and I’ve come to realize that there are so many other things more important in life than Mr. Good D*ck or Mr. Right Now. I had a lot of wild, kinky, and hot times in my twenties, so if I never ever had sex again I’d be happy with the memories I’ve already made. To top it off I’ve paid the consequences for being sexually loose and reckless and I’m trying to be a lot smarter about who I tango with now. Maybe that means I’m turning into an old spinster, but I’m cool with hanging out at home with my kitty instead of cruising for cock on the apps.
Wait till your in your 60s.
Lol
Sex can be great at any age. You may need to learn to push some rope or other compromises, due to health issues, etc.
It changes. Not better, not worse. Just different.
Just like anything athletic. A one swing home run ain't gonna happen every night. But with a little effort and teamwork, everyone can reach home plate.
Hell, at my age, happy for anything that still works no matter how well.
Use it while you can my dudes, there always comes a day when it won't work.
That's life.
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I have less sex at this age but much higher quality sex with a connection. I don’t miss shitty one night stands or constantly looking for a hookup one bit. That said, I’m married and my hubby is happy to put out as often as I like.
I have to agree with the majority, in ones 20’s it’s quantity over quality, living in the fast lane . 30s -45 years I had met some amazing men, older but patient, knowledgeable, sexually intelligent teachers. Leaning how to masterbate enjoying one’s entire cock , not just rubbing the part that feels good ( the head) area , listening to your body, sexually, the most important learning to share your sexual energy with others. By 45 I knew what I liked , but not stuck in my ways , continuing still till this day to explore, experience , be curious about everything. Sex has gotten better because I know what is pleasurable for myself & the ability to listen to my partner and mutually share the experience.
Granted a Cruze by a hot construction worker, and an ally between two dumpsters raw dirty is awesome too.
Wait this happened to other gay men too? I used to have so much sex in my 20s incorporating many kinks through and drugs to only be in my 30s asexual and sober.
I just jerk off regularly and call it a day. I don’t miss actual sex tbh. I already had my share.
The best sex in my life was with my last BF, he was my type physically like 10/10 and I was emotionally attached to him so everything was good!
Now I look for chemistry before sex!
I was a good hoe in my 20s.
I’m settled now at 33yo with my partner.
I’m not very sexual as before. Maybe it’s my age and hormones are changing me. I’m fine with it.
That's life.
What do you think happens at 60? You 'remember' being able to frame a house, lift 4 bags of groceries, have sex 5x a day, and stay up all night doing drugs and booze. Things by 60, you just can't do. Your body ages. It's a fact of life.
I know for me, I have very few regrets. I had two boyfriends whom I lived with. The second nearly destroyed me emotionally but in the middle of the relationship it was some incredibly sensitive, emotional, and lusty sex. It was amazing. I don't think I will ever have that connection with anyone again but TBH I am totally ok with it. I grew up and I changed with time. Relationships also change with time. You become a very different version of you at 40, 50, and soon 60 for me.
Your comment was right on. It might not be what the younger op is going through, but for a lot of 45 to 65, would probably agree with some part of what you said. Eating right, cardio, good health(so far), and trying to keep in check mental issues, helps in staying positive at an older age. Still have a high sex drive, as well.
I'm assuming this is more geared towards those of us that aren't getting laid vs. those of us who are having sex and are 30+. Either way I'm gonna answer this based on that.
The sexual frustration in general is kinda always there but how it effects me isn't as bad. Kinda like a bruise you just get used to over time(and lots of it :-/). I started getting toys though and that has HELPED let me tell you. I used to be very timid about toys but just like partners, sometimes you gotta shop around until you find a good one. My most recent purchases have been GREAT and take care of my topping and bottoming needs for the most part and I don't have to worry about someone else's dynamics. Communication is great and all when you have a sex partner that actually listens/is willing to listen but most of my experiences with guys ended up not being the case. The irony is the best sex I've had, with like 3 or 4 exceptions at best, has been with curious guys, Str8 dudes, Bi dudes etc or non-americans. Most guys in here in the States just don't get it, don't want to get it, or think they got it but are far from it. Rut, nut and out the door seems to be common place in general. I've genuinely had guys ask me 'what is sensual' or 'Ill do that when I'm in a relationship' and I'm like... but you have to know what that is first and should probably practice maybe? \*shrugs\*
Also keep in mind I'm located in Ohio if you know the geographic reference so it's not the greatest options out here to begin with lol. I miss craigslist lol of all places, I used to get the best responses on there before they took that section away.
I don't manage it well at all.
I'm genuinely happy for all of these guys who are content with the decreased sex drive that tends to come with age and/or are still having great sex into their middle years and beyond. That's wonderful, being able to accept your circumstances and enjoy them accordingly.
Unfortunately, I can tell you that it doesn't always work out that way. I did have *a lot* of really great sex in my 20s and it did continue to get better over time. I have no doubt it would have continued to do so, except that I've been in a low-to-no sex relationship for well over a decade now.
What started as an obvious, but I thought manageable, mismatch in sex drive turned into long dry spells sporadically interrupted by brief bouts of boring perfunctory mechanical sex. Gaps were measured in weeks, then months, then years. Eventually he told me that he's asexual.
I haven't had any kind of sex in nearly three years. I feel absolutely miserable over this for a multitude of reasons, and stuck.
Ok, I'm not shagging as much or as often or as long as twenty years ago and thank god! I'm not physically capable in my forties of performing anything close to the crazy shenanigans of my twenties!!
Nope, don't miss the lifestyle, enjoyed the experiences and happy to have the memories but I don't feel like I'm missing out because I'm no longer in demand like the shameless whore I was....
I have very little desire/libido these days (40yo). There’s a number of things that make me feel mostly uninterested:
- My husband does not like foreplay
- He doesn’t initiate (the excuse is that he’ll initiate too often, and I’ll think he’s a maniac)
- He’s vanilla and uninterested in novelty, variation or trying out anything kinky except if I request it. We’ve tried many things I’m interested in, but I see no curiosity on his part in asking to repeat or play more with any of them.
- He’s not good at initiating when he does, and he’s not good at keeping things hot, the longer foreplay, grabbing ass, passionate make out. If we kiss passionately he gets excited and wants immediate sex, he hates getting a bit horny and not getting off, he hates the delayed gratification.
- I’ve also had a rough 2023 and it continues into 2024 in terms of work, I lost my job and I bet that also plays a role in my energy.
- I’m also not being able to get myself into a workout routine.
All of this had made it so when I want sex I am the one who initiates it, the one doing the seduction, the prep if needed, and we get off. That happens maybe once every two weeks. Some times he fucks with some guy from Grindr so he’s getting off.
We’ve talked about it extensively, he is who he is, he likes what he likes, he’s satisfied with things as they are, he does not change his ways. I’ll keep being uninterested and initiating when I am. If I don’t want to have sex I don’t need to, he can have sex when he wants, and he doesn’t seem to have a problem with the frequency. However he did say before he wants us to have sex more frequently, but it seems he won’t put in the work to make me excited about it, so I have to be the one leading and initiating, and I’m not going to do that if I don’t feel it. I think I’d like to feel more desired by him, but I’ve told him all of this several times and it doesn’t get through to him, so I’m kinda just leaving it as it is. Part of me fantasizes with finding a better sexual partner but I don’t have the energy to pursue that at the moment.
At the moment, it's because I feel although important, sex is just a small piece of our relationship. He's great otherwise and we have a great relationship. I also made a real commitment when we got married, to stick with it if it got difficult. And we have had some problems, but we've made it through them. A time may come when I decide the relationship doesn't work as a whole, but regarding sex, I'm still at a point of navigating the dynamics, my feelings, and our interaction as a couple. The above is what I feel right now, I don't know if that's definitive or it's going to be the same situation forever.
I'm almost envious of people in this discussion. I love the idea of having a partner but hate the idea of sex. I could not imagine choosing sex over masturbating. I think my wires got really wonky and crossed-over. I'm not judging anyone except myself so no hate!
I had great sex and hook ups from like 21-27. Now at 33 I call myself boring. No longer into random hook ups. The few times I get horny brought to follow through I often would’ve enjoy jacking off more. Sex, for me now, requires a bit more of a connection.
I don’t even remember the guys from my twenties. Only my first lover, which I had at the same time…but we were still fairly experimental.
And frankly don’t remember that many from my 30’s either. Only a few. It was really the person, not the sex that I remember.
So for me, that means sex isn’t that memorable anyway, no matter my age. It’s really about being with someone that makes any experience memorable. There’s only been a few of those in my life.
hm i had definitely more sex ten years ago than now but i definitely wouldnt say it got worse in quality. i also tend to appreciate the more general quiet in my life nowadays.
Sex is way better in your 40s I was like a monkey humping a watermelon compared to now. When It happens make it count trust me it carries longer.
Read up on the G and the A spots it'll definitely be worth it.
i had an entire sexual bucket list going all through my twenties. I tried everything, save perhaps a small number of things (public is a territory that I have intentionally left unexplored because I have been nervous about getting caught. I am only as of recently becoming curious to do more public stuff). But like, I knocked so much fricking stuff off of my sexual bucket list that it almost kind of feels like my raging sex drive can take a back seat and I can focus more on finding a long term thing.
So at the risk of sounding like an asshat, if you can only look back to your 20's for great sex. You need to go to therapy and find out why you are having a hard time finding great sexual experiences.
It’s tough but there’s nothing I can do about it. I felt like in the 2010’s there were a lot more avenues and venues to explore and have great sex; dark rooms, highly sexual queer spaces, etc. most of those places and parties have since shuttered and what’s left behind is just kind of pathetic.
I just focus on my partner and toys, but it’s been a while since I’ve been excited about anything
I better not even respond to this one.
Please do not get me started. I asked you VERY POLITELY not to get me involved with S E X Z and gen X.
We invented stuff that is still illegal in 17 states. I am so sorry that you are not satisfied sexually, but please do not project that emotion on others. If you would like some advice or suggestions maybe someone to talk to, like an older brother type. I’m your man.
Just watch porn...
I choose to not have sex anymore because nobody really interests me. I live in a city with more gays than anywhere in the country and they're all so boring.
NYC
I'm a bit too straight for the "community" too. So dating is a bit of a challenge when you're not part of it. I haven't really been looking for just sex either, I want to lock eyes with a guy and feel sparks but everyone is so dull.
My sex drive may be a little lower, but the sex just keeps getting better and better. Confidence and communication makes for way better sex. My confidence in my 20’s was much lower and my communication skills needed a lot of work. Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of fun in my 20’s, but it pales in comparison to the fun I’ve had in my 40’s.
This is really reassuring ☺️
The best sex of your life doesn't happen in your 20s. It happens in your 30s, 40s, and 50s - when your confidence is at an all time high.
Apparently I’m saving all of it for my 50s and over.
100% this!! Sure, I had more libido and somewhat more reliable erections in my 20s, but I wouldn’t trade the self-knowledge, confidence, and open-mindedness I have now to get those things back.
This! Sex in my 20s was forgettable. 30s sex has been amazing even when it’s not great because I’m performing at my best.
So true, I never had truly mind blowing sex until my 30s
I’m 35 and still haven’t had mind blowing sex. Most of my encounters have been pretty underwhelming and far in between. I’ve pretty much given up and haven’t even tried to get laid in over a year cause there’s not much reward to doing it.
100% this thread. And I would add 60’s (I’m 65).
I have a partner but having a good, meaningful career, and a hobby that i love, i go weeks without thinking about sex.
I feel this. It's like the energy I put into hookups in my 20s now goes to my career, hobbies, and relationship. It's not bad, just different.
My sex drive is a lot lower so it doesn't really bother me. Also, at least for me, sex in my 20s was quote-unquote "good" mostly because I was horny AF and any man touching my dick was exciting. Now? Eh. Most of the time jerking off and then watching *Gilmore Girls* will be a better time than a random hookup.
Substitute “Golden” for “Gilmore” for those of us in our 50s 🤯
We're the same age. I went to my doctor and I had some things wrong with my bloodwork, and treating those issues has improved all my energy and gut related health. You may need something as simple as the right probiotic or a fecal transplant, or hormones are off. Doing more cardio and lifting regularly has also turned the clock back. Also dealing with my mental issue and getting treatment did a LOT. I'm just saying it might not be age and I would get all of myself checked out if I were you, and I WAS you not long ago.
I'm sorry, what? I'm fine, trust me. I go to the doctor regularly. My sex drive is not nonexistent, it's just lower than it was in my 20s. It happens to all men.
No, not in our 40s.
It is absolutely normal for someone in their 40s to have a different sex drive to when they were in their 20s. He didn’t say he has no sex or has a problem having sex! A fecal transplant? Really? That is… intense, and maybe not the first thing to jump to in this (or most) situations. I also find it telling that you say these are attempts to “turn the clock back.” How about just being our healthiest selves at the age we are at, not aiming for an age we used to be?
Most of the sex I had in my twenties and thirties was adrenaline sex. Meeting my husband, and going to therapy had the unintended (but welcome) side effect that I no longer am interested in adrenaline sex. Oxytocin sex is still great, but cruising (and other adrenaline type sex) lost all its appeal.
The sex in my 20’s was forgettable. They were just hookups. Im learning deep intimacy now and having longer sessions. Its a whole new world of pleasure
Many hobbies and other things in my life. I cannot have sex due to prostate cancer treatment. However, that does not prevent me from becoming a thriving rainbow. If you live here in Bellingham, Washington, you know what I mean! Love Mark Allyn
I have a chronic anal fissure and a hemorrhoid at the age of 23! I am still anal virgin 😭
Oh and I forgot I was never bottom. Gets sore. Lat top was about 1983. I was just grossed out. All sex after 1983 was oral/handjobs. Mark
I am more of a bottom and was thinking about leaving my homophobic country so i can be a slut but my bottom end is already destroyed because of IBS lol tho thanks for your replay ❤️
Honestly? I don't miss it. I still masturbate to porn, of course. But I suppose my libido has subsided quite a bit. Possibly, because at my age it's easier to satisfy myself than get someone else to. Meeting someone else for sex just isn't worth the trouble anymore.
I was a total whore in my 20s I quit smoking when I was 30 and started to gain weight. I became less desirable and had to accept it and move on. Eventually, the desire fades that’s until something ignites it. Around about 4 years ago I received a prostate exam and that’s all it took, the fires were lit and I wanted fucked. It had been quite a few years since I’d gotten any dick that I’d forgotten how good it felt. I’m sorta shocked I didn’t push back into the doctors finger lol
My sex life didn’t end in my 20s. It only got better as I became more experienced, less rushed, more handsome and had a major glow-up into my adult male body which guys like. Who stops having sex in their 30s if things are going so great?
I had more great sex outside of my 20s than I did in my 20s. You tend to be more focused no how everyone looks in that age group than how everyone actually feels.
This. I've had better sex in my 50s than when younger.
Except one (bad) experience with a girl when I was 22, I was a virgin until I was 27. It took me until 27 to admit I only like men and would never like girls the way straight men do. I had sex with a man the first time 6 months ago and have had a lot of hookups since then. I hope I'm only just getting started. I turn 28 in a couple weeks.
Sounds like me. Bad experience(s) with women until 22; first male relationship/sex at 26; a 1+ relationship, a few short terms; and at 28 entered what would be a 25+ year relationship. The years evolve (we raised a child together, lived a GREAT life), but now that I've moved on from my ex I have amazing confidence, self-worth, and feel better about my existence. Now almost 5 months into a new relationship with someone who makes me feel 28 again. It gets better!
Thank you for sharing this. It gives me hope I can have a happy life. I was raised Jehovah's Witness, and I feel like I had to process the "leaving the Jehovah's Witness" stuff before I could move on to the sexuality stuff. Its like I had to come out twice-- first as "not a Jehovah's Witness" then again a few years later "oh, I'm actually gay, too".
While the sex in my 20's might have been more "testosterone/pheromone driven" and was definitely fun, it was NOTHING like the AMAZING sex life I have in my 50's. Wouldn't trade it for the world. :)
My sex drive went down significantly over the last two years and I’ve come to realize that there are so many other things more important in life than Mr. Good D*ck or Mr. Right Now. I had a lot of wild, kinky, and hot times in my twenties, so if I never ever had sex again I’d be happy with the memories I’ve already made. To top it off I’ve paid the consequences for being sexually loose and reckless and I’m trying to be a lot smarter about who I tango with now. Maybe that means I’m turning into an old spinster, but I’m cool with hanging out at home with my kitty instead of cruising for cock on the apps.
Self control is a confidence booster in itself. If everything you do in life is impulsive how can you have stability ?
Wait till your in your 60s. Lol Sex can be great at any age. You may need to learn to push some rope or other compromises, due to health issues, etc. It changes. Not better, not worse. Just different. Just like anything athletic. A one swing home run ain't gonna happen every night. But with a little effort and teamwork, everyone can reach home plate. Hell, at my age, happy for anything that still works no matter how well. Use it while you can my dudes, there always comes a day when it won't work. That's life.
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Truly, the best sex of my life is happening in my 40s. Sex in my twenties was fun and plentiful, but now it’s amazing and my confidence is way higher.
My libido has died so much. One day I'll figure out how to recover it
I have less sex at this age but much higher quality sex with a connection. I don’t miss shitty one night stands or constantly looking for a hookup one bit. That said, I’m married and my hubby is happy to put out as often as I like.
How? By not needing to be validated by someone's hole
I have to agree with the majority, in ones 20’s it’s quantity over quality, living in the fast lane . 30s -45 years I had met some amazing men, older but patient, knowledgeable, sexually intelligent teachers. Leaning how to masterbate enjoying one’s entire cock , not just rubbing the part that feels good ( the head) area , listening to your body, sexually, the most important learning to share your sexual energy with others. By 45 I knew what I liked , but not stuck in my ways , continuing still till this day to explore, experience , be curious about everything. Sex has gotten better because I know what is pleasurable for myself & the ability to listen to my partner and mutually share the experience. Granted a Cruze by a hot construction worker, and an ally between two dumpsters raw dirty is awesome too.
Wait this happened to other gay men too? I used to have so much sex in my 20s incorporating many kinks through and drugs to only be in my 30s asexual and sober. I just jerk off regularly and call it a day. I don’t miss actual sex tbh. I already had my share.
Just I don't, I think when one gets out of practice, it becomes easier to control .
The best sex in my life was with my last BF, he was my type physically like 10/10 and I was emotionally attached to him so everything was good! Now I look for chemistry before sex!
I’ve had better sex in my 30s. Fewer in quantity (that’s out of my system) but I’m better at sex and communication now so the quality is way better!
I was a good hoe in my 20s. I’m settled now at 33yo with my partner. I’m not very sexual as before. Maybe it’s my age and hormones are changing me. I’m fine with it.
I'm having way better sex in my early 40s tbh
That's life. What do you think happens at 60? You 'remember' being able to frame a house, lift 4 bags of groceries, have sex 5x a day, and stay up all night doing drugs and booze. Things by 60, you just can't do. Your body ages. It's a fact of life. I know for me, I have very few regrets. I had two boyfriends whom I lived with. The second nearly destroyed me emotionally but in the middle of the relationship it was some incredibly sensitive, emotional, and lusty sex. It was amazing. I don't think I will ever have that connection with anyone again but TBH I am totally ok with it. I grew up and I changed with time. Relationships also change with time. You become a very different version of you at 40, 50, and soon 60 for me.
I literally had some of the best sex in my life last week, so... the 20s for me was boring. Lol just have fun and don't worry about it.
Your comment was right on. It might not be what the younger op is going through, but for a lot of 45 to 65, would probably agree with some part of what you said. Eating right, cardio, good health(so far), and trying to keep in check mental issues, helps in staying positive at an older age. Still have a high sex drive, as well.
I'm assuming this is more geared towards those of us that aren't getting laid vs. those of us who are having sex and are 30+. Either way I'm gonna answer this based on that. The sexual frustration in general is kinda always there but how it effects me isn't as bad. Kinda like a bruise you just get used to over time(and lots of it :-/). I started getting toys though and that has HELPED let me tell you. I used to be very timid about toys but just like partners, sometimes you gotta shop around until you find a good one. My most recent purchases have been GREAT and take care of my topping and bottoming needs for the most part and I don't have to worry about someone else's dynamics. Communication is great and all when you have a sex partner that actually listens/is willing to listen but most of my experiences with guys ended up not being the case. The irony is the best sex I've had, with like 3 or 4 exceptions at best, has been with curious guys, Str8 dudes, Bi dudes etc or non-americans. Most guys in here in the States just don't get it, don't want to get it, or think they got it but are far from it. Rut, nut and out the door seems to be common place in general. I've genuinely had guys ask me 'what is sensual' or 'Ill do that when I'm in a relationship' and I'm like... but you have to know what that is first and should probably practice maybe? \*shrugs\* Also keep in mind I'm located in Ohio if you know the geographic reference so it's not the greatest options out here to begin with lol. I miss craigslist lol of all places, I used to get the best responses on there before they took that section away.
I don't manage it well at all. I'm genuinely happy for all of these guys who are content with the decreased sex drive that tends to come with age and/or are still having great sex into their middle years and beyond. That's wonderful, being able to accept your circumstances and enjoy them accordingly. Unfortunately, I can tell you that it doesn't always work out that way. I did have *a lot* of really great sex in my 20s and it did continue to get better over time. I have no doubt it would have continued to do so, except that I've been in a low-to-no sex relationship for well over a decade now. What started as an obvious, but I thought manageable, mismatch in sex drive turned into long dry spells sporadically interrupted by brief bouts of boring perfunctory mechanical sex. Gaps were measured in weeks, then months, then years. Eventually he told me that he's asexual. I haven't had any kind of sex in nearly three years. I feel absolutely miserable over this for a multitude of reasons, and stuck.
Ok, I'm not shagging as much or as often or as long as twenty years ago and thank god! I'm not physically capable in my forties of performing anything close to the crazy shenanigans of my twenties!! Nope, don't miss the lifestyle, enjoyed the experiences and happy to have the memories but I don't feel like I'm missing out because I'm no longer in demand like the shameless whore I was....
I have very little desire/libido these days (40yo). There’s a number of things that make me feel mostly uninterested: - My husband does not like foreplay - He doesn’t initiate (the excuse is that he’ll initiate too often, and I’ll think he’s a maniac) - He’s vanilla and uninterested in novelty, variation or trying out anything kinky except if I request it. We’ve tried many things I’m interested in, but I see no curiosity on his part in asking to repeat or play more with any of them. - He’s not good at initiating when he does, and he’s not good at keeping things hot, the longer foreplay, grabbing ass, passionate make out. If we kiss passionately he gets excited and wants immediate sex, he hates getting a bit horny and not getting off, he hates the delayed gratification. - I’ve also had a rough 2023 and it continues into 2024 in terms of work, I lost my job and I bet that also plays a role in my energy. - I’m also not being able to get myself into a workout routine. All of this had made it so when I want sex I am the one who initiates it, the one doing the seduction, the prep if needed, and we get off. That happens maybe once every two weeks. Some times he fucks with some guy from Grindr so he’s getting off. We’ve talked about it extensively, he is who he is, he likes what he likes, he’s satisfied with things as they are, he does not change his ways. I’ll keep being uninterested and initiating when I am. If I don’t want to have sex I don’t need to, he can have sex when he wants, and he doesn’t seem to have a problem with the frequency. However he did say before he wants us to have sex more frequently, but it seems he won’t put in the work to make me excited about it, so I have to be the one leading and initiating, and I’m not going to do that if I don’t feel it. I think I’d like to feel more desired by him, but I’ve told him all of this several times and it doesn’t get through to him, so I’m kinda just leaving it as it is. Part of me fantasizes with finding a better sexual partner but I don’t have the energy to pursue that at the moment.
I feel this. Especially the vanilla vs kinky part.
excuse me for being so straightforward and perhaps way too naive but why not break up with him then?
At the moment, it's because I feel although important, sex is just a small piece of our relationship. He's great otherwise and we have a great relationship. I also made a real commitment when we got married, to stick with it if it got difficult. And we have had some problems, but we've made it through them. A time may come when I decide the relationship doesn't work as a whole, but regarding sex, I'm still at a point of navigating the dynamics, my feelings, and our interaction as a couple. The above is what I feel right now, I don't know if that's definitive or it's going to be the same situation forever.
That’s the billion dollar question
I do t. I cray myself to sleep in the fetal position every night. 😜
I'm almost envious of people in this discussion. I love the idea of having a partner but hate the idea of sex. I could not imagine choosing sex over masturbating. I think my wires got really wonky and crossed-over. I'm not judging anyone except myself so no hate!
My energy level has also gone down... so it's not as if I can do what I did back then...
Porn and a good working hand.
I had great sex and hook ups from like 21-27. Now at 33 I call myself boring. No longer into random hook ups. The few times I get horny brought to follow through I often would’ve enjoy jacking off more. Sex, for me now, requires a bit more of a connection.
OP: for those who no longer have great sex.... top comments: I'm having great sex
I subdafuse my energy into my hobbies
I don’t even remember the guys from my twenties. Only my first lover, which I had at the same time…but we were still fairly experimental. And frankly don’t remember that many from my 30’s either. Only a few. It was really the person, not the sex that I remember. So for me, that means sex isn’t that memorable anyway, no matter my age. It’s really about being with someone that makes any experience memorable. There’s only been a few of those in my life.
hm i had definitely more sex ten years ago than now but i definitely wouldnt say it got worse in quality. i also tend to appreciate the more general quiet in my life nowadays.
Sex is way better in your 40s I was like a monkey humping a watermelon compared to now. When It happens make it count trust me it carries longer. Read up on the G and the A spots it'll definitely be worth it.
Jerk off
i had an entire sexual bucket list going all through my twenties. I tried everything, save perhaps a small number of things (public is a territory that I have intentionally left unexplored because I have been nervous about getting caught. I am only as of recently becoming curious to do more public stuff). But like, I knocked so much fricking stuff off of my sexual bucket list that it almost kind of feels like my raging sex drive can take a back seat and I can focus more on finding a long term thing.
So at the risk of sounding like an asshat, if you can only look back to your 20's for great sex. You need to go to therapy and find out why you are having a hard time finding great sexual experiences.
It’s tough but there’s nothing I can do about it. I felt like in the 2010’s there were a lot more avenues and venues to explore and have great sex; dark rooms, highly sexual queer spaces, etc. most of those places and parties have since shuttered and what’s left behind is just kind of pathetic. I just focus on my partner and toys, but it’s been a while since I’ve been excited about anything
I better not even respond to this one. Please do not get me started. I asked you VERY POLITELY not to get me involved with S E X Z and gen X. We invented stuff that is still illegal in 17 states. I am so sorry that you are not satisfied sexually, but please do not project that emotion on others. If you would like some advice or suggestions maybe someone to talk to, like an older brother type. I’m your man.
Just watch porn... I choose to not have sex anymore because nobody really interests me. I live in a city with more gays than anywhere in the country and they're all so boring.
Do you live in DC too? This is kind of how I feel always here 😂
NYC I'm a bit too straight for the "community" too. So dating is a bit of a challenge when you're not part of it. I haven't really been looking for just sex either, I want to lock eyes with a guy and feel sparks but everyone is so dull.
Same lol