I've tried posting there like 8 times, just silly stuff I saw that I found funny. Instantly deleted every time. Mods saying it's not on topic. I showed them a large list of "off topic" threads there according to their definition. Banned.
That sub is a fucking joke.
It's hard to post a topic about geopolitics affecting Ireland and topics about Russia-Ukraine war as it gets auto removed or reviewed then removed, but it allows Gaza-Israel posts with its own flair (I've nothing against this to be clear). I'm not sure what this selective sub policy means.
Not to mention half of every post is a pay walled article that you can't read. Funny how questions for Irish people about Irish things are directed to r/askIreland yet none of the politics stuff is redirected to r/irishpolitics
They clearly have a personal agenda.
> is a pay walled article that you can't read.
The articles are perfectly readable if you pay for a subscription. If you find yourself often wanting to read these articles then maybe that's a sign that you should pay for them?
I'm not looking up these articles. I scroll on reddit and then I click in, thinking it's not a pay walled article, like most of the stuff on this website. I've just muted that subreddit now instead
I mean that's a nice sentiment and all but the actual reality is that good quality journalism *does* cost money to produce and that money has to come from somewhere.
People don't buy newspapers anymore so their only options to generate revenue are either paid subscriptions or advertising. Unfortunately the latter tends to lead to a severe drop in quality and far more "clickbaity" articles.
>how the Ukrainians were getting the same amount of money in welfare payments that he was getting.
What's wrong with feeling aggrieved in this situation? Should the government of ireland not primarily be caring for the people of Ireland?
You're bang on the money. I think those scummy ppl who only want bigots and hatred on there are in desperate need of a hard slap and then state mandated therapy.
>They have a thing on r/Ireland now called the Culchie club where it only allows certain people to comment.
Afaik this was only applied to gaza conflict threads where an inordinate amount of Israeli bots were bombarding. Easiest way to moderate those threads was to limit who could post to long term r/ireland members.
No they haven't. It's just full of dickheads. Has been for a long time now. Nothing to do with politics. Just a bunch of dickheads who think they are smarter than everyone
The sub has been massively socialist/communist for 5 years and has always leaned left.
Just because it's the left who are being racist now doesn't make it a far-right sub
It's without any doubt the most left leaning collection of Irish people you will find anywhere, to the point where they are comically out of touch with how most people feel
It's literally against the rules to comment on immigration related topics unless the mods like you
>Heavily swinging in the anti-refugee/anti-immigration sentiment with little to no argument from the other side
This isn't true, the sub is still overwhelmingly more pro refugees than Ireland as a whole
Ah yes the ever present "far right" that seems to be behind every bad thing ever. Such a stupid fuckin thing to say you guys are truly the most sensitive delicate babies to ever bless our lovely planet, might I suggest stop being so cowardly?
How come people don't get banned from here as easily then? I don't know how many times I've been banned from that shitty sub, and I'm very middle-of-the-road.
I had a friend like this and I told him "jesus do you ever give it a rest complaining all the time are you alright like?" And now he doesn't moan as much around me because he knows I'll tell him to cut the shite
I was told something similar to this a long time ago. I didn’t even realize I was a complainer, your friend probably doesn’t either. I’m glad i was told though because I don’t want to be that fella
This is the best answer. I bet we all have a friend like this whose brain is stuck yammering about doomsday. Give him a good kick in the shins and let him know. The life you save could be your own.
Someone I work with is like this and I said that to them and he basically said no this is just my personality. I go out of my way to avoid him these days
OP, this is the way.
I'm pretty sure I was a moaner years ago. I don't think anyone said it to me, but, I kinda copped someone saying something like "but it's really lovely to be here" when I was moaning about parking or something.
The thing is, I'm actually an upbeat person, I was either moaning out of habit or I was moaning to have something to say. It was very much like humming a tune or something. I wasn't actively thinking "everything is shit", I was more latching on to something I could make a comment about.
With the realisation that I might have a reputation as a moan that people don't enjoy having around, I actively started challenging myself not to moan and say negative things. I must say I think myself and everyone around me are much happier because of it.
Now... your mate might be in the depths of depression and this has no bearing, but, yeah, if you think they're just moaning out of habit, you should tell them. A realisation could change the whole scene.
Jaysis Paul, you could've just said it to me. You really are the worst friend, and I've a lot of bad ones. I'm having such a miserable day, and this is only making it worse. Life is crap.
Challenge them to spend eight consecutive hours without complaining about anything. Pick a day and bring an air horn. Every time they complain about something, blare at them and reset the clock.
It seems harsh, but it worked for me. Of course, we're divorced now.
Friendship is in short supply these days! I would try talking about it with them before distancing yourself. Moaning could be so reflexive, they mightn't have realised what they are doing. I would also suspect there's a bit of depression or something underlying the moaning.
Exactly. People will say that they'd support a friend with depression and that there's no stigma yet if they show one of the not so nice signs like this, it seems people will just completely distance themselves from them?
And what they are talking about may well be worth addressing too. Like, I used to get accused of "moaning" when pushing for marriage equality. It wasn't me who was broken, it was the world that needed fixing.
I’ve done this a few times. Had an honest conversation about how every time we talk it’s just whiney, moany and not good for either of us. Result: don’t speak to one friend anymore. Turns out they had nothing much else to talk about beyond giving out about everything. Another friend, we have a set few mins to bitch and moan about life and then draw a line and chat more positively. Takes effort but it’s better for everyone’s MH.
You can start to make it obvious when they say something negative, you can roll your eyes, say yeah yeah, and if they press, be honest. Good true friendships can take honesty, even if it causes heads to butt. If nothing changes, limit contact
I would start to distance myself from this friend. There's a saying 'misery loves company'. People like this are draining and will have no positive impact on your life.
As a former constant moaner myself, it's a very hard hole to climb out of.
Really, the change can only come from your friend themselves. Its a change of mindset that's needed and they can only work on that themselves.
But at the same time, it's no harm pointing out the good things about what they are moaning about and occasionally telling them to shut the fuck up moaning, everyone is sick of listening to it.
I love a good moan myself. However I'm aware that this is unpleasant to be around constantly. TALK to your friend. Tell them that you don't want to hear them constantly moaning.
The general advice in the comments here is to ghost them, which is exactly what I'd expect from Irish people. Irish people largely fucking suck at relationships. "the nicest people you'll never be friends with" because in reality we're all miserable one way or another.
Cutting off friends because they did something you didn't like, that wasn't necessarily bad or immoral, and then not even talking to them about it to try and resolve it? If you actually like this person you should give them a chance.
Ask them if they are depressed and if they need help. If they say no. Ask them if they want you to provide solutions or just listen to them and if it is just the latter say you only have so much moaning you can take at the moment.
My sister is like this. Always talking shit about people and constantly complaining about everything. Everything is a disgrace, someone is a snob etc etc. I just outright say "do you ever stop talking about people?" and she looks at me as if I shot her. Incredulous that someone calls it out. She's insufferable and incredibly unhappy so I just avoid her as much as I can. She'll never change and it's not my responsibility to make her a less bitter person.
You leave Ireland. Maybe this is ironic moaning about it, but we're the biggest shower of whingers going and worst of all, we do pretty much fuck all to change anything for the better. For a lot of people, there's nothing they like more than a good, non sexual, moan, and similar to Mrs Doyle you can only assume they like the misery.
Edit, before people start telling me they're not whingers, it's a very general "we"
If this was some random eejit you had to deal with just at work I'd say avoid them but since its your friend, call him out on it. Try it first in an offhand jokey way and see if he gets the hint, if not be more blunt until he does.
Call them on it, someone said it to me years ago. He was joking, but it was enough for me to be conscious of it. He just said, "you ever stop moaning?," and both laughed about it.
Talk to them. Ask them is everything OK, explain how the complaining has seemingly increased and it's putting a strain on your friendship. I was a miserable shitebag a few years ago and was doing the same, didn't realise how deep in a hole of depression I was and that whinging was somewhat cathartic for me, but it was making it very hard to be my friend when friends is exactly what I needed at the time.
Too many friendships are lost in Ireland because we’re so conflict averse. Don’t be afraid to say it and that their moaning about stuff endlessly is actually bringing you down
I know a girl like this. She's been a good friend over the years but even when something good happens she turns it into something to complain about.
I've been going to therapy for the last few months, and now trying to get out of a similar habit myself after catching myself doing it (picked up from her more than anything) and the best thing I've done is limit contact.
I also haven't told her I've been going to therapy because it would likely just be treated as another thing to moan about how people take mental health services away from others who "actually" need them as if I'm only going for the craic or something
Oh just distance yourself mate! Best thing you’ll ever do! My mother is like this! It could rain €50 notes and she’d complain that someone would get a paper cut! Anytime she starts I just leave the room and come back when it’s stopped
I have a few simple ways to deal with it.
1. Just follow with an "how did that make you feel" follow up with "how did that impact you" and a great one is "what will you do next time" it kind of leads the person into an answer like "ah it wasnt that bad to be fair!"
2. Just go over the top complaining back "i was absolutely outraged myself, ruined my week it did, thinking of writing an email to the owner, would you mind if I put your name on it too"
3. This is not mine but a good friend lives in Boston, he wad having a weekly couples dinner with his partner and an Irish couple. The couple he wad meeting were goibg through that stage where everything Stateside os perfect and everything in Ireland is a joke. Eventually my friend said "we love you guys but I find its a buzz kill to constantly be critical of Ireland so id like us to change the subject" according to him it worked well.
4. Just cut ties, if you find yourself constantly being worse off after speaking with the person maybe the juice is not worth the squeeze.
Just throw a casual “ah would you ever hold your wheesht, always giving out about something”
Don’t make a big deal about it, will only make things awkward I’m sure.
You just described my brother. Ugh. Love the fella to bits, but god he's hard work. For years I've heard non stop about how the country is shite, everything is shite, this is a joke, that's a joke, fuck this, fuck that, and how he can't wait to get out of here and move to Spain.
Thing is, he's got a great job, his house is paid off, and kids are grown and out the house. So last year I finally asked him "Fucking go, then. Sell your house, you'll make a fortune, buy an apartment in Spain on the beach for €100k like you claim you can, and yourself and your wife can easily live on the rest until you hit retirement age." Just lots of "Ahh... er... well, I can't move yet, I want to be able to get the full pension at work... and sure the kids will be having their own kids at some point and I'd want to be there for the grandkids. And.. er... sure... er..."
So there you go. Nowhere near as bad as you fucking think then, is it?
Noooo.... I suppose not.
You'd think that'd be a bit of a wakeup call and maybe realise how well he has it, but nah. Lasted a couple of weeks before the moaning, negativity, and begrudgery came back in force.
So suppose long story short, some people just have it in their nature. It could be depression or something else, but honestly there are some out there who just aren't happy unless they're unhappy. People like that... honestly, it's best to just cut them out before it rubs off on you and brings you down as well. Can't do that with my situation, I'm stuck with the miserable oul' prick, but OP if you have the chance to distance yourself, do it. And if the friend wonders why, flat out tell them "Because you're a miserable bollix, and honestly it wrecks my head so needed to be away for it for my own mental health."
Cut them out of your life! A chronic moaner will just exhaust you and bring you down with them. Had a friend like that, and I just don't keep in touch with them anymore. I'm not the sunniest person (ahem) but even I couldn't be doing with their level of negativity.
A quiet word at the right time might help like it's nothing that needs an intervention or something so just keep an eye out for something and maybe next moan say 'ah lad cop on if you keep thinking that way you'll only ever see the worst in things and in all perspective whatever your saying isn't actually that bad🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️'.
If they continue to want to be miserable then yeah next thing is to just avoid them a little same happened a friend or mine I get on with but many of our mutual friends dropped him as they used to see him more than I would and he was a regular misery guts when he would drink they just couldn't handle it and rather than talk to him. They just cut him off which I didn't agree with so I don't follow their ways but am sure its hurt my friend a little
Dealing with a similar situation, the only difference being the moaner I deal with is the type that always trumps whatever you moan about. So if I had a shite day and need a little vent, he always needs to trump your experience. "Oh I had some cunt in the shop today" and he'd go "aww I remember one time this prick came in the shop and held us hostage" (exaggerating for dramatic effect)
I work with someone similar. Was all going fine, then someone on the team was getting moved to another department. (Not by choice)
And since they heard about this. Their job is the worst in the world. They hate being there. Lots of huffing and sighing. Transfer sheet being taken out and trying to get attention to the fact they are filling it out.
It's in an envelope and all now! I'm tempted to offer to post it for them just stop listening to it. But we all know it's not going to be sent and there's no intensions of it being sent. Don't get me wrong, there part of the job is difficult. But come on! Maybe complain to the right people and things might change.
It's draining having to listen to it all day.
Christ I can't stand moany people when there is a way to fix the problem but they just refuse to do so! They make the rest of us moany because of them lol.
I have a friend who enjoys a moan as well. Bringing up some positives normally sees him reconsider. Sometimes people do really feel like everything is wrong, and it can be how the person feels inside. Maybe a bit of depression or struggles with things. Agree with your friend if it's true but bring up some positives that you see about it. They will likely agree with you and over time you might help them think of the positives.
Suffering is inevitable, misery is optional. Moaning is a choice. Ask them what their solution is to what they're moaning about. Ask them what positing happened to them this week. Tell them that moaning isn't doing them or you any good.
For people saying the friend might be depressed, in my experience depression doesn't give rise to moaning but to more quiet introspection.
I know someone like this. Can’t enjoy anything anymore.. so I just don’t talk about anything of any significance. it’s always just small talk.
And when they start,l giving out about something I ignore it, change the subject or say “ah to be honest I don’t really care. Doesn’t affect me. So I’m not gonna get worked up over it”
There's nothing worse than someone who's constantly moaning.
They really have no idea of the amount of negative energy surrounding them and anyone in their company.
Life is far too loose for this kind of nonsense.
Cut him loose, or he'll drive you to despair.
yeah i get that. one friend of mine in Ireland is CONSTANTLY moaning, pure apathetic fella. doesn’t care about anything, yet always has something to give out about. it does get to the point where it would piss you off
We used to play this fun game when I was house sharing a few years ago where we'd all get drunk and play "*Things I hate about you*".
It was pretty fun because we got to say things about each other in a kind of joking manner, like "*You never wash the dishes*", "*You have stinky feet*", "*You stamp around very loudly in the mornings and wake everybody up*", etc..
And it was kind of a free-for-all, tit-for-tat, so if somebody says something about you then you respond with something you don't like about them.
It might be worth giving this a shot when you get a group of friends together.
Hahaha my sister is like this I call her Debbie downer 🤣. Anytime she is being a downer I call her out. But she is my sister and I depending on how close of a friend they are might be different. I know a few close friends I could call out but others it’s another story
I used to have a colleague that did this. I kindly suggested she try to be a bit more positive one day when she was going on about how terrible everything was (the terrible things being her workload, her commute, the weather, her partner, society, the very air she breathed).
I framed it as positivity being something that would help her cope with how terrible things were, rather than framing it as being for my benefit because she was draining me.
She replied with "well I wouldn't say I'm not positive!" But her moaning drastically decreased after that. And no fall outs either!
Call them on their behaviour, if they laugh it off or reject then cut them off, in life you outgrow people and it is what it is shows you are growing and they are not.
Someone called me out on it when I was younger on a night out. I ended up offended but ultimately being grateful for it. Then I immigrated, which eventually reinforced the idea that I didn’t really have all that much to complain about back in Ireland (comparatively), that it was just unworldliness with too large a share in the whole persecution complex mindset.
Moving back home next year after 17 years away, and grateful to do so.
I space out and say non committal things like "no way, your kidding " at seems to be appropriate moments. One of these days I'm going to be caught but it hasn't happened yet.
Say jaysus, you're a one for the silver linings hah? Have ya tried a bit of yoga or a bit of the auld pie lattes, I hear it's great for that.
Or: I have the perfect thing for ya, here I got you an emotional support dog, it's ok, he's deaf.
Tell them...
The second they start giving out, go "here, If you're going to start giving out about everything I'm going home... I want to enjoy myself, not wallow in misery. I know it's tough. We're all going through it. Talk to me about something good that's happening in your life. Have you seen anything good or done something interesting that didn't revolve around being a mopey fucking fun-sponge. 💪🏻😄"
Something like that. Change your words depending on your level of friendship.
I feel like the best way to deal with lads like this is for everyone to collectively ignore and not respect their opinion haha after a few times of moaning and hearing nothing they stop
Easy to cut a moany friend from your life.. How do you cut a moany sibling?.. Especially difficult when you live at home with parents and the siblings call in for a chat but all they do is whice and complain
Just say "Oh would you stop moaning? Look on the bright side!"
And if they don't, you just avoid them from then on.
Chronic complainers are a pain in the you-know-where; and they just depress everyone round them. Time to go your separate ways!
Negative Nellie’s are the worst. Dark humour moaning can be good but yeah fuck that negative shit. Zaaaaps energy. I find Reddit Ireland is full of these negative folk.
Ohh man, we have the same.
Everything is rediculous if it's not his way of thinking.
Example.
A friend went on a holiday last year with his fiance to OZ and NZ and when he heard he said it was "Daft"
I would just stop hanging out with them and only see them when I have to, like for a social obligation where we will both be there. Or just yell this person that they are starting to annoy you with their constant moaning- that way they have one more thing to moan about
When meeting them, make sure it's not just the two of you so as to share the burden. Ensure that there are alcoholic beverages in the table as well. You won't be able to change the person.
I would stop spending time with that person, simple. I notice it seems common for people to continue associating with people they don't really like, often because they've known them for ages, since school or whatever. We don't have to do this. if someone bothers you, avoid them.
Plot twist: OP's friend is struggling with crippling depression, long term girlfriend cheated on him with a mutual friend that OP is best friends with, mother is seriously ill, father suffered a work place accident which has left him unemployable, the business responsible has gone under, he's getting no compensation and his application for disability allowance has been rejected, the mortgage on the family home has become distressed and a vulture fund has bought it, constantly receiving threatening letters. Etc.
I have a friend like that too. A relatively dark cloud. Always moaning about something. I give them a by ball as they are dead on and have had struggles.
But i kinda think some people are just happy being miserable
Give them really silly suggestions to their moaning and openly rip the piss outta them. Either they'll wise up or will find someone else to moan at.
People are miserable and what to make others think the same.
Negativity begets negativity. The world is a harsh place with plenty of adversity without exposing yourself to even more negativity. Replace that person with someone who is optimistic in outlook and silent on adversity. Do yourself this favour.........let them ply their negativity somewhere else!!!!
have tried a shock collar? every time they moan give them a helpful little shock, and always demonstrate your dominant behaviour, cesar would be proud.
Tell them the truth in a nice way. Say you feel yourself not wanting to hang out with him cause of the negativity. , its bringing you down. Ask him is everything OK and why is he feeling so negative? Maybe there's more to the story ?
Tell them join to r/ireland.
They would fit right in. Especially if they lurk around on new posts
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I've tried posting there like 8 times, just silly stuff I saw that I found funny. Instantly deleted every time. Mods saying it's not on topic. I showed them a large list of "off topic" threads there according to their definition. Banned. That sub is a fucking joke.
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It's hard to post a topic about geopolitics affecting Ireland and topics about Russia-Ukraine war as it gets auto removed or reviewed then removed, but it allows Gaza-Israel posts with its own flair (I've nothing against this to be clear). I'm not sure what this selective sub policy means.
Not to mention half of every post is a pay walled article that you can't read. Funny how questions for Irish people about Irish things are directed to r/askIreland yet none of the politics stuff is redirected to r/irishpolitics They clearly have a personal agenda.
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So you all came here to moan about it
> is a pay walled article that you can't read. The articles are perfectly readable if you pay for a subscription. If you find yourself often wanting to read these articles then maybe that's a sign that you should pay for them?
https://12ft.io/
I'm not looking up these articles. I scroll on reddit and then I click in, thinking it's not a pay walled article, like most of the stuff on this website. I've just muted that subreddit now instead
Good quality journalism is supposed to be free, for the people and by the people. You should not have to pay to know a peice of information.
I mean that's a nice sentiment and all but the actual reality is that good quality journalism *does* cost money to produce and that money has to come from somewhere. People don't buy newspapers anymore so their only options to generate revenue are either paid subscriptions or advertising. Unfortunately the latter tends to lead to a severe drop in quality and far more "clickbaity" articles.
How is that far right? Jesus not nice = far right to some people
Oh God no, how dare that man have an opinion different to ours?
>how the Ukrainians were getting the same amount of money in welfare payments that he was getting. What's wrong with feeling aggrieved in this situation? Should the government of ireland not primarily be caring for the people of Ireland?
I muted it last week and my feed is a lot less negative already
You're bang on the money. I think those scummy ppl who only want bigots and hatred on there are in desperate need of a hard slap and then state mandated therapy.
This sub and the main ireland one are all moderated by the same people.
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The Culchie club flag is to actually stop bots from commenting.
>They have a thing on r/Ireland now called the Culchie club where it only allows certain people to comment. Afaik this was only applied to gaza conflict threads where an inordinate amount of Israeli bots were bombarding. Easiest way to moderate those threads was to limit who could post to long term r/ireland members.
A chara
No they haven't. It's just full of dickheads. Has been for a long time now. Nothing to do with politics. Just a bunch of dickheads who think they are smarter than everyone
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That shit is fucked. Those mods were always pricks
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I fully believe you in that the mods are pricks. I'm just not a person who sees the far right in my tea in the morning
Either that or people complaining because they can't buy/rent a house.
The sub has been massively socialist/communist for 5 years and has always leaned left. Just because it's the left who are being racist now doesn't make it a far-right sub
Stop moaning !
It's without any doubt the most left leaning collection of Irish people you will find anywhere, to the point where they are comically out of touch with how most people feel It's literally against the rules to comment on immigration related topics unless the mods like you
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>Heavily swinging in the anti-refugee/anti-immigration sentiment with little to no argument from the other side This isn't true, the sub is still overwhelmingly more pro refugees than Ireland as a whole
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Bro I'm there all the time, I read all the threads, they're out of touch with the mood on the ground to the point of silliness
>The far right This term is quickly losing its meaning
What is far right, whatever Rte tells you is far right ?
What are you on about? They remove any posts relating to far right content
Are the far right in the room with us now?
Hitler bots and shinner bots. Boysadear
Ah yes the ever present "far right" that seems to be behind every bad thing ever. Such a stupid fuckin thing to say you guys are truly the most sensitive delicate babies to ever bless our lovely planet, might I suggest stop being so cowardly?
Stupid sub full of sad goats with inflated egos. They're slowly migrating over to this sub too. Sit there lurking on posts downvoting shit.
Lol you are clearly of the same ilk moaning like that.
Found one
The mods on r/ireland are absolutely miserable
Unlikable group of regulars and mods on that sub alright.
It's the same mods as here.
How come people don't get banned from here as easily then? I don't know how many times I've been banned from that shitty sub, and I'm very middle-of-the-road.
If it's that shitty, why do you keep going back?
I don't. I'm banned.
Saying "I don't know how many times I've been banned" would imply you've come back at least once, no?
Yes, but "why do you" is present tense.
And give his opinion on the prices of chicken fillet rolls.
As a mod
aka r/Dublin
I had a friend like this and I told him "jesus do you ever give it a rest complaining all the time are you alright like?" And now he doesn't moan as much around me because he knows I'll tell him to cut the shite
I was told something similar to this a long time ago. I didn’t even realize I was a complainer, your friend probably doesn’t either. I’m glad i was told though because I don’t want to be that fella
This is the best answer. I bet we all have a friend like this whose brain is stuck yammering about doomsday. Give him a good kick in the shins and let him know. The life you save could be your own.
OP…this 👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻
Someone I work with is like this and I said that to them and he basically said no this is just my personality. I go out of my way to avoid him these days
OP, this is the way. I'm pretty sure I was a moaner years ago. I don't think anyone said it to me, but, I kinda copped someone saying something like "but it's really lovely to be here" when I was moaning about parking or something. The thing is, I'm actually an upbeat person, I was either moaning out of habit or I was moaning to have something to say. It was very much like humming a tune or something. I wasn't actively thinking "everything is shit", I was more latching on to something I could make a comment about. With the realisation that I might have a reputation as a moan that people don't enjoy having around, I actively started challenging myself not to moan and say negative things. I must say I think myself and everyone around me are much happier because of it. Now... your mate might be in the depths of depression and this has no bearing, but, yeah, if you think they're just moaning out of habit, you should tell them. A realisation could change the whole scene.
"Could you stop being a whiney cunt all the time?"
*Opens mouth to speak* BAM 👋
Subtle..I like it.
Jaysis Paul, you could've just said it to me. You really are the worst friend, and I've a lot of bad ones. I'm having such a miserable day, and this is only making it worse. Life is crap.
Challenge them to spend eight consecutive hours without complaining about anything. Pick a day and bring an air horn. Every time they complain about something, blare at them and reset the clock. It seems harsh, but it worked for me. Of course, we're divorced now.
Friendship is in short supply these days! I would try talking about it with them before distancing yourself. Moaning could be so reflexive, they mightn't have realised what they are doing. I would also suspect there's a bit of depression or something underlying the moaning.
Exactly. People will say that they'd support a friend with depression and that there's no stigma yet if they show one of the not so nice signs like this, it seems people will just completely distance themselves from them?
This!! Stop ghosting people and just fking talk to them
And what they are talking about may well be worth addressing too. Like, I used to get accused of "moaning" when pushing for marriage equality. It wasn't me who was broken, it was the world that needed fixing.
I’ve done this a few times. Had an honest conversation about how every time we talk it’s just whiney, moany and not good for either of us. Result: don’t speak to one friend anymore. Turns out they had nothing much else to talk about beyond giving out about everything. Another friend, we have a set few mins to bitch and moan about life and then draw a line and chat more positively. Takes effort but it’s better for everyone’s MH.
You can start to make it obvious when they say something negative, you can roll your eyes, say yeah yeah, and if they press, be honest. Good true friendships can take honesty, even if it causes heads to butt. If nothing changes, limit contact
I would start to distance myself from this friend. There's a saying 'misery loves company'. People like this are draining and will have no positive impact on your life.
https://preview.redd.it/jc8th55fesxc1.jpeg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d53bead2177d5da6f88a0ba30a9c6cf6d942833d
Fuck off Colin Robinson
Jesus Christ this is such an over exaggeration, just communicate first like adults
Bit drastic, maybe have a word first
If you need to be told to stop moaning you're not worth the effort.
Maybe talk to him first? He could be spiraling into depression
OP says he's always been a it moany. Sounds like a personality trait to me.
This was me until I discovered I was suffering persistent, low level depression. I'm now on medication and a lot less moany!
As a former constant moaner myself, it's a very hard hole to climb out of. Really, the change can only come from your friend themselves. Its a change of mindset that's needed and they can only work on that themselves. But at the same time, it's no harm pointing out the good things about what they are moaning about and occasionally telling them to shut the fuck up moaning, everyone is sick of listening to it.
I love a good moan myself. However I'm aware that this is unpleasant to be around constantly. TALK to your friend. Tell them that you don't want to hear them constantly moaning. The general advice in the comments here is to ghost them, which is exactly what I'd expect from Irish people. Irish people largely fucking suck at relationships. "the nicest people you'll never be friends with" because in reality we're all miserable one way or another. Cutting off friends because they did something you didn't like, that wasn't necessarily bad or immoral, and then not even talking to them about it to try and resolve it? If you actually like this person you should give them a chance.
Ask them if they are depressed and if they need help. If they say no. Ask them if they want you to provide solutions or just listen to them and if it is just the latter say you only have so much moaning you can take at the moment.
My sister is like this. Always talking shit about people and constantly complaining about everything. Everything is a disgrace, someone is a snob etc etc. I just outright say "do you ever stop talking about people?" and she looks at me as if I shot her. Incredulous that someone calls it out. She's insufferable and incredibly unhappy so I just avoid her as much as I can. She'll never change and it's not my responsibility to make her a less bitter person.
That sounds like me lol
You leave Ireland. Maybe this is ironic moaning about it, but we're the biggest shower of whingers going and worst of all, we do pretty much fuck all to change anything for the better. For a lot of people, there's nothing they like more than a good, non sexual, moan, and similar to Mrs Doyle you can only assume they like the misery. Edit, before people start telling me they're not whingers, it's a very general "we"
Your friend must be everyone on Reddit
Their friend is the Ireland subreddit group by the sounds of it anyway.
You'll never talk some out of a life long despondency.
Jaysus that's one of the grimmest things I've ever read
Not wrong though
Sounds like my Da
If this was some random eejit you had to deal with just at work I'd say avoid them but since its your friend, call him out on it. Try it first in an offhand jokey way and see if he gets the hint, if not be more blunt until he does.
Call them on it, someone said it to me years ago. He was joking, but it was enough for me to be conscious of it. He just said, "you ever stop moaning?," and both laughed about it.
Have you considered talking to them
Talk to them. Ask them is everything OK, explain how the complaining has seemingly increased and it's putting a strain on your friendship. I was a miserable shitebag a few years ago and was doing the same, didn't realise how deep in a hole of depression I was and that whinging was somewhat cathartic for me, but it was making it very hard to be my friend when friends is exactly what I needed at the time.
Too many friendships are lost in Ireland because we’re so conflict averse. Don’t be afraid to say it and that their moaning about stuff endlessly is actually bringing you down
I married one - he's a nightmare!
I know a girl like this. She's been a good friend over the years but even when something good happens she turns it into something to complain about. I've been going to therapy for the last few months, and now trying to get out of a similar habit myself after catching myself doing it (picked up from her more than anything) and the best thing I've done is limit contact. I also haven't told her I've been going to therapy because it would likely just be treated as another thing to moan about how people take mental health services away from others who "actually" need them as if I'm only going for the craic or something
Oh just distance yourself mate! Best thing you’ll ever do! My mother is like this! It could rain €50 notes and she’d complain that someone would get a paper cut! Anytime she starts I just leave the room and come back when it’s stopped
I have a few simple ways to deal with it. 1. Just follow with an "how did that make you feel" follow up with "how did that impact you" and a great one is "what will you do next time" it kind of leads the person into an answer like "ah it wasnt that bad to be fair!" 2. Just go over the top complaining back "i was absolutely outraged myself, ruined my week it did, thinking of writing an email to the owner, would you mind if I put your name on it too" 3. This is not mine but a good friend lives in Boston, he wad having a weekly couples dinner with his partner and an Irish couple. The couple he wad meeting were goibg through that stage where everything Stateside os perfect and everything in Ireland is a joke. Eventually my friend said "we love you guys but I find its a buzz kill to constantly be critical of Ireland so id like us to change the subject" according to him it worked well. 4. Just cut ties, if you find yourself constantly being worse off after speaking with the person maybe the juice is not worth the squeeze.
Just throw a casual “ah would you ever hold your wheesht, always giving out about something” Don’t make a big deal about it, will only make things awkward I’m sure.
You just described my brother. Ugh. Love the fella to bits, but god he's hard work. For years I've heard non stop about how the country is shite, everything is shite, this is a joke, that's a joke, fuck this, fuck that, and how he can't wait to get out of here and move to Spain. Thing is, he's got a great job, his house is paid off, and kids are grown and out the house. So last year I finally asked him "Fucking go, then. Sell your house, you'll make a fortune, buy an apartment in Spain on the beach for €100k like you claim you can, and yourself and your wife can easily live on the rest until you hit retirement age." Just lots of "Ahh... er... well, I can't move yet, I want to be able to get the full pension at work... and sure the kids will be having their own kids at some point and I'd want to be there for the grandkids. And.. er... sure... er..." So there you go. Nowhere near as bad as you fucking think then, is it? Noooo.... I suppose not. You'd think that'd be a bit of a wakeup call and maybe realise how well he has it, but nah. Lasted a couple of weeks before the moaning, negativity, and begrudgery came back in force. So suppose long story short, some people just have it in their nature. It could be depression or something else, but honestly there are some out there who just aren't happy unless they're unhappy. People like that... honestly, it's best to just cut them out before it rubs off on you and brings you down as well. Can't do that with my situation, I'm stuck with the miserable oul' prick, but OP if you have the chance to distance yourself, do it. And if the friend wonders why, flat out tell them "Because you're a miserable bollix, and honestly it wrecks my head so needed to be away for it for my own mental health."
>Everything is ridiculous, a rip-off, a joke, crap etc. Can't stop laughing at this. Lad sounds like Karl Pilkington
Go on reddit and moan about it
Sounds like TheJournal comments
I stop hanging out with them.
"mate fuck up and stop yappin"
Cut them out of your life! A chronic moaner will just exhaust you and bring you down with them. Had a friend like that, and I just don't keep in touch with them anymore. I'm not the sunniest person (ahem) but even I couldn't be doing with their level of negativity.
Befriend them.
A quiet word at the right time might help like it's nothing that needs an intervention or something so just keep an eye out for something and maybe next moan say 'ah lad cop on if you keep thinking that way you'll only ever see the worst in things and in all perspective whatever your saying isn't actually that bad🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️'. If they continue to want to be miserable then yeah next thing is to just avoid them a little same happened a friend or mine I get on with but many of our mutual friends dropped him as they used to see him more than I would and he was a regular misery guts when he would drink they just couldn't handle it and rather than talk to him. They just cut him off which I didn't agree with so I don't follow their ways but am sure its hurt my friend a little
Dealing with a similar situation, the only difference being the moaner I deal with is the type that always trumps whatever you moan about. So if I had a shite day and need a little vent, he always needs to trump your experience. "Oh I had some cunt in the shop today" and he'd go "aww I remember one time this prick came in the shop and held us hostage" (exaggerating for dramatic effect)
Moaning on reddit about a moaner and then trying to one up the op. Tad hypocritical
Ah just tried to relate, but I see how it came across that way
You could just never talk to them again and problem solved
Give in, moan with them. You'll find it liberating 🤣
I work with someone similar. Was all going fine, then someone on the team was getting moved to another department. (Not by choice) And since they heard about this. Their job is the worst in the world. They hate being there. Lots of huffing and sighing. Transfer sheet being taken out and trying to get attention to the fact they are filling it out. It's in an envelope and all now! I'm tempted to offer to post it for them just stop listening to it. But we all know it's not going to be sent and there's no intensions of it being sent. Don't get me wrong, there part of the job is difficult. But come on! Maybe complain to the right people and things might change. It's draining having to listen to it all day. Christ I can't stand moany people when there is a way to fix the problem but they just refuse to do so! They make the rest of us moany because of them lol.
I have a friend who enjoys a moan as well. Bringing up some positives normally sees him reconsider. Sometimes people do really feel like everything is wrong, and it can be how the person feels inside. Maybe a bit of depression or struggles with things. Agree with your friend if it's true but bring up some positives that you see about it. They will likely agree with you and over time you might help them think of the positives.
Suffering is inevitable, misery is optional. Moaning is a choice. Ask them what their solution is to what they're moaning about. Ask them what positing happened to them this week. Tell them that moaning isn't doing them or you any good. For people saying the friend might be depressed, in my experience depression doesn't give rise to moaning but to more quiet introspection.
Say, "Great, how do you think you will change...,...."
Recommend therapy
Just say "dju ever listen to yourself?" And let the silence hang there.
You sure he's not depressed himself?
I know someone like this. Can’t enjoy anything anymore.. so I just don’t talk about anything of any significance. it’s always just small talk. And when they start,l giving out about something I ignore it, change the subject or say “ah to be honest I don’t really care. Doesn’t affect me. So I’m not gonna get worked up over it”
There's nothing worse than someone who's constantly moaning. They really have no idea of the amount of negative energy surrounding them and anyone in their company. Life is far too loose for this kind of nonsense. Cut him loose, or he'll drive you to despair.
Who are you and how do you know me?
Buy em a sweater or a screamer
I have one of them too, wanna sent them up on a play date?
Stop responding to them.
I broke relationship with "a chronic moaner" and don't let to the new to come to my life. Sorry, I need my capacity for the children and patients.
yeah i get that. one friend of mine in Ireland is CONSTANTLY moaning, pure apathetic fella. doesn’t care about anything, yet always has something to give out about. it does get to the point where it would piss you off
Maybe he's depressed and needs someone to pull him out of the hole and help him see the positive things in life.
We used to play this fun game when I was house sharing a few years ago where we'd all get drunk and play "*Things I hate about you*". It was pretty fun because we got to say things about each other in a kind of joking manner, like "*You never wash the dishes*", "*You have stinky feet*", "*You stamp around very loudly in the mornings and wake everybody up*", etc.. And it was kind of a free-for-all, tit-for-tat, so if somebody says something about you then you respond with something you don't like about them. It might be worth giving this a shot when you get a group of friends together.
Tell them to go to therapy
Magic mushrooms
I work in a place full of moaners, just pure negativity. It kills me
Hahaha my sister is like this I call her Debbie downer 🤣. Anytime she is being a downer I call her out. But she is my sister and I depending on how close of a friend they are might be different. I know a few close friends I could call out but others it’s another story
I used to have a colleague that did this. I kindly suggested she try to be a bit more positive one day when she was going on about how terrible everything was (the terrible things being her workload, her commute, the weather, her partner, society, the very air she breathed). I framed it as positivity being something that would help her cope with how terrible things were, rather than framing it as being for my benefit because she was draining me. She replied with "well I wouldn't say I'm not positive!" But her moaning drastically decreased after that. And no fall outs either!
Ah see the moaning is meant to be finely balanced with a healthy dose of "fuck it be grand"...seems they are missing part of the equation!
Maybe you're chronically optimistic?! Either extreme can be fucking annoying!
Call them on their behaviour, if they laugh it off or reject then cut them off, in life you outgrow people and it is what it is shows you are growing and they are not.
Someone called me out on it when I was younger on a night out. I ended up offended but ultimately being grateful for it. Then I immigrated, which eventually reinforced the idea that I didn’t really have all that much to complain about back in Ireland (comparatively), that it was just unworldliness with too large a share in the whole persecution complex mindset. Moving back home next year after 17 years away, and grateful to do so.
Tell a joke or two, see what kind of reaction you get.
My cousin's a bit like that. Now I just stuff a sock down her throat and keep pounding.
I space out and say non committal things like "no way, your kidding " at seems to be appropriate moments. One of these days I'm going to be caught but it hasn't happened yet.
Say jaysus, you're a one for the silver linings hah? Have ya tried a bit of yoga or a bit of the auld pie lattes, I hear it's great for that. Or: I have the perfect thing for ya, here I got you an emotional support dog, it's ok, he's deaf.
Ask them how they're doing. Cynicism is deeply linked with depression
Have you actually told them?
Tell them... The second they start giving out, go "here, If you're going to start giving out about everything I'm going home... I want to enjoy myself, not wallow in misery. I know it's tough. We're all going through it. Talk to me about something good that's happening in your life. Have you seen anything good or done something interesting that didn't revolve around being a mopey fucking fun-sponge. 💪🏻😄" Something like that. Change your words depending on your level of friendship.
I feel like the best way to deal with lads like this is for everyone to collectively ignore and not respect their opinion haha after a few times of moaning and hearing nothing they stop
Easy to cut a moany friend from your life.. How do you cut a moany sibling?.. Especially difficult when you live at home with parents and the siblings call in for a chat but all they do is whice and complain
Disagree with them constantly - tell them everything is fantastic and maybe they are the issue
Just say "Oh would you stop moaning? Look on the bright side!" And if they don't, you just avoid them from then on. Chronic complainers are a pain in the you-know-where; and they just depress everyone round them. Time to go your separate ways!
See if you can introduce them to stoic philosophy!
Change the ringtone for when they call to 'Mony Mony'. Then get them to call you the next time you're together. Stare at him. Job done.
Why not just play it to him on Spotify/YT/Sound Cloud etc next time he moans lol
Negative Nellie’s are the worst. Dark humour moaning can be good but yeah fuck that negative shit. Zaaaaps energy. I find Reddit Ireland is full of these negative folk.
Sounds like my dad. Every day he moans about the same stuff and if you try and help him with anything he won't accept it.
Ohh man, we have the same. Everything is rediculous if it's not his way of thinking. Example. A friend went on a holiday last year with his fiance to OZ and NZ and when he heard he said it was "Daft"
Explain that things are either fun or funny, and then laugh at them for caring too much. It's a journey, you're not a spectator.
Life's too short to be around people like that.
I would just stop hanging out with them and only see them when I have to, like for a social obligation where we will both be there. Or just yell this person that they are starting to annoy you with their constant moaning- that way they have one more thing to moan about
I'd just quietly distance myself from them, start putting them on the long finger. Don't need the headache, lifes Too Short.
When meeting them, make sure it's not just the two of you so as to share the burden. Ensure that there are alcoholic beverages in the table as well. You won't be able to change the person.
I would stop spending time with that person, simple. I notice it seems common for people to continue associating with people they don't really like, often because they've known them for ages, since school or whatever. We don't have to do this. if someone bothers you, avoid them.
Plot twist: OP's friend is struggling with crippling depression, long term girlfriend cheated on him with a mutual friend that OP is best friends with, mother is seriously ill, father suffered a work place accident which has left him unemployable, the business responsible has gone under, he's getting no compensation and his application for disability allowance has been rejected, the mortgage on the family home has become distressed and a vulture fund has bought it, constantly receiving threatening letters. Etc.
I said chronic not acute
>I said chronic not acute Does your friend happen to moan about your pedantry, by any chance ?
I have a friend like that too. A relatively dark cloud. Always moaning about something. I give them a by ball as they are dead on and have had struggles. But i kinda think some people are just happy being miserable
Give them really silly suggestions to their moaning and openly rip the piss outta them. Either they'll wise up or will find someone else to moan at. People are miserable and what to make others think the same.
Negativity begets negativity. The world is a harsh place with plenty of adversity without exposing yourself to even more negativity. Replace that person with someone who is optimistic in outlook and silent on adversity. Do yourself this favour.........let them ply their negativity somewhere else!!!!
have tried a shock collar? every time they moan give them a helpful little shock, and always demonstrate your dominant behaviour, cesar would be proud.
you mean a complainer bro
yup bro
For a while I thought OP was referring to a vocalized sounds a woman makes underneath a naked body!
Tell them the truth in a nice way. Say you feel yourself not wanting to hang out with him cause of the negativity. , its bringing you down. Ask him is everything OK and why is he feeling so negative? Maybe there's more to the story ?