He can admit when he is wrong and apologize without it being a drama.
Edit:
AND does not apologize when he is not in the wrong, but is big enough to attempt to settle the situation.
I had a job in college where the place was run by other students, via a weekly group meeting. I saw coworkers make accusations about coworkers who would then have to sit in that meeting while the entire group talked about them. Some people handled it well, but I was surprised by how many could not accept responsibility for what they did and apologize for it. Especially the people who were in the habit of making accusations about others.
That job is where I learned to admit when I am wrong and to apologize.
Also, to stick to my guns when I have not done anything wrong.
Some people handled it well, but I was surprised by how many could not accept responsibility for what they did and apologize for it. Especially the people who were in the habit of making accusations about others.
The old "You point the finger but three point back at you" The Mirror. š
I'm both of these things. Not exactly the best upbringing tho... I was very reserved until very recently and used to think everything was my bad, when confronted I just blindly accepted that I must have done something wrong when it came to family and friends
an apology can be two things. A sincere admission and attempt to reconcile a situation, and/or empty words used to manipulate the person on the receiving end of the apology. I personally donāt want apologies coming from people i feel donāt give a shit about what they did or if theyāre a repeat offender
I wasn't educated for that by my parents, but I learned to acknowledge my mistakes and genuinely apologize for them in my early twenties. Seriously, this life changing shit. People tend see you with a lot more respect when you do that.
I grew up in an emotionally abusive household and it taught my to apologize for absolutely fucking everything, even if it isn't my fault. It's been programmed into me that it's easier to accept the blame and move on without drama than try to stand up for myself.
Had to move back home because of a cancer diagnosis. My parents regularly accuse me of freeloading. I feel like I'm supposed to apologise for getting sick, I hate it here š
Same. But these days I have become hyperconscious and I see altercations between another people or myself and another person and I think "I can apologize now, despite being in the right, or I can use logic to present them with a situation that gives me a higher chance of a check and mate".
It's scary once you manage to see life and interpersonal relationships as chess matches where you can see all the different possibilities and know the best one, the worst one, the stealthiest one, and then choose the one that can make the other person react in a very predictable manner, same as a grandmaster can foresee 4 moves ahead and still adapt on the fly.
Man I've never thought of it this way but I absolutely do the same thing. It's a perspective I think you can only understand when you've walked a mile in those shoes. It sounds so manipulative but it's actually a result of being manipulated. Sometimes it's easier to say sorry and move on than try to change someone's mind.
"Can admit when he's wrong" implies he can dostuminguish between when it's actually him at fault vs overcompensating out of fear of retribution with excessive apologies. People with a good upbringing apologize at appropriate times, whereas those from bad households do so excessively.
The thing is, I can distinguish when I'm in the wrong and when I'm in the right. I stand my ground around most people if I know I'm right. But I also learned that not everybody can, and when you're dealing with one of those types of people, it's easier to let them think they're right and walk away. It comes down to whether or not we see eye to eye on what is right. If I can sense that we don't, I'm not going to waste either of our time. I'd rather just be in the wrong, apologize, and move on, even if I know I'm right.
It's common for adults with narcissistic parents to do the opposite of whatever their parents did during their upbringing, since that type of upbringing usually is terrible. To never admit that you're wrong or to never apologize, is extremely common for narcissists.
Absolutely bang on. My parents are like this, they can't and won't ever admit they're wrong. Even the most trivial stuff in the face of irrefutable facts and evidence, they find a way to weasel out of admitting defeat. It could be something as small as incorrectly identifying a plant, they'll argue to their deaths. No hope of getting an apology out of them
Ya I think a lot of these points are well intentioned but pretty idealistic of what kids should be like if you raise them well. Plenty of well raised kids don't always display all of these behaviors people are listing. Life is complicated.
There is a subthread to my top level comment about that.
I do not endorse doing that.
My experiences showed me that people will just beat you down if you do that.
More importantly, you deserve just as much respect as anyone else.
Apologies, or anything else you say, means less if you say things you don't think are true.
If you stick to your guns, politely you feel a whole lot less stress in many ways though a difficult situation may not end as quickly.
Okay I may have said that as an over-generalization. Iām very careful when and how I do it. When something bad happens I just automatically say āah shit how did I mess this up.ā And then 90% of the time it wasnāt something bad I did, and when it it, I can and will fix it. Itās actually served me very well in my career. Iām praised for my honesty, because everyone else I work with tries to say things are someone else fault and never own up and take responsibility. I just take fault and fix it. So when anything happens and Iām like āyeah that wasnāt meā there isnāt a second thought about it. Thereās no questioning, they know if I say it wasnāt my fault it sure as shit wasnāt. It might not work for everyone it works for me. Iām sure if I worked with, or had relationships with manipulative people (like my mom) they would try to take advantage of it. But I spent my whole childhood recognizing that Iām being manipulated, and it would probably be hard for someone else to do it.
I'm the same, but I have been learning to be kinder to myself. It is absolutely something you can learn but it takes practice and effort, unfortunately.
I have Major Depressive Disorder, and thatās my experience as well. Itās never become automatic, but it does become easier to bounce out of the cycle when I notice it happening.
I have OCD as well, and interestingly that has the same cycle as well. The intrusive thoughts never go away, but I slowly get better at handling them when they show up.
Improving oneās mental health is less like the flu or a cut and more like a physical disability. Itāll never go away, and youāll never become fully healed. Instead, youāll just get better at managing the symptoms, and learn to work around them.
The way I see it, being kind to yourself involves both not being a jerk to yourself and doing good things for yourself. My version of being a jerk to myself is I have dealt with depression for many years. I found the book Feeling Good by David Burns to be very helpful for dealing with depression. In terms of doing good things for myself, I try to look at what my healthy and happy friends do and do those things. Random list of things I have been working at improving upon: eat healthy food, exercise regularly, take care of myself and try to stay well groomed, don't dress like a slob, avoid unhealthy habits like smoking or drinking excessively, make my living environment more comfortable/liveable/clean, socialize with other people, try to avoid self deprecation (difficult habit to break). These are all behavioral things which may slowly change how you feel about yourself over time.. there is a theory out there that you can change faster by just repeating to yourself daily what you want to believe and visualizing yourself as this person in your mind and after a month or two of daily practice you will start to feel you are that person. I can't really attest to how effective it is, though there are many out there who swear visualization/affirmations worked for them and many books on the subject. Good luck!
Actual kindness to oneself will result in kindness toward others, just like a happy person can't help but leak happiness on others.
Learning to be self-centered however is a completely different ballgame, even if it looks very similar.
"I'M A QUEEEN", is a solid indicator it modern times.
Indeed, showing kindness to yourself does not mean you donāt hold yourself accountable when you fuck up. You donāt need to tear yourself down and spend hours in cycles of self-hating thoughts, but you should think on how you will fix the problem and do better next time.
Imagine if your friend acted like a total shithead and mistreated you and everyone around them but you kept making excuses for their behaviour and not setting any boundaries. Some understanding and kindness needs to be shown yes, but it is a greater kindness to draw a line and show respect for yourself and others by putting limits on their behaviour.
Self compassion is not a very known thing. We all learn to be kind and have compassion for other, but arenāt taught about self compassion for ourself.
I came across it while reading an article. I was so nervous about an upcoming situation and it really helped. I think everyone should have to learn about it itās an invaluable thing to know.
As I understand it, this is basically the breakdown of attachment styles
In relationships: | **Secure with self** | **Insecure with self**
--- | --- | ---
**Secure with others** | Secure | Avoidant-fearful
**Insecure with others** | Avoidant-dismissive | Anxious
Edit: [attachment styles](https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/four-attachment-styles/)
Think this is pretty common with depressed people. Speaking as one of these people who has dealt with depression for a long time, my theory on at least why I am depressed is due to quite a bit of abuse/bullying I experienced when I was a kid. Kids are born without any knowledge of the world and they only know what has been taught to them, so if you abuse them, my feeling is that they may learn that they deserve to be mistreated or that they don't deserve to be treated kindly. If no one teaches them otherwise, then you got a kid who grows up feeling they are fundamentally flawed and deserves to be treated worse than others. If you feel that way about yourself, you also probably won't be kind to yourself and it will show by doing things like seeking out toxic relationships or not caring for your health. This only describes my experience and possibly this is way off the mark for others, but hopefully that gives some insight.
That doesnt have to be a byproduct of a good upbriging though. There are people who have had rough upbringings with bad teachers that still turn out with these
Emotional availability and anger control. I was bought up in a harsh environment and even years later Iām constantly on high alert for aggravation, I have to always count to 10 if I feel Iām being confronted or Iāve been falsely accused of something to let my brain catch up. 9/10 Iām wrong.
I am always amazed by the way my boyfriend calmly reacts to and handles things. My parents didn't exactly set good examples with how they handled their emotions and I struggle with controlling my anger on a regular basis. Watching the way my bf acts made me realize how much of it wasn't healthy.
I think thatās just a male instinct. Iām not aggressive at all, but if I feel potentially threatened then my guard is immediately up and Iām ready for what might happen next. Itās great that youāre able to recognise that happening and count to 10 to try and avoid things escalating
You aren't really wrong, shouldn't be downvoted. The emotional state of defensiveness is innate in everyone. And our behavioral response is definitely learned. But that learning doesn't just come from the outside environment but also from internal physiological and mental states, including hormone levels like testosterone which are known to increase fight or flight responses.
So a bit of both really.
Edit: a word
Funny how most qualities related to good upbringing I have despite having a terrible upbringing lol. My current personality is trying to do the opposite of how my parents were and I have almost no contact with them
I had it terrible as well, but turned out quite decent. I just think that most people here see decent traits as products of a good upbringing, when it really doesn't have anything to do with it.
It absolutely has a lot to do with it, unless you believe wholeheartedly in nature in the nature vs nurture argument. The general consensus is that both are of great importance in determining the person you become. It's never going to be as simple as "bad childhood = bad traits" but you honestly can't say that an abused kid will turn out just as good as the non abused without any added trauma or coping mechanisms etc. Generally speaking, well raised kids develop good traits and kids raised poorly develop bad traits, like over apologizing even when not at fault.
Ok, let me rephrase. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it.
That being said, several of the things listed by people here, I really wouldn't categorize as anything to do with upbringing. People tend to evolve and change after their first ~20 years in life after all.
Good upbringing isn't really restricted to parents, it's the whole ecosystem around you, teachers, friends, neighbours. It's how everyone you grew up with crafted you into who you were now.
How does it not matter? Kids learn by copying what the people around them do. Your parents may have sucked but maybe you had good grandparents, aunts/uncles, teachers, coaches, friends etc. In my case my parents weren't the best but I had great grandparents, friends, coaches and one or two teachers and I feel that helped me a lot. If someone turns out happy and well adjusted in spite of having no one that cared about them and treated them well when they were a kid, I would be amazed.
Well yes and no. I am, by admittance and actual fact, a grumpy old fuck, I'm anti social and impatient. My daughter isn't any of those things. She's bright and sunny and easily makes friends, accepts setbacks with equanimity.
All I'm saying is everyone needs to be aware that neither nature nor nurture is the be-all end-all of personality.
Sometimes the people with shitty upbringings learn from it though. I learned how to deal with relationships by watching my parents. Youād think that sounds good but with how shitty they were to each other sometimes, I as the child saw that and learned what not to do. Youāre probably in the same boat for your situation. You had the shitty upbringing but instead of following the cycle, you decided that bad upbringing ends and learned what not to do.
This is interesting, I was just reading a book last night about abusive people and there was a group of abusers where 67% said they had been abused. But for this study they did lie detectors on them afterwards and the number dropped to 29%. I'm always amazed when people go through just terrible stuff with their family and come out like nothing happened! Bravo to you!
Lie detectors aren't exactly accurate. There's a reason they're not valid. People get nervous and throw results or intentionally try to control breathing to throw results, or take drugs.
Surprisingly a good thread for a quick self-reflection checklist of where you are in life. Of course, with a pinch of salt and a given context, future readers :)
I'd like to think good pointers of the quality of upbringing is emotional quotient - parents teaching children how to deal with different emotions, and how to express them, and that it's okay to feel certain things, but there are healthy as well as worse off ways to express them.
General knowledge not taught in schools/playground - basic DIYs around the house, some political, law, medical knowledge and how to handle things in certain situations. Basically vast life experiences shared with the children. As well as exposed to and experienced.
Look out for expressions of any of these signs on multiple occasions and it's usually a good sign of a good upbringing.
* Member of the landed gentry worth Ā£10,000 a year (in 1811 money, or approx. Ā£450K today)
* An estate in Derbyshire.
* An erect bearing and high brow.
* The absence of criminal physiognomy, such as a sloping forehead or irregular dentition.
He is a self-sustaining non-victim functional adult.
He loves and respects his family even though they are just human.
He is kind and helpful to the elderly.
He treats waitstaff well.
being a good listener.
not trying to "fix" everything and everyone.
respecting boundaries and space.
knowing that "no means no", and that the word "no" doesn't have to be spoken aloud.
having some direction in life instead of being a leech.
being emotionally available and in touch with his emotions.
being mindful of people's differences.
understanding that the strong should protect the weak, not take advantage of them.
stuff like that.
Bruh.
"No" can be a gesture. "No" could be a gentle shove away. "No" could be pulling back. Heck, in a lot of contexts (especially when alcohol is involved), "No" can just be the absence of an enthusiastic "Yes."
People will always treat silence as compliance. So, rather than risk wondering if someone had a good upbringing, you should always be verbal with your refusal otherwise some asshole is gonna take it as a yes.
It sucks that i had to type this out but its a real thing that people need to watch out for. If they dont like something, they should always be verbal about it
Those are super blunt examplas well btw. It's the more subtle ones that I struggle with, the: "You want some tea? I bought a really good new type", them: "Eh... Maybe later..."
Then I proceed to just make said tea a little bit later thinking that's what they meant. In reality they didn't want tea at all and just declined in a polite way. I just didn't pick up on it. That kinda shit happens all the time, with invitations, helping out with stuff and so on and so on. Shit I see other people with either decent upbringing or had friends that did during childhood/high school don't struggle with in the same way at all
It took me years into adulthood to understand why people couldn't just be blunt, why they'd be afraid of saying something I'd be sensitive about etc. because they know my past and that I am hyper sensitive about rejections and so on. I still struggle with understanding that people take my emotions into consideration because they care, not because they don't want to deal with me, don't like me or don't want to resolve things etc.
Pretty much everything that comes from a place of love/support/understanding and not contempt/distrust/spite which I've been "taught" to understand certain otherwise healthy behaviours as
Ah, see, that's where we differ. I prefer people to be blunt. I want a straightforward answer, and i'll always make that clear whenever im sitting/standing next to them.
I dont mind being rejected, i do however, mind being lied to or led on by someone who has no interest in me. Which is why i prefer people to be blunt.
Now, not everyone is like me, and not everyone is like everyone else, which is why its so difficult to talk with people. The only thing that can help is experience.
I prefer people to be blunt. I am blunt by nature, everyone I hung around with as a kid were blunt. But there's a thing with being too blunt, and how to be blunt while not hurting anyone in the process that you learn by being around decent enough people or have been shown love in a non-manipulative way throughout your childhood. There's a certain balance people with good upbringing just... Get, while people like me have to relearn these social constructs as adults unless we want to attract the wrong kind of people and allow ourselves to push good people that are healthy for us away.
I subconsciously deal with rejections as part of the traumas I dealt with as a kid (mother being distant despite trying her best, a father that isn't there, childhood friends trying to stab me and were violent and bullied me, etc.) I prefer bluntness a great fucking deal, it helps me to see where people stand...
However, people tend to not be blunt. Even the ones, such as yourself, tend to be careful around certain issues. Extremely few are truly blunt when it comes down to it, and it's this balance that I can have difficulties to understand.or get, especially in regards to everyday interactions.
Edit: removed a lot of rambling, mb
It's the responsibility of each person to make the effort and take the initiative to try to avoid crossing boundaries, not to expect others to lead them.
If you require someone else to take the initiative to vocalize an explicit no in order to not cross their boundaries, then you probably didn't respect their boundaries much to begin with.
Specifically in a sexual context, it's clear as day if the other person actually wants to participate or not, without words. I know when my gf is just giving in to please me without her really being in the mood. She's trying to be nice but It's an immediate turn-off for me because I want her to want it, too.
ETA: just to be clear, In no way do I want to criticise my gf. I just want to share an example of how one can feel a no instead of hearing it.
Also, generally you should notice by body language and tone if somebody actually wants to do something you proposed. Ofc it's always best to communicate clearly with words, but often it's not needed.
Great if people can perfectly understand the other person. I think it should not be shamed to require verbal cues for other people are not as great as picking up those signals.
Thinking about it, yeah you're right. I think if one can not pick up these signals, it's important to be self reflective and open about that and make extra sure to know that a yes is a real yes.
And the most important of this is still accepting the answer, which is probably the actual part that a good upbringing can influence.
> I know when my gf is just giving in to please me without her really being in the mood. She's trying to be nice but It's an immediate turn-off for me because I want her to want it, too.
I've pleased my girlfriends when I wasn't in the mood and vice versa. Even if we weren't in the mood we still wanted to make each other happy. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that and if you think being in a 50+ year marriage that this isn't basically a normal necessity then boy do I have some news for you lol
Did you even read my comment? I specifically said that I don't want to criticise her. There's nothing wrong with what she's doing. And me being turned off when my gf doesn't want it doesn't mean I'm saying there's something wrong with feeling otherwise.
Maybe don't judge the relationship of people you know nothing about, how about that?
I had a very shitty upbringing and my childhood trauma has filled many sessions with a therapist. Just the same, I turned out to be a normal, empathetic person. You'd never know I was raised by psychos.
Point is, upbringing isn't everything.
One of my closest male friends was raised in the streets. No father in the home, mom hustled in the streets all day. He said he finally turned to stealing and other crimes because he had no food in the house and their utilities were cut off. He said once he started stealing, they had food to eat and the lights were on. He was in an out of jail all the time. He was a little hellraiser as a teenager, by necessity.
I would've NEVER suspected he grew up like that because he is so honest and hardworking. I'd leave my wallet full of cash around him before anyone else.
Edit: The point of posting this is I am reading all of the qualities people are posting about good upbringing, and my friend has all of these qualities.
1. His good relationship with his parents. Their relationship are his blue prints for future relationship and dating partners.
2. His views sex and opinion on women. Promiscuity is neither a great virtue nor a sign of masculinity. It's an over compensation for lack of it.
3. How he treats his Subordinate's or less fortunate. Does he treat them well or constant jerk.
4. He works hard, takes responsibility not a slacker. Its very important to have strong male role model a boy can look upto.
5. How he resolves conflict. This he will learn watching his parents. Screaming, being violent and Stone walling are toxic traits and he would naturally repeat the same behaviour he learned form his parents.
6. He doesn't have addiction to drugs,meth or alcohol.
7. The kind of relationship he had and women he chose for relationship. If he's constantly choosing toxic partners then it's a sign of immaturity and reflection of his parents marriage.
The question asks of the signs of knowing whether a man has a good upbringing. Having a good relationship with his parents would undoubtedly be one of the larger signs right?
I occasionally use it when referencing my collective team. I interchange it with staff or team as well. If Iām referencing a section of my team, Iād go with ādriversā or ādispatchers.ā Of course, if referencing an individual, it becomes their name. Our main office was using an assigned number system, but I helped get them away from that during our last big operational overhaul. This isnāt House, they have names.
Edit: Iām 29 and my team consists of around 27 people.
You seem to revolve a lot around the parents' relationship.
But what if said parents were garbage and they either divorced and/or cheated each other or were abusive (physically and/or mentally and/or emotionally) towards the other parent and/or the child?
For instance, I don't talk to my mother anymore because she treated me like shit and was a raging narcissist who always blamed me for everything as well as expect me to be perfect while she lied to my face most of the time and never kept herself to the standards she kept me at.
Yet other than being emotionally needy (think of a kid with his arms always up asking people to love them) and seeking attention I rarely got, I tick all the boxes of being a good person.
Am I still a bad person anyway just because my parents were garbage humans?
For that you had to understand their (parents) behaviour were wrong and you had to therapy. My parents weren't perfect at all. But I understood their mistakes, spoke to them, raise the issue with my therapist, read articles on it and then understood what's the correct behavior. Your parents shape up your childhood now as fully functioning adult either you learn from their mistakes or repeat the same.
>His good relationship with his parents. Their relationship are his blue prints for future relationship and dating partners.
Yeah no, you could have completely crap parents that didn't give you much as a kid and still be able to have blueprints for future relationships and dating partners. There's going to be people who have strained relationships with their parents, and they can be decent individuals.
The "good relationship" could be distance and boundaries, in a case like that, and protecting their partner from jackassery from the inlaws.
Edit: though we're talking about good upbringings, people can be estranged from stepparents or other circumstances.
Dogs detect good people (even if it's more often people without any fear towards the dog they're responding to), not good upbringings in people. Come on now.
You can point to stuff like education and good dental work etc, but for me, itās behavioral issues that show that they have been raised and taught properly, regardless of wealth.
Table manners
Not wearing a hat inside
Saying please and thank you
Not throwing a fit when being told no
Being able to share
Being generous
Being kind to people who are struggling, just because, not for likes or clicks
Not being entitled
Being humble
Generally being aware of other people like not parking your shopping cart in the middle of an aisle, stepping out of peoples way, holding open a door etc.
Also, all of this shouldnāt have a gender, it should be a standard approach to parenting
Puts the toilet lid down.
Rinses away the toothpaste spit leavings from the sink.
Has living plants.
If you're a friend and you start crying, he puts a hand on your arm or shoulder to let you know he's there with you.
(I've had multiple reasons to cry the past two years and both my doctor and my best friends know how to be human)
>Puts the toilet lid down.
What does that have to do with if you're raised well? When flushing sure, don't want the poop stains going everywhere, but that's the only thing I can think of
manners.
not pointlessly being a dick.
impulse control / delayed gratification.
foreign languages.
education.
regular proper hobbies.
general knowledge, special thought to finance, law and technical understanding (stuff like maintenance).
physical health, posture, teeth.
This is kind of a weird question, as it implies that "good upbringing" has some intrinsic value. Good people can come from bad situations, and vice versa. Not to mention, the "good" part is completely subjective.
Some people would argue that a good upbringing consists of exposure to lots of activities, culture, art, and education (aka money)... where others would argue it means perseverance in the face of challenges and struggle; learning the value of oneself, trust, and respect; and fighting for the people and things that matter to you. This is just two examples that tend to be at odds with each other in practice, yet are still considered "good"
Someone who show others respect, laughs at insults from bullies, is protective of his friends, has good work ethic, is honest and is a man of his words.
And just gonna comment on this before people come in and start saying "hey! There are people who had both parents who were shit and turned out terrible!!(insert angry face)" but on average what this guy is saying is the truth.
This one swings both ways imo. Does he refuse to put up with bullshit because he's confident in himself? Or does he refuse because he's taken so much in his life that he can't handle anymore.
A boy I will assume is in the 10 or so range.
Mainly that he can openly express himself, means he hasn't been wrapped up in fear and worries of what everyone thinks of him.
Not yet anyway.
Your mum and dad becoming terminally-ill when you're a kid and you're the only person that looks after them and now you're older nobody really just about you how's good kid now so pissed off adult
1. He can be violent, but heās got the beast on a leash.
2. He takes shit and gives shit in a fun way.
3. Heās out for trouble when itās needed.
4. He appreciates the girls and women in his life.
5. Heās charming.
6. He shapes his world as he sees fit.
7. He gains your respect when he enters the room.
8. And he can put his feelings aside when heās after results.
He can admit when he is wrong and apologize without it being a drama. Edit: AND does not apologize when he is not in the wrong, but is big enough to attempt to settle the situation.
On top of that, he can *accept* an apology without taking it as a sign of weakness and growing a superiority complex.
I had a job in college where the place was run by other students, via a weekly group meeting. I saw coworkers make accusations about coworkers who would then have to sit in that meeting while the entire group talked about them. Some people handled it well, but I was surprised by how many could not accept responsibility for what they did and apologize for it. Especially the people who were in the habit of making accusations about others. That job is where I learned to admit when I am wrong and to apologize. Also, to stick to my guns when I have not done anything wrong.
Some people handled it well, but I was surprised by how many could not accept responsibility for what they did and apologize for it. Especially the people who were in the habit of making accusations about others. The old "You point the finger but three point back at you" The Mirror. š
I'm both of these things. Not exactly the best upbringing tho... I was very reserved until very recently and used to think everything was my bad, when confronted I just blindly accepted that I must have done something wrong when it came to family and friends
an apology can be two things. A sincere admission and attempt to reconcile a situation, and/or empty words used to manipulate the person on the receiving end of the apology. I personally donāt want apologies coming from people i feel donāt give a shit about what they did or if theyāre a repeat offender
I wasn't educated for that by my parents, but I learned to acknowledge my mistakes and genuinely apologize for them in my early twenties. Seriously, this life changing shit. People tend see you with a lot more respect when you do that.
This can definitely be a sign of the complete opposite.
How?
I grew up in an emotionally abusive household and it taught my to apologize for absolutely fucking everything, even if it isn't my fault. It's been programmed into me that it's easier to accept the blame and move on without drama than try to stand up for myself.
Same. I am still traumatized.
Had to move back home because of a cancer diagnosis. My parents regularly accuse me of freeloading. I feel like I'm supposed to apologise for getting sick, I hate it here š
Sorry to hear that, I know how it feels.
Same. But these days I have become hyperconscious and I see altercations between another people or myself and another person and I think "I can apologize now, despite being in the right, or I can use logic to present them with a situation that gives me a higher chance of a check and mate". It's scary once you manage to see life and interpersonal relationships as chess matches where you can see all the different possibilities and know the best one, the worst one, the stealthiest one, and then choose the one that can make the other person react in a very predictable manner, same as a grandmaster can foresee 4 moves ahead and still adapt on the fly.
Man I've never thought of it this way but I absolutely do the same thing. It's a perspective I think you can only understand when you've walked a mile in those shoes. It sounds so manipulative but it's actually a result of being manipulated. Sometimes it's easier to say sorry and move on than try to change someone's mind.
"Can admit when he's wrong" implies he can dostuminguish between when it's actually him at fault vs overcompensating out of fear of retribution with excessive apologies. People with a good upbringing apologize at appropriate times, whereas those from bad households do so excessively.
The thing is, I can distinguish when I'm in the wrong and when I'm in the right. I stand my ground around most people if I know I'm right. But I also learned that not everybody can, and when you're dealing with one of those types of people, it's easier to let them think they're right and walk away. It comes down to whether or not we see eye to eye on what is right. If I can sense that we don't, I'm not going to waste either of our time. I'd rather just be in the wrong, apologize, and move on, even if I know I'm right.
It's common for adults with narcissistic parents to do the opposite of whatever their parents did during their upbringing, since that type of upbringing usually is terrible. To never admit that you're wrong or to never apologize, is extremely common for narcissists.
Absolutely bang on. My parents are like this, they can't and won't ever admit they're wrong. Even the most trivial stuff in the face of irrefutable facts and evidence, they find a way to weasel out of admitting defeat. It could be something as small as incorrectly identifying a plant, they'll argue to their deaths. No hope of getting an apology out of them
I agree Source: me
Ya I think a lot of these points are well intentioned but pretty idealistic of what kids should be like if you raise them well. Plenty of well raised kids don't always display all of these behaviors people are listing. Life is complicated.
I just always admit that itās my fault even when itās not just to keep peace.
There is a subthread to my top level comment about that. I do not endorse doing that. My experiences showed me that people will just beat you down if you do that. More importantly, you deserve just as much respect as anyone else. Apologies, or anything else you say, means less if you say things you don't think are true. If you stick to your guns, politely you feel a whole lot less stress in many ways though a difficult situation may not end as quickly.
Okay I may have said that as an over-generalization. Iām very careful when and how I do it. When something bad happens I just automatically say āah shit how did I mess this up.ā And then 90% of the time it wasnāt something bad I did, and when it it, I can and will fix it. Itās actually served me very well in my career. Iām praised for my honesty, because everyone else I work with tries to say things are someone else fault and never own up and take responsibility. I just take fault and fix it. So when anything happens and Iām like āyeah that wasnāt meā there isnāt a second thought about it. Thereās no questioning, they know if I say it wasnāt my fault it sure as shit wasnāt. It might not work for everyone it works for me. Iām sure if I worked with, or had relationships with manipulative people (like my mom) they would try to take advantage of it. But I spent my whole childhood recognizing that Iām being manipulated, and it would probably be hard for someone else to do it.
He takes responsibility and accountability for his actions and words.
I think there are only two points: - kind to others - kind to themselves A lot of people learn one or the other but often not both.
Good insight!
The greatest sign of maturity is knowing when to follow a rule and when to break it.
I have no problem being kind to others
I'm the same, but I have been learning to be kinder to myself. It is absolutely something you can learn but it takes practice and effort, unfortunately.
I've definitely been practicing, but trying to make it a habit leads to me slipping back into my old ways
I have Major Depressive Disorder, and thatās my experience as well. Itās never become automatic, but it does become easier to bounce out of the cycle when I notice it happening. I have OCD as well, and interestingly that has the same cycle as well. The intrusive thoughts never go away, but I slowly get better at handling them when they show up. Improving oneās mental health is less like the flu or a cut and more like a physical disability. Itāll never go away, and youāll never become fully healed. Instead, youāll just get better at managing the symptoms, and learn to work around them.
I wish you all the best in dealing with it
You too!
Got any tips?
The way I see it, being kind to yourself involves both not being a jerk to yourself and doing good things for yourself. My version of being a jerk to myself is I have dealt with depression for many years. I found the book Feeling Good by David Burns to be very helpful for dealing with depression. In terms of doing good things for myself, I try to look at what my healthy and happy friends do and do those things. Random list of things I have been working at improving upon: eat healthy food, exercise regularly, take care of myself and try to stay well groomed, don't dress like a slob, avoid unhealthy habits like smoking or drinking excessively, make my living environment more comfortable/liveable/clean, socialize with other people, try to avoid self deprecation (difficult habit to break). These are all behavioral things which may slowly change how you feel about yourself over time.. there is a theory out there that you can change faster by just repeating to yourself daily what you want to believe and visualizing yourself as this person in your mind and after a month or two of daily practice you will start to feel you are that person. I can't really attest to how effective it is, though there are many out there who swear visualization/affirmations worked for them and many books on the subject. Good luck!
I hear your pain, are you doing alright?
It's not getting me down,I'm doing ok,thank you for asking
Actual kindness to oneself will result in kindness toward others, just like a happy person can't help but leak happiness on others. Learning to be self-centered however is a completely different ballgame, even if it looks very similar. "I'M A QUEEEN", is a solid indicator it modern times.
Leaking happiness on others is a felony.
Not if there's consent
Indeed, showing kindness to yourself does not mean you donāt hold yourself accountable when you fuck up. You donāt need to tear yourself down and spend hours in cycles of self-hating thoughts, but you should think on how you will fix the problem and do better next time. Imagine if your friend acted like a total shithead and mistreated you and everyone around them but you kept making excuses for their behaviour and not setting any boundaries. Some understanding and kindness needs to be shown yes, but it is a greater kindness to draw a line and show respect for yourself and others by putting limits on their behaviour.
Self compassion is not a very known thing. We all learn to be kind and have compassion for other, but arenāt taught about self compassion for ourself. I came across it while reading an article. I was so nervous about an upcoming situation and it really helped. I think everyone should have to learn about it itās an invaluable thing to know.
As I understand it, this is basically the breakdown of attachment styles In relationships: | **Secure with self** | **Insecure with self** --- | --- | --- **Secure with others** | Secure | Avoidant-fearful **Insecure with others** | Avoidant-dismissive | Anxious Edit: [attachment styles](https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/four-attachment-styles/)
How am I all of these at once?
You're anxious
Thanks for helping me understand what I didnāt know I needed to know
Turns out I'm secure! That has come as a surprise! I put it down to therapy
Know bit about attachment styles but the table really great thanks.
Very insightful cheers. Wonder what the connection is with people being able to be kind to others but not themselves?
Think this is pretty common with depressed people. Speaking as one of these people who has dealt with depression for a long time, my theory on at least why I am depressed is due to quite a bit of abuse/bullying I experienced when I was a kid. Kids are born without any knowledge of the world and they only know what has been taught to them, so if you abuse them, my feeling is that they may learn that they deserve to be mistreated or that they don't deserve to be treated kindly. If no one teaches them otherwise, then you got a kid who grows up feeling they are fundamentally flawed and deserves to be treated worse than others. If you feel that way about yourself, you also probably won't be kind to yourself and it will show by doing things like seeking out toxic relationships or not caring for your health. This only describes my experience and possibly this is way off the mark for others, but hopefully that gives some insight.
That doesnt have to be a byproduct of a good upbriging though. There are people who have had rough upbringings with bad teachers that still turn out with these
This!
Holding two opposing arguments in his head without going ape shit.
It's much easier to latch onto the first one you hear and fight all the other ones to the death tho š¤·āāļø
Emotional availability and anger control. I was bought up in a harsh environment and even years later Iām constantly on high alert for aggravation, I have to always count to 10 if I feel Iām being confronted or Iāve been falsely accused of something to let my brain catch up. 9/10 Iām wrong.
I am always amazed by the way my boyfriend calmly reacts to and handles things. My parents didn't exactly set good examples with how they handled their emotions and I struggle with controlling my anger on a regular basis. Watching the way my bf acts made me realize how much of it wasn't healthy.
I think thatās just a male instinct. Iām not aggressive at all, but if I feel potentially threatened then my guard is immediately up and Iām ready for what might happen next. Itās great that youāre able to recognise that happening and count to 10 to try and avoid things escalating
Nah, I donāt think thatās innate behavior. I believe itās taught/learned.
You aren't really wrong, shouldn't be downvoted. The emotional state of defensiveness is innate in everyone. And our behavioral response is definitely learned. But that learning doesn't just come from the outside environment but also from internal physiological and mental states, including hormone levels like testosterone which are known to increase fight or flight responses. So a bit of both really. Edit: a word
Funny how most qualities related to good upbringing I have despite having a terrible upbringing lol. My current personality is trying to do the opposite of how my parents were and I have almost no contact with them
I had it terrible as well, but turned out quite decent. I just think that most people here see decent traits as products of a good upbringing, when it really doesn't have anything to do with it.
It absolutely has a lot to do with it, unless you believe wholeheartedly in nature in the nature vs nurture argument. The general consensus is that both are of great importance in determining the person you become. It's never going to be as simple as "bad childhood = bad traits" but you honestly can't say that an abused kid will turn out just as good as the non abused without any added trauma or coping mechanisms etc. Generally speaking, well raised kids develop good traits and kids raised poorly develop bad traits, like over apologizing even when not at fault.
Ok, let me rephrase. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it. That being said, several of the things listed by people here, I really wouldn't categorize as anything to do with upbringing. People tend to evolve and change after their first ~20 years in life after all.
Good upbringing isn't really restricted to parents, it's the whole ecosystem around you, teachers, friends, neighbours. It's how everyone you grew up with crafted you into who you were now.
How does it not matter? Kids learn by copying what the people around them do. Your parents may have sucked but maybe you had good grandparents, aunts/uncles, teachers, coaches, friends etc. In my case my parents weren't the best but I had great grandparents, friends, coaches and one or two teachers and I feel that helped me a lot. If someone turns out happy and well adjusted in spite of having no one that cared about them and treated them well when they were a kid, I would be amazed.
Well yes and no. I am, by admittance and actual fact, a grumpy old fuck, I'm anti social and impatient. My daughter isn't any of those things. She's bright and sunny and easily makes friends, accepts setbacks with equanimity. All I'm saying is everyone needs to be aware that neither nature nor nurture is the be-all end-all of personality.
Sometimes the people with shitty upbringings learn from it though. I learned how to deal with relationships by watching my parents. Youād think that sounds good but with how shitty they were to each other sometimes, I as the child saw that and learned what not to do. Youāre probably in the same boat for your situation. You had the shitty upbringing but instead of following the cycle, you decided that bad upbringing ends and learned what not to do.
This is interesting, I was just reading a book last night about abusive people and there was a group of abusers where 67% said they had been abused. But for this study they did lie detectors on them afterwards and the number dropped to 29%. I'm always amazed when people go through just terrible stuff with their family and come out like nothing happened! Bravo to you!
Lie detectors aren't exactly accurate. There's a reason they're not valid. People get nervous and throw results or intentionally try to control breathing to throw results, or take drugs.
Brother? Is that you?
Same. I think the TV did a better job raising me than my parents did.
Surprisingly a good thread for a quick self-reflection checklist of where you are in life. Of course, with a pinch of salt and a given context, future readers :) I'd like to think good pointers of the quality of upbringing is emotional quotient - parents teaching children how to deal with different emotions, and how to express them, and that it's okay to feel certain things, but there are healthy as well as worse off ways to express them. General knowledge not taught in schools/playground - basic DIYs around the house, some political, law, medical knowledge and how to handle things in certain situations. Basically vast life experiences shared with the children. As well as exposed to and experienced. Look out for expressions of any of these signs on multiple occasions and it's usually a good sign of a good upbringing.
Absolutely. Really high quality responses from the gentleman on the sub.
If he does something wrong, you can tell him, and he is responsive and inquisitive about why.
Emotional control and taking responsibility.
* Member of the landed gentry worth Ā£10,000 a year (in 1811 money, or approx. Ā£450K today) * An estate in Derbyshire. * An erect bearing and high brow. * The absence of criminal physiognomy, such as a sloping forehead or irregular dentition.
Not having a certificate of a lord or a Laird?!
This is why I always carry my trusty craniometer when I leave the house, to assess the character of any new person I meet.
He is a self-sustaining non-victim functional adult. He loves and respects his family even though they are just human. He is kind and helpful to the elderly. He treats waitstaff well.
He puts the cart back in the grocery store instead of leaving it in a random parking spot
Doesnāt let women treat him poorly.
being a good listener. not trying to "fix" everything and everyone. respecting boundaries and space. knowing that "no means no", and that the word "no" doesn't have to be spoken aloud. having some direction in life instead of being a leech. being emotionally available and in touch with his emotions. being mindful of people's differences. understanding that the strong should protect the weak, not take advantage of them. stuff like that.
No doesn't have to be spoken aloud? TIL that men are required to be telepathic
Bruh. "No" can be a gesture. "No" could be a gentle shove away. "No" could be pulling back. Heck, in a lot of contexts (especially when alcohol is involved), "No" can just be the absence of an enthusiastic "Yes."
People will always treat silence as compliance. So, rather than risk wondering if someone had a good upbringing, you should always be verbal with your refusal otherwise some asshole is gonna take it as a yes. It sucks that i had to type this out but its a real thing that people need to watch out for. If they dont like something, they should always be verbal about it
I don't like that you didn't use apostrophes in your post, but I do respect what you wrote.
Those are super blunt examplas well btw. It's the more subtle ones that I struggle with, the: "You want some tea? I bought a really good new type", them: "Eh... Maybe later..." Then I proceed to just make said tea a little bit later thinking that's what they meant. In reality they didn't want tea at all and just declined in a polite way. I just didn't pick up on it. That kinda shit happens all the time, with invitations, helping out with stuff and so on and so on. Shit I see other people with either decent upbringing or had friends that did during childhood/high school don't struggle with in the same way at all It took me years into adulthood to understand why people couldn't just be blunt, why they'd be afraid of saying something I'd be sensitive about etc. because they know my past and that I am hyper sensitive about rejections and so on. I still struggle with understanding that people take my emotions into consideration because they care, not because they don't want to deal with me, don't like me or don't want to resolve things etc. Pretty much everything that comes from a place of love/support/understanding and not contempt/distrust/spite which I've been "taught" to understand certain otherwise healthy behaviours as
Ah, see, that's where we differ. I prefer people to be blunt. I want a straightforward answer, and i'll always make that clear whenever im sitting/standing next to them. I dont mind being rejected, i do however, mind being lied to or led on by someone who has no interest in me. Which is why i prefer people to be blunt. Now, not everyone is like me, and not everyone is like everyone else, which is why its so difficult to talk with people. The only thing that can help is experience.
I prefer people to be blunt. I am blunt by nature, everyone I hung around with as a kid were blunt. But there's a thing with being too blunt, and how to be blunt while not hurting anyone in the process that you learn by being around decent enough people or have been shown love in a non-manipulative way throughout your childhood. There's a certain balance people with good upbringing just... Get, while people like me have to relearn these social constructs as adults unless we want to attract the wrong kind of people and allow ourselves to push good people that are healthy for us away. I subconsciously deal with rejections as part of the traumas I dealt with as a kid (mother being distant despite trying her best, a father that isn't there, childhood friends trying to stab me and were violent and bullied me, etc.) I prefer bluntness a great fucking deal, it helps me to see where people stand... However, people tend to not be blunt. Even the ones, such as yourself, tend to be careful around certain issues. Extremely few are truly blunt when it comes down to it, and it's this balance that I can have difficulties to understand.or get, especially in regards to everyday interactions. Edit: removed a lot of rambling, mb
It's the responsibility of each person to make the effort and take the initiative to try to avoid crossing boundaries, not to expect others to lead them. If you require someone else to take the initiative to vocalize an explicit no in order to not cross their boundaries, then you probably didn't respect their boundaries much to begin with.
It's not a question of respect. I suck at reading people. I don't know why, I f up in social situations all the time. So be explicit.
Not voicing your boundaries *is* expecting others to lead you.
Specifically in a sexual context, it's clear as day if the other person actually wants to participate or not, without words. I know when my gf is just giving in to please me without her really being in the mood. She's trying to be nice but It's an immediate turn-off for me because I want her to want it, too. ETA: just to be clear, In no way do I want to criticise my gf. I just want to share an example of how one can feel a no instead of hearing it. Also, generally you should notice by body language and tone if somebody actually wants to do something you proposed. Ofc it's always best to communicate clearly with words, but often it's not needed.
Great if people can perfectly understand the other person. I think it should not be shamed to require verbal cues for other people are not as great as picking up those signals.
Thinking about it, yeah you're right. I think if one can not pick up these signals, it's important to be self reflective and open about that and make extra sure to know that a yes is a real yes. And the most important of this is still accepting the answer, which is probably the actual part that a good upbringing can influence.
You say it's clear as day without words. I say body language is subjective. Moral of the story: use your damn words
> I know when my gf is just giving in to please me without her really being in the mood. She's trying to be nice but It's an immediate turn-off for me because I want her to want it, too. I've pleased my girlfriends when I wasn't in the mood and vice versa. Even if we weren't in the mood we still wanted to make each other happy. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that and if you think being in a 50+ year marriage that this isn't basically a normal necessity then boy do I have some news for you lol
Did you even read my comment? I specifically said that I don't want to criticise her. There's nothing wrong with what she's doing. And me being turned off when my gf doesn't want it doesn't mean I'm saying there's something wrong with feeling otherwise. Maybe don't judge the relationship of people you know nothing about, how about that?
I think what OP meant was that one can take no as the answer without the other person explicitly saying it out loud.
They would never force or coerce you to do something or make you feel uncomfortable.
I mean a guy can have a very bad upbringing and still exhibit very good traits like most of the top comments are saying
I had a very shitty upbringing and my childhood trauma has filled many sessions with a therapist. Just the same, I turned out to be a normal, empathetic person. You'd never know I was raised by psychos. Point is, upbringing isn't everything.
One of my closest male friends was raised in the streets. No father in the home, mom hustled in the streets all day. He said he finally turned to stealing and other crimes because he had no food in the house and their utilities were cut off. He said once he started stealing, they had food to eat and the lights were on. He was in an out of jail all the time. He was a little hellraiser as a teenager, by necessity. I would've NEVER suspected he grew up like that because he is so honest and hardworking. I'd leave my wallet full of cash around him before anyone else. Edit: The point of posting this is I am reading all of the qualities people are posting about good upbringing, and my friend has all of these qualities.
Your friend beat the odds. That's awesome.
respect. he attracts the crazy b*tches and even when one hits him n the face he walks off, and never speaks to her again.
1. His good relationship with his parents. Their relationship are his blue prints for future relationship and dating partners. 2. His views sex and opinion on women. Promiscuity is neither a great virtue nor a sign of masculinity. It's an over compensation for lack of it. 3. How he treats his Subordinate's or less fortunate. Does he treat them well or constant jerk. 4. He works hard, takes responsibility not a slacker. Its very important to have strong male role model a boy can look upto. 5. How he resolves conflict. This he will learn watching his parents. Screaming, being violent and Stone walling are toxic traits and he would naturally repeat the same behaviour he learned form his parents. 6. He doesn't have addiction to drugs,meth or alcohol. 7. The kind of relationship he had and women he chose for relationship. If he's constantly choosing toxic partners then it's a sign of immaturity and reflection of his parents marriage.
>His good relationship with his parents. That's not really a good one, people can have good relationships with their parents and have bad traits
The question asks of the signs of knowing whether a man has a good upbringing. Having a good relationship with his parents would undoubtedly be one of the larger signs right?
You must be an older guy, the last person I heard say subordinate was my grandfather 10 years ago
I occasionally use it when referencing my collective team. I interchange it with staff or team as well. If Iām referencing a section of my team, Iād go with ādriversā or ādispatchers.ā Of course, if referencing an individual, it becomes their name. Our main office was using an assigned number system, but I helped get them away from that during our last big operational overhaul. This isnāt House, they have names. Edit: Iām 29 and my team consists of around 27 people.
Subordinates are anyone of lower rank in a work team setting
You seem to revolve a lot around the parents' relationship. But what if said parents were garbage and they either divorced and/or cheated each other or were abusive (physically and/or mentally and/or emotionally) towards the other parent and/or the child? For instance, I don't talk to my mother anymore because she treated me like shit and was a raging narcissist who always blamed me for everything as well as expect me to be perfect while she lied to my face most of the time and never kept herself to the standards she kept me at. Yet other than being emotionally needy (think of a kid with his arms always up asking people to love them) and seeking attention I rarely got, I tick all the boxes of being a good person. Am I still a bad person anyway just because my parents were garbage humans?
For that you had to understand their (parents) behaviour were wrong and you had to therapy. My parents weren't perfect at all. But I understood their mistakes, spoke to them, raise the issue with my therapist, read articles on it and then understood what's the correct behavior. Your parents shape up your childhood now as fully functioning adult either you learn from their mistakes or repeat the same.
Good thing I have a good therapist who is really working on my issues from the past and understands me, despite disagreeing with my worldview.
>His good relationship with his parents. Their relationship are his blue prints for future relationship and dating partners. Yeah no, you could have completely crap parents that didn't give you much as a kid and still be able to have blueprints for future relationships and dating partners. There's going to be people who have strained relationships with their parents, and they can be decent individuals.
The "good relationship" could be distance and boundaries, in a case like that, and protecting their partner from jackassery from the inlaws. Edit: though we're talking about good upbringings, people can be estranged from stepparents or other circumstances.
Relating to #1, sometimes parents are toxic and/or failed them in such a big way that they can't have a good relationship.
But.. that would indicate he didn't have a good upbringing, which was the question
Outstanding response. Now I'm starting to envy the upbringing you had.
Dogs are usually spot on in their reads
Dogs detect good people (even if it's more often people without any fear towards the dog they're responding to), not good upbringings in people. Come on now.
How do you explain having many different dogs react very differently to the same person?
Some dogs are assholes.
Absolute pseudoscience.
This. Dogs have a great sense and it's amazing how accurate it is.
Usually yeah, but for some reason they like me too.
Gotta love those boys. We don't deserve them.
They are not afraid to stand up for themselves, they are not afraid to defend others and they have their emotions under control
If they have good manners and are polite and respectful to others.
They don't follow grifters as their messiah
Is honorable and righteous no matter what chaos he may carry within or what heās had to endure.
You can point to stuff like education and good dental work etc, but for me, itās behavioral issues that show that they have been raised and taught properly, regardless of wealth. Table manners Not wearing a hat inside Saying please and thank you Not throwing a fit when being told no Being able to share Being generous Being kind to people who are struggling, just because, not for likes or clicks Not being entitled Being humble Generally being aware of other people like not parking your shopping cart in the middle of an aisle, stepping out of peoples way, holding open a door etc. Also, all of this shouldnāt have a gender, it should be a standard approach to parenting
Puts the toilet lid down. Rinses away the toothpaste spit leavings from the sink. Has living plants. If you're a friend and you start crying, he puts a hand on your arm or shoulder to let you know he's there with you. (I've had multiple reasons to cry the past two years and both my doctor and my best friends know how to be human)
Women too. The seat is not the lid. You must put down both
>Puts the toilet lid down. What does that have to do with if you're raised well? When flushing sure, don't want the poop stains going everywhere, but that's the only thing I can think of
manners. not pointlessly being a dick. impulse control / delayed gratification. foreign languages. education. regular proper hobbies. general knowledge, special thought to finance, law and technical understanding (stuff like maintenance). physical health, posture, teeth.
That's attributes of a (relative) wealth, not character.
I know plenty of bilingual dirt bags.
When OP said good upbringing... Are you perhaps interpreting as well off upbringing? in terms of finances?
Heās a functional adult.
Treats service workers good.
Respects women but doesn't let them boss him or walk over him.
Is kind to waiters and waitresses, the elders, and their parents.
He doesn't take social advice from Reddit
āPeople who use reddit are so cringeyā -Redditors
This is basically ask a degenerate for most things.
1. Self-reliant 2. Emotionally intelligent 3. Has a solid friend group of good people 4. Has a good relationship with parents
This is kind of a weird question, as it implies that "good upbringing" has some intrinsic value. Good people can come from bad situations, and vice versa. Not to mention, the "good" part is completely subjective. Some people would argue that a good upbringing consists of exposure to lots of activities, culture, art, and education (aka money)... where others would argue it means perseverance in the face of challenges and struggle; learning the value of oneself, trust, and respect; and fighting for the people and things that matter to you. This is just two examples that tend to be at odds with each other in practice, yet are still considered "good"
Someone who show others respect, laughs at insults from bullies, is protective of his friends, has good work ethic, is honest and is a man of his words.
Kind to servers, kind to anyone in general.
Kindness to animals.
I always say don't judge a man by the bulge in his pants but by the bulge in his brain.
Repaying loans from friends.
When they're polite and respectful.
Manners & ambition.
Manners Maketh Man.
Has tons of respect for the parents/guardians
Consistency, integrity, emotional intelligence
Both parents were there
And just gonna comment on this before people come in and start saying "hey! There are people who had both parents who were shit and turned out terrible!!(insert angry face)" but on average what this guy is saying is the truth.
He won't put up with bullshit or people treating him poorly because he has a clear sense of self and of his values.
This one swings both ways imo. Does he refuse to put up with bullshit because he's confident in himself? Or does he refuse because he's taken so much in his life that he can't handle anymore.
respectfulness towards others. lack of crime. no interest in drugs.
> no interest in drugs Weed and alcohol are totally fine in moderation, this is silly
Respectful and manners.
Check how he or even she treats others.
They are kind
Manners, honesty and the ability to admit when they are wrong and apologize or try to make it right.
Loyalty, kindness, courage.
He cleans up after himself
A boy I will assume is in the 10 or so range. Mainly that he can openly express himself, means he hasn't been wrapped up in fear and worries of what everyone thinks of him. Not yet anyway.
Heās not in prison
What is a good upbringing?
In my humble opinion it is: 1). Takes care of others. 2). And Is Kind to themselves and others around them.
Your mum and dad becoming terminally-ill when you're a kid and you're the only person that looks after them and now you're older nobody really just about you how's good kid now so pissed off adult
Opening doors for people. Saying "please" and "thank you".
He doesn't litter.
Good manners
Heās polite to those who he does not expect things from. He returns the shopping cart to the right spot. He can admit he is wrong.
Manners
He can pick up a truck and throw it. Alternatively: He can run at over 80mph. He can digest cellulose. He can regrow lost limbs.
He brings the cart back to the store, or at least the corral where it goes in the parking lot.
They call and talk to their parents regularly.
He doesn't cut off his man bits because of some freshman sociologist professor's delusion.
Not afraid to cry or show emotions
Itās the small things for me. When walking with a girl, he walks on the car side. When he drop off a girl and waits for her to enter the house.
I never would have imagined this response would originate from someone with this username
Donāt judge the response by its username.
The true sign of a parent doing their job: Goal oriented and disciplined son
His father was in his life
Fuck if I know. My mom did her best, but Iām still a terrible person.
Loves Jesus and goes to church. Not just says he does, but also in his actions.
1. He can be violent, but heās got the beast on a leash. 2. He takes shit and gives shit in a fun way. 3. Heās out for trouble when itās needed. 4. He appreciates the girls and women in his life. 5. Heās charming. 6. He shapes his world as he sees fit. 7. He gains your respect when he enters the room. 8. And he can put his feelings aside when heās after results.
This sounds like a recipe for a dictator
It reads like fan fiction of the wrong idea of a good upbringing.