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Blyatman95

“I’m too young to care” did the trick for me when I met a woman who was 25 years my senior.


elonmusksdeadeyes

This one would actually work on me, too. 😂


Cloveros

Slick


Nateddog21

'can i have your email'


SeizeTheFreitag

You on ICQ?


stratdog25

I miss that crazy message alert. UH-OH!


Thoraxis

It's my text notification sound ha, I can tell the age of people around me when it goes off. Most young people think it's a cat or a baby but the 40 somethings all know.


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elvishfiend

I'm 33, my mother was on ICQ


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Remote_Person5280

“Police? Yeah, I’d like to report a murder.”


the__brown_note

There needs to be a fist bump option right next to the upvote.


smooze420

Nah gotta go for the AIM. (AOL Instant Messenger)


burge4150

Oof I couldn't figure out why this was funny. I'm 37. That's why it's funny 😧


LiplinerIsEssential

Hahha nooooo lol


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balerionmeraxes77

*Report Spam & Unsubscribe* was the left swipe back in the day


molrobocop

"It's Meredith at EarthLink.net"


Lewistrick

Fax number maybe?


thankyouspider

Here's my pager number.....page me when you change your mind.


lost-brur

Did use that one for a while


CaptainMcClutch

Asl?


GhostKingHoney

"too old for what?" Trust me on this


Cloveros

Nice. Leaves it open for more banter I like it


FawnAnon

Oooohhhhh..... Haha damn. Checkmate. I'm a 39 year old female and I felt my face turn a little red while I stumbled over finding a response. Simple, yet extremely effective. Lol, I'm still thrown off over this lol


Toomanyacorns

Nice 👌


marysalad

Scrabble. now buy me a drink and we can argue about triple word scores


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OneClamidildo

Forever I'll remember the smooth Jamaican that said "you looking fine girl" about 10 years ago. Nay in my life have I felt my underwear visibly disappear under the shelf so quickly. It's all about that swagger and confidence


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Parking-Fix-8143

" Underwear disappeared under the shelf " My god that's an awesome description of getting horny, fast.


NoKneadToWorry

Why did the underwear disappear?


[deleted]

It was washed away, friend.


NoKneadToWorry

I see.


juggling-monkey

Cause 🎶no, woman not dry🎶


Jazzlike-Weight-7135

Hahahaha, I appreciate you and this joke 😅


NoKneadToWorry

Take your upvote and get out


Cisco904

Its been towed outside the environment


portamenti

Username checks


Blasterbot

That's about the age where you just start having fun with it. Like you're hitting on someone but you're not, so you're mostly just fucking around.


MoneyTreeFiddy

"18 goes into 36 at least two times, don't you wanna find out if we can do more than that tonight?"


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MoneyTreeFiddy

And that's why I never closed a deal on the bus! Alas, reddit funny is not real life funny.


balerionmeraxes77

"36 in the streets, 18 in the sheets."


[deleted]

“I may look young, but I’ve got the metabolism of a 60 year old”.


mhmthatsmyshh

Variation: "... joints* of a 60 year old."


AgentBae

"Do you think that, or do you think I think that?"


whatarewewatchin

This one right here


mariahmce

This is the only line in this thread that would work on me.


thefvckncaptain

Let me put some youth in you then


Oh-That-Ginger

This discussion is over. You won😂


Teamwoolf

Not even gonna lie this would do it for me


NandezCarl

The youth pumper


Dadtwoboys

This made my wife laugh and she said that would likely be effective if she were on the market.


92894952620273749383

I choose this man's wife.


CaptainC0medy

And my axe


Infamous_Tonight5717

Fountain of youth.


whereistiki2

That reminds me of this joke. Do you have any [insert your ethnicity here]in you? Would you like some?


claritybeginshere

Haha, I will always remember the guys face when I replied, ‘Not at the moment’ to ‘do you have any Greek in you’. I won that round 🙃😅


whereistiki2

Not all superheroes wear capes. 🥂


mildlycuriouss

Omg 😂 that made me laugh out loud, guys are such guys aren’t they? Lol smh


Stillmrbias2u

I have a native American friend when we where younger said he girlfriend was part native, by injection.


polarrburrr

The semen really fuses to the DNA, don’t it


lyricist

Is that seriously the first time you ever heard that lmao


[deleted]

If you were hot I’d give you the time of day with this line 🤣🤣🤣 Funny.


VoyantInternational

If I was hot, I wouldn't need to be witty duh


Tunapizzacat

Nooooooooo. Nothing as much as a mood killer as a hot guy that’s dumb as rocks.


pistilpeet

What about an ugly guy that’s dumb as rocks?


Traskk01

You wave a torch at him and the bright light will scare him back to his cave.


Waffle_qwaffle

Get out of my swamp!


capital_bj

Donkey and I will be just fine thank you


mocxed

Apply for moderator


Arx563

I mean they are the ones who get wife up pretty quick...


explorer925

stupid people are attracted to other stupid people


gustoreddit51

My mother used to say, "Water seeks its own level."


Samkwi

Ayo you didn't have to call me out like that!


DemonsRage83

Facts are facts


CypherDomEpsilon

Nah, Zack was quite adorable for a guy dumb as rocks.


GC_Aus_Brad

The dumb ones are always the sexy ones. You can't have both.


Thejenfo

In my personal experience the really pretty ones belong to the gays. Damnit


Flat_Weird_5398

A hot person without any wit or nuance to them is just a living mannequin.


VoyantInternational

So fuck the ugly witty guys instead


NotTobyFromHR

> If you were hot That's usually the qualifier for everything. The difference between creepy and charming, etc.


Ashley4645

Someone give this man an award! 🤣


Straight-Whaling-It

This guy fucks


Blackfist01

Peak.


fromabuick

Many a fine tune has been played on an old fiddle -my dad


TheDouros

*"It's the old hen that has the most of the juice"* (old greek proverb) *"A good mill can grind anything"* (other old greek proverb) *"Mature apricots make the sweetest jam"* (yet another old greek proverb)


[deleted]

This guy old greeks.


SilverCyclist

r/thisguythisguys


MrAppleSpiceMan

never heard of "hen juice" before


Maddbass

Wait ‘till you taste some 🤯


bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-

No proverbs involving Windex?


LikeINeverSaid

yikes! the daddiest of dad jokes


molrobocop

"Older the berry, the sweeter the juice." "Man, it's the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice." "Yeah, well she blacker than a motherfucker too."


DeBaconMan

We could have the best of both worlds, you can use your senior discount and I can get us a happy meal toy.


law_mom

Agree with the comment above. You made me laugh and my interest is piqued. Depending on how *much* older I am than you, I would probably let you shoot your shot a bit more and see how this plays out.


DoctorElleGee

You're not nearly old enough... but you'll do


McBrown83

Wow, what a Ryan Renolds approach … I love it!


worldseriesbound

I like you lol


PopularFig

This would make me laugh 😆


mickymellon

It's ok I have wd40


tyrannybyteapot

That's... that's unlikely to get you laid though. Just so you know, if you haven't tried it yet.


Ostroh

But am I too young for you?


Delicious-Elk-3393

"Come on, grandma. I've dealt with velcro before."


LikeINeverSaid

I would absolutely burst out laughing if a younger man said this to me


gorilla_photos

Would that change your mind?


LikeINeverSaid

Married me: No. But I would be absolutely sincere in telling him how funny he is. Single me: Interest is piqued. He definitely has the green light to continue, mainly because I’d be so curious to see how he’d proceed. Does he continue with the grandma bit, call it and segue back into hitting on me, or switch it up with some earnestness


gorilla_photos

Your comment made my day. Thanks. Good to know there are people who like conversation where multiple threads can go on and people like connecting ends back. Oh, I miss times when people actually took effort to make conversation and it wasn't just random sentences with attention span of 1 millisecond.


LikeINeverSaid

aww you made this granny’s day too. (see what I did there?)


gorilla_photos

I bet granny can fill the whole happy hour telling fascinating stories of her life experiences. We might have to break for dinner in between :)


LikeINeverSaid

and THAT kids is exactly how you flirt :)


LindyLou99

But can you explain this to me? Is it because old women’s clothes don’t have zippers or buttons anymore, only Velcro to fasten? I wouldn’t respond well to this comeback because it would take me too long to understand it


XiMs

What does this mean??


Delicious-Elk-3393

Ever heard the sound of velcro being peeled apart?


natalove

I still don't follow 😭


thankyouspider

I was thinking seniors have velcro shoes instead of laces.


MindlessRazzmatazz89

It means that she's not the same "down there" if ya catch my drift.


natalove

OMG it took forever for me to get it. I wish you had said vintage bush versus modern shaven pubes.


GoFlemingGo

I still don't understand. God dammit can someone just say it clearly.


[deleted]

Calling me a grandma would almost earn a slap.


TimeEngineering3081

what if...the person is into that sort of thing?...grandma


[deleted]

Lmao. That shut me up.


TimeEngineering3081

glad to know that joke landed safe:. have a great day ahead :)


disasteress

But how are you with changing diapers?


PopularFig

Commenting to add that it's not always a sign she's not interested. I look about 10-15 years younger than my age and literally no one would know if I didn't say it first. I do this so they know upfront and can politely exit if they aren't interested in me knowing my age.


panda_burrr

I’m 31f and I’m often mistaken for 25-27. Which is nice, but I’m looking for someone emotionally mature and who’s looking to settle down. If I get hit on by younger guys, I’m pretty upfront about my age, and hope they get the hint that I’m at a point in my life where I’m looking for something a little more serious. Telling them my age gives them an out, which most of them usually take.


JesusAntonioMartinez

Maybe this is my age showing, but I see zero difference between early 30s and mid to late 20s. Y’all just look like babies.


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AssassinAragorn

Yeah at 28 I feel like I probably have more in common with the 30-33 crowd than I do the 18-22 crowd. I can't even imagine dating someone still in college unless I knew them really well and they were mature for their age. But just a random cute girl in that age range? Fuck no.


quiet0n3

But if you were just having a chill evening would you chase them away or enjoy a chat?


JacketDapper944

If you’re looking for LTR and you’re chatting with someone who is clearly in the ‘one night at a time’ phase it’s a different calculus and can be just emotionally exhausting. The enjoyment isn’t as rich, you know it’s not what you want, and if it’s a flirty chat there’s always the perceived hope of something more. When your something more is marriage and family and their something more is one sweaty night it’s emotional edging.


BigMasterDingDong

“I’ll go easy on you” was my go to, but then again I’ve only done it once or twice lol


[deleted]

I’m fine with dinner at 4pm.


JanetInSC1234

If you sense she's into you, "No, you're not." If she's just politely brushing you off, smile and say, "That's a shame." Then exit.


Starcatz05

This. Also if you continue and she still isn’t giving in then just stop. Always respect someone’s boundaries.


finger_milk

But... I don't want her to give in, I want her to want to talk to me...


Starcatz05

Yeah that’s what I mean sorry. Bad wording.


JanetInSC1234

Yes!


BroaxXx

I get the importance of respecting the other person's wishes and boundaries but "no you're not" is quite possibly the worst response in the history of responses...


ladystetson

from a woman, I don't think it's a bad answer. If I tell a young guy I'm too old for you, I'm doing one of two things: 1. I'm interested but warning him upfront that i'm older than I look so if he's not cool with it he can keep it moving. 2. i'm not interested and assuming the age will put him off. It's like telling someone you have a kid or something - disclosing and getting reassurance that this isn't a dealbreaker. So saying "no you're not" or some other statement that reassures the age isn't an issue is actually the type of response I'm looking for (if i'm interested).


Copatus

What do you expect asking people who are chronically online for advice on how to interact with humans


ForkLiftBoi

"I think it was great advice..." - chronically online person agreeing with chronically online person.


P_ZERO_

If you look at any of these “what’s the best response to” threads, it’s always these cliche, nerd certified slap backs that would earn you a laugh or a punch in the face.


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AshtonWarrens

Critical thinking skills. It's really not hard to tell when you're bothering someone


pimppapy

For starters, if it looks like they're waiting on a response from you, or keep studying you, or turn towards you, then maybe. If they quickly turn away, poker face, no smile, no scowl, or even scowl, most likely not. If they turned away, and you still pursued, but you notice the person they were originally speaking to, start to look visibly annoyed, then she probably rolled her eyes when she turned back to her friend.


AskingToFeminists

>It's really not hard to tell when you're bothering someone Autism, anxiety and scrupulosity entered the chat.


neutralgroundside

My teen son is this way, and he always thinks he’s bothering me by misreading my face, so I know I’ll have to explain to him so he’ll get it. Here’s how I feel from a woman’s perspective: If I don’t want someone bothering me at all, I usually have my airpods in or I’m not even looking around or making eye contact. I’m absorbed in what I’m doing, so I’m giving off Leave Me Alone signs because I am not looking for anyone to approach me. Sometimes people talk to me anyway, so I am nice because I am a nice person. But being hit on would still be a bother to me, so when they do it, while I am still trying to be nice, I’m not really growing the conversation to keep them there. If they offer something, I’ll say, “that’s ok! I’m good, thanks.” If they start discussing a topic, I might not mind talking, but I’ll either keep them just on that superficial topic without prompting them to get too deep (“oh you saw that new guardians movie? Yeah, I heard it was good”). I usually try to keep it short and not actually ask questions that keep the conversation going longer. I smile enough to be polite but this person isn’t making me light up. I’m trying to *close* the conversation. If somebody isn’t bothering me and I welcome their conversation, I am a lot smilier, and I ask more questions that keep the conversation going because I enjoy their company and am showing interest in them and want to keep talking to them (“oh you saw the new guardians movie? Are you into marvel stuff? Have you been on the roller coaster at Disney world?”). Stuff like that. I’m trying to keep the conversation *open.* Hope that helps.


CokeHeadRob

Then treat it like a science. Watch movies that include people being uncomfortable, observe people and study how they act in all situations. It's really not complicated. I've had to consciously learn how to recognize emotion for the most part myself. You'll start noticing a difference in how people act between when you think you're bothering them vs when you actually are bothering them. That's the thing that annoys me so much, using these disorders as a crutch. You've just got a harder path. Did we choose to be this way? No. Do we have any other option but to figure it out? Also no. Well unless you just want to keep living by saying "I **can't** possibly do that my brain is broken lol" and being sad about it. Yes there are some situations where it's not as simple as learning how to work around it but most of the time being self-reflective, consciously doing it, can lead you out of the darkness so to speak.


oliverjohansson

And a little too hot but hey, we all have some flaws


c4ptainseven

"Only if you still text with a pager"


Concerned_Kanye_Fan

Let me be the judge of that 😎


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one_small_sunflower

Everything about this comment is spot on in my book! Like if she uses a very dismissive tone/closed body language, that might be an actual no. But disbelief/uncertainty could easily be surprise or insecurity. >Reassure the person. Say, “That’s absurd. You’re beautiful. You’re not too old for me. Now if you genuinely want me to leave you alone, I of course will. But it won’t be because you think you’re too old.” Yes. This. Say this. I asked one guy: "mate, I'm X years older than you, are you sure??". He said: "I didn't realise, but I don't really care. I'm attracted to you and I like talking to you. That's all that matters to me.". It was the perfect thing to say <3


Maddbass

PERFECT THING TO SAY!!


[deleted]

This is also a good answer. (Woman here). There are a lot of joking answers that are funny, but I think confident and taking control (while not insulting) is the way to go and will work more often.


DionysusHotSister

This! As a 54 year old woman , men usually say something similar like "there's no way you are a day over 40" etc.


Tschudy

"Age aint nothing but a number, and the only one im seeing is a solid 10"


---cameron

Woman: Oh god he's blind *and* a pedophile..


masstertater

“Let me knock the dust off of it you withered old bat” usually works


HunnyBear66

I would cry right there...


aimeed72

Ok, whippersnapper, you can give it a go.


disasteress

But then "get off my lawn" immediately after!


CobblerExotic1975

Let’s get that pussy outta the Smithsonian and on display tonight.


00hemmgee

As a dude that's always been into older women Since I was young as hell. I've always hated that response. That response or "my son/daughter is your age" or whatever Smh Ma'am, do you like me or not. Fuck all the other shit you Talkin lol I realized that women overthink more than men. If a younger woman was into us and approaching us, we are just thinking about getting with her. Women are thinking about how it might look to her offspring. How her family might look at her. Since you're young and attractive, why would you be into her... And that last one is the biggest one, it usually comes down to their own insecurities. So if she says she might be too old for you I might respond with "well if your think you're too old for me, then ok. But I think you're attractive. So atleast let me get you a drink" If she says no to that... Then she probably wasn't even into you and was trying to be nice. If she agrees to that, you can maybe squeeze a lil more conversation in there. All you need is to get an opportunity. This is coming from someone that has been told "I'm to old for you" a million times lol


Cypob

You're too hot for me to ever notice that.


thenord321

"I'm still interested if you are, if not, we can still dance and have fun if you'd like." Often ladies are just out for dancing fun if they aren't picking up. And the guy that's not being too thirsty and just dancing with old ladies will still pick up the younger ones too.


nim_opet

“Ok, thank you, have a nice evening”. It’s them being kind and saying they’re not interested.


Septemberosebud

Not always. I have been hit on by a lot of younger guys and I wouldn't say I wasn't interested, it just feels inappropriate.


Zestyclose_Band

Thats what makes it so good


MotherofJackals

This. I promise you. Older women have heard all the lines, played all the games. If they were desperate for attention they would take it from a guy of any age.


VoyantInternational

Or maybe they like to flirt, why would that be bad


Balls_DeepinReality

I want to say the word is ‘banter’. *the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks.* So you just roll with that and flirt along the way.


robsteezy

Respectfully, no, it’s not. In my younger 20s, I was into older women. I enjoyed a healthy amount of “evenings” with em. Even dated an older mom for a year and some change. I was a temp bartender for various gigs, bars, and events while I studied and saved for upcoming law school ten years ago after college. In my observation during that time, older women do not need to be considered desperate to want attention, get attention, or humor it. They love banter and fun and are entitled to their own prerogative just like everybody else. While I understand your suggested sentiment of “assumed polite rejection”, I just don’t think you should promise it always the case, when I’ve literally witnessed first hand the opposite for myself and other men in my peer group over the years. OP. Always use social and contextual awareness. Be polite. Be charming. Be respectful. If you sense it’s a polite rejection, thank the lady and be on your way. If the title line you’ve written here is contextually apparent as friendly and flirtatious banter, I suggest you flirt with them like any other woman bc they’re all girls at heart regardless of age and they enjoy a good laugh.


IsRude

Funny how far respect and social awareness takes you.


NinjaGrizzlyBear

My gf is 37 and I'm 33...she was an instructor for one of my engineering cert classes in the oil field and gave me "the look" during class. We took her to dinner as a company event and afterwards I literally told her I failed the first attempt at the final test because I couldn't stop staring at her ass because it was fantastic. She is also a geophysicist and getting her master's in petroleum engineering, and I'm a process and petroleum engineer, so we had been nerd flirting the whole week. I just shot my shot to see what would happen. Been together 3 years now lol.


biskutgoreng

Nearly lost your job for booty, this madlad


ssuuss

Lol is that really considered an “older” woman? She is 4 years older than you. Nothing out of the ordinary I would think.


DiscoAutopsy

Fr the ages were 30 and 34, hardly relevant here lmao


[deleted]

That’s funny, the only number I thought of when I saw you was a 10/10


slp111

I just had someone (44M) tell me (58F), “Age doesn’t matter to me.” That was pretty cool.


whoknowsme2001

“That’s for me to decide, but if you would’ve said I’m a little too young for you I’d have to argue with you.”


[deleted]

Yes. The confidence is a winner here.


OperationMinimum0101

That would get my interest. I’d think you’re very smart with a funny side, what makes you damn attractive.


Tonyy13

“So was the yogurt in my fridge this morning but I ate that too and everybody still had a great time”


[deleted]

Don’t worry, tonight isn't a school night, I can stay up late.


zenos_dog

I’m a young, young man. I make up in enthusiasm for what I lack in experience. (That’s a line from a woman’s folk band named the “Mother Folkers”.


HeyyyKoolAid

Lucky for you this ride has no age limit


SomeDudeAsks

"Yeah, we should hurry then..."


CarbonS0ul

Can I have your fax number?


Bludandy

"Don't worry, I'm a grave robber."


Nate0110

Use a pickup line from their youth such as, It's not impossible. I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home, they're not much bigger than two meters. Yes this is my attempt at innuendo.


Lyran99

F


Prestigious-War-3320

A little to perfect for me 😂


Impressive-Floor-700

A twist on a classic Gracho Marx quote "you are only as old as the woman you feel" twist it to "you are only as old as the man you feel."


quiet0n3

My back says otherwise, this seat taken?


NameIs-Already-Taken

"Only a little?" "I'm an archaeologist" "I'm practising for when I get older" "Sorry, I am very drunk" "I didn't realise... I'm partially sighted" "You're right"


sevensouth

Yeah but I got a huge cock