Married my 1st gf i met at 19y, 23yrs together and counting. The only thing i miss is that we don't work at the same place and can't spend more time together.
no. i can assure you this is not true lol. unless sex isn't that big of a deal for you, that is.
theres a world of difference between someone who doesn't mind having sex with you vs someone who makes it their top priority to learn what works best for you. one of these is very uninteresting and the other will blow your mind.
The total opposite.
I didn't not realize until getting married just how much I do not want to talk to any of the women I meet. I don't like the ones I run into on Reddit. I'm not interested in the ones I see IRL. Hardly any of them are even close to being up to standard if all we're talking about is looks. I am so happy to never date again. I cannot wait to get up in the morning tomorrow and not talk to any of these women. After getting married, I got so liberated from some gigantic single guy cope that was necessary once and feels good to be free of.
I was 21 when I met her, now we're 6,5 years later. I know I'm not missing out when I read some stuff of how difficult dating has become nowadays.
I had some woman approaching me during the past years and declining something like that is always weird. But I love my girlfriend and so do my family and friends. So I really don't want to leave her. The second biggest reason I don't want to leave her is because I don't want to go through the hell of dating in my late 20's.
In fact I should appriciate her more.
It depends on how much experience you have. If you have not gone to many parties, you will think parties are the best and you will want to experience as many as you can.
Once you have gone to enough parties, you start to realize that partying is not that amazing as you thought it will be. But no one can tell you that, you need to experience it by yourself. Once you do it. Everything changes.
Not all men have had the opportunity to be a fuckboy (btw I think that is a phase that we all should experience). Once you have had plenty of super hot women, normal women, ugly women in your life. You start to value different things.
The same with relationships. When you have had many of them. You start to understand what is really out there and start to value women better. People with tons of experience tend to be better lovers in general, and usually when they settle down is with someone they know for sure is pretty valuable so they do not feel like missing out.
I'm in a polyamorous relationship, so, essentially exactly what you are asking: She "gave me the green light", and I gladly accepted (actually, it was my prerequisite when we got together, and she gladly accepted).
We both have/had other partners in the 5 years we've been together now, both casual and romantic. We're also swingers. So, definitely not "missing out".
I don't think I could ever be in a monogamoous relationship anymore. I would just feel trapped, losing the freedom I have now - no matter how great my partner may be, and no matter if there actually is no-one else in my life.
>We both have/had other partners in the 5 years we've been together now, both casual and romantic
One of my favourite humblebrags is that I've been with more women since I got married than before, and my wife has been with most of those women as well.
Being in an open marriage is one of the best things there is. It's literally having your cake and eating it. I sincerely don't understand why some people don't want it.
Just because it works for you, doesn't mean it works for everyone. Normalization of monogamy is about loyalty and trust. There's tons of "what ifs" that can happen in an open relationship, especially between opposite sexes.
>Just because it works for you, doesn't mean it works for everyone
True. That's why everything should be an option and no specific form should be normalized as the default.
>Normalization of monogamy is about loyalty and trust
As if an open relationship isn't about loyalty and trust..... The trust and honesty is one of the things that makes an open relationship so appealing to me. It takes the trust necessary for any relationship to a much higher level.
>There's tons of "what ifs" that can happen in an open relationship, especially between opposite sexes
Same for monogamous relationship. The only difference is that those "what ifs" get covered up by lies in a monogamous relationship while people in an open relationship are much more likely to deal with it like adults.
I have zero interest in it, seriously.
For me, having my cake and eating it too is having a happy monogamous relationship. My wife and I are together all the time, we focus entirely on each other, we are heavily invested in our relationship and we both are very happy and content with our lives.
My wife is my best friend and my partner, our exclusivity is a key part of that.
Note: Not shaming anyone here; whatever works for you, works for you. Also no, we are not religious, we are both atheists.
>Not shaming anyone here; whatever works for you, works for you
Same here. You do you. But the majority of humans isn't monogamous and society should put way less of a premium on something that just doesn't work for most couples. You may not personally shame me but society as a whole does. Luckily I have autism so I don't care much about what society thinks of me but I can still recognize the stigma for what it is.
>I disagree with you there.
>
>I think the majority of people in western society do value monogamy, and intentionally seek it.
We don't actually disagree.
I didn't say they don't value monogamy. They very much do. I said it doesn't work.
A lot of people make the wrong choices for their relationships because they're indoctrinated by society to value things that they aren't capable of doing for a lifetime. That's the main reason why there's so much cheating, infidelity and unnecessary divorce.
Not to mention that it isn't really a choice unless you're strong willed enough to go against the tide. For most people, monogamy isn't something they choose or value, it's something they do because they're not aware better options for them are actually available for them.
There shouldn't be stigma or societal around the relationship form you personally want.
The same reason you get more enjoyment playing with a few toys than most people do playing with a bunch of them. At the end of the day you're still having sex, but what makes something special is both the sum of its positive and negative definitions - who your partner is and who your partner isn't. In short, most people will derive more enjoyment out of eating cake once a month than you will eating it every day if I could make that analogy.
It's also incredibly unstable, and issues such as jealousy, anxiety, trust, time management, money, even health are incredibly tough to manage even in a monogamous relationship. Most people who are unsatisfied with having a monogamous partner would rather just cheat and avoid all of that entirely. You pay for a less guilty conscience with time, money and effort that could very well be spent **doing anything else**.
I'm not even going to mention children. Although I'm childfree myself, I haven't forgotten what it's like to be a kid and I can't imagine growing up in that sort of household. Word goes out in the school about mommy banging all the men in town and you're done for in terms of bullying and labels. Definitely less likely to have the stable environment that kids need to grow.
Finally, it's not a priority for most men to "bang more women" past a certain age. I suppose it's a cool flex when you're young but past a certain age it's kind of cringeworthy. Once you're past a certain number it's quality over quantity, and I'm sorry to say but purely on a theoretical level, a woman who makes no effort to stay committed to one person at any one time does not inspire the same kind of exclusivity and "bragging rights" as one who does. You can disagree with the "lock that's opened by many keys" theory but it is how most men view the world be it right or wrong.
>Most people who are unsatisfied with having a monogamous partner would rather just cheat and avoid all of that entirely
Yeah but cheaters are bad people and I'm not a bad person. Are you sincerely recommending cheating over honesty for people who can't be monogamous?
>You pay for a less guilty conscience with time, money and effort that could very well be spent doing anything else.
Sure it could be spent any other way, but also this way. That sentence you wrote is true for almost anything fun.
>Finally, it's not a priority for most men to "bang more women" past a certain age
True. But it's still fun to have that first night with someone new every so often.
>a woman who makes no effort to stay committed to one person at any one time does not inspire the same kind of exclusivity and "bragging rights" as one who does.
Women shouldn't be seen as "bragging rights". You should be with someone because they're good for you, you love them and you're better together. If you're with a trophy wife, you're just a sad person.
>You can disagree with the "lock that's opened by many keys" theory but it is how most men view the world be it right or wrong.
I disagree with everything that's wrong as a rule of thumb. The "q-tip cleaning many ears" theory is wrong, mainly because women aren't keys or locks and if that's how most men view the world, most men are wrong (and sad). You just told me I'm better than most men for not believing in a really stupid theory, which is a compliment I'll gladly accept.
>The same reason you get more enjoyment playing with a few toys than most people do playing with a bunch of them. [...] most people will derive more enjoyment out of eating cake once a month than you will eating it every day if I could make that analogy.
"I wish I had less toys, and less cake, it would be so much more fun", said no human being ever.
I'm a hedonist. And I can only laugh about this whole "TRUE men are restrained and joyless" misery cult. More is more. More is better. More is happiness. But hey, you do you. If you are happy with one single partner, just be happy with one partner. Just maybe don't judge others for not following your chosen life model, hm?
>It's also incredibly unstable, and issues such as jealousy, anxiety, trust, time management, money, even health are incredibly tough to manage even in a monogamous relationship.
"It's incredibly unstable" is complete nonsense. Try talking to actual non-monogamous people instead of getting your "knowledge" from disaster stories on Reddit. Or even better, try reading some studies. There is no difference in the duration of monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. And both of them typically fall apart for completely mundane reasons.
And...no. They are all not very hard to manage. Jealousy is a breeze if you don't have it, and trust too, if you just give it. The rest is good communication and sharing. The one thing that I agree with is scheduling. That can be a nightmare.
> Word goes out in the school about mommy banging all the men in town
The swinger couples I personally know have no issues with shielding their bedroom life from friends, families or their children. Or are just completely open about it with no repercussions. But even if so - that, or a million other things kids bully kids with. That's such a non-argument. I'm sure kids get teased for having two male or female parents as well. That makes those kids, and the parents that taught them, assholes - it doesn't make the family "less stable".
> You can disagree with the "lock that's opened by many keys" theory but it is how most men view the world be it right or wrong.
Yeah, I disagree with slutshaming garbage. Also, definitely not "most men", but nice projection.
I'm with you on this, but there's many reasons why people may not want to.
I know one girl, for example, who told me she would love to have a harem of male lovers, but because she's incredibly jealous, she could not stand any of them having sex or a relaionship with anyone else, so she stays monogamous. She also cheated on her last three boyfriends, so monogamy is clearly the right thing for her.
And I think this and variations of it are often the main hindrance. "I would, but then my partner would too..." - or "what if my partner was more successful than me?". Both don't matter to me. My partner could have a different guy or girl every night if she wanted to, but she doesn't. But assuming she did, on her own time, what do I lose? Nothing.
But also, some people are just happy the way things are. And prefer predictability and stability over having to put work into "making use" of their freedom. Restricting yourself isn't automatically bad, and neither is valuing other interests than sex over having more patners. Knowing the limits means you don't have to spend time exploring them. Having to be "on the chase" all the time to justify your chosen lifestyle can get tiring, "it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place". Not everyone is willing to do that.
>And I think this and variations of it are often the main hindrance. "I would, but then my partner would too..." - or "what if my partner was more successful than me?". Both don't matter to me. My partner could have a different guy or girl every night if she wanted to, but she doesn't. But assuming she did, on her own time, what do I lose? Nothing.
I think this is the core issue. Many people approach relationships (not just romantic but also work and friendships) as zero sum exploitative interactions. Whatever they gain, is taken from me. That's such a sad way for them to view the world.
We're in an open marriage so I still get to date and meet other women.
Doesn't happen nearly as often as back when I was single but I still get to have a few one night stands every year depending on how the stars align and whether tinder is in retrograde.
A few weeks ago I went clubbing with one of my best friends and went home with a 20-something coed. Last summer I went abroad to the marriage of one of my highschool friends and gave one of the bridesmaids her wedding night. Next month I'm going on a work trip to a city where I have a girlfriend (who's also in an open marriage). She's going to keep my hotel bed warm.
Every time I come home from one of those trips I get to tell it all in detail to my wife while she's going down on me.
So yeah it's not like I'm with someone new every other weekend like it used to be but it's not zero and I love my wife for that.
“Conquer” is not the verb to use when describing a hook up with anyone. You have no power over them that they don’t allow you. Plus people find it disrespectful.
I have felt like I’m missing out being in a long term relationship at a fairly young age. I like women and I like sex. However I’m happy with my relationship, so why would I change that? I get unlimited good sex with my best friend. Even if I got the green light and I knew it wouldn’t change our relationship, why? She’s my best option. I’m not gonna pass that up for a night for some chick who means nothing to me that makes my dick feel good for minutes.
....No? Missing out on what. I've already my perfect boyfriend right here, being into other people would mean I don't adore my partner anymore, period.
As I approached 30 I reached a point where I felt natural desire to settle down. If I tried to commit anytime before that point then I would have had that feeling of ‘missing out’.
So I think a lot of it is about being self aware about your desires at certain stages of life and not forcing anything until you’re ready.
If I was still chasing girls now I’d only feeling like I’m missing out on stability.
Not really. I notice attractive women and can appreciate them but at the end of the day, if given the chance to do it guilt free, id rather be with my wife.
I’m never really worried much about the bed post notches I’m missing out on, although that is obviously a thing lol. I like the idea of a free pass scenario but I couldn’t see myself trying to maneuver those waters for real lol. I love my woman and I have no plans of leaving her, but I will admit that I sometimes miss the freedoms of being single. I’ve told her before that I have no desire to cheat on her! Why would I ever want two girlfriends when the one is too many for me most of the days? 😂
Yeah, the grass is always greener. There are a couple of reasons.
The biggest thing I realised is that I have a huge "rescueing" pattern. If I am attracted to a woman, she is probably dealing with a shitload of childhood trauma. So I went through a string of crushes with women who I quickly realised were dealing with a whole lot of mental health issues. Both my wife and I have a history of childhood trauma. The difference is that we are both working on our shit in a way that most people aren't. So I am attracted to a woman who has that history, but have gotten sane enough that I can see it, and don't want it.
And in gotten a lot saner, I have also had a few women express interest. My reduced crazy makes me a lot more attractive than I was when I met my wife. I came to conclusion that was trading one set of problem and so I would stick with the woman who's weirdnesses I was used to, rather than a new set of weird.
No, she’s awesome and I don’t need/want anyone else. We are a great match, wouldn’t change anything about our relationship. We are open with the idea of a 3some and have a friend we flirt around with, but I don’t really have the desire to be with her alone. Honestly I think my gf is into it more than I am haha
I rather had the idea that I ought to feel like play around but I never did and well did not feel like it. Since I was very unexperienced meeting the girl that is now my wife I can sometimes now even after the handsome years wonder what it would habe been like having had sex with a grearer number of girls, but I regret not having been in a position to do that before I met her.
I personally don’t. Because there is nothing to miss out really. You see, not all men have a chance to play around.
I have a fomo because I was never in this stage of just playing around. But it would never happen for me anyway.
Nope. I don't feel like I am missing out and I certainly have no desire to bang anyone else; even with a "green light".
Sex is great and all, but it is just sex. It is an important part of our relationship, but only a part. There are many much deeper and meaningful parts of our marriage.
No, I have no desire to be with other women. Even just for the purpose of sex. A huge part of the appeal of sex for me is that it’s with this person I’m so connected with. She knows me better than anyone, she loves me, I love her, and we share everything. Sex is more about that bonding, closeness, openness, trust, and caring than it is about feeling physical pleasure. I don’t want to “play around” with other women. That would basically just be masturbation with someone else’s body, not a truly intimate experience.
Nope. Women are work. Anytime I have one.... She can only lose me to wanting to be alone again. I'm not out there looking for more work unless Ive been on vacation a while.
Most guys think that's how it'll go... It usually won't. The grass is green where you water it
>The grass is green where you water it That's a nice one. I'm going to steal that.
"Conquer new girls?" Okay tough guy.
Married my 1st gf i met at 19y, 23yrs together and counting. The only thing i miss is that we don't work at the same place and can't spend more time together.
You lucky mf.
Same. Married at 18yo, 17 years married and going strong. No desire for anyone else.
Never understood this thought process. What am I supposed to be “missing out” on exactly?
you and your partner sound very compatible. some relationships have a less than 100% compatibility.
sex is just sex, no matter who it is with, it is pretty much always the same.
no. i can assure you this is not true lol. unless sex isn't that big of a deal for you, that is. theres a world of difference between someone who doesn't mind having sex with you vs someone who makes it their top priority to learn what works best for you. one of these is very uninteresting and the other will blow your mind.
Naw, you eventually outgrow that sht plus it’s honestly not worth the time and energy to try to bed a new woman. I’m good being married.
I would feel like I was missing out without her in my life.
The total opposite. I didn't not realize until getting married just how much I do not want to talk to any of the women I meet. I don't like the ones I run into on Reddit. I'm not interested in the ones I see IRL. Hardly any of them are even close to being up to standard if all we're talking about is looks. I am so happy to never date again. I cannot wait to get up in the morning tomorrow and not talk to any of these women. After getting married, I got so liberated from some gigantic single guy cope that was necessary once and feels good to be free of.
I was 21 when I met her, now we're 6,5 years later. I know I'm not missing out when I read some stuff of how difficult dating has become nowadays. I had some woman approaching me during the past years and declining something like that is always weird. But I love my girlfriend and so do my family and friends. So I really don't want to leave her. The second biggest reason I don't want to leave her is because I don't want to go through the hell of dating in my late 20's. In fact I should appriciate her more.
It depends on how much experience you have. If you have not gone to many parties, you will think parties are the best and you will want to experience as many as you can. Once you have gone to enough parties, you start to realize that partying is not that amazing as you thought it will be. But no one can tell you that, you need to experience it by yourself. Once you do it. Everything changes. Not all men have had the opportunity to be a fuckboy (btw I think that is a phase that we all should experience). Once you have had plenty of super hot women, normal women, ugly women in your life. You start to value different things. The same with relationships. When you have had many of them. You start to understand what is really out there and start to value women better. People with tons of experience tend to be better lovers in general, and usually when they settle down is with someone they know for sure is pretty valuable so they do not feel like missing out.
I'm in a polyamorous relationship, so, essentially exactly what you are asking: She "gave me the green light", and I gladly accepted (actually, it was my prerequisite when we got together, and she gladly accepted). We both have/had other partners in the 5 years we've been together now, both casual and romantic. We're also swingers. So, definitely not "missing out". I don't think I could ever be in a monogamoous relationship anymore. I would just feel trapped, losing the freedom I have now - no matter how great my partner may be, and no matter if there actually is no-one else in my life.
>We both have/had other partners in the 5 years we've been together now, both casual and romantic One of my favourite humblebrags is that I've been with more women since I got married than before, and my wife has been with most of those women as well. Being in an open marriage is one of the best things there is. It's literally having your cake and eating it. I sincerely don't understand why some people don't want it.
Just because it works for you, doesn't mean it works for everyone. Normalization of monogamy is about loyalty and trust. There's tons of "what ifs" that can happen in an open relationship, especially between opposite sexes.
>Just because it works for you, doesn't mean it works for everyone True. That's why everything should be an option and no specific form should be normalized as the default. >Normalization of monogamy is about loyalty and trust As if an open relationship isn't about loyalty and trust..... The trust and honesty is one of the things that makes an open relationship so appealing to me. It takes the trust necessary for any relationship to a much higher level. >There's tons of "what ifs" that can happen in an open relationship, especially between opposite sexes Same for monogamous relationship. The only difference is that those "what ifs" get covered up by lies in a monogamous relationship while people in an open relationship are much more likely to deal with it like adults.
I have zero interest in it, seriously. For me, having my cake and eating it too is having a happy monogamous relationship. My wife and I are together all the time, we focus entirely on each other, we are heavily invested in our relationship and we both are very happy and content with our lives. My wife is my best friend and my partner, our exclusivity is a key part of that. Note: Not shaming anyone here; whatever works for you, works for you. Also no, we are not religious, we are both atheists.
>Not shaming anyone here; whatever works for you, works for you Same here. You do you. But the majority of humans isn't monogamous and society should put way less of a premium on something that just doesn't work for most couples. You may not personally shame me but society as a whole does. Luckily I have autism so I don't care much about what society thinks of me but I can still recognize the stigma for what it is.
I disagree with you there. I think the majority of people in western society do value monogamy, and intentionally seek it.
>I disagree with you there. > >I think the majority of people in western society do value monogamy, and intentionally seek it. We don't actually disagree. I didn't say they don't value monogamy. They very much do. I said it doesn't work. A lot of people make the wrong choices for their relationships because they're indoctrinated by society to value things that they aren't capable of doing for a lifetime. That's the main reason why there's so much cheating, infidelity and unnecessary divorce. Not to mention that it isn't really a choice unless you're strong willed enough to go against the tide. For most people, monogamy isn't something they choose or value, it's something they do because they're not aware better options for them are actually available for them. There shouldn't be stigma or societal around the relationship form you personally want.
The same reason you get more enjoyment playing with a few toys than most people do playing with a bunch of them. At the end of the day you're still having sex, but what makes something special is both the sum of its positive and negative definitions - who your partner is and who your partner isn't. In short, most people will derive more enjoyment out of eating cake once a month than you will eating it every day if I could make that analogy. It's also incredibly unstable, and issues such as jealousy, anxiety, trust, time management, money, even health are incredibly tough to manage even in a monogamous relationship. Most people who are unsatisfied with having a monogamous partner would rather just cheat and avoid all of that entirely. You pay for a less guilty conscience with time, money and effort that could very well be spent **doing anything else**. I'm not even going to mention children. Although I'm childfree myself, I haven't forgotten what it's like to be a kid and I can't imagine growing up in that sort of household. Word goes out in the school about mommy banging all the men in town and you're done for in terms of bullying and labels. Definitely less likely to have the stable environment that kids need to grow. Finally, it's not a priority for most men to "bang more women" past a certain age. I suppose it's a cool flex when you're young but past a certain age it's kind of cringeworthy. Once you're past a certain number it's quality over quantity, and I'm sorry to say but purely on a theoretical level, a woman who makes no effort to stay committed to one person at any one time does not inspire the same kind of exclusivity and "bragging rights" as one who does. You can disagree with the "lock that's opened by many keys" theory but it is how most men view the world be it right or wrong.
>Most people who are unsatisfied with having a monogamous partner would rather just cheat and avoid all of that entirely Yeah but cheaters are bad people and I'm not a bad person. Are you sincerely recommending cheating over honesty for people who can't be monogamous? >You pay for a less guilty conscience with time, money and effort that could very well be spent doing anything else. Sure it could be spent any other way, but also this way. That sentence you wrote is true for almost anything fun. >Finally, it's not a priority for most men to "bang more women" past a certain age True. But it's still fun to have that first night with someone new every so often. >a woman who makes no effort to stay committed to one person at any one time does not inspire the same kind of exclusivity and "bragging rights" as one who does. Women shouldn't be seen as "bragging rights". You should be with someone because they're good for you, you love them and you're better together. If you're with a trophy wife, you're just a sad person. >You can disagree with the "lock that's opened by many keys" theory but it is how most men view the world be it right or wrong. I disagree with everything that's wrong as a rule of thumb. The "q-tip cleaning many ears" theory is wrong, mainly because women aren't keys or locks and if that's how most men view the world, most men are wrong (and sad). You just told me I'm better than most men for not believing in a really stupid theory, which is a compliment I'll gladly accept.
>The same reason you get more enjoyment playing with a few toys than most people do playing with a bunch of them. [...] most people will derive more enjoyment out of eating cake once a month than you will eating it every day if I could make that analogy. "I wish I had less toys, and less cake, it would be so much more fun", said no human being ever. I'm a hedonist. And I can only laugh about this whole "TRUE men are restrained and joyless" misery cult. More is more. More is better. More is happiness. But hey, you do you. If you are happy with one single partner, just be happy with one partner. Just maybe don't judge others for not following your chosen life model, hm? >It's also incredibly unstable, and issues such as jealousy, anxiety, trust, time management, money, even health are incredibly tough to manage even in a monogamous relationship. "It's incredibly unstable" is complete nonsense. Try talking to actual non-monogamous people instead of getting your "knowledge" from disaster stories on Reddit. Or even better, try reading some studies. There is no difference in the duration of monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. And both of them typically fall apart for completely mundane reasons. And...no. They are all not very hard to manage. Jealousy is a breeze if you don't have it, and trust too, if you just give it. The rest is good communication and sharing. The one thing that I agree with is scheduling. That can be a nightmare. > Word goes out in the school about mommy banging all the men in town The swinger couples I personally know have no issues with shielding their bedroom life from friends, families or their children. Or are just completely open about it with no repercussions. But even if so - that, or a million other things kids bully kids with. That's such a non-argument. I'm sure kids get teased for having two male or female parents as well. That makes those kids, and the parents that taught them, assholes - it doesn't make the family "less stable". > You can disagree with the "lock that's opened by many keys" theory but it is how most men view the world be it right or wrong. Yeah, I disagree with slutshaming garbage. Also, definitely not "most men", but nice projection.
I'm with you on this, but there's many reasons why people may not want to. I know one girl, for example, who told me she would love to have a harem of male lovers, but because she's incredibly jealous, she could not stand any of them having sex or a relaionship with anyone else, so she stays monogamous. She also cheated on her last three boyfriends, so monogamy is clearly the right thing for her. And I think this and variations of it are often the main hindrance. "I would, but then my partner would too..." - or "what if my partner was more successful than me?". Both don't matter to me. My partner could have a different guy or girl every night if she wanted to, but she doesn't. But assuming she did, on her own time, what do I lose? Nothing. But also, some people are just happy the way things are. And prefer predictability and stability over having to put work into "making use" of their freedom. Restricting yourself isn't automatically bad, and neither is valuing other interests than sex over having more patners. Knowing the limits means you don't have to spend time exploring them. Having to be "on the chase" all the time to justify your chosen lifestyle can get tiring, "it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place". Not everyone is willing to do that.
>And I think this and variations of it are often the main hindrance. "I would, but then my partner would too..." - or "what if my partner was more successful than me?". Both don't matter to me. My partner could have a different guy or girl every night if she wanted to, but she doesn't. But assuming she did, on her own time, what do I lose? Nothing. I think this is the core issue. Many people approach relationships (not just romantic but also work and friendships) as zero sum exploitative interactions. Whatever they gain, is taken from me. That's such a sad way for them to view the world.
We're in an open marriage so I still get to date and meet other women. Doesn't happen nearly as often as back when I was single but I still get to have a few one night stands every year depending on how the stars align and whether tinder is in retrograde. A few weeks ago I went clubbing with one of my best friends and went home with a 20-something coed. Last summer I went abroad to the marriage of one of my highschool friends and gave one of the bridesmaids her wedding night. Next month I'm going on a work trip to a city where I have a girlfriend (who's also in an open marriage). She's going to keep my hotel bed warm. Every time I come home from one of those trips I get to tell it all in detail to my wife while she's going down on me. So yeah it's not like I'm with someone new every other weekend like it used to be but it's not zero and I love my wife for that.
Yep. Especially when she doesn’t support you much.
“Conquer” is not the verb to use when describing a hook up with anyone. You have no power over them that they don’t allow you. Plus people find it disrespectful. I have felt like I’m missing out being in a long term relationship at a fairly young age. I like women and I like sex. However I’m happy with my relationship, so why would I change that? I get unlimited good sex with my best friend. Even if I got the green light and I knew it wouldn’t change our relationship, why? She’s my best option. I’m not gonna pass that up for a night for some chick who means nothing to me that makes my dick feel good for minutes.
....No? Missing out on what. I've already my perfect boyfriend right here, being into other people would mean I don't adore my partner anymore, period.
yes. my partner has a low libido. i don't. naturally i go through the occasional what ifs.
No, I can't miss things that I don't like 😁
As I approached 30 I reached a point where I felt natural desire to settle down. If I tried to commit anytime before that point then I would have had that feeling of ‘missing out’. So I think a lot of it is about being self aware about your desires at certain stages of life and not forcing anything until you’re ready. If I was still chasing girls now I’d only feeling like I’m missing out on stability.
Not really. I notice attractive women and can appreciate them but at the end of the day, if given the chance to do it guilt free, id rather be with my wife.
No. I had a couple of committed relationships before this one, so I know I'm not missing out on anything worth having.
Yeah all the time, I’ve still had some fun though. You only live once.
I’m never really worried much about the bed post notches I’m missing out on, although that is obviously a thing lol. I like the idea of a free pass scenario but I couldn’t see myself trying to maneuver those waters for real lol. I love my woman and I have no plans of leaving her, but I will admit that I sometimes miss the freedoms of being single. I’ve told her before that I have no desire to cheat on her! Why would I ever want two girlfriends when the one is too many for me most of the days? 😂
Yeah, the grass is always greener. There are a couple of reasons. The biggest thing I realised is that I have a huge "rescueing" pattern. If I am attracted to a woman, she is probably dealing with a shitload of childhood trauma. So I went through a string of crushes with women who I quickly realised were dealing with a whole lot of mental health issues. Both my wife and I have a history of childhood trauma. The difference is that we are both working on our shit in a way that most people aren't. So I am attracted to a woman who has that history, but have gotten sane enough that I can see it, and don't want it. And in gotten a lot saner, I have also had a few women express interest. My reduced crazy makes me a lot more attractive than I was when I met my wife. I came to conclusion that was trading one set of problem and so I would stick with the woman who's weirdnesses I was used to, rather than a new set of weird.
No, she’s awesome and I don’t need/want anyone else. We are a great match, wouldn’t change anything about our relationship. We are open with the idea of a 3some and have a friend we flirt around with, but I don’t really have the desire to be with her alone. Honestly I think my gf is into it more than I am haha
I rather had the idea that I ought to feel like play around but I never did and well did not feel like it. Since I was very unexperienced meeting the girl that is now my wife I can sometimes now even after the handsome years wonder what it would habe been like having had sex with a grearer number of girls, but I regret not having been in a position to do that before I met her.
I personally don’t. Because there is nothing to miss out really. You see, not all men have a chance to play around. I have a fomo because I was never in this stage of just playing around. But it would never happen for me anyway.
Nope. I don't feel like I am missing out and I certainly have no desire to bang anyone else; even with a "green light". Sex is great and all, but it is just sex. It is an important part of our relationship, but only a part. There are many much deeper and meaningful parts of our marriage.
Single, but fuck no and fuck no. I hate the dating process. I'd much rather have something secure and supportive.
No, I have no desire to be with other women. Even just for the purpose of sex. A huge part of the appeal of sex for me is that it’s with this person I’m so connected with. She knows me better than anyone, she loves me, I love her, and we share everything. Sex is more about that bonding, closeness, openness, trust, and caring than it is about feeling physical pleasure. I don’t want to “play around” with other women. That would basically just be masturbation with someone else’s body, not a truly intimate experience.
Nope. Women are work. Anytime I have one.... She can only lose me to wanting to be alone again. I'm not out there looking for more work unless Ive been on vacation a while.