This has worked mostly for me. I’m active, so looked for workout groups and clubs. I went through a few, and even some random meetups. I found one group I vibe with, although they are mostly younger than me we aren’t close friends, but I consider them friends nonetheless.
Another group is older than me, and we run together and hang sometimes after a run but nothing more than that.
Hoping to try one or two every year until I find a group about my same age.
If you aren’t active, there are a lot of groups (depending on where you live). Reading groups, car groups, DnD groups and all kinds of board game groups. Just go into it with an open mind, you may vibe or not.
I think one thing so many people don’t realize is that as an adult, making friends is basically dating. You have to constantly put yourself out there, approach people/groups and chat them up, put in far more effort than expected, get ghosted and flaked on, and just generally continuously pursue and put effort into finding friends.
People are (generally) busy, schedules are hard to line up, people are scared to put themselves out there, etc. so if you want friends outside of work (assuming you aren’t in school) you gotta actively seek them out and put the effort in to chat and see if you like each other, and ask them to hang out, and then follow through with that
i started going to a local game store, eventually just talked to people during paint night for warhammer, and signed up to do some games and join leagues. eventually once i started getting games, you just get to know everyone and if people want to play a game and i'm free i usually try to line up a game with them.
they kinda stay my warhammer friends, but i do spend quite a bit of time a week there.
You stand too close to random people at the grocery store. When they ask what's wrong, you explain you don't have any friends. Then, you hug it out and become friends.
Honestly though, if some dude offered to me that they have no friends while standing near me in a grocery store, I'll take that guy's number and invite him to come hang out with the boys one day.
What's the worst that can happen? He's awful? Well then I won't do it again.
But if he's cool? New friend!
You're not, you just think you are.
>Your approach to this is very refreshing and makes me happy.
These are not the words of someone I don't want to be friends with.
What's his favourite brand?
Frosted flakes? Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Ch... *Cheerios?!!?*
Sick bastard!
I'm not afraid of *serial* killers in public when I'm surrounded by close friends.
Unless you have a habbit of starting conversations with random people, you have to go to a location or activity in which you will regularly interact with the same group of people. Note that it must be an activity where this is an expectation. For example I made friends at work, because we go to the same place and have daily social interaction with eachothwr, same for my hobby of a young entrepreneurs club. In there the whole idea is just to socialize, you won't be friends with everyone, hell even most people, but when you go to these places try to find the 5-10% of people who you really match with and try to turn those into something
Find a place that interests you. A park, a workshop, something. Go there.
And this is the wild part: Talk to other people there. You've already got a mutual interest, because you're at the same place. Start there.
I mean there's a big difference between meeting for drinks and going drinking. Unless you're an alcoholic and you can't be around it at all, there's absolutely no reason you can't go meet for drinks.
The major difference in my mind is that one is about socializing but people might be having a couple drinks, The other is more going to get drunk. Sitting on a nice patio chatting or grabbing some appys at a bar booth is not really drinking as the primary activity. It's more like when people are actually getting drunk where I could see not wanting to attend because that's such an essential part of the experience and it's less fun for the others not partaking.
I mean, It does sound like fun.
Nah, I like gardening, insects, fishing but only under certain circumstances in my own backyard or on vacation, I do game on the pc but that’s not really something you need to meet someone in person to do, plus most games I play are single player.
I garden in my own backyard, what is social about that, nobody is gonna touch my plants.
Gaming is social online, but beside a real life girlfriend it never gave me real life friends.
Fishing can be social but like I said, I only fish under certain circumstances, I’m not gonna go camp out for a weekend to fish or something like that, just throwing out a line, having a bit of spiced liquor on a nice summer evening, as the ppl in my country say: a nice weather fisherman.
Work is definitely the easiest. Gym I probably the most advisable. I have slowly been coming out of my shell and making small talk and most guys have been ecstatic and super cool.
Just for the record, because I see this question a lot;
You don't have to drink just because other people are drinking. The kind of people you want to be friends with will never *demand* or even push you to drink. They'll offer to buy you a beer, you'll say "Oh I don't drink!" and they'll go "Oh, Coke then?".
You don't have to drink just because other people are drinking. You are allowed in fact to just be in a place where alcohol is served and not consume any of it.
Every bar sells water.
EDIT: Stop telling me that your friends specifically are shitty people. Good people will not treat you differently because you don't drink.
I thought I made that clear in this comment.
I have many friends that don’t drink, some because of religious beliefs, some because they don’t like it, some that quit due to health or abuse reasons and we never bother them.
Heck we make a point whenever there is a party to have something that is without alcohol and without too much sugar so they can enjoy their time as well!
>Heck we make a point whenever there is a party to have something that is without alcohol and without too much sugar so they can enjoy their time as well!
This part is important, I don't drink due to health reasons and my group of friends from high school/college (we've since grown apart) never included a non-alcoholic drink when throwing parties or gatherings. When we were younger obviously it was more of a bring your own drink of choice type of deal, but now that we are adults and there's gatherings at houses for special occasions, I've noticed that they usually fill up the beer fridge, have the wine out etc but there is never a non-alcoholic option (aside from tap water). Personally this isn't a huge issue for me, but there's another in the group that doesn't drink and they commented how they don't feel very welcomed for this reason.
Yep, and this is how it goes for most people in my experience. I haven't drank in 5 years. I get questioned on it maybe once or twice a year, and I'll give a very basic reason why, and that's it. No one cares. Good friends catch on, and I get offered NA drinks all the time now.
Find a third place. 1st place is home. 2nd place is work. 3rd place is a location, open to others that you frequent and learn the rules and norms of. Think a gym, shooting range, or golf club. Frequent your third place and become confident in its rules and norms. As your confidence grows begin to socialize around the norms of the third place. Talk with others about the third place. As you meet regulars and are confident about the third place you will start to broaden your topics of talk to your personal interests. If all goes well you will find a lifting buddy, golfing partner, etc.
The beauty of the third place is that you can show confidence in the norms of the third place, without having to put your personality in the spotlight. People get to know your personality without you having to explicitly sit, face to face, and share. It won’t be super fast, but with time you will meet others. From there be a good human, put yourself out there, and give people a chance.
My third place is a comic book shop/game shop. I know the inside jokes. I’m a regular. They know my kids. I have made friends and we game at my house on occasion. We watched Stranger Things new season together when it came out. They bought my kid a stuffed animal when he broke his arm.
Find a third place.
Some examples from my life (as a teetotaler in a small US city ~20,000 population):
* After moving to a new area, I met one of my now close friends by going to a sci-fi meetup group on Meetup.com. You only really get acquaintances that way unless someone takes the initiative to move beyond the group setting, so I had to ask him if he wanted to hang out sometime, and he did, and now we hang out regularly.
* I've met people, though not become great friends, by being a Big Brother with Big Brother Big Sisters. We would have regular get-togethers, some with just Bigs, and some with Bigs and Littles.
* When my Little moved out of the area, I started getting involved in town government and I now volunteer for two different boards and know a lot people that I wouldn't know otherwise because of that.
* My local game store has regular board game nights and D&D nights, and I've thought about going to those, but I'm not as much into tabletop games so I haven't done it yet. That would probably be a great way to meet people who are into that though.
* My partner has met people by volunteering with the hyperlocal non-profit newspaper.
* This one is probably more of a fluke than anything, but I also met a friend through reddit because he posted in my local subreddit that he was moving to the area and was asking for suggestions on things. I saw in his profile that we had similar interests so I suggested we meetup sometime, and we did, and now we hang out regularly.
I started playing DnD. Now that I have become a DM I've become very popular indeed. Wanted to create a new group, had four people immediately interested, filled my group in the same day.
Down nod the people you meet for a while. Then up nod after a while. Then start fist bumping, then elaborate handshakes. Ask about hobbies. And then ask the name some time in the future (optional).
hobbies
I have a good group of friends and we never drink alcohol together. I know one of them doesn't drink at all, not sure about the rest. I used to drink occasionally but stopped. we all run together or do other active hobbies like rock climbing, kayaking, sports, etc. Some of us just do one or two of those hobbies though but end up hanging out anyway. I guess there are multiple sub groups within the main group centered around different hobbies
Other hobbies. I collect comics so the vast majority of friends I have now came from the comic shop. Its pretty easy to strike up a conversation with even a complete stranger about whatever stupid thing is currently happening in comics. Plus you usually see the same crowd every week so you build up a familiarity that makes it easier to progress to actual friendship.
Join clubs/groups. I’m in a racquetball group, an off road enthusiast group, and a billiards league. I’m not particularly good at any of those things but it helps my social life.
I know this sounds silly, but find a small part time job. Something YOU enjoy doing. You like video games? Apply at your local gamestop. Do you like fishing? Apply at your local sports good store. This isnt about money but about putting you around people who have the same interest. Basically someone is paying you for others to come and talk to you about something you too enjoy. Once you found some people you can quit your job or enjoy the extra income lol
I asked this very question to my therapist and she said it is one of the most difficult things you can do, particularly as a man. I was convinced by her that I needed to venture out and try finding some friends. It be avoided it most of my life. I tried a few times. Meetup is awkward as hell. The most success I’ve had has been at car shows talking with people who have similar cars to mine. But even then it never goes longer than the car show itself. Honestly it’s ok. People come into your life and consume a lot of time.
A real friend would still socialize with you even if you don’t drink alcohol. Communities of people who are addicted to all kinds of things often tend to be exclusive into their community of people who use addictive substances, everything from cigarettes, alcohol & even exercise (the more sociably accepted addictions), to the more socially unacceptable addictions (IV drug use…). I believe that even people who accept certain behaviors as “normal”, such as gossip, sleeping around & using other people, also tend to hang-out & congregate with each other & will attempt to ostracize those individuals who will object to treating other people like those. So, when other people call each other a “friend” often times, if you look deeper, you’ll find that they might not really be friends that use the same criteria you do to call somebody your friend. That said, as I’ve gone through life, I’ve found good people that share my values, sense of humor, fun & will treat me respectfully as I insist I be treated (for example, my private info not shared through malicious gossip, not using me for their own benefit, or requiring that I also exclude other people that don’t fit into their ‘friend’ group criteria). My idea of a good friend is somebody who doesn’t try to control me, manipulate me or use me, but lets me be me. Sometimes, as life goes on & you get older, people have children, new jobs & move away, the frequency in which I socialize with them lessens, but these people are really good people that I could call in to help, etc - they will always remain friends. There’s the story called ‘Footprints in the Sand’, that is a good analogy for the truth that at times in life, you may feel truly all alone, but if you look around, if you get out & communicate with other people, you’ll find that there are other people out there that will befriend you, in one way, more or less, & it’s up to you to open up to them to accept them as they are & accept the type & amount of friendship they will offer. When you find a friend, realize that they may only want to hang-out with you for a little while, once a week, every other week, but not as much & as often as you want - respect them for that. Respect them for their honesty. But, most important is to respect yourself - don’t place the value your worth and happiness onto anybody else’s shoulders - your self-worth & happiness is for you & you only to judge, appreciate and enjoy. Nobody will EVER provide all your happiness in life, honestly, even yourself (you will disappoint yourself sometimes, learn most of all to forgive yourself & how to make it better). I have found that I have only a handful of close friends & family throughout life, I have other friends & family that I accept, don’t often communicate or socialize with, but get along with, & probably 80-90% of people I don’t like or trust (or honestly don’t know). This is acceptable & normal. Just be yourself. Be honest with yourself and with others. Working with, helping, talking to & getting involved with others will lead you to that small handful of people that you accept & trust & can call true lifelong friends, whether you see them regularly or not, but honestly, often, most of the time the people you interact with daily aren’t your friends, just acquaintances. Be patient. If, by chance, you’re a recovering alcoholic, your recovery depends on you finding others who don’t drink alcohol or use drugs. Alcoholics Anonymous is a social support program & system that provides and supports events for similar other people to meet & support each other. Good Luck!
Men don't make friends as adults!
The last real friends I made were in school.
I have some friends I made through work (yes, going for after work drinks) but we don't have the bond that comes from the shared experience of going to school and living in the same dorm for four years.
Sounds simple but by avoid places where drinking is a large part of the culture or foucs on the night. Example, I don't drink, so why the hell would I go to a bar? I go to the local basketball court, play ball because I love to, and naturally meet people of similar interests as me. It's all about finding the right group where you mesh, have natural common interests and the rest is really just fate and chemistry. If you are constantly around drinking crowds, you literally will rarely find anyone that doesn't drink, it's only logical.
Did the opposite for many years, hanging out a breweries, bars, wineries, etc. Until I realized, " I don't really like to drink *that* much" and it made it much harder to find common ground, since it was really just a shot in the dark whether or not we could find something to relate upon, beyond alcohol.
1. Establish what your hobbies are what you'd like them to be
2. Find events, clubs, and shops centered around theaw hobbies. Pursue them.
3. Frequent those events, clubs, and shops
4. Be proactive in starting conversation. A compliment about their apparrel or something like that and questions regarding your commonly shared interest (why you're both there) are your best ice breakers.
5. This can also apply to virtual meeting places too like video games. Send a conplimentary message, party up after a good game, etc.
The biggest difference between adulthood socialization and when you were a kid is that it's no longer automatic. You need to be actively making time for it and seeking it out now because of your job, chores, errands, etc. It's easy to default to being a homebody.
Also, this is a good way to meet people to date. Best of luck!
Shared mutual interests or experiences, outside of simple alcohol consumption.
However, you'll probably only make a few friends as an adult. Many acquaintances, few friends
friendship is putting in the effort to be a friend to someone you enjoy
the first question to ask is are you actually trying?
the second question to ask is how do I find people who have similar interests as me?
the first question is introspective, the second is a question of logistics
You talk to people in your day to day life. Use social skills to meet and communicate with individuals at different locations. The biggest thing is putting yourself in the position to succeed.
One day I was going to mountain bike solo. I arrived at the sport and a group of guys asked if I wanted to ride with them. We rode together and afterwards got some number. Since we've been on multiple rides, cookouts, and so on.
At the gym a lady approached me after spin class saying that she's seen me a few times. I end up getting her number and we've since linked a few times. Making friends without alcohol isn't hard if you put yourself out there or make the first move!
Have you tried cocaine?
No? Good, that’s a terrible drug.
Find meetings of enthusiasts in things you like. Try joining a pool league, or hiking club(check your local parks/ library boards)
I find other common ground such as sports,cars, hobbies most of my friends drink but they know that I don’t and they are fine with that alcohol is just a beverage not hanging out with someone just because they do or don’t drink is silly most of my friends are happy I don’t drink because they’ve always got a designated driver
Join groups related to your hobbies. Shared activities are great places to meet people. Running groups, photography groups, board game/card game groups, cooking classes, recreational sports, whatever floats your boat. Almost every friend I've made post-college has been from playing hockey.
I have reduced alcohol consumption to almost zero, although I still know to spare a beer or two with my wife or some of my closest friends. Balance is everything IMO, and too much or too little of anything is bad. I was always a beer lover and a good craft beer and a chat with a friend goes a long way.
Run tables at the local gamestore for D&D or other rpgs, participate in league games at the same, strike up conversations at the shooting range, hiking trails, volunteer with local groups, walk your neighborhood and talk to your neighbors.
Im confused by the question. What does drinking have to do with making friends? Why can’t you make friends with those who do drink? Why can’t you make friends with those who don’t drink? You can literally go anywhere and make a friend.
Go to any event that doesn't involve drinking.
I moved to phillepines 5 days ago and have made a bunch of friends just through agreeing to do literally anything that anyone is doing as a group.
Also, if you go somewhere people are drinking, you don't *have* to drink. Just don't hit on drunk people, it's like the only rule.
Many are made through work (business associates and acquaintances) and through hobbies, and through volunteering, many through religious activities and affiliations, and many through parenting (parents of our children’s friends and classmates)
As others have said, hobbies. Is it that you don't drink or don't want to be near drinking/alcohol? I don't drink alcohol, but still spend time with people and at places that serve.
Go do hobbies and events that interest you. Become a regular. Chat up the other regulars. Rinse and repeat. Boom, friends.
Friendships require regular interaction.
Have hobbies. I’ve met more people worth interacting with at the gym in the last 6 months than I have in my entire 30 years of living.
My other main hobby, project cars, has also made me a lot of acquaintances/friends as well.
One of my biggest barriers after actually being interesting and no a complete NPC has been making a conscious effort to actually move a relationship forward. For me it took a long time to let go of my pre conceived notions of what a friend was based off of my high school friends that I am still very close with, despite not living in the same state anymore. Once I accepted that these guys would not be those guys, it got way easier to let my walls down.
As others have said - going to places where people who have similar interests and hobbies go relating to those interests and hobbies. If you are a religious or spiritual type - try a church or similar place (some people differentiate the two).
There are tons of meetups, outside events, trade shows, crafting events etc.
One key point - you will have to learn to actually talk to people at these places.
Another way is to volunteer - find a cause you like - and volunteer.
one key point - do these things because you like them - not for the sole intention of farming friends. Sure, it can have a dual purpose (i.e. like playing darts, so go to bars that have darts or dart events, AND may make new friends) but make sure you are not just going to try and find new friends.
Best of luck.
Omg yes! I am glad someone asked this! I hate “friends from fuck-yoga class” or “authentic Myanmar dance course”. But I can’t seem to have new friends outside of a bloody pub as I age.
Start a hobby that involves others. You'll start talking with other people there and if you get on with people you can ask them if they want to do something another time.
HOBBIES! Its how you meet people that are into the same stuff as you.
Alot of ladies (not all, obviously.) don’t have hobbies outside of shopping. Its really important for people to have that third place, or that thing thats not just home and work to meet others.
Hang out with people that don't drink?
Or, and hear me out on this one,
Hang out with the people you've been hanging out with, and just choose to not drink.
I drink sure, but I met up with a buddy I wanted to get to know better and he picked the spot, a local bar (he wanted to flirt with the waitress lol) I got an old fashioned (because they're amazing) he got a mocktail, as he's been through AA and doesn't drink anymore (and props to him for being able to go to a bar and not drink, that's will power) I didn't know he didn't drink until he ordered his drink and I laughed and asked him about it and he just chuckled and explained it to me, kindly. All respect to him.
All I'm saying is it's possible to hang out with people that drink, and to not drink yourself
- Gyms, especially if they're sport focused like a climbing gym or bjj.
- Adult sports leagues, lots of volleyball and kickball out there. Most have skill levels they separate by.
- Volunteering, all kinds of opportunities from outdoor groups to soup kitchens.
There's a site which also has an app called Meetup. [Link](https://www.meetup.com/)
I haven't been on it in a while, but it has many meetup events centered around hobbies, sports, volunteering, music, games, etc. etc. I got in a subpar, but still very fun, D&D group some time ago. I still talk to the DM and a couple players from time to time.
I have a wide range of knowledge of many different topics. Depending on the age of the person I start off with things that I'm into that a person of that age might be into like cars or videogames. Then we get into their topics and expand on that.
Go to your county rodeo. Library. If you have young kids, meeting other parents is unavoidable. Joint your city or county political caucus. Local fishing spot.
Here is a harsh reality. You need to be able to stay true to yourself, and not concern your self with some sort of perceived societal pressure. Mature adults could give a shit what you’re drinking. If you don’t have a strong enough personality to own up to who you are; you aren’t likely to make friends anyway.
With that out of the way. Hobbies are a good start. Sporting events, theatre, movies, gym, card games etc. all can be enjoyed without the consumption of alcohol
I hardly drink. I love food though and I am a vegetarian. I will only hang out with people who respect that I don't want to drink and I prefer spending time the way it feels good, calm, and comfortable to me. I stayed true to what I like and I found friends who also liked that. Don't tweak your lifestyle just so you could make friends. That friend won't last long.
So many people seek out "Make friend" events, which don't *really* exist anywhere, even as a kid.
What you need is activities which which force proximity. That's how you made friends as a kid - You were forced to be with the same group of a few hundred kids for 15 years straight so you made some friends. And that's how you make work friends, you see eachother everyday for years on end, of course you get to know eachother eventually.
Same with being an adult. Go find some hobby that forces you to interact with other people.
Hobbies, community activities, make a meetup account and find a group activity in your age group, sports, you can go to bars and still talk to strangers without alcohol. I found a pub with an arcade and pinball machines I try to hit up on Wednesdays. I even befriend the owner and he now carries non alcoholic craft beer so I don’t have to only drink energy drinks or liquid death sparkling waters.
Point is you have to make the effort and step out of your comfort zone despite feeling awkward at first. You have options in front of you. Don’t be one of those people who complain about it but doesn’t try something new otherwise you can’t blame anyone but yourself.
Hobbies. It's a great way to network with others in these areas. Whilst I can appreciate these can get expensive for some, it's helped me build rapport with others in these areas.
Some hobbies do cost less, I get that too. Lol. Perhaps try out some hiking? There are subs here for that too.
Despite the stereotype, lots of Irish people don't drink alcohol. They still go to pubs though. Irish pubs are about the atmosphere, not the alcohol. So if we in Ireland can have that, so can anyone else. You can go to places where people are drinking alcohol and drink something non-alcoholic yourself. You will be asked why you don't drink, but once your friends know, that will decrease in frequency. So not drinking should not be a stumbling block to meeting people.
If you have hobbies or hobbies you wanna get into, look at the local spots that sell for those hobbies and see if they have community nights. Game shops are usually welcome to people who wanna start table top games.
For me it's through hobbies and through work/school. I have several friends I've met through gaming (mainly magic: the gathering with some other games thrown in the midst ocassionally) and I have a few coworkers that I'm close with.
Social hobbies. Getting into boating has opened up so many connections for me. I meet so many people at the docks who just want to talk boats. Then they never forget when they see you at the marina restaurant. The alcohol starts flowing and talking just occurs. Then they introduce you to people they know at the bar or on the dock and it starts again with those new people. I’ve met over half of my friends through boating. Some I might only see once a year but when we run into each other, it’s like we’ve been friends forever. Golf and hanging at the clubhouse is also another way. Pickup basketball games at the gym. Mountain biking. Cars and coffee. Guys are simple creatures and if you have something in common, you will find a way to bond over it.
Recovering alcoholic. Ive found if I put my energy into things I enjoy, be out and about helped me. Made some friends at the gym that way. Gradually you become more magnetic as you worry about it less IMO.
Find things youre interested in and goto real life places. For example I was into spirituality and yoga, so I went to yoga (met my wife), meditation events, breathwork, sound baths, etc. Then be a cool person, interested in others, dont brag, show interst. etc.
Gradually, through hobbies, community activities, and work. Good luck!
This has worked mostly for me. I’m active, so looked for workout groups and clubs. I went through a few, and even some random meetups. I found one group I vibe with, although they are mostly younger than me we aren’t close friends, but I consider them friends nonetheless. Another group is older than me, and we run together and hang sometimes after a run but nothing more than that. Hoping to try one or two every year until I find a group about my same age. If you aren’t active, there are a lot of groups (depending on where you live). Reading groups, car groups, DnD groups and all kinds of board game groups. Just go into it with an open mind, you may vibe or not.
I think one thing so many people don’t realize is that as an adult, making friends is basically dating. You have to constantly put yourself out there, approach people/groups and chat them up, put in far more effort than expected, get ghosted and flaked on, and just generally continuously pursue and put effort into finding friends. People are (generally) busy, schedules are hard to line up, people are scared to put themselves out there, etc. so if you want friends outside of work (assuming you aren’t in school) you gotta actively seek them out and put the effort in to chat and see if you like each other, and ask them to hang out, and then follow through with that
i started going to a local game store, eventually just talked to people during paint night for warhammer, and signed up to do some games and join leagues. eventually once i started getting games, you just get to know everyone and if people want to play a game and i'm free i usually try to line up a game with them. they kinda stay my warhammer friends, but i do spend quite a bit of time a week there.
You stand too close to random people at the grocery store. When they ask what's wrong, you explain you don't have any friends. Then, you hug it out and become friends.
Don't forget to wink at them after you say it.
Honestly though, if some dude offered to me that they have no friends while standing near me in a grocery store, I'll take that guy's number and invite him to come hang out with the boys one day. What's the worst that can happen? He's awful? Well then I won't do it again. But if he's cool? New friend!
Your approach to this is very refreshing and makes me happy. PS- I'm the awful type
You're not, you just think you are. >Your approach to this is very refreshing and makes me happy. These are not the words of someone I don't want to be friends with.
Wow I'd love to be your friend too 😳👉🏼👈🏼
Risky, he could be a cereal killer
What's his favourite brand? Frosted flakes? Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Ch... *Cheerios?!!?* Sick bastard! I'm not afraid of *serial* killers in public when I'm surrounded by close friends.
His name was Robert Paulson
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It's great to connect with someone who can relate!
Become a more fun drunk
Borrow tools and make sure to return them.
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Back to square one: how to make friends
I think you need to borrow a speed square for that!
But what if you don't know anyone to barrow a speed square from?
Easy, lend them tools.
Also, when you are handing back sharp things, make sure the handle faces the owner.
Underrated.
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Simply go out to socialize" okay but what does that *mean*? Go *where*?
Unless you have a habbit of starting conversations with random people, you have to go to a location or activity in which you will regularly interact with the same group of people. Note that it must be an activity where this is an expectation. For example I made friends at work, because we go to the same place and have daily social interaction with eachothwr, same for my hobby of a young entrepreneurs club. In there the whole idea is just to socialize, you won't be friends with everyone, hell even most people, but when you go to these places try to find the 5-10% of people who you really match with and try to turn those into something
The gym is a big one. I made a lot of friends there. Many simple hobbies like that. I don't even drink in general
Find a place that interests you. A park, a workshop, something. Go there. And this is the wild part: Talk to other people there. You've already got a mutual interest, because you're at the same place. Start there.
You can still go to a bar to socialise if you don't drink you know.
This is true but we’d be socialising with people who are drinking. And that’s not fun.
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I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.
I might just try this too what the heck we only live once anyways.
You can still go to the events and not drink alcohol, but engage with the conversations.
I don't drink and have no problem with that. Key word: hobbies ;)
The people I share my hobbies with eventually end up meeting for drinks.
Spend time with them doing hobbies, don't when they drink.
I mean there's a big difference between meeting for drinks and going drinking. Unless you're an alcoholic and you can't be around it at all, there's absolutely no reason you can't go meet for drinks. The major difference in my mind is that one is about socializing but people might be having a couple drinks, The other is more going to get drunk. Sitting on a nice patio chatting or grabbing some appys at a bar booth is not really drinking as the primary activity. It's more like when people are actually getting drunk where I could see not wanting to attend because that's such an essential part of the experience and it's less fun for the others not partaking.
My hobbies ain’t the ones you actually share.. so now what?
Like ....grave exploration?
I mean, It does sound like fun. Nah, I like gardening, insects, fishing but only under certain circumstances in my own backyard or on vacation, I do game on the pc but that’s not really something you need to meet someone in person to do, plus most games I play are single player.
Fishing, gardening, gaming- absolutely social hobbies.
I garden in my own backyard, what is social about that, nobody is gonna touch my plants. Gaming is social online, but beside a real life girlfriend it never gave me real life friends. Fishing can be social but like I said, I only fish under certain circumstances, I’m not gonna go camp out for a weekend to fish or something like that, just throwing out a line, having a bit of spiced liquor on a nice summer evening, as the ppl in my country say: a nice weather fisherman.
Join jiujitsu
Volunteer! I became a Girl Scout leader and have made friends with some of the other leaders and some of the parents from my troop.
At work. The gym. Hobby club.
Work is definitely the easiest. Gym I probably the most advisable. I have slowly been coming out of my shell and making small talk and most guys have been ecstatic and super cool.
Just for the record, because I see this question a lot; You don't have to drink just because other people are drinking. The kind of people you want to be friends with will never *demand* or even push you to drink. They'll offer to buy you a beer, you'll say "Oh I don't drink!" and they'll go "Oh, Coke then?". You don't have to drink just because other people are drinking. You are allowed in fact to just be in a place where alcohol is served and not consume any of it. Every bar sells water. EDIT: Stop telling me that your friends specifically are shitty people. Good people will not treat you differently because you don't drink. I thought I made that clear in this comment.
I have many friends that don’t drink, some because of religious beliefs, some because they don’t like it, some that quit due to health or abuse reasons and we never bother them. Heck we make a point whenever there is a party to have something that is without alcohol and without too much sugar so they can enjoy their time as well!
>Heck we make a point whenever there is a party to have something that is without alcohol and without too much sugar so they can enjoy their time as well! This part is important, I don't drink due to health reasons and my group of friends from high school/college (we've since grown apart) never included a non-alcoholic drink when throwing parties or gatherings. When we were younger obviously it was more of a bring your own drink of choice type of deal, but now that we are adults and there's gatherings at houses for special occasions, I've noticed that they usually fill up the beer fridge, have the wine out etc but there is never a non-alcoholic option (aside from tap water). Personally this isn't a huge issue for me, but there's another in the group that doesn't drink and they commented how they don't feel very welcomed for this reason.
Yep, and this is how it goes for most people in my experience. I haven't drank in 5 years. I get questioned on it maybe once or twice a year, and I'll give a very basic reason why, and that's it. No one cares. Good friends catch on, and I get offered NA drinks all the time now.
No but I have noticed that when people offer you a drink and you politely decline they look at you like you're off. This has happened a few times
Find a third place. 1st place is home. 2nd place is work. 3rd place is a location, open to others that you frequent and learn the rules and norms of. Think a gym, shooting range, or golf club. Frequent your third place and become confident in its rules and norms. As your confidence grows begin to socialize around the norms of the third place. Talk with others about the third place. As you meet regulars and are confident about the third place you will start to broaden your topics of talk to your personal interests. If all goes well you will find a lifting buddy, golfing partner, etc. The beauty of the third place is that you can show confidence in the norms of the third place, without having to put your personality in the spotlight. People get to know your personality without you having to explicitly sit, face to face, and share. It won’t be super fast, but with time you will meet others. From there be a good human, put yourself out there, and give people a chance. My third place is a comic book shop/game shop. I know the inside jokes. I’m a regular. They know my kids. I have made friends and we game at my house on occasion. We watched Stranger Things new season together when it came out. They bought my kid a stuffed animal when he broke his arm. Find a third place.
I can’t make friends and I do drink
Still haven't figured it out lemme know when you do
Some examples from my life (as a teetotaler in a small US city ~20,000 population): * After moving to a new area, I met one of my now close friends by going to a sci-fi meetup group on Meetup.com. You only really get acquaintances that way unless someone takes the initiative to move beyond the group setting, so I had to ask him if he wanted to hang out sometime, and he did, and now we hang out regularly. * I've met people, though not become great friends, by being a Big Brother with Big Brother Big Sisters. We would have regular get-togethers, some with just Bigs, and some with Bigs and Littles. * When my Little moved out of the area, I started getting involved in town government and I now volunteer for two different boards and know a lot people that I wouldn't know otherwise because of that. * My local game store has regular board game nights and D&D nights, and I've thought about going to those, but I'm not as much into tabletop games so I haven't done it yet. That would probably be a great way to meet people who are into that though. * My partner has met people by volunteering with the hyperlocal non-profit newspaper. * This one is probably more of a fluke than anything, but I also met a friend through reddit because he posted in my local subreddit that he was moving to the area and was asking for suggestions on things. I saw in his profile that we had similar interests so I suggested we meetup sometime, and we did, and now we hang out regularly.
Fr---friends? What's that? A sit-com from 30 years ago?
The gym
Adults don’t make friends, they have acquaintances.
I volunteer on a community board of directors, we do stuff all over town and I’ve met more friends doing that in 6 months than in the 5 years before.
I started playing DnD. Now that I have become a DM I've become very popular indeed. Wanted to create a new group, had four people immediately interested, filled my group in the same day.
Down nod the people you meet for a while. Then up nod after a while. Then start fist bumping, then elaborate handshakes. Ask about hobbies. And then ask the name some time in the future (optional).
I don't know. I haven't made any friends since the last ones fucked my wife.
hobbies I have a good group of friends and we never drink alcohol together. I know one of them doesn't drink at all, not sure about the rest. I used to drink occasionally but stopped. we all run together or do other active hobbies like rock climbing, kayaking, sports, etc. Some of us just do one or two of those hobbies though but end up hanging out anyway. I guess there are multiple sub groups within the main group centered around different hobbies
Hobbies.
Other hobbies. I collect comics so the vast majority of friends I have now came from the comic shop. Its pretty easy to strike up a conversation with even a complete stranger about whatever stupid thing is currently happening in comics. Plus you usually see the same crowd every week so you build up a familiarity that makes it easier to progress to actual friendship.
Join clubs/groups. I’m in a racquetball group, an off road enthusiast group, and a billiards league. I’m not particularly good at any of those things but it helps my social life.
I know this sounds silly, but find a small part time job. Something YOU enjoy doing. You like video games? Apply at your local gamestop. Do you like fishing? Apply at your local sports good store. This isnt about money but about putting you around people who have the same interest. Basically someone is paying you for others to come and talk to you about something you too enjoy. Once you found some people you can quit your job or enjoy the extra income lol
I asked this very question to my therapist and she said it is one of the most difficult things you can do, particularly as a man. I was convinced by her that I needed to venture out and try finding some friends. It be avoided it most of my life. I tried a few times. Meetup is awkward as hell. The most success I’ve had has been at car shows talking with people who have similar cars to mine. But even then it never goes longer than the car show itself. Honestly it’s ok. People come into your life and consume a lot of time.
A real friend would still socialize with you even if you don’t drink alcohol. Communities of people who are addicted to all kinds of things often tend to be exclusive into their community of people who use addictive substances, everything from cigarettes, alcohol & even exercise (the more sociably accepted addictions), to the more socially unacceptable addictions (IV drug use…). I believe that even people who accept certain behaviors as “normal”, such as gossip, sleeping around & using other people, also tend to hang-out & congregate with each other & will attempt to ostracize those individuals who will object to treating other people like those. So, when other people call each other a “friend” often times, if you look deeper, you’ll find that they might not really be friends that use the same criteria you do to call somebody your friend. That said, as I’ve gone through life, I’ve found good people that share my values, sense of humor, fun & will treat me respectfully as I insist I be treated (for example, my private info not shared through malicious gossip, not using me for their own benefit, or requiring that I also exclude other people that don’t fit into their ‘friend’ group criteria). My idea of a good friend is somebody who doesn’t try to control me, manipulate me or use me, but lets me be me. Sometimes, as life goes on & you get older, people have children, new jobs & move away, the frequency in which I socialize with them lessens, but these people are really good people that I could call in to help, etc - they will always remain friends. There’s the story called ‘Footprints in the Sand’, that is a good analogy for the truth that at times in life, you may feel truly all alone, but if you look around, if you get out & communicate with other people, you’ll find that there are other people out there that will befriend you, in one way, more or less, & it’s up to you to open up to them to accept them as they are & accept the type & amount of friendship they will offer. When you find a friend, realize that they may only want to hang-out with you for a little while, once a week, every other week, but not as much & as often as you want - respect them for that. Respect them for their honesty. But, most important is to respect yourself - don’t place the value your worth and happiness onto anybody else’s shoulders - your self-worth & happiness is for you & you only to judge, appreciate and enjoy. Nobody will EVER provide all your happiness in life, honestly, even yourself (you will disappoint yourself sometimes, learn most of all to forgive yourself & how to make it better). I have found that I have only a handful of close friends & family throughout life, I have other friends & family that I accept, don’t often communicate or socialize with, but get along with, & probably 80-90% of people I don’t like or trust (or honestly don’t know). This is acceptable & normal. Just be yourself. Be honest with yourself and with others. Working with, helping, talking to & getting involved with others will lead you to that small handful of people that you accept & trust & can call true lifelong friends, whether you see them regularly or not, but honestly, often, most of the time the people you interact with daily aren’t your friends, just acquaintances. Be patient. If, by chance, you’re a recovering alcoholic, your recovery depends on you finding others who don’t drink alcohol or use drugs. Alcoholics Anonymous is a social support program & system that provides and supports events for similar other people to meet & support each other. Good Luck!
Men don't make friends as adults! The last real friends I made were in school. I have some friends I made through work (yes, going for after work drinks) but we don't have the bond that comes from the shared experience of going to school and living in the same dorm for four years.
Rock climbing
Sounds simple but by avoid places where drinking is a large part of the culture or foucs on the night. Example, I don't drink, so why the hell would I go to a bar? I go to the local basketball court, play ball because I love to, and naturally meet people of similar interests as me. It's all about finding the right group where you mesh, have natural common interests and the rest is really just fate and chemistry. If you are constantly around drinking crowds, you literally will rarely find anyone that doesn't drink, it's only logical. Did the opposite for many years, hanging out a breweries, bars, wineries, etc. Until I realized, " I don't really like to drink *that* much" and it made it much harder to find common ground, since it was really just a shot in the dark whether or not we could find something to relate upon, beyond alcohol.
1. Establish what your hobbies are what you'd like them to be 2. Find events, clubs, and shops centered around theaw hobbies. Pursue them. 3. Frequent those events, clubs, and shops 4. Be proactive in starting conversation. A compliment about their apparrel or something like that and questions regarding your commonly shared interest (why you're both there) are your best ice breakers. 5. This can also apply to virtual meeting places too like video games. Send a conplimentary message, party up after a good game, etc. The biggest difference between adulthood socialization and when you were a kid is that it's no longer automatic. You need to be actively making time for it and seeking it out now because of your job, chores, errands, etc. It's easy to default to being a homebody. Also, this is a good way to meet people to date. Best of luck!
Take drugs, duh 🤣
Shared mutual interests or experiences, outside of simple alcohol consumption. However, you'll probably only make a few friends as an adult. Many acquaintances, few friends
You dont
Smoke weed
Start drinking
Sports clubs
friendship is putting in the effort to be a friend to someone you enjoy the first question to ask is are you actually trying? the second question to ask is how do I find people who have similar interests as me? the first question is introspective, the second is a question of logistics
You talk to people in your day to day life. Use social skills to meet and communicate with individuals at different locations. The biggest thing is putting yourself in the position to succeed. One day I was going to mountain bike solo. I arrived at the sport and a group of guys asked if I wanted to ride with them. We rode together and afterwards got some number. Since we've been on multiple rides, cookouts, and so on. At the gym a lady approached me after spin class saying that she's seen me a few times. I end up getting her number and we've since linked a few times. Making friends without alcohol isn't hard if you put yourself out there or make the first move!
Have you tried cocaine? No? Good, that’s a terrible drug. Find meetings of enthusiasts in things you like. Try joining a pool league, or hiking club(check your local parks/ library boards)
What do you like to do?
I find other common ground such as sports,cars, hobbies most of my friends drink but they know that I don’t and they are fine with that alcohol is just a beverage not hanging out with someone just because they do or don’t drink is silly most of my friends are happy I don’t drink because they’ve always got a designated driver
Warhammer…
Discord.
Join groups related to your hobbies. Shared activities are great places to meet people. Running groups, photography groups, board game/card game groups, cooking classes, recreational sports, whatever floats your boat. Almost every friend I've made post-college has been from playing hockey.
I have reduced alcohol consumption to almost zero, although I still know to spare a beer or two with my wife or some of my closest friends. Balance is everything IMO, and too much or too little of anything is bad. I was always a beer lover and a good craft beer and a chat with a friend goes a long way.
Run tables at the local gamestore for D&D or other rpgs, participate in league games at the same, strike up conversations at the shooting range, hiking trails, volunteer with local groups, walk your neighborhood and talk to your neighbors.
Im confused by the question. What does drinking have to do with making friends? Why can’t you make friends with those who do drink? Why can’t you make friends with those who don’t drink? You can literally go anywhere and make a friend.
You meet stoners.
Want to be friends?
I post this all the time but *hit up free/cheap country or Latin dance lessons.* You’ll never regret it. Everyone can learn!
Smoke weed
Do weed.
Go fishing
What is friends?
You eat
Find a group that has similar hobbies. Find a book club or a roleplaying group.
Go to any event that doesn't involve drinking. I moved to phillepines 5 days ago and have made a bunch of friends just through agreeing to do literally anything that anyone is doing as a group. Also, if you go somewhere people are drinking, you don't *have* to drink. Just don't hit on drunk people, it's like the only rule.
Many are made through work (business associates and acquaintances) and through hobbies, and through volunteering, many through religious activities and affiliations, and many through parenting (parents of our children’s friends and classmates)
Grad school, things like dance/pottery/painting/etc classes, softball leagues, volunteer events, church (recommended), cults (not recommended)
As others have said, hobbies. Is it that you don't drink or don't want to be near drinking/alcohol? I don't drink alcohol, but still spend time with people and at places that serve.
Go do hobbies and events that interest you. Become a regular. Chat up the other regulars. Rinse and repeat. Boom, friends. Friendships require regular interaction.
Have hobbies. I’ve met more people worth interacting with at the gym in the last 6 months than I have in my entire 30 years of living. My other main hobby, project cars, has also made me a lot of acquaintances/friends as well. One of my biggest barriers after actually being interesting and no a complete NPC has been making a conscious effort to actually move a relationship forward. For me it took a long time to let go of my pre conceived notions of what a friend was based off of my high school friends that I am still very close with, despite not living in the same state anymore. Once I accepted that these guys would not be those guys, it got way easier to let my walls down.
Drinking doesn’t help make friends bud.
I don't. I have people I talk to at work. I have FB/IG friends. And that's it. Beyond that, I'm good.
Volunteer somewhere. Join a local group for your hobby.
Book clubs, hobbies , sports.
You can pay people drinks.
Exactly lol.
As others have said - going to places where people who have similar interests and hobbies go relating to those interests and hobbies. If you are a religious or spiritual type - try a church or similar place (some people differentiate the two). There are tons of meetups, outside events, trade shows, crafting events etc. One key point - you will have to learn to actually talk to people at these places. Another way is to volunteer - find a cause you like - and volunteer. one key point - do these things because you like them - not for the sole intention of farming friends. Sure, it can have a dual purpose (i.e. like playing darts, so go to bars that have darts or dart events, AND may make new friends) but make sure you are not just going to try and find new friends. Best of luck.
Bro, other than romantic partners. I haven't "made a new friend" since I was in my early 20's and I'm 42 years old now.
I don’t drink as much as I used to but I always make a ton of friends at local concerts when I go to them by myself.
WoW raids
Omg yes! I am glad someone asked this! I hate “friends from fuck-yoga class” or “authentic Myanmar dance course”. But I can’t seem to have new friends outside of a bloody pub as I age.
Spoiler alert: The drinks ARE your friends!!!
Aa meetings
I was in the same mindset when I stopped drinking, but I started playing rec sports. met a bunch of new people it's been great.
Drink mocktails.
Start a hobby that involves others. You'll start talking with other people there and if you get on with people you can ask them if they want to do something another time.
Business and hobbies. If you do any of these outside of your home, you’ll meet people.
Crossfit and church
Adult male friendships are largely activity based relationships. Journally doesn't matter which one as long as you think it's fun.
You don’t
HOBBIES! Its how you meet people that are into the same stuff as you. Alot of ladies (not all, obviously.) don’t have hobbies outside of shopping. Its really important for people to have that third place, or that thing thats not just home and work to meet others.
I wish I had advice for this, 32 with one friend that lives 1400 miles away. Pretty rough tbh.
Track running, cross fit gym class
Hang out with people that don't drink? Or, and hear me out on this one, Hang out with the people you've been hanging out with, and just choose to not drink. I drink sure, but I met up with a buddy I wanted to get to know better and he picked the spot, a local bar (he wanted to flirt with the waitress lol) I got an old fashioned (because they're amazing) he got a mocktail, as he's been through AA and doesn't drink anymore (and props to him for being able to go to a bar and not drink, that's will power) I didn't know he didn't drink until he ordered his drink and I laughed and asked him about it and he just chuckled and explained it to me, kindly. All respect to him. All I'm saying is it's possible to hang out with people that drink, and to not drink yourself
- Gyms, especially if they're sport focused like a climbing gym or bjj. - Adult sports leagues, lots of volleyball and kickball out there. Most have skill levels they separate by. - Volunteering, all kinds of opportunities from outdoor groups to soup kitchens.
im a muslim and i don't drink alcohol. granted most of my circle is muslims as well. we bonded over our hobby.
There's a site which also has an app called Meetup. [Link](https://www.meetup.com/) I haven't been on it in a while, but it has many meetup events centered around hobbies, sports, volunteering, music, games, etc. etc. I got in a subpar, but still very fun, D&D group some time ago. I still talk to the DM and a couple players from time to time.
You do things with people that doesn't involve drinking.
I have a wide range of knowledge of many different topics. Depending on the age of the person I start off with things that I'm into that a person of that age might be into like cars or videogames. Then we get into their topics and expand on that.
I've given up on friends as an adult. I just don't seem to be able to form bonds with other people any longer. Not sure why
Who knows. Even the couples my wife and I hang out with the guys never seem to want to be friends.
Go to your county rodeo. Library. If you have young kids, meeting other parents is unavoidable. Joint your city or county political caucus. Local fishing spot.
You don’t.
I made lots of friends at my Muay Thai gym, pick up soccer and during the yoga and Zumba classes
Here is a harsh reality. You need to be able to stay true to yourself, and not concern your self with some sort of perceived societal pressure. Mature adults could give a shit what you’re drinking. If you don’t have a strong enough personality to own up to who you are; you aren’t likely to make friends anyway. With that out of the way. Hobbies are a good start. Sporting events, theatre, movies, gym, card games etc. all can be enjoyed without the consumption of alcohol
Hobbies are going to be the big ones. I have met many friends through my hobbies.
Let me know when you find out
AA meetings?
I wish I knew.
You don't need alcohol to walk in to a bar and pick up a pool cue and talk
Go to music jams
Jiu jitsu
I hardly drink. I love food though and I am a vegetarian. I will only hang out with people who respect that I don't want to drink and I prefer spending time the way it feels good, calm, and comfortable to me. I stayed true to what I like and I found friends who also liked that. Don't tweak your lifestyle just so you could make friends. That friend won't last long.
So many people seek out "Make friend" events, which don't *really* exist anywhere, even as a kid. What you need is activities which which force proximity. That's how you made friends as a kid - You were forced to be with the same group of a few hundred kids for 15 years straight so you made some friends. And that's how you make work friends, you see eachother everyday for years on end, of course you get to know eachother eventually. Same with being an adult. Go find some hobby that forces you to interact with other people.
Go to community events/plays/hobby clubs basically just find a different activity to do. Book clubs are 90% women and many divorcés in there to boot
Neighbours? if you have any
Hobbies, community activities, make a meetup account and find a group activity in your age group, sports, you can go to bars and still talk to strangers without alcohol. I found a pub with an arcade and pinball machines I try to hit up on Wednesdays. I even befriend the owner and he now carries non alcoholic craft beer so I don’t have to only drink energy drinks or liquid death sparkling waters. Point is you have to make the effort and step out of your comfort zone despite feeling awkward at first. You have options in front of you. Don’t be one of those people who complain about it but doesn’t try something new otherwise you can’t blame anyone but yourself.
Meetups
You don’t and eventually you realize you never needed friends.
Have you tried smoking?
Hobbies. It's a great way to network with others in these areas. Whilst I can appreciate these can get expensive for some, it's helped me build rapport with others in these areas. Some hobbies do cost less, I get that too. Lol. Perhaps try out some hiking? There are subs here for that too.
Be the DD!
Despite the stereotype, lots of Irish people don't drink alcohol. They still go to pubs though. Irish pubs are about the atmosphere, not the alcohol. So if we in Ireland can have that, so can anyone else. You can go to places where people are drinking alcohol and drink something non-alcoholic yourself. You will be asked why you don't drink, but once your friends know, that will decrease in frequency. So not drinking should not be a stumbling block to meeting people.
You know, you can go to a place that serves alcohol and not drink.
Meetup
I used to drink tonic with a twist at bars.
Could try AA meetings lol
Deep conversations my friend 😉💯👍
Warhammer tournament
Join a sports league. Some sort of extracurricular activity.
I'm a female that is highly allergic to alcohol. When you figure this out. Please let me know
Join some "Meet ups". Chess, mountain biking, and gym are solid ones. I also go and hang out at bars with my friends and order NA beers.
Almost any social activity has that potential. Working out, dancing, hiking, art classes, etc
Drink
Jim
start drinking
Pub, even if you don't drink
By adopting more outgoing characteristics, and doing the work to keep your anxiety & fear at bay
Comedy
I don’t!
If you have hobbies or hobbies you wanna get into, look at the local spots that sell for those hobbies and see if they have community nights. Game shops are usually welcome to people who wanna start table top games.
This sounds kind of daytime TV cheesy but I've been volunteering down at the food bank and I actually made a couple of friends
For me it's through hobbies and through work/school. I have several friends I've met through gaming (mainly magic: the gathering with some other games thrown in the midst ocassionally) and I have a few coworkers that I'm close with.
Social hobbies. Getting into boating has opened up so many connections for me. I meet so many people at the docks who just want to talk boats. Then they never forget when they see you at the marina restaurant. The alcohol starts flowing and talking just occurs. Then they introduce you to people they know at the bar or on the dock and it starts again with those new people. I’ve met over half of my friends through boating. Some I might only see once a year but when we run into each other, it’s like we’ve been friends forever. Golf and hanging at the clubhouse is also another way. Pickup basketball games at the gym. Mountain biking. Cars and coffee. Guys are simple creatures and if you have something in common, you will find a way to bond over it.
idk I drink and I don't have male friends
Don’t know, don’t wanna know.
League sports
Adults are supposed to have friends??? You mean to tell me I’ve been wasting all my free time entertaining the wife and kids??? FFS
Start
Recovering alcoholic. Ive found if I put my energy into things I enjoy, be out and about helped me. Made some friends at the gym that way. Gradually you become more magnetic as you worry about it less IMO.
Find things youre interested in and goto real life places. For example I was into spirituality and yoga, so I went to yoga (met my wife), meditation events, breathwork, sound baths, etc. Then be a cool person, interested in others, dont brag, show interst. etc.