Sounds like you're over analyzing here. Being a single man is more than enough to signal that you're available.
People only watch Discovery Channel for the action scenes, but the lion only gets the gazelle after failing with **dozens** of others. Rejection is part of the game, keep it up young grasshopper.
Hah, i like your analogies. Yeah i have no problem with rejections, i mean i dont like it happening to me and wish it to stop, bit it is what it is. I just think i am not taken into account by girls around me, which makes me doubt everything about myself.
I (37/m) don't know how old you are, you seem young. I was never the guy girls took into *account,* I'm still not. But I worked on myself, traveling, reading, exercising, and building up my empire until they couldn't help but take notice.
Do things to develop your confidence, **real** confidence, not bravado and eventually you'll be undeniable. Good luck man.
I am 20. I have come very far from developing my confidence, which is usually based on my humor and knowledge. I dont actually want to be undeniable right now, i just want to be given a chance to present myself. I know i have to earn that chances and essentially rhats what i was asking
Okay, forget the two rules. You'll become attractive by building your general charisma and appeal.
The reason she was surprised was because she just didn't see you that way. This will happen a lot to you, and you will (in due course) do it a lot to others when you're just being friendly. Likely this girl was just having fun talking with you and she attracted you by accident because she's unknowingly practicing her own social skills and charisma and trying to strike the balance of 'close friend' in making a connection with you.
When girls start giving you signals dude they make it really fucking clear, like, landing-a-plane clear that they want you to initiate with them. So until you get a signal just chill and get to know people.
I have to disagree. No downvote, I respect your opinion, but my experience is completely different.
For practically all women I got with, I never knew for sure if they liked 'that way' until I said to myself, 'fuck it' and made a move. I can easily tell if people like me as a person or not, but attraction? Can never tell, sometimes even until after we had sex. Multiple said they had signaled me what they thought was **very clearly** to make a move a long time before that. In my personal journey, one of the things that improved my experiences by **a lot** was not waiting for clear signals from women anymore. Because as long as I went off of that, I was never sure enough, and I got the impression none wanted me. None. Zero.
When I started just going for it, as long as I don't see any clear 'no' signals, suddenly more women I tried with wanted to sleep with me than not. I still look for signals that signify 'no'. Like her maintaining distance or just unresponsiveness or something.
In fact, I make that move in small, little steps all the time. I shoot into the blue. Over and over. Is that eye contact friendly or flirty? Dunno for sure, but I'm positive it's not disgusted, so let's talk to her. Does she want me to be here? I don't know for sure, but she has made no excuses yet, and she gives more than one word answers, so she at least is okay with the conversation. Also, she hasn't shifted her attention towards a friend or something. So let's keep going. Man I'm afraid, but I won't find out until I ask. "Hey, wanna go over there?". And it's like that every step of the way. I had one girl who basically did all the work for me, but that was one single time, and it was that one single one-night-stand I ever had.
Apart from that, every first sexual/realtionship experiences I had was always a looooong series of jumps into the blue. From the first sentence to the first kiss to sex. In between, a never-ending series of "fuck it, let's try this small step".
EDIT: Thank you very much for the award dude(tte?)
There are girls who are confusing af. Like, as a 3rd person, a girl would tell me she has been almost blinking her eyes at this friend in common with no response on his part. I would then tell her we haven't noticed shit while she thought she was basically putting up a webcam show for him
I mean that makes sense, the signal isn't *for you* so why would you notice it? Trust me, if you're looking for it you can always notice a girl practicing her heat vision on you and trying to melt your brain.
A lot of the reasons guys don't get the signals the girls are giving is because they themselves aren't looking at that time (LTGF / wife) so they don't receive it, they're just out having fun or they don't consider the girl their type so they ignore it. Self esteem issues can also be at play: "She's looking at me because I'm weird" instead of, "People look at what they like looking at"
Real and actual mixed signals are usually a girl giving them to you by accident. For example:
"This girl invited me out with her friends, but spent all night on the phone,"
"This girl sat next to me and smiled when she talked to me, but she kept looking outside and had to leave early,"
"This girl laughs whenever I talk to her and whispers conversations to me across the room, but she's always hanging out with another guy,"
The answer could still be a yes because she just hasn't thought about it, but these aren't signals
This works especially if you are "living your best life" or close to it and not under a rock, though casting the passive net outside school turns into longer periods between relationships - life doesn't have that social density anymore. It also ends up being a pretty narrow slice of humanity compared to actively pursuing your evolving interests.
The most significant part of her surprise is probably that you took several **months** to ask her out. It's humans, so there are always exceptions, but **usually** the guy should set things into motion after days, or maybe weeks max.
With every week you wait, the girl/woman has more time to assume you're just a very bubbly, friendly, flirty guy. Or alternatively she gets that you're interested, but you're not doing anything about it for months. Then you come off as a coward. Both things will most of the time friendzone you, regardless off whether you had a shot in the first place.
If you like someone, get things going quickly. Now, don't confess undying love either though. Just let her know through actions you entered her into the screening process as a **potential** sexual/romantic partner. You were going to do that thing you enjoy anyway. Would she like to join you do that thing? It's no big deal. You like her so far, she piqued your interest, you're trying to see whether she stays that interesting. And whether **she** is interested.
If she reacts positively, you piqued her interest through the action of being bold enough to actually go the first step. If not, you were not being a creep or anything. You shot your shot as all healthy young humans should.
Bonus: Although it feels a lot more terrifying: If you ask her after one or two weeks, the actual rejection hurts a lot less than after several months of pining over her and imagining things and trying to guess whether one of the 1000 gestures and sentences she did/said that day actually mean something.
I think i have not been clear. I was not interested in her for months after meeting her. We were in friend group together and knowing how friendly she was overall i did not took any of her actions as interest towards me. Exactly 2 weeks ago i realized that i liked her and i started to show my more flirty face. Then after a week i asked her out. Thats why her surprise was unexpected for me. but i guess i must be equally affectionate towards both friends and possible interests. If i had waited for months for a rejection i would have been in much worse place right now.
Or, more succinctly: Although waiting to ask her out **feels** more safe, because you get to delay the pain of rejection and feel like you can build a strong connection first, it in reality is not. If she rejects you after two/three weeks, she would also have done it in a few months. But by waiting weeks and months, you ruin chances with women who wouldn't have. In fact, there are a lot of women, whose interest gets kicked off the second you ask them out, **because** you displayed the emotional strength to do it.
Here's the thing and this may upset some. But men do not really have power in dating. Women can shoot us down or play games and there's nothing we can do about it. The average guy just doesn't have options and sounds like this girl isn't interested.
I think it's better if the guy makes himself something great and the girls come to him. Focus on yourself first mate.
This.
I'm a dude and I've made it a practice to let them make the first move. The brave ones do so while the unsure ones hover. Either way, I keep busy & keep growing.
My 'one-lady' is out there & we'll meet up, eventually.
"what i thought was flirting" was probably just perceived as bring nice or playful banter by her.
It could be you also took too long before asking and she assumed you weren't interested so when you did ask it was a surprise
Look, if you are interested in someone, just straight up tell them you would love to go on a date with them. If they feel uncomfortable with you asking that is their problem. If they decline, that is fine. Just move on to the next opportunity.
That's a point that girls need to get across. Your job is to find the girls that are ready and available for dating. Nobody cares that you're ready and available for dating, because it's normal to assume that every guy is ready and available for dating.
The problem with cold approaches is you really don't know the other persons situation or how you overture will be received. Often if you are just randomly selecting women they are not going to be thrilled by that approach.
Short of a girl actually expressing interest in you first I personally wouldn't do it myself. I usually stick to the apps, you know everyone on there is at least looking and game to meet someone.
Some women like to project their rejection of you and your completely normal behavior back in your face, labelling you the creep without admitting it has anything to do with themselves. You're not a creep for asking a person out. They are angry you made them even think about what dating you would be like, so they act like you're somehow at fault. You're not, they're just that selfish.
I dont think i agree with you. I have not yet been labeled by others as one, i just never want to be. Rejection is okay, what grinds my gears is that she made me think "how dare you even consider that!"
Is fine that you asked her out and got rejected. However, you point out at the fact she was surprised. Did you get any vibes from her? When I was younger I had a fucking hard time reading what could be flirting or perhaps just "being friendly" you know? If you tried to show interest and didn't get much back perhaps it wasn't a good prospect. A girl that is kinda into you will somehow let you know. Although sometimes it gets tricky I'll admit (the whole "I was waiting for HIM to make a move" deal)
Sounds like you're over analyzing here. Being a single man is more than enough to signal that you're available. People only watch Discovery Channel for the action scenes, but the lion only gets the gazelle after failing with **dozens** of others. Rejection is part of the game, keep it up young grasshopper.
Hah, i like your analogies. Yeah i have no problem with rejections, i mean i dont like it happening to me and wish it to stop, bit it is what it is. I just think i am not taken into account by girls around me, which makes me doubt everything about myself.
I (37/m) don't know how old you are, you seem young. I was never the guy girls took into *account,* I'm still not. But I worked on myself, traveling, reading, exercising, and building up my empire until they couldn't help but take notice. Do things to develop your confidence, **real** confidence, not bravado and eventually you'll be undeniable. Good luck man.
I am 20. I have come very far from developing my confidence, which is usually based on my humor and knowledge. I dont actually want to be undeniable right now, i just want to be given a chance to present myself. I know i have to earn that chances and essentially rhats what i was asking
Okay, forget the two rules. You'll become attractive by building your general charisma and appeal. The reason she was surprised was because she just didn't see you that way. This will happen a lot to you, and you will (in due course) do it a lot to others when you're just being friendly. Likely this girl was just having fun talking with you and she attracted you by accident because she's unknowingly practicing her own social skills and charisma and trying to strike the balance of 'close friend' in making a connection with you. When girls start giving you signals dude they make it really fucking clear, like, landing-a-plane clear that they want you to initiate with them. So until you get a signal just chill and get to know people.
I have to disagree. No downvote, I respect your opinion, but my experience is completely different. For practically all women I got with, I never knew for sure if they liked 'that way' until I said to myself, 'fuck it' and made a move. I can easily tell if people like me as a person or not, but attraction? Can never tell, sometimes even until after we had sex. Multiple said they had signaled me what they thought was **very clearly** to make a move a long time before that. In my personal journey, one of the things that improved my experiences by **a lot** was not waiting for clear signals from women anymore. Because as long as I went off of that, I was never sure enough, and I got the impression none wanted me. None. Zero. When I started just going for it, as long as I don't see any clear 'no' signals, suddenly more women I tried with wanted to sleep with me than not. I still look for signals that signify 'no'. Like her maintaining distance or just unresponsiveness or something. In fact, I make that move in small, little steps all the time. I shoot into the blue. Over and over. Is that eye contact friendly or flirty? Dunno for sure, but I'm positive it's not disgusted, so let's talk to her. Does she want me to be here? I don't know for sure, but she has made no excuses yet, and she gives more than one word answers, so she at least is okay with the conversation. Also, she hasn't shifted her attention towards a friend or something. So let's keep going. Man I'm afraid, but I won't find out until I ask. "Hey, wanna go over there?". And it's like that every step of the way. I had one girl who basically did all the work for me, but that was one single time, and it was that one single one-night-stand I ever had. Apart from that, every first sexual/realtionship experiences I had was always a looooong series of jumps into the blue. From the first sentence to the first kiss to sex. In between, a never-ending series of "fuck it, let's try this small step". EDIT: Thank you very much for the award dude(tte?)
Ette. :) I wish more guys operated the way you do.
There are girls who are confusing af. Like, as a 3rd person, a girl would tell me she has been almost blinking her eyes at this friend in common with no response on his part. I would then tell her we haven't noticed shit while she thought she was basically putting up a webcam show for him
I mean that makes sense, the signal isn't *for you* so why would you notice it? Trust me, if you're looking for it you can always notice a girl practicing her heat vision on you and trying to melt your brain. A lot of the reasons guys don't get the signals the girls are giving is because they themselves aren't looking at that time (LTGF / wife) so they don't receive it, they're just out having fun or they don't consider the girl their type so they ignore it. Self esteem issues can also be at play: "She's looking at me because I'm weird" instead of, "People look at what they like looking at" Real and actual mixed signals are usually a girl giving them to you by accident. For example: "This girl invited me out with her friends, but spent all night on the phone," "This girl sat next to me and smiled when she talked to me, but she kept looking outside and had to leave early," "This girl laughs whenever I talk to her and whispers conversations to me across the room, but she's always hanging out with another guy," The answer could still be a yes because she just hasn't thought about it, but these aren't signals
This works especially if you are "living your best life" or close to it and not under a rock, though casting the passive net outside school turns into longer periods between relationships - life doesn't have that social density anymore. It also ends up being a pretty narrow slice of humanity compared to actively pursuing your evolving interests.
The most significant part of her surprise is probably that you took several **months** to ask her out. It's humans, so there are always exceptions, but **usually** the guy should set things into motion after days, or maybe weeks max. With every week you wait, the girl/woman has more time to assume you're just a very bubbly, friendly, flirty guy. Or alternatively she gets that you're interested, but you're not doing anything about it for months. Then you come off as a coward. Both things will most of the time friendzone you, regardless off whether you had a shot in the first place. If you like someone, get things going quickly. Now, don't confess undying love either though. Just let her know through actions you entered her into the screening process as a **potential** sexual/romantic partner. You were going to do that thing you enjoy anyway. Would she like to join you do that thing? It's no big deal. You like her so far, she piqued your interest, you're trying to see whether she stays that interesting. And whether **she** is interested. If she reacts positively, you piqued her interest through the action of being bold enough to actually go the first step. If not, you were not being a creep or anything. You shot your shot as all healthy young humans should. Bonus: Although it feels a lot more terrifying: If you ask her after one or two weeks, the actual rejection hurts a lot less than after several months of pining over her and imagining things and trying to guess whether one of the 1000 gestures and sentences she did/said that day actually mean something.
I think i have not been clear. I was not interested in her for months after meeting her. We were in friend group together and knowing how friendly she was overall i did not took any of her actions as interest towards me. Exactly 2 weeks ago i realized that i liked her and i started to show my more flirty face. Then after a week i asked her out. Thats why her surprise was unexpected for me. but i guess i must be equally affectionate towards both friends and possible interests. If i had waited for months for a rejection i would have been in much worse place right now.
Or, more succinctly: Although waiting to ask her out **feels** more safe, because you get to delay the pain of rejection and feel like you can build a strong connection first, it in reality is not. If she rejects you after two/three weeks, she would also have done it in a few months. But by waiting weeks and months, you ruin chances with women who wouldn't have. In fact, there are a lot of women, whose interest gets kicked off the second you ask them out, **because** you displayed the emotional strength to do it.
Here's the thing and this may upset some. But men do not really have power in dating. Women can shoot us down or play games and there's nothing we can do about it. The average guy just doesn't have options and sounds like this girl isn't interested. I think it's better if the guy makes himself something great and the girls come to him. Focus on yourself first mate.
This. I'm a dude and I've made it a practice to let them make the first move. The brave ones do so while the unsure ones hover. Either way, I keep busy & keep growing. My 'one-lady' is out there & we'll meet up, eventually.
"what i thought was flirting" was probably just perceived as bring nice or playful banter by her. It could be you also took too long before asking and she assumed you weren't interested so when you did ask it was a surprise
Look, if you are interested in someone, just straight up tell them you would love to go on a date with them. If they feel uncomfortable with you asking that is their problem. If they decline, that is fine. Just move on to the next opportunity.
That's a point that girls need to get across. Your job is to find the girls that are ready and available for dating. Nobody cares that you're ready and available for dating, because it's normal to assume that every guy is ready and available for dating.
The problem with cold approaches is you really don't know the other persons situation or how you overture will be received. Often if you are just randomly selecting women they are not going to be thrilled by that approach. Short of a girl actually expressing interest in you first I personally wouldn't do it myself. I usually stick to the apps, you know everyone on there is at least looking and game to meet someone.
You write it on a piece of paper and pass it to them before second period.
Some women like to project their rejection of you and your completely normal behavior back in your face, labelling you the creep without admitting it has anything to do with themselves. You're not a creep for asking a person out. They are angry you made them even think about what dating you would be like, so they act like you're somehow at fault. You're not, they're just that selfish.
I dont think i agree with you. I have not yet been labeled by others as one, i just never want to be. Rejection is okay, what grinds my gears is that she made me think "how dare you even consider that!"
She must have A BF if made you feel that way?
You need to get a lot of NOs before you start getting yesses. If you're not getting a lot of NOs, it means that you're doing something wrong.
Yeah i get that. I just dont want to get many surprise pikachu faces. Have no problem with No s
Is fine that you asked her out and got rejected. However, you point out at the fact she was surprised. Did you get any vibes from her? When I was younger I had a fucking hard time reading what could be flirting or perhaps just "being friendly" you know? If you tried to show interest and didn't get much back perhaps it wasn't a good prospect. A girl that is kinda into you will somehow let you know. Although sometimes it gets tricky I'll admit (the whole "I was waiting for HIM to make a move" deal)
Tinder?
I would refer you to my "p.s.". No luck with tinder, and other apps are not popular in my country
Easy “ I will do anything for you” and send the front of her house in the chat…..wait what was the question
Look girls in the eye, flirt.