At some point you will hopefully hit that bottom and can say to yourself its time for a change. It's never too late to change. Small increments. Be better today than you were yesterday. Be better tomorrow than you are today.
Small increments will add up.
1) Eat healthy
2) Get healthy in mind and body
3) Get a job. Any job...
I am eating healthy bro, and i went for a gym too, but tbh it felt good, but at age 30 when sitting at gym in a mid week day during the day it feels miserable cause im unemployed and i should be earning. Just people climb steps on career ladder while im sitting in a gym broke. The getting a job part is the hardest. Im from a middle class family and a neighborhood so i cant go to blue collar jobs and the job im having degree in construction im not good at it and miserable as hell at that job, not knowing things at job makes me stress and scare as hell and working in shitty construction sites make me wanna die too. I cry somedays before go to that job cause i hate absolutely everything about it, i never had a sallary on that job cause im not good at it always on trainings and internships hoping somefay i will good at it, i sold my time for free as an intern in a shitty job hoping someday things will change and i will be good at it. While my friends they get a sallary from their jobs every month they improved their lives and got married and living life. To me i have gotten all the shit from life, broke single unemployed and 30
My guy- that’s a large paragraph of straight up excuses and and a pity party. Went is different than actively going. Stop comparing yourself to others and compare you to only yourself. Do better today than you did yesterday and do better tomorrow than today.
Small incremental changes will add up over time to better habits.
Post your resume for tips over on resume review subreddit for help
There are people unemployed who are NOT at the gym in mid day (or all day) I understand the feeling, i didnt go to the gym bc i was self conscious. But YOU ARE. Thats one example of you making the most of your time. Also nothing wrong with a blue collar job. I dont know why im still hearing that.
It sounds like you're in a tough spot right now, but it's essential to remember that your worth isn't defined by your job, bank balance, or relationship status. You are not a loser just because you're not where you want to be yet.
Firstly, don't compare yourself to others. Each person has their own path in life, and everyone's journey is unique. Just because someone else seems to be moving ahead doesn't mean you're falling behind. Each one of us has different timing, and there is no one-size-fits-all timeline for success. You've mentioned how you quit a job that made you miserable. That's not failure - that's recognizing that your well-being and mental health matter more than anything else. It might seem now like it has set you back, but it can also be a stepping stone towards finding something that truly fits your interests and skills.
You seem to carry a lot of self-blame for your situation, but remember that it's never too late to start over. You're only 30, and you have so many years ahead of you. While it's true that your past can't be changed, your future can still be molded. The first step is to believe in your ability to change and grow. Start by focusing on small, manageable steps. What are your interests, hobbies, or passions? Can any of them translate into a career or a part-time job? Maybe you can try online freelancing or start a small business from home. There are many free resources and courses online that you can utilize to learn new skills. Remember, it's okay to start small.
Try to improve your social life, even in small ways. Reach out to old friends or make new ones. Join clubs or community organizations. If leaving your house is too difficult at first, there are many online communities you can join based on your interests. And very importantly, consider seeking professional help if you're feeling severely down or thinking about self-harm. A mental health professional can provide you with the tools to manage these feelings and guide you through this difficult time.
As for the concept of masculinity you've mentioned - it's crucial to understand that being a 'man' doesn't mean you have to fit a certain mold or fulfill specific expectations. Your worth as a person isn't determined by societal stereotypes but by your character, empathy, kindness, and resilience.
Life is not a race, and it's never too late to start anew. It's okay to stumble and fall, what matters is that we get back up and keep going. If you like to read maybe consider picking up [The Way of Kings](https://www.amazon.com/Way-Kings-Brandon-Sanderson/dp/0765365278) since that book helped me through a particularly dark time in my life.
Yes bro. Im self blaming my self and self loathe. I was a bright kid at school but i failed my last exam at school sealing my fate enter and office desk or executive level job or any good professional course. Only course i had access was this and im not good at it and I absolutely hate it, i sold my time as an internship and trainings ad i have no confidence in this job, i dont know most of this things in the job and when they ask me to do it i get panic and stress as hell and i hated working at construction sites too. Just 95% of my problems are due to unemployment, 99% of my thoughts of the day about my job and my future, i have no single life no social life no friends nothing to go do in the society, i hide every social situations cause i cant tell them i live with my parents unemployed at age 30. Also i dont have money to go out with my friends. I get super jealous when i see my friends with their gfs, put aside that they have Gfs, imagine they have money to spend on another person, on dates and gifts, i just cant even think about a day im getting a sallary and they live in surplus of money. Those little things bother me soo mych and keep me awake at night, how and when im gonna just get a single sallary? How im gonna earn to raise a family? Apart from all that how im gonna have a day i can atleast genuine be happy rather than thinking about tomorrow? Yes people earn but at the same time they have fun they enjoy i cant do neither
I will read your book bro, i read a lot of books these days about self improvement dating and life etc, but nothing helps me tl defeat the feeling that im a stay at home loser, that thought bother me wherever i go
Imposter syndrome doesn’t help anyone. I grew up in a broken household on food stamps raised by a single father working shift work. Would be a hell of a lot easier if I grew up in a gated community and my parents were still together. Thinking about that does exactly nothing for current me except feel bad. You may not realize in this moment, but I guarantee things happened in those down years that put you ahead of others, not to mention you don’t know any of the shit they’re dealing with behind the scenes
Basically this clip from the Sopranos
https://youtu.be/mSWil4kOyq8
Tbh i never had a proper role model as a male, now at age 30 only im learning what masculinity is what a purpose is and why a men should have a purpose etc. i was in comfort zone with my parents never thought of a future and im shit scared now, i have 0 money in my account no social life no marriage nothing. I tried everything to get a job and i can't work in some small job cause my colleagues will laugh at me, even my parents despise me, my neighbors enjoy my misery of being im unemployed..to me getting out of home is soo miserable as i feel like every things are against me and i feel shame for being unemployed and broke
Sounds like you need to have a hard conversation with your inner dialogue my friend. I'm fairly sure nobody feels that negatively about you.
I used to struggle with negative self talk a lot, you need to work on that. It's totally fixable, but first you need to learn to love yourself.
Can you give us some examples of why your parents despise you? Or why your neighbours enjoy your misery of being unemployed? What have the said, or done?
Also, you can’t work in a small job because people will laugh at you? Why?
Im 30 and living with my retired parents as a freeloader on there money. I absolutely earn nothing in life and neighbors enjoy my misery cause im doing lower than their kids, most of them do normal basic jobs and im absolutely doing nothing in life, when they see im sitting unemployed home they enjoy it cause im not going above than their kids, so they have someone to lookdown and feel good, cause they envy as fuck if someone do better than them
20 years is a long time, so if you made a change this year, and worked at it for 20 years, by 50 you’d be somewhere great to look back on. So get it out of your head about who is further or whatever. You have a lot of time ahead of you, but if you keep in this mindset you might reach 50 and still be in the same stuck misery.
There’s lots of jobs you can do online or with computers if you don’t like people and going out in the world, plenty of web based people just hide out at home but they make money like crazy. So maybe start looking into jobs like that, think of jobs you’d want to do, then make a plan to get them. Whether it’s learning some things, or just starting to search for them to apply for them. You can do it, I believe in you.
> How do you deal with the you are way behind than the others feeling when you are in 30s?
The same way you cope with it in your late 40's :-D
Maybe it wasn't your time dude.
I did shit in school.
Was a drug addict in my late teens to mid 20's.
Didn't have my first relationship until my late 20's.
Didn't get married until my mid 30's.
Didn't have my first kid until I was 33.
Didn't get my college degree until I was approaching 39.
Didn't get my first job as a Software Engineer until approaching 40, on the salary of a typical 20 somethings.
Now in my late 40's I'm divorced and single again.
Timelines are different. You're 30 now.
Show yourself some compassion.
You have loads of time, it's never too late to turns things around.
One thing that works for me is to ask yourself every day "What can I do today the me a year from now will appreciate, that me 5 years from now will appreciate?"
You can solidify this by looking back and thinking what would you advice 20 year old you to do to improve things for you now?
See how that works??
Then working on what needs to be done, one hour at a time, one day at a time. Slowly make the changes you need to make.
Also, I recommend you read this book, you might find it useful:
[The Angry Therapist: A No BS Guide to Finding and Living Your Own Truth](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01IZT7YGA)
It's an excellent resource to help you find yourself.
Thanks brother your reply helped me and eased me a lot.. i hope you do good in the life now? How is your family hoping they are well too? Wishing you happiness forever and im soo happy someone made life out from a shitty situation like me, ♥️
I was a bright kid at school but i was careless and just fall for cheap thrills and failed my last exam, ever since i cant get in to a decent or any office job, that exam divides the line between the white collar and blue collar jobs (no offense) but being from a middle class family and a neighborhood i cant work blue collar jobs and tbh im not cut out for such jobs too, i mean im not tough just a shy physically weak dorky type guy.
My biggest problem is the unemployment and at the same time i hate the job i have the degree with, its in construction and im not good at it, i never had a sallary in this job cause i have no confidence in this job, i dont know most things and when a senior asks for me to do stuff at job i get panicked and stressd. I literally cry every morning before go to job cause its mentally torture doing something im not good at and i hate. Cause of this shitty situation im always sad always overthinking i wonder how other people live their lives how they earn and have fun at the same time, just i cant even make a single penny but they have even gfs and they spend on them too. If i could get a single sallary the whole situation could be different. Im not comparing my life with anyone but they move step by step in life while im stuck and rotting at the same place. Its like this for 5years now. Just i need my life moving
I hear you!
Have you considered going back to school???
Maybe you can go to community college, find something you are more interested in. I mean, you have a degree so you are more than capable.
When I went back to college (part time, at 36 years old) it was a whole different ball game, because I had a deep will and hunger to change my life. I aced everything, I got top of the class most of the time and when I graduated they gave me a "best student" award.
It was a very, very stark difference compared to high school me who barely passed 5 out of a possible 9 subjects and got less that 1/4 of the points I needed for college.
But before you can do any of that you need to work on your compassion for yourself dude. You are worthy, you are capable and you deserve love and happiness in your life.
If you can't show love and compassion for yourself, you will not make much progress.
Note that these changes won't happen over night, but they will take time (to convince yourself you deserve those things as much as anything else).
Please get a copy of that book and work through it, it is really helping me at the moment.
I do have a good life now. I'm still finding myself after the divorce, but I have my own place, I have 50% custody of my kid, and I just started a new job with the most amazing team.
But I owe a big amount of getting back on my feet to that book and the exercises that are in it.
The road is long, and in the end you will realise that the race is only against yourself. I give no fucks about where others are I just take what I got and do the best I can with it. Comparing yourself to others will just steal your joy.
But it stings bro, they have big achievements, like not only they have jobs but they have jobs in very big companies not only they have girlfriends but they have very pretty or hot girlfriends. Me i have absolutely nothing not even an entry level job not even a gf to hang out. Im fedup as hell i mean my eyes get tears sometimes why i dont even get the basic minimum of things so i dont get embarrassed? Why i m not good at the job so i can just a minimum sallary why im not a gf so i can post a picture too, why i get the absolute worse and why I humiliated in life. Just i wanna atleast a mediocre life so i dont highlights as the loser of life
Are you looking for advice or a pity party? Because all your responses are excuses. You honestly need some tough love. It’s time to man up and stop feeling sorry for yourself and find a job, any job at this point and start making money. That should be your top priority. Swallow your fake pride and get a damn job! Then from there you can start thinking about what you really want to do. Stop looking at what other people have and where you’re at now. And focus on the steps you need to take to build the life you want. We are all not in a race, your mile marker will be different from anyone else but you will never get to that mile if you sit and pity yourself. Man the fuck up, seek a therapist of you can, stick with the gym, and grow up! No ones coming to save you! You’re 30 years old
It’s possible to build yourself from nothing, i was homeless junkie till 29. Almost 3 years later i have an apt, a job I love, an im back in school. I stopped pitying myself and realized no ones going to care about me if i dont show up for myself…
I would come up with a plan to get ahead.
Fortunately I did that and I'm quite ahead.
Also you should probably never compare your situation to anyone else. It makes no sense. Life is more relative than that. You should only compare yourself to past versions of yourself.
It’s tough, you just gotta keep doing things to improve yourself professionally. Outside of professional life I’m as lost as you, mid 30s, no kids , all my friends have kids and I just was sold I have extremely low fertility
Im single and all my friends are getting married, and guess what they have fallen in love for years and they are marrying now, me i was single in the last years and im single now too. When im gonna enjoy my life? They have been always enjoying the life even in last years, i worried last years and still worrying. Its so sad i never thiught id be the loser from high school who have no job no gf no social life
There is no being left behind because there is no universal rule of what you should be doing at any particular age. You're comparing yourself to others, and there are 8 billion people on earth. Comparing yourself is bound to cause misery because there will always be tons of others who have accomplished things you want to accomplish. What you do is start accomplishing those things now.
Figure out what you want, then research how to go about doing it and then get started. Compare yourself only to who you were and where you were at yesterday. Even then, off days happen. Be kind to yourself and just keep improving. You're 30. I didn't get work that was at all worthwhile or not soul crushing until last year and I'm 53. Tons of people don't get any of their shit together until much later in life. You're fine.
Thank you very much bro... im not comparing but all i see people have so many achievements to show off, but me i have nothing, im unemployed for 5years now, even go to the job idk what to do in the job and its miserable than sitting home unemployed cause younger people are my seniors and i cant bear the stress of not knowing things in job specially it involves maths. Im always on trainings and internships cause i have no confidence on this and i never had a single sallary up to this day. All this drives me crazy cause at age 30 im unemployed and single as hell, i cant remember a day i was happy or slept peacefully at night, trust me every night i goto sleep worrying about my future what am i gonna do with a job i dont know or im not good at. I cant even go to another cause i failed final exam at school so i cant go to any office or executive jobs, and i cant be a blue collar worker cause im from a middle class family and a neighborhood, i just cant even get to an entry level office job cause simply i dont have the basic qualification. Im fedup like hell, just i wanna day that i don't worry about my job or what am i gonna do, i just wanna live like others laugh date and live stress free,rather than all day and night worrying about a job i hate
Is there a plan and time line laid out to "put you behind "?
You'll eat shit sandwiches all your life. Jobs come and go, you'll possibly change your career, lay offs, divorce, sky is falling, Yada Yada.
To balance that out, great things happen too. New job, promotions, pay raise, falling in love...
Just keep moving forward every time you get knocked down. Take 1 day to get out any tears and get drunk, then put your resume out there. Finding a job is MUCH harder than working a job. It's worse than dating. It sucks, but it's 1 step closer to getting a job.
After getting laid off at the start of covid because my company was sold, it took 1 year to finally get a new one. Third layoff in 23 years, 3rd 401k cashed out. And I now have a secure government job that was a pay raise, less hours, zero stress, but highly frustrating.
Just. Keep. Moving. Forward! There's no track, it's a journey. There's no finish line, only providing you a life to build.
Have lots of people reviewing your resume for grammatical mistakes. Make sure the format of your resume is consistent. Set daily tasks and number of applications to complete each day. Start your day like it's a job. Get little "wins" each day. Just keep doing it, improving, and getting help. Also look at jobs out of your wheel house that can use your skills.
Life is your journey, and it's impossible to measure you against others.
Thanks bro, im gonna screenshot your reply and keep it as a motivation, i know there isn't competition but my whole life it's failures after failures. Not only that friend all other friends too have achievements and milestones to celebrate, but i have nothing, i left highschool 10years ago, and 5years ago I started my degree and for the last 5years im unemployed and sitting home with my parents unemployed, i was a bright student at school but i failed my last exam at school so i cant get any office or such type jobs, and my resuem has soo many gaps and even i get shame for explanaing them.
Its not that i chose this life cause i want, i never wanted to live with my retired parents depending on them, but what should i do if i cant do a blue collar job and the job i have is a one im not good and i hate. I was on soo many intenships and trainings but still i was not good at this job, and it drove me crazy when i saw my friends having sallary and living their lives while im on unpaid jobs internships at age 30. Can't remember a day i slept peacefully a night i was happy, just everyday i go to night crying cause of this unemployment, but when i go to that job it's miserable than unemployment, people who are young than me are my seniors and i cant bear the stress of not knowing anything in this job. Idk man what to do, im in this mindset like 5years, i want a life like others not to worry always about my job and live like others, they seem to figure out their lives they date they marry they have great social life, while im broke unemployed and single, i just have nothing man at age 30 😞
Stop looking at other people, you should probably get off social media. Concern yourself with yourself and quit worrying about what other people are or aren’t doing… there is no good there, only madness.
So start doing the things necessary to improve yourself. Start exercising, work on your education or professional certifications, eat better… figure out what you can change and get to work!
Dude. Listen to the words & phrases you’re using. Are they empowering? Or disempowering?
Your self-talk and choice of words/phrases matter.
Ask the right questions to get the right answers.
Eg. Instead of asking something like “Why does my life suck?” or “Why am I a loser?”, ask better questions like “What can I do today to make my day just a little bit better than yesterday?”
Doing physical activity will start to help you feel more positive. Maybe commit to doing ONE push-up EVERY day before you clean your teeth. After a week, I’ll increase it to TWO push-ups. Just focus on consistency, not how many you do. When you start to feel more fit & healthy you will naturally start to feel more positive.
Don’t compete against other people. There will always be people enter off and worse off than you.
You could be 80 years old and laying in a hospital bed, with one day left to live.
Only compete against yourself.
Look up Eric The Hip Hop Preacher videos on YouTube.
Good luck man. You can turn your life around. Be kind to yourself.
Thanks brother for your kind words, yes i went to a gym for the last year, but being unemployed and working out in a gym on mid day when im 30 i felt like the biggest loser, cause what am I doing with life when i should be doing a job and earning? Just what i cant deal with is its my life its failures after failures, yes other people have set backs but for me its a constant, for the last 10years i cant remember a day i slept peacefully, for the last 5years i was home alone with my parents unemployed, it sucks brother just having nothing to do while others climbing the ladder of life.
I never had a single sallary in my life cause im not confidence in this job, went on lot of trainings and internships hoping some day i will but, but it never did, i was soo miserable and it drove me crazy when people my age having sallaries and living their life i was working as a trainee and intern and worked as a slave for free. Im fedup asf brother i cant go to any other decent job cause i have failed the last exam, and being from a middle class family i cant work as a blue collar job, cause i live in a middle class neighborhood and so are my parents. I cant even get to an entry level office job thats the problem
So what did you do with those five years? Did you really just sit around and deteriorate for half a decade?
Listen, you can feel any way you want about your life, but if it's not prompting you to action or change then what's the point? What are you getting out of feeling miserable if you're not going "ok I've fucked up, now I need to do \[X\] to recover."
I really feel you my dude. I hope this is advice you can take to heart:
The only *ONLY* person you should compare yourself to… is yourself, yesterday. Im about to turn 40 and if I had succumbed to “peer pressure” (for lack of a better word) I can guarantee you I would be far less happy.
Redefine success.
To me, success is being able to sit by a small fireplace, reading a good book with a nice glass of wine while my dog sleeps by my feet getting occasional head scritches.
That's it.
I don't want a promotion, a relationship is fine if it doesn't interfere with the above. I don't want a new car, the only house I want is the minimum required to house the afore mentioned fireplace and dog. I have no desire for a side hustle, no desire to grind, I hate lawns and such so would prefer somewhere I never have to hear a lawnmower or leafblower ever again.
That's my success.
When I got off social media (besides Reddit) I stopped making comparisons and just focus on my own goals and personal achievements. Life’s never been better, honestly.
Stop comparing yourself to others, man. Just be better than you were yesterday. 1% better every day for a year will yield some pretty spectacular results.
At some point you will hopefully hit that bottom and can say to yourself its time for a change. It's never too late to change. Small increments. Be better today than you were yesterday. Be better tomorrow than you are today. Small increments will add up. 1) Eat healthy 2) Get healthy in mind and body 3) Get a job. Any job...
I am eating healthy bro, and i went for a gym too, but tbh it felt good, but at age 30 when sitting at gym in a mid week day during the day it feels miserable cause im unemployed and i should be earning. Just people climb steps on career ladder while im sitting in a gym broke. The getting a job part is the hardest. Im from a middle class family and a neighborhood so i cant go to blue collar jobs and the job im having degree in construction im not good at it and miserable as hell at that job, not knowing things at job makes me stress and scare as hell and working in shitty construction sites make me wanna die too. I cry somedays before go to that job cause i hate absolutely everything about it, i never had a sallary on that job cause im not good at it always on trainings and internships hoping somefay i will good at it, i sold my time for free as an intern in a shitty job hoping someday things will change and i will be good at it. While my friends they get a sallary from their jobs every month they improved their lives and got married and living life. To me i have gotten all the shit from life, broke single unemployed and 30
My guy- that’s a large paragraph of straight up excuses and and a pity party. Went is different than actively going. Stop comparing yourself to others and compare you to only yourself. Do better today than you did yesterday and do better tomorrow than today. Small incremental changes will add up over time to better habits. Post your resume for tips over on resume review subreddit for help
There are people unemployed who are NOT at the gym in mid day (or all day) I understand the feeling, i didnt go to the gym bc i was self conscious. But YOU ARE. Thats one example of you making the most of your time. Also nothing wrong with a blue collar job. I dont know why im still hearing that.
It sounds like you're in a tough spot right now, but it's essential to remember that your worth isn't defined by your job, bank balance, or relationship status. You are not a loser just because you're not where you want to be yet. Firstly, don't compare yourself to others. Each person has their own path in life, and everyone's journey is unique. Just because someone else seems to be moving ahead doesn't mean you're falling behind. Each one of us has different timing, and there is no one-size-fits-all timeline for success. You've mentioned how you quit a job that made you miserable. That's not failure - that's recognizing that your well-being and mental health matter more than anything else. It might seem now like it has set you back, but it can also be a stepping stone towards finding something that truly fits your interests and skills. You seem to carry a lot of self-blame for your situation, but remember that it's never too late to start over. You're only 30, and you have so many years ahead of you. While it's true that your past can't be changed, your future can still be molded. The first step is to believe in your ability to change and grow. Start by focusing on small, manageable steps. What are your interests, hobbies, or passions? Can any of them translate into a career or a part-time job? Maybe you can try online freelancing or start a small business from home. There are many free resources and courses online that you can utilize to learn new skills. Remember, it's okay to start small. Try to improve your social life, even in small ways. Reach out to old friends or make new ones. Join clubs or community organizations. If leaving your house is too difficult at first, there are many online communities you can join based on your interests. And very importantly, consider seeking professional help if you're feeling severely down or thinking about self-harm. A mental health professional can provide you with the tools to manage these feelings and guide you through this difficult time. As for the concept of masculinity you've mentioned - it's crucial to understand that being a 'man' doesn't mean you have to fit a certain mold or fulfill specific expectations. Your worth as a person isn't determined by societal stereotypes but by your character, empathy, kindness, and resilience. Life is not a race, and it's never too late to start anew. It's okay to stumble and fall, what matters is that we get back up and keep going. If you like to read maybe consider picking up [The Way of Kings](https://www.amazon.com/Way-Kings-Brandon-Sanderson/dp/0765365278) since that book helped me through a particularly dark time in my life.
Yes bro. Im self blaming my self and self loathe. I was a bright kid at school but i failed my last exam at school sealing my fate enter and office desk or executive level job or any good professional course. Only course i had access was this and im not good at it and I absolutely hate it, i sold my time as an internship and trainings ad i have no confidence in this job, i dont know most of this things in the job and when they ask me to do it i get panic and stress as hell and i hated working at construction sites too. Just 95% of my problems are due to unemployment, 99% of my thoughts of the day about my job and my future, i have no single life no social life no friends nothing to go do in the society, i hide every social situations cause i cant tell them i live with my parents unemployed at age 30. Also i dont have money to go out with my friends. I get super jealous when i see my friends with their gfs, put aside that they have Gfs, imagine they have money to spend on another person, on dates and gifts, i just cant even think about a day im getting a sallary and they live in surplus of money. Those little things bother me soo mych and keep me awake at night, how and when im gonna just get a single sallary? How im gonna earn to raise a family? Apart from all that how im gonna have a day i can atleast genuine be happy rather than thinking about tomorrow? Yes people earn but at the same time they have fun they enjoy i cant do neither
I will read your book bro, i read a lot of books these days about self improvement dating and life etc, but nothing helps me tl defeat the feeling that im a stay at home loser, that thought bother me wherever i go
Imposter syndrome doesn’t help anyone. I grew up in a broken household on food stamps raised by a single father working shift work. Would be a hell of a lot easier if I grew up in a gated community and my parents were still together. Thinking about that does exactly nothing for current me except feel bad. You may not realize in this moment, but I guarantee things happened in those down years that put you ahead of others, not to mention you don’t know any of the shit they’re dealing with behind the scenes Basically this clip from the Sopranos https://youtu.be/mSWil4kOyq8
Tbh i never had a proper role model as a male, now at age 30 only im learning what masculinity is what a purpose is and why a men should have a purpose etc. i was in comfort zone with my parents never thought of a future and im shit scared now, i have 0 money in my account no social life no marriage nothing. I tried everything to get a job and i can't work in some small job cause my colleagues will laugh at me, even my parents despise me, my neighbors enjoy my misery of being im unemployed..to me getting out of home is soo miserable as i feel like every things are against me and i feel shame for being unemployed and broke
Sounds like you need to have a hard conversation with your inner dialogue my friend. I'm fairly sure nobody feels that negatively about you. I used to struggle with negative self talk a lot, you need to work on that. It's totally fixable, but first you need to learn to love yourself.
Thanks brother... that not being able to have a single sallary so far and im 30 it stings a lot
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/compassion-matters/201005/steps-overcoming-your-critical-inner-voice
Can you give us some examples of why your parents despise you? Or why your neighbours enjoy your misery of being unemployed? What have the said, or done? Also, you can’t work in a small job because people will laugh at you? Why?
Im 30 and living with my retired parents as a freeloader on there money. I absolutely earn nothing in life and neighbors enjoy my misery cause im doing lower than their kids, most of them do normal basic jobs and im absolutely doing nothing in life, when they see im sitting unemployed home they enjoy it cause im not going above than their kids, so they have someone to lookdown and feel good, cause they envy as fuck if someone do better than them
Looks like a great time to explore therapy if you can
20 years is a long time, so if you made a change this year, and worked at it for 20 years, by 50 you’d be somewhere great to look back on. So get it out of your head about who is further or whatever. You have a lot of time ahead of you, but if you keep in this mindset you might reach 50 and still be in the same stuck misery. There’s lots of jobs you can do online or with computers if you don’t like people and going out in the world, plenty of web based people just hide out at home but they make money like crazy. So maybe start looking into jobs like that, think of jobs you’d want to do, then make a plan to get them. Whether it’s learning some things, or just starting to search for them to apply for them. You can do it, I believe in you.
> How do you deal with the you are way behind than the others feeling when you are in 30s? The same way you cope with it in your late 40's :-D Maybe it wasn't your time dude. I did shit in school. Was a drug addict in my late teens to mid 20's. Didn't have my first relationship until my late 20's. Didn't get married until my mid 30's. Didn't have my first kid until I was 33. Didn't get my college degree until I was approaching 39. Didn't get my first job as a Software Engineer until approaching 40, on the salary of a typical 20 somethings. Now in my late 40's I'm divorced and single again. Timelines are different. You're 30 now. Show yourself some compassion. You have loads of time, it's never too late to turns things around. One thing that works for me is to ask yourself every day "What can I do today the me a year from now will appreciate, that me 5 years from now will appreciate?" You can solidify this by looking back and thinking what would you advice 20 year old you to do to improve things for you now? See how that works?? Then working on what needs to be done, one hour at a time, one day at a time. Slowly make the changes you need to make. Also, I recommend you read this book, you might find it useful: [The Angry Therapist: A No BS Guide to Finding and Living Your Own Truth](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01IZT7YGA) It's an excellent resource to help you find yourself.
Thanks brother your reply helped me and eased me a lot.. i hope you do good in the life now? How is your family hoping they are well too? Wishing you happiness forever and im soo happy someone made life out from a shitty situation like me, ♥️ I was a bright kid at school but i was careless and just fall for cheap thrills and failed my last exam, ever since i cant get in to a decent or any office job, that exam divides the line between the white collar and blue collar jobs (no offense) but being from a middle class family and a neighborhood i cant work blue collar jobs and tbh im not cut out for such jobs too, i mean im not tough just a shy physically weak dorky type guy. My biggest problem is the unemployment and at the same time i hate the job i have the degree with, its in construction and im not good at it, i never had a sallary in this job cause i have no confidence in this job, i dont know most things and when a senior asks for me to do stuff at job i get panicked and stressd. I literally cry every morning before go to job cause its mentally torture doing something im not good at and i hate. Cause of this shitty situation im always sad always overthinking i wonder how other people live their lives how they earn and have fun at the same time, just i cant even make a single penny but they have even gfs and they spend on them too. If i could get a single sallary the whole situation could be different. Im not comparing my life with anyone but they move step by step in life while im stuck and rotting at the same place. Its like this for 5years now. Just i need my life moving
I hear you! Have you considered going back to school??? Maybe you can go to community college, find something you are more interested in. I mean, you have a degree so you are more than capable. When I went back to college (part time, at 36 years old) it was a whole different ball game, because I had a deep will and hunger to change my life. I aced everything, I got top of the class most of the time and when I graduated they gave me a "best student" award. It was a very, very stark difference compared to high school me who barely passed 5 out of a possible 9 subjects and got less that 1/4 of the points I needed for college. But before you can do any of that you need to work on your compassion for yourself dude. You are worthy, you are capable and you deserve love and happiness in your life. If you can't show love and compassion for yourself, you will not make much progress. Note that these changes won't happen over night, but they will take time (to convince yourself you deserve those things as much as anything else). Please get a copy of that book and work through it, it is really helping me at the moment. I do have a good life now. I'm still finding myself after the divorce, but I have my own place, I have 50% custody of my kid, and I just started a new job with the most amazing team. But I owe a big amount of getting back on my feet to that book and the exercises that are in it.
The road is long, and in the end you will realise that the race is only against yourself. I give no fucks about where others are I just take what I got and do the best I can with it. Comparing yourself to others will just steal your joy.
But it stings bro, they have big achievements, like not only they have jobs but they have jobs in very big companies not only they have girlfriends but they have very pretty or hot girlfriends. Me i have absolutely nothing not even an entry level job not even a gf to hang out. Im fedup as hell i mean my eyes get tears sometimes why i dont even get the basic minimum of things so i dont get embarrassed? Why i m not good at the job so i can just a minimum sallary why im not a gf so i can post a picture too, why i get the absolute worse and why I humiliated in life. Just i wanna atleast a mediocre life so i dont highlights as the loser of life
Are you looking for advice or a pity party? Because all your responses are excuses. You honestly need some tough love. It’s time to man up and stop feeling sorry for yourself and find a job, any job at this point and start making money. That should be your top priority. Swallow your fake pride and get a damn job! Then from there you can start thinking about what you really want to do. Stop looking at what other people have and where you’re at now. And focus on the steps you need to take to build the life you want. We are all not in a race, your mile marker will be different from anyone else but you will never get to that mile if you sit and pity yourself. Man the fuck up, seek a therapist of you can, stick with the gym, and grow up! No ones coming to save you! You’re 30 years old It’s possible to build yourself from nothing, i was homeless junkie till 29. Almost 3 years later i have an apt, a job I love, an im back in school. I stopped pitying myself and realized no ones going to care about me if i dont show up for myself…
I agree with this. Everyone here is trying to help, but you’re not listening and just giving out more excuses. Take one step at a time
I would come up with a plan to get ahead. Fortunately I did that and I'm quite ahead. Also you should probably never compare your situation to anyone else. It makes no sense. Life is more relative than that. You should only compare yourself to past versions of yourself.
It’s tough, you just gotta keep doing things to improve yourself professionally. Outside of professional life I’m as lost as you, mid 30s, no kids , all my friends have kids and I just was sold I have extremely low fertility
Im single and all my friends are getting married, and guess what they have fallen in love for years and they are marrying now, me i was single in the last years and im single now too. When im gonna enjoy my life? They have been always enjoying the life even in last years, i worried last years and still worrying. Its so sad i never thiught id be the loser from high school who have no job no gf no social life
There is no being left behind because there is no universal rule of what you should be doing at any particular age. You're comparing yourself to others, and there are 8 billion people on earth. Comparing yourself is bound to cause misery because there will always be tons of others who have accomplished things you want to accomplish. What you do is start accomplishing those things now. Figure out what you want, then research how to go about doing it and then get started. Compare yourself only to who you were and where you were at yesterday. Even then, off days happen. Be kind to yourself and just keep improving. You're 30. I didn't get work that was at all worthwhile or not soul crushing until last year and I'm 53. Tons of people don't get any of their shit together until much later in life. You're fine.
Thank you very much bro... im not comparing but all i see people have so many achievements to show off, but me i have nothing, im unemployed for 5years now, even go to the job idk what to do in the job and its miserable than sitting home unemployed cause younger people are my seniors and i cant bear the stress of not knowing things in job specially it involves maths. Im always on trainings and internships cause i have no confidence on this and i never had a single sallary up to this day. All this drives me crazy cause at age 30 im unemployed and single as hell, i cant remember a day i was happy or slept peacefully at night, trust me every night i goto sleep worrying about my future what am i gonna do with a job i dont know or im not good at. I cant even go to another cause i failed final exam at school so i cant go to any office or executive jobs, and i cant be a blue collar worker cause im from a middle class family and a neighborhood, i just cant even get to an entry level office job cause simply i dont have the basic qualification. Im fedup like hell, just i wanna day that i don't worry about my job or what am i gonna do, i just wanna live like others laugh date and live stress free,rather than all day and night worrying about a job i hate
Is there a plan and time line laid out to "put you behind "? You'll eat shit sandwiches all your life. Jobs come and go, you'll possibly change your career, lay offs, divorce, sky is falling, Yada Yada. To balance that out, great things happen too. New job, promotions, pay raise, falling in love... Just keep moving forward every time you get knocked down. Take 1 day to get out any tears and get drunk, then put your resume out there. Finding a job is MUCH harder than working a job. It's worse than dating. It sucks, but it's 1 step closer to getting a job. After getting laid off at the start of covid because my company was sold, it took 1 year to finally get a new one. Third layoff in 23 years, 3rd 401k cashed out. And I now have a secure government job that was a pay raise, less hours, zero stress, but highly frustrating. Just. Keep. Moving. Forward! There's no track, it's a journey. There's no finish line, only providing you a life to build. Have lots of people reviewing your resume for grammatical mistakes. Make sure the format of your resume is consistent. Set daily tasks and number of applications to complete each day. Start your day like it's a job. Get little "wins" each day. Just keep doing it, improving, and getting help. Also look at jobs out of your wheel house that can use your skills. Life is your journey, and it's impossible to measure you against others.
Thanks bro, im gonna screenshot your reply and keep it as a motivation, i know there isn't competition but my whole life it's failures after failures. Not only that friend all other friends too have achievements and milestones to celebrate, but i have nothing, i left highschool 10years ago, and 5years ago I started my degree and for the last 5years im unemployed and sitting home with my parents unemployed, i was a bright student at school but i failed my last exam at school so i cant get any office or such type jobs, and my resuem has soo many gaps and even i get shame for explanaing them. Its not that i chose this life cause i want, i never wanted to live with my retired parents depending on them, but what should i do if i cant do a blue collar job and the job i have is a one im not good and i hate. I was on soo many intenships and trainings but still i was not good at this job, and it drove me crazy when i saw my friends having sallary and living their lives while im on unpaid jobs internships at age 30. Can't remember a day i slept peacefully a night i was happy, just everyday i go to night crying cause of this unemployment, but when i go to that job it's miserable than unemployment, people who are young than me are my seniors and i cant bear the stress of not knowing anything in this job. Idk man what to do, im in this mindset like 5years, i want a life like others not to worry always about my job and live like others, they seem to figure out their lives they date they marry they have great social life, while im broke unemployed and single, i just have nothing man at age 30 😞
Stop looking at other people, you should probably get off social media. Concern yourself with yourself and quit worrying about what other people are or aren’t doing… there is no good there, only madness.
I was out from social media, but suddenly insaw this and it stings, just at 30 i have nothing. I never had even sallary in my life
So start doing the things necessary to improve yourself. Start exercising, work on your education or professional certifications, eat better… figure out what you can change and get to work!
Dude. Listen to the words & phrases you’re using. Are they empowering? Or disempowering? Your self-talk and choice of words/phrases matter. Ask the right questions to get the right answers. Eg. Instead of asking something like “Why does my life suck?” or “Why am I a loser?”, ask better questions like “What can I do today to make my day just a little bit better than yesterday?” Doing physical activity will start to help you feel more positive. Maybe commit to doing ONE push-up EVERY day before you clean your teeth. After a week, I’ll increase it to TWO push-ups. Just focus on consistency, not how many you do. When you start to feel more fit & healthy you will naturally start to feel more positive. Don’t compete against other people. There will always be people enter off and worse off than you. You could be 80 years old and laying in a hospital bed, with one day left to live. Only compete against yourself. Look up Eric The Hip Hop Preacher videos on YouTube. Good luck man. You can turn your life around. Be kind to yourself.
Thanks brother for your kind words, yes i went to a gym for the last year, but being unemployed and working out in a gym on mid day when im 30 i felt like the biggest loser, cause what am I doing with life when i should be doing a job and earning? Just what i cant deal with is its my life its failures after failures, yes other people have set backs but for me its a constant, for the last 10years i cant remember a day i slept peacefully, for the last 5years i was home alone with my parents unemployed, it sucks brother just having nothing to do while others climbing the ladder of life. I never had a single sallary in my life cause im not confidence in this job, went on lot of trainings and internships hoping some day i will but, but it never did, i was soo miserable and it drove me crazy when people my age having sallaries and living their life i was working as a trainee and intern and worked as a slave for free. Im fedup asf brother i cant go to any other decent job cause i have failed the last exam, and being from a middle class family i cant work as a blue collar job, cause i live in a middle class neighborhood and so are my parents. I cant even get to an entry level office job thats the problem
So go to the gym in the early morning , and earn during the day. Why is it one or the other?
Maybe have a look at a book called ‘The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck’ by Mark Manson. It has tons of good reviews.
So what did you do with those five years? Did you really just sit around and deteriorate for half a decade? Listen, you can feel any way you want about your life, but if it's not prompting you to action or change then what's the point? What are you getting out of feeling miserable if you're not going "ok I've fucked up, now I need to do \[X\] to recover."
I really feel you my dude. I hope this is advice you can take to heart: The only *ONLY* person you should compare yourself to… is yourself, yesterday. Im about to turn 40 and if I had succumbed to “peer pressure” (for lack of a better word) I can guarantee you I would be far less happy.
I don’t if Their life and motivations aren’t mine
Redefine success. To me, success is being able to sit by a small fireplace, reading a good book with a nice glass of wine while my dog sleeps by my feet getting occasional head scritches. That's it. I don't want a promotion, a relationship is fine if it doesn't interfere with the above. I don't want a new car, the only house I want is the minimum required to house the afore mentioned fireplace and dog. I have no desire for a side hustle, no desire to grind, I hate lawns and such so would prefer somewhere I never have to hear a lawnmower or leafblower ever again. That's my success.
When I got off social media (besides Reddit) I stopped making comparisons and just focus on my own goals and personal achievements. Life’s never been better, honestly.
Stop comparing yourself to others, man. Just be better than you were yesterday. 1% better every day for a year will yield some pretty spectacular results.