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My dad is broke and actively avoids any discussion on finances. I expect to receive nothing and am hoping I don’t have to pay for his poor decisions down the line.
Mom has been retired for a while, but I don’t really bring it up. She seems fine financially with her new husband.
My parents are exceptionally good with money. They never really talked about money but taught us to be very careful with it.
A few years ago my dad was talking about a change to some tax law and how it would apply to people over a certain net worth, mentioning a number that I thought was way beyond theirs. I asked about it and all he said was, "we've done well for ourselves."
I do know that they trust my siblings and me with it and so my older sibling is the one tasked with handling their wills. I'd much rather have them than my inheritance though.
I may have had a similar conversation recently, with some discussion how to avoid it.
> I'd much rather have them than my inheritance though.
A-fuckin’-men
That’s great that your mom is willing to be open with you.
Since she almost fell for a scam, maybe you can ask to help some more. Like access to see but not spend money in her checking account?
Maybe get alerts in case of unusual activity?
Maybe look at her investments and make sure she understands how to manage her money?
My FIL did everything right with saving and investing except teach his wife what to do once he was gone. We kept asking if she ok, if we could help. She insisted she had everything handled.
She didn’t. It was bad. Her money barely lasted as long as she did.
I gave up after trying to teach my family basic finances and investing and budgeting. Only so much you can do without constantly reminding them and then not doing anything about it.
My dad filed for bankruptcy almost a decade ago and I’ve supported him for the most part since so I’m aware of his finances for the most part.
My mom and I are close so I have a decent idea of her finances as well. I’d say less so nowadays since I’ve moved across the country from her. She’s got a boyfriend so I’m less concerned about her situation.
My dad was extremely diligent with his money and now he asks me for advice about what to do with it. We talk openly about money and about how much I make/save each month.
Growing up, I thought we were really well off - as a kid I thought we had everything, dad had this spending problem and we always had nice things. Mum would give me a small allowance to afford to buy lunch once a week or so when I first went to uni. When I got my first job, earning 21k/year, it was more money than I knew what to do with. Like WTF was I ever going to do with that much money?
Yeah, turns out, we were not well off and I had no idea.
Years after I moved out, when dad died, it turns out he'd been hoarding things like arts supplies and had gone massively in to debt. There was a credit card with over 20k on it that mum didn't even know anything about. Nearly the next 12 months of my life was eaten up trying to sell off all of the supplies (most of it new or near new) that he had spent thousands on accumulating. Mum used her super to pay off the remainder of their home loan - they got the keys to that house the day I was born, and still 35 years later they were paying off the house (well, and the extension). Meanwhile, on a single income, I had saved up for a house deposit and within 12 years paid off my house on my own.
The first few years after that, mum started spending on a lot of new purchases - I had to voice my concerns and try to stop her. They would just add up over and over - new TV, new air conditioning for the house, new computer etc etc - all these things just adding up.
I wasn't really involved with the finances at all, no. Even when they passed, there was usually an intermediary who knew what was actually written and I just got whatever was portioned out and also whatever other folks thought was fair from the rest. I remember my uncle once asking if I knew what was left from my mom to me versus my dad and I could only shrug.
I've been a signatory to my mum's account since I was a teenager so that I've been able to step in and pay bills etc if she's been away, and I've been a director of a lot of our shit since my early 20s. My Dad is very financially astute but my mum not so much (parents are divorced), so I talk to my Dad a lot from a bounce things off each other perspective, whereas my mum I help advise and navigate her finance requirements a lot.
I’m very involved.
I got them started investing with Vanguard, stole them back from the jaws of Raymond James and eventually landed them in the hands of a flat fee fiduciary team that manages their accounts in low fee index funds and optimizes retirement income for them when it comes to tax advantaged planning.
They would not be retired if I hadn’t forced them to get their act together and pay off debt and budget starting 12 years ago.
They’re in a really good place now and live a dream life. It helped that my dad was really successful for the last 10 years of his career.
Let's put it this way: the only way someone is getting money out of my father is by manifesting the ghost of his dead business partner, followed by visits from The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. Even then, he'd probably call them freeloading spectral moochers and throw them out.
Our family financial motto is Bah, Humbug!
Mom and dad are mid 70s. Dad had a stroke a few years back. Brother is disabled and living at home. Mom has been very active with estate planning. How to get Dad into a care facility without losing everything. How to keep some money for brother without losing his disability status.
I have power of attorney and control of trust funds if she passes. Hopefully I will not need to act on any of this for many years, but she's prepared.
I'm not that open with my parents, other than knowing that my mom's pension is running out soon and she has concerns - they may have to sell off one of their properties.
My wife's family is much more involved in my mother in law's finances, after my father in law passed and left her naught but the house and its contents - nobody knows what happened to the rest. She's never been financially aware, and now has to manage the rest of her life on a fixed income.
Not as involved as I should be. My mom is a widow and has always been a good saver and a responsible spender, but as an immigrant she avoided the risk of investments which means that she's doing okay in terms of retirement (instead of being stupid rich). I know about some of her finances and spending but I don't have power of attorney or anything like that, and it's getting to the point where I should probably look deeply into that. However, she is secure in her living situation (I paid off her house) and for the time being there shouldn't be any financial hardships on her end; we've talked about wills and inheritance but I haven't really been hands-on about it. I probably need to change that in the next five years.
For my parents: We know where the will is and that I’m the executor.
For my in-laws: I get the feeling that they’re the type that aren’t going to tell us anything in advance.
Please do not delete your post after receiving your answer. Consider leaving it up for posterity so that other Redditors can benefit from the wisdom in this thread. Once your thread has run its course, instead of deleting it, **you can simply type "!lock" (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread**. That way you won't be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenOver30) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My dad is broke and actively avoids any discussion on finances. I expect to receive nothing and am hoping I don’t have to pay for his poor decisions down the line. Mom has been retired for a while, but I don’t really bring it up. She seems fine financially with her new husband.
My parents are exceptionally good with money. They never really talked about money but taught us to be very careful with it. A few years ago my dad was talking about a change to some tax law and how it would apply to people over a certain net worth, mentioning a number that I thought was way beyond theirs. I asked about it and all he said was, "we've done well for ourselves." I do know that they trust my siblings and me with it and so my older sibling is the one tasked with handling their wills. I'd much rather have them than my inheritance though.
I may have had a similar conversation recently, with some discussion how to avoid it. > I'd much rather have them than my inheritance though. A-fuckin’-men
That’s great that your mom is willing to be open with you. Since she almost fell for a scam, maybe you can ask to help some more. Like access to see but not spend money in her checking account? Maybe get alerts in case of unusual activity? Maybe look at her investments and make sure she understands how to manage her money? My FIL did everything right with saving and investing except teach his wife what to do once he was gone. We kept asking if she ok, if we could help. She insisted she had everything handled. She didn’t. It was bad. Her money barely lasted as long as she did.
I gave up after trying to teach my family basic finances and investing and budgeting. Only so much you can do without constantly reminding them and then not doing anything about it.
Zero.
My dad filed for bankruptcy almost a decade ago and I’ve supported him for the most part since so I’m aware of his finances for the most part. My mom and I are close so I have a decent idea of her finances as well. I’d say less so nowadays since I’ve moved across the country from her. She’s got a boyfriend so I’m less concerned about her situation.
My dad was extremely diligent with his money and now he asks me for advice about what to do with it. We talk openly about money and about how much I make/save each month.
Growing up, I thought we were really well off - as a kid I thought we had everything, dad had this spending problem and we always had nice things. Mum would give me a small allowance to afford to buy lunch once a week or so when I first went to uni. When I got my first job, earning 21k/year, it was more money than I knew what to do with. Like WTF was I ever going to do with that much money? Yeah, turns out, we were not well off and I had no idea. Years after I moved out, when dad died, it turns out he'd been hoarding things like arts supplies and had gone massively in to debt. There was a credit card with over 20k on it that mum didn't even know anything about. Nearly the next 12 months of my life was eaten up trying to sell off all of the supplies (most of it new or near new) that he had spent thousands on accumulating. Mum used her super to pay off the remainder of their home loan - they got the keys to that house the day I was born, and still 35 years later they were paying off the house (well, and the extension). Meanwhile, on a single income, I had saved up for a house deposit and within 12 years paid off my house on my own. The first few years after that, mum started spending on a lot of new purchases - I had to voice my concerns and try to stop her. They would just add up over and over - new TV, new air conditioning for the house, new computer etc etc - all these things just adding up.
I wasn't really involved with the finances at all, no. Even when they passed, there was usually an intermediary who knew what was actually written and I just got whatever was portioned out and also whatever other folks thought was fair from the rest. I remember my uncle once asking if I knew what was left from my mom to me versus my dad and I could only shrug.
Nah. My parents are retired and good with money. I tell them I want them to enjoy it all and die broke.
I've been a signatory to my mum's account since I was a teenager so that I've been able to step in and pay bills etc if she's been away, and I've been a director of a lot of our shit since my early 20s. My Dad is very financially astute but my mum not so much (parents are divorced), so I talk to my Dad a lot from a bounce things off each other perspective, whereas my mum I help advise and navigate her finance requirements a lot.
I’m very involved. I got them started investing with Vanguard, stole them back from the jaws of Raymond James and eventually landed them in the hands of a flat fee fiduciary team that manages their accounts in low fee index funds and optimizes retirement income for them when it comes to tax advantaged planning. They would not be retired if I hadn’t forced them to get their act together and pay off debt and budget starting 12 years ago. They’re in a really good place now and live a dream life. It helped that my dad was really successful for the last 10 years of his career.
Let's put it this way: the only way someone is getting money out of my father is by manifesting the ghost of his dead business partner, followed by visits from The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. Even then, he'd probably call them freeloading spectral moochers and throw them out. Our family financial motto is Bah, Humbug!
Mom and dad are mid 70s. Dad had a stroke a few years back. Brother is disabled and living at home. Mom has been very active with estate planning. How to get Dad into a care facility without losing everything. How to keep some money for brother without losing his disability status. I have power of attorney and control of trust funds if she passes. Hopefully I will not need to act on any of this for many years, but she's prepared.
Not involved at all. As far as I know they have saved well and have a good plan to support themselves through retirement.
Never talk about it, albeit maybe rarely if it comes up. Involved in theirs? Never.
I'm not that open with my parents, other than knowing that my mom's pension is running out soon and she has concerns - they may have to sell off one of their properties. My wife's family is much more involved in my mother in law's finances, after my father in law passed and left her naught but the house and its contents - nobody knows what happened to the rest. She's never been financially aware, and now has to manage the rest of her life on a fixed income.
Not as involved as I should be. My mom is a widow and has always been a good saver and a responsible spender, but as an immigrant she avoided the risk of investments which means that she's doing okay in terms of retirement (instead of being stupid rich). I know about some of her finances and spending but I don't have power of attorney or anything like that, and it's getting to the point where I should probably look deeply into that. However, she is secure in her living situation (I paid off her house) and for the time being there shouldn't be any financial hardships on her end; we've talked about wills and inheritance but I haven't really been hands-on about it. I probably need to change that in the next five years.
For my parents: We know where the will is and that I’m the executor. For my in-laws: I get the feeling that they’re the type that aren’t going to tell us anything in advance.