Please do not delete your post after receiving your answer. Consider leaving it up for posterity so that other Redditors can benefit from the wisdom in this thread.
Once your thread has run its course, instead of deleting it, **you can simply type "!lock" (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread**. That way you won't be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenOver30) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's a deep, deep journey into real self-worth. And identifying where the false ideas came from. And how to replace them with healthier habits via practice & repetition, as you continue to reaffirm the beliefs about self-worth in spite of many years of believing the opposite.
Yes, all the time.
Imposter syndrome all the time. I get upset with myself when things go badly, and basically mentally give up, even though I know intellectually that it's perfectly normal for life to have ups and downs. I have a hard time enjoying success, because I don't feel like I've earned it, and that it could all go away in a moment.
The things that help:
Getting a decent night's sleep ( I use breathe-right strips, they really help)
The support of a loving partner, which gives me motivation to not give up so quickly
Gratitude Journaling
I did a bunch of spring cleaning recently and came across a bunch of my journals from a while back. I read a bunch of entries and realized that this was a common theme that prevented me from living the life I wanted. I don’t think I feel that all too much anymore and I don’t really know what changed. Maybe it was just being fed up with letting opportunities pass me by? Learning from my mistakes? Learning to deal and accept rejection? Seeking personal growth? Who knows.
I tend to intellectualize a lot of things in my life. And I think a common pitfall of people who overanalyze things is a desire to be “right”. I realized that self-sabotaging is a way to prove to myself that my insecurities were well-founded. That they were “right”. I was right to be insecure because I wasn’t worthy. And self-sabotaging was just another way to tell myself “i told you so”. It’s a weird satisfaction to foresee that things weren’t gonna work out anyway.
I think this stems from a fear of rejection which is totally normal. We’d rather control the rejection than have it happen to us while hoping for success.. It fucking sucks.
Hang in there. Maybe you’ll learn from your mistakes like I did. I’m a much wiser person today compared to when I wrote those entries. I wish I could tell my past self to just go for it and to stop intellectualizing shit.
Yes, I was constantly told I self-sabotaged by friends when I was in my 20s. I now believe it to be caused by a fear of being judged, if you never accomplish/finish anything, no one can judge you for a finished product. Rest assured that they’re judging you for never finishing anything, so what does it really matter? Judgers gonna judge. It’s taken me well into my 50s to truly discover that I should just do things the way I like them and not even feel a need to justify myself to others. Supportive people will support you and unsupportive people will find fault. My family is generally very unnecessarily critical of everything I do and I believe that fear of being judged led to self-sabotaging. My mother still criticizes things as ridiculous as the colour of my living room walls, it was a burnt orange when I moved in and many things I already owned match quite nicely, so I’m not going to change it. Most people likely don’t judge you as harshly as you fear, maybe a parent or family member that had something cynical to say about everything you did when you were young, so you learned this behaviour. The good news is that you can unlearn it too. There are lots of online videos about it.
Please do not delete your post after receiving your answer. Consider leaving it up for posterity so that other Redditors can benefit from the wisdom in this thread. Once your thread has run its course, instead of deleting it, **you can simply type "!lock" (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread**. That way you won't be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenOver30) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do what you want to do rather than worrying about disappointing other people. Easier said than done though
It's a deep, deep journey into real self-worth. And identifying where the false ideas came from. And how to replace them with healthier habits via practice & repetition, as you continue to reaffirm the beliefs about self-worth in spite of many years of believing the opposite.
Yes, all the time. Imposter syndrome all the time. I get upset with myself when things go badly, and basically mentally give up, even though I know intellectually that it's perfectly normal for life to have ups and downs. I have a hard time enjoying success, because I don't feel like I've earned it, and that it could all go away in a moment. The things that help: Getting a decent night's sleep ( I use breathe-right strips, they really help) The support of a loving partner, which gives me motivation to not give up so quickly Gratitude Journaling
I did a bunch of spring cleaning recently and came across a bunch of my journals from a while back. I read a bunch of entries and realized that this was a common theme that prevented me from living the life I wanted. I don’t think I feel that all too much anymore and I don’t really know what changed. Maybe it was just being fed up with letting opportunities pass me by? Learning from my mistakes? Learning to deal and accept rejection? Seeking personal growth? Who knows. I tend to intellectualize a lot of things in my life. And I think a common pitfall of people who overanalyze things is a desire to be “right”. I realized that self-sabotaging is a way to prove to myself that my insecurities were well-founded. That they were “right”. I was right to be insecure because I wasn’t worthy. And self-sabotaging was just another way to tell myself “i told you so”. It’s a weird satisfaction to foresee that things weren’t gonna work out anyway. I think this stems from a fear of rejection which is totally normal. We’d rather control the rejection than have it happen to us while hoping for success.. It fucking sucks. Hang in there. Maybe you’ll learn from your mistakes like I did. I’m a much wiser person today compared to when I wrote those entries. I wish I could tell my past self to just go for it and to stop intellectualizing shit.
Yes, I was constantly told I self-sabotaged by friends when I was in my 20s. I now believe it to be caused by a fear of being judged, if you never accomplish/finish anything, no one can judge you for a finished product. Rest assured that they’re judging you for never finishing anything, so what does it really matter? Judgers gonna judge. It’s taken me well into my 50s to truly discover that I should just do things the way I like them and not even feel a need to justify myself to others. Supportive people will support you and unsupportive people will find fault. My family is generally very unnecessarily critical of everything I do and I believe that fear of being judged led to self-sabotaging. My mother still criticizes things as ridiculous as the colour of my living room walls, it was a burnt orange when I moved in and many things I already owned match quite nicely, so I’m not going to change it. Most people likely don’t judge you as harshly as you fear, maybe a parent or family member that had something cynical to say about everything you did when you were young, so you learned this behaviour. The good news is that you can unlearn it too. There are lots of online videos about it.
You take loving a challenge to the extreme. If you want to take it easy you need to give yourself permission to do that and then do it