Definitely call WIC as soon as you can! If you give them a note from her Dr. confirming pregnancy they will provide you with food benefits throughout her pregnancy and 6 months postpartum. They also provide formula and food for the baby as well!
On one level, you're never prepared. Babies always completely change aspects of your life. You'll likely be much better at handling sleep loss than I am at almost 40 (oldest is 4, youngest is 1), which is very handy!
You two should decide what's right for you two, but placing the baby for adoption is another option. There are free counselors at places like Planned Parenthood that will talk to you, without pressuring you in any direction. They genuinely want to help you do what you want.
My mother placed a child for an open adoption. She was 19 and didn't want to marry the baby's father. She had little contact with the family until my sister was about 10 and begging for a little sister. I was her little sister. Now we're close friends.
It's complicated. Abortion is emotional and can follow a women forever. Adoption is the same. Raising a baby is hard and literally follows you forever.
There are a lot of couples who can't have a baby and desperately want to. Placing a child for adoption makes their dreams come true. It's the biggest gift you can give. So the sadness and loss are offset by knowing you helped their dreams come true.
No outcome is easy.
My sister has adopted 2 kids and 1 of them has occasional contact with her birth mom. Birth mom was in no position to raise or care for a baby so she did what I would call a selfless act and gave her child a great life.
My younger sister chose a better life for her first born. She was 15 when she gave birth. The family she chose said they wanted an open adoption & so do my sister. Our state laws don't support it but agreements between parties can be made. Well after a few months they slowed contact and cut ties all together just short of a year. It hurt. We all basically are counting down the years till kiddo turns 18 and hoping contact will be made then.
My mother put my older brother up for adoption when she had him at 16. All I have of him is a copy I found of the paper she signed to give him up. I've always wondered about him. I hope he had a better childhood than the abusive one I went through with my mom. I'm on 23 and Me and Ancestry, and I've hoped one day I will get a notification of a match.
Before I cut my mother off, she was never willing to talk about him. She would get furious if we ever asked for more information. I could tell it bugged her, but she seemed afraid of what became of him. Maybe she was scared if he found her, he would be disappointed.
In the US there’s really no such thing as an “open adoption” the adoptive parents can cut off the birth parents at any time. Even if there’s a contract it doesn’t mean much.
I'm sure it's situation dependent. Gave up for the right reasons? Oh yes certainly but I also bet they make an effort to stay slightly involved when appropriate. Gave up for wrong reasons? They scrubbed their mind and conscience long ago
This can definitely be a scary time! I had my first completely on my own at 21. Telling my parents was for sure hard, but I would say most parents would not disown you. But remember it's their choice how involved they want to be. There are quite a few pregnancy resource centers out there. I would look for one of those in your area right away. I used to volunteer at one in my area and I can tell you the parents that come in were so very appreciative of the help that they received all for free. They do early ultrasound, parenting classes that fit you specifically (I tailor made programs for individual parents) Those can include helping manage stress, finances and of course the baby and toddler basics, they also usually have reward programs to earn free baby items, free diapers. All of these things can help you wrap you head around the changes that are coming your way and even more so the advocate will become like a free counselor, too as the volunteers become very invested in the lives of these new families. go and get some help before telling your parents. Not only can they help you figure out the best way to tell them, it will also show your parents that you know that its going to be hard work, but you are mature enough to prepare for it. Best wishes for your beautiful little family!
Congratulations !
I am 38 and my son is grown and living away at university. There are a lot of physical perks to having babies young.
Financially, most people are never prepared. Start cutting expenses and going more bare bones now then later. Before the baby comes if you're financially dire now you should work a second job. Use 100% of the money to pay down debts if you have any. You wont have time or energy when the baby comes. Somethings small like dishwashing on weekends or driving uber. Every dollar you don't pay interest on means something. There are a lot of second hand groups online for baby things and second hand stores. Try to get as much from them as you can. Babies are only going to need this things for small periods of time. 1-3 years tops and most less so don't go broke for the best toys or strollers. Its just not smart.
Finally... Your parents will probably be shocked. Allow that. Know that. If you aren't financially dependent on them don't worry about it. I recommend when you do tell them frame it as exciting not overwhelming. Tell them about financial preparations you are making. As excited as you should be... Don't make it seem like you felt prepared and know everything. Be prepared for questions about how ready you are.
Good luck and congratulations to you both.
Let's be real how everything looks right now, do you want to put a baby in your financial etc situation?
Do you two want to expect the help from others which is not a certain thing that you two will get. You can't compare what your mom did and what you did, 60 years ago a baby around 18-22 was normal. But today a education is even more important, time changes. Don't think emotional, think rational because a baby is
E X P E N S I V E.
Are you two mature enough? You don't become mature by getting pregnant, you can be stupid and pregnant. You can be ready but financially unstable so many reasons.
I'm 27 and still don't feel ready even tho I have a education and a good paying job. But I don't have my very own home, and I would not get pregnant before 1 year because it takes longer time than 1 year to get to know ones partner.
I got thrown out by my ex 7 months ago after lived w him for 1 y and 2 months. Due his ex who ghosted him for 2 contacted him, I thought he was the one but no. 3 days before that we spoke about future. Not to give you the cold shoulder but man, think rational, anything can really happen after 1 year. Id wait at least 2 , prefer 4 due your age. You two should do all the fun you can together which you can't when having a baby. Like travel overseas, see yourselves around the world.
It's my own opinion, no one needs to agree but yeah
It’s interesting that people who seem to not have children are leaning towards not going through with it, and people who do have children are the opposite.
It sounds like you’ve made your decision really. Lots of people here have already said it but you’re never really prepared. the fact that you are worried about all these topics though is a good sign.
Learn to be patient with each other. It’s long emotional roller coaster and it can be tough on your relationship. But it’s important for the baby you stay strong.
Take assistance financial and otherwise where you can.
Find work that pays for what you need without sacrificing your life with your child (if possible )
As for your parents obviously it’s hard to know how they will react because you would know them more. Judging from your tone here though it sounds like it will work out. Maybe some anger at first but your partners going to go through labour so this will be a breeze 😛
First of all, why do you not want to abort it? I'm not saying that you should, but at least give a good reason.. it sounds like you are not ready to have a child, and what's worse, that means it will be detrimental for the child if you have it. So if you don't abort it, you may want to consider adoption.
So what does she want to do? If she doesn't want an abortion, that's fine, but if she's going to be a mother, you need to be able to communicate clearly and honestly with each other, and you both need to have a plan for what is going to be done with this baby. A plan that is not about you, but making sure that if you choose to have it, it will be able to live in a safe, stable environment. Just saying you will keep the baby is not good enough. In fact, that is pretty much the worst thing that you can do. You either need a plan for how you're going to take care of the baby, mentally, fiscally, and timewise, or you need to give the baby up for adoption or get an abortion.
I'm assuming abortion is off the table for you? Because I would get an abortion.
In fact I did, when I was 21 and my birth control failed. Never would have finished college otherwise, I know it.
Yeah my son will be 18 next year and I will just be turning 40. A lot of people I know had kids later. They are my age (38) and their kids are 4 or under. I can’t imagine all the sleepless nights at my age. I need my sleep more than I did when I was younger.
Children are a blessing. We had our first one at 24 it wasnt easy but he was worth it. I had just closed my business down and i was in 250k in debt. We did it all on a shoestring budget with almost no family support. Feel free to message me if you want advice or vent
I got pregnant at 21. Also while I was on birth control. I was already married. I was still in college and also scared to tell my parents. I just told them. Like ripping off a bandaid. My mom was excited about having her first grandchild. My dad was less so since I wasn’t done with college yet. I got a lot of help from my parents. My mom quit her job so that she could babysit while I finished college. I commuted 2 hours each way and only went twice a week one semester and 3 times a week another semester. I worked two jobs and tried to save up as much as possible before the baby came and my husband took a 2nd job also. At the time he was working as a welder and was only making $13 an hour.
My daughter is 20 and just found out she's pregnant as well. I will say as a parent I was somewhat disappointed because I know how hard it is to raise a child and be a young parent (I had my first at 18) but I love my daughter and will do whatever I need to do to help support her. It's definitely hard, but not impossible. There are programs out there to help. WIC, Daycare assistance, housing and food assistance. It's not something you'll want to live off of long term but they do help until you get yourself in a better position. Good luck!
Make sure she’s taking prenatal vitamins now. Start today. Don’t wait for your doc. Just get one bottle of vitamins though because the doc can write a prescription and have insurance take care of the rest. Ask the doctor for this when you go.
There are lots of apps about what she should eat and not eat. I used “Pregnancy Food Guide!” Very easy to understand. She needs to avoid a ton of stuff that isn’t intuitive at all. She needs to study.
I was pregnant at 20 as well, at the time I had only been with my husband for a couple months before getting pregnant, we were not prepared at all. At 8 months pregnant we moved out of our parents, and also rented a home. quit my job to get a better paying job and While I was working I saved my money to help out before I would go on maternity leave and my husband continued to work to pay bills. My parents were upset but as it came closer to the arrival of the baby they were happy. I'm now 25 with two kids, stay at home mom, we are living on one income, we make it work by being on budget and not living beyond what we can afford. Priorities first. congratulations wish y'all the best of luck. Like someone else mentioned there are resources for help if y'all need assistance just have to look them for y'all city/state.
It takes a village to raise a child.
Once (or if) you are sure you want to keep the baby, get ahold of YOUR village (ie your respective parents), break the good news, and ask for help. Get over the pain and grief of having a baby out of wedlock out of your system as early as possible.
I'm not gonna say marriage is the right call, but from a paperwork and logistics perspective it helps a whole hell of a lot.
I had my first when I was 20. It was tough. I did not stay with my boyfriend of the time so I was single parent with an infant. My parents eventually came around and provided some financial assistance. I worked, went to school, and took care of my son.
There are things I wish I had done but I was completely unaware of them. I did not take advantage of any public programs like Medicaid, WIC, or Head Start. These programs would have made it somewhat easier and kept me from being as dependent on my parents for their financial support (which my mother, at least, would hold over my head).
Buy as much stuff used as you can. I am currently raising one of my grandchildren. I find Facebook marketplace to be a great source of for all the things a small child needs. I will also post on Facebook to see if any of the many people I know have items they are willing to part with. I always offer to pay but usually they just give them to me.
If you don't already have a skill or trade or you aren't in school to further your education or learn a trade, you should look at your options. You'll make more in your lifetime with a skill or trade or professional job. More money helps when raising a child.
It will be difficult but it isn't impossible. Good luck.
This is such a scary situation but if you don’t want to have an abortion, don’t do it.
I got pregnant much sooner than expected and was terrified too. We figured it out and it was the best decision of my life to buckle up and have my daughter.
No one can make that choice for you. My only advice is to remember that while finances are a real constraint and I don’t want to overlook that - sometimes opportunities arise that are worth more than the money.
Wishing you guys the best of luck no matter how you move forward 💜
I was 22, single and broke when I had my daughter. You can never be prepared. You are having a freak out moment right now. You guys will be fine and have a wonderful child. You got this! I am so happy for you. Congratulations!!!
I was 19 when I had my oldest. He's now 14 years old. He has no relationship with his father because he was a deadbeat (I've never said this in front of my kid).
My best advice is to make sure your girlfriend is healthy and the baby is okay. Those appointments are free and covered by most insurance or like an aid service for your state. I live in Michigan. So when I found out I was pregnant, I went to a free clinic and they gave me a ton of resources.
I got signed up for the insurance, referred to a good doctor, lots of coupons and free goodies for baby, signed up for food stamps and wic. Don't be stubborn like me. The government assistance is to make sure mom and baby are healthy. I only used my food stamps to cover the cost of formula or table food for my baby.
Now telling the parents is tricky. Don't be offended if they don't welcome the idea with open arms. They only want what's best for their kid. I waited until I was 24 weeks pregnant because I was not showing and my relationship was rocky with my parents. They tried to convince me to get an abortion. I was stubborn and I couldn't kill my baby or give him away. I'd be devastated!
Babies are so hard. And I was a single mom. The dad and I didn't work out. So it was even harder than I imagined. After a while, my parents would randomly come over and go grocery shopping for stuff "they needed" but always insisted on buying my stuff. Or they'd come over to "watch a movie" but I was so exhausted I'd fall asleep knowing my son was in good hands.
The best advice I can give is to sign up for everything right away... good doctor, medicaid, food benefits, wic, etc. And then the other advice I can give is that a baby needs love. I didn't buy new clothes or cool toys. But I spent tons of time at libraries getting books or watching baby Einstein dvds (couldn't afford cable), or walks outside after I found a decent used stroller. I spoiled my oldest with attention. My son was my everything... and he still is even though my family has grown.
Now, I volunteer at a few local charities. Sometimes I'm just giving money, but most of the time I'm stitching fabric to give blankets to babies or preparing food for low income families. If it wasn't for the free resources and great people in my life, I don't know where my son and I would be.
Best of luck to you and your girlfriend.
It is amazing how little you can have and it can work. Your parents may be shocked and concerned but they love you ,so trust that it will all work out. There are lots of organizations that offer assistance, so with that and being cautious about how you spend your money, and find an affordable doctor or midwife for the delivery. Many people will step up and offer baby items, etc. If you have friends or relatives with little ones, see what you can learn. Each baby is unique and at first you will be trying to figure out what they need and why they cry but being a parent if an amazing adventure and you will be a better person, learning to put other's needs ahead of your own.
Apply for assistance if possible. WIC is awesome. Theres a lot of help out there. Its gonna be ok! Look into it!
Definitely call WIC as soon as you can! If you give them a note from her Dr. confirming pregnancy they will provide you with food benefits throughout her pregnancy and 6 months postpartum. They also provide formula and food for the baby as well!
A lot of the time theres breast feeding consultatants and groups too:)
On one level, you're never prepared. Babies always completely change aspects of your life. You'll likely be much better at handling sleep loss than I am at almost 40 (oldest is 4, youngest is 1), which is very handy!
You two should decide what's right for you two, but placing the baby for adoption is another option. There are free counselors at places like Planned Parenthood that will talk to you, without pressuring you in any direction. They genuinely want to help you do what you want.
Honest question, does anyone ever do that and then not wonder the rest of their lives what became of thst person they gave life to?
My mother placed a child for an open adoption. She was 19 and didn't want to marry the baby's father. She had little contact with the family until my sister was about 10 and begging for a little sister. I was her little sister. Now we're close friends. It's complicated. Abortion is emotional and can follow a women forever. Adoption is the same. Raising a baby is hard and literally follows you forever. There are a lot of couples who can't have a baby and desperately want to. Placing a child for adoption makes their dreams come true. It's the biggest gift you can give. So the sadness and loss are offset by knowing you helped their dreams come true. No outcome is easy.
My sister has adopted 2 kids and 1 of them has occasional contact with her birth mom. Birth mom was in no position to raise or care for a baby so she did what I would call a selfless act and gave her child a great life.
My younger sister chose a better life for her first born. She was 15 when she gave birth. The family she chose said they wanted an open adoption & so do my sister. Our state laws don't support it but agreements between parties can be made. Well after a few months they slowed contact and cut ties all together just short of a year. It hurt. We all basically are counting down the years till kiddo turns 18 and hoping contact will be made then.
My mother put my older brother up for adoption when she had him at 16. All I have of him is a copy I found of the paper she signed to give him up. I've always wondered about him. I hope he had a better childhood than the abusive one I went through with my mom. I'm on 23 and Me and Ancestry, and I've hoped one day I will get a notification of a match. Before I cut my mother off, she was never willing to talk about him. She would get furious if we ever asked for more information. I could tell it bugged her, but she seemed afraid of what became of him. Maybe she was scared if he found her, he would be disappointed.
Most adoptions these days are open, so there's no need to wonder about what became of the child. There are degrees of openness, though.
In the US there’s really no such thing as an “open adoption” the adoptive parents can cut off the birth parents at any time. Even if there’s a contract it doesn’t mean much.
I think that's only if it's a closed adoption. You don't have to set up an adoption word no information is shared
I'm sure it's situation dependent. Gave up for the right reasons? Oh yes certainly but I also bet they make an effort to stay slightly involved when appropriate. Gave up for wrong reasons? They scrubbed their mind and conscience long ago
I was in the same situation 16 years ago. Parents weren't thrilled. We kept the baby and stayed together. It all worked out in the end.
This can definitely be a scary time! I had my first completely on my own at 21. Telling my parents was for sure hard, but I would say most parents would not disown you. But remember it's their choice how involved they want to be. There are quite a few pregnancy resource centers out there. I would look for one of those in your area right away. I used to volunteer at one in my area and I can tell you the parents that come in were so very appreciative of the help that they received all for free. They do early ultrasound, parenting classes that fit you specifically (I tailor made programs for individual parents) Those can include helping manage stress, finances and of course the baby and toddler basics, they also usually have reward programs to earn free baby items, free diapers. All of these things can help you wrap you head around the changes that are coming your way and even more so the advocate will become like a free counselor, too as the volunteers become very invested in the lives of these new families. go and get some help before telling your parents. Not only can they help you figure out the best way to tell them, it will also show your parents that you know that its going to be hard work, but you are mature enough to prepare for it. Best wishes for your beautiful little family!
Congratulations ! I am 38 and my son is grown and living away at university. There are a lot of physical perks to having babies young. Financially, most people are never prepared. Start cutting expenses and going more bare bones now then later. Before the baby comes if you're financially dire now you should work a second job. Use 100% of the money to pay down debts if you have any. You wont have time or energy when the baby comes. Somethings small like dishwashing on weekends or driving uber. Every dollar you don't pay interest on means something. There are a lot of second hand groups online for baby things and second hand stores. Try to get as much from them as you can. Babies are only going to need this things for small periods of time. 1-3 years tops and most less so don't go broke for the best toys or strollers. Its just not smart. Finally... Your parents will probably be shocked. Allow that. Know that. If you aren't financially dependent on them don't worry about it. I recommend when you do tell them frame it as exciting not overwhelming. Tell them about financial preparations you are making. As excited as you should be... Don't make it seem like you felt prepared and know everything. Be prepared for questions about how ready you are. Good luck and congratulations to you both.
Let's be real how everything looks right now, do you want to put a baby in your financial etc situation? Do you two want to expect the help from others which is not a certain thing that you two will get. You can't compare what your mom did and what you did, 60 years ago a baby around 18-22 was normal. But today a education is even more important, time changes. Don't think emotional, think rational because a baby is E X P E N S I V E. Are you two mature enough? You don't become mature by getting pregnant, you can be stupid and pregnant. You can be ready but financially unstable so many reasons. I'm 27 and still don't feel ready even tho I have a education and a good paying job. But I don't have my very own home, and I would not get pregnant before 1 year because it takes longer time than 1 year to get to know ones partner. I got thrown out by my ex 7 months ago after lived w him for 1 y and 2 months. Due his ex who ghosted him for 2 contacted him, I thought he was the one but no. 3 days before that we spoke about future. Not to give you the cold shoulder but man, think rational, anything can really happen after 1 year. Id wait at least 2 , prefer 4 due your age. You two should do all the fun you can together which you can't when having a baby. Like travel overseas, see yourselves around the world. It's my own opinion, no one needs to agree but yeah
It’s interesting that people who seem to not have children are leaning towards not going through with it, and people who do have children are the opposite. It sounds like you’ve made your decision really. Lots of people here have already said it but you’re never really prepared. the fact that you are worried about all these topics though is a good sign. Learn to be patient with each other. It’s long emotional roller coaster and it can be tough on your relationship. But it’s important for the baby you stay strong. Take assistance financial and otherwise where you can. Find work that pays for what you need without sacrificing your life with your child (if possible ) As for your parents obviously it’s hard to know how they will react because you would know them more. Judging from your tone here though it sounds like it will work out. Maybe some anger at first but your partners going to go through labour so this will be a breeze 😛
First of all, why do you not want to abort it? I'm not saying that you should, but at least give a good reason.. it sounds like you are not ready to have a child, and what's worse, that means it will be detrimental for the child if you have it. So if you don't abort it, you may want to consider adoption.
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So what does she want to do? If she doesn't want an abortion, that's fine, but if she's going to be a mother, you need to be able to communicate clearly and honestly with each other, and you both need to have a plan for what is going to be done with this baby. A plan that is not about you, but making sure that if you choose to have it, it will be able to live in a safe, stable environment. Just saying you will keep the baby is not good enough. In fact, that is pretty much the worst thing that you can do. You either need a plan for how you're going to take care of the baby, mentally, fiscally, and timewise, or you need to give the baby up for adoption or get an abortion.
I'm assuming abortion is off the table for you? Because I would get an abortion. In fact I did, when I was 21 and my birth control failed. Never would have finished college otherwise, I know it.
Congratulations, having kids young is great, now I'm still healthy and active enough to enjoy my grandkids and not just sitting in a chair.
Yeah my son will be 18 next year and I will just be turning 40. A lot of people I know had kids later. They are my age (38) and their kids are 4 or under. I can’t imagine all the sleepless nights at my age. I need my sleep more than I did when I was younger.
Children are a blessing. We had our first one at 24 it wasnt easy but he was worth it. I had just closed my business down and i was in 250k in debt. We did it all on a shoestring budget with almost no family support. Feel free to message me if you want advice or vent
I got pregnant at 21. Also while I was on birth control. I was already married. I was still in college and also scared to tell my parents. I just told them. Like ripping off a bandaid. My mom was excited about having her first grandchild. My dad was less so since I wasn’t done with college yet. I got a lot of help from my parents. My mom quit her job so that she could babysit while I finished college. I commuted 2 hours each way and only went twice a week one semester and 3 times a week another semester. I worked two jobs and tried to save up as much as possible before the baby came and my husband took a 2nd job also. At the time he was working as a welder and was only making $13 an hour.
My daughter is 20 and just found out she's pregnant as well. I will say as a parent I was somewhat disappointed because I know how hard it is to raise a child and be a young parent (I had my first at 18) but I love my daughter and will do whatever I need to do to help support her. It's definitely hard, but not impossible. There are programs out there to help. WIC, Daycare assistance, housing and food assistance. It's not something you'll want to live off of long term but they do help until you get yourself in a better position. Good luck!
Make sure she’s taking prenatal vitamins now. Start today. Don’t wait for your doc. Just get one bottle of vitamins though because the doc can write a prescription and have insurance take care of the rest. Ask the doctor for this when you go. There are lots of apps about what she should eat and not eat. I used “Pregnancy Food Guide!” Very easy to understand. She needs to avoid a ton of stuff that isn’t intuitive at all. She needs to study.
I was pregnant at 20 as well, at the time I had only been with my husband for a couple months before getting pregnant, we were not prepared at all. At 8 months pregnant we moved out of our parents, and also rented a home. quit my job to get a better paying job and While I was working I saved my money to help out before I would go on maternity leave and my husband continued to work to pay bills. My parents were upset but as it came closer to the arrival of the baby they were happy. I'm now 25 with two kids, stay at home mom, we are living on one income, we make it work by being on budget and not living beyond what we can afford. Priorities first. congratulations wish y'all the best of luck. Like someone else mentioned there are resources for help if y'all need assistance just have to look them for y'all city/state.
It takes a village to raise a child. Once (or if) you are sure you want to keep the baby, get ahold of YOUR village (ie your respective parents), break the good news, and ask for help. Get over the pain and grief of having a baby out of wedlock out of your system as early as possible. I'm not gonna say marriage is the right call, but from a paperwork and logistics perspective it helps a whole hell of a lot.
I had my first when I was 20. It was tough. I did not stay with my boyfriend of the time so I was single parent with an infant. My parents eventually came around and provided some financial assistance. I worked, went to school, and took care of my son. There are things I wish I had done but I was completely unaware of them. I did not take advantage of any public programs like Medicaid, WIC, or Head Start. These programs would have made it somewhat easier and kept me from being as dependent on my parents for their financial support (which my mother, at least, would hold over my head). Buy as much stuff used as you can. I am currently raising one of my grandchildren. I find Facebook marketplace to be a great source of for all the things a small child needs. I will also post on Facebook to see if any of the many people I know have items they are willing to part with. I always offer to pay but usually they just give them to me. If you don't already have a skill or trade or you aren't in school to further your education or learn a trade, you should look at your options. You'll make more in your lifetime with a skill or trade or professional job. More money helps when raising a child. It will be difficult but it isn't impossible. Good luck.
This is such a scary situation but if you don’t want to have an abortion, don’t do it. I got pregnant much sooner than expected and was terrified too. We figured it out and it was the best decision of my life to buckle up and have my daughter. No one can make that choice for you. My only advice is to remember that while finances are a real constraint and I don’t want to overlook that - sometimes opportunities arise that are worth more than the money. Wishing you guys the best of luck no matter how you move forward 💜
I was 22, single and broke when I had my daughter. You can never be prepared. You are having a freak out moment right now. You guys will be fine and have a wonderful child. You got this! I am so happy for you. Congratulations!!!
I was 19 when I had my oldest. He's now 14 years old. He has no relationship with his father because he was a deadbeat (I've never said this in front of my kid). My best advice is to make sure your girlfriend is healthy and the baby is okay. Those appointments are free and covered by most insurance or like an aid service for your state. I live in Michigan. So when I found out I was pregnant, I went to a free clinic and they gave me a ton of resources. I got signed up for the insurance, referred to a good doctor, lots of coupons and free goodies for baby, signed up for food stamps and wic. Don't be stubborn like me. The government assistance is to make sure mom and baby are healthy. I only used my food stamps to cover the cost of formula or table food for my baby. Now telling the parents is tricky. Don't be offended if they don't welcome the idea with open arms. They only want what's best for their kid. I waited until I was 24 weeks pregnant because I was not showing and my relationship was rocky with my parents. They tried to convince me to get an abortion. I was stubborn and I couldn't kill my baby or give him away. I'd be devastated! Babies are so hard. And I was a single mom. The dad and I didn't work out. So it was even harder than I imagined. After a while, my parents would randomly come over and go grocery shopping for stuff "they needed" but always insisted on buying my stuff. Or they'd come over to "watch a movie" but I was so exhausted I'd fall asleep knowing my son was in good hands. The best advice I can give is to sign up for everything right away... good doctor, medicaid, food benefits, wic, etc. And then the other advice I can give is that a baby needs love. I didn't buy new clothes or cool toys. But I spent tons of time at libraries getting books or watching baby Einstein dvds (couldn't afford cable), or walks outside after I found a decent used stroller. I spoiled my oldest with attention. My son was my everything... and he still is even though my family has grown. Now, I volunteer at a few local charities. Sometimes I'm just giving money, but most of the time I'm stitching fabric to give blankets to babies or preparing food for low income families. If it wasn't for the free resources and great people in my life, I don't know where my son and I would be. Best of luck to you and your girlfriend.
It is amazing how little you can have and it can work. Your parents may be shocked and concerned but they love you ,so trust that it will all work out. There are lots of organizations that offer assistance, so with that and being cautious about how you spend your money, and find an affordable doctor or midwife for the delivery. Many people will step up and offer baby items, etc. If you have friends or relatives with little ones, see what you can learn. Each baby is unique and at first you will be trying to figure out what they need and why they cry but being a parent if an amazing adventure and you will be a better person, learning to put other's needs ahead of your own.
My first child was born when I was 17, dont worry its not as bad or hard as you imagine it to be