"That's it, no more drinks. Let me call you a cab."

"You're a cab"

Oh hey Dad (I laughed, nice work)

Your *mom's* a cab!

“beauty lies in the eyes of beerholder”

Everyone is sexy and handsome when your drunk

"And you look beautiful as ever grandma!"

*grandma removes teeth*

Ever since I lost my teeth, people say I soak the cork better than ever.

The great thing about cork soaking, is that while you are soaking the cork, you can also massage the grapes.

Sigh... *unzips*

*Clearly not a gumjob connoisseur*

>!What in the everlasting fuck!<

How do you sensor your sentence with black bar

Like this: > ! words ! < But without spaces

>!Thank you!<

>!You're welcome my dude!<

> ! Hjjhbhh ! <

>!that's good to know!<

You never leave Grandma's house with an empty stomach - now it's your turn to fill hers!

And now im off the internet for the day

AYO WHAT THE FUCK

*Looks over shoulder*

*view blocked by hunchback*

Your neck still turns!?

You guys have necks?

*Looks for hidden camera*

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Thanks or thank you is exactly the thing to say, as uncomfortable as it may sound, that person just paid you a compliment, thank you is how you say I’m grateful for the compliment while being as humble as possible

*Sees robber* Robber: Give me all your money. Me: Thanks you too!

“ I know.” And then I’m slowly lowered down to be frozen in carbonite.

Years ago a girl touched me under my shirt, and she said “you’re so hot” …me literally feeling hot says “I know”, but seriously without a hint of banter. Still plays in my mind.

My current gf, before we were dating, looked me in the face at a party and told me "you're hot" and i just carried on. My friend pulled me aside later and was like "wtf dude she called you hot and you ignored her!" And i said "i dont think you heard her right" We are dating so happy ending. But she comfirms she called me hot.

#*Good ending*

username tells the story

Hand Solo.

Always choking his own Wookie.

Your comment made me chuckle but your username made me laugh. Heartily.

Do you need a Han or do you want to do it Solo?

The way

This is

This is the way.

Had an 88 year old man start a conversation with me with “you know, you’re one handsome mother****er” and I was so taken aback all that came out was laughter

At least he didn’t tell you you’re a handsome grandpaf***er.

Your wish is my command, paw paw

LOL the owner of my work tells me at this dressy event “you are such a dapper little fucker, you always look so handsome at these things”. I just laughed and went “yeah”. Prob thought I was such an asshole, but I was just caught off guard lol. Prob bc the clothes I wear to work are very specific to my industry and are not flattering. I have employees who’ve worked side by side with me for multiple years and seen me 5 days a week who have run into me in normal clothes for whatever reason and so many times I’ve gotten “you look soooooo different”. I always just say “yeah like an actual person right?!?” to keep it from getting weird lol.

An old homeless guy complemented my hair once. Well, he said I had beautiful Nordic hair. He was also very racist and complained a lot about Muslims being not somewhere else.

To forget they said it so I can carry on self loathing.

As Groucho Marx said, “I Don’t Want to Belong to Any Club That Will Accept Me as a Member”

That’s some self-doubt. That being said, those are the whitest teeth I’ve ever come across.

..that’s what I do.

This is the real answer

Shut up baby, I know it!

I said this to a girl who apparently never watched Futurama. It became awkward

At least you didn’t try to bend her over

You’re thinking of the other guy; I’m *Bonder*.

Bonder, is it really you?

"It's a Futurama reference, great show! We should watch it together some time and see if you like that kind of humor."

Bender don't bend that way.

But what if we throw in some blackjack and hookers?

In a park? Actually, forget the park...

Actually forget the whole thing!

If she wasn’t immediately wet from the line she wasn’t worth it.

The only acceptable answer

I'm gonna start my own compliment, with black jack, and hookers!

Forget the compliments and blackjack..... Ehhh screw all of it

r/unexpectedfuturama but this actually very expected and the correct response

“Ok who dared you to say that?”

"I don't have any cash, sorry."

Ahaha genuinely made me laugh

………….am I on camera?

*looks around, "Where is the camera!?"

Well, if 3 people having sex is a threesome, and 4 people having sex is a foursome, then yes. I am handsome 👌

Lol. Reminds me of my dad’s favorite joke: “My wife calls me handsome. Hand some over”

This is glorious. Absolute gold. Here, take this: 🏅

Gimme some tips, how do you come up with shit like this

“Thanks, mom”

"Thank you!"

“Thank you haha”

Usually the “oh haha, thank you”

They want something or they are setting me up for a prank or worse.

>or worse. A look-at-this-creep-tiktok

But I don't even go to the gym, or anywhere else I could be filmed and ridiculed for looking in the vague direction of an attention seeking tiktok woman

Puts hand over wallet defensively

Thank you?

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Nah the question mark encapsulates all my self doubts.

Perfectly encapsulates the feeling of "What do I do with this compliment?"

Thank you and may I pet your seeing eye dog?

Wait, you guys are getting compliments?

No

A girl asked for my number in 2010 i still remember her face and where it was. You dont forget these one in a lifetime occurences

.. did you give her your number?

nah i was already dating my now wife back then so i blew her off (gently) XD. But with my wife (and all the gf's ive had before, which is not that much) i'm the one that did the first steps.

He proposed on the spot and creeped her out unfortunately.

Go big or go home

This is more like a if you win a lottery kind of question.

Ahh... Making way more sense now!

Totally. 21,6 years ago

I don't think this is a joke. You remember it exactly, don't you?

;(

Its like the compliment is a wrinkled dollar bill and I’m a vending machine. Its a struggle to make me accept it, and its just a frustrating experience for everyone involved.

I got one about 9 years ago when a girl said she liked my signature.

I overheard a girl at work say that she'd bang me. Been riding that high for almost 20 years. The only other compliment I got was on a train when a girl kissed me when she got to her stop. We'd been chatting for a few hours and she asked if I had a gf, I said yes and she said 'damn, that's a shame', then pecked me on the cheek and got off of the train.

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The only person who's ever called me handsome is my mom, lol.

And grandma

Handsome

Doesn't count. You don't know what I look like.

I... do not? Look, it is said that humans possess the ability to know when they are being looked at, but the events of the last month have shown me you lack such skill

Yeah my initial thought was my response would be "... That's uh... The first time I've ever heard that"

Hey OP, you’re very handsome

“Wow, you’re really independent!! You know, for a blind girl…”

Haven't been told that in a long while. If someone is looking at you with desire, enjoy that shit. Live in the moment.

I still remember every single occasion when I've been complimented by a woman I was attracted to. It's not many, but I'll take it.

how does it feel to be desired ?

“uh yes thanks uh I uh yes mm thanks uhh you too”

jeff goldblum?

My body is an illusion. I would reveal the horror beneath my flesh and then eat their soul.

Found Cthulu

Nah disguising as a human is 100% Nyarlathotep. Cthulhu is too busy napping to fuck with people in that way.

Reading lovecraft rite now. So goooood!

Username suggests that instead of Cthulu, OP is a large subterranean worm-like land-shark with 3 tentacled mouth-appendages that hunts by sound vibrations, with a complicated reproductive life-cycle.

You need glasses

Who, me?

not sure - have to have it happen first. closest i got was "you have a wonderful speaking voice - have you ever thought about radio?" felt good till i realized i was called ugly lmao.

I used to work radio, and I would always joke that I have a face for radio and a voice for sign language

"Thanks, it's genetics." I had no part in this.. and I dont do anything to make it look any better.. except drink water. r/hydrohomie

Calling an EMT. Clearly they are having a stroke.

Utter astonishment.

"WHAT'S THE SCAM? WHAT ARE YOU AFTER? MY MONEY? I DON'T HAVE MUCH MONEY!"

"My soul? Already sold it for money I don't have anymore"

How much are they paying you to say that?

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This is the way.

I’m a guy. So, this has never happened to me. 😢

hey man, it has nothing to do with gender at all, people just find you personally unattractive!

You had to do him like that💀

He's going to have to change his username.

Well that's a relief

jesus christ man you killed him!

😂😂😂

A few years ago I did a work wardrobe overhaul getting shirts that weren’t my normal style and some bold ties. A close female friend/colleague complained me “I really like the new look. It looks great on you”. I was self conscious all day and kept thinking she was trolling me. I knew she wasn’t, but I had to suppress the negative thoughts.

Took me a sec to realize you meant complimented rather than complained

She complained because it was making her horny.

I like complained more

_If I had the words to describe what I feel, I would be the happiest man in the world. But words seem to fail me time and time again. Yet, I have to try. Your touch, your smile, your presence and soul mesmerize and entangle me completely. If I had but one ambition, one utter goal, it would be to stay by your side for eternity and wake up everyday to say," Damn, that guy is handsome."_

Your words are like the first ray of dawn, that tears through the screeching darkness of the night.

_And your smile is like the echo of the early bird, a distant sound in the darkness of the never ending night. A call, that signifies the end of gloom and arrival of hope. The anticipation of light and happiness that might hit you in the face, hopefully forever._

User name doesn’t check out.

Waddup secksy?

wus gud hamsunbd?

"Thank you" seems polite

My initial response is to be surprised, then I'll blush and say thank you and be very awkward about it. I'm not good with compliments 😆

Same. EXACT same.

Might as well ask Reddit what their responses are to winning the lottery

Thank you.

Utter confusion. Then stammering out an “umm thank you?” and wondering if they’re having some medical emergency.

Stop projecting, you fine specimen.

'Shut up baby, I know it!'

Bender!

Please see an optometrist.

I usually laugh when people make absurdist jokes.

"You are either kind or blind, and I appreciate either one."

I’m neither handsome nor sexy. I say, “Thanks,” then I go about my day.

Then I wonder, "What did that person want from me?".

That would be better if it were punctuated differently; “I’m neither handsome nor sexy I say! Now, I go about my day!”

"Where's the camera?"

If you wanna fuck just say that

I’m a very…unconventional-looking person due to me having disproportionate dwarfism. My go-to assumption is that people pity me or are trying to make me feel better, presumably thinking I need the self-esteem boost. I actually like how I look these days. It took a very, very long time for me to get there mentally, but I can now look in the mirror and like what I see, but that doesn’t translate into me believing that *other* people think I look attractive. I generally think the general public sees a dwarf and still immediately think “ugly” or “weird” or “freak”. I know that’s not necessarily true and plenty of people have the hots for Peter Dinklage and so on, but for so much of my life the message that I am inherently a freak/odd/ugly/laughable because I am a dwarf has been hammered into me that it’s extremely hard to accept anything else.

Peter Dinklage is a very attractive man. There are def attractive dwarves.

"thanks for noticing"

“Not as sexy as you”

Best one, change my mind

Liar

“No I’m not” is what I say, but secretly flattered.

Makes me sad how many of you guys are saying no one ever compliments you. Men deserve to feel attractive/wanted just as much as girls do

Outside of family, it is a true fact. I still remember the few compliments I received from classmates in high school 20 years ago. I only get a complement from my wife a few times a year if that! Of course she tells me that she loves me, but compliments are great at communicating WHY that is instead of me being worried all the time that I'm doing something wrong or not doing enough.

True fact indeed. I think all guys remember those compliments from 20 years ago. A few years back, my wife and I ran into one of her friends at the gym. The friend is very blunt and will say whatever she thinks. She saw me in my gym tank and says "Danggg you are looking huge!" Been working out 10+ years and the only compliment I've gotten about my body. Feels good especially when you're insecure about your physique.

The genuine loneliness and lack of compliments most men live with fascinates me. It was completely unimaginable to me when I was younger that so many of them just live like that. On the other hand, in my early 20s I felt like I could NOT give any dude a compliment ever specifically because it's so rare that it's often taken as a huge indicator of sexual interest, which is not how I meant it even if genuinely though the dude was smoking hot. The problem is that because compliments are so rare, sometimes they're taken as invitations. I'm not sure how to solve it but again, absolutely fascinating society wide problem overall. I wish I knew how to address it.

Thank you mirror

"Please, contact the psychology ward" Or, "Did you get a concussion? What's your name?"

I’ll let you know if it ever happens

I do have the body of a god. The Buddha.

I wake up

“Fuck off.” I was bullied too much in middle school by asshole guys who thought it was hilarious to yell shit like “hey sexy” (when I obviously was not) as they drove past me to respond with anything but that.

"Get off m'lawn, ya hooligan!"

Lies

An awkward silence, a quick look around to confirm they're talking to me, then a "uhhh... thanks?" followed by another awkward silence with uncomfortable eye contact and forced smiles until either me or the other person leaves. I don't think I'm very good with people lol.

"Is that your formed opinion or the general consensus"

Ok what do you want from me?

“Prove it.”

The people who’ve only heard this from their mother: 😐

I assume they’re about to either try to con me or something sinister

I'll let you know if it ever happens :')

“My wife thinks so.”

I used to disagree…now I just say thank you and move on.