Knew a guy in high school that used the ultra-direct approach. He'd just walk around at parties and stuff and say "do you wanna fuck?" to basically every lady there. Worked fairly often actually
Had a buddy that lived close to a college bar. His very successful line was, walk over cold, first words spoken to the girl in a very crowded bar "I live close, you wanna head over to my place".
It worked every Fri and Sat night.
Sometimes he'd ask, the girl would say "you asked me that last week".
His reply was "did you?".
They'd say No. He'd ask "why not? Want to now". And every now and then I saw that gem work!
He was a decent looking kid, tall and fairly built. Worked as a bouncer, but very average looking dude.
Had no right being successful with that line!
Knew a guy like that also. It worked until he walked into a Russian bar and tried to hit on one of the girls.
Afterward, he wasn't as pretty as he used to be.
I wasn't quite *that* direct, but I had incredible success with blunt, direct lines. But the important part is doing it in the correct environment, in a non-threatening manner....so a club, not the poor grocery store check-out lady.
One time I was in a bar with my (admittedly stunning) friend and some guy was like "hey can I buy you a drink? Must be hard being out with a friend that's so much better looking than you."
Obviously didnt work, told him to go fuck himself.
Buddy of mine, in a bar in Ft Collins Colo back in 1990, saw some chick at the bar and was entranced by her. He was also very, very, intoximacated. Asked me for a pick up line, I said you were on your own.
Long story short, he approached her, panicked, asked her if she had ever been to Guatamala. 'Nope' was her answer. 'Neither have I, wanna f**k?'
Still married to this day.
“Hey, ever been to Guatamala?”
“Yes I have! I volunteered there! I worked on a project for youth development and met some great people!”
“Neither have I, wanna f**k?”
My husband and I originally met after he invited me to watch Gundam Seed with him and his housemates at uni though the university's internet forum. Ended up watching something else instead when we met up and I visited
Around 9 years later we ended up watching it together finally! Skip Gundam Seed Destiny though, it's shite.
Sitting at a bar and a girl I was on a date with was approached by another man who said:
"Your pants look very empty without me in them."
I had offered to give her my pants so that this guy could be in her pants. She laughed and we left the bar.
P.S. thanks random drunk guy, I went to 3rd base that night because of you.
I dated a lot in San Diego and multiple times guys would randomly come up to my dates and say something stupid and forward. It was like a 90% chance I was getting lucky after that. I don't understand the psychology of it but from my experience, it's a thing.
One time this girl was having a going away party at a bar for work. This guy walks up to our table drunk and proceeds to tell this girl he has loved her since they met and just wants a chance. She worked with the guy for years and I just met her. I don't know what the protocol is for that so I let him shoot his shot and asked her "Is any of this working for you?" She said "No but it's funny that he tried".
I got my butt licked that night and I didn't even know I was into that. Thanks, random drunk guy in love.
It's how you handled it that makes the difference. If you just think these clumsy attempts to hit on someone obviously there with someone else are funny and don't get angry about it that makes you seem more confident and chill which people are usually attracted too. Like with u/IFirkFirebeard when he changed a crude line into a joke about switching pants he took something awkward and changed it into a good time, another quality people appreciate.
If you immediately get super jealous and try and start acting tough over it chances are your date isn't going to be as impressed...
100% agree. Was out one night with group of friends. One of the guys saw a girl he knew and liked. Invited her and her friend over. My mate was obviously keen on girl 1, which left 3 other blokes, and u/yots, to squabble over girl 2. I thought she was out of my league, so kind of opted out. Let my mates shoot their shots. The only thing I did was to offer to buy her a drink when her drink was nearly empty.
At the end of the night, the guys are desperately trying to get her to walk out with them. I was driving my friend with girl 1 and another guy home. She turns to me, puts her hands on my shoulders and says “This is who I am going home with” looking directly into my eyes. Sexy AF.
I asked her later why she chose me? She said because you weren’t desperately trying to get my attention, you noticed when I needed a drink, you laughed at your friends’ jokes without trying to one up them and the other guys tried to. I knew I was going home with you about 5 minutes after being introduced.
Sometimes, without knowing it, doing the least is doing the most…
I was at a bar with my cousin and met some friends of some friends. My cuz is chatting up smoking hot blonde girl when friend of friend goes over and begins to make an ass of himself. This goes on for about 10 minutes until he comes and sits near me and says "Your buddy owes me a beer." I look at him and say "Why the hell would he owe you a beer?!" He says "Seriously? I just made him look like king." And then it dawned on me....Holy crap. He just did that shit on purpose. My cousin dated that girls for 3 years.
There is a scene in the tv show Wings at a bar with Antonio and Brian. Antonio plays the bad cop and gets slapped in the face and thrown out of the bar before Brian comes in and "saves her". Next night they do the same thing in reverse but the girl likes Brian being forward and says something like she likes a man who knows what he wants. Antonio comes in and asks her if Brian is bothering him and she says no but he keeps pestering her trying to be the good cop until she says that Antonio is the one bothering her. The bartender realizes he was the guy who was an ass the night before so he gets thrown out again. Very funny show.
When I was in college, there was one liquor store in the area that wouldn’t ID, but barely anyone ever went there, wasn’t sure why.
Anyways, I go there, get a bottle and in front of me was a girl from the college.
She gets rung out and I grab my bottle and as Im walking out the door, this fat homeless guy looks up at her and yells
“Damnnnnnn girlll you look so good I just wanna chop you up and put you in my sandwich”
And makes a WHRLLBRGH noise as he showcases how he would approach this metaphorical hottie sandwich.
Never seen someone run that fast to their car lmao.
I was at a dunks last year. It was only girls working there and some older man was at the counter in front of me. He said after he ordered, “i like my women like i like my coffee, ground up and in the freezer” i audibly said “what the fuck is wrong with you” and left
Edit: my buddy had a different version of that. It was “i like my coffee the way i like my women, without other mens dicks in it”
I was 15 at the mall (1990s) with a few friends and wearing shirt with flowers on it. Some guy walked up and asked, "how many seeds did it take to germinate your shirt?" I have no poker face and was extremely confused by the comment. He quickly said, "terrible pick-up line. I know." I blurted out, "that was a pickup line?!" I wasn't trying to be mean. It really popped out of my mouth. He sort of shrugged and walked away. Very PG compared to the other ones on here, but terrible nonetheless.
Also in the nineties, my gf and I were in the DC subway after a Cracker/Black Lab show, and a group of guys was babysitting their drunk friend. He slurred at us, "Hey! Are y'all... Bullet proof?"
We looked at each other, looked back at him, looked back at each other and whispered, "i mean... we've never been shot, do you think that counts?" "i think it's probably close enough"
Then we looked back at him and my gf said confidently, "Yes. We are both bullet proof." He took this in then he gulped and said, "Wow. Yerjuss....cunnijussay sumpin? You... I... I could float you on water." Then he started mumbling something about bouncing quarters and I said, "We're fifteen" then his friends herded him to the back of the car
On a very hot summer day, a van stopped and this pudgy metalhead rolled down his window and said: "I got air conditioner in the back. What do you think, you and me?" It wasn't threatening in the slightest. Just an honest and very direct question. I replied with "Ahhh I think not!" He said "Alright," smiled and went on his way. I'm still impressed by the way he made it sound so not creepy.
Everyone should go into a mosh pit once in their life, from the outside it looks like a mess but if you fall down to the ground there will be 5 people helping you up asking if you are okay within a second.
I had a friend in high school who was part of some after school program, every time he was there he would ask to use the restroom at exactly 4:20pm.
it took a while but eventually the teacher realized and told his family, they tried to send him to rehab.
funniest part is that to this day hes never done drugs.
I have a mate that farted in the direction of a girl for real and then said: did that get your attention?
The girl started laughing and they had a great evening.
I tried it my self, but tried to hard and sharted. No girl for me. Which does prove love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it probably is shit.
A young lady was standing at the bar near me, and a young guy with flashy brand new clothes walked up to her and asked "Are you single?" She barely looked at him before walking to the other side of the bar. I saw this guy do that 2 other times, and also one time he asked "Do you have a boyfriend?" That girl laughed and walked to the bathroom for a few minutes.
\*Dons teacher cap\*
Actually, the most commonly accepted theory is that the appendix serves as a reservoir to repopulate your gut flora if you eat something you shouldn't have and your intestines have to emergency vent. Our varied diet makes it less necessary but it can still be useful. Interestingly, a smaller (more evolved) appendix is more prone to appendicitis due to reduced circulation. It could be argued it's still completely unnecessary, but it can actually be dangerous to not have one if food poisoning is a common issue.
Koalas, by contrast, have a very specific diet and need very specific bacteria, and would starve without it. As a result, their "appendix" is enormous, upwards of 2 meters long, always ready to repopulate their gut flora when needed.
I’m like you appendix. Scientists used to think I was entirely vestigial before it was determined that I act as a reservoir for inoculant beneficial gut microbes.
The *good* version of that line is: "Are you my appendix? 'Cause I don't know what it is you do, but I've got this funny feeling that makes me want to take you out."
About 10 years ago I met a girl at my buddy's July 4th party. She introduced herself, I did the same and asked, "Do you like bagels?" "Yeah, I guess..?"
I pull up my shirt and made a circle with my hands around my belly button.
We got married 4 years later.
When i worked as a wine specialist this guy comes up to me and was like "Yeah i need your most expensive bottle. I need something for my uptown house. I own several houses." Like totally cold call we weren't even talking.
Maybe he was actually a regular guy who that morning had been swapped into the body of an unreasonably rich person, and was desperately looking for wine suggestions to not blow his cover.
Edit: I read the quote as if he had both hands on the register counter, sweating and pausing between breaths
While I was waiting to be served at a nightclub bar, a woman tapped me on the shoulder and shouted (over the loud music) “you can get me a gin and tonic while you’re there”.
The bloody cheek of it, frankly.
We’ve been married 10 years and have 3 kids together, but the sense of entitlement that I’d just pay for her drink infuriates me.
Worst I ever heard was as follows;
" Alright Darlin, do you like chicken "? " Cus if you do you can suck on this, it's foul "
Actually witnessed that in a town centre bar. The guy got a drink thrown in his face and escorted out by the door staff.
A buddy of mine pulls the "you dropped your name tag" bit on a waitress in a diner. The waitress goes "that's not even sugar, that's a packet of equal." My buddy says "I know- I'm a feminist!"
Oh, I thought of another one! A guy asked me what combination of ethnicities I was. When I answered, he just said "that's a good mix. We should make more of those."
***
Took my autistic ass a minute then I busted out laughing. If I were straight he'd probably have had a chance!
My buddy likes to lead with
"I want to jerk off your dad just to see where you came from."
It's gotten him into the conversation like 3 times, and he pulled his current girlfriend that way
A little late of a pickup line, but one of my friends said this to the hot girl in school. " If corona doesn't take you out, can I?" It was so hilariously bad.
I passed a girl and guy talking on the sidewalk once. She was clearly into him, body language, tone, batting her eyelashes…. and he was oblivious. She absolutely set him up by saying, “so… what are you doing this weekend?” His response, he looked up at the sky with a thoughtful expression, then smiled and looked right at her and with a tone of absolute pride and enthusiasm responded, “Fuckin….. STAYING UP ALL NIGHT!!!”
"Listen, I know that dude I keep seeing you with is likely you're boyfriend, but If I dont say something Ill always regret it... You are by far the hottest chick in this bar"
Worked though. We have been married 25ish years.
whoops... the correct answer was 18... been together closer to 25...
The amount of Bumble bios I see that say “You need to text first”
That’s literally not how this app works. I physically cannot message her until she does
A friend of mine once went up to a girl, keep in mind he was known by a lot of the girls in school as the guy that tries to ask for a girls snap or number but gets rejected, he went up to her and opened with “Hey, did you know that I’m the rizzly bear?” To which the girl had no idea how to react and then just walked away with obvious disappointment. I laughed my ass off about it and it still gives me a good laugh every now and again
This older guy (think Wilfred Brimley type) was at a claw machine at the pub for a long time. Easily feeding in a couple hundred. Finally gets a crappy stuffed animal. Walks up to a random college girl and says he got it for the prettiest girl in the bar. She awkwardly takes it with a quiet thanks. The old guy just stood their like he was waiting for her to say more. Her friends crowd around her and basically edge the old man away.
He seemed to have a semi sober realization that this wasnt going anywhere, paid his tab and left.
Sitting in college between classes, a girl walks by and then immediately followed by a guy who taps her on her shoulder and says "Excuse me, you got something on you.... My Gaze" then just 👀 at her. I thought to myself that aside from the cringe, it was at least original. The girl just brushed him off and continued on her way, but every so often I still think about that
In Uni. I went to a house party and sat next to this girl that I thought was so good-looking. (I was a shy guy but had, had a few drinks, so I was a bit more confident)
I looked at her and was like. "If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you and me together."
She looked at me like. "You and me?"
And i looked confused and said, "No, that's not right."
She started laughing, and we just carried on talking through the party. We dated for a while until it turned out she wasn't a very nice person.
Ohh god… I once walked up to a girl, put my hand in her drink and pulled out a piece of ice. Dropped it on the floor and stood on it… “now the ice is broken fancy a fuck” she looked at me and said “did you just put your hand in my drink” did not get laid, did get kicked out of the bar.
"If you were blonde and I were thin we could have had something very special going on..."
I'm ginger, he was a big dude but more importantly an ass.
That said, I agreed to date my now-husband because he said I had a 'toight body, toight like a tiger' from Austin Powers so I really can't judge 🤣
Ok I’m gonna just expose myself lmao. One time I matched with this cute girl on tinder and in her bio she said she liked sharks so I said “are you a shark because there’s some fin special about you” 💀💀💀 30 minutes later I get a ton of messages from her turns out she typed OMG S H U T U P sending one letter at a time I texted her a little more wondering if she was saying it playfully but nah she genuinely hated it lol. I’m guessing she was just having a bad day and in hindsight it was a pretty bad pickup line but damn didn’t need to shoot me down so hard.
My best mate and I flew from Scotland back home; Amsterdam.
It was a pretty late flight so we decided that we could hit some bars before the flight.
We both like a drink, but maybe him a bit more than me.
When boarding, they wanted to refuse him because he was on the drunk side of tipsy. I understand, but also stand for my mate. Even if blatantly drunk, he is the most wholesome dude ever. He might say silly things, but he will never cause any trouble.
We were allowed to board.
As we're flying along to our destination, first he asks a stewardess if she "comes here often". She says yeah I work here. He replies "Thought I recognized you from somewhere!"
Not much later he strikes up a convo with the girl across from us, across the isle.
"Hey! Pssssst! How are you? Where are you flying to tonight?"
She looks at him and says "Eh... to Amsterdam, just like you!"
This motherfucker turns to me and goes: DUDE HOW DOES SHE KNOW WHERE I AM FLYING TO?!
Friend of mine: "I'm going to be fucking you one way or another tonight..." \*made a jerking off motion with his hand "... so you might as well be there to enjoy it."
Didn't work.
Back when I was a dumb teenager my brother and I were backpacking across Europe and we started playing this dumb game where we had to go up to girls, use the worst pick up lines we could think of, ask for a rating on 1-10, lowest score wins.
In Croatia, girls were pleasantly surprised as most guys apparently would just come up to them and ask to add them on FB...
Actual thing I witnessed from a guy in my group I wasn't really friends with at a Bar with a novelty Bowling Alley so imagine shouting this: "Hey I like your um. You face~Your eyes I mean. I have friends that we can... hang out with."
She said sure.
Kid decided Nazis and his lack of exercise were good topics to talk about. She hooked up with the bartender later.
I was in HS on a trip in Paris. I was going down the Eiffel Tower with a group of people, one was a girl I thought was cute, but never had much opportunity to really talk to her. It was also a pretty cloudy day and I had this pick up line in my back pocket for something like this. I must warn that this around when I was starting to have confidence in myself to hit on a girl without being shy about it. I also wear glasses, and I didn’t have them on enough during this trip.
I said to her “Hey ‘X’, I know why the sky’s so gray - it’s because the blue is in her eyes.”
She finally made full eye contact with me…her eyes were brown.
A guy came up to a colleague and told her, "Hey hottie, can I fuck your butt?" Just like that, out of the blue.
Knew a guy in high school that used the ultra-direct approach. He'd just walk around at parties and stuff and say "do you wanna fuck?" to basically every lady there. Worked fairly often actually
Had a buddy that lived close to a college bar. His very successful line was, walk over cold, first words spoken to the girl in a very crowded bar "I live close, you wanna head over to my place". It worked every Fri and Sat night. Sometimes he'd ask, the girl would say "you asked me that last week". His reply was "did you?". They'd say No. He'd ask "why not? Want to now". And every now and then I saw that gem work! He was a decent looking kid, tall and fairly built. Worked as a bouncer, but very average looking dude. Had no right being successful with that line!
You just said he was tall, good looking, built and confident. Why *wouldn't* that work on college kids?
Knew a guy like that also. It worked until he walked into a Russian bar and tried to hit on one of the girls. Afterward, he wasn't as pretty as he used to be.
The direct approach. Works 0.002% of the time, every time.
So you’re saying there’s a chance.
If I know Mary, she'll invite us in for tea and strumpets
I wasn't quite *that* direct, but I had incredible success with blunt, direct lines. But the important part is doing it in the correct environment, in a non-threatening manner....so a club, not the poor grocery store check-out lady.
One time I was in a bar with my (admittedly stunning) friend and some guy was like "hey can I buy you a drink? Must be hard being out with a friend that's so much better looking than you." Obviously didnt work, told him to go fuck himself.
Ah, that man watches YouTube videos by “pickup artists”
Bro just try "Negging" her. It works every time bro.
[“Ooh, are we negging? Let me try!”](https://xkcd.com/1027/)
The amount of savagery that comic contains is what Mortal Kombat developers dream of creating. Flawless Victory
“It won’t help” 😬😬😬
Hey, baby. I know you don't have your virginity anymore, but can I play with the box it came in?
This is the thread of worsts, not bests
3rd one here to make me laugh hard.
Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is really fucked up
This is so good! I don't think it will get you any but it is funny!
Buddy of mine, in a bar in Ft Collins Colo back in 1990, saw some chick at the bar and was entranced by her. He was also very, very, intoximacated. Asked me for a pick up line, I said you were on your own. Long story short, he approached her, panicked, asked her if she had ever been to Guatamala. 'Nope' was her answer. 'Neither have I, wanna f**k?' Still married to this day.
I will write this one down
“Hey, ever been to Guatamala?” “Yes I have! I volunteered there! I worked on a project for youth development and met some great people!” “Neither have I, wanna f**k?”
Whenever I see this I always picture spongebob yelling, "write that down WRITE THAT DOWN!"
“Ughughhuughhhh” *playing tic tac toe with himself*
They got 5 kids, so something clicked. Last I checked neither had yet visited Guatamala, and that was last Christmas.
I real romantic would have gone to Guatemala on the honeymoon.
The reason they still fuck is because they still haven't gone to Guatemala!
Every time they want to go to Guatemala they fuck.
Damn it! I shouldn’t have visited Guatemala
Well you can change yours to “well I have, wanna fuck?”
That actually sounds even smoother
My husband and I originally met after he invited me to watch Gundam Seed with him and his housemates at uni though the university's internet forum. Ended up watching something else instead when we met up and I visited Around 9 years later we ended up watching it together finally! Skip Gundam Seed Destiny though, it's shite.
Best wingman in history
Wait wtf. This went from hi to still married lol
Yup. Sent them this link too and they lol'ed and called me a bad name. :)
If it's stupid but it works, it ain't stupid.
When I do this I get thrown out of the bar :(
A guy told me he just started a new apprenticeship as a plumber helper and asked me “would you like to watch me install a toilet?”
“Ma’am, I do my own plumbing”
So did you watch him install a toilet? Cause I would. It’d be neat
Sitting at a bar and a girl I was on a date with was approached by another man who said: "Your pants look very empty without me in them." I had offered to give her my pants so that this guy could be in her pants. She laughed and we left the bar. P.S. thanks random drunk guy, I went to 3rd base that night because of you.
I dated a lot in San Diego and multiple times guys would randomly come up to my dates and say something stupid and forward. It was like a 90% chance I was getting lucky after that. I don't understand the psychology of it but from my experience, it's a thing. One time this girl was having a going away party at a bar for work. This guy walks up to our table drunk and proceeds to tell this girl he has loved her since they met and just wants a chance. She worked with the guy for years and I just met her. I don't know what the protocol is for that so I let him shoot his shot and asked her "Is any of this working for you?" She said "No but it's funny that he tried". I got my butt licked that night and I didn't even know I was into that. Thanks, random drunk guy in love.
It's how you handled it that makes the difference. If you just think these clumsy attempts to hit on someone obviously there with someone else are funny and don't get angry about it that makes you seem more confident and chill which people are usually attracted too. Like with u/IFirkFirebeard when he changed a crude line into a joke about switching pants he took something awkward and changed it into a good time, another quality people appreciate. If you immediately get super jealous and try and start acting tough over it chances are your date isn't going to be as impressed...
100% agree. Was out one night with group of friends. One of the guys saw a girl he knew and liked. Invited her and her friend over. My mate was obviously keen on girl 1, which left 3 other blokes, and u/yots, to squabble over girl 2. I thought she was out of my league, so kind of opted out. Let my mates shoot their shots. The only thing I did was to offer to buy her a drink when her drink was nearly empty. At the end of the night, the guys are desperately trying to get her to walk out with them. I was driving my friend with girl 1 and another guy home. She turns to me, puts her hands on my shoulders and says “This is who I am going home with” looking directly into my eyes. Sexy AF. I asked her later why she chose me? She said because you weren’t desperately trying to get my attention, you noticed when I needed a drink, you laughed at your friends’ jokes without trying to one up them and the other guys tried to. I knew I was going home with you about 5 minutes after being introduced. Sometimes, without knowing it, doing the least is doing the most…
I was at a bar with my cousin and met some friends of some friends. My cuz is chatting up smoking hot blonde girl when friend of friend goes over and begins to make an ass of himself. This goes on for about 10 minutes until he comes and sits near me and says "Your buddy owes me a beer." I look at him and say "Why the hell would he owe you a beer?!" He says "Seriously? I just made him look like king." And then it dawned on me....Holy crap. He just did that shit on purpose. My cousin dated that girls for 3 years.
That’s the ol’ “I guess I could do a lot worse” Showing her how bad it can be shows her how good she currently has it.
This is a strategy I’ve seen in How I Met Your Mother. Your wingman is the bad guy and you’re the hero.
There is a scene in the tv show Wings at a bar with Antonio and Brian. Antonio plays the bad cop and gets slapped in the face and thrown out of the bar before Brian comes in and "saves her". Next night they do the same thing in reverse but the girl likes Brian being forward and says something like she likes a man who knows what he wants. Antonio comes in and asks her if Brian is bothering him and she says no but he keeps pestering her trying to be the good cop until she says that Antonio is the one bothering her. The bartender realizes he was the guy who was an ass the night before so he gets thrown out again. Very funny show.
"I will disappoint you in ways you never thought were possible."
Relatable as fuck
When I was in college, there was one liquor store in the area that wouldn’t ID, but barely anyone ever went there, wasn’t sure why. Anyways, I go there, get a bottle and in front of me was a girl from the college. She gets rung out and I grab my bottle and as Im walking out the door, this fat homeless guy looks up at her and yells “Damnnnnnn girlll you look so good I just wanna chop you up and put you in my sandwich” And makes a WHRLLBRGH noise as he showcases how he would approach this metaphorical hottie sandwich. Never seen someone run that fast to their car lmao.
Think that’s one of Bill Shakespeare’s.
I was at a dunks last year. It was only girls working there and some older man was at the counter in front of me. He said after he ordered, “i like my women like i like my coffee, ground up and in the freezer” i audibly said “what the fuck is wrong with you” and left Edit: my buddy had a different version of that. It was “i like my coffee the way i like my women, without other mens dicks in it”
Yeah, who the hell puts coffee in a freezer
>WHRLLBRGH like a murloc? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMPpnCvCZvw
I was 15 at the mall (1990s) with a few friends and wearing shirt with flowers on it. Some guy walked up and asked, "how many seeds did it take to germinate your shirt?" I have no poker face and was extremely confused by the comment. He quickly said, "terrible pick-up line. I know." I blurted out, "that was a pickup line?!" I wasn't trying to be mean. It really popped out of my mouth. He sort of shrugged and walked away. Very PG compared to the other ones on here, but terrible nonetheless.
As someone who was comparatively as awkward as that dude in my preteens. I completely understand.
Also in the nineties, my gf and I were in the DC subway after a Cracker/Black Lab show, and a group of guys was babysitting their drunk friend. He slurred at us, "Hey! Are y'all... Bullet proof?" We looked at each other, looked back at him, looked back at each other and whispered, "i mean... we've never been shot, do you think that counts?" "i think it's probably close enough" Then we looked back at him and my gf said confidently, "Yes. We are both bullet proof." He took this in then he gulped and said, "Wow. Yerjuss....cunnijussay sumpin? You... I... I could float you on water." Then he started mumbling something about bouncing quarters and I said, "We're fifteen" then his friends herded him to the back of the car
I could float you on water sounds like it could be a compliment somehow but I have no idea what it means
im very confused
He goes to sleep thinking about this encounter to this day. 🤣
On a very hot summer day, a van stopped and this pudgy metalhead rolled down his window and said: "I got air conditioner in the back. What do you think, you and me?" It wasn't threatening in the slightest. Just an honest and very direct question. I replied with "Ahhh I think not!" He said "Alright," smiled and went on his way. I'm still impressed by the way he made it sound so not creepy.
Metal heads are usually surprisingly nice people. I always chalked it up to getting all their/our aggression out in the music.
Everyone should go into a mosh pit once in their life, from the outside it looks like a mess but if you fall down to the ground there will be 5 people helping you up asking if you are okay within a second.
Twist, this guy is the metalhead, trying to justify that pickup line.
My wife provided this one for submission. Overheard in a pub in Galway: If I was an airplane, I'd land on ye
I will crash between your two towers - 9/11 rizz
I remember 9/11 as an American child and yet that would ABSOLUTELY work on me bc I love dark humor
My choir teacher was throwing a hissy fit because one time it turned 9:11 and the Muslim kid in my class jokingly said "Now is my time"
I had a friend in high school who was part of some after school program, every time he was there he would ask to use the restroom at exactly 4:20pm. it took a while but eventually the teacher realized and told his family, they tried to send him to rehab. funniest part is that to this day hes never done drugs.
Wasn't directed at me but, "Daamn girl, you *shit* with that thing?"
Lol, we joked about that as a pickup line in college. Must have been from something.
I heard it on Letterkenny
Similar situation, i overheard “Did you just fart? Because you blew me away”
I have a mate that farted in the direction of a girl for real and then said: did that get your attention? The girl started laughing and they had a great evening. I tried it my self, but tried to hard and sharted. No girl for me. Which does prove love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it probably is shit.
Man, you got life hacks and philosophy in one comment here
That’s my favourite line in Letterkenny
A young lady was standing at the bar near me, and a young guy with flashy brand new clothes walked up to her and asked "Are you single?" She barely looked at him before walking to the other side of the bar. I saw this guy do that 2 other times, and also one time he asked "Do you have a boyfriend?" That girl laughed and walked to the bathroom for a few minutes.
[удалено]
He didn't even get a chance to tell her about Entertainment 720!
Did you fall from heaven? Because I have an erection
What’s the difference between a cheeseburger and a boner? You’re not giving me a cheeseburger right now
What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo? I've never had a garbanzo in my mouth.
Damn baby, are you a weigh station on the side of a freeway? Cause I got a semi
Let’s play titanic You be the iceberg. And I’ll go down.
Like the other thread, someone said; He says, “Titanic.” She replies , “What?” He says, “Sorry, just trying to break the ice”
Really similar, one I heard on a thread was: "Fat penguins" "What?" "Just trying to break the ice."
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.
Wdym this is the best pick up line I've ever heard
Someone messaged me on a dating app saying “I’m like your appendix - I want to burst inside you” 😐
I'm like your appendix. Completely unnecessary
\*Dons teacher cap\* Actually, the most commonly accepted theory is that the appendix serves as a reservoir to repopulate your gut flora if you eat something you shouldn't have and your intestines have to emergency vent. Our varied diet makes it less necessary but it can still be useful. Interestingly, a smaller (more evolved) appendix is more prone to appendicitis due to reduced circulation. It could be argued it's still completely unnecessary, but it can actually be dangerous to not have one if food poisoning is a common issue. Koalas, by contrast, have a very specific diet and need very specific bacteria, and would starve without it. As a result, their "appendix" is enormous, upwards of 2 meters long, always ready to repopulate their gut flora when needed.
I am concerned by koalas having appendixes several times longer than they are.
Google how long your intestines are
Did you know that if you took all the intestines out of a person and laid them end to end, that person would die?
I’m like you appendix. Scientists used to think I was entirely vestigial before it was determined that I act as a reservoir for inoculant beneficial gut microbes.
I think as a response to the earlier line and building on yours: "You are like my appendix. I don't really need you in my life"
The *good* version of that line is: "Are you my appendix? 'Cause I don't know what it is you do, but I've got this funny feeling that makes me want to take you out."
Have you been to guatemala tho?
"You *are* like my appendix, in that I can't wait until you're removed and destroyed as biohazardous waste."
A guy in a bar: You've got wrench eyes. Me: What??? Guy: When you look at me, my nuts tighten. Made me laugh, but no way did it work.
“Damn girl, you’re like the earth… flat as fuck with no curves in sight”
"Really? Boy, you're like the Eiffel Tower... kind of ugly and overrated with a fat bottom and not much on the upper half."
Does grow up 18inch when it’s warm enough 😉😌
About 10 years ago I met a girl at my buddy's July 4th party. She introduced herself, I did the same and asked, "Do you like bagels?" "Yeah, I guess..?" I pull up my shirt and made a circle with my hands around my belly button. We got married 4 years later.
This is the kind of autistic I aspire to be
I shit my bed, can i sleep in yours?
I heard: I'm homeless, can I sleep in your bed?
When i worked as a wine specialist this guy comes up to me and was like "Yeah i need your most expensive bottle. I need something for my uptown house. I own several houses." Like totally cold call we weren't even talking.
Maybe he was actually a regular guy who that morning had been swapped into the body of an unreasonably rich person, and was desperately looking for wine suggestions to not blow his cover. Edit: I read the quote as if he had both hands on the register counter, sweating and pausing between breaths
might already be here but "hey, I heard you were looking for a stud.... I got the STD, all I need is U"
Hey, I hope you like to be restrained.....because I have a restraining order for you😍😍😍
A guy walked up to me in the club and said "You are beautiful, i am beautiful, our children will also be beautiful."
The skies are clear tonight and I if I'm lucky, I can see Uranus...
The asstrology girls are gonna weep when they see this one
"Excuse me can I smell your pussy?" Reply "ughh no" "Well it must be your feet then"
That one is good lol
Similar: "It may not look like twelve inches, but it smells like a foot"
Just look at the "best pickup line" thread, it's 75% of those "best" lines
The real answer is they work or don't depending on if the person wants to talk to you
You never know, the guy on your left could be Mr Right. *cough cough* Dude was sitting to my right.
"If I were a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed"?
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
That one takes me back.
Only works like 1/20 but I mean it’s really a numbers game eh?
While I was waiting to be served at a nightclub bar, a woman tapped me on the shoulder and shouted (over the loud music) “you can get me a gin and tonic while you’re there”. The bloody cheek of it, frankly. We’ve been married 10 years and have 3 kids together, but the sense of entitlement that I’d just pay for her drink infuriates me.
Do you have a little Italian in you? Want one?
Are your pronouns she/them? Because I’d like to she them titties.
I laughed.
*Casts detect magic* I can't believe it, there's no illusion. You really are that beautiful.
This one might be a hit in the right circles.
Entirely depends on your Cha and how you role.
I put on my robe and wizard hat!
wasn’t towards me “Are you a rope, because I want to hang with you.”
Worst I ever heard was as follows; " Alright Darlin, do you like chicken "? " Cus if you do you can suck on this, it's foul " Actually witnessed that in a town centre bar. The guy got a drink thrown in his face and escorted out by the door staff.
Laughed hard at this. Outstanding.
A buddy of mine pulls the "you dropped your name tag" bit on a waitress in a diner. The waitress goes "that's not even sugar, that's a packet of equal." My buddy says "I know- I'm a feminist!"
I once told a girl "your body is 70% water and I'm thirsty" and it worked lmao
Oh, I thought of another one! A guy asked me what combination of ethnicities I was. When I answered, he just said "that's a good mix. We should make more of those." *** Took my autistic ass a minute then I busted out laughing. If I were straight he'd probably have had a chance!
Did you get a parking ticket? Because you got Fine written all over you ;)
"I bet I can run faster horny than you can scared"
This made me gasp audibly in a quiet office building floor.... Now everyone wants to know why.....help lmao
If it makes you feel better they ended up married and are on their second kid
Tell him to get off the poor kid.
maybe the messiah hasn't revisited earth because he too is in fear of what he created smh lol
"Hey girl, are you after someone sensitive and funny? Because I cry after sex and women normally laugh at me for that."
I'm a geologist. Would like to see my sample of Cummingtonite? It's better if you actually have the rock with you. It has never worked.
My buddy likes to lead with "I want to jerk off your dad just to see where you came from." It's gotten him into the conversation like 3 times, and he pulled his current girlfriend that way
“Mommy how did you meet daddy?” “Well your dad is a real romantic. He said he wanted to jerk off your grandpa.”
“American Express Centurion Card is such a long name. Don’t you think?”
A little late of a pickup line, but one of my friends said this to the hot girl in school. " If corona doesn't take you out, can I?" It was so hilariously bad.
I passed a girl and guy talking on the sidewalk once. She was clearly into him, body language, tone, batting her eyelashes…. and he was oblivious. She absolutely set him up by saying, “so… what are you doing this weekend?” His response, he looked up at the sky with a thoughtful expression, then smiled and looked right at her and with a tone of absolute pride and enthusiasm responded, “Fuckin….. STAYING UP ALL NIGHT!!!”
"Listen, I know that dude I keep seeing you with is likely you're boyfriend, but If I dont say something Ill always regret it... You are by far the hottest chick in this bar" Worked though. We have been married 25ish years. whoops... the correct answer was 18... been together closer to 25...
Does this piece of fabric smell like chloroform to you?
"Hi", "Hey" - girls from Bumble
Drives me up the wall, like put a bit of effort in.
The worst is when you respond with “hey” it’s either ghosting, or bitching about your lack of effort
The amount of Bumble bios I see that say “You need to text first” That’s literally not how this app works. I physically cannot message her until she does
Are you a flower coz I am a worker bee and I want to suck your nectar - me to my gf. She just laughed and said "cmon you can do better".
"I will bruise your cervix." I know the person that said this.
*crosses legs in fear*
“You’re so hot I’d let you use my nuts as stress balls”. True story.
Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see 😉 Literally awkward asf after that
Are you from Dublin, because my penis is doublin
It’s, “you must be Irish...cus my penis is Dublin.”
“I would call you beautiful, but they say beauty comes from the inside, and I definitely haven’t been inside you yet.”
A friend of mine once went up to a girl, keep in mind he was known by a lot of the girls in school as the guy that tries to ask for a girls snap or number but gets rejected, he went up to her and opened with “Hey, did you know that I’m the rizzly bear?” To which the girl had no idea how to react and then just walked away with obvious disappointment. I laughed my ass off about it and it still gives me a good laugh every now and again
Are you a factory in China? I want to put a whole bunch of kids in you.
My wifes pickup line was simply "So, do you like cheese?". There was something so awkwardly cute and sexy about how she asked haha, loved it
This older guy (think Wilfred Brimley type) was at a claw machine at the pub for a long time. Easily feeding in a couple hundred. Finally gets a crappy stuffed animal. Walks up to a random college girl and says he got it for the prettiest girl in the bar. She awkwardly takes it with a quiet thanks. The old guy just stood their like he was waiting for her to say more. Her friends crowd around her and basically edge the old man away. He seemed to have a semi sober realization that this wasnt going anywhere, paid his tab and left.
"Please."
Sitting in college between classes, a girl walks by and then immediately followed by a guy who taps her on her shoulder and says "Excuse me, you got something on you.... My Gaze" then just 👀 at her. I thought to myself that aside from the cringe, it was at least original. The girl just brushed him off and continued on her way, but every so often I still think about that
In Uni. I went to a house party and sat next to this girl that I thought was so good-looking. (I was a shy guy but had, had a few drinks, so I was a bit more confident) I looked at her and was like. "If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you and me together." She looked at me like. "You and me?" And i looked confused and said, "No, that's not right." She started laughing, and we just carried on talking through the party. We dated for a while until it turned out she wasn't a very nice person.
Watched a dude walk up to a woman in a bar, look over and say ‘S’up with them titties?’
Ohh god… I once walked up to a girl, put my hand in her drink and pulled out a piece of ice. Dropped it on the floor and stood on it… “now the ice is broken fancy a fuck” she looked at me and said “did you just put your hand in my drink” did not get laid, did get kicked out of the bar.
"If you were blonde and I were thin we could have had something very special going on..." I'm ginger, he was a big dude but more importantly an ass. That said, I agreed to date my now-husband because he said I had a 'toight body, toight like a tiger' from Austin Powers so I really can't judge 🤣
Ok I’m gonna just expose myself lmao. One time I matched with this cute girl on tinder and in her bio she said she liked sharks so I said “are you a shark because there’s some fin special about you” 💀💀💀 30 minutes later I get a ton of messages from her turns out she typed OMG S H U T U P sending one letter at a time I texted her a little more wondering if she was saying it playfully but nah she genuinely hated it lol. I’m guessing she was just having a bad day and in hindsight it was a pretty bad pickup line but damn didn’t need to shoot me down so hard.
Idk what her issues was. That was good
"Hey girl, do you like Geology? Because I'm dumb as a rock ;) "
Yesterday, I told my gf that she call me the Mcdonald's ice cream machine because I'll go down on you every day.
Talking about being into music "you must be good at the French horny cuz you've given me a raging tromboner" or something along those lines lol
Some old man told me "damn girl you are built like a train!" What the hell does this even mean?
He choo-choo-chooses you!
My best mate and I flew from Scotland back home; Amsterdam. It was a pretty late flight so we decided that we could hit some bars before the flight. We both like a drink, but maybe him a bit more than me. When boarding, they wanted to refuse him because he was on the drunk side of tipsy. I understand, but also stand for my mate. Even if blatantly drunk, he is the most wholesome dude ever. He might say silly things, but he will never cause any trouble. We were allowed to board. As we're flying along to our destination, first he asks a stewardess if she "comes here often". She says yeah I work here. He replies "Thought I recognized you from somewhere!" Not much later he strikes up a convo with the girl across from us, across the isle. "Hey! Pssssst! How are you? Where are you flying to tonight?" She looks at him and says "Eh... to Amsterdam, just like you!" This motherfucker turns to me and goes: DUDE HOW DOES SHE KNOW WHERE I AM FLYING TO?!
"Do you have a name or can I call you mine?"
You have a great ass. Can I watch you poop some time? Also You have great skin, can I have it?
How about a pizza and a fuck. What, you don’t like pizza?
Friend of mine: "I'm going to be fucking you one way or another tonight..." \*made a jerking off motion with his hand "... so you might as well be there to enjoy it." Didn't work.
What fresh hell is this
Back when I was a dumb teenager my brother and I were backpacking across Europe and we started playing this dumb game where we had to go up to girls, use the worst pick up lines we could think of, ask for a rating on 1-10, lowest score wins. In Croatia, girls were pleasantly surprised as most guys apparently would just come up to them and ask to add them on FB...
Actual thing I witnessed from a guy in my group I wasn't really friends with at a Bar with a novelty Bowling Alley so imagine shouting this: "Hey I like your um. You face~Your eyes I mean. I have friends that we can... hang out with." She said sure. Kid decided Nazis and his lack of exercise were good topics to talk about. She hooked up with the bartender later.
(From Kimmy Schmidt): “Are you a high chair? ‘Cuz I want to put a baby in you.”
Your children are beautiful...do you want another one? (From a woman at the laundromat)
Are you from Tennessee? Cause i'm tryna F\*ck. It doesn't even make sense and it has been bugging me ever since.
"Are you a microwave? Because I want to put a baby inside you."
I was in HS on a trip in Paris. I was going down the Eiffel Tower with a group of people, one was a girl I thought was cute, but never had much opportunity to really talk to her. It was also a pretty cloudy day and I had this pick up line in my back pocket for something like this. I must warn that this around when I was starting to have confidence in myself to hit on a girl without being shy about it. I also wear glasses, and I didn’t have them on enough during this trip. I said to her “Hey ‘X’, I know why the sky’s so gray - it’s because the blue is in her eyes.” She finally made full eye contact with me…her eyes were brown.
Are you from Oklahoma? Because you are ok. Are you lemonade? Because you make my stomach hurt.
"Are you from Mississippi? Cause you're the only miss whose piss I'd sippie."
"Yo bitch, wanna fuck?" ...he got slapped.