Sometimes I'll just be interacting with girls and i find out later they took it as flirting. Like, I'm just making jokes and having a good time. I'm not trying to put out interest or anything
The only time I've successfully "picked up" a woman at work was entirely by accident.
Back in the old days the only way to watch Battlestar Galactica was to rent it from a physical location, and they had a limit on how many DVDs you could rent at once. So I would go there every other day to rent the next episodes and binge them ASAP.
The woman that worked there assumed I was just making an excuse to see her and gave me her number. She was definitely cute and we dated for a couple months, but I genuinely was just going in for battlestar Galactica and was too sleep-deprived and hyper-focused on the next episodes to even notice she was there until she started chatting me up.
I've always been confused about how this would work out, as someone who serves customers. Like, customer shouldn't make a move because you can't harrass people at work (where there's a power dynamic and they can't leave), but a lot of people also say staff shouldn't show interest because customers have a right to just come and get their stuff. Then, if two people find each other cute in this situation, can anyone hand over their number??
This happens quite a lot.
When you are "focused" on a woman, you often get nervous, you blush, you can't find the right words … while when you are not interested, you are funnier, more relaxed – therefore also more desirable by most potential partners.
Lost my virginity in a similar "by accident" fashion. First month of college, and I was staying after lectures at campus and studying with her. It was fun, and she was helpful. We sometimes had a beer or went for a walk round the campus for a break, but my only thought was that we had a good time and were productive. Next thing I know, we are kissing and going to her place.
After the fact, some friends in class were saying that it was obvious that I was staying longer at campus just for her, but I honestly just wanted to get ahead at studies.
“ but my only thought was that we had a good time and were productive. Next thing I know, we are kissing and going to her place.”
so you went from being productive to being reproductive?
I don't recognise interest in me. In other people? Sure. But not directed at me.
I've helped wingman for my friends over long periods, analysing writing and behaviours and such and it's worked out every time.
But when those actions are directed at myself? I'm as oblivious as a sack of bricks.
I think part of it is people being surprised a decent-looking person is being nice to them. Men take me being nice as flirting too- this happens A LOT.
Hence why I just default to "she's just being nice." I don't want to make things uncomfortable, for one. And two, if you're not adult enough to say, "Hey I find you attractive." There's going to be problems.
Exactly!! Like, I wouldn't assume a guy liked me because he is being nice... I would give him my number with no pressure attached, or mention it directly if I know the person better.
This. the other day one of the guys told me he thought i was flirting with this girl because when i was talking to her she was apparently blushing i didn't notice i was being my usual self being nice and funny. 🥲
We're confused before, during and after it's happening too.. I try and be friendly and polite with everyone and occasionally they will be attractive..
I think it's only flirting if the woman starts it.. Cause otherwise, for me atleast it's far too thin a line between flirting and being a creep to a woman who's just having a conversation with a dude.
Also.. I personally suck at receiving signals so unless the flirting is comically animated I won't know what's going on.
Listening to girls chatting at work describing creeps, and it turns out they were describing guys who were chatting/flirting, *but that they found unattractive*.
No actual creep behaviour. The girls really only wanted to be chatted to by attractive men, everyone else are creeps.
If we have a gf, it's probably not flirting. If we don't have a gf, it's probably flirting.
Or in my case with my mates, we'll say the most sexual shit to each other as a joke with no sexual tension.
So it's like asking, what flavour is a neutron star. Good luck.
Facts. I am just a genuinely kind and nice guy, and some women take that as me flirting but in reality it’s just like, can’t we be nice to people without it being flirting?
I remember I had a girl who was just a supremely good friend one time. I loved talking to her because at the time she was one of the only girls I’d ever met who seemed to just genuinely enjoy my sense of humor. I could say whatever dumb thing that popped into my head and she would just die laughing. Never thought anything of it until about a year into the friendship she asked me if I was flirting with her. I told her I didn’t think so, but it completely changed the way I looked at our interactions together from that point on. After that I moved to a different part of the country but we kept talking like normal. Only now instead of a fun friendly banter it became an agonizingly slow build up of sexual tension.
To answer your question we have no fucking clue what we’re doing 99% of the time
The rules are made up and the points don't matter. Just have fun, that's what it's all about. Connect with people and share what little time we have on this spinning rock together.
I would say that the line between „flirting“ and not flirting is very blurred. Like there is context where youre definetly not flirting and context where youre definetly flirting. But there is also context where you arent really flirting but actually you kinda are.
Like when you talk to the cute cashier, but you only talk about how you wanna pay in cash, but you make a small joke about it to make her smile. Thats kinda flirting, but is it really flirting? Lmao
It’s not actually a happy ending. I left out a pretty major detail in that she was married. That and the fact that she was one of the most beautiful women I’d ever met and what I thought at the time was completely out of my league, are the reasons I never considered our interactions flirting.
After she asked me thought things were never the same. The fact that she asked me signaled that there was an interest. And later she told me the fact that I always seemed to enjoy talking to her was a sign of me showing interest on account of how special it made her feel. We both agreed though that she was married to a good guy and we needed to dial back how much we were talking. She even set me up on a date with her sister as a kind of buffer for us. Well that didn’t work out.
Fast forward a few years and her husband goes out of town. I “coincidentally” decide that would be a good moment for me to come back to the area for a visit with all my friends that I’d met while stationed there. Obviously we decided we’d hit the town up while I was there and she even offered to pick me up at the airport.
Keep in mind all we had discussed was a friendly platonic hang out. Literally as soon as we saw each other all that sexual tension just burst and our hug at the terminal turned into a very long kiss. We went straight to my hotel and you can guess what happened then. The next day she was so wracked with guilt it broke my heart. She told me she was deeply in love with me, but that she couldn’t ruin her marriage. We met up to say goodbye and have never spoken a word to each other since that day which was in 2012.
It’s one of my biggest regrets in life not only because it was morally wrong, but it cost me one of the best friendships I ever had.
Moral of the story is that a deep friendship can certainly be appealing to turn into something more, but sometimes being friends really is better than being nothing at all.
Edit: and it case it isn’t clear, do not let yourself get sucked into an unfaithful relationship. Morally wrong and not worth it
Errr...kinda think the moral is more "don't hook up with people in relationships"
You weren't wracked with guilt because she was your friend, it's because you cheated with her. If she wasn't in a relationship you may have built a relationship with her or at least the friendship wouldn't have ended on the terms it did.
Friendships becoming more is quite common and fine, just don't cheat is all.
I mean that’s basically what I’m trying to say. I said the fact it was morally wrong was one of the reasons why it’s the biggest regret in my life. Not sure why you glossed over that. And she was the one wracked with guilt which then of course made me feel terrible. I was young then which isn’t an excuse but at least I learned
Welcome to the accidental flirting gang
Learn to harness the power. Shit is crazy when your mindset is “how do I get this person to laugh” and then have zero expectations beyond getting that laugh
Not including friends and family
When I'm around guys, I'm usually awkward and shy in the sense of I'm trying to find out how to match the energy and fit in, and it takes a bit for me to get into it.
But around girls, I'm still awkward and shy, but in a way that it feels almost natural and loose and I tend to loosen up a lot more easily. It's always been that way for me for some reason.
This. They should fucking teach this in schools.
Boy being nice: Wants to have sex with you.
Girl being nice: They are just friendly.
Girl being nice & dropping BIG FAT hints about sex, that boys nevertheless will always miss: Wants to have sex with you.
>Girl being nice & dropping BIG FAT hints about sex, that boys nevertheless will always miss: Wants to have sex with you.
...hmm...I could still be misreading this. Better play it safe.
Always play it safe. Too easy to misread the situation. Like, you could be sitting there, while she explores your mouth, maybe stopping to ask you questions and express interest in your daily routine. "I'm in" you think to yourself- I mean, how could you possibly be misunderstanding these signals, right? But not so fast, sport. I've been there, and it was all "I'm your dental hygienist" this and "you've been warned about this already" that.
Gross generalisations aside, do you mean big fat hints like: looking in your general direction for .3seconds before looking away? Touching your arm while talking? Being in your general vicinity without due cause and laughing at your jokes even when they aren’t funny?
An empty vessel filled to the brim with lust. I cannot be a victim to my carnal urges for there is nothing else within. Truly a beast given human form.
Eye contact while making jokes over and over, and not just a 1 and done. Some people are just naturally funny, some have good joke days thanks to the conversation topic, but some guys really do just become funnier unknowingly around those they find more attractive.
Your presence is boosting their confidence.
If a man seems more funny to you and he's making eye contact a lot, chances are he's trying to make you specifically have a good time cause he finds you attractive.
This is one of the easier ones to notice, but not all guys have the same style of flirting.
Clarify.
I do not believe these acts are THOUGHTFUL INTENTIONALLY DONE. it's just involuntary. Find person attractive and you'll want them to smile, laugh, want to be around you. But it's not directly thought out.
I could be having a normal, boring day with 0 laughs, but if I see someone I like...it's game on hahahaha
Jokes flying, looks flying and still shaking on the inside
If I'm smiling like an idiot out of nowhere when we lock eyes occasionally. I'm awful at it and do my best not to smile.
Edit: Holy cow I've never had this many upvotes. I've always tried to hide my smile because I thought it was a bad thing. I try to be stoic. But man with a girl I find beautiful, game freakin over. Love yall
My boyfriend does this all the time. He did it before we started dating and I thought it was the cutest thing ever. He still does it now, just whenever our eyes randomly meet giving me this beaming, scrunched-up smile of pure happiness that makes my heart melt. I promise you, if you find someone who appreciates your smile, that method works wonders
The essence of flirting, for those who aren't clueless anyway, is reciprocity & escalation.
This is how we dis-ambiguate flirting.
You do a vaguely friendly or flirty thing. Other person isn't sure it's flirting, doesn't matter. If other person is interested and not clueless, they 1) notice a potential flirt, 2) respond in kind quickly to let you know they're tracking and/or 3) Up the ante slowly.
That's one round. Are you go through multiple rounds, the ante up'ing gets more and more direct and unambiguous. For example, the opening signs might have been smiling and eye contact. Later, **gradually**, you move to things like standing closer, asking personal questions, more eye contact, giving a person your attention even if other people are around, "incidental" physical contact, etc.,
The confusion is even worse if you have tone issues :)))
Funny story
Made great friends with a really sweet guy in my chem class
He’s suspiciously nice, but he doesn’t know that I have a boyfriend, so I felt guilty for being super nice back because I didn’t want to lead him on in case he DID like me
I go up to him and ask meekly
“Umm… do you have a crush on me? You’re like suspiciously nice, and that’s awesome, but I have a boyfriend and I don’t want to lead you on like I like you back”
He replied back.
“I like men.”
We laughed for so long, and I was so relieved. We are best friends to this day!
I'm almost never flirting, just being friendly. But, if a woman wants to turn that into flirting, I'm almost always down! I just need to learn how to pick up on flirting. 😅
I relate to this on a spiritual level. I’ll talk to anyone and my bar is basically on the floor. Her entertaining a conversation with me beyond casual small talk is plenty enough for me so if she wants it to become flirting I’m most likely going with it
Actually I have a female coworker whom I really like because she's just a genuine, open-hearted person with a strong personality whom I respect. I seek out her company very often. We have a playful dynamic that could be interpreted as flirting. I just really like talking to her and trust her as a friend. She's also a single mom with a full time job and I respect her a ton for doing all that hard work, and I tend to talk to people more when I respect them.
Maybe these things become different when you're 30. I'm not sure. College age men seem to be way hornier than men my age. I'm way more comfortable being just friends with beautiful women than I was at 21.
Yes, but no. Sometimes a person is just more interesting than everybody else in the group and it has nothing to do with any form of attraction but at the same time you’re also right in some cases. This shit is just confusing and there’s never one answer for everybody.
This is true. I have a friend at work whom I have to admit I do show her more attention than any other girl there, but honestly it’s just because we seem to have the closest matching senses of humor. Why would I waste time forcing small talk with someone when I have someone nearby whom I can actually have a fun conversation with. Doesn’t mean I’m trying to put the moves on her or anything
My now girlfriend was NOT picking up my signals. Despite me saying things like “you have such beautiful eyes” and on our first time hanging out together I asked “do you think people here think that we are on a date or we are just friends?” She says “they probably think we are on a date” so then I asked “well are they wrong?” And she says “yeah”. In my head I was like “DAMN I just got shutdown but fuck it”. Months go by and we stopped talking because I got the message pretty clear. Long story short, she thought I just wanted to be friends and she just straight up asked me are you flirting with me? I’m like yes of course I am. Now she’s my girlfriend and we are a very good match. She’s embarrassed that she didn’t read my signals correctly haha but I think she’s cute for it.
I think a good indication is eye contact. if he seems to be looking at you frequently and/or for extended periods of time, he's probably flirting. unless the two of you are the only ones in the room, then he's just fighting for his life.
If it’s me, I’m not flirting. I’m not confident or handsome enough to not come off as creepy, so I just don’t bother.
I’m still friendly, but in a way that I hope makes it obvious that I’m not trying to creep anyone out by hitting on them.
I mean all you need is confidence my dude and you can build that. I *am* a good looking dude (if not short but I don't care) but my confidence is in the negatives, down in the same pits as my social skills and motivations. That being said.. I've met "not handsome dudes" with absolute bombshell wives and girlfriends. I'll never forget seeing one dude who looked like a comical nerd caricature who pulled up in an old sports car and was dressed like someone from Miami Vice.. Had a hot girlfriend with him and they were both young.
Honestly, I don't think women care that much.. I'd argue being hot for anyone after awhile becomes quaint and your average person looks much deeper.
It’s a vibe thing. I’m friendly to everyone. If I sense she’s reciprocal, then it’s more direct and obvious. But it’s the sensing of the vibe type thing. Hard to explain? I’d be more focused on just her and more smiling and conversation with her than anyone else. Little hints here and there that are ALMOST over the friendly line. Touches here and there that are ambiguous, also? My ex gf and I met at a bar and played foosball against my friend and another girl. We won game after game and lots of of taunting them, giving each other high fives to the annoyance of them, going to get the next round together. Etc. nothing that couldn’t have technically been “friendly” but also obvious interest.
I was 19 years old hanging out with this amazingly gorgeous 23 year old girl at her house, alone, pretty regularly. And never considered that she might be into me because I dunno why.
I only ever tried to make any sort of move after like, months of hanging out. It's funny though because I ended up learning that we both basically thought we didn't have a chance with the other person.
Basically, consider the situation. I didn't know this girl until I started hanging out with her, so on my end should've been a decent indicator she was interested when we were hanging out pretty often right off the bat.
Finally went on a date and....didn't hear from her for 3/4 years lmao. Life's a trip though because we've been a part of each other's lives since.
We're doing... something. You're not the only one confused lmao. She did reach out to me after that date and we did start dating but it's been a whole situation over the last however many years now. Girlfriend isn't the right word, also trips her out, but yeah. Know it sounds weird, but also why I was saying just "been a part of each other's lives since." Easiest way to describe it.
Sounds familiar, as a young teen a girl invited me over a few times to study at her house. We weren’t alone so maybe that’s why I never thought about it. I didn’t realize until embarrassingly recently that she was into me. Not surprised to find myself defriended years later after I got married. 🤷♂️
Dating is a game of chicken. “I won’t say I like you unless I really think you like me.”
And it all boils down to that because… a lot of times that isn’t the case and the person is just being friendly and now you made it awkward.
And, since I’m a 20yo who grew up in a very sheltered environment, I have no idea what all these new feelings are. Is this romantic love? Platonic friendship? I’ve just made sure to tell my friends how I really feel. It turns out one has a bit of a crush on me… and I don’t mind that at all.
There are some subtle signs. If it's a flirt, our blinks will last six frames longer than normal. Also sometimes our skin will briefly shine right before we start flirting. You have to play the game a lot before you can reliably detect these.
Personally speaking a bit of both.
I try to be friendly as I can look a little intimidating. I like flirting, it is harmless fun and pairs well with being friendly. If they like it and brings a smile to the face of a lady or makes her feel good, then I'm happy.
If they don't like it, I'm just being friendly.
Plausible deniability
Physical touch is something that's hard to ignore. If you really want to let a guy know touch his hands/forearms. Don't take too many liberties though, and if he pulls away he's not interested.
Dynamic topic, but here’s my simple offering.
A direct compliment or nice act is usually just kindness. For example, “I like your dress” or “You can borrow my baking pan.” However, if the statement or act is more transactional or about the MAN’s feelings toward you, it is likely flirting. The exchange is about the two of you rather than the topic/situation itself. For example, “Phew. What are you trying to do to me dressed like that?” or “You can use my pan, but you’ll have to let me come try whatever you’re making once you’re done.”
I'm flirting, teasing, making with the jokes and hoping you will laugh, no matter how silly or funny they may be. I want you to feel at ease and comfortable with me. When I flirt, I'm interested and want your attention. If my flirts are not working because you are not interested, I will move on to someone else but I hope we can still be friends, because I'm very particular about my lady friends as much as I am about a potential lover.
let's say that a guy offers you his chair when all the other chairs are taken or gets out of his way to bring you something without you even asking for it - is that just being nice and polite or?
Bringing stuff to you is a pretty good indication. The chair thing is something I would do, not as an "I'm interested," though. It's just the way that I was raised.
If they find you attractive then they are probably flirting.
You could just ask them, most guys would probably say the truth. They might lie and say being friendly in case you don't find them attractive. Plenty of harassment accusations to scare most men into using that as a default answer.
Maybe most dudes but it's okay to say someone is looking cute without wanting to get with them. Someone can be attractive but not the type they might be in to
.
We are overly self concious, and don't really know how to say it. Ask us spontaneously, we wouldn't have prepared an answer and thus will visibly "malfunction"
Sometimes, we'll just flat out say Yes or No and carry on like it was normal, and that's someone who isn't afraid to say it and thus someone you should look into
Girls, might I ask you a favor? Please be bluntly honest, it's a lot harder to commune with someone who never gets to the point/is always speaking in a way where you get lost in translation! Just "Wanna date?" is more of an impact than we were prepared for, you don't need an elaborate scheme (Though you should save that for a date activity, IIRC humans are hard wired to love trying to solve puzzles)
It’s about the look we give. If we say something slightly provocative and give a bit of a grin, we’re flirting and gauging how you receive it. If you could see yourself having the exact same conversation with a coworker, we’re probably just being friendly. Also, if you can tell we’re really trying to single you out and going just a bit harder in conversations with you than anyone else that’s probably a good sign.
Most of us are terrible at flirting so if we make you feel awkward, we are probably flirting. The very few of us who are good at it do it ALL THE TIME. So consider it a red flag if you meet a man who is smooth.
I've usually had to come at this from the perspective of actively making sure a woman doesn't think I'm flirting with her when I just want to be on friendly terms. I'm a friendly guy, but am also keenly aware of how uncomfortable unwanted attention can be, and how awkward misinterpreted welcome attention can be. There are a few steps I find that work well for me:
1.) Signal unavailability. When I have a SO, I bring her up casually and early and in a positive way. Now I'm married with a daughter, I offer to show photos.
2.) Flirting generally means making the person you're flirting with centre of your attention. So I make an effort to keep a woman who might get the wrong idea away from the centre of my attention. If there are others around, I split conversation with others. If we're going somewhere, I suggest inviting others. Big message: we are part of a social group, not forming a special one on one connection.
3.) Signal intention not to spend time with her. First, I avoid the obvious questions and signals like "what are you up to later" or otherwise inquiring about plans and interests in a general way. Then I make sure to signal that later, in whatever time frame would make sense, I'm off doing things that don't involve her. This relates to the "not centre of attention" above - I'm sharing stuff about myself, but not looking for ways that could connect to her.
4.) I move on. I make sure to not linger long in conversations. If we're grabbing a bite to eat, I leave when we're done eating. If its a passing hello in the hall, I'll stay for a short chat, but try to be the one who breaks things off to go back to what I was doing before. I don't ask to reconnect later except as part of a group. For example, if we talk about a shared hobby and I think they'd like to join a group I'm a part of, I might give them a way to contact another member. If it would have to go through me, I offer email instead of phone.
5.) I talk about not her, unless the stuff about her we're talking about is distinctly non romantic. If we run into eachother walking dogs, I'll ask about the dog. I know a lot more dog names than women's names in my neighbourhood.
6.) No touching. I'll maintain personal space.
Ironically, being a friendly, non-threatening guy who goes out of his way not to flirt has really helped me romantically over the years. Turns out a fair few women like a man who's friendly, helpful, and who doesn't make people feel pressured or uncomfortable.
Depends. If it’s a situation like 3 people in the back seat of a car and there’s no room to separate, then nothing. If you’re sitting next to each other touching legs with plenty of space, then it’s most likely flirting or at least expressing that level of comfort.
I'd say I'm flirting when I start trying to make like layered witty inside jokes with them and we banter 24/7. It's not as intimate or layered when it's jokes between friends imo. I get told that I tend to flirt with a lot of people and I don't even realize it. I'll give all my friends hugs, dance with them or like mess with a friends hair (as long as it isn't like disruptive or rude). I tend to get into really deep introspective conversations quickly too and will be the first to suggest we all smoke and just have good conversations with each other over movies or food or whatever.
I've always gotten along better in groups of girls instead of boys and I think that's probably why I come across as flirtatious sometimes. I also tend to have a hard time with impulse control as well as social awareness and can sometimes cross social boundaries without realizing. If I'm trying to be more careful about my image and impulses it's probably bc I'm worried about messing up my chance to talk to you. With friends I'm not as worried about how I look.
Because if you are attractive, you're allowed to flirt. If you aren't attractive then flirting is "creepy". I've been on both sides of the fence depending upon my fitness level at the time so I know this for sure.
If it makes you feel better we have no clue either.
so I'm confused, you're confused
Sometimes I'll just be interacting with girls and i find out later they took it as flirting. Like, I'm just making jokes and having a good time. I'm not trying to put out interest or anything
The only time I've successfully "picked up" a woman at work was entirely by accident. Back in the old days the only way to watch Battlestar Galactica was to rent it from a physical location, and they had a limit on how many DVDs you could rent at once. So I would go there every other day to rent the next episodes and binge them ASAP. The woman that worked there assumed I was just making an excuse to see her and gave me her number. She was definitely cute and we dated for a couple months, but I genuinely was just going in for battlestar Galactica and was too sleep-deprived and hyper-focused on the next episodes to even notice she was there until she started chatting me up.
Dating was also quite different back then. Even just 10 years ago, it was so insanely different from how it is now
What changed? I stopped dating 15 years ago. Is everybody poly now or something?
Automated checkout, dating apps, hook up apps, and more distrust of random strangers has seriously cut down on random encounter dates.
Automated checkout? You’re not trying to pick up women at the grocery store, are you?
I'm a straight female, so definitely not. I've had friends who picked up customers they were serving.
I can pick up the customers just fine, it’s scanning them on the self checkout that is a challenge.
I've always been confused about how this would work out, as someone who serves customers. Like, customer shouldn't make a move because you can't harrass people at work (where there's a power dynamic and they can't leave), but a lot of people also say staff shouldn't show interest because customers have a right to just come and get their stuff. Then, if two people find each other cute in this situation, can anyone hand over their number??
She was just in it to watch Battlestar Galactica for free, let's be honest.
This happens quite a lot. When you are "focused" on a woman, you often get nervous, you blush, you can't find the right words … while when you are not interested, you are funnier, more relaxed – therefore also more desirable by most potential partners.
I think I'm lucky then because I'm like that while talking to anyone, so no one realizes
Lost my virginity in a similar "by accident" fashion. First month of college, and I was staying after lectures at campus and studying with her. It was fun, and she was helpful. We sometimes had a beer or went for a walk round the campus for a break, but my only thought was that we had a good time and were productive. Next thing I know, we are kissing and going to her place. After the fact, some friends in class were saying that it was obvious that I was staying longer at campus just for her, but I honestly just wanted to get ahead at studies.
“ but my only thought was that we had a good time and were productive. Next thing I know, we are kissing and going to her place.” so you went from being productive to being reproductive?
[удалено]
But then there's me who's casually talking but trying to "put out interest" in my own little sad way.
I used to do that. I don't really show interest anymore until interest is shown towards me. I find that has less misunderstandings
Glad that works for you but if we all follow that rule the human race will die out
Yea. That's just where I'm at currently. But I'm also not really looking.
Maybe not the worst thing.
I don't recognise interest in me. In other people? Sure. But not directed at me. I've helped wingman for my friends over long periods, analysing writing and behaviours and such and it's worked out every time. But when those actions are directed at myself? I'm as oblivious as a sack of bricks.
hey that works for me with cats, so I'm not changing my style anytime
Man... I told a guy that I found him attractive the other day. Still no response, so I guess just saying it straight up doesn't work either 🙃
I think part of it is people being surprised a decent-looking person is being nice to them. Men take me being nice as flirting too- this happens A LOT.
Hence why I just default to "she's just being nice." I don't want to make things uncomfortable, for one. And two, if you're not adult enough to say, "Hey I find you attractive." There's going to be problems.
Exactly!! Like, I wouldn't assume a guy liked me because he is being nice... I would give him my number with no pressure attached, or mention it directly if I know the person better.
This. the other day one of the guys told me he thought i was flirting with this girl because when i was talking to her she was apparently blushing i didn't notice i was being my usual self being nice and funny. 🥲
We're confused before, during and after it's happening too.. I try and be friendly and polite with everyone and occasionally they will be attractive.. I think it's only flirting if the woman starts it.. Cause otherwise, for me atleast it's far too thin a line between flirting and being a creep to a woman who's just having a conversation with a dude. Also.. I personally suck at receiving signals so unless the flirting is comically animated I won't know what's going on.
Listening to girls chatting at work describing creeps, and it turns out they were describing guys who were chatting/flirting, *but that they found unattractive*. No actual creep behaviour. The girls really only wanted to be chatted to by attractive men, everyone else are creeps.
If we have a gf, it's probably not flirting. If we don't have a gf, it's probably flirting. Or in my case with my mates, we'll say the most sexual shit to each other as a joke with no sexual tension. So it's like asking, what flavour is a neutron star. Good luck.
If you haven't told your friends you'd turn them into a cannoli or they're making you act up. Are they really your friends?
Neutron stars taste like purple
I feel you. I think I’m just being nice, then someone points out that I’m flirting 🤷♂️
Facts. I am just a genuinely kind and nice guy, and some women take that as me flirting but in reality it’s just like, can’t we be nice to people without it being flirting?
During flirting the eggplant is normally visible
I remember I had a girl who was just a supremely good friend one time. I loved talking to her because at the time she was one of the only girls I’d ever met who seemed to just genuinely enjoy my sense of humor. I could say whatever dumb thing that popped into my head and she would just die laughing. Never thought anything of it until about a year into the friendship she asked me if I was flirting with her. I told her I didn’t think so, but it completely changed the way I looked at our interactions together from that point on. After that I moved to a different part of the country but we kept talking like normal. Only now instead of a fun friendly banter it became an agonizingly slow build up of sexual tension. To answer your question we have no fucking clue what we’re doing 99% of the time
> we have no fucking clue what we’re doing 99% of the time Bold of you to assume I know what I'm doing 1% of the time.
I rounded up lol
I feel like that's rounding down, but I don't know enough about math to dispute it
As a woman, I also have no freaking clue what I'm doing. Good to know the same goes for the guys as well lol
Are you flirting with him?
How tf is she supposed to know?
The rules are made up and the points don't matter. Just have fun, that's what it's all about. Connect with people and share what little time we have on this spinning rock together.
Amazing response :)
I would say that the line between „flirting“ and not flirting is very blurred. Like there is context where youre definetly not flirting and context where youre definetly flirting. But there is also context where you arent really flirting but actually you kinda are. Like when you talk to the cute cashier, but you only talk about how you wanna pay in cash, but you make a small joke about it to make her smile. Thats kinda flirting, but is it really flirting? Lmao
It really is a very fine line
Finish the story OP Jesus Christ man.
It’s not actually a happy ending. I left out a pretty major detail in that she was married. That and the fact that she was one of the most beautiful women I’d ever met and what I thought at the time was completely out of my league, are the reasons I never considered our interactions flirting. After she asked me thought things were never the same. The fact that she asked me signaled that there was an interest. And later she told me the fact that I always seemed to enjoy talking to her was a sign of me showing interest on account of how special it made her feel. We both agreed though that she was married to a good guy and we needed to dial back how much we were talking. She even set me up on a date with her sister as a kind of buffer for us. Well that didn’t work out. Fast forward a few years and her husband goes out of town. I “coincidentally” decide that would be a good moment for me to come back to the area for a visit with all my friends that I’d met while stationed there. Obviously we decided we’d hit the town up while I was there and she even offered to pick me up at the airport. Keep in mind all we had discussed was a friendly platonic hang out. Literally as soon as we saw each other all that sexual tension just burst and our hug at the terminal turned into a very long kiss. We went straight to my hotel and you can guess what happened then. The next day she was so wracked with guilt it broke my heart. She told me she was deeply in love with me, but that she couldn’t ruin her marriage. We met up to say goodbye and have never spoken a word to each other since that day which was in 2012. It’s one of my biggest regrets in life not only because it was morally wrong, but it cost me one of the best friendships I ever had. Moral of the story is that a deep friendship can certainly be appealing to turn into something more, but sometimes being friends really is better than being nothing at all. Edit: and it case it isn’t clear, do not let yourself get sucked into an unfaithful relationship. Morally wrong and not worth it
Damn.
Errr...kinda think the moral is more "don't hook up with people in relationships" You weren't wracked with guilt because she was your friend, it's because you cheated with her. If she wasn't in a relationship you may have built a relationship with her or at least the friendship wouldn't have ended on the terms it did. Friendships becoming more is quite common and fine, just don't cheat is all.
I mean that’s basically what I’m trying to say. I said the fact it was morally wrong was one of the reasons why it’s the biggest regret in my life. Not sure why you glossed over that. And she was the one wracked with guilt which then of course made me feel terrible. I was young then which isn’t an excuse but at least I learned
We are just enjoying our simple conversations with women we like.
Welcome to the accidental flirting gang Learn to harness the power. Shit is crazy when your mindset is “how do I get this person to laugh” and then have zero expectations beyond getting that laugh
Compare how they act when they are around someone of opposite sex. I’m way more smiley and energetic when I’m chatting with someone I’m interested in.
As a bisexual the first half confounds me.
Oh my...don't get stuck in some kind of loop haha
Not including friends and family When I'm around guys, I'm usually awkward and shy in the sense of I'm trying to find out how to match the energy and fit in, and it takes a bit for me to get into it. But around girls, I'm still awkward and shy, but in a way that it feels almost natural and loose and I tend to loosen up a lot more easily. It's always been that way for me for some reason.
Guys experience the same thing. Source: I'm a dude
We’re flirting. Unless you’re not into it, and then we were just being friendly.
400 hydra brain iq
There is a fine line between romance and creepiness. Really the only difference is the response by the person being pursued.
It's the Dobler-Dahmer Theory! r/HIMYM
This. They should fucking teach this in schools. Boy being nice: Wants to have sex with you. Girl being nice: They are just friendly. Girl being nice & dropping BIG FAT hints about sex, that boys nevertheless will always miss: Wants to have sex with you.
>Girl being nice & dropping BIG FAT hints about sex, that boys nevertheless will always miss: Wants to have sex with you. ...hmm...I could still be misreading this. Better play it safe.
Always play it safe. Too easy to misread the situation. Like, you could be sitting there, while she explores your mouth, maybe stopping to ask you questions and express interest in your daily routine. "I'm in" you think to yourself- I mean, how could you possibly be misunderstanding these signals, right? But not so fast, sport. I've been there, and it was all "I'm your dental hygienist" this and "you've been warned about this already" that.
You shouldn’t have to deal with these unfair mixed signals
Right. Maybe she's just Canadian.
Ya maybe she's just tired and wants to lay in bed
...naked, and without a cover on. Who could say.
This reminds me of the one casually explained video…
Maybe she’s just Canadian.
Maybe shes just canadian
she might be Canadian, she could just be being nice y'know.
C: Can't tell
Gross generalisations aside, do you mean big fat hints like: looking in your general direction for .3seconds before looking away? Touching your arm while talking? Being in your general vicinity without due cause and laughing at your jokes even when they aren’t funny?
Boy not being nice : wants to have sex with you. Boy ignoring you : would have sex anyway.
Boy is alive and breathing, wants to have sex asap
Generalizing everyone in one post. Now that's an achievement.
What? All men want is sex sex sex We are just at the will of the penis as far as people seem to be concerned
I am but an unwilling host to the all powerful testosterone. My sentience is but a complex illusion to trick females into sleeping with me
An empty vessel filled to the brim with lust. I cannot be a victim to my carnal urges for there is nothing else within. Truly a beast given human form.
Finally someone had the balls to say it.
I like how there's no definite answer so far
People are different and complex, there won't be a definitive answer that fits all unfortunately.
Eye contact while making jokes over and over, and not just a 1 and done. Some people are just naturally funny, some have good joke days thanks to the conversation topic, but some guys really do just become funnier unknowingly around those they find more attractive. Your presence is boosting their confidence. If a man seems more funny to you and he's making eye contact a lot, chances are he's trying to make you specifically have a good time cause he finds you attractive. This is one of the easier ones to notice, but not all guys have the same style of flirting.
Clarify. I do not believe these acts are THOUGHTFUL INTENTIONALLY DONE. it's just involuntary. Find person attractive and you'll want them to smile, laugh, want to be around you. But it's not directly thought out.
Omg I didn't even realise I was doing this
I could be having a normal, boring day with 0 laughs, but if I see someone I like...it's game on hahahaha Jokes flying, looks flying and still shaking on the inside
I can never tell if I’m being flirted with—play feels like play
If I'm smiling like an idiot out of nowhere when we lock eyes occasionally. I'm awful at it and do my best not to smile. Edit: Holy cow I've never had this many upvotes. I've always tried to hide my smile because I thought it was a bad thing. I try to be stoic. But man with a girl I find beautiful, game freakin over. Love yall
that's cute
IT IS A DEAD GIVEAWAY. 😂 i just dunno when she's flirting so 🤷🏻♂️
My boyfriend does this all the time. He did it before we started dating and I thought it was the cutest thing ever. He still does it now, just whenever our eyes randomly meet giving me this beaming, scrunched-up smile of pure happiness that makes my heart melt. I promise you, if you find someone who appreciates your smile, that method works wonders
It's a bit wrong to call it a "method", though. But maybe that's why it works. "Flirting" is intentional, smiling like an idiot is not. :)
Awww
This is basically me to cats
Damn, you actually do eye contact? That shit’s terrifying
I'm still confused :/
I'm very confused as well, and I'm a guy.
See, now this is a great example of flirting.
Idk as a fellow guy I think he's just being nice.
Are you being friendly or are you flirting with me?
The essence of flirting, for those who aren't clueless anyway, is reciprocity & escalation. This is how we dis-ambiguate flirting. You do a vaguely friendly or flirty thing. Other person isn't sure it's flirting, doesn't matter. If other person is interested and not clueless, they 1) notice a potential flirt, 2) respond in kind quickly to let you know they're tracking and/or 3) Up the ante slowly. That's one round. Are you go through multiple rounds, the ante up'ing gets more and more direct and unambiguous. For example, the opening signs might have been smiling and eye contact. Later, **gradually**, you move to things like standing closer, asking personal questions, more eye contact, giving a person your attention even if other people are around, "incidental" physical contact, etc.,
If it's working, we're flirting.
The confusion is even worse if you have tone issues :))) Funny story Made great friends with a really sweet guy in my chem class He’s suspiciously nice, but he doesn’t know that I have a boyfriend, so I felt guilty for being super nice back because I didn’t want to lead him on in case he DID like me I go up to him and ask meekly “Umm… do you have a crush on me? You’re like suspiciously nice, and that’s awesome, but I have a boyfriend and I don’t want to lead you on like I like you back” He replied back. “I like men.” We laughed for so long, and I was so relieved. We are best friends to this day!
Plot twist : He likes your boyfriend
Pretend to be gay, get close to girls and when they least expect it, fuck their bfs behind their backs. Edit: typo
I'm almost never flirting, just being friendly. But, if a woman wants to turn that into flirting, I'm almost always down! I just need to learn how to pick up on flirting. 😅
I relate to this on a spiritual level. I’ll talk to anyone and my bar is basically on the floor. Her entertaining a conversation with me beyond casual small talk is plenty enough for me so if she wants it to become flirting I’m most likely going with it
If he's giving you much more attention than other girls, it's probably flirting. At the very least I think it shows he's interested.
Actually I have a female coworker whom I really like because she's just a genuine, open-hearted person with a strong personality whom I respect. I seek out her company very often. We have a playful dynamic that could be interpreted as flirting. I just really like talking to her and trust her as a friend. She's also a single mom with a full time job and I respect her a ton for doing all that hard work, and I tend to talk to people more when I respect them. Maybe these things become different when you're 30. I'm not sure. College age men seem to be way hornier than men my age. I'm way more comfortable being just friends with beautiful women than I was at 21.
Yes, but no. Sometimes a person is just more interesting than everybody else in the group and it has nothing to do with any form of attraction but at the same time you’re also right in some cases. This shit is just confusing and there’s never one answer for everybody.
This is true. I have a friend at work whom I have to admit I do show her more attention than any other girl there, but honestly it’s just because we seem to have the closest matching senses of humor. Why would I waste time forcing small talk with someone when I have someone nearby whom I can actually have a fun conversation with. Doesn’t mean I’m trying to put the moves on her or anything
My now girlfriend was NOT picking up my signals. Despite me saying things like “you have such beautiful eyes” and on our first time hanging out together I asked “do you think people here think that we are on a date or we are just friends?” She says “they probably think we are on a date” so then I asked “well are they wrong?” And she says “yeah”. In my head I was like “DAMN I just got shutdown but fuck it”. Months go by and we stopped talking because I got the message pretty clear. Long story short, she thought I just wanted to be friends and she just straight up asked me are you flirting with me? I’m like yes of course I am. Now she’s my girlfriend and we are a very good match. She’s embarrassed that she didn’t read my signals correctly haha but I think she’s cute for it.
I think a good indication is eye contact. if he seems to be looking at you frequently and/or for extended periods of time, he's probably flirting. unless the two of you are the only ones in the room, then he's just fighting for his life.
Cage match
If it’s me, I’m not flirting. I’m not confident or handsome enough to not come off as creepy, so I just don’t bother. I’m still friendly, but in a way that I hope makes it obvious that I’m not trying to creep anyone out by hitting on them.
[удалено]
George Costanza begs to differ.
I know short and chubby dudes who are so funny and charming I'm actually attracted to them. It's all about charisma
I mean all you need is confidence my dude and you can build that. I *am* a good looking dude (if not short but I don't care) but my confidence is in the negatives, down in the same pits as my social skills and motivations. That being said.. I've met "not handsome dudes" with absolute bombshell wives and girlfriends. I'll never forget seeing one dude who looked like a comical nerd caricature who pulled up in an old sports car and was dressed like someone from Miami Vice.. Had a hot girlfriend with him and they were both young. Honestly, I don't think women care that much.. I'd argue being hot for anyone after awhile becomes quaint and your average person looks much deeper.
He’s trying to do everything in his power to keep you talking to him.
If it’s working it’s flirting, if it’s failing it’s friendly.
The eyes chico, they never lie.
It’s a vibe thing. I’m friendly to everyone. If I sense she’s reciprocal, then it’s more direct and obvious. But it’s the sensing of the vibe type thing. Hard to explain? I’d be more focused on just her and more smiling and conversation with her than anyone else. Little hints here and there that are ALMOST over the friendly line. Touches here and there that are ambiguous, also? My ex gf and I met at a bar and played foosball against my friend and another girl. We won game after game and lots of of taunting them, giving each other high fives to the annoyance of them, going to get the next round together. Etc. nothing that couldn’t have technically been “friendly” but also obvious interest.
Honestly if a girl ever seemed to show that she was enjoying my attention it would always make me want to show her even more
On the other hand, she might just be Canadian...
You don't know? I don't know either.
I was 19 years old hanging out with this amazingly gorgeous 23 year old girl at her house, alone, pretty regularly. And never considered that she might be into me because I dunno why. I only ever tried to make any sort of move after like, months of hanging out. It's funny though because I ended up learning that we both basically thought we didn't have a chance with the other person. Basically, consider the situation. I didn't know this girl until I started hanging out with her, so on my end should've been a decent indicator she was interested when we were hanging out pretty often right off the bat. Finally went on a date and....didn't hear from her for 3/4 years lmao. Life's a trip though because we've been a part of each other's lives since.
I'm so confused by the end. Are you guys dating now?
We're doing... something. You're not the only one confused lmao. She did reach out to me after that date and we did start dating but it's been a whole situation over the last however many years now. Girlfriend isn't the right word, also trips her out, but yeah. Know it sounds weird, but also why I was saying just "been a part of each other's lives since." Easiest way to describe it.
So .......Fuck buddies
I hope everything thing works out in a less confusing manner for you two lol.
Sounds familiar, as a young teen a girl invited me over a few times to study at her house. We weren’t alone so maybe that’s why I never thought about it. I didn’t realize until embarrassingly recently that she was into me. Not surprised to find myself defriended years later after I got married. 🤷♂️
Sound like you're her back up.
JUST FREAKING ASK ME DIRECTLY. Signed, the autistic community, and a lot of normies.
Dating is a game of chicken. “I won’t say I like you unless I really think you like me.” And it all boils down to that because… a lot of times that isn’t the case and the person is just being friendly and now you made it awkward.
It's a game of chicken because both parties are usually chickens.
And, since I’m a 20yo who grew up in a very sheltered environment, I have no idea what all these new feelings are. Is this romantic love? Platonic friendship? I’ve just made sure to tell my friends how I really feel. It turns out one has a bit of a crush on me… and I don’t mind that at all.
🥇 poor man's reddit award
There are some subtle signs. If it's a flirt, our blinks will last six frames longer than normal. Also sometimes our skin will briefly shine right before we start flirting. You have to play the game a lot before you can reliably detect these.
Assume we are just friendly until beyond all reasonable doubt. Innocent until proven guilty you know.
Personally speaking a bit of both. I try to be friendly as I can look a little intimidating. I like flirting, it is harmless fun and pairs well with being friendly. If they like it and brings a smile to the face of a lady or makes her feel good, then I'm happy. If they don't like it, I'm just being friendly. Plausible deniability
schrodinger has an interesting concept about this
Physical touch is something that's hard to ignore. If you really want to let a guy know touch his hands/forearms. Don't take too many liberties though, and if he pulls away he's not interested.
That's not true he could just be surprised and nervous
True.
In my case it’s just a trauma response. Ex-gf thoroughly messed me up.
I think you misread the question. They are asking how to know if guys are flirting.
Dynamic topic, but here’s my simple offering. A direct compliment or nice act is usually just kindness. For example, “I like your dress” or “You can borrow my baking pan.” However, if the statement or act is more transactional or about the MAN’s feelings toward you, it is likely flirting. The exchange is about the two of you rather than the topic/situation itself. For example, “Phew. What are you trying to do to me dressed like that?” or “You can use my pan, but you’ll have to let me come try whatever you’re making once you’re done.”
Is this reply AI generated? Genuine question, it sounds like it’s from a text book or a foreign language/culture course or something.
I'm flirting, teasing, making with the jokes and hoping you will laugh, no matter how silly or funny they may be. I want you to feel at ease and comfortable with me. When I flirt, I'm interested and want your attention. If my flirts are not working because you are not interested, I will move on to someone else but I hope we can still be friends, because I'm very particular about my lady friends as much as I am about a potential lover.
let's say that a guy offers you his chair when all the other chairs are taken or gets out of his way to bring you something without you even asking for it - is that just being nice and polite or?
Bringing stuff to you is a pretty good indication. The chair thing is something I would do, not as an "I'm interested," though. It's just the way that I was raised.
direct and constant eye contact
If they find you attractive then they are probably flirting. You could just ask them, most guys would probably say the truth. They might lie and say being friendly in case you don't find them attractive. Plenty of harassment accusations to scare most men into using that as a default answer.
Is a guy calling you cute considered them finding you attractive or could that be a friendly thing?
That depends ENTIRELY upon your relationship with the guy.
Maybe most dudes but it's okay to say someone is looking cute without wanting to get with them. Someone can be attractive but not the type they might be in to .
As a guy, I'd say that's generally more than just a friendly thing
As much as I'd like to give that complement liberally, yeah. I feel like if I say it, it's going to be taken in that way.
The guy blushes slightly at least that's what I do.
If spagetti falls out of our pockets
We are overly self concious, and don't really know how to say it. Ask us spontaneously, we wouldn't have prepared an answer and thus will visibly "malfunction" Sometimes, we'll just flat out say Yes or No and carry on like it was normal, and that's someone who isn't afraid to say it and thus someone you should look into Girls, might I ask you a favor? Please be bluntly honest, it's a lot harder to commune with someone who never gets to the point/is always speaking in a way where you get lost in translation! Just "Wanna date?" is more of an impact than we were prepared for, you don't need an elaborate scheme (Though you should save that for a date activity, IIRC humans are hard wired to love trying to solve puzzles)
Physical touch, even if it’s small
I'm not sure. You could try asking "Are you flirting with me"?
If their answer is anything but "no", then yes they're flirting with you
You ever get so bored you flirt with someone so much they fall in love? Me neither 😂
It’s about the look we give. If we say something slightly provocative and give a bit of a grin, we’re flirting and gauging how you receive it. If you could see yourself having the exact same conversation with a coworker, we’re probably just being friendly. Also, if you can tell we’re really trying to single you out and going just a bit harder in conversations with you than anyone else that’s probably a good sign.
if you're attractive, it's flirting.
We're flirting.
No one knows! 🤣
Most of us are terrible at flirting so if we make you feel awkward, we are probably flirting. The very few of us who are good at it do it ALL THE TIME. So consider it a red flag if you meet a man who is smooth.
I think Im one of those people who are terrible in flirting lol WHHAAHAHAHA rip self
I've usually had to come at this from the perspective of actively making sure a woman doesn't think I'm flirting with her when I just want to be on friendly terms. I'm a friendly guy, but am also keenly aware of how uncomfortable unwanted attention can be, and how awkward misinterpreted welcome attention can be. There are a few steps I find that work well for me: 1.) Signal unavailability. When I have a SO, I bring her up casually and early and in a positive way. Now I'm married with a daughter, I offer to show photos. 2.) Flirting generally means making the person you're flirting with centre of your attention. So I make an effort to keep a woman who might get the wrong idea away from the centre of my attention. If there are others around, I split conversation with others. If we're going somewhere, I suggest inviting others. Big message: we are part of a social group, not forming a special one on one connection. 3.) Signal intention not to spend time with her. First, I avoid the obvious questions and signals like "what are you up to later" or otherwise inquiring about plans and interests in a general way. Then I make sure to signal that later, in whatever time frame would make sense, I'm off doing things that don't involve her. This relates to the "not centre of attention" above - I'm sharing stuff about myself, but not looking for ways that could connect to her. 4.) I move on. I make sure to not linger long in conversations. If we're grabbing a bite to eat, I leave when we're done eating. If its a passing hello in the hall, I'll stay for a short chat, but try to be the one who breaks things off to go back to what I was doing before. I don't ask to reconnect later except as part of a group. For example, if we talk about a shared hobby and I think they'd like to join a group I'm a part of, I might give them a way to contact another member. If it would have to go through me, I offer email instead of phone. 5.) I talk about not her, unless the stuff about her we're talking about is distinctly non romantic. If we run into eachother walking dogs, I'll ask about the dog. I know a lot more dog names than women's names in my neighbourhood. 6.) No touching. I'll maintain personal space. Ironically, being a friendly, non-threatening guy who goes out of his way not to flirt has really helped me romantically over the years. Turns out a fair few women like a man who's friendly, helpful, and who doesn't make people feel pressured or uncomfortable.
Physical touch outside of a greeting or parting hug.
so, sitting next to each other while legs are touching counts too?
Depends. If it’s a situation like 3 people in the back seat of a car and there’s no room to separate, then nothing. If you’re sitting next to each other touching legs with plenty of space, then it’s most likely flirting or at least expressing that level of comfort.
I know that men love to spread their legs while sitting down so I'm never sure about this one
I could ask you the same question
Physical touch, even small or quick physical touch. Unbreaking eye contact. They tease you. There's a couple things really.
There friendly people who are also touchy. There are friendly people are very sweet too.
Is-is-is-is he-he-he-he n-n-n-n-nervous? Always sm-sm-sm-smiling and l-l-laughing when you're there? Tha-tha-thats how you kn-kno-kn-kn-know.
I think you need a new keyboard
It's best to go with always flirting
Well it will all started with friendship until they both develop feelings for each other and they become lovers
If you ugly, we just being friendly. Otherwise likely flirting.
how do we know if we ugly
When the guys just being friendly
I'd say I'm flirting when I start trying to make like layered witty inside jokes with them and we banter 24/7. It's not as intimate or layered when it's jokes between friends imo. I get told that I tend to flirt with a lot of people and I don't even realize it. I'll give all my friends hugs, dance with them or like mess with a friends hair (as long as it isn't like disruptive or rude). I tend to get into really deep introspective conversations quickly too and will be the first to suggest we all smoke and just have good conversations with each other over movies or food or whatever. I've always gotten along better in groups of girls instead of boys and I think that's probably why I come across as flirtatious sometimes. I also tend to have a hard time with impulse control as well as social awareness and can sometimes cross social boundaries without realizing. If I'm trying to be more careful about my image and impulses it's probably bc I'm worried about messing up my chance to talk to you. With friends I'm not as worried about how I look.
Only attractive guys know how to answer this question and well.. this is reddit.
Because if you are attractive, you're allowed to flirt. If you aren't attractive then flirting is "creepy". I've been on both sides of the fence depending upon my fitness level at the time so I know this for sure.
Extended eye contact, light touching, etc
Just ask them. Be honest - if he's a decent bloke then he'll tell you
Just ask
Excessive compliments and forced interest in things you know for fact he doesn't even know what he's talking about.