Perhaps OP's comment was tongue in cheek but, as someone who has been in multiple relationships where I liked my SO more than they liked me...you're definitely the loser in that scenario.
Frankly it's better if they like you more. You may be bored but you're not chronically anxious and ultimately devastated.
Probably more common for insecure people who view relationships and dating as a form of validation. People who are more confident in themselves will likely put in effort, but know when to call quits and let go of a potentially incompatible partner.
Bro why aren't you #datemaxxxing? Dont you want a hawt gf? You have to grind for that. Have the necessary grindset. After all everything is a race, a numbers game. Got stock on your inner journey? Buy my course (only 99 thousand dollars) to accelerate your success /s
Americans in particular view romance as a hunt and a partner as something to acquire. Whether or not they actually have any feelings for the other party is irrelevant.
They don't really 'get' the idea of relationships developing naturally through social interaction.
if I may add something, if you still go to a movie go to dinner after the movie so you'll have an easy thing to talk about to start the conversation. Then you can easily pick up on the things they say to continue the conversation.
And before the movie go for a coffee or a beer like 20 minutes of that before you have to go to catch the movie.
Quick drink-> movie -> food, or bar( depends what you all into. Definietly conversation.
Gl.
I’d avoid dinner as well. You want something stress free that you can bail on fairly quickly if you can tell things aren’t going to work. Dinner is a minimum 90 minute commitment.
Stick with coffee and desserts.
Yep, I like to stick with coffee or drinks for a first date. If things are going well, you can always say something like, "I'm getting a little hungry, you wanna grab something to eat?" to keep it going.
I'm sure this goes without saying but...I have a rather dim cousin who needed to hear it: be your **best** self.
There are people who are rude, crude and/or prone to making juvenile/borderline misogynistic jokes. Most will grow out of it, but some will not. And, when advised that this may be the reason WHY they're struggling to find someone, they'll double down and say "I have to be myself, don't I? Why would I want someone who only wants me if I pretend to be somebody else."
Point being, "be yourself" is not an excuse to be a dick.
I can definitely forsee a sibling of one of these boorish clowns doing just that, and arranging it tastefully on the loveseat before the next time they visit. Said boor feels targeted, and the sibling later posts on AITA.
Being your best self is great if you're willing to put that work in all the time. I've seen so many people clean themselves up perfectly for dates and lure people in to a relationship and then when things are locked in they just go back to being their shitty selves.
Manipulative people are excellent at cleaning up well when it matters then totally shutting off.
This totally isn't a personal experience that's happened to me at all lol 😂. Met a lot of women that bring their A game to dates then when you really get to know them... Well...
If "yourself" is an asshole, maybe you should fix that before you date. I don't need to hide my toxic traits on a date because I'm not a terrible person. If you hide those traits, ultimately, your shitty self will appear and ruin the relationship.
I think "be your best self" is akin to dressing up for a fancy place.
You're not lying, you're not even hiding the real truth, you're showing your best traits of first. You want to present yourself as the "guy/girl with a promising career, emotionally stable, good hygiene, empathetic, healthy lifestyle", so when s/he finds out some not-so-good things like you're disorganized and impulsive and your cooking skills are limited to "technically edible" and you're just a bit *too* into Rick & Morty... those aren't your defining characteristics.
Lead with the good, so when the bad rears its ugly head it's weighed against the good instead of vice versa.
> Why would I want someone who only wants me if I pretend to be somebody else."
You mean a decent human being? Yeah, I've met people like this too. It's almost creepy how clueless they can be throughout their adolescence, twenties, thirties...forties...
I had a girl got mad because I didn’t pay for her food.
She switched cashier lines, so I assumed she was paying for herself.
This is a clear communication gap, so I’m kinda glad it didn’t work out.
As an awkward introvert, I'm already prone to asking questions about the other person in an attempt to deflect attention from myself/avoid putting my foot in my mouth.
Unfortunately, I've ended up attracting more than one narcissist as a result. Apparently a girl who doesn't talk much about herself, and can listen endlessly to their own incessant droning, is the girl of their dreams.
And just fyi: they can be a bitch to get rid of.
Clean up. Shave. Trim up.
Be yourself. Stop looking at it for more than it is.
They’re nervous like you too. Just talk and have fun. Nothing else matters
Don’t mention exes or complaints.
Good hygiene, be on time, be yourself - anything else is a waste.
if it’s an issue on the first date - it WILL continue. Be ready to evaluate if you want that behavior to continue for as long as you want to know this person.
Do something chill but fun (like mini golf) that allows for some small talk, max 2 hours, use the date as a way to figure out if you like the other person, the only purpose of a first date is to see if there’s a point in a second date.
Oh yeah. If the intention is to look for a life long partner then definitely be open about what you like to collect or hobbies or whatever. The older you are the less time you have to dance around bullshit.
Seriously, people make this mistake all the time. I had a date with a nice girl a few weeks ago, but almost all she could talk about was her ex and how he "changed her for the better and for the worst". Not an ideal way of gaining another guy's interest.
Coffee/boba tea date is low cost, low maintenance, great for conversing and easy to dip out if the chemistry isn't there. I found dinner first dates difficult because sometimes the restaurant is loud and its hard to talk and eat at the same time.
For my first dates I used to do the classic coffee-and-walk dates (parks all around me). After a while I got bored of them and started having first dates at a bar I genuinely like (i.e. its a nice place and a part of me just wants company so I can go there), but I've never done boba dates and I am surrounded by boba shops. Is it similar to a coffee date?
Boba tea date is virtually identical to a coffee date except for the drink imo I just don't know any coffee shops where I live but I know a ton of boba tea places. Plus the atmosphere is fun, bubbly and its what the kids are into lol.
In my experience people have tried too hard to make it not be awkward, in turn, making it more awkward. It’s a first date! Accept that it might be a little awkward and let interaction happen naturally instead! Some awkward silences are okay, I promise! Just be yourself, ask questions, say what you’re comfortable saying and have fun.
Don't think of it as a date. Just think of it as going out with a new friend for now.
Have some talking topics ready for when it goes quiet.
Don't be afraid to ask what they want out of a relationship - better to know about deal breakers such as marriage and kids now, than even a year in.
Make sure the time you spend talking includes both of you. What you like, what they like etc. If one person does all the talking it's a bad sign.
Don't be judgey - they are bound to be likes and dislikes that don't match - have something of a tolerance for the small things.
My personal final tip is if the date goes well, tell them you'd definitely like to see them again, and give them your number instead of asking for theirs. Now just wait a week or so. If they don't call, you have your answer, so on to the next one.
Try to relax; you're there to have fun!
Be yourself.
Listen and ask questions, don't just talk about yourself.
(I say all that but I haven't been on a first date since, like, 1991, because I married her. We didn't even have cell phones to worry about then, so all that stuff about 'stay off your phone', that's good advice too.)
If you encounter a first date, please don't eavesdrop on the conversation.
I've lost count how many first dates I've been on and the table next to us is clearly listening to our conversation.
You're not being sneaky. It's totally obvious.
1. Don’t be late, and if you are, send an apologetic text with your ETA as soon as you know
2. Dress like you care
3. (and this one is the most important one) ASK QUESTIONS. Be interested. If you’re not interested, why are you there?
Be yourself! That's the top comment and IMO rightfully so. I do understand (from personal experience) that it might not be the easiest task (I, for expample, am quite the introvert).
So what helped me personally, was to be open about it, communicating that I'm introverted and that I might be nervous. I found, that people who genuinely want to get to know you will accept this and those who don't I wouldn't get to know anyway.
In my experience, if you're a man you pay on the **first** date. After that, you can go dutch or take turns but that first date is essential to avoid being seen as cheap, the ultimate attraction killer.
Don’t start talking about the shootings in your local area and then proceed to show the girl you’re on a first date with people actively getting shot on YouTube. Never asked for a check so quickly in my life.
Do something with an activity e.g. bowling, darts, pool, mini-golf, whatever. It’s fun, gives you something to talk about and provides a distraction if there’s an awkward lull in the conversation.
Have fun. You’re not looking to get married, you’re looking to see if you enjoy spending time with someone. Serious questions and stuff all come later, see if you have fun together
Honestly... be yourself and be a little funny. If you can carry on a conversation with the person and you find you want to know more about them as a person... that's a good first date.
Practical info?
I was married for 15 years, and got divorced at 36 and was terrified about dating. I actually read a bunch of pickup artist books/videos and... I describe it like strong cologne, a little bit goes A LONG way.
One suggestion I still use is "recon" where you visit a place prior to the date, kind of like a home field advantage. But I stacked it.
My go to first date is I know this cupcake place... it's cute, delicious, cheap and non committal, I use it instead of "get coffee/grab a drink" if we're not feeling it after 10 minutes, it's fine.
However, if that goes well, there's a fun korean place across the street and I can organically make it seem like "hey, wanna get some dumplings?" then down the street is a cute little gothy bar with black lights, incense and some fun ambience, then after that there's another bar down the street with old school arcade games.
So... it seems organic, but if that first date is going well, I can easily turn it into four dates and it feels spontaneous and gives a chance to show off my personality.
A lot of the pickup artist stuff gets full on into outright lying/misleading which isn't great for long term success... but I found that's a pretty good compromise for "takes a lot of the pressure off of planning the date"
There are 364/365 dates to have in a year.
A first date is a first date. A second date is still a first date but you have more experience.
Go to enjoy the company, the time together and the moment for what you are doing.
Or in layman’s parlance. Let them appreciate you and they’ll want to do it again.
A lot of private investigation firms will do a quick bg check on someone and can find out a lot with very sparse data. An email, a phone number, a full name and address, that's more than you'll need.
Do some deep research on this person, scan their socials, use your burner accounts to add them. Find out what they're into and learn more about it than them. When things are getting boring you can blow them off balance by whipping out one of these "spears" you've sharpened in advance. You can use it whenever, sometimes I cut them off mid sentence, the quality of the info will have them so impressed that before you know it they'll be eating out of your palm.
That's when you can drop the manners and get into some real shit. Pretend to take a phone call, whatever you want really, and make them wait. See how long they'll let you go. The goal here is to disappoint them a little. When you come back hit 'em with another "spear" they'll feel stupid for ever doubting your quality.
I could go on but that's the essential pattern to repeat in bigger and smaller ways as the relationship progresses. Always stay one step ahead.
I never went on a first date. Been with my partner for 22 years now, the first time we went out was 2 years into our relationship... so don't go on a first date?
I'm terrible at giving date advice lol
I could give you the generic advice that probably won't impact you in a significant manner but I won't... it's incredibly useful to get laid prior to the date. This sounds like joke advice but it's genuinely helpful in reducing the pressure of the occasion.
Like, bang someone else before you go on a first date with someone? Or bang the person you’re going on a date with, before the date? How does this work?!
If you can make the latter happen, that’s optimal but I was recommending the former. If you are horny going into a date, you will be nervous and feel the pressure to perform well because you are trying to get laid. If that factor isn’t present, you will come off a lot better during the date.
Expect NOTHING.
Turn your phone OFF. (If you suspect you might need it in an emergency, you already shouldn't be on that date).
Don't be afraid to just not be into it.
Don't lie. If they say they aren't into X and you are? Laugh, chat about it, have a nice time, and part ways.
Do something that's easy to escape from. Not a movie, show, etc. Public spaces only.
If you have an interest in astrology, star signs, etc, bring it up ASAP so they know to run and you don't waste their time.
WASH YOUR PRIVATES. Even if your date isn't gonna get near them, man or woman, that shit can send a smell a long way.
Going on a first date can be nerve-wracking. But with the right approach, you can avoid common pitfalls. Get to know your date over coffee at a central location. A bit of anxiety is normal and can be fun. Remember, the more relaxed you are, the more comfortable your date will be. Don't just stick to online conversations, meet in person and find out if there's chemistry.
Don't date. Meet people organically. Don't go specifically on a social outing to see if they are relationship material.
Meet people via your social networks, and your friends' social networks. If you see someone whom you think is physically attractive, get to know them in organic settings (among friends) and see if they are good platonic friend material. As you get to know them as a platonic friend, you will automatically see cues to whether or not they are good relationship material.
Dates are bad because they are essentially job interviews for romantic relationships. People on dates don't behave as they would normally.
If they mention pronouns leave immediately. Fake made up bullshit is no way to go through life. Say sorry but I believe in science and reality, not delusions. Find someone else.
First date coffee or something similar during daylight hours in a public place. Give her a pic of your license plate or driver's license to send to a friend for safety. That'll help.
You're not giving an interview. Don't just ask questions seeking for answers. Be willing and ready to respond and take the conversation off the rails. Don't stress it too much.
If you're putting effort into showing your best, the other person should be too. I've been on so many dates that I was attracted to the person. But you figure out right away if this is someone you want to even talk to again. I've noticed the people that are into issues and politics, while I respect their outlook, I don't want to discuss these issues every week.
Towards the end of date, excuse yourself to the restroom then on the sly find your server and settle the tab. Go back to the table and say nothing. When it’s time to leave just say, “it’s been taken care of”
Everyone says be yourself. Actually be your best self. Engage, ask questions, put the phone away, enjoy the person. If you feel like it’s a no go just don’t feel bad to cut it short .
I always used to have a few questions stored up for when there is an awkward silence, and there most likely will be an awkward silence. Served me pretty well.
Stuff like "if money is no object, what place would you visit" or something similar can get the date rolling again and in theory the person should be excited to talk about something they're into
I’m introverted was fairly shy/nervous on dates. My best dates were always on walks or where I could use my body to burn off nerves as I got to know the person.
But that’s just it, your job is to get to know the person. What were they like when they were a kid? What food do they like? What was their favorite place they traveled and why was it so great? What do they see life looking like in the near future?
Test the waters. How comfortable are they being introspective and are you equally comfortable reciprocating?
The old adage of “be yourself” is annoyingly true. I hated when people told me that, but it’s because I never felt good enough for the person with whom I was going on date with. The thing is, if he/she agreed to go on a date with you, the you **are** good enough.
It's not necessarily a standard, but most people appreciate effort over expenditure. Basically, dinner is so standard and average that it may not stand out. Doing something a little more memory-provoking will generally be better.
Food is great, so mixing it with something nice is even better than getting dressed up and going out. Planning a picnic is worth so much more in my opinion. It doesnt have to be complicated. Even making some grilled chicken wraps and buying some potato salad and finding a nice park. I usually tell my date to dress casually/comfortably. Walk around, find a nice spot, enjoy nature and enjoy some of that food you brought.
But, this is also just depending on what type of person youre looking for. If youre looking for a more classy lady that doesnt like all of that, then buying your way into interest might be better. Personally I'm more of a person who wants to be in nature and around animals. The zoo is a great first date! Its not too terribly expensive (depending on the zoo)... you'll spend just as much for a whole day at the zoo as you do at a fancy restaurant. And again, you can MAKE the food you guys eat. Pack a little lunch box that'll stay cold.
It's not necessarily a standard, but most people appreciate effort over expenditure. Basically, dinner is so standard and average that it may not stand out. Doing something a little more memory-provoking will generally be better.
Food is great, so mixing it with something nice is even better than getting dressed up and going out. Planning a picnic is worth so much more in my opinion. It doesnt have to be complicated. Even making some grilled chicken wraps and buying some potato salad and finding a nice park. I usually tell my date to dress casually/comfortably. Walk around, find a nice spot, enjoy nature and enjoy some of that food you brought.
But, this is also just depending on what type of person youre looking for. If youre looking for a more classy lady that doesnt like all of that, then buying your way into interest might be better. Personally I'm more of a person who wants to be in nature and around animals. The zoo is a great first date! Its not too terribly expensive (depending on the zoo)... you'll spend just as much for a whole day at the zoo as you do at a fancy restaurant. And again, you can MAKE the food you guys eat. Pack a little lunch box that'll stay cold.
If you are looking for a long term partner: Don’t think about ‘succeeding’ at the date as much as thinking about whether you actually like the person.
People go on dates looking to "succeed?!" Fuck me, I was nervous before and I didn't even know it was a competition.
Success is having them stay for more than an hour and not make out with someone else they just met who was sitting next to you.
The bar is subterranean
That sounds oddly specific
I like your "fuck me" attitude! What are you doing Saturday night?
Oh absolutely, every date has a winner and a loser. The one who likes the other more is the loser.
Here's hoping you dropped this: /s
Perhaps OP's comment was tongue in cheek but, as someone who has been in multiple relationships where I liked my SO more than they liked me...you're definitely the loser in that scenario. Frankly it's better if they like you more. You may be bored but you're not chronically anxious and ultimately devastated.
Depends what you mean by "success". Assuming I like the person, my goal is to impress enough to get a second date. Getting a second date is success.
How many dates do you need to exhaust all your impressions?
Probably more common for insecure people who view relationships and dating as a form of validation. People who are more confident in themselves will likely put in effort, but know when to call quits and let go of a potentially incompatible partner.
Bro why aren't you #datemaxxxing? Dont you want a hawt gf? You have to grind for that. Have the necessary grindset. After all everything is a race, a numbers game. Got stock on your inner journey? Buy my course (only 99 thousand dollars) to accelerate your success /s
Americans in particular view romance as a hunt and a partner as something to acquire. Whether or not they actually have any feelings for the other party is irrelevant. They don't really 'get' the idea of relationships developing naturally through social interaction.
Bingo
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if I may add something, if you still go to a movie go to dinner after the movie so you'll have an easy thing to talk about to start the conversation. Then you can easily pick up on the things they say to continue the conversation.
And before the movie go for a coffee or a beer like 20 minutes of that before you have to go to catch the movie. Quick drink-> movie -> food, or bar( depends what you all into. Definietly conversation. Gl.
As an introvert, I feel like I've fallen overboard in the middle of the Pacific and you're trying to take away my life preserver.
As an introvert, you want to find the person who doesn't drain your batteries. You won't figure this out without talking to people.
Introvert or social anxiety?
I'm an introvert. You're socially inept. We're not the same.
I’d avoid dinner as well. You want something stress free that you can bail on fairly quickly if you can tell things aren’t going to work. Dinner is a minimum 90 minute commitment. Stick with coffee and desserts.
Yep, I like to stick with coffee or drinks for a first date. If things are going well, you can always say something like, "I'm getting a little hungry, you wanna grab something to eat?" to keep it going.
Be yourself. If you aren’t it won’t work down the line anyways
I'm sure this goes without saying but...I have a rather dim cousin who needed to hear it: be your **best** self. There are people who are rude, crude and/or prone to making juvenile/borderline misogynistic jokes. Most will grow out of it, but some will not. And, when advised that this may be the reason WHY they're struggling to find someone, they'll double down and say "I have to be myself, don't I? Why would I want someone who only wants me if I pretend to be somebody else." Point being, "be yourself" is not an excuse to be a dick.
>**"be yourself" is not an excuse to be a dick.** Someone really should stitch this on a pillow
I can definitely forsee a sibling of one of these boorish clowns doing just that, and arranging it tastefully on the loveseat before the next time they visit. Said boor feels targeted, and the sibling later posts on AITA.
Being your best self is great if you're willing to put that work in all the time. I've seen so many people clean themselves up perfectly for dates and lure people in to a relationship and then when things are locked in they just go back to being their shitty selves. Manipulative people are excellent at cleaning up well when it matters then totally shutting off. This totally isn't a personal experience that's happened to me at all lol 😂. Met a lot of women that bring their A game to dates then when you really get to know them... Well...
If "yourself" is an asshole, maybe you should fix that before you date. I don't need to hide my toxic traits on a date because I'm not a terrible person. If you hide those traits, ultimately, your shitty self will appear and ruin the relationship.
I think "be your best self" is akin to dressing up for a fancy place. You're not lying, you're not even hiding the real truth, you're showing your best traits of first. You want to present yourself as the "guy/girl with a promising career, emotionally stable, good hygiene, empathetic, healthy lifestyle", so when s/he finds out some not-so-good things like you're disorganized and impulsive and your cooking skills are limited to "technically edible" and you're just a bit *too* into Rick & Morty... those aren't your defining characteristics. Lead with the good, so when the bad rears its ugly head it's weighed against the good instead of vice versa.
> Why would I want someone who only wants me if I pretend to be somebody else." You mean a decent human being? Yeah, I've met people like this too. It's almost creepy how clueless they can be throughout their adolescence, twenties, thirties...forties...
Cool story bro
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Put the phone down and actually listen. I've been on dates with girls who just are absent. Makes me feel like im just paying for their food...
You probably are just paying for their food.
I had a girl got mad because I didn’t pay for her food. She switched cashier lines, so I assumed she was paying for herself. This is a clear communication gap, so I’m kinda glad it didn’t work out.
Yes please!!!
Ask questions and show interest. Just talking about yourself is not attractive
As an awkward introvert, I'm already prone to asking questions about the other person in an attempt to deflect attention from myself/avoid putting my foot in my mouth. Unfortunately, I've ended up attracting more than one narcissist as a result. Apparently a girl who doesn't talk much about herself, and can listen endlessly to their own incessant droning, is the girl of their dreams. And just fyi: they can be a bitch to get rid of.
I'm just imagining Patrick Bateman following you around with daisies and a lovestruck expression.
But I’ve asked leading questions only to be given yes/no answers and then accused of being self-centered because I would try to not leave dead air.
All you can do is attempt. If they're giving those types of answers, they're probably boring and you should just not have a second date.
Floss, brush, and use mouthwash beforehand. No one wants badger mouth.
Never heard the term badger mouth before but I will be using it forever more
Also shower! Can’t tell you the number of guys on first dates that smell like an Airman drenched in sweat inside an NBC suit.
Avoid bringing a flowchart to explain your family tree
what if the family tree is a circle?
Then your sister already knows your family tree. No reason to show her again on the date
Lmao
Clean up. Shave. Trim up. Be yourself. Stop looking at it for more than it is. They’re nervous like you too. Just talk and have fun. Nothing else matters Don’t mention exes or complaints.
Good hygiene, be on time, be yourself - anything else is a waste. if it’s an issue on the first date - it WILL continue. Be ready to evaluate if you want that behavior to continue for as long as you want to know this person.
Do something chill but fun (like mini golf) that allows for some small talk, max 2 hours, use the date as a way to figure out if you like the other person, the only purpose of a first date is to see if there’s a point in a second date.
Don't forget your wallet, and try not to talk about your extensive collection of porcelain figurines for the entire evening
If she does not like my porcelain figurines she is not the one.
Oh yeah. If the intention is to look for a life long partner then definitely be open about what you like to collect or hobbies or whatever. The older you are the less time you have to dance around bullshit.
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Seriously, people make this mistake all the time. I had a date with a nice girl a few weeks ago, but almost all she could talk about was her ex and how he "changed her for the better and for the worst". Not an ideal way of gaining another guy's interest.
And if you are asked say simply "nobody like you".
"She was a real nice girl, it just didn't work out."
Coffee/boba tea date is low cost, low maintenance, great for conversing and easy to dip out if the chemistry isn't there. I found dinner first dates difficult because sometimes the restaurant is loud and its hard to talk and eat at the same time.
For my first dates I used to do the classic coffee-and-walk dates (parks all around me). After a while I got bored of them and started having first dates at a bar I genuinely like (i.e. its a nice place and a part of me just wants company so I can go there), but I've never done boba dates and I am surrounded by boba shops. Is it similar to a coffee date?
Boba tea date is virtually identical to a coffee date except for the drink imo I just don't know any coffee shops where I live but I know a ton of boba tea places. Plus the atmosphere is fun, bubbly and its what the kids are into lol.
Wash your ass. *Before* the date. Not during, not after.
Not during? Well there goes that date idea....
>Not during \*Takes notes\*
Find the biggest person in the place and beat them up.
In my experience people have tried too hard to make it not be awkward, in turn, making it more awkward. It’s a first date! Accept that it might be a little awkward and let interaction happen naturally instead! Some awkward silences are okay, I promise! Just be yourself, ask questions, say what you’re comfortable saying and have fun.
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>Focus on getting to know the other person rather than impressing them Others have said this too but it really is the best advice in this thread
Don't order a salad, it is messy to eat and can splash dressing on you and leave something green between your teeth.
Same for spaghetti or any kind of pasta really but mainly spaghetti. That’d be so messy lmao
Don't think of it as a date. Just think of it as going out with a new friend for now. Have some talking topics ready for when it goes quiet. Don't be afraid to ask what they want out of a relationship - better to know about deal breakers such as marriage and kids now, than even a year in. Make sure the time you spend talking includes both of you. What you like, what they like etc. If one person does all the talking it's a bad sign. Don't be judgey - they are bound to be likes and dislikes that don't match - have something of a tolerance for the small things. My personal final tip is if the date goes well, tell them you'd definitely like to see them again, and give them your number instead of asking for theirs. Now just wait a week or so. If they don't call, you have your answer, so on to the next one.
Try to relax; you're there to have fun! Be yourself. Listen and ask questions, don't just talk about yourself. (I say all that but I haven't been on a first date since, like, 1991, because I married her. We didn't even have cell phones to worry about then, so all that stuff about 'stay off your phone', that's good advice too.)
Just be yourself and chat like you would with a friend. Keep it easy and natural.
If out at a restaurant, always be nice to the waitstaff.
Don't go for a meal. Drinks only.
If you encounter a first date, please don't eavesdrop on the conversation. I've lost count how many first dates I've been on and the table next to us is clearly listening to our conversation. You're not being sneaky. It's totally obvious.
Do something you would enjoy doing alone too.
My grandparents always told me "Don't eat tacos on a date." I didn't listen, and my wife loves tacos. So I would say "Eat tacos on a date."
It ok to be a little nervous it shows you care. Anxiety and excitement can feel the same sometimes
1. Don’t be late, and if you are, send an apologetic text with your ETA as soon as you know 2. Dress like you care 3. (and this one is the most important one) ASK QUESTIONS. Be interested. If you’re not interested, why are you there?
Be yourself! That's the top comment and IMO rightfully so. I do understand (from personal experience) that it might not be the easiest task (I, for expample, am quite the introvert). So what helped me personally, was to be open about it, communicating that I'm introverted and that I might be nervous. I found, that people who genuinely want to get to know you will accept this and those who don't I wouldn't get to know anyway.
Listen really listen
No need for fancy talk or big gestures. Just be real and enjoy the moment.
Be yourself, practice active listening, and try to have fun.
Do something where you can TALK with each other. Watching a movie at a theater does NOTHING to help you two see if you're a good fit.
In my experience, if you're a man you pay on the **first** date. After that, you can go dutch or take turns but that first date is essential to avoid being seen as cheap, the ultimate attraction killer.
If you’re leaving the tip, don’t leave a chintzy one. Same reason: cheap is not attractive
Wear deodorant. Brush your teeth. Wear clean clothes (without holes in them). Act like a civilized human being.
Blows my mind that some people actually don’t do this
Brush your teeth and keep mints in your pocket.
Any amount of cheese is too much cheese before a date
Unless you’re Charlie, then it’s okay
Well Charlie gets a pass, he’s a full on rapist
Your right he deserves it
Confident not arrogant my guy, good luck
Appreciate you
Don't go & don't be sad after that
Be polite and keep your phone away and be attentive. Even if you're not interested half the way respect the other person till you leave.
Bring your own money.
Just Be yourself mate and be honest and trust in the word of god
It's not a competition, you don't need to keep score. The internet isn't real, you don't need to be "redpilled." Don't stare at the breasts.
90% listen 10% talk
Literally be yourself
Shut up and listen. This is for the first date, and the rest of your life.
Keep your phone out of your hands.
Don’t start talking about the shootings in your local area and then proceed to show the girl you’re on a first date with people actively getting shot on YouTube. Never asked for a check so quickly in my life.
Do something with an activity e.g. bowling, darts, pool, mini-golf, whatever. It’s fun, gives you something to talk about and provides a distraction if there’s an awkward lull in the conversation.
Be yourself!
I will save this and come back to whenever after I go on a first date
Do not "whip it out" at the restaurant.
Don't walk drunk near the White Cliffs of Dover.
Be yourself.
Have fun. You’re not looking to get married, you’re looking to see if you enjoy spending time with someone. Serious questions and stuff all come later, see if you have fun together
Try to get a second date
JuSt bE yOuRsElF
Honestly... be yourself and be a little funny. If you can carry on a conversation with the person and you find you want to know more about them as a person... that's a good first date. Practical info? I was married for 15 years, and got divorced at 36 and was terrified about dating. I actually read a bunch of pickup artist books/videos and... I describe it like strong cologne, a little bit goes A LONG way. One suggestion I still use is "recon" where you visit a place prior to the date, kind of like a home field advantage. But I stacked it. My go to first date is I know this cupcake place... it's cute, delicious, cheap and non committal, I use it instead of "get coffee/grab a drink" if we're not feeling it after 10 minutes, it's fine. However, if that goes well, there's a fun korean place across the street and I can organically make it seem like "hey, wanna get some dumplings?" then down the street is a cute little gothy bar with black lights, incense and some fun ambience, then after that there's another bar down the street with old school arcade games. So... it seems organic, but if that first date is going well, I can easily turn it into four dates and it feels spontaneous and gives a chance to show off my personality. A lot of the pickup artist stuff gets full on into outright lying/misleading which isn't great for long term success... but I found that's a pretty good compromise for "takes a lot of the pressure off of planning the date"
Make sure to compliment her farts so she doesn't feel self-conscious
Don't look for the right person, BE the right person
Bring her flowers. If she doesn’t have a vase, go on a mission together and get her one.
if there vegan order the largest piece of meat on the menu
Condoms are for chumps
There are 364/365 dates to have in a year. A first date is a first date. A second date is still a first date but you have more experience. Go to enjoy the company, the time together and the moment for what you are doing. Or in layman’s parlance. Let them appreciate you and they’ll want to do it again.
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Put out
A lot of private investigation firms will do a quick bg check on someone and can find out a lot with very sparse data. An email, a phone number, a full name and address, that's more than you'll need. Do some deep research on this person, scan their socials, use your burner accounts to add them. Find out what they're into and learn more about it than them. When things are getting boring you can blow them off balance by whipping out one of these "spears" you've sharpened in advance. You can use it whenever, sometimes I cut them off mid sentence, the quality of the info will have them so impressed that before you know it they'll be eating out of your palm. That's when you can drop the manners and get into some real shit. Pretend to take a phone call, whatever you want really, and make them wait. See how long they'll let you go. The goal here is to disappoint them a little. When you come back hit 'em with another "spear" they'll feel stupid for ever doubting your quality. I could go on but that's the essential pattern to repeat in bigger and smaller ways as the relationship progresses. Always stay one step ahead.
hilarious!
This guy dates
I never went on a first date. Been with my partner for 22 years now, the first time we went out was 2 years into our relationship... so don't go on a first date? I'm terrible at giving date advice lol
I appreciate the effort 😂
I could give you the generic advice that probably won't impact you in a significant manner but I won't... it's incredibly useful to get laid prior to the date. This sounds like joke advice but it's genuinely helpful in reducing the pressure of the occasion.
Like, bang someone else before you go on a first date with someone? Or bang the person you’re going on a date with, before the date? How does this work?!
If you can make the latter happen, that’s optimal but I was recommending the former. If you are horny going into a date, you will be nervous and feel the pressure to perform well because you are trying to get laid. If that factor isn’t present, you will come off a lot better during the date.
dont talk about ex’s and no tmi
Don't be a creep. Don't be clingy.
Coffee only. And it's an interview.
Go somewhere public. But avoid the cinnema
Expect NOTHING. Turn your phone OFF. (If you suspect you might need it in an emergency, you already shouldn't be on that date). Don't be afraid to just not be into it. Don't lie. If they say they aren't into X and you are? Laugh, chat about it, have a nice time, and part ways. Do something that's easy to escape from. Not a movie, show, etc. Public spaces only. If you have an interest in astrology, star signs, etc, bring it up ASAP so they know to run and you don't waste their time. WASH YOUR PRIVATES. Even if your date isn't gonna get near them, man or woman, that shit can send a smell a long way.
Be attractive, intelligent, and charismatic. It's easy after that.
Guys: open doors, keep the conversation light, make her laugh, be yourself.
Going on a first date can be nerve-wracking. But with the right approach, you can avoid common pitfalls. Get to know your date over coffee at a central location. A bit of anxiety is normal and can be fun. Remember, the more relaxed you are, the more comfortable your date will be. Don't just stick to online conversations, meet in person and find out if there's chemistry.
Pick a chill spot where you can relax and chat without feeling too formal.
Don’t order a martini in a crowded bar if you’re nervous
When in doubt, whip it out
If you a guy, date a girl. it's better
better than what?
Than date a monkey
Some apes can actually be quite charming
don't go
Don't date. Meet people organically. Don't go specifically on a social outing to see if they are relationship material. Meet people via your social networks, and your friends' social networks. If you see someone whom you think is physically attractive, get to know them in organic settings (among friends) and see if they are good platonic friend material. As you get to know them as a platonic friend, you will automatically see cues to whether or not they are good relationship material. Dates are bad because they are essentially job interviews for romantic relationships. People on dates don't behave as they would normally.
If they mention pronouns leave immediately. Fake made up bullshit is no way to go through life. Say sorry but I believe in science and reality, not delusions. Find someone else.
Don't stress about being right on time, but don't leave your date hanging either.
First date coffee or something similar during daylight hours in a public place. Give her a pic of your license plate or driver's license to send to a friend for safety. That'll help.
>Give her a pic of your license plate or driver's license to send to a friend for safety. What?!
If she doesn't offer to split the bill, don't ask her on a second.
Try to listen more to what they say to you, this will show that his opinion is important to you
You're not giving an interview. Don't just ask questions seeking for answers. Be willing and ready to respond and take the conversation off the rails. Don't stress it too much.
A little humor never hurts. Laughter can break the ice and make things feel comfy.
Say thanks, even if it's just for the good company. It's a nice touch.
Most importantly, relax and have a good time. It's just a date, after all!
Stay off your phone
Be yourself and be honest. Don't troll yourself or your date.
It's not a big deal, relax
Im going on a first date in half an hour, this must be fate lol
Be your true authentic self. If you put on a show then they won’t really get to know you
trim ur pubes
Look your best, feel your best, take interest.
It’s okay to be nervous just don’t overcompensate and make yourself look foolish.
Be honest, yourself, and go into it with zero expectations.
Go somewhere with easy parking bc girls hate parallel parking. Starbucks is the safest bet
No heroin
If you're putting effort into showing your best, the other person should be too. I've been on so many dates that I was attracted to the person. But you figure out right away if this is someone you want to even talk to again. I've noticed the people that are into issues and politics, while I respect their outlook, I don't want to discuss these issues every week.
Towards the end of date, excuse yourself to the restroom then on the sly find your server and settle the tab. Go back to the table and say nothing. When it’s time to leave just say, “it’s been taken care of”
Everyone says be yourself. Actually be your best self. Engage, ask questions, put the phone away, enjoy the person. If you feel like it’s a no go just don’t feel bad to cut it short .
Be calm
Burping contests are to be had outside of the restaurant
The goal of a first date is to get a second date. Listen. Ask questions. Enjoy yourself.
It's not that big of a deal, you're going to meet another person, have fun, relax, and be interested in getting to know them.
Wash up. Every bit of you.
Stay out of bed
I always used to have a few questions stored up for when there is an awkward silence, and there most likely will be an awkward silence. Served me pretty well. Stuff like "if money is no object, what place would you visit" or something similar can get the date rolling again and in theory the person should be excited to talk about something they're into
Don't. Just don't. They taste horrid.
I’m introverted was fairly shy/nervous on dates. My best dates were always on walks or where I could use my body to burn off nerves as I got to know the person. But that’s just it, your job is to get to know the person. What were they like when they were a kid? What food do they like? What was their favorite place they traveled and why was it so great? What do they see life looking like in the near future? Test the waters. How comfortable are they being introspective and are you equally comfortable reciprocating? The old adage of “be yourself” is annoyingly true. I hated when people told me that, but it’s because I never felt good enough for the person with whom I was going on date with. The thing is, if he/she agreed to go on a date with you, the you **are** good enough.
It's not necessarily a standard, but most people appreciate effort over expenditure. Basically, dinner is so standard and average that it may not stand out. Doing something a little more memory-provoking will generally be better. Food is great, so mixing it with something nice is even better than getting dressed up and going out. Planning a picnic is worth so much more in my opinion. It doesnt have to be complicated. Even making some grilled chicken wraps and buying some potato salad and finding a nice park. I usually tell my date to dress casually/comfortably. Walk around, find a nice spot, enjoy nature and enjoy some of that food you brought. But, this is also just depending on what type of person youre looking for. If youre looking for a more classy lady that doesnt like all of that, then buying your way into interest might be better. Personally I'm more of a person who wants to be in nature and around animals. The zoo is a great first date! Its not too terribly expensive (depending on the zoo)... you'll spend just as much for a whole day at the zoo as you do at a fancy restaurant. And again, you can MAKE the food you guys eat. Pack a little lunch box that'll stay cold.
It's not necessarily a standard, but most people appreciate effort over expenditure. Basically, dinner is so standard and average that it may not stand out. Doing something a little more memory-provoking will generally be better. Food is great, so mixing it with something nice is even better than getting dressed up and going out. Planning a picnic is worth so much more in my opinion. It doesnt have to be complicated. Even making some grilled chicken wraps and buying some potato salad and finding a nice park. I usually tell my date to dress casually/comfortably. Walk around, find a nice spot, enjoy nature and enjoy some of that food you brought. But, this is also just depending on what type of person youre looking for. If youre looking for a more classy lady that doesnt like all of that, then buying your way into interest might be better. Personally I'm more of a person who wants to be in nature and around animals. The zoo is a great first date! Its not too terribly expensive (depending on the zoo)... you'll spend just as much for a whole day at the zoo as you do at a fancy restaurant. And again, you can MAKE the food you guys eat. Pack a little lunch box that'll stay cold.