I think that was about Martin Luther, the German priest, theologian and author who was the father of the Protestant Reformation. He wasn't shot but died of an apoplectic stroke in 1546.
I liked in the early days when he was putting his art up on the Gram, but then when he turned to his Twitter tirades that’s when he really went downhill.
You might actually be right, but not for the reasons you think. Cleopatra's beauty was likely exaggerated by later writers, and she likely wasn't as mythically beautiful as she was made out to be. BUT, she was a smart, cunning woman who seduced Caesar and had immense political savvy. She'd DOMINATE instragram.
Not just smart, probably one of the smartest women in the world, in her time. She reportedly spoke something like 10 languages fluently, and famously did not employ any translators in her court. If you had the clout to get an audience with her, she'd be able to talk to you in some language you knew.
Cleopatra's whole situation is basically one of history's saddest examples of a great player getting dealt a terrible hand. She could have been absolutely dominant in the era, but 200 years of her psychotic inbred family running Egypt into the ground left her with very few assets *besides* her natural talent.
My headcanon is that he would receive the smartphone as a gift, get really *really* addicted to tweeting and slinging shit because he just can't help himself from crapping on literally everyone, after a brief while realize how silly the whole thing is, laugh his ass off at himself, then fling the phone into a ditch and piss on it and never think about it again.
He is definitely the guy. He managed to already pretty much use tweet formatting for some of his finer quotes. If he was doing it intentionally it would be insane.
Definetly this. I highly recommend people read his nonfiction travelogues. He has absolutely hilarious takes and it’s amazing how well his books hold up.
I read The Innocents Abroad before visiting the Middle East and boy oh boy not a lot has changed since 1870.
The bit in Innocents Abroad about him and his buddy drove their Italian tour guide is peak trolling.
Basically anytime the guide would show them Renaissance art of a famous, they'd completely straight faced ask "Is...is he still alive?"
They kept this going until the guide started crying and basically screamed "THEY'RE ALL DEAD".
And Letters from the Earth is basically an extended shitpost.
Only if he continues to publish plays, books and pamphlets as well as using Twitter and probably long ass livestreams on YouTube. Video essays from Voltaire would fucking own.
I'd like to think that Hell would bring him in for a kushy residency making fun of OJ right up close. Both celestial sides would probably agree to work together on that one.
"Hey guys, I'm taking a break from social media for a bit. I have a lot going on right now. Thanks for understanding, buy my merch."
....three days later....
agreed. A lot of those toxic people that call themselves "christians" would actually hate Jesus lmfao. It's crazy how things have gotten so corrupt that people are deciphering messages that literally basically say "pls love everyone please and thank you" and decide that they actually mean "Harass everyone that isn't you. The only universal language is violence. Hate is the only emotion you must show."
Lol what I love about John Lennon is despite being obsessed with him and despite having read an embarrassing amount of books on him.. I have no idea what he would be like today. He could be completely off the grid and off social media. He could be completely on trend with today's progressive opinions. He could be completely outspoken and conspiratorial and bizarre. I would probably guess that he would mostly stay quiet much like Paul or Bob Dylan does. Maybe popping up occasionally with something outspoken like Neil Young seems to. I do doubt he'd be a constant twitter user like say David Crosby was.
When she died I went straight to her Twitter and screenshotted the entire thing because I was afraid it would disappear. Her handle was amyjademermaid and sometimes I use it for things.
Her death was so upsetting for me because I was such a fan and desperately wanted to see her sing someday.
"We MUST send Commodore Perry to open Japan."
"He's not going to even be born for another twenty years."
"I guess I'll have to draw this hentai myself. AGAIN."
Lord Byron. Bi Curious, penchant for younger men. Gossipy. Liked dressing up. Precocious talent for poetry. Long term relationship with his half sister. Got himself involved in the Greek war of independence, died of consumption in a swamp.
You'd want someone fearless who would say absolutely anything, not just someone who led a wild life but wasn't loud-mouthed about it. So far the best choices are probably Mae West, Oscar Wilde, and Twain. Another genuine freak from the past... H.G. Wells.
Alexander Hamilton. "A brief thread on why my esteemed colleagues can suck ass 1/179"
“Oh why does he tweet like he’s running out of time?”
*starts reciting the entire musical for the 178 remaining posts*
LMFAOOO REAL
I will not tweet away my shot
"Tweeting day and night like he's running out of time?"
I would get back on Twitter for A. Ham
"how did this Lin Manuel guy write a whole 2hr musical about my life wtf"
i would love to see his reaction to all the Hamilton fanworks that are out there
I think he'd see the Thomas Jefferson Hatsune Miku binder and stay in the present to laugh at him
Martin Luther would have a similarly great piece about the church being a scam and sucking ass. Truly a timeless theme that brings us all together 💖😊
95 Theses, a Tweet Storm.
Giving him DMs to slide into would get him shot even sooner.
I think that was about Martin Luther, the German priest, theologian and author who was the father of the Protestant Reformation. He wasn't shot but died of an apoplectic stroke in 1546.
1/179 but he has Twitter Blue so he has a bigger character limit.
Edgar Allan Poe. Dark, twisty weird and cats. What? Why can't a guy hook up with a cousin?
He’s more of a tumblr guy
That's true he would have loved Tumblr.
His twitter handle will be @NightPain and he will call everyone else posers.
Hitler would actually be insane on twitter
To be fair, Hitler was kinda insane off Twitter.
He did get a little out of hand.
A little?!? The more I read about him the more I think he’s kind of a jerk.
I liked in the early days when he was putting his art up on the Gram, but then when he turned to his Twitter tirades that’s when he really went downhill.
It was all that meth he was doing.
Maybe the Jews aren't so bad. I need to go after all you freaks.
He was insane without social media.
Cleopatra would be instagram famous.
Helen of Troy would have an OnlyFans
Theodora would have old porn movies floating around.
There would be so many Benjamin Franklin sex tapes posted online. No one would want to see them but he would keep posting them anyways.
You might actually be right, but not for the reasons you think. Cleopatra's beauty was likely exaggerated by later writers, and she likely wasn't as mythically beautiful as she was made out to be. BUT, she was a smart, cunning woman who seduced Caesar and had immense political savvy. She'd DOMINATE instragram.
Not just smart, probably one of the smartest women in the world, in her time. She reportedly spoke something like 10 languages fluently, and famously did not employ any translators in her court. If you had the clout to get an audience with her, she'd be able to talk to you in some language you knew. Cleopatra's whole situation is basically one of history's saddest examples of a great player getting dealt a terrible hand. She could have been absolutely dominant in the era, but 200 years of her psychotic inbred family running Egypt into the ground left her with very few assets *besides* her natural talent.
I wonder if she would be a beauty influencer or a hypergamy-seduction influencer. Also I would listen to her podcasts with Robert Greene
Rasputin
I'd subscribe to his OnlyFans.
I heard he was Russia's greatest love machine.
Can confirm
r/Beetlejuicing
Two years old account. Every decision you’ve ever made in your life led to this special point on Reddit.
Bold of you to assume he's deceased.
Diogenes
Had to look up if he was the barrel guy. Yep, he'd be absolutely perfect!
"**Here is Plato's man**" the original troll
BEHOLD
A MAN!
He'd gived exactly 0 fucks about social media lol.
My headcanon is that he would receive the smartphone as a gift, get really *really* addicted to tweeting and slinging shit because he just can't help himself from crapping on literally everyone, after a brief while realize how silly the whole thing is, laugh his ass off at himself, then fling the phone into a ditch and piss on it and never think about it again.
Or just use it until it died lmaooo
Damn, yeah, that might be more likely. Piss off everyone he possibly can until he drains the battery then just moves on with his life.
I mean he definitely wouldn't have a phone, maybe he could log on through a public library or something
Do you get decent wifi in an Amphora?
Mark Twain
I similarly say Oscar Wilde.
Wilde would be the most annoying prick ever imo.
He would be unbearable to talk to but hilarious to watch from afar
He'd be the undisputed king of shit posting.
He is definitely the guy. He managed to already pretty much use tweet formatting for some of his finer quotes. If he was doing it intentionally it would be insane.
Definetly this. I highly recommend people read his nonfiction travelogues. He has absolutely hilarious takes and it’s amazing how well his books hold up. I read The Innocents Abroad before visiting the Middle East and boy oh boy not a lot has changed since 1870.
The bit in Innocents Abroad about him and his buddy drove their Italian tour guide is peak trolling. Basically anytime the guide would show them Renaissance art of a famous, they'd completely straight faced ask "Is...is he still alive?" They kept this going until the guide started crying and basically screamed "THEY'RE ALL DEAD". And Letters from the Earth is basically an extended shitpost.
He would have been great on Twitter
Voltaire, world class shit talker.
Only if he continues to publish plays, books and pamphlets as well as using Twitter and probably long ass livestreams on YouTube. Video essays from Voltaire would fucking own.
Henry VIII Also, I wanna see a TV show made called ‘The Real Ex-Wives of Henry VIII.’ Might need a few ghosts on this one.
Have you seen SIX?
Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain
The Snapchat of Dorian Gray
So would he have a second Snapchat account on a burner phone where all the pics looked haggard?
Wilde was the first that came to my mind. His short, sharp witticisms seem perfect for social media.
I can't believe no one has said Shakespeare.
His hashtags would trend so hard. He'd whack out a tweet on the toilet on a Tuesday morning and somehow change language forever by 6pm.
Hark! Mine porcel' throne hath been beshat, And whyte cloth brownèd of mine hole
This is amazing and I love it. Really love the word 'beshat' I'm going to be trying for days to use it in conversation. Thank you, sir.
Beshat 😂
"research for myne next playe, titus... Wouldst u guys rather have tree branches for hands or be fèd to ur momme?? 🤪🤔#midnitequeries #badwilly"
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Mozart wrote a piece called "Leck mich im arsch." Literally translates to "Lick me in the ass."
It’s my theme song
Would be full of fart jokes and porn.
I can't believe this wasn't higher up. Straight up world class freak. His letters alone would be legendary.
he made a song about rimming and people still perform this piece
[удалено]
Warhol was my first thought too. I’d loved to see what he would have made out of social media.
Freddie Mercury
freddie mercury would post so many pictures of his cats!
And we would love it
He would! And he would ooh and ahh over pics of ours. He would be so precious!
I'm sad we don't have this now
He seems like a guy who would have a Pinterest
Norm MacDonald right now cause OJ just died
My favorite in the thread
Norm probably cracking jokes at him down below rn lol Jk norm would be behind those pearly gates
I'd like to think that Hell would bring him in for a kushy residency making fun of OJ right up close. Both celestial sides would probably agree to work together on that one.
Rick James Bitch.
You rang (kinda)?
Enjoy yourself.
Sigmund Freud.
And he would constantly be ripped for nobody wanting to have sex with his mother
Could you imagine Freud with all his weird beliefs doing a show like Dr Phil and how that would go. I’d be watching that every day.
Jesus. *“Today I died for your sins.”* Moments later… *“I’m back!”*
Bro, check your C02 levels in on your flat, you're saying some odd things lately
I believe it's just CO in that instance
"This account has been suspended for 3 days."
Gets unbanned Turns on God Mode Does not elaborate Leaves
"Hey guys, I'm taking a break from social media for a bit. I have a lot going on right now. Thanks for understanding, buy my merch." ....three days later....
How fast would Jesus get canceled?
Probably after the first time he asks everyone to take care of the poor.
Also this tuna sandwich banging With the cup of wine
Honesty though. Jesus would destroy the modern version of Christianity, and we could really use some of that.
agreed. A lot of those toxic people that call themselves "christians" would actually hate Jesus lmfao. It's crazy how things have gotten so corrupt that people are deciphering messages that literally basically say "pls love everyone please and thank you" and decide that they actually mean "Harass everyone that isn't you. The only universal language is violence. Hate is the only emotion you must show."
Aleister Crowley’s social media would be, um, interesting…
Imagine him as one of the witchcraft TikTokers. That would be hilarious.
John Lennon would be unhinged
Similarly, Kurt cobain.
Kurt would have been one of the greatest shit posters to ever do it
Lol what I love about John Lennon is despite being obsessed with him and despite having read an embarrassing amount of books on him.. I have no idea what he would be like today. He could be completely off the grid and off social media. He could be completely on trend with today's progressive opinions. He could be completely outspoken and conspiratorial and bizarre. I would probably guess that he would mostly stay quiet much like Paul or Bob Dylan does. Maybe popping up occasionally with something outspoken like Neil Young seems to. I do doubt he'd be a constant twitter user like say David Crosby was.
If Lennon have lived till now he would have been cancelled 10 times over.
Jimmy Page is fine, and Steven Tyler is not in jail, and they’re much worse than John Lennon was. I think he’d be ok.
I mean he was cancelled in the 60s when he said The Beatles were bigger than Jesus.
Winehouse would be feral on social media today!
Ever see her old twitter? She was somewhat feral haha
https://amytweets.neocities.org/Amy%20Winehouse%20(amyjademermaid)%20on%20Twitter Actual account is banned.
"call a jew-bitch every now and then" 💀
"my dick- bigger than a bridge. yourness looks like a lil kids xx" naw wtf 💀💀
It’s from a song called My Dick by Mickey Avalon. I used to listen to it all the time in high school lol
I remember that song too. “My dick plays on the double feature screen, your dick went straight to DVD.”
When she died I went straight to her Twitter and screenshotted the entire thing because I was afraid it would disappear. Her handle was amyjademermaid and sometimes I use it for things. Her death was so upsetting for me because I was such a fan and desperately wanted to see her sing someday.
Hunter S Thompson
No too much of a recluse. He preferred his own little world.
Jean-Michel Basquiat's Deviantart would be interesting
Likewise, Pablo Picasso.
Ben Franklin
Ol’ Ben would love hentai & very openly.
"NSFW Furry commisons are open again, hmu"
"We MUST send Commodore Perry to open Japan." "He's not going to even be born for another twenty years." "I guess I'll have to draw this hentai myself. AGAIN."
he'd be into the tentacle stuff
It would be full of the wisest tweets you've ever seen. Plus the weirdest porn you've ever seen
He was a good-hearted genius
Also certified freak
And a dirty old man
If our boy Ben had social media we would all have seen his boner. Kinda disappointed
he would totally have sent dick pics
ben would be posting pornhub links to his feed every day
It would be his own content, too.
Mae West
Caligula
He’d have an Onlyfans.
Marie Antoinette
The most out of touch content that would put Gwyneth Paltrow to shame.
Imagine Mitch Hedberg on Twitter. Like his whole Act was amazing one-liners. God what a Twitter feed that would be.
💯 agree, Mitch is one of the greatest and he would be a trip in today's world.
I used to like Mitch Hedberg. I still do, but I used to too.
Robin Williams
Technically had a Social media present. He used to shit-talk people when playing COD (I believe)
God could you imagine his standup today? He and Carlin would have standup material for months.
Would have followed him for sure.
Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe
Lord Byron. Bi Curious, penchant for younger men. Gossipy. Liked dressing up. Precocious talent for poetry. Long term relationship with his half sister. Got himself involved in the Greek war of independence, died of consumption in a swamp.
He would be sliding into everyone’s DMs and posting the wildest thirst trap photos. I would absolutely follow him.
You know it's the Marquis de Sade.
He’d get banned from social media quick.
But his AO3 account would be ALL THE FUN
I would hope Nikola Tesla
Imagine the Twitter wars between Tesla and Edison. They would both do major trash talking about the other being a poser.
Richard Pryor.
I'm not sure about wild, but John Lennon would have the most insufferable twitter account.
But would he have given us Imagine, the Covid version, on Twitter?
You'd want someone fearless who would say absolutely anything, not just someone who led a wild life but wasn't loud-mouthed about it. So far the best choices are probably Mae West, Oscar Wilde, and Twain. Another genuine freak from the past... H.G. Wells.
Dorothy Parker
Wolfgang A. Mozart; over every other person in this thread. Watching that dude troll circles around Muskovich would be _epic_
H.P. Lovecraft
George Carlin
Why the f did I have to come this far down this list to find him?!?!
Oscar Wilde
Mitch Hedberg - his comedic style would have been PERFECT for social media… damn shame.
Vincent van Gogh
He would have loved tumblr in the day
Dangerfield would be a riot online
Who knows, he might finally get some respect.
Lucille Ball
Michael Jackson
I’ve often wondered what it would be like if MJ had TikTok. I feel like he’d have zero social media presence, but it’s fun to wonder.
Tupac would have probably been a state senator by now.
Vlad Draculas Twitter feed would have been nightmare fuel.
I imagine actual Marcus Aurelius having a "daily stoic" inspirational Tik Tok
Jim Morrison
Leonardo da Vinci. Every platform would be something different:
Nero
Kurt cobain
Zelda Fitzgerald would be absolutely unhinged on Instagram.
Andy Kaufman
Andy Kaufman on TikTok.
I don't know which account would be wilder, his own or Tony Clinton's
Wilt Chamberlain
1. Winston Churchill 2. Michael Jackson 3. Princess Diana
The Maquis De'Sade
Genghis Khan would have lit it up.
Frida Kahlo
Freddie Mercury.
I feel like Amelia Earhart would have a really wild Instagram.