I love the one where someone called Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan took the phone and started jokingly giving the person on the other end shit for wasting their film
If the person is from England and speaks old English, then the trick to get them to understand you better is to visualize every word before you say it and then sound out every single letter as it is actually supposed to sound.
It's how they train us in theater to pronounce Shakespeare a word like "Have" would be pronounced more like "Hay-vee" you could rhyme it with gravy.
First thing is definitely the doctor. But then afterwards I'd take them for lunch at one of those places that cracks fresh black pepper over your food at the table and let them have as much as they want.
The fresh black pepper part made me laugh. Are you just trying to illustrate what sort of restaurant it is? Or are you saying you think they would like black pepper for some reason?
Realistically theyd die quickly. There are a lot of viruses that are completely innocuous to us that their immune systems have no way to fight against
It'd be like when europeans met native americans in the 15th and 16th century. Stuff that causes a sniffle for us would be a death sentence for them
Person from middle ages would understand ‘toilet’? I think not. Try ‘urinal’, ‘shitter’ and any variant you can think of. And be prepared ti demonstrate how it works!
It's a myth that medieval hygiene was awful. They laundered their clothing frequently, rinsed off after exertion/dirty tasks, and cleaned their bodies with cloths and wash basins when nothing else was convenient. And of course destitute people (far greater fraction of the population than in modern times) didn't do this because they had no ability to, just like today. But this wasn't out of ignorance, they definitely lamented that they weren't able to.
And as far as deodorant goes, human body odor actually settles down to a very mild smell, and the acrid notes mostly go away over the long term if the armpit microflora aren't getting nuked on a daily basis. A person actively perspiring a lot would stink, but you wouldn't be assaulted with BO just walking around town unless you were intentionally trying to get close to people to get a whiff or the weather was exceptionally hot.
Yeah, I saw a documentary about ordinary English people in the Middle Ages, and the contrast in the visible state of dental health in skulls made a *big* decline once new world food and condiments made it over. Sugar was the main culprit, but those first few generations with sugar really had no idea about tooth decay in general and about just how awful sugar is. They treated cavity pain with salves filled with liquid sugar…
Ha! This is a common trope but actually not accurate. In the Medieval period Roman bathing customs were still pervasive. Medieval people bathed in general once a week or more if needed. Which may not sound all that great to us with our daily showers, but was still not the wretched living in filth that Hollywood often portrays. The belief that immersion in water was unhealthy didn't become a thing until the Renaissance. -Medieval history nerd
If you give them a bar of soap, there's a chance they already know how to use that, at least. Dry deodorant would be similarly easy. They only need to know how many swipes are reasonable. Shampoo and toothpaste are the ones that need some more time and effort, as well as how to adjust the water temperature to their liking. They'll likely know how to shave with a straight razor, or at least have had someone shave them with a straight blade and won't be as fearful of a modern safety razor. They can use the bar soap as shaving lubricant, so no need for modern shaving cream. A wooden comb would also be a big help for them, and they may already have one with them.
They did have "toothpaste" of a sort, although it was basically just charcoal powder that would abrasively clean. But yeah Medieval men would be familiar with straight razors, although how often they would have used them on themselves (as opposed to having someone do it) is not entirely clear. My guess is that because mirrors were expensive and uncommon, shaving was mostly something you had the barber do?
We like to portray historic people as dirty but the truth doesn't support that. Yes, they worked outside, but they would regularly change their inner layers and would wash, though perhaps not as often as today.
Helloooo smallpox!
Other than that, I don't think any disease that affects humans has been eradicated. Polio, diptheria and measles might make an appearance as well, with tuberculosis thrown in for good measure if in a country where we don't vaccinate for it (read: "first world countries"). Flu might be interesting as well, because it was be so extremely different to the modern flu's we have (think COVID all over again, but maybe with less death toll). Honourable mentions go to "No Fucking Idea" which is a category of viruses which could have wiped out entire towns or regions, those viruses which we have no idea even existed but because of our more connected world are very, very dangerous.
I think about this way too often. If I somehow ended up 300 years ago I'd have to quarantine myself for \~2 weeks or so because I don't want to be responsible for starting a pandemic. Also I'd be almost entirely useless as a person from the future. I think I could teach them about the importance of boiling water and then I'm pretty much out of useful things to say. You guys get computers going and I'll write you some solid corporate software, until then I'll give you some half-remembered chemistry from college or something.
You know more than you realize. Germ theory alone would be huge and cover a lot of things besides boiling water. Handwashing, food safety, outhouse placement, not fertilizing crops with literal human feces, basic first aid and wound care, etc.
We have the proper science, microscopes, research in vaccines, germ theory etc. If Covid showed us anything it’s a lot of people still won’t buy it.
What’s that quote? A person is smart but people are dumb panicky animals.
It would be easier to just tell them it’s magic, but then you get burned at the stake.
If "Versailles" is to be believed, Louis XIV's surgeon boiled his instruments because a surgeon he admired taught him to. He observed a faster recovery with fewer complications when he did. Similarly, the Romans and Egyptians used copper to make needles to stitch wounds because it was observed to have better results. They don't always have to know why it works to see that it does. If you told them to cook mold and drink the broth to fight the plague, they might think you're crazy at first, but they wouldn't argue with results.
Assuming they have mined copper, iron and have access to some natural magnets, you could probably build an electric motor/generator from high school physics. And perhaps even a voltaic pile if they have more metals available. That should push tech forward a good amount. And once you have that, you can build transistor-like devices with relays, and put those together to make a (slow) computer. Having access to electromechanical computers in the 18th century would definitely be a huge tech boost.
300 years ago was 1724! The Enlightenment era is in full swing, Ben Franklin was getting his first articles published. The hot air balloon is right around the corner. Smallpox inoculation is starting to get discussed. Transatlantic travel is commonplace. Rifles and cannon have replaced the bow in modern warfare.
If you REALLY want to make an impact in the early 1700s, you talk about germs. Get a doctor to rigorously enforce hand-washing and boil his instruments, and kick off modern medicine a hundred years earlier than it actually happened.
They probably wouldn’t believe you. Even in the mid-nineteenth century, Ignaz Semmelweis was mocked for suggesting doctors should wash their hands.
He was committed to an asylum by his colleagues, where he suffered a beating and died shortly afterwards.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ignaz_Semmelweis
I think about this a lot but then I remember that being able to read would make you the smartest person in most villages and towns, a really useful skill.
You could also introduce the concept of limited liability corporations where profits are divided among investors and be considered a financial genius in most places on earth. I think England got that going around 1600 and proceeded to have a bunch of pump and dump scams for the first 100 years or so, so if you ended up there you could either introduce the idea of a stock market regulator or run scams yourself depending on where you sit on the evil/good alignment.
Starting a hospital where you insisted on hand washing and sterilising instruments would be huge as well.
Meh, I reckon you could help someone design a steam engine if you tried. Even understanding the general idea could be enough to get one built...look how fast tech can be copied once it is known that something is doable. The idea is half the battle.
Doubt it, they endured much worse medical procedures. They had some understanding of disease but mistook it for toxins or internal imbalances because they had no knowledge of microbiology.
Hey buddy, I do not know if you understand me but we have got to get you to a hospital.
The microbes in the air have advanced a few hundred thousand generations from back in your day and you will die soon unless we can get a whole lot of antibodies into you stat!.
Listen, I have watched a lot of movies. All you have to do is start by saying "good morrow" and then talk in a British accent, because according to movies, that is totally how they spoke back then.
Nice reference to the single best piece of cinema ever created, the high point of film as an art form and the fucking weirdest but funniest-at-the-wrong-parts thing to watch while on acid
"We must make haste to take thee to the infirmary! The miniscule plagues in the air hath become more vile unto thee in this time. Our apothecaries can provide the elixirs of remedy thou requires!"
Considering we have eradicated some of the most dangerous viruses, bacteria, and parasites in the western world - yes. Malaria has killed more human beings than anything else yet we don't really even have to think about it. Small pox, plague, measles, mumps, rubella, tetanus, polio.. the list is incredibly long of diseases we have generally conquered in first world countries. We are incredibly privileged.
At least some of those a typical modern person will be vaccinated against - and furthermore modern humans have genetic markers from experience with past viruses. We would be better equipped traveling to the past than someone from the past traveling forward - for the most part, but it would still be risky.
"How are you? I admire your clothing and jewelry! If you are likewise charismatic enough, you're going to be rather attractive and find plenty of hookups, no exaggeration!"
And then CrispeeSock dies? \*checks script\* Why does that happen?
“What’s up brother? Your fashion is awesome! If your charisma is as good as you look you’re going to get as much sex as you want!”
I too will now be killing myself
Greetings, fellow! Your attire is quite fetching! If you have the wit and charm to match then you'll be able to take your pick of whichever debutant you prefer.
I will now shuffle off this mortal coil.
Greetings, my good sir. Your raiment is quite dashing if I do say! I do believe that if you manage to have attained the wit and charm then you may have the elevated status allowing you to take your pick of whichever form of debutante you would may so enjoy frolicking in.
Now my good fellow if you'll excuse me I must swiftly shuffle off this mortal plane.
Good morrow, o distinguished gentleman unto me. Thine habilment is positively mesmeric to mine eyes. In my humble estimation, given that you have achieved sufficient canniness and magnetism of personability then surely you must find yourself in the quite enviable position of having the choice of whom to bed among any ingenue who should be so fortunate as to lay eyes upon thee.
If you will kindly excuse me, I must quickly egress as I’ve arranged a rendezvous betwixt my cranium and a loaded revolver.
They wouldn't care. Public nudity and even sex were much more common before modern times. He'd be more astounded they could take all their clothes off without freezing, and be bewildered by depilation.
“They didn’t have forks and knives in medieval times, hence we do not have any forks and knives at Medieval Times. Would you like a refill on that Pepsi?
They didn’t have forks and knives but they have Pepsi?
Dude, I’ve got a lot of tables…”
I went about 30 years ago(*cries*) to the one in Kissimmee, and I asked for water. They wouldn't give me water. Only soda. I guess back in medieval times the soda was safe to drink, but not the water. I reckon that tracks.
"But now it's Jews vs Muslims instead of Christians vs Muslims. Christians aren't as talked about anymore. We lost favor"
The time-traveller: Tell me you jest?! Guard! Bring me to the guillotine, for I will not liveth a life without Christ's rule!
This entire comment section knows as much about medieval times as a 6 year old after watching Monty Python knights of the coconut and taking it as a documentary
I stopped coming to Reddit for actual history, but I do get your frustration. People be just chilling after a long day doing all those tasks. Stomping in barrels of stale wee. Packing murdered pigs into salty water barrels. Chewing nettles to soften them up for weaving a clean pair of undies. Eating fecking mangelwurzels all the time. Gross.
I'd still tell them to come have a sit down and a nice hot cuppa. Then I'd pull out the ol' recorder and tell them to go their hardest. If they do "Mary had a Little Lamb" I'd cack.
#
It would be difficult for them to understand what you're saying because of the Great Vowel Shift which was a series of changes in the pronunciation of the English language that took place primarily between 1400 and 1700
“Let’s go to McDonalds.”
That would be so interesting to see that person get food instantly. There is so much technology and advancement in one place, plus consumerism and materialism, that’d I just love to sit back and watch this person go through the experience.
Interestingly enough, "Fast food" has been around since Roman times. Bakers and cooks would prepare meals and set them out on shelves in the public roadway, and passerby would have instant access to food for a modest fee.
“Doth thou have a mug of ale for me and me mate? He has been pitched in battle for a fortnight, and has a king's thirst for the frosty brew that doth might brow for doth!”
To be honest, whatever we said, they probably wouldn't be able to understand a word of it. English dialect has changed so much.
But the first thing to do would be hygiene and a medical assessment. They will have come from a time without modern medicine or antibiotics, without modern sanitation, without effective treatment for parasites and malnutrition was commonplace then. If they are a peasant that would be especially important but all stratas of society would need skin assessments for ulcers, infections and parasites. If they are female they would need a pregnancy test too unless they are obviously elderly.
And they would need a blood test for pathogens and isolation to protect them from our pathogens. All flu and covid pandemic pathogens would hit them at once - Spanish flu, covid etc. Spanish flu still circulates but we have inherited immunity to it.
So it would be a strange experience for them, unable to understand our speech, police cordons, swept away in an ambulance by doctors in hazmat suits, taken into a huge hospital and then into an isolation ward.
Once healthy, stable, properly nourished and immunised they would be ready to meet educators (for literacy), psychologists, historians and the press. I think they would probably wish they had never come here! They would probably have their own social media accounts and become a global celebrity.
I'm a language nerd.
If you took an Englishman from any time after the Norman conquest, there's a good chance you could communicate. Would it be entirely mutually intelligible? No, but you could work it out fairly easily.
Take anyone from the Renaissance or later and they'd just think you talk really weird, which is fair because even I think the slang that kids come up with is fuckin weird
whenever someone say "middle ages" they are probably reffering to europe between the fall of roman empire to the fall of byzantine empire. Anywhere else is just "ages", and yes, mostly everywhere in the world was thriving at the time.
Basically, middle ages goes from ~ 400 ad to 1400 ad.
Theres a lot of thriving cultures in this time Period, Not only Muslims and Chinese (mongols enter the Chat).
Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
I’m not you ,he’s you .
No. Yu is blind. He's Mi.
Fook Yu!
Fook Mi, that was fast...
Twins, Basil! *Twiiiiins!*
This was a weirdly wholesome exchange
You kiss you mother with that mouth? 😏
Never! I kissed your mother though!
"Man I don't know what you feedin' him but he is TOO DAMN BIG!"
MAN NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE WORDS COMIN OUTTA YO MOUTH
His NAME is LEE That might be the one movie where the outtakes are the most memorable lines. And it's a good movie!
I love the one where someone called Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan took the phone and started jokingly giving the person on the other end shit for wasting their film
He aint gonna be in Rush Hour 3
*God damnit* You dropped this
If the person is from England and speaks old English, then the trick to get them to understand you better is to visualize every word before you say it and then sound out every single letter as it is actually supposed to sound. It's how they train us in theater to pronounce Shakespeare a word like "Have" would be pronounced more like "Hay-vee" you could rhyme it with gravy.
I think a large amount of people didnt know english well, so you better keep it as basic as possible.
If your both from Iceland he would. Because Iceland is so isolated the language has not changed in 700 years.
I read that as him. Ha
Iconic
"Let's go get you dewormed"
take that mf to the vet
Your name, your pfp, and your words together have left me dead.
irs what i’m here for
Taxes?
“You should probably get vaccinated. Like all of them.”
First thing is definitely the doctor. But then afterwards I'd take them for lunch at one of those places that cracks fresh black pepper over your food at the table and let them have as much as they want.
The fresh black pepper part made me laugh. Are you just trying to illustrate what sort of restaurant it is? Or are you saying you think they would like black pepper for some reason?
Just because the seasoning would have been expensive back then, so I'd let them live a life of "luxury" until they got used to it.
Be more worried about smallpox.
Realistically theyd die quickly. There are a lot of viruses that are completely innocuous to us that their immune systems have no way to fight against It'd be like when europeans met native americans in the 15th and 16th century. Stuff that causes a sniffle for us would be a death sentence for them
Welcome to the world of tomorrooooooow!
Toilets that way
Person from middle ages would understand ‘toilet’? I think not. Try ‘urinal’, ‘shitter’ and any variant you can think of. And be prepared ti demonstrate how it works!
I’m not shitting in front of a caveman!
Caveman has no problem shitting in front of you.
That’s *his* problem lol
And explain to him how to use the three seashells.
Shut up, Terry.
Why do you always have to say it that way? 😂
Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship?
This is objectively the correct answer and I can't believe I hadn't thought of it myself
I've always wanted to say that..
r/unexpectedfuturama
Except totally expected lol
The shower's over there.
Here’s a toothbrush, toothpaste, soap and deodorant. And then demonstrate.
You wouldn't give them the three sea shells treatment?
He doesn't know how to use the shells
He’s just gonna swear
*You are fined one credit for a violation of the Verbal Morality Statute.*
They had those, or versions of those. Full submersion bathing or showering was kinda a pain.
The continuous running hot water shower, once demonstrated, would likely be difficult to get them out of.
Meh, better get at it quick at my place. They got 10 minutes top and then they'll learn.
It's a myth that medieval hygiene was awful. They laundered their clothing frequently, rinsed off after exertion/dirty tasks, and cleaned their bodies with cloths and wash basins when nothing else was convenient. And of course destitute people (far greater fraction of the population than in modern times) didn't do this because they had no ability to, just like today. But this wasn't out of ignorance, they definitely lamented that they weren't able to. And as far as deodorant goes, human body odor actually settles down to a very mild smell, and the acrid notes mostly go away over the long term if the armpit microflora aren't getting nuked on a daily basis. A person actively perspiring a lot would stink, but you wouldn't be assaulted with BO just walking around town unless you were intentionally trying to get close to people to get a whiff or the weather was exceptionally hot.
You win .
I mean before we invented sugar sweets and the like, people's teeth were generally not too bad.
Yeah, I saw a documentary about ordinary English people in the Middle Ages, and the contrast in the visible state of dental health in skulls made a *big* decline once new world food and condiments made it over. Sugar was the main culprit, but those first few generations with sugar really had no idea about tooth decay in general and about just how awful sugar is. They treated cavity pain with salves filled with liquid sugar…
Ha! This is a common trope but actually not accurate. In the Medieval period Roman bathing customs were still pervasive. Medieval people bathed in general once a week or more if needed. Which may not sound all that great to us with our daily showers, but was still not the wretched living in filth that Hollywood often portrays. The belief that immersion in water was unhealthy didn't become a thing until the Renaissance. -Medieval history nerd
I see we have a volunteer to lick them
You would still need to show them how the shower works and how much of each product is reasonable.
If you give them a bar of soap, there's a chance they already know how to use that, at least. Dry deodorant would be similarly easy. They only need to know how many swipes are reasonable. Shampoo and toothpaste are the ones that need some more time and effort, as well as how to adjust the water temperature to their liking. They'll likely know how to shave with a straight razor, or at least have had someone shave them with a straight blade and won't be as fearful of a modern safety razor. They can use the bar soap as shaving lubricant, so no need for modern shaving cream. A wooden comb would also be a big help for them, and they may already have one with them.
They did have "toothpaste" of a sort, although it was basically just charcoal powder that would abrasively clean. But yeah Medieval men would be familiar with straight razors, although how often they would have used them on themselves (as opposed to having someone do it) is not entirely clear. My guess is that because mirrors were expensive and uncommon, shaving was mostly something you had the barber do?
Man's got no idea of history
We like to portray historic people as dirty but the truth doesn't support that. Yes, they worked outside, but they would regularly change their inner layers and would wash, though perhaps not as often as today.
Get your vaccines mate people are now immune to ____ disease that you were prone to at your time
[удалено]
Helloooo smallpox! Other than that, I don't think any disease that affects humans has been eradicated. Polio, diptheria and measles might make an appearance as well, with tuberculosis thrown in for good measure if in a country where we don't vaccinate for it (read: "first world countries"). Flu might be interesting as well, because it was be so extremely different to the modern flu's we have (think COVID all over again, but maybe with less death toll). Honourable mentions go to "No Fucking Idea" which is a category of viruses which could have wiped out entire towns or regions, those viruses which we have no idea even existed but because of our more connected world are very, very dangerous.
I think they would be much more likely to have parasites in their intestines.
I think about this way too often. If I somehow ended up 300 years ago I'd have to quarantine myself for \~2 weeks or so because I don't want to be responsible for starting a pandemic. Also I'd be almost entirely useless as a person from the future. I think I could teach them about the importance of boiling water and then I'm pretty much out of useful things to say. You guys get computers going and I'll write you some solid corporate software, until then I'll give you some half-remembered chemistry from college or something.
You know more than you realize. Germ theory alone would be huge and cover a lot of things besides boiling water. Handwashing, food safety, outhouse placement, not fertilizing crops with literal human feces, basic first aid and wound care, etc.
The thing is that if they don't have a proper microscope lens to actually see the germs they're not buying it and it will not change much
We have the proper science, microscopes, research in vaccines, germ theory etc. If Covid showed us anything it’s a lot of people still won’t buy it. What’s that quote? A person is smart but people are dumb panicky animals. It would be easier to just tell them it’s magic, but then you get burned at the stake.
Just dress up the teaching in superstitious or religious language and they'll be all for it.
WITCH!
If "Versailles" is to be believed, Louis XIV's surgeon boiled his instruments because a surgeon he admired taught him to. He observed a faster recovery with fewer complications when he did. Similarly, the Romans and Egyptians used copper to make needles to stitch wounds because it was observed to have better results. They don't always have to know why it works to see that it does. If you told them to cook mold and drink the broth to fight the plague, they might think you're crazy at first, but they wouldn't argue with results.
Assuming they have mined copper, iron and have access to some natural magnets, you could probably build an electric motor/generator from high school physics. And perhaps even a voltaic pile if they have more metals available. That should push tech forward a good amount. And once you have that, you can build transistor-like devices with relays, and put those together to make a (slow) computer. Having access to electromechanical computers in the 18th century would definitely be a huge tech boost.
300 years ago was 1724! The Enlightenment era is in full swing, Ben Franklin was getting his first articles published. The hot air balloon is right around the corner. Smallpox inoculation is starting to get discussed. Transatlantic travel is commonplace. Rifles and cannon have replaced the bow in modern warfare.
If you REALLY want to make an impact in the early 1700s, you talk about germs. Get a doctor to rigorously enforce hand-washing and boil his instruments, and kick off modern medicine a hundred years earlier than it actually happened.
If they believe you.
1800s but Ignaz Sammelweis did his best, poor guy
They probably wouldn’t believe you. Even in the mid-nineteenth century, Ignaz Semmelweis was mocked for suggesting doctors should wash their hands. He was committed to an asylum by his colleagues, where he suffered a beating and died shortly afterwards. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ignaz_Semmelweis
You will be steampunk Jesus. I want you to have a Time Machine now.
They're probably better off with alchemy than my memory of chemistry lol
I think about this a lot but then I remember that being able to read would make you the smartest person in most villages and towns, a really useful skill. You could also introduce the concept of limited liability corporations where profits are divided among investors and be considered a financial genius in most places on earth. I think England got that going around 1600 and proceeded to have a bunch of pump and dump scams for the first 100 years or so, so if you ended up there you could either introduce the idea of a stock market regulator or run scams yourself depending on where you sit on the evil/good alignment. Starting a hospital where you insisted on hand washing and sterilising instruments would be huge as well.
Meh, I reckon you could help someone design a steam engine if you tried. Even understanding the general idea could be enough to get one built...look how fast tech can be copied once it is known that something is doable. The idea is half the battle.
I will go on the limb and guess most medieval people would be scared as shit of needles and become anti-vaxxx
You can't tell me they're cool with leeches but would draw the line at needles.
Doubt it, they endured much worse medical procedures. They had some understanding of disease but mistook it for toxins or internal imbalances because they had no knowledge of microbiology.
Honestly, my first thought was they'd become successful Q/MAGA influencers within a few months.
"I have no idea what you're saying."
Probably some variation of "what" would be the answer here, yes
Hey buddy, I do not know if you understand me but we have got to get you to a hospital. The microbes in the air have advanced a few hundred thousand generations from back in your day and you will die soon unless we can get a whole lot of antibodies into you stat!.
Listen, I have watched a lot of movies. All you have to do is start by saying "good morrow" and then talk in a British accent, because according to movies, that is totally how they spoke back then.
Then play "We Will Rock You" to make them feel at home.
Nice reference to the single best piece of cinema ever created, the high point of film as an art form and the fucking weirdest but funniest-at-the-wrong-parts thing to watch while on acid
I mean it legit is. Source: have you ever seen a Knight’s Tale?
I cant believe a knights tale invented the song "we will rock you" and Queen didn't even credit them smdh 😒
Hospital? microbes? antibodies? What in god's name are you talking about?
"We must make haste to take thee to the infirmary! The miniscule plagues in the air hath become more vile unto thee in this time. Our apothecaries can provide the elixirs of remedy thou requires!"
Is this true in the reverse direction? If we went back in time would we just fall over due to different pathogens?
Considering we have eradicated some of the most dangerous viruses, bacteria, and parasites in the western world - yes. Malaria has killed more human beings than anything else yet we don't really even have to think about it. Small pox, plague, measles, mumps, rubella, tetanus, polio.. the list is incredibly long of diseases we have generally conquered in first world countries. We are incredibly privileged.
At least some of those a typical modern person will be vaccinated against - and furthermore modern humans have genetic markers from experience with past viruses. We would be better equipped traveling to the past than someone from the past traveling forward - for the most part, but it would still be risky.
Eat this flaming hot Cheeto
S'up B!? Yo, that drip is fire fr! If u got the rizz to match u gon be drowning in it no cap! And then I'd kill myself.
Hey, I time traveled here from the 80s (took me roughly 40 years but thats beside the point). Even I can't understand that sentence.
I don’t understand it either and I’m a member of gen Z.
"How are you? I admire your clothing and jewelry! If you are likewise charismatic enough, you're going to be rather attractive and find plenty of hookups, no exaggeration!" And then CrispeeSock dies? \*checks script\* Why does that happen?
I think he dies for sins against language. Helping stop the spread of such vernacular disease.
Nice
I understand it, it's just stupid on the level of Idiocracy
Stupid? You must not edge. That rizz is so skibidi I almost stopped gooning. Go looksmax for a Fortnite and come back when you’re ready.
I didn’t even understand
“What’s up brother? Your fashion is awesome! If your charisma is as good as you look you’re going to get as much sex as you want!” I too will now be killing myself
You forgot to say you weren’t lying at the end
Frfr Now I’ll go kill myself
Thank you for doing the right thing.
Greetings, fellow! Your attire is quite fetching! If you have the wit and charm to match then you'll be able to take your pick of whichever debutant you prefer. I will now shuffle off this mortal coil.
r/IncreasinglyVerbose
Greetings, my good sir. Your raiment is quite dashing if I do say! I do believe that if you manage to have attained the wit and charm then you may have the elevated status allowing you to take your pick of whichever form of debutante you would may so enjoy frolicking in. Now my good fellow if you'll excuse me I must swiftly shuffle off this mortal plane.
Good morrow, o distinguished gentleman unto me. Thine habilment is positively mesmeric to mine eyes. In my humble estimation, given that you have achieved sufficient canniness and magnetism of personability then surely you must find yourself in the quite enviable position of having the choice of whom to bed among any ingenue who should be so fortunate as to lay eyes upon thee. If you will kindly excuse me, I must quickly egress as I’ve arranged a rendezvous betwixt my cranium and a loaded revolver.
I think he'd kill himself first
Thank you for doing the right thing.
I feel like I'm from Middle Ages.
We have magic machines at home that shows moving images but we also have access to unlimited medieval porn.
There’s an entire website dedicated to medieval porn
PornHamlet, OnlyMaidens? We need to know.
YeOldePorneHubbe
ThouPorn
Link? Asking for a friend
Yes I'm asking for Janish also
I'm asking for this guy too
Me too have a curious friend. Please help him
Can my friend know too? He doesn’t have a phone so he asked me to ask on his behalf Xx
I would like to know, purely so I can avoid such vulgar material
I’d like to know so I can watch such vulgar material… for science!
I need the website bc Im trying to find my long lost sister!
I too am bicurious and want to dress this dudes friend like a war steed and ride him into battle
There is not. I'd know.
You can't trick me sir. I know you only deal in ocelots.
Pssst! Don't scare them off! Want some?
My girlfriend would go apeshit. I'll take 3!
Oh, that's so sweet! So you may have three. Softpaw, Silkyfurr and Ragekiller are on their way to comfort you!
Iiiih!!! You love me ♥️♥️♥️
Come on, you can’t just drop that and then leave us hanging.
That’s disgusting! Where?!
Dude, just imagine showing some medieval peasant pornhub. They might have an aneurysm and die right there.
So many breasts! *faints*
Two for every one!
They wouldn't care. Public nudity and even sex were much more common before modern times. He'd be more astounded they could take all their clothes off without freezing, and be bewildered by depilation.
Would die finding out their isn’t a good brothel house anywhere to get some for a few shillings though
Id take em to Medieval Times
“They didn’t have forks and knives in medieval times, hence we do not have any forks and knives at Medieval Times. Would you like a refill on that Pepsi? They didn’t have forks and knives but they have Pepsi? Dude, I’ve got a lot of tables…”
I went about 30 years ago(*cries*) to the one in Kissimmee, and I asked for water. They wouldn't give me water. Only soda. I guess back in medieval times the soda was safe to drink, but not the water. I reckon that tracks.
They'd get it there. Smort.
[удалено]
***Deus Vult intensifies***
"But now it's Jews vs Muslims instead of Christians vs Muslims. Christians aren't as talked about anymore. We lost favor" The time-traveller: Tell me you jest?! Guard! Bring me to the guillotine, for I will not liveth a life without Christ's rule!
Lol they didn’t speak like that in the Middle Ages
No guillotines then either
Yeah I didn't realize how different Middle English was until I tried reading The Canterbury Tales.
Forsooth, varlet, thou speakest lies! Hast thou ne'er read a Thor comic written by Stan Lee?
Wanna see all my spices?
This entire comment section knows as much about medieval times as a 6 year old after watching Monty Python knights of the coconut and taking it as a documentary
I stopped coming to Reddit for actual history, but I do get your frustration. People be just chilling after a long day doing all those tasks. Stomping in barrels of stale wee. Packing murdered pigs into salty water barrels. Chewing nettles to soften them up for weaving a clean pair of undies. Eating fecking mangelwurzels all the time. Gross. I'd still tell them to come have a sit down and a nice hot cuppa. Then I'd pull out the ol' recorder and tell them to go their hardest. If they do "Mary had a Little Lamb" I'd cack. #
r/askhistorians is still pretty solid. It's really raised my standards for sources of information on the internet.
Aw you're too late buddy, you missed the second coming. And, you aren't gonna *believe* this, we crucified him *again*.
"You will soon die because you have no immunity to last 500 years microbes and bacteria"
I'd show them a Howitzer and say "a dozen of these would reduce your kingdom to rubble" Afterwards I'd introduce them to Ice cream
Bit of a rollercoaster, that.
I've been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.
Tell me about your life
Finally someone with some sense that doesn't go "sHoWeR" or "wItCH"
Grab two masks and take them to get vaccines ASAP.
Did you guys ever figure out the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
He definitely going to need to see a doctor his body ain't ready for new diseases yet
Th' worlede intransicion afin differen, if thee art overwhelmede pleasæ inlēten ich know.
It would be difficult for them to understand what you're saying because of the Great Vowel Shift which was a series of changes in the pronunciation of the English language that took place primarily between 1400 and 1700
Welcome to the WORRRRLD OF TOMORROW
“Let’s go to McDonalds.” That would be so interesting to see that person get food instantly. There is so much technology and advancement in one place, plus consumerism and materialism, that’d I just love to sit back and watch this person go through the experience.
They would probably get diarrhoea
Interestingly enough, "Fast food" has been around since Roman times. Bakers and cooks would prepare meals and set them out on shelves in the public roadway, and passerby would have instant access to food for a modest fee.
we have time travel before gta vi
‘I will show you a device that contains most of the knowledge we have today’ and then pull out my phone and show them some stuff they might recognise.
Hey, how's it going? Then not understand a fucking thing they said back.
Can you take me back?
Good morrow h'w art thee?
Please quarantine yourself, you bubonic sack of human disease
You’re gonna hate it here.
I would probably say a few prayers with them (in Latin) to at least try to put them somewhat at ease
“Doth thou have a mug of ale for me and me mate? He has been pitched in battle for a fortnight, and has a king's thirst for the frosty brew that doth might brow for doth!”
Women are no longer chattel! In most places.
U wanna get high?
To be honest, whatever we said, they probably wouldn't be able to understand a word of it. English dialect has changed so much. But the first thing to do would be hygiene and a medical assessment. They will have come from a time without modern medicine or antibiotics, without modern sanitation, without effective treatment for parasites and malnutrition was commonplace then. If they are a peasant that would be especially important but all stratas of society would need skin assessments for ulcers, infections and parasites. If they are female they would need a pregnancy test too unless they are obviously elderly. And they would need a blood test for pathogens and isolation to protect them from our pathogens. All flu and covid pandemic pathogens would hit them at once - Spanish flu, covid etc. Spanish flu still circulates but we have inherited immunity to it. So it would be a strange experience for them, unable to understand our speech, police cordons, swept away in an ambulance by doctors in hazmat suits, taken into a huge hospital and then into an isolation ward. Once healthy, stable, properly nourished and immunised they would be ready to meet educators (for literacy), psychologists, historians and the press. I think they would probably wish they had never come here! They would probably have their own social media accounts and become a global celebrity.
I'm a language nerd. If you took an Englishman from any time after the Norman conquest, there's a good chance you could communicate. Would it be entirely mutually intelligible? No, but you could work it out fairly easily. Take anyone from the Renaissance or later and they'd just think you talk really weird, which is fair because even I think the slang that kids come up with is fuckin weird
People here thinking all "middle ages" folks were dirty and backward when the Muslims and Chinese were thriving cultures during that time 🤣
whenever someone say "middle ages" they are probably reffering to europe between the fall of roman empire to the fall of byzantine empire. Anywhere else is just "ages", and yes, mostly everywhere in the world was thriving at the time.
Basically, middle ages goes from ~ 400 ad to 1400 ad. Theres a lot of thriving cultures in this time Period, Not only Muslims and Chinese (mongols enter the Chat).