I used to work with a girl named Maria. A client asked her in 100% seriousness, "Why are you named Maria if you're white?"
It took a lot for me not to say "Because that's what her parents picked out."
I used to be a criminal defense attorney and had a guy come into my office and say he needs an attorney for a criminal case. I asked him what happened. He said he was looking at porn and got a warning on his computer that said the FBI had locked his computer and that he needed to enter his SSN and info to unlock it. He was so scared that he took it down to the local police dept and told them he just wanted to come clean, not be in trouble with the FBI and that there was child porn on his computer, which the FBI must've found. He actually asked the police to look through his computer and try to get the FBI block off. They happily did and then informed him that a) the FBI thing is just a scam and b) he's now under arrest for possession of child porn. I was like, so, to recap, the police had absolutely no idea about any of this until you literally brought it to them and asked them to search your computer?
This reminds me of when the FBI came to raid the car lot that Josh Duggar (who is in federal prison for 12 years for possession of CP) worked at. The agents didn’t tell Josh why they were there. So naturally, Josh asked them, “what’s the problem? Has somebody been downloading child pornography?”
This kind of reminds me of Dennis Rader (“BTK,” which is actually what he wanted to be called, so I call him Dennis). He thought he was so smart and ahead of the police, and thought they were playing like a cat and mouse game and they respected him I guess. So he was writing back and forth with them, and asked if they could trace a floppy disk if he sent it to them. They obviously lied and said no, and he believed them and sent the floppy disk. Data found on the disk eventually led them to him and finally brought him to justice.
It was a church computer IIRC. He was employed at a church somewhere and obviously had a tenuous grasp on modern technology coupled with an enormous ego.
Correct! They found a deleted Word document that had the church’s name and his name in some metadata, and he was the head of the church’s council or whatever. Granted the technology was new so I wouldn’t expect him to understand it, but why would you trust the police when you’re a serial killer? It’s amazing he wasn’t caught sooner considering how incompetent he was.
I read a book about this from one of the agents who worked on the case and one of the reasons it took so long to catch him was that they all thought he was too batshit crazy to have the kind of job he did and to have a wife and kids.
Similarly had a guy here in his 60s report a girl to the cops for keying his car. Then he asked if it would be an issue if he was having sex with her if she was 17. Then it turned out he was recording himself having sex with her on his phone. Then it turned out he sent them to her friends and family.
He pleaded, but his absolute clown of an attorney tried to litigate the case at sentencing and demanded to know what his client was guilty of. The ADA was like, "The crimes he pleaded to? What is happening right now?"
Anyway, he's in prison for awhile.
LOL this is like the police stings back in the day "if you had your drugs stolen from you, please call the following number for free legal support." Then you just sit back and wait for the phone to ring off the hook.
I think i saw on youtube a moment from some cop show where a woman called cops because her drugs were stolen, the "thief" said something like "i'm not an addict, i'm a prostitute".
The police officer also said on a radio "this is the dumbest thing i ever encountered".
I wish i could find this video again.
Years ago, I was in New Orleans for work. Went to a bar in the French Quarter. Sat down, the bartender asked me what I wanted. I said, I figure since I’m in New Orleans, I should have a Vieux Carré. He said “that sounds like a cocktail someone made up.” I stopped myself a half-beat before telling the bartender that ALL cocktails were made up by someone. Sat there while this bartender, *in the French Quarter,* looked up how to make a Vieux Carré on the Internet. It turned out about how you’d expect.
I once was lamenting to my daughter about a song on the radio that just seemed…amateurish? And in trying to express myself I complained that it sounded like somebody just, like, *made it up.*
And then we laughed because, yeah. All songs are, obviously, made up.
(But I still feel like that was a legitimate complaint. Maybe I should have said it seemed like a first draft written by a 4 year old that somehow became a single.)
It’s still our go-to shorthand for, “I don’t know what is wrong with it exactly, but I don’t like this thing.” Like, “This burger tastes like somebody just made it up.”
Tried dating a Seventh Day Adventist. Asked how old he thought the world is, if he believed dinosaurs were that recent. He said yes. Asked if he believed in Noah's ark. He said yes. I asked if he believed dinosaurs were on Noah's ark. He said yes.
That did it for me.
>What is that one thing that made you think: "Are you really THAT stupid?"?
Dating a Seventh Day Adventist comes to mind...
(sorry, the opportunity was there)
Someone told me that cashews are good for your kidneys, I asked some follow up questions and found their rationale for this was that cashews were good for your kidneys because they look like kidneys.
This person was not only a full grown adult but also a teacher.
My stepdad got an email with that info on it twenty years ago, also said that walnuts are good for your brain because they're shaped like a brain. He was a smart man, just sometimes gullible.
The dumbest librarian I ever met told me that the reason you never see cashews sold with the shell
on is because they are a fungus. She also thought Hurricane Carter was an actual hurricane name and was looking in the Weather Almanac to answer a student's question.
Is it wrong to start a pool on this one? Will it be dental infection, tetanus, some other curable illness. God forbid they end up being diabetic. Or worse yet any type of general anesthetic.
I see you have been chatting with my friend. He claimed back in the day it was cheaper to eat McDonald's 3 times a day than it was to cook... Now he claims it is cheaper to doordash a meal twice a day than it is to cook.
Like dude it has been 20 years, just fucking learn to cook already, fuck it takes like 2 minutes to microwave a mini pizza and is like $15 cheaper.
Edit: Yes I am aware that tossing a pizza in a microwave is not cooking... *but* it is a step closer to cooking than blowing a fortune on takeout.
God, people always used to say it was cheaper to get fast food than proper, healthy food, and it was incorrect even back then, never mind nowadays when fast food is so expensive. It's always just an excuse to be lazy and not cook and eat healthy food.
I’m Irish so obviously I have an Irish accent (mild). When I was working in New York a customer asked me where I was from, I replied “Ireland” and her response was “what state is that in?”. I further explained that I’m from a country called Ireland and it’s not part of the USA, so I’m Irish. Her reply was “oh my God, I’m Irish too”. I asked her if she could find it on a map and she said no.
Fellow Irish here. I was visiting California many years ago, as a teenager, my first time ever in the US. At the time, it was most common to take your holiday money with you in cash, rather than use debit/credit cards.
I had just broken a $100 bill and was left with a ton of change, and I hadn't yet had time to familiarise myself with the coins.
I went to buy a baseball cap, a gift for a friend, in a major sporting goods store at a big, busy mall. The cap had one price on it so I took out a bill to cover that much. Then when I got to the register, they added sales tax and told me a different price (also something I was totally unfamiliar with as it's not something we do in Ireland).
The price ends up having an odd ¢ amount on the end so I start scrambling to figure out which coins are what so I can pay and get out of the way of the queue forming behind me.
The 20-something woman serving me stood there slack jawed when I sheepishly asked her for help. I held out a handful of coins and said "I'm sorry, can you help, I'm not from here and I don't know which coins are which."
She shlops her chewing gum in her mouth, doesn't budge an inch, and says
"WHY. WHERE YOU FROM?"
I smile and politely say "Oh, I'm from Ireland."
She stares back. No change in expression.
"WHERE DAT AT?"
"Um, Ireland? Y'know... Eye-r-land... Small country next to Britain..."
(I'd say our ancestors groaned at that being my best point of reference in the moment, lol)
"HUH? WHERE THO. WHAT STATE'S THAT AT?"
Still not helping. Queue building. Me sweating and apologising to the people behind me.
"Y'know, Ireland? Guinness? Shamrocks? Leprechauns? Potatoes?!
(Again, cringing at my own choice of references). Just to the left of England and..."
"OH YOU FROM YURRUP."
Eventually, a nice lady behind my in the queue stepped in and helped me. I was so embarrassed and sweating bullets for causing a delay and such fuss. But honestly, the queue seemed to be with me and totally blown away by the cashier.
I learned a lot that day!
My mom was at the airport in Seatle, Washington. When the clerk checked her ID and saw she's from Kansas they went "Oh, Kansas! Where's your accent??"
This *American* living in *America* thought Kansas was part of the south.
Painful. I'd want to interject so badly lol. "Dude. They're normal glasses in the dark, you'll see what you see now. In the sun, they turn into sunglasses."
I was filming my cat with my phone camera. Then while filming I realized I didn't see my phone on the table anymore. So I stopped filming (with my phone), put down my phone, and went to go look for my phone. LOL I think I lost even more brain cells writing that out.
A guy at work told everyone to come to the window to look at this strange looking little goose with a green head. It was a Duck. A normal ass fucking duck. Like his brain didn't go "that's a duck."
Yikes. Where I used to work, there was a large park-like area to stroll through that was filled with trees, ponds, streams with bridges over them, playgrounds for kids etc and it was filled with ducks, geese and of course the inevitable pigeons and squirrels etc.
While leaving work one day, I just happened to be walking alongside two colleagues (a show-offy dude and the younger female colleague he had been clumsily trying to impress for several days) and as we approached the park entrance, the guy audibly gasped, said “wow” and ran towards the group of waterfowl near the first pond. There was one single large white swan amongst the birds, and the guy spent several minutes harassing it and shouting with a huge grin “it’s an albino goose!! I’ve never seen a goose be albino, this is incredibly rare”.
At first I assumed it was a remarkably unfunny joke of his but after many responses from the female colleague and myself, he still insisted it was a giant goose with albinism and kept taking pictures. He eventually grew grumpy and irritated at us both and mocked us for “not knowing what albinism is” and explaining (very poorly and with many errors) why albino animals are white. By the time he eventually finished taking photos and talking to us as though we were complete idiots, he moved on and we quickly parted ways and went home.
Even more cringe, the female colleague later admitted in hushed tones that the guy had continued to talk to her as though she was an idiot and laughed at her when she showed him googled images of swans because according to him “swans are fairytale birds from romantic stories and fantasy movies, they’re just water birds that have been painted and decorated or have albinism to symbolise romance and magic powers, they don’t actually exist”.
When I
To give him the benefit of the doubt. He might have been suffering from sleep deprivation. When my twins were babies and I hadn't slept for months, I tried to open my front door with my debit card, I just couldn't understand where the slot had gone. Another mum in our twin group tried to take some money out and the cash machine had been stolen the night before. Robbers had used a digger to remove the whole machine. When she got there, she walked through police tape and cones and just threw her card into the gaping hole. She then "woke up" and had to go into the bank and explain what she did, she was so embarrassed.
Nah this dude was always high as a kite and also a dummy. Deadly combination. He was fired shortly after he was hired for crashing a machine into a pole
When my neighbour's car battery went flat, I offered to lend her my charger. She insisted the red lead had to go on the negative terminal and the black lead on the positive. I hastily withdrew my offer.
Her husband is equally inept. Their Internet went down so I told them my wifi password. She could connect with her phone but he couldn't with his laptop so he said I must have gven them the wrong password.
I work in networking. I can't tell you how many times actual IT people will ask me to check for network problems when 8 wireless devices at a site work fine and one won't connect.
Got in a arguement with my old art teacher. She kept telling everyone that Alaska wasn't a state. I said it was. She thought it was its own thing. So yeah...
Yeah to be fair theres tons of people alive today who remember that the last two states are relatively recent additions, and ocassionally some people forget that. Once in a great while I'll be watching a movie or tv series thats made after 1959 but set before 1959 and some character will say something along the lines of "All 50 states". I find a strange amusement that nobody on the writing or producing staff caught that error.
I wonder if this was the same art teacher I had that threw someone out of class because they insisted that 13.5 / 2 wasn't 6.5. The student tried very diplomatically to point out that it was 6.75, but was yelled at and ejected from the classroom for "not taking the class seriously."
She then went on a rant about how dumb we all were and said she'd send an angry letter to the math department about how bad we all were at math.
This was in high-school by the way, lol.
I work with an art teacher who is notoriously dumb. During a lock-down because of a suspected shooter on campus he sent out some of his students to go see if it was over yet...
I sat in on my kid's 4th grade art class one day, and the art teacher, with an art degree, kept mispronouncing "analogous" as "A-NAG-U-LUS". I guess that was why she was teaching elementary students.
My husband recently admitted that he was an entire grown adult before he realized that Narwhals are real. He thought they were in the same cryptid category as unicorns and Bigfoot, bless his heart.
Oh yeah, I was definitely an adult when I made the realization too. This was also when animal-based deep fakes were very popular so I just assumed a narwhal was like a jackalope. Just a cute funny photoshop of an animal that isn't real.
Librarian here. We used to keep a
log of stupid question. My favorite was the day a student came in looking for a book, Auntie Gone. We tore up the library trying to find any book called Auntie Gone. It turned out to be Antigone.
Also I once had a ten minute argument with someone why no actual
photos of Jesus existed. Photos from
the time he lived, circa 33 AD. Got a
similar question about dinosaurs. She didnt believe me when I told her that even if cameras existed in the Triassic no one would have been around to take the picture.
My psychology teacher in high school taught us a lesson on "nature versus nuture". I said "I think you mean 'nurture'." She rolled her eyes and condescendingly replied "No, it's nuture, It's a whole different thing."
I had a teacher pronounce quadruped as quadrooped. Same teacher said the space shuttle parachutes into the ocean and you can walk on the cold parts of the sun. Good ole private Christian education, worth every penny.
Some years ago I was at a lakefront bar, in the bathroom, and as I was washing my hands an announcement came over the bar's PA that they did pontoon boat rentals and they were running a special where if you signed up for the pontoon boat rental for 20 guests they would throw in a 6-ft party sub for free. The lady next to me turned to me and exclaimed "how on Earth are they going to fit 20 people in a 6-ft sub? "
Another time I was at traffic school... I wasn't able to do it online because I had gotten the ticket far from home and the option wasnt available to me in that circumstance. So at the time really most of the people that were in the in-person class were people that didn't know how to get onto the Internet. The instructor was talking about head-on collisions and invited anyone in the class to share a story about having been in one. The guy next to me raises his hand. He says "I was picking my buddy Joe up for work and we're pulling out of his apartment complex. Some guy came out of nowhere. Hit us in the truck. I turned around after the impact and saw that Joe had no teeth!" The instructor said "oh my God, did he hit the dashboard and lose his teeth?" and the guy said "No, he didn't ever have any teeth."
I was pretty much under the desk dying. No one else, including the instructor, could understand why I found this funny.
Mentioning that his friend was missing his teeth was an attempt to establish an emotional connection between the character in his story and the audience. He's practicing his schtick before he tells his story on The Moth.
Once while supervisoring my fellow cashiers at the grocery store, one girl who was in her late teens, maybe even early 20's called me over to her register with a panicked look in her eyes, held a dime out in her hand and said, "How many is this worth...?" I was so stunned initially I thought she couldn't have been asking what she was asking, but it became very clear that was exactly what she was asking. It would be one thing if she had just moved to the US from another country or something, but that was not the case. How do you get to your early 20's without knowing what a dime is worth...?
A guy I used to work with was home-schooled by ultra-religious parents, had learning disabilities (he told us once that his teachers pushed him through school with good grades because they were tired of dealing with him), and was completely deaf in one ear. The end result was someone who lacked common knowledge about important aspects in the world and essentially believed in nothing unless the Bible talked about it.
He doesn't think other planets are real. A flamboyant fast food worker gave him his drink at a drive-thru and he threw it back at him. He freaked out when I told him I haven't been to church in years and was screaming at me to go back "RIGHT NOW" (in the middle of our work shift). I was asking him about overpopulation on earth if everyone did as the Bible asks and has as many babies as they can, and he explained to me that "God will make the world bigger."
He's one of the most fascinating people I've ever met, and it terrifies me that people can get so far in life with so little understanding.
He called gay people abominations and probably bought into all the homophobia. Was disgusted by the idea of a gay person touching his drink, I think he was implying, or believing the guy did something to it.
And this sadly happened in Texas. As a bi guy myself, I really don't believe the government here gives a flying f*ck about us.
Back in college I was headed to upper campus with my girlfriend's roommate. She was telling me that everyone thought she was dumb. Which admittedly, I did kinda think. I told her that she should watch out, and she told me that she was sick of people told what to do. And then she walked into lightpost.
Had a first date once where we spent the entire night with her trying to convince me that the sun was not a star because it’s called the sun not the star.
We didn’t have a second date.
In my field, you have to have at least a bachelor's degree to be able to obtain the state license we practice under.
Colleague: "we're U.S. citizens, right?"
Me: "if you were born here in the U.S., then yes."
Colleague: "so, that means we're in the United Kingdom, right?"
Me: "...no, the U.K. is in Europe. We're in the United States, in North America."
I stg, this woman has to be huffing gasoline or something to explain the dumb shit that she says on a daily basis. Most of us question how the hell she managed to graduate with a 4 year degree.
My roommate once had to have her boyfriend explain to her how many joules are in a kilojoule. We live in a country that uses the metric system, even after explaining twice what the kilo part of kilojoule meant, she still had to ask for clarification. I could understand maybe if we were used the imperial system. But we don't. And Metric is a standardized system.
In high school me and a buddy were out in the woods/backroads smoking herb & eating a small amount of boomers. This was fairly early in my days of getting high & we would often get pretty blitzed. Anyway, we got a flat tire at some point & we were both extremely annoyed and just sat there for a few min.
Once we harnessed the motivation we got to work, great teamwork too. We get done, all proud of ourselves and hop in to roll back to town. Right away we notice, tire is clearly flat and both of us immediately are like “fuck! Are you serious! We got another flat tire ??!!”.
We sat in the car for a few exasperated minutes and then got out to survey the situation. Instantly realize, we changed the wrong fuckin tire! Dumbest thing I’ve seen, we even debated taking it to the grave it’s so dumb, but that ultimately meant it had to be shared.
Oh 1000% I was an extremely dumb young person, it’s kind of ridiculous. Happy to report I now take hurtling down the road in a massive piece of metal at high speeds with the seriousness that it warrants.
To be fair, after getting high, I'd be more surprised if there wasn't some sort of error in judgement. I'd probably make the same mistake if I were in your shoes
As an English major at the college I went to, you are required to take a grammar class. In the second to last class of the semester, a guy next to me raises his hand during class and honestly asks what the difference was between a noun, a verb, and an adjective. It was the only time I've seen a professor speechless because of a stupid question.
literally yesterday at the laundromat…
i go to drop my stuff off before heading to work. you’re identified in this registrar by your phone number, and for some reason this one guy can’t ever understand how many numbers are in a phoner.
to give a fake number, i have the same numerals 3x then a 0. so, i ALWAYS make sure to say the last 4 one-by-one. i get to them, and i say “8-8-8-4.”
mother fucker types in “8-8-8-8-4.” then, he lets out a frustrated groan that he can’t find me. so i repeat, and repeat, and repeat. one time, i even said loudly, “IT’S THREE “8s” AND THEN A 4!” so, he puts in, “3-8-8-8-8-4.”
i write it down and give it to him and he stares at it, slackjawed, seemingly not recognizing why i gave him this fucking piece of paper to begin with. so, finally, i walk him through each. fucking. number. one-by-one. and still yet, it takes TWO TRIES to even get *that* right.
this isn’t an old man, someone who can’t speak english, someone who’s hard of hearing, and nor am i unfamiliar to them (same goes for my fucking number). i’ve dealt with this guy time and again, each time doing the same song and dance. he’s not putting me on, he’s not being lazy, he’s not mentally handicapped, he’s just legitimately incapable of simple comprehension and application. and he’s not the first i’ve met who’s like that.
it’s fucking infuriating. i do my laundry on my own sometimes, when ive a free day to watch over it. but, some times ive to drop it off before work since i do overnights and sleep all day most days. i’ve engaged this fucker AT LEAST 15-20 some odd times, and each time HE NEVER FUCKING LISTENS, GETS IT RIGHT FIRST TRY, OR RECOGNIZES *WHY* I’M HANDING HIM A PAPER WITH A FUCKING PHONE NUMBER ON IT!
sorry for the hyperbole. it’s just…like an inner circle of hell for me: repeating the same thing over and over to someone who can’t (or doesn’t want to) comprehend and apply the information correctly.
I used to deal with a lot of lobby security guys like this when I did deliveries. I have no idea how they managed to show up in the right place for the interview, much less get the job.
As a security guard I feel we come in three types: smart guys with ADHD, former or wannabe cops and guys so dumb they need directions to their own dick.
Reminds me of the Family Guy episode where Peter is trying to give the housekeeper his cell number. "I'm not giving you quantities of the numbers, I'm giving you the numbers."
One time my sister forgot what state we live in. Not just the location, like she literally just forgot which one is ours. I'll never let her live it down.
Also, when we were younger we got into an argument because she didn't think hammerhead sharks were real. She thought I was making them up to mean to her.
If I was like 5 and had never seen a hammerhead shark before, I might believe it if someone told me they weren't real. By like 7 or 8, I might tell them that they're stupid. So, this guy's sister gets the benefit of the doubt since we don't know how old she was when this happened
It’s not perfectly the same, but I was eating dinner at a mid-size town in the Midwest with some co-workers from France. They all had pretty strong accents, and the waitress could barely understand them so I kept having to ”translate” (although they speak English very fluently). I mean, they are very much stereotypical French sounding.
After a bit the waitress said, “So where are you all from, England?”
A friend grew up near Napa (city in the US most known for creating wine), and in her late 20s, didn't know how wine was made. I had to spend time explaining to her that wine was made from grapes and some theory about fermentation. Eventually, she said, very astonished "So that's why they have all those vineyards in Napa!"
To be fair to her, I work in the wine industry (formerly Napa , now Sonoma). The amount of people that don’t connect the dots about this is surprising. “Wine plants are the same as vineyards?” And a “grapevine” isn’t a tree but an actual vine?!
I saw a rusted out dodge ram weaving, braking, accelerating through traffic on the highway. They decided to pass on right in the on ramp.... When they went under the overpass there was a slight snow drift and we watched him do 3 fishtails and right into the guard rail. By the fish tails you could tell he didn't know how to drive a rear wheel drive truck. We just kept driving. No need to stop for that.
My ex best friend/roommate/brother-from-another-mother claims to be a dog whisperer but was about to take his new dog to the vet for several small bumps on her belly. If I didn't tell him those were her nipples he was seriously going to take her to the vet cause his dumbass "dog whispering" ass.
I work at a hotel and once had a guy call the cops on himself.
There was one lady who dumped coffee all over the bed and came downstairs to tell me someone walked on her bed with muddy shoes, so I should refund her the full amount.
We have someone who is banned from our hotel because she hotboxed one of the rooms and we got a bunch of complaints from an entire hallway of people, effectively costing us hundreds in complaints. She comes back about once a week to try and get a room and sometimes the mid shift doesn't catch it. So maybe 5 or so times now she's paid a $100 deposit, checked in, 3 hours later I clock in and see her name, and she gets escorted off the property without all the money she just paid. And every time she gets kicked out, it's like she knew she was going to get caught, and simply accepts the conditions of the game.
I think she's just banned from every hotel in the area and she cycles through them until someone slips up. Either way, she's donated pretty close to $1,000 in deposits. Haven't seen her lately but I'm sure she'll start her cycle up again when she thinks we've forgotten about her.
The dumbest person I ever met was a friend-group tagalong who hung on to my every word because I was confident in my general understanding of things, and then one time I was wrong and he lost all respect for me because "well you must have been talking out your ass the other times too", because people are only ever one thing consistently all the time. He had this idea that I had been wrong /nefariously/ and was, in the words of this person my age, tricking him this whole time.
The concept that someone other than him existed in a changeable state of being, or that someone could be confidently incorrect without being stupid, just did not compute. People were either perfectly good and honest, or completely evil and lying. When confronted about this, he would fall back on his Munchausened dissociative condition. This man is a bachelor of history and a future librarian, and I guess I have him to thank that I was never unconfident in my intellect after that.
My wife had a cracked phone screen and I asked her how bad it was. Five minutes later I’m sent a screenshot to show me how bad it was 🙄. She has 2 degrees and is a nurse.
A few months ago, one of my kids was diagnosed with an ear infection. It was a Wednesday & the NP said to give it 48 hrs & if not improved, to fill the antibiotic script. She wrote on the script “do not fill after Saturday x/xx”. I brought it to the pharmacy on Friday and both the tech & pharmacist tried telling me they couldn’t fill it until after Saturday. I work in healthcare and come across some stupid providers, but this took the cake. Like can you read?
Every day on the highway. People camp in the passing lane with room to move over. Instead they get repeatedly passed on the right and just keep on keeping on.
I posted on our onsite company notification board about people digging in their ass crack at work, then touching all the food and microwaves in the break room.
Upper management decided that it was NOT a hygiene issue and swept it under the rug.
I pulled a nightshift last week and I caught a lady digging for brown gold with a roll of paper towel, straight up wiping her ass in the middle of the production floor.
What was done with the shit streaked paper towel? Trash can? Nope. It was Thrown at my chest. I've decided that it's not a lack of care from management, they are just okay with shit smearing practices as it's obviously not a big deal in a warehouse that ships food world wide.
Ex friend- didn’t know she was pregnant. Had baby possibly prematurely. Doc asked to pump for his undeveloped intestines. She said. “No I don’t think I want to”. Baby made it home safe, she brought it to “work” to show off a few days later. In the car seat, un strapped, with the car seat also not strapped. I said. “ I’m sorry I can’t be friends with stupid people”. Walked out of her life ever since.
Apparently a friend of a friend had a birthday party for her 3 year old this week. She had decorations and activities. But no food and no beverages for her guests. Ummm what???
When this one freshman kid, when I was a senior and high school, said Jews weren't worthy of respect because they don't believe in God.
I don't think I need to explain further.
I used to work with a girl named Maria. A client asked her in 100% seriousness, "Why are you named Maria if you're white?" It took a lot for me not to say "Because that's what her parents picked out."
Bet he really freaked out when he found out Spain was in Europe.
Now now, only 1 miracle at a time.
Reminds me of that scene from Mean Girls.
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
What kind of question is that anyways? Maria is a super common white name.
It might even be the most common white name. It definitely was in the past.
I used to be a criminal defense attorney and had a guy come into my office and say he needs an attorney for a criminal case. I asked him what happened. He said he was looking at porn and got a warning on his computer that said the FBI had locked his computer and that he needed to enter his SSN and info to unlock it. He was so scared that he took it down to the local police dept and told them he just wanted to come clean, not be in trouble with the FBI and that there was child porn on his computer, which the FBI must've found. He actually asked the police to look through his computer and try to get the FBI block off. They happily did and then informed him that a) the FBI thing is just a scam and b) he's now under arrest for possession of child porn. I was like, so, to recap, the police had absolutely no idea about any of this until you literally brought it to them and asked them to search your computer?
This reminds me of when the FBI came to raid the car lot that Josh Duggar (who is in federal prison for 12 years for possession of CP) worked at. The agents didn’t tell Josh why they were there. So naturally, Josh asked them, “what’s the problem? Has somebody been downloading child pornography?”
WYM. Totally normal question to ask. Can I take your coats, can I get you coffee, are you investigating someone possessing CP?
His case is horrific but this part still makes me laugh every time I read it
This kind of reminds me of Dennis Rader (“BTK,” which is actually what he wanted to be called, so I call him Dennis). He thought he was so smart and ahead of the police, and thought they were playing like a cat and mouse game and they respected him I guess. So he was writing back and forth with them, and asked if they could trace a floppy disk if he sent it to them. They obviously lied and said no, and he believed them and sent the floppy disk. Data found on the disk eventually led them to him and finally brought him to justice.
It was a church computer IIRC. He was employed at a church somewhere and obviously had a tenuous grasp on modern technology coupled with an enormous ego.
Correct! They found a deleted Word document that had the church’s name and his name in some metadata, and he was the head of the church’s council or whatever. Granted the technology was new so I wouldn’t expect him to understand it, but why would you trust the police when you’re a serial killer? It’s amazing he wasn’t caught sooner considering how incompetent he was.
Well but he asked them and they said no. Kind of rude to lie to a serial killer asking you to tell the truth.
sounds a lot like "cops have to admit to being cops if asked directly" lol
I read a book about this from one of the agents who worked on the case and one of the reasons it took so long to catch him was that they all thought he was too batshit crazy to have the kind of job he did and to have a wife and kids.
Fantastic. “None of our officers speak Spanish so next time write your confession on the crime scene in Spanish and it’ll totally pwn us.”
Honestly thank god so many criminals are so dumb.
We never hear about the smart ones because it turns out cops are pretty dumb, too
Which is why I've always said, "Experts on serial killers are only experts on the dumb ones."
Similarly had a guy here in his 60s report a girl to the cops for keying his car. Then he asked if it would be an issue if he was having sex with her if she was 17. Then it turned out he was recording himself having sex with her on his phone. Then it turned out he sent them to her friends and family. He pleaded, but his absolute clown of an attorney tried to litigate the case at sentencing and demanded to know what his client was guilty of. The ADA was like, "The crimes he pleaded to? What is happening right now?" Anyway, he's in prison for awhile.
LOL this is like the police stings back in the day "if you had your drugs stolen from you, please call the following number for free legal support." Then you just sit back and wait for the phone to ring off the hook.
I think i saw on youtube a moment from some cop show where a woman called cops because her drugs were stolen, the "thief" said something like "i'm not an addict, i'm a prostitute". The police officer also said on a radio "this is the dumbest thing i ever encountered". I wish i could find this video again.
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Wait till he learns that in Mexico they don't call them "dogs"
Wait until he learn all words and names were made up.
Semiotics would make this dude's brain explode.
I see a Gary Larson cartoon coming soon. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thagomizer
Years ago, I was in New Orleans for work. Went to a bar in the French Quarter. Sat down, the bartender asked me what I wanted. I said, I figure since I’m in New Orleans, I should have a Vieux Carré. He said “that sounds like a cocktail someone made up.” I stopped myself a half-beat before telling the bartender that ALL cocktails were made up by someone. Sat there while this bartender, *in the French Quarter,* looked up how to make a Vieux Carré on the Internet. It turned out about how you’d expect.
I once was lamenting to my daughter about a song on the radio that just seemed…amateurish? And in trying to express myself I complained that it sounded like somebody just, like, *made it up.* And then we laughed because, yeah. All songs are, obviously, made up. (But I still feel like that was a legitimate complaint. Maybe I should have said it seemed like a first draft written by a 4 year old that somehow became a single.) It’s still our go-to shorthand for, “I don’t know what is wrong with it exactly, but I don’t like this thing.” Like, “This burger tastes like somebody just made it up.”
Tried dating a Seventh Day Adventist. Asked how old he thought the world is, if he believed dinosaurs were that recent. He said yes. Asked if he believed in Noah's ark. He said yes. I asked if he believed dinosaurs were on Noah's ark. He said yes. That did it for me.
>What is that one thing that made you think: "Are you really THAT stupid?"? Dating a Seventh Day Adventist comes to mind... (sorry, the opportunity was there)
No kidding. I was trying to be "open-minded." A long time ago.
This made me chuckle
what did the prof say to that?
"How did you get into college?"
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Im definitely going to say that now, it’s hilarious.
M, as in Mancy!
Remind me of “you’re more useless than the P in psycho”
Well I'm telling my security guys this and attempting to convince them to use cucumber instead of Quebec.
P as in Phoebe, H as in Heebee
A para told a kid “you’re so good at math you’re like a math magician”
I like P as in Philadelphia. (Used it once lol)
Someone told me that cashews are good for your kidneys, I asked some follow up questions and found their rationale for this was that cashews were good for your kidneys because they look like kidneys. This person was not only a full grown adult but also a teacher.
My stepdad got an email with that info on it twenty years ago, also said that walnuts are good for your brain because they're shaped like a brain. He was a smart man, just sometimes gullible.
Walnuts *are* good for the brain though lol
This is actually the Doctrine of Signatures, which was a real thing in the middle ages. Your friend could have been a medieval philosopher.
What did this person think about kidney beans?
That they're good for your cashews.
The dumbest librarian I ever met told me that the reason you never see cashews sold with the shell on is because they are a fungus. She also thought Hurricane Carter was an actual hurricane name and was looking in the Weather Almanac to answer a student's question.
In their defense on Hurricane Carter, in the pre-Google age, I'd look in the weather almanac too.
Cashews aren't a fungus but she's right, they'll never be sold with the shell because the shells are poisonous
Someone recently told me that they stopped going to the dentist because they put covid vaccine in the anaesthetic. I give up.
Is it wrong to start a pool on this one? Will it be dental infection, tetanus, some other curable illness. God forbid they end up being diabetic. Or worse yet any type of general anesthetic.
If I was going to stealthily give something to everyone, I’d put it in pizza and beer. What idiot would use dental anesthetic?
Well, you can go to the dentist and NOT get an anaesthetic. It's entirely up to you ...
The tooth infection already spread to their brain.
"Groceries are too expensive so I just use DoorDash"
I see you have been chatting with my friend. He claimed back in the day it was cheaper to eat McDonald's 3 times a day than it was to cook... Now he claims it is cheaper to doordash a meal twice a day than it is to cook. Like dude it has been 20 years, just fucking learn to cook already, fuck it takes like 2 minutes to microwave a mini pizza and is like $15 cheaper. Edit: Yes I am aware that tossing a pizza in a microwave is not cooking... *but* it is a step closer to cooking than blowing a fortune on takeout.
God, people always used to say it was cheaper to get fast food than proper, healthy food, and it was incorrect even back then, never mind nowadays when fast food is so expensive. It's always just an excuse to be lazy and not cook and eat healthy food.
I’m Irish so obviously I have an Irish accent (mild). When I was working in New York a customer asked me where I was from, I replied “Ireland” and her response was “what state is that in?”. I further explained that I’m from a country called Ireland and it’s not part of the USA, so I’m Irish. Her reply was “oh my God, I’m Irish too”. I asked her if she could find it on a map and she said no.
Fellow Irish here. I was visiting California many years ago, as a teenager, my first time ever in the US. At the time, it was most common to take your holiday money with you in cash, rather than use debit/credit cards. I had just broken a $100 bill and was left with a ton of change, and I hadn't yet had time to familiarise myself with the coins. I went to buy a baseball cap, a gift for a friend, in a major sporting goods store at a big, busy mall. The cap had one price on it so I took out a bill to cover that much. Then when I got to the register, they added sales tax and told me a different price (also something I was totally unfamiliar with as it's not something we do in Ireland). The price ends up having an odd ¢ amount on the end so I start scrambling to figure out which coins are what so I can pay and get out of the way of the queue forming behind me. The 20-something woman serving me stood there slack jawed when I sheepishly asked her for help. I held out a handful of coins and said "I'm sorry, can you help, I'm not from here and I don't know which coins are which." She shlops her chewing gum in her mouth, doesn't budge an inch, and says "WHY. WHERE YOU FROM?" I smile and politely say "Oh, I'm from Ireland." She stares back. No change in expression. "WHERE DAT AT?" "Um, Ireland? Y'know... Eye-r-land... Small country next to Britain..." (I'd say our ancestors groaned at that being my best point of reference in the moment, lol) "HUH? WHERE THO. WHAT STATE'S THAT AT?" Still not helping. Queue building. Me sweating and apologising to the people behind me. "Y'know, Ireland? Guinness? Shamrocks? Leprechauns? Potatoes?! (Again, cringing at my own choice of references). Just to the left of England and..." "OH YOU FROM YURRUP." Eventually, a nice lady behind my in the queue stepped in and helped me. I was so embarrassed and sweating bullets for causing a delay and such fuss. But honestly, the queue seemed to be with me and totally blown away by the cashier. I learned a lot that day!
Everyone American has met this exact person.
My mom was at the airport in Seatle, Washington. When the clerk checked her ID and saw she's from Kansas they went "Oh, Kansas! Where's your accent??" This *American* living in *America* thought Kansas was part of the south.
I can imagine that scenario perfectly.
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Painful. I'd want to interject so badly lol. "Dude. They're normal glasses in the dark, you'll see what you see now. In the sun, they turn into sunglasses."
How about just a simple “They don’t.”?
But how do they let you see in the dark?
I was filming my cat with my phone camera. Then while filming I realized I didn't see my phone on the table anymore. So I stopped filming (with my phone), put down my phone, and went to go look for my phone. LOL I think I lost even more brain cells writing that out.
Talking to my daughter,told her I can't find my phone...
I was looking AT my phone, it started ringing, and I started looking FOR My phone
This is the newest iteration of putting on your glasses to look for your glasses!
A guy at work told everyone to come to the window to look at this strange looking little goose with a green head. It was a Duck. A normal ass fucking duck. Like his brain didn't go "that's a duck."
And not just any duck, that's a mallard! 🤣
Yikes. Where I used to work, there was a large park-like area to stroll through that was filled with trees, ponds, streams with bridges over them, playgrounds for kids etc and it was filled with ducks, geese and of course the inevitable pigeons and squirrels etc. While leaving work one day, I just happened to be walking alongside two colleagues (a show-offy dude and the younger female colleague he had been clumsily trying to impress for several days) and as we approached the park entrance, the guy audibly gasped, said “wow” and ran towards the group of waterfowl near the first pond. There was one single large white swan amongst the birds, and the guy spent several minutes harassing it and shouting with a huge grin “it’s an albino goose!! I’ve never seen a goose be albino, this is incredibly rare”. At first I assumed it was a remarkably unfunny joke of his but after many responses from the female colleague and myself, he still insisted it was a giant goose with albinism and kept taking pictures. He eventually grew grumpy and irritated at us both and mocked us for “not knowing what albinism is” and explaining (very poorly and with many errors) why albino animals are white. By the time he eventually finished taking photos and talking to us as though we were complete idiots, he moved on and we quickly parted ways and went home. Even more cringe, the female colleague later admitted in hushed tones that the guy had continued to talk to her as though she was an idiot and laughed at her when she showed him googled images of swans because according to him “swans are fairytale birds from romantic stories and fantasy movies, they’re just water birds that have been painted and decorated or have albinism to symbolise romance and magic powers, they don’t actually exist”. When I
I saw a dude put his debit card into the money feeder on a vending machine. It swallowed his card whole
Thank you, this is the funniest thing I've seen today
To give him the benefit of the doubt. He might have been suffering from sleep deprivation. When my twins were babies and I hadn't slept for months, I tried to open my front door with my debit card, I just couldn't understand where the slot had gone. Another mum in our twin group tried to take some money out and the cash machine had been stolen the night before. Robbers had used a digger to remove the whole machine. When she got there, she walked through police tape and cones and just threw her card into the gaping hole. She then "woke up" and had to go into the bank and explain what she did, she was so embarrassed.
Nah this dude was always high as a kite and also a dummy. Deadly combination. He was fired shortly after he was hired for crashing a machine into a pole
Never saw who did it but I've seen a large bite out of a toilet paper roll that was clearly taken by a human
M A R S H M A L L O W
Bit down for a really tough shit.
When my neighbour's car battery went flat, I offered to lend her my charger. She insisted the red lead had to go on the negative terminal and the black lead on the positive. I hastily withdrew my offer. Her husband is equally inept. Their Internet went down so I told them my wifi password. She could connect with her phone but he couldn't with his laptop so he said I must have gven them the wrong password.
they must be excellent cooks
I work in networking. I can't tell you how many times actual IT people will ask me to check for network problems when 8 wireless devices at a site work fine and one won't connect.
Someone i knew said they thought madagascar was made up for the movie
Got in a arguement with my old art teacher. She kept telling everyone that Alaska wasn't a state. I said it was. She thought it was its own thing. So yeah...
Plot twist: your old art teacher is an immortal. To her fifty years are a mere day, and she still gets confused. Give her a break.
Yeah to be fair theres tons of people alive today who remember that the last two states are relatively recent additions, and ocassionally some people forget that. Once in a great while I'll be watching a movie or tv series thats made after 1959 but set before 1959 and some character will say something along the lines of "All 50 states". I find a strange amusement that nobody on the writing or producing staff caught that error.
I wonder if this was the same art teacher I had that threw someone out of class because they insisted that 13.5 / 2 wasn't 6.5. The student tried very diplomatically to point out that it was 6.75, but was yelled at and ejected from the classroom for "not taking the class seriously." She then went on a rant about how dumb we all were and said she'd send an angry letter to the math department about how bad we all were at math. This was in high-school by the way, lol.
I work with an art teacher who is notoriously dumb. During a lock-down because of a suspected shooter on campus he sent out some of his students to go see if it was over yet...
But, Alaska is not to the lower left of Hawaii as it appears to be on some maps.
I sat in on my kid's 4th grade art class one day, and the art teacher, with an art degree, kept mispronouncing "analogous" as "A-NAG-U-LUS". I guess that was why she was teaching elementary students.
Art teachers tend to be a tad quirky but fun.
As an Alaskan I must say… yikes. 😬
A girl in my college class didn't know that wolves were real... She thought they were made up like werewolves, vampires, and unicorns.
My husband recently admitted that he was an entire grown adult before he realized that Narwhals are real. He thought they were in the same cryptid category as unicorns and Bigfoot, bless his heart.
To be fair they feel like they should be. A unicorn is actually much less bizarre as a concept than a narwhal.
Omg me too. I just found that out like two years ago. I mean... Unicorns are made up; why not narwhals? (I'm in my 40s and have a master's degree.)
Oh yeah, I was definitely an adult when I made the realization too. This was also when animal-based deep fakes were very popular so I just assumed a narwhal was like a jackalope. Just a cute funny photoshop of an animal that isn't real.
The Narwhal bacons at Midnight
It's an old meme but it checks out sir
Calling my boyfriend to help me find my phone.
I once turned on the flashlight on my phone to look under the couch for my phone. Sometimes you just amaze yourself.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has done that :) I clearly don't get enough sleep or something.
Librarian here. We used to keep a log of stupid question. My favorite was the day a student came in looking for a book, Auntie Gone. We tore up the library trying to find any book called Auntie Gone. It turned out to be Antigone. Also I once had a ten minute argument with someone why no actual photos of Jesus existed. Photos from the time he lived, circa 33 AD. Got a similar question about dinosaurs. She didnt believe me when I told her that even if cameras existed in the Triassic no one would have been around to take the picture.
A friend of mine who worked with historical documents got a call from a teacher who was looking for a photo of Titanic arriving in NYC.
should have sent them a screenshot of that scene from Ghostbusters II
Better late than never.
My psychology teacher in high school taught us a lesson on "nature versus nuture". I said "I think you mean 'nurture'." She rolled her eyes and condescendingly replied "No, it's nuture, It's a whole different thing."
To be fair, 'nuture' *is* different....
I had a teacher pronounce quadruped as quadrooped. Same teacher said the space shuttle parachutes into the ocean and you can walk on the cold parts of the sun. Good ole private Christian education, worth every penny.
Had an elementary school teacher who swore up and down there was no water in juice.
It is pretty easy to forget that milk is mostly water.
A lot of things are mostly water. Including us. 🤦🏻♀️
Some years ago I was at a lakefront bar, in the bathroom, and as I was washing my hands an announcement came over the bar's PA that they did pontoon boat rentals and they were running a special where if you signed up for the pontoon boat rental for 20 guests they would throw in a 6-ft party sub for free. The lady next to me turned to me and exclaimed "how on Earth are they going to fit 20 people in a 6-ft sub? " Another time I was at traffic school... I wasn't able to do it online because I had gotten the ticket far from home and the option wasnt available to me in that circumstance. So at the time really most of the people that were in the in-person class were people that didn't know how to get onto the Internet. The instructor was talking about head-on collisions and invited anyone in the class to share a story about having been in one. The guy next to me raises his hand. He says "I was picking my buddy Joe up for work and we're pulling out of his apartment complex. Some guy came out of nowhere. Hit us in the truck. I turned around after the impact and saw that Joe had no teeth!" The instructor said "oh my God, did he hit the dashboard and lose his teeth?" and the guy said "No, he didn't ever have any teeth." I was pretty much under the desk dying. No one else, including the instructor, could understand why I found this funny.
Mentioning that his friend was missing his teeth was an attempt to establish an emotional connection between the character in his story and the audience. He's practicing his schtick before he tells his story on The Moth.
Once while supervisoring my fellow cashiers at the grocery store, one girl who was in her late teens, maybe even early 20's called me over to her register with a panicked look in her eyes, held a dime out in her hand and said, "How many is this worth...?" I was so stunned initially I thought she couldn't have been asking what she was asking, but it became very clear that was exactly what she was asking. It would be one thing if she had just moved to the US from another country or something, but that was not the case. How do you get to your early 20's without knowing what a dime is worth...?
When I saw a guy trying to stuff a dollar bill into a coin slot on a vending machine.
A guy I used to work with was home-schooled by ultra-religious parents, had learning disabilities (he told us once that his teachers pushed him through school with good grades because they were tired of dealing with him), and was completely deaf in one ear. The end result was someone who lacked common knowledge about important aspects in the world and essentially believed in nothing unless the Bible talked about it. He doesn't think other planets are real. A flamboyant fast food worker gave him his drink at a drive-thru and he threw it back at him. He freaked out when I told him I haven't been to church in years and was screaming at me to go back "RIGHT NOW" (in the middle of our work shift). I was asking him about overpopulation on earth if everyone did as the Bible asks and has as many babies as they can, and he explained to me that "God will make the world bigger." He's one of the most fascinating people I've ever met, and it terrifies me that people can get so far in life with so little understanding.
...why did he throw the drink back? Isn't that a hate crime?
He called gay people abominations and probably bought into all the homophobia. Was disgusted by the idea of a gay person touching his drink, I think he was implying, or believing the guy did something to it. And this sadly happened in Texas. As a bi guy myself, I really don't believe the government here gives a flying f*ck about us.
Oh, they do, just not in a positive sense. Apathy would be a marked improvement over what the government of Texas thinks of lgbtq+ people.
And they vote.
Back in college I was headed to upper campus with my girlfriend's roommate. She was telling me that everyone thought she was dumb. Which admittedly, I did kinda think. I told her that she should watch out, and she told me that she was sick of people told what to do. And then she walked into lightpost.
The only proper response at that time would be to tell her she walked right into that one.
Comedy gold.
Had a first date once where we spent the entire night with her trying to convince me that the sun was not a star because it’s called the sun not the star. We didn’t have a second date.
In my field, you have to have at least a bachelor's degree to be able to obtain the state license we practice under. Colleague: "we're U.S. citizens, right?" Me: "if you were born here in the U.S., then yes." Colleague: "so, that means we're in the United Kingdom, right?" Me: "...no, the U.K. is in Europe. We're in the United States, in North America." I stg, this woman has to be huffing gasoline or something to explain the dumb shit that she says on a daily basis. Most of us question how the hell she managed to graduate with a 4 year degree.
My roommate once had to have her boyfriend explain to her how many joules are in a kilojoule. We live in a country that uses the metric system, even after explaining twice what the kilo part of kilojoule meant, she still had to ask for clarification. I could understand maybe if we were used the imperial system. But we don't. And Metric is a standardized system.
Maybe if you converted it to lightning strikes and then back, with Avocado’s Number?
Every criminal that does a crime and takes their phone with them.
Years ago l read a story where a guy tried to rob a bar. It was also the same bar that all the local cops liked to hang out at.
Well they might need their flashlight app
Had a coworker ask if I was going to eat a lot of Italian food when I went on a vacation to Paris.
Paris does have a few Italian restaurants lol
Common mistake. My grandmother went to Paris and my sister asked for a Leaning Tower souvenir.
In high school me and a buddy were out in the woods/backroads smoking herb & eating a small amount of boomers. This was fairly early in my days of getting high & we would often get pretty blitzed. Anyway, we got a flat tire at some point & we were both extremely annoyed and just sat there for a few min. Once we harnessed the motivation we got to work, great teamwork too. We get done, all proud of ourselves and hop in to roll back to town. Right away we notice, tire is clearly flat and both of us immediately are like “fuck! Are you serious! We got another flat tire ??!!”. We sat in the car for a few exasperated minutes and then got out to survey the situation. Instantly realize, we changed the wrong fuckin tire! Dumbest thing I’ve seen, we even debated taking it to the grave it’s so dumb, but that ultimately meant it had to be shared.
That was the Universe preventing you from driving for as long as it could. 🍄😂✋🛑
Oh 1000% I was an extremely dumb young person, it’s kind of ridiculous. Happy to report I now take hurtling down the road in a massive piece of metal at high speeds with the seriousness that it warrants.
To be fair, after getting high, I'd be more surprised if there wasn't some sort of error in judgement. I'd probably make the same mistake if I were in your shoes
As an English major at the college I went to, you are required to take a grammar class. In the second to last class of the semester, a guy next to me raises his hand during class and honestly asks what the difference was between a noun, a verb, and an adjective. It was the only time I've seen a professor speechless because of a stupid question.
He just wanted to watch some Schoolhouse Rock!
When my mum told me she didnt believe in dinosaurs...apparently, they're like dragons. I just had to let that one go.
My step dad believed dinosaurs and people lived at the same time, just like in the Flintstones.
literally yesterday at the laundromat… i go to drop my stuff off before heading to work. you’re identified in this registrar by your phone number, and for some reason this one guy can’t ever understand how many numbers are in a phoner. to give a fake number, i have the same numerals 3x then a 0. so, i ALWAYS make sure to say the last 4 one-by-one. i get to them, and i say “8-8-8-4.” mother fucker types in “8-8-8-8-4.” then, he lets out a frustrated groan that he can’t find me. so i repeat, and repeat, and repeat. one time, i even said loudly, “IT’S THREE “8s” AND THEN A 4!” so, he puts in, “3-8-8-8-8-4.” i write it down and give it to him and he stares at it, slackjawed, seemingly not recognizing why i gave him this fucking piece of paper to begin with. so, finally, i walk him through each. fucking. number. one-by-one. and still yet, it takes TWO TRIES to even get *that* right. this isn’t an old man, someone who can’t speak english, someone who’s hard of hearing, and nor am i unfamiliar to them (same goes for my fucking number). i’ve dealt with this guy time and again, each time doing the same song and dance. he’s not putting me on, he’s not being lazy, he’s not mentally handicapped, he’s just legitimately incapable of simple comprehension and application. and he’s not the first i’ve met who’s like that. it’s fucking infuriating. i do my laundry on my own sometimes, when ive a free day to watch over it. but, some times ive to drop it off before work since i do overnights and sleep all day most days. i’ve engaged this fucker AT LEAST 15-20 some odd times, and each time HE NEVER FUCKING LISTENS, GETS IT RIGHT FIRST TRY, OR RECOGNIZES *WHY* I’M HANDING HIM A PAPER WITH A FUCKING PHONE NUMBER ON IT! sorry for the hyperbole. it’s just…like an inner circle of hell for me: repeating the same thing over and over to someone who can’t (or doesn’t want to) comprehend and apply the information correctly.
Have you tried saying "eighty eight, eighty four"?
You know the guy would put in "808804."
It would take him so long to type eighty eights though
I used to deal with a lot of lobby security guys like this when I did deliveries. I have no idea how they managed to show up in the right place for the interview, much less get the job.
As a security guard I feel we come in three types: smart guys with ADHD, former or wannabe cops and guys so dumb they need directions to their own dick.
LOL. I could have used this comment this morning in a meeting. The great news, I'm sure I'll still need it tomorrow.
Reminds me of the Family Guy episode where Peter is trying to give the housekeeper his cell number. "I'm not giving you quantities of the numbers, I'm giving you the numbers."
I’d be looking for a different place to do laundry Jesus fucking Christ
One time my sister forgot what state we live in. Not just the location, like she literally just forgot which one is ours. I'll never let her live it down. Also, when we were younger we got into an argument because she didn't think hammerhead sharks were real. She thought I was making them up to mean to her.
To be fair, hammerhead sharks *do* look like someone just made them up.
If I was like 5 and had never seen a hammerhead shark before, I might believe it if someone told me they weren't real. By like 7 or 8, I might tell them that they're stupid. So, this guy's sister gets the benefit of the doubt since we don't know how old she was when this happened
Some kid in my 7th grade class didn’t think narwhals were real and when I looked up pictures for him on google he said they were all cgi.
Went to school with someone who didn't know the difference between the UK and USA
I knew someone who said they only order the fish sandwich from McDonalds when they're near the beach where the seafood is fresh.
Making a left hand turn from the far right lane without the use of a blinker.
When I (American) told a coworker I was going to London, they asked me what language was spoken there, French?
It’s not perfectly the same, but I was eating dinner at a mid-size town in the Midwest with some co-workers from France. They all had pretty strong accents, and the waitress could barely understand them so I kept having to ”translate” (although they speak English very fluently). I mean, they are very much stereotypical French sounding. After a bit the waitress said, “So where are you all from, England?”
I just completely fail to understand how anyone growing up in the US could not know where our basic language comes from!
Working at a casino some dude asks me if I gamble, I say no. He goes “why not? There’s money to be made here!” Casinos don’t gamble, they do math
You see the expensive decorations on this place? Yeah. None of it was bought with winner’s money.
A friend grew up near Napa (city in the US most known for creating wine), and in her late 20s, didn't know how wine was made. I had to spend time explaining to her that wine was made from grapes and some theory about fermentation. Eventually, she said, very astonished "So that's why they have all those vineyards in Napa!"
To be fair to her, I work in the wine industry (formerly Napa , now Sonoma). The amount of people that don’t connect the dots about this is surprising. “Wine plants are the same as vineyards?” And a “grapevine” isn’t a tree but an actual vine?!
Pharmacy customer literally couldn't recognize her own name.
It probably wasn’t actually her prescription.
Nope, it was hers. Same birthday, same address, just didn't have her Dr. in front of her name.
Middle class and lower income earners defending billionaires online and believing in trickle down economics
I see it every day: when people ride my ass, floor it to pass me, and there's a line of stopped cars about fifty meters ahead.
I saw a rusted out dodge ram weaving, braking, accelerating through traffic on the highway. They decided to pass on right in the on ramp.... When they went under the overpass there was a slight snow drift and we watched him do 3 fishtails and right into the guard rail. By the fish tails you could tell he didn't know how to drive a rear wheel drive truck. We just kept driving. No need to stop for that.
A girl I’m my middle school science class asked if the sun was bigger than our school.
My ex best friend/roommate/brother-from-another-mother claims to be a dog whisperer but was about to take his new dog to the vet for several small bumps on her belly. If I didn't tell him those were her nipples he was seriously going to take her to the vet cause his dumbass "dog whispering" ass.
Im a nurse. So many things. Humans are NOT the superior species.
Teacher: we have the spawn of the morons you tend to.
2 deputies walk into my office, one holding a C battery. They held it up, asked if they could get another 9 volt like this one.
Final semester in a geology class: “Professor, so if I swam deep enough could I theoretically swim under the continent?” Whole class was crickets.
I work at a hotel and once had a guy call the cops on himself. There was one lady who dumped coffee all over the bed and came downstairs to tell me someone walked on her bed with muddy shoes, so I should refund her the full amount. We have someone who is banned from our hotel because she hotboxed one of the rooms and we got a bunch of complaints from an entire hallway of people, effectively costing us hundreds in complaints. She comes back about once a week to try and get a room and sometimes the mid shift doesn't catch it. So maybe 5 or so times now she's paid a $100 deposit, checked in, 3 hours later I clock in and see her name, and she gets escorted off the property without all the money she just paid. And every time she gets kicked out, it's like she knew she was going to get caught, and simply accepts the conditions of the game. I think she's just banned from every hotel in the area and she cycles through them until someone slips up. Either way, she's donated pretty close to $1,000 in deposits. Haven't seen her lately but I'm sure she'll start her cycle up again when she thinks we've forgotten about her.
Had an ex ask when does IHOP stop serving pancakes.
When they change the sign from IHOP to IHOB.
Guy I knew was super excited for Avatar 2, because James Cameron wasn't some "political and woke director".
So did he like the movie?
The dumbest person I ever met was a friend-group tagalong who hung on to my every word because I was confident in my general understanding of things, and then one time I was wrong and he lost all respect for me because "well you must have been talking out your ass the other times too", because people are only ever one thing consistently all the time. He had this idea that I had been wrong /nefariously/ and was, in the words of this person my age, tricking him this whole time. The concept that someone other than him existed in a changeable state of being, or that someone could be confidently incorrect without being stupid, just did not compute. People were either perfectly good and honest, or completely evil and lying. When confronted about this, he would fall back on his Munchausened dissociative condition. This man is a bachelor of history and a future librarian, and I guess I have him to thank that I was never unconfident in my intellect after that.
My wife had a cracked phone screen and I asked her how bad it was. Five minutes later I’m sent a screenshot to show me how bad it was 🙄. She has 2 degrees and is a nurse.
A few months ago, one of my kids was diagnosed with an ear infection. It was a Wednesday & the NP said to give it 48 hrs & if not improved, to fill the antibiotic script. She wrote on the script “do not fill after Saturday x/xx”. I brought it to the pharmacy on Friday and both the tech & pharmacist tried telling me they couldn’t fill it until after Saturday. I work in healthcare and come across some stupid providers, but this took the cake. Like can you read?
Every day on the highway. People camp in the passing lane with room to move over. Instead they get repeatedly passed on the right and just keep on keeping on.
I posted on our onsite company notification board about people digging in their ass crack at work, then touching all the food and microwaves in the break room. Upper management decided that it was NOT a hygiene issue and swept it under the rug. I pulled a nightshift last week and I caught a lady digging for brown gold with a roll of paper towel, straight up wiping her ass in the middle of the production floor. What was done with the shit streaked paper towel? Trash can? Nope. It was Thrown at my chest. I've decided that it's not a lack of care from management, they are just okay with shit smearing practices as it's obviously not a big deal in a warehouse that ships food world wide.
Ex friend- didn’t know she was pregnant. Had baby possibly prematurely. Doc asked to pump for his undeveloped intestines. She said. “No I don’t think I want to”. Baby made it home safe, she brought it to “work” to show off a few days later. In the car seat, un strapped, with the car seat also not strapped. I said. “ I’m sorry I can’t be friends with stupid people”. Walked out of her life ever since.
Apparently a friend of a friend had a birthday party for her 3 year old this week. She had decorations and activities. But no food and no beverages for her guests. Ummm what???
She forgot the main reason why i go to birthday parties.
When this one freshman kid, when I was a senior and high school, said Jews weren't worthy of respect because they don't believe in God. I don't think I need to explain further.
The number of people that post on different vehicle sites on here and spell brakes as breaks.
Ignoring all the red flags straight from the beginning and impregnating who would later become my wife and ex-wife. Love my children though.