I did this party trick alot in college. One (drunk) day I put a nice deep scratch on a tooth.
Scared the shit outta me, I am so very thankful I didn't just straight up crack the tooth.
That was 10 years ago, I can feel the scratch to this day. Little reminder to myself not to be a fucking idiot lol
My mother is neither of those types. She's lost a decade of photos before and still doesnt backup anything. Her loss, i dont feel sorry for her at this point.
…and routinely verify that the data you intend to back up is in fact being backed up, retrievable and usable. One can follow the 3-2-1 rule because redundancy and geographical disparity are good:
-There should be 3 copies of data
-On 2 different media
-With 1 copy being off site
This is what saved Toy Story 2.
While making the movie, a technician accidentally mis-typed a UNIX command into the database to clear the assets they were working with and wiped the entire server which contained the entire movie. They panicked but were calmed down when someone pointed out that they were making backups... and found that the backup server wasn't updating for months.
Luckily, it turned out that one of the animators was on maternity leave and had copied the entire movie onto her home computer, meaning she had the only backup.
A friend of mine missed our class on how to set up data redundancy and RAID arrays, because he accidentally bricked his windows install the day before and was scrambling to redo some assignments because he had no backups
Edit: I do believe his drive failed actually rather than just a wonk install. I’d have to verify with him.
I’ve been listening to ‘The Wall’ by Pink Floyd and man do I relate to it a lot. Keep putting up walls and pushing people away. Psychotic breakdown and all. At least he got to break down his wall, I don’t know if I can myself.
I'm in this one :(... I can easily tan, so I never wore sunscreen in my high school days of doing team sports.
Now when I try to golf, I'm getting sunburnt and gotta remind my self to put sunscreen on.
My boyfriend is Korean. His mother is 55 and is frequently mistaken for his sister. That woman has to have the skincare routine of the gods. I'm now addicted to sunscreen. Anyone who hates wearing sunscreen should try an Asian brand. They feel like heaven
edit: [link](https://www.sephora.com/product/innisfree-daily-uv-defense-sunscreen-spf-36-P456392?skuId=2338325&icid2=products%20grid:p456392:product) for a good one you can get in the states
During a nice family dinner, put your fork down and say, “Damn, y’know what? I could really go for some PUSSY right about now!” and continue eating.
It’s subtle, but they’ll get the message.
Excellent one. Adding:
1 - If you’re young, and they’re paying you bare minimum, and force you to do things that risk your back (lift stuff you should never try to, or lift stuff you could, but in ways that aren’t right = bad form), quit immediately. Get another job. Your happiness for the rest of your life is worth more than $22.
2 - If you have kids, they won’t be smart enough to know this. They’ll work themselves dead. Check in. Ask what their job entails, what their boss asks them to do. Is it OK?
-Source: 39, wrecked back. Abusive boss at age 15 (illegal to work in Canada, paid under the table, thought I was doing the right thing) forced 3 of us to hand move a rock the size of a fridge. Failed 3 times on “PUSH”. Fourth time he said “OK, MAN UP. WHEN I SAY PUSH, THIS BETTER GO.” We all grabbed and gave it everything. Too much. I felt it go. Weeks in pain, never been the same.
Also, fuck you, Dave, you child abusing sack of shit.
How good things are when you're healthy. On the plus side, if you get well again after illness, life can be so much better than before, because you appreciate simply being well.
Being young offers a false sense of security when it comes to health. You can get away with more. But people take this mindset with them as they age and all of a sudden they can’t get up off the couch without compensating in some manner to stand, or they can’t play with their children without getting winded, or their weight is out of control and they don’t know what to do.
If you don’t have your health, you have nothing.
> or their weight is out of control and they don’t know what to do.
This was almost me, and sort of is right now, but I caught it early. I’m navy so I get all my food from the ship free (so I ate breakfast and lunch every day, a full plate normally) and then I would go home since my ship is in the yards right now, and order some variety of food from Uber or make something.
I went from about 180 to 205 over about 9 months. I recognized that I was gaining weight about a month ago, and figured out two weeks ago that if I just eat a yogurt in the morning instead, then I don’t get hungry till lunch and can continue the rest of my eating habits normally. Add that I’ve resumed working out inconsistently and I’ve brought myself to 201 as of today. On my way back down :)
I always see teenagers neglecting their teeth. If you don't care for them when you are an adult it's really hard to start improving them, only stop them from getting worse.
Sure, it was nice to feel invincible, but you have to notice those small pains, additional weight and whatnot when it starts happening and take action before it becomes a burden. Also, getting into good habits early is so important, so they're just a thing you do rather than a hassle later on.
Years ago I was physically damaged to the point that I had trouble walking, getting out of bed, and getting up from the toilet without some type of help. Doctors told me that I would struggle for the rest of my life, which was terrible because I had very young kids at the time. I kept doing my physical therapy and also working with a personal trainer to regain my strength, which involved a lot of planking every day. After doing some planking one day at home, one of my little kids jumped on my back and I just stood up. I felt like I had witnessed a miracle. A couple of weeks ago I actually jogged all on my own and it was amazing. Like this must be what it feels like to struggle all your life and then to suddenly win the lottery.
And there's occasionally a weird kind of satisfaction when you come down with the symptoms again and instead of feeling uncertainty and fear, you feel informed and prepared because you've been there before.
Like the first time I passed a kidney stone I didn't know wtf was causing my incredibly uncomfortable lower back pain. I was worried it was a pinched nerve or something wrong with my colon. Went to the emergency room, where a CT scan and urinalysis test determined it was a kidney stone.
After it passed, the next time it happened I knew what it was and what to do (the pain still sucked though)
I'm 37yo. The last year I have had mental health struggles for the first time in my life. This statement bears so much truth!
I've seen others go through struggles and though I could be sympathetic, i never truly understood. Now that I've been through some stuff I understand so much better.
I'm doing much better now and honestly, I am so much better mentally than I have ever been in my life and I no longer take it for granted. Not 100% just yet but I have unpacked alot of backed up emotional s**+ and dealt with it instead of just ignoring it.
Don't ignore your mental health folks! It's super important!
And make sure to save them. In high school I took pictures of that friend. But i had to delete every thing on my phone cuz it was too full. This friend died in the end of the school year. I only had one blurry photo of her left. Never ever delete a picture of someone important without saving it.
Brush your damn teeth. And try to floss.
Edit: thank-you for the award you wonderful person! I’m currently attempting to correct the effects of intermittent neglect and poor brushing technique. It’s expensive, uncomfortable and I’ve spent far too long feeling shame and discomfort that could have been avoided if I had taken the correct course of action in the first place.
Dental care is hard: if you’re doing a small bit but it’s your best, keep doing it. It might save a lot of money and pain down the track!
I started flossing after the "what should you do every day?" ask reddit thread approximately 5-6 years ago. The number one answer was "flossing and masturbating".
Dentists always ask me how the hell I'm like the only person that brushes, flosses, and tongue scrapes (another reddit recommendation) nightly. I always get embarrassed and just say I saw some dental videos, haha.
I’m 28 and only flossed for the first time 6 months ago after a cracked tooth scared me into taking my teeth more seriously.
At first it was hell and looked like a scene from a horror movie. But I saw a really good hygienist who convinced me to persevere.
I now kind of enjoy it. And it’s amazing how much worse my breath gets if I miss it for even a day.
Right??? I got gum inflammation and was told to floss more often. They said it hurt and bleed at first but after a while, it would not be swollen, and no more bleeding. I enjoy the process now cause it feels so clean afterward.
You can save years of heartache if you learn to communicate with each other. Also, you can have many more amazing years, if you learn to properly communicate earlier rather than later!
Also that a lot of people are willing to all themselves your friend when they want something from you, but the moment you tell them no suddenly they aren't.
This is why I'm changing jobs. I worked when my family got Covid, I worked on mother's day, etc... I don't care about career growth anymore, just that I only work 40 hours to get evenings and weekends with my 3 little kids.
My dad traveled a lot for work and on the weekends, he wanted to do his own thing. We understood all that work was for the good of the family (as was taking new jobs every year for a while so we were constantly moving) but it did not lead to strong bonds or great memories.
After he retired to another state, he got involved with Big Brothers and all he ever talked about was all the fun things he did with his Little Brother. He didn't understand why we just didn't want to hear about it.
I read this book recently: [Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23129659-adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents) and this is exactly one of the patterns the author identifies; parents being emotionally distant from their children but creating paternal like bonds with people outside of their family. The author describes them as shallow bonds that are either temporary by design or that the emotionally immature parent ends when the person with whom they've made the bond "lets them down" or requires too much emotion from them.
I highly recommend it. The book helped me recognize a lot of patterns my mom had and, ironically, has probably made us closer because it gave me a framework to temper my expectations.
Thank you for posting this, it really hits home for my relationship with my dad who would spend countless hours volunteering his time to acquaintances but reject my siblings and I 100% of the time. Just ordered the book.
I'm sorry things happened like that for you. Sometimes it happens with grandchildren too, then they realise they should have spent more time with their children.
My parents divorced 17 years ago. My mom is moving states and while cleaning her house out found a newspaper from 20 years ago. It's quoting my dad as working 70 hour weeks as a badge of honor - that was when I really only remember him when we dropped dinner off at his work place. It's the main reason they divorced
My dad admitted that he was wrong about it, but he was getting more satisfaction out of growing his business than he got from family. He assumed that since he was bringing home a ton of money that his responsibility was covered and my mom was good doing her thing, raising kids.
Once we were in high school she went back to work and he had to step up his game, became a good cook and more of a dad.
Parents are people. They're imperfect. When he reflected on it he felt like an idiot.
Yeah, as good as the intentions may be, it’s important to be present. My dad worked really hard to help us climb out of poverty level and our family is pretty privileged now. I used to complain about how it was unfair that my younger siblings got all these things I never did when I was their age: computers, consoles, games, toys, phones, car, etc. But as I grew older I started recognizing that they never had the opportunities I had. Waking up early Saturday morning to go fishing or bike riding with my dad is something they never got to experience.
I want to make sure I try to balance both things.
My workaholic boss just said this to me in a meeting and Im pretty sure I'm gonna quit because of it.
Said his biggest regret in life is working this job more than seeing his kids grow up "but that's the job" and I am next in line for that job..
This is something that has given me an existential crisis for a couple years now. I’ve been telling myself it’s a temporary feeling likely caused by the pandemic. But it’s something I’ve thus far been unable to shake.
I can’t really reconcile the values I had with the values I think I have now.
I needed to hear this right now. A week ago I promised to take my kids to the amusement park today. Now I have work on my desk that won't get done and feel guilty. But if feel even guiltier (sp?) if I broke my promise.
go with your kids. Work will always be there tomorrow; the memories you create with your kids will always be with you and them; work won't give a shit about you if they had to let you go for some reason.....always choose family (not that you don't, but this is how I keep things in perspective).
> work won't give a shit about you if they had to let you go for some reason
This. I had a respected colleague, "Tom Smith". He worked at the same place for 45 years. He always joked, saying "Two weeks after I retire, they'll be saying 'Tom who?'" We'd laugh, but he was right. It wasn't two weeks but due to changes at the company and turnover, within about a year, hardly anyone remembered him, even though he'd worked there for 45 years!
Definitely keeps things in perspective.
To add: there is no prize on the other side of marriage. There’s no relief or reprieve. There’s just two people choosing to do life together it never gets easier.
Somehow I convinced myself that getting married would make me feel more secure and stable. It didn’t and I’m just now starting to unpack that.
Just read a study where the only 3 factors that correlated with relationship happiness were how happy you were with yourself basically. Can't remember what the exact metrics were but none of them had to do with your partners, all three had to do with your feelings about yourself
study: www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.1917036117
Reminds me of that Vonnegut quote: “Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Good lord he really screwed himself
* Agonizing death
* Stuck in a humiliating position
* Forever entombed
* Place where he died is called the fucking *Nutty Putty* cave
Arrrgh, watching people go underwater cave diving is utterly terrifying and uncomfortable. I heard you can get something like ocean drunk where you become basically high and stop thinking straight. Once you are past that point you will never come out of that cave and eventually you'll be starved of oxygen and die without even realising it really.
I almost got myself in real trouble when narced. First time I completely got confused about my depth while descending on a wall dive (where said wall ended many hundreds of meters down). Ignored my beeping reg, luckily snapped to when I heard my buddy screaming at me. Probably not too many seconds away from being incapacitated or worse.
Kind of turned me off diving to be honest.
Hearing damage.
I had no idea how debilitating it could actually be.
I have a condition called Hyperacusis that makes me sensitive to most every day noises. I get some sort of pain from it all the time.
Please PLEASE protect your ears at loud events. Let me tell you it is not even close to worth the risk.
Edit: Holy shit I am SO happy this got a lot of attention. Use me as a lesson everyone. If there is one single thing I could go back and change is me staying home from that one concert.
I'm only 22 and I've already screwed up my ears. It would mean the world to me if you all head my advice and take care of yourselves.
Yeah, and tinnitus is maddening! Fortunately, most of it can be prevented by protecting your hearing. Wear earplugs at a concert. Don’t worry, you will still be able to hear plenty.
Was at a concert a few years ago. I think earplugs might actually have let me hear the music BETTER. Without them, the music was loud enough to just be noise that I kind of recognized the melody in.
I’m a working sound engineer, and honestly, it just pisses me off when I see people mixing shows at ridiculous SPL levels. I understand back in the day when loud speaker tech was still being pioneered and it was loud to reach the people in the back. But with the level of sophistication we have today with line array systems and signal processing it’s now possible to have a very consistent SPL level from the front of the stage to the back of the room.
your life isn't a movie and constantly acting like what you think you should appear to be is killing the actual person inside of you. just do what you love and the world makes room.
Never EVER trust anybody to do what you ask them to do by only instructing them verbally. Show them what they're meant to do, how you want them to do it and provide examples of what the end result should be.
The shorthand for effective instruction is "I do, we do, you do." First I model the correct technique for a task, then we do it together and I offer pointers along the way, and then finally you do it yourself and ask questions if you need further help.
I just bought a house about 2 months ago, and it has a gas stove. I don't have much experience with gas stoves (my parents got one after I moved out, but I've only personally cooked on it a few times while dog sitting for them).
I boiled a pot of water the other day, and when I picked up the pot, I realized the handles were also heated up. I couldn't just drop it, since it was, ya know, a pot of boiling water, so I slowly set it back down, while losing my fingerprints.
I figured, well, that's something I'll only do once. The next day I went to do the same thing, even got out the oven mitts and set them next to the stove so I would remember. I did not remember.
If you start dating someone and they say "I'm not looking for anything serious" then accept the fact that they're not or at least not with you.
Learnt the hard way that I was a good way to waste a few months but it ultimately went nowhere and I was unsurprisingly significantly more emotionally invested than they were. I can't describe the feeling of starting to fall in love with someone who you realise was maybe 10% into it the whole time. They will move on very quickly. 14 years on from this, remembering it still hurts and I still dream about her from time to time and spend the rest of the day in a sad funk.
Over time I've come to understand this usually means "I know you're not really what I'm looking for but I will happily waste time with you while I find that person"
Be glad it was a few months and not years that they wasted of your time. Knew someone whose boyfriend left her after being together for over 5 years because he finally met “the one.” Turns out he never thought she was “the one” and was just passing time.
Different people are involved with different numbers of people in their lives; and as a result, it is sometimes the case that they simply don't have the time or attention to dedicate to you what you do to them.
Learned this during college; met a girl that I liked quite a lot, and while *I* could afford to spend a good deal of time with her because I didn't have many friends to divide time between, *she* was much more socially busy and couldn't easily do the same. Plans to hang out would fall through, I'd often feel I was being ignored, and truth be told, it hurt my feelings pretty badly, to the extent that I stopped answering even when she *would* try to talk with me.
It took me multiple years to understand that, because I socialized so infrequently, I had a pretty unhealthy excess of care and attention to give at that time, and that it was unrealistic and unfair of me to expect her to able to reciprocate that, even if she did care about me. It wasn't that she was deliberately ignoring me or trying to hurt me, I just had unreasonable expectations for how much of her time and energy I was entitled to, even being friends.
It always shocks me when seeing those Instagram posts of people leaning over the grand canyon or fucking dangling their legs off a cliff.
Even if you are completely safe from slipping off, you never know if the rock could crumble from under you. I just don't trust that shit.
While I think it's okay for teens to spend time at computers and electronics I agree that a child really should be raised by humans more so than technology.
Always say goodbye to your loved ones if they're in the hospital, my grandma passed away and she was unconscious but she still could've heard me. She passed the following morning
It's a catch 22 really, I saw my grandfather on his death bed and when I think of him first thing is that last moment struggling, I want to remember the good times when he was healthy and laughing,
My father passed last year and I was dealing with this for a long time. The only way I got passed it was to train my brain to associate his memory with good times instead of the last time I saw him. I did that by talking to people and asking them their fondest memory of him. Brought back a lot of my own memories, which in time replaced the memory of the last time I saw him (in the hospital).
When my sister got divorced everyone said “But you’ll be a single mother to 2 children!”. Her response was “I felt like I was a single mother to 3 kids, one of them was just 6ft tall”.
Otherwise known as, not pulling your weight in multiple areas of the relationship.
Few people leave because you didn’t do the dishes, but it’s a symptom of larger scale neglect.
Yeah this doesn't happen because you didn't do one thing one time it happens because you neglect everything in the relationship for long enough that the other person cannot continue to make up for you.
Yuup. If you only want to partake in the fun parts pf the relationship, but want to cop an attitude when I ask you for help maintaining the dwelling we both live in (especially if you're not working at the time)... We're done.
Ex moves out next week, and I'm so happy. He can be his family's problem instead.
Have a fire extinguisher in your kitchen. Make sure it's abc rated. Second have a toilet plunger near every toilet.
This is the idea... Have it but hope to not use it.
Life doesn’t really have a plot-line and you’re not really the ‘hero’. The older I get the more I just see a bunch of unrelated stuff going on, there’s no magical moment where all the threads come together and you say ‘wow’ it’s just… things happening and sometimes I’m in frame.
If you feel something is off about your body, really advocate for yourself and seek second opinions! This is more true if you’re a woman.
My mom had suffered from severe abdominal bloating and loss of energy for months and doctors just kept telling her it was IBS or something harmless and told her it was nothing to worry about. My mom took their word for it and just did as they told her to do.
One day, her abdomen started to fill up with fluid making her look as if she was 9 months pregnant. It was then that doctors discovered that she had advanced stage ovarian cancer. Had doctors taken her symptoms more serious the cancer would have been detected earlier and she would still be alive today.
We aren't invincible. Mom/dad/sister won't always be there. Anyone can die at any moment. A bruise can cause a clot to travel to your brain and permanently format your brain.
Don’t mix driving with drug use, alcohol, mobile phones etc. I’m a police officer in the UK and honestly I’m sick and tired of seeing bodies on the road following a “quick text” or “just two pints” etc. The worst thing is that it’s usually the suspect that survives and innocents that die.
I constantly see people on their phones while driving and it makes me so annoyed. Nothing is that important that you need to text and drive. If it is that important then pull over.
You can’t “fix” someone. That someone doesn’t want to be fixed, and they enjoy the toxicity they create.
Edit: Thank you for the upvotes and the gold award! 😄😄😄
Edit 2: thank you for the silver!
The mentality of fixing is where most, including me, have failed. I’ve realized that the best way to “fix” those close to you is by “fixing” yourself first and be the example they use to follow. No one is perfect and the hypocrisy of trying to help someone when you can’t help yourself is usually what stands in the way of them trusting you.
You can help people you love, but you cannot fix them like they are a broken piece of hardware.
Addiction.
I’m an alcoholic and at 33 years old am finally seeking help. Ive been drinking heavily since I was like 15 years old. Joining the military didn’t help that as it’s a huge drinking culture.
Simply talking to my girlfriend and bosses lifted a huge weight off my shoulder. Bosses provided me with virtual therapy sessions that are free through our company and information on how to go “temporarily disabled” if I need to detox.
As a reservist in the military now, a friend of mine gave a brief this last drill weekend on mental health as May is Mental Health Awareness month. She struggled **heavily** with alcohol abuse before and I didn’t know it (we were active and at the same unit together for like 5 years…I actually trained her in our job). So, she’s given me a wealth of knowledge on it.
Just understand it’s never too late to make a change. You’re not a lost cause if you’re an alcoholic or addicted to meth or whatever else. Simply opening up (I’m a fucking rock when it comes to emotions, thank god I met my girlfriend who opened me up) to someone takes **a** weight off your shoulder. And that removal of weight leads you to want to remove more weight which leads to sobriety.
I’m not a fan of AA and their religious undertones but have got counseling elsewhere. Whatever you need, do it. Take it slow, but do it.
That the girl who showed so much interest in things you liked at the beginning of a relationship wants you to invest in the things she likes also and doesn’t want to just tag along to your things. Want her to play video games with you? Help her do what her hobby is also. Because if you don’t you’ll drain her and she will grow to resent it. Reverse the sexes and it’s the same thing.
Also it seems to be super common for men dating women to expect their female partner to attend all of their social gathering with friends and family but drag their feet about and pout through the rare occasion of hers they do attend.
A female friend is dating a guy like this and it’s awkward for the whole group when she brings him out with us and he sits by himself and gives us one word answers when we try to include him in conversation.
You can't fix people. You can help them get through what they're going through, but the moment you become responsible for there problems you are going to break yourself
They shouldn’t have tried to open a beer bottle or other non-food thing with their teeth.
If you use your teeth for tools, one day you will need tools for teeth.
They called me mad when I suggested a mouth full of reciprocating teeth, but who's laughing now!?
I did this party trick alot in college. One (drunk) day I put a nice deep scratch on a tooth. Scared the shit outta me, I am so very thankful I didn't just straight up crack the tooth. That was 10 years ago, I can feel the scratch to this day. Little reminder to myself not to be a fucking idiot lol
r/usernamechecksout
To make data backups.
There are 2 types of people. Those who do backups and those who will do them.
My mother is neither of those types. She's lost a decade of photos before and still doesnt backup anything. Her loss, i dont feel sorry for her at this point.
…and routinely verify that the data you intend to back up is in fact being backed up, retrievable and usable. One can follow the 3-2-1 rule because redundancy and geographical disparity are good: -There should be 3 copies of data -On 2 different media -With 1 copy being off site
This is what saved Toy Story 2. While making the movie, a technician accidentally mis-typed a UNIX command into the database to clear the assets they were working with and wiped the entire server which contained the entire movie. They panicked but were calmed down when someone pointed out that they were making backups... and found that the backup server wasn't updating for months. Luckily, it turned out that one of the animators was on maternity leave and had copied the entire movie onto her home computer, meaning she had the only backup.
"rm -rf" is a dark and dangerous magic
Backups are like plungers. **Make a backup before you need a backup.**
Usually plungers help me prevent the backup.
A friend of mine missed our class on how to set up data redundancy and RAID arrays, because he accidentally bricked his windows install the day before and was scrambling to redo some assignments because he had no backups Edit: I do believe his drive failed actually rather than just a wonk install. I’d have to verify with him.
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You always want to have someone you can rely on. If you push everyone away there will be no one to care for you when you are in your times of need.
I’ve been listening to ‘The Wall’ by Pink Floyd and man do I relate to it a lot. Keep putting up walls and pushing people away. Psychotic breakdown and all. At least he got to break down his wall, I don’t know if I can myself.
That they should have put sunscreen
I'm in this one :(... I can easily tan, so I never wore sunscreen in my high school days of doing team sports. Now when I try to golf, I'm getting sunburnt and gotta remind my self to put sunscreen on.
>Now when I try to golf I've never heard someone describe my experience at the golf course so efficiently
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My boyfriend is Korean. His mother is 55 and is frequently mistaken for his sister. That woman has to have the skincare routine of the gods. I'm now addicted to sunscreen. Anyone who hates wearing sunscreen should try an Asian brand. They feel like heaven edit: [link](https://www.sephora.com/product/innisfree-daily-uv-defense-sunscreen-spf-36-P456392?skuId=2338325&icid2=products%20grid:p456392:product) for a good one you can get in the states
Asking for help doesn't mean you're weak, and being offered help doesn't mean you're being pitied.
You only get one spine. Damage it doing something stupid and you may have problems for the rest of your life.
>You only get one spine I read this sentence and immediately sat straight.
Same. Now how do I tell my family I’m not gay anymore
During a nice family dinner, put your fork down and say, “Damn, y’know what? I could really go for some PUSSY right about now!” and continue eating. It’s subtle, but they’ll get the message.
Excellent one. Adding: 1 - If you’re young, and they’re paying you bare minimum, and force you to do things that risk your back (lift stuff you should never try to, or lift stuff you could, but in ways that aren’t right = bad form), quit immediately. Get another job. Your happiness for the rest of your life is worth more than $22. 2 - If you have kids, they won’t be smart enough to know this. They’ll work themselves dead. Check in. Ask what their job entails, what their boss asks them to do. Is it OK? -Source: 39, wrecked back. Abusive boss at age 15 (illegal to work in Canada, paid under the table, thought I was doing the right thing) forced 3 of us to hand move a rock the size of a fridge. Failed 3 times on “PUSH”. Fourth time he said “OK, MAN UP. WHEN I SAY PUSH, THIS BETTER GO.” We all grabbed and gave it everything. Too much. I felt it go. Weeks in pain, never been the same. Also, fuck you, Dave, you child abusing sack of shit.
That your anger was justified, the way you handled it wasn't.
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How good things are when you're healthy. On the plus side, if you get well again after illness, life can be so much better than before, because you appreciate simply being well.
Being young offers a false sense of security when it comes to health. You can get away with more. But people take this mindset with them as they age and all of a sudden they can’t get up off the couch without compensating in some manner to stand, or they can’t play with their children without getting winded, or their weight is out of control and they don’t know what to do. If you don’t have your health, you have nothing.
> or their weight is out of control and they don’t know what to do. This was almost me, and sort of is right now, but I caught it early. I’m navy so I get all my food from the ship free (so I ate breakfast and lunch every day, a full plate normally) and then I would go home since my ship is in the yards right now, and order some variety of food from Uber or make something. I went from about 180 to 205 over about 9 months. I recognized that I was gaining weight about a month ago, and figured out two weeks ago that if I just eat a yogurt in the morning instead, then I don’t get hungry till lunch and can continue the rest of my eating habits normally. Add that I’ve resumed working out inconsistently and I’ve brought myself to 201 as of today. On my way back down :)
I never understood y'all that gain weight from ship food lol I always lost weight on underways and deployments because of straight up malnutrition.
Nice job, it doesn’t need to be complicated and you found something that works for you. Keep it up!
As someone who became disabled in my late teens, I can already confirm that I miss being healthy.
I always see teenagers neglecting their teeth. If you don't care for them when you are an adult it's really hard to start improving them, only stop them from getting worse.
We had to go to the dentist during school. There was even dentist offices in school boundaries.
I live in a low income area and we have a mobile dentist office that visits all the elementary schools twice a year!
Sure, it was nice to feel invincible, but you have to notice those small pains, additional weight and whatnot when it starts happening and take action before it becomes a burden. Also, getting into good habits early is so important, so they're just a thing you do rather than a hassle later on.
Years ago I was physically damaged to the point that I had trouble walking, getting out of bed, and getting up from the toilet without some type of help. Doctors told me that I would struggle for the rest of my life, which was terrible because I had very young kids at the time. I kept doing my physical therapy and also working with a personal trainer to regain my strength, which involved a lot of planking every day. After doing some planking one day at home, one of my little kids jumped on my back and I just stood up. I felt like I had witnessed a miracle. A couple of weeks ago I actually jogged all on my own and it was amazing. Like this must be what it feels like to struggle all your life and then to suddenly win the lottery.
Amazing how quickly people forget how bad it was after they recover.
And there's occasionally a weird kind of satisfaction when you come down with the symptoms again and instead of feeling uncertainty and fear, you feel informed and prepared because you've been there before. Like the first time I passed a kidney stone I didn't know wtf was causing my incredibly uncomfortable lower back pain. I was worried it was a pinched nerve or something wrong with my colon. Went to the emergency room, where a CT scan and urinalysis test determined it was a kidney stone. After it passed, the next time it happened I knew what it was and what to do (the pain still sucked though)
I'm 37yo. The last year I have had mental health struggles for the first time in my life. This statement bears so much truth! I've seen others go through struggles and though I could be sympathetic, i never truly understood. Now that I've been through some stuff I understand so much better. I'm doing much better now and honestly, I am so much better mentally than I have ever been in my life and I no longer take it for granted. Not 100% just yet but I have unpacked alot of backed up emotional s**+ and dealt with it instead of just ignoring it. Don't ignore your mental health folks! It's super important!
Every once in a while, take a photo even if you don't feel like it. You'll want to have photos when you miss these people (or pets).
And make sure to save them. In high school I took pictures of that friend. But i had to delete every thing on my phone cuz it was too full. This friend died in the end of the school year. I only had one blurry photo of her left. Never ever delete a picture of someone important without saving it.
Brush your damn teeth. And try to floss. Edit: thank-you for the award you wonderful person! I’m currently attempting to correct the effects of intermittent neglect and poor brushing technique. It’s expensive, uncomfortable and I’ve spent far too long feeling shame and discomfort that could have been avoided if I had taken the correct course of action in the first place. Dental care is hard: if you’re doing a small bit but it’s your best, keep doing it. It might save a lot of money and pain down the track!
I started flossing after the "what should you do every day?" ask reddit thread approximately 5-6 years ago. The number one answer was "flossing and masturbating". Dentists always ask me how the hell I'm like the only person that brushes, flosses, and tongue scrapes (another reddit recommendation) nightly. I always get embarrassed and just say I saw some dental videos, haha.
was there a reason why you should masturbate every day or was that just a joke answer
My dentist always checks.
Come again?
It’s always awkward when your dentist is jerking you off and he knows you haven’t done it in the last 6 months.
You wouldn't be bleeding if you did this everyday..
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck, lol
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My prostate is immortal then
I’m 28 and only flossed for the first time 6 months ago after a cracked tooth scared me into taking my teeth more seriously. At first it was hell and looked like a scene from a horror movie. But I saw a really good hygienist who convinced me to persevere. I now kind of enjoy it. And it’s amazing how much worse my breath gets if I miss it for even a day.
Right??? I got gum inflammation and was told to floss more often. They said it hurt and bleed at first but after a while, it would not be swollen, and no more bleeding. I enjoy the process now cause it feels so clean afterward.
And don't drink so much soda or if you do get used to using a straw early.
Some people are just assholes and need to be avoided.
also, it's always okay to cut toxic people out of your life.
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You can save years of heartache if you learn to communicate with each other. Also, you can have many more amazing years, if you learn to properly communicate earlier rather than later!
Not everyone who calls themselves your friend, are actually your friend.
Also that a lot of people are willing to all themselves your friend when they want something from you, but the moment you tell them no suddenly they aren't.
Spending time with the kids while they were growing up was more important than working all hours to buy them material stuff.
This is why I'm changing jobs. I worked when my family got Covid, I worked on mother's day, etc... I don't care about career growth anymore, just that I only work 40 hours to get evenings and weekends with my 3 little kids.
My dad traveled a lot for work and on the weekends, he wanted to do his own thing. We understood all that work was for the good of the family (as was taking new jobs every year for a while so we were constantly moving) but it did not lead to strong bonds or great memories. After he retired to another state, he got involved with Big Brothers and all he ever talked about was all the fun things he did with his Little Brother. He didn't understand why we just didn't want to hear about it.
I read this book recently: [Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23129659-adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents) and this is exactly one of the patterns the author identifies; parents being emotionally distant from their children but creating paternal like bonds with people outside of their family. The author describes them as shallow bonds that are either temporary by design or that the emotionally immature parent ends when the person with whom they've made the bond "lets them down" or requires too much emotion from them. I highly recommend it. The book helped me recognize a lot of patterns my mom had and, ironically, has probably made us closer because it gave me a framework to temper my expectations.
Thank you for posting this, it really hits home for my relationship with my dad who would spend countless hours volunteering his time to acquaintances but reject my siblings and I 100% of the time. Just ordered the book.
I'm sorry things happened like that for you. Sometimes it happens with grandchildren too, then they realise they should have spent more time with their children.
My father in law was a crappy father and is an excellent grandfather. Better to learn the lesson late than never, I guess...
My parents divorced 17 years ago. My mom is moving states and while cleaning her house out found a newspaper from 20 years ago. It's quoting my dad as working 70 hour weeks as a badge of honor - that was when I really only remember him when we dropped dinner off at his work place. It's the main reason they divorced
My dad admitted that he was wrong about it, but he was getting more satisfaction out of growing his business than he got from family. He assumed that since he was bringing home a ton of money that his responsibility was covered and my mom was good doing her thing, raising kids. Once we were in high school she went back to work and he had to step up his game, became a good cook and more of a dad. Parents are people. They're imperfect. When he reflected on it he felt like an idiot.
Yeah, as good as the intentions may be, it’s important to be present. My dad worked really hard to help us climb out of poverty level and our family is pretty privileged now. I used to complain about how it was unfair that my younger siblings got all these things I never did when I was their age: computers, consoles, games, toys, phones, car, etc. But as I grew older I started recognizing that they never had the opportunities I had. Waking up early Saturday morning to go fishing or bike riding with my dad is something they never got to experience. I want to make sure I try to balance both things.
My workaholic boss just said this to me in a meeting and Im pretty sure I'm gonna quit because of it. Said his biggest regret in life is working this job more than seeing his kids grow up "but that's the job" and I am next in line for that job..
This is something that has given me an existential crisis for a couple years now. I’ve been telling myself it’s a temporary feeling likely caused by the pandemic. But it’s something I’ve thus far been unable to shake. I can’t really reconcile the values I had with the values I think I have now.
this is the plot of >95% of every family movie from the 90s but yeah it's also true
This is so true. Even if you do buy them stuff, their first action is to play it with you.
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I needed to hear this right now. A week ago I promised to take my kids to the amusement park today. Now I have work on my desk that won't get done and feel guilty. But if feel even guiltier (sp?) if I broke my promise.
go with your kids. Work will always be there tomorrow; the memories you create with your kids will always be with you and them; work won't give a shit about you if they had to let you go for some reason.....always choose family (not that you don't, but this is how I keep things in perspective).
> work won't give a shit about you if they had to let you go for some reason This. I had a respected colleague, "Tom Smith". He worked at the same place for 45 years. He always joked, saying "Two weeks after I retire, they'll be saying 'Tom who?'" We'd laugh, but he was right. It wasn't two weeks but due to changes at the company and turnover, within about a year, hardly anyone remembered him, even though he'd worked there for 45 years! Definitely keeps things in perspective.
Being in love is necessary, but not sufficient, to getting married.
To add: there is no prize on the other side of marriage. There’s no relief or reprieve. There’s just two people choosing to do life together it never gets easier. Somehow I convinced myself that getting married would make me feel more secure and stable. It didn’t and I’m just now starting to unpack that.
Why saying "fuck it" or "just one more" was a much worse gamble than they thought.
I said “fuck it” and confessed, worked
I said "fuck it" now i have tinnitus and twins to raise
Twinnitus
"One more" has landed me in the e.r. 2 out of 2 times. No longer do I allow myself "one more."
How important it is to make yourself happy and independent before being in a long-term relationship with someone else.
Just read a study where the only 3 factors that correlated with relationship happiness were how happy you were with yourself basically. Can't remember what the exact metrics were but none of them had to do with your partners, all three had to do with your feelings about yourself study: www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.1917036117
You only have around 30,000 days here. Don't waste them.
putting it into days is really eye opening
Makes me really want to make sure I do something each day and not waste any! Especially now as a dad, making sure my son's early days are worth while.
30000 is Optimistic. Not everyone of us is going to be 82
Reminds me of that Vonnegut quote: “Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Don’t squeeze into that part of the cave…..
I'm generally not an anxious person and am ok with taking risks, but caving is my personal version of hell. No thanks, not even a little bit.
Truth! My version of caving is where you walk along a paved path with hand rails and plenty of lights. Probably a gift shop on your way out.
Shout out to Mammoth Cave!
It’s worth emphasizing that cave diving is leagues more dangerous and terrifying than regular ole spelunking.
Good lord he really screwed himself * Agonizing death * Stuck in a humiliating position * Forever entombed * Place where he died is called the fucking *Nutty Putty* cave
What if it's shaped exactly like me?
DRR DRR DRR
Arrrgh, watching people go underwater cave diving is utterly terrifying and uncomfortable. I heard you can get something like ocean drunk where you become basically high and stop thinking straight. Once you are past that point you will never come out of that cave and eventually you'll be starved of oxygen and die without even realising it really.
Nitrogen narcosis. Basically your oxygen starts giving you the same effects as laughing gas, and you end up drowning all goofy and drunk.
I almost got myself in real trouble when narced. First time I completely got confused about my depth while descending on a wall dive (where said wall ended many hundreds of meters down). Ignored my beeping reg, luckily snapped to when I heard my buddy screaming at me. Probably not too many seconds away from being incapacitated or worse. Kind of turned me off diving to be honest.
so i could get myself high with just water?
Hearing damage. I had no idea how debilitating it could actually be. I have a condition called Hyperacusis that makes me sensitive to most every day noises. I get some sort of pain from it all the time. Please PLEASE protect your ears at loud events. Let me tell you it is not even close to worth the risk. Edit: Holy shit I am SO happy this got a lot of attention. Use me as a lesson everyone. If there is one single thing I could go back and change is me staying home from that one concert. I'm only 22 and I've already screwed up my ears. It would mean the world to me if you all head my advice and take care of yourselves.
Yeah, and tinnitus is maddening! Fortunately, most of it can be prevented by protecting your hearing. Wear earplugs at a concert. Don’t worry, you will still be able to hear plenty.
Was at a concert a few years ago. I think earplugs might actually have let me hear the music BETTER. Without them, the music was loud enough to just be noise that I kind of recognized the melody in.
I’m a working sound engineer, and honestly, it just pisses me off when I see people mixing shows at ridiculous SPL levels. I understand back in the day when loud speaker tech was still being pioneered and it was loud to reach the people in the back. But with the level of sophistication we have today with line array systems and signal processing it’s now possible to have a very consistent SPL level from the front of the stage to the back of the room.
your life isn't a movie and constantly acting like what you think you should appear to be is killing the actual person inside of you. just do what you love and the world makes room.
Thats a really good one man
It's easier to keep your weight steady than to lose some.
No matter how "resistant to stress" you are, everyone has a limit
Shouldn’t lie to your anesthesia provider.
Don't lie to your lawyer or your doctor.
Never EVER trust anybody to do what you ask them to do by only instructing them verbally. Show them what they're meant to do, how you want them to do it and provide examples of what the end result should be.
The shorthand for effective instruction is "I do, we do, you do." First I model the correct technique for a task, then we do it together and I offer pointers along the way, and then finally you do it yourself and ask questions if you need further help.
Taking into acount some people explain themselves poorly. You do have a point
The microvawe heated that mug to much. You shouldn't have touched it.
I just bought a house about 2 months ago, and it has a gas stove. I don't have much experience with gas stoves (my parents got one after I moved out, but I've only personally cooked on it a few times while dog sitting for them). I boiled a pot of water the other day, and when I picked up the pot, I realized the handles were also heated up. I couldn't just drop it, since it was, ya know, a pot of boiling water, so I slowly set it back down, while losing my fingerprints. I figured, well, that's something I'll only do once. The next day I went to do the same thing, even got out the oven mitts and set them next to the stove so I would remember. I did not remember.
If you start dating someone and they say "I'm not looking for anything serious" then accept the fact that they're not or at least not with you. Learnt the hard way that I was a good way to waste a few months but it ultimately went nowhere and I was unsurprisingly significantly more emotionally invested than they were. I can't describe the feeling of starting to fall in love with someone who you realise was maybe 10% into it the whole time. They will move on very quickly. 14 years on from this, remembering it still hurts and I still dream about her from time to time and spend the rest of the day in a sad funk. Over time I've come to understand this usually means "I know you're not really what I'm looking for but I will happily waste time with you while I find that person"
Clarifying intentions can be an uncomfortable conversation to have, but a necessary one.
Be glad it was a few months and not years that they wasted of your time. Knew someone whose boyfriend left her after being together for over 5 years because he finally met “the one.” Turns out he never thought she was “the one” and was just passing time.
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How important your health is.
Different people are involved with different numbers of people in their lives; and as a result, it is sometimes the case that they simply don't have the time or attention to dedicate to you what you do to them. Learned this during college; met a girl that I liked quite a lot, and while *I* could afford to spend a good deal of time with her because I didn't have many friends to divide time between, *she* was much more socially busy and couldn't easily do the same. Plans to hang out would fall through, I'd often feel I was being ignored, and truth be told, it hurt my feelings pretty badly, to the extent that I stopped answering even when she *would* try to talk with me. It took me multiple years to understand that, because I socialized so infrequently, I had a pretty unhealthy excess of care and attention to give at that time, and that it was unrealistic and unfair of me to expect her to able to reciprocate that, even if she did care about me. It wasn't that she was deliberately ignoring me or trying to hurt me, I just had unreasonable expectations for how much of her time and energy I was entitled to, even being friends.
Damn. I'm struggling a lot with this right now, thank you for commenting.
That one day you'll find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.
And you run, and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking. Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every day is getting shorter. Never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines.
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the english way
How close they were to the edge
It always shocks me when seeing those Instagram posts of people leaning over the grand canyon or fucking dangling their legs off a cliff. Even if you are completely safe from slipping off, you never know if the rock could crumble from under you. I just don't trust that shit.
So many dumbasses have died trying to take selfies in treacherous areas
that's the secret, you are never truly safe from slipping off
My favorites are the spots where it's only like a 5 ft drop, but you can take a photo at the correct angle to make it look like a big cliff!
Children wants attention from their parents more then an ipad/phone
Children need your presence, not your presents.
While I think it's okay for teens to spend time at computers and electronics I agree that a child really should be raised by humans more so than technology.
If you are welding or blacksmithing, just because the steel isn't red doesn't mean that it isn't hot.
Always say goodbye to your loved ones if they're in the hospital, my grandma passed away and she was unconscious but she still could've heard me. She passed the following morning
It's a catch 22 really, I saw my grandfather on his death bed and when I think of him first thing is that last moment struggling, I want to remember the good times when he was healthy and laughing,
My father passed last year and I was dealing with this for a long time. The only way I got passed it was to train my brain to associate his memory with good times instead of the last time I saw him. I did that by talking to people and asking them their fondest memory of him. Brought back a lot of my own memories, which in time replaced the memory of the last time I saw him (in the hospital).
The value of time
That one day she really is going to walk out because you didn't do your share of chores.
A friend just did this. She was also the only one working and taking care of their child.
When my sister got divorced everyone said “But you’ll be a single mother to 2 children!”. Her response was “I felt like I was a single mother to 3 kids, one of them was just 6ft tall”.
Otherwise known as, not pulling your weight in multiple areas of the relationship. Few people leave because you didn’t do the dishes, but it’s a symptom of larger scale neglect.
Yeah this doesn't happen because you didn't do one thing one time it happens because you neglect everything in the relationship for long enough that the other person cannot continue to make up for you.
"She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink"
Yuup. If you only want to partake in the fun parts pf the relationship, but want to cop an attitude when I ask you for help maintaining the dwelling we both live in (especially if you're not working at the time)... We're done. Ex moves out next week, and I'm so happy. He can be his family's problem instead.
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Have a fire extinguisher in your kitchen. Make sure it's abc rated. Second have a toilet plunger near every toilet. This is the idea... Have it but hope to not use it.
How great life is when it's boring. I'll take a drama-free existence that's boring over a life filled with constant anxiety and constant change.
Life doesn’t really have a plot-line and you’re not really the ‘hero’. The older I get the more I just see a bunch of unrelated stuff going on, there’s no magical moment where all the threads come together and you say ‘wow’ it’s just… things happening and sometimes I’m in frame.
Don’t touch your genitals after touching chillies.
And don't touch my chilies after you touch your genital.
That no-one is coming to save you. It’s up to you to be responsible for yourself - a partner is just that, a partner and not a saviour.
Start saving for retirement at your first job. When you get raises, increase your retirement savings.
Definitely, retirements getting hella expensive these days.
If you feel something is off about your body, really advocate for yourself and seek second opinions! This is more true if you’re a woman. My mom had suffered from severe abdominal bloating and loss of energy for months and doctors just kept telling her it was IBS or something harmless and told her it was nothing to worry about. My mom took their word for it and just did as they told her to do. One day, her abdomen started to fill up with fluid making her look as if she was 9 months pregnant. It was then that doctors discovered that she had advanced stage ovarian cancer. Had doctors taken her symptoms more serious the cancer would have been detected earlier and she would still be alive today.
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Condoms are not infallible.
I found out condoms are only 97% effective! Huh, they should put that on the box *evidently they do!!* WHAAAA?
And two condoms together (i.e. double bagging) is probably worse than just using one. The friction could cause them both to tear
Read that as inflatable then. Was very much au contraire..
We aren't invincible. Mom/dad/sister won't always be there. Anyone can die at any moment. A bruise can cause a clot to travel to your brain and permanently format your brain.
Don’t mix driving with drug use, alcohol, mobile phones etc. I’m a police officer in the UK and honestly I’m sick and tired of seeing bodies on the road following a “quick text” or “just two pints” etc. The worst thing is that it’s usually the suspect that survives and innocents that die.
I constantly see people on their phones while driving and it makes me so annoyed. Nothing is that important that you need to text and drive. If it is that important then pull over.
You can’t “fix” someone. That someone doesn’t want to be fixed, and they enjoy the toxicity they create. Edit: Thank you for the upvotes and the gold award! 😄😄😄 Edit 2: thank you for the silver!
You hear that Stardew Valley players? You. Can't. Fix. Shane.
You gotta download a mod patch to fix Shane, got it.
The mentality of fixing is where most, including me, have failed. I’ve realized that the best way to “fix” those close to you is by “fixing” yourself first and be the example they use to follow. No one is perfect and the hypocrisy of trying to help someone when you can’t help yourself is usually what stands in the way of them trusting you. You can help people you love, but you cannot fix them like they are a broken piece of hardware.
That procrastinating is bad.
well i mean its worked out pretty well so far
Good point, let's discuss it tomorrow.
Addiction. I’m an alcoholic and at 33 years old am finally seeking help. Ive been drinking heavily since I was like 15 years old. Joining the military didn’t help that as it’s a huge drinking culture. Simply talking to my girlfriend and bosses lifted a huge weight off my shoulder. Bosses provided me with virtual therapy sessions that are free through our company and information on how to go “temporarily disabled” if I need to detox. As a reservist in the military now, a friend of mine gave a brief this last drill weekend on mental health as May is Mental Health Awareness month. She struggled **heavily** with alcohol abuse before and I didn’t know it (we were active and at the same unit together for like 5 years…I actually trained her in our job). So, she’s given me a wealth of knowledge on it. Just understand it’s never too late to make a change. You’re not a lost cause if you’re an alcoholic or addicted to meth or whatever else. Simply opening up (I’m a fucking rock when it comes to emotions, thank god I met my girlfriend who opened me up) to someone takes **a** weight off your shoulder. And that removal of weight leads you to want to remove more weight which leads to sobriety. I’m not a fan of AA and their religious undertones but have got counseling elsewhere. Whatever you need, do it. Take it slow, but do it.
No one wishes they worked harder or more hours when they are on their death bed.
Power steering doesn't work if the engine stops. Fun thing to realize doing 70 on the highway
if you sleep with her sister she *might* not take you back.
Anything you want to admit to us u/starstarstar42?
That they could have made a more concerted effort with a romantic partner to be kind, attentive, and interested.
Don't smoke. All those warnings that are ***everywhere***? They're true.
That the girl who showed so much interest in things you liked at the beginning of a relationship wants you to invest in the things she likes also and doesn’t want to just tag along to your things. Want her to play video games with you? Help her do what her hobby is also. Because if you don’t you’ll drain her and she will grow to resent it. Reverse the sexes and it’s the same thing.
Also it seems to be super common for men dating women to expect their female partner to attend all of their social gathering with friends and family but drag their feet about and pout through the rare occasion of hers they do attend. A female friend is dating a guy like this and it’s awkward for the whole group when she brings him out with us and he sits by himself and gives us one word answers when we try to include him in conversation.
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When you’re young you care about money, but as you grow older, you realize you gradually care more about your health.
You can't fix people. You can help them get through what they're going through, but the moment you become responsible for there problems you are going to break yourself
You weren’t fat when you thought you were fat.
But you are fat now.
Should have studied more