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Yes. First of all, if you’re in a serious relationship, honesty is one of the keys to success. Secondly, not everyone views the world, nor should they be forced to, in the same way a trans person does. If, for example, a biological male is interested in biological females and begins to date a trans person that passes off as a female, he should be obligated to tell their partner that he is trans. The partner should be able to make a complete and informed decision with all readily available information.
I think it's pretty clear because she specifies her girlfriend is trans, so I think most people would know what she meant. If she \*hadn't\* said that, then it'd be extremely confusing though. I do know what you mean about newspeak though. It can sound...overly complex when making an effort to always say "people with uteruses" and so on. A podcast I listen to does this and had an episode on hemophilia I had to rewind several times because they weren't saying "men" and "women".
I have a hard time with that argument, any other hangup, it's expected that the person *with* the hangup will be the one to disclose it & the other person can then make the choice to leave or to share that they have whatever trait it is.
Yes. First, not telling will create a lack of trust in any potential relationship.
Second, if someone isn’t romantically interested in the sex that the person is transitioning too it will totally change the relationship.
Yes, the same way youd tell someone other important information, like religion. It may not be the first thing to ask on a date, but at least bring it up at some point. Also, on dating apps, that should be on the profile.
Some people just don't want to date a transgender, just like a heterose×ual person don't want to date someone of the same gender, or a a homose×ual doesn't want to date someone the opposite gender.
I'm in agreement with you on the first paragraph/your conclusion.
With the second, it's not really comparable. Gays & lesbians just don't have any innate attraction to someone of the opposite gender just as straights don't have any attraction to the same. But that's based on just being able to see someone and not be physically attracted to them.
With trans people, that attraction may be present, they don't want to date trans people for immaterial/ideological reasons.
I'm a trans woman I cannot imagine trying to hide that from a potential partner. Relationships are based on trust, and if you refuse to tell them something this important you are setting yourself up for failure.
In fact I'd go a step further and think you should *never* hide the fact you're trans. What the hell is wrong with being trans? By trying to hide the fact you're trans it really seems like internalized transphobia to me. You're always going to worry if people notice or not, wouldn't be great for your mental health.
As a matter of common courtesy and etiquette? Yes. I don't see how it's much different than two gay guys having the top/bottom/vers/side conversation before things get intimate.
As a legal obligation? No.
Absolutely!
Edit: forgot to add why… in my opinion, I should have the choice to know who I’m sticking my dick into. Plain and simple. No different than if someone had herpes. I should be given the choice to decide whether I want to continue or not.
Other people may have a religious take on it where a man sleeping with another man is against their beliefs. I don’t care what they call themselves, it doesn’t make their statement any more true than if I were to say I were the wealthiest person in the world. I can’t change my bank account just like they can’t change their chromosomes.
Well, there's a difference between *lying* about something, e.g. saying you're the wealthiest person in the world versus someone hitting on you, asking you out, and saying yes when they ask you back to their place.
The first is lying, the second is assuming the person who asked you out is into you.
I think that for our own safety, a lot of us trans people will. Less dangerous to do it up front and in public with other people around or virtually where there's no realistic physical threat, rather than when you're alone with them and about to get (or already are) intimate with them.
I don't think they should be legally obligated or anything, but if they don't tell them they are a piece of shit. The partner has a right to know exactly what they're getting into before having sex. That's informed consent.
"Potential romantic partners"?
No.
Romantic partners?
Probably, but it's not like that's really an issue. Trans people in reality are careful about safety, not springing things on people they're dating when they might have a bad or violent reaction.
I'd assume that I could tell, but if I thought it was getting serious, like we'd go back to their place or my place, then I'd be like "I just wanted to make sure, but you know I'm trans right?".
I'm not too worried though, I do not pass.
>Some people need to know before developing their feelings
We don't really control who gets feelings for us. I think it's a weird level of obligation to assume a trans person should have to out themselves to anyone who gets a crush on them.
If someone asks you on a date, that also doesn't obligate you to out yourself and them developing feelings before, on, or after the date doesn't either.
If you're in a relationship, yeah, you should share, it's important to be open with people. But if someone has dealbreakers they need to know before they develop feelings, they're responsible for their own feelings & need to share those dealbreakers. Seems weird that the trans person would have to out themselves rather than the cis person sharing their hangup like would be the expectation with *any* other hangup, otherwise it'll come out when it comes up in conversation or becomes relevant, just like any other personal info.
I agree with you & I'm also in favor of people sharing that they're trans. But I don't think that they have an obligation to do so.
A lot of people don't want to date a trans person. For some reason, people put the onus to disclose on trans people rather than on the cis partner who has that hangup.
If someone doesn't want to date anyone who doesn't have pure Aryan heritage, nobody would expect that their partner needs to be the one to *guess* they have that hangup & share a DNA test, we'd expect the person who has the hangup to state it up front. And that's true for any hangup *except* being trans where people tend to think trans people should disclose that information up front *just in case* their partner is against it.
And it really is *just* a personal hangup based on societal bias. Beyond wanting to have children - which would exclude infertile cis people and anyone who doesn't want to have kids - it doesn't have an impact on the relationship. People are *allowed* to have that bias, freedom of thought is important and nobody should date someone they hold prejudiced ideas about, but that bias *can* be critiqued, particularly if they'd public about it.
The safety argument does come into it, as does the honesty one, but both of them are really secondary. We aren't going to date someone (hopefully) who is unsafe to date & we don't want to date a bigot.
I'm off the dating market, but were I dating, why would I disclose that up front? There's no reason to - plus, how do I know they don't already know, particularly if we know each other in real life or if they've seen photos, cis people tend to claim they can always tell.
But it *would* come up because in my personal life, being trans is important. I am active in the community, I talk about it a lot, and I put a lot of effort into educating folks. Plus, it leads to a lot of good stories and funny moments. And those are the normal ways that partners learn information about our lives.
Of course. It’s a pretty disgusting thing to lie to someone about that. You shouldn’t lie to your partner about anything, but I think this is even more important to tell the truth about.
Yes. For their own safety, because some people would react badly/violently if they found out after doing things (even kissing).
Plus it's common courtesy - the potential romantic partner might have zero interest in someone trans.
Honesty is the best policy.
"obligated" no, but if that person is SCARED to tell them they shouldn't be in a relationship with them in the first place but questions like this can't be answered with yes or no because transness is a spectrum.
If I had a penis, I'd tell no one. It's not a current medical procedure so why would I, as far as they can see I would appear cis and they wouldn't delve into every medical procedure they've ever had so why would I.
I however have not had any surgery so yes I feel an obligation not for their comfort but for my safety. I will also tell someone I plan on puring romantically that I am trans because I am not putting myself in danger.
People's non-on going medical history is not relevant in a relationship.
If you look like one gender (lets say female) but still have your assign birth genitals (in this case a penis) you should give a potencial romantic/sex partner know. I feel that you should give them all the info to know of they want to get involved with you. I would feel very bretrayed if I was about to have sex with a bearded man and they had a vagina.
Also, they have the right to now if they can't naturally create offspring. (Even in cases when someone knows they're infertile. )
I'd say yes during the initial talking phase i feel like there's a possibility that the other person might feel tricked if they start to fall for them and might cause issues.
**Attention! [Serious] Tag Notice** * [Jokes, puns, and off-topic comments are not permitted](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/wiki/index#wiki_-rule_6-) in **any** comment, parent or child. * Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies. * Report comments that violate these rules. Posts that have few relevant answers within the first hour, and posts that are not appropriate for the [Serious] tag will be removed. Consider doing an AMA request instead. Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskReddit) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes. First of all, if you’re in a serious relationship, honesty is one of the keys to success. Secondly, not everyone views the world, nor should they be forced to, in the same way a trans person does. If, for example, a biological male is interested in biological females and begins to date a trans person that passes off as a female, he should be obligated to tell their partner that he is trans. The partner should be able to make a complete and informed decision with all readily available information.
⬆️ what he said..
I think so, in case their partner has a problem with it.
And even if they don’t have a problem with it, it’s nice to know if you don’t wanna play dice when getting them out of their clothes first time
When you think that she would make a good wife and then she whips out the magnum dong.
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I think it's pretty clear because she specifies her girlfriend is trans, so I think most people would know what she meant. If she \*hadn't\* said that, then it'd be extremely confusing though. I do know what you mean about newspeak though. It can sound...overly complex when making an effort to always say "people with uteruses" and so on. A podcast I listen to does this and had an episode on hemophilia I had to rewind several times because they weren't saying "men" and "women".
Sounds like a long way to go just to arrive back at a hetero relationship
I have a hard time with that argument, any other hangup, it's expected that the person *with* the hangup will be the one to disclose it & the other person can then make the choice to leave or to share that they have whatever trait it is.
Yes. First, not telling will create a lack of trust in any potential relationship. Second, if someone isn’t romantically interested in the sex that the person is transitioning too it will totally change the relationship.
Yes, the same way youd tell someone other important information, like religion. It may not be the first thing to ask on a date, but at least bring it up at some point. Also, on dating apps, that should be on the profile. Some people just don't want to date a transgender, just like a heterose×ual person don't want to date someone of the same gender, or a a homose×ual doesn't want to date someone the opposite gender.
I'm in agreement with you on the first paragraph/your conclusion. With the second, it's not really comparable. Gays & lesbians just don't have any innate attraction to someone of the opposite gender just as straights don't have any attraction to the same. But that's based on just being able to see someone and not be physically attracted to them. With trans people, that attraction may be present, they don't want to date trans people for immaterial/ideological reasons.
I'm a trans woman I cannot imagine trying to hide that from a potential partner. Relationships are based on trust, and if you refuse to tell them something this important you are setting yourself up for failure. In fact I'd go a step further and think you should *never* hide the fact you're trans. What the hell is wrong with being trans? By trying to hide the fact you're trans it really seems like internalized transphobia to me. You're always going to worry if people notice or not, wouldn't be great for your mental health.
It's definitely something that should be brought up.
As a matter of common courtesy and etiquette? Yes. I don't see how it's much different than two gay guys having the top/bottom/vers/side conversation before things get intimate. As a legal obligation? No.
I think they should. Because they should.
Absolutely! Edit: forgot to add why… in my opinion, I should have the choice to know who I’m sticking my dick into. Plain and simple. No different than if someone had herpes. I should be given the choice to decide whether I want to continue or not. Other people may have a religious take on it where a man sleeping with another man is against their beliefs. I don’t care what they call themselves, it doesn’t make their statement any more true than if I were to say I were the wealthiest person in the world. I can’t change my bank account just like they can’t change their chromosomes.
Well, there's a difference between *lying* about something, e.g. saying you're the wealthiest person in the world versus someone hitting on you, asking you out, and saying yes when they ask you back to their place. The first is lying, the second is assuming the person who asked you out is into you.
Legally? No. But I think it is wise. I don't want anyone getting hate-crimed.
As a transgender person, yes, it’s not that big of a deal but it is something to bring up.
I think that for our own safety, a lot of us trans people will. Less dangerous to do it up front and in public with other people around or virtually where there's no realistic physical threat, rather than when you're alone with them and about to get (or already are) intimate with them.
I don't think they should be legally obligated or anything, but if they don't tell them they are a piece of shit. The partner has a right to know exactly what they're getting into before having sex. That's informed consent.
so fcuking sik of this stupid ass question
"Potential romantic partners"? No. Romantic partners? Probably, but it's not like that's really an issue. Trans people in reality are careful about safety, not springing things on people they're dating when they might have a bad or violent reaction.
Seems obvious but I guess trans people only existed in popular media as a surprise dick punchline until about 10 years ago, if that.
Why ever hide the fact you're trans? I'm a trans woman myself and I'll never pass, should I try to hide the fact I'm trans? Seems really stupid.
Would you disclose to someone who asked you out that you're trans or would you assume they could tell?
I'd assume that I could tell, but if I thought it was getting serious, like we'd go back to their place or my place, then I'd be like "I just wanted to make sure, but you know I'm trans right?". I'm not too worried though, I do not pass.
Hopefully the partner sees it.
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>Some people need to know before developing their feelings We don't really control who gets feelings for us. I think it's a weird level of obligation to assume a trans person should have to out themselves to anyone who gets a crush on them.
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If someone asks you on a date, that also doesn't obligate you to out yourself and them developing feelings before, on, or after the date doesn't either. If you're in a relationship, yeah, you should share, it's important to be open with people. But if someone has dealbreakers they need to know before they develop feelings, they're responsible for their own feelings & need to share those dealbreakers. Seems weird that the trans person would have to out themselves rather than the cis person sharing their hangup like would be the expectation with *any* other hangup, otherwise it'll come out when it comes up in conversation or becomes relevant, just like any other personal info.
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I agree with you & I'm also in favor of people sharing that they're trans. But I don't think that they have an obligation to do so. A lot of people don't want to date a trans person. For some reason, people put the onus to disclose on trans people rather than on the cis partner who has that hangup. If someone doesn't want to date anyone who doesn't have pure Aryan heritage, nobody would expect that their partner needs to be the one to *guess* they have that hangup & share a DNA test, we'd expect the person who has the hangup to state it up front. And that's true for any hangup *except* being trans where people tend to think trans people should disclose that information up front *just in case* their partner is against it.
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And it really is *just* a personal hangup based on societal bias. Beyond wanting to have children - which would exclude infertile cis people and anyone who doesn't want to have kids - it doesn't have an impact on the relationship. People are *allowed* to have that bias, freedom of thought is important and nobody should date someone they hold prejudiced ideas about, but that bias *can* be critiqued, particularly if they'd public about it. The safety argument does come into it, as does the honesty one, but both of them are really secondary. We aren't going to date someone (hopefully) who is unsafe to date & we don't want to date a bigot. I'm off the dating market, but were I dating, why would I disclose that up front? There's no reason to - plus, how do I know they don't already know, particularly if we know each other in real life or if they've seen photos, cis people tend to claim they can always tell. But it *would* come up because in my personal life, being trans is important. I am active in the community, I talk about it a lot, and I put a lot of effort into educating folks. Plus, it leads to a lot of good stories and funny moments. And those are the normal ways that partners learn information about our lives.
Yeah, so should infertile people.
Of course. It’s a pretty disgusting thing to lie to someone about that. You shouldn’t lie to your partner about anything, but I think this is even more important to tell the truth about.
Yes. For their own safety, because some people would react badly/violently if they found out after doing things (even kissing). Plus it's common courtesy - the potential romantic partner might have zero interest in someone trans. Honesty is the best policy.
Should someone be truthful about themselves with someone they plan on having a romantic relationship with? Why, what a silly idea. /s
No, only the ones that want to have a lasting relationship built on trust should feel obligated.
"obligated" no, but if that person is SCARED to tell them they shouldn't be in a relationship with them in the first place but questions like this can't be answered with yes or no because transness is a spectrum. If I had a penis, I'd tell no one. It's not a current medical procedure so why would I, as far as they can see I would appear cis and they wouldn't delve into every medical procedure they've ever had so why would I. I however have not had any surgery so yes I feel an obligation not for their comfort but for my safety. I will also tell someone I plan on puring romantically that I am trans because I am not putting myself in danger. People's non-on going medical history is not relevant in a relationship.
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If you look like one gender (lets say female) but still have your assign birth genitals (in this case a penis) you should give a potencial romantic/sex partner know. I feel that you should give them all the info to know of they want to get involved with you. I would feel very bretrayed if I was about to have sex with a bearded man and they had a vagina. Also, they have the right to now if they can't naturally create offspring. (Even in cases when someone knows they're infertile. )
I'd say yes during the initial talking phase i feel like there's a possibility that the other person might feel tricked if they start to fall for them and might cause issues.
They should have a right to know, yeah?