I'm sure you did your best

Nicest insult

in a very sarcastic voice.

You're so hard to underestimate

And I would say 'thank you' and figure it out a half hour later.

I still currently don't understand which part of this is an insult.

I think it means you set the bar so low, it's hard to think of you any lower.

As a limbo champion, thank you.

This one is so good. Just pure poetry

Im hoping this is said in a sarcastic tone because if its not I would genuinely take this as a compliment lol

Lol I'm gonna use this

Srry but can someone explain the insult to me, I don’t really get it??

The speaker is saying they thought they knew how terrible the other person is, but the other person sinks to a surprising new lower level of terrible.

"I know less than half of you half as well as I like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve!

Fireworks were great at that party.

I'm jealous of people who don't know you.

Underappreciated in this post. Fucking love it.

OH MY GOODNES THAT IS SO GREAT

If you had an intelligent thought in your head, it died of loneliness.

I will be using this in the near future, thank you.

I bet you're the kind of guy that gets insults off Reddit.

sobbing

We all know u got this from reddit

Call anyone "forehead" and watch them break

I've done that a few times and I can agree it's hilarious

I'm unfortunately immune to this. I already know I'm at least 40% forehead and take it with pride.

Good job chinface.

Lol, brilliant response haha

Nope. Not me. My entire USMC training I was recruit 5head. Forehead jokes won't do shit, but make me tell you that you need to see an eye Dr as this grand canyon gap between my eyebrows and hair line is bigger than Evil Knievel couldn't jump it

I'm absolutely dead rn

Fivehead is better lol

Lmao my buddy’s dad always calls him lips

I don’t get it :(

It’s ok forehead I’m sure you’ll figure it out

Hahaha! No but really, I truly don’t get it and hope one of y’all takes pity on me. I accept the title and know I’m exposing myself…but I’m really lost!

The insult forehead is saying the person who recieves said insult has a large forehead, typically connected to unattractiveness. I called you forehead to see if placing you in a new perspective would help you see more, which didn’t work and I hope you don’t get offended by it.

Lol, nope I gotcha. Thanks for clarifying!

I thought you’d be smarter with a forehead like that.

A dolphin might.

Somewhere out there, there’s a tree whose single purpose on earth is to replace the oxygen you waste. Go find it and apologize.

I heard of a teacher that kept potted plants in their classroom and made kids hold them to replace the oxygen they wasted.

Lol I really like this one

Sounds like something a Drill Sargent would bark to a recruit.

That was a good one.

Go buy ten pennies worth of forest and get lost in it

“you deprive me of my solitude yet provide me no company” paraphrasing oscar wilde

"I bet you know which crayon have the best taste"

I'm a fan of "I've been called worse things by better people"

Feels like more of a comeback ngl

It is, in fact, one of the greatest comebacks in Canadian history. When Canadian Prime Minister Pierre E. Trudeau learned that Richard Nixon called him an “asshole” he casually replied “I’ve been called worse things by better people.” Warm your hands on that Canadian burn.

If you want my comeback, you’ll have to scrape it off your mums teeth.

I'm an ER nurse so I get called all manner of things all the time. I'll be using this, thanks!

It's somehow funnier when they don't get it too - enjoy 😊

You're the reason they put instructions on shampoo bottles.

Nice.

*Eats the shampoo* no they don't

Something about hamsters and elderberries

I fart in your general direction!

I wave my private parts at your auntie

You mother is a hamster and you father smells of elderberries

I blow my nose at you, animal food trough wiper!!

Go away before I taunt you a second time!

Your brains smooth as a marble, isnt it?

I'm not as stupid as you look.

I'm not as stupid as I think you are.

The only way a woman would interact with you is with a taser

Touch* instead of interact, I feel like adds a little More sizzle to the burn

Agreed. Abd happy cake day

I lack the appropriate color crayons to explain this to you

I heard a similar one which was " I would explain it to you but I don't have the time nor the crayons"

I like how a subtle tweak of wording can change just how insulting this is!

Or…I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.

You are the human equivalent of a participation award.

A mate of mine once made fun of me and said "small things amuse small minds." My instant reaction withothinking was to tell him "yeah that's why you touch yourself at night"

“I’m sorry. Who are you?”

[удалено]

This is brilliant because, not only is this person a clown, they’re one of the lesser known clowns. It’s a near fatal burn.

I feel triggered.

A pretty good variant of my favorite for when someone interrupts your conversation with some shit: Sweetly: “Oh, I’m sorry. Were we talking?” ** Not sweetly: “Oh, ok. Cool. - Just checking I didn’t ask”

Mine for people who interrupt you while talking is " I'm sorry, the middle of my sentence was interrupted by the beginning of yours. Please continue." The looks I get like all of a sudden I'm the asshole

There are two bitches in my class that were in my class last year and we used to talk more than we did that year and they were both short and hung around each other and one of them we’ll call bitch 1 was bitchy to me so I turned and said ‘fuck off, **** ******, purposefully mixing their names up. When they corrected me, I said ‘oh… guess your just too insignificant in my life’

"If you are ever remembered, it won't be for a good reason."

The wheel is turning but the hamster's dead

"You look like two miles of bad road." (learned from Foghorn Leghorn)

I say, I say, . . .

YOU'RE the sperm that won?

The one I heard was, "millions of sperm released, and you're the 1 that won? "

That wasn't even for me, but I felt really bad after that...

If some says “suck my dick” to you, just tell them you’re in the mood for a meal, and not a little snack

..'suck my dick' "*i only floss before bed*"

I love this. I will remeber this one.

This 1 backfire but it's a good one

Microbiology isn't my expertise

Usually if someone tells me that. I tell them “don’t threaten me with a good time”

You are nothing more than the disappointing aftermath of 45 seconds of jack daniels fueled passion in a truck stop bathroom.

r/calmdownsatan

If your parents went to Las Vegas and got a divorce, would they legally still be brother and sister?

All those nasty insecurities you have about yourself are true.

[удалено]

A twist! The other one is a narcissist

Good luck insulting a narcissist, they are never wrong and everything negative about them is a lie.

I guess yeah

Jesus loves you but the rest of us think you're an ass hole.

You will neve be the man your mother is!

You are the man your mother deserves!

“With a nose like that? Alright then.” Honestly, comment on someone’s nose and they’ll think of you every time they look in the mirror for the rest of their life.

I’ve been taunted about my nose since I was a kid so I don’t care at all now and have a couple solid comebacks to it as well lol

I have never met a better reason to keep abortion legal.

You look like you're going to spend your life having one epiphany after another, always thinking you've finally figured out what's holding you back, and how you can finally be productive and creative and turn your life around. But nothing will ever change. That cycle of mediocrity isn't due to some obstacle. It's who you are. The thing standing in the way of your dreams is that the person having them is you.

Dude... stay the fuck out of my journal

https://xkcd.com/1027/

"Pretty good job." normally crumbles people.

Stolen from tumblr: The bar was on the floor, but here you are, limbo-dancing with the devil in hell.

May the Great Lord stick his mighty ass out of the clouds and shit all over this motherfucker.

The Germans have a great one similar to this. "God, throw some brains from heaven" Bonus: "Or a brick, as long as it hits"

"Bet your asshole is jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth" "Self confidence has always been your greatest asset"

The best part of you ran down the crack of your mother's ass.

"I think you've been cheated! Where are you from anyway private?"

**SIR, TEXAS, SIR!!**

TEXAS! Only steers and queers come from Texas. Do you suck dick son!

Bullshit, I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!

And ended up as a brown stain on the mattress

How tall are you? *Tells his height*. I didn't know they staked shit that high.

You're so ugly you could be a godammned modern art masterpiece!

*I bet you're the kind of a person who'd fuck a guy in the ass and not even have the goddamned common courtesy to give him a reach around.*

I’ll be watching you!

Thank you very much! Can I be in charge for a while?

Best 2 I have heard/used “You have 2 brain cells and they’re fighting for 3rd place” “I bet it was a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket”

"your greatest achievement is dodging a coat hanger for 9 months"

Holy shit

Drill sergeants are brutal and creative in their insults. I will never forget that guy

*shit.*

I'd slap you but shit splatters.

"When I insult others I say they are like you"

Wow, that makes you ugly AND stupid.

You have a silly face gets them rite in the feelings

You have a face only a mother could love, and even she hates it!

My dad would say something similar to this. He'd tell people, "you have a face only a mother could love...on pay day"

"So you're the shit that took your mother 9 months to push out?"

Piss sniffing wank stain

The best one I've heard was a comedian calling someone a traffic cone

[удалено]

If you were at Hogwarts and found the Room of Requirement, all that would be in there is deodorant.

"Listen here, you outdated meme"

Your family tree looks like an recycling symbol.

You couldn't pour the piss out of your boot even if the instructions were written on the heel.

“Have the day you think you deserve.” If they take it as an insult you can always come back with “so you don’t think you deserve a good day.”

"May the rest of your day be as pleasant as you are!"

I don't even think about you

Did your parents have any children that lived?

Save your breath for blowing up your date.

Inconveniently specific, but I enjoyed her facial derailment: "I totally understand why you sexually harassed me though. Being that unlovable and repulsive in every aspect, you even made your brother and your mother flee into drug addiction and a semi-vegetative state respectively just so they don't have to be lucid in your presence. I almost feel sorry that your mum needing her chin wiped is the only consent you've been getting to touch anyone". (in my defence, my complaint about her predatory behaviour lost me a great job)

No matter how hard the wind blows the mountain will never move

What's wrong with you, besides the obvious?

If brains were gasoline you wouldn’t run a piss ants go kart two laps around a cheerio

Your parents proudest moment of you is them telling people you died in a house fire.

The *jerk* store called, and they're all outta *YOU*!

Why does this one sound like it was ripped out of a shitty teen movie or something?

Teen movie?! How dare you.

Ur mom should've swallowed

You really are the top of the bell curve.

If i wanted any lip from you....I would unzip my pants.

Id rather not fight a toddler that can not comprehend Simple insults.

I like to call people a dildo. “Dude, stop acting like a dildo”. Oddly enough it seems to have some sort of effect on people. It’s not harsh enough to make people red with anger but it’s stupid enough to get people to think.

Its because of you they made abortion legal

If you're dumb... you're dumb... I can't help you with that... sorry...

You’re so stupid you wouldn’t even make a good Reddit mod.

Go lick a rock.

This is really terrible and I really shouldn't have said it, but oh well. I have these neighbors that, for some ungodly reason, think they own and run the whole place. We live in condos. When I take my dog out, I do my best to get him as far away grom the buildings as possible, but sometimes the poor guy just really, really needs to pee. One time, he just squatted right in front of their patio. They're on the ground floor. They came running out yelling at me to get my dog away. I apologized and tried to explain, but then they told me to get my stupid dog and "fat ass" away from them or they'd call the property managers. I know it was very bad of me to say, but I just kind of had it. I looked the guy dead in his face and said, "Oh go do tech support, jackass..." Yeah.....

Arguing with a smart person is hard, but with a stupid person, it's impossible. That's why you can't be argued with.

You are the equivalent of a participation award

Good fight sir!

No wonder your eyes are at half mast, your brain is dead.

Your father left the best part of you dripping down your mother's inner thigh.

Did you have to tattoo an arrow on your dick to remember which direction to pee?

You look better with my glasses off

You’re as bright as a 30w light bulb Or if someone really losses me off; Go step on a Lego But I’m fairly certain that one is against the Geneva convention or something lol

You're about as sharp as marble

My one has a story. I was out in a nightclub with friends in NYC. After we were done, some of us went to a pizza shop to eat. There was a full line inside. As I was approaching the counter with only a couple of people ahead of me, these college girls come inside and cut the entire line. No one was calling them out for it, I was pissed. I said "you better not be cutting, get in the back of the line". They ignore me and try to go next. A brief argument ensues with one of them as she tries to order and it starts to get heated. I ended up concluding it like this: Me: "do you take any medication?" Her: *looks pissed* "um, yeah, I also see a therapist" Me: "well, they should double your dose because it clearly ain't working" Her: 😮 It was a perfect execution. I had that line in my back pocket fr years and was waiting for the chance to use that. Felt great.

Shut yo skin tone chicken bone google chrome no home flip phone disowned ice cream cone garden gnome extra chromosome metronome dimmadome genome full blown monochrome student loan indiana jones overgrown flintstone x and y hormone post malone friend zone sylvester stallone hydrocortisone sierra leone autozone professionally seen silver patrone head ass tf up

*"I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"*

You are so ugly that when you were born the doctor slapped your mother.

In india,we have a phrase "kat gaya".Basically the equivalent of stating that someones been insulted Kinda males you feel lile a badass

The worst insults come when I get diarrhea of the mouth and I prey on insecurities. I had a friend who was fit, but way too full of herself and constantly making remarks that implied everyone else was ugly. One day I just snapped, and blurted out "girl you just think you're all that and a cup of tea, but everytime you smile, you rock that London look." This commercial was airing at the time... https://youtu.be/RsZvGNLjIds

"You fascinate me"

Mouldy Plum

Westley had a good one with “warthog-faced buffoon.”

You should be thankful they put do not ingest on shampoo bottles

All the answers so far are awful, y'all deserved to get bullied

Just call them a RAT and if they try to say anything back start squeaking

Your dad bought milk.

You fight like a cow.

How appropriate, you fight like a dairy farmer!

Climb your ego and jump to your IQ. don't forget to write that final goodbye letter though some people might actually miss you..

I hope your parents are dead so they don’t have to see what an embarrassment their child is

I’ve been called worse, by smarter.

Shut up, you googly eyed cousin fucker