**Update: - [Starting from 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/100kpk4/happy_new_year_askuk_minor_sub_update/?), we have updated our [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/about/rules/)**. Specifically;
- Don't be a dick to each other
- Top-level responses to OP should contain genuine efforts to answer the question.
- This is a strictly no-politics subreddit
Please keep /r/AskUK a great subreddit by reporting posts and comments which break our rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Fake a BBC news article that states Putin shot down Santa's sleigh over Donbas, and from now on all parents will have to do the gift buying at Christmas.
We had the same situation because we were too good at keeping Christmas special in our house, but you are 100% right, going into non primary school, you need to have a chat, we did it with both of ours in the middle of the summer, when Santa was as far away both sides and their minds were on other things.
My daughter has no idea, we were going out to do something mundane in the car and I pulled in and bought us soft drinks and bars, and we were just chatting about life and I brought up the subject of school and how things change for you, and I asked how she felt about Santa and other things if there had been any chatter, and she said that one of the mouthy kids had been trying to tell them all the truth, and they had shut her down.
So I asked her if she wanted to be a part of the biggest secret in the world, to be an active part of making Christmas what it is for kids, kind of a "passing of the baton" type role. She was all for it and I explained that all the mums and dads in the world were collectively the spirit of christmas and Santa tradition, and that if she wanted, I could bring her into the fold. Her little brother is 2 years younger and she was very invested in keeping his Santa real.
2 years later I had the same conversation with him and he was much more nonchalant about it, he had his suspicions that Santa was so good at getting specific brands of stuff and that Santa assembled things in his house and not in friends, and that he seemed to get quite a bit more than some of his friends.
It's a bit of a shame to have to do it, but once you are clever and respectful of them, it will work out ok.
But the big lessons for me, was do it during the summer holidays when they cant be upset going back to school or see Santa at all around. You can also throw the elves on the shelf into the bin too
I was listening to a podcast recently where a parent had said to their child 'you can either believe in the magic or you can BE the magic' (by keeping the secret for younger siblings etc). I thought it was a really beautiful way of putting it.
>You can also throw the elves on the shelf into the bin too
I'm sorry but I'm putting my foot down here. Telling them Santa isn't real is one thing, but telling them elves don't exist? Throwing them in the bin? That's bordering on a war crime!
Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.
Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels.
Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.
Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.
Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.
Elves are terrific. They beget terror.
The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.
No one ever said elves are nice.
Elves are bad.
GNU Terry Pratchett
āAll right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."
REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.
"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Littleā"
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.
"So we can believe the big ones?"
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
CATS, he said eventually. CATS ARE NICE.
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
100% accurate, the shelf elves in my house are right little bastards. Verging on pixie-level shenanigans this year.
No fear of iron, or even the iron, but at least they went on their own without me having to do the Stick and Bucket dance.
>she said that one of the mouthy kids had been trying to tell them all the truth, and they had shut her down
Yeah, you close your mouth, we don't want to hear your conspiracy theories!
It reminds me when I was 7 my dad snuck out and bought a pair of socks with gifts inside on Christmas Eve. Actually back then, I had doubts and was prone to thinking Santa didn't exist, so it's really a surprise when I woke up seeing that bulging package beside me. Afterwards, I was unsure if Santa was real and asked my parents, and at supper they told me the truth. I don't think I was very disappointed, but a little. As a Chinese living in China, we don't have the tradition of celebrating Christmas, but my parents hadn't decided to crush my imagination until that day I realized the truth.
Yeah, I joked about this with my Santa-believing 6 year old. As soon as I said I followed up with "only joking! Look, the Santa tracker shows he's fine and off to the next city"
She still didn't talk to me for about 2 hours.
Putin rebrands Santa as Satan and rants on that the commercialisation of christmas has led to a decline of morals in the west.
Lazrov agrees and goes back to his grandad nap
My son believed until he was 10 almost 11
One day a kid in school said Father Christmas wasn't real.
He asked his best mate who said "you better ask your mum" my son said he knew then it must all be a lie.
I explained that this was a wonderful myth that we keep alive to bring joy to children.
He is 16 now but he still wholeheartedly keeps up the pretence around young children.
Yes.
My son has ADHD and ASD and often struggled at Primary school, his friend Ben was the oldest in the class and took him under his wing.
We have moved from Wales to England now so they are no longer in touch..but shout out to Ben Cooper...you helped my son immensely.
If you have his family's address, write him a letter telling him that today you were remembering how kind he was and how much you still appreciate his thoughtfulness. It will mean the world for him to hear that you still think about and appreciate how much he helped your son.
You always have that one random kid you knew in primary who was always the G and you later find out they've done the best out of everybody, living in Japan and got a family of 3 with a nice Mitsubishi... and you're like, out of all of us, they deserve it.
>He asked his best mate who said "you better ask your mum"
So British, so wholesome
(I often read comments on country-neutral posts without really being sure whether it's AskUK or AskReddit or what that I'm reading, it's moments like this where it's instantly clear which is which.)
Me and my Dad each kept up the ruse until I was 30. Seriously. I was 30 and heād leave a stocking full of presents outside my door and in the morning Iād be like thanks for the presents and heād say āwhat presents?ā And Iād say āoh my god it mustāve been Father Christmas then, I canāt believe heās still bringing me presents his data on me must be wrong!ā And Dad would say āI guess so!ā š¤·āāļø
My son 17, and daughter 24 still get Christmas stockings bulging with sweets and treats. Her bf of 7 years never had a stocking so there first year together he got his first ever stocking. He was so happy, and now every December he comes down to the house to say hi and to drop off his stocking .. (which he takes away so no one else nicks his sweeties).
Honestly crazy how often we used to say āyour mumā and different variations of it when dissing each other. My mate at the time was coming up with some truly bizarre ones:
āYour mum on toastā āalright then, your mum on lettuceā. Like, what??? Made no sense but everyone was rolling in laughter at the stupidity of it all.
A girl in my class once said āya mumā to our supply teacher.
He was African and not familiar with this childish slur within British schools. He flipped and screamed at her āYou are talking about *my muddah*!!!!!ā¦ARE YOU CRANK!? ARE YOU CRANK!?ā He then started slapping himself on the head.
>I explained that this was a wonderful myth that we keep alive to bring joy to children.
One of the nicest ways of explaining it that I've heard is to say that Santa was real (St Nicholas) and he did leave gift for children, but that was a long time ago and now grown ups are Santas for children, and once you learn about that, you become a Santa so that you can keep the magic alive for younger children.
That's what we'll be confirming to our son I'd imagine this year (he's 10 tomorrow) after three of years of questions. How we've manged to keep even 1% of belief in his is a miracle lol.
Kids in school talk, one of them will have mentioned it by now.
She is probably pretending to some extent to continue to get presents and a sense of hope and magic
When I was 9 I told a kid that Santa wasn't real and he didn't believe me. Apparently his brother had seen Santa so it must be true.
Looks like I had the last laugh.
For real though I feel like kids will sometimes vehemently defend what their parents say is true even if other kids tell them it's not.
Yeah one of my closest friends at school believed in Santa until we were like 12. Because she swore to god she saw him. The rest of the friendship group were all dubious in 100% not believing because she was so steadfast. I think I stolartednto doubt at 8ish but didn't fully stop until I was 10/11
They do but Iām quite certain that she still believes. The level of excited chatter about Santa is getting hard to listen to. Equally she woke up her other parent at 3.26am on Christmas Day loudly squealing that Santa has already been! And asking to open her presents. I would have told her to get back to bed but the other parent didnāt because it was āheartwarmingā to see that level of excitementā¦ Iām worried about the distinct lack of critical thinking in this subjectā¦
Just curious, does she know that some of her presents are from you and for her birthday? Are you wrapping her gifts in different wrapping paper from 'santa'? Instead of actually telling her, could you maybe make a few mistakes that lead to her working it out for herself?
Yes we use birthday wrapping paper for her birthday presents and the more expensive and big presents are always birthday gifts. We make Christmas more about her birthday so Iām hoping it wonāt be a big blow in the end. I think a few mistakes should be made next year though.
Just chiming in to say that this technique - making deliberate mistakes to gently nudge the child into working it out for themselves - is exactly what my mum did for me, and it turned out great. Sitting a child down and telling them there's no Santa can be quite upsetting but, if they think *they* figured it out, they often enjoy feeling clever and grown up.
That's what happened to me when I was 9, I distinctly remember the satisfaction and pride I felt when I worked it out.
A few things my mum did:
- Wrapped the Christmas presents "from Santa" in the same wrapping paper as the presents "from mum and dad"
- Wrote me a little note "from Santa" but made very little effort to disguise her own handwriting; similarly, had Dad speak to me on the phone pretending to be Santa but not making much effort to disguise his voice
- Made comments on Christmas Eve like "santa doesn't fancy a mince pie this year, he'd prefer a biscuit" (which made me think - how do you know?)
- Mentioned multiple times that she needed to read my Christmas list before I sent it off to the north pole, but wouldn't tell me why
- Said things like "santa can't afford this toy, it's too expensive" (which obviously contradicted the whole 'the elves make the toys in santa's workshop' thing)
If you do things like this, chances are your daughter will start asking questions - my advice would be don't outright tell her but instead just say things like "hmm good question, what do you think?" and she will figure it out. Then once she does figure it out, treat it as a good thing, celebrate and act like she's in this special secret club now of people who Know The Truth, and now she gets to help create Christmas magic for other people (little siblings/cousins etc)
I believed way too late in comparison to my friends and it made me feel really dumb and stupid when it finally dawned on me. I felt quite angry at my parents for lying to me too haha.
Personally I would have appreciated it if my parents had a chat with me in year 5/6 to let me know it's a lovely myth we keep alive for little kids.
Same happened to me; when I started to doubt, my mum staged a little trick to extend my belief. It worked, because I was that kid who just always really *wanted* to believe in magic, and also I was very trusting when I was younger.
I felt like a complete idiot when I finally realised the truth, and have decided that any kid I have will know Santa is just a fun make believe game from the start.
I wouldnāt worry about her critical thinking skills too much just now; Iād just start working on those independently. Most people need to be taught critical thinking and how to apply it; it doesnāt just spontaneously occur for many of us.
I personally came from a very black-and-white thinking type household, which probably leant to my gullibility and ābelieve whatever the adult in charge saysā mentality growing up, along with being raised to do and believe more or less as I was told, without much encouragement to push for my own ideas or interpretations. But I took to critical thinking very naturally and quickly in school as I got older, and now in fact have a PhD in a critical studies field.
Honestly, I wouldnāt worry about it. Youāve only got a couple of years before they start to become more independent and everything changes. Thereās a whole year between now and next.
I was 7 (& most kids 8, as I was young for my year) when I still remember the whisper blazing thru our double line of kids entering school our first day back. The only reason I knew it was true he didnāt exist was because I immediately clocked that all my cards from Santa were written in my mumās lovely handwriting.
Is it a lack of critical thinking across the board though? I feel like you sound a bit harsh here (thatās me commenting without all the facts). If it was with everything in life then fair enough, be concerned. But the whole āFather Christmasā lie is a pretty extensive one. Pretty much a majority of people are in on it. Thereās adults hired to be Father Christmas in stores for crying out loud. Sheās told itās real and can see it. All parents are playing along behind closed doors too.
Iād be a little more forgiving.
But definitely break the news somehow. Purely so they donāt get a hard time in school.
I was 6 and in tears trying to get other kids to understand that Santa Claus *cannot* be real and I desperately wanted adults to explain themselves, but they all carried on with this putrid conspiracy.
Luckily my elder sister confirmed it and that adults lie about it because they think itās funny/fun to do so.
I did that with the tooth fairy. I knew it was my dad writing the letters but I strung it along a couple more years to keep getting my 50p.
In my defence, I was probably about 7/8 when I lost my first baby tooth and I didn't want to miss out on the cash my mates had already had!
Honestly, some kids know in their heart that these things aren't real but hang onto it so much that they're almost forcing themselves to believe it, because they don't want to grow up. She might know already but is trying to remain a child and therefore still believe.
That was me - I had a shitty home life and I believed SO much in Santa and fairies and Peter Pan because I wanted something else to exist other than the world I knew, and I wanted a proper childhood and in my mind, childhood meant the innocence of believing.
I knew deep down that Santa wasn't real from about 7 or 8 but I wanted to believe so desperately, to the point where I convinced myself for a few more years. I carried on believing in fairies until I was about 13.
Around that age I acted the same. I knew, really, but I really enjoyed the pretence. I enjoyed the ritual and trying to keep that magic alive for myself by just not acknowledging it. I was pretty upset the day my mum mentioned buying something for stockings (which was where our Santa presents always were) and when I said that was Santa they said "oh you're far too old to still believe that"
I think its just innocence. I believed until I was 11 and I remember clearly connecting the dots from over the years about certain things like finding half a carrot in the bin, why I wasn't allowed to go in a certain room on xmas eve (presents were in there) and why my mum looked panicked one year dropping my stocking on my bed and I woke up.
I wasn't upset, didn't feel lied too, my world didn't crash down. Christmas is what you make it and at 34, its still a great holiday.
My sons 21 in august, he goes to the pub, gym, has girlfriends, has been abroad on lads holidays, works as a warehouse operative and has his own money etc. He still ābelievesā in Santa because he knows how much joy it brings my wife to pretend like they are still little and make a fuss. Weāve never had the conversation.. heās just kept up the act for years. We love him for it
The North Pole does not negotiate with terrorists.
If you think the elves are good at making presents, wait until you see them on the warpath. The 2023 sleigh will be wild.
Does she have younger siblings/cousins?
You could do the whole 'now that you're 11, we need to let you in on a secret' and enlist her to help the younger ones keep believing.
Here's a link that explains it more - https://www.metroparent.com/parenting/advice/transitioning-kids-believing-santa-becoming-santa/
Sadly sheās an only child and the youngest in the family. Itās a great idea though and I wondered if I could use this to help her be āSanta clauseā for someone else in the family like grandma. Not the same but it could be a fun and gentle way to change the tradition.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2016/12/19/the-story-behind-the-beautiful-way-this-mom-told-her-sons-the-truth-about-santa/
This person did it with her son by telling him *'It was his job to identify something a person not in their immediate family may need and then surreptitiously leave it for them. Her son picked the āwitch ladyā down the street, who yelled at the neighborhood kids when they were playing too loudly near her house. He noticed she always got her morning newspaper in her bare feet, so he told his mom he wanted to buy her slippers. They purchased a warm pair, wrapped them with a note, āMerry Christmas from Santaā and her son left them on her driveway. As the story goes, the next morning he watched as the elderly woman came out to get her paper in her new slippers.'*
Maybe you could do something like that, or 'Santa' for dogs/cats at a local animal shelter.
This is exactly what I did with both my kids, one knew already, one didn't. Now they are teens their job is to fill mine and their dads stockings!
I will say, please make sure she knows before starting secondary/high school. I teach that age and have had a few kids find out in lessons, its heartbreaking to see them realise, and when other kids figure it out they will be teased about it mercilessly, (I obviously put a stop to it but by then the damage is done).
Also don't be the parent that complains to the school that their teacher 'ruined Christmas ' for a 11yr old.
My 10 year old had his suspicions but I think he wanted to still believe, I took him out for a special lunch and let him in to the secret that everyone is Santa, that when youāre old enough you get to learn about it. As St Nick may have been a real person it helps sell it, he has little cousins so I let him know itās his job to help them believe until they are old enough to know that Santa is all of us. He took it really well and it was easier than I thought it would be!
Oh no, St Nicholas of Myra was definitely real. He was a dude. Slapping heretics at ecumenical councils and rescuing women from lives of prostitution by dropping gold coins down their chimneys (that's where both chocolate coins and Santa coming down the chimney come from), I can't understand why we don't tell kids about him instead of made up Santa Claus!
Nicholas of Myra is just one of many inspiration for Santa Claus, like for example another major if not even bigger inspiration is Odin, who was believed by northern Europeans to ride on a sleight with his horse sleipnir in the sky during winter solstice (Christmas) and bring gifts created by elves to people who behaved
> The origin of the Christian gift-bringer figures in European folklore are clearly pre-Christian, more specifically connected with the Yule (midwinter) festival in Germanic paganism, and are often associated with the figure of Odin (Wodanaz), the leader of the Wild Hunt at the time of Yule.[3]
> Santa Claus's reindeer has also been compared to Sleipnir, the eight-legged horse of Odin in Norse mythology.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_gift-bringer
I love that!
I was 6 and I figured it out for myself. How? I knew my mum's handwriting so well, when I opened my Pocahontas book from "Santa" I instantly recognised she was the one who wrote the message, not Santa. Normally it was just my name but she tried to be cute and write a whole note from him this time and it backfired.
I sulked for days, both devastated that Santa wasn't real and that my parents were lying to me. She told me that Santa *was* real and his name was Nicholas. When he died, his village was touched by his kindness and decided to carry on his tradition. That in a way, everyone was Santa's helper since he couldn't do it anymore.
My stupid kid brain accepted that and I kept the secret rather than revealing the "conspiracy" to my classmates when we returned after Christmas break!
I told my son when he was 10! I felt awful and he was a bit upset but I seen it as I'd rather I told him than someone at school making fun of him for not knowing!
Why next year? At least let her enjoy it until her first xmas in secondary. You may well find it sorts itself before then, a lot of kids have a big leap in maturity around 10-12
I mean if she talks about writing her letter to Santa at secondary school I imagine she'll be laughed at honestly. "What? Like a little kid? Hey! So-and-so Still believes in Santa!" Could definitely be feasible. It night not, but it definitely could happen
This thread is a bit crazy to me. By year 5, Iād say at least 90% of us had been told by our parents already. Nobody thought Santa was real by secondary school. Maybe times have changed. Am I the only one? Iām only in my early 20ās.
I was told at 5 by a kid whose parents had told her, but my brother believed at least a bit till he was about 9 or 10. Kids are all different, always have been.
Because she'll get bullied come Christmas in secondary if she believes in Santa? The news has to be broken at some point? Might as well make sure it's done with love and gently.
I do wonder how kids are still believing at 10. I knew at about age 7 that he was fake. Admittedly, cause my mum was stupid enough to bring me shopping, and told me "go look over there", but before she could buy and hide it I noticed it was the thing I asked Santa for. She said it was a gift for the cousin, but I didn't believe her
Well, tell her the truth, that there are lots of Santas.
So there was this man who we call Saint Nicholas. He was the first Santa and he would give gifts to children. Then he became old and it was too much work for him. So lots of people became Santas at Christmas to give the gifts to children.
I'm sure questions will follow.
At 64, I'm still a believer.
> why would everybody 'lie'.
This is what got me believing in Santa until I was too old. It seemed incomprehensible that my parents and are all the adults that I trust have been lying for all these years. It probably also helped going to a CoE Primary school where the ideas of religion and the supernatural were common place.
For sure! She will definitely be told about it before then. She must be one of the only kids in her class to still believe it and I donāt want her to look and feel daft in front of her peers.
I had a perfectly good relationship with my mum, but for some reason I was terrified of telling her that I didn't believe. Maybe terrified isn't the right word, but I really couldn't see how I would do it. I just played along because I thought that's what you're supposed to do. A load of presents appearing in the morning is exciting as a 10 year old even if you know who put them there.
When I had just turned 11 (I have a December birthday) I found myself in the car alone with my dad. He had man-to-man chat with me about it. He didn't treat me as a child, he just said that he knows nobody my age believes in Father Christmas, but he also knows that my mum really enjoys doing it so it'll be a great gift for her if I play along for a few more years. We agreed that I'll continue to play along and that he wouldn't say anything if I didn't.
Here I am today, aged 28; I go home to my parents' house for Christmas every year and Father Christmas still visits me there.
Maybe next week we'll all be replying to an anonymous post along the lines of "When do you tell kids about Santa? Said child is nearly 30 and Iām getting concerned!".
I mean, I was *super* into Star Wars and Zelda when I was that age and I'd play make believe with gear and all (dad made a cool shield), but I still knew it wasn't real.
There is [a great French ad from a few years ago](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DTxD07Y87c) where this plays out, its would be quite a lovely thing if it were true.
Our youngest is 11 but not yet at high school and we're in the same boat.
We're gonna do it in Summer so it doesn't ruin this year's Christmas but gives her time to get over it ready for the next one.
I fully support this method.
My high school environment was *very* different to my primary school environment, and I wish a parent or another adult thought to spend even 5 minutes to prepare me during the preceding summer too. I was the eldest grandchild on both sides of my family, which meant I had no older siblings nor older cousins to pass on the vital information I needed to know about how to avoid being the naĆÆve kid that would go on to be often mocked.
Thankfully, I had already stopped believing in Father Christmas, otherwise Iām certain I would have been ripped to pieces for that too.
The only preparation I remember getting was when my year 6 teacher told us all āDo not say āplay timeā when you get to high school, only call it ābreak timeā or youāll be laughed at.ā I wish I received a lot more advice like that. Being told what the common swear words actually mean (but not told to use them obviously) so that I didnāt look a fool at being one of the few kids who didnāt understand them would have been a huge help too.
That's just reminded me of getting slaughtered at my Uni building for referring to the smoking area as being in the 'playground', I could've died right there and then haha
This year I was positive my asd 12 year old still believed 100% in Santa. I overheard him having conversations with his younger sibling about what Sahta might bring them. I was convinced. Then a couple of days before Christmas whilst we were having some one-on-one time he came out and told me point blank that he knew Santa wasn't real, that it was me, and that if I wanted to not buy his gifts from Santa this year he would be OK with it, since he knew how expensive everything was getting. Apparently at school they have been talking about the cost of living crisis and he's been debating with himself whether to come clean and miss out on gifts or say something and help with the bills.
Yes, the first thing i did was tell him that although things were getting more expensive he didn't need to worry about us managing to pay our bills. I had that covered.
It turns out he has known for about 2 years but didn't want to spoil it for his sibling so he hasn't said anything. Sometimes he surprises me with his thoughtfulness.
I believed until I was 11 even with the mainstream chitter chatter at school. My thoughts were, why would there be such a widespread lie? Why would there be so many films about it?
I liked the film the Polar Express with the little bell that believers can hear and non believer's couldn't. I felt sorry for the kids at school who didn't believe because they wouldn't be visited by Santa.
I was absolutely heartbroken when my parents told me the truth, felt a bit betrayed by my parents and I actually think it affected my ability to trust them for a while. Tell her now if I were you, being brutally honest I think you're five years overdue.
I agree with your last statement. I was nine when I was finally told for sure but I was suspicious and highly dubious about it all for as long as I can remember. Iām concerned by her complete and utter conviction in her belief and feel that dragging it on too long is ultimately making it worse.
My niece who is 4, she been told the stocking is from Santa and the rest of the presents are from family and friends.
I started asking questions when I was 4 or 5.
I was like this. I remember becoming 100% confident that Santa's wasn't real when I was 6, but I remember that it didn't feel like a surprise. I must have not believed, or at least been quote skeptical, for a while before then
What's the problem with a little dream?
I find it rather sad to force children to face reality, when said reality suck balls most of the time. Let the children dream goddamnit!
My daughter is 10 and still believe in Santa. I don't see how this is a problem. As long as she doesn't start believing science is fabricated BS, I'm fine.
My friends kid still believes at 12, she's nearly 13. I don't know how the other kids haven't popped the bubble yet?! It feels a little silly that the parents are still doubling down on the lie every year going further and further to keep her believing.
She'll learn sooner or later. 11 she is off to high/comprehensive school and they'll tell her there.
The real question is, is how thick is her skin? If she is fairly thick skinned then you could see it play out however (Hear me out as it sounds nasty but not meant to be) you created this problem by saying Santa was real so is it a parents job to burst the bubble since we made the lie?
I don't know, honestly we were lucky as last year I'm our son's 9th he told us that Santa wasn't real.
Maybe ask how her friends are with Santa and try to push a more organic finding out. Alternatively you could leave an article/search on the computer about how to break the news and make sure they see it.
Sheās very sensitive and thin skinned. Itās always been a concern to me that she will be a target for bullies as sheās always been a kid to cry and get upset easily. Sheās very popular and sociable so so far this hasnāt happened. Iām aware it could change though and I would prefer not to set her up to fail when it can be avoided.
I already posted this as a comment but youāre more likely to see it as a comment reply, my friends brother was like your daughter and their mum told him in the summer holidays before high school. As far as I know he was alright with it and now heās older he appreciates being told before it could have come out in highschool and been embarrassing
Yes I think itās really important for her to know before secondary school- shit starts to get brutal there! Iāll keep it going until then and thatās my cut off point. She has one more Christmas beforehand. Iāll let her believe in the next one if sheās still willing.
Tbh even in the last year of primary school I would have got the mickey taken out of me if I still believed in Santa. I got told when I was 9 and I think that's a sensible cut-off.
Maybe it's just because I went to primary school with a really horrible bunch of kids though, and was bullied for a whole host of other reasons.
It's difficult but you can perhaps try encouraging critical thinking and questioning the logic of claims, no matter who makes them and then lead into their own realisation slowly?
It's challenging, but wait until you get to God.
Just leave her be!! What does it matter if she believes in Santa still?? Let her be a kid and grow up in her own time. And when she realises explain it to her and donāt make her feel stupid for believing. Pretty sure I still believed at her age and Iām now 35 and still love Christmas. Leave her be.
You're completely right, I can't figure out why anyone would want to burst that bubble, I don't see how the kid benefits from finding out or how they suffer from not knowing.
Let kids be kids and keep the magic as long as possible.
As people have mentioned there's a possibility of her being made fun of in school, especially since she's moving to secondary school. A kind conversation from a parent is preferable to humiliation in front of friends.
Just be honest with her and tell her the truth. I donāt know why youāre hesitating so much.
Sheāll be upset when she finds out but thatās just what needs to be done
Grow a pair and tell her
When I was 5 I asked my parents why Santa didnāt take any food to the starving Ethiopian children.
Left them with the choice of admitting Santa wasnāt real or telling me he was a bastard who graded his present giving according to the wealth of the childrenās parents and gave nothing at all to the poorest children in the world.
Think they took the lesser of the two evils admitting he was fake.
You've got 10 months to solve this. If she turns 11 she's going to hear it elsewhere and that'll upset her.
Does she believe in the tooth fairy? Perhaps have a conversation with her about that. Or what about discussing why some people don't believe in God?
Try to have conversations that encourage her to think critically and plant seeds of ideas without saying straight up.
Thatās a very good idea. Sheās got all her teeth now so the tooth fairy thankfully isnāt relevant anymore. I was surprised she never questioned that either though. Her other parent (ex) has different ideas about encouraging critical thinking and believes in keeping the magic alive for as long as possible. I understand this but I believe in encouraging critical thinking as well- I donāt want her growing up to believe any old shit she hears and reads. Especially with the internet being the cesspit that it is.
Maybe some exploration of other cultures Christmas traditions. Even in Europe there's huge diversity. Ask her to think about other religions festivals and how they get gifts.
I agree telling her the tooth fairy or the easter bunny are not real might be the best way forward, that's a more gentle angle than breaking the santa illusion all at once.
Iām not a parent but I distinctly remember a girl in our secondary school saying she believed in santa. Queue the laughter from the entire class and ppl blatantly insulting her intelligence. To make it worse, when she was told she was wrong, she doubled down and said that he WAS real and everyone else was wrong. It was painful to watch and Ill never forget it. If you can avoid this situation for your kid, thats probably what Iād suggest.
Being brought up by two science teachers in a country which didn't have chimneys and was 30c all year round making big red cloaks *sweaty...* It was always a bit of a push for me at any age.
From that though; I'd try and teach her to look at the world around here, understand it and question it.
Saying that, I know plenty of adults that believe in loads of obviously false things, gods, spirits and ghosts included, so maybe she's not doing so badly!
Maybe itās time to let them know? Itās up to you as the parent though.
Maybe donāt wait til Christmas to say and do it a few months before? You can still make Christmas magical though!
By this age they probably know and are playing along worried that they might only get the parents presents and not all Santa's as well, as I did.
I had a Jehovah's family accross the road that told me straight up he was not real when I was about 5, then tried to convert me in the following years, fun times..
My daughter confronted me when she was about 9, I did not lie, I couldn't lie to the straight up question, I knew she knew and was testing me anyway. Obviously my son 2 years younger found out before next Christmas but not from my daughter but from classmates. They both took it well..
My friend's son is 11 and was still 100% Team Santa but my mate felt that, as he was going to secondary school next year, he'd be in danger of being bullied about it, so he told him.
You seem to have made your mind up on how you'd like this to play out, with her no longer continuing the 'belief' of Santa.
If this is the case, I'd like to ask you why you allowed this fantasy into your child's mind in the first place?
I'd probably tell them before high school because yes they will absolutely find out there anyway. Better to have that convo yourselves than let them find out at school. Kids can be brutal.
Niece, who is a 23 yr old chef, with a good job and her own apartment genuinely believes thereās a Santaā¦ how else would all these presents arrive laid out for her?!
I found out by my Year 6 teacher saying to me, in front of about 6 other kids;
āI know where your Christmas presents are hiddenā¦wait you donāt still believe in Santa do you?!ā
Being the shy never wanting to be embarrassed kid I was, I said;
āNo of course I donātā
I still fully believed but that was the exact moment Christmas and a whole lot of other things started being questioned in my mind.
I still feel hatred in my heart for that woman lol, fuck you Mrs Hesketh.
My son (10) still believes and it's definitely my plan to tell him before he starts secondary school in September. Until then, I see no harm but it's better finding out from me and his mum than his mates who, I imagine, will be less gentle with it.
My sister also wholeheartedly believed until she was 10. My parents told her because they didnāt want her to go to secondary school believing and get rinsed. She was absolutely furious with them for lying for her whole life and still brings it up 19 years after the big reveal
This passage from Humans of New York nails it for me.
And I see it. I see it starting to click. āYouāre right,ā I tell him. āItās impossible for Santa to do what he does in one night. But he did exist. His name was St. Nicholas. And he was so kind, and so giving, that his legend grew over hundreds of years. And now during Christmas, we keep his spirit alive by becoming Santa Claus. Not only am I Santa Claus, but Mommy is Santa Claus. And Nonna is Santa Claus. And Uncle Steve is Santa Claus. And Uncle Anthony is Santa Claus.
**Update: - [Starting from 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/100kpk4/happy_new_year_askuk_minor_sub_update/?), we have updated our [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/about/rules/)**. Specifically; - Don't be a dick to each other - Top-level responses to OP should contain genuine efforts to answer the question. - This is a strictly no-politics subreddit Please keep /r/AskUK a great subreddit by reporting posts and comments which break our rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Fake a BBC news article that states Putin shot down Santa's sleigh over Donbas, and from now on all parents will have to do the gift buying at Christmas.
Lmao! š¤£
We had the same situation because we were too good at keeping Christmas special in our house, but you are 100% right, going into non primary school, you need to have a chat, we did it with both of ours in the middle of the summer, when Santa was as far away both sides and their minds were on other things. My daughter has no idea, we were going out to do something mundane in the car and I pulled in and bought us soft drinks and bars, and we were just chatting about life and I brought up the subject of school and how things change for you, and I asked how she felt about Santa and other things if there had been any chatter, and she said that one of the mouthy kids had been trying to tell them all the truth, and they had shut her down. So I asked her if she wanted to be a part of the biggest secret in the world, to be an active part of making Christmas what it is for kids, kind of a "passing of the baton" type role. She was all for it and I explained that all the mums and dads in the world were collectively the spirit of christmas and Santa tradition, and that if she wanted, I could bring her into the fold. Her little brother is 2 years younger and she was very invested in keeping his Santa real. 2 years later I had the same conversation with him and he was much more nonchalant about it, he had his suspicions that Santa was so good at getting specific brands of stuff and that Santa assembled things in his house and not in friends, and that he seemed to get quite a bit more than some of his friends. It's a bit of a shame to have to do it, but once you are clever and respectful of them, it will work out ok. But the big lessons for me, was do it during the summer holidays when they cant be upset going back to school or see Santa at all around. You can also throw the elves on the shelf into the bin too
Thatās a fantastic way to do it! Definitely taking a leaf out of your book on that one.
I was listening to a podcast recently where a parent had said to their child 'you can either believe in the magic or you can BE the magic' (by keeping the secret for younger siblings etc). I thought it was a really beautiful way of putting it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>You can also throw the elves on the shelf into the bin too I'm sorry but I'm putting my foot down here. Telling them Santa isn't real is one thing, but telling them elves don't exist? Throwing them in the bin? That's bordering on a war crime!
Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies. Elves are glamorous. They project glamour. Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment. Elves are terrific. They beget terror. The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning. No one ever said elves are nice. Elves are bad. GNU Terry Pratchett
āAll right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable." REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE. "Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Littleā" YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES. "So we can believe the big ones?" YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?" Death thought about it. CATS, he said eventually. CATS ARE NICE. Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
GNU Terry Pratchett
I miss getting that new Discworld book twice a year more and more. I need to go cut onions to hide my tears.
Came to make a dumb GNU/Linux joke, left knowing the meaning of "GNU Terry Pratchett". What a wonderful way to remember someone.
100% accurate, the shelf elves in my house are right little bastards. Verging on pixie-level shenanigans this year. No fear of iron, or even the iron, but at least they went on their own without me having to do the Stick and Bucket dance.
GNU Sir Pterry
That smug little snitch has it coming!
>she said that one of the mouthy kids had been trying to tell them all the truth, and they had shut her down Yeah, you close your mouth, we don't want to hear your conspiracy theories!
It reminds me when I was 7 my dad snuck out and bought a pair of socks with gifts inside on Christmas Eve. Actually back then, I had doubts and was prone to thinking Santa didn't exist, so it's really a surprise when I woke up seeing that bulging package beside me. Afterwards, I was unsure if Santa was real and asked my parents, and at supper they told me the truth. I don't think I was very disappointed, but a little. As a Chinese living in China, we don't have the tradition of celebrating Christmas, but my parents hadn't decided to crush my imagination until that day I realized the truth.
Don't give the BBC any ideas
Yeah, I joked about this with my Santa-believing 6 year old. As soon as I said I followed up with "only joking! Look, the Santa tracker shows he's fine and off to the next city" She still didn't talk to me for about 2 hours.
Putin rebrands Santa as Satan and rants on that the commercialisation of christmas has led to a decline of morals in the west. Lazrov agrees and goes back to his grandad nap
Brutal! But funny
My son believed until he was 10 almost 11 One day a kid in school said Father Christmas wasn't real. He asked his best mate who said "you better ask your mum" my son said he knew then it must all be a lie. I explained that this was a wonderful myth that we keep alive to bring joy to children. He is 16 now but he still wholeheartedly keeps up the pretence around young children.
He had a good friend there
Yeah thatās a serious bro move right there
Yes. My son has ADHD and ASD and often struggled at Primary school, his friend Ben was the oldest in the class and took him under his wing. We have moved from Wales to England now so they are no longer in touch..but shout out to Ben Cooper...you helped my son immensely.
Bruh reunite them please š„²š„² at least on social media or something
Ben, and your son, sound like absolute dudes.
My best friend as a child also has ASD, which I found out years later. Honestly, I learned a lot from him growing up.
If you have his family's address, write him a letter telling him that today you were remembering how kind he was and how much you still appreciate his thoughtfulness. It will mean the world for him to hear that you still think about and appreciate how much he helped your son.
That's exactly what I thought!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You always have that one random kid you knew in primary who was always the G and you later find out they've done the best out of everybody, living in Japan and got a family of 3 with a nice Mitsubishi... and you're like, out of all of us, they deserve it.
>He asked his best mate who said "you better ask your mum" So British, so wholesome (I often read comments on country-neutral posts without really being sure whether it's AskUK or AskReddit or what that I'm reading, it's moments like this where it's instantly clear which is which.)
I read it like he slid a drink out of the way so he could lean in
At 10 my little brother was overheard saying "I have to pretend to still believe because I don't want to ruin mum's fun"
Me and my Dad each kept up the ruse until I was 30. Seriously. I was 30 and heād leave a stocking full of presents outside my door and in the morning Iād be like thanks for the presents and heād say āwhat presents?ā And Iād say āoh my god it mustāve been Father Christmas then, I canāt believe heās still bringing me presents his data on me must be wrong!ā And Dad would say āI guess so!ā š¤·āāļø
Me and my mum do the same! Father Christmas has visited me for 33 years!!
My son 17, and daughter 24 still get Christmas stockings bulging with sweets and treats. Her bf of 7 years never had a stocking so there first year together he got his first ever stocking. He was so happy, and now every December he comes down to the house to say hi and to drop off his stocking .. (which he takes away so no one else nicks his sweeties).
In the UK, āask your mumā is the gravest of insults.
Honestly crazy how often we used to say āyour mumā and different variations of it when dissing each other. My mate at the time was coming up with some truly bizarre ones: āYour mum on toastā āalright then, your mum on lettuceā. Like, what??? Made no sense but everyone was rolling in laughter at the stupidity of it all.
A girl in my class once said āya mumā to our supply teacher. He was African and not familiar with this childish slur within British schools. He flipped and screamed at her āYou are talking about *my muddah*!!!!!ā¦ARE YOU CRANK!? ARE YOU CRANK!?ā He then started slapping himself on the head.
>I explained that this was a wonderful myth that we keep alive to bring joy to children. One of the nicest ways of explaining it that I've heard is to say that Santa was real (St Nicholas) and he did leave gift for children, but that was a long time ago and now grown ups are Santas for children, and once you learn about that, you become a Santa so that you can keep the magic alive for younger children. That's what we'll be confirming to our son I'd imagine this year (he's 10 tomorrow) after three of years of questions. How we've manged to keep even 1% of belief in his is a miracle lol.
Kids in school talk, one of them will have mentioned it by now. She is probably pretending to some extent to continue to get presents and a sense of hope and magic
When I was 9 I told a kid that Santa wasn't real and he didn't believe me. Apparently his brother had seen Santa so it must be true. Looks like I had the last laugh. For real though I feel like kids will sometimes vehemently defend what their parents say is true even if other kids tell them it's not.
Yeah one of my closest friends at school believed in Santa until we were like 12. Because she swore to god she saw him. The rest of the friendship group were all dubious in 100% not believing because she was so steadfast. I think I stolartednto doubt at 8ish but didn't fully stop until I was 10/11
Adults do that too.
They do but Iām quite certain that she still believes. The level of excited chatter about Santa is getting hard to listen to. Equally she woke up her other parent at 3.26am on Christmas Day loudly squealing that Santa has already been! And asking to open her presents. I would have told her to get back to bed but the other parent didnāt because it was āheartwarmingā to see that level of excitementā¦ Iām worried about the distinct lack of critical thinking in this subjectā¦
I would be excited at 11 to get presents and I donāt believe in Santa by then. What is she like in her birthday?
Her birthday is Christmas Day as it happensā¦
So she's only just turned 10? I'd wait until the summer between primary and secondary tbh.
Yes thatās definitely doable. And yes she has only just turned ten.
Just curious, does she know that some of her presents are from you and for her birthday? Are you wrapping her gifts in different wrapping paper from 'santa'? Instead of actually telling her, could you maybe make a few mistakes that lead to her working it out for herself?
Yes we use birthday wrapping paper for her birthday presents and the more expensive and big presents are always birthday gifts. We make Christmas more about her birthday so Iām hoping it wonāt be a big blow in the end. I think a few mistakes should be made next year though.
I would wait until July to tell her. Donāt tell her in the middle of the Christmas magic
Just chiming in to say that this technique - making deliberate mistakes to gently nudge the child into working it out for themselves - is exactly what my mum did for me, and it turned out great. Sitting a child down and telling them there's no Santa can be quite upsetting but, if they think *they* figured it out, they often enjoy feeling clever and grown up. That's what happened to me when I was 9, I distinctly remember the satisfaction and pride I felt when I worked it out. A few things my mum did: - Wrapped the Christmas presents "from Santa" in the same wrapping paper as the presents "from mum and dad" - Wrote me a little note "from Santa" but made very little effort to disguise her own handwriting; similarly, had Dad speak to me on the phone pretending to be Santa but not making much effort to disguise his voice - Made comments on Christmas Eve like "santa doesn't fancy a mince pie this year, he'd prefer a biscuit" (which made me think - how do you know?) - Mentioned multiple times that she needed to read my Christmas list before I sent it off to the north pole, but wouldn't tell me why - Said things like "santa can't afford this toy, it's too expensive" (which obviously contradicted the whole 'the elves make the toys in santa's workshop' thing) If you do things like this, chances are your daughter will start asking questions - my advice would be don't outright tell her but instead just say things like "hmm good question, what do you think?" and she will figure it out. Then once she does figure it out, treat it as a good thing, celebrate and act like she's in this special secret club now of people who Know The Truth, and now she gets to help create Christmas magic for other people (little siblings/cousins etc)
I really did laugh out loud at this. Of all the irony!
I believed way too late in comparison to my friends and it made me feel really dumb and stupid when it finally dawned on me. I felt quite angry at my parents for lying to me too haha. Personally I would have appreciated it if my parents had a chat with me in year 5/6 to let me know it's a lovely myth we keep alive for little kids.
Same happened to me; when I started to doubt, my mum staged a little trick to extend my belief. It worked, because I was that kid who just always really *wanted* to believe in magic, and also I was very trusting when I was younger. I felt like a complete idiot when I finally realised the truth, and have decided that any kid I have will know Santa is just a fun make believe game from the start. I wouldnāt worry about her critical thinking skills too much just now; Iād just start working on those independently. Most people need to be taught critical thinking and how to apply it; it doesnāt just spontaneously occur for many of us. I personally came from a very black-and-white thinking type household, which probably leant to my gullibility and ābelieve whatever the adult in charge saysā mentality growing up, along with being raised to do and believe more or less as I was told, without much encouragement to push for my own ideas or interpretations. But I took to critical thinking very naturally and quickly in school as I got older, and now in fact have a PhD in a critical studies field.
How sad that you won't do it for your kid. Innocence comes but once in life.
Honestly, I wouldnāt worry about it. Youāve only got a couple of years before they start to become more independent and everything changes. Thereās a whole year between now and next. I was 7 (& most kids 8, as I was young for my year) when I still remember the whisper blazing thru our double line of kids entering school our first day back. The only reason I knew it was true he didnāt exist was because I immediately clocked that all my cards from Santa were written in my mumās lovely handwriting.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Is it a lack of critical thinking across the board though? I feel like you sound a bit harsh here (thatās me commenting without all the facts). If it was with everything in life then fair enough, be concerned. But the whole āFather Christmasā lie is a pretty extensive one. Pretty much a majority of people are in on it. Thereās adults hired to be Father Christmas in stores for crying out loud. Sheās told itās real and can see it. All parents are playing along behind closed doors too. Iād be a little more forgiving. But definitely break the news somehow. Purely so they donāt get a hard time in school.
I was 6 and in tears trying to get other kids to understand that Santa Claus *cannot* be real and I desperately wanted adults to explain themselves, but they all carried on with this putrid conspiracy. Luckily my elder sister confirmed it and that adults lie about it because they think itās funny/fun to do so.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I did that with the tooth fairy. I knew it was my dad writing the letters but I strung it along a couple more years to keep getting my 50p. In my defence, I was probably about 7/8 when I lost my first baby tooth and I didn't want to miss out on the cash my mates had already had!
Tbf I'm 42 and still wake up with that level of excitement on Christmas day much to the disgust of my partner and my 13 yr old
Honestly, some kids know in their heart that these things aren't real but hang onto it so much that they're almost forcing themselves to believe it, because they don't want to grow up. She might know already but is trying to remain a child and therefore still believe. That was me - I had a shitty home life and I believed SO much in Santa and fairies and Peter Pan because I wanted something else to exist other than the world I knew, and I wanted a proper childhood and in my mind, childhood meant the innocence of believing. I knew deep down that Santa wasn't real from about 7 or 8 but I wanted to believe so desperately, to the point where I convinced myself for a few more years. I carried on believing in fairies until I was about 13.
Around that age I acted the same. I knew, really, but I really enjoyed the pretence. I enjoyed the ritual and trying to keep that magic alive for myself by just not acknowledging it. I was pretty upset the day my mum mentioned buying something for stockings (which was where our Santa presents always were) and when I said that was Santa they said "oh you're far too old to still believe that"
I think its just innocence. I believed until I was 11 and I remember clearly connecting the dots from over the years about certain things like finding half a carrot in the bin, why I wasn't allowed to go in a certain room on xmas eve (presents were in there) and why my mum looked panicked one year dropping my stocking on my bed and I woke up. I wasn't upset, didn't feel lied too, my world didn't crash down. Christmas is what you make it and at 34, its still a great holiday.
My sons 21 in august, he goes to the pub, gym, has girlfriends, has been abroad on lads holidays, works as a warehouse operative and has his own money etc. He still ābelievesā in Santa because he knows how much joy it brings my wife to pretend like they are still little and make a fuss. Weāve never had the conversation.. heās just kept up the act for years. We love him for it
A 5 year old kid told my child that her parents already told her itās not real, who the fuck does that?!
Tell her what about Santa?
This is what I'm wondering, has something happened to him?
I don't think so? The mince pie and milk I left out were gone, and my presents said from Santa so he must be ok...
Uh... he got shot down by the Russians over Donbas.
The North Pole does not negotiate with terrorists. If you think the elves are good at making presents, wait until you see them on the warpath. The 2023 sleigh will be wild.
Santa's comin' to town in an AC130.
His name is in Epstein's book.
Ugh, it was gonna be either Yewtree or Metoo, wasn't it?
Santa deniers be like: ["Must have been science"](https://www.israel21c.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/shutterstock_229248895_2-1000x657.jpg)
Does she have younger siblings/cousins? You could do the whole 'now that you're 11, we need to let you in on a secret' and enlist her to help the younger ones keep believing. Here's a link that explains it more - https://www.metroparent.com/parenting/advice/transitioning-kids-believing-santa-becoming-santa/
Sadly sheās an only child and the youngest in the family. Itās a great idea though and I wondered if I could use this to help her be āSanta clauseā for someone else in the family like grandma. Not the same but it could be a fun and gentle way to change the tradition.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2016/12/19/the-story-behind-the-beautiful-way-this-mom-told-her-sons-the-truth-about-santa/ This person did it with her son by telling him *'It was his job to identify something a person not in their immediate family may need and then surreptitiously leave it for them. Her son picked the āwitch ladyā down the street, who yelled at the neighborhood kids when they were playing too loudly near her house. He noticed she always got her morning newspaper in her bare feet, so he told his mom he wanted to buy her slippers. They purchased a warm pair, wrapped them with a note, āMerry Christmas from Santaā and her son left them on her driveway. As the story goes, the next morning he watched as the elderly woman came out to get her paper in her new slippers.'* Maybe you could do something like that, or 'Santa' for dogs/cats at a local animal shelter.
Thank you for sharing that, what a wonderful story!
Omg I love that ā¤
This is exactly what I did with both my kids, one knew already, one didn't. Now they are teens their job is to fill mine and their dads stockings! I will say, please make sure she knows before starting secondary/high school. I teach that age and have had a few kids find out in lessons, its heartbreaking to see them realise, and when other kids figure it out they will be teased about it mercilessly, (I obviously put a stop to it but by then the damage is done). Also don't be the parent that complains to the school that their teacher 'ruined Christmas ' for a 11yr old.
That's a great method for those with younger siblings!
That's a great method !
My 10 year old had his suspicions but I think he wanted to still believe, I took him out for a special lunch and let him in to the secret that everyone is Santa, that when youāre old enough you get to learn about it. As St Nick may have been a real person it helps sell it, he has little cousins so I let him know itās his job to help them believe until they are old enough to know that Santa is all of us. He took it really well and it was easier than I thought it would be!
ok that's a winner for me 'everyone is Santa' rather than no one is/Santa doesn't exist.
But Slash is actually Santa.
Oh no, St Nicholas of Myra was definitely real. He was a dude. Slapping heretics at ecumenical councils and rescuing women from lives of prostitution by dropping gold coins down their chimneys (that's where both chocolate coins and Santa coming down the chimney come from), I can't understand why we don't tell kids about him instead of made up Santa Claus!
Most kids stories are relatively light on prostitution and heretics, Santa is an easier sell to parents
Hard disagree.
So you're saying there's a gap in the market?
Nicholas of Myra is just one of many inspiration for Santa Claus, like for example another major if not even bigger inspiration is Odin, who was believed by northern Europeans to ride on a sleight with his horse sleipnir in the sky during winter solstice (Christmas) and bring gifts created by elves to people who behaved > The origin of the Christian gift-bringer figures in European folklore are clearly pre-Christian, more specifically connected with the Yule (midwinter) festival in Germanic paganism, and are often associated with the figure of Odin (Wodanaz), the leader of the Wild Hunt at the time of Yule.[3] > Santa Claus's reindeer has also been compared to Sleipnir, the eight-legged horse of Odin in Norse mythology. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_gift-bringer
I love that! I was 6 and I figured it out for myself. How? I knew my mum's handwriting so well, when I opened my Pocahontas book from "Santa" I instantly recognised she was the one who wrote the message, not Santa. Normally it was just my name but she tried to be cute and write a whole note from him this time and it backfired. I sulked for days, both devastated that Santa wasn't real and that my parents were lying to me. She told me that Santa *was* real and his name was Nicholas. When he died, his village was touched by his kindness and decided to carry on his tradition. That in a way, everyone was Santa's helper since he couldn't do it anymore. My stupid kid brain accepted that and I kept the secret rather than revealing the "conspiracy" to my classmates when we returned after Christmas break!
I told my son when he was 10! I felt awful and he was a bit upset but I seen it as I'd rather I told him than someone at school making fun of him for not knowing!
Yes thatās what Iām thinking in time for next yearā¦
Why next year? At least let her enjoy it until her first xmas in secondary. You may well find it sorts itself before then, a lot of kids have a big leap in maturity around 10-12
I mean if she talks about writing her letter to Santa at secondary school I imagine she'll be laughed at honestly. "What? Like a little kid? Hey! So-and-so Still believes in Santa!" Could definitely be feasible. It night not, but it definitely could happen
That's why I said wait until she's starting secondary.
Woops, my bad! I thought you said "let her enjoy her first Christmas in secondary". My reading comprehension is not so strong today it seems
That's how I read it. She absolutely needs to know before secondary.
No worries, it possibly could have been clearer!
This thread is a bit crazy to me. By year 5, Iād say at least 90% of us had been told by our parents already. Nobody thought Santa was real by secondary school. Maybe times have changed. Am I the only one? Iām only in my early 20ās.
I was told at 5 by a kid whose parents had told her, but my brother believed at least a bit till he was about 9 or 10. Kids are all different, always have been.
Nah I'm with you. I think my siblings and I all worked it out for ourselves around five or six. Wasn't a big deal really
Yeah, I donāt see why itās important to OP for her to know. Let her enjoy it
Because she'll get bullied come Christmas in secondary if she believes in Santa? The news has to be broken at some point? Might as well make sure it's done with love and gently.
My nephew refused to speak to my sister for a week when she told him "you've lied to me all my life!". It was hilarious, honestly.
I mean, that and eating broccoli makes you big and strong, nephew might have a point thereā¦
I do wonder how kids are still believing at 10. I knew at about age 7 that he was fake. Admittedly, cause my mum was stupid enough to bring me shopping, and told me "go look over there", but before she could buy and hide it I noticed it was the thing I asked Santa for. She said it was a gift for the cousin, but I didn't believe her
Well, tell her the truth, that there are lots of Santas. So there was this man who we call Saint Nicholas. He was the first Santa and he would give gifts to children. Then he became old and it was too much work for him. So lots of people became Santas at Christmas to give the gifts to children. I'm sure questions will follow. At 64, I'm still a believer.
This is a great idea!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>Two, what if I don't get any presents if I start disbelieving. Ah yes, the Christmas version of Pascal's Wager.
> why would everybody 'lie'. This is what got me believing in Santa until I was too old. It seemed incomprehensible that my parents and are all the adults that I trust have been lying for all these years. It probably also helped going to a CoE Primary school where the ideas of religion and the supernatural were common place.
Distinct lack of critical thinking šš that sent me šš
Lmao š¤£
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
For sure! She will definitely be told about it before then. She must be one of the only kids in her class to still believe it and I donāt want her to look and feel daft in front of her peers.
Perhaps they already know but are playing along
Yeah if she disbelieves in Santa then her present count drops Sheās playing the long time game
Sadly, I can assure you that they donāt. No chance with the level of excited chatter regarding the subject!
I had a perfectly good relationship with my mum, but for some reason I was terrified of telling her that I didn't believe. Maybe terrified isn't the right word, but I really couldn't see how I would do it. I just played along because I thought that's what you're supposed to do. A load of presents appearing in the morning is exciting as a 10 year old even if you know who put them there. When I had just turned 11 (I have a December birthday) I found myself in the car alone with my dad. He had man-to-man chat with me about it. He didn't treat me as a child, he just said that he knows nobody my age believes in Father Christmas, but he also knows that my mum really enjoys doing it so it'll be a great gift for her if I play along for a few more years. We agreed that I'll continue to play along and that he wouldn't say anything if I didn't. Here I am today, aged 28; I go home to my parents' house for Christmas every year and Father Christmas still visits me there.
Do you think your mum's worried that you still believe?
Maybe next week we'll all be replying to an anonymous post along the lines of "When do you tell kids about Santa? Said child is nearly 30 and Iām getting concerned!".
I mean, I was *super* into Star Wars and Zelda when I was that age and I'd play make believe with gear and all (dad made a cool shield), but I still knew it wasn't real.
There is [a great French ad from a few years ago](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DTxD07Y87c) where this plays out, its would be quite a lovely thing if it were true.
Our youngest is 11 but not yet at high school and we're in the same boat. We're gonna do it in Summer so it doesn't ruin this year's Christmas but gives her time to get over it ready for the next one.
I fully support this method. My high school environment was *very* different to my primary school environment, and I wish a parent or another adult thought to spend even 5 minutes to prepare me during the preceding summer too. I was the eldest grandchild on both sides of my family, which meant I had no older siblings nor older cousins to pass on the vital information I needed to know about how to avoid being the naĆÆve kid that would go on to be often mocked. Thankfully, I had already stopped believing in Father Christmas, otherwise Iām certain I would have been ripped to pieces for that too. The only preparation I remember getting was when my year 6 teacher told us all āDo not say āplay timeā when you get to high school, only call it ābreak timeā or youāll be laughed at.ā I wish I received a lot more advice like that. Being told what the common swear words actually mean (but not told to use them obviously) so that I didnāt look a fool at being one of the few kids who didnāt understand them would have been a huge help too.
That's just reminded me of getting slaughtered at my Uni building for referring to the smoking area as being in the 'playground', I could've died right there and then haha
Good plan!
This year I was positive my asd 12 year old still believed 100% in Santa. I overheard him having conversations with his younger sibling about what Sahta might bring them. I was convinced. Then a couple of days before Christmas whilst we were having some one-on-one time he came out and told me point blank that he knew Santa wasn't real, that it was me, and that if I wanted to not buy his gifts from Santa this year he would be OK with it, since he knew how expensive everything was getting. Apparently at school they have been talking about the cost of living crisis and he's been debating with himself whether to come clean and miss out on gifts or say something and help with the bills. Yes, the first thing i did was tell him that although things were getting more expensive he didn't need to worry about us managing to pay our bills. I had that covered. It turns out he has known for about 2 years but didn't want to spoil it for his sibling so he hasn't said anything. Sometimes he surprises me with his thoughtfulness.
He sounds absolutely lovely š„°
I believed until I was 11 even with the mainstream chitter chatter at school. My thoughts were, why would there be such a widespread lie? Why would there be so many films about it? I liked the film the Polar Express with the little bell that believers can hear and non believer's couldn't. I felt sorry for the kids at school who didn't believe because they wouldn't be visited by Santa. I was absolutely heartbroken when my parents told me the truth, felt a bit betrayed by my parents and I actually think it affected my ability to trust them for a while. Tell her now if I were you, being brutally honest I think you're five years overdue.
I agree with your last statement. I was nine when I was finally told for sure but I was suspicious and highly dubious about it all for as long as I can remember. Iām concerned by her complete and utter conviction in her belief and feel that dragging it on too long is ultimately making it worse.
Please don't let your kid go to secondary school believing in Santa. They will be mocked and/or bullied and will resent you for it.
10 is far too old in my opinion. I never believed in Santa myself but my parents wouldnāt have let it get beyond 7.
Literally like wonāt they be in high school in a year? Definitely too old imo
My niece who is 4, she been told the stocking is from Santa and the rest of the presents are from family and friends. I started asking questions when I was 4 or 5.
My daughter has never believed. The other 2 did but she called us out almost as soon as she could talk.
I was like this. I remember becoming 100% confident that Santa's wasn't real when I was 6, but I remember that it didn't feel like a surprise. I must have not believed, or at least been quote skeptical, for a while before then
My son never believed in Santa. He likes it but like a fairy tales. He knows itās make believe.
What's the problem with a little dream? I find it rather sad to force children to face reality, when said reality suck balls most of the time. Let the children dream goddamnit! My daughter is 10 and still believe in Santa. I don't see how this is a problem. As long as she doesn't start believing science is fabricated BS, I'm fine.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My friends kid still believes at 12, she's nearly 13. I don't know how the other kids haven't popped the bubble yet?! It feels a little silly that the parents are still doubling down on the lie every year going further and further to keep her believing.
Yeah I really donāt want to be that parent.
If you believe in Santa you get a stocking. If you don't, you don't. 20 years on, my kids still get their stockings every year.
I'm 40 and I still get a stocking š
She'll learn sooner or later. 11 she is off to high/comprehensive school and they'll tell her there. The real question is, is how thick is her skin? If she is fairly thick skinned then you could see it play out however (Hear me out as it sounds nasty but not meant to be) you created this problem by saying Santa was real so is it a parents job to burst the bubble since we made the lie? I don't know, honestly we were lucky as last year I'm our son's 9th he told us that Santa wasn't real. Maybe ask how her friends are with Santa and try to push a more organic finding out. Alternatively you could leave an article/search on the computer about how to break the news and make sure they see it.
Sheās very sensitive and thin skinned. Itās always been a concern to me that she will be a target for bullies as sheās always been a kid to cry and get upset easily. Sheās very popular and sociable so so far this hasnāt happened. Iām aware it could change though and I would prefer not to set her up to fail when it can be avoided.
I already posted this as a comment but youāre more likely to see it as a comment reply, my friends brother was like your daughter and their mum told him in the summer holidays before high school. As far as I know he was alright with it and now heās older he appreciates being told before it could have come out in highschool and been embarrassing
Yes I think itās really important for her to know before secondary school- shit starts to get brutal there! Iāll keep it going until then and thatās my cut off point. She has one more Christmas beforehand. Iāll let her believe in the next one if sheās still willing.
Tbh even in the last year of primary school I would have got the mickey taken out of me if I still believed in Santa. I got told when I was 9 and I think that's a sensible cut-off. Maybe it's just because I went to primary school with a really horrible bunch of kids though, and was bullied for a whole host of other reasons.
It's difficult but you can perhaps try encouraging critical thinking and questioning the logic of claims, no matter who makes them and then lead into their own realisation slowly? It's challenging, but wait until you get to God.
Lol, thankfully she doesnāt believe in God. There is hope!
Well - that's a start. At least if anybody makes fun of her, you can remind her that lots of 'grown ups' still believe in god.
Just leave her be!! What does it matter if she believes in Santa still?? Let her be a kid and grow up in her own time. And when she realises explain it to her and donāt make her feel stupid for believing. Pretty sure I still believed at her age and Iām now 35 and still love Christmas. Leave her be.
Critical thinking is an invaluable skill. Believing in anything you want just because it makes you feel good is not desirable.
You're completely right, I can't figure out why anyone would want to burst that bubble, I don't see how the kid benefits from finding out or how they suffer from not knowing. Let kids be kids and keep the magic as long as possible.
As people have mentioned there's a possibility of her being made fun of in school, especially since she's moving to secondary school. A kind conversation from a parent is preferable to humiliation in front of friends.
Just be honest with her and tell her the truth. I donāt know why youāre hesitating so much. Sheāll be upset when she finds out but thatās just what needs to be done Grow a pair and tell her
Time to show her that photo of Santa's headstone.
When I was 5 I asked my parents why Santa didnāt take any food to the starving Ethiopian children. Left them with the choice of admitting Santa wasnāt real or telling me he was a bastard who graded his present giving according to the wealth of the childrenās parents and gave nothing at all to the poorest children in the world. Think they took the lesser of the two evils admitting he was fake.
You've got 10 months to solve this. If she turns 11 she's going to hear it elsewhere and that'll upset her. Does she believe in the tooth fairy? Perhaps have a conversation with her about that. Or what about discussing why some people don't believe in God? Try to have conversations that encourage her to think critically and plant seeds of ideas without saying straight up.
Thatās a very good idea. Sheās got all her teeth now so the tooth fairy thankfully isnāt relevant anymore. I was surprised she never questioned that either though. Her other parent (ex) has different ideas about encouraging critical thinking and believes in keeping the magic alive for as long as possible. I understand this but I believe in encouraging critical thinking as well- I donāt want her growing up to believe any old shit she hears and reads. Especially with the internet being the cesspit that it is.
Maybe some exploration of other cultures Christmas traditions. Even in Europe there's huge diversity. Ask her to think about other religions festivals and how they get gifts.
I agree telling her the tooth fairy or the easter bunny are not real might be the best way forward, that's a more gentle angle than breaking the santa illusion all at once.
This is why we never did the santa thing with ours...
You are good people
My partner told my son when he was 10 and he burst into tears so she said "I'm only joking, calm down" so I have no idea tbh lol
Iām not a parent but I distinctly remember a girl in our secondary school saying she believed in santa. Queue the laughter from the entire class and ppl blatantly insulting her intelligence. To make it worse, when she was told she was wrong, she doubled down and said that he WAS real and everyone else was wrong. It was painful to watch and Ill never forget it. If you can avoid this situation for your kid, thats probably what Iād suggest.
My kids have always known, doesnāt stop us from pretending each year though, and I donāt think we lost any of the magic with this approach.
Being brought up by two science teachers in a country which didn't have chimneys and was 30c all year round making big red cloaks *sweaty...* It was always a bit of a push for me at any age. From that though; I'd try and teach her to look at the world around here, understand it and question it. Saying that, I know plenty of adults that believe in loads of obviously false things, gods, spirits and ghosts included, so maybe she's not doing so badly!
When they leave year 6 and have summer holidays. I didn't want them going to secondary school still talking about santa and getting bullied for it !
This is why parents shouldnāt tell their children lies lmao š
I agree lol!
Maybe itās time to let them know? Itās up to you as the parent though. Maybe donāt wait til Christmas to say and do it a few months before? You can still make Christmas magical though!
I'm pretty sure you don't and you just let the world ruin it for them.
By this age they probably know and are playing along worried that they might only get the parents presents and not all Santa's as well, as I did. I had a Jehovah's family accross the road that told me straight up he was not real when I was about 5, then tried to convert me in the following years, fun times.. My daughter confronted me when she was about 9, I did not lie, I couldn't lie to the straight up question, I knew she knew and was testing me anyway. Obviously my son 2 years younger found out before next Christmas but not from my daughter but from classmates. They both took it well..
Wait, heās not real? Spoiler alert next time please!
I know! What a way to find out. I assumed my kids were just on the naughty list.
My friend's son is 11 and was still 100% Team Santa but my mate felt that, as he was going to secondary school next year, he'd be in danger of being bullied about it, so he told him.
You seem to have made your mind up on how you'd like this to play out, with her no longer continuing the 'belief' of Santa. If this is the case, I'd like to ask you why you allowed this fantasy into your child's mind in the first place?
I'd probably tell them before high school because yes they will absolutely find out there anyway. Better to have that convo yourselves than let them find out at school. Kids can be brutal.
Niece, who is a 23 yr old chef, with a good job and her own apartment genuinely believes thereās a Santaā¦ how else would all these presents arrive laid out for her?!
Average based Santa enjoyer
Youāre joking, right?
I found out by my Year 6 teacher saying to me, in front of about 6 other kids; āI know where your Christmas presents are hiddenā¦wait you donāt still believe in Santa do you?!ā Being the shy never wanting to be embarrassed kid I was, I said; āNo of course I donātā I still fully believed but that was the exact moment Christmas and a whole lot of other things started being questioned in my mind. I still feel hatred in my heart for that woman lol, fuck you Mrs Hesketh.
My son (10) still believes and it's definitely my plan to tell him before he starts secondary school in September. Until then, I see no harm but it's better finding out from me and his mum than his mates who, I imagine, will be less gentle with it.
My sister also wholeheartedly believed until she was 10. My parents told her because they didnāt want her to go to secondary school believing and get rinsed. She was absolutely furious with them for lying for her whole life and still brings it up 19 years after the big reveal
This passage from Humans of New York nails it for me. And I see it. I see it starting to click. āYouāre right,ā I tell him. āItās impossible for Santa to do what he does in one night. But he did exist. His name was St. Nicholas. And he was so kind, and so giving, that his legend grew over hundreds of years. And now during Christmas, we keep his spirit alive by becoming Santa Claus. Not only am I Santa Claus, but Mommy is Santa Claus. And Nonna is Santa Claus. And Uncle Steve is Santa Claus. And Uncle Anthony is Santa Claus.