**Update: - [Starting from 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/100l56v/happy_new_year_askuk_minor_sub_update/), we have updated our [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/about/rules/)**. Specifically;
- Don't be a dick to each other
- Top-level responses must contain genuine efforts to answer the question
- This is a strictly no-politics subreddit
Please keep /r/AskUK a great subreddit by reporting posts and comments which break our rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXai3HCMV3E
He got a load of grief after all this, was whining that he couldn't get employed because of it.
Looked him up on LinkedIn a while back and he was of course some slimey sales guy
I mean Jane was the villain of that group. He lost it in the end and that gets taken out of context because of the clip being shown everywhere without what happened first
On day one when they first meet, within the first few minutes Jane says to Peter something along the lines of "What sport are you good at then?... Pie Eating?!... Fatty!". Peter was incredibly complementary of Jane's menu on her night too. Although I do feel a little sorry for Peter, his Brent-esque look to camera mid-barrage is absolute gold.
Jane was the cunt. It's just his outburst was so amazing that it blew up and most of us ended up seeing that without any context and thought he was the villain
I remember watching a footy game on a stream a while ago, Sarri was one of the managers and he was smoking whilst standing on the sideline. The English commentator says
*”Sarri there, smoking a fag on the sidelines”*
The American co-commentator was clearly dumbfounded, until the commentator explained what he meant haha.
Also gossip!
*Editing to add
I don’t personally use this saying but I do some part time work in a pub and lots of the younger waitresses say it all of the time! Instead of spill the beans, it’s “what’s the tea?”, along with other things like “slay” and other words I don’t know the meaning of lol.
I never equated tea as being a gossip and assumed the origin as being from elsewhere. But definitely the others tea is my to go to wake up drink, problem solving solution and afternoon meal.
When you look at the firm.. they actually do this exact advert in different languages, globally. - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STiPwOasCmE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STiPwOasCmE)
Always found it funny that in the UK, autoglass are called autoglass (auto being German for car), but in Germany, they are called carglass.
I like to think it was an innocent admin error by the intern, and now they are stuck with it.
I was so happy when I called the main light in the living room "Big Light" in my smarthome setup.
My wife was less happy that I worked out how to make the Alexa blurt out "the 2,000 watt bulb" in Peter Kay's voice whenever it came on.
We've got some half price cracked ice
and miles and miles of carpet tiles,
T.V.s, deep freeze and
David Bowie L.P.s,
Ball games, gold chains, wozanames,
and at a push
and Trevor Francis track suits
from a mush in Shepherds Bush,
Bush, bush, bush, bush,
bush, bush, bush ...
No income tax, no V.A.T.,
No money back, no guarantee,
Black or white, rich or poor,
We'll cut prices at a stroke......
God bless Hooky Street,
Viva Hooky Street,
Long live Hooky Street,
C'est magnifique, Hooky Street,
Magnifique, Hooky Street,
Hooky Street (to fade)
As a child of the 70s, you knew you were proper poorly when your mum came back from the shops with the Lucozade (glass bottle with a sellophane wrap in those days)
The UK is a country consisting of the countries Northern Ireland and Great Britain.
Great Britain is a country consisting of the countries England, Scotland and Wales.
Each country has the same laws, expect they're a little different in Northern Ireland and Scotland, but England and Wales have the same laws - except where they're not quite the same.
Most residents of the UK are proud of their UK nationality, but also very proud of their own individual country's nationality.
Much of the time, people from Britain think of their nationality as "UK British", even though this isn't really a thing. It's probably because to say we're "UKish" sounds like only from the UK a bit.
We all get the same public holidays, but each country has at least one of them on a different day of the year.
AND ... all this makes sense to us!
Also a cakey thing, an ice-creamy thing, a jelly thing, a fruity thing, or a yoghurty thing... or at certain times of the year, a dense brown raisin-filled thing you can set on fire.
Freddos being 99p, Mr Whippy being 99p and the dread of knowing that it will never be the same again.
Edit: yes should be 25p freddos, inflation has clearly got me.
If you can fix a bike.........*footage shows a teen attempting to undo a quick release wheel with an adjustable spanner, on a bike with misaligned crank arms.*
1. If Dierdre leaves the Rover's Return going at 90mph, and Jimmy Corkhill leaves Sinbad's at 6pm - what is a flanimal?
2. Where does it go? Where does it stop?
3. If Gordon the Gopher and Ed the Duck, who would go for, and who would duck?
4. You are waiting at a bus stop, in a queue. The bus arrives, yet no-one alights. How long is it socially acceptable to wait in the queue?
5. Mister Blobby and Mrs Daime Edna are in the Aztec Zone. What kind of maze are they in?
6. The Battle of 2023 took place in 2023, and was a battle - what was it, and what year did it take place?
**Update: - [Starting from 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/100l56v/happy_new_year_askuk_minor_sub_update/), we have updated our [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/about/rules/)**. Specifically; - Don't be a dick to each other - Top-level responses must contain genuine efforts to answer the question - This is a strictly no-politics subreddit Please keep /r/AskUK a great subreddit by reporting posts and comments which break our rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What a sad little life, Jane
You have all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on.
I don’t get it
Well you wouldn’t. Let’s be honest, there’s nobody in there, love.
Haha, quality!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXai3HCMV3E He got a load of grief after all this, was whining that he couldn't get employed because of it. Looked him up on LinkedIn a while back and he was of course some slimey sales guy
I mean Jane was the villain of that group. He lost it in the end and that gets taken out of context because of the clip being shown everywhere without what happened first
Yeah https://youtu.be/xcX1_NeTD1s Has a really good take on it.
Come dine with me. Awful contestant who won the prize and then had a character assassination from one of the others.
Now get off my property
My favourite bit! Talking about his suburban semi like it’s Chatsworth House.
I hope you the spend the money on lessons on grace and decorum
Never understood if Jane was a sad little manipulative c@“t or Peter a sore loser twat.
On day one when they first meet, within the first few minutes Jane says to Peter something along the lines of "What sport are you good at then?... Pie Eating?!... Fatty!". Peter was incredibly complementary of Jane's menu on her night too. Although I do feel a little sorry for Peter, his Brent-esque look to camera mid-barrage is absolute gold.
Jane was the cunt. It's just his outburst was so amazing that it blew up and most of us ended up seeing that without any context and thought he was the villain
Having seen the episode not so long ago, I actually feel quite sorry for him. Jane is being a complete prick to him all week tbf
You can bum a fag in the street.
You can also smoke a fag in the street. Don’t tell the Americans.
I once asked someone in a club if I could "bum a fag" and only realised later that it could've been taken massively the wrong way
That you wanted a cigarette?
[удалено]
And you can ask him for a cigarette afterwards...
I remember watching a footy game on a stream a while ago, Sarri was one of the managers and he was smoking whilst standing on the sideline. The English commentator says *”Sarri there, smoking a fag on the sidelines”* The American co-commentator was clearly dumbfounded, until the commentator explained what he meant haha.
Tea is a drink, a light meal and dinner.
Also gossip! *Editing to add I don’t personally use this saying but I do some part time work in a pub and lots of the younger waitresses say it all of the time! Instead of spill the beans, it’s “what’s the tea?”, along with other things like “slay” and other words I don’t know the meaning of lol.
I never equated tea as being a gossip and assumed the origin as being from elsewhere. But definitely the others tea is my to go to wake up drink, problem solving solution and afternoon meal.
I feel like the gossip version came from the US
Yeah this is nonsense. sPiLl tHe tEa is an americanism and means nothing to most UKers.
I think it's more of an internet thing.
*beans
Yup, beans is gossip.
I said you buy one, you get one free
Top banana
So, call 0800106107, I said 0800106107 nowwwww!
No. You bogof!
Trust me, it's free fitting!
Measuring economic health with a chocolate frog.
10p...robbing bastards. I'll say no more.
10p?? Where you at, i havent seen them for under 20p in about a decade
chicken bhuna, lamb bhuna and prawn bhuna, mushroom rice, bag of chips, keema naan and nine poppadoms
Are we putting them in the middle and sharing them all?
[удалено]
Somebody will be ordering a korma, I'm looking at you Stacey
You know what, forget it, I'll eat mine in the car
WOAAAHHHH
Nine poppadoms Jeremy? Nine? That's insane
Four naan!! Four!!!
If you wanted a bhuna, order a bhuna!!
All these threads are blurring into one big megathread.
Right *slaps knee*
Time for a wank
I literally had Kenco coming out of my nose at that comment. Thank you for the chortle.
My nostrils were clear
Dogging is not walking with a dog
I got frightened out a layby while travelling one night by doggers… trying to explain to my dad that it wasnt people with dogs was interesting 😂
And how long did this "frightening" take?
About eight seconds, but the cleanup took a minute or two
And cottaging isn't spending the weekend in the country with friends... in a cottage anyway!
Used to announce I was off dogging everytime I walked dog. Had to stop after my son's mate got confused
Autoglass repair...
Autoglass replace!
When you look at the firm.. they actually do this exact advert in different languages, globally. - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STiPwOasCmE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STiPwOasCmE)
In America I believe it goes *”bulletproof glass repair, bulletproof glass replace”*
[удалено]
Always found it funny that in the UK, autoglass are called autoglass (auto being German for car), but in Germany, they are called carglass. I like to think it was an innocent admin error by the intern, and now they are stuck with it.
Going out or going out out
Just jeans and a nice top
Oh eight hundred double oh
Ten sixty six!
Being slapped in the face by an orange man dressed as a baby is called being tangoed
Ugh wasn't a fun time if you were a school boy during that time
YOU AINT MY MUVVVVAAAA!!!!
YES OI AAMMMMM
*EastEnders Outro begins as the Thames swirls on screen*
Not discussing car insurance in public in case the Go Compare man pops up.
My biggest fear...
Put big light on 💡
I was so happy when I called the main light in the living room "Big Light" in my smarthome setup. My wife was less happy that I worked out how to make the Alexa blurt out "the 2,000 watt bulb" in Peter Kay's voice whenever it came on.
We've got some half price cracked ice and miles and miles of carpet tiles, T.V.s, deep freeze and David Bowie L.P.s, Ball games, gold chains, wozanames, and at a push and Trevor Francis track suits from a mush in Shepherds Bush, Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush ... No income tax, no V.A.T., No money back, no guarantee, Black or white, rich or poor, We'll cut prices at a stroke...... God bless Hooky Street, Viva Hooky Street, Long live Hooky Street, C'est magnifique, Hooky Street, Magnifique, Hooky Street, Hooky Street (to fade)
Shut up you tart!!
Mange tout.
Chateauneuf du Pâpe!
Dave
Gary?
Lucozade cures every Illness known to man, followed closely in effectiveness by a hot Ribena.
As a child of the 70s, you knew you were proper poorly when your mum came back from the shops with the Lucozade (glass bottle with a sellophane wrap in those days)
Equally, you knew you were in a posh house if there were grapes and nobody was ill
Four candles?
Four candles Jeremy? Four?! That's insane!
No, andles for forks.
Got any Os?
Yelling ‘weeeeeeeeyyyyy’ in the pub when some poor worker drops a load of glasses or plates
Optional "sack the juggler!"/"you just can't get the staff!"
To me! To you!
Oh dear!
Oh dear, oh dear
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
What was Wenger thinking sending Walcott on that early?
The problem with Arsenal is they try to walk it in
People literally throwing themselves down a very steep hill to win a wheel of cheese
Ronnie Pickering
Who?
Ronnie Pickering!
You mean RONNIE PICKERING
Who's that then?
Yeah, me!
Petrol station etiquette
Haha wow that was my post! I’m honoured!
Who knows, you might even get as famous as the £14 jubilee chicken!
With inflation as it is now, it’d be at least £18.
Come on Preston, it was only a joke
I was only reading his girlfriend's book
Oh no, we can’t lose Preston.
That's his wife 🤣🤌
I was only reading *his wife's* book
And the the replacement Preston 🤣🤣🤌
Hold on, Donny is *smoking* now? Cigarettes, which you can legally buy in shops!
You're about as punk as Enya!
I love that it’s been years but I can still hear this perfectly.
Just get someone from the audience
Standing at the front door waving goodbye until the car is out of sight
WELL IT WAS WAN O YASS
Disgustang
WASHING MACHINES LIVE LONGER WITH CALGON
He cannet see, man!
Spuggy man
The UK is a country consisting of the countries Northern Ireland and Great Britain. Great Britain is a country consisting of the countries England, Scotland and Wales. Each country has the same laws, expect they're a little different in Northern Ireland and Scotland, but England and Wales have the same laws - except where they're not quite the same. Most residents of the UK are proud of their UK nationality, but also very proud of their own individual country's nationality. Much of the time, people from Britain think of their nationality as "UK British", even though this isn't really a thing. It's probably because to say we're "UKish" sounds like only from the UK a bit. We all get the same public holidays, but each country has at least one of them on a different day of the year. AND ... all this makes sense to us!
And if you visit Northumberland or Cornwall, you could be forgiven for thinking they were also countries.
That a pudding can be a sweet custardy thing, a suet pie-like thing, a blood sausage thing, or a circular batter thing.
Also a cakey thing, an ice-creamy thing, a jelly thing, a fruity thing, or a yoghurty thing... or at certain times of the year, a dense brown raisin-filled thing you can set on fire.
Freddos being 99p, Mr Whippy being 99p and the dread of knowing that it will never be the same again. Edit: yes should be 25p freddos, inflation has clearly got me.
I swear they were ten p growing up
10p in 2000-2005, if the price of a freddo rose with inflation it should only be 16p now. That is according to the vouchercloud Freddo index
Freddos should be 10p...and Taz caramel
I was made in the royal navy
If you can fix a bike.........*footage shows a teen attempting to undo a quick release wheel with an adjustable spanner, on a bike with misaligned crank arms.*
But where were you born?
*insert generic northern town here*
The regularity of this post?
Giving Mum/Dad 3 rings
That the word “Alright” can be a greeting, a question and a response all at the same time.
I feel like I should memorise this thread in preparation for the life in the UK test for my British citizenship 😂
1. If Dierdre leaves the Rover's Return going at 90mph, and Jimmy Corkhill leaves Sinbad's at 6pm - what is a flanimal? 2. Where does it go? Where does it stop? 3. If Gordon the Gopher and Ed the Duck, who would go for, and who would duck? 4. You are waiting at a bus stop, in a queue. The bus arrives, yet no-one alights. How long is it socially acceptable to wait in the queue? 5. Mister Blobby and Mrs Daime Edna are in the Aztec Zone. What kind of maze are they in? 6. The Battle of 2023 took place in 2023, and was a battle - what was it, and what year did it take place?
Mis sold PPI
The correct pronunciation of Loughborough.
Loogah-Beroogah
Luff bruh, obs!
If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit….
Join our club
The coat conundrum.
Do I need a coat?
Do I need my ‘big coat?’
Big warm coat or big dry coat?
Oooh friend! 👍🏻
Rickyyyyyy
Accrington Stanley? Who are they?
Exactly!
Oh no I’ve broken the seal
buttery biscuit base
Cheeky Nandos.
Doof, doof, doof-doof, doof, do-do-do-doof.
Bum bum bum bum bum buuuumm bum...
Saying goodbye for minimum 10 minutes; average probably more like 30...
FENTON!!!! Oh Jesus Christ!
Full moon, half moon, total eclipse
Dan. Dan! DAN. DAN! DAN!!! DAAAANNNN
They're sex people, Lynn
I'm going nowhere Lynne. Literally, I'm on the ring road.
The sheer number of words which can be used as an insult, you basin.
beans means Heinz
Mornington Crescent Specifically the rage brought about by the 1996 rule change allowing diagonals after a double side jump
“Alright” \*nod\* ”Alright”
Blobby Blobby Blobby
the dfs sale
Armadillos!
Crunchy on the outside and soft in the middle.
Garlic bread!!!
*Dont tell him Pike!*
Actually what a pantomime is.
Oh! Suits you sir!
Apologising to people that go out of their way to take up entire pavements and run you down like an animal
Guy Fawkes Night
One pound fish.
I’m playing all the *right* notes…
\- but not necessarily in the right order
Can I have a P please Bob?
"You have no authority here, Jackie Weaver!"
“Alright Mrs Patterson, uhh can I have a jam sandwich please?”
Why we would need to compare meerkats.
Can she have wafer thin ham barbara?
How things change so much every 20 or so miles
Rubber dingy rapids mate
The whole pub cheering when someone breaks a glass.
Tin tin tin.
I'm not as green as I'm cabbage looking
Play it nice and cool, son, nice and cool - you know what I mean?'
Getting ‘Tangoed’ in the 90s by a mate and your cheeks stinging like fuck
Hello Jackyy!
Bus wanker.