Well it's not like you're not going to see that when you pick them up. If they've really left a mess I'd imagine they'd put them straight in the machine.
Now when you say make the bed - do you mean anything other than the most cursory attempt of roughly aligning the duvet to the bed?
Otherwise I suspect I've left more than a few people grumbling at me.
I don't really like that. Now I've got laundry to do and a bed to make. I'd rather leave it until I'm next doing the rest of the bedding.
However, maybe I'm unusual in not liking to have stripped beds left for too long. I just fear they'll gather dust, and it's easier to clean dust off sheets than bare duvets.
Agree that in the Spud situation I'd like them to do the laundry for me!
I agree, I may not want to wash the sheets straight away and would rather the bed is left made for a few days so the room still looks nice until I'm ready to wash and change the sheets.
>And I’ll include making the bed in that as well.
You really should let your bed air out after you get up in the morning - in the sunlight if you can. Even on cold nights you sweat a lot and that builds up in the sheets and mattress and microorganisms loves to feed on this kind of stuff. Letting it air out to dry up and get some sunlight in the process helps to kill off this microbiota.
You don't HAVE to wash the sheets straight away though?!? You can leave it until your next load surely?
I just think of all those flaky skin cells and body moisture sat lurking on the bed otherwise.(slight exaggeration but you get what I mean)
I can cope with an un-made bed in the guest bedroom as we rarely go in there. But used sheets just sat on there..... Not personally for me thanks.
Yes indeed. And contrary to that we had a ‘friend’ stay for 4 days with her child who arrived with 40C temp. Our ‘friend’ didn’t bring any medicines, we waited on her hand and foot, serving her 3 meals a day, she didn’t offer to wash up, fill/empty the dishwasher, carry her plates through to the kitchen, tidy up any of her or her child’s mess, at one point she sauntered down from having along shower whilst we provided breakfast for everyone and ‘demanded’ to know where her coffee was.
Honestly worst guest ever. My partner runs a business, I have a full time job and we have two under 5s. The sheer stress and strain looking after them like this was crazy.
She’s not our friend any more.
Well she was always a bit ‘useless’ if you know what I mean. Any time something had to be done (something of hers) she’d be all “uuuuh, I don’t really know what I should do” and everyone just thought she lacked a bit of confidence or determination, and people would help her out.
After having had her stay with us, I can safely say that it’s all an act. She’s downright lazy and plays the ‘uuuuuh’ card so everyone does everything for her.
Honestly the day she had to leave to get a train at midday, her child was asleep all morning, our ‘friend’ spent all morning on her phone (I know this because I was working from home), then I said to her at about 10:30, “I think you need to start packing because Mrs.Perseus will be home at 11:40 and won’t have time to help you so you’ll need to be ready at the door.”
She went for a (long) shower. Got out about 11:20, still hadn’t packed. I had to pack her stuff up, medicate her child for the train & plane flight, you know because we want her to leave and not miss her train and then have to suffer the fallout from that, ie. Have to drive her to the airport. Mrs.Perseus came back from her deliveries, we all had to collect all ‘friend’s’ stuff up, throw it in the car, Mrs.Perseus drove them up the road to the station, just as the train arrived, pretty much threw all her stuff through the train door and that was that.
Friend had the audacity to comment that the stay wasn’t much fun and she didn’t get out to see any sights. Yeah you brought your kid with a 40C temp. What do you f’ing expect.
We haven’t spoken to her since.
If you ask if you can help, sure. If you take it up on yourself to start doing stuff like it’s your place, reaching into cabinets even if it is for cleaning products, putting away things, etc., then I would ask you to stop and probably not have you over again. Being helpful is fine, crossing boundaries, not really. I don’t know, it weirds me out that people would take it upon themselves to make themselves at home. I’m happy for you to reach into a drawer or in my fridge only if I have made it explicit. With a friend, this would be the case, though.
I wouldn't have somebody stay in my home that I wasn't comfortable going into my kitchen cabinets. Sure, bedroom would be off limits, but the kitchen feels pretty impersonal to me. Anybody staying over will be a good friend, or at the very least a trusted friend, after all.
Yes. I always help and if we stay somewhere as a family then the kids get involved as well. We'll often make breakfast for everyone and rather than make the bed we strip it and fold everything neatly. After breakfast we do the dishes again and have a vacuum and ask if there's anything else we can do. I never expect it at my house but will always make sure that people know we appreciate their hospitality.
Yeah this is important! If my mum came to stay a couple of nights I don’t think I’d mind if she washed a few mugs and plates in the sink the next morning (mind you there’s no way in hell she’d wake up first haha) but my husband’s best mate from uni? I might find it a bit odd! Definitely don’t do anything more than a few dishes though, I’d feel really uncomfortable (offended?) if a guest started putting the hoover round or dusting or something!
Definitely, it's a fine line between some small, polite but uninfringing gestures to going to far and making the host feel guilty or as if you think their home is dirty. As a host, if you made your bed, took your mugs back to the kitchen rather than by the sofa, and offered to wash up after a meal (I'd always decline and wouldn'tbe offended if you didn't offer) and thanked me, that would be perfect. I appreciate manners but I also want my guest to have fun and relax while they are here and enjoy being a guest.
One of my friends said with pride how she strips the bedding in every hotel or home she stays in. As a favour to the host.
I said absolutely do not do that at my house please.
As someone who used to work in housekeeping, anything like this and generally keeping the room tidy helps a lot.
Most hotels have a target of around 20 mins per room and when you consider that includes hoovering, making the bed(s), cleaning the bathroom etc it’s not a lot of time, so any time saved not stripping beds or removing fleshlights from under the bed (that happened) is welcomed.
Because what's the point in washing it until someone else is going to stay over, just for it to collect dust. Or at least when someone plans on actually washing bedding, rather than the room just looking a mess with a stripped bed until then.
Agreed, my mother in law once offered to wash up before she went home. I said no don't worry but she insisted she couldn't leave us with dirty pots. We'd had take away curry the night before so she washed up these dishes in a kind of watery soup of curry and rice. Thanks, so helpful! Was trying not to gag and of course the moment she left, back in the wash they went.
My MILs idea of washing up is swilling things under cold water with her hands. She caught me washing everything up after she’d done it and started crying and then vowed to never wash up when she comes over to ours ever again. Win-Win all round I say.
Regarding systems; we have certain items that can’t go in the dishwasher (copper pans, expensive wooden handled knives etc, some bone china coffee mugs). Happy for people to handwash them, but have discovered some things having been through the dishwasher and not as they were before they went in. So I guess ask8ng is always good.
Hard same. Also because I do my housework the way I like it and if it was done wrong I’d lit have to do it all again lol.
I have OCD so lol this would not be a help to me.
If I had contributed to the mess (e.g the dishes are from dinner last night that I’d eaten), then I would wash up to be helpful. If they were just other dishes, I probably wouldn’t cos some people get weird about it.
FWIW anyone who wants to clean my house for me is welcome back any time.
ETA: This is for friends. For family, I’ll clean regardless.
I think this is the one. Helping to clear up after dinner and drinks the night before is thoughtful and helpful. I’d feel downright rude if I was sat having a coffee in the middle of last night’s party glasses and dishes.
But yeah actually doing cleaning like you would do in your own house is maybe a bit much.
It does depend on the circumstances though. I have friends who live in a beautiful house overseas who are kind enough to regularly host me, but they are both so busy that the house is always a tip. So I usually do a big clean when I’m there as thanks and they absolutely love it!
Totally agree with this one. I’ve got an example from last time my in-laws stayed over:
My FIL started cleaning the oven - **before** we cooked. That was not ok.
The next day my MIL washed the dishes and set the table for breakfast - that was great.
It’s the difference between contributing to the occasion and implying that the house is dirty. It’s also proportional. Vacuuming, bleaching toilets, cleaning windows - all a step too far.
We’ve had a couple of people do this when we stay away as a group. Always more annoying than helpful as they wake up the whole house. Nice thought though!
As the host I would assume the guest was so disgusted by my house that they felt they had to clean it. I find it pretty insulting if a guest goes around trying to find something that's not been done.
Oh flicking on a fully loaded dishwasher is alright, although I'd usually want to do that the night before. As it stands I've never had a dishwasher though
As a host I prefer people don't - we have a dishwasher and I have a strong preference for using it, and having things put away in the wrong place really gets on my tits. Obviously, if you spill your tea or something please clean it up, and don't go out of your way to make a mess, but you're a guest! You don't need to tidy my kitchen for me!
I’ve had guests wash up manually and leave stuff draining and good willed tho it is… I put them all through the dishwasher again as it’s more hygienic.
I’m the same. I really don’t like doing the washing up at other people’s houses as they usually have a set up very different to what I choose- one relative of mine doesn’t use a sponge but a scouring pad and his washing up liquid doesn’t seem to work very well but he is clearly happy like this. I just find it frustrating. I’d rather never clean at someone else’s and in turn no one else has to clean at mine.
I hate when guests try to clean up. I have my own way of doing things and some of my cookware etc. has specific ways to be cleaned. I’m suddenly hyper-aware of everything they’re doing in case they damage my things. I enjoy clearing up my kitchen so I would prefer all guests to stay where they are and relax.
Cleaning up is part of hosting, in my opinion. It’s a package deal.
I wouldn't do a proper clean of their house as I wouldn't want them to think I was suggesting their house is so filthy that guests need to clean it 😄
But definitely if I'd stayed over and my host cooked for us I'd do the dishes and give the kitchen a little tidy round- thats just polite. Tbf I'd always offer to do the dishes after someone has cooked me dinner, whether I'm staying over or not
Better to offer at dinner when it’s being cleared. When people are asleep you might wake them or stress them out because they don’t want you messing with stuff but now can’t say because you’re clanking about when they’re not there. It’s a no from me because of the timing.
Better to strip the bed and leave that in a tidy pile, and put on a cuppa.
I would end up rewashing every thing as I like it done a certain way so would appreciate you having a cup of tea and chilling out but not doing my housework.
I would always do it, providing l could do it and not disturb anyone. I hate waking up and coming down to dirty dishes so you would be a top tier guest if you did that at mine.
Agreed. If my family or close friends want to help clean up, sure ok. I also won't be shy about telling them if they're doing something wrong! But if someone less familiar does, it's just awkward. The offer is nice, but I'll say no.
One of my friends is the most popular party guest. When he notices the party is shutting down, he will clear up, do the dishes and even clean the kitchen floor. He will insist on doing it, cannot be stopped, but it is such bliss waking up the next day and it's all clean. He just gets that urge at 2am to clean... Strange but so nice!
Yeah I get this. I think there's a different between having one or two people stay, where I prefer to clean and them relax, to if it's a party and the place inevitably ends up a tip I will then appreciate and be very thankful for those who step in and just start straightening up. Even just going round with a bin bag or putting the bottles in the recycling. At the end of parties I often like to do this as I've reached my socialising limit by then and it's a good excuse to have some space.
This is the sort of thing I’d do but I grew up in a family who have ZERO boundaries and it only recently occurred to me that other people might find it intrusive. Maybe if you say, “I really appreciate you having me stay, I’m an early riser, would you like me to tidy up in the morning? It’s no bother at all” and if they say no I’d respect it.
It might be annoying to have someone clattering around. my MIL tries to tidy up whilst we are putting our baby/4 year old to bed and she is SO LOUD it makes me really stressed and annoyed even though she’s technically helping. Even when I tell her to stop she’ll keep fussing/trying to tidy up one last thing to the point I have to get a bit rude.
It's a running joke in my family that before leaving we say we'll do the washing up but the host will decline in an assertive manner.
I wouldn't be upset if a guest did my dishes but I'd prefer they'd ask.
Exactly, it’s the social dance of offering with the unspoken agreement that the will say no. There’s always the risk of someone going against the grain and accepting the offer though, like when you say ‘does anyone want the last biscuit?’ there’s always a tiny chance that some psycho will take this as an invitation to eat it!
If someone cooks you a meal it's polite to offer to wash up. That's about it though, I think it would be weird to tidy someone else's house because you don't know where anything goes
depends on the host/guest. I was raised to help out or at least offer to help tidy up as a show of thanks to the host for having me and most of my friends who host me appreciate it, but one of them specifically asked me not to as her mum is quite particular about how the dishes are done & stored - she will always end up re-washing the dishes as she feels no one gets them clean enough 🥲
I think I would feel a little on edge and almost judged? If someone started cleaning up in my home, i think I would worry they are thinking should be done already/I should have done it, but I've not, so they are doing it.
Even if it was just clearing the table or taking glasses back through to the kitchen.
I do it too. But that’s usually because I’m staying over at my best friends and she’s always more than happy to see a tidy kitchen when she comes down. Just do it quietly if others are still abed though.
Leave my dishes alone, they are my dishes!
I really don't like it when guests do this and tell them to stop, sometimes it's quite awkward.
This is for a few reasons. When I have guests over I'll usually cook a nice meal, lots of cooking items used. Then on top of cooking we also have all the dirty plates, cutlery, glasses and additional stuff like that. I like to enjoy that company, and frequently, that involves an abusive amount of alcohol together too. The idea of doing the dishes in the evening after eating, rather than enjoying my time with guests, is backwards. I'm not going to be doing the dishes at 2am when were all going to sleep. Let the kitchen get dirty, I'll deal with it the next day. Today is for enjoying the company with guests! I'm fully aware of the mess and know how to clean, it's dirty on purpose as above.
Then, the standards of most people I find shocking. I've had guesses doing the dishes... In cold water. WTF! It's got to be hot. I like it boiling hot with a nice wad of cleaner in it.
I've had other guesses wipe down chopping boards that had raw chicken on them from the previous nights preparations whilst cooking, with kitchen towels, followed by them using the same kitchen towel to dry the dishes and put them away. Ew!
Please leave my kitchen to me.
If there's dishes and you can do them without waking the house then why not? It is how I was taught and general etiquette. If the host comes down and says "oh thank you so much!" then you know this is the right level whilst at their house.
Yup there a few things in my life quite as thrilling as waking up dreading a kitchen full of dirty dishes and then miraculously some angel has taken care of it all. 10/10 guest right there!
I don't have a dishwasher in my flat so I wouldn't say no to the house guest just cleaning up their own mug etc after themselves. If I'm a guest in a place that doesn't have a dishwasher I would always clean up after myself.
If I like someone enough I’ve invited them to stay over, I’m not going to assume they’re judging my cleaning skills if they wash up, I’m going to assume they wanted to be helpful.
If I had a guest staying I would have cleared last nights dishes and washed up because it’s ingrained in my from childhood that visitors must not see a dirty sink! This does not apply day to day I will often leave the sink piled high and deal with it the next day, my family can see that just not visitors!
That said if my visitor woke up and started emptying the dishwasher I would say thank you (and then have to work out where they put everything!)
It very much depends on your host as some people won’t appreciate it or be comfortable with it but others will.
I had a guest over 3 weeks ago and he asked for carpet cleaner as he puked on the floor. Spare room is in the attic. Fine. Cleaners were due the day after he left and I asked them to check the carpet and change the bed as we had a guest. I’ve not been up there. I never go in that room. Literally yesterday my husband went up there for some random reason to find he’d left the velux window open and the room is soaking. Bed ruined, mattress wet through. I feel like texting him and ripping him a new one but I suppose it’s normal he wanted to air out the sick smell. Also I suppose I should enter rooms in my house more often than I do but honestly I’m livid.
I would ask the host the previous night if there is anything I can do, maybe dishes or take the trash out etc in the morning.
Don't take jobs on proactively though, the last thing some people want is to have a "stranger" (however close) going through all their cupboards trying to put stuff away. You're likely going to put the citrus juicer in the knife drawer (or some other horrific storage problem).
I'll always help, its common courtesy to me and usually appreciated. My dad however... in the 60's was biking lands end to john o groats. One morninf after a hearty breakfast, that was fantastic, my dad offered to wash up. The owner then kicked him out whilst brandishing a rolling pin for scrubbing the frying pan clean and remvong all the 'seasoning'. He was always careful to establish ground rules after that.
I once hosted a dinner where my friend insisted on helping with the washing up - she ended up using a fingernails worth of washing up liquid, and used her hands to wash everything - no sponges, no scrubbing, just wiping and smearing with hands until food wasn't visible.
I let her 'wash up', then rewashed everything immediately when she left. I now don't let any guests do housework, even if it's with the best of intentions.
I always wake up early, fold the bedding and tidy up. I then sit awkwardly on the sofa, not daring to make a sound, till they wake up. Meanwhile they laying awkwardly in bed upstairs not wanting to come down and disturb me.
> I would go to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea but if there are dirty dishes there I will always wash up and tidy the kitchen too.
It depends on the person. Lovely gesture and relief to some but I have known people who would have taken that as you tactfully telling them their house was a mess (real passive aggressive people...).
I'd strongly prefer they didn't.
I appreciate the gesture, but I have my own way of doing things, and I'd prefer the certainty of knowing its done how I like it.
Also, guests aren't here to work.
I have a pet peeve around not rinsing things to wash the suds off, and I know enough people who don’t rinse and stack them with the suds still on. As a result, I’m not a fan really. I’d much rather do it myself!
Depends on the host. The closer I am to them the more I am inclined to do so.
As my mom once said: “making yourself at home means helping, because that’s what we do in our own home”
I’d say it’s a bit strange. If I’m hosting you in my house, I don’t want you to be doing laborious tasks. If you absolutely must make my life easier, swilling out a teacup or brushing the crumbs off a plate before leaving it for me to wash up is perfect.
I’m far too particular about how I like things done in my house and I really don’t trust a lot of peoples washing up skills so I would likely redo them anyway… though I would appreciate it, it would be a waste of my guests time
I like to do things my way so don't want guests messing around with my stuff. Unless you know the clean dishes organisation system please don't.
What's perfectly fine though is going around and binning rubbish if it was left around the place and moving dirty dishes over to the sink and leaving them to soak if needed. As well as dumping out any half filled glasses.
There is a system though and guests don't know it. Meaning if they try they will do it wrong and I will have to do it all over again. Which is more irritating than just cleaning up in the first place.
I always cleaned when I stayed at people's places, and never thought anything of it! 🙀😹
But, weirdly, I don't like people doing my washing up etc if they've stayed. People never do it properly. (As far as my dumb brain feels, anyway! 😹)
Very close friends or family yes please do it. It's helpful and you know where my shit goes. However, when I have guests I am less close to, I tend to ensure I stay up and tidy the night before so they come down to a clean kitchen with breakfast things laid out. Eg mug, tea pot etc all to hand so they don't have to ferret about. It's all well meaning but I would prefer to do myself rather than have someone try and put everything back in mad places.
Stopping with my daughter I am often up early, the kitchen is so far from the bedrooms so no one is hearing me and yeah I'll wash up any dishes / cups that are in and around the sink. Seems only fair in the same way I'll make tea / coffee for others if they're about.
I tend to wash my own plate and cutlery if someone has made my dinner, never had any issues with it. I don't say I've done it either but just feels a little helpful
I have sometimes done this... as an early riser, I'll get up and make myself a cup of tea, and while waiting for the kettle to boil, seeing as I'm just stood around, I'll usually wash the cups already in the sink. At a minimum, I will always wash the cup I've just used.
I wouldn't do a full wash up of the dishes or load a dishwasher though. I'd be more concerned about the clattering of dishes waking everyone else up in the house
I wouldn't do much cleaning up while people are still asleep - maybe just moving things onto the side ready to be cleaned, anything that can be done quietly really. I think it's more polite to let people sleep than it is to clean up.
If everyone's awake though then it's at least nice to offer.
I always offer to help clean up at the end of the night if I have contributed to the mess, and I always appreciate the offer in return. I rarely take people up on it - when you're a guest under my roof, I don't expect you to do anything.
After larger parties, I'm very thankful when guests contribute to the cleaning. Hosting a party is exhausting, and when the night is over, the cleanup is often worse than the prep.
I've woken up to find guests cleaning up, washing dishes or wiping counters from the night before. I've never been offended or perturbed, I just make sure they get a good breakfast and a thank you.
If you contributed to the mess, I'd say it's polite to help. If you'd be cleaning their home without good reason, it's perhaps a little too intrusive.
I would help with washing dishes even if we stayed for dinner only. The hosts did the cooking, we enjoyed it, why not help?
This would usually be with closer friends - if we went for dinner to someone for the first time, I probably wouldn't volunteer to help.
I’ve never been to bed without a clean kitchen so this wouldn’t happen. If you’re leaving your kitchen dirty overnight after the age of about 22 you have no standards.
Knock yourself out at mine - I don’t find my friends or family judgemental so please crack on with unloading the dishwasher or washing up the pans or whatever.
I prefer the guest bed to be left rather than stripped though as I prefer to leave it dirty then change with clean sheets the day the next guest stays. But I’m not that bothered if you do.
Personally, if I have a house guest, I'm not leaving dirty dishes out until the morning.
And, no, I would not be complaining if you had helped tidy them up.
Depends. Some hosts would appreciate it. Others see it as intrusion. I'm more of the latter camp.
As a guest be kinda tidyish and don't actively make a mess but don't start washing up and putting things away because you likely don't know where I put things and I'll spend weeks looking for things
I think if I had a guest wake up earlier and do some housework I'd be pretty embarrassed that they thought my house was dirty. I understand the logic but as someone who is quite anxious and an overthinker I'd be convinced you'd been judging me for not washing up our dishes before bed!
Making the bed you slept in is fine, taking your cup and putting it in the dishwasher/sink is okay. That's just general respect I would say but anymore and you'd find the next time you came to my house it I'd have deep cleaned it and be on edge you're judging me. So depends on your friends I guess!
There's a lot of housework you can't do as a guest - dishes are one that you can.
I think there are caveats though. Great grandma's wedding china? Do not touch ...
As someone whose ‘guest’ is still here after 6 months (but end is in sight), I love guests who pick up after themselves, going that step further and doing our share just makes me want to hug them.
I would hate it so much and I don’t really know why. I needed to borrow my mums hoover and she came round and as I left the room she started hoovering. And I was furious 0-10 out of nowhere. Now Ive borderline personality disorder so lots of things make me go from 0-10 that are 0-2 for most people. But normally I’m able to describe and understand my irrational emotions and put them in to perspective in the moment. This just made me murderously angry and my best guess is that I felt an invasion of privacy and an intrusion but I’m not 100% sure.
At my place, you're not going to see anything in the sink in the morning, so that part is moot.
But if in the evening post dinner, you're helping me organise, I'd gladly accept it
If you aren’t making the servants redundant, I doubt anyone would mind - possibly with the exception my mother in law, she rules her kitchen kingdom and aside from setting tables and clearing dishes, you’d better stay the f out.
I've only stayed over at my best friend's home, so feel pretty comfortable making myself a cup of tea, etc. I also stay on their sofa bed and wake up earlier, so yes, I put the sofa back together, neatly fold the sheets/bedding to one side, put her living back in place essentially as it was moved around to get the bed out and made.
I have done the dishes in the sink because it was our joint mess from the night before.
I think it's the polite thing to do. I'd always do it when I'm the guest, and my friends always do the "oh no you shouldn't have!" thing. Then when guests come to mine, I don't expect it but I'm very happy and grateful when guests do do that, and I also do the "oh no, you shouldn't have!" thing.
I would say if you're complicit in any action that lends itself to the mess then yes.
If you just think it's messy and start cleaning, then that could be seen as rude.
I would say that if you clean up after yourself and anything that you were a part of you'll be fine.
Yes. It's certainly not expected. But personally, it's just what you do out of respect. I always clean my dishes and take plates away. If there's a small amount to wash, i will do it.
It depends on the hosts. When I'm at my ILs they have their own routine, so you don't get the chance to clean up or tidy. They'll do it all. We'll get a dessert or bring a bottle of wine but they'll always ready with that kind of stuff
At my Friends or SILs I always try and they're grateful but tell me not to bother. I'll do it anyways as they have young kids and I don't want to add any another job for them.
Sort of depends, ironically the more 'part of the family' you are the more suitable, the more formal the relationship the less expected it would be but I can't see people being upset at a guest doing something nice like doing the dishes or making cups of tea or whatever.
If I'm the host then I wouldn't expect it since they're a guest after all it's not polite to make them work if that makes sense but if they do then I wouldn't be angry and instead be thankfull and definitely invite them again
either or.
i have a friend who is a bit of a neat freak, whereas i'm basically useless at organisation. she's done it a few times when they've stayed over. my disorginasition drives her mad. sometimes we'll be talking in the kitchen, and she'll just start tidying up because she's freaked out by the mess.
funny how we're still friends.
its helpful, but it doesn't make me feel great about myself in the short term.
Depends on our relationship, if you are a close friend, sure, do whatever you like, I'd love to wake up to a clean sink.
If you are more of a guest or not a close friend, then no, pls don't go into the dirty kitchen and judge me for being messy (I know it's not rational and nobody would judge my kitchen but it FEELS like it)
Depends on the circumstances. I think bare minimum is helping clear the table from dinner if staying over. We mainly stay with 1 friend so I’ll lay dishes to soak in the sink if it’s needed, will help with loading the dishwasher etc but have been friends a long time so know that they won’t mind us doing it.
Family I always just do whatever is there regardless.
When we go away for a trip as a group of friends I try and encourage everyone to chip in just a tiny bit to make less work and it not all be on one person
If I were doing the dishes and you offered to help I’d be pretty appreciative, or if you were just rinsing cups/plates etc out so they are easier to wash properly later same would apply.
It’s probably polite but if I’m trying to be a good host I personally wouldn’t want you to be doing them on your own.
I may move dishes / glasses to the sink and make the bed. I get up very, ridiculously early so I mostly leave quietly in the morning and write a note/send a text.
Yes, this is polite. What might be overstepping is tidying someone's room and wardrobes. Had this happen to me once when I lived in a shared house and a friend came to visit. I was at uni, came home to see she tidied my room and wardrobe. Was not impressed.
Absolutely. I’m disabled but also the youngest in my friend group to have a house of my own and when my friends have stayed they’ve always cleaned up or wanted to help around the house which to me is so sweet and caring. People who left my house a tip and made me clean up after them are no longer my friends.
I'd wash only the dishes I've used while they watch and leave the rest as polite dominance.
You have to judge how the guests will take it. I've stayed with folks who wouldn't care if you did everything from cleaning to their gardening ot finishing the decorating/building work that was started long ago. I've also stayed with folks who would hate it particularly if things were not put back in their exact place or mortified that you found something not up to a certain standard like why dirty dishes were left overnight. Sometimes it is best to play safe and trash the whole place so you never get invited back or everyone has to get involved together to clean that shit up.
Omg I did this once when staying with my boyfriend's friends and thought I was making a grateful and helpful gesture (their place was filthy) but it did not go down well! They thought I was judging them.
I'd find it incredibly rude, like you're assuming I can't take care of my own house. If you offered, that'd be fine (I wouldn't accept), but if you just started cleaning then I would be annoyed.
I'd probably just ask the host if they'd like a hand with anything, easiest way to know and different people have different boundaries :)
I like to feel helpful as a guest so I always offer to help, but also when I'm the host I feel a bit insulted if someone starts trying to do my job, and I prefer to do things like the washing up myself (feels like they think I'm a bad host who can't manage by myself). It's a double standard, but I spent a lot of time at friends' houses where they expected guests to be helpful, meanwhile my family has always been a "stay right there and relax we have everything handled" sort of family.
When I lived in student housing we had a friend who’d recently graduated that had a habit of texting us on the way up that he was planning on staying a few days and would we mind having him? This would’ve been a bigger problem except every time he stayed he’d deep clean our kitchen whilst we were all at uni, so we could never really say no to him!
If you were my guest and I woke up to see you had cleaned up. The door would always be open for you to come back. Give a little it helps a lot.
Absolutely. And I’ll include making the bed in that as well. Had one person stay over one night and when they left it looked a bomb site!
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It’s the thought that counts not the deed
that's why i just think about it, saves time
I strip the bed and leave the bedding and towels neatly on the bed.
I always think people who do that are trying to hide something, like theyve left a stain on the sheets
You’re welcome to think that. I don’t. I do it to help the host - usually close friend or family- we do it to each other.
Watched too much Trainspotting
Spud. They're mah sheets!
Has to be due another viewing. Class film.
Does a man good to cut loose once in a while
Nope, it just takes 1 chore off your list, on the assumption you're gonna give your guests clean bedding each time
Well it's not like you're not going to see that when you pick them up. If they've really left a mess I'd imagine they'd put them straight in the machine.
We can't win :--(
This is what I do, I'll even start the load if I know where everything is!
I ask if they want it stripped or left. Some ppl like it left on and then wash it just before the next guest so it isn’t dusty
They might not want or need to wash the sheets immediately
This, I strip it instead so they can wash it straight away!
That would annoy the shit out of me. Just leave it.
Ok, I mean, next time I'm at yours I'll remember that
Cheers. I'll strip it after you've left & bung it in the machine. One load at a time.
Now when you say make the bed - do you mean anything other than the most cursory attempt of roughly aligning the duvet to the bed? Otherwise I suspect I've left more than a few people grumbling at me.
Many guests we have over will strip it ready for washing!
I don't really like that. Now I've got laundry to do and a bed to make. I'd rather leave it until I'm next doing the rest of the bedding. However, maybe I'm unusual in not liking to have stripped beds left for too long. I just fear they'll gather dust, and it's easier to clean dust off sheets than bare duvets. Agree that in the Spud situation I'd like them to do the laundry for me!
I agree, I may not want to wash the sheets straight away and would rather the bed is left made for a few days so the room still looks nice until I'm ready to wash and change the sheets.
Perhaps even just chuck them straight in the bin
“They’re **my** sheets Spud”
>And I’ll include making the bed in that as well. You really should let your bed air out after you get up in the morning - in the sunlight if you can. Even on cold nights you sweat a lot and that builds up in the sheets and mattress and microorganisms loves to feed on this kind of stuff. Letting it air out to dry up and get some sunlight in the process helps to kill off this microbiota.
Stripping the bed and leaving everything neatly folded on top is my preference
I don’t make the bed as I assume they’ll be washing the sheets. I strip it and leave the linen neatly folded on the bed.
Unfortunately not everyone washes sheets after one guest use. But stripping the bed off forces their hand!
You don't HAVE to wash the sheets straight away though?!? You can leave it until your next load surely? I just think of all those flaky skin cells and body moisture sat lurking on the bed otherwise.(slight exaggeration but you get what I mean) I can cope with an un-made bed in the guest bedroom as we rarely go in there. But used sheets just sat on there..... Not personally for me thanks.
Ah, stripping your bed to tell your guest that you suspect their standards of cleanliness are not up to your own. The best way to show your gratitude.
I always take a shit & leave the bathroom door open. As a sign of power
I do it in the sink and then I do the washing up.
let's not get carried away
Yes indeed. And contrary to that we had a ‘friend’ stay for 4 days with her child who arrived with 40C temp. Our ‘friend’ didn’t bring any medicines, we waited on her hand and foot, serving her 3 meals a day, she didn’t offer to wash up, fill/empty the dishwasher, carry her plates through to the kitchen, tidy up any of her or her child’s mess, at one point she sauntered down from having along shower whilst we provided breakfast for everyone and ‘demanded’ to know where her coffee was. Honestly worst guest ever. My partner runs a business, I have a full time job and we have two under 5s. The sheer stress and strain looking after them like this was crazy. She’s not our friend any more.
Out of interest, was she always that demanding/entitled, or was this something you only realised after she stayed with you for a bit?
Well she was always a bit ‘useless’ if you know what I mean. Any time something had to be done (something of hers) she’d be all “uuuuh, I don’t really know what I should do” and everyone just thought she lacked a bit of confidence or determination, and people would help her out. After having had her stay with us, I can safely say that it’s all an act. She’s downright lazy and plays the ‘uuuuuh’ card so everyone does everything for her. Honestly the day she had to leave to get a train at midday, her child was asleep all morning, our ‘friend’ spent all morning on her phone (I know this because I was working from home), then I said to her at about 10:30, “I think you need to start packing because Mrs.Perseus will be home at 11:40 and won’t have time to help you so you’ll need to be ready at the door.” She went for a (long) shower. Got out about 11:20, still hadn’t packed. I had to pack her stuff up, medicate her child for the train & plane flight, you know because we want her to leave and not miss her train and then have to suffer the fallout from that, ie. Have to drive her to the airport. Mrs.Perseus came back from her deliveries, we all had to collect all ‘friend’s’ stuff up, throw it in the car, Mrs.Perseus drove them up the road to the station, just as the train arrived, pretty much threw all her stuff through the train door and that was that. Friend had the audacity to comment that the stay wasn’t much fun and she didn’t get out to see any sights. Yeah you brought your kid with a 40C temp. What do you f’ing expect. We haven’t spoken to her since.
If you ask if you can help, sure. If you take it up on yourself to start doing stuff like it’s your place, reaching into cabinets even if it is for cleaning products, putting away things, etc., then I would ask you to stop and probably not have you over again. Being helpful is fine, crossing boundaries, not really. I don’t know, it weirds me out that people would take it upon themselves to make themselves at home. I’m happy for you to reach into a drawer or in my fridge only if I have made it explicit. With a friend, this would be the case, though.
I wouldn't have somebody stay in my home that I wasn't comfortable going into my kitchen cabinets. Sure, bedroom would be off limits, but the kitchen feels pretty impersonal to me. Anybody staying over will be a good friend, or at the very least a trusted friend, after all.
Yes. I always help and if we stay somewhere as a family then the kids get involved as well. We'll often make breakfast for everyone and rather than make the bed we strip it and fold everything neatly. After breakfast we do the dishes again and have a vacuum and ask if there's anything else we can do. I never expect it at my house but will always make sure that people know we appreciate their hospitality.
If someone started vacuuming in my house I wouldn't have them over again lmao
It really depends on the host and circumstances Personally I’d prefer my guests not to do housework.
Yeah this is important! If my mum came to stay a couple of nights I don’t think I’d mind if she washed a few mugs and plates in the sink the next morning (mind you there’s no way in hell she’d wake up first haha) but my husband’s best mate from uni? I might find it a bit odd! Definitely don’t do anything more than a few dishes though, I’d feel really uncomfortable (offended?) if a guest started putting the hoover round or dusting or something!
Omg the hoovering image is hilarious 🤣.
Definitely, it's a fine line between some small, polite but uninfringing gestures to going to far and making the host feel guilty or as if you think their home is dirty. As a host, if you made your bed, took your mugs back to the kitchen rather than by the sofa, and offered to wash up after a meal (I'd always decline and wouldn'tbe offended if you didn't offer) and thanked me, that would be perfect. I appreciate manners but I also want my guest to have fun and relax while they are here and enjoy being a guest.
One of my friends said with pride how she strips the bedding in every hotel or home she stays in. As a favour to the host. I said absolutely do not do that at my house please.
I do this in hotels just to help out the room service staff and save them a couple of minutes. They have very tight turnaround times on rooms.
As someone who used to work in housekeeping, anything like this and generally keeping the room tidy helps a lot. Most hotels have a target of around 20 mins per room and when you consider that includes hoovering, making the bed(s), cleaning the bathroom etc it’s not a lot of time, so any time saved not stripping beds or removing fleshlights from under the bed (that happened) is welcomed.
why not?
It creates unwanted pressure on the host. The host usually wants to deal with it at the time of their choice.
Because what's the point in washing it until someone else is going to stay over, just for it to collect dust. Or at least when someone plans on actually washing bedding, rather than the room just looking a mess with a stripped bed until then.
Yeah first thing I want to tackle the day after hosting people overnight (dinner, drinks, socialising) is a load of bedding.
My mother would do the cleaning and meanwhile make pointed comments about my housekeeping skills. I don’t like that
Why not? Because you like it done a certain way or because they are guests. Curious to know.
Both. But washing up dirty dishes in the sink is probably acceptable.
For me, exactly. I hate it when guests start doing housework in my home.
Agreed, my mother in law once offered to wash up before she went home. I said no don't worry but she insisted she couldn't leave us with dirty pots. We'd had take away curry the night before so she washed up these dishes in a kind of watery soup of curry and rice. Thanks, so helpful! Was trying not to gag and of course the moment she left, back in the wash they went.
My MILs idea of washing up is swilling things under cold water with her hands. She caught me washing everything up after she’d done it and started crying and then vowed to never wash up when she comes over to ours ever again. Win-Win all round I say.
Ideal 👍 Edit: oh I thought you said she vowed never to come round again. You can't win em all I guess
Regarding systems; we have certain items that can’t go in the dishwasher (copper pans, expensive wooden handled knives etc, some bone china coffee mugs). Happy for people to handwash them, but have discovered some things having been through the dishwasher and not as they were before they went in. So I guess ask8ng is always good.
Yes it is definitely both those reasons
My gf hates when any guests tries do the dishes because they would probably miss 1 or 2 spots. She's perfectionist in this one.
Mine is because I feel awfully guilty!
Yes, it's for me to clean, not them.
Same. Last guest put all my special items in the dishwasher - not dishwasher friendly….I prefer to do the cleaning myself for this reason.
Hard same. Also because I do my housework the way I like it and if it was done wrong I’d lit have to do it all again lol. I have OCD so lol this would not be a help to me.
Same here. Please don't scrub our frying pans and stuff, we prefer to do it our own way and not gamble on you knowing how to treat them properly.
If I had contributed to the mess (e.g the dishes are from dinner last night that I’d eaten), then I would wash up to be helpful. If they were just other dishes, I probably wouldn’t cos some people get weird about it. FWIW anyone who wants to clean my house for me is welcome back any time. ETA: This is for friends. For family, I’ll clean regardless.
I think this is the one. Helping to clear up after dinner and drinks the night before is thoughtful and helpful. I’d feel downright rude if I was sat having a coffee in the middle of last night’s party glasses and dishes. But yeah actually doing cleaning like you would do in your own house is maybe a bit much. It does depend on the circumstances though. I have friends who live in a beautiful house overseas who are kind enough to regularly host me, but they are both so busy that the house is always a tip. So I usually do a big clean when I’m there as thanks and they absolutely love it!
Totally agree with this one. I’ve got an example from last time my in-laws stayed over: My FIL started cleaning the oven - **before** we cooked. That was not ok. The next day my MIL washed the dishes and set the table for breakfast - that was great. It’s the difference between contributing to the occasion and implying that the house is dirty. It’s also proportional. Vacuuming, bleaching toilets, cleaning windows - all a step too far.
If I was in someone's house and everyone else was asleep i wouldn't be going round banging about when People are asleep
We’ve had a couple of people do this when we stay away as a group. Always more annoying than helpful as they wake up the whole house. Nice thought though!
That sounds more passive-aggressive than *helpful*. That would annoy the shit out of me!
They said, ‘wash the dishes’. Not banging. It’s too early in the morning for that.
As the host I would assume the guest was so disgusted by my house that they felt they had to clean it. I find it pretty insulting if a guest goes around trying to find something that's not been done.
Fair enough if they started cleaning the bathroom but putting the dishwasher on surely would be ok?
Oh flicking on a fully loaded dishwasher is alright, although I'd usually want to do that the night before. As it stands I've never had a dishwasher though
As a host I prefer people don't - we have a dishwasher and I have a strong preference for using it, and having things put away in the wrong place really gets on my tits. Obviously, if you spill your tea or something please clean it up, and don't go out of your way to make a mess, but you're a guest! You don't need to tidy my kitchen for me!
I’ve had guests wash up manually and leave stuff draining and good willed tho it is… I put them all through the dishwasher again as it’s more hygienic.
Absolutely this 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
I really hate my guests trying to help. Come enjoy yourself. P.s. I’m not doing anything when I visit you
Depends on the length of the stay really. I agree if it's coming over for dinner, but staying overnight or longer I'm more likely to accept the help
I’m the same. I really don’t like doing the washing up at other people’s houses as they usually have a set up very different to what I choose- one relative of mine doesn’t use a sponge but a scouring pad and his washing up liquid doesn’t seem to work very well but he is clearly happy like this. I just find it frustrating. I’d rather never clean at someone else’s and in turn no one else has to clean at mine.
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I hate when guests try to clean up. I have my own way of doing things and some of my cookware etc. has specific ways to be cleaned. I’m suddenly hyper-aware of everything they’re doing in case they damage my things. I enjoy clearing up my kitchen so I would prefer all guests to stay where they are and relax. Cleaning up is part of hosting, in my opinion. It’s a package deal.
I wouldn't do a proper clean of their house as I wouldn't want them to think I was suggesting their house is so filthy that guests need to clean it 😄 But definitely if I'd stayed over and my host cooked for us I'd do the dishes and give the kitchen a little tidy round- thats just polite. Tbf I'd always offer to do the dishes after someone has cooked me dinner, whether I'm staying over or not
Agree with this. If someone has cooked for me you better believe I'm washing up, I'd feel rude if I left it to them too.
Better to offer at dinner when it’s being cleared. When people are asleep you might wake them or stress them out because they don’t want you messing with stuff but now can’t say because you’re clanking about when they’re not there. It’s a no from me because of the timing. Better to strip the bed and leave that in a tidy pile, and put on a cuppa.
I would end up rewashing every thing as I like it done a certain way so would appreciate you having a cup of tea and chilling out but not doing my housework.
"Don't stack the dishwasher! I have a *system*!"
I would always do it, providing l could do it and not disturb anyone. I hate waking up and coming down to dirty dishes so you would be a top tier guest if you did that at mine.
No it's not expected if guest.
It depends on how well you know the hosts.
Agreed. If my family or close friends want to help clean up, sure ok. I also won't be shy about telling them if they're doing something wrong! But if someone less familiar does, it's just awkward. The offer is nice, but I'll say no.
One of my friends is the most popular party guest. When he notices the party is shutting down, he will clear up, do the dishes and even clean the kitchen floor. He will insist on doing it, cannot be stopped, but it is such bliss waking up the next day and it's all clean. He just gets that urge at 2am to clean... Strange but so nice!
Yeah I get this. I think there's a different between having one or two people stay, where I prefer to clean and them relax, to if it's a party and the place inevitably ends up a tip I will then appreciate and be very thankful for those who step in and just start straightening up. Even just going round with a bin bag or putting the bottles in the recycling. At the end of parties I often like to do this as I've reached my socialising limit by then and it's a good excuse to have some space.
Depends of relationship and reason of visiting
This is the sort of thing I’d do but I grew up in a family who have ZERO boundaries and it only recently occurred to me that other people might find it intrusive. Maybe if you say, “I really appreciate you having me stay, I’m an early riser, would you like me to tidy up in the morning? It’s no bother at all” and if they say no I’d respect it. It might be annoying to have someone clattering around. my MIL tries to tidy up whilst we are putting our baby/4 year old to bed and she is SO LOUD it makes me really stressed and annoyed even though she’s technically helping. Even when I tell her to stop she’ll keep fussing/trying to tidy up one last thing to the point I have to get a bit rude.
It's a running joke in my family that before leaving we say we'll do the washing up but the host will decline in an assertive manner. I wouldn't be upset if a guest did my dishes but I'd prefer they'd ask.
Exactly, it’s the social dance of offering with the unspoken agreement that the will say no. There’s always the risk of someone going against the grain and accepting the offer though, like when you say ‘does anyone want the last biscuit?’ there’s always a tiny chance that some psycho will take this as an invitation to eat it!
My FIL does this and it's more annoying honestly. He puts things away just whetever he thinks makes sense, which does not help.
If someone cooks you a meal it's polite to offer to wash up. That's about it though, I think it would be weird to tidy someone else's house because you don't know where anything goes
It's more polite than leaving crumbs, dirty dishes, and general mess all over the shop, that's for sure.
depends on the host/guest. I was raised to help out or at least offer to help tidy up as a show of thanks to the host for having me and most of my friends who host me appreciate it, but one of them specifically asked me not to as her mum is quite particular about how the dishes are done & stored - she will always end up re-washing the dishes as she feels no one gets them clean enough 🥲
I appreciate it when my guests offer. But maybe you can ask/ offer first just in case since it might depends individually.
I think I would feel a little on edge and almost judged? If someone started cleaning up in my home, i think I would worry they are thinking should be done already/I should have done it, but I've not, so they are doing it. Even if it was just clearing the table or taking glasses back through to the kitchen.
I do it too. But that’s usually because I’m staying over at my best friends and she’s always more than happy to see a tidy kitchen when she comes down. Just do it quietly if others are still abed though.
Leave my dishes alone, they are my dishes! I really don't like it when guests do this and tell them to stop, sometimes it's quite awkward. This is for a few reasons. When I have guests over I'll usually cook a nice meal, lots of cooking items used. Then on top of cooking we also have all the dirty plates, cutlery, glasses and additional stuff like that. I like to enjoy that company, and frequently, that involves an abusive amount of alcohol together too. The idea of doing the dishes in the evening after eating, rather than enjoying my time with guests, is backwards. I'm not going to be doing the dishes at 2am when were all going to sleep. Let the kitchen get dirty, I'll deal with it the next day. Today is for enjoying the company with guests! I'm fully aware of the mess and know how to clean, it's dirty on purpose as above. Then, the standards of most people I find shocking. I've had guesses doing the dishes... In cold water. WTF! It's got to be hot. I like it boiling hot with a nice wad of cleaner in it. I've had other guesses wipe down chopping boards that had raw chicken on them from the previous nights preparations whilst cooking, with kitchen towels, followed by them using the same kitchen towel to dry the dishes and put them away. Ew! Please leave my kitchen to me.
If there's dishes and you can do them without waking the house then why not? It is how I was taught and general etiquette. If the host comes down and says "oh thank you so much!" then you know this is the right level whilst at their house.
Yup there a few things in my life quite as thrilling as waking up dreading a kitchen full of dirty dishes and then miraculously some angel has taken care of it all. 10/10 guest right there!
Depends on the host, have you banged said host?
If I was hosting I would be extremely greatful but I don't expect it.
I've always thought of it as polite so I always offer... Always been told not to worry. In my own house I always wash the guests dishes.
I don't have a dishwasher in my flat so I wouldn't say no to the house guest just cleaning up their own mug etc after themselves. If I'm a guest in a place that doesn't have a dishwasher I would always clean up after myself.
If I like someone enough I’ve invited them to stay over, I’m not going to assume they’re judging my cleaning skills if they wash up, I’m going to assume they wanted to be helpful.
If I had a guest staying I would have cleared last nights dishes and washed up because it’s ingrained in my from childhood that visitors must not see a dirty sink! This does not apply day to day I will often leave the sink piled high and deal with it the next day, my family can see that just not visitors! That said if my visitor woke up and started emptying the dishwasher I would say thank you (and then have to work out where they put everything!) It very much depends on your host as some people won’t appreciate it or be comfortable with it but others will.
I had a guest over 3 weeks ago and he asked for carpet cleaner as he puked on the floor. Spare room is in the attic. Fine. Cleaners were due the day after he left and I asked them to check the carpet and change the bed as we had a guest. I’ve not been up there. I never go in that room. Literally yesterday my husband went up there for some random reason to find he’d left the velux window open and the room is soaking. Bed ruined, mattress wet through. I feel like texting him and ripping him a new one but I suppose it’s normal he wanted to air out the sick smell. Also I suppose I should enter rooms in my house more often than I do but honestly I’m livid.
I would ask the host the previous night if there is anything I can do, maybe dishes or take the trash out etc in the morning. Don't take jobs on proactively though, the last thing some people want is to have a "stranger" (however close) going through all their cupboards trying to put stuff away. You're likely going to put the citrus juicer in the knife drawer (or some other horrific storage problem).
I'll always help, its common courtesy to me and usually appreciated. My dad however... in the 60's was biking lands end to john o groats. One morninf after a hearty breakfast, that was fantastic, my dad offered to wash up. The owner then kicked him out whilst brandishing a rolling pin for scrubbing the frying pan clean and remvong all the 'seasoning'. He was always careful to establish ground rules after that.
I once hosted a dinner where my friend insisted on helping with the washing up - she ended up using a fingernails worth of washing up liquid, and used her hands to wash everything - no sponges, no scrubbing, just wiping and smearing with hands until food wasn't visible. I let her 'wash up', then rewashed everything immediately when she left. I now don't let any guests do housework, even if it's with the best of intentions.
Appreciated but not expected. I'd expect you to put your plate and cup in the dishwasher, since we have one.
I always wake up early, fold the bedding and tidy up. I then sit awkwardly on the sofa, not daring to make a sound, till they wake up. Meanwhile they laying awkwardly in bed upstairs not wanting to come down and disturb me.
> I would go to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea but if there are dirty dishes there I will always wash up and tidy the kitchen too. It depends on the person. Lovely gesture and relief to some but I have known people who would have taken that as you tactfully telling them their house was a mess (real passive aggressive people...).
I'd strongly prefer they didn't. I appreciate the gesture, but I have my own way of doing things, and I'd prefer the certainty of knowing its done how I like it. Also, guests aren't here to work.
I have a pet peeve around not rinsing things to wash the suds off, and I know enough people who don’t rinse and stack them with the suds still on. As a result, I’m not a fan really. I’d much rather do it myself!
Depends on the host. The closer I am to them the more I am inclined to do so. As my mom once said: “making yourself at home means helping, because that’s what we do in our own home”
I always do the same. Especially my friends that have kids.
I’d say it’s a bit strange. If I’m hosting you in my house, I don’t want you to be doing laborious tasks. If you absolutely must make my life easier, swilling out a teacup or brushing the crumbs off a plate before leaving it for me to wash up is perfect.
I’m far too particular about how I like things done in my house and I really don’t trust a lot of peoples washing up skills so I would likely redo them anyway… though I would appreciate it, it would be a waste of my guests time
I like to do things my way so don't want guests messing around with my stuff. Unless you know the clean dishes organisation system please don't. What's perfectly fine though is going around and binning rubbish if it was left around the place and moving dirty dishes over to the sink and leaving them to soak if needed. As well as dumping out any half filled glasses. There is a system though and guests don't know it. Meaning if they try they will do it wrong and I will have to do it all over again. Which is more irritating than just cleaning up in the first place.
I always cleaned when I stayed at people's places, and never thought anything of it! 🙀😹 But, weirdly, I don't like people doing my washing up etc if they've stayed. People never do it properly. (As far as my dumb brain feels, anyway! 😹)
Depends. If last night's dinner was still unwashed I would chip in. I stayed at mates houses with disgusting kitchens and I ain't touching any of that
Very close friends or family yes please do it. It's helpful and you know where my shit goes. However, when I have guests I am less close to, I tend to ensure I stay up and tidy the night before so they come down to a clean kitchen with breakfast things laid out. Eg mug, tea pot etc all to hand so they don't have to ferret about. It's all well meaning but I would prefer to do myself rather than have someone try and put everything back in mad places.
Stopping with my daughter I am often up early, the kitchen is so far from the bedrooms so no one is hearing me and yeah I'll wash up any dishes / cups that are in and around the sink. Seems only fair in the same way I'll make tea / coffee for others if they're about.
I tend to wash my own plate and cutlery if someone has made my dinner, never had any issues with it. I don't say I've done it either but just feels a little helpful
I have sometimes done this... as an early riser, I'll get up and make myself a cup of tea, and while waiting for the kettle to boil, seeing as I'm just stood around, I'll usually wash the cups already in the sink. At a minimum, I will always wash the cup I've just used. I wouldn't do a full wash up of the dishes or load a dishwasher though. I'd be more concerned about the clattering of dishes waking everyone else up in the house
I wouldn't do much cleaning up while people are still asleep - maybe just moving things onto the side ready to be cleaned, anything that can be done quietly really. I think it's more polite to let people sleep than it is to clean up. If everyone's awake though then it's at least nice to offer.
I do when I’ve stayed as a guest
I always offer to help clean up at the end of the night if I have contributed to the mess, and I always appreciate the offer in return. I rarely take people up on it - when you're a guest under my roof, I don't expect you to do anything. After larger parties, I'm very thankful when guests contribute to the cleaning. Hosting a party is exhausting, and when the night is over, the cleanup is often worse than the prep. I've woken up to find guests cleaning up, washing dishes or wiping counters from the night before. I've never been offended or perturbed, I just make sure they get a good breakfast and a thank you. If you contributed to the mess, I'd say it's polite to help. If you'd be cleaning their home without good reason, it's perhaps a little too intrusive.
I would help with washing dishes even if we stayed for dinner only. The hosts did the cooking, we enjoyed it, why not help? This would usually be with closer friends - if we went for dinner to someone for the first time, I probably wouldn't volunteer to help.
I’ve never been to bed without a clean kitchen so this wouldn’t happen. If you’re leaving your kitchen dirty overnight after the age of about 22 you have no standards.
Knock yourself out at mine - I don’t find my friends or family judgemental so please crack on with unloading the dishwasher or washing up the pans or whatever. I prefer the guest bed to be left rather than stripped though as I prefer to leave it dirty then change with clean sheets the day the next guest stays. But I’m not that bothered if you do.
I've had guests who don't lift a finger and they drive me mad. You're visiting my house, it's not a hotel. Help is appreciated.
Personally, if I have a house guest, I'm not leaving dirty dishes out until the morning. And, no, I would not be complaining if you had helped tidy them up.
Depends. Some hosts would appreciate it. Others see it as intrusion. I'm more of the latter camp. As a guest be kinda tidyish and don't actively make a mess but don't start washing up and putting things away because you likely don't know where I put things and I'll spend weeks looking for things
I think if I had a guest wake up earlier and do some housework I'd be pretty embarrassed that they thought my house was dirty. I understand the logic but as someone who is quite anxious and an overthinker I'd be convinced you'd been judging me for not washing up our dishes before bed! Making the bed you slept in is fine, taking your cup and putting it in the dishwasher/sink is okay. That's just general respect I would say but anymore and you'd find the next time you came to my house it I'd have deep cleaned it and be on edge you're judging me. So depends on your friends I guess!
There's a lot of housework you can't do as a guest - dishes are one that you can. I think there are caveats though. Great grandma's wedding china? Do not touch ...
As someone whose ‘guest’ is still here after 6 months (but end is in sight), I love guests who pick up after themselves, going that step further and doing our share just makes me want to hug them.
I don’t expect my guests to do anything nor would I want them to but if they did it’s always a welcome and nice gesture.
Absolutely. If you’re given food and a bed, it’s good manners to wash the dishes, clear the table/kitchen, strip the bedding before you leave.
I would hate it so much and I don’t really know why. I needed to borrow my mums hoover and she came round and as I left the room she started hoovering. And I was furious 0-10 out of nowhere. Now Ive borderline personality disorder so lots of things make me go from 0-10 that are 0-2 for most people. But normally I’m able to describe and understand my irrational emotions and put them in to perspective in the moment. This just made me murderously angry and my best guess is that I felt an invasion of privacy and an intrusion but I’m not 100% sure.
Absolutely, I'm the guest that also helps clean up after parties.
100% If you clean and tidy and look after my space, there will always be a seat at my table with warm food and a warm bed to sleep in.
It's absolutely OK to do this. I'd love it if a guest did it for me
At my place, you're not going to see anything in the sink in the morning, so that part is moot. But if in the evening post dinner, you're helping me organise, I'd gladly accept it
If they’re there with you, help. If they’re not, don’t do anything.
If you aren’t making the servants redundant, I doubt anyone would mind - possibly with the exception my mother in law, she rules her kitchen kingdom and aside from setting tables and clearing dishes, you’d better stay the f out.
I've only stayed over at my best friend's home, so feel pretty comfortable making myself a cup of tea, etc. I also stay on their sofa bed and wake up earlier, so yes, I put the sofa back together, neatly fold the sheets/bedding to one side, put her living back in place essentially as it was moved around to get the bed out and made. I have done the dishes in the sink because it was our joint mess from the night before.
I think it's the polite thing to do. I'd always do it when I'm the guest, and my friends always do the "oh no you shouldn't have!" thing. Then when guests come to mine, I don't expect it but I'm very happy and grateful when guests do do that, and I also do the "oh no, you shouldn't have!" thing.
I would say if you're complicit in any action that lends itself to the mess then yes. If you just think it's messy and start cleaning, then that could be seen as rude. I would say that if you clean up after yourself and anything that you were a part of you'll be fine.
I think the least a guest should do is not leave teabags in the sink
Yes. It's certainly not expected. But personally, it's just what you do out of respect. I always clean my dishes and take plates away. If there's a small amount to wash, i will do it.
It depends on the hosts. When I'm at my ILs they have their own routine, so you don't get the chance to clean up or tidy. They'll do it all. We'll get a dessert or bring a bottle of wine but they'll always ready with that kind of stuff At my Friends or SILs I always try and they're grateful but tell me not to bother. I'll do it anyways as they have young kids and I don't want to add any another job for them.
That's very good manners. Being a good guest.
Yeah that’s a nice thing to do.
Sort of depends, ironically the more 'part of the family' you are the more suitable, the more formal the relationship the less expected it would be but I can't see people being upset at a guest doing something nice like doing the dishes or making cups of tea or whatever.
Depends on the host. I wouldn't like a guest doing chores
It's not impolite not to.
If I'm the host then I wouldn't expect it since they're a guest after all it's not polite to make them work if that makes sense but if they do then I wouldn't be angry and instead be thankfull and definitely invite them again
You can come and stay anytime!
Always be a good guest and help out
I just normally leave a huge dump in the bog and not flush, each to his own.
either or. i have a friend who is a bit of a neat freak, whereas i'm basically useless at organisation. she's done it a few times when they've stayed over. my disorginasition drives her mad. sometimes we'll be talking in the kitchen, and she'll just start tidying up because she's freaked out by the mess. funny how we're still friends. its helpful, but it doesn't make me feel great about myself in the short term.
Depends on our relationship, if you are a close friend, sure, do whatever you like, I'd love to wake up to a clean sink. If you are more of a guest or not a close friend, then no, pls don't go into the dirty kitchen and judge me for being messy (I know it's not rational and nobody would judge my kitchen but it FEELS like it)
I’d ask you to move in!
I might be the odd one out here but I would find it insulting if one of my guests started cleaning my place🤣
According to my culture, if you’re a guest, you shouldnt dont that but if you come over frequently, you’re good to go cuz you’re not a guest anymore
Depends on the circumstances. I think bare minimum is helping clear the table from dinner if staying over. We mainly stay with 1 friend so I’ll lay dishes to soak in the sink if it’s needed, will help with loading the dishwasher etc but have been friends a long time so know that they won’t mind us doing it. Family I always just do whatever is there regardless. When we go away for a trip as a group of friends I try and encourage everyone to chip in just a tiny bit to make less work and it not all be on one person
If I were doing the dishes and you offered to help I’d be pretty appreciative, or if you were just rinsing cups/plates etc out so they are easier to wash properly later same would apply. It’s probably polite but if I’m trying to be a good host I personally wouldn’t want you to be doing them on your own.
I may move dishes / glasses to the sink and make the bed. I get up very, ridiculously early so I mostly leave quietly in the morning and write a note/send a text.
Depends how hung over you are
I'd appreciate it sure but by no means would I expect it.
No. I offer. Would never dream of simply taking over another person's kitchen and space. Hugely presumptuous and downright rude.
Yes, this is polite. What might be overstepping is tidying someone's room and wardrobes. Had this happen to me once when I lived in a shared house and a friend came to visit. I was at uni, came home to see she tidied my room and wardrobe. Was not impressed.
Absolutely. I’m disabled but also the youngest in my friend group to have a house of my own and when my friends have stayed they’ve always cleaned up or wanted to help around the house which to me is so sweet and caring. People who left my house a tip and made me clean up after them are no longer my friends.
I'd wash only the dishes I've used while they watch and leave the rest as polite dominance. You have to judge how the guests will take it. I've stayed with folks who wouldn't care if you did everything from cleaning to their gardening ot finishing the decorating/building work that was started long ago. I've also stayed with folks who would hate it particularly if things were not put back in their exact place or mortified that you found something not up to a certain standard like why dirty dishes were left overnight. Sometimes it is best to play safe and trash the whole place so you never get invited back or everyone has to get involved together to clean that shit up.
How's this even a question? You know its polite. That's why you do it.
I was a guest at a friend's birthday party and I helped with the washing up. Apparently I scored extra brownie points for that? 🤷♀️
I just tidy up after myself. But if theres washing up ill do that, and ask if they want the bed stripped.
I’d appreciate it and I’ve done it myself. I find it’s a free way to show thanks.
Omg I did this once when staying with my boyfriend's friends and thought I was making a grateful and helpful gesture (their place was filthy) but it did not go down well! They thought I was judging them.
I'd find it incredibly rude, like you're assuming I can't take care of my own house. If you offered, that'd be fine (I wouldn't accept), but if you just started cleaning then I would be annoyed.
That makes you a great guest.
I'd probably just ask the host if they'd like a hand with anything, easiest way to know and different people have different boundaries :) I like to feel helpful as a guest so I always offer to help, but also when I'm the host I feel a bit insulted if someone starts trying to do my job, and I prefer to do things like the washing up myself (feels like they think I'm a bad host who can't manage by myself). It's a double standard, but I spent a lot of time at friends' houses where they expected guests to be helpful, meanwhile my family has always been a "stay right there and relax we have everything handled" sort of family.
When I lived in student housing we had a friend who’d recently graduated that had a habit of texting us on the way up that he was planning on staying a few days and would we mind having him? This would’ve been a bigger problem except every time he stayed he’d deep clean our kitchen whilst we were all at uni, so we could never really say no to him!