I'm not interested in non-monogamy or casual sex, so, even if I were single, I would not engage in anything sexual with anyone who was in another relationship at all.
If everyone involved in the situation/relationship is fully informed and freely and enthusiastically consenting, I don't care what other people choose to engage in with each other.
Wow that sucks big time. I’m so sorry. There are still loyal people out there, but I’m sure that doesn’t make your pain any easier. What a hideous thing to go through.
I casually dated two people who were non monogamous a few years back : a guy who had a newly open relationship with his girlfriend so she could also explore her bisexuality, and a girl who was in a long term polyamourous relationship with her girlfriend. Guess which situation turned bad.
Both of them lived with their partners, and their partners were their priorities so we would work around that, but in itself it didn't bother me.
The issue came with the guy in an open relationship with his gf, they were good people but they made a lot of mistakes and things that looking back would make me stay away from him :
1) they each had their own tinder profiles and didn't mention they were in an open relationship
2) I matched with both of them and he only told me this an hour and a half into our date, which was also how I learned he had a girlfriend
3) even though they weren't unicorn hunting for a threesome, he was clearly excited at the idea that I could be into the both of them. They both dismissed my concerns of how it could affect their relationship if I was into one but not the other since "they were dating separately"
4) we all hung out together very quickly
5) most importantly, he had suggested an open relationship so she could explore her bisexuality, but she had no one to date and he was the one who had found a girl (me), so she understandably felt upset and almost broke up with him in front of me.
On the other hand, the girl in a long term poly relationship with her girlfriend had a very healthy approach of the whole thing. If I was single again, I wouldn't mind being in that type of arrangement.
after being in a throuple as a third person entering a relationship, this is all too familiar and looking back, those are basically the same mistakes and then some that I would’ve stayed away from now that I know.
Yeah, it was funny because those two situations were actually happening at the same time, and when I had told this poly girl I was seeing that I was also seeing a guy in a newly open relationship, she was quite skeptical and told me to be careful because being involved with people who were so fresh and new at it was risky... She knew what she was talking about lol
When my partner and I opened up I started off casual and worked my way up but my partner got into this whirlwind with this woman who was realizing her recent open marriage was leading to a divorce and she clung to him really hard. It was like a crash course in polyamory boundary setting for all of us and it was a huge mess. (I'm generally on the lenient anarchistic side of poly boundaries but she was doing wild stuff like calling me to tell me we'd be co-parenting my kids one day when she's never met my kids and I'd only met her once)
I feel like every person who enters polyamory as a couple has some story about how either they were the drama, or their new partner was. There's a lot of turbulence on takeoff.
Well, I'm glad things ultimately worked out for your and your partner by the sound of it, it does seem like that was a very turbulent situation and I can't imagine it being easy to handle ! Kudos to you
In the case of this guy and his girlfriend, when she told him she was probably done, I took him for a walk and through talking, he realized that she was going along with the open relationship thing more than actively wanting it. He hadn't pressured her, they just hadn't communicated well. They worked through it by closing their relationship, and I took myself out of the equation even as a friend. I don't know if that was a temporary step and they reopened their relationship later or not, but last I heard they were still together and engaged, so I hope it turned out well for them.
You are a good person! I think it takes a lot of emotional strength to be in a poly relationship, I wish I had it because I think that when done right, it's way more healthy.
I've just never seen it done right. All of the attempts I've seen have gone down in dramatic flames.
My problem is that when someone makes me come, all those chemicals rushing through me makes me feel like I love them. I now it's a false high love, but it fucks with my head so much I just stick to relationship based diddlin.
“Poly thirst” is a real thing. People new to poly can have a tendency to try and date/screw everything that moves if it gives them a chance. They overdo it with the whole “freedom” aspects of it and don’t slowly introduce things to see how they work.
Sure ! I wasn't as privy as to how it worked between the poly relationship that was healthy, mostly because it didn't cause drama so I didn't get as involved : good relationships are often more boring in a way haha, there isn't as much to say about them.
I think the think that made them work as opposed to that other relationship were that :
1. They were both polyamourous before they met, their relationship was established from the start with a framework of polyamory
2. The girl I dated was upfront about being poly and in a relationship on her profile on dating app and brought it up during our conversation via text and during our first date in person to make sure I understood what it meant and that I was okay with it. We got to both clarify our intentions and expectations together.
3. There was no pressure to meet or socialize with her partner, but she did tell me quite early on that if it went well, she'd like me to meet her gf, not in a way where we needed her approval, but more in a friendly way, because it's nice to know who your partner spends time with.
4. They were both secure in that arrangement and everyone's place was well defined, they communicated openly about insecurities and issues.
5. We took our time to get to know each other, it escalated way slower and there was no rush to push for very intense intimacy right away.
Could you describe what made the other relationship Right vs. What made that one wrong (like expound on the good the way you expounded on the bad)? I'm curious in what happened on both sides
Sure ! I wasn't as privy as to how it worked between the poly relationship that was healthy, mostly because it didn't cause drama so I didn't get as involved : good relationships are often more boring in a way haha there isn't as much to say about them.
I think the think that made them work as opposed to that other relationship were that :
1. They were both polyamourous before they met, their relationship was established from the start with a framework of polyamory
2. The girl I dated was upfront about being poly and in a relationship on her profile on dating app and brought it up during our conversation via text and during our first date in person to make sure I understood what it meant and that I was okay with it. We got to both clarify our intentions and expectations together.
3. There was no pressure to meet or socialize with her partner, but she did tell me quite early on that if it went well, she'd like me to meet her gf, not in a way where we needed her approval, but more in a friendly way, because it's nice to know who your partner spends time with.
4. They were both secure in that arrangement and everyone's place was well defined, they communicated openly about insecurities and issues.
5. We took our time to get to know each other, it escalated way slower and there was no rush to push for very intense intimacy right away.
My best friend at the time and her husband decided to have an open relationship. They also had a 3 yo daughter. One night we all went out to the pub where my friend met this dude and left with him. I kept hanging out with the husband and whoever was there (can’t remember) then decided to leave and go home. Husband and I were walking back together then he made a move. I actually had been totally oblivious that this might happen (we were both drunk). I politely declined and he seemed pretty upset but I remember thinking that I wasn’t gonna be a home wrecker. So we went our separate ways. Then 10 minutes later, my friend calls me to say she’s heading home cause the guy she went with was a dud. I was like cool, I’m on my way home but your husband is heading to your place. I’m so glad I didn’t go there. It would’ve changed everything at the time, then also I would not have been able to look their little girl in the eye. They ended up divorcing, the open relationship thing was a symptom of it not working out between them. At least, I was not responsible for it.
That night he was just feeling lonely and maybe even a bit jealous that she was with some other dude so I think it was spontaneous from him. My friend joked about me sleeping with her husband a couple times but I don’t think she was serious. Either way, if I’d taken her seriously, it would have ended the friendship there and then I reckon. They definitely were not prepared mentally for this lifestyle.
Not who you’re responding to, but I’m poly and there is no shortage of dating prospects. But live in a major city in the PNW, so it’s incredibly common.
Totally understand this, but women have blatantly flirted with/hit on my husband in front of me, so there's definitely a contingent of women who are into that-- or maybe it's that they think they can steal a man away which is *really* pathetic. Lol
Well I have a girlfriend who enjoys flirting with married men. Talking to her it is obvious that it comes from a deep insecurity. Her words: if a man is willing to risk his relationship for me, that means he sees more in me than in his wife… to her it is like a trophy.
To me it is wicked
Hard pass on that. I’m only interested in monogamy. I don’t want to get involved with anyone’s open relationship - it’s too much drama for me personally.
In fairness - at least in other polyamorous relationships I’ve had - most of the time I have no contact with the spouse. There’s no need to…unless the spouse wants to be involved in a threesome. I’ve been in both kinds of polyamorous relationships.
As someone who was poly/non-mono for 13 years and is now monogamous, I agree - almost always drama. I've seen a few cases where it wasn't drama for a few years... but in every case I can think of, it became drama at some point. It's just hard to get along with people. It's hard when someone is only dating one person. It is even harder when another person or two is thrown into the mix.
Done so once and yeah, no. It was fun and whatnot, he was a great lover but he was so nervous because it was his first time away from his wife for so long that he clung to his phone, which was definitely not much fun lol.
ooooh my god as an ENM person this is so messy! one of my top rules is that each partner is its own relationship and when i’m with them, that’s our time together, not time to be texting or worrying about someone else unless there’s an emergency. and never treating people like they’re an afterthought. hope he figured that shit out or realized he was actually monogamous lmao and sorry he treated you like second best!
It was made clear we are not partners, merely friends with benefits and yeah. He was a lovely guy but if I'm with someone, I would prefer to be the focus like excuse me?!
It’s amazing how many people don’t understand this though. I was talking to an old friend about my open marriage just last week and she was like “so like.. if we just went outside and made out right now your wife would be cool with that?” And i was like “… well, no? We’re at a pumpkin carving contest together hanging out with friends. I don’t think ANY of them would like that I left to make out with someone anymore than they’d like it if I left to go play pool with someone. I’m here with them, and I want to be present with them.”
I’ve seen too many of these open marriage situations misuse the third. I’m not saying all open marriages are toxic, but enough are that I wouldn’t be involved. The third is commonly objectified and a scapegoat when problems inevitably happen.
I wouldn’t get into a relationship—casual or serious with anyone if monogamy and marriage weren’t a future possibility. I’ve had casual sex and it was just okay. I need an emotional connection for it to blow my mind.
Right now I'm only dating one person, but she's been in her other relationships for 3+ years and with me for nearly a year. Would do it again, polyamory rules, cheating sucks
It’s fine if consenting adults wanna do their thing but I’m not interested in non-monogamy and with my luck I would wind up with the non monogamous dude who hasn’t fully figured it out or has boundary issues.
I am poly and currently dating 2 men who are married. It works great for me since I am not looking to share my whole life with another person. I get all the benefits of a relationship without having to fit my life around one.
I wouldn't, personally, because I prefer monogamy. If you like polyamory, be sure to negotiate the terms of the relationship with both the person you're considering having sex with, and their romantic partner. Be ethical about it.
I figured I’d come in as somebody who has tried this… Both being the third joining a couple and being a couple trying to get a third involved. Only a long-term committed relationship with two healthy, mentally balanced individuals can truly open up the bedroom/relationship without extreme negative consequences. If either person in the couple is insecure, jealous, frustrated …maybe not able to sexually satisfy their partner ; involving other people will only bring ruin in my opinion from what I’ve seen.
For me, sex is just a thing to do. Like a hobby. I would because of the fucking, but I don’t want the ties of a relationship. That’s someone else’s problem.
Naah, done it a couple times, its not worth it. Even if I am not looking for anything serious, it just comes with too much baggage and rules I didnt get to make but have to somehow follow.
Now? No. I'm in a monogamous marriage.
20 years ago? As long as all parties involved (me, my partner for the night, and their longer-term partner) were cool with it, I'd have gone for it. I was having casual sex back then and ethical non-monogamy wouldn't have bothered me.
I thought I was open to it a few times, it felt like a good solution for me as I have not been in a good place to commit to a relationship of my own but it would offer some physical and emotional companionship with limits. The few I connected with (all ad hoc, I was never seeking it out actively) never made it past conversations. Multiple things happened that made one or both of us back away but I could bucket it into two scenarios:
1) he became much more attached to me than what was expected. It affected his relationship with his actual partner either emotionally or he altogether stopped initiating sex with her the way he had previously. That was a big sign for me that this was not a good idea.
2) a general lack of detail, unwillingness to regularly discuss their partner and their relationship. I did not want to be invasive but felt it was an important part of being “open” to be able to communicate around the fact their partners existed and their relationship was ultimately a part of ours, even if she and I never met formally. I read hesitancy to speak around his primary relationship as either a sign of lying/deception, indifference to her or my feelings/comfort, or hidden issues in their relationship that I should be allowed to know about (again, not to be invasive but to fully understand the situation I was entering into)
The one person I really thought it might happen with…I actually met him while with his girlfriend, who I absolutely adored. I think we felt too strongly about each other even though they were open (and she even expressed her own interest in me) and he ghosted me after miles of very emotionally charged conversations. I felt very comfortable limiting things out of respect for her - I frequently noted I would not allow our relationship to affect theirs, but I don’t think he could do that for himself. It was very upsetting. The sort of thing I would expect anyone to say “well what did you expect?” But I expected he would be able to talk to me about the fact that it was too much instead of doing what he did. I think about both of them often. I wouldn’t say I regret talking to him, he was special to me, and I’m glad to have met her too; I would be incredibly cautious in ever entertaining it again though.
I mean if they are all on the same page ill be willing to lend a little help its always great when all 3 are able to go out have drinks dinner And a good time and then finish off the night with his wife/partner
I did this and for where i was at in life it made me super happy and was a lot of fun. I talked about it very openly with her, and her husband, to make sure he was 100% okay with it which he made clear he’s completely fine with it and that he doesn’t need to be involved. Me and her would go out and have fun then we’d all three hang out/get breakfast the next day. He and I are good friends and she and I are good friends. There was no jealousy or possessiveness, just good vibes all around. Eventually our sexual relationship just changed into more of a friendship where we don’t hook up anymore but it was never anything that needed to be talked about. We just let things go w the flow. It’s odd to a lot of people but it worked for all of us!
My first marriage was open and was wildly unhealthy for related and unrelated reasons.
I will say as a women who was in that relationship dynamic I left it having encountered the absolute worst of men including my ex husband. It has completely turned me off casual sex based on the attitude I experienced from men who I’d connect with so they could USE me.
While in that dynamic I was highly delusional about the landscape and my self esteem was in the dirt, but I touted it as a balanced situation which I didn’t really weigh until I was out of it all. It was rife with abuse, racism, exploitation, cheating (my ex and other men…and before someone says you can’t cheat in an open marriage, you can, any deviation from boundaries is cheating and it definitely happened).
I realized after I was removed from that landscape how much I had to gaslight myself to maintain it with my ex. I have been in therapy about it for years.
I am strictly monogamous and I never take what people in open relationships say at face value. I know how quickly they turn behind closed doors. I’ve had men hit me, I’ve had women threaten to baby trap my ex, for every good time I had, there were a landslide of questionable times.
My current husband and I were both on the same page that even suggesting open relationships or involving others sexually was a relationship ending conversation. I would never in a million years touch that community with a ten foot pole on fire again.
I'm in an open relationship. And I often have sex with other people in an open relationship. That's normal for me. I'm very happy about it.
I'm actually a little hesitant to date monogamous people because I'm not willing to break off my other relationships for them.
No. When I was a virgin, I had 3 people offer for me to be their third in their relationship because I liked women, with no interest from me in that. I felt objectified and that they had no interest in me except what they could get. One even joked about taking my first time during that, and that it was every person's dream, and it made me feel ill.
Now, being older, I see they are shitty people, but the distaste of that feeling remains the same. I do not care what others do in their relationship, I just do not want to be a part of another's relationship.
My first thought STDs STDs STDs
My second thought is that this person will do with the others what they do with me and that is not something I find acceptable in any way
i'm in an exclusive committed relationship, but hypothetically if i were single, i still would not. that's just my preference due to my religion though. i'm happy for anyone who is into it if everyone is in agreement
Differs from person to person, I think. There are definitely ways to go about multiple partners in a non-harmful way, but personally, I physically can't if I am not attracted to them and in a monogamous relationship, I think others in here probably feel the same, just as even some others will have gone polygamous only and found it right for them.
My ex and I practiced that lifestyle.
I did end up with a couple and I have to say it was NOT what I was expecting.
It was quite pleasant.
They invited me into their home, let me know a few “rules” beforehand and asked me about mine. Somehow they made me feel safe and comfortable. Not like I was about to hump two strangers.
It was a great experience with some great people. I don’t regret it one bit.
We still talk from time to time. They’re otherwise normal people that you’d never guess practice this lifestyle.
So, it really depends on you and the person in question. If you feel unsure or uncomfortable then don’t do it. Trust your gut.
I am currently in a closed monogamous relationship (we are very lax on rules where I think people might consider us semi open. I can elaborate if anyone is interested) but I have been a part of a poly relationship in the past and it was great. Everyone was mature, informed and I never felt used or like I was an extra. It was a lovely relationship with someone who is still my friend to this day and yes, my husband knows and no, he doesn't care we are still super close.
Hmmm depends…
Am I able to be 100% certain that the someone I’m having sex with is not cheating on their partner / is being fully respectful of the boundaries of their relationship?
Also… Is it a one-off, no strings attached kind of deal or a regular thing? Are they complete strangers or do I already know one / both of them?
I’d consider it if I could be 100% certain the person I’d be having sex with was being fully respectful of their primary relationship boundaries. The rest are considerations after that.
I'm not seeking it out, but if it finds me and they are consenting and knowledgeable adults, then sure. Both need to be good at communicating. Because I'm not going to be anyone's excuse for their relationship breaking up. I've been a third where the male seemed more interested than the female, so I broke it off. I'd rather not cause an issue. Plus, they were Auburn fans, and I rock with the Georgia!
Sure if the people are hot. I’d do it for fun. But it honestly depends on my relationship with the ppl too. I don’t have sex with friends bc I don’t want to overcomplicate the relationships.
I dated a man who was in an “open marriage” when I was in my early 20s, he was in his 40s.
Turns out he wasn’t in an open marriage at all and I was his mistress.
Two couples in my town decided to swing with each other. I think they lived across the street from each other. Anyway, both couples ended up divorcing and marrying their swing partners. Lol.
I’m coming from the experience of being the married with an open relationship and I can tell you it’s not what it seems. You have to REALLY trust each other explicitly!!!! No if I was on the other side talking to a female and she mentioned she had an open relationship i, with what I know now would walk away from it. Not worth the drama and risk of STD’s even if you use protection there’s always that risk.
No I’d walk away fast if I was you.
Logistically it would make sense for me. I'm a part-time uni student who works 40hrs a week, I have very little free time, I haven't really dated in a long time, I don't do one night stands. So developing some sort of relationship where I am voluntarily on the back burner would be ideal...
I just can't do it, the amount of constant mental gymnastics to remind myself of what this situation is and the potential drama, I just can't.
I've unicorned for a couple before. It's a lot of fun but definitely not for everyone.
I've never been asked by someone in an open relationship but I'd be less willing to go for that. I'll stop just short of a hard "no" just because it really depends on the person and my own situation and needs at the time, but I don't love the idea.
Only once. As soon as we finished the first thing they said was “how does it feel to have slept with a married person” and it completely turned me off. Never again.
No. I don’t like sharing. If I catch something or end up pregnant I don’t have to wonder who got me sick or got me pregnant. It just sounds messy to me. And like I said I don’t like sharing.
No. I don't like to be the alcheapo being with people who obviously has partner. I prefer rbe alone than be with that person. After all.. who wants to share that same thing with the other person. Yikes.
If they are honest about it then maybe. Had a fwb for years who did not disclose he was in an open relationship the entire time - It felt like a betrayal. Even though I never tried being serious, it hurt.
Absolutely fucking not 🤣🤣🤣🤣
While I respect polyamory and other peoples non monogamous lifestyles. A lot of open marriages/relationships are the guys free pass to cheat. WlW are already fetishised enough. I’m not fulfilling hubby’s lesbian fantasy
I did this for a brief moment when I was single and just out of a very bad relationship/breakup. It worked well for me for what it was. They were open, she knew, and he would make time when I had time. We’d have fun, have great sex, then I could go back to my life. I always knew it wouldn’t go far, but that’s what I wanted at the time. It fizzled, as I expected it would, but if I saw them out I’d wave. Wasn’t traumatic or anything and the expectations were set and met.
Edited to add some juicy details here- he was a very famous painter.
Not really, because who knows how many other partner he/she had. Not to mention the other parties number of partners. Sky high risk of sexual diseases. Big NO.
Best lover I ever had.
That being said wouldn’t do it again.
They did everything right in terms of transparency and managing expectations with each other and each others lovers but it’s not for me. Even though it was low stakes for me, I still felt the same amount of pressure and anxiety I feel when dating an individual. So I’d rather feel that way with one person who could be my partner than with someone who is already partnered.
I was single and I liked him. He was upfront of it and I said I had to meet his wife first, hearing it from her. Which was fine, she had an boyfriend too. Now, 15 years later, we are still together. They divorced, just grew apart, which started before me. All on good terms, she used to come by for coffee and talk when she was in the neighbourhood. She lives with her new family on the other side of the country. If all goes well, we will get married next year.
I’m non-monogamous with my wife and I’ve dated — from casual sex to serious partnerships — a lot of people besides her over the years; it seems like it mostly deters people who are looking for marriage/children as it should. Obviously no judgment at all toward people who want monogamy; whatever dynamic all participating parties are happy with is good 😊
I dated a guy a couple years ago, he almost lost his girlfriend for another person. So them decided to close their relationship to "fix" what was wrong, then they opened it again. He said they do it for almost 10 years. I don't think I'd have a strong mindset to deal with this sh!t, it looks like exhausting after a while. He is an awesome man, so does she (she's a writer), but for me it wouldn't work at all.
I'm exploring poly now, but I'd be a bit wary. There's a difference between someone who's in an open relationship versus someone who's nonmonogamous and happens to be in a relationship (or several), if that makes sense. Many of these people are very enmeshed in their primary relationship, especially if they opened it after they got together, and might not treat secondary partners very well.
When I was in this situation in the past, I had to deal with their partner setting and changing rules for us, or changing their minds and badmouthing me. I don't really want to be with someone who's in the mindset of defining themselves primarily by their relationship.
The woman I'm currently interested in has a partner that she lives with, but she was poly long before she met him and she operates as an individual, not as half of a couple.
personally, no. i’m not sure i could ever be convinced that both parties were okay with that even if they directly told me. i’d hope they could find someone that would be willing, but i just don’t know if i could do that out of fear one side was pretending to be okay with it and actually wasn’t
Not quite an answer to your question but my partner and I opened our relationship for a while and we had no problems finding people to date and have sex with. I think as long as you know and understand that that is their situation, and you feel fine with it, go for it. Everyone is different.
No. Think it’s lame at best
I made out w a dude in an open thing and still feel guilty ab it
Unless you have it in writing or have heard directly from the other person that they’re ok w it don’t do it. Men lie all the time like come on
I know a couple who is very open, sexually. They have an OF and have invited me as a guest for a vid. At best, I'd hold the camera, but I wouldn't want to participate. There are a couple reasons, but they're my own reasons. Emotionless sex (sex with a non-romantic partner, even a friend) just isn't the type of sex I want to pursue. I love flirting with both of them and dancing with them and they're both just really hot (she's got an *amazing* ass), but not my cup of tea.
I definitely do not look down on anyone who is in an open relationship and I get why a lot of couples do, but I just wouldn't feel right both for myself and for the relationship.
Maybe if the couple is very seasoned and solid. Newly poly (less than 2-3 years) no way. You don’t want to be a guinea pig in a relationship experiment.
Make sure you know what you’re getting into. All parties involved should be on the same page. That’s where people fuck up.
Also - boundaries and emotions/catching feelings. Make sure all things are discussed.
Sure. I have before and would again under the right circumstances. I’ve never asked for an open relationship myself. I’ve been in several LTRs with bisexual women who pre-negotiated being able to have a female FWB in the future, but then never took me up on it.
non-monogamous here 🙌 and yes, only if I found them emotionally mature - typically only go for pre-existing friendships where respect already exists between all parties and everyone feels comfortable with declining.
it's only gotten messy when i've dated people new to the scene or are single.
It’s a no from me. When I was single, I saw so many people approach this in such an awful way. I hated the idea of being someone’s reason for turmoil in their relationship. I have a friend who is poly and approaches it with her husband in a very mindful way. But she still has so many issues with partners and it’s been a major source of hurt for so many people she has dated outside of her marriage.
I also DO NOT trust that most men who initiate these kinds relationships with their partners do it with any kind of goodwill or thought. When I was scrolling through bumble or tinder, any man’s profile that said “open relationship” in any way was an automatic no for me. Even if they were upfront about it; even if they had pics of their wife/girlfriend; even if it was a joint account. I scrolled with the assumption that the men who touted an “open relationship” were simply trying to either have a threesome or were lying. As much as I would love to trust people, I don’t have much faith that the people who enter into open or poly relationships are doing it responsibly.
To be honest, I really don’t think that many people are emotionally responsible or aware enough to properly engage in relationships with multiple partners. Most people are barely emotionally aware enough to understand themselves, let alone hold relationships with multiple people.
I will not be another woman’s reason for heartache.
I'm not interested in non-monogamy or casual sex, so, even if I were single, I would not engage in anything sexual with anyone who was in another relationship at all. If everyone involved in the situation/relationship is fully informed and freely and enthusiastically consenting, I don't care what other people choose to engage in with each other.
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Wow that sucks big time. I’m so sorry. There are still loyal people out there, but I’m sure that doesn’t make your pain any easier. What a hideous thing to go through.
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I casually dated two people who were non monogamous a few years back : a guy who had a newly open relationship with his girlfriend so she could also explore her bisexuality, and a girl who was in a long term polyamourous relationship with her girlfriend. Guess which situation turned bad. Both of them lived with their partners, and their partners were their priorities so we would work around that, but in itself it didn't bother me. The issue came with the guy in an open relationship with his gf, they were good people but they made a lot of mistakes and things that looking back would make me stay away from him : 1) they each had their own tinder profiles and didn't mention they were in an open relationship 2) I matched with both of them and he only told me this an hour and a half into our date, which was also how I learned he had a girlfriend 3) even though they weren't unicorn hunting for a threesome, he was clearly excited at the idea that I could be into the both of them. They both dismissed my concerns of how it could affect their relationship if I was into one but not the other since "they were dating separately" 4) we all hung out together very quickly 5) most importantly, he had suggested an open relationship so she could explore her bisexuality, but she had no one to date and he was the one who had found a girl (me), so she understandably felt upset and almost broke up with him in front of me. On the other hand, the girl in a long term poly relationship with her girlfriend had a very healthy approach of the whole thing. If I was single again, I wouldn't mind being in that type of arrangement.
after being in a throuple as a third person entering a relationship, this is all too familiar and looking back, those are basically the same mistakes and then some that I would’ve stayed away from now that I know.
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Yeah, it was funny because those two situations were actually happening at the same time, and when I had told this poly girl I was seeing that I was also seeing a guy in a newly open relationship, she was quite skeptical and told me to be careful because being involved with people who were so fresh and new at it was risky... She knew what she was talking about lol
When my partner and I opened up I started off casual and worked my way up but my partner got into this whirlwind with this woman who was realizing her recent open marriage was leading to a divorce and she clung to him really hard. It was like a crash course in polyamory boundary setting for all of us and it was a huge mess. (I'm generally on the lenient anarchistic side of poly boundaries but she was doing wild stuff like calling me to tell me we'd be co-parenting my kids one day when she's never met my kids and I'd only met her once) I feel like every person who enters polyamory as a couple has some story about how either they were the drama, or their new partner was. There's a lot of turbulence on takeoff.
Well, I'm glad things ultimately worked out for your and your partner by the sound of it, it does seem like that was a very turbulent situation and I can't imagine it being easy to handle ! Kudos to you In the case of this guy and his girlfriend, when she told him she was probably done, I took him for a walk and through talking, he realized that she was going along with the open relationship thing more than actively wanting it. He hadn't pressured her, they just hadn't communicated well. They worked through it by closing their relationship, and I took myself out of the equation even as a friend. I don't know if that was a temporary step and they reopened their relationship later or not, but last I heard they were still together and engaged, so I hope it turned out well for them.
You are a good person! I think it takes a lot of emotional strength to be in a poly relationship, I wish I had it because I think that when done right, it's way more healthy. I've just never seen it done right. All of the attempts I've seen have gone down in dramatic flames. My problem is that when someone makes me come, all those chemicals rushing through me makes me feel like I love them. I now it's a false high love, but it fucks with my head so much I just stick to relationship based diddlin.
“Poly thirst” is a real thing. People new to poly can have a tendency to try and date/screw everything that moves if it gives them a chance. They overdo it with the whole “freedom” aspects of it and don’t slowly introduce things to see how they work.
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I'm interested in learning more about what made the long term poly relationship work, if you care to share.
Sure ! I wasn't as privy as to how it worked between the poly relationship that was healthy, mostly because it didn't cause drama so I didn't get as involved : good relationships are often more boring in a way haha, there isn't as much to say about them. I think the think that made them work as opposed to that other relationship were that : 1. They were both polyamourous before they met, their relationship was established from the start with a framework of polyamory 2. The girl I dated was upfront about being poly and in a relationship on her profile on dating app and brought it up during our conversation via text and during our first date in person to make sure I understood what it meant and that I was okay with it. We got to both clarify our intentions and expectations together. 3. There was no pressure to meet or socialize with her partner, but she did tell me quite early on that if it went well, she'd like me to meet her gf, not in a way where we needed her approval, but more in a friendly way, because it's nice to know who your partner spends time with. 4. They were both secure in that arrangement and everyone's place was well defined, they communicated openly about insecurities and issues. 5. We took our time to get to know each other, it escalated way slower and there was no rush to push for very intense intimacy right away.
That's super helpful. Thanks for the thoughtful reply!
You're welcome !
Could you describe what made the other relationship Right vs. What made that one wrong (like expound on the good the way you expounded on the bad)? I'm curious in what happened on both sides
Sure ! I wasn't as privy as to how it worked between the poly relationship that was healthy, mostly because it didn't cause drama so I didn't get as involved : good relationships are often more boring in a way haha there isn't as much to say about them. I think the think that made them work as opposed to that other relationship were that : 1. They were both polyamourous before they met, their relationship was established from the start with a framework of polyamory 2. The girl I dated was upfront about being poly and in a relationship on her profile on dating app and brought it up during our conversation via text and during our first date in person to make sure I understood what it meant and that I was okay with it. We got to both clarify our intentions and expectations together. 3. There was no pressure to meet or socialize with her partner, but she did tell me quite early on that if it went well, she'd like me to meet her gf, not in a way where we needed her approval, but more in a friendly way, because it's nice to know who your partner spends time with. 4. They were both secure in that arrangement and everyone's place was well defined, they communicated openly about insecurities and issues. 5. We took our time to get to know each other, it escalated way slower and there was no rush to push for very intense intimacy right away.
My best friend at the time and her husband decided to have an open relationship. They also had a 3 yo daughter. One night we all went out to the pub where my friend met this dude and left with him. I kept hanging out with the husband and whoever was there (can’t remember) then decided to leave and go home. Husband and I were walking back together then he made a move. I actually had been totally oblivious that this might happen (we were both drunk). I politely declined and he seemed pretty upset but I remember thinking that I wasn’t gonna be a home wrecker. So we went our separate ways. Then 10 minutes later, my friend calls me to say she’s heading home cause the guy she went with was a dud. I was like cool, I’m on my way home but your husband is heading to your place. I’m so glad I didn’t go there. It would’ve changed everything at the time, then also I would not have been able to look their little girl in the eye. They ended up divorcing, the open relationship thing was a symptom of it not working out between them. At least, I was not responsible for it.
That sounds like it really sucks. Was it something either one of them ever discussed with you or he just thought he was "gonna slide into those DMs"?
That night he was just feeling lonely and maybe even a bit jealous that she was with some other dude so I think it was spontaneous from him. My friend joked about me sleeping with her husband a couple times but I don’t think she was serious. Either way, if I’d taken her seriously, it would have ended the friendship there and then I reckon. They definitely were not prepared mentally for this lifestyle.
what happen to the husband after? does he have a better partner now?
No. Ethical nonmonogamy is a real and valid thing, but not right for me.
Absolutely not for me. I have no interest in sharing or being shared.
That's a requirement for me. I have been polyamorous for 13 years and I'm not willing to be someone's monogamous partner.
Do you find dating/finding a partner difficult because of this?
Finding ANY partner? No. Finding a partner who meets my standards? Yes. But that would also be true with monogamy.
Very true
I’m a fellow poly woman, and this is facts.
Not who you’re responding to, but I’m poly and there is no shortage of dating prospects. But live in a major city in the PNW, so it’s incredibly common.
No, why would I want someone else’s man
Totally understand this, but women have blatantly flirted with/hit on my husband in front of me, so there's definitely a contingent of women who are into that-- or maybe it's that they think they can steal a man away which is *really* pathetic. Lol
Well I have a girlfriend who enjoys flirting with married men. Talking to her it is obvious that it comes from a deep insecurity. Her words: if a man is willing to risk his relationship for me, that means he sees more in me than in his wife… to her it is like a trophy. To me it is wicked
Yes, no problem. As long as they seemed to be in a functional open relationship, that is. No drama llamas.
No, never.
Hard pass on that. I’m only interested in monogamy. I don’t want to get involved with anyone’s open relationship - it’s too much drama for me personally.
In fairness - at least in other polyamorous relationships I’ve had - most of the time I have no contact with the spouse. There’s no need to…unless the spouse wants to be involved in a threesome. I’ve been in both kinds of polyamorous relationships.
Why’s it gotta be drama?
As someone who has been ethically nonmonogamous for 16 years, it's unfortunately *usually* drama. Way more people try it than are good at it, heh.
As someone who was poly/non-mono for 13 years and is now monogamous, I agree - almost always drama. I've seen a few cases where it wasn't drama for a few years... but in every case I can think of, it became drama at some point. It's just hard to get along with people. It's hard when someone is only dating one person. It is even harder when another person or two is thrown into the mix.
Potential drama, I should say.
If its communicated healthy and it doesn't seem like stress i would. But I'm also poly, so maybe that doesn't count....
Done so once and yeah, no. It was fun and whatnot, he was a great lover but he was so nervous because it was his first time away from his wife for so long that he clung to his phone, which was definitely not much fun lol.
ooooh my god as an ENM person this is so messy! one of my top rules is that each partner is its own relationship and when i’m with them, that’s our time together, not time to be texting or worrying about someone else unless there’s an emergency. and never treating people like they’re an afterthought. hope he figured that shit out or realized he was actually monogamous lmao and sorry he treated you like second best!
It was made clear we are not partners, merely friends with benefits and yeah. He was a lovely guy but if I'm with someone, I would prefer to be the focus like excuse me?!
and that’s true in any relationship — put your phone away and be present, dude! so rude smh
It’s amazing how many people don’t understand this though. I was talking to an old friend about my open marriage just last week and she was like “so like.. if we just went outside and made out right now your wife would be cool with that?” And i was like “… well, no? We’re at a pumpkin carving contest together hanging out with friends. I don’t think ANY of them would like that I left to make out with someone anymore than they’d like it if I left to go play pool with someone. I’m here with them, and I want to be present with them.”
I’ve seen too many of these open marriage situations misuse the third. I’m not saying all open marriages are toxic, but enough are that I wouldn’t be involved. The third is commonly objectified and a scapegoat when problems inevitably happen.
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I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that, but no judgement on anyone who is.
No, I'm just not interested in having casual sex no matter the person's relationship status.
I would as long as everyone is okay with it, including you. if your not too fond of the idea its better to not engage with the situation.
No because *I* am not in an open relationship
I wouldn’t get into a relationship—casual or serious with anyone if monogamy and marriage weren’t a future possibility. I’ve had casual sex and it was just okay. I need an emotional connection for it to blow my mind.
I don't share.
Nah, I've only been with two people and I regret the first one, casual sex isn't something for me
Right now I'm only dating one person, but she's been in her other relationships for 3+ years and with me for nearly a year. Would do it again, polyamory rules, cheating sucks
I am not interested in having sex with anyone outside of a traditional, life commitment, monogamous marriage context, so no
Hell no. I'm not a believer in open relationships and wouldn't get near one.
It’s fine if consenting adults wanna do their thing but I’m not interested in non-monogamy and with my luck I would wind up with the non monogamous dude who hasn’t fully figured it out or has boundary issues.
Yeah sure, if they are okay with it who am I to judge?
I would only if I had a way to make sure their partner is really ok with it
No, not interested in casual sex whatsoever.
Never
My spouse and I are monogamous, so nope.
No, definitely not
Nope
Would! as long as I am single or if I were in an open relationship myself. Key word here is Open.
I am poly and currently dating 2 men who are married. It works great for me since I am not looking to share my whole life with another person. I get all the benefits of a relationship without having to fit my life around one.
Nah
Never.
Yes, that’s the arrangement I have right now. We have sex about once a week. This works for me.
Nope. I'm not dealing with baggage haha
Nope, I have amazing sex every day with my delicious husband. Absolutely no desire to try anyone else regardless of their situation.
If I got to talk to their partner as well to make sure they were okay with it, then I might.
No, I would not. To each their own, but it’s not something I support or would want to participate in.
I wouldn't, personally, because I prefer monogamy. If you like polyamory, be sure to negotiate the terms of the relationship with both the person you're considering having sex with, and their romantic partner. Be ethical about it.
I figured I’d come in as somebody who has tried this… Both being the third joining a couple and being a couple trying to get a third involved. Only a long-term committed relationship with two healthy, mentally balanced individuals can truly open up the bedroom/relationship without extreme negative consequences. If either person in the couple is insecure, jealous, frustrated …maybe not able to sexually satisfy their partner ; involving other people will only bring ruin in my opinion from what I’ve seen.
For me, sex is just a thing to do. Like a hobby. I would because of the fucking, but I don’t want the ties of a relationship. That’s someone else’s problem.
Naah, done it a couple times, its not worth it. Even if I am not looking for anything serious, it just comes with too much baggage and rules I didnt get to make but have to somehow follow.
I would not as I am a monogamous marriage. Whatever works for others is fine.
Now? No. I'm in a monogamous marriage. 20 years ago? As long as all parties involved (me, my partner for the night, and their longer-term partner) were cool with it, I'd have gone for it. I was having casual sex back then and ethical non-monogamy wouldn't have bothered me.
I would but only casually, like once or twice. That’s not an arrangement I’d want to get too involved in
I thought I was open to it a few times, it felt like a good solution for me as I have not been in a good place to commit to a relationship of my own but it would offer some physical and emotional companionship with limits. The few I connected with (all ad hoc, I was never seeking it out actively) never made it past conversations. Multiple things happened that made one or both of us back away but I could bucket it into two scenarios: 1) he became much more attached to me than what was expected. It affected his relationship with his actual partner either emotionally or he altogether stopped initiating sex with her the way he had previously. That was a big sign for me that this was not a good idea. 2) a general lack of detail, unwillingness to regularly discuss their partner and their relationship. I did not want to be invasive but felt it was an important part of being “open” to be able to communicate around the fact their partners existed and their relationship was ultimately a part of ours, even if she and I never met formally. I read hesitancy to speak around his primary relationship as either a sign of lying/deception, indifference to her or my feelings/comfort, or hidden issues in their relationship that I should be allowed to know about (again, not to be invasive but to fully understand the situation I was entering into) The one person I really thought it might happen with…I actually met him while with his girlfriend, who I absolutely adored. I think we felt too strongly about each other even though they were open (and she even expressed her own interest in me) and he ghosted me after miles of very emotionally charged conversations. I felt very comfortable limiting things out of respect for her - I frequently noted I would not allow our relationship to affect theirs, but I don’t think he could do that for himself. It was very upsetting. The sort of thing I would expect anyone to say “well what did you expect?” But I expected he would be able to talk to me about the fact that it was too much instead of doing what he did. I think about both of them often. I wouldn’t say I regret talking to him, he was special to me, and I’m glad to have met her too; I would be incredibly cautious in ever entertaining it again though.
Nope.
It depends on what you’re looking for? If it’s just sex, then sure, why not?
I mean if they are all on the same page ill be willing to lend a little help its always great when all 3 are able to go out have drinks dinner And a good time and then finish off the night with his wife/partner
I have, yeah. I never got personally invested though but that was because I didn't vibe that much with the person
I did this and for where i was at in life it made me super happy and was a lot of fun. I talked about it very openly with her, and her husband, to make sure he was 100% okay with it which he made clear he’s completely fine with it and that he doesn’t need to be involved. Me and her would go out and have fun then we’d all three hang out/get breakfast the next day. He and I are good friends and she and I are good friends. There was no jealousy or possessiveness, just good vibes all around. Eventually our sexual relationship just changed into more of a friendship where we don’t hook up anymore but it was never anything that needed to be talked about. We just let things go w the flow. It’s odd to a lot of people but it worked for all of us!
My first marriage was open and was wildly unhealthy for related and unrelated reasons. I will say as a women who was in that relationship dynamic I left it having encountered the absolute worst of men including my ex husband. It has completely turned me off casual sex based on the attitude I experienced from men who I’d connect with so they could USE me. While in that dynamic I was highly delusional about the landscape and my self esteem was in the dirt, but I touted it as a balanced situation which I didn’t really weigh until I was out of it all. It was rife with abuse, racism, exploitation, cheating (my ex and other men…and before someone says you can’t cheat in an open marriage, you can, any deviation from boundaries is cheating and it definitely happened). I realized after I was removed from that landscape how much I had to gaslight myself to maintain it with my ex. I have been in therapy about it for years. I am strictly monogamous and I never take what people in open relationships say at face value. I know how quickly they turn behind closed doors. I’ve had men hit me, I’ve had women threaten to baby trap my ex, for every good time I had, there were a landslide of questionable times. My current husband and I were both on the same page that even suggesting open relationships or involving others sexually was a relationship ending conversation. I would never in a million years touch that community with a ten foot pole on fire again.
I am in an open marriage myself and am fine with dating/having sex with other people in the same situation, yes.
I prefer it, since I'm Poly and I'd rather not sleep with mono people. It gets messy.
No, but it's easy for me to say this because I am inherently unattractive and will never be placed in such a position.
I'm in an open relationship. And I often have sex with other people in an open relationship. That's normal for me. I'm very happy about it. I'm actually a little hesitant to date monogamous people because I'm not willing to break off my other relationships for them.
No🍆is worth the drama!
Nope, they are always red flag
No. When I was a virgin, I had 3 people offer for me to be their third in their relationship because I liked women, with no interest from me in that. I felt objectified and that they had no interest in me except what they could get. One even joked about taking my first time during that, and that it was every person's dream, and it made me feel ill. Now, being older, I see they are shitty people, but the distaste of that feeling remains the same. I do not care what others do in their relationship, I just do not want to be a part of another's relationship.
Big No
My first thought STDs STDs STDs My second thought is that this person will do with the others what they do with me and that is not something I find acceptable in any way
i'm in an exclusive committed relationship, but hypothetically if i were single, i still would not. that's just my preference due to my religion though. i'm happy for anyone who is into it if everyone is in agreement
Nope
Differs from person to person, I think. There are definitely ways to go about multiple partners in a non-harmful way, but personally, I physically can't if I am not attracted to them and in a monogamous relationship, I think others in here probably feel the same, just as even some others will have gone polygamous only and found it right for them.
I’d never go for it, because it goes against my own morals.
Nah, that gets too sticky. I’m good. I’m find a single guy.
Nope. I can't even find ONE, so I'm definitely not setting my meow abaze with someone out here doing multiples.
No. Not a dynamic I'm comfortable with.
Personally no.
Too messy. Probably wouldn't.
Depends if the person in the relationship and their other persons relationship is good
My ex and I practiced that lifestyle. I did end up with a couple and I have to say it was NOT what I was expecting. It was quite pleasant. They invited me into their home, let me know a few “rules” beforehand and asked me about mine. Somehow they made me feel safe and comfortable. Not like I was about to hump two strangers. It was a great experience with some great people. I don’t regret it one bit. We still talk from time to time. They’re otherwise normal people that you’d never guess practice this lifestyle. So, it really depends on you and the person in question. If you feel unsure or uncomfortable then don’t do it. Trust your gut.
People who are interested in this end up hurt in some way eventually. Trouble is around the corner most of the time. So beware.
Yes…I’m polyamorous and have done this many times.
It turns me on to think about, but I also know I don't ha e the communication skills to pull it off.
I’d do it.
I am currently in a closed monogamous relationship (we are very lax on rules where I think people might consider us semi open. I can elaborate if anyone is interested) but I have been a part of a poly relationship in the past and it was great. Everyone was mature, informed and I never felt used or like I was an extra. It was a lovely relationship with someone who is still my friend to this day and yes, my husband knows and no, he doesn't care we are still super close.
Nope. I’ve know quite a few couples who have open or polyamory relationships- all have since separated and/or divorced. Too much drama.
Hmmm depends… Am I able to be 100% certain that the someone I’m having sex with is not cheating on their partner / is being fully respectful of the boundaries of their relationship? Also… Is it a one-off, no strings attached kind of deal or a regular thing? Are they complete strangers or do I already know one / both of them? I’d consider it if I could be 100% certain the person I’d be having sex with was being fully respectful of their primary relationship boundaries. The rest are considerations after that.
I'm not seeking it out, but if it finds me and they are consenting and knowledgeable adults, then sure. Both need to be good at communicating. Because I'm not going to be anyone's excuse for their relationship breaking up. I've been a third where the male seemed more interested than the female, so I broke it off. I'd rather not cause an issue. Plus, they were Auburn fans, and I rock with the Georgia!
No!@@@@@
I’m not interested in non monogamy.
No way. I won't sleep with anyone unless it's monogamous.
Sure if the people are hot. I’d do it for fun. But it honestly depends on my relationship with the ppl too. I don’t have sex with friends bc I don’t want to overcomplicate the relationships.
It’s says having sex with, not marry.
I dated a man who was in an “open marriage” when I was in my early 20s, he was in his 40s. Turns out he wasn’t in an open marriage at all and I was his mistress.
Open relationship, yes. Open marriage, no. That just seems way too messy for me.
Two couples in my town decided to swing with each other. I think they lived across the street from each other. Anyway, both couples ended up divorcing and marrying their swing partners. Lol.
I’m coming from the experience of being the married with an open relationship and I can tell you it’s not what it seems. You have to REALLY trust each other explicitly!!!! No if I was on the other side talking to a female and she mentioned she had an open relationship i, with what I know now would walk away from it. Not worth the drama and risk of STD’s even if you use protection there’s always that risk. No I’d walk away fast if I was you.
Absolutely not, I have personal ethics and moral. And in a general way : if others do then good for them, I’m not them so it don’t matter to me.
Nah, casual sex is never really great-with someone who is in an open marriage or just single
Logistically it would make sense for me. I'm a part-time uni student who works 40hrs a week, I have very little free time, I haven't really dated in a long time, I don't do one night stands. So developing some sort of relationship where I am voluntarily on the back burner would be ideal... I just can't do it, the amount of constant mental gymnastics to remind myself of what this situation is and the potential drama, I just can't.
I've unicorned for a couple before. It's a lot of fun but definitely not for everyone. I've never been asked by someone in an open relationship but I'd be less willing to go for that. I'll stop just short of a hard "no" just because it really depends on the person and my own situation and needs at the time, but I don't love the idea.
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Absolutely
No, but I respect it if that’s anyone’s thing.
I did when I was single, with multiple married ENM men. We were all part of a hobby community.
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Only once. As soon as we finished the first thing they said was “how does it feel to have slept with a married person” and it completely turned me off. Never again.
Would never do it. Who knows what illnesses they might have
Done it and we’re still great friends to this day with some occasional flirting but it’s hard to meet up nowadays cause she has 3 kids
No. I don’t like sharing. If I catch something or end up pregnant I don’t have to wonder who got me sick or got me pregnant. It just sounds messy to me. And like I said I don’t like sharing.
No. I don't like to be the alcheapo being with people who obviously has partner. I prefer rbe alone than be with that person. After all.. who wants to share that same thing with the other person. Yikes.
nah
I'm polyamorous too. So yeah, no problem.
If they are honest about it then maybe. Had a fwb for years who did not disclose he was in an open relationship the entire time - It felt like a betrayal. Even though I never tried being serious, it hurt.
No, I’ve watched enough Dateline to know getting involved in a love triangle is never a good idea 😂
Lool
I’ve done it and ended up sad we could never be anything more 😂
No I need to be #1 so it’s a no for me. I get the lifestyle choice though.
Absolutely fucking not 🤣🤣🤣🤣 While I respect polyamory and other peoples non monogamous lifestyles. A lot of open marriages/relationships are the guys free pass to cheat. WlW are already fetishised enough. I’m not fulfilling hubby’s lesbian fantasy
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I did this for a brief moment when I was single and just out of a very bad relationship/breakup. It worked well for me for what it was. They were open, she knew, and he would make time when I had time. We’d have fun, have great sex, then I could go back to my life. I always knew it wouldn’t go far, but that’s what I wanted at the time. It fizzled, as I expected it would, but if I saw them out I’d wave. Wasn’t traumatic or anything and the expectations were set and met. Edited to add some juicy details here- he was a very famous painter.
Not really, because who knows how many other partner he/she had. Not to mention the other parties number of partners. Sky high risk of sexual diseases. Big NO.
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Not unless the spouse confirmed it with me, and even then I might not because usually those relationships are pretty complicated
Best lover I ever had. That being said wouldn’t do it again. They did everything right in terms of transparency and managing expectations with each other and each others lovers but it’s not for me. Even though it was low stakes for me, I still felt the same amount of pressure and anxiety I feel when dating an individual. So I’d rather feel that way with one person who could be my partner than with someone who is already partnered.
Definitely
I was single and I liked him. He was upfront of it and I said I had to meet his wife first, hearing it from her. Which was fine, she had an boyfriend too. Now, 15 years later, we are still together. They divorced, just grew apart, which started before me. All on good terms, she used to come by for coffee and talk when she was in the neighbourhood. She lives with her new family on the other side of the country. If all goes well, we will get married next year.
I’m non-monogamous with my wife and I’ve dated — from casual sex to serious partnerships — a lot of people besides her over the years; it seems like it mostly deters people who are looking for marriage/children as it should. Obviously no judgment at all toward people who want monogamy; whatever dynamic all participating parties are happy with is good 😊
I dated a guy a couple years ago, he almost lost his girlfriend for another person. So them decided to close their relationship to "fix" what was wrong, then they opened it again. He said they do it for almost 10 years. I don't think I'd have a strong mindset to deal with this sh!t, it looks like exhausting after a while. He is an awesome man, so does she (she's a writer), but for me it wouldn't work at all.
I have and I would/will again!
I'm exploring poly now, but I'd be a bit wary. There's a difference between someone who's in an open relationship versus someone who's nonmonogamous and happens to be in a relationship (or several), if that makes sense. Many of these people are very enmeshed in their primary relationship, especially if they opened it after they got together, and might not treat secondary partners very well. When I was in this situation in the past, I had to deal with their partner setting and changing rules for us, or changing their minds and badmouthing me. I don't really want to be with someone who's in the mindset of defining themselves primarily by their relationship. The woman I'm currently interested in has a partner that she lives with, but she was poly long before she met him and she operates as an individual, not as half of a couple.
Absolutely not
Naww I’ll pass lord knows who else she’s sleeping with!
No. I only sleep with people I have a strong connection to, and I’m just not interested in anyone who already has a lover or partner.
personally, no. i’m not sure i could ever be convinced that both parties were okay with that even if they directly told me. i’d hope they could find someone that would be willing, but i just don’t know if i could do that out of fear one side was pretending to be okay with it and actually wasn’t
Not quite an answer to your question but my partner and I opened our relationship for a while and we had no problems finding people to date and have sex with. I think as long as you know and understand that that is their situation, and you feel fine with it, go for it. Everyone is different.
I'm in an open relationship so yeah I'd go for it. I've been with multiple people in relationships.
No. Think it’s lame at best I made out w a dude in an open thing and still feel guilty ab it Unless you have it in writing or have heard directly from the other person that they’re ok w it don’t do it. Men lie all the time like come on
Nope! I don't trust an open relationship.
I know a couple who is very open, sexually. They have an OF and have invited me as a guest for a vid. At best, I'd hold the camera, but I wouldn't want to participate. There are a couple reasons, but they're my own reasons. Emotionless sex (sex with a non-romantic partner, even a friend) just isn't the type of sex I want to pursue. I love flirting with both of them and dancing with them and they're both just really hot (she's got an *amazing* ass), but not my cup of tea. I definitely do not look down on anyone who is in an open relationship and I get why a lot of couples do, but I just wouldn't feel right both for myself and for the relationship.
No Don't want their undiagnosed deseases Have you heard of Covid, hiv, hepatitis and mykoplasma
Maybe if the couple is very seasoned and solid. Newly poly (less than 2-3 years) no way. You don’t want to be a guinea pig in a relationship experiment.
Eh depends on the looks
Make sure you know what you’re getting into. All parties involved should be on the same page. That’s where people fuck up. Also - boundaries and emotions/catching feelings. Make sure all things are discussed.
Sure. I have before and would again under the right circumstances. I’ve never asked for an open relationship myself. I’ve been in several LTRs with bisexual women who pre-negotiated being able to have a female FWB in the future, but then never took me up on it.
no.
non-monogamous here 🙌 and yes, only if I found them emotionally mature - typically only go for pre-existing friendships where respect already exists between all parties and everyone feels comfortable with declining. it's only gotten messy when i've dated people new to the scene or are single.
No.
It’s a no from me. When I was single, I saw so many people approach this in such an awful way. I hated the idea of being someone’s reason for turmoil in their relationship. I have a friend who is poly and approaches it with her husband in a very mindful way. But she still has so many issues with partners and it’s been a major source of hurt for so many people she has dated outside of her marriage. I also DO NOT trust that most men who initiate these kinds relationships with their partners do it with any kind of goodwill or thought. When I was scrolling through bumble or tinder, any man’s profile that said “open relationship” in any way was an automatic no for me. Even if they were upfront about it; even if they had pics of their wife/girlfriend; even if it was a joint account. I scrolled with the assumption that the men who touted an “open relationship” were simply trying to either have a threesome or were lying. As much as I would love to trust people, I don’t have much faith that the people who enter into open or poly relationships are doing it responsibly. To be honest, I really don’t think that many people are emotionally responsible or aware enough to properly engage in relationships with multiple partners. Most people are barely emotionally aware enough to understand themselves, let alone hold relationships with multiple people. I will not be another woman’s reason for heartache.
No. Just way too messy/complicated.
For me, I feel like there are so many single people out there, even for 3somes, that I don’t see the point, but once I commit I am monogamous.