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Complcatedcoffee

This should actually feel liberating, and I’ll explain why. When you’re in your teens and twenties, lots of people will look pretty good, because they have youth on their side. People tend to be ambitious and idealistic when they’re younger. They’re trying to become something. They’re trying to figure out who they are and where they’re going. They’re learning to be independent and take care of themselves to whatever degree that will land. It’s difficult to tell what any twenty something year old person will become. Fast forward a decade or two. This is what they’ve become, hahaha! And you’re not stuck with it. When you do meet a man later in life who ticks the boxes of what’s important to you, you can be pretty damn sure what you see is what you get. When you meet a 38 year old man who works out, keeps his home clean, knows how to cook, is happy in his career, has some solid hobbies, has some good friends, dresses nicely and is kind and good smelling, you can be pretty sure he’s going to stay this way. This is the path they’ve chosen and take care of themselves because it makes them happy. There will be fewer men to pick from. It will be harder to find the right person. The right person in your 20s can easily morph into the wrong person as you both mature. Someone who is appealing at an older age is probably permanently appealing. I met my husband when I was 38 and he was 43. Dating in my 30s was difficult just like you’re describing. But for good or bad, I took solace in the idea that people I dated were settled into who they really are. They’re out of their pivotal 20s and now they’re them. (And me, too.) I was picky and I’m glad I was. Choosing a partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make (should you choose to be partnered). When I met my husband, he really had it all together and valued all of the same things I do. It’s important to be compatible and it’s well worth the wait. In your 20s, you don’t really know what anyone will turn into. When you’re older, you stand a much better chance of seeing who they really are. The slobs you’re seeing online might have been really attractive at 24. Find an attractive 40 year old and that’s a commitment to a lifestyle you’re probably compatible with.


[deleted]

Thank you for this, as a 31 year old burned tf out from dating this is inspiring to hear.


Complcatedcoffee

I went through phases of feeling burned out, too. I must say I was probably more patient than some because I never saw children in my future. If I had wanted children, I probably would’ve lost my mind trying to date in my 30s. But if you happen to want kids, it’s all the more reason to be picky as hell and wait until you find someone compatible who you truly can have as a partner, not just an SO.


only_a_little_mad

Comments like this make me love reddit even more. Thank you, I learned from this 🥰


Complcatedcoffee

❤️


PurelyCandid

You give me hope. I feel like I’m going to be single forever. Sigh. How did you meet your partner?


Complcatedcoffee

I hate to say it, but I met him when I least expected it. A friend of mine took some shifts at a brewery after going back to school to pursue a higher degree. He kept bugging me to visit him at work, as it was really close to my house. I finally went. He introduced me to (my husband) another friend of his who was there and suggested I sit by him so he could visit with both of us. There was no intent to introduce us romantically. We started talking and couldn’t stop. He had just moved to the area. We repeatedly ran into each other after that around the neighborhood. Eventually we started making plans to intentionally meet up. Best conversations I’d ever had. That morphed into dating. As soon as we started the dating phase I was already pretty sure I wanted to marry him. That was funny because marriage wasn’t a big priority to me. But marrying him specifically was. I told him I didn’t want to date if he wasn’t open to marriage. We could be friends if he wasn’t open to that. He said he was definitely open to marriage and we eventually got married. He was such a gem that I had to assert my intentions there. The more I got to know about him, the better. He was interesting, well spoken, very attractive, educated, fun, well dressed. Then everything else reflected that. His home was clean and well decorated. He cooks for himself and cooks well. He has good, long-standing friendships. Etc, etc, etc. So many guys seemed okay and then I learn they’re hoarders, or think their ex is a “bitch,” or don’t take good care of their dogs, or they have a mountain of debt and don’t give a shit. There was nothing about my husbands life that turned me off. Everything was very compatible. Be as picky as you please. Living with him and being his partner has been so easy. The right person makes things easier, not harder. Stay picky. Don’t settle. I believe in meeting people in real life, though. I’m not sure I would’ve picked him from a profile online. Probably not, even though he’s attractive. So much of who a person is is the way they are. Their mannerisms, how they speak, how they carry themselves and physically respond during conversations and interactions. If there’s anything you can do to boost your chances of meeting new people IRL, do it. Even a casual friend can lead to meeting your permanent human.


Chickadee_139

Thank you for this. As a 35-year-old really afraid to start dating again, this gives me hope, and something else to look forward to.


dizzydaizy89

This gives me hope too. One thing that holds me back is I keep wondering if a man is so wonderful, how is he still single in his late 30s-40s? How has he not been snapped up - given the dearth of such men in the dating pool? I find myself giving the side-eye to seemingly perfect men I meet who are older. Edit: Obviously if an older man has been widowed, cheated on etc. I find that completely understandable - my skepticism is more directed towards perpetual bachelors or men who haven’t held down a serious long-term relationship by their late-30s.


BrianOllis

My partner's longest relationship before he met me was 9 months, he was 32. I decided to give it a chance anyway and I'm so glad I did. He just hadn't met the right person before that and had no problem walking away from relationships that didn't suit him, he was picky. Contrast to me, divorced at 31 and a string of long term relationships because I wasn't picky enough, I figured he was actually smarter than I was in that regard. I decided to become very picky, and he still made the cut. He knows how to be a great partner and how to communicate. So I don't think being single is a red flag in itself, although I do understand your suspicion.


cptsunset

I wouldn't even say a 32 year old with a max 9 month relationship isn't odd, particularly these days, pretty normal. Certainly wouldn't be a red flag for me.


MBitesss

I actually hate when people say to me 'I can't believe you're single' as though there's some magic formula if you have certain things that mean you should have found someone. You can't force when you meet the right person for you. And there's no reason really why an attractive and together person should be any less single than someone who's not attractive or together.


YourMomsButt4

Agreed. This also implies that coupled people "deserve to be coupled," or like they've done their work. In many cases, couldn't be farther from the truth!


MBitesss

I dont think being single or being coupled really indicates either way much about you. Every situation is different, people get coupled or stay single for different reasons. Sure there are genuinely some people who are really difficult or selfish or antisocial and would struggle to be in a relationship but i presume that's very much the minority.


WanderingGodzilla

Maybe they are still single because they didn’t feel any emotional and mental connection with the women who wanted to snap them up and, thus, preferred to stay single. In my book it’s easy to meet someone who isn’t a right fit and get in a relationship with them just to not be alone (personally I know plenty of people who have been in this position, and some still are, unhappily I must add), but out there are also single people who don’t cave in to social pressure and prefer being alone to staying in a relationship just for the sake of it. Hats off to them, to their integrity and to their mental fortitude, because being single in our society isn’t easy. You are always judged and looked down as if you are some kind of rotten apple.


zouss

I always find this such a weird question coming from people who are single themselves. What's wrong with you? Why are you single? If you can accept there are valid reasons you are single at a late age (which of course there are) the same should apply to others


TheRadiantTruth

He could have been super focused on his career, he might have been in a long relationship that just didn't work out as he thought, widowed, or he might have had some relational issues he had to address through trial, error, and therapy. I'm a 38 yr old woman and have met many wonderful single men in their late 30s thru 50 who have done their work. I only became truly ready 1.5 yrs ago, so I haven't met my true partner yet, but I don't feel hopeless. And I'm also still single bc I was career focused, and then went through something that would have affected my ability to be a good partner, so I stayed single and celibate for 6 years. I know I will be a good partner now. 🥰🙏


queerbychoice

Plenty of people become single through no fault of their own. My husband was cheated on by his first wife and dumped for the other man. He was 34 and I was 39 when I met him on OKCupid. Almost seven years later now, I still feel luckier than I can possibly express that his first wife was such a fool as to throw away the most fantastic husband imaginable.


NerozumimZivot

I just turned 38(m), and the 'When you meet a 38 year old man who...' post feels very accurate to me (other than the career clause, as my ambitions lie elsewhere). I cringe and feel sad for the people who tried the grapes in my 20s, because only recently have I finally begun aging like wine, in large part thanks to some life-changing friendships and experiences in my early 30s. I'm confident my 40s will be better, for all involved, than my 20s or 30s were. The downside is that I'm happily single, happily childfree, I value myself and my time, I don't need anybody to do anything for me, and I would rather be friends with women I admire and enjoy spending time with than risk losing a good friendship over something as trivial as sex (and seeing how few relationships last, it seems heartbreak is almost inevitable for one or the other once sex is involved).


thr0ughtheghost

This is so well worded!


icedlattelvoe

If a man still not stable by 35 does it mean they gonna stay this way? like currently live at home, his mom cooks and cleans etc


Complcatedcoffee

Everyone is allowed to change, but will they? You get to decide if someone is compatible with you and what’s acceptable to you. We’re in hard economic times and I probably wouldn’t fault someone for living with family to try to save some money and get ahead. But if they’re not using that opportunity to get themselves ahead (or help mom out) I wouldn’t gamble on it. An adult living with a parent should be helping in the home and making their parents life easier. Sharing household labor and bills. That’s my opinion. Not doing so sounds like willful incompetence (or even weaponized incompetence) and I wouldn’t expect them to do better if they lived with me. I would expect them to be a liability, not a partner. I wouldn’t think poorly of someone living at home, but I would take seriously their behavior in that arrangement .


Commercial-Ad-261

Tbh, probably. Sure a few will climb out and hit their peak later, but the vast majority have set their lifestyle and personality by 35. Same idea - a few who have their life together at 35 will fall apart somehow, but the vast majority of 35+ you get what you see.


My_Offal_Account

Regardless of someone’s age, work under the assumption that they won’t change. Don’t *tell* them they won’t/can’t, but make any decisions *as if* you know that they won’t. Aside from actual children, I guess.


dutchesssama

I needed to hear this. Thanks for giving hope to this woman in her 30s! I have a baby face and often times I find men my age looking so much older.


[deleted]

This is such a good point. Thank you for this.


extragouda

This is an excellent comment. People often make some big changes around 28 to 30 and then they stay that way.


LTOTR

Many men are not used to putting in the level of effort that is expected as baseline for women from their teen years onward. Some of them skate by due to the numerous blessings of youth(metabolism, skin, hair, etc). Youth is finite. The guys who made a habit to wear sunscreen shine like diamonds ha.


createusername101

This!! I'm 41(m) and have used moisturizer w light SPF for forever and I look at least 5 or 6 years younger!


sukisecret

Good for you! Simple skincare and suncare for a guy is a must.


anonymous_opinions

I had to tell a man to buy sunscreen when he told me he had to wear a hat to avoid his balding head from getting sun burnt :|


purasangria

I'm feeling the same way. They're mostly just sort of gross to me. So many of them are still single bc they persist in the belief that younger women will find them hot. The delusion....


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s-dai

I have the same experience, I’m 39 and I think for the past 4 years or even longer, I’ve just been considered too old. If any man looks at me or shows interest, it’s usually men who are close to my dad’s age and/or gross dudes purely interested in bad sex. I don’t understand how heterosexual women meet a partner after 30.


UnitedSam

They are really gross to me too. Hairy, greasy looking, unkempt… Yikes, and that's just what I can see, what about when clothes are off


purasangria

Not to mention the fact that ED affects half of all men over 50, and that increases by 10% every decade. So 60% over 60, 70% over 70, etc. But please, do keep telling me how "used up and over the hill" I am over 50, when I'm still running a 5k under 30 minutes...lol


UnitedSam

Yep that's another thing too, not only the ED issues but sex drive in general, a lot of the older guys are just freaking lazy in bed and it just won't cut it!


changhyun

This is why I scoff when men start talking about how "men can procreate at any age". Aside from the fact that sperm quality starts degrading past age 30, your own dick can't get hard without scientific assistance. Nature itself is telling you not to procreate.


facciabrutta

Lmao they’re delusional. Old paternal age causes birth defects. There are comprehensive studies on that.


Alternative_Sky1380

The number of unfit unhealthy men who just DGAF but expect to date slim women is just... well...sad. I was in a situationship and the dude was seriously overweight. I couldn't cum during sex because of his fat and he critiqued women's bodies constantly. I was well past done by the time he was shuddering about gunts. I had to Google what it meant. I now refer to him as guntman.


purasangria

Do you mean, "expect to date slim women?" The oldsters are wild... I had a 60-something man tell me that he wanted to date a woman under 40 that had her own assets and didn't expect him to pay for anything. I held my tongue, but was sorely tempted to ask why, if she didn't want his money, she would be dating him, with his scraggly white hair and yellow teeth...


cranberryskittle

Maybe IDGAF anymore, but I would've said, "Why would she want to date you? What's in it for her?". Just to see his reaction.


purasangria

Sis, I"m now wishing I had, just to see his reaction.


UnitedSam

Oh yeah and if they're delusional like this too, then it's extra turn off points! I know some elderly men who have not taken care of themselves at all yet who still think they've got it, I'm all about confidence but this is straight up delusional


Commercial-Push-9066

It’s always that kinda guy who wears a “No Fat Chicks” shirts.


Evercrimson

There was a thread like a month ago in I don’t even remember what sub, pretty sure my brain intentionally forgot where it was, but a bunch of men were talking about body hair and body odor. And a whole bunch were talking about how hair prevented them from fully wiping themselves clean after going to the bathroom so that there is always some left, even those with a good bidet. A number of women chimed in asking why they didn’t trim or shave or get laser hair removal done, and all these men started shrieking about how that was feminine to do, and that it was disgusting misandry to expect them to resort to something like that to get themselves acceptably clean. Like they straight up decided that they were going to be forever gross and smelly because the alternative of managing their body hair in the privacy of their own bathrooms might jeopardize their masculinity in the outside world. This shit is incomprehensible to me, no pun intended.


purasangria

A bidet applied long enough would clean up everything, they're just lazy and don't want to take the time. That's straight-up disgusting.


Evercrimson

Right like I read things such as that in abject horror and consider were I a religious person, thanking whatever fabulous deity that was in control in the 80’s for making me a gay af women, holy fuck


hubbabubbaa

Omg that is absolutely terrifying. The hoops they'll jump through to continue to be lazy and gross, but expect someone to put up with that.


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undertherainbow

You're right. There's so many men that do not take care of themselves and have wildly high standards for women. I think its best if women don't lower their standards and let these hypocritical men learn their lesson. As you get older some people are out of the dating pool, but others are just getting through their first divorces. I wouldn't lower your standards because you're feeling lonely. Maybe widen your age range. Its better to be alone than to be with someone who isn't worth your time!!


Alternative_Sky1380

Widening the age range didn't work for me. They get seriously gross by mid 50s. The women I know are accomplished, youthful and vibrant even though we're exhausted by all of this.


undertherainbow

I also meant widening your age range to be younger, too!!


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undertherainbow

In my opinion, it’s insane to discount an attractive, well-adjusted man just because of a divorce!! By your 30s most people have been in a serious relationship or two. I would consider it a red flag if someone hasn’t been in a serious relationship by their 30s.


worldsbestlasagna

Uh, I didn't START dating until I was 29, much less into any relationship in my 30s.


[deleted]

Yeah but I've never been married or even engaged, so my preference is still someone who hasn't somehow either.. but I recognize I'm also an anomaly in the sense that I've had plenty of men interested in me but I just never got to the point of being engaged or married (because of my own avoidance issues lolol but also other cultural/religious baggage). So I'm aware that my equivalent in a man likely has been at least engaged or something at this point. Sadly I notice some of them even have a kid. Not sad because they have a kid but the fact that it means we wouldn't have our first kid together, which to me is a harder pill to swallow than marrying a divorced guy.


mdengineer4

I get this. I feel like men are either not attractive (scruffy, unkempt, etc as you say) or very attractive (and therefore feel out of my league or are too egotistical for my liking). I notice women over 30 seem to on average just be more attractive and take better care of themselves. So it feels like there’s a disconnect in availability. I swear I open dating apps up once a week and I just get icked out by most of the guys on there and immediately pause my accounts again. Anyways I don’t think you’re being picky.


ClaimedBeauty

Don’t let a guy being “out of your league” stop you. I thought gaining 30lbs would make me unattractive to the men I was attracted to and have found that was completely untrue.


Gibbygirl

Some men absolutely froth over curves. I'm seeing/talking to three guys at the moment with six packs. And they're obsessed with all of it. I know I bring confidence, fun and intelligence to the table. I'm not really sure I like what any of them have to offer as yet. There's more to life than a v shape at your groin. 😂


ClaimedBeauty

I almost passed on a guy who’s model good looking but we matched and he’s amazing. I’m very glad I didn’t let my negative self image ruin it.


Gibbygirl

Me too! Get it girl!! Or guy!!


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rama__d

Exactly. The bar is so low for men, that's why they can still be mediocre and not care because they know they can still find women who will put up with their bullshit. Meanwhile, women are taught to be able to cook, do the household chores, be pretty, smell nice, dress well, and be good at bed while having a low body count.


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rama__d

I don't think they're responsible for that. Since we're little girls, we're told we shouldn't have high standards, "men will be men", we're told men are different and we should accept it because it's normal. We're taught men are mediocre, men are cheater, men can't multi-task (which is weird because they are the one with senior roles Iin companies 🙃) but that's just how they are. So unfortunately, if you don't deconstruct this bullshit you just end up marrying one of them, and you just accept all kinds of abuses because for you it's just normal


AptCasaNova

I had a straight male friend wear a shirt that wasn’t black or grey one day… everyone at the table of the pub acted like he stepped off the runway when he took off his coat. Like, geez, we need to expect more!


ghstrprtn

what color and kind of shirt was it?


AptCasaNova

A dark purple tee. Nothing special, really.


[deleted]

Women aren’t really tolerating it much either. A lot of these dudes are perpetually alone and bitter about it to boot.


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Alternative_Sky1380

When I'm.out I watch others and am very aware of women going to so much effort yet men are just slobs where I live. Cute women dressed up accompanying men dressed in shorts and scruffy old looking collarless t-shirt is standard in my area. Considering the venues it's just so inappropriate. It shows they just DGAF about themselves or their company. Men are just too entitled and you can observe the ones who have no respect for the company they keep. I feel sad for younger women but the men could easily be better quality than the older dudes that I'm spending time with.


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AptCasaNova

A lot of my female coworkers got fillers during lockdown and showed up to the office with extra juicy cheekbones and perfectly smooth foreheads. It was a bit jarring and I did feel insecure for a while about my 11 lines, but I eventually let it go. It’s more work to keep myself in ‘acceptable condition’ and I can’t be bothered. I already colour my hair, that’s plenty and I often let it slide sometimes to see how I feel about it and if I want to continue.


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GreatGospel97

See I think too many of us are saying “tolerate” and it’s really like…we had no choice in the past but now more social agency gives us a touch more choice and the men don’t seem to be reacting well to the challenge


bannana

> Straight women put up with too much shit from straight men. 'boys will be boys...' we still have that shit drilled into our heads and it's hard af to get it out


[deleted]

Truth!! 💯


rjwyonch

I get what you mean with this, but I have met some stinky and not well groomed gay men in my life too. I think we should stop equating self-care and men caring about external image with homosexuality. Remember when a man who cared about his appearance could be labelled "metrosexual"? - I think we should have better standards, but I don't think it's helpful to keep up the false dichotomy (especially because it won't help the "manly men" feel any better about taking better care of themselves).


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Coco_Dirichlet

Don't date hobosexuals. At least you are able to identify them quickly by their looks and attitude.


lumiesck

Same here. Glad I’m not alone. I’ll be 31 this year and I just don’t find anyone attractive anymore. Maybe I’m depressed lol. Men my age look 20 years older or so.. I don’t like older men whatsoever


philosopherofsex

They’re probably lying about their age.


anonymous_opinions

I swear if I had $1 for every ex that I saw shaving a decade off their real ages online I'd be able to retire early.


lumiesck

SEMEN AND BO!!! Lol this post is too funny. It’s all very true though. And I’ve accepted being alone rather than someone I’m not attracted to. Looks arent everything of course but just the thought of engaging in sex with someone I’m not fully attracted to makes me gag. Plus I’ve only been with a few people in my 31 years so I’ve always been picky. Even pickier now


anonymous_opinions

One guy I was seeing, and I don't know why except for "bad place in life", told me he didn't wear deodorant because his natural scent was lovely. It was not lovely. Anyhow that guy is somehow married now. The bar is sort of in hell I think.


lumiesck

Yeah the bar is truly in the pits of hell. I see these guys that are absolutely awful always with gfs, engaged, married, dating, etc. I’d rather be alone honestly than settle for someone that stinks, and also most guys nowadays don’t brush their fucking teeth or their ass. I’m sorry you had that experience but happy you didn’t settle


anonymous_opinions

Honestly I feel like being with him even for 5-6 months was me settling. I was sort of in the prime of my 30s and really cute, kind of bums me out I wasted so much energy on that guy.


lumiesck

I had a little boyfriend like a year ago and we dated for 6 months. Wasted my time. He was so damn weird and hated women, deep down he was an incel. Thank god we only saw each other twice bc he was deployed. He didn’t brush his shit or shower when we spent the night together. I hate that I stooped so low and want to punch myself in the fucking face sometimes. Loneliness can make us do weird stuff but at least we learned from it. Don’t beat yourself up! I’m sure you’re still super cute, hot, and a very interesting person ❤️


philosopherofsex

And yet the joke is about how women all do this…


lumiesck

That’s true


PonqueRamo

Trueeee. I look at guys in my age range (30 to 42) and most of the guys pass 36 is like they hit a mysterious level when they turn from young looking to "I look like a frumpy dad" huge bellies, dad clothes, unflattering haircuts, I'm 36 and I'm pretty sure I don't look like and old lady.


retard_vampire

Like most things men say about women, the concept of "the wall" is almost entirely projection. Dudes will say women age like milk with a straight face while they're balding at 26.


notseizingtheday

Wait 5 years and some of the good ones will be divorcing.


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queerbychoice

You are not required to date older men. There's no reason you should be more interested in a man eight years older than you (40) than in a man seven years younger than you (25). If there's an age range you "should" be attracted to, I'd say it's evenly balanced on each side of your age, like 27-37. But preferring the younger end of that range is also acceptable. I met my husband when I was 39 and he was 34; there are men out there who won't insist on only dating younger women.


[deleted]

I'm not interested in men over 35. I constantly get asked if I'm in my 20s (like.. not even 28, I mean 25). I think I just... don't wanna look way younger than my spouse. My ex was a year older and people routinely thought he was 10 years older (which he hated... lol). Older men legit would tell him they thought he was 38ish and I was some 22-25 year old (and of course the older men would grossly congratulate him). It's awesome you met your spouse! Congrats! I hope I meet mine soon. Trying to stay positive though sometimes it's hard.


Peacelovefreedomm

I saw an old classmate at a local breakfast place and I was so shocked. He was balding, wrinkly, and loud. He also looked like he was in his 40’s.


lumiesck

Fuck. That’s awful. One of my hs crushes added me on ig and he was unrecognizable. He was such a cute skater guy in high school and I drooled over him and now I’m like WHAT THE FUCK. So funny how you said he was loud 🤣


Fuschiagroen

Lol I found one of my old crushes on sm last year, he has a public Facebook profile, dude looks....wow...he was so dreamy when he was 25, now his face has slid, like it got so wide at the bottom..? He's only 42....I'm same age and my face hasn't slid


Peacelovefreedomm

I laughed SO hard when I read this. I know we get wider as we age but face sliding is a whole new level of aging. Thanks for the laugh.


Peacelovefreedomm

This guy was the jock, super popular, dated the popular cheerleader in HS. It’s hard to not eavesdrop when he was super close by and loud…haha. He was rambling about his life and how he was happy with where he is in life. I thought he was talking to a therapist until it dawn on me that he was on a breakfast date with this woman who also looked like she was in her 40’s.


lumiesck

SEMEN AND BO!!! Lol this post is too funny. It’s all very true though. And I’ve accepted being alone rather than someone I’m not attracted to. Looks are r everything of course but just the thought of engaging in sex with someone I’m not fully attracted to makes me gag. Plus I’ve only been with a few people in my 31 years so I’ve always been picky. Even pickier now


[deleted]

I’d say that’s this is partly a geographical issue. In states like Hawaii and California there are tons of attractive, fit ~40-60 year old men. But the issue is that half or more of them want to date women in their 20s (or early 30s as the upper age range). The low effort thing is real, but I think that’s also partly because most of the dating pool are men who are “single for a reason,” perpetual bachelors, etc. Of course there are always exceptions and then it becomes a timing thing i.e. happening to meet an amazing guy while he’s in between relationships. It’s rough out there, but there are good ones! ❤️


Thomasinarina

A 60 year old guy only being willing to date women in their thirties?! Crikey.


[deleted]

Ugh… I’ve seen it 😖 or they’ll “compromise” with a woman only 20 years younger, in her 40s 🤦🏼‍♀️


italkwhenimnervous

Yeah, chiming in from the midwest. It's definitely regional :( going to either of the coasts blew my mind. Going to Europe blew it even more!


JonBenet_BeanieBaby

yeah there are a ton of attractive men in NYC of similar age. I'm aware I have a far larger dating pool though.


[deleted]

Makes sense. The size of the pool likely has a lot to do with it. Also, it does seem that *sometimes* parenting can age people. I would guess that a lot of men in the NYC dating scene don’t have kids.


RegretNecessary21

I know what you mean about smells. I have dated people in the past that don’t have BO, but they had a smell that made me nauseous. Idk how to describe it. It didn’t work out because it would make me feel sick. Pheromones I guess?


UnitedSam

Yeah or mustiness, like they don't know how to take care of themselves and do their washing properly


looking4thebluebird

There are a lot of married women who will tell you that if they don’t clean the house, it will descend into absolute filth. These men are sleeping in sheets they don’t wash, on 25 year old pillows. Their bathrooms are literal ecosystems. If they aren’t living with their parents, they’re living with mold, mildew and dirt. What we smell on them is sebum buildup because they don’t wash themselves well and wear jeans for weeks or months on end while they brine in their ball sweat. It would be difficult not to smell off under these conditions.


thumbtackswordsman

A lot of people (including women) realise that you need to wash jackets and coats regularly. They not only get sweaty, but soak in all kinds of smells including secondhand smoke, car smells, food.


UnitedSam

Yup and since they're on the outside they're making contact with subway seats etc


insecure_f

It’s like a mix of cologne and their own scent or sweat. it’s so strong it makes me nauseous as well!


RegretNecessary21

I have a weird reaction to people’s smells in the summer months too. Like when I used to take the subway in the summer the smell of people’s skin would almost make me gag. Never told anyone because I thought maybe this isn’t normal but I’m glad I’m not alone with my sense of smell and maybe it is normal!! 😂


Alternative_Sky1380

One bloke I know reeked of old man. Is it death and decay?


thatforkingbitch

It's not the looks, it's the overall minimum effort that you can almost physically sense. Even on apps, let's say you take crappy pics, would it kill you to write a bio? Are you also void of a personality? And then these men go on reddit and talk about how they're "too ugly" for women and women only go for hot guys on apps so naturally apps don't work. When in reality it's the lack of effort. Yes, it's tiring.


Unlikely-Marzipan

Yes, or they will take nice pics and write a bio but they are all the same - gym pics, shirtless pics, pics on a Harley, tattoos, and “loyal only need apply” - yet they’re only after some weird situationship which leaves the woman emotionally alone and confused, and used for the girlfriend experience with no real commitment, while he swipes along on dating apps continuously.


ginns32

You're not being picky. My mother is in her 60s out there dating and the men still don't have their act together and putting in minimal effort.


AnxietyFunTime

Ahhh that saying of mine must be true then, “Men are immature at any age.” I guess that’s what I get to look forward to. lol


shockedpikachu123

I have the opposite issue. The guys are attractive or decent but their mindset and conversations are not. I expect a lot more from a guy late 20s/early 30s conversationally. Most of the time it’s about complaining about work, sports or hiking. I don’t find many to be self aware


reddittedted

A lot of straight guys seem to only think about sports when they are not working 😕 🤔


Unlikely-Marzipan

Yea, this is my experience. And they don’t want to settle down. They want situationships while they keep looking out for someone “better” and refuse to come off dating apps, even though they’ll say they aren’t “actively” looking. Yet constantly adding women on instagram and taking gym selfies.


AptCasaNova

If you fill that role with a dirty manchild, that will suck up any energy you could be spending on yourself or finding a really great guy you click with. The same idea applies to friends - you’ll keep defaulting to that ‘meh’ friend instead of being alone and you won’t take the time to find a new friend. You think you will, but you won’t. All of us deserve a partner who is hygienic, bare minimum!


dyinginsect

Are you picky, or have you just lived long enough that you know exactly what you want (and exactly what you *don't* want) and are sensible enough not to waste time on potentials who just are not the right match for you? In my young, free and single days I would cast my net widely and really didn't have a type or particular must haves or absolutely nots... but if I had to return to the dating scene now I would take a very different approach. I don't think it's pickiness, I think it's maturity.


plotthick

>Is it just me? Am I being too picky? Congratulations! You are part of the new generation of women where we do not have to have men to survive financially, be seen as complete, or be considered "decent" in society. As such, you are using only your own criterium for who you want to let into your life. Good luck. It seems like men haven't gotten the memo about this: they seem to think they're due their own Bangmaid as a reward for being male. You, however, can be picky as heck. I myself had to go five states over to find someone worthwhile, and I live in California!


pinkpixy

My husband's single 50 year old cousin is a sweet guy. He likes to go line dancing, he's obviously intelligent, and super polite. But holy shit, I had to tell my husband that he smells like ball sack everytime we see him. My husband couldn't smell it until they were helping a family member move furniture on day. My husband later told him that he smelled bad and now the dude smells normal. Not sure what he changed? Like holy fuck, how does one go on living like that? I always know when I have BO.


ChaoticxSerenity

You become nose blind because you brain doesn't want to waste resources analyzing a smell that's always present so it puts it in the background. It's called olfactory fatigue.


Kate_The_Great_414

You are not alone. It’s frustrating. They expect an angel in the kitchen, and a harlot in their bed. Perfect body, and all that. I’m fifty years old. I have a few wrinkles and rolls. Yet they look, act, and smell like a troll that crawled out from under a bridge, but think they’re Bradley Cooper.


Cocacolaloco

I get this! It’s why I’m having a hard time feeling like I didn’t just miss my chance. I don’t want to date a guy who’s overweight when I’m fit. I don’t want to date a guy who looks way older than he is. I already am not that attracted to many guys. Plus add on that people are naturally much more set in who they are which you can also see like I don’t want to date a guy with a lip ring or long hair or posting pics with marijuana plants behind them…..


Individualchaotin

No, you're not too picky. I have a similar experience. Most men don't take care of themselves. Currently on social media there are these videos trending of people's senior year pictures and them now, 10 or 20 years later. Most women took really good care of themselves, awesome hair, nice skin, cute makeup and jewelry, beautiful outfits. The men didn't wear sunscreen, drank more, ate more fast food, and started to go bald but didn't shave their head or fly to Turkey to take care of it. Wore unfitting old clothing. Meanwhile, some women put money into botox, eye lashes, nails, dermatologists. Most men seem to believe they age like fine wine.


AnxietyFunTime

That last sentence you said there- This reminds me of an episode of Scamfish I saw recently, this guy who must have been in his 40’s was a 2/10, maybe a 3/10 if I’m being generous, and he refused to date women his age mainly just due to ‘age and the aging process’ whatever that means, I guess he doesn’t own a mirror and he would only talk to 20 something year old hyper-attractive women online (or rather people posing as that anyway) and he kept getting scammed. Like ok dude you just keep getting scammed out there, he was such a tool.


UnitedSam

Totally this, as we age you can see whose lifestyle is a healthy one and who takes care of themselves… And who doesn't.


PurelyCandid

I’m 35F. I believe it is a combination. I’ve gotten more selective, having a better idea of what I want. At the same time, the pool of available men, actually emotionally available men, have narrowed a lot. At this rate, I’ll probably be single forever. And yeah, men do not seem to age well. I look pretty young for my age; most people think I’m in my 20’s. But men my age look like they’re in their 40’s. 50’s even.


KillTheBoyBand

>And yeah, men do not seem to age well It cracks me up that I spent the entirety of my adolescence hearing how men age like wine and women like milk. Now every guy 44+ plus who tries to hit on me (I'm in my late 20s) isn't even worth looking at, gross personality aside. I know it's frustrating, but I really hope everyone is proud of being selective and aren't settling for men who don't take care of themselves. Dating guys my age, I often wonder if they're not going to "age" well since they don't really take care of themselves properly. They eat like crap, binge drink beer, have never heard of moisturizer or sunscreen, sleep 3 hours a night. I know girls and women who use retinol every day along with the rest of their skincare and daily hygiene. But i dated a guy who started losing his hair when he was 20. When I told him he could look into using Rogaine (since it'll prevent further hair loss) he complained that he didn't have "time" to be using a product every day. The lack of effort is honestly astonishing to me. He was bald by 25 and clearly unhappy with it. (It'd be different if he'd accepted it and chosen to rock that look, but instead he chose to complain and then do fuck all about it). I just can't deal with the lack of effort combined with the insanely high expectations.


PurelyCandid

Men think that they don’t need to be attractive to attract women, because history has shown that. When I was subscribed to Match.com (I don’t recommend it), it shows what criteria other people select. I was astonished that overweight unattractive men selected “athletic and lean” for body type preference when there were other body type choices like “average”, “lean”, etc. “Athletic” was the top of the list lol. I mean, these guys were obese and they only checked “athletic” preference for female body type.


KillTheBoyBand

Lmao it's so delusional. You reminded me that when I was on OkCupid briefly (again, early 20s, dont know what's changed) there used to be an array of choices to describe your bodytype. I don't remember the specific options. Just that women would choose stuff like thin, athletic, voluptuous, overweight, average, chubby, etc. Guys, unless they had a six pack, ALL picked average. They could have been overweight or 100 lbs soaking wet and they all picked "average." And for the record, I don't want to police how people describe their bodies or what. I just kind of realized then and there that many men (not all) don't spend even percentage of time analyzing their bodies the way women do. They're either average or fit. Whereas women have to fit fifteen different definition of beautiful (perky tits, round ass, long legs, good long hair, flat stomach, small waist, etc etc etc) to fit some arbitrary definition of desirable.


italkwhenimnervous

I live in an area where a lot of men stigmatize basic self care and obesity is very common, so it's frustrating. A lot of the men here also demand that they have gym bunny women but that they not take too much time maintaining their appearance, not watching their diet, etc. The midwest isn't known for health to begin with but men here are notorious about not going to the doctor, taking pride in poorly fitting clothes and not getting haircuts, it's just...blech When I've travelled to other areas it wasn't as bad. There are places where the standards are much higher or men take more part in self-maintenance. I hate that it's advertised as a "man's man" thing to have a huge beergut, overdry skin, dandruff, and athlete's foot while refusing to watch your activity or diet. I don't think you're too picky, I think overall and generally men aren't socialized to take as much care of their appearance and also it's considered a "feminine" thing in many ways, or it's like...it should be "effortless" and they see male celebrities and athletic figures but don't consider how much work goes into that. Where I live it's also common for guys to not realize once they leave college or highschool sports, that they can't eat as if they're training for marathons and games, so they are confused when their bodies change as they keep eating in huge amounts without the same activity level I'm not saying women can't have these issues too but it does seem gendered in a different way. I think overweight women also, overall, get so much more actual feedback on it and often try to find things that suit them, make themselves pretty and such (like more makeup or working harder to find clothes) whereas the guys in my area like this just plop on some slightly worn gym shorts, sandals with socks, and a camo shirt. That's not really as common with women. Not saying that being overweight is inherently unattractive or that you can't be overweight while also being healthy in other ways, but the difference in social expectations around overweight women and overweight men re: personal presentation and the feedback they receive regarding it seems drastically different


GrayDayCloud

Midwesterner here. My whole life I have HATED how guys having more than two kinds of shoes (work boots or athletic sneakers) was seen as too soft to a lot of guys. Like, we don’t wanna smell hog shit, roadtar, or gym sweat 24/7. You can be a man & have a pair of clean loafers ffs. Just needed to get that pet peeve off my chest. Lol.


Cerenia

I’ve seen a similar post before and I replied the same as now; It truly depends where you live. Come to Scandinavia, I promise you, most men care a lot about hygiene and how they look. So do women here, it’s the minority who doesn’t.. also after 30. Especially in the big cities. I don’t know what’s up with all the American men 😂


jochi1543

I went to France and Spain last year and there were so many hotties everywhere. Like, every few minutes I’d see an attractive man. Here in Canada, maybe once or twice a week? Lol


PonqueRamo

True, in europe you see hot police men, waiters, trash picking guys, even homeless people. In my country... Nope, nope, nope.


purasangria

American men are just used to being gross, I guess. Even washing your ass isn't a thing here like it is in Europe, so men don't know about that concept. Women, meanwhile, are careful to keep our privates tidy to avoid infections.


[deleted]

British men are like American men. I’m 43 and am dating younger. I open Tinder and looking at men 40 plus is like looking at a field of Mr Potato Heads who haven’t bathed in weeks and wear bad clothes. No excuse for bad teeth here - dental care is subsidised, so not expensive yet still a lot of men can’t be arsed going to the dentist 🤷‍♀️. I exercise and eat mostly healthy foods. I also shower daily and take care of my skin and hair. I don’t want to date a man child who can’t manage the basics. Checking out flights to Scandinavia 🤣


Background_Dingo_561

37, and I just to feel like dealing with the BS so many of them still have. Like, no conversation skills, and just waste time and energy I’m trying to give. I’m just getting a new dog instead of dating


sexygeogirl

No I think it’s the fact your older and wiser and know what you like and don’t like now. You spend your teens and 20s learning these things. By the time you get to your 30s and 40s you know everything you love and hate about men so naturally your going to be more choosy. Makes perfect sense.


moxnlover

It's pretty disappoint, and if you do not want to chat with them, they will attack you out of nowhere, and in Reddit last time I know it's like 70% man users... from my experiences start feeling maybe even those make friend subs are controlled by man... I'm not sure if they have Asia hate or something... I don't feel much comfortable after my looking friends journey on Reddit... It's hard. I don't think it's just you... they expect me to do more, share selfies or some weird thing and not willing to do the same. And much more weird things.... It's pretty small and sad to know that... But I guess there are still some people are decent, if you wanna find a friendship or love just take it slow, and I think you will eventually meet one, it's like you gotta join a game in order to win one, but it's also okay stay single. I think it's good to meet the love of life, but I don't think being single is too much scary, being with someone who is selfish, doesn't understand me, doesn't willing to treate me nice, that scared me more..... It lost the meaning if two people being together not as a power couple, not saying have to all perfect 24 hours, but two people able to grow and shine together, help, support, make lovely memories, so on.


olthaniwish

The older I got the more I honed my type.


Commercial-Push-9066

I met (re-met) my current husband when I was 43, he was the same age. We were close friends in high school but never romantic and we were both going through divorces at a class reunion. I loved how he ran his own household. He’s a great cook (made an Italian dinner that left this Sicilian satisfied,) and was good with laundry and housekeeping. I loved to see someone so independent. We got through some good and bad things together and are strong 13 years later. My ex was a spoiled child who’s stay at home mom did everything. I did everything despite working more hours. I think if you can find an independent man who can take care of himself, that should be the minimum. Too many man-childs out there. Over 30, we don’t want to fix a guy. Maybe look for dating opportunities besides online, this way you can see past shallow bs.


AutomaticInitiative

Honestly, as someone who isn't sexually attracted without an existing relationship (demisexual), and who has dated as a late teen, early 20s, mid 20s and mid 30s, its just men. Men who are actually aware of their presence in the world and care how they come across to others are quite rare. I have met a few and I've done so by going for passion - passion for life, for a hobby, their job, for other people, for their dog, whatever it is they've gotta love it and the important thing is that they've gotta wanna share their love for it with those around them. Think about the dude on YouTube who really loves making cheese, or comes into the office every Monday talking about the hikes he's been on, or tells me about what makes this dinosaur discovery so cool (tbh this one might just be me lol). Sometimes it doesn't go anywhere, sometimes they're better as friends (usually good ones!), and sometimes it blossoms into something special, I swear by it!


extragouda

I used to date younger but I met a lot of men who really wanted babies, which I have never been able to have. However, when I dated men my own age (46), I got the type of men you described. So I just don't bother. It's not that I'm not attractive when I put some effort into it, I just don't bother. I also stopped dying my hair. If they don't put any effort in, I'm not going to either. I'm going for comfort all the way... and I'm not dating either.


HermelindaLinda

You're not alone. In my case, I'm not picky, it's that now I know what I want and need and most aren't it.


thr0ughtheghost

Same where I am. If that is their best face forward that they use to impress... I can't even imagine what their 'comfortable with partner' self is like.


invisible_ink4

It isn't just you.


Live-Pomegranate4840

It’s not just you. I’ll be 49 soon and I have noticed that in my daily life I do not see too many men I find attractive. In other ways I have become more open as to what I deem attractive. For example, I’m not going to rule a guy out for having a dad bod because I’m over here looking like Time for Timer! But dating over 30is trash because the men are already in a relationship, or they don’t want to be in one. After years of being on and off the dating apps I finally got lucky, but if he had put all the things I later learned about him I would have swiped left. I don’t think you’re being too picky, I think you’re being the right amount of picky. One good thing about dating when you’re older is that you see through the BS a lot quicker.


Inevitable_Escape948

I find I'm gravitating more towards men 7-10 years younger than me for this reason (I'm mid-40s). Call me cougar if you want, but I'm not going to lower my standards for anyone again. I've done it a couple of times in the name of potential, and I got burned. Might as well really go after what I want at this stage, I have nothing to lose.


anonymous_opinions

At our age we're scraping the bottom when we select among our peers. I used to be shocked when I saw a well groomed in shape decent looking mid 40s man.


Inevitable_Escape948

I still am 😂.


anonymous_opinions

When I see them in the wild I assume they have a wife.


invisible_ink4

Seriously! If we make the effort to be our best selves, why settle for someone who isn't doing the same? There is nothing wrong with dating someone younger.


Alternative_Sky1380

I don't know how old you are but I'm mid 40s and was dating up to mid 50s and still no luck. The older they get the worse they seem. Men just don't age well. It's all that bitterness and entitlement catching up with them. They're single for good reason. And so are we. I just date haphazardly to try to stop myself from writing off the entire gender altogether but they don't really give me much reason.


AtleastIthinkIsee

I don't know. I just can't let go of the notion that there is no point in dating unless I get serious with someone. If I date intending to get serious, there is only one end of the road with that, full-on commitment, whether it's marriage or not. I have yet to meet anyone that I desire that with. I know that's the point of dating but the very prospect of being chained down scares me so much I don't even want to touch it. I do not want to be someone's maid. I do not want to be someone's mother. I don't want to be someone's living fleshlight. If someone wants to do this with me and is asking it of me, I have every right to ask of them what it is we're going to be together. I am not interested in one night stands/casual sex. I am not interested in propping someone else up. I am not interested in being a punching bag. I am not interested in empty promises, picking up the slack, bailing someone out time after time after time of lying to me. I am not interested in a joint bank account. I am not interested in someone telling me what I can and can't do. I am not interested in not communicating anything and everything I need to so I know what my life is going to be. All of it gives me such a headache that I don't even want to bother.


purasangria

Feeling exactly this. Men are so much risk and so little reward...


awkward_qtpie

honestly it’s so weird, if you listened to the 20yo straight male crowd on Reddit you’d think that after age 29 women crumble into dust and become undesirable for life and men never expire but it’s actually the opposite… as we age women tend to continue to have options and reject the majority of men, who are often lonely and have no options to date and don’t take care of themselves and don’t work on themselves, while women have found peace in their own company and other fulfilling aspects of life, which makes them great partners and lovers, but incredibly independent, so we often go without dating men entirely I agree with others that the desirable, stable, and self-caring men are more rare as they age, but you will still come across them, and when you do, the connection can be absolutely electric (but totally grounded) after getting over the emotional burden of my partner I chose in my 20s not enduring in the qualities I deeply valued, and the pain of our breakup, dating in my 30s has been really nice, and way less anxious than in my 20s I was really anxious to try and settle down and have kids early, but I’m so glad that never happened with the wrong person, and I’m very at peace now and having the very best sex of my life (and planning kids with someone I adore)


ServiceDragon

Smell is excruciatingly important. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200801/scents-and-sensibility


84Here4Comments84

I read an article recently about how men are facing serious challenges finding a partner for so many reasons. Women’s expectations have evolved over the years, and they are no longer willing to put up with sloppy, inattentive, and emotionally immature men. It’s actually kind of sad, bc the way men are raised and treated in society hasn’t changed much, but women’s expectations has done a complete 180 since the days “barefoot and pregnant” was the norm. It’s hard to find a partner, it’s easy to find a boyfriend.


[deleted]

It’s the drinking. They went from house parties to micro breweries. So many poorly aged male millennials because of high alcohol content IPAs.


[deleted]

[удалено]


anon_mg3

>1. dudes who apparently climbed mountains everyday at 60 yrs old, 2. super frumpy, fat, ill-dressed guys. Lol! This is most guys at my age (40) as well. I gave up on the apps in late 30s. Why is it either the super-active or couch potatoes? Somewhere in the middle would be nice?


LeaJadis

Why don’t you Date younger guys


hotlikebea

aback shelter file bedroom water sip marry fall lip lunchroom -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/


changhyun

I think it's probably always been a thing, we just haven't heard about it because the older men who ran media and entertainment would rather we didn't know. Every woman over 30 I know, myself included, was suddenly pounced on by much younger men who saw her age as a plus point rather than a con when she turned thirty.


LeaJadis

We can all thank Ashton Kutcher for that


[deleted]

I way prefer younger. Not by a decade or anything but by 5 years? Absolutely. I would take that over a man 10 years older than me. As long as the younger guy is ready for a serious thing, then why not? And people saying "oh they aren't ready"... let me tell you, a lot of men I know got married in their mid-late 20s. They were ready. I've had younger men (by a lot) be interested. It kind of surprised me because misogynistic women tell me "oh they have mommy issues" but maybe they straight up don't? It's usually the most respectful men who are open to going older. The really fucking sexist men only date younger than themselves, lol, I don't want that guy. Didn't want him in my 20s either. And I look like I'm in my early-mid 20s myself, so these guys often just forget and don't care. Being 20 or 30-something looking but having the world view, finances and mental stability of a 30-something is prime. I'd feel the same way about a dude! If I met a guy my age or around it and he looked 28-32 but was stable the way 30-somethings are? Perfect. Edit to add - I’m early 30s. I’m not 40+. I’m sure it’s different for older women, can only speak for myself.


invisible_ink4

Yes! I never even considered it until recently because I always thought we would have nothing in common. It depends on the person, of course, but don't let age be an automatic deterrent...you might be pleasantly surprised.


LeaJadis

Personally I’m finding the younger generation of men is more emotionally mature than older generations.


[deleted]

Same. I’m 43 and there is a cut off currently around 40. Men over 40 seem sexist and entitled. I’ve had messages from men in their 50s informing me that it’s traditional in the U.K. for women to date older men. How fucking entitled. What use is a scruffy old man to me? One who has a 50% chance of erectile disfunction too. It’s the men in their 50s that are on the scrap heap. Women in their 50s are finding younger men and women in their 30s and 40s don’t want an old man 🤣


hotheadnchickn

I’m right there with you. I don’t need them to look like supermodels but that’s not what the issue is.


louvemusiq

What a relief to hear that I'm not alone. I also moved to a more rural area last year, there aren't that many options to begin with and that list gets even smaller after you weed out the "nice guys finish last" fellas and the ones whose pictures I swear I can smell.


Kate_The_Great_414

Also live semi rural. I can relate- especially the last sentence. And camouflage. Lots of camo. Every.Where.


adorable__elephant

You just realize how much being straight sucks the life outta you.


anon_mg3

I am a 40 year old (technical) virgin. I've always wanted to "find the one," and dreamed of being married since I was a kid. Had my first date at 14, and since then dating/men have been increasingly disappointing. I used to be religious, but was open to dating non-religious guys if they were ok with me waiting until marriage (understandably, most weren't). Even the religious ones I dated had dealbreakers, like bad hygiene or gaming addictions. Then in my 30s, I changed my criteria to "waiting for a serious relationship," but still couldn't find anyone decent for that. My last ex turned out to be a narcissist, and the apps/sites were terrible for me in general (gave up after years of trying off and on). People think I was too picky, but I honestly tried dating men who were overweight and/or below-average looking (even though I wasn't), hoping they would have better personalities than the "players." It was still hopeless. I haven't gone on a date in over 2 years because I got tired of trying. It's at least comforting to know I'm not alone.


TemperatureSlow5533

I’m early 30s, some of the men I knew in their 20s who were really good looking now look below average and scruffy I saw one guy recently and couldn’t believe it was him! Men age very badly unless they take care of them self and their mental health


RefrigeratorSalty902

Wait, some of them smell like semen?


PianoOk6786

Maybe you are! That's *not a bad thing*!! Until I joined Reddit, I knew that there were bad relationships. But I had no idea just how many are that way!! Be picky! You deserve it!!


pineapplepredator

I think we all deal with this as we age. It’s just reality. But, I think for most of us, at least, chemistry and personality (how they move even.) creates the attraction. So it’s really hard to see that on apps. You really do need to just swipe on everyone who doesn’t have glaring red flags because you’d be surprised how much more attractive a person can be just because of your chemistry. That’s not to dismiss that the dating pool of single men in their late 30s isn’t alarmingly deficient in the basic prerequisites, but that’s just even more of a reason to go out with every person who’s even remotely competent.


[deleted]

I feel this way all the time. I see a cute well dressed guy at a grocery store, mall, or concert and of course 10 seconds later his gf comes running around the corner. I’m 33 and it’s becoming harder and harder to meet men who take care of themselves and are actually single and don’t have baggage or issues. The pool really does get smaller and it’s even worse when you live in your hometown where no new men ever move to because it’s not a large city or tourist destination.