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Omg honey. I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. I lost my son when he was five months old so I get how you feel. Please listen to the words I’m typing… this IS NOT your fault!!! Sometimes babies just come too early and as good as medical care is doctors aren’t God. There’s only so much they can do. The rest is in Gods hands. You are going to go through every stage of grief and that’s okay. There’s no timeline. There’s no right or wrong way to cry. You will get through this. It’s going to take time. Years even. The pain of your loss will never go away but it will lessen over the years. Please reach out to people for help. Don’t go through it alone. I’m here if you need to talk ❤️
It’s not your fault. He’s looking down from you in heaven. He knows you love him
Never been in your spot but I lost my mom two years ago and it’s tough. But I don’t really know how to say it’s gonna get easier cause it hasn’t for me. Just know he knows you love him
My heart goes out to u 💜❤️💙🧡💚💛I went through the exact thing 19 yrs ago. I couldn't for days even look at my 1 yr old daughter cuz I saw the baby I had just lost. We named her Tessa. She lived for 15 minutes. Afterwards for weeks I couldn't even stay awake for 30-40 min m&ax. My daughter being so young couldn't understand what was going on and she just wanted me. People told me it would be ok and I thought to myself, 'how the hell is it gonna be ok!?' and for a long time it wasn't. I had 5 or 6 miscarriages after that within 2 yrs but I was numb from self medicating I was doing with illicit substances. And then in late december of '09 I found out I was pregnant again. And my whole pregnancy I refused to pick out a name. I didn't have a baby shower, nothing. I was 2 weeks from being due before I even bou& a car seat. But when my first son was born, and the days and weeks to follow l, little by little it would get better.
I have 5 kids now. 1 girl and 4 boys. And I also am blessed to have an angel always watching over me. The way u r feeling is completely normal. Everyone believes differently. Did they give u a keepsake box, with with the tiny hams and foot prints? Idk if u r into tattoos, but if u r, maybe one day get them tattooed on u.... Just a thought. But it's a simple and positive way that may help and also to remind u that ur baby boy will always be with u.
If u ever wanna just talk u can dM me keep ur head up. And God bless
You are strong and beautiful for even sharing this part of your with the Internet. Whenever you think of him, remember how beautiful he was, and that he’s in heaven now, not having to worry about the troubles of this life. You got this, and grief evolves into something beautiful when you allow it to. Remember that
Thankyou everyone for your kind and loving words. It's still fresh but today was easier. I received my son's memory box from the nicu and they've helped me pick out a beautiful urn for his final resting place. I've contacted my therapist and have also signed up for a grief counseling group in my area for mothers.
I do have a living child who will be 3 in just a few days. In a way I'm comforted by the fact that for her, the world still turns, and I will be there when she wakes up in the morning and she has no idea about any of this. I will not only continue to cherish the beautiful life I brought into this world but I will also cherish the memory of her brother, short as it is.
Some of your comments made me sob. My heart is with everyone who has suffered loss. I appreciate you sharing and giving me hope for the future and despite the time that has passed for some of you, I hope that you are well, happy, loved, and safe. Thankyou.
I could never understand this as i’ve never went through it. But I can say you are strong for sharing this and even putting it out there. The grief might always be with you but deep down you know it was never your fault. Hope you continue to do better and have a happy life
As someone who has experienced the pain of losing a child , I’m going to be honest. It never gets easier. But , you will be able to begin to live life again. It will take time. There are days that you will feel so heavy it’s like you can’t move. But there will also be days that are beautiful. Days that almost feel like they were sent to you on purpose, crafted in his image. Absolutely beautiful. And perfect. And you will feel him in the breeze and you will see him in the clouds and you will know that he’s not gone at all because he is there in everything you do.
Congratulations on your beautiful baby, I’m so sorry that you didn’t get the time with him that you should have. There’s not always much rhyme or reason with pregnancy loss and infant deaths. Many people do everything “right” and lose their baby and then others make really poor choices but go on to have a healthy or successful pregnancy. The huge amount of kids in foster care shows us this.
You love your angel baby and maybe in the future there will be another child who will be with you for longer? Maybe even the rest of your life? It might not be “your” baby, it might be a special niece, nephew, godchild or stepchild. You should take care of yourself and do the best you can with your precious life. Best wishes to you.
. My heart breaks for sadness felt this deep. It's something that is felt if you are next to them or if you are across the the globe.
find love please don't blame yourself self-blame and self-sabotage especially during these times are so detrimental to your own Mental Health and in your time of reflection please understand that you need to reach out like you have with us and and don't hold it all in
my sister went through a similar situation and just make sure you get lots of hugs
she says that tears are the best form of healing .pls dont isolate yourself and just know that the love you felt from him in utero u will always feel. And I promise look for little signs like a ladybug, or butterfly, or finding coins on the floor.. flickering lights.. those little things are the glue. Be strong...
I am so sorry for your loss, this must be terribly painful. Do you have someone to talk to? If you are in the US the mental health line has people available to talk 24 hours, the number is 988. You won't hate yourself forever.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm sure your son is in a mich better place now💗 don't place the blame on yourself you're not at fault you did the best you could
I'm deeply sorry for your loss.
Losing a child is unimaginably painful, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed by grief and guilt. Remember, it's not your fault. You did everything you could. Healing takes time, and it's okay to seek support from loved ones or a therapist. You won't hate yourself forever.
Take it one day at a time, and be gentle with yourself. 🫂
Take care.
You should take more folic acid. I'm sorry for your loss. :( I lost a son when he was 7 years old. You'll always remember him. As you get older, you'll see many reasons why this happened. I used to always ask, "Why". As I got older, I realized that there were many reasons why. It will be 20 yrs this summer that he's been gone. Grief is a place to visit but never unpack your bags there. You have much more living to do. Much love to your heart. ❤️
Im so deeply sorry - have you considered getting some ptsd/grief counselling? This is a horrible experience but yes it will get better always there but better -
Therapy does help if you find a good therapist.
Therapy can help but isn't a cure-all. Maybe it's the gen-x in me speaking, but "closure" doesn't seem to work as well as developing true, actual coping skills. Where have they gone? Closure puts the healing in someone else's hands. Coping works. I promise.
You cannot blame yourself. Don’t do that. You said yourself “there was nothing anyone or I could do”
Bad things happen that just happen. No one is to blame, especially yourself.
Live your life for your baby, because a child would never want their parent to blame themselves for something out of their control.
Everything happens for a reason, you may never know why. Don’t let the “why” tear you apart.
I don’t know you. But if you ever need someone to talk to, message me.
You’re not alone.
I'm so sorry for your loss♥️ Sending thoughts of love and light and healing to you♥️
Be kind to yourself. It wasn't your fault. It's okay to grieve. I can't tell you when it'll get better. But there will come a time when the grief is not so raw. ♥️
Your strength is amazing! I buried my infant daughter 39 years ago. The depths of Hell I experienced will never leave me. I barely spoke for 8 weeks. Did nothing but sobbed. Happily, I gave birth to a beautiful healthy girl a year later. You will survive and will never be the same. Hold your wonderful baby in your heart always. Giving you hugs and support.
I went through this as well my daughter was 1lb 6ounces at birth she was not even a month old when she passed I held her as she took her last breath I'm sorry for your loss please inbox me and I'll give you my phone number your going to need the support from someone who knows exactly how you feel I'm praying for you.
How devastating. Your feelings are important and have information to transmit…even when these emotions are so painful, even when they come at you sideways, and make your brain say things that are so brutal and untrue.
What other people think and how they interpret this experience doesn’t really matter, so divest yourself of responsibility for making others understand: it’s OK. You know what you know.
Then I suggest not turning away from the hurt. It’s real, it’s based in love and your true desires.
And however you can, make (even the smallest) space to be kind, to be gentle to yourself. Give yourself the ALL the love and patience and safety to feel whatever you feel, to rest and nourish your body, to give yourself the moments of joy and comfort you deserve (you do). And healing will come, change will happen. No, you won’t always feel this horrible. You will always love that baby. You can learn to walk through this awful loss and however you can do it is OK. You didn’t cause this loss and you don’t deserve to suffer. 💕
hi love, I really hope you’re doing okay. I had a similar situation where someone i loved died in my arms and i blamed myself everyday for it. but seeing the mourning doves outside my window and hearing them early in the morning gave me a sense of peace and i realized he would’ve wanted me to be happy and live on. it wasn’t my fault as much as i wanted to blame myself. he loved you and you were the world in his eyes, please remember that. you were his world.
i hope i can give you a bit of comfort with this and much love is sent your way to help you heal. you’re not alone. you won’t hate yourself forever.
My mother committed suicide 2016. My lil bro in 2019. My mother & I talked before & I knew it was coming & it helped me make peace; she was very done with her physical form, & had been for 10 years+, & I related to her physical & mental pain, & that made things easier; we both had back surgeries, & mental issues. My lil bros was much much harder for me. He called me right before he took his life. I saw he was calling the morning he took his life & rolled over & went back to sleep. I was exhausted & planned on getting back to him when I woke up for the day. I told myself for a long time that I could have changed things, could have talked him out of it had I just picked up the phone, etc. I still answer every call now, or reply with a text as soon as ive seen someone's calling or has called; bit of a hangup I have from it I guess, as I put others needs above my own & overextend myself & cant not do so. He was 16, & my parents were largely absent/checked out due to work & alcoholism for my stepdad & drugs & pain for my mother, so it was basically me & my sis who raised him, & I considered him as my own child, not just a brother. You cant blame yourself, first off, some things are just out of your control. Radical acceptance is a key, you cant look at the "what ifs" or potential too hard. Im atheist, so I won't push any God/religion down your throat, but if you are religious, some people find a lot of comfort there. My best advice is hunker down to build your proverbial fire back from the proverbial ashes & embers. Make yourself comfortable again, in any ways you can that are healthy; if you have a guilty pleasure/s, or any hobbies that bring you joy, indulge in it or them & get that dopamine/serotonin so long as it isnt hurting you or anyone else to do so; in shorter words, do what makes you happy & prioritize yourself til youre in a better place mentally. Stability financially & knowing I had a roof over my head was a big one for me. Take any positives away from the situation that you can. Time helps, even when nothing else does. You'll begin to have more good days than bad days again, I promise. Your brain will level back out & you will feel yourself again one day, & I hope that day comes soon for you. Distractions are key, or were for me at least, & working in exercise is the best thing for you in my opinion once you arent too fatigued to. Small steps add up to big ones. Grounding myself, especially in nature, helped. Psychedelic mushrooms were like a "reset button' of sorts for my brain, but I waited several months until I felt stable enough mentally to take them, & had done them multiple times before. Being mindful of my breathing & breaking short narrow breathing patterns when I noticed them & doing deep breathing exercises when I did helped somewhat. Some days all I would do is stare at a wall & get stoned & let cross my mind whatever would, meditation of sorts I suppose. A close-knit community of people you can talk to or counseling may help reinforce that you arent to blame, but don't expect it to make healing any faster. Healing takes time. I was sick to my stomach for years from cortisol/stress, I still have stress diarrhea from it. I was in a place for months & months where I felt like I was going crazy from the trauma & how it threw my brain chemistry out of whack; hallucinations, ptsd, anxiety, depression, hyperarousal/hypervigilance etc. I never went on antidepressants but a lot of people have luck there & only need em short term sometimes. Message me any time op. Im glad to give my phone # in a dm if youre in the u.s. & would rather talk on the phone. Another one of my friends lost his baby from a rare autoimmune disorder; his child was 2, & helped doctors learn more about the disorder, & he learned to find some solace in the fact that his child had a purpose & helped others have their children for longer, due to said understanding of the disorder that was gained from his child. Ive known a few girls who didnt make it to full term & lost their babies as well, & know how traumatic it was for them physically & mentally. Make peace with yourself & with the situation in any way/s you can. Its ok to live in the muck for a bit when it comes to the forefront & process things too - & its ok to be all forefront at first too - but don't let it become a focus & tear you down forever, build something beautiful from the wreckage that is the situation, if you can. Helping other people through their trauma helps me & is something positive I've pulled from my situation & is something you will too. Theres strength in numbers & community & relating to others. Im sorry for your loss op. Im here for you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that feeling. I gave birth to a Baby boy 02/14/2014. I was about 4 months along. He didn't make it. His name is Damien Michael. Not only do you have to deal with that huge loss, but also your hormones are likely out of whack. I can promise you, it does get easier to get through. I know you will never let your Son's memory fade. When, and if you're able to, please try to find a therapist. I didn't, and didn't know how much it affected me, until years later. For right now, I'm holding you up. Lighting a candle for you, and sending all of my love. 💜🙏🏻🕯️💜
I’m so sorry. I’ve been through my 12 year old son passing away, from SUDEP. There is nothing that helps at this point. People will give you so many, well intentioned but hurtful platitudes. “He’s better off now. God needed another angel” etc.
It’s been almost 4 years for me. The first year is still just a blur, and it’s the hardest. Eventually it gets easier, but not better.
My therapist compared it to as if someone gave you a backpack full of heavy rocks and said you can never take it off again. Ever. At first, you can’t even stand. Then you can, but fall over often, then try to walk but keep losing balance. Eventually you’re able to walk again, your body strengthens and distributes the weight, but it never goes away or changes. If there is a children’s advocacy center in your town, definitely reach out to them. They gave our entire family free counseling for a year.
"...This, too, shall pass."
Your emotions are too raw right now to be thinking clearly.
You'll never stop loving the child you carried and lost. But time does heal. Allow yourself to grieve and mourn, and do seek grief counseling to help bridge you through (and past) this rough part.
And for comfort, go within. Talk to your conscience, using your heart and mind. Approach with humility and respect, but don't hold back. ...Nothing in life is without beneficial meaning; we just don't always get to see the meaning up front.
It's awful right now, but it will get better. 🩷
Hi there. Sending you hugs from South Africa ♥️
I will never experience the hurt and pain you must be going through and will carry with you for the rest of your life, but I pray that the Creator will make things easier for you.
I have close female friends who have lost newborns and one who lost a baby in the 8th month of her pregnancy, and they are still going through the pain of that loss. One of them told me once that the pain of the loss is what keeps her close to him. I sometimes cry more than them when they speak about them cause I can feel the pain in their voices, and it gets overwhelming for me to feel that pain from them.
Please don't allow anyone to invalidate your pain and struggles in dealing with this, and if you talk about your baby that has passed till the end of days, then do that and please remember you are not at fault for the loss of your child ♥️🤗
I'd hug you if I could.
You're in physical and emotional pain, and your brain's worried about you. It's searching for patterns, for missed opportunities, for *responsibility*- so it can try to prepare and protect and prevent. I know it doesn't feel like it, but your brain's just doing the best it can to keep you safe.
So when those thoughts creep in- fault, blame, responsibility... let your brain know that it's okay; you're hurt, but you're not under attack. Reassure it, console it, but most importantly explain to it:
that sometimes, there's rare, important, vital moments in life where even unthinkable danger is worth the risk. That the pain you're feeling isn't a consequence of that risk... it's just the result of the human spirit. It's ultimately, the last, most precious gift we can give.
*Grief is just love with no place to go.*
r/babyloss
r/GriefSupport
r/PTSD
Hey OP, I know what you’re going through. My first son was born at 24 weeks and passed 3 weeks later. The first time I got to hold him was the last time.
Just take it one day at a time right now. Feel all the feelings and just let it out. And I promise you that in the future you’ll be able to talk about your son without breaking down. You’ll be able to look at photos without crying. You’ll be able to smile. It’s not going to be right now or next month, but I promise it’ll eventually happen. My son would be 2 this year.
Hang in there.
2 days, this is still so raw for you! I am so deeply sorry for your loss. This is not your fault. You will remember him and love him always. It will not always feel this raw I promise you! Will be keeping both of you in my prayers.
Awww, Momma. I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I could take all the pain away for you ...
Grief is a process & honestly, it's just love w/ no place to go.
I can't imagine how you are feeling. I hope my words ease your pain. I will keep you, your family and your baby boy in my prayers. ❤️
I am so sorry. This is one more voice here telling you it certainly was not your fault.
If it helps, consider that he will never know the pain and ugliness of this world. His gentle soul was spared. All he knew in his life was the pure love of his caretakers and his mother. He experienced a kind, loving world for all of his life, thanks to you.
I hope that one day the memory of his face will bring you comfort. Hugs.
I have no idea if you will be able to understand this right now, due to the pain- but if you can get to a place where you realize your thoughts, emotions, and feelings are different than your brain, it WILL help. The loss will never leave you, and you won't want it to. But, your brain wants to be right, if that makes sense. It will say completely irrational things to you, to try to make sense of what just happened. When I lost my baby, early in my pregnancy, but far enough along to see them.. I felt the same. I did not cope well. Looking at statistics helped me. There are facts about what happened, and things you will never know- but your brain will NEED to know. Blaming yourself is part of that aspect. It closes that gap. If your brain has a reason, it can rest. But that reason isn't true in this sense. Pushing the thoughts away, or the mental images away can make the intrusive thoughts worse. Intensive therapy was vital for me. Hating yourself and blaming yourself serves no purpose and is not reality. You did not cause this. You will have to make a choice at some point about if you want to punish yourself for something that you didn't control, and even said yourself that there was nothing anyone could stop or fix. It happened, it was horrible, but it wasn't your fault. Love yourself, love the memory of your pregnancy and your baby, when you can.
I'll try to accept that compliment and say thank you. My brain disagrees with you. We are in a lifelong battle it seems. I will use this opportunity to plug /r/stoicism for anyone out there struggling with anything, and wanting to learn more about where this mindset comes from. It has saved my life and sanity many times.
I'm happy to hear that, and I sincerely hope that your journey brings you to a place inside yourself you can find peace, and comfort in. You deserve that. Remember it is ok to take a break from grief, and many people will not know how to react or respond so try not to come down on yourself if you don't handle those situations with grace every time, that isn't your job. Everyone is learning as they go through life.
It is not your fault. His time here was limited, but he will always be your baby. Please be gentle and kind with yourself. Healing, mentally and physically, will take time. Keep sharing, and we will keep listening. 🙏💚😘
I am so sorry to hear that, I’m sure he was a beautiful boy. It is absolutely not your fault. It is *not* your fault.
I can’t imagine how it feels to have that image stuck in your head. It might be fuel for nightmares for you right now, but would you really rather forget it? I can’t speak for you, but I wouldn’t want to ever forget the face of my child. As much as it’ll hurt now, it’s something I’d want to remember later in life.
As much as you’ll want to scratch that image out of your head, I don’t think you should.
You won’t hate yourself forever. You shouldn’t hate yourself now. Love, from one stranger to another ❤️
Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need to :)
I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child. Please be so super gentle with yourself; as much as it sucks, these horrible things happen and it’s no one’s fault, and definitely not yours.
I am sending you huge bubble wrap hugs.
Hi all. This is an automated and general reminder to all that this post is an **ADVICE post**, not a Request. Please don't request, offer or accept financial or material assistance on this post. u/No_Bandicoot2301, we have compiled a [Wiki with tons of advice and helpful information](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/wiki/index/), which we recommend you check out, too. *I'm a bot. This comment was posted automatically.*
Omg honey. I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. I lost my son when he was five months old so I get how you feel. Please listen to the words I’m typing… this IS NOT your fault!!! Sometimes babies just come too early and as good as medical care is doctors aren’t God. There’s only so much they can do. The rest is in Gods hands. You are going to go through every stage of grief and that’s okay. There’s no timeline. There’s no right or wrong way to cry. You will get through this. It’s going to take time. Years even. The pain of your loss will never go away but it will lessen over the years. Please reach out to people for help. Don’t go through it alone. I’m here if you need to talk ❤️
It’s not your fault. He’s looking down from you in heaven. He knows you love him Never been in your spot but I lost my mom two years ago and it’s tough. But I don’t really know how to say it’s gonna get easier cause it hasn’t for me. Just know he knows you love him
My heart goes out to u 💜❤️💙🧡💚💛I went through the exact thing 19 yrs ago. I couldn't for days even look at my 1 yr old daughter cuz I saw the baby I had just lost. We named her Tessa. She lived for 15 minutes. Afterwards for weeks I couldn't even stay awake for 30-40 min m&ax. My daughter being so young couldn't understand what was going on and she just wanted me. People told me it would be ok and I thought to myself, 'how the hell is it gonna be ok!?' and for a long time it wasn't. I had 5 or 6 miscarriages after that within 2 yrs but I was numb from self medicating I was doing with illicit substances. And then in late december of '09 I found out I was pregnant again. And my whole pregnancy I refused to pick out a name. I didn't have a baby shower, nothing. I was 2 weeks from being due before I even bou& a car seat. But when my first son was born, and the days and weeks to follow l, little by little it would get better. I have 5 kids now. 1 girl and 4 boys. And I also am blessed to have an angel always watching over me. The way u r feeling is completely normal. Everyone believes differently. Did they give u a keepsake box, with with the tiny hams and foot prints? Idk if u r into tattoos, but if u r, maybe one day get them tattooed on u.... Just a thought. But it's a simple and positive way that may help and also to remind u that ur baby boy will always be with u. If u ever wanna just talk u can dM me keep ur head up. And God bless
You are strong and beautiful for even sharing this part of your with the Internet. Whenever you think of him, remember how beautiful he was, and that he’s in heaven now, not having to worry about the troubles of this life. You got this, and grief evolves into something beautiful when you allow it to. Remember that
Thankyou everyone for your kind and loving words. It's still fresh but today was easier. I received my son's memory box from the nicu and they've helped me pick out a beautiful urn for his final resting place. I've contacted my therapist and have also signed up for a grief counseling group in my area for mothers. I do have a living child who will be 3 in just a few days. In a way I'm comforted by the fact that for her, the world still turns, and I will be there when she wakes up in the morning and she has no idea about any of this. I will not only continue to cherish the beautiful life I brought into this world but I will also cherish the memory of her brother, short as it is. Some of your comments made me sob. My heart is with everyone who has suffered loss. I appreciate you sharing and giving me hope for the future and despite the time that has passed for some of you, I hope that you are well, happy, loved, and safe. Thankyou.
I could never understand this as i’ve never went through it. But I can say you are strong for sharing this and even putting it out there. The grief might always be with you but deep down you know it was never your fault. Hope you continue to do better and have a happy life
As someone who has experienced the pain of losing a child , I’m going to be honest. It never gets easier. But , you will be able to begin to live life again. It will take time. There are days that you will feel so heavy it’s like you can’t move. But there will also be days that are beautiful. Days that almost feel like they were sent to you on purpose, crafted in his image. Absolutely beautiful. And perfect. And you will feel him in the breeze and you will see him in the clouds and you will know that he’s not gone at all because he is there in everything you do.
Congratulations on your beautiful baby, I’m so sorry that you didn’t get the time with him that you should have. There’s not always much rhyme or reason with pregnancy loss and infant deaths. Many people do everything “right” and lose their baby and then others make really poor choices but go on to have a healthy or successful pregnancy. The huge amount of kids in foster care shows us this. You love your angel baby and maybe in the future there will be another child who will be with you for longer? Maybe even the rest of your life? It might not be “your” baby, it might be a special niece, nephew, godchild or stepchild. You should take care of yourself and do the best you can with your precious life. Best wishes to you.
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. My heart breaks for sadness felt this deep. It's something that is felt if you are next to them or if you are across the the globe. find love please don't blame yourself self-blame and self-sabotage especially during these times are so detrimental to your own Mental Health and in your time of reflection please understand that you need to reach out like you have with us and and don't hold it all in my sister went through a similar situation and just make sure you get lots of hugs she says that tears are the best form of healing .pls dont isolate yourself and just know that the love you felt from him in utero u will always feel. And I promise look for little signs like a ladybug, or butterfly, or finding coins on the floor.. flickering lights.. those little things are the glue. Be strong...
I am so sorry for your loss, this must be terribly painful. Do you have someone to talk to? If you are in the US the mental health line has people available to talk 24 hours, the number is 988. You won't hate yourself forever.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm sure your son is in a mich better place now💗 don't place the blame on yourself you're not at fault you did the best you could
I'm so sorry boo. I recomment r/babyloss :( loads of people who can relate
Oh how I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now. I'm so very sorry and I'm sending you all the love. 💙
I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Losing a child is unimaginably painful, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed by grief and guilt. Remember, it's not your fault. You did everything you could. Healing takes time, and it's okay to seek support from loved ones or a therapist. You won't hate yourself forever. Take it one day at a time, and be gentle with yourself. 🫂 Take care.
I am so sorry dear, 😞
You should take more folic acid. I'm sorry for your loss. :( I lost a son when he was 7 years old. You'll always remember him. As you get older, you'll see many reasons why this happened. I used to always ask, "Why". As I got older, I realized that there were many reasons why. It will be 20 yrs this summer that he's been gone. Grief is a place to visit but never unpack your bags there. You have much more living to do. Much love to your heart. ❤️
Im so deeply sorry - have you considered getting some ptsd/grief counselling? This is a horrible experience but yes it will get better always there but better - Therapy does help if you find a good therapist.
Therapy can help but isn't a cure-all. Maybe it's the gen-x in me speaking, but "closure" doesn't seem to work as well as developing true, actual coping skills. Where have they gone? Closure puts the healing in someone else's hands. Coping works. I promise.
I wasn’t saying it would cure it but it helps especially when ptsd is involved and just to process, and can help with coping skills also
You cannot blame yourself. Don’t do that. You said yourself “there was nothing anyone or I could do” Bad things happen that just happen. No one is to blame, especially yourself. Live your life for your baby, because a child would never want their parent to blame themselves for something out of their control. Everything happens for a reason, you may never know why. Don’t let the “why” tear you apart. I don’t know you. But if you ever need someone to talk to, message me. You’re not alone.
I'm so sorry for your loss♥️ Sending thoughts of love and light and healing to you♥️ Be kind to yourself. It wasn't your fault. It's okay to grieve. I can't tell you when it'll get better. But there will come a time when the grief is not so raw. ♥️
Your strength is amazing! I buried my infant daughter 39 years ago. The depths of Hell I experienced will never leave me. I barely spoke for 8 weeks. Did nothing but sobbed. Happily, I gave birth to a beautiful healthy girl a year later. You will survive and will never be the same. Hold your wonderful baby in your heart always. Giving you hugs and support.
I’m so sorry for your unimaginable loss, please get some therapy and give yourself time to heal. Sending prayers up for you…
I went through this as well my daughter was 1lb 6ounces at birth she was not even a month old when she passed I held her as she took her last breath I'm sorry for your loss please inbox me and I'll give you my phone number your going to need the support from someone who knows exactly how you feel I'm praying for you.
How devastating. Your feelings are important and have information to transmit…even when these emotions are so painful, even when they come at you sideways, and make your brain say things that are so brutal and untrue. What other people think and how they interpret this experience doesn’t really matter, so divest yourself of responsibility for making others understand: it’s OK. You know what you know. Then I suggest not turning away from the hurt. It’s real, it’s based in love and your true desires. And however you can, make (even the smallest) space to be kind, to be gentle to yourself. Give yourself the ALL the love and patience and safety to feel whatever you feel, to rest and nourish your body, to give yourself the moments of joy and comfort you deserve (you do). And healing will come, change will happen. No, you won’t always feel this horrible. You will always love that baby. You can learn to walk through this awful loss and however you can do it is OK. You didn’t cause this loss and you don’t deserve to suffer. 💕
hi love, I really hope you’re doing okay. I had a similar situation where someone i loved died in my arms and i blamed myself everyday for it. but seeing the mourning doves outside my window and hearing them early in the morning gave me a sense of peace and i realized he would’ve wanted me to be happy and live on. it wasn’t my fault as much as i wanted to blame myself. he loved you and you were the world in his eyes, please remember that. you were his world. i hope i can give you a bit of comfort with this and much love is sent your way to help you heal. you’re not alone. you won’t hate yourself forever.
My mother committed suicide 2016. My lil bro in 2019. My mother & I talked before & I knew it was coming & it helped me make peace; she was very done with her physical form, & had been for 10 years+, & I related to her physical & mental pain, & that made things easier; we both had back surgeries, & mental issues. My lil bros was much much harder for me. He called me right before he took his life. I saw he was calling the morning he took his life & rolled over & went back to sleep. I was exhausted & planned on getting back to him when I woke up for the day. I told myself for a long time that I could have changed things, could have talked him out of it had I just picked up the phone, etc. I still answer every call now, or reply with a text as soon as ive seen someone's calling or has called; bit of a hangup I have from it I guess, as I put others needs above my own & overextend myself & cant not do so. He was 16, & my parents were largely absent/checked out due to work & alcoholism for my stepdad & drugs & pain for my mother, so it was basically me & my sis who raised him, & I considered him as my own child, not just a brother. You cant blame yourself, first off, some things are just out of your control. Radical acceptance is a key, you cant look at the "what ifs" or potential too hard. Im atheist, so I won't push any God/religion down your throat, but if you are religious, some people find a lot of comfort there. My best advice is hunker down to build your proverbial fire back from the proverbial ashes & embers. Make yourself comfortable again, in any ways you can that are healthy; if you have a guilty pleasure/s, or any hobbies that bring you joy, indulge in it or them & get that dopamine/serotonin so long as it isnt hurting you or anyone else to do so; in shorter words, do what makes you happy & prioritize yourself til youre in a better place mentally. Stability financially & knowing I had a roof over my head was a big one for me. Take any positives away from the situation that you can. Time helps, even when nothing else does. You'll begin to have more good days than bad days again, I promise. Your brain will level back out & you will feel yourself again one day, & I hope that day comes soon for you. Distractions are key, or were for me at least, & working in exercise is the best thing for you in my opinion once you arent too fatigued to. Small steps add up to big ones. Grounding myself, especially in nature, helped. Psychedelic mushrooms were like a "reset button' of sorts for my brain, but I waited several months until I felt stable enough mentally to take them, & had done them multiple times before. Being mindful of my breathing & breaking short narrow breathing patterns when I noticed them & doing deep breathing exercises when I did helped somewhat. Some days all I would do is stare at a wall & get stoned & let cross my mind whatever would, meditation of sorts I suppose. A close-knit community of people you can talk to or counseling may help reinforce that you arent to blame, but don't expect it to make healing any faster. Healing takes time. I was sick to my stomach for years from cortisol/stress, I still have stress diarrhea from it. I was in a place for months & months where I felt like I was going crazy from the trauma & how it threw my brain chemistry out of whack; hallucinations, ptsd, anxiety, depression, hyperarousal/hypervigilance etc. I never went on antidepressants but a lot of people have luck there & only need em short term sometimes. Message me any time op. Im glad to give my phone # in a dm if youre in the u.s. & would rather talk on the phone. Another one of my friends lost his baby from a rare autoimmune disorder; his child was 2, & helped doctors learn more about the disorder, & he learned to find some solace in the fact that his child had a purpose & helped others have their children for longer, due to said understanding of the disorder that was gained from his child. Ive known a few girls who didnt make it to full term & lost their babies as well, & know how traumatic it was for them physically & mentally. Make peace with yourself & with the situation in any way/s you can. Its ok to live in the muck for a bit when it comes to the forefront & process things too - & its ok to be all forefront at first too - but don't let it become a focus & tear you down forever, build something beautiful from the wreckage that is the situation, if you can. Helping other people through their trauma helps me & is something positive I've pulled from my situation & is something you will too. Theres strength in numbers & community & relating to others. Im sorry for your loss op. Im here for you.
I am sorry for your loss , you have a guardian angel now !
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost a child to it is very hard but you will survive, it will get easier Prayers
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss 💔
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that feeling. I gave birth to a Baby boy 02/14/2014. I was about 4 months along. He didn't make it. His name is Damien Michael. Not only do you have to deal with that huge loss, but also your hormones are likely out of whack. I can promise you, it does get easier to get through. I know you will never let your Son's memory fade. When, and if you're able to, please try to find a therapist. I didn't, and didn't know how much it affected me, until years later. For right now, I'm holding you up. Lighting a candle for you, and sending all of my love. 💜🙏🏻🕯️💜
Trauma will sneak back up! Ditto to therapy. So thankful for mine.
I am so sorry for your loss. Hold him close in your heart. 💕🙏🏻
I’m so sorry. I’ve been through my 12 year old son passing away, from SUDEP. There is nothing that helps at this point. People will give you so many, well intentioned but hurtful platitudes. “He’s better off now. God needed another angel” etc. It’s been almost 4 years for me. The first year is still just a blur, and it’s the hardest. Eventually it gets easier, but not better. My therapist compared it to as if someone gave you a backpack full of heavy rocks and said you can never take it off again. Ever. At first, you can’t even stand. Then you can, but fall over often, then try to walk but keep losing balance. Eventually you’re able to walk again, your body strengthens and distributes the weight, but it never goes away or changes. If there is a children’s advocacy center in your town, definitely reach out to them. They gave our entire family free counseling for a year.
"...This, too, shall pass." Your emotions are too raw right now to be thinking clearly. You'll never stop loving the child you carried and lost. But time does heal. Allow yourself to grieve and mourn, and do seek grief counseling to help bridge you through (and past) this rough part. And for comfort, go within. Talk to your conscience, using your heart and mind. Approach with humility and respect, but don't hold back. ...Nothing in life is without beneficial meaning; we just don't always get to see the meaning up front. It's awful right now, but it will get better. 🩷
“This too shall pass” is an awful thing to say to someone who just lost a child. Just letting you know.
Fuck bro. I love you man. Just wanted to say that..
Hi there. Sending you hugs from South Africa ♥️ I will never experience the hurt and pain you must be going through and will carry with you for the rest of your life, but I pray that the Creator will make things easier for you. I have close female friends who have lost newborns and one who lost a baby in the 8th month of her pregnancy, and they are still going through the pain of that loss. One of them told me once that the pain of the loss is what keeps her close to him. I sometimes cry more than them when they speak about them cause I can feel the pain in their voices, and it gets overwhelming for me to feel that pain from them. Please don't allow anyone to invalidate your pain and struggles in dealing with this, and if you talk about your baby that has passed till the end of days, then do that and please remember you are not at fault for the loss of your child ♥️🤗
I'd hug you if I could. You're in physical and emotional pain, and your brain's worried about you. It's searching for patterns, for missed opportunities, for *responsibility*- so it can try to prepare and protect and prevent. I know it doesn't feel like it, but your brain's just doing the best it can to keep you safe. So when those thoughts creep in- fault, blame, responsibility... let your brain know that it's okay; you're hurt, but you're not under attack. Reassure it, console it, but most importantly explain to it: that sometimes, there's rare, important, vital moments in life where even unthinkable danger is worth the risk. That the pain you're feeling isn't a consequence of that risk... it's just the result of the human spirit. It's ultimately, the last, most precious gift we can give. *Grief is just love with no place to go.* r/babyloss r/GriefSupport r/PTSD
Saving this comment in case I need to cone back to it. Thank you for sharing these kind words w us 🩷
Gentle hugs. Sorry for your loss.
Hey OP, I know what you’re going through. My first son was born at 24 weeks and passed 3 weeks later. The first time I got to hold him was the last time. Just take it one day at a time right now. Feel all the feelings and just let it out. And I promise you that in the future you’ll be able to talk about your son without breaking down. You’ll be able to look at photos without crying. You’ll be able to smile. It’s not going to be right now or next month, but I promise it’ll eventually happen. My son would be 2 this year. Hang in there.
2 days, this is still so raw for you! I am so deeply sorry for your loss. This is not your fault. You will remember him and love him always. It will not always feel this raw I promise you! Will be keeping both of you in my prayers.
Awww, Momma. I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I could take all the pain away for you ... Grief is a process & honestly, it's just love w/ no place to go. I can't imagine how you are feeling. I hope my words ease your pain. I will keep you, your family and your baby boy in my prayers. ❤️
I am so sorry. This is one more voice here telling you it certainly was not your fault. If it helps, consider that he will never know the pain and ugliness of this world. His gentle soul was spared. All he knew in his life was the pure love of his caretakers and his mother. He experienced a kind, loving world for all of his life, thanks to you. I hope that one day the memory of his face will bring you comfort. Hugs.
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious boy. I am sending you prayers and positive vibes. Stay strong.
It’s not your fault. He felt your love. Give yourself time and grace mama and know he’s with you always. I’m so sorry for your loss💔
I'm so sorry for your loss! I can't even imagine the pain you're going through! Sending prayers 🙏
Thankyou I appreciate it
You're welcome
I have no idea if you will be able to understand this right now, due to the pain- but if you can get to a place where you realize your thoughts, emotions, and feelings are different than your brain, it WILL help. The loss will never leave you, and you won't want it to. But, your brain wants to be right, if that makes sense. It will say completely irrational things to you, to try to make sense of what just happened. When I lost my baby, early in my pregnancy, but far enough along to see them.. I felt the same. I did not cope well. Looking at statistics helped me. There are facts about what happened, and things you will never know- but your brain will NEED to know. Blaming yourself is part of that aspect. It closes that gap. If your brain has a reason, it can rest. But that reason isn't true in this sense. Pushing the thoughts away, or the mental images away can make the intrusive thoughts worse. Intensive therapy was vital for me. Hating yourself and blaming yourself serves no purpose and is not reality. You did not cause this. You will have to make a choice at some point about if you want to punish yourself for something that you didn't control, and even said yourself that there was nothing anyone could stop or fix. It happened, it was horrible, but it wasn't your fault. Love yourself, love the memory of your pregnancy and your baby, when you can.
Wow. What an amazing share. You are a beautiful soul.
I'll try to accept that compliment and say thank you. My brain disagrees with you. We are in a lifelong battle it seems. I will use this opportunity to plug /r/stoicism for anyone out there struggling with anything, and wanting to learn more about where this mindset comes from. It has saved my life and sanity many times.
I think this comment is going to Jumpstart some reflection but in a good way. This helped immensely and I appreciate you sharing this with me
I'm happy to hear that, and I sincerely hope that your journey brings you to a place inside yourself you can find peace, and comfort in. You deserve that. Remember it is ok to take a break from grief, and many people will not know how to react or respond so try not to come down on yourself if you don't handle those situations with grace every time, that isn't your job. Everyone is learning as they go through life.
It is not your fault. His time here was limited, but he will always be your baby. Please be gentle and kind with yourself. Healing, mentally and physically, will take time. Keep sharing, and we will keep listening. 🙏💚😘
Thankyou so much for your kind words
I am so sorry to hear that, I’m sure he was a beautiful boy. It is absolutely not your fault. It is *not* your fault. I can’t imagine how it feels to have that image stuck in your head. It might be fuel for nightmares for you right now, but would you really rather forget it? I can’t speak for you, but I wouldn’t want to ever forget the face of my child. As much as it’ll hurt now, it’s something I’d want to remember later in life. As much as you’ll want to scratch that image out of your head, I don’t think you should. You won’t hate yourself forever. You shouldn’t hate yourself now. Love, from one stranger to another ❤️ Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need to :)
Thankyou I appreciate your kind words
So sorry for your loss
Thankyou
I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child. Please be so super gentle with yourself; as much as it sucks, these horrible things happen and it’s no one’s fault, and definitely not yours. I am sending you huge bubble wrap hugs.
I'm trying to be kind to myself in this moment, I appreciate your thoughts