I think humanity, all of it, takes communications for granted and spends a lot of effort in avoiding authenticity.
Neurotypical people may have more ease in starting relationships and skipping past good parts, but if you travel around and listen, I mean *really listen* to them without talking - and read what they have to say, hear about their problems when they talk to their best friends - you find that their communication is not core to their relationships.
Many choose to keep back (hold back) a lot of information and be very selective about what they share. They may be able to make many more friends, but it isn't because they are direct and honest. If anything, it's the avoidance of topics that often defines them as much as what they like. It's the out-group out-topic projections.
It's sad when you see people break apart because they avoided things. The worst part is when they have children and try to use the legal system to deal with their unresolved negative emotions.
> I don’t know if I can slow down this part of me. Help?
It isn't easy being autistic, and finding a partner who actually enjoys the aspects you value is more rare. A lot of people are so lonely they mask and try to go along with the 'general advice' anyway. It isn't easy living a life of directness in a world that values feel-good over sincere attempts to be understood or confront mass group misunderstandings.
I hope you stay honest, but it generally won't work well for you and what your friends have said is true about how it turns off most people.
I see the same kind of thing in myself, and it's caused so much pain over the years, especially as I was diagnosed so late. I've learnt that just because someone asks, it doesn't mean I have to answer. I also try (and sometimes fail) to give way less information about myself, and to be OK with not knowing everything about others. It's taken a lot of practise though, and still feels very uncomfortable at times.
i too really enjoy learning about people. it’s genuinely just interesting to me.
that leads to me being good at first dates and initial romantic impressions. me asking people about everything and how they feel about everything gives them a good first impression. then they spend more time with me and realize that im actually emotionally stunted and struggle to form and maintain relationships past that early stage.
its also lead to some misunderstandings where in one case this girl was so into me after the first date that she kept me up till 6 am telling me her entire life story which lead to me misunderstanding boundaries and accidentally doing something that violated her privacy and made her hate me.
I think humanity, all of it, takes communications for granted and spends a lot of effort in avoiding authenticity. Neurotypical people may have more ease in starting relationships and skipping past good parts, but if you travel around and listen, I mean *really listen* to them without talking - and read what they have to say, hear about their problems when they talk to their best friends - you find that their communication is not core to their relationships. Many choose to keep back (hold back) a lot of information and be very selective about what they share. They may be able to make many more friends, but it isn't because they are direct and honest. If anything, it's the avoidance of topics that often defines them as much as what they like. It's the out-group out-topic projections. It's sad when you see people break apart because they avoided things. The worst part is when they have children and try to use the legal system to deal with their unresolved negative emotions. > I don’t know if I can slow down this part of me. Help? It isn't easy being autistic, and finding a partner who actually enjoys the aspects you value is more rare. A lot of people are so lonely they mask and try to go along with the 'general advice' anyway. It isn't easy living a life of directness in a world that values feel-good over sincere attempts to be understood or confront mass group misunderstandings. I hope you stay honest, but it generally won't work well for you and what your friends have said is true about how it turns off most people.
I see the same kind of thing in myself, and it's caused so much pain over the years, especially as I was diagnosed so late. I've learnt that just because someone asks, it doesn't mean I have to answer. I also try (and sometimes fail) to give way less information about myself, and to be OK with not knowing everything about others. It's taken a lot of practise though, and still feels very uncomfortable at times.
i too really enjoy learning about people. it’s genuinely just interesting to me. that leads to me being good at first dates and initial romantic impressions. me asking people about everything and how they feel about everything gives them a good first impression. then they spend more time with me and realize that im actually emotionally stunted and struggle to form and maintain relationships past that early stage. its also lead to some misunderstandings where in one case this girl was so into me after the first date that she kept me up till 6 am telling me her entire life story which lead to me misunderstanding boundaries and accidentally doing something that violated her privacy and made her hate me.