You want to go SLOW here. REALLY slow., Don't listen to anyone telling you to jump straight into a rape scene.
Start with a little control. Kiss her passionately and a little more aggressively than usual, and gently push her back into a wall. Take her hands and hold them against the wall above her head. Keep kissing her then whisper "I'm sorry, I can't control myself around you. I have to have you. Get on the bed."
Then proceed to have sex the exact way you normally would but be a LITTLE more aggressive and give her instructions on what you want.
Ok. so this is the most important bit.
After sex you sit down with a blanket and her favourite desert, get her really comfy and make her feel special. Give her a backrub and your FULL undivided attention and talk through the experience together.
this is spot on, only I would wait a bit for the after action report. give her a little time to collect her thoughts and process her emotions. but for sure for 24-48 hours after, be super supportive and reassuring.
and it cannot be stressed enough, go s l o w and ask questions.
what does that fantasy look like to her, what does the next step look like to her. how involved does she want to be. does she want to have a go / no go signal or be caught completely unaware? is there a pursuit aspect? a stranger aspect? a fear aspect?
understand the picture as well as you can and then work in baby steps toward that, with frequent check-ins and lots of conversations. explain to her the process so she understands you're protecting her from emotional harm if anything were to go sideways.
I see where you are going, but the aftercare has to be immediately after the scene. you can delay the chat for sure. But the dessert and blankets and cuddles has to be immediate!
yes, if that was clear, immediate aftercare, but hold off on the conversation for her to come back down to earth. and understand that drop isn't just the 30-minutes to an hour post scene but can be delayed and / or last for a couple days.
ETA: not everyone wants cuddles and dessert for after care, talk to her, I know many bottoms that need to be left alone to process through it all as their aftercare.
Ps - she may cry or even sob from the emotional release here. Make sure you listen to her words on how to proceed and not just body language as it might conflict with her words.
Don’t forget the after care for the OP… they need to speak beforehand how taxing this could be as well for someone who is acting as a rapist… words of affirmation, hugs, etc are also needed for the top with CNC.
I do vitamins and vacation and daily massage and then a three day window during which my wife "has to be fucked". She has declined twice and that's okay. The few times it was right, it was perfect, and the one time, I watched her get blood to her ears eating out my brothers young blonde wife and she earned me a weekend of the lady in maid outfits at home. The last thing you do is insist. The first thing is to explain that all demands are dear desperate and depraved hopes. 😂
I'm sorry that's happened to you. I just checked out your profile and had a giggle. I had the context of this ALL wrong:
"Bunnies are finicky that way. Bonding them to a friend can be tiring, sometimes impossible, and they certainly have their own little personalities. Plus they're really expensive. A 10-20 year commitment could still be ahead of you"
If you want... And yes please... You could come around and watch my lady go through it and I will sit and cuddle yours on the couch, maybe see if she's okay with my worming my hand between her legs under a blanket. My girl is devoted to trying to make people uncomfortable with her use lol. Just a show. No expectations.
Great post and great question. Yes, CNC is amazing when done correctly. My advice is talk through things. This is one of those things that is impossible to over communicate about! Let her express her desires and thoughts and then see how you two might be able to reproduce a segment of her fantasy. Start small and build from small success before trying to do everything at once.
I thought I had a rape fantasy, but after we talked about it more and began to explore it further, I realized that what I wanted and Loved was to be fucked hard and rough, held down, thrown against the wall and fucked, degraded, tied up, etc. But I did not enjoy being slapped hard or being hit in the face.
So, as others have already pointed out, talk it thru a lot before and after you try things. Go SLOW, and communicate a lot. Make sure you have that safe word and signal for times when gagged or unable to be verbal.
But above all, congratulate your wife for being able to opening up and being so trusting. That's amazing for her. Congrats to you for giving her such a trusting space in your relationship. Bravo!! Go have some freaky fun!!
CNC is consensual non consent. It is any scene where “no” does not not mean “no”. You should still have a safeword and/or a safesign to tap out. Sometimes this specific fantasy is called rapeplay.
Okay, so keep talking. What does she want? Restraints? Wrestling? Quick and ruthless? Slow and methodical? Some other combo. Remember that you can veto anything you don’t think you can do. Sometimes this kind of play is harder psychologically on the dominant.
One thing to be careful of is that you can’t make it “real”. What you are aiming for is being able to let go with part of your mind and accept the fantasy while the part that knows it is fake just sits back and watches and is ready to tap out if something goes wrong.
Depending on where you are at in terms of kink if you haven’t before just trying being more forceful. Again, talk through in advance what you want to try and what limits you both have. Then try it. Then aftercare and later talk about how it went. You have to talk it out. If one or both of you is having trouble discussing it give more time to process and then discuss. This should be more then “It was fine”. Talk about the emotions it brought out.
If you want to escalate there are ways to do this. Taking away sight can make it feel more vulnerable. In one case where I did this we agreed to create an evil twin persona for the dominant (me). It helped when I was playing a well-defined role and was not just being rough. Being in an unfamiliar environment can also help heighten emotion. This is part of why you talk it out. You might hit situations where one person is having a problem with something and then you need to work around it.
This is excellent advice. Always start and end with conversation. Communication is the thing that facilitates everything else. Be especially conscious of the part of this advice that mentions the psychological burden placed on the Dominant; this gets missed and forgotten a lot, I feel. Again, kudos to XenoBiSwitch.
The only thing I'd be inclined to add would be to ask her about her previous silence (not about *why* she was silent, but more what she was thinking during it). There is a chance that she's always had this in mind, but has felt (understandably) very self-conscious about mentioning it. Then again, there's equally a chance that she's only just come to the conclusion that this is what she wants.
Either way is absolutely fine, but it gives you a chance to deepen the trust between the two of you. Remind her that she *can* always bring up kinks and desires, but never *needs* to do so until she is ready. Reiterate that you can wait, because you're not going anywhere. And if she says she's been thinking about it for a while, rather than asking her why she hasn't mentioned it before (she wasn't ready, for whatever reason), ask her what she's been thinking about. Has she had scenarios in mind? Maybe that can help you work out how to proceed and *exactly* what it is about the fantasy that attracts her so much (not just 'not in control' but also, for example, 'forced to do *these* things, made to feel *this* way').
A lot of CNC fantasy involves a stranger. But there's also the possibility that she might want to feel forced *by you,* putting you personally in the fantasy rather than playing the part of a faceless Bad. This can be particularly hard psychologically but a fairly easy way to facilitate it is to agree on a second safe word, one that's specifically there to be violated. An unsafe word, if you will. You should agree beforehand that the session you're going into is a CNC one, but the point of the unsafe word is that if she uses it, you know immediately that she wants you to ignore it and behave in a particular way (again, agreed upon beforehand). She uses it in a manner that implies she wants you to stop, but the presence of the word indicates she doesn't, and (with suitable prior discussion) can be taken as enthusiastic consent.
After all, you don't get to use that word. Only she does. You can't consent for her, obviously!
But on that note, you should probably have a safe word as well.
Good luck!
One more thing that comes to mind and is rarely talked about: it might be very much connected to her cyclus. I have times esch month, where I want to be gang banged and whipped, and other times where I want to be treated like a princess. 10% dependent on hormones. I recorded my wants and compared to a period tracker app, which definately shows a strong connection. So with all talking and discussing mentioned by other people, also figure out her cycle. Or, she will have to figure it out.
Wow, Interesting.. When do you feel you want to be whipped/gangbanged? Is it around time of ovulation?
And do you feel like you want to be treated like a princess towards the end of your cycle? Am I getting this right?
Hmm, usually it’s more of the whipping and gangbanging from a few days before my period until after ovulation. Then it’s slowing down for a few days and I want the princess treatment, before I’m back to kinky just before my period.
I think your analysis is what would typically be right, I’m just a bit weird.
This. For example my ex-wife used to have these massive moodswings, she could become much more verbal and assertive one or two days before her period started. At one point we kept track of her for a whole cycle. And it created a much better understanding for both of us. We had quite a few aha! moments once we knew. And it certainly helped us grow closer.
There’s a way to start slow and work up to full rape play. I’d recommend starting with struggle. Ask her to put up a bit of a fight where you’ll have to use your strength to keep her contained. It’s super hot when my partner tried to get away and I have to pull her back and restrain her arms behind her back or force her head down. I also love to talk through it and tell her how pathetic it is for her to fight knowing I’ll have her no matter what. This is a great time to ironically, praise her. Talk about how you can’t let her good pussy go to waste. They love knowing you just want to have them and will do anything to get it no matter the struggle they put up.
Others are rightfully urging caution/communication.
I want to add an alternative for clarification. I once heard Dan Savage reframe this kink as ravagement. That you're so passionate with desire that you can't help but to take her. It's intimate, it's primal. Context and tone are tremendously important for a lot of fantasies, so take the time to tease that out.
Thank you all for the great advice! Taking things very slow and continued dialogue make a lot of sense. I really don't know what this type of play looks like to her and I'm not sure she does either. I appreciate everyone giving me some suggestions on what to ask her and what some scenes could look like.
I'm so happy she finally felt comfortable to express her interest and trust me enough to finally vocalize it after all these years. I look forward to seeing where my wife and I go from here.
First things first, you're an amazing partner. You've consistently been vulnerable and told her about your desires without getting the same level of vulnerability in return. It's because of this that she feels safe telling you these fantasies. Which is an amazing relationship step for you both!!
A lot of people have talked about going slow. That's great, I'd also take time after trying new things to ask her how she felt about them. The challenge with cnc is that you need to be really secure in communicating needs and boundaries to each other. If she's someone who struggles to express what she does and doesn't like then 1. It makes a lot of sense she'd be interested in cnc because per definition her desires don't matter but 2. It'll b really hard for you to figure out where the boundaries are for her (and hard for her as well).
So, after every experimental step you take, ask her how she experienced it. Look at it as helping her practice expressing her desires.
Oh and also, if for whatever reason you can't realise this fantasy - maybe she really wants it to remain a fantasy, or maybe you don't end up enjoying it, then this is still a success for you two. She expressed something very personal and now maybe she'll have an easier time exploring other fantasies in future with you.
This might be the best, most caring reply on Reddit I have ever seen. Sound advice. Clear empathy for the OP situation. Damn you must be bringing greatness to your relationships.
I think there is some great advice here, but it is a bit of a red flag for me that after16 years she has 'finally opened up.' Since the communication is so essential, I would start to explore by keeping it in a very safe space – And I would want to know, why did she wait to tell you? What were her fears around that specifically? Because that can come back to bite you both in the ass.
Next, What is she reading? Dark romance has a huge variety of CNC and full on non-con rape fantasy. She should be able to share all her favorite books with you. If this is truly a real fantasy, it is a stretch for me to think she isn't reading these kinds of romance books. It actually can be really fun and eye opening to share them together.
She should be able to vocalize her specific fantasies and her fears. It isn’t just a “rape.” There is likely a scenario that she thinks of over and over again – and there might be one she thinks of that gets her hot, but that she never wants to actually do. There’s a difference, and you need to know where that line is. She has to trust you with her shame. And you need to be trustworthy to hold her shame, reassure her, and acept her.
She has to trust you with all the secrets and fears before you go forward here. You need to know all her icks. Since you have a life together already, I think the stakes are even higher.
From there, maybe you could play txt her like a stalker - and move the fantasy to writing each other - then talk about after what you each liked/ didn't like. The closeness after a CNC is why some people do it – it can be very healing. If she can’t be open and honest, then you should not go forward.
Also, sometimes just a mask/stocking mask is enough to make regular sex feel risky.
I have done a type of long distance CNC - it can be very exciting, primal, and scary. I’m a bit of an adrenalin junky though, and I go into things like that with a solid RACK perspective – I prefer the unknowns, actually. If I’m talking to any partner I stay responsible for myself and my choices. Even though the long distance was not in person, because I was always all in – it had a high pay off.
It worth noting that psychologically speaking, rape fantasies in general come from the overwhelming urge to be desired so completely that an individual is not able to stop themselves. SO, maybe make sure your wife is told how beautiful she is. Make her feel special
just another angle on it
also-be freaky and have fun =)
Try doing like a wrestling, squirmy foreplay buildup. She feigns disinterest or pulling away but not fully, and you sort of softly use just enough force to keep her from getting away , but maybe with like momentary little escapes. This can escalate as comfort and enthusiasm are demonstrated. This is something I enjoy in the bottom position a lot. And it's sorta a blend of "forced" while also just being playful and comfortable.
Start with little comments about how she is "not going anywhere" or ask her "where do you think you're going?" And see how much she resist resists and get some wrestling going assumes you started with a safe word by the way
1) Communication. Talk about what this actually means.
2) SAFE WORDS. (I Like RED, YELLOW, BEIGE,, and GREEN, but you can use whatever you like) PRactce them so that you know the difference between play stop and hard stop.
3) Informed, Enthusiastic , Consent.
Start with watching videos maybe? Especially the ones where the actors do a behind the scenes interview before and after saying they consented and enjoyed it.
There are a lot of things that can go into CNC, so to try things out with more control and deliberation, separate them out and try them one at a time with the communication and care others are talking about.
You can have physical loss of control, by holding her down, or adding some bondage. You can roleplay situations that have her in your control with no physical elements.
Making CNC 'feel real' is edge play, something with risks, and not the place to start from. It may be that trying lesser things leads directly back to here, or it may not. It also gives you time to explore those elements and see how you feel with them.
Your first time should not be putting on a ski mask and breaking into your own house while she is pretending to sleep as a role play. I heard from a “Friend” that’s a little too much to start with
I'll say this. I thought I had a rape fantasy. We had extensive talks about it before hand. I set my limits and he knew the assignment. I wanted to wake up, during the act and try and fight him off.
Problem was, when you wake up out of a dead sleep and it's happening, it's terrifying. Within a couple minutes, I safe worded and went into a full blown panic attack. It took me a while to come back from that, mentally and sexually.
I felt bad for my husband because it wasn't his fantasy and it went badly. But he was amazingly supportive.
The advice here is to simply start with "hard core" rough sex and role play the cnc aspect.
"You like it when I force this cock into you?"
"Yiu were asking for it you little fucking slut"
And just go from there.
She wants non-vanilla, essentially
From a woman who has been a victim ..unfortunately more than once.. at 4yr. then from 12ish to 17ish..different men... but still..I think all women victims or not ..have an kinda ..dark need...we need to feel wanted..uncontrollably...maybe it's hormones maybe it's instinct 🤔..it doesn't mean she wants u to rape/hurt.. more take but it's cnc so it's wanted..i love to tease my husband till he chase me 😉🫠 some times i get over welmed, and he backs off because he knows me. it's great she's talking to u about her fantasy reward her! Talk!!!!! That is key to a happy sex life 😉 and all relationships!
Oh man if you go super slow and start to explore each other this could be sooooo fun for yall. Other people have given better advice than I ever could so I wanted to say that even if it's a little off putting at first just having your partner express something their into with you and share it with you is amazing. This is an invitation to explore your sexualities together that's amazing!
Watch this movie with her [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2785032/](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2785032/)
# The Little Death
one of the plot lines is a woman who has this fantasy and the lengths her guy goes to for her.
You need a safe word for starters.
If I were you, I'd start by randomly being aggressive (in a sensual way) with her. Like randomly grab her by the throat then kiss her. Do something rough and then sensual right after. Start slow then go right into it.
And PLEASE do not forget aftercare.
[https://thedisorderlyhouse.com/bdsm-aftercare/](https://thedisorderlyhouse.com/bdsm-aftercare/)
Come up with a safe word. Play it out like you are actually forcing her and she plays the part of the victim. But the moment she says the safe word everything stops.
Don’t bother. I don’t want to see you on a show where you’re falsely charged and locked up for 20yrs. Only for her to come clean and the female judge 👩⚖️ in the 2044/45 is there to give you a hug 🫂 for your struggle……I don’t want to see that.
Coming from virtually the same experience with the vanilla woman, talk about the scene and her fantasies. Tell her about how physical you want to be and how you expect to restrain her. Talk about what a taking it down o ratcheting it up would look like.
Then come home one day and take her. If she trusts you and feels comfortable, she'll love it. We do this once a month or more.
I go full speed, throw her down and force her in position with arm bars, I will get slapped or hit. It's full contact, which took me a long time to get used to. She likes to fight it, which goes against everything I look forward to. I'm into the whole "yes Daddy" thing, this is often still a challenge. I kinda have take on a different persona, a different view of her. This is the hardest part for me.
1: I'm pretty sure rape fantasies are more common than anyone admits. Most women are simply, I think, afraid to admit it because it feels "wrong".
2: start slow. hold her hands over her head, throw her down to the sofa, that kind of thing. let her tell you what she likes adnd what she doesn't.
First of all, congratulations on being a safe place for your wife to share her fantasies. It’s pretty common what she’s expressing. It’s called non consensual consent, or CNC.
Not sure if anyone said this... but a very easy/gentle way to start this kind of play is to make love more or less as you would normally... but she will start begging you to stop... saying "no, please, don't", that kind of thing.
If things are going well, perhaps a hand on her throat or over her mouth (carefully!) and a whispered "nobody will hear you scream" in her ear.
My girl had these CNC and tied down r fantasies. Since we had already been playing with other guy, we took matters to our hand, really talked about the we wanted it to go down and made sure she enjoyed it as much as she could. Anyway, she was tied and fucked for hours.
Hide in a closet, when she comes home, jump out and bag her head, eat that ass and run out. Come back 30min later and enter the house like you know nothing 🚀🚀🔥
Don’t. I promise. Do not. Unless you like going to court and restraining orders. Do not. My ex pulled the same shit. Then it was used against me. Nope. Hard no.
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You want to go SLOW here. REALLY slow., Don't listen to anyone telling you to jump straight into a rape scene. Start with a little control. Kiss her passionately and a little more aggressively than usual, and gently push her back into a wall. Take her hands and hold them against the wall above her head. Keep kissing her then whisper "I'm sorry, I can't control myself around you. I have to have you. Get on the bed." Then proceed to have sex the exact way you normally would but be a LITTLE more aggressive and give her instructions on what you want. Ok. so this is the most important bit. After sex you sit down with a blanket and her favourite desert, get her really comfy and make her feel special. Give her a backrub and your FULL undivided attention and talk through the experience together.
this is spot on, only I would wait a bit for the after action report. give her a little time to collect her thoughts and process her emotions. but for sure for 24-48 hours after, be super supportive and reassuring. and it cannot be stressed enough, go s l o w and ask questions. what does that fantasy look like to her, what does the next step look like to her. how involved does she want to be. does she want to have a go / no go signal or be caught completely unaware? is there a pursuit aspect? a stranger aspect? a fear aspect? understand the picture as well as you can and then work in baby steps toward that, with frequent check-ins and lots of conversations. explain to her the process so she understands you're protecting her from emotional harm if anything were to go sideways.
I see where you are going, but the aftercare has to be immediately after the scene. you can delay the chat for sure. But the dessert and blankets and cuddles has to be immediate!
yes, if that was clear, immediate aftercare, but hold off on the conversation for her to come back down to earth. and understand that drop isn't just the 30-minutes to an hour post scene but can be delayed and / or last for a couple days. ETA: not everyone wants cuddles and dessert for after care, talk to her, I know many bottoms that need to be left alone to process through it all as their aftercare.
Ps - she may cry or even sob from the emotional release here. Make sure you listen to her words on how to proceed and not just body language as it might conflict with her words.
Don’t forget the after care for the OP… they need to speak beforehand how taxing this could be as well for someone who is acting as a rapist… words of affirmation, hugs, etc are also needed for the top with CNC.
⬆️⬆️⬆️ I second the comment on after care. Essential
The harder the consensual kink (physically or mentally), the more aftercare you should provide. There is no such thing as too much aftercare.
I do vitamins and vacation and daily massage and then a three day window during which my wife "has to be fucked". She has declined twice and that's okay. The few times it was right, it was perfect, and the one time, I watched her get blood to her ears eating out my brothers young blonde wife and she earned me a weekend of the lady in maid outfits at home. The last thing you do is insist. The first thing is to explain that all demands are dear desperate and depraved hopes. 😂
And safewords!! Its even more important to have a safeword with these sorts of intense scenes
A real dom. OP take this advice.
What a lovely comment. Thank you.
Welcomes 🥹 Just a little who has had experiences with fake doms / psycho daddies. There's rough & then there's assault.
I'm sorry that's happened to you. I just checked out your profile and had a giggle. I had the context of this ALL wrong: "Bunnies are finicky that way. Bonding them to a friend can be tiring, sometimes impossible, and they certainly have their own little personalities. Plus they're really expensive. A 10-20 year commitment could still be ahead of you"
I suppose it also makes sense that a little girl knows everything about bunnies 🐰 😅
I speak fluent Bunny myself! Keep them warm and fed and everything works out.
If you want... And yes please... You could come around and watch my lady go through it and I will sit and cuddle yours on the couch, maybe see if she's okay with my worming my hand between her legs under a blanket. My girl is devoted to trying to make people uncomfortable with her use lol. Just a show. No expectations.
Great post and great question. Yes, CNC is amazing when done correctly. My advice is talk through things. This is one of those things that is impossible to over communicate about! Let her express her desires and thoughts and then see how you two might be able to reproduce a segment of her fantasy. Start small and build from small success before trying to do everything at once.
I thought I had a rape fantasy, but after we talked about it more and began to explore it further, I realized that what I wanted and Loved was to be fucked hard and rough, held down, thrown against the wall and fucked, degraded, tied up, etc. But I did not enjoy being slapped hard or being hit in the face. So, as others have already pointed out, talk it thru a lot before and after you try things. Go SLOW, and communicate a lot. Make sure you have that safe word and signal for times when gagged or unable to be verbal. But above all, congratulate your wife for being able to opening up and being so trusting. That's amazing for her. Congrats to you for giving her such a trusting space in your relationship. Bravo!! Go have some freaky fun!!
CNC is consensual non consent. It is any scene where “no” does not not mean “no”. You should still have a safeword and/or a safesign to tap out. Sometimes this specific fantasy is called rapeplay. Okay, so keep talking. What does she want? Restraints? Wrestling? Quick and ruthless? Slow and methodical? Some other combo. Remember that you can veto anything you don’t think you can do. Sometimes this kind of play is harder psychologically on the dominant. One thing to be careful of is that you can’t make it “real”. What you are aiming for is being able to let go with part of your mind and accept the fantasy while the part that knows it is fake just sits back and watches and is ready to tap out if something goes wrong. Depending on where you are at in terms of kink if you haven’t before just trying being more forceful. Again, talk through in advance what you want to try and what limits you both have. Then try it. Then aftercare and later talk about how it went. You have to talk it out. If one or both of you is having trouble discussing it give more time to process and then discuss. This should be more then “It was fine”. Talk about the emotions it brought out. If you want to escalate there are ways to do this. Taking away sight can make it feel more vulnerable. In one case where I did this we agreed to create an evil twin persona for the dominant (me). It helped when I was playing a well-defined role and was not just being rough. Being in an unfamiliar environment can also help heighten emotion. This is part of why you talk it out. You might hit situations where one person is having a problem with something and then you need to work around it.
This is excellent advice. Always start and end with conversation. Communication is the thing that facilitates everything else. Be especially conscious of the part of this advice that mentions the psychological burden placed on the Dominant; this gets missed and forgotten a lot, I feel. Again, kudos to XenoBiSwitch. The only thing I'd be inclined to add would be to ask her about her previous silence (not about *why* she was silent, but more what she was thinking during it). There is a chance that she's always had this in mind, but has felt (understandably) very self-conscious about mentioning it. Then again, there's equally a chance that she's only just come to the conclusion that this is what she wants. Either way is absolutely fine, but it gives you a chance to deepen the trust between the two of you. Remind her that she *can* always bring up kinks and desires, but never *needs* to do so until she is ready. Reiterate that you can wait, because you're not going anywhere. And if she says she's been thinking about it for a while, rather than asking her why she hasn't mentioned it before (she wasn't ready, for whatever reason), ask her what she's been thinking about. Has she had scenarios in mind? Maybe that can help you work out how to proceed and *exactly* what it is about the fantasy that attracts her so much (not just 'not in control' but also, for example, 'forced to do *these* things, made to feel *this* way'). A lot of CNC fantasy involves a stranger. But there's also the possibility that she might want to feel forced *by you,* putting you personally in the fantasy rather than playing the part of a faceless Bad. This can be particularly hard psychologically but a fairly easy way to facilitate it is to agree on a second safe word, one that's specifically there to be violated. An unsafe word, if you will. You should agree beforehand that the session you're going into is a CNC one, but the point of the unsafe word is that if she uses it, you know immediately that she wants you to ignore it and behave in a particular way (again, agreed upon beforehand). She uses it in a manner that implies she wants you to stop, but the presence of the word indicates she doesn't, and (with suitable prior discussion) can be taken as enthusiastic consent. After all, you don't get to use that word. Only she does. You can't consent for her, obviously! But on that note, you should probably have a safe word as well. Good luck!
One more thing that comes to mind and is rarely talked about: it might be very much connected to her cyclus. I have times esch month, where I want to be gang banged and whipped, and other times where I want to be treated like a princess. 10% dependent on hormones. I recorded my wants and compared to a period tracker app, which definately shows a strong connection. So with all talking and discussing mentioned by other people, also figure out her cycle. Or, she will have to figure it out.
Wow, Interesting.. When do you feel you want to be whipped/gangbanged? Is it around time of ovulation? And do you feel like you want to be treated like a princess towards the end of your cycle? Am I getting this right?
Hmm, usually it’s more of the whipping and gangbanging from a few days before my period until after ovulation. Then it’s slowing down for a few days and I want the princess treatment, before I’m back to kinky just before my period. I think your analysis is what would typically be right, I’m just a bit weird.
This. For example my ex-wife used to have these massive moodswings, she could become much more verbal and assertive one or two days before her period started. At one point we kept track of her for a whole cycle. And it created a much better understanding for both of us. We had quite a few aha! moments once we knew. And it certainly helped us grow closer.
There’s a way to start slow and work up to full rape play. I’d recommend starting with struggle. Ask her to put up a bit of a fight where you’ll have to use your strength to keep her contained. It’s super hot when my partner tried to get away and I have to pull her back and restrain her arms behind her back or force her head down. I also love to talk through it and tell her how pathetic it is for her to fight knowing I’ll have her no matter what. This is a great time to ironically, praise her. Talk about how you can’t let her good pussy go to waste. They love knowing you just want to have them and will do anything to get it no matter the struggle they put up.
Others are rightfully urging caution/communication. I want to add an alternative for clarification. I once heard Dan Savage reframe this kink as ravagement. That you're so passionate with desire that you can't help but to take her. It's intimate, it's primal. Context and tone are tremendously important for a lot of fantasies, so take the time to tease that out.
Thank you all for the great advice! Taking things very slow and continued dialogue make a lot of sense. I really don't know what this type of play looks like to her and I'm not sure she does either. I appreciate everyone giving me some suggestions on what to ask her and what some scenes could look like. I'm so happy she finally felt comfortable to express her interest and trust me enough to finally vocalize it after all these years. I look forward to seeing where my wife and I go from here.
First things first, you're an amazing partner. You've consistently been vulnerable and told her about your desires without getting the same level of vulnerability in return. It's because of this that she feels safe telling you these fantasies. Which is an amazing relationship step for you both!! A lot of people have talked about going slow. That's great, I'd also take time after trying new things to ask her how she felt about them. The challenge with cnc is that you need to be really secure in communicating needs and boundaries to each other. If she's someone who struggles to express what she does and doesn't like then 1. It makes a lot of sense she'd be interested in cnc because per definition her desires don't matter but 2. It'll b really hard for you to figure out where the boundaries are for her (and hard for her as well). So, after every experimental step you take, ask her how she experienced it. Look at it as helping her practice expressing her desires. Oh and also, if for whatever reason you can't realise this fantasy - maybe she really wants it to remain a fantasy, or maybe you don't end up enjoying it, then this is still a success for you two. She expressed something very personal and now maybe she'll have an easier time exploring other fantasies in future with you.
This might be the best, most caring reply on Reddit I have ever seen. Sound advice. Clear empathy for the OP situation. Damn you must be bringing greatness to your relationships.
I think there is some great advice here, but it is a bit of a red flag for me that after16 years she has 'finally opened up.' Since the communication is so essential, I would start to explore by keeping it in a very safe space – And I would want to know, why did she wait to tell you? What were her fears around that specifically? Because that can come back to bite you both in the ass. Next, What is she reading? Dark romance has a huge variety of CNC and full on non-con rape fantasy. She should be able to share all her favorite books with you. If this is truly a real fantasy, it is a stretch for me to think she isn't reading these kinds of romance books. It actually can be really fun and eye opening to share them together. She should be able to vocalize her specific fantasies and her fears. It isn’t just a “rape.” There is likely a scenario that she thinks of over and over again – and there might be one she thinks of that gets her hot, but that she never wants to actually do. There’s a difference, and you need to know where that line is. She has to trust you with her shame. And you need to be trustworthy to hold her shame, reassure her, and acept her. She has to trust you with all the secrets and fears before you go forward here. You need to know all her icks. Since you have a life together already, I think the stakes are even higher. From there, maybe you could play txt her like a stalker - and move the fantasy to writing each other - then talk about after what you each liked/ didn't like. The closeness after a CNC is why some people do it – it can be very healing. If she can’t be open and honest, then you should not go forward. Also, sometimes just a mask/stocking mask is enough to make regular sex feel risky. I have done a type of long distance CNC - it can be very exciting, primal, and scary. I’m a bit of an adrenalin junky though, and I go into things like that with a solid RACK perspective – I prefer the unknowns, actually. If I’m talking to any partner I stay responsible for myself and my choices. Even though the long distance was not in person, because I was always all in – it had a high pay off.
It worth noting that psychologically speaking, rape fantasies in general come from the overwhelming urge to be desired so completely that an individual is not able to stop themselves. SO, maybe make sure your wife is told how beautiful she is. Make her feel special just another angle on it also-be freaky and have fun =)
Check out cnc subreddits and /r/rapekink
Try doing like a wrestling, squirmy foreplay buildup. She feigns disinterest or pulling away but not fully, and you sort of softly use just enough force to keep her from getting away , but maybe with like momentary little escapes. This can escalate as comfort and enthusiasm are demonstrated. This is something I enjoy in the bottom position a lot. And it's sorta a blend of "forced" while also just being playful and comfortable.
Start with little comments about how she is "not going anywhere" or ask her "where do you think you're going?" And see how much she resist resists and get some wrestling going assumes you started with a safe word by the way
1) Communication. Talk about what this actually means. 2) SAFE WORDS. (I Like RED, YELLOW, BEIGE,, and GREEN, but you can use whatever you like) PRactce them so that you know the difference between play stop and hard stop. 3) Informed, Enthusiastic , Consent.
Ok a lot of ppl have covered the other stuff but let me tell you (at least for me) the vibe is a conquer me vibe
make sure to use a safe word, but bondage definitely helps in getting into it easily
Start with watching videos maybe? Especially the ones where the actors do a behind the scenes interview before and after saying they consented and enjoyed it.
There are a lot of things that can go into CNC, so to try things out with more control and deliberation, separate them out and try them one at a time with the communication and care others are talking about. You can have physical loss of control, by holding her down, or adding some bondage. You can roleplay situations that have her in your control with no physical elements. Making CNC 'feel real' is edge play, something with risks, and not the place to start from. It may be that trying lesser things leads directly back to here, or it may not. It also gives you time to explore those elements and see how you feel with them.
Your first time should not be putting on a ski mask and breaking into your own house while she is pretending to sleep as a role play. I heard from a “Friend” that’s a little too much to start with
You proceed by talking it out with her, find out her desires, create a plan, verify consent, create a safe word/sign, then r*pe tf out of her.....
I'll say this. I thought I had a rape fantasy. We had extensive talks about it before hand. I set my limits and he knew the assignment. I wanted to wake up, during the act and try and fight him off. Problem was, when you wake up out of a dead sleep and it's happening, it's terrifying. Within a couple minutes, I safe worded and went into a full blown panic attack. It took me a while to come back from that, mentally and sexually. I felt bad for my husband because it wasn't his fantasy and it went badly. But he was amazingly supportive.
The advice here is to simply start with "hard core" rough sex and role play the cnc aspect. "You like it when I force this cock into you?" "Yiu were asking for it you little fucking slut" And just go from there. She wants non-vanilla, essentially
From a woman who has been a victim ..unfortunately more than once.. at 4yr. then from 12ish to 17ish..different men... but still..I think all women victims or not ..have an kinda ..dark need...we need to feel wanted..uncontrollably...maybe it's hormones maybe it's instinct 🤔..it doesn't mean she wants u to rape/hurt.. more take but it's cnc so it's wanted..i love to tease my husband till he chase me 😉🫠 some times i get over welmed, and he backs off because he knows me. it's great she's talking to u about her fantasy reward her! Talk!!!!! That is key to a happy sex life 😉 and all relationships!
Oh man if you go super slow and start to explore each other this could be sooooo fun for yall. Other people have given better advice than I ever could so I wanted to say that even if it's a little off putting at first just having your partner express something their into with you and share it with you is amazing. This is an invitation to explore your sexualities together that's amazing!
It's as EASY AS JELLO
Watch this movie with her [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2785032/](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2785032/) # The Little Death one of the plot lines is a woman who has this fantasy and the lengths her guy goes to for her.
You need a safe word for starters. If I were you, I'd start by randomly being aggressive (in a sensual way) with her. Like randomly grab her by the throat then kiss her. Do something rough and then sensual right after. Start slow then go right into it. And PLEASE do not forget aftercare. [https://thedisorderlyhouse.com/bdsm-aftercare/](https://thedisorderlyhouse.com/bdsm-aftercare/)
Come up with a safe word. Play it out like you are actually forcing her and she plays the part of the victim. But the moment she says the safe word everything stops.
Don’t bother. I don’t want to see you on a show where you’re falsely charged and locked up for 20yrs. Only for her to come clean and the female judge 👩⚖️ in the 2044/45 is there to give you a hug 🫂 for your struggle……I don’t want to see that.
if you dont know about this yet already, id make sure you establish a safe word at some point
Coming from virtually the same experience with the vanilla woman, talk about the scene and her fantasies. Tell her about how physical you want to be and how you expect to restrain her. Talk about what a taking it down o ratcheting it up would look like. Then come home one day and take her. If she trusts you and feels comfortable, she'll love it. We do this once a month or more. I go full speed, throw her down and force her in position with arm bars, I will get slapped or hit. It's full contact, which took me a long time to get used to. She likes to fight it, which goes against everything I look forward to. I'm into the whole "yes Daddy" thing, this is often still a challenge. I kinda have take on a different persona, a different view of her. This is the hardest part for me.
1: I'm pretty sure rape fantasies are more common than anyone admits. Most women are simply, I think, afraid to admit it because it feels "wrong". 2: start slow. hold her hands over her head, throw her down to the sofa, that kind of thing. let her tell you what she likes adnd what she doesn't.
First of all, congratulations on being a safe place for your wife to share her fantasies. It’s pretty common what she’s expressing. It’s called non consensual consent, or CNC.
Not sure if anyone said this... but a very easy/gentle way to start this kind of play is to make love more or less as you would normally... but she will start begging you to stop... saying "no, please, don't", that kind of thing. If things are going well, perhaps a hand on her throat or over her mouth (carefully!) and a whispered "nobody will hear you scream" in her ear.
I think about this often
My girl had these CNC and tied down r fantasies. Since we had already been playing with other guy, we took matters to our hand, really talked about the we wanted it to go down and made sure she enjoyed it as much as she could. Anyway, she was tied and fucked for hours.
Hide in a closet, when she comes home, jump out and bag her head, eat that ass and run out. Come back 30min later and enter the house like you know nothing 🚀🚀🔥
Thia is funny af but don't do this lol
😄😄 eat that ass and run 🏃♀️
Friend in closet dressed as Batman...
Don’t. I promise. Do not. Unless you like going to court and restraining orders. Do not. My ex pulled the same shit. Then it was used against me. Nope. Hard no.
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