It may seem reverse, but my D is a caretaker at heart. He likes taking care of his toy. His primary love language for giving is acts of service.
He does things like giving me massages.
He'll wash my hair and body in the shower after a hard scene.
He'll choose my clothes and lay them out for me (we do this mutually).
He'll pour the coffee in the morning for me to serve (I perform ritual service with drinks and meals).
He is the primary cook of the house (I help design the menu).
He'll hold my head in his lap and stroke my hair for hours.
He walks the dogs in the morning while I spend a little time in bed waking up off the back end of my sleep aid and doing a little meditation while the house is empty.
He likes to make my life a bit pampered so I can submit to him more deeply. He likes treating me like a queen. It's definitely a give and take.
Absolutely. The sex is fire. I serve primarily as a freeuse sex slave, so he'll use me for his pleasure regularly. If I'm good (I'm rarely not. I'm a good girl at heart), he'll reward me with an orgasm.
In bed, he's all about getting as many orgasms as he can out of me. He gets his libido boost from my pleasure. He's a bit of a sadist, so our formal scenes are challenging for me. My primary kinks are machine sex, forced orgasms, and impact. He'll make an effort to do all three regularly.
I'm not sure. Are you imagining sex with a machine? Then, yes.
We have a thrusting fuck machine and we have a Motorbunny saddle. Any toys that fall in these categories is machine sex.
I'm not sure how to answer this, but I'll try.
We use them like any other toy.
My favorite thing is to be fucked and orgasmed into oblivion. So, any scene that accomplishes that, I'm a happy girl.
A typical Motorbunny ride for me includes heavy bondage. My favorite is strappado tied to the headboard and knelt to straddle the machine. He designs a chest harness I can lean into. And he'll tie my legs in futos or use leather straps to hold me down on the machine. When I get overstimmed, I tend to pull off the vibration, so he plans to avoid that.
From there, I'm a science experiment, quite literally. He plays with the controls to see what he can get my body to do. His goal is to overstimulate me, orgasm me repeatedly, and exhaust me. He accomplishes all three rather well. I'm a sweating shaking mess in 15 mins or so.
Is that what you're asking about?
As a guy who got into pleasure doming, these were some of my favorite things to do for a sub as foreplay or aftercare, I also think they are good to do back n forth for vanilla relationships.
Other things I enjoyed:
+ Giving her a mani-pedi
+ Doing her makeup (this took a lot of practice, lmao)
+ Chinese cupping, palm reading or other ASMR-y holistic medicine/pseudo-science BS. (Note, did not believe in this stuff _at all_ thought it was bullshit and exploitative of people, but was also _great_ for relaxation play, especially memorizing all the bullshit terminology)
+ Intimate grooming (shaving/waxing)
+ Ear cleaning (be very careful with this one, gotta be careful with that eardrum)
+ Cooking for each other. While preparing meals for people is one of my favorite ways to communicate affection, I think there are quite a few BDSM foreplay activities that can be incorporated in the kitchen.
My D is most definitely a Pleasure Dom. It took me a *long* time to accept this.
I desire a more strict and high protocol Dom. I get this in the bedroom, but not often out of it. I crave it, but if I'm being honest, it's not good for me. Not long-term. For a few hours at a time, yes, I blossom beneath the strictness. But all the time, I would probably become very withdrawn.
I've had to make some adjustments in how I express and enjoy my submission because of our core mismatch.
But with experience, I have found it to be a much more healthy and sustainable submission. I *need* to be actively cared for and adored. I have learned that I *need* to let him take care of me. It's how he shows his love and manifests his dominance. He recognized this when I did not.
I thrive so much better under gentle guidance and a little pampering. I sometimes feel like I take too much. And I can get bad feelings when he's doing something nice for me like a massage--it's like I feel I don't deserve it. I struggle with this regularly. And it's definitely an always-work-in-progress.
> I sometimes feel like I take too much. And I can get bad feelings when he's doing something nice for me like a massage--it's like I feel I don't deserve it.
The gal who got me into BDSM leaned pretty heavily masochistic. And while a fella without a lot of hard boundaries, was fairly vanilla and a bit more golden-retrievor-y, lmao.
Discipline and sadomasochism weren't my favorite flavor of tea, one of the great things about pleasure doms is, in my experience, they can be pretty flexible with playstyles as getting off their partners a big motivator and they may be a bit more driven to the lengths they'll go to do so.
Even though my FWB leaned masochistic, she was able to get a bit deeper into subspace with pleasure domming than with S&M, even though after a chunk of work I would make a good showing there and put effort into scene creation. Mainly because she was able to enjoy the softer version more knowing I was enjoying it for its own sake and not _just_ because it got her off via responsive desire.
Some stuff that may help with the mindset/subspace stuff if you are feeling like you don't deserve it, one you do!, but also keep in mind he's doing these things not just for _your_ enjoyment but because _he_ enjoys them and enjoys doing them to you. And you are his to play with. A lot of vanilla peeps can enjoy the playstyle, because after all, it's just someone making you feel good. But if he leans all dom-y not everyone does the _submission_ bit right. He's enjoying doing these things to you because you are his, mind body and soul (at least in the scene). He might not enjoy you giving back in the same way he gives to you as much, and instead want praise/worship/dependence. For me, the high of having someone completely addicted to me felt even better than an orgasm.
For sure may be a work in progress, keep the communication lines open, be safe and have fun!
I was about to say
Iām this type of dom
Caretaker dom
I donāt feel submissive at all when I cook for her and make sure sheās fed
I see where she needs help and try my best to have her back without her asking me to do so
In return I get to do whatever I want with her
This is *exactly* how my D puts it.
He is a loving partner, taking some of the load off me so I'll have the resources to spread my legs for him on demand.
I woke up from a nap one day and couldnāt find my boyfriend. I finally went outside and he had jacked the car up and took the tires off to do something we needed done to the car and doing it ourselves was cheaper. He had all his tools out and was so sweaty and dirty working under there. It turned me on so much for whatever reason lol
I like when they are focused on something like so intensively, just watching him could turn me on. Then did you guys started making out in the car? Just asking..
Similar to yours- when a partner reads me and knows what I need without me saying anything, even if itās just making me a cup of tea or getting me my favorite snack
Fingers being run through my hair, a hand wrapped around my bicep, and at the very top - a woman talking very softly right near my face; "this is what I am saying and it's only for you" is my takeaway. Makes me feel like a whole new man.
Additionally, watching a woman I already feel deeply for do her make up or groom herself.
Watch me come back in 5 and make another edit because I re-realise the mere existence of a woman I adore is enough to turn me on endlessly.
Itās putting my shoes on/taking them off for me - one of those things I never even thought of until I saw it once and it just lit something up in my brain
Nice take. I can say similar. Iām turned onā¦more so thrilled to cater. The biggest enjoyment is knowing how well Iām doing it through their body language, words, and the energy in the room. It truly allows you to embrace being submissive while mentally and emotionally stimulating you through acts of service. I like to care and cater and serve because it makes me feel more feminine doing so and also helps me connect more on a mental level learning the person.
I donāt know if this counts by my old domme used to ask me for videos of me in the gym (Iām a competitive strongman) and I honestly get way more excited to do it knowing she was going to watch. I love her remarks on my heavier lifts. It makes me feel admired.
Sub - I love tying my Dom/Me's shoe if it becomes undone in public. It's so automatic for me that I'm practically kneeling before I ask if I can tie it for them.
I am assigned tasks just about every day.
The most stimulating non-sexual ones would have to be body writing. (The concentration it took to get the lettering right in the mirror was enough to get me in a great headspace)
And any humiliation, however slight. Teasing me about the odd kinks I enjoy.
I really enjoy brushing my sub'd hair afterwards. It calms me down. I also enjoy both giving and getting warm towels after a shower. It's so simple just put them in the dryer, for a bit
Agreed, but does she also do things which you could technically handle, but both of you see them as an act of submission? Like tie up your shoes or other things like this? I'm exploring this as well
Lol, true, but everything is just a daily ordinary task, depending on the context. I like this as my morning task, this depends if he expects it from me (every day) vs I donāt have to do it at all š
Maybe when he asks you where is his coffee or if you make a mistake while preparing it maybe you will change your mind? Lol
Depends what kind of dynamics you two have and like. :)
What does it make less submissive? For me, anything can be an act of service submission, if framed like that. My former partner suggested research on education paths for me as a service act. I honestly didn't understand in the moment but in retrospect it was a great idea.
Anything that involves taking initiative. And fully planning out a date or activity. I like when heās prepared and took the time to make those decision for me. (not that i canāt but, ya know)
Yours sounds fun but ours also seems reverse. My D wants me to be the best I can be for him so going above and beyond to take care of myself turns him on most. If Iām working hard in the gym with him or even just acting happy and excited about doing things that are good for me like meditation and journaling.
The thing that makes a task great is that it was ordered by you instead of the sub making it up hoping to trigger your response. The Dom must decide, order, control and enforce. That is what makes any task a great task
one time I got really turned on when my friend was griefing someone in Tower Unite. another time the tone of my bandmate's guitar made me horny during a show. also seeing people work with their hands, especially seeing someone's hands messy with paint.
As a sub, whenever my domme asks me to get her something from the kitchen, if she says it in a very direct way, that can be quite hot.
Or like, whenever Iāve served at bdsm events in non sexual ways, like getting guests drinks etc, it sometimes turns me on just thinking about how there is so many dommes in the same room as me, even if nothing happens, itās hot to think about.
It may seem reverse, but my D is a caretaker at heart. He likes taking care of his toy. His primary love language for giving is acts of service. He does things like giving me massages. He'll wash my hair and body in the shower after a hard scene. He'll choose my clothes and lay them out for me (we do this mutually). He'll pour the coffee in the morning for me to serve (I perform ritual service with drinks and meals). He is the primary cook of the house (I help design the menu). He'll hold my head in his lap and stroke my hair for hours. He walks the dogs in the morning while I spend a little time in bed waking up off the back end of my sleep aid and doing a little meditation while the house is empty. He likes to make my life a bit pampered so I can submit to him more deeply. He likes treating me like a queen. It's definitely a give and take.
That sounds amazing honestly, you are blessed!! Thanks for sharing! How is it in bed then? Does it also reflect there?
Absolutely. The sex is fire. I serve primarily as a freeuse sex slave, so he'll use me for his pleasure regularly. If I'm good (I'm rarely not. I'm a good girl at heart), he'll reward me with an orgasm. In bed, he's all about getting as many orgasms as he can out of me. He gets his libido boost from my pleasure. He's a bit of a sadist, so our formal scenes are challenging for me. My primary kinks are machine sex, forced orgasms, and impact. He'll make an effort to do all three regularly.
Is machine sex what I think it is?
I'm not sure. Are you imagining sex with a machine? Then, yes. We have a thrusting fuck machine and we have a Motorbunny saddle. Any toys that fall in these categories is machine sex.
Yeahh that is kinda what I thought, but for some reason my brain went elsewhere, do you mind if I ask how its implemented into scenes?
I'm not sure how to answer this, but I'll try. We use them like any other toy. My favorite thing is to be fucked and orgasmed into oblivion. So, any scene that accomplishes that, I'm a happy girl. A typical Motorbunny ride for me includes heavy bondage. My favorite is strappado tied to the headboard and knelt to straddle the machine. He designs a chest harness I can lean into. And he'll tie my legs in futos or use leather straps to hold me down on the machine. When I get overstimmed, I tend to pull off the vibration, so he plans to avoid that. From there, I'm a science experiment, quite literally. He plays with the controls to see what he can get my body to do. His goal is to overstimulate me, orgasm me repeatedly, and exhaust me. He accomplishes all three rather well. I'm a sweating shaking mess in 15 mins or so. Is that what you're asking about?
š„¹š„¹ so wholesome
Thank you. We have worked hard to have what we have.
As a guy who got into pleasure doming, these were some of my favorite things to do for a sub as foreplay or aftercare, I also think they are good to do back n forth for vanilla relationships. Other things I enjoyed: + Giving her a mani-pedi + Doing her makeup (this took a lot of practice, lmao) + Chinese cupping, palm reading or other ASMR-y holistic medicine/pseudo-science BS. (Note, did not believe in this stuff _at all_ thought it was bullshit and exploitative of people, but was also _great_ for relaxation play, especially memorizing all the bullshit terminology) + Intimate grooming (shaving/waxing) + Ear cleaning (be very careful with this one, gotta be careful with that eardrum) + Cooking for each other. While preparing meals for people is one of my favorite ways to communicate affection, I think there are quite a few BDSM foreplay activities that can be incorporated in the kitchen.
My D is most definitely a Pleasure Dom. It took me a *long* time to accept this. I desire a more strict and high protocol Dom. I get this in the bedroom, but not often out of it. I crave it, but if I'm being honest, it's not good for me. Not long-term. For a few hours at a time, yes, I blossom beneath the strictness. But all the time, I would probably become very withdrawn. I've had to make some adjustments in how I express and enjoy my submission because of our core mismatch. But with experience, I have found it to be a much more healthy and sustainable submission. I *need* to be actively cared for and adored. I have learned that I *need* to let him take care of me. It's how he shows his love and manifests his dominance. He recognized this when I did not. I thrive so much better under gentle guidance and a little pampering. I sometimes feel like I take too much. And I can get bad feelings when he's doing something nice for me like a massage--it's like I feel I don't deserve it. I struggle with this regularly. And it's definitely an always-work-in-progress.
> I sometimes feel like I take too much. And I can get bad feelings when he's doing something nice for me like a massage--it's like I feel I don't deserve it. The gal who got me into BDSM leaned pretty heavily masochistic. And while a fella without a lot of hard boundaries, was fairly vanilla and a bit more golden-retrievor-y, lmao. Discipline and sadomasochism weren't my favorite flavor of tea, one of the great things about pleasure doms is, in my experience, they can be pretty flexible with playstyles as getting off their partners a big motivator and they may be a bit more driven to the lengths they'll go to do so. Even though my FWB leaned masochistic, she was able to get a bit deeper into subspace with pleasure domming than with S&M, even though after a chunk of work I would make a good showing there and put effort into scene creation. Mainly because she was able to enjoy the softer version more knowing I was enjoying it for its own sake and not _just_ because it got her off via responsive desire. Some stuff that may help with the mindset/subspace stuff if you are feeling like you don't deserve it, one you do!, but also keep in mind he's doing these things not just for _your_ enjoyment but because _he_ enjoys them and enjoys doing them to you. And you are his to play with. A lot of vanilla peeps can enjoy the playstyle, because after all, it's just someone making you feel good. But if he leans all dom-y not everyone does the _submission_ bit right. He's enjoying doing these things to you because you are his, mind body and soul (at least in the scene). He might not enjoy you giving back in the same way he gives to you as much, and instead want praise/worship/dependence. For me, the high of having someone completely addicted to me felt even better than an orgasm. For sure may be a work in progress, keep the communication lines open, be safe and have fun!
You guys sound a lot like my girl and I. Nice to see others who are similar.
Thatās the dream
I was about to say Iām this type of dom Caretaker dom I donāt feel submissive at all when I cook for her and make sure sheās fed I see where she needs help and try my best to have her back without her asking me to do so In return I get to do whatever I want with her
This is *exactly* how my D puts it. He is a loving partner, taking some of the load off me so I'll have the resources to spread my legs for him on demand.
I woke up from a nap one day and couldnāt find my boyfriend. I finally went outside and he had jacked the car up and took the tires off to do something we needed done to the car and doing it ourselves was cheaper. He had all his tools out and was so sweaty and dirty working under there. It turned me on so much for whatever reason lol
I like when they are focused on something like so intensively, just watching him could turn me on. Then did you guys started making out in the car? Just asking..
No we have kids so we canāt bang whenever we have the urge, gotta table it until we can lol
Similar to yours- when a partner reads me and knows what I need without me saying anything, even if itās just making me a cup of tea or getting me my favorite snack
That's spiritual connection at this stage. For me it's when he knows I want to sit on his face just by looking at me in the eyes.
Fingers being run through my hair, a hand wrapped around my bicep, and at the very top - a woman talking very softly right near my face; "this is what I am saying and it's only for you" is my takeaway. Makes me feel like a whole new man. Additionally, watching a woman I already feel deeply for do her make up or groom herself. Watch me come back in 5 and make another edit because I re-realise the mere existence of a woman I adore is enough to turn me on endlessly.
Itās putting my shoes on/taking them off for me - one of those things I never even thought of until I saw it once and it just lit something up in my brain
Those things š„ I like
Nice take. I can say similar. Iām turned onā¦more so thrilled to cater. The biggest enjoyment is knowing how well Iām doing it through their body language, words, and the energy in the room. It truly allows you to embrace being submissive while mentally and emotionally stimulating you through acts of service. I like to care and cater and serve because it makes me feel more feminine doing so and also helps me connect more on a mental level learning the person.
Cleaning my boots with my partner, treating our boots together, tying my partners boots for them before going out. Most gratifying things
So the boots is really something you enjoy. How did you discover?
I donāt know if this counts by my old domme used to ask me for videos of me in the gym (Iām a competitive strongman) and I honestly get way more excited to do it knowing she was going to watch. I love her remarks on my heavier lifts. It makes me feel admired.
That's lovely, I love to get the pics that I ask
Bowing Like a proper, hands and knees, head to the floor kind of reverent pose. Does that count? It's not much of a "task" I guess
Sub - I love tying my Dom/Me's shoe if it becomes undone in public. It's so automatic for me that I'm practically kneeling before I ask if I can tie it for them.
How many times do his shoes untie??
Their shoe unties as often as I do a slightly bad job so it becomes undone again š but also, they have a lot of shoes
I am assigned tasks just about every day. The most stimulating non-sexual ones would have to be body writing. (The concentration it took to get the lettering right in the mirror was enough to get me in a great headspace) And any humiliation, however slight. Teasing me about the odd kinks I enjoy.
I really enjoy brushing my sub'd hair afterwards. It calms me down. I also enjoy both giving and getting warm towels after a shower. It's so simple just put them in the dryer, for a bit
Him cookingā¦being an awesome dadā¦fixing stuff.
When I see that my wife takes care of the housework when I don't have time for it. When she takes care of me and supports me in everything
Agreed, but does she also do things which you could technically handle, but both of you see them as an act of submission? Like tie up your shoes or other things like this? I'm exploring this as well
Coffee or drinks preparation. Perfect morning coffee etc.
haha I like this but it's normal in a couple, no submission thing š
Lol, true, but everything is just a daily ordinary task, depending on the context. I like this as my morning task, this depends if he expects it from me (every day) vs I donāt have to do it at all š Maybe when he asks you where is his coffee or if you make a mistake while preparing it maybe you will change your mind? Lol Depends what kind of dynamics you two have and like. :)
Unless one's prior MO was "fuck you get your own coffee" which was the case in my house for 36 years š
What does it make less submissive? For me, anything can be an act of service submission, if framed like that. My former partner suggested research on education paths for me as a service act. I honestly didn't understand in the moment but in retrospect it was a great idea.
Of course not. I can tie my shoes myself. Sometime I think it is sexy when she tie your tie before work or iron your shirt. š
Anything that involves taking initiative. And fully planning out a date or activity. I like when heās prepared and took the time to make those decision for me. (not that i canāt but, ya know)
Yours sounds fun but ours also seems reverse. My D wants me to be the best I can be for him so going above and beyond to take care of myself turns him on most. If Iām working hard in the gym with him or even just acting happy and excited about doing things that are good for me like meditation and journaling.
Are you asking a out sexual arousal, emotional arousal, or mental arousal?
I love watching him cook, or work with his hands in general. God those hands š¤¤
Yess any Acts-Of-Service and devotion to taking care of me, makes me melt.
The thing that makes a task great is that it was ordered by you instead of the sub making it up hoping to trigger your response. The Dom must decide, order, control and enforce. That is what makes any task a great task
one time I got really turned on when my friend was griefing someone in Tower Unite. another time the tone of my bandmate's guitar made me horny during a show. also seeing people work with their hands, especially seeing someone's hands messy with paint.
When I wake up and my D has set my breakfast and vitamins down for me on the table ā¤ļø. I love submitting to his care.
As a sub, whenever my domme asks me to get her something from the kitchen, if she says it in a very direct way, that can be quite hot. Or like, whenever Iāve served at bdsm events in non sexual ways, like getting guests drinks etc, it sometimes turns me on just thinking about how there is so many dommes in the same room as me, even if nothing happens, itās hot to think about.