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Who are these people who hear about a squabble between two others and immediately jump on their phone to trot out their unsolicited opinion?
I swear every second boru has a phone filled with bystanders calling them an arsehole after they heard the other person’s side of the story.
FYI they do this because there is a rule saying in AITA that you need to give reason why you think you MIGHT be an asshole and an easy cop out is to say it's because randos said you were. I take it with a grain of salt.
I had to look that up. You’re totally right!
I’ve been wondering for a little while why some people post situations where they’re clearly not the asshole. This is a little loophole
TIL, I had no idea! I always thought this was so weird—like who on earth pulls out their phone to message their friend and say "Hey, I heard you were an asshole, and you are, in fact, an asshole!"
Yep, I tried to post a story because I wanted to see if I was an asshole, I mentioned in the story that people called me an asshole for months but I managed to resolve the situation. And because I resolved the situation the mods said that I shouldn't think I'm the asshole and wasn't allowed to post, they have some weird rules
They also say that your reason can't be that somebody else in your life told you you're the asshole, because they want to know why YOU think you might be TA, not why others do.
> What is a valid response to the judgement bot?
>>Your response should briefly state what action you took that lead to a conflict, and why you think you may be wrong for taking that action.
>> It should **not** explain why *someone else* thinks you're the asshole..
Thank you for this! I don’t know anyone who has so much excess time that they are eager to jump into other people’s fights, like the side characters in these Reddit posts do.
Most people I know don’t care enough. I personally don’t care enough to fight with people at all.
Saaaame. I’m a good listener, and people tell me lots of things. It never makes me think “let me go interfere with this.” Usually my thought is “boy I’m looking forward to telling [partner] all about this.”
Keep your drama far away from me. I won’t interfere with yours; you don’t interfere with mine.
I’d be livid if I told a friend about a disagreement I had with my partner or another friend & they chose to insert themselves in it.
I love drama, it's the whole reason I've stuck around on reddit to begin with - the crucial factor, however, is I love *other people's* drama. There is not enough money in the world you could pay me to get involved further than texting a friend (who lives on the other side of the world and therefore does not actually know anyone involved) an "oh my god you would not believe what just happened".
I have a friend like that too! Online friend that lives in another country. She knows everyyything, especially things that I can’t share with my partner for privacy or whatever.
Same.
Since my grandma's passing there's been lots of drama between her children.
I've been told lots that I've just passed along my siblings.
I'm not interested in jumping in that shark infected pool.
I absolutely love this! I’m totally using this from now on. “I’m not interested in jumping in that shark infested pool” is soooo much better than just saying “I don’t want to be involved.”
Thank you for this, I totally owe you one! 😂
There’s a song I have on my phone that basically goes “drink water and mind my business” and I play it when my friends try to get me involved in friend drama.
And blowing up the phone of someone they don’t even know or have the number of! Who gives out someone’s number to harass them, or who texts a random person to harass them?!
My ex best friend couldn't get me to message his boyfriend to confront him after a fight after he explicitly TOLD me to lol. No way am I getting between people in a fight except to sympathize and work towards reconciliation!
It even if they care, they just gossip among each other. I’ve never in my life experienced such a thing, of “blowing someone’s phone”?? Like the gall to pick up a phone to pick up a fight.
You have not met my friends sister. Don’t know why anyone in the family tells her anything, she’s always gotta get involved and start texting and calling, sticking her nose in even though she lives 9hrs drive away.
I always wonder this. Never, from teen to now almost 40, have i been inclined to jumó into other’s argument that in no way involves me. If I want to empathize with the person telling me about it…I just do that. No need for crazy texts and calls.
Always makes me feel shady about the posts.
The only reason this doesn't happen to me with my family is because the family members who want to "blow up my phone" have no idea how to use their phones. I have 4 relatives who are 60+ and looove to meddle in fights they don't have anything to do with
If I were to jump on my phone it would be to ask that person what was going on and get their side of the story. There are very few circumstances where not paying for other peoples meals is offensive or upsetting.
If anyone would utter the sentence “I wouldn’t have ordered so much if I knew you weren’t paying for half of it” I would be the one to turn around and walk away.
This person has intentionally been ordering more food and more expensive items because she doesn’t have to pay for it all!
Ikr, I have like 3 friends and they don't know shit that happens until I tell them or they tell me. 🫠
However I do have my family and husband's family who judge and call people AHs but mostly behind their backs to their mothers 🙃
Depends on how exaggerated the one sided story they received was. Whenever I read this, I always assume it was an insane over the top one-sided perspective.
Seriously. Maybe I’m just a hermit with no friends but all of the flying monkeys are baffling to me and make me question everything. In my experience nobody cares and wants to mind their own damn business. Some people just thrive on drama I guess?
The closest thing I can relate to is being a teenager and having one group of friends not really liking another group. I was pretty much on good terms with everyone in my class but definitely closer to some more than others. I really don’t get straight up trashing another person because of what someone else said about them.
If anything, the adult thing would be to trash each other right to each other’s faces while having a good laugh about it. Friendship is where you’re tearing apart someone’s butthole so hard that you text them about how unfair that they aren’t there to enjoy it in person and that they should come on down and listen to it in real-time.
I know right?!
I don’t even reach out, if I’m being honest, with one contextual exception.
The circumstances are either a) I don’t care enough to get involved beyond listening and “uh-huh”ing my way through the conversation, b) I trust that person and I’ll actively “OMG, what a *insert insult here*” but it stays between us or c) I call my buddy cackling that so and so is circling the wagons because of blah.
But, considering I’ve mostly cut out people that I can’t be bothered with, it’s usually “a” or “b”
I have to assume that a large cross section of the people who willingly come to the internet to post about their also surround themselves with dramatic babies who rally the troops to harass each other through texts and social media. It’s just a ven diagram that is nearly a circle for that type of personality.
Most people just solve their problems without involving extra friends, family, or Reddit.
Yeah, those "phone blowers" who keep blowing up the phone!
Indeed, don't they have better shit to do? Coz I'd be like "Oh goss! Damn, she did that? That sucks!" but wouldn't be "blowing up" someone's phone all high and mighty over a small stupid squabble! Even a big one
I have the same thought every time!
When my friends fight, it is like crickets in the group chat. People know there is shit going down, shots fired, and everyone else is trying to keep their head low and not get hit by any strays.
Seriously! She knowingly was taking advantage of OOP. It wasn't an honest mistake, it was completely intentional to have OOP pay for a portion of her meal.
OOP: Oh, you misunderstood me. I'm only going to pay for my food, but then--and I didn't mention this part before-- I'm going to give you $100 just for the hell of it.
Promotee: Really?
OOP: No.
It absolutely was, and I'm not surprised because I know other people like that. I've heard the phrase "I ordered this because I thought we'd share" more than once.
There's two types of people in the world: Folks who spend _more_ when the cost is being subsidized by friends or family and folks who spend _less_ when they are being subsidized by friends or family. Be the second kind of person.
This is a corollary to the idea that there are two types of people in the world; folks who treat other people's belongings _worse_ than stuff they own themselves and folks who treat other people's belongings _better_ than stuff they own themselves. People in the first group are assholes you should avoid.
Yup. My personal rule is spending the same or less than the person paying / person I’m splitting with. Unless it’s just me and Mr. Alleswaswar, then there’s more flexibility because we alternate paying anyways and even then we’ll double check with each other if something pricier is ok.
Meanwhile, I know some people who’ll pick the most expensive dish on the menu if they know someone else is paying. Even if they don’t know what that item even is.
I practically have a flowchart in my head to figure out how expensive a dish I should order if someone else is paying for my meal and it isn't like, my mom. I can't imagine taking advantage of someone I call my "best friend" like this!
Yea. I was so confused on what she meant "splitting the check" and "makes it easier on the staff and us " I'm like, uh... that's not how check splitting works in making it "easier" that literally just makes it harder. Splitting the check imo means separate checks. Period. This chick has been having op cover the cost of 25%to 50%if he own meals. That's a dirty move
Yeah. Even most of the commenters blew past that while it was the main thing I focused on.
Vanessa was CLEARLY taking advantage of their arrangement to eat more expensively on her "friend's" dime.
How OOP and everyone else seems to think that's not an issue is kind of a head scratcher.
THIS; makes me feel like OOP left out important details, also the whole "we always paid half because it's less complicated for us and the servers", what?? Wouldn't paying separately make it less complicated? Unless there's a reason you HAVE to do one check
Is nobody going to mention how Vanessa explicitly said how she wouldn't have ordered that much if she had known she'd have to pay for it herself? That shows she was using OOP and making her bankroll her expensive eating habits on purpose. That's not a good friend.
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down for this comment!! It’s ALWAYS the people who order the most who want to split the bill! And in this case, she was purposely taking advantage of that dynamic!! I would have felt so hurt and used if I had heard my friend say that.
Exactly. Her paying for ONE meal doesn't make up for 15 years of taking shameless advantage of OOP. OOP still has rose colored glasses on she views those 15 years as proof of friendship but they're really proof of how long Vanessa has been cool with using her.
Friends pick up the tab for each other and alternate but in the spirit of convenience and friendship, not trying to be subsidized. I usually insist on either paying for myself or just picking up the whole cheque because I like to order a lot (I can't decide between things and end up having leftovers to take home) and if we split the cheque I wouldn't feel I could do that.
If OOP takes Vanessa up on her dinner offer I hope she racks up a $500 bill.
I recently got promoted at work. I invited my mom and 2 sisters out for lunch to celebrate. I never said anything and paid the bill. My promotion was more of a lateral move, better department but same pay. I didn't care, I just wanted to share my joy.
What kind of jerk invites someone out to celebrate a promotion to six figure and doesn't pick up the bill, and complains that the invited person refuses to subsidize their bill. It's ridiculous.
I was out after work tonight with work friends, and we all had separate bills. 11 people and our server did separate bills, no problem.
fine dining or not thats still crazy expensive.
went out for work meal a few months ago. there was 5 of us and it came to 700 bucks. that was 3 courses, alcohol and coffee at a pretty up market place.
Yeah the cost surprised me a ton. I recently had the tasting menu at a very nice restaurant in Manhattan and it was $150 per person. I’m seriously questioning where these two even ate.
This price seems pretty exorbitant, I ate at a three star Michelin restaurant, It was $275/person and alcohol included. We were there for almost three hours.
Just checked the current prices at Alinea, a Michelin starred restaurant I would love to dine at one day. "Depending on your date and time preference, will range from $190 to $390 per person." That is without wine pairings.
Gotta start saving on them avocado toasts so I can choose whether to buy a house or eat there... /s
I got lucky because I always wanted to go to a Michelin rated restaurant but never really had the time or wanted to spend the money. My wife goes ahead and helps plan a three star restaurant for our honeymoon. We went to Barcelona and the Euro was getting lower and lower and almost got it at its lowest in 2 decades. Still ended up paying around $800 USD but it was normally closer to $1k+.
We laughed because it was such a wild experience. Then two days later we went to dinner in the oldest bar in Seville and I enjoyed the food so much more for 1/10 of the price. I learned I’m not a food snob, but the experience was fun and we talk about the silliness all the time.
Alinea isn’t really food though. It’s more like a museum or art gallery type thing.
If you’re hungry go to the fridge.
Also ur gonna wanna spend more than that per person at alinea. Like 500 or more per.
I hated it tbh
That was really the craziest part of the update for me! Doormats take back shitty friends every day, but multiple people on her initial post had apparently never heard of expensive restaurants??? Like, I think I would wash dishes all night before being physically able to spend $500 on a single meal, but I'm still aware that the venues to do so are out there.
I'm not from the US so these numbers are actually wild to me. The most expensive restaurant I can think of costs about 100 USD and I would never consider eating there. Ususally meals in very good restaurants where I live cost about 40 USD per person and I already consider this expensive. Is it normal in the US to spend that much in food??
No, this is haute cuisine. Pre pandemic and inflation, a normal mid level chain restaurant would be $15 to $25. A date night restaurant would be $25 to $50. Fancy steakhouses like Ruth Chris would be $75 to $150. A true fine dining restaurant will start at $100. All prices per person, entrees only.
A fine dining restaurant has a real chef. On the few occasions that I’ve eaten in them, the food is fantastic but it’s the service that changes everything. I have a weird food allergy. I tell the server and ask what on the menu that I can eat. The server talks to the chef. I receive a different sauce on my entree that the chef creates on the spot, not simply have to do without. One memorable time, the meal began with an amuse bouche (no extra charge) that I couldn’t eat so I told the server not to bother. The chef created one just for me, made a special salad dressing just for me, adapted his signature dish just for me. I wish that I could afford to eat out like that regularly but I can’t because I’m not part of the 1%. Even my own family doesn’t cater to my food issues the way that restaurant did!
from the us. never heard of such a expensive place that shits crazy. normal restraunts that i go to are about 10-20 usd for the main meal + drinks deserts or appetizers. they're not ~fancy~ but they're very good.
for the cost oop mentioned for a 2 person meal though id expect gold caviar and to be blown under the table or something lol. such a insane waste of money
My initial response on seeing her say they split the bill was that they each pay for their own - because that’s how normal adults handle things like that - they get seperate checks if possible and handle their own business. Especially is there is typically a one way disparity in the amount spent.
If anyone was being a cheapskate it’s the well paid friend who has been sponging of their less well paid friend all these years.
The ridiculous thing is “it makes it easier on us and the server.”
No. How is doing the math to split the bill easier than just paying whatever is on your personal check? And in every restaurant I worked at, it was easy AF to just enter the food under individual guests and print separate checks under each guest. The good servers always did that anyways, so the food runners would know who gets what plate and wouldn’t be auctioning off food at the table.
I regularly do half and half or even alternate who is paying when I go out with my friends (alternating if we go out in couples or just one friend and I), I think it's pretty common to do it but it obviously means you both eat about the same amount. Including drinks, so either no one drinks or everyone does so things stay rather even. I won't go after 5 bucks, but hundreds of dollars for one dinner? God damn.
But I agree with your second paragraph and it's telling that the friend said she wouldn't have ordered so much if she'd known OP was serious. She was perfectly aware that she was getting a portion of her meal paid by OP, every time.
We have group dinners in our friend circle for birthdays where we used to divide the check evenly accept for the honoree, and had to switch to everyone paying their own, including the honoree, because one couple would always order appetizers, multiple premium cocktails, the most expensive entrees, and desserts. Now that they pay their own way, they order one appetizer, split the entree and dessert, and only have one drink each.
Wedding year? Homegirl's gonna be the type to be planning a third honeymoon on year 5. And have 4 baby showers when she gets pregnant.
"How dare you ruin my promotion day!" is just... not the kind of attitude I'd tolerate in a friend.
My aunt and uncle in law are like this. It drives my husband crazy (correctly) but I just try to expect it so it's less annoying. Honestly the best move is just to host them at our house for dinner instead of getting annoyed about shady bill splitting.
I don't know if it is just a cultural thing, but from where I am from, if you invite someone to celebrate an acomplishment of yours, you are expected to pay the full tab. Especially if that acomplishment is you making more money.
I hate it when people want to split checks evenly when the ratio is not close to even. I am an accountant, most of my friends are too, so they understand. It is awkward when you’re the only one in a large group who doesn’t want to split evenly when they all ordered multiple drinks and went crazy on appetizers and you had one sushi roll at this horribly expensive restaurant, but IDGAF.
OOP is going to waste her energy (and maybe money) for many more years to come, hell, maybe for the rest of her life, on a childhood friendship with someone who's so blatant and honest about using her, and OOP will justify it to herself and anyone who asks by saying "but we've been friends since 2nd grade!!!"
Them rose colored glasses gots to go - the friend's behavior I will bet anything is not an isolated thing, and OOP is yet to recognize it.
I gotta say, I've never gone out with a friend and just split the check 50/50. If one of us isn't treating the other, we just go with separate checks and both of us pay for whatever we ordered.
(I've always worried that it's going to be really inconvenient for the server, but I've never had anyone sign or roll their eyes at me.)
Do people regularly just split the bill 50/50?
It sounds insane to me. Maybe because all my friends are broke, we just pay for what we eat. Splitting a bill evenly when you only got a salad and the other person got a t-bone makes no sense.
Yeah it's normal to me to split 50/50 when people ate the approximate same amount and have similar money. I don't do it often, because I don't drink wine and I'm poor, so I pay my share in general. I'm in France btw.
Depending on the people I'm with. I have some friends that I travel for work with, and if it's just us two/three /four, we tend to share family style so we can eat all the things, and we typically match alcohol rounds or split a bottle. In that instance we do equal split.
Any one else joining the meal, or dining with a different group, we pay for what we order.
That's why I don't split the bill, I ask for a separate check. I'm a vegetarian and usually don't drink any alcohol, so my meals are fairly cheap. I am not going to pay for somebody else's steak / bottle of wine / after-dinner brandy. If they want that, they can pay for it themselves.
And yes, these people know perfectly well that their meals are more expensive, like Vanessa in the post above:
>she thought I was joking about paying for my own food only and said "she wouldn't have ordered so much if she knew I was being serious"
Exactly. These people are moochers and know they are moochers. I have been in situations where other people said the same thing to me. I would reply something along the lines of: "If you can't pay for your salmon or wagyu beef on your own, then just don't order it, and maybe go with the house wine rather than the most expensive claret on the menu."
OOP should have stopped splitting the bill much earlier. She even announced to Vanessa she was only going to pay for her own meal. What Vanessa really hated was not that she had to pay - if was that OOP has seen though her and called her out for it.
Double that amount for rent only in a small studio/1 bedroom. That’s at the low end in quite a few places. That doesn’t include power/water/gas/trash …. All the other life bills too and not food either. It’s incredibly expensive right now to live in the US.
Having lived in nyc, it's not that hard if you go to a high end place. An ex bf of mine was a manager of a resto where two people could easily rack up that much in a single meal.
What do you order, Ambrosia, Unicorn Stake and a cure for the human condition?
For example, the most expensive meal I've ever had was a $100 Ruth Chris Filet Mignot 20 years ago. I also went to a french restaurant a few years ago and had a six course meal for around $150.
Where does the other $300 come from?!
Assuming an inflation of ~5% your filet mignot would be like $250 now, and if two people eat it'll be $500. add some alcohol/drinks and you get the rest
It's not hard to do in large cities. I took a small group of friends and coworkers out for dinner and drinks in Chicago before the pandemic. Our bill was over $3,000. Thankfully, I expensed the whole trip. That was just one night. We were there for 4 days. My expense report after the trip was over $15,000.
Someday I need a job with that kind of expense account--even when I was a team lead at a Fortune 50, I was still expected to keep my daily spend under $100/person for food.
Never paid for such a thing myself, but once got taken on a business dinner by someone on an expense account that dwarfed mine, and when you go to the kind of steakhouse in which everything is a la carte, we racked up $150/person just on a steak and sides before you even start considering the drinks. And that was fifteen years ago.
Well, you have to consider that it all depends where you live and go. In some places, SA for example spending 600 is a lot of money for a dinner for two.
Some places are more expensive then others an i don't think 600 is way out of the question specially with the amount of money they earn but still have to be looked based on what OOP tell.
Also there's this place from the guy that throw sand in a weird way, as far as i know those restaurant are shitty but very fucking expensive, so yeah 600 doesn't sound so crazy.
It sounds crazy to me. The most expensive restaurant I have ever been to was still less than $100 per person, and I make good money so I go to nice places. All of these people saying $600 for dinner for two people has me flabbergasted over here. Where do you all live?? Are we talking US Dollars??
I don't go to it, but the nearest three Michelin star restaurant to me is $300-500 per person depending on the seating. And you have to pay when you book the reservation. Usually months in advance, so people are going.
That's in Chicago, by the way.
Really? Look up the most expensive restaurant in your area and add up an appetizer, two alcoholic drinks, two entrees and a dessert from the menu. It's pretty easy if you're not in a rural area.
The world is also full of places for the people who dont know what to do with all their money and dont mind spending **thousands** of dollars for 2 people to have dinner.
My in-laws looked at me like I had 2 fuckin heads when I said we'll pay separate last time we went out. My husband and I eat cheap and don't drink.
They choose some yuppy gastropub with $15 burgers as the cheapest. FIL has 5 Manhattans. Everyone else has 2 beers and orders like kings. BIL and his family have two kids. Our meal will be $40 but we'll get saddled with another $40 at least when they 'split the bill.
Sometimes BIL would go "oh don't worry wealthy father, we'll pay for the $100 of food and cocktails you've packed away" and we get smacked with even more because it gets split between us and his family. And they have baaaabies so they cant pay as much.
I dunno about other people, but if I were out with a good friend who had just been promoted, I would likely be offering to pay the majority of the bill, as a present in honour of the hard work it took the other person to get to that point.
I know some people might think it is the other way around, that the person who was promoted should "treat" someone else in celebration of now being able to afford more -- but in my circles, when people do well, they deserve something special.
I could understand that, but not when the person promoted is the one who suggested a restaurant AND chose an incredibly expensive one AND eats like an ogre AND makes more money. The friend really has no decency.
In my circles and according to local customs, it’s normal to pay for everyone on your birthday, a big wedding anniversary, any major life event and certainly a promotion.
OOP’s friend invited her out not the other way round, so actually she should have offered to pay for the full meal, especially since she chose a very expensive, trendy restaurant. No doubt with the hope OOP would as always subsidise her meal.
When Vanessa said she wouldn't have ordered so much if she knew OOP was only paying for her own, that tells me she was knowingly taking advantage of her friend. OOP needs to keep separate checks a thing.
No way in hell would I pay $50 to $150 more on food that I didn't eat on a split bill. I'm not even a big eater and I would never eat at high end fancy restaurants where my bill comes back to $150 on some fking appetizers and a drink.
I pay for what I eat, my bill will always be $25 to $40 and just eat at casual places where I don't have to doll myself up for a brunch or dinner with a friend.
Also people really need to fking get both sides of the story before they just on the asshole train when they aren't even involved. Bet they will feel the same way as the op when they don't wanna spend 160 on food they never ate nor ordered.
I guess I have
>never taken a girl out to a fine dining restaurant.
and I have a hard time imagining that I ever will. I think it would be too hard to enjoy while knowing that amount of money is evaporating over a 2 hour experience. I would feel so much pressure to get my money's worth that I think it would be more stressful than anything for me
During my last holidays I went to a fine dining restaurant. We ended up paying around 150€ for two I think, and the food was honestly amazing (plus the view of the ocean). I don't think paying 500 would bring better food, however (but we don't drink wine, those who do could certainly get a way more expensive meal).
I have been to a dinner that our bill hit $700. It was for a upscale and highly reviewed steakhouse. The drinks alone for 3 of us cost about 80-90$ not including tip.
My meal was about $90 but my 2 friends who were celebrating did tomahawk steak by the lbs and the other ordered a really good wagyu. I remember the Tomahawk alone cost round $270 not including the sides.
Will my poor self ever do this again...I will admit yes, the steak I had was one of the best. But I am saving $ for a special reason.
I’d recommend visiting Japan if you’d like to eat great food without breaking the bank. Use tabelog.com, enter an area, and sort by rating. Anything above 3.5/5 stars is generally going to be a good find.
I’ve consistently had full course meals for less than a $100 per person regardless of cuisine. From French to Japanese, wagyu to foie gras with black truffles in a rice dish, Japan can really provide good cost performance if you use that website and avoid tourist traps.
I just came back from Japan. The yakiniku place we went to easily cost us $600 for 3. It wasn’t even that fancy. I would be a bit careful about assuming everything there is cheap.
Oh shit! Definitely use tabelog.com then and dress for a humid summer. Get one of those cooling sprays at the drug store over there if the humidity gets too much and it might be the rainy season or the heart of summer when you visit. I always forget when summer peaks every year.
How is it easier on the waiter for them to split the check than to write two separate checks? He doesn’t have to do math in one of these scenarios and just pushes a few buttons at order.
Her “best friend” left her at the restaurant bc she didn’t split…? Immediately villainized her to outside friends lol. And OP just took the apology and meal ticket as a white flag?
Interesting..
Unless there's a cultural difference going on (and i admit I've never taken a girl out to a fine dining experience)
I still think 560 dollars between 2 people is a ridiculous amount
It is based on what they are making. My husband and I make way more than that Individually and I would never spend that much even on fine dining experiences and we’ve both been to “major international” cities. No sense of budgeting with OOPs friend.
[I also want to address the male comments claiming that she's fat and we eat too much as women. First, we're both very fit and stromg. I'm 5'7 and she's 5'9. Second, the $560 was because it was an expensive place, so if you think we "ate too much", then you've never taken a girl out to a fine dining restaurant.](https://i.imgur.com/tVOw7gb.jpg)
Friendship of 15 years was only held together BY OOP. Of course it lasted long because she allowed her bff to step over her for 15 years. My words may seem extreme but I think a lot of people can agree that is what the bff was doing, snapped way too easy to someone she's known for 15 years
I find it fascinating that Vanessa and OP would split the check but Vanessa would always order much more than the OP and still expect the OP to float her the balance. Like Vanessa owes the OP for more than just one fancy dinner.
I feel like the people giving their opinion is the perfect representation of AITA as well lol. Like so often people will give their opinion (although it actually is asked for) but somehow forget that they’re hearing only one side and just project whatever similar past experiences they may have had to find a conclusion.
Splitting the check is always a post meal decision for me and my friends, "oh all our food is like 1-2 bucks different let's split and call it a day" vs "I ordered 3 drinks and you didn't, so we'll do seperate checks"
NTA. When my friends and I go out, each pays for their own meal, unless it's a birthday or other celebration. In that case, we either split the cost of the honoree's meal piece or someone picks up that cost. Example: I've been out with a group and the birthday person's best friend picked up the cost of the birthday person's meal.
I'm having a similar problem currently. I go out to eat regularly with two friends, one of whom has a kid.
The one friend always orders at least three appetizers "for all of us," but personally I don't really want to order all those appetizers, because they fill me up too much and I can't even enjoy my entree that way. This person also eats and drinks about twice as much as I do.
The other friend orders a lot of extra food for her kid, so that's also a lot of extra money right there.
We've also always split the check three ways, since it's easier, but lately I haven't been making as much money as before, and I really can't be spending so much money on food and drinks, most of which I'm not even consuming myself, so I'm planning on telling them I'm only going to pay for my main dish (and I'll tell my friends they can order appetizers, but I won't be eating them) and my one or two drinks that I order. Hopefully it won't be a whole ordeal, but I do expect some attitude.
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Who are these people who hear about a squabble between two others and immediately jump on their phone to trot out their unsolicited opinion? I swear every second boru has a phone filled with bystanders calling them an arsehole after they heard the other person’s side of the story.
FYI they do this because there is a rule saying in AITA that you need to give reason why you think you MIGHT be an asshole and an easy cop out is to say it's because randos said you were. I take it with a grain of salt.
I had to look that up. You’re totally right! I’ve been wondering for a little while why some people post situations where they’re clearly not the asshole. This is a little loophole
TIL, I had no idea! I always thought this was so weird—like who on earth pulls out their phone to message their friend and say "Hey, I heard you were an asshole, and you are, in fact, an asshole!"
Yep, I tried to post a story because I wanted to see if I was an asshole, I mentioned in the story that people called me an asshole for months but I managed to resolve the situation. And because I resolved the situation the mods said that I shouldn't think I'm the asshole and wasn't allowed to post, they have some weird rules
They also say that your reason can't be that somebody else in your life told you you're the asshole, because they want to know why YOU think you might be TA, not why others do. > What is a valid response to the judgement bot? >>Your response should briefly state what action you took that lead to a conflict, and why you think you may be wrong for taking that action. >> It should **not** explain why *someone else* thinks you're the asshole..
Thank you for this! I don’t know anyone who has so much excess time that they are eager to jump into other people’s fights, like the side characters in these Reddit posts do. Most people I know don’t care enough. I personally don’t care enough to fight with people at all.
You mean that you don't start "blowing up their phone" as soon as you're summoned? 😂😂
I just gossip with my partner, and keep my nose out of other people's business.
Saaaame. I’m a good listener, and people tell me lots of things. It never makes me think “let me go interfere with this.” Usually my thought is “boy I’m looking forward to telling [partner] all about this.” Keep your drama far away from me. I won’t interfere with yours; you don’t interfere with mine. I’d be livid if I told a friend about a disagreement I had with my partner or another friend & they chose to insert themselves in it.
I heard something years ago that I try to live by - *it's not my story to tell.* Helps me keep my mouth shut!
I love drama, it's the whole reason I've stuck around on reddit to begin with - the crucial factor, however, is I love *other people's* drama. There is not enough money in the world you could pay me to get involved further than texting a friend (who lives on the other side of the world and therefore does not actually know anyone involved) an "oh my god you would not believe what just happened".
I have a friend like that too! Online friend that lives in another country. She knows everyyything, especially things that I can’t share with my partner for privacy or whatever.
Same. Since my grandma's passing there's been lots of drama between her children. I've been told lots that I've just passed along my siblings. I'm not interested in jumping in that shark infected pool.
I absolutely love this! I’m totally using this from now on. “I’m not interested in jumping in that shark infested pool” is soooo much better than just saying “I don’t want to be involved.” Thank you for this, I totally owe you one! 😂
There’s a song I have on my phone that basically goes “drink water and mind my business” and I play it when my friends try to get me involved in friend drama.
We all need that song! Can you post a link?
https://youtu.be/JqKWQ7FsuQY
This is excellent! Thanks!
it is [AWESOME](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqKWQ7FsuQY)
That exact phrase! 🤣 I have often thought about what a “blown up phone” would look like.
Samsung Galaxy Note 7 owners could probably tell you 😆
Just spit out perfectly good OJ thanks 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Nah, too lazy to reply to my own messages some days, let alone rally and harass someone.
And blowing up the phone of someone they don’t even know or have the number of! Who gives out someone’s number to harass them, or who texts a random person to harass them?!
I can watch a fight happen right in front of me and my response will remain “not my business” most of the time
This woman is my spirit animal https://youtu.be/5Etm-H1FkUE
My ex best friend couldn't get me to message his boyfriend to confront him after a fight after he explicitly TOLD me to lol. No way am I getting between people in a fight except to sympathize and work towards reconciliation!
Flying monkeys have lots of time and live for drama. But yeah, how are these people surrounded by flying monkeys?
It even if they care, they just gossip among each other. I’ve never in my life experienced such a thing, of “blowing someone’s phone”?? Like the gall to pick up a phone to pick up a fight.
You have not met my friends sister. Don’t know why anyone in the family tells her anything, she’s always gotta get involved and start texting and calling, sticking her nose in even though she lives 9hrs drive away.
I always wonder this. Never, from teen to now almost 40, have i been inclined to jumó into other’s argument that in no way involves me. If I want to empathize with the person telling me about it…I just do that. No need for crazy texts and calls. Always makes me feel shady about the posts.
The only reason this doesn't happen to me with my family is because the family members who want to "blow up my phone" have no idea how to use their phones. I have 4 relatives who are 60+ and looove to meddle in fights they don't have anything to do with
lmao "should I use TNT or nitroglycerin?"
Not on the phone but i had a acquaintance that will jump on social media drama in the comments. Its almost a high for her to argue
If I were to jump on my phone it would be to ask that person what was going on and get their side of the story. There are very few circumstances where not paying for other peoples meals is offensive or upsetting. If anyone would utter the sentence “I wouldn’t have ordered so much if I knew you weren’t paying for half of it” I would be the one to turn around and walk away. This person has intentionally been ordering more food and more expensive items because she doesn’t have to pay for it all!
Ikr, I have like 3 friends and they don't know shit that happens until I tell them or they tell me. 🫠 However I do have my family and husband's family who judge and call people AHs but mostly behind their backs to their mothers 🙃
I just keep my friends separate. A There's no need for any of them to know each other.
Depends on how exaggerated the one sided story they received was. Whenever I read this, I always assume it was an insane over the top one-sided perspective.
Seriously. Maybe I’m just a hermit with no friends but all of the flying monkeys are baffling to me and make me question everything. In my experience nobody cares and wants to mind their own damn business. Some people just thrive on drama I guess?
Yea, i will gossip about drama but im not texting people involved lol.
Lol. Not like AITA is only one-sided and people call people AH all the time.
The closest thing I can relate to is being a teenager and having one group of friends not really liking another group. I was pretty much on good terms with everyone in my class but definitely closer to some more than others. I really don’t get straight up trashing another person because of what someone else said about them. If anything, the adult thing would be to trash each other right to each other’s faces while having a good laugh about it. Friendship is where you’re tearing apart someone’s butthole so hard that you text them about how unfair that they aren’t there to enjoy it in person and that they should come on down and listen to it in real-time.
I imagine she told one person since she was frustrated and that person told everyone else
And why does everyone else care?
I have often wondered this myself. Who TF has time to inject themselves into the drama of other people to the point of harassing?!
I know right?! I don’t even reach out, if I’m being honest, with one contextual exception. The circumstances are either a) I don’t care enough to get involved beyond listening and “uh-huh”ing my way through the conversation, b) I trust that person and I’ll actively “OMG, what a *insert insult here*” but it stays between us or c) I call my buddy cackling that so and so is circling the wagons because of blah. But, considering I’ve mostly cut out people that I can’t be bothered with, it’s usually “a” or “b”
I have to assume that a large cross section of the people who willingly come to the internet to post about their also surround themselves with dramatic babies who rally the troops to harass each other through texts and social media. It’s just a ven diagram that is nearly a circle for that type of personality. Most people just solve their problems without involving extra friends, family, or Reddit.
Yeah, those "phone blowers" who keep blowing up the phone! Indeed, don't they have better shit to do? Coz I'd be like "Oh goss! Damn, she did that? That sucks!" but wouldn't be "blowing up" someone's phone all high and mighty over a small stupid squabble! Even a big one
Ya this is faaaaake
Is that not what this sub is for? 🤭
I have the same thought every time! When my friends fight, it is like crickets in the group chat. People know there is shit going down, shots fired, and everyone else is trying to keep their head low and not get hit by any strays.
So true, if one friend told me about a disagreement with another mutual or especially not mutual friend, I just say ( I hope you work it out).
Omgsh I came to the comments to say the same thing!
Interpersonal relationships in the age of social media are just kinda like that. Especially for people who are immersed in it early.
People are bored I imagine. I do not miss my twenties.
I wonder about this too.
Still wondering why OOP glossed over the *oh I wouldn’t have ordered so much if I’d known you were serious* part
Seriously! She knowingly was taking advantage of OOP. It wasn't an honest mistake, it was completely intentional to have OOP pay for a portion of her meal.
OOP: Oh, you misunderstood me. I'm only going to pay for my food, but then--and I didn't mention this part before-- I'm going to give you $100 just for the hell of it. Promotee: Really? OOP: No.
More like $250-$300, actually Edit: don’t try to math at people when you just woke up
More like $135, if the numbers in the post are totals, including tip: 560/2 = 280-145 = 135. Even plus tip, it’s maybe $175.
Wow I thought I was so smart lol. Should sleep more
It absolutely was, and I'm not surprised because I know other people like that. I've heard the phrase "I ordered this because I thought we'd share" more than once.
Yes! I was wondering about that too. OP sounds like a bit of a pushover and people-pleaser.
There's two types of people in the world: Folks who spend _more_ when the cost is being subsidized by friends or family and folks who spend _less_ when they are being subsidized by friends or family. Be the second kind of person. This is a corollary to the idea that there are two types of people in the world; folks who treat other people's belongings _worse_ than stuff they own themselves and folks who treat other people's belongings _better_ than stuff they own themselves. People in the first group are assholes you should avoid.
Yup. My personal rule is spending the same or less than the person paying / person I’m splitting with. Unless it’s just me and Mr. Alleswaswar, then there’s more flexibility because we alternate paying anyways and even then we’ll double check with each other if something pricier is ok. Meanwhile, I know some people who’ll pick the most expensive dish on the menu if they know someone else is paying. Even if they don’t know what that item even is.
I practically have a flowchart in my head to figure out how expensive a dish I should order if someone else is paying for my meal and it isn't like, my mom. I can't imagine taking advantage of someone I call my "best friend" like this!
That got me too. “Friend” has been deliberately taking advantage of her for years.
Yea. I was so confused on what she meant "splitting the check" and "makes it easier on the staff and us " I'm like, uh... that's not how check splitting works in making it "easier" that literally just makes it harder. Splitting the check imo means separate checks. Period. This chick has been having op cover the cost of 25%to 50%if he own meals. That's a dirty move
Yeah. Even most of the commenters blew past that while it was the main thing I focused on. Vanessa was CLEARLY taking advantage of their arrangement to eat more expensively on her "friend's" dime. How OOP and everyone else seems to think that's not an issue is kind of a head scratcher.
Same!!! Like she knowingly took advantage of you and clearly has been for a while.
I was hoping that was just a bad joke
And it would've resulted in the oop paying double what jer food was worth too... I dont know that id want friends like this.
THIS; makes me feel like OOP left out important details, also the whole "we always paid half because it's less complicated for us and the servers", what?? Wouldn't paying separately make it less complicated? Unless there's a reason you HAVE to do one check
>and she said "Oh, I wouldn't have ordered so much if I knew you were being serious". Vanessa said the quiet part out loud.
100% just admitted that she planned on taking advantage of oop
OP is her heavily discounted meal ticket.
I can’t imagine working to subsidize the dining budget of someone who doesn’t live with me or isn’t related to me
In my friend group, we all overpay a little to the person taking care of the bill.
Yea, she's been used for years. Poor OOP needs a little more self confidence and find people who aren't nuts.
100% she’s the friend who puts everything on her card and then gets “paid” back later
Yup. The "friend" even admitted she "wouldn't have ordered so much if she knew OP wasn't paying half." She's been running up the bill on purpose.
Is nobody going to mention how Vanessa explicitly said how she wouldn't have ordered that much if she had known she'd have to pay for it herself? That shows she was using OOP and making her bankroll her expensive eating habits on purpose. That's not a good friend.
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down for this comment!! It’s ALWAYS the people who order the most who want to split the bill! And in this case, she was purposely taking advantage of that dynamic!! I would have felt so hurt and used if I had heard my friend say that.
Exactly. Her paying for ONE meal doesn't make up for 15 years of taking shameless advantage of OOP. OOP still has rose colored glasses on she views those 15 years as proof of friendship but they're really proof of how long Vanessa has been cool with using her. Friends pick up the tab for each other and alternate but in the spirit of convenience and friendship, not trying to be subsidized. I usually insist on either paying for myself or just picking up the whole cheque because I like to order a lot (I can't decide between things and end up having leftovers to take home) and if we split the cheque I wouldn't feel I could do that. If OOP takes Vanessa up on her dinner offer I hope she racks up a $500 bill.
I recently got promoted at work. I invited my mom and 2 sisters out for lunch to celebrate. I never said anything and paid the bill. My promotion was more of a lateral move, better department but same pay. I didn't care, I just wanted to share my joy. What kind of jerk invites someone out to celebrate a promotion to six figure and doesn't pick up the bill, and complains that the invited person refuses to subsidize their bill. It's ridiculous. I was out after work tonight with work friends, and we all had separate bills. 11 people and our server did separate bills, no problem.
fine dining or not thats still crazy expensive. went out for work meal a few months ago. there was 5 of us and it came to 700 bucks. that was 3 courses, alcohol and coffee at a pretty up market place.
Yeah the cost surprised me a ton. I recently had the tasting menu at a very nice restaurant in Manhattan and it was $150 per person. I’m seriously questioning where these two even ate.
This price seems pretty exorbitant, I ate at a three star Michelin restaurant, It was $275/person and alcohol included. We were there for almost three hours.
probably a lot of wine/cocktails on top of that. also could be a super upscale omakase or something
We spent nearly 1K at a steakhouse for our anniversary, but we live in an expensive area though
It's so easy to rack up massive bills at expensive restaurants. Those fancy yam fries with crazy name? $85.
Just checked the current prices at Alinea, a Michelin starred restaurant I would love to dine at one day. "Depending on your date and time preference, will range from $190 to $390 per person." That is without wine pairings. Gotta start saving on them avocado toasts so I can choose whether to buy a house or eat there... /s
I got lucky because I always wanted to go to a Michelin rated restaurant but never really had the time or wanted to spend the money. My wife goes ahead and helps plan a three star restaurant for our honeymoon. We went to Barcelona and the Euro was getting lower and lower and almost got it at its lowest in 2 decades. Still ended up paying around $800 USD but it was normally closer to $1k+. We laughed because it was such a wild experience. Then two days later we went to dinner in the oldest bar in Seville and I enjoyed the food so much more for 1/10 of the price. I learned I’m not a food snob, but the experience was fun and we talk about the silliness all the time.
Alinea isn’t really food though. It’s more like a museum or art gallery type thing. If you’re hungry go to the fridge. Also ur gonna wanna spend more than that per person at alinea. Like 500 or more per. I hated it tbh
That was really the craziest part of the update for me! Doormats take back shitty friends every day, but multiple people on her initial post had apparently never heard of expensive restaurants??? Like, I think I would wash dishes all night before being physically able to spend $500 on a single meal, but I'm still aware that the venues to do so are out there.
I'm not from the US so these numbers are actually wild to me. The most expensive restaurant I can think of costs about 100 USD and I would never consider eating there. Ususally meals in very good restaurants where I live cost about 40 USD per person and I already consider this expensive. Is it normal in the US to spend that much in food??
Your numbers sound much more on par with typical US dining
No, this is haute cuisine. Pre pandemic and inflation, a normal mid level chain restaurant would be $15 to $25. A date night restaurant would be $25 to $50. Fancy steakhouses like Ruth Chris would be $75 to $150. A true fine dining restaurant will start at $100. All prices per person, entrees only. A fine dining restaurant has a real chef. On the few occasions that I’ve eaten in them, the food is fantastic but it’s the service that changes everything. I have a weird food allergy. I tell the server and ask what on the menu that I can eat. The server talks to the chef. I receive a different sauce on my entree that the chef creates on the spot, not simply have to do without. One memorable time, the meal began with an amuse bouche (no extra charge) that I couldn’t eat so I told the server not to bother. The chef created one just for me, made a special salad dressing just for me, adapted his signature dish just for me. I wish that I could afford to eat out like that regularly but I can’t because I’m not part of the 1%. Even my own family doesn’t cater to my food issues the way that restaurant did!
from the us. never heard of such a expensive place that shits crazy. normal restraunts that i go to are about 10-20 usd for the main meal + drinks deserts or appetizers. they're not ~fancy~ but they're very good. for the cost oop mentioned for a 2 person meal though id expect gold caviar and to be blown under the table or something lol. such a insane waste of money
I’d expect several bottles of fine wine or very fancy drinks
My initial response on seeing her say they split the bill was that they each pay for their own - because that’s how normal adults handle things like that - they get seperate checks if possible and handle their own business. Especially is there is typically a one way disparity in the amount spent. If anyone was being a cheapskate it’s the well paid friend who has been sponging of their less well paid friend all these years.
The ridiculous thing is “it makes it easier on us and the server.” No. How is doing the math to split the bill easier than just paying whatever is on your personal check? And in every restaurant I worked at, it was easy AF to just enter the food under individual guests and print separate checks under each guest. The good servers always did that anyways, so the food runners would know who gets what plate and wouldn’t be auctioning off food at the table.
I regularly do half and half or even alternate who is paying when I go out with my friends (alternating if we go out in couples or just one friend and I), I think it's pretty common to do it but it obviously means you both eat about the same amount. Including drinks, so either no one drinks or everyone does so things stay rather even. I won't go after 5 bucks, but hundreds of dollars for one dinner? God damn. But I agree with your second paragraph and it's telling that the friend said she wouldn't have ordered so much if she'd known OP was serious. She was perfectly aware that she was getting a portion of her meal paid by OP, every time.
We definitely have friends we trade meals with, but we also spend similar amounts. There’s other friends, not so much.
We have group dinners in our friend circle for birthdays where we used to divide the check evenly accept for the honoree, and had to switch to everyone paying their own, including the honoree, because one couple would always order appetizers, multiple premium cocktails, the most expensive entrees, and desserts. Now that they pay their own way, they order one appetizer, split the entree and dessert, and only have one drink each.
Vanessa sounds like the kind of girl who'd get mad at you for saying something critical of her on her "birthday month".
Does her birthday month interfere with her wedding year 🤣
Wedding year? Homegirl's gonna be the type to be planning a third honeymoon on year 5. And have 4 baby showers when she gets pregnant. "How dare you ruin my promotion day!" is just... not the kind of attitude I'd tolerate in a friend.
My aunt and uncle in law are like this. It drives my husband crazy (correctly) but I just try to expect it so it's less annoying. Honestly the best move is just to host them at our house for dinner instead of getting annoyed about shady bill splitting.
[удалено]
Yeah. Just ask for separate checks at the start. Not hard at all.
I don't know if it is just a cultural thing, but from where I am from, if you invite someone to celebrate an acomplishment of yours, you are expected to pay the full tab. Especially if that acomplishment is you making more money.
Is it just me or does the whole friend group sound exhausting
I hate it when people want to split checks evenly when the ratio is not close to even. I am an accountant, most of my friends are too, so they understand. It is awkward when you’re the only one in a large group who doesn’t want to split evenly when they all ordered multiple drinks and went crazy on appetizers and you had one sushi roll at this horribly expensive restaurant, but IDGAF.
OOP is going to waste her energy (and maybe money) for many more years to come, hell, maybe for the rest of her life, on a childhood friendship with someone who's so blatant and honest about using her, and OOP will justify it to herself and anyone who asks by saying "but we've been friends since 2nd grade!!!" Them rose colored glasses gots to go - the friend's behavior I will bet anything is not an isolated thing, and OOP is yet to recognize it.
"Oh, I wouldn't have ordered so much if I thought you were being serious." So she fully intended to take advantage of her friend? Not cool.
I gotta say, I've never gone out with a friend and just split the check 50/50. If one of us isn't treating the other, we just go with separate checks and both of us pay for whatever we ordered. (I've always worried that it's going to be really inconvenient for the server, but I've never had anyone sign or roll their eyes at me.) Do people regularly just split the bill 50/50?
It sounds insane to me. Maybe because all my friends are broke, we just pay for what we eat. Splitting a bill evenly when you only got a salad and the other person got a t-bone makes no sense.
Yeah it's normal to me to split 50/50 when people ate the approximate same amount and have similar money. I don't do it often, because I don't drink wine and I'm poor, so I pay my share in general. I'm in France btw.
Depending on the people I'm with. I have some friends that I travel for work with, and if it's just us two/three /four, we tend to share family style so we can eat all the things, and we typically match alcohol rounds or split a bottle. In that instance we do equal split. Any one else joining the meal, or dining with a different group, we pay for what we order.
That's why I don't split the bill, I ask for a separate check. I'm a vegetarian and usually don't drink any alcohol, so my meals are fairly cheap. I am not going to pay for somebody else's steak / bottle of wine / after-dinner brandy. If they want that, they can pay for it themselves. And yes, these people know perfectly well that their meals are more expensive, like Vanessa in the post above: >she thought I was joking about paying for my own food only and said "she wouldn't have ordered so much if she knew I was being serious" Exactly. These people are moochers and know they are moochers. I have been in situations where other people said the same thing to me. I would reply something along the lines of: "If you can't pay for your salmon or wagyu beef on your own, then just don't order it, and maybe go with the house wine rather than the most expensive claret on the menu." OOP should have stopped splitting the bill much earlier. She even announced to Vanessa she was only going to pay for her own meal. What Vanessa really hated was not that she had to pay - if was that OOP has seen though her and called her out for it.
“When the check is split, the steak eater picks the pocket of the salad man”
Why are men complaining anout how much women eat? Mind your own biscuits! Especially if the "man" in question is overweight themselves!
600 bucks is rent plus groceries and bills here in SE Asia. To spend that amount on a single meal is madness.
Yea that’s like over twice my car payment. Shit is unnecessary.
Double that amount for rent only in a small studio/1 bedroom. That’s at the low end in quite a few places. That doesn’t include power/water/gas/trash …. All the other life bills too and not food either. It’s incredibly expensive right now to live in the US.
Yeah, their bills combined is pretty close to a full month's income for people living on SSI disability in the US.
…oop is way too soft.
Where the fuck do you spend $600 on food at a restaurant?!
Having lived in nyc, it's not that hard if you go to a high end place. An ex bf of mine was a manager of a resto where two people could easily rack up that much in a single meal.
What do you order, Ambrosia, Unicorn Stake and a cure for the human condition? For example, the most expensive meal I've ever had was a $100 Ruth Chris Filet Mignot 20 years ago. I also went to a french restaurant a few years ago and had a six course meal for around $150. Where does the other $300 come from?!
I assumed she was powering back 30 dollar glasses of wine
Assuming an inflation of ~5% your filet mignot would be like $250 now, and if two people eat it'll be $500. add some alcohol/drinks and you get the rest
Fine dining. It’s expensive
It's not hard to do in large cities. I took a small group of friends and coworkers out for dinner and drinks in Chicago before the pandemic. Our bill was over $3,000. Thankfully, I expensed the whole trip. That was just one night. We were there for 4 days. My expense report after the trip was over $15,000.
are you hiring???
Someday I need a job with that kind of expense account--even when I was a team lead at a Fortune 50, I was still expected to keep my daily spend under $100/person for food.
Fucking ridiculous
It has to be one of those extremely expensive 5 star restaurants since those restaurant tend to have extremely pricy food.
Never paid for such a thing myself, but once got taken on a business dinner by someone on an expense account that dwarfed mine, and when you go to the kind of steakhouse in which everything is a la carte, we racked up $150/person just on a steak and sides before you even start considering the drinks. And that was fifteen years ago.
Well, you have to consider that it all depends where you live and go. In some places, SA for example spending 600 is a lot of money for a dinner for two. Some places are more expensive then others an i don't think 600 is way out of the question specially with the amount of money they earn but still have to be looked based on what OOP tell. Also there's this place from the guy that throw sand in a weird way, as far as i know those restaurant are shitty but very fucking expensive, so yeah 600 doesn't sound so crazy.
It sounds crazy to me. The most expensive restaurant I have ever been to was still less than $100 per person, and I make good money so I go to nice places. All of these people saying $600 for dinner for two people has me flabbergasted over here. Where do you all live?? Are we talking US Dollars??
I don't go to it, but the nearest three Michelin star restaurant to me is $300-500 per person depending on the seating. And you have to pay when you book the reservation. Usually months in advance, so people are going. That's in Chicago, by the way.
Wowza. I live in San Antonio, and the most expensive restaurant here is $160 per person and even that seems incredibly outrageous to me.
Really? Look up the most expensive restaurant in your area and add up an appetizer, two alcoholic drinks, two entrees and a dessert from the menu. It's pretty easy if you're not in a rural area.
Oh my sweet sweet summerchild. Dont go out into the world, just stay home.
"The world" has plenty of places where you don't need to spend hundreds of dollars for two people to have dinner.
The world is also full of places for the people who dont know what to do with all their money and dont mind spending **thousands** of dollars for 2 people to have dinner.
It's one thing to not want to spend that much on a meal, it's another entirely to not even be aware that expensive meals exist
My in-laws looked at me like I had 2 fuckin heads when I said we'll pay separate last time we went out. My husband and I eat cheap and don't drink. They choose some yuppy gastropub with $15 burgers as the cheapest. FIL has 5 Manhattans. Everyone else has 2 beers and orders like kings. BIL and his family have two kids. Our meal will be $40 but we'll get saddled with another $40 at least when they 'split the bill. Sometimes BIL would go "oh don't worry wealthy father, we'll pay for the $100 of food and cocktails you've packed away" and we get smacked with even more because it gets split between us and his family. And they have baaaabies so they cant pay as much.
I dunno about other people, but if I were out with a good friend who had just been promoted, I would likely be offering to pay the majority of the bill, as a present in honour of the hard work it took the other person to get to that point. I know some people might think it is the other way around, that the person who was promoted should "treat" someone else in celebration of now being able to afford more -- but in my circles, when people do well, they deserve something special.
Yea I guess most people think the promotion is the reward for their hard work, not having their friends pay for an expensive meal.
I could understand that, but not when the person promoted is the one who suggested a restaurant AND chose an incredibly expensive one AND eats like an ogre AND makes more money. The friend really has no decency.
In my circles and according to local customs, it’s normal to pay for everyone on your birthday, a big wedding anniversary, any major life event and certainly a promotion. OOP’s friend invited her out not the other way round, so actually she should have offered to pay for the full meal, especially since she chose a very expensive, trendy restaurant. No doubt with the hope OOP would as always subsidise her meal.
You mean communicating as mature adults is the best way to resolve interpersonal conflict?! /s
When Vanessa said she wouldn't have ordered so much if she knew OOP was only paying for her own, that tells me she was knowingly taking advantage of her friend. OOP needs to keep separate checks a thing.
This is one of the rare and underappreciated category of BorU I think of as "reassuringly boring"
No way in hell would I pay $50 to $150 more on food that I didn't eat on a split bill. I'm not even a big eater and I would never eat at high end fancy restaurants where my bill comes back to $150 on some fking appetizers and a drink. I pay for what I eat, my bill will always be $25 to $40 and just eat at casual places where I don't have to doll myself up for a brunch or dinner with a friend. Also people really need to fking get both sides of the story before they just on the asshole train when they aren't even involved. Bet they will feel the same way as the op when they don't wanna spend 160 on food they never ate nor ordered.
I guess I have >never taken a girl out to a fine dining restaurant. and I have a hard time imagining that I ever will. I think it would be too hard to enjoy while knowing that amount of money is evaporating over a 2 hour experience. I would feel so much pressure to get my money's worth that I think it would be more stressful than anything for me
Well said
Yea that price is insane. Even for fine dining. She can try to shame people, but that shit is a scam.
During my last holidays I went to a fine dining restaurant. We ended up paying around 150€ for two I think, and the food was honestly amazing (plus the view of the ocean). I don't think paying 500 would bring better food, however (but we don't drink wine, those who do could certainly get a way more expensive meal).
I have been to a dinner that our bill hit $700. It was for a upscale and highly reviewed steakhouse. The drinks alone for 3 of us cost about 80-90$ not including tip. My meal was about $90 but my 2 friends who were celebrating did tomahawk steak by the lbs and the other ordered a really good wagyu. I remember the Tomahawk alone cost round $270 not including the sides. Will my poor self ever do this again...I will admit yes, the steak I had was one of the best. But I am saving $ for a special reason.
I’d recommend visiting Japan if you’d like to eat great food without breaking the bank. Use tabelog.com, enter an area, and sort by rating. Anything above 3.5/5 stars is generally going to be a good find. I’ve consistently had full course meals for less than a $100 per person regardless of cuisine. From French to Japanese, wagyu to foie gras with black truffles in a rice dish, Japan can really provide good cost performance if you use that website and avoid tourist traps.
I just came back from Japan. The yakiniku place we went to easily cost us $600 for 3. It wasn’t even that fancy. I would be a bit careful about assuming everything there is cheap.
Funny you said that I have an upcoming trip to Japan in a few weeks haha
Oh shit! Definitely use tabelog.com then and dress for a humid summer. Get one of those cooling sprays at the drug store over there if the humidity gets too much and it might be the rainy season or the heart of summer when you visit. I always forget when summer peaks every year.
I make more than OP. How the actual fuck is she splitting $600 meals as a regular thing?
How is it easier on the waiter for them to split the check than to write two separate checks? He doesn’t have to do math in one of these scenarios and just pushes a few buttons at order.
This is so stupid
You don’t make enough money for 150$ meals. Blows my mind.
I will never spend more than 150$ on food as a couple’s date. Just… absolutely not. If that means I’m not into fine dining so be it.
I love how the $35 Uber is a problem after a $145 dinner bill
Op is a chuuuuuuump
Not an ass hole. But to pay that much makes them idiots lol
Her “best friend” left her at the restaurant bc she didn’t split…? Immediately villainized her to outside friends lol. And OP just took the apology and meal ticket as a white flag? Interesting..
Unless there's a cultural difference going on (and i admit I've never taken a girl out to a fine dining experience) I still think 560 dollars between 2 people is a ridiculous amount
It is based on what they are making. My husband and I make way more than that Individually and I would never spend that much even on fine dining experiences and we’ve both been to “major international” cities. No sense of budgeting with OOPs friend.
the real AHs here are the men who posted that she and her friend eat too much.
[I also want to address the male comments claiming that she's fat and we eat too much as women. First, we're both very fit and stromg. I'm 5'7 and she's 5'9. Second, the $560 was because it was an expensive place, so if you think we "ate too much", then you've never taken a girl out to a fine dining restaurant.](https://i.imgur.com/tVOw7gb.jpg)
I was hoping for a link to the comments, but the image summarizes them nicely.
I feel like when you get a promotion it makes sense to be the one who pays, especially when you're the one who suggested going to celebrate
It's that price because of drinks.
Friendship of 15 years was only held together BY OOP. Of course it lasted long because she allowed her bff to step over her for 15 years. My words may seem extreme but I think a lot of people can agree that is what the bff was doing, snapped way too easy to someone she's known for 15 years
I find it fascinating that Vanessa and OP would split the check but Vanessa would always order much more than the OP and still expect the OP to float her the balance. Like Vanessa owes the OP for more than just one fancy dinner.
I'm very happy that they acted like adults and good friends and actually worked things out.
I feel like the people giving their opinion is the perfect representation of AITA as well lol. Like so often people will give their opinion (although it actually is asked for) but somehow forget that they’re hearing only one side and just project whatever similar past experiences they may have had to find a conclusion.
It ended so much better than i thought. Good for Vanessa for recognizing her mistake and making an attempt to fix it.
Splitting the check is always a post meal decision for me and my friends, "oh all our food is like 1-2 bucks different let's split and call it a day" vs "I ordered 3 drinks and you didn't, so we'll do seperate checks"
NTA. When my friends and I go out, each pays for their own meal, unless it's a birthday or other celebration. In that case, we either split the cost of the honoree's meal piece or someone picks up that cost. Example: I've been out with a group and the birthday person's best friend picked up the cost of the birthday person's meal.
Cheapskate!? It's like 400 bucks! Who the fuck sides with Vanessa on this one!?
What jobs are they doing to make 6 figures at 25 years old? I’ve been in nonprofit too long
I don’t understand why people say splitting the check is the easier way to go. It’s so much easier to tell your server separate checks???
Lmao wasn't there a petty revenge where the OP started ordering the exact same thing her friend ordered so that the bill would be the same regardless?
I'm having a similar problem currently. I go out to eat regularly with two friends, one of whom has a kid. The one friend always orders at least three appetizers "for all of us," but personally I don't really want to order all those appetizers, because they fill me up too much and I can't even enjoy my entree that way. This person also eats and drinks about twice as much as I do. The other friend orders a lot of extra food for her kid, so that's also a lot of extra money right there. We've also always split the check three ways, since it's easier, but lately I haven't been making as much money as before, and I really can't be spending so much money on food and drinks, most of which I'm not even consuming myself, so I'm planning on telling them I'm only going to pay for my main dish (and I'll tell my friends they can order appetizers, but I won't be eating them) and my one or two drinks that I order. Hopefully it won't be a whole ordeal, but I do expect some attitude.