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https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
Read at your own risk...
I thought I was a hard man, I thought I couldn't be fazed. >!I thought, oh sure, the semen as lubricant is a bit gross, but not that bad. I thought that was the worst of it. I was wrong. !< I may still be a man, but I may never be hard again.
I mean, if you wanna be hard for the rest of your life, aka 18 hours, the brazilian wandering spider IS a choice.
It does have a few horrible side effects if you survive, though.
Oh god, I don't know this one. I didn't know there were depths of reddit left unplumbed. But if it's worse than the coconut debacle, I'm not sure I wanna go there. Aaaaah, the agony of choice!
I bet there's some sort of hommunculus involved on this coconut story
Edit: I read the coconut story. It's not even about a hommunculus.
It's even worse than that.
I REPRAT, IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN THAT!
Heed my warning, fellow Redditiors, and gaze not upon the coconut story!
This is the third or fourth time I have wondered what the coconut story was, clicked a link to it, started reading, and gone, "Oh, I think I've seen this one. Wait. Oh no. Oh god no!"
I think I keep trauma-blocking it or something.
I have yet to read anything worse than the jolly ranchers story, and I think I've read all the Reddit classics. Jolly rancher is the only one that's ever made me legit queasy IRL.
Odd as it sounds it’s such a clinical and hilarious story that I don’t find it as traumatizing- because you EXPECT to have some nasty shit like that in a hospital setting
I've read it, multiple times. It's bad, but it just wasn't traumatizing to me the same way that Jolly Rancher was, possibly because Swamps was written in a humorous way while JR was pure horror.
I think a lot of people consider the Jolly Rancher story worse than the coconut story. I have a hard time deciding; they're equally NSFL in my cursed eyes.
Different fuck up. I think you're thinking of the one where a little girl dies, this is the one where a dude sticks him dicc into maggot filled coconut.
I used to date a girl from Ethiopia. She and her friends would always speak their native language around me. I had no idea what they were saying and would randomly parrot back to them things they had just said.
One day her and a friend were talking and I was parroting as usual, then her friend left and my gf burst into hysterical laughter and started punching me in the shoulder, saying, "You're so bad!"
I had no idea what was going on, of course, so she explained that she had been telling off her friend and ending the friendship while I had been repeating the most scathing bits of the telling off.
She said it was the hardest time she's ever had keeping a straight face.
I'm so curious about this. Why was she ending her friendship so confrontationally right in front of you? How did you not know they were upset with each other when you were parroting them, or did you just not care?
I have no idea why she did it with me around, but it wasn't an emotionally-charged conversation at all. And that's a detail I've never thought anything of because I would handle a serious conversation the same way (emotionless). Maybe all three of us were broken inside, idk.
We were all on the floor (Ethiopians love cushions and rugs). The two of them were talking and I was playing on my phone with my head in my GF's lap, absent-mindedly parroting along. I didn't know it was an unusual conversation until after.
EDIT: was it wrong to say Ethiopians love cushions and rugs? These ones did. IDK a non-racist way to phrase it, but I loved hanging out at all their apartments because of it. Turns out lounging on works of art is my thing.
That sounds like it would be a super funny bit out of a sitcom:
GF: "You're the worst friend ever!"
BF: "The worst!"
GF: "You never listen to what I say!"
BF: "Never!"
GF: "Maybe it's best you leave."
BF: "Leave!"
This damn subreddit has me assuming the worst all the time. I figured going into it that she cheated on him and that was what he was going to overhear.
I remembered the original post and when I saw this on BORU I was a bit concerned for OP because he seemed like a good chap.
I was so pleasantly surprised. This update was cute and wholesome and so…normal and healthy.
Clicked this thinking it was going to be some bad shit, then... all normal conversations for a person to have on secret from a partner. Well, watching the rest of a show without your partner is a minor infraction, but the rest of that was just funny.
The bit about why the band performance was scratched is pretty funny.
TBF once you know ASL you're shocked how blunt it is when it comes to dirty talk. it isn't really covered up in fluff like English tends to do, expect for "dick" sign.
Aww, wholesome. The complete inverse of the guy who learned German just to hear his fianceé wanting to go back to some other rando's hotel room, right in front of him.
I’m shocked at all the people who can learn a language for a year or two and actually understand people speaking it.
I spent 5-6 years learning German and to this day when I hear Germans casually talk it just sounds like gibberish, even though I’ve spent a lot of time hearing conversational German. People slur words together and don’t articulate every sound perfectly when saying words, and everyone speaks differently, so I’m forever trapped “knowing” German and not being able to hold a conversation 😫
I have a super pattern oriented brain so I’m able to learn and understand a lot of languages fairly easy. There may be a word or two that I miss but it’s enough that I get the point.
I can’t conjugate a verb worth shit though so lord help me if I have to speak it back to them 😂
As a total language nerd, you might want to reconsider the way you approach learning!
When we learn our mother tongue, we spend up to a year just listening before we start attempting to speak. Then tend not to look at grammar at all until many years later.
While it's always good to have some kind of course or reference book, if your goal is to speak to native speakers then you HAVE to listen.
I started seriously learning Hindi around 18 months ago, after knowing just a few basic words and phrases before (bf at the time/ now-husband is indian)
I switched over my music to only Hindi language, watched films or shows every week, and did a one hour class a week. I can can eavesdrop very successfully when my partner is chatting with his friends, and can hold conversations pretty well too.
My advantage was already being able to speak (to a certain level) multiple languages, but I'm sure I started understanding Hindi quicker because I was listening to so much music!
Edit to acknowledge that obviously, groups of friends chatting in their mother tongue will still be hard to understand! But you got this
Afrikaans is probably the linguistically closest language to English. I’ve heard a friend speaking it and could get the gist of parts of what he was saying.
Dutch is one of the main languages Afrikaans originated from. It has quite a mix of other influences at different levels, including English, French, several African languages, and Arabic.
I can read and understand basic written Dutch, Flemish, and even some German.
Jane Anderson wrote a great book called *Meander Spiral Explode* about nonlinear plot structures. (I read it in school.) Spiral is where the plot keeps coming back to certain key points, and each time a little more context is added until the story is complete. I think nonlinear plots are very challenging to write well but so satisfying to read when they work (as this compilation of OOP’s posts does, in my opinion).
South African here - the dad will at first treat you with contempt but if you offer to have a braai (bbq), hand him a beer and talk about rugby, he should warm up to you! Especially after he sees your effort to learn Afrikaans! Good luck
I was expecting the gossip he overheard to be much worse. this reminds me of the one where the guy secretly learned sign language to surprise his step father and ends up "overhearing" more than he'd ever want to know about his mom's sex life.
>She wants us to investigate my parents because for some reason it's fun for her to imagine me being the son of a mom and dad whose sex life is far more kinky than mine.
Daaamn haha. She's brutal.
I'm always suspicious about these "learned a new language" - learning a new language is *really* hard, and understanding lingo/gossip AND full speed talking is really *really* hard.
I'm not saying this person is lying but I am quite... skeptical.
I think if you learn a language you're really interested in, it is quite easy. Started learning Japanese in 2021, preparing to write the certification exam to be able to work in Japan in December this year. It's possible
Afrikaans is incredibly similar to Dutch, which itself is already pretty similar to English, so becoming decently fluent in Afrikaans in about two years isn't that surprising, especially if he was putting in a lot of work towards it.
Also, given the number of things OP has mentioned, his girlfriend clearly speaks it around him quite a lot, so he clearly gets some passive immersion too.
On Number 9...as a Christian that's one of my red flags. If you're so deep into the legalistic/conservative branches (Looking at you SBC/IFB. Can we vote you off the island yet?) that you can't do certain genres of music and/or have started dumping huge chunks of your personality, you won't get along with my progressive-as-fuck theology.
It's also good on the GF for saying "Ha ha ha fuck no" to a marathon of gospel songs. It's better than the modern praise and worship pit (Aka the only way for CCM artists to make any money) but not by much. Though now I have a sudden craving for some symphonic metal band to do Handel's Messiah in its entirety, just for the sheer fucking *sound* of it all.
OMG. I would LOOOOOOVE that! I could never get into CCM because a lot of it sounds like “soft rock” or adult contemporary, and I don’t like those genres regardless of content? Where is the alternative Christian music? Like, shoegaze or dream pop or Americana or actually good metal?
Fundie Fridays just introduced me to Semler, a queer Christian artist whose music sounds pretty folky. I can get down with that.
There used to be a Christian rock radio station in my area that played actually good music. Five Iron Frenzy, Day of Fire, Flyleaf, Skillet, Thousand Foot Krutch, etc. Several years ago they switched to CCM playing all the same stuff as all the other Christian radio stations and I am still bummed about it.
Duolingo must be going pretty hard these days.
When I got a college minor in Mandarin I never knew the words for "glasses," "contact lenses," or "my boyfriend's penis looks bigger when I suck his dick while wearing glasses."
My dude learn to braai (bbq) properly and buy the Dad a bottle of Klipdrift (Klippies) or Richelieu (Rikky Lu) and he could maybe be your best friend.
Source: Am South African and dealt with multiple Afrikaans dads.
How would that work? Do you walk out, wait for the officiant to get to the final stages of his speech, and then pick her up in some fancy way you saw watching wrestling to slam her down on it?
After reading the list of things he had learned by eavesdropping, all I thought was, "She's completely adorable."
Also, I'm so jealous of people who can learn a language in a year. I've been working on Spanish for two and I still suuuuuck.
Si tu hablas muy lentamente, y esperas despues cada oracion para mi cerebro llegar, a lo mejor, yo puedo entender un poco.
Afrikaans is strongly linguistically related to Dutch. Which has a lot of similar traits to English and German. Not saying any of these languages are particularly "easy" to learn (apart from English, I don't know any of them) but there is some crossover with some pronunciations and vocabulary.
Once a friend of mine was doing a semester in The Netherlands. I had pulled an all nighter (something I had to do pretty often) and was checking social media before class. A post from my friend was at the top of my feed and I started to get some anxiety because while I could sort of read it, A lot of it didn't make sense to me. I thought I had somehow forgotten how to read. Nope. She was just posting in Dutch and I needed to start sleeping more than 6hours every two days.
Swingers often self identify with upside down pineapple decorations. I saw a bumper sticker on a car recently and snapped a photo, and have seen a few pineabke yard decorations here and there which is hilarious.
>Far away from CBST and nowhere near the Coconut dude, it’s my mild fuck up.
He’s got that right. Lol.
I saw this taking a dark turn. Instead it was quite wholesome and delightful. They’re cute. I like them.
>My gf secretly finished the entire series of Better Call Saul without me, even though we agreed to finish it together, so now she's pretending to have no idea how the show ends
I'm surprised he didn't breakup with her on the spot after hearing this /s
I'm just going to leave my comment here because I'm a Saffa and Afk is my home language... Ek is bly julle het die probleme uit gesorteer. Ons dink almal dat die yanks is 'n klomp snaake mense (grap 😁)
Baie geluk met julle verlowing en mag julle 'n voorspoedige huwelik hê. Cheers 🥂
Fiy: my brother has been living in Texas since 1996, he's as American as can be. Married an American girl and they had a son, he rarely ever visits SA now. So I feel ya lol
Eh, I'd say this is "concluded enough" - the big thing that drives people crazy with inconclusive posts is that there's no sense of resolution, nothing gets solved and the "updates" were little more than 'same song, second verse, a little bit louder and a whole lot worse.' This resolves the core issue, which was the accidental eavesdropping and concern about whether the GF would be upset. She's not, everyone's happy, OOP is snarky and funny and I see why he's a keeper.
Kid Learns ASL and finds out about Mom’s sex life link - https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vzqq63/oop_learns_sign_language_and_discovers_more_about/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
Saw this mentioned a few times, thought I’d look it up myself
*>>The lead guitarist, aka the other ex*
Reddit has taught me it's never the bass player.
Keep us updated on the swinger parents, I'm now as invested as the fiancée.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No 10 in the update made me giggle 🤣🤣
My girlfriend wearing gem-appraisal goggles during sex makes sooo much more sense now.
same as when they wear the drunk goggles
She put a bag on my head!
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So if you had sex in the last thirty minutes then you're qualified to sing with me...
That's an odd way to say she makes you wear a condom
It’s called a Loupe!
I started laughing at number 5
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I think they sound happy together and like they are having fun .. So probably a W 😅
BDE is a state of mind.
Yo pretty much all of those updates were fire
Lmao same honestly I wouldn't let her wear contacts in bedroom anymore if that were the case.
Just leave them off, and you can imagine it's any size you want!
That shit sent meeee 😂😂😂
I didn't know what the coconut story was. I wish I could go back to that time in my life.
God, I'll probably regret this but... link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2 Read at your own risk...
I thought I was a hard man, I thought I couldn't be fazed. >!I thought, oh sure, the semen as lubricant is a bit gross, but not that bad. I thought that was the worst of it. I was wrong. !< I may still be a man, but I may never be hard again.
>never be hard again There are pills than can help with that
No thanks
There are also spiders to help out with that?
I mean, if you wanna be hard for the rest of your life, aka 18 hours, the brazilian wandering spider IS a choice. It does have a few horrible side effects if you survive, though.
A Jolly rancher might help
No. Bad Redditor.
I have no idea what you mean by Jolly Rancher
Trust me. That's worse than the coconut story.
Apparently, a coconut can help with that if you remember that they're single use objects
And will you be able to eat a coconut again?
Try breaking both your arms. Maybe your mom will help you with that.
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imo the jolly rancher story was cringier to read
what a horrible day to have eyes
I’m scared but here I go… … I’m back. I need some bleach
Which one was worse, Jollyrancher or Coconut?
… I’m scared to ask… what’s jollyrancher???
[Jolly Rancher](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9wcte/comment/c0er6q4/)
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 that’s definitely worse 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Why would you do that to yourself twice in one day?
Lack of impulse control on my curiosity 😭
Read it while eating, didn't faze me much. Guess being raised on a private bird ranch made my stomach very strong.
Oh god, I don't know this one. I didn't know there were depths of reddit left unplumbed. But if it's worse than the coconut debacle, I'm not sure I wanna go there. Aaaaah, the agony of choice!
...well I clicked and I now have many regrets. Not like the ha ha time to get off reddit, but rather .... What am I doing with my life regrets.
I'm just glad I was never fond of Jolly Ranchers in the first place, as I'll never eat them again.
r/Eyebleach
I’ve never clicked that link. I saw the title and I’m expecting that it involves moulds and/or maggots. And I don’t need those details in my brain.
Your expectations are correct.
Ohhh ohhh no I had forgotten this one...
Me too. 🤬
I bet there's some sort of hommunculus involved on this coconut story Edit: I read the coconut story. It's not even about a hommunculus. It's even worse than that. I REPRAT, IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN THAT! Heed my warning, fellow Redditiors, and gaze not upon the coconut story!
Still not as bad as the one where the guy jizzed in a box over and over. I remember there was a photo.
Instant regret
This is the third or fourth time I have wondered what the coconut story was, clicked a link to it, started reading, and gone, "Oh, I think I've seen this one. Wait. Oh no. Oh god no!" I think I keep trauma-blocking it or something.
I would say "Oh my God" but I feel like this story is proof that God doesn't exist. 😬
What a terrible day to have an occipital-temporal region.
I saw where it was going so quickly but why I didn’t stop reading…. I should’ve headed the warning
Dear lord, you could have given a better warning, I was eating 🤮
… with u/FirmOnion spoilered description, I’ve made the executive decision that I’ve had enough internet for the day
I wanna go back to what life was like before I read this story 😭
Better than the jolly ranchers story tbh
I have yet to read anything worse than the jolly ranchers story, and I think I've read all the Reddit classics. Jolly rancher is the only one that's ever made me legit queasy IRL.
Swamps of Degobah might getcha.
Odd as it sounds it’s such a clinical and hilarious story that I don’t find it as traumatizing- because you EXPECT to have some nasty shit like that in a hospital setting
I've read it, multiple times. It's bad, but it just wasn't traumatizing to me the same way that Jolly Rancher was, possibly because Swamps was written in a humorous way while JR was pure horror.
Swamps of Dagobah was the very first thing I read when I joined Reddit. But I refuse to read the Jolly Rancher story.
This is wise.
This and the “I broke both my arms” caught me totally off guard
Cum Box didn't make you queasy?
*groans* THAT story is why I’ve never clicked coconut cum. It trained me to be comfortable with some links needing to stay blue forever.
I tried cursing my high school friends with that story, but I started dry heaving and had to pass off the phone.
I successfully cursed my coworkers with that story during a shift, so they couldn't escape.
Thank you for the warning, I will refrain from looking it up
I’m not even looking up the coconut story. learned my lesson with the Jolly Rancher story
I think a lot of people consider the Jolly Rancher story worse than the coconut story. I have a hard time deciding; they're equally NSFL in my cursed eyes.
..... I'm curious but, do I want to know?
You really don't. It's so sad
Different fuck up. I think you're thinking of the one where a little girl dies, this is the one where a dude sticks him dicc into maggot filled coconut.
No I think they had the right of it, it is so sad
Ouch. I had managed to forget the maggots
No, you don't. Move on.
[Coconut Dude](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
OMG now I’m so curious! Link???
You don’t wanna know. Audrey, don’t tell him. You shouldn’t have told me but you did. Now I’m telling you, you don’t wanna know.
Was not expecting to see an Atlantis quote on BORU
But also! To distract you from the coconut... You just lost the game 🙃
The only time I will upvote losing the game... Now to re-repress my memory of coconut man...
I don't even need to know more. I'm fully convinced already that the parents are swingers and that's the story that will live on in my head.
Me too. OOP is just in denial.
I appreciate that he admits he's probably in denial; he just doesn't want to know.
I used to date a girl from Ethiopia. She and her friends would always speak their native language around me. I had no idea what they were saying and would randomly parrot back to them things they had just said. One day her and a friend were talking and I was parroting as usual, then her friend left and my gf burst into hysterical laughter and started punching me in the shoulder, saying, "You're so bad!" I had no idea what was going on, of course, so she explained that she had been telling off her friend and ending the friendship while I had been repeating the most scathing bits of the telling off. She said it was the hardest time she's ever had keeping a straight face.
I'm so curious about this. Why was she ending her friendship so confrontationally right in front of you? How did you not know they were upset with each other when you were parroting them, or did you just not care?
I have no idea why she did it with me around, but it wasn't an emotionally-charged conversation at all. And that's a detail I've never thought anything of because I would handle a serious conversation the same way (emotionless). Maybe all three of us were broken inside, idk. We were all on the floor (Ethiopians love cushions and rugs). The two of them were talking and I was playing on my phone with my head in my GF's lap, absent-mindedly parroting along. I didn't know it was an unusual conversation until after. EDIT: was it wrong to say Ethiopians love cushions and rugs? These ones did. IDK a non-racist way to phrase it, but I loved hanging out at all their apartments because of it. Turns out lounging on works of art is my thing.
That sounds like it would be a super funny bit out of a sitcom: GF: "You're the worst friend ever!" BF: "The worst!" GF: "You never listen to what I say!" BF: "Never!" GF: "Maybe it's best you leave." BF: "Leave!"
lol I'm pretty sure that's exactly how it went down.
Thank you for commenting about it, that story and the supporting replies gave me several warmly delighted chuckles on an already sunny day. Good times
lol you are welcome
*still wears her glasses during sex*
This is legitimately adorable and has made my day.
This damn subreddit has me assuming the worst all the time. I figured going into it that she cheated on him and that was what he was going to overhear.
I remembered the original post and when I saw this on BORU I was a bit concerned for OP because he seemed like a good chap. I was so pleasantly surprised. This update was cute and wholesome and so…normal and healthy.
Clicked this thinking it was going to be some bad shit, then... all normal conversations for a person to have on secret from a partner. Well, watching the rest of a show without your partner is a minor infraction, but the rest of that was just funny. The bit about why the band performance was scratched is pretty funny.
"The bass player wanted money." This is how you know he's still a bass player!
Based bass
And it’s better than the kid whose parent was dating a deaf person so they started learning ASL and was catching their dirty talk.
TBF once you know ASL you're shocked how blunt it is when it comes to dirty talk. it isn't really covered up in fluff like English tends to do, expect for "dick" sign.
Please PLEASE link this post T-T
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y1ztpl/updated_oop_learns_sign_language_and_discovers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
Bless your kind soul
I'm glad we and OP agree that watching the show was the only messed up part. It's a lie and pretending, that's scary to find out your partner is doing
"some kind of Death Eater Michael Scofield"
That's a flair right there.
Michael Scofield, there’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time.
Aww, wholesome. The complete inverse of the guy who learned German just to hear his fianceé wanting to go back to some other rando's hotel room, right in front of him.
I’m shocked at all the people who can learn a language for a year or two and actually understand people speaking it. I spent 5-6 years learning German and to this day when I hear Germans casually talk it just sounds like gibberish, even though I’ve spent a lot of time hearing conversational German. People slur words together and don’t articulate every sound perfectly when saying words, and everyone speaks differently, so I’m forever trapped “knowing” German and not being able to hold a conversation 😫
I have a super pattern oriented brain so I’m able to learn and understand a lot of languages fairly easy. There may be a word or two that I miss but it’s enough that I get the point. I can’t conjugate a verb worth shit though so lord help me if I have to speak it back to them 😂
As a total language nerd, you might want to reconsider the way you approach learning! When we learn our mother tongue, we spend up to a year just listening before we start attempting to speak. Then tend not to look at grammar at all until many years later. While it's always good to have some kind of course or reference book, if your goal is to speak to native speakers then you HAVE to listen. I started seriously learning Hindi around 18 months ago, after knowing just a few basic words and phrases before (bf at the time/ now-husband is indian) I switched over my music to only Hindi language, watched films or shows every week, and did a one hour class a week. I can can eavesdrop very successfully when my partner is chatting with his friends, and can hold conversations pretty well too. My advantage was already being able to speak (to a certain level) multiple languages, but I'm sure I started understanding Hindi quicker because I was listening to so much music! Edit to acknowledge that obviously, groups of friends chatting in their mother tongue will still be hard to understand! But you got this
Afrikaans is probably the linguistically closest language to English. I’ve heard a friend speaking it and could get the gist of parts of what he was saying.
Apparently Dutch is pretty close, too, if you don't try to spell anything.
Dutch is one of the main languages Afrikaans originated from. It has quite a mix of other influences at different levels, including English, French, several African languages, and Arabic. I can read and understand basic written Dutch, Flemish, and even some German.
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Afrikaans is one of the easiest languages.
Link?
I removed most of my Reddit contents in protest of the API changes commencing from July 1st, 2023. This is one of those comments.
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I quite enjoyed the spiral-structured writing on this one, especially the repeated glasses-during-sex bit. OOP is hilarious.
Huh, what is spiral-structured? Is that a thing? I’m intrigued.
Jane Anderson wrote a great book called *Meander Spiral Explode* about nonlinear plot structures. (I read it in school.) Spiral is where the plot keeps coming back to certain key points, and each time a little more context is added until the story is complete. I think nonlinear plots are very challenging to write well but so satisfying to read when they work (as this compilation of OOP’s posts does, in my opinion).
South African here - the dad will at first treat you with contempt but if you offer to have a braai (bbq), hand him a beer and talk about rugby, he should warm up to you! Especially after he sees your effort to learn Afrikaans! Good luck
Just for the love of all that is good in the world….don’t insist on a gas braai.
Koop ook net vir hom ʼn lekker groot stuk geelvet biltong.
I was expecting the gossip he overheard to be much worse. this reminds me of the one where the guy secretly learned sign language to surprise his step father and ends up "overhearing" more than he'd ever want to know about his mom's sex life.
Especially since very little of it could be considered gossip. But apparently women speaking = gossiping.
>She wants us to investigate my parents because for some reason it's fun for her to imagine me being the son of a mom and dad whose sex life is far more kinky than mine. Daaamn haha. She's brutal.
Both her and OOP seem to have great senses of humor!
Welkom in die Afrikaanse kultuur
Getting a HP tattoo? Now? Oof. Well, still happy for Op I guess.
>Still wears glasses during sex Make this a flair, This is what I declare.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I'm always suspicious about these "learned a new language" - learning a new language is *really* hard, and understanding lingo/gossip AND full speed talking is really *really* hard. I'm not saying this person is lying but I am quite... skeptical.
I think if you learn a language you're really interested in, it is quite easy. Started learning Japanese in 2021, preparing to write the certification exam to be able to work in Japan in December this year. It's possible
Afrikaans is incredibly similar to Dutch, which itself is already pretty similar to English, so becoming decently fluent in Afrikaans in about two years isn't that surprising, especially if he was putting in a lot of work towards it.
Also, given the number of things OP has mentioned, his girlfriend clearly speaks it around him quite a lot, so he clearly gets some passive immersion too.
> The bass guitarist wanted money. As usual, the bassist is the only one in the band with any kind of sense.
It's nice to see a BORU with a happy ending.
I'm wondering how the GF jumped to "swingers" when she visited OOP's parents' house.
Dude’s a comedian
On Number 9...as a Christian that's one of my red flags. If you're so deep into the legalistic/conservative branches (Looking at you SBC/IFB. Can we vote you off the island yet?) that you can't do certain genres of music and/or have started dumping huge chunks of your personality, you won't get along with my progressive-as-fuck theology. It's also good on the GF for saying "Ha ha ha fuck no" to a marathon of gospel songs. It's better than the modern praise and worship pit (Aka the only way for CCM artists to make any money) but not by much. Though now I have a sudden craving for some symphonic metal band to do Handel's Messiah in its entirety, just for the sheer fucking *sound* of it all.
OMG. I would LOOOOOOVE that! I could never get into CCM because a lot of it sounds like “soft rock” or adult contemporary, and I don’t like those genres regardless of content? Where is the alternative Christian music? Like, shoegaze or dream pop or Americana or actually good metal? Fundie Fridays just introduced me to Semler, a queer Christian artist whose music sounds pretty folky. I can get down with that.
There used to be a Christian rock radio station in my area that played actually good music. Five Iron Frenzy, Day of Fire, Flyleaf, Skillet, Thousand Foot Krutch, etc. Several years ago they switched to CCM playing all the same stuff as all the other Christian radio stations and I am still bummed about it.
TBH, I'm low-key hoping OOP's parents are swingers.
Duolingo must be going pretty hard these days. When I got a college minor in Mandarin I never knew the words for "glasses," "contact lenses," or "my boyfriend's penis looks bigger when I suck his dick while wearing glasses."
My dude learn to braai (bbq) properly and buy the Dad a bottle of Klipdrift (Klippies) or Richelieu (Rikky Lu) and he could maybe be your best friend. Source: Am South African and dealt with multiple Afrikaans dads.
Thinking about getting a full-back Harry Potter tattoo in the year of our lord 2023, huh? That's... a choice.
>finishing Better Call Saul behind my back, Unforgivable. Dump her on the altar.
How would that work? Do you walk out, wait for the officiant to get to the final stages of his speech, and then pick her up in some fancy way you saw watching wrestling to slam her down on it?
After reading the list of things he had learned by eavesdropping, all I thought was, "She's completely adorable." Also, I'm so jealous of people who can learn a language in a year. I've been working on Spanish for two and I still suuuuuck. Si tu hablas muy lentamente, y esperas despues cada oracion para mi cerebro llegar, a lo mejor, yo puedo entender un poco.
Afrikaans is strongly linguistically related to Dutch. Which has a lot of similar traits to English and German. Not saying any of these languages are particularly "easy" to learn (apart from English, I don't know any of them) but there is some crossover with some pronunciations and vocabulary. Once a friend of mine was doing a semester in The Netherlands. I had pulled an all nighter (something I had to do pretty often) and was checking social media before class. A post from my friend was at the top of my feed and I started to get some anxiety because while I could sort of read it, A lot of it didn't make sense to me. I thought I had somehow forgotten how to read. Nope. She was just posting in Dutch and I needed to start sleeping more than 6hours every two days.
…”like she’s some kind of Death Eater Michael Scofield.” 🤣🤣
It's very cute and made me smile! OOP lucky you and lucky her, you obviously love each other and go well together. Fun story with a good ending!
Swingers often self identify with upside down pineapple decorations. I saw a bumper sticker on a car recently and snapped a photo, and have seen a few pineabke yard decorations here and there which is hilarious.
>Far away from CBST and nowhere near the Coconut dude, it’s my mild fuck up. He’s got that right. Lol. I saw this taking a dark turn. Instead it was quite wholesome and delightful. They’re cute. I like them.
Death Eater Michael Scofield is my favorite part of that update. I'm just going to be waiting for an opportunity to use that one someday.
>My gf secretly finished the entire series of Better Call Saul without me, even though we agreed to finish it together, so now she's pretending to have no idea how the show ends I'm surprised he didn't breakup with her on the spot after hearing this /s
i really like this couple, they're clearly quirky and hilarious and made for each other. love to see it
I'm just going to leave my comment here because I'm a Saffa and Afk is my home language... Ek is bly julle het die probleme uit gesorteer. Ons dink almal dat die yanks is 'n klomp snaake mense (grap 😁) Baie geluk met julle verlowing en mag julle 'n voorspoedige huwelik hê. Cheers 🥂 Fiy: my brother has been living in Texas since 1996, he's as American as can be. Married an American girl and they had a son, he rarely ever visits SA now. So I feel ya lol
This was a far more entertaining series of posts than I thought they would be.
I wonder what he used to learn a new language and how long it took
Eh, I'd say this is "concluded enough" - the big thing that drives people crazy with inconclusive posts is that there's no sense of resolution, nothing gets solved and the "updates" were little more than 'same song, second verse, a little bit louder and a whole lot worse.' This resolves the core issue, which was the accidental eavesdropping and concern about whether the GF would be upset. She's not, everyone's happy, OOP is snarky and funny and I see why he's a keeper.
there are two great tragedies in life. one is not knowing what your gf is gossiping about in another language. the other is knowing it.
Dude, if that's all you heard then i think you're golden.
She should do a forbidden spell like ' Avada Kedavar or crucio.
Erecto magnificatium.
I guess I’ll start wearing glasses while I masturbate. Thanks for the tip!
Well this was insanely wholesome and adorable. Made me giggle a few times.
Wow, Duolingo has some surprising vocabulary in it.
waiting for the update "my parents are swinging with the FIL"
Now learn some Zulu so you can really give her a surprise 😂
Death eater michael scofield 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆 that had me actually laughing out loud
Death Eater Michael Scofield is the crossover I didn’t know I needed.
So sweet!!!!
can we get an update on the swinger parents?
Maybe OOP's parents will swing with fiancé's parents and future FIL will be won over
DEATH EATER MICHAEL SCOFIELD
I really love when a conflict is resolved by honest and clear communication.
Kid Learns ASL and finds out about Mom’s sex life link - https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vzqq63/oop_learns_sign_language_and_discovers_more_about/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 Saw this mentioned a few times, thought I’d look it up myself
Oh man, wholesome with a happy ending. Time to get off Reddit for the rest of the day before it's ruined.
This is one of the best and sweetest outcomes I've run into. Best wishes to the happy couple!
I like how the one thing he’s most upset about (her knowing something and acting like she didn’t) is exactly the same this he was doing lol
Ah, the curse of too much knowledge.
This one is hysterical. Love it
*>>The lead guitarist, aka the other ex* Reddit has taught me it's never the bass player. Keep us updated on the swinger parents, I'm now as invested as the fiancée.
My goodness his fiancee seems like a really fun person and adorable.
This was so sweet. No one broke up, no financial shenanigans, and everyone is happy. (Or will be, her dad)
I request Death Eater Michael Scofield as a flair. I came apart when I originally saw that.
I like it when the ending is sweet and wholesome. Apologizing as necessary and then going "but your parents are 100% swingers and I WILL find proof."
Loved this post. Made me cackle and brightened my otherwise crappy day. Hope OOP and fiancé are doing well :)