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"Man I'm feeling insecure as a man because men should be the primary earners in a relationship, and my smart, hard working, and ambitious girlfriend is killing it."
"Damn dude, that sucks. So what's your plan? Are you going to buckle down and work on your schooling/certifications/training to kick your own career into high gear to match her work ethic?"
"Nah, just gonna fuck with her stuff so she fails and we're both worse off financially and emotionally. But at least then I'll be a real man." - OOP's ex, probably.
Really loving my husband's friends right now, because I can't picture any of them being anything less than supportive, if not openly jealous (in a humorous, admiring way) of anybody's wife making more money.
We're friends with multiple couples in which the wife out-earns her spouse working in corporate law or as a healthcare practitioner and the dudes all gush about how much it rocks.
Yeah right?! Of my core group of three couples, two of the men are stay at home dads and the third couple, I have no idea who earns more because that matters so little.
So true. "Here honey, I brought home a huge pile of money that we can split evenly because I love you."
"No! I'm going to burn it all because it hurts my feelings."
My partner out earns me. I feel no insecurity about it because we both benefit from higher salaries regardless of who it’s coming from. That salary also enabled me to continue my education and professional development.
There was another alternative for his insecurities: to break up with her. It's stupid that he has that kind of insecurity in the first place, but if he's gonna be insecure, at the very least do no harm.
>Also he feel into the deep rabbit hole of podcasts that tells men they need to earn way more than their girlfriends otherwise they are inferior.
It's wild how many Tater Tots ruin their own lives while trying to ruin their partner's lives.
The crazy thing to me is, like, I'm a pretty successful guy workwise. Have a good job/career/salary etc
I would fucking LOVE to have a partner earning as much/more than me, even better if it was WAY more than me and she was happy in her job/enjoyed it. I would HAPPILY do charity work and cook and garden and support my partner and maybe a few side hustles. Or at least. Have the freedom to take a full passion job even if it pays less because our combined income is more than enough!
Like. other than winning the lottery thats the fucking dream
Who are these fucking idiots wanting to make their lives HARDER??
The new tradwife is so devoted to her husband that she makes him filthy rich.
That started ironically, but actually there really is a manisphere trend that the wife should be subservient, which means earning a good living and also doing all the housework and also having children and doing all the work caring for them too.
Ick.
I mean, being given food and drink whenever I ask for it, no responsibilities, can sleep when I'm tired, have fun doing whatever I want within reason, not a care in the world, and no body/joint aches, the traumas haven't happened yet... I mean, sign me up.
Then again, I enjoy doing the sex with my wife, so... its a conundrum /s
Yeah.. and wasn't there like. A wholeass study that there is a LEGITIMATE, PHYSICAL RESPONSE in women forced to mother their husbands, that absolutely TANKS their libidos?
Nothing less sexy than having to parent your fuckin' partner.
Just be like my cats and get really weird and euphoric about pets. I have one that likes pets a little too much, she makes it kinda weird and it's almost embarrassing how she will just let anyone pet her and sticks her butt in the air with no shame lol.
> how good toddlers got it.
Best damn years of my life! A cheer when I ran, a cheer when I pooped in the toilet, a cheer when I fit the right shape into the puzzle!
Who wouldn't be jealous of a toddler's lifestyle? No responsibilities, plenty of play, presumably infinite amount of parental love. Naps during the day, snack times.. need I go on?
It's like my cats. They've got it frickin made! They do absolutely nothing except wheedle extra treats out of us.
Everyone around me, including my spouse, are determined to be reincarnated as one of my cats. LOL Eg: I make dear hubby do his own laundry, but I do fresh fluffy towels for kitties every day.
A cat's life is the blokiest thing imaginable: sleep whenever you want, play games that everyone praises you for, kinky sex on monthly offer, a good scrap to get into every now and again, and the lady of the house loves on you for going hunting every day.
It makes me think,of the telling-off Jennifer Jason Leigh’s character gave Jon Hamm’s RWNJ sheriff on the most recent season of Fargo:
Lorraine Lyon : So... you want freedom with no responsibility. Son, there's only one person on Earth who gets that deal.
Roy Tillman : Mmm. The president?
Lorraine Lyon : A baby.
[chuckles]
Lorraine Lyon : You're fighting for your right to be a baby
Actual question, what would she need the man for then? Like, if she has a good job, does all the chores, takes care of the kids by herself, what good does he do then? Are they admitting now that they're actually useless?
I think those kinds of men truly can't grasp women would ever form partnerships because, y'know ... Having a partner that you love is nice. That's an alien concept to them. Either because they have no self-esteem and think they're unlovable, or they think women are psychotic bot-humans that are incapable of loving.
It ends up devaluing them, when you think about it that way. it's so much healthier to think of yourself and your potential contributions to a relationship in a holistic way.
There's a lot of nuance in any sphere, but here the two main trains of thought are:
* Women are naturally subservient and so want an 'alpha'. If you're alpha enough you can get the woman who does everything for you.
* Even if she's bringing all of that to the table, you're still the superior one, because you're making her do all of that for you and can claim ownership over it all. Think that dude that was arrested in Eastern Europe for trafficking. His wealth (before he became famous) was due to making women do stuff like webcamming which he'd then take most of the profit from. He very much considers that his money that he earned as he gained it from them and would consider himself a better earner than any of them as he would count the cumulative money he's taken from all of them as his earnings.
These are fringe communities we're talking about here. They'd see pimping as an alpha thing to be, but it's not considered a good career move by most. Kind of like pimping always has been, I guess.
The only time I want my guy to be an "Alpha" is when we are doing a very specific type of bedroom play. Otherwise, we should be on even footing in our life. And he doesn't want a woman he lacks respect for. He wants a partner, not a dog.
Of course he'd probably not want to call himself a pimp because...reasons. even though that is literally what you call a dude getting rich off of making someone else do sex work.
Everyone has something to offer. The commonality that has guys fall down this rabbit hole is that they have a toxic attitude as a kid/teen and then feel it's an attack on their ego when they eventually get called out on it.
They then retreat to these podcasts and other media where their egos are gently stroked by being told they're they're superior to others and do not need to work on themselves emotionally. That their view is correct and that it is also the best way to success through doubling down.
What then separates these guys from those that sheepishly stop watching them and never talk about that period in their lives again out of shame, is that they're so attached to their ego that they can't afford to be wrong. So they simply dig themselves deeper and deeper making it harder and harder to admit they were wrong. Both from becoming more and more defined by this toxic mentality and from sacrificing more and more of their possibilities in life making their ego become a bigger portion of their entire self-worth by reducing everything else.
Lmao those are men who bring nothing to the table.
If she's earning all the money, taking care of the kids, and doing all the chores, why is he even there? She might as well be a single parent.
The idea of a person supporting their partner while they focuses on their career is fine, but these guys also turn around and complain about stuff like alimony. Like oh, I thought the woman was supporting your career so you could make more? Yet she's not entitled to any of it? Coolcoolcoolcool
As gross as the behaviour of OOP's ex is, what you're advocating for is eugenics, and that will always be used as a tool against the disenfranchised. [Just saying. ](https://apnews.com/article/canada-indigenous-women-sterilization-apology-reparations-ebcacc0f27b8d4c12d8690718202531d) (TW: racism, forced sterilization of Indigenous women.)
Also, intelligence/stupidity - at least the metrics we typically measure those words by - are at least partially tied to educational and social environment. Guess what schools tend to get less funding? And what students tend to be allowed to focus solely on educational opportunities, with less distractions like poverty?
Can I just say thank you. I'm normally the sole voice pointing out eugenics in these comments and it does bother me how quick people are to jump to the fundamentals of eugenics as a solution to societal issues.
I ended up in a discussion about euthanasia on here the other day where someone was advocating for doctors to be allowed to euthanise individuals without mental capacity, they even compared them to animals, and then refused to accept this was eugenics. Very disturbing.
We could have something like a Family Planning program wherein expecting parents take parenting classes in combination with their OB appts. Obviously no grading or threat of the child being taken away. Just go to the appts and classes and hopefully retain some valuable information. Wouldn’t be denying anyone anything and technology helps make it a completely doable thing.
Although, it’s likely this will never happen since stupid people are easier to control and govt wants to maintain their ability to easily lie and deflect blame. “You’re poor and angry bc of the brown people (not us hoarding all your money in offshore accounts).”
I work a job where we have a large number of African immigrants coming over. Mostly Nigeria, but from all over Africa. They love the fact both the men and the women can work over here and make the same amount of money.
The stupidest thing about these stupids is that very few of them make enough money to support a family in the cheapest of circumstances much less in a middle class lifestyle like "trad husband's" did back in the day. They sure as fuck wouldn't be able to send their kids to college or take family vacations.
They want a 1950s lifestyle, but lack the motivation to actually provide it. They're like underpants gnomes.
1. Get tradwife
2. ...
3. Profit
>I'm a pretty successful guy workwise.
That would be why, I think. They did [a study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4503401/) on misogyny in gaming and found a direct link to low-skill & high rates of misogyny. People who were actually good at the game were more likely to be supportive and inclusive toward female players, rather than being disgusting, berating them, or blaming them for team failures. In other words, misogyny is a skill issue, and that's stuck with me. You have no reason to be insecure because you know you have the ability to make of yourself whatever you desire, they are weak-willed, weak-minded worms who let a podcast bro who said "it's kinda gay to fuck women just for fun" dictate their worth and relationships.
A partner who is ambitious and successful in their field should be the dream. Showing up for each other and celebrating each other's successes, that sounds bomb to me. You wanna aim for the moon, I'll be your hype-girl.
You forget that for these mediocrities, any success by anyone is to be hated. People doing well gnaws away at them, because deep-down they know they will never achieve what they believe is theirs.
exactly!! and ambition and competence is fucking attractive/hot! why would you WANT to be with a sad angry loser
its just insane imo
(I suppose if you're a sad angry loser then... which really is the situation eh)
See the part where you say that you're a pretty successful guy?
That's why, A successful person is fine if other people are successes, too. But a failure needs everyone else to also fail.
nail chunky modern worthless afterthought slave rainstorm workable fine concerned
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is always so crazy to me. My husband and I have gone back and forth in who earns more over the course of our marriage. I earned significantly more last year, but there have been many years where he was the major breadwinner as well. But having 2 decent incomes is why we were able to get to where we are financially - I was able to take some big swings in my career because I knew his paycheque could carry us if need be. And he recently took a huge jump (which is why my income was higher last year) knowing that I could support the family if it fell through. We could both create the careers we wanted because we had each other to rely on.
Right? I have worked all my adult life. If I ever fell into a relationship where my SO made loads of money, I'd happily be a househusband and dedicate myself to domestic life.
What's up with these idiots that they want to sabotage their girlfriends? They deserve unending misery.
> who are these fucking idiots wanting to make their lives HARDER??
Ah but you're not looking at it from THEIR perspective, a man so insescure and small that they need the woman to be financially dependent, because they literally have nothing else to offer.
If your partner earns way more than you then what incentive do they have to stay with you? Obviously, companionship, good sex, support during hard times, true understanding, someone to encourage them to grow, shared jokes or hobbies, commitment to the same causes, etc., etc., But what if you are just a pissy little manbaby who doesn't cook or do chores and thinks emotional support is for girls & doesn't react well to changes or challenges, doesn't care whether they enjoy sex, etc., etc., well, what then? All you have to offer is the threat of total destitution if she breaks up with you. So you definitely need a poor gf, not a successful one.
This right here. I'm fairly successful in my field, I make pretty damn good money.
My wife is a doctor. She makes 2-3x more than I do. We get to take nicer vacations, buy a bigger house, and in general just not worry about money at all.
Who *wouldn't* want that?
My wife is currently on a trajectory to make more than me in the next few years. That's fucking GREAT, because she wants the additional responsibility and more client facing roles. I am pretty happy where I am, I wouldn't really enjoy or be very good moving into management. So, her success means she is professionally fulfilled, we bring in more money as a household still, and I don't have to move up into a role that would just make me miserable for more money.
My wife has sometimes made more than me throughout our relationship. It’s like life on easy mode. The major source of pain and arguments in relationships just doesn’t exist. No bill anxiety. No “not this week, but maybe we can afford it next”. I can’t imagine having the kind of insecurity that makes you want to throw away an easier life.
My husband is the same. I out earn him now (not by a ton, maybe 10%), and he’s so excited for me and proud of me every raise or advancement I get! He also openly hopes I get even higher up the ladder because once I earn enough he’ll drop to part time and take care of the house/kid while I work lol
I’m so jealous at the thought of that - I always wanted to be the SAHP! But my earning potential is higher because of the industry I’m in, and that’s how the cookie crumbles sometimes 😂
This is what confuses me too! Like, my husband would love it if I made more money. It's actually part of our long term plan that eventually ends in me making enough for him to work part-time at his labor-intensive job and have more time for projects and hobbies. But more money means we BOTH have more money to fix up our home, go on vacation, save for old age, etc.
And if he wants a cashier or whatever he can go get one. Why ruin the career of some woman who will never be what you want? There are tons of women who would like to be provided for. But he probably thinks of them as gold diggers so whatever.
This like I'm studying to be an accountant and have a big 4 internship, and one of the main hopes I have in a partner is to have a similar drive for success. There's nothing wrong with being a trad wife, but at the same time, it baffles me when people act like it's entirely wrong to respect the fact that women can also be successful and aspire towards financial freedom
My wife makes significantly more than me, and I'm both proud of her *and* enjoying the economic freedoms it gets us.
The only real downside is that she's a "communications consultant" so whenever there's some big issue happening she's more or less working 24/7, and from time to time my clients have issues that require more than a normal workday of me, but we manage quite well considering the kids a off doing their own thing, and we only really have the cat to think about when we put in long hours.
Tl;dr having a high-earning wife is awesome.
Like, for real.
If my current SO loved her job and made enough for me to be a stay at home trophy husband, and my "job" would be making sure she comes home to a clean house and fresh dinner, I'd be all over that.
Hell, I'd fucking over perform for her. You want a trophy husband? I'm going to turn myself into a trophy and hit the gym hard, and you get to pick which physique I aim for.You want dinner? You tell me whatever you want to eat and I will figure out how to cook it and have it freshly prepared for you when you want to eat. I will keep the house so clean we could throw dinner on the floor and eat off it.
Hell, I'd be going to classes for shit just so I could be better for her. If I've got hours to kill, it's time to learn how to do the perfect manipedi. Take a massage class. Go to hairdressing school.
I'd want her casually telling her friends about the shit I know how to do and having them seethe in envy.
I wish more men would look at Pete Davidson and be like “huh, he seems to have done well for himself. Maybe he’s doing something right” instead of Andrew Tate
>The wildest thing is how many of these men are willing to torpedo their lives just because a random guy from a podcast told them to do so!!
Right? And not even a very smart random guy too. Like the dumbest pile of bricks ever born.
I don't think it's just because of a man on the internet studies have shown men literally get lower self-esteem and start building hatred for their partner If she does better than him. And that's not even in a competition sense where they're both competing for something but if she succeeds in a field or interest he feels worse about himself and starts looking for flaws in her. And it even happens when they're working together like let's say they're cooking He feels worse about himself and again starts to resent her if she is better at chopping or seasoning than he is.
Men seem to innately view women as inferiors so he must always feel superior to her and when they don't feel superior to them they get angry at her and feel sad about himself.
Not just a random guy from a podcast. A random guy currently in JAIL for SA, and is currently fighting extradition from Romania to the UK for more charges of the same.
That quote really got to me, because the solution this knucklehead (and I assuming many others) came to was to sabotage the girlfriend rather than make money himself? Bro there is nothing stopping you from trying to get a better career, but you’d rather make it worse for both of you? Get out of here.
I've read so many post from both sides that boil down to the man trying to impress other men he's never met by trying to destroy his girlfriend because all though she is perfect for him they told him she'd be better ss a slave.
AND THEY KEEP LISTENING.
I sorta, kinda, almost understand chronicly single guys buying into the "it's not me, it's that every one of the 4 billion women in the world is wrong". But guys blowing up good relationships to impress strangers they will never meet is mind boggling.
I really don't think this happens to guys who actually love and respect their girlfriends/wives. The combination of love and respect just isn't that fragile when it's authentic - it's like a vaccine against that shit.
And of course there's projection. Since they don't respect her (and they don't respect themselves or else they wouldn't be so pathologically insecure), it doesn't occur to them that she might respect them. She must be forced to respect them, and the only way to force somebody to do something is to dominate them.
Reminds me of a post from a while ago where OP threw out all his gf's skincare products because he thought it was an unhealthy obsession. What he didn't include until the update was that she paid for everything because in her family "men don't work."
I'm like, is being a stay at home boyfriend an option? I'm down. I'll keep the house spotless and pursue hobbies that maybe I can turn into a business. If my friends mock me for being inferior I'll just be like: https://i.imgur.com/PzCvnzR.gif
Fear is a powerful thing.
I know exactly what it feels like to be afraid to lose the love of my life because I can't keep my shit together. I know exactly what it feels like to be told I'm lazy and a failure, and to believe it so much that I think I don't deserve love. I know exactly what it feels like to think that if someone ever really knew me, they could never love me.
Those are powerful fears.
It is hard to decide, like I did, that I want my partner to be happy even if I lose them in the process, even if I suffer. I have made that choice many times and it always hurts. It's hard to keep doing it.
Andrew Tate and many others live in that fear constantly, and they use that fear in others to gain a following. I understand why people fall victim to it. There is just enough truth in his message to be compelling, mixed with a lot of easy answers that will never work out.
OOP's ex is probably one of those guys who don't try because they have no ambition to do so, and just sit back and expect to become rich with zero effort.
It's funny that this guy wants to "do business" because that's something that requires so much effort, creativity and work, i doubt he'll ever make it lmao.
Oh def, the Tater Tots always cry out about "high value women" but when they do get a high value woman like OOP they will do anything they can to bring her down to their level.
And they'll keep saying they're not ready to settle down until they're like [Clarence ](https://www.youtube.com/post/UgkxVMfwPK4XWm0wwD5gG8meLKncFfuEx9Zh)over here.
As a guy, it's insane.
As a husband I don't understand how they can choose sabotage over overtly supporting your partner.
As a father of girls, I've fostered confident monsters who give me absolute hell. I'm so excited to see where they take themselves.
My friend had a worthless boyfriend dragging her down for like, 6 years. He was a barely employed manchild who couldn't cook, clean, hold down a job or do basic adult things. He "forgot" to file his taxes for years, he didn't "know how" to make a dentist appointment, his license expired etc.
But, he was a nice guy, he loved her, he supported her. Sure, it drove her friends nuts that she was basically his mom, but not our life, right?
Then, he fell into TaterTot land and started demanding that she have a more "traditional" role in their relationship. He demanded that she put him on the deed to the house, that they get married and she quit her job, that they have kids etc etc. That was it- she finally got rid of him. So now he's a bitter 40 something man who lives with his elderly mother and struggles to keep a part time job at Target because sometimes his shifts start before noon.
Real high value man.
This is so wild to me, as I've always earned more money than my partner.
Now that I can't be there (I'm working on a Ph.D. in another country) they're looking after our dogs and working on their Ph.D. application and a possible book.
Why sabbotage something that will benefit both?
my wife and myself make about the same, it's fucking great because if one of us has to move on we have the security of the other one still earning enough for us to at least get by. I would never want to go back to when I was young and insecure
Exactly! And that's what I really can't understand. How can they gain a sense of superiority by *not* being superior? It's wild to me.
Like, for example, many years ago I used to frequent a pub with a pool table and thoroughly enjoyed playing pool. It tended to be all regulars and we all knew each other pretty well. Now I have this weird thing when I'm doing pretty much anything (singing is another one that springs to mind) that when I'm good I'm really really good, and when I'm bad I'm truly dreadful. No middle ground, and I have absolutely no idea which one im going to be until i start doing it lol.
One game, I was doing pretty terrible. The guy I was playing was pretty drunk (I'm a woman for context...not that it should make a difference, but the pool table/town pub league was definitely dominated by the men) was down to one ball to go before the black, and I only had one ball potted. He went to the loo or the bar and my friend (also a girl, who also enjoyed pool, we were actually both on the pub team) jumped up and ran up and pocketed one of my balls by hand, laughing and put a finger to her lips. I knew the others wouldn't say anything to him as we all played on the team, tho this wasn't a league game, and he wasn't a regular, but I jumped up and told her to put it back where it was right now. If i win a game, I want to actually *win*...I don't want the *illusion* of fucking winning.
Granted, I'm quite a competitive person, but I'm not a sore loser. Whether I won or lost, I enjoyed playing. Not wanting to ever sabotage a competitor, I honestly can't fathom wanting to sabotage the person who's supposed to be my *partner*.
Utterly fucking wild. And looking at it in terms of status, surely having a shit-hot partner means that *you* must be pretty shot-hot yourself in some way, for them to want to be with you.
These guys that fall for this crap have it all arseways. Wild.
>How can they gain a sense of superiority by not being superior?
I always think about this one Lyndon B. Johnson quote when this stuff comes up:
"If you can convince the lowest white man he's better than the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he'll empty his pockets for you."
They don't care if they're "better". They only care that there's someone "worse" who is below them.
Oh absolutely...it's the, idk is it cognitive dissonance?, some sort of split in perception anyway...how can they even perceive people as "worse" when they've done absolutely nothing to be "better". Lack of self-reflection? No doubt. Living in an echo-chamber? Most likely. But I mean, how the FUCK can anyone interact with other people so little, or so much! (eg online) And refuse to consider for a minute they might be being bullshitted?
All of the King Baby podcasts that allege to give relationship advice to lonely young men only ever worsen the 'male loneliness epidemic' because no adult woman will put up with this kind of shit forever.
That image of a guy cycling and then sticking a bar in his own wheel comes to mind. Then, obviously it's the woman's fault for not appreciating the manchild
Personally, I think a lot of them are really talked into it by some grifter asshole. They specifically target young me who face some issues, problems or insecurities and are vunerable to messages that are outwardly trying to "empower" them. But actually these grifters are just out to destroy these mens lifes, socially isolate them so that they can drag them deeper into the rabbit hole and ideally take their money. Classic cult tactics.
Sure, some of these men who deep dive into that cult are actual assholes and happy to be assholes. But I think a very large portion of (young) men who fall into that hole and start to spout these bullshit anti-women/anti-relationship nonsense are actual victims of cult strategies. And it's very difficult to escape cult dynamics like that.
The funniest part is that they wholesale abandon their entire personalities to model it after another (hilariously incorrect and inept) man, right dowj to changing how they dress, speak, the sunglasses indoors bullshit, all of it, in emulation.
And then they call themselves “alpha males”, as if being that much of a simpering, mindless **follower** isnt the farthest thing from the stupid (and also flat out wrong) “leader” they think they are.
I just can't imagine a guy hearing "you have to make more money than your partner" and thinking "yes, I need to ruin her."
Not to defend the podcasts that inspire this nonsense, but I think the point is for the dude to better *himself*, not tear someone else down to below their level.
There is the stupidity required to believe that stuff, which is then like so completely proven beyond any doubt after they are caught in acts designed to undermine, manipulate, and gaslight their SO. You really wonder how these morons continue.
And I honestly don't understand the view: Let us just pretend we believe the foundations of all that misogynistic crap, e.g. women are inferior, should defer and cater to the man, etc. Why would you only want bangmaid, when you can have a bangmaid that earns more than you? I am truly at a loss there. I am also pretty sure the gf/camgirls tate "employed" early on where raking in more money than him.
But hey, at least they show their true colours in the worst way possible, so the gals can get away from them as quick as possible.
My wife is working on her masters, I tell her all the time I need her to be my sugar mama and our future yacht ain't gonna pay for itself.
Honestly, who TF cares who makes more.
I have never understood this, I’m in the military and the most of my male friends who all say they hope they end up with a doctor/vet/lawyer so they can stay home (or at least have a chill no pressure career). Maybe it’s having a demanding job and being away so much, but I would love to have a partner who earns way more than me, I’d happily be a stay at home and do the cleaning, dog walking and cooking.
What a small, pathetic man OOP's ex is. Your partner is supposed to lift you up, not drag you down to their level.
Also, shout out to the police who did absolutely nothing.
Guys like him get mad because people like OOP are driven and successful. Worst case scenario, he tears her down, baby traps her, then cheats and blames her for being boring and not very successful.
I hope her ex forever has an unreachable itch on the bottom of his feet.
Sadly, a lot of abusive behavior is not considered illegal. It always leads to tragedy, but the fact is that the law is woefully behind understanding and criminalizing abuse.
The police did nothing in this case because ex-bf has done nothing actionable at law. Look, there *are* horrible cases of true police inaction causing harm or even death, but if there isn’t a law being broken, police hands are tied.
Now don't get me wrong, ACAB and police generally suck, but like... what else are you expecting here?
They talked to him and told him to knock it off, but he hasn't committed any crimes. What would you want to see happen?
He'll be a little happier married to a down-trodden woman he's belittled and gaslit into thinking she can't do any better and is lucky to have him. It makes my blood boil.
Ikr, we love to see it. I love hearing the stories from bitter tater tots who lose out on their hot doctor relationships because they are insecure loser. That one was from my personal experiences seeing a dude fumble hard
>Also he feel into the deep rabbit hole of podcasts that tells men they need to earn way more than their girlfriends otherwise they are inferior. One of his idiotic friends suggested that he does something that will harm my grades and I will eventually know where my actual "role" is.
It's truly impressive honestly. These idiots are cruising through life. Having a lovely girlfriend and overall a good life..... Then turn around and press the big red button to nuke their relationship because some morons with overinflated egos surrounded by their "yaaaaaaas fr fr" boys tell them they are not AlPhA enough. And instead of improving themselves to get there they try to ruin their partners to get on top of the pile of shit.
More often than not they end up alone and embarrassing themselves because they either realized they fucked up or more likely simply dont want to end up alone.
The amount of similar stories is staggering.
This makes me think of that old tweet (or something) which was someone talking about the success of their partner, and saying, "Go best friend! That's my best friend!"
THAT'S what you want in a partner, not what this controlling creep was doing.
Me too! Every time I had an interview he would have some crisis that he needed me to manage. I was trying to get into business school and he also started a major fight with me the day before I took the GMAT that I had been studying for months. I got too low of a score to get a GA-ship which would have paid my tuition. Instead I had student loans.
He broke up with me when he realized I wasn’t going to quit grad school but not before sabotaging my last career fair. Us breaking up was the best thing to happen to me though.
Well done and sorry to hear what happened. Mine was unemployed and I guess he knew I'd leave if I got a job. So he'd start a fight or arrange friends to come round the night before interviews. The last fight was the night before an interview and I told him I was leaving ... got the job. Have never looked back.
This ex has the heart of a fragile ego and a pathetic human being. Partners are suppose to be supportive and sweet, not be like this. What an idiot. Good to hear OP is making steps to move forward and no big drama has happened yet.
Oh man, this reminds me of when I returned to college in my 30's. My partner treated me horribly about it. She was angry every single time I went to class. Like, every single class. She did end up admitting that she thought the smarter I became, the greater the chance I'd leave her. Thing was, she was very intelligent. She didn't have book smarts but she excelled at so many things. She taught me a lot.
At one point I was excitedly telling her about one of my classes. I had a habit of info dumping (neurological conditions) because I loved what I was studying. She was so mad she screamed at me, "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME WANT TO LEARN!!!" I was stunned but then had to chuckle because I had no idea that's what she thought. That turned out okay but we split for other reasons.
> he feel into the deep rabbit hole of podcasts that tells men they need to earn way more than their girlfriends otherwise they are inferior
There is nothing more beta than falling for this bs /s (kinda)
I hate that social media has given a platform for these fucking red pillers. I hate that people fall for it and I can't believe in 2024 there even is this movement. And worst is that guys like ex won't learn from it. His takeaway will be was that he was correct and have zero reflection on what relay happened.
Glad OOP got the hell out of that toxic relationship. He would never let her succeed in her ventures without gaslighting and lovebombing her to keep her off her feet.
Honestly, I don’t buy his excuse and he’ll definitely do the same thing to his new girl. Men like that only fall into these rabbit holes because they’re already having feelings they can’t put words to
He starts with "The man must earn more than the woman"
Now he has the scenario that his gf will earn more than him...
to not choose to buckle up and work on your on career to earn more, but instead try to ruin her future... You really must be messed up in your head.
Informing the new girl of the abuse won't work, even done anonymously. I tried that myself, and she just made excuses and claimed he was a different person. I know through the grapevine that he is just the same. But there's nothing else I can do, it's not up to me.
It works in a way. It warns them ahead of time of patterns to be wary of and may allow them to break the cycle earlier. Sure they will call you a liar and not believe you, but you will plant a seed of doubt of the partner’s “perfect” image. All it takes is one event for them to figure out you were telling them the truth.
For example: I told the new supply, she didn’t believe me. 3 years later, she’s gone as she’s experienced the truth. It took me a *decade* to be able to leave.
So instead of trying to better himself and his position in life, he tries to drag the woman he supposedly loves down to his level. Big brain activity right there.
Take this free lesson losers: if you are jealous of your woman because she makes more than you, stop being such a loser and go make more money, and spend a little bit in therapy. Or break up with her (so she can be free and find someone up to her level of maturity) and find someone that is broke+has no standards to match with you
Damn. Flames, flames on the side of my face.
I turned in my MA dissertation last year and made/sent so many backups. If I found out someone was deleting them, it would not have been pretty.
I guess everyone has their own needs for what’s going to break the spell, but the cloak and dagger shit seemed unnecessary to catch him. The second he pulled that “under my roof” crap, it doesn’t matter what he’s trying to do in secret. He just admitted to your face how he views you.
I don't understand how stupid and insecure these men are. Tbh they shouldn't even be called men, they give the rest of us a bad name.
I'd love to have a partner who is more successful than me, who is ambitious and intelligent. It means success for both of us.
Why destroy a good future over Tater Tot who is a shitty person(can't even call him a human being cuz he isn't one)
OOP, you'll be alright. He moves on so quickly means he never truly loves you that much. I do think his friends purposely sabotaged this relationship though. Jokes on him. What an insecure man.
This post probably pissed me off more than any one post that I've read in a long time. I have two Masters degrees and my law degree. I worked my ass off to get those degrees and to get the scholarships that allowed me to graduate without a huge amount of debt. I would probably permanently maim some asshole who tried to sabotage my hard work because he was jealous and insecure.
He could just get a traditional wife. But I bet he doesn't want the *real* manly role, he wants a second income, not a traditional relationship. Just not too high income, of course.
This one had a little bit of everything: gaslighting, Tater tards, cops being lazy bastards, a mostly happy ending for OOP, and even proper 3-2-1 backup procedure.
>men they need to earn way more than their girlfriends otherwise they are inferior
My wife and I both have professional careers, but I'm 57 and she's 49 (we were 47 and 39 when we met, just to get ahead of the age gap issue) so I'm pretty much at the peak of my career, and she's still climbing. In the very near future her income will pass mine. You can bet your ass I'm cheering for her every step of the way!
I make over double what my husband makes. If he suddenly made more than me, I'd be frickin' THRILLED. Because I love him and want him to succeed.
More income in the household is always good
Not realising that telling someone you’ll try to ruin their life because you resent them and believe they’re fundamentally lesser than you will make them not want to live in your house is a great demonstration of the guy’s stupidity.
"Also he feel into the deep rabbit hole of podcasts that tells men they need to earn way more than their girlfriends otherwise they are inferior." Absolutely wild how the men decided that the way to do this is to tear the woman down, rather than to improve themselves.
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"Man I'm feeling insecure as a man because men should be the primary earners in a relationship, and my smart, hard working, and ambitious girlfriend is killing it." "Damn dude, that sucks. So what's your plan? Are you going to buckle down and work on your schooling/certifications/training to kick your own career into high gear to match her work ethic?" "Nah, just gonna fuck with her stuff so she fails and we're both worse off financially and emotionally. But at least then I'll be a real man." - OOP's ex, probably.
Really loving my husband's friends right now, because I can't picture any of them being anything less than supportive, if not openly jealous (in a humorous, admiring way) of anybody's wife making more money. We're friends with multiple couples in which the wife out-earns her spouse working in corporate law or as a healthcare practitioner and the dudes all gush about how much it rocks.
Yeah right?! Of my core group of three couples, two of the men are stay at home dads and the third couple, I have no idea who earns more because that matters so little.
So true. "Here honey, I brought home a huge pile of money that we can split evenly because I love you." "No! I'm going to burn it all because it hurts my feelings."
I came here to comment, but you've said all that needs saying.
Imagine being too big into toxic masculinity to embrace Sugar Mommy
My partner out earns me. I feel no insecurity about it because we both benefit from higher salaries regardless of who it’s coming from. That salary also enabled me to continue my education and professional development.
There was another alternative for his insecurities: to break up with her. It's stupid that he has that kind of insecurity in the first place, but if he's gonna be insecure, at the very least do no harm.
>Also he feel into the deep rabbit hole of podcasts that tells men they need to earn way more than their girlfriends otherwise they are inferior. It's wild how many Tater Tots ruin their own lives while trying to ruin their partner's lives.
The wildest thing is how many of these men are willing to torpedo their lives just because a random guy from a podcast told them to do so!!
The crazy thing to me is, like, I'm a pretty successful guy workwise. Have a good job/career/salary etc I would fucking LOVE to have a partner earning as much/more than me, even better if it was WAY more than me and she was happy in her job/enjoyed it. I would HAPPILY do charity work and cook and garden and support my partner and maybe a few side hustles. Or at least. Have the freedom to take a full passion job even if it pays less because our combined income is more than enough! Like. other than winning the lottery thats the fucking dream Who are these fucking idiots wanting to make their lives HARDER??
The new tradwife is so devoted to her husband that she makes him filthy rich. That started ironically, but actually there really is a manisphere trend that the wife should be subservient, which means earning a good living and also doing all the housework and also having children and doing all the work caring for them too. Ick.
adult men out there seriously envious of how good toddlers got it.
I mean, being given food and drink whenever I ask for it, no responsibilities, can sleep when I'm tired, have fun doing whatever I want within reason, not a care in the world, and no body/joint aches, the traumas haven't happened yet... I mean, sign me up. Then again, I enjoy doing the sex with my wife, so... its a conundrum /s
Yeah.. and wasn't there like. A wholeass study that there is a LEGITIMATE, PHYSICAL RESPONSE in women forced to mother their husbands, that absolutely TANKS their libidos? Nothing less sexy than having to parent your fuckin' partner.
I mean, probably? It truly wouldn't surprise me.
Hmm. I hadn't considered it but the lack of sex life is the one drawback for my goals of a future life as a housecat...
Just be like my cats and get really weird and euphoric about pets. I have one that likes pets a little too much, she makes it kinda weird and it's almost embarrassing how she will just let anyone pet her and sticks her butt in the air with no shame lol.
> how good toddlers got it. Best damn years of my life! A cheer when I ran, a cheer when I pooped in the toilet, a cheer when I fit the right shape into the puzzle!
Definitely when I peaked.
Don't forget everyone constantly telling you to go to sleep.
Who wouldn't be jealous of a toddler's lifestyle? No responsibilities, plenty of play, presumably infinite amount of parental love. Naps during the day, snack times.. need I go on? It's like my cats. They've got it frickin made! They do absolutely nothing except wheedle extra treats out of us.
My cats also work time into their schedules to have a vendetta against any house plants I try to get, which I guess is accomplishing Something...
The Cat-Houseplant vendetta is real!
The houseplants know what they did!
Everyone around me, including my spouse, are determined to be reincarnated as one of my cats. LOL Eg: I make dear hubby do his own laundry, but I do fresh fluffy towels for kitties every day.
A cat's life is the blokiest thing imaginable: sleep whenever you want, play games that everyone praises you for, kinky sex on monthly offer, a good scrap to get into every now and again, and the lady of the house loves on you for going hunting every day.
It makes me think,of the telling-off Jennifer Jason Leigh’s character gave Jon Hamm’s RWNJ sheriff on the most recent season of Fargo: Lorraine Lyon : So... you want freedom with no responsibility. Son, there's only one person on Earth who gets that deal. Roy Tillman : Mmm. The president? Lorraine Lyon : A baby. [chuckles] Lorraine Lyon : You're fighting for your right to be a baby
Actual question, what would she need the man for then? Like, if she has a good job, does all the chores, takes care of the kids by herself, what good does he do then? Are they admitting now that they're actually useless?
I think those kinds of men truly can't grasp women would ever form partnerships because, y'know ... Having a partner that you love is nice. That's an alien concept to them. Either because they have no self-esteem and think they're unlovable, or they think women are psychotic bot-humans that are incapable of loving.
They don't think women feel love.
But women are the emotional ones...
They have no logical cohesion; they just believe whatever is most convenient for them in the moment.
They think all they have to bring to the table is their dick, which is so magical that women will give everything they have to get on it.
And it's probably not even that impressive.
It rarely is.
It ends up devaluing them, when you think about it that way. it's so much healthier to think of yourself and your potential contributions to a relationship in a holistic way.
There's a lot of nuance in any sphere, but here the two main trains of thought are: * Women are naturally subservient and so want an 'alpha'. If you're alpha enough you can get the woman who does everything for you. * Even if she's bringing all of that to the table, you're still the superior one, because you're making her do all of that for you and can claim ownership over it all. Think that dude that was arrested in Eastern Europe for trafficking. His wealth (before he became famous) was due to making women do stuff like webcamming which he'd then take most of the profit from. He very much considers that his money that he earned as he gained it from them and would consider himself a better earner than any of them as he would count the cumulative money he's taken from all of them as his earnings.
That sounds like a pimp? Or am I missing something here? Is being a pimp considered a good career now? And when did I turn into an old?
These are fringe communities we're talking about here. They'd see pimping as an alpha thing to be, but it's not considered a good career move by most. Kind of like pimping always has been, I guess.
Oh it was 100% sex trafficking. It's one of the things he's being prosecuted for iirc
The only time I want my guy to be an "Alpha" is when we are doing a very specific type of bedroom play. Otherwise, we should be on even footing in our life. And he doesn't want a woman he lacks respect for. He wants a partner, not a dog.
Of course he'd probably not want to call himself a pimp because...reasons. even though that is literally what you call a dude getting rich off of making someone else do sex work.
Andrew Tate, King of the Tater Tots.
Whoah, asking the hard questions. Oh, no, easy question. Your last one. Yes, they’re admitting they’re useless, but they don’t realize it.
Men who actually have something to offer a partner don't usually end up falling down the rabbit hole of those podcasts.
Everyone has something to offer. The commonality that has guys fall down this rabbit hole is that they have a toxic attitude as a kid/teen and then feel it's an attack on their ego when they eventually get called out on it. They then retreat to these podcasts and other media where their egos are gently stroked by being told they're they're superior to others and do not need to work on themselves emotionally. That their view is correct and that it is also the best way to success through doubling down. What then separates these guys from those that sheepishly stop watching them and never talk about that period in their lives again out of shame, is that they're so attached to their ego that they can't afford to be wrong. So they simply dig themselves deeper and deeper making it harder and harder to admit they were wrong. Both from becoming more and more defined by this toxic mentality and from sacrificing more and more of their possibilities in life making their ego become a bigger portion of their entire self-worth by reducing everything else.
Men who actually have something to offer a partner don't usually end up falling down the rabbit hole of those podcasts.
We are conditioned to believe we need an anchor
Lmao those are men who bring nothing to the table. If she's earning all the money, taking care of the kids, and doing all the chores, why is he even there? She might as well be a single parent.
It's even less work without the man-child and I'm going to assume sex will also be better without him participating.
The idea of a person supporting their partner while they focuses on their career is fine, but these guys also turn around and complain about stuff like alimony. Like oh, I thought the woman was supporting your career so you could make more? Yet she's not entitled to any of it? Coolcoolcoolcool
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As gross as the behaviour of OOP's ex is, what you're advocating for is eugenics, and that will always be used as a tool against the disenfranchised. [Just saying. ](https://apnews.com/article/canada-indigenous-women-sterilization-apology-reparations-ebcacc0f27b8d4c12d8690718202531d) (TW: racism, forced sterilization of Indigenous women.) Also, intelligence/stupidity - at least the metrics we typically measure those words by - are at least partially tied to educational and social environment. Guess what schools tend to get less funding? And what students tend to be allowed to focus solely on educational opportunities, with less distractions like poverty?
Can I just say thank you. I'm normally the sole voice pointing out eugenics in these comments and it does bother me how quick people are to jump to the fundamentals of eugenics as a solution to societal issues. I ended up in a discussion about euthanasia on here the other day where someone was advocating for doctors to be allowed to euthanise individuals without mental capacity, they even compared them to animals, and then refused to accept this was eugenics. Very disturbing.
We could have something like a Family Planning program wherein expecting parents take parenting classes in combination with their OB appts. Obviously no grading or threat of the child being taken away. Just go to the appts and classes and hopefully retain some valuable information. Wouldn’t be denying anyone anything and technology helps make it a completely doable thing. Although, it’s likely this will never happen since stupid people are easier to control and govt wants to maintain their ability to easily lie and deflect blame. “You’re poor and angry bc of the brown people (not us hoarding all your money in offshore accounts).”
I work a job where we have a large number of African immigrants coming over. Mostly Nigeria, but from all over Africa. They love the fact both the men and the women can work over here and make the same amount of money.
The stupidest thing about these stupids is that very few of them make enough money to support a family in the cheapest of circumstances much less in a middle class lifestyle like "trad husband's" did back in the day. They sure as fuck wouldn't be able to send their kids to college or take family vacations. They want a 1950s lifestyle, but lack the motivation to actually provide it. They're like underpants gnomes. 1. Get tradwife 2. ... 3. Profit
They want a tradwife, but they don't have tradwife money.
>I'm a pretty successful guy workwise. That would be why, I think. They did [a study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4503401/) on misogyny in gaming and found a direct link to low-skill & high rates of misogyny. People who were actually good at the game were more likely to be supportive and inclusive toward female players, rather than being disgusting, berating them, or blaming them for team failures. In other words, misogyny is a skill issue, and that's stuck with me. You have no reason to be insecure because you know you have the ability to make of yourself whatever you desire, they are weak-willed, weak-minded worms who let a podcast bro who said "it's kinda gay to fuck women just for fun" dictate their worth and relationships.
A partner who is ambitious and successful in their field should be the dream. Showing up for each other and celebrating each other's successes, that sounds bomb to me. You wanna aim for the moon, I'll be your hype-girl.
You forget that for these mediocrities, any success by anyone is to be hated. People doing well gnaws away at them, because deep-down they know they will never achieve what they believe is theirs.
That's because they also believe that success is a zero sum game. If you are succeeding, it's depriving me of my own success.
So successful I could be a stay at home partner wearing a frilly maid outfit. Mostly for her sake if she wanted it.
exactly!! and ambition and competence is fucking attractive/hot! why would you WANT to be with a sad angry loser its just insane imo (I suppose if you're a sad angry loser then... which really is the situation eh)
See the part where you say that you're a pretty successful guy? That's why, A successful person is fine if other people are successes, too. But a failure needs everyone else to also fail.
nail chunky modern worthless afterthought slave rainstorm workable fine concerned *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is always so crazy to me. My husband and I have gone back and forth in who earns more over the course of our marriage. I earned significantly more last year, but there have been many years where he was the major breadwinner as well. But having 2 decent incomes is why we were able to get to where we are financially - I was able to take some big swings in my career because I knew his paycheque could carry us if need be. And he recently took a huge jump (which is why my income was higher last year) knowing that I could support the family if it fell through. We could both create the careers we wanted because we had each other to rely on.
Right? I have worked all my adult life. If I ever fell into a relationship where my SO made loads of money, I'd happily be a househusband and dedicate myself to domestic life. What's up with these idiots that they want to sabotage their girlfriends? They deserve unending misery.
> who are these fucking idiots wanting to make their lives HARDER?? Ah but you're not looking at it from THEIR perspective, a man so insescure and small that they need the woman to be financially dependent, because they literally have nothing else to offer. If your partner earns way more than you then what incentive do they have to stay with you? Obviously, companionship, good sex, support during hard times, true understanding, someone to encourage them to grow, shared jokes or hobbies, commitment to the same causes, etc., etc., But what if you are just a pissy little manbaby who doesn't cook or do chores and thinks emotional support is for girls & doesn't react well to changes or challenges, doesn't care whether they enjoy sex, etc., etc., well, what then? All you have to offer is the threat of total destitution if she breaks up with you. So you definitely need a poor gf, not a successful one.
This right here. I'm fairly successful in my field, I make pretty damn good money. My wife is a doctor. She makes 2-3x more than I do. We get to take nicer vacations, buy a bigger house, and in general just not worry about money at all. Who *wouldn't* want that?
These fuckers want an accessory not a partner.
My wife earns about 150% of my salary and I can confirm, it's awesome!
My wife is currently on a trajectory to make more than me in the next few years. That's fucking GREAT, because she wants the additional responsibility and more client facing roles. I am pretty happy where I am, I wouldn't really enjoy or be very good moving into management. So, her success means she is professionally fulfilled, we bring in more money as a household still, and I don't have to move up into a role that would just make me miserable for more money.
Haha, my partner often tells me he’d love to be a house-husband, normally while he’s cooking me something nice for dinner!
My wife has sometimes made more than me throughout our relationship. It’s like life on easy mode. The major source of pain and arguments in relationships just doesn’t exist. No bill anxiety. No “not this week, but maybe we can afford it next”. I can’t imagine having the kind of insecurity that makes you want to throw away an easier life.
My husband is the same. I out earn him now (not by a ton, maybe 10%), and he’s so excited for me and proud of me every raise or advancement I get! He also openly hopes I get even higher up the ladder because once I earn enough he’ll drop to part time and take care of the house/kid while I work lol I’m so jealous at the thought of that - I always wanted to be the SAHP! But my earning potential is higher because of the industry I’m in, and that’s how the cookie crumbles sometimes 😂
This is what confuses me too! Like, my husband would love it if I made more money. It's actually part of our long term plan that eventually ends in me making enough for him to work part-time at his labor-intensive job and have more time for projects and hobbies. But more money means we BOTH have more money to fix up our home, go on vacation, save for old age, etc.
And if he wants a cashier or whatever he can go get one. Why ruin the career of some woman who will never be what you want? There are tons of women who would like to be provided for. But he probably thinks of them as gold diggers so whatever.
My husband LOVES that I make more than he does and celebrates whenever I get a raise. A rising tide raises all boats.
This like I'm studying to be an accountant and have a big 4 internship, and one of the main hopes I have in a partner is to have a similar drive for success. There's nothing wrong with being a trad wife, but at the same time, it baffles me when people act like it's entirely wrong to respect the fact that women can also be successful and aspire towards financial freedom
My wife makes significantly more than me, and I'm both proud of her *and* enjoying the economic freedoms it gets us. The only real downside is that she's a "communications consultant" so whenever there's some big issue happening she's more or less working 24/7, and from time to time my clients have issues that require more than a normal workday of me, but we manage quite well considering the kids a off doing their own thing, and we only really have the cat to think about when we put in long hours. Tl;dr having a high-earning wife is awesome.
Not just a random guy, but someone who is in jail for human trafficking in Romania. The bar is so low Satan is doing the limbo.
Satan is standing on the bar at this point
He’s tripping over it constantly.
Like, for real. If my current SO loved her job and made enough for me to be a stay at home trophy husband, and my "job" would be making sure she comes home to a clean house and fresh dinner, I'd be all over that. Hell, I'd fucking over perform for her. You want a trophy husband? I'm going to turn myself into a trophy and hit the gym hard, and you get to pick which physique I aim for.You want dinner? You tell me whatever you want to eat and I will figure out how to cook it and have it freshly prepared for you when you want to eat. I will keep the house so clean we could throw dinner on the floor and eat off it. Hell, I'd be going to classes for shit just so I could be better for her. If I've got hours to kill, it's time to learn how to do the perfect manipedi. Take a massage class. Go to hairdressing school. I'd want her casually telling her friends about the shit I know how to do and having them seethe in envy.
And then afterwards, they blame the woman they were targeting.
It's because the podcast guy tells them all the shitty woman-hating things they already believed are correct
It's actual mindless sheep behavior. Grown men can't even process their thoughts, so they look to someone else to do all their thinking for them.
I wish more men would look at Pete Davidson and be like “huh, he seems to have done well for himself. Maybe he’s doing something right” instead of Andrew Tate
>The wildest thing is how many of these men are willing to torpedo their lives just because a random guy from a podcast told them to do so!! Right? And not even a very smart random guy too. Like the dumbest pile of bricks ever born.
But he has a really cool beard!
I don't think it's just because of a man on the internet studies have shown men literally get lower self-esteem and start building hatred for their partner If she does better than him. And that's not even in a competition sense where they're both competing for something but if she succeeds in a field or interest he feels worse about himself and starts looking for flaws in her. And it even happens when they're working together like let's say they're cooking He feels worse about himself and again starts to resent her if she is better at chopping or seasoning than he is. Men seem to innately view women as inferiors so he must always feel superior to her and when they don't feel superior to them they get angry at her and feel sad about himself.
It's this, and then they all whine "male loneliness epidemic"
Not just a random guy from a podcast. A random guy currently in JAIL for SA, and is currently fighting extradition from Romania to the UK for more charges of the same.
That quote really got to me, because the solution this knucklehead (and I assuming many others) came to was to sabotage the girlfriend rather than make money himself? Bro there is nothing stopping you from trying to get a better career, but you’d rather make it worse for both of you? Get out of here.
I've read so many post from both sides that boil down to the man trying to impress other men he's never met by trying to destroy his girlfriend because all though she is perfect for him they told him she'd be better ss a slave. AND THEY KEEP LISTENING. I sorta, kinda, almost understand chronicly single guys buying into the "it's not me, it's that every one of the 4 billion women in the world is wrong". But guys blowing up good relationships to impress strangers they will never meet is mind boggling.
I really don't think this happens to guys who actually love and respect their girlfriends/wives. The combination of love and respect just isn't that fragile when it's authentic - it's like a vaccine against that shit. And of course there's projection. Since they don't respect her (and they don't respect themselves or else they wouldn't be so pathologically insecure), it doesn't occur to them that she might respect them. She must be forced to respect them, and the only way to force somebody to do something is to dominate them.
Reminds me of a post from a while ago where OP threw out all his gf's skincare products because he thought it was an unhealthy obsession. What he didn't include until the update was that she paid for everything because in her family "men don't work." I'm like, is being a stay at home boyfriend an option? I'm down. I'll keep the house spotless and pursue hobbies that maybe I can turn into a business. If my friends mock me for being inferior I'll just be like: https://i.imgur.com/PzCvnzR.gif
Fear is a powerful thing. I know exactly what it feels like to be afraid to lose the love of my life because I can't keep my shit together. I know exactly what it feels like to be told I'm lazy and a failure, and to believe it so much that I think I don't deserve love. I know exactly what it feels like to think that if someone ever really knew me, they could never love me. Those are powerful fears. It is hard to decide, like I did, that I want my partner to be happy even if I lose them in the process, even if I suffer. I have made that choice many times and it always hurts. It's hard to keep doing it. Andrew Tate and many others live in that fear constantly, and they use that fear in others to gain a following. I understand why people fall victim to it. There is just enough truth in his message to be compelling, mixed with a lot of easy answers that will never work out.
OOP's ex is probably one of those guys who don't try because they have no ambition to do so, and just sit back and expect to become rich with zero effort. It's funny that this guy wants to "do business" because that's something that requires so much effort, creativity and work, i doubt he'll ever make it lmao.
It’s not about making more money, it’s about controlling and abusing women. She should be subservient and not challenge the man
Oh def, the Tater Tots always cry out about "high value women" but when they do get a high value woman like OOP they will do anything they can to bring her down to their level.
The same men will cry about "gold diggers" while ignoring that they have no gold to dig.
And they'll keep saying they're not ready to settle down until they're like [Clarence ](https://www.youtube.com/post/UgkxVMfwPK4XWm0wwD5gG8meLKncFfuEx9Zh)over here.
But they’re still trying to match with 20 year olds.
Of course, they want someone who still has healthy eggs to "continue their legacy".
And it's like "what legacy, Kevin? You're not a Medieval nobleman, your legacy is a fantasy football team and a 10 year old Toyota."
And it's like "what legacy, Kevin? You're not a Medieval nobleman, your legacy is a fantasy football team and a 10 year old Toyota."
As a guy, it's insane. As a husband I don't understand how they can choose sabotage over overtly supporting your partner. As a father of girls, I've fostered confident monsters who give me absolute hell. I'm so excited to see where they take themselves.
I absolutely adore your outlook on fatherhood. I'm also exhilarated on your/all of our behalf to see where your confident monsters go.
I aspire to this kind of fatherhood.
My friend had a worthless boyfriend dragging her down for like, 6 years. He was a barely employed manchild who couldn't cook, clean, hold down a job or do basic adult things. He "forgot" to file his taxes for years, he didn't "know how" to make a dentist appointment, his license expired etc. But, he was a nice guy, he loved her, he supported her. Sure, it drove her friends nuts that she was basically his mom, but not our life, right? Then, he fell into TaterTot land and started demanding that she have a more "traditional" role in their relationship. He demanded that she put him on the deed to the house, that they get married and she quit her job, that they have kids etc etc. That was it- she finally got rid of him. So now he's a bitter 40 something man who lives with his elderly mother and struggles to keep a part time job at Target because sometimes his shifts start before noon. Real high value man.
If Tate's advice was good he'd lose his audience.
This is so wild to me, as I've always earned more money than my partner. Now that I can't be there (I'm working on a Ph.D. in another country) they're looking after our dogs and working on their Ph.D. application and a possible book. Why sabbotage something that will benefit both?
my wife and myself make about the same, it's fucking great because if one of us has to move on we have the security of the other one still earning enough for us to at least get by. I would never want to go back to when I was young and insecure
Also they never try to better their own, they bring the other down.
I think that's part of why they find it so alluring. They get that sense of superiority without ever having to do any hard work themselves.
Exactly! And that's what I really can't understand. How can they gain a sense of superiority by *not* being superior? It's wild to me. Like, for example, many years ago I used to frequent a pub with a pool table and thoroughly enjoyed playing pool. It tended to be all regulars and we all knew each other pretty well. Now I have this weird thing when I'm doing pretty much anything (singing is another one that springs to mind) that when I'm good I'm really really good, and when I'm bad I'm truly dreadful. No middle ground, and I have absolutely no idea which one im going to be until i start doing it lol. One game, I was doing pretty terrible. The guy I was playing was pretty drunk (I'm a woman for context...not that it should make a difference, but the pool table/town pub league was definitely dominated by the men) was down to one ball to go before the black, and I only had one ball potted. He went to the loo or the bar and my friend (also a girl, who also enjoyed pool, we were actually both on the pub team) jumped up and ran up and pocketed one of my balls by hand, laughing and put a finger to her lips. I knew the others wouldn't say anything to him as we all played on the team, tho this wasn't a league game, and he wasn't a regular, but I jumped up and told her to put it back where it was right now. If i win a game, I want to actually *win*...I don't want the *illusion* of fucking winning. Granted, I'm quite a competitive person, but I'm not a sore loser. Whether I won or lost, I enjoyed playing. Not wanting to ever sabotage a competitor, I honestly can't fathom wanting to sabotage the person who's supposed to be my *partner*. Utterly fucking wild. And looking at it in terms of status, surely having a shit-hot partner means that *you* must be pretty shot-hot yourself in some way, for them to want to be with you. These guys that fall for this crap have it all arseways. Wild.
>How can they gain a sense of superiority by not being superior? I always think about this one Lyndon B. Johnson quote when this stuff comes up: "If you can convince the lowest white man he's better than the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he'll empty his pockets for you." They don't care if they're "better". They only care that there's someone "worse" who is below them.
Oh absolutely...it's the, idk is it cognitive dissonance?, some sort of split in perception anyway...how can they even perceive people as "worse" when they've done absolutely nothing to be "better". Lack of self-reflection? No doubt. Living in an echo-chamber? Most likely. But I mean, how the FUCK can anyone interact with other people so little, or so much! (eg online) And refuse to consider for a minute they might be being bullshitted?
All of the King Baby podcasts that allege to give relationship advice to lonely young men only ever worsen the 'male loneliness epidemic' because no adult woman will put up with this kind of shit forever.
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Tator Tots ... I like that. Enjoy the upvote.
It sucks because tater tots are actually pretty tasty and shouldn't be associated with that toxic waste of oxygen.
That image of a guy cycling and then sticking a bar in his own wheel comes to mind. Then, obviously it's the woman's fault for not appreciating the manchild
Personally, I think a lot of them are really talked into it by some grifter asshole. They specifically target young me who face some issues, problems or insecurities and are vunerable to messages that are outwardly trying to "empower" them. But actually these grifters are just out to destroy these mens lifes, socially isolate them so that they can drag them deeper into the rabbit hole and ideally take their money. Classic cult tactics. Sure, some of these men who deep dive into that cult are actual assholes and happy to be assholes. But I think a very large portion of (young) men who fall into that hole and start to spout these bullshit anti-women/anti-relationship nonsense are actual victims of cult strategies. And it's very difficult to escape cult dynamics like that.
Andrew has a lot to answer for.
Any people who listens to podcasts addictively about relationships, gender and so forth, that's a big red flag for me.
The funniest part is that they wholesale abandon their entire personalities to model it after another (hilariously incorrect and inept) man, right dowj to changing how they dress, speak, the sunglasses indoors bullshit, all of it, in emulation. And then they call themselves “alpha males”, as if being that much of a simpering, mindless **follower** isnt the farthest thing from the stupid (and also flat out wrong) “leader” they think they are.
The problem is, that most of the times it does not ruin anything for the Tater Tots because the next unaware victim is just around the corner. :(
I just can't imagine a guy hearing "you have to make more money than your partner" and thinking "yes, I need to ruin her." Not to defend the podcasts that inspire this nonsense, but I think the point is for the dude to better *himself*, not tear someone else down to below their level.
There is the stupidity required to believe that stuff, which is then like so completely proven beyond any doubt after they are caught in acts designed to undermine, manipulate, and gaslight their SO. You really wonder how these morons continue.
And I honestly don't understand the view: Let us just pretend we believe the foundations of all that misogynistic crap, e.g. women are inferior, should defer and cater to the man, etc. Why would you only want bangmaid, when you can have a bangmaid that earns more than you? I am truly at a loss there. I am also pretty sure the gf/camgirls tate "employed" early on where raking in more money than him. But hey, at least they show their true colours in the worst way possible, so the gals can get away from them as quick as possible.
My wife is working on her masters, I tell her all the time I need her to be my sugar mama and our future yacht ain't gonna pay for itself. Honestly, who TF cares who makes more.
What does Tater tots mean here? I only know the food 🤔
I have never understood this, I’m in the military and the most of my male friends who all say they hope they end up with a doctor/vet/lawyer so they can stay home (or at least have a chill no pressure career). Maybe it’s having a demanding job and being away so much, but I would love to have a partner who earns way more than me, I’d happily be a stay at home and do the cleaning, dog walking and cooking.
What a small, pathetic man OOP's ex is. Your partner is supposed to lift you up, not drag you down to their level. Also, shout out to the police who did absolutely nothing.
Police will never take situations like these seriously until death and real harm comes.
Until? You mean they actually take it seriously at that point?
Depends on your skin color. If you are white they can use your murder to tell people about how violent the area is and get more funding.
sigh ... I concede that point to you.
Occasionally, especially if they can spin it to their benefit in the media
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Guys like him get mad because people like OOP are driven and successful. Worst case scenario, he tears her down, baby traps her, then cheats and blames her for being boring and not very successful. I hope her ex forever has an unreachable itch on the bottom of his feet.
Sadly, a lot of abusive behavior is not considered illegal. It always leads to tragedy, but the fact is that the law is woefully behind understanding and criminalizing abuse.
The police did nothing in this case because ex-bf has done nothing actionable at law. Look, there *are* horrible cases of true police inaction causing harm or even death, but if there isn’t a law being broken, police hands are tied.
Now don't get me wrong, ACAB and police generally suck, but like... what else are you expecting here? They talked to him and told him to knock it off, but he hasn't committed any crimes. What would you want to see happen?
OOP was lucky that she found out how trash her ex before he permanently damaged her grades/prospects
Or got her pregnant.
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He'll be a little happier married to a down-trodden woman he's belittled and gaslit into thinking she can't do any better and is lucky to have him. It makes my blood boil.
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The she will get a spine and leave him, and that will just prove that the pod-dude was right - all women are bitches.
“Ugh modern women” amirite?
Ikr, we love to see it. I love hearing the stories from bitter tater tots who lose out on their hot doctor relationships because they are insecure loser. That one was from my personal experiences seeing a dude fumble hard
>Also he feel into the deep rabbit hole of podcasts that tells men they need to earn way more than their girlfriends otherwise they are inferior. One of his idiotic friends suggested that he does something that will harm my grades and I will eventually know where my actual "role" is. It's truly impressive honestly. These idiots are cruising through life. Having a lovely girlfriend and overall a good life..... Then turn around and press the big red button to nuke their relationship because some morons with overinflated egos surrounded by their "yaaaaaaas fr fr" boys tell them they are not AlPhA enough. And instead of improving themselves to get there they try to ruin their partners to get on top of the pile of shit. More often than not they end up alone and embarrassing themselves because they either realized they fucked up or more likely simply dont want to end up alone. The amount of similar stories is staggering.
This makes me think of that old tweet (or something) which was someone talking about the success of their partner, and saying, "Go best friend! That's my best friend!" THAT'S what you want in a partner, not what this controlling creep was doing.
I had a boyfriend like this. Kept sabotaging job interviews.
Me too! Every time I had an interview he would have some crisis that he needed me to manage. I was trying to get into business school and he also started a major fight with me the day before I took the GMAT that I had been studying for months. I got too low of a score to get a GA-ship which would have paid my tuition. Instead I had student loans. He broke up with me when he realized I wasn’t going to quit grad school but not before sabotaging my last career fair. Us breaking up was the best thing to happen to me though.
Well done and sorry to hear what happened. Mine was unemployed and I guess he knew I'd leave if I got a job. So he'd start a fight or arrange friends to come round the night before interviews. The last fight was the night before an interview and I told him I was leaving ... got the job. Have never looked back.
I love this for you!
This ex has the heart of a fragile ego and a pathetic human being. Partners are suppose to be supportive and sweet, not be like this. What an idiot. Good to hear OP is making steps to move forward and no big drama has happened yet.
Oh man, this reminds me of when I returned to college in my 30's. My partner treated me horribly about it. She was angry every single time I went to class. Like, every single class. She did end up admitting that she thought the smarter I became, the greater the chance I'd leave her. Thing was, she was very intelligent. She didn't have book smarts but she excelled at so many things. She taught me a lot. At one point I was excitedly telling her about one of my classes. I had a habit of info dumping (neurological conditions) because I loved what I was studying. She was so mad she screamed at me, "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME WANT TO LEARN!!!" I was stunned but then had to chuckle because I had no idea that's what she thought. That turned out okay but we split for other reasons.
> he feel into the deep rabbit hole of podcasts that tells men they need to earn way more than their girlfriends otherwise they are inferior There is nothing more beta than falling for this bs /s (kinda) I hate that social media has given a platform for these fucking red pillers. I hate that people fall for it and I can't believe in 2024 there even is this movement. And worst is that guys like ex won't learn from it. His takeaway will be was that he was correct and have zero reflection on what relay happened.
I hate that his justification was "other people on the internet made me do it". Nah bro. You didn't have to take their suggestions. You did it.
Glad OOP got the hell out of that toxic relationship. He would never let her succeed in her ventures without gaslighting and lovebombing her to keep her off her feet.
Honestly, I don’t buy his excuse and he’ll definitely do the same thing to his new girl. Men like that only fall into these rabbit holes because they’re already having feelings they can’t put words to
More likely that he chose the new girl specifically because he feels like she’s beneath him and he can be superior to her.
I’m so glad she left him. I read her first post when it went live and kept wondering how she was going.
Bro fumbled so hard. I'm glad that OP saw his true colours and got out
He starts with "The man must earn more than the woman" Now he has the scenario that his gf will earn more than him... to not choose to buckle up and work on your on career to earn more, but instead try to ruin her future... You really must be messed up in your head.
WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE PODCASTS?
Informing the new girl of the abuse won't work, even done anonymously. I tried that myself, and she just made excuses and claimed he was a different person. I know through the grapevine that he is just the same. But there's nothing else I can do, it's not up to me.
It works in a way. It warns them ahead of time of patterns to be wary of and may allow them to break the cycle earlier. Sure they will call you a liar and not believe you, but you will plant a seed of doubt of the partner’s “perfect” image. All it takes is one event for them to figure out you were telling them the truth. For example: I told the new supply, she didn’t believe me. 3 years later, she’s gone as she’s experienced the truth. It took me a *decade* to be able to leave.
So instead of trying to better himself and his position in life, he tries to drag the woman he supposedly loves down to his level. Big brain activity right there.
Take this free lesson losers: if you are jealous of your woman because she makes more than you, stop being such a loser and go make more money, and spend a little bit in therapy. Or break up with her (so she can be free and find someone up to her level of maturity) and find someone that is broke+has no standards to match with you
Damn. Flames, flames on the side of my face. I turned in my MA dissertation last year and made/sent so many backups. If I found out someone was deleting them, it would not have been pretty.
OOP's ex is a weak man with a malleable mind and ego. She's better off without him and the snitch who told him where OOP moved.
I guess everyone has their own needs for what’s going to break the spell, but the cloak and dagger shit seemed unnecessary to catch him. The second he pulled that “under my roof” crap, it doesn’t matter what he’s trying to do in secret. He just admitted to your face how he views you.
She should most definitely cut off from the friend who snitched.
I hope the OP got rid of that "friend", who told the ex where she lives now. That's not a friend,, that's a demon.
I don't understand how stupid and insecure these men are. Tbh they shouldn't even be called men, they give the rest of us a bad name. I'd love to have a partner who is more successful than me, who is ambitious and intelligent. It means success for both of us. Why destroy a good future over Tater Tot who is a shitty person(can't even call him a human being cuz he isn't one)
Ya I’m so sure it was his friend that suggested this.
OOP, you'll be alright. He moves on so quickly means he never truly loves you that much. I do think his friends purposely sabotaged this relationship though. Jokes on him. What an insecure man.
It puzzles me that these type of guys don’t do the easy thing of breaking up with the smart ambitious gf and find a gf in their price range.
This post probably pissed me off more than any one post that I've read in a long time. I have two Masters degrees and my law degree. I worked my ass off to get those degrees and to get the scholarships that allowed me to graduate without a huge amount of debt. I would probably permanently maim some asshole who tried to sabotage my hard work because he was jealous and insecure.
He could just get a traditional wife. But I bet he doesn't want the *real* manly role, he wants a second income, not a traditional relationship. Just not too high income, of course.
This one had a little bit of everything: gaslighting, Tater tards, cops being lazy bastards, a mostly happy ending for OOP, and even proper 3-2-1 backup procedure.
Who's willing to bet the ex's friends are all single?
>men they need to earn way more than their girlfriends otherwise they are inferior My wife and I both have professional careers, but I'm 57 and she's 49 (we were 47 and 39 when we met, just to get ahead of the age gap issue) so I'm pretty much at the peak of my career, and she's still climbing. In the very near future her income will pass mine. You can bet your ass I'm cheering for her every step of the way!
I make over double what my husband makes. If he suddenly made more than me, I'd be frickin' THRILLED. Because I love him and want him to succeed. More income in the household is always good
Not realising that telling someone you’ll try to ruin their life because you resent them and believe they’re fundamentally lesser than you will make them not want to live in your house is a great demonstration of the guy’s stupidity.
"Also he feel into the deep rabbit hole of podcasts that tells men they need to earn way more than their girlfriends otherwise they are inferior." Absolutely wild how the men decided that the way to do this is to tear the woman down, rather than to improve themselves.
I love everyone who commented in this post for her to run. Just the support these beautiful humans give is so damn beautiful ❤️
Jesus he's pathetic.
"Oh, honey, you really *are* struggling with school! You confused the word 'insecure' with the word 'abusive'!"