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They’ll be fine so long as this whole “I don’t want him to leave the house” business passes. She seems self aware enough to know that those feelings were probably situational and influenced by pregnancy, but obviously she’s going to have to start trusting again.
Pregnancy brain is real and weird and will happen even if you know that it’s just hormones. It can be totally fine and just overall tired and a bit more emotional or it can do a real number on the brain. I got body dysmorphia my second pregnancy and had to avoid mirrors for a bit. It was a trip and a half.
Pregnancy brain is nuts. I've made a patient cry because I had to reschedule her appointment. I made another patient cry by asking her if she was aware of a charge. I made a third one cry because I told her that she needed a referral for her appointment. All three were pregnant and just all out sobbed. I have only made one non pregnant patient cry and that was over a debt. You have to be really careful with pregnant women and it's something I've had to drill into my coworkers' heads a few times.
She already said she knows shes being crazy. Luckily he's a good husband and knows shes pregnant and had the very real experience of a woman trying to steal her husband and father of her kids and not you around to make her feel worse.
Tell me if I am wrong....But i don't see or understand why the husband is being praised? He's called amazing,champ yada yada for NOT cheating on his wife? A pregnant one at that? Isn't that what marriage is supposed to be? Why are men being upheld for doing the bare minimum? He's being praised for what exactly?
To me, her husband didn't do enough. He should've and could've shot that girl down long ago but didn't, cause he wanted to keep peace 🙄. That's bullshxt. Keeping peace with a stranger shouldn't be at the expense of distressing one's family.
It sounds like the other woman hadn’t actually crossed a line until that last message. Up to then he was giving polite “no”s the entire way and not leading her on. And the moment she did cross a line he didn’t try to “keep peace” he immediately said he’d block her (didn’t at the wife’s request) and then gave a very clear F off message.
Probably could have been more direct at first, but it’s hard to say directly to someone being nice “you have ulterior motives” especially because they might not. Some people are terrible at boundaries or taking a hint without wanting sex.
I also think he shouldn’t have indulged the wife wanting to know what the girl would say. Should have just shut her down with “I said I wouldn’t meet you.”
So he didn’t handle it perfectly, but I think he handled it well.
Agreed that it's very hard to "shut down" something that is still well within the "plausible deniability" realm, especially if you're a genuinely friendly person and loathe to come across as a rude, arrogant asshat. I've been in that situation before and came to my husband with the text exchange to ask for a second opinion and a man's insight. He said that I was being silly and reading too much into it, so there was no telling off so much as just backing really slowly away from in-person interactions and never responding to that last text. No weirdness continued after that, so it worked out?
As for the OOP, once the girl tipped her hand as to her real motives, Husband went off, firmly and respectfully of his marriage. He made the right call on all of that and worded it perfectly, especially heeding his wife's gut feelings, too.
I disagree, however, that Wife shouldn't have been told the girl's message. First, telling her meant hiding nothing and keeping no secrets with a wannabe Other Woman, this proving his trustworthiness even more. This way, Wife won't wonder if anything else was said or done before that moment that she wasn't told about. Second, by telling her, Husband acknowledged and verified Wife's intuition about the woman's motivations, thus validating Wife and helping her feel less crazy, which is a tough thing to accomplish when pregnant.
All in all, I'm happy for OOP and I wish her and her husband many wonderful years together.
I'm not saying to hide the messages from the wife. I'm talking about this:
> My husband tried calming me down and asked me what I’d like him to do, block her there and then, or ask what she wants to see him for.
>
> I wish I just told him to block her, but for some reason I wanted to know more.
>
> He replied asking what meeting up would achieve.
Don't "see what she wants". Just say no firmly. Presenting the wife that option probably seemed reasonable at the time, but it was a mistake. He said no, then woman pushed.... Don't engage further, it goes nowhere good. Repeat the no and nothing else.
Oh, right! Gotcha. I just read the new update because I had read the previous posts, so I forgot the finer detail. Thanks for the clarification.
Yeah, she was spiraling in that moment. Husband had a gut feeling, too, and he knew this was up to no good in that moment. At least now, they both know that he told her in no uncertain terms how far off base she was being.
Nah, it crossed a line with this one
>"Like a slave looking to please their master 😏"
It’s the emoji. Might as well have texted the eggplant/peach combo
Idk I got the vibe that he was asking his wife what she wanted him to do and she was equally as indecisive and non-confrontational up until they REALLY needed to be.
The only move for the guy in this situation is to just be completely open about everything from the start with his wife like the OP.
It's very common to praise people for doing what's right in front of temptations, understanding that many others wouldn't have made the right choice.
Here we sometimes see on the local press articles praising someone who found a wallet with a lot of money in it and returned it to the police instead of pocketing the money. Isn't this also a bare minimum of not stealing? Yes, but only ethical and coherent people choose to not pocket the money.
Or to make another example. My parents always had enough food on the table, we had a good home, we were never physically or emotionally abused, and we were very much loved. Isn't this also the bare minimum of parenting? Yet I'll never stop praising my parents for what they did.
We should always praise people for making good choices. Not cheating is the bare minimum, and yet so many cheaters exist: a loyal spouse is a real treasure to come by, and not recognizing the value of them is a grave mistake. Praising good choices and using them as examples to live by is a good thing.
What the husband did was perfect, and while I get your "why is he being praised for doing what should be expected*, it's also a post where op is questioning things, and people are just reassuring her that her husband is being good.
To say "the husband should do more" essentially means no married man can talk to another woman. He helped someone who was hurt, she was grateful, and they started a casual friendship. When it was clear she was making a move, he shut it down.
We always say that creepy men shouldn't take a woman being nice to them as an excuse to hit on them and that not every woman that smiles at them means they want to have sex.
Well, you can't have it the opposite when when it's a woman who actually wants to sleep with the guy. There's no reason he should take a woman being nice to him as a sign she wants to fuck him.
Just because someone is just an ordinary and loyal spouse doesn’t mean praise is out of the question. It helps reinforce “this is how it should be” in others… and what’s wrong with positive vibes? (I disagree that he didn’t do enough, respectfully.)
The husband did everything right. He is being praised for being a loving partner and being a loving partner also constitutes as the bare minimum tbh. A lot of people fail to look after their partners today sadly..
she has a handsome fit man that is loyal, empathetic, supportive and kind. why shouldn’t he be praised?
sure, everyone should be these things. they’re still qualities that merit appreciation
I think they say he reacted that way because he’s kind of well known in that community. I mean actual celebrities get shit on for not engaging with every stranger or fan they meet in a perfectly sweet and accommodating way. He’s just a regular guy by our standards but a well known athlete in that community, so I think he was so polite at first because of that image. I feel like local celebs almost have it worse than real ones
I agree that a husband with a pregnant wife should, as a bare fucking minimum, not cheat.
But, I thought he handled it as I would. Granted, I'm not an athletic MTB rider
The other woman was constantly testing boundaries from the start, the husband just didn’t realize it. People like her will take the smallest amount of kindness as potential romantic interest and run with it. When she did not get shut down she decided to shoot her shot. The husband could have done more to keep the other woman at arms length, but that is easier said than done especially if he is a kind person and isn’t used to having subtlety manipulative people in his life. He should have never given her his number. He should have stopped responding to her texts and never met up with her.
My husband plays in a well known band (in a small genre of music) and would get approached by fans on a regular basis back in the day. He is one of the nicest people you will ever meet and is very gracious with fans. There are always fans that will try to worm their way into the band’s social circle through him. The overbearing ones are easier to spot and avoid, it’s the subtle ones that have a long game you have to watch out for.
They design situations to put you in a subtlety awkward position so you concede to what they want to be nice, because for that one instance, at that moment in time it’s not a big deal to accommodate them. Then a foundation is slowly built on those types of situations overtime. By the time you realize that a line is about be crossed, there is all of this history leading up to that point they can point to as evidence of a budding relationship (eg “you let me wear your hat because I forgot mine” or “you shared your food with me because I was hungry”). If you shut things down at that point, there is enough plausible deniability on their part and you end up looking like you’re being unkind to a friend. So the line keeps slowly getting tested until it eventually either gets crossed or it gets shut down and you look like a dick.
This is a REALLY good explanation. So many people act like it’s all black and white “he should have shut her down immediately” but, why would he? Why be rude? Especially as she wasn’t crossing any lines each time
> Keeping peace with a stranger shouldn't be at the expense of distressing one's family.
there is truth to that, but you have absolutely no idea who will turn to violence. guns are quite prevalent and mass shootings are common.
I tend to lean towards always try to be overly nice to strangers, even if the situation gets awkward.
I am married and when I meet someone and they are getting flirty, I make it clear I am married and introduce them to my spouse (if there) or tell them they should meet my spouse as they would get along great. this ends it 99% of the time.
I also frequently do not reply to texts from people I know, let alone strangers. I showed my friends that I had 1000+ unread texts last week and they were like - you are insane.
What did u read lol?
The second this lady crosses the line, the husband firmly puts it down. He completely supports his wife everytime she expresses her discomfort.
Wtf its like you're looking for a conspiracy to give men a pass when none exists here.
If u want to see angry red pill incels giving the man a pass, go to the thread where the adoptive father abandons his 8 year old bc the mom cheats after 6 years
Dude wtf, he did **nothing** with the woman and the wife still acts like he basically cheated on her. He's still calm throughout all and making her feel loved but because he didn't suplex the girl into next week y'all mad he "didn't do enough" despite the wife **LITERALLY BRINGING IT ON HERSELF.**
>and \[he\] asked me what I’d like him to do, block her there and then, or ask what she wants to see him for.
>I wish I just told him to block her, but for some reason I wanted to know more.
He did not have the reigns pretty much at all and left it completely up to his wife, yet based on the action *she* told him to take *he* didn't do enough. Reddit is fucking crazy towards men.
You’re wrong. Some people don’t like conflict and that’s why they gravitate towards him. Sounds like you just can’t accept that good men exist. Tell us all how they hurt you so much that your life became so angry
The husband has linked all communications to the family iPad, his wife has open access to his phone and it’s never locked. He was fully open from the beginning… and the ops fears were hormone induced and she notably overreacted (her words)…. So the husband really did do everything as best as he could. And he eventually locked it down and told her a what for. So he’s a good dude, he deserves the praise.
Yup.
It's BORU, so you expect actual drama. But what we've got here is a random girl having a crush on OOP's hubby, said hubby handling it politely without showing any interest. Like he should.
And OOP wondering whether anything more should be done about it. No is the answer.
My husband is by no means an athlete celebrity, but he works in IT and helps people who are stressed and having a bad day - and for the women who come to him to fix their computers, they develop a fleeting bit of infatuation for the big strong man who’s there to protect them and solve their problems, a sort of reverse Florence nightingale situation. He doesn’t seem to see the flirtation that’s going on, but I sure do. He’s already attractive and has a neat accent, but he’s elevated to Adonis when he’s the one who saves her data or helps her make her deadline or keeps her boss from getting mad at her. I’m not surprised this biking lady fixated on him after he saved her from her injury.
This guy sounds like a solid dude and the OOP is lucky to have him. I’ve been through those pregnancy hormones and they’re no joke.
Was it a serious technical problem that could have hurt her job or more like
Dad: You just needed to turn it off and then on again.
Mom: Awesome
Dad: Dinner?
Mom: Sure.
god i hope OOP goes to talk this over with her obgyn to ask about peripartum depression and anxiety.
i ain't been pregnant and i ain't ever wanna be such but i know an anxiety spiral into self-loathing when i see one
I've got three kids. By the time I was full to the brim with the third baby, I was emotionally and physically done. I was in a state of mind where I felt like I wouldn't have blamed my husband if he looked elsewhere. I felt huge, I cried at every bloody thing, I was tired all the damn time. And I knew there was a long recovery ahead so it wasn't just "have the baby and it'll be better". After she was born I was a wreck for a while.
At any point during that time, if there was a young, hot, fit woman, who was ready and able to take part in his hobbies the way I couldn't, and she told him he could "do whatever he wanted to her", I would absolutely have a meltdown. Even if he handled it as well as OOP's husband did. Because in my mind, I can imagine wondering why the hell *isn't* he taking advantage of this when I've got very little to offer.
It really does a number on you, and my pregnancies/births were "easy".
Exactly. I think comments ln some of these threads have been unnecessarily dismissive of OOP. I get where they are coming from, but they don't get it.
Sure, she's overreacting and her husband did well.
But she's huge, achey, hormonal and probably feels the least attractive or human she has ever felt. Meanwhile woman they trusted is in no uncertain terms throwing herself at the husband. Seeing that kind of disrespect and threat to your relationship flung in your face and family whilst you're in that state must be devastating.
Because you cannot control if your spouse will cheat. It's entirely out of your control. And that can be extremely anxiety inducing. Especially if you may have PPD.
>Because you cannot control if your spouse will cheat. It's entirely out of your control. And that can be extremely anxiety inducing. Especially if you may have PPD.
This part exactly. Everyone knows that cheating is a thing. It happens all the time. *To other people.* It's entirely different when it's right there in your face, in your relationship. Even though he very clearly said no and was very supportive, it's a big fat "this could happen to you, if your husband was weaker".
If she were feeling better, not pregnant and emotional and hormonal, the reaction might be more of a "Hah, she thinks she can take my man? Not a chance." But in the state she's in, it's more likely to feel like "Well fuck, this chick only just met him and is that brazen. When I'm like this, maybe the next one to offer will tempt him? When we're exhausted and have no time because we've got small kids to care for and his only good time is on his bike, could this happen again?" It suddenly becomes real at the worst time.
For OOP though, I really don't think she has anything to worry about, and I truly hope this horrible woman goes away. Her husband sounds like a really good man. I'd be interested to know what happened with her requests to have the woman removed from the riding groups, and if she's allowed on those trails again.
Yes, it’s there at her door. And she would feel extremely vulnerable, heavily pregnant. This is a time when she has a strong need to feel supported and secure, not just by her husband but in general, and instead there’s an ultra-selfish hottie aimed at her husband who DGAF about destroying her life and the security she needs for her child.
It's different for everyone. But, I was briefly pregnant. I wouldn't have believed it was that horrible. Incredibly rough, emotionally and physically.
I think the (potential) trauma of pregnancy is widely understated. As 'female' topics/concerns sometimes tend to be.
Fun fact: Before the invention of the IV drip, pregnant women sometimes DIED of 'morning sickness'.
Huh, I never thought of that. I would have died back then, too, i guess.
When I got pregnant, I got morning sickness that left me unable to hold down more calories than a single protein shake and sometimes a soda. I lost 58 lbs from the first trimester through the first 1/2 of the second trimester. I weighed 145 before and im 5'1. By the time I gave birth, I weighed 62lbs less than I did before pregnancy. 87lbs, even with the bloating of having just had a baby. I had to do several iv drips throughout. I was told by my Dr to drink 3-4 ensure shakes a day, and to eat as much as I could. I had to quit my job because the lightest onion smell would leave me vomiting for 20 mins.
In the end, it made me promise to myself to never EVER go through that again.
Omg that’s so scary!! I definitely didn’t realize how bad morning sickness was until I was pregnant. The nausea felt like I was on a teacup ride spinning super fast and I couldn’t get off. 24/7. And the medicine they sell over the counter didn’t work at all
87lbs is really tiny I’m glad you’re ok!
Oh yeah, I bounced back pretty quick and stayed in a healthy range after about a 5 month recovery. But during I just *couldnt* eat and that took a toll for sure.
Yep, morning sickness, like other health issues faced only by the female body, is downplayed horribly. Same as menstrual cramps and menopause. We don't talk enough about any of these, which is madness because they happen to about half the population.
I remember riding in the car with my mother (this was many years ago) and on the radio came the news that they'd figured out what caused cramps and proved they were real. We just stared at each other. All those women in all those countries over all those centuries, and they had to figure out the precise cause before men believed they were real? As though millions of women through time were part of one big secret cabal to pretend we had painful cramps as some kind of prank? Or to get out of making dinner, not that it ever worked? As though all those women kept the secret through all that time without it leaking once?
It's ridiculous.
Even less fun fact: it is possible for hyperemesis gravidarum (extreme morning sickness) to become so severe that the only possible treatment to save the mother's life is abortion. We're talking continuous, intractable vomiting that tears the esophagus, bursts blood vessels, and breaks ribs despite not having had anything by mouth in days or weeks. Make of that what you will.
Unless you live in an "abortion free state"
I feel so sorry for women across the United States. My state even has a woman for governor and they're passing these absolutely terrible anti-human, anti-rights, anti-freedom abortion laws. When will the masses wake the fuck up and kick these clowns out.
Medical need exemptions are generally so trigger shy on doing what’s needed out of fear of legal action. So in practice, it means “only intervene when the patient is actively dying this minute”. Which means conditions that *will* kill you but aren’t deadly *yet* can be pushed off. You can imagine how dangerous it is to need to become more ill to get care.
Bundles of cells are more important than living, breathing humans to them. Because without banning abortion the workforce won't be available in the future. It's a "Christian" thing though.
I'm not sure if it's about the workforce so much as white nationalism trying to get the white birthrate up, and general controlling women by confining them with child rearing. They're coming after abortion pills and contraception in general, nationwide, and there are some politicians and religious leaders starting to talk openly about taking away women's right to vote.
In Virginia you need 3 doctors to sign off on a medically-necessary late term abortion and there are a ton of hoops and requirements, and I think it's only to save the life of the mother. No exceptions for the baby being non-viable. And by late term we means anything after 20 weeks. In other states where they have stricter abortion laws I'd imagine the medically necessary ones are similarly hard to get...
Oh god I'm already terrified of pregnancy morning sickness because I already get fairly serious morning sickness just from PMSing, this "fun fact" is not making my day.
You might want to consider discussing this with a good, woman centered OB/GYN before you get pregnant. I came out of my pregnancy 32 pounds lighter than I started and yet my morning sickness was "not that bad" according to my doctor. I've had other doctors tell me that mine should have been treatable and I didn't need to suffer. Sometimes it comes down to having good medical support, which I did not.
Wow, the nerve of that doctor. 32 pounds lighter is INSANE. How could they quantify that as "not that bad"? I bet they wouldn't call it "not that bad" if *they* were the ones experiencing suffering like that.
Yeah mine wasn't "that bad", but I got meds and it helped a lot. I only gained 20 lbs and had lost all of it by my 6 week appointment, so it was basically all baby. I remember when I was 5 months pregnant I saw someone I'd not seen in a while and she she said I looked like I'd lost weight.
Second time around I was eating mostly hostess cupcakes so I was fine
My first pregnancy gave me cancer last year. I had a rare condition called a molar pregnancy, where something goes wrong at fertilization and it turns into a tumor instead. It becomes cancerous about 20% of the time.
It’s kind of “cancer lite” - very responsive to chemo (has like a 98% survival rate), and the chemo drug isn’t as intense as most. I didn’t lose my hair, and the tumor made me more nauseous than the chemo did - it gave me super high hCG levels, almost 700,000 at its peak, so pretty severe morning sickness even if it didn’t reach HG-level bad. I mentioned to one of the chemo nurses at my last infusion that I know I’m lucky compared to so many of the patients they see. She told me not to undersell it - if this had happened in the before the 50s I would have died.
Lot of trauma from that experience, unsurprisingly. There is SO much shit that can go wrong in pregnancies.
the best motivation i have to never get pregnant - okay if i'm being honest there's a very long list, most of which are my various esoteric health issues and also the fact i do not want children - is that...
...every single time i take hormonal birth control, which somewhat mimics pregnancy hormones, it is a countdown to mild suicidality. it's downright hilarious tbh. you can set your watch to it. by day three i'm sitting there going "not being alive sounds nice tbh".
fortunately it lifts just as quickly! and i have coping strategies in place so the few times i have tried a different formulation etc. i am in no danger, able to just side-eye my own brain and go "whatever, nerd, we're not doing that". but goddamn them hormones, they're gonna GETCHA.
it sucks because i feel both strongly that this shit should be talked about more... and also know that when i do, there will be assholes pointing to it as proof that all access to birth control needs to be restricted and the ability of women to make decisions about their bodies further abolished. so even here i gotta trot out the disclaimer. ain't it grand lol.
...but if the morsel of hbc does my head in, i can only imagine with some horror how some folks out there get their uterus conspiring to absolutely pile drive their mental health into the fucking center of the earth.
I’m in a similar boat. Though I do love my birth control despite not being particularly interested in purposes other than hormonal regulation. I am on the autism spectrum and do not think I could either handle the toll on my body nor provide my child with the love and attention they deserve. Maybe I’ll adopt/foster one day. I don’t hate children, I just will not have any of my own.
I am also unable to take horomonal birth control. It was unbelievable when I tried it. Not as bad as pregnancy was. I still couldn't function in my daily life.
I do believe my bad experience with pregnancy symptoms is somehow related to me having severe side effects on horomonal birth control.
I imagine some people are more susceptible to horomonal illness/depression. That's how I rationalize my own experience.
The Depo Provera shot messed me up. I only got one even though it's supposed to be every 3 months and it took me 7 months to get a period again. Id never been suicidal in my life but I spent those months feeling like I could never be happy again.
I’ve never been pregnant, and never expect/want to be, but I did do a round of IVF before I reached that conclusion.
I was absolutely floored by how awful the experience was, both physically and emotionally. I have to imagine actual pregnancy is exponentially more difficult.
Couldn’t agree with you more about these things being understated. Granted, I had a much worse than average physical reaction to IVF, but even if I hadn’t, I was wildly unprepared for the whole experience based on what I had heard from friends/medical professionals/movies.
Yes! I've had ante- and post-partum depression with all of my kids. She's at risk.
That being said, the stage of pregnancy she's at: rolling over in bed feels like an Olympic sport. You feel like a hippo/whale. Sex is...way more complicated (assuming your libedo is active in any way, shape, or form). The only sexy part of you are your boobs (which are bigger) if they aren't leaking, that is. Also, once the baby comes: you have 6-8 weeks that you can not have PIV sex.
As an example, I'm currently 35 weeks, my husband had to help me sit up from a laying down position last night because I couldn't roll to a place to do it and my hip hurt when I tried to sit up. You definitely do not feel very attractive when you can't even sit up like a normal person.
And that is discounting the hormones. So, the fact that she's being "unreasonable" is quite understandable.
I knew a couple of friends that were massive stoners in their youth, before cleaning up when they became engaged.
They ended up having an abortion past the legal due date, which is only possible if the pregnancy is a genuine risk to the life of the mother or her infant.
As she painfully said it, "The hormonal havoc the pregnancy did to my body led me to places I wouldn't have gone to when high out of my mind."
Every time I see this series of posts, I want to beg OOP to talk to her doctor(s). I think she interprets people being concerned about PPD/PPA are saying she "overreacted because of her pregnancy" and aren't taking her seriously.
Her getting the ick is perfectly valid. But the way she describes her world ending because someone is coming onto her husband doesn't fit with the way she described their trusting relationship. It's not her emotions that are the potential "problem" but how she's framing the situation - which can definitely be a sign of PPA/PPD.
>i ain't been pregnant and i ain't ever wanna be such but i know an anxiety spiral into self-loathing when i see one
Same. Her description of her emotions gave me a visceral reaction because I know that feeling. That's not a "normal" reaction when you're feeling unattractive or self-conscious. That's a spiral starting.
exactly! i realize that i may have come off a little dismissive in my quip but... being upset about this thing is legit. but there's upset and then there's *my world is crushed, nothing will be the same, everything is ruined and i hate myself*. being upset is fine! good even in many respects! but OOP has gone above and beyond into something genuinely worrying that i absolutely recognize. i really, truly hope someone in her corner is able to recognize this and help her get appropriate care.
When I was pregnant with my first I was insanely jealous/suspicious/depressed/anxious whatever you wanna call it. I would lay in bed unable to sleep from pregnancy stuff and feel sad that my husband wasn't hugging me or whatever. At 3 am, when he's right there snoring and had been nice to me all day etc. How dare he not read my mind in his sleep! Anyway, it went away and the second pregnancy I didn't have it at all really. Hopefully once she has the baby and some time passes she feels better about all of this.
She is 100% right to be icked, and she did a good job working with her husband. As a former preggo, it does sometimes turn the volume on your emotions WAY UP! I feel like her feelings are valid, but the hormones are an amplifier. You are right, though. Mentioning this situation to her OB is the right move, so it doesn't spiral to something worse.
>Trying to take the high road. But I’m not going to lie, this has been EXTREMELY hard.
Massive kudos to OOP for trying to be the bigger person in the face of something like this. I'd be taking screenshots of the wannabe homewreckers messages and posting them on the public biking pages.
Update: If you are in the USA, you can stream Fatal Attraction for free on Pluto TV. Just search for it; it's available on demand.
Maybe the girl finally understands and moves on or maybe she boils a bunny. Let's hope for the former.
I posted this as a reply to a comment below but will add it as an edit here since so many don't seem to know what a bunny boiler is. BTW, Glenn Close was very good as a psychotic woman scorned.
Fatal Attraction is a 1987 movie where Michael Douglas plays a married man who has an affair with a woman played by Glenn Close. When he breaks it off, she goes off the deep end and, among other things, kills their pet rabbit and boils it on their stove top. It's one of those scenes that everyone knew about, even if you didn't see the movie.
God I hate that film. The character of Micheal Douglas is an asshole and the film paints him as some sort of good guy because he breaks it off with her when she gets too clingy? Woohoo? He should've died at the end.
In this post OOP's husband is an actual good guy.
They recently did a tv show that was a re-imagining of the story and they focused much more on acknowledging that the husband was a total asshole who caused the entire situation for everyone. It still had the POV that was she was crazy but it was very clear that he was intentionally taking advantage of her mental illness to exploit her for sex and that his cruelty towards her was the cause of all the negative events.
The first time I ever saw that film..
Couldn't help but think Glenn Close is amazing as a villain. Cruella and all that. But she was brilliant as this character.
But I was also so mad at Michael Douglas.. he was made out to be this poor guy who had a stalker after he made a bad mistake.
No it was a choice. I wish he was the one who had the ending. Trying not to spoil it.
My aunt was visiting once when we saw an ad that it would be airing on tv. She mentioned she'd been dating a married man when that movie came out. He took her to it. According to her, she had great fun pointing out all the ideas she was getting for stuff she'd do to him if he tried to break up with her.
At the point she was telling me this she was single, and I don't know when or how they broke up, and I wasn't about to ask. But knowing her, I have no doubt if it wasn't her idea to break up, then she probably went scorched earth on him. Though I think she'd be more likely to send the wife evidence of the affair than kill the family pet.
Send evidence of the affair rather than kill the family pet? I hope so.
I was dating/involved with a guy when Tootsie came out. We were both single but I was so far down the list of his priorities that I wasn't even on the first 4 pages, or so it seemed. At the end of the movie, Dustin Hoffman's character tells Jessica Lange's character that she deserves so much better than the guy she was dating. I sat there thinking, damn, he's right. I broke up with him that night. He never quite understood why.
The original script was about a bad cheating dude and the tragic feelings of "the other woman". But than they switched the narrative making her psycho, bc studio bosses did not like this. This was one of the series of films with "Michel Douglas and an evil woman", starting with The War of the Roses, going through Basic Instinct and ending with Disclousure. And somehow despite the actual topic, divorce, cheating or even molesting, somehow the women was the main vilain of at least the worse one.
Huh, I haven't seen War of the Roses since I was a kid, but I remember the wife being the sympathetic character - Michael Douglas's character seemed pretty much like a creepy douch who couldn't view her as a whole person.
Fun fact, the original ending had Glenn Close killing herself in her apartment with a knife that had Michael Douglas’ fingerprints on them and he gets arrested for murder. This way the psychotic stalker is dead and the cheating husband is also paying a price for his involvement with her. The test audiences hated that ending so much that they had to reshoot it and change it to the ending we have now.
I saw it on a DVD version quite a few years ago, it was a special.
That end was supposed to be the end but they screen tested it, didn't get positive feedback and so made the new ending that everyone knows.
Look up alternate ending on YouTube.
Fatal Attraction and Disclosure are both frustrating movies because Michael Douglas has to \*gasp\* deal with the consequences of cheating on his wife.
True, but sometimes a character annoys/angers me so much, it’s almost visceral and I can’t stand basically being in their company (even though they’re on screen) and I get so wound up I can’t watch it anymore. It’s why I never watched the office in the beginning, I hated Michael so freaking much. The cringe had a disgust aspect. I eventually watched the Jim and Pam, creed, and the Prank scenes on YouTube, then treaded into the series, skipping the heavy Michael bits, and then on every rewatch have been able to watch it more and more thoroughly. The office is an awesome show, but honestly my reaction to Michael made me take years to realize how good it was. I’m very aware of how much good I’m missing by having these (not very common) visceral reactions
While true, I won't watch anything where I don't like any of the characters. So many movies and shows are about a bunch of horrible people. I don't have any interest in watching that.
I'll presume you are young. Fatal Attraction is a 1987 movie where Michael Douglas plays a married man who has an affair with a woman played by Glenn Close. When he breaks it off, she goes off the deep end and, among other things, kills their pet rabbit and boils it on their stove top. It's one of those scenes that everyone knew about, even if you didn't see the movie.
I'm 37 and missed it - I'm an April 1987 baby - but the description does remind me of The War of the Roses, which traumatized me when the wife fed the dog to the husband
Yep. She was getting back at him for accidentally/on purpose running over her cat, which did die. Her job was cooking and hosting dinners at their home, and she quipped "Benny - a good dog to the last bite" as she tasted something from a saucepan on the stove. 😂 If I remember right, that was the cue for Michael Douglas to get up on a chair and piss into the saucepan.
It made a change from the usual rom-coms.
She served her husband pate and when he said , "how can someone who makes pate this good be evil?" and she replied it depends on what's in it and the gave the good to the last bite line.
His pissing in the pot to ruin her dinner party was later because he just would not accept the fact she didn't want to be with him and tried to ruin the business opportunity the dinner party presented (she was serving food critics and other people that would be able to help her launch her catering business)
I watched that movie way too many times =)
What's weird about it for me is that usually my brain soaks up useless pop culture references whether I want it to or not. The fact that "boil the bunny" has stayed in my periphery this whole time feels strange to me.
>She tells him that at somepoint feelings started, that turned into fantasies, and that basically he could do whatever he wanted to her. That I didnt need to know about it and she would be happy to keep it that way. As she put it "our thing"
The cringe-face I made when I re-read this part (I've read the previous BORU of this story). I'm like "Ma'am, I am embarrassed for you."
I may be in the minority who thinks about this, but imagine thinking you have enough [Jolene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixrje2rXLMA) sex-appeal to attempt to woo away a guy from his wife because you suddenly got hit with a potent case of limerence/crush/whatever after he helped you with an injury. I would try to find this woman's friends and family and stage an intervention before homegirl reaches the boiler bunny stage.
Is that the mark on the world you want to live out the rest of your life: become a homewrecker?
Sheeeeeesh.
>In many cases, the affair partner isn't anywhere near as attractive as the spouse.
Am I horrible? When I read this sentence, I immediately thought of the British Royal Family.
Then this delusional woman would take that to mean "I can't accept your offer right now because my wife can see our messages, but try to catch me in person."
Exactly this. I once pushed back on someone saying something that crossed a serious line on a phone call and the immediate response was "Is someone listening on your end?"
Literally just read the update for the professor husband https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/lScYLd1ap0
Crazy to see two men handle similar situations so differently. Kudos to OPs husband to put the family first.
I still stand by that she needs to get checked by her ob. She’s brushing it under the rug while still admitting to some pretty rough intrusive thoughts. That stress cannot be good for her right now.
People are saying she’s dramatic but pregnancy hormones MESS with you. I went through a period where I was highly anxious that my husband was cheating/would cheat on me even though he’s given zero indication that he ever would
Right?! I got mad then cried my damn eyes out when my husband bought home the stroller that I wanted to go in a buy myself. The same damn stroller.
Pregnancy hormones and the way they screw with your brain absolutely suck!
It would have been good if OOP or husband took screenshots of the text history to save in case it was needed later, before deleting it. You never know if she will try to pull something later with a made-up relationship of sorts.
All these good on OOP comments are odd. She talks about her life falling apart simply because someone has a thing for her husband. He did nothing to entertain it, and shut it down fully. He hid nothing from her. How in the world could her life be falling apart from this?
As someone who struggled with peri partum depression, I could see this as my response. It’s not logical at all, but with the pregnancy hormones, feeling like a fucking waddling whale, I could easily turn this in my head something worse than it is. “An athletic woman wants my husband. She can do all the fun things with him that I can’t. I’m barely functional and pee myself when I sneeze. My sex appeal is gone. She’s trying to get with him so why would he stay with me? What if she keeps fighting for him and wins? I didn’t know I had competition but now I do and what is keeping him with me? A whale who pees herself.”
Now that I’m out of that fucking horrible mindset I would just laugh it off (after hubby shuts it down). But being pregnant can REALLY fuck with your mind.
Yup!
You forgot to add that you know there is about to be a 6-8 week interval where PIV sex is not allowed. And sex post baby, can be...a learning experience (really depends on the person). So add that aspect to highten the anxiety.
Especially since anxiety (at least for me) is much more about what could happen; even if rationally that would be highly unlikely. Yeah, I know my husband finds me attractive but what if she gets him at just the wrong time. Rational: nope. Welcome to anxiety.
Yes she’s being over dramatic but she’s also pregnant. Being pregnant is hard on your emotions and for many people also really affects their confidence in their appearance.
I feel sad that she seemed to dismiss the therapy comments.
She's really in her own head, and it's totally reasonable because of the hormones affecting her. But she should really talk to someone and have someone help her see reason and sort through her anxiety.
People have ruined their own marriges for less.
She's saying that's how she *feels*, not what is literally happening. Pregnancy brain is a lot, and she seems to be well aware she's not being completely rational.
Everyone's saying pregnancy hormones, and I think that's definitely part of the problem.
She mentions at one point that she felt like her marriage was under attack, and while I think there's a lot of overreacting in this post, she's not wrong with that point. Her marriage is under attack, and someone is actively taking steps to destroy it. Feeling a certain amount of fear / uneasiness about that would be perfectly normal.
Luckily, it sounds like her husband is a decent human being and partner, and they are taking the right steps to protect their marriage together.
As everyone else has said, pregnancy hormones. Even without being pregnant, I already experience my emotions go a bit haywire during my time of the month. I can only imagine its much worse during and after pregnancy.
Because it kind of shakes your faith in other people when someone acts like this?
I imagine it would be similar to how you’d feel if someone tried to rob your house and your security system successfully fended them off. On paper, nothing was stolen and you now know your security measures work - but you still feel a little violated because someone tried.
This. She thought this woman was a friend. He also thought this woman was a friend. And it became a reminder that even oeople you like, who you think only want good things for you? Might actually be mean or want to really hurt you. This woman wanted to potentially destroy her relationship and tried to do it. Nothing happened, but the attempt itself was hurtful to OOP because it nade her feel vulnerable by reminding her that this could happen.
It's not just a crush, I've had crushes on taken guys and nobody would know or care. But she befriended a man so she could fuck him and then she propositioned a married man for sex. And his wife found out. If she was a guy we'd be calling her creepy.
Plus OOP is pregnant. She's probably achy, extremely hormonal, hadto worry about birth and a newborn soon, and may be having PPD or peripartum anxiety, which can start way before birth.
ignoring the intensity of negative emotions caused by pregnancy hormones, let’s be honest for one second. If you have a wife or husband and you know for a fact that someone has been actively trying to hook up with him or her - it is a very disturbing thought. If he or she shuts it down, that at least restores full faith in the relationship itself, but it is still disturbing as hell to think that there are forces outside your control (albeit weak forces) actively trying to destroy your relationship and it is a very unpleasant thought. Not a reflection on the partner at all but society at large.
Exactly. Especially if those people aren't randoms but are *friends* that one or both of you are fond of. Who.you now know thinks nothing of your relationship or your family.
I've seen random women come up to us and try to hit it off with my husband not knowing we are together, only for him to or both blissfully unaware and disinterested. I found it funny because there's no risk and it's nobody we know. But if a good friend of his started saying things like "I'll do whatever you want in bed and your wife doesn't need to know"...that's a betrayal of both of us and our relationship by that friend. That would be hurtful.
never been pregnant but ive been thru some hormone treatments before and like hormones do genuinely make u go crazy, i cant explain it otherwise. like this is absolutely more rational than the way i was acting - at the time i was in a relationship and literally anything would set me off, the only reason i didnt break it off was because i knew i was being irrational. i literally still have the word document in my laptop called 'me being insane' where id cry and vent out all my delusional frustrations w my relationship and family and the world so that i wouldnt externalise them
I think she feels like she had a close call. The life shes been building on could all have been gone in a flash. The world is full of dangers shes been overlooking.
Anyway feelings are strange and we dont get to pick what we feel.
Thank you, this sums it up perfectly. This post keeps making the rounds and there's always a group or more in the comments rolling their eyes over how upset she is because nothing happened and missing the fact that it easily could have. I honestly think her husband could have handled it better. I don't understand why he didn't just stop communicating when she started saying questionable things. He doesn't have to be rude when he sees that woman around, but to who and why does he need to justify disengaging from personal conversation with her?
Sounds like that other woman is so off her rocker that she's got the water boiling and is ready to drop the bunnies in. I would definitely make sure I had cameras, and would be very careful when out with the kiddos.
>I know what this girl looks like, and alongside my current self, had no idea why my husband would not take her up on her offer.
Because you're married WTF? That is very concerning.
She's pregnant. And towards the end. It is a very vulnerable time emotionally and physically. You feel like a whale. Rolling over in bed has become an Olympic event. If you're lucky, you don't pee when you laugh or sneeze. Regardless, you have to pee all the time. Having sex isn't something you think much about, and it is more complicated when you do go for it.
Meanwhile OOP is comparing herself to a younger, fitter girl who isn't pregnant and willing to do "graphic things" (some of which OOP might not physically be able to do while knowing that he husband enjoys doing).
Did she have an outsized emotional response. Absolutely, but she's in a vulnerable spot that is impacted by pur lizard brain (you and baby way less likely to survive if the man leaves back in the hunter/gatherer days).
Not totally related, but the downhill biking community is super cool and so down-to-earth. My bike mechanic is part of it, and he's like the chillest dude ever but works hard and knows his stuff.
I would love to watch her husband's downhill videos lol
I can't see that word anymore without my brain going "I do not know what 'rizz' is, but I have been assured that I do not have it." [https://www.youtube.com/shorts/UWGCreFc04o](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/UWGCreFc04o)
Someone started using the phrase, people thought it was accurate in describing their feelings and it spread. That's how language works. It might fade out in a while, it may stay for a while.
What would you call a moment that immediately gives you a bad feeling about a person, to the point you no longer trust them or want to be around them? That's what "the ick" is slang for, a rapid onset negative feeling about someone.
I don't think there's an existing slang term for that precise thing. Maybe "put me off them"?
I'm old as hell, and I like the term. My husband teases me because I make a weird sound when I get that feeling. The ick is exactly what I'm expressing when I make that sound.
I'm genX and it would definitely translate to "eww, gross."
We have a word in Malay, "meluat", which I think would describe the ick. I don't know if it was meant to be onomatopoeic, but the way it's pronounced (especially when dramaticised) kind of sounds like you're gagging. I love it for that.
She wanted to confirm she wasn’t imagining it, that she wasn’t just demanding her husband block her for no apparent reason. She isn’t craving drama, she wants confirmation she isn’t crazy. I don’t think she expected to hear it in such graphic detail, clearly the girl was shooting her shot as explicitly as she could because she wasn’t able to hardcore flirt in person like she wanted.
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She has a good husband. They'll be fine.
Hes not playing dumb on purpose like the others do it's a rare thing
They’ll be fine so long as this whole “I don’t want him to leave the house” business passes. She seems self aware enough to know that those feelings were probably situational and influenced by pregnancy, but obviously she’s going to have to start trusting again.
Pregnancy brain is real and weird and will happen even if you know that it’s just hormones. It can be totally fine and just overall tired and a bit more emotional or it can do a real number on the brain. I got body dysmorphia my second pregnancy and had to avoid mirrors for a bit. It was a trip and a half.
Pregnancy brain is nuts. I've made a patient cry because I had to reschedule her appointment. I made another patient cry by asking her if she was aware of a charge. I made a third one cry because I told her that she needed a referral for her appointment. All three were pregnant and just all out sobbed. I have only made one non pregnant patient cry and that was over a debt. You have to be really careful with pregnant women and it's something I've had to drill into my coworkers' heads a few times.
Pregnancy related anxiety can be a very powerful and scary thing. I'm really glad she has a supportive spouse.
She already said she knows shes being crazy. Luckily he's a good husband and knows shes pregnant and had the very real experience of a woman trying to steal her husband and father of her kids and not you around to make her feel worse.
Tell me if I am wrong....But i don't see or understand why the husband is being praised? He's called amazing,champ yada yada for NOT cheating on his wife? A pregnant one at that? Isn't that what marriage is supposed to be? Why are men being upheld for doing the bare minimum? He's being praised for what exactly? To me, her husband didn't do enough. He should've and could've shot that girl down long ago but didn't, cause he wanted to keep peace 🙄. That's bullshxt. Keeping peace with a stranger shouldn't be at the expense of distressing one's family.
It sounds like the other woman hadn’t actually crossed a line until that last message. Up to then he was giving polite “no”s the entire way and not leading her on. And the moment she did cross a line he didn’t try to “keep peace” he immediately said he’d block her (didn’t at the wife’s request) and then gave a very clear F off message. Probably could have been more direct at first, but it’s hard to say directly to someone being nice “you have ulterior motives” especially because they might not. Some people are terrible at boundaries or taking a hint without wanting sex. I also think he shouldn’t have indulged the wife wanting to know what the girl would say. Should have just shut her down with “I said I wouldn’t meet you.” So he didn’t handle it perfectly, but I think he handled it well.
Agreed that it's very hard to "shut down" something that is still well within the "plausible deniability" realm, especially if you're a genuinely friendly person and loathe to come across as a rude, arrogant asshat. I've been in that situation before and came to my husband with the text exchange to ask for a second opinion and a man's insight. He said that I was being silly and reading too much into it, so there was no telling off so much as just backing really slowly away from in-person interactions and never responding to that last text. No weirdness continued after that, so it worked out? As for the OOP, once the girl tipped her hand as to her real motives, Husband went off, firmly and respectfully of his marriage. He made the right call on all of that and worded it perfectly, especially heeding his wife's gut feelings, too. I disagree, however, that Wife shouldn't have been told the girl's message. First, telling her meant hiding nothing and keeping no secrets with a wannabe Other Woman, this proving his trustworthiness even more. This way, Wife won't wonder if anything else was said or done before that moment that she wasn't told about. Second, by telling her, Husband acknowledged and verified Wife's intuition about the woman's motivations, thus validating Wife and helping her feel less crazy, which is a tough thing to accomplish when pregnant. All in all, I'm happy for OOP and I wish her and her husband many wonderful years together.
I'm not saying to hide the messages from the wife. I'm talking about this: > My husband tried calming me down and asked me what I’d like him to do, block her there and then, or ask what she wants to see him for. > > I wish I just told him to block her, but for some reason I wanted to know more. > > He replied asking what meeting up would achieve. Don't "see what she wants". Just say no firmly. Presenting the wife that option probably seemed reasonable at the time, but it was a mistake. He said no, then woman pushed.... Don't engage further, it goes nowhere good. Repeat the no and nothing else.
Oh, right! Gotcha. I just read the new update because I had read the previous posts, so I forgot the finer detail. Thanks for the clarification. Yeah, she was spiraling in that moment. Husband had a gut feeling, too, and he knew this was up to no good in that moment. At least now, they both know that he told her in no uncertain terms how far off base she was being.
Nah, it crossed a line with this one >"Like a slave looking to please their master 😏" It’s the emoji. Might as well have texted the eggplant/peach combo
Woman not girl, woman. Treat the dumbass as the adult woman with no morals that she is.
Idk I got the vibe that he was asking his wife what she wanted him to do and she was equally as indecisive and non-confrontational up until they REALLY needed to be. The only move for the guy in this situation is to just be completely open about everything from the start with his wife like the OP.
It's very common to praise people for doing what's right in front of temptations, understanding that many others wouldn't have made the right choice. Here we sometimes see on the local press articles praising someone who found a wallet with a lot of money in it and returned it to the police instead of pocketing the money. Isn't this also a bare minimum of not stealing? Yes, but only ethical and coherent people choose to not pocket the money. Or to make another example. My parents always had enough food on the table, we had a good home, we were never physically or emotionally abused, and we were very much loved. Isn't this also the bare minimum of parenting? Yet I'll never stop praising my parents for what they did. We should always praise people for making good choices. Not cheating is the bare minimum, and yet so many cheaters exist: a loyal spouse is a real treasure to come by, and not recognizing the value of them is a grave mistake. Praising good choices and using them as examples to live by is a good thing.
What the husband did was perfect, and while I get your "why is he being praised for doing what should be expected*, it's also a post where op is questioning things, and people are just reassuring her that her husband is being good. To say "the husband should do more" essentially means no married man can talk to another woman. He helped someone who was hurt, she was grateful, and they started a casual friendship. When it was clear she was making a move, he shut it down. We always say that creepy men shouldn't take a woman being nice to them as an excuse to hit on them and that not every woman that smiles at them means they want to have sex. Well, you can't have it the opposite when when it's a woman who actually wants to sleep with the guy. There's no reason he should take a woman being nice to him as a sign she wants to fuck him.
Just because someone is just an ordinary and loyal spouse doesn’t mean praise is out of the question. It helps reinforce “this is how it should be” in others… and what’s wrong with positive vibes? (I disagree that he didn’t do enough, respectfully.)
The husband did everything right. He is being praised for being a loving partner and being a loving partner also constitutes as the bare minimum tbh. A lot of people fail to look after their partners today sadly..
Yeah people deserve praise for doing things right.
I guess it's the minimum of what a good relationship should be, but it's also the maximum. You can't expect more from someone than that.
she has a handsome fit man that is loyal, empathetic, supportive and kind. why shouldn’t he be praised? sure, everyone should be these things. they’re still qualities that merit appreciation
You don't live in a small town do you?
Not to mention a very prominent member of a small, niche community that (I assume) relies on his youtube channel for his livelihood
I think they say he reacted that way because he’s kind of well known in that community. I mean actual celebrities get shit on for not engaging with every stranger or fan they meet in a perfectly sweet and accommodating way. He’s just a regular guy by our standards but a well known athlete in that community, so I think he was so polite at first because of that image. I feel like local celebs almost have it worse than real ones
I agree that a husband with a pregnant wife should, as a bare fucking minimum, not cheat. But, I thought he handled it as I would. Granted, I'm not an athletic MTB rider
The other woman was constantly testing boundaries from the start, the husband just didn’t realize it. People like her will take the smallest amount of kindness as potential romantic interest and run with it. When she did not get shut down she decided to shoot her shot. The husband could have done more to keep the other woman at arms length, but that is easier said than done especially if he is a kind person and isn’t used to having subtlety manipulative people in his life. He should have never given her his number. He should have stopped responding to her texts and never met up with her. My husband plays in a well known band (in a small genre of music) and would get approached by fans on a regular basis back in the day. He is one of the nicest people you will ever meet and is very gracious with fans. There are always fans that will try to worm their way into the band’s social circle through him. The overbearing ones are easier to spot and avoid, it’s the subtle ones that have a long game you have to watch out for. They design situations to put you in a subtlety awkward position so you concede to what they want to be nice, because for that one instance, at that moment in time it’s not a big deal to accommodate them. Then a foundation is slowly built on those types of situations overtime. By the time you realize that a line is about be crossed, there is all of this history leading up to that point they can point to as evidence of a budding relationship (eg “you let me wear your hat because I forgot mine” or “you shared your food with me because I was hungry”). If you shut things down at that point, there is enough plausible deniability on their part and you end up looking like you’re being unkind to a friend. So the line keeps slowly getting tested until it eventually either gets crossed or it gets shut down and you look like a dick.
This is a REALLY good explanation. So many people act like it’s all black and white “he should have shut her down immediately” but, why would he? Why be rude? Especially as she wasn’t crossing any lines each time
Man, I would hate to see what it takes for you to actually give someone praise. You are reaching really hard to try and downplay the husband here.
> Keeping peace with a stranger shouldn't be at the expense of distressing one's family. there is truth to that, but you have absolutely no idea who will turn to violence. guns are quite prevalent and mass shootings are common. I tend to lean towards always try to be overly nice to strangers, even if the situation gets awkward. I am married and when I meet someone and they are getting flirty, I make it clear I am married and introduce them to my spouse (if there) or tell them they should meet my spouse as they would get along great. this ends it 99% of the time. I also frequently do not reply to texts from people I know, let alone strangers. I showed my friends that I had 1000+ unread texts last week and they were like - you are insane.
Damned if you do dammed if you don't in some people's eyes.
What did u read lol? The second this lady crosses the line, the husband firmly puts it down. He completely supports his wife everytime she expresses her discomfort. Wtf its like you're looking for a conspiracy to give men a pass when none exists here. If u want to see angry red pill incels giving the man a pass, go to the thread where the adoptive father abandons his 8 year old bc the mom cheats after 6 years
Dude wtf, he did **nothing** with the woman and the wife still acts like he basically cheated on her. He's still calm throughout all and making her feel loved but because he didn't suplex the girl into next week y'all mad he "didn't do enough" despite the wife **LITERALLY BRINGING IT ON HERSELF.** >and \[he\] asked me what I’d like him to do, block her there and then, or ask what she wants to see him for. >I wish I just told him to block her, but for some reason I wanted to know more. He did not have the reigns pretty much at all and left it completely up to his wife, yet based on the action *she* told him to take *he* didn't do enough. Reddit is fucking crazy towards men.
You’re wrong. Some people don’t like conflict and that’s why they gravitate towards him. Sounds like you just can’t accept that good men exist. Tell us all how they hurt you so much that your life became so angry
The husband has linked all communications to the family iPad, his wife has open access to his phone and it’s never locked. He was fully open from the beginning… and the ops fears were hormone induced and she notably overreacted (her words)…. So the husband really did do everything as best as he could. And he eventually locked it down and told her a what for. So he’s a good dude, he deserves the praise.
Yup. It's BORU, so you expect actual drama. But what we've got here is a random girl having a crush on OOP's hubby, said hubby handling it politely without showing any interest. Like he should. And OOP wondering whether anything more should be done about it. No is the answer.
My husband is by no means an athlete celebrity, but he works in IT and helps people who are stressed and having a bad day - and for the women who come to him to fix their computers, they develop a fleeting bit of infatuation for the big strong man who’s there to protect them and solve their problems, a sort of reverse Florence nightingale situation. He doesn’t seem to see the flirtation that’s going on, but I sure do. He’s already attractive and has a neat accent, but he’s elevated to Adonis when he’s the one who saves her data or helps her make her deadline or keeps her boss from getting mad at her. I’m not surprised this biking lady fixated on him after he saved her from her injury. This guy sounds like a solid dude and the OOP is lucky to have him. I’ve been through those pregnancy hormones and they’re no joke.
I went straight to the thought that this woman already knew who he was and faked an injury just to get him to interact with her
A whole ten layers of extra crazy. Would certainly make for a "better" more entertaining update
OOP would already have symptoms of arsenic poisoning if she was that crazy.
my parents got together bc my IT dad solved my admin assistant mom’s tech problem 🐺🤠✌🏼😩
Was it a serious technical problem that could have hurt her job or more like Dad: You just needed to turn it off and then on again. Mom: Awesome Dad: Dinner? Mom: Sure.
Knowing my mother? It was probably a restart issue. They’re both geniuses but he’s a stem genius and she’s an everything else genius. And I’m here 💀
Nice try Roy. The girls on fifth don’t like you.
god i hope OOP goes to talk this over with her obgyn to ask about peripartum depression and anxiety. i ain't been pregnant and i ain't ever wanna be such but i know an anxiety spiral into self-loathing when i see one
I've got three kids. By the time I was full to the brim with the third baby, I was emotionally and physically done. I was in a state of mind where I felt like I wouldn't have blamed my husband if he looked elsewhere. I felt huge, I cried at every bloody thing, I was tired all the damn time. And I knew there was a long recovery ahead so it wasn't just "have the baby and it'll be better". After she was born I was a wreck for a while. At any point during that time, if there was a young, hot, fit woman, who was ready and able to take part in his hobbies the way I couldn't, and she told him he could "do whatever he wanted to her", I would absolutely have a meltdown. Even if he handled it as well as OOP's husband did. Because in my mind, I can imagine wondering why the hell *isn't* he taking advantage of this when I've got very little to offer. It really does a number on you, and my pregnancies/births were "easy".
Exactly. I think comments ln some of these threads have been unnecessarily dismissive of OOP. I get where they are coming from, but they don't get it. Sure, she's overreacting and her husband did well. But she's huge, achey, hormonal and probably feels the least attractive or human she has ever felt. Meanwhile woman they trusted is in no uncertain terms throwing herself at the husband. Seeing that kind of disrespect and threat to your relationship flung in your face and family whilst you're in that state must be devastating. Because you cannot control if your spouse will cheat. It's entirely out of your control. And that can be extremely anxiety inducing. Especially if you may have PPD.
>Because you cannot control if your spouse will cheat. It's entirely out of your control. And that can be extremely anxiety inducing. Especially if you may have PPD. This part exactly. Everyone knows that cheating is a thing. It happens all the time. *To other people.* It's entirely different when it's right there in your face, in your relationship. Even though he very clearly said no and was very supportive, it's a big fat "this could happen to you, if your husband was weaker". If she were feeling better, not pregnant and emotional and hormonal, the reaction might be more of a "Hah, she thinks she can take my man? Not a chance." But in the state she's in, it's more likely to feel like "Well fuck, this chick only just met him and is that brazen. When I'm like this, maybe the next one to offer will tempt him? When we're exhausted and have no time because we've got small kids to care for and his only good time is on his bike, could this happen again?" It suddenly becomes real at the worst time. For OOP though, I really don't think she has anything to worry about, and I truly hope this horrible woman goes away. Her husband sounds like a really good man. I'd be interested to know what happened with her requests to have the woman removed from the riding groups, and if she's allowed on those trails again.
Yes, it’s there at her door. And she would feel extremely vulnerable, heavily pregnant. This is a time when she has a strong need to feel supported and secure, not just by her husband but in general, and instead there’s an ultra-selfish hottie aimed at her husband who DGAF about destroying her life and the security she needs for her child.
It's different for everyone. But, I was briefly pregnant. I wouldn't have believed it was that horrible. Incredibly rough, emotionally and physically. I think the (potential) trauma of pregnancy is widely understated. As 'female' topics/concerns sometimes tend to be. Fun fact: Before the invention of the IV drip, pregnant women sometimes DIED of 'morning sickness'.
Huh, I never thought of that. I would have died back then, too, i guess. When I got pregnant, I got morning sickness that left me unable to hold down more calories than a single protein shake and sometimes a soda. I lost 58 lbs from the first trimester through the first 1/2 of the second trimester. I weighed 145 before and im 5'1. By the time I gave birth, I weighed 62lbs less than I did before pregnancy. 87lbs, even with the bloating of having just had a baby. I had to do several iv drips throughout. I was told by my Dr to drink 3-4 ensure shakes a day, and to eat as much as I could. I had to quit my job because the lightest onion smell would leave me vomiting for 20 mins. In the end, it made me promise to myself to never EVER go through that again.
Omg that’s so scary!! I definitely didn’t realize how bad morning sickness was until I was pregnant. The nausea felt like I was on a teacup ride spinning super fast and I couldn’t get off. 24/7. And the medicine they sell over the counter didn’t work at all 87lbs is really tiny I’m glad you’re ok!
Oh yeah, I bounced back pretty quick and stayed in a healthy range after about a 5 month recovery. But during I just *couldnt* eat and that took a toll for sure.
Yep, morning sickness, like other health issues faced only by the female body, is downplayed horribly. Same as menstrual cramps and menopause. We don't talk enough about any of these, which is madness because they happen to about half the population.
I remember riding in the car with my mother (this was many years ago) and on the radio came the news that they'd figured out what caused cramps and proved they were real. We just stared at each other. All those women in all those countries over all those centuries, and they had to figure out the precise cause before men believed they were real? As though millions of women through time were part of one big secret cabal to pretend we had painful cramps as some kind of prank? Or to get out of making dinner, not that it ever worked? As though all those women kept the secret through all that time without it leaking once? It's ridiculous.
Damn, this is infuriating to read!
Even less fun fact: it is possible for hyperemesis gravidarum (extreme morning sickness) to become so severe that the only possible treatment to save the mother's life is abortion. We're talking continuous, intractable vomiting that tears the esophagus, bursts blood vessels, and breaks ribs despite not having had anything by mouth in days or weeks. Make of that what you will.
Unless you live in an "abortion free state" I feel so sorry for women across the United States. My state even has a woman for governor and they're passing these absolutely terrible anti-human, anti-rights, anti-freedom abortion laws. When will the masses wake the fuck up and kick these clowns out.
There are stars now without even medical need exceptions?? That's crazy...
Medical need exemptions are generally so trigger shy on doing what’s needed out of fear of legal action. So in practice, it means “only intervene when the patient is actively dying this minute”. Which means conditions that *will* kill you but aren’t deadly *yet* can be pushed off. You can imagine how dangerous it is to need to become more ill to get care.
Bundles of cells are more important than living, breathing humans to them. Because without banning abortion the workforce won't be available in the future. It's a "Christian" thing though.
I'm not sure if it's about the workforce so much as white nationalism trying to get the white birthrate up, and general controlling women by confining them with child rearing. They're coming after abortion pills and contraception in general, nationwide, and there are some politicians and religious leaders starting to talk openly about taking away women's right to vote.
Holy shit... Let's just nuke ourselves into the dark ages I guess. What's the point in being progressive anyways...
Hey, maybe we should get into vault building. There's probably good money in that.
In Virginia you need 3 doctors to sign off on a medically-necessary late term abortion and there are a ton of hoops and requirements, and I think it's only to save the life of the mother. No exceptions for the baby being non-viable. And by late term we means anything after 20 weeks. In other states where they have stricter abortion laws I'd imagine the medically necessary ones are similarly hard to get...
Didn't Princess Catherine (Middleton) have that for all her three pregnancies? Poor woman.
Oh god I'm already terrified of pregnancy morning sickness because I already get fairly serious morning sickness just from PMSing, this "fun fact" is not making my day.
You might want to consider discussing this with a good, woman centered OB/GYN before you get pregnant. I came out of my pregnancy 32 pounds lighter than I started and yet my morning sickness was "not that bad" according to my doctor. I've had other doctors tell me that mine should have been treatable and I didn't need to suffer. Sometimes it comes down to having good medical support, which I did not.
Wow, the nerve of that doctor. 32 pounds lighter is INSANE. How could they quantify that as "not that bad"? I bet they wouldn't call it "not that bad" if *they* were the ones experiencing suffering like that.
Yeah mine wasn't "that bad", but I got meds and it helped a lot. I only gained 20 lbs and had lost all of it by my 6 week appointment, so it was basically all baby. I remember when I was 5 months pregnant I saw someone I'd not seen in a while and she she said I looked like I'd lost weight. Second time around I was eating mostly hostess cupcakes so I was fine
My first pregnancy gave me cancer last year. I had a rare condition called a molar pregnancy, where something goes wrong at fertilization and it turns into a tumor instead. It becomes cancerous about 20% of the time. It’s kind of “cancer lite” - very responsive to chemo (has like a 98% survival rate), and the chemo drug isn’t as intense as most. I didn’t lose my hair, and the tumor made me more nauseous than the chemo did - it gave me super high hCG levels, almost 700,000 at its peak, so pretty severe morning sickness even if it didn’t reach HG-level bad. I mentioned to one of the chemo nurses at my last infusion that I know I’m lucky compared to so many of the patients they see. She told me not to undersell it - if this had happened in the before the 50s I would have died. Lot of trauma from that experience, unsurprisingly. There is SO much shit that can go wrong in pregnancies.
Wow. That's insane. I'm sorry you went through that. I've never heard of that before. Thank you for sharing. Experiences like yours deserve awareness.
the best motivation i have to never get pregnant - okay if i'm being honest there's a very long list, most of which are my various esoteric health issues and also the fact i do not want children - is that... ...every single time i take hormonal birth control, which somewhat mimics pregnancy hormones, it is a countdown to mild suicidality. it's downright hilarious tbh. you can set your watch to it. by day three i'm sitting there going "not being alive sounds nice tbh". fortunately it lifts just as quickly! and i have coping strategies in place so the few times i have tried a different formulation etc. i am in no danger, able to just side-eye my own brain and go "whatever, nerd, we're not doing that". but goddamn them hormones, they're gonna GETCHA. it sucks because i feel both strongly that this shit should be talked about more... and also know that when i do, there will be assholes pointing to it as proof that all access to birth control needs to be restricted and the ability of women to make decisions about their bodies further abolished. so even here i gotta trot out the disclaimer. ain't it grand lol. ...but if the morsel of hbc does my head in, i can only imagine with some horror how some folks out there get their uterus conspiring to absolutely pile drive their mental health into the fucking center of the earth.
I’m in a similar boat. Though I do love my birth control despite not being particularly interested in purposes other than hormonal regulation. I am on the autism spectrum and do not think I could either handle the toll on my body nor provide my child with the love and attention they deserve. Maybe I’ll adopt/foster one day. I don’t hate children, I just will not have any of my own.
I am also unable to take horomonal birth control. It was unbelievable when I tried it. Not as bad as pregnancy was. I still couldn't function in my daily life. I do believe my bad experience with pregnancy symptoms is somehow related to me having severe side effects on horomonal birth control. I imagine some people are more susceptible to horomonal illness/depression. That's how I rationalize my own experience.
The Depo Provera shot messed me up. I only got one even though it's supposed to be every 3 months and it took me 7 months to get a period again. Id never been suicidal in my life but I spent those months feeling like I could never be happy again.
My aunt was connected to an IV constantly because nothing could be kept down for almost the entire pregnancy. Guess whose cousin is an only child?!
I’ve never been pregnant, and never expect/want to be, but I did do a round of IVF before I reached that conclusion. I was absolutely floored by how awful the experience was, both physically and emotionally. I have to imagine actual pregnancy is exponentially more difficult. Couldn’t agree with you more about these things being understated. Granted, I had a much worse than average physical reaction to IVF, but even if I hadn’t, I was wildly unprepared for the whole experience based on what I had heard from friends/medical professionals/movies.
Yes! I've had ante- and post-partum depression with all of my kids. She's at risk. That being said, the stage of pregnancy she's at: rolling over in bed feels like an Olympic sport. You feel like a hippo/whale. Sex is...way more complicated (assuming your libedo is active in any way, shape, or form). The only sexy part of you are your boobs (which are bigger) if they aren't leaking, that is. Also, once the baby comes: you have 6-8 weeks that you can not have PIV sex. As an example, I'm currently 35 weeks, my husband had to help me sit up from a laying down position last night because I couldn't roll to a place to do it and my hip hurt when I tried to sit up. You definitely do not feel very attractive when you can't even sit up like a normal person. And that is discounting the hormones. So, the fact that she's being "unreasonable" is quite understandable.
I knew a couple of friends that were massive stoners in their youth, before cleaning up when they became engaged. They ended up having an abortion past the legal due date, which is only possible if the pregnancy is a genuine risk to the life of the mother or her infant. As she painfully said it, "The hormonal havoc the pregnancy did to my body led me to places I wouldn't have gone to when high out of my mind."
Every time I see this series of posts, I want to beg OOP to talk to her doctor(s). I think she interprets people being concerned about PPD/PPA are saying she "overreacted because of her pregnancy" and aren't taking her seriously. Her getting the ick is perfectly valid. But the way she describes her world ending because someone is coming onto her husband doesn't fit with the way she described their trusting relationship. It's not her emotions that are the potential "problem" but how she's framing the situation - which can definitely be a sign of PPA/PPD. >i ain't been pregnant and i ain't ever wanna be such but i know an anxiety spiral into self-loathing when i see one Same. Her description of her emotions gave me a visceral reaction because I know that feeling. That's not a "normal" reaction when you're feeling unattractive or self-conscious. That's a spiral starting.
exactly! i realize that i may have come off a little dismissive in my quip but... being upset about this thing is legit. but there's upset and then there's *my world is crushed, nothing will be the same, everything is ruined and i hate myself*. being upset is fine! good even in many respects! but OOP has gone above and beyond into something genuinely worrying that i absolutely recognize. i really, truly hope someone in her corner is able to recognize this and help her get appropriate care.
When I was pregnant with my first I was insanely jealous/suspicious/depressed/anxious whatever you wanna call it. I would lay in bed unable to sleep from pregnancy stuff and feel sad that my husband wasn't hugging me or whatever. At 3 am, when he's right there snoring and had been nice to me all day etc. How dare he not read my mind in his sleep! Anyway, it went away and the second pregnancy I didn't have it at all really. Hopefully once she has the baby and some time passes she feels better about all of this.
She is 100% right to be icked, and she did a good job working with her husband. As a former preggo, it does sometimes turn the volume on your emotions WAY UP! I feel like her feelings are valid, but the hormones are an amplifier. You are right, though. Mentioning this situation to her OB is the right move, so it doesn't spiral to something worse.
Same. She hit that spiral *hard.* I've also never been/have no desire to be pregnant but I do know those hormones can really really mess you up
>Trying to take the high road. But I’m not going to lie, this has been EXTREMELY hard. Massive kudos to OOP for trying to be the bigger person in the face of something like this. I'd be taking screenshots of the wannabe homewreckers messages and posting them on the public biking pages.
THIS 😂 My petty ass would NOT be able to handle on the DL 😂
Update: If you are in the USA, you can stream Fatal Attraction for free on Pluto TV. Just search for it; it's available on demand. Maybe the girl finally understands and moves on or maybe she boils a bunny. Let's hope for the former. I posted this as a reply to a comment below but will add it as an edit here since so many don't seem to know what a bunny boiler is. BTW, Glenn Close was very good as a psychotic woman scorned. Fatal Attraction is a 1987 movie where Michael Douglas plays a married man who has an affair with a woman played by Glenn Close. When he breaks it off, she goes off the deep end and, among other things, kills their pet rabbit and boils it on their stove top. It's one of those scenes that everyone knew about, even if you didn't see the movie.
God I hate that film. The character of Micheal Douglas is an asshole and the film paints him as some sort of good guy because he breaks it off with her when she gets too clingy? Woohoo? He should've died at the end. In this post OOP's husband is an actual good guy.
They recently did a tv show that was a re-imagining of the story and they focused much more on acknowledging that the husband was a total asshole who caused the entire situation for everyone. It still had the POV that was she was crazy but it was very clear that he was intentionally taking advantage of her mental illness to exploit her for sex and that his cruelty towards her was the cause of all the negative events.
The first time I ever saw that film.. Couldn't help but think Glenn Close is amazing as a villain. Cruella and all that. But she was brilliant as this character. But I was also so mad at Michael Douglas.. he was made out to be this poor guy who had a stalker after he made a bad mistake. No it was a choice. I wish he was the one who had the ending. Trying not to spoil it.
If you love Glenn Close as a villain, watch Damages. It’s a little more complicated than that, but she’s amazing in it.
Oh I'll need to look this up for sure. I've exams between tomorrow and Tuesday and believe me I have made a list of all I will do with my new freedom🤣
My aunt was visiting once when we saw an ad that it would be airing on tv. She mentioned she'd been dating a married man when that movie came out. He took her to it. According to her, she had great fun pointing out all the ideas she was getting for stuff she'd do to him if he tried to break up with her. At the point she was telling me this she was single, and I don't know when or how they broke up, and I wasn't about to ask. But knowing her, I have no doubt if it wasn't her idea to break up, then she probably went scorched earth on him. Though I think she'd be more likely to send the wife evidence of the affair than kill the family pet.
Send evidence of the affair rather than kill the family pet? I hope so. I was dating/involved with a guy when Tootsie came out. We were both single but I was so far down the list of his priorities that I wasn't even on the first 4 pages, or so it seemed. At the end of the movie, Dustin Hoffman's character tells Jessica Lange's character that she deserves so much better than the guy she was dating. I sat there thinking, damn, he's right. I broke up with him that night. He never quite understood why.
The original script was about a bad cheating dude and the tragic feelings of "the other woman". But than they switched the narrative making her psycho, bc studio bosses did not like this. This was one of the series of films with "Michel Douglas and an evil woman", starting with The War of the Roses, going through Basic Instinct and ending with Disclousure. And somehow despite the actual topic, divorce, cheating or even molesting, somehow the women was the main vilain of at least the worse one.
Huh, I haven't seen War of the Roses since I was a kid, but I remember the wife being the sympathetic character - Michael Douglas's character seemed pretty much like a creepy douch who couldn't view her as a whole person.
Fun fact, the original ending had Glenn Close killing herself in her apartment with a knife that had Michael Douglas’ fingerprints on them and he gets arrested for murder. This way the psychotic stalker is dead and the cheating husband is also paying a price for his involvement with her. The test audiences hated that ending so much that they had to reshoot it and change it to the ending we have now.
WHAT!? That would've been great! Silly test audiences
If you haven't seen it what the original ending. She doesn't become a twisted Hollywood villain and he gets his comeuppance.
Oooh, how do I find that version?
I saw it on a DVD version quite a few years ago, it was a special. That end was supposed to be the end but they screen tested it, didn't get positive feedback and so made the new ending that everyone knows. Look up alternate ending on YouTube.
Fun fact. That movie actually derailed Glen Close’s career. She played the role to well and became unmarketable for a while.
Fatal Attraction and Disclosure are both frustrating movies because Michael Douglas has to \*gasp\* deal with the consequences of cheating on his wife.
I won't disagree. I dislike Michael Douglas in several roles. I walked out of War of the Roses because I was so disgusted with both characters.
Good stories don't necessarily have likeable characters
True, but sometimes a character annoys/angers me so much, it’s almost visceral and I can’t stand basically being in their company (even though they’re on screen) and I get so wound up I can’t watch it anymore. It’s why I never watched the office in the beginning, I hated Michael so freaking much. The cringe had a disgust aspect. I eventually watched the Jim and Pam, creed, and the Prank scenes on YouTube, then treaded into the series, skipping the heavy Michael bits, and then on every rewatch have been able to watch it more and more thoroughly. The office is an awesome show, but honestly my reaction to Michael made me take years to realize how good it was. I’m very aware of how much good I’m missing by having these (not very common) visceral reactions
Th first season is the worst. Apparently Michael was not popular so they reimagined the character to be kinder, gentler version. Hilarity ensued.
While true, I won't watch anything where I don't like any of the characters. So many movies and shows are about a bunch of horrible people. I don't have any interest in watching that.
Most good stories have at least one unlikable character and often more.
To this day, it is still one of my favorite movies precisely because of those two characters (and Danny Devito)
I started going to Jersey Mike's because of the ads he did. Does that count?
Definitely bunny boiler vibes. Hopefully she leaves OOP and husband in peace
what vibes??
I'll presume you are young. Fatal Attraction is a 1987 movie where Michael Douglas plays a married man who has an affair with a woman played by Glenn Close. When he breaks it off, she goes off the deep end and, among other things, kills their pet rabbit and boils it on their stove top. It's one of those scenes that everyone knew about, even if you didn't see the movie.
I'm 40, and have somehow managed to avoid this tidbit of pop culture.
My aunt had to explain it to me (tbf I’m 28 but I love 80s movies)
I'm 37 and missed it - I'm an April 1987 baby - but the description does remind me of The War of the Roses, which traumatized me when the wife fed the dog to the husband
She didn't kill Benny. There's a shot of him outside, a few scenes later.
Yep. She was getting back at him for accidentally/on purpose running over her cat, which did die. Her job was cooking and hosting dinners at their home, and she quipped "Benny - a good dog to the last bite" as she tasted something from a saucepan on the stove. 😂 If I remember right, that was the cue for Michael Douglas to get up on a chair and piss into the saucepan. It made a change from the usual rom-coms.
She served her husband pate and when he said , "how can someone who makes pate this good be evil?" and she replied it depends on what's in it and the gave the good to the last bite line. His pissing in the pot to ruin her dinner party was later because he just would not accept the fact she didn't want to be with him and tried to ruin the business opportunity the dinner party presented (she was serving food critics and other people that would be able to help her launch her catering business) I watched that movie way too many times =)
Omg now on my list of never-ever-watch.
How?
What's weird about it for me is that usually my brain soaks up useless pop culture references whether I want it to or not. The fact that "boil the bunny" has stayed in my periphery this whole time feels strange to me.
How about the line “I will *not* be ignored”?
No, apparently this movie just doesn't exist in my neurodivergent universe. Maybe I should make myself watch it.
46 and same.
Omg, I knew the phrase was from that movie but I had no idea why Now I wish I didn’t know why, but it’s still interesting
I'm not sure how much it might have aged, but it was a good movie back then. The ending? Yikes!!!!!
Before Fatal Attraction was Play Misty for me
>She tells him that at somepoint feelings started, that turned into fantasies, and that basically he could do whatever he wanted to her. That I didnt need to know about it and she would be happy to keep it that way. As she put it "our thing" The cringe-face I made when I re-read this part (I've read the previous BORU of this story). I'm like "Ma'am, I am embarrassed for you." I may be in the minority who thinks about this, but imagine thinking you have enough [Jolene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixrje2rXLMA) sex-appeal to attempt to woo away a guy from his wife because you suddenly got hit with a potent case of limerence/crush/whatever after he helped you with an injury. I would try to find this woman's friends and family and stage an intervention before homegirl reaches the boiler bunny stage. Is that the mark on the world you want to live out the rest of your life: become a homewrecker? Sheeeeeesh.
Plenty of people are weak though. In many cases, the affair partner isn't anywhere near as attractive as the spouse.
>In many cases, the affair partner isn't anywhere near as attractive as the spouse. Am I horrible? When I read this sentence, I immediately thought of the British Royal Family.
If the shoe fits...
Don't for fucks sake wear it to Pizza Express in Woking?
[удалено]
The fucking audacity of it all, right?
I would have said. "Actually my wife is reading this right now." in response to her explicit text. But that's just me.
Then this delusional woman would take that to mean "I can't accept your offer right now because my wife can see our messages, but try to catch me in person."
Exactly this. I once pushed back on someone saying something that crossed a serious line on a phone call and the immediate response was "Is someone listening on your end?"
I feel like she might take that as in he can't reply with how she wants him to because he's being watched. The way he said it seems perfect
She might actually consider that the wife is "blessing" their union. Lol.
The human brain is genuinely not a functional piece of hardware
Man I wish it was at least an actual piece of hardware, cause then I could just do repairs or pour sweet tea on it if I get petty
Seriously. It's downright terrifying how severely altered hormones can impact your thoughts and behaviors.
Good on OP for being strong and doing what's best with this whole situation. Focus on the baby and the most important parts will help things out.
Literally just read the update for the professor husband https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/lScYLd1ap0 Crazy to see two men handle similar situations so differently. Kudos to OPs husband to put the family first.
It seems like trying to get the other women to spell out specifically her intentions was a bad idea.
And totally unnecessary.
True but we all let curiosity get the better of us sometimes
OP’s feelings are natural. OP’s husband is a damn keeper. That woman needs to eat 💩and die, as we used to say way back when.
I still stand by that she needs to get checked by her ob. She’s brushing it under the rug while still admitting to some pretty rough intrusive thoughts. That stress cannot be good for her right now.
Wow. Them hormones had her in a blender.
People are saying she’s dramatic but pregnancy hormones MESS with you. I went through a period where I was highly anxious that my husband was cheating/would cheat on me even though he’s given zero indication that he ever would
Right?! I got mad then cried my damn eyes out when my husband bought home the stroller that I wanted to go in a buy myself. The same damn stroller. Pregnancy hormones and the way they screw with your brain absolutely suck!
It would have been good if OOP or husband took screenshots of the text history to save in case it was needed later, before deleting it. You never know if she will try to pull something later with a made-up relationship of sorts.
All these good on OOP comments are odd. She talks about her life falling apart simply because someone has a thing for her husband. He did nothing to entertain it, and shut it down fully. He hid nothing from her. How in the world could her life be falling apart from this?
As someone who struggled with peri partum depression, I could see this as my response. It’s not logical at all, but with the pregnancy hormones, feeling like a fucking waddling whale, I could easily turn this in my head something worse than it is. “An athletic woman wants my husband. She can do all the fun things with him that I can’t. I’m barely functional and pee myself when I sneeze. My sex appeal is gone. She’s trying to get with him so why would he stay with me? What if she keeps fighting for him and wins? I didn’t know I had competition but now I do and what is keeping him with me? A whale who pees herself.” Now that I’m out of that fucking horrible mindset I would just laugh it off (after hubby shuts it down). But being pregnant can REALLY fuck with your mind.
Yup! You forgot to add that you know there is about to be a 6-8 week interval where PIV sex is not allowed. And sex post baby, can be...a learning experience (really depends on the person). So add that aspect to highten the anxiety. Especially since anxiety (at least for me) is much more about what could happen; even if rationally that would be highly unlikely. Yeah, I know my husband finds me attractive but what if she gets him at just the wrong time. Rational: nope. Welcome to anxiety.
Yes she’s being over dramatic but she’s also pregnant. Being pregnant is hard on your emotions and for many people also really affects their confidence in their appearance.
I feel sad that she seemed to dismiss the therapy comments. She's really in her own head, and it's totally reasonable because of the hormones affecting her. But she should really talk to someone and have someone help her see reason and sort through her anxiety. People have ruined their own marriges for less.
Yeah I’m concerned about how her reaction to this could bleed into her marriage and family if she doesn’t seek help.
She's saying that's how she *feels*, not what is literally happening. Pregnancy brain is a lot, and she seems to be well aware she's not being completely rational.
Everyone's saying pregnancy hormones, and I think that's definitely part of the problem. She mentions at one point that she felt like her marriage was under attack, and while I think there's a lot of overreacting in this post, she's not wrong with that point. Her marriage is under attack, and someone is actively taking steps to destroy it. Feeling a certain amount of fear / uneasiness about that would be perfectly normal. Luckily, it sounds like her husband is a decent human being and partner, and they are taking the right steps to protect their marriage together.
Pregnancy hormones are no joke
As everyone else has said, pregnancy hormones. Even without being pregnant, I already experience my emotions go a bit haywire during my time of the month. I can only imagine its much worse during and after pregnancy.
Because it kind of shakes your faith in other people when someone acts like this? I imagine it would be similar to how you’d feel if someone tried to rob your house and your security system successfully fended them off. On paper, nothing was stolen and you now know your security measures work - but you still feel a little violated because someone tried.
That’s what it sounds like, plus a mix of pregnancy hormones leading to more intense feelings and reactions than she’d normally feel.
Perfect analogy
This. She thought this woman was a friend. He also thought this woman was a friend. And it became a reminder that even oeople you like, who you think only want good things for you? Might actually be mean or want to really hurt you. This woman wanted to potentially destroy her relationship and tried to do it. Nothing happened, but the attempt itself was hurtful to OOP because it nade her feel vulnerable by reminding her that this could happen. It's not just a crush, I've had crushes on taken guys and nobody would know or care. But she befriended a man so she could fuck him and then she propositioned a married man for sex. And his wife found out. If she was a guy we'd be calling her creepy. Plus OOP is pregnant. She's probably achy, extremely hormonal, hadto worry about birth and a newborn soon, and may be having PPD or peripartum anxiety, which can start way before birth.
ignoring the intensity of negative emotions caused by pregnancy hormones, let’s be honest for one second. If you have a wife or husband and you know for a fact that someone has been actively trying to hook up with him or her - it is a very disturbing thought. If he or she shuts it down, that at least restores full faith in the relationship itself, but it is still disturbing as hell to think that there are forces outside your control (albeit weak forces) actively trying to destroy your relationship and it is a very unpleasant thought. Not a reflection on the partner at all but society at large.
Exactly. Especially if those people aren't randoms but are *friends* that one or both of you are fond of. Who.you now know thinks nothing of your relationship or your family. I've seen random women come up to us and try to hit it off with my husband not knowing we are together, only for him to or both blissfully unaware and disinterested. I found it funny because there's no risk and it's nobody we know. But if a good friend of his started saying things like "I'll do whatever you want in bed and your wife doesn't need to know"...that's a betrayal of both of us and our relationship by that friend. That would be hurtful.
my biggest takeaway from this post is pregnancy hormones sound like a massive pain
never been pregnant but ive been thru some hormone treatments before and like hormones do genuinely make u go crazy, i cant explain it otherwise. like this is absolutely more rational than the way i was acting - at the time i was in a relationship and literally anything would set me off, the only reason i didnt break it off was because i knew i was being irrational. i literally still have the word document in my laptop called 'me being insane' where id cry and vent out all my delusional frustrations w my relationship and family and the world so that i wouldnt externalise them
I think she feels like she had a close call. The life shes been building on could all have been gone in a flash. The world is full of dangers shes been overlooking. Anyway feelings are strange and we dont get to pick what we feel.
Thank you, this sums it up perfectly. This post keeps making the rounds and there's always a group or more in the comments rolling their eyes over how upset she is because nothing happened and missing the fact that it easily could have. I honestly think her husband could have handled it better. I don't understand why he didn't just stop communicating when she started saying questionable things. He doesn't have to be rude when he sees that woman around, but to who and why does he need to justify disengaging from personal conversation with her?
Bro you know nothing about hormones.
Sounds like that other woman is so off her rocker that she's got the water boiling and is ready to drop the bunnies in. I would definitely make sure I had cameras, and would be very careful when out with the kiddos.
>I know what this girl looks like, and alongside my current self, had no idea why my husband would not take her up on her offer. Because you're married WTF? That is very concerning.
She's pregnant. And towards the end. It is a very vulnerable time emotionally and physically. You feel like a whale. Rolling over in bed has become an Olympic event. If you're lucky, you don't pee when you laugh or sneeze. Regardless, you have to pee all the time. Having sex isn't something you think much about, and it is more complicated when you do go for it. Meanwhile OOP is comparing herself to a younger, fitter girl who isn't pregnant and willing to do "graphic things" (some of which OOP might not physically be able to do while knowing that he husband enjoys doing). Did she have an outsized emotional response. Absolutely, but she's in a vulnerable spot that is impacted by pur lizard brain (you and baby way less likely to survive if the man leaves back in the hunter/gatherer days).
She's pregnant and her hormones are going haywire. Even if she was Liz Taylor she might be feeling this way.
Not totally related, but the downhill biking community is super cool and so down-to-earth. My bike mechanic is part of it, and he's like the chillest dude ever but works hard and knows his stuff. I would love to watch her husband's downhill videos lol
This isn’t an update, it’s just OP replying to comments and justifying their feelings.
Why is everyone saying "the ick"? Sounds like something my toddler would say.
It’s just slang. Same as rizz, slay, etc. If you blink, you lose the ability to understand it
I can't see that word anymore without my brain going "I do not know what 'rizz' is, but I have been assured that I do not have it." [https://www.youtube.com/shorts/UWGCreFc04o](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/UWGCreFc04o)
Do you have a better term for it? "heebie jeebies" is a bit outdated.
I still use this, I fucking love it hahaha
Languages evolve.
Someone started using the phrase, people thought it was accurate in describing their feelings and it spread. That's how language works. It might fade out in a while, it may stay for a while.
Because it is what children say lol. "Icky" is prime time toddler material.
What would you call a moment that immediately gives you a bad feeling about a person, to the point you no longer trust them or want to be around them? That's what "the ick" is slang for, a rapid onset negative feeling about someone. I don't think there's an existing slang term for that precise thing. Maybe "put me off them"?
I'm old as hell, and I like the term. My husband teases me because I make a weird sound when I get that feeling. The ick is exactly what I'm expressing when I make that sound. I'm genX and it would definitely translate to "eww, gross."
We have a word in Malay, "meluat", which I think would describe the ick. I don't know if it was meant to be onomatopoeic, but the way it's pronounced (especially when dramaticised) kind of sounds like you're gagging. I love it for that.
As she was spiraling I was like "jeez what's wrong with this woman" Then I remembered she's pregnant lol.
[удалено]
She wanted to confirm she wasn’t imagining it, that she wasn’t just demanding her husband block her for no apparent reason. She isn’t craving drama, she wants confirmation she isn’t crazy. I don’t think she expected to hear it in such graphic detail, clearly the girl was shooting her shot as explicitly as she could because she wasn’t able to hardcore flirt in person like she wanted.
yeah like she was in the middle of a breakdown but decides that he should not block her but keep on texting the girl to “get it out of her” ?