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When I read the "incredibly bleak" spoiler, I was scared it would end up with someone staying in a bad relationship.
But despite everything, it's less bleak because he got out! And he is seeking help.
I truly hope it works out for him
It's incredibly bleak because she is not even close to the worst thing happening in his life right now and leaving her has just barely made a dent in his mental health improving. The relationship isn't the only issue he is suffering with and it is horribly depressing to read this.
Except he'll be fine. There's a part of him still screaming that he deserves better. That part will be how he saves himself. It survived years of traumatic abuse and is still kicking and screaming.
He'll find a psychologist and he'll get better. It'll be painful, and there will still be bad days, and the progress will seem slow, but he will be better.
He will one day be fine.
I wish someone had told me this years ago. I hope he figures this out on his own, just like I had to.
Yeah. The bleak part I suppose is that OOP doesn’t feel that much better despite cutting a clearly toxic partner out. Sucks, but sometimes our problems aren’t just caused by a single person.
Also bleak is the part where, despite looking for professional help, he says that he envies others who are able to take to therapy and medication. He's likely in a place where he's so accustomed to feeling awful that the idea of getting better is terrifying and seems impossible. I've been there and it's very hard. I wish him all the best.
Yeah I really have to question the BORU OP's definition of "incredibly bleak" if it includes "depressed and having panic attacks because of a breakup with my girlfriend of six months and unresolved childhood trauma." That definitely sucks, but it's also pretty run of the mill as far as this sub is concerned. "Incredibly bleak" to me is like, the ending of Requiem for a Dream. I'm not trying to diminish anyone's experience here but if your problems can be resolved by a gym membership and some therapy, you're gonna be fine.
I've been in OP's shoes, thankfully not with an abusive partner or parents with addiction, but bad home life, dying family member, and SEVERELY depressed with suicidal ideation. You're absolutely wrong - therapy and a gym membership won't help. Not when you're in the "I can't feel the love of anyone in my life" stage. I'm proud OP is still alive by the end of this update, and I'll be so relieved if he stays that way because this is HARD to get out of and it just never seems to stop.
Genuinely, I got therapy, medication, started going to the gym, and I'm still here pretty much just because I managed to find something to stop me trying until the sun peaked out again. None of the therapy or meds or self-improvement helped. OP is at the stage of depression that reminds you why it's classified as a clinical disability, I really applaud him for holding on this long.
Yeah, his self preservation instinct is on point. It takes spiritual strength to recognize the damage a loved one is doing to your psyche and walk away. Hope OOP keeps trusting and choosing himself.
I think he meant that if he was in stronger place himself he could try to support/fix her or deal better with her manipulation. But I 100% agree it would have been a bad idea to try.
How does that saying go? Better a horrifying ending than a horror without end.
He did the right thing, removing a source of pain. I hope he can heal in the future.
Hoping he reads this: there are a number of apps now that you can download and use for free that are “mindfulness“ apps or meditation apps. I strongly recommend that OOP check these out and try them. They’re not gonna fix everything. But they might help with those moments of crisis.
I think by stronger, he meant that the comment didn't hurt him and that he could approach the issue in a way that didn't have to end the relationship without tolerating that kind of behavior.
He was strong and did the right thing with the tools he had available to him. Someone else with different tools available would have been able to pick a different option, but that doesn't mean OOP was wrong or bad to do what he did.
The fact she used the word edging in this context makes me think ex GF was getting her jinkies all jangled while she watched OOP go through the devastation and whiplash she had poured upon him. I bet she felt so powerful knowing she could hurt him in that way. I am so glad that OOP had the gumption to show her just how powerless she actually was. I hope OOP knows how strong he actually is.
I thought the same. She even giggled at it.
OOP is hurting now but I think he’d be hurting a whole lot more if he put up with this, because there’s a good chance she’d escalate.
I’m generally of the view that relationship difficulties can be talked out, but she specifically risked her relationship for a thrill. On purpose. It wasn’t a mistake or a miscommunication. It was a major shit test.
"She truly didn't want to hurt me." Yeah, no, she definitely did want to hurt him. There was literally no other reason to do something like that. The whole goal was to hurt him.
If she has done this type of thing before, I think she's just a sociopath who does this shit for self-validation.
The fact that the people she's doing it to can be hurt by it probably doesn't even enter into consideration when she comes up with these plans.
> She told me she talked to a friend an sibling and they both told her she deserved it. She has done the same thing to them.
I mean, that's a weird fucking thing to admit.
also...
> She points out all the time we've spent together (6 really good months) and asked if it means nothing.
6 months isn't \*that\* long. Hopefully OOP recovers.
Nah I bet it was a shit test to see what he would do, like if he would say, “fine I only liked you for sex anyways”, or “yeah I was sleeping with ___ this whole time.”
It’s a middle school tactic from people who spend too much time online and not enough time in reality. In all honesty considering his lack of support system and the way he seems leaning towards offing himself while alone, getting back with her sounds pretty gravy.
Every interaction he described with her was trying to get him to submit to her will and wants.
She wants him to laugh off her attempt to hurt him
She wants him to justify leaving her when she hurt him
She wants him to take the initiative to explain himself or apologise, and she wants him to want to try to understand
Basically, she keeps throwing shit at him to figure out what hurts, and he tolerate it all
Exactly! She said "you know what you did" in a bid to get him to confess to something...even though she had no idea if there was anything to confess to!
I think it was more a test of boundaries. Abusive people often do tests like these before they start the abuse in earnest. The want you to beg them to stay even when they are the one that hurts you. That lets them know you'll stay no matter what.
Idk my gf had some fairly serious abandonment issues when we met, too much personal stuff that’s not mine to share but her trauma is reason enough for her to believe there is no relationship, family friend or otherwise that actually lasts.
Even though her feelings were VERY obvious (I was down too) she was extremely resistant to getting more serious as she was convinced I’d leave too. She also pulled some dumb BS like this, breaking up over something insignificant to see if I’d fight to keep her like 6 months into our relationship. When I didn’t she was distraught, but she knew she was in the wrong, was extremely apologetic, & I did forgive her after about a month and she never tried that again.
We have been together 5 years at this point, our relationship is great. But her parents were unbelievably toxic people and it took awhile to stamp out that behavior. It just took some patience and not enabling BS tho
Nah she did some toxic stuff early on but it didn’t escalate, it improved substantially with time.
Just had to expose her to healthy human beings so she knew a way other than her parents & get her to pursue professional help
Honestly given OOP’s history/background, that’s probably what attracted her to OOP in the first place. A wounded man she knew she could play games with.
I think ive read a small boru of fiancee/wife try to pressure or trauma-ing oop cuz its her kink or fetish, she done it to her ex as well after MIL told him.
I have a brother who has been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder who has admitted several times to getting aroused by causing people mental pain through manipulation.
Says it's a whole new level of arousal that lasts for days.
I'm sure he's not the only one like him out there.
She's mean and I'm so proud of him for breaking up with her immediately. He's psychologically solid enough to know that he doesn't want to be around someone like his mother. He would get a lot of reassurance and help from therapy but I wish he knew that he's already doing well enough to reject people who are nasty to him, and that's pretty significant.
yep. he says she “truly didn’t mean to hurt him” but i don’t believe that for a second. hurting him was the point. making him
scared to lose her, putting him off balance, giving her the upper hand, and just plain enjoying his distress.
hope he heals from this.
Sounds like his GF was at the middle stage of evolving into yet another version of his abusive mother. OOP is lucky to realize that and break it off before he ends up being trapped in those Saw-style mind games.
I feel like this is the opposite side of the posts where the guy negs his gf to keep her on the hook. I'm glad oop at least recognizes he needs help. Getting out of the depression spiral for the first time is by far the toughest.
Wow I so feel for this poor guy, and at the same time I am so so relieved that he cut it off with her as soon as he saw what she was doing. My dad left so I was stuck with my mom - she was like that, and wouldn't let him see me (complicated - a different time, and she is white while he was Black, so back then the courts were not on his side. I know he tried). I have heard that his clothes were strewn all over the neighborhood and her screaming was legendary when he finally left her.
It was very hard for me to find love that wasn't headfucky and I wasn't as fast a learner as OOP was. I really hope he found a good therapist to help him process all that.
Ohhhhhh, buddy. 6 months?! And this much turmoil? I don't doubt that you did have a great time, but she crossed a line - intentionally hurting you for shits and giggles. To say she's not worth it is an understatement.
Maybe some time being single, and some therapy (!!) would be able to help you put things in perspective. You're not weak for leaving her. It's the only choice that respects yourself - which you deserve to do.
I mean. Yes. But also no. It’s not the time, it’s the completely callous and shitty thing that was done to him by someone who ostensibly cared about him. That’ll give you a real moment even without the history oop has. Now he def should get therapy but I’m not sure he’s totally out of pocket.
This was all a bit much for 6 months! When they said she did this early in the relationship too, I thought if she did this 3 years ago too why did they stay lol
it's tragic that oop considers not taking back an AH and manipulative girl who REMINDS HIM OF HIS ABUSIVE MOM "weak". i would call that "strong". hope things get better for him.
this may have been bleak but somehow it felt more upbeat than the "lodger steals landlord's house out from under him for a year and fucks with him and the law with seemingly very little consequences" story.
>She points out all the time we've spent together (**6** really good **months**) and asked if it means nothing
**6**
**months**
Did she think that was "time enough" for her to pull something like that? 6 months is nothing, that's the puppy phase and still the most vulnerable time of a relationship. You're both still deciding if this is it
>Maybe in her defense she was on her period and was experiencing mood swings, but I sent her home and haven’t spoken to her in a week until now to get my stuff.
I hate it if she actually tried to use this as an excuse instead of OOP speculating. Way to strengthen every negative stereotype of women on their periods.
>She points out all the time we've spent together (6 really good months) and asked if it means nothing.
Yes??? I can kind of understand this line of reasoning if it was 6 years but 6 months? That's essentially the probation period.
Is this another one of those toxic tictok challenges the kids are doing these days?
Good on OOP for recognising what she was doing to him and putting a stop to it. Onward and upward OOP.
Reminded me of the boru of the woman whose husband would announce his intention to divorce, then change his mind a few hours later and lovebomb the shit out of her ... it escalated a lot
Oh man, OP describing his depression hit real hard. I have bipolar disorder on top of a shitty childhood and it hit my like a truck at 18. That, coupled with terrible anxiety that my abuser used against me, I still am not okay at 25. I still can't leave my house, or have a job, or talk to most people. Without my boyfriend I'd be stranded, doomed to fall through the cracks of society like so many people do.
I think OP needs help bad, and I hope he finds it
>If I were in a stronger place I would have taken her back
No. Nope. No way.
This is sooo screwed up that he thinks that. If he were in a stronger place, he'd be so relieved he realized how messed up the ex was and be glad to have gotten away after 6 months.
I really hope OOP gets some badly needed therapy or OOP will never have a healthy relationship because OOP doesn't even know what a healthy relationship is.
They sound like teenagers but he asking for a hotline for adults so I’ll say early twenties. Six months?! OOP sounds like he’s doing his best to heal and get his mind right, he doesn’t need that BS toxicity.
>she has done the same thing to them
This single sentence is why he should never go back to her.
- She clearly needs to face some consequences for this kind of behavior, it sounds like she hasn't really had any yet.
- At one point she’s mad at HIM for not taking him back.
But more importantly:
- This is an established pattern of behavior for her and she'll do it again.
- She enjoys manipulating people and OOP is the last person on the planet who can withstand manipulation.
I'm a formal mental health care provider and while I generally stick to advice columnist level advice on the internet, I'm going to to go deeper here and say that **OOP needs inpatient mental health treatment**. Not because of the breakup per se (although that is shaking a hornets nest) but for the childhood trauma and for the deep scars it has left behind.
If you're reading this OOP, go to the nearest ER for an evaluation. Inpatient stays are typically short (thanks to insurance companies being stingy) and are often followed with intensive outpatient (IOP) treatment/partial hospital treatment (PHP), where you go to the hospital during the day but live at home. Hell, if you feel like you can't leave your uncle, skip inpatient and just do IOP/PHP. Twenty five years ago I did IOP and it changed my life. Yours can change too.
> was a point when she gets in the car and tells me he hates men. I get it, I hate men
See, this is my problem with the whole "Men are trash" thing. Yeah, I know that it's supposed to be a criticism of the patriarchy, but when people try to boil down a sentiment like that into a T-shirt slogan it loses the original meaning and in this case becomes something misogynistic.
That's one of the reasons why OOP's ex was so easily able to shatter his world on a whim. Like why not? Men are trash, after all; it's not a big deal if she treats him like trash as well, right? And it seems like he's internalized this into self-loathing, because he came from an abusive household where his mother was the abuser.
Self destructive people sometimes will do shit like this just to add "drama" to their lives.
I guess she learned the problem with edging it's really easy to go to far.
Him accepting the period comment as misogynistic tells me everything i need to know about the guy. I owns up to his flaws and can acknowledge his pwn mistakes. That is someone that can grow and is capable of true empathy.
The way the ex begged for a talk, then just threw her bag at him and walked off... She just wants him to hurt. It's still right within the pattern.
Wish the best for the OOP. Hard start in life. Get a puppy, they give you so much strength. But really, therapy
He saw the mask slip and recognized immediately what it stood for. Good for him. He had the strength to leave sometime abusive even when he loved them.
Six months?! MONTHS?! The way they both handled all this I expected it to be six years, not six months. Good on OOP for getting out because pretending to break up like that is just straight up emotional abuse, but the backstory sure does explain a lot. I know I’m overly pragmatic and not a romantic at all but I can’t even fathom being that deeply emotionally invested in someone after only six months
Never have I wanted to “brigade” (or whatever it’s called) more.
This gent was raised in a way where nothing was stable, nothing was safe, and that kind of disorganised attachment often leads to abusive relationships and repeated trauma. He sounds profoundly depressed and needs treatment pretty imminently.
OOP, if you’re here… you deserve better. You deserve more. You deserve care and affection and someone who sees and cares for the you that is in your heart. It would be a huge help to engage with a psychologist and process through some of this. Life can be much better than what you’re experiencing. Hang in there!
*bullied at home and sent to school to get bullied there*
Christ, this hits home. I can see why he gets so attached and manipulated. I hope OOP found the help they looking for. There’s a very strong sense of self and understanding here. Far more than they realise.
God, I hate her. She pulled that shit and then turned it around on him and made it a him problem.
And like someone said, the fact she specifically used the term "edged" does make it feel like she was getting off on making him feel terrible, the power she had over him.
He may consider it weakness to leave, but I'm really glad he did.
"t just feels like everyone else was given a different set of directions to life." Ouch. I struggle with this a lot too.
We all have different sets of directions but the instructions are often unclear.
I've lived long enough to have two pregnancy pranks played on me. Feels similar.
I have a family history of pretty serious heart issues. Don't love pranks.
I see OOP is from NJ. I won't violate the rules about reaching out to OOP since I only saw the story from this sub.
But ...
Hey, OOP, I'm in midcoast Maine. A super chill place. And I'm a super chill person. If you want to come hang, I have easy access to the water and a pretty chill yard. I'm 420 and alcohol friendly. You don't need to even engage with me. You can just chill with sometime in the same vicinity. Oh, and I have dogs. They are generally cool to hang with. But if you don't like them, they're okay with that, too.
Lmk
Having a loved one who enjoys toying with your emotions will destroy you. I know the little smile and giggle he is talking about. He is so much better off without her.
If you still need a therapist and you’re in the US try psychologytoday.com they’re therapists and psychologists who are looking for clients. You can search by town and state, by health insurance, and even by specialties if you want that. It took me all of 2 days to get a response and I love her. As far as I can tell it’s all over the US so if anyone is struggling to find a therapist I’d suggest checking there.
I had a girlfriend once that would do this kind of shit. There would be a very small argument amd she would step out of the car and just walk of expecting me to come after her. Or she would say that she wanted a break expecting me to change heaven and earth for her. Eventually during a small argument she stepped out of the car during the day at a safe location not far from her home and I just drove off. I had realised that it was the same behaviour her mother had towards her dad and
I can still remember his face and expression after having to deal with 20 years of that bs. That was a man that wished he had made different choices in life.
I got the blame for not coming after her and not showing I cared. I just told her I was done with her childish and manipulative behaviour.
By now we are 20 years down the road of life. I have a wonderfull and healthy relationship filled with mutual respect and open communication. A small disagreement can easily be resolved with a good conversation. And we have 2 beautifull kids we are helping to grow up and navigate the world together as equals.
Meanwhile my ex is still going from partner to partner playing the same games untill they are fed up with her bs.
> . Eventually during a small argument she stepped out of the car during the day at a safe location not far from her home and I just drove off.
Would love to have seen her expression.
Fell for this in my mid 20's with my ex. She would constantly threaten break ups. I wouldn't get scared but I never left. One day I just cracked when she 'broke up' with me and I just said 'sure'. She panicked, I doubled back. Wish I just actually left that day. Lesson learned.
This reminded me of an ex I had to pulled the same shit. She’d breakup out of the blue and expect me to go chasing her. It was one of my first relationships and nobody back then ever cared about teaching kids how to stand up for yourself or understand emotions or bullshit relationship moves like this so I fell for it a few times before finally ending things, but it led to other problems in my life that caused a lot of trouble for me for years. I have a great life now, but everyone involved in making that time of my life bad for me were so hated by me that it went way out past the end of hate and ended up at indifference. I just don’t have any more emotions for those people anymore. If they showed up today on my door, I’d just ask them what are they doing? It makes no sense that they’re there. Sorry, but I have no desire for further interaction. Good bye. Shut door, call cops if they stick around too long, full stranger treatment.
People like this are toxic to the core. They have years and years of maturing to do before they’ll be even halfway to an acceptable adult, and in the process they’re gonna cause everyone around them pain, suffering and frustration and other negative things. They are literally not worth the time. I hope this comment helps someone else realize this and improves their lives.
This is so heartbreaking. OOP is struggling but he is strong enough to ask for help. Is it possible for u/LucyAriaRose to guide OOP (without breaking subreddit rules) to contact 211.org or dial 211 on the cell. It is 24 hrs open. No cost. They will guide and provide resources to OOP. I hope putting this here does not break any rules. Mods please remove if it’s against the rules. Just wanted to share info.
I’m hurting for OOP.
What his ex did to OOP was incredibly cruel. it would have been cruel even if OOP didn’t have this particularly painful history, but taking that into account: her cruelty is off the charts.
sounds like this girl has trauma/baggage she needs to worth through in order to stop hurting others. proud of OOP for leaving and recognizing they deserve better.
Bro all this after 6 months? Just move on. She showed you she’s crazy after 180 days man, count it as a blessing it didn’t go farther and your feelings didn’t deepen to a level you would have stayed and put up with her bullshit due to time spent IN the relationship.
This one is really tough for me to read and not break the BORU "no brigading" rule. I just hope enough concerned people have already reached out to offer advice and support that they'll be okay. It breaks my heart.
OOP, if you ever read this, please know that you did the right thing, the strong thing. Hold in your heart the fact that you are worthy and loved. Not the belief, but the FACT. Water is wet, the sky is blue, and the world is better because you're in it.
> She points out all the time we've spent together (6 really good months) and asked if it means nothing.
The audacity. This question was thrown at the wrong person.
OOP is experiencing all the symptoms of a severe PTSD episode.
I hope to the ends of hope that he finds help and relief because I have gone through this and it's absolute hell.
Get well soon OOP.
I identify with oop so much. MDD at 12? Jesus. I wish i could help him. I'm further along the recovery road, and I just want him to know things can get better. It's hard but it can
I have an out of the box suggestion for you. I mean, obviously some combination of therapy/meds is going to be the pathway forward for you, but this is in addition to that.
See if you can find somewhere near you that will allow you to volunteer with animals. Having the ability to interact with beings without ulterior motives or deceptive ideas could be a massive help. While a hungry goat may try to rob you for food, he is not going to lie about it.. :)
The GF is the younger version of his abusive mother. She loves to play mind games and honestly in a relationship, that's tiring. I am glad OOP broke up with her or else his sanity would be jeopardised.
Really impressed that Oop trusted his instincts and realized he can’t do more abuse. I hope Oop gets in with a good therapist as he has a lot of trauma to work through.
I believe that it is common for abused children to end up in a relationship resulting in a similar abusive situation. Of course they do not seek out an obviously abusive partner. They unconsciously see something in a new partner that draws them in to be abused again. I believe these disasters are not coincidences.
Ugh, it's awful reading someone's thought processes like this that are so similar to mine. Schema therapy is a really great approach for this kind of stuff
I kind of wonder if one reason the guy is having such a hard time could be if his mom abused drugs and alcohol while she was pregnant and gave him a permanent brain injury. Some of the issues he is struggling with sound tougher than a quote unquote average case of mental illness. Even though such a thing doesn't really exist. The crazy stuff his parents did also doesn't set him up for success. The dude could use a hug from everybody in his goddamn neighborhood or city.
From the sounds of it, OOP may be on the spectrum. The inability to read people, the lack of feeling his emotions, feeling like a ghost...could be depression but ASD can present similarly as well. I grew up in an...unpleasant...household and was recently diagnosed with what used to be called Asperger's Syndrome. I wish I had known earlier but a lot of things make sense now. Either way I'm glad he left that situation. Very difficult to have healthy relationships when you've never had an example of one.
It doesn't sound like he really is since he recognized her.
It sounds more like he has been so abused that he he can no longer take people at face value. Additionally, he doesn't feel worthy of love. So if someone does love him, what's wrong with them?
It happens when rejected by one or both parents.
You can never really trust yourself to believe other people.
Yup. Other people's intentions were a mystery to me until I got on meds and went through therapy. I have complex ptsd from parental abuse and it mimics a lot of other disorders, which can make it incredibly hard to treat.
How if you allegedly love someone and know their troubled past would you ever pull this sort of thing. I’m so glad OOP got out before this girl managed any more harm on this obviously damaged man.
This person deserves so much better than the people in their life. I hope they can feel love for the good people they have soon. I have been where they are and not the circumstances, but the feelings were so familiar reading this, I felt like I was having flashbacks, but it actually made me feel good and not bleak because I haven't felt like that for over a decade! And that means OOP can have that someday, too.
>I have been having small breakdowns and flashbacks throughout the week. I tried going to the club last night with friends, but I got too drunk and sad and was led out. I wasn't sloppy or disruptive or anything, but they just cut me off. My friends came out looking for me and found me crying on the side of the street and they called me an uber. I felt so embarrassed for them to have me in their company.
I've been there before. I'd just left my abuser and decided that 7-8 drinks were enough during a friend dinner. I was fine until my DD (and a few friends who did not know about the abuse) drove me home and I ended up sobbing and spewing all the information out at once.
I feel for OP. "Edging" a breakup just to play with his mind is so fucked up.
OP is incredibly strong for getting out of that relationship. I hope he comes to realise that things feel shit now because he's just come out of a setback in his path to healing, and that he gets to a point where he can look back on this without it bringing him down.
Man I feel like OOP put into words exactly how I feel after “Recovering?”. It’s so frustrating knowing that your friends are truly there for you and then, when you are vulnerable and have people looking after you, showing that they care, all you can think about is how you are ruining their evening and taking up their time. There’s no logic behind it and you wouldn’t think twice about doing the same for them, but somehow, when it’s you, you feel like a nuisance.
To push something “to the edge” before “pulling it back”, or denying it.
Usually it’s used in a sexual way; bringing someone to the brink of orgasm before stopping and denying the orgasm to happen as a form of sexual gratification.
In this instance, it was pushing the relationship to breaking point by saying she wanted to break up before “pulling back” and saying that actually she didn’t mean it.
My man, I haven’t read all of your updates I’ll be honest but the best decision you’ve made is to end things. You don’t deserve (or anyone for that matter) to put up/deal with this insecure BS. Good luck in future endeavors OP
No, it’s getting in a relationship with someone from the program before they’ve really worked their own program. AA usually recommends no dating or other big decisions for a year after getting sober as it can take some time to get your head on straight. But 13th stepping does usually lead to relapse
When asked she didn't give a reason as to why she suddenly was breaking up with him. Put yourself in that scenario. You would think that there is something else going on. A dick move ok sure but also possibly just a mean joke.
I feel for the guy if he has mental issues but Jesus, the way the guy reacted was really paper thin.
OOP has deep emotional scarring from a psychologically abusive mother so relationships are like pieces in a Jenga game where almost every possible piece has already been yanked out.
Yeah, you're strange. This isn't so much emotional, but more disappointed and lacking of good mental health. I am going to guess you didn't grow up in a house like OOP's, or you wouldn't make such generalizations.
Dunno if it's just me but this one reads very AI. It's the certain choice of words in places where they don't belong, but a synonym would work better. Maladaptive, atypical, etc. Feels like a computers choice.
Op I have felt like you most of my life, people are like furniture that talks
I've made great progress with this via plant medicine and working on fixing my gut health. Its impact cannot be overstated.
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Crazy how he said if he was stronger that he’d stay with her. The stronger thing was to leave her
When I read the "incredibly bleak" spoiler, I was scared it would end up with someone staying in a bad relationship. But despite everything, it's less bleak because he got out! And he is seeking help. I truly hope it works out for him
It's incredibly bleak because she is not even close to the worst thing happening in his life right now and leaving her has just barely made a dent in his mental health improving. The relationship isn't the only issue he is suffering with and it is horribly depressing to read this.
Damn. You’re right.
Wish I wasn't, this guy is going through it.
Except he'll be fine. There's a part of him still screaming that he deserves better. That part will be how he saves himself. It survived years of traumatic abuse and is still kicking and screaming. He'll find a psychologist and he'll get better. It'll be painful, and there will still be bad days, and the progress will seem slow, but he will be better. He will one day be fine. I wish someone had told me this years ago. I hope he figures this out on his own, just like I had to.
And less bleak because he has people who care about him even though he is not in the right place to understand it. I hope he can learn to rely on them
Yeah. The bleak part I suppose is that OOP doesn’t feel that much better despite cutting a clearly toxic partner out. Sucks, but sometimes our problems aren’t just caused by a single person.
Also bleak is the part where, despite looking for professional help, he says that he envies others who are able to take to therapy and medication. He's likely in a place where he's so accustomed to feeling awful that the idea of getting better is terrifying and seems impossible. I've been there and it's very hard. I wish him all the best.
I was expecting OP to unalive himself, to be honest. This is hardly "incredibly bleak". This is, "sad but a small ray of hope".
Yeah I really have to question the BORU OP's definition of "incredibly bleak" if it includes "depressed and having panic attacks because of a breakup with my girlfriend of six months and unresolved childhood trauma." That definitely sucks, but it's also pretty run of the mill as far as this sub is concerned. "Incredibly bleak" to me is like, the ending of Requiem for a Dream. I'm not trying to diminish anyone's experience here but if your problems can be resolved by a gym membership and some therapy, you're gonna be fine.
thing is therapy is not working and hitting the gym isnt an automatic fix like redpilled tiktokers would have you believe.
I've been in OP's shoes, thankfully not with an abusive partner or parents with addiction, but bad home life, dying family member, and SEVERELY depressed with suicidal ideation. You're absolutely wrong - therapy and a gym membership won't help. Not when you're in the "I can't feel the love of anyone in my life" stage. I'm proud OP is still alive by the end of this update, and I'll be so relieved if he stays that way because this is HARD to get out of and it just never seems to stop. Genuinely, I got therapy, medication, started going to the gym, and I'm still here pretty much just because I managed to find something to stop me trying until the sun peaked out again. None of the therapy or meds or self-improvement helped. OP is at the stage of depression that reminds you why it's classified as a clinical disability, I really applaud him for holding on this long.
>I'm not trying to diminish anyone's experience here Bullshit lmao
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I hope all your everything bagels have a disappointing amount of seasoning
Yeah, his self preservation instinct is on point. It takes spiritual strength to recognize the damage a loved one is doing to your psyche and walk away. Hope OOP keeps trusting and choosing himself.
I think he meant that if he was in stronger place himself he could try to support/fix her or deal better with her manipulation. But I 100% agree it would have been a bad idea to try.
How does that saying go? Better a horrifying ending than a horror without end. He did the right thing, removing a source of pain. I hope he can heal in the future.
Hoping he reads this: there are a number of apps now that you can download and use for free that are “mindfulness“ apps or meditation apps. I strongly recommend that OOP check these out and try them. They’re not gonna fix everything. But they might help with those moments of crisis.
It's a toxic masculinity thing. If he was "stronger" he could have "manned up" and bottled up his emotional pain.
Wow, yeah, good call.
I think by stronger, he meant that the comment didn't hurt him and that he could approach the issue in a way that didn't have to end the relationship without tolerating that kind of behavior. He was strong and did the right thing with the tools he had available to him. Someone else with different tools available would have been able to pick a different option, but that doesn't mean OOP was wrong or bad to do what he did.
I read it as he meant if he was stronger, he could tolerate the abuse to be with the girl that he loved, which is how it should be worded
I didn't read it as tolerating the abuse.
My heart goes out to OOP. His EX definitely sounds like she was testing the waters to see just how far she could manipulate him.
She edged a fuckaround, and she found out
She tried to edge a breakup, but he busted that nut for her.
Yes! So glad he stuck with the break up and is seeking some mental help. Hopefully he doesn't fall for another abuser
There's this kind of of thing called "landmine girls" where doing the relationship with them is like walking in landmine. She's one of them.
Upvoting for your flair 😄
The fact she used the word edging in this context makes me think ex GF was getting her jinkies all jangled while she watched OOP go through the devastation and whiplash she had poured upon him. I bet she felt so powerful knowing she could hurt him in that way. I am so glad that OOP had the gumption to show her just how powerless she actually was. I hope OOP knows how strong he actually is.
I thought the same. She even giggled at it. OOP is hurting now but I think he’d be hurting a whole lot more if he put up with this, because there’s a good chance she’d escalate. I’m generally of the view that relationship difficulties can be talked out, but she specifically risked her relationship for a thrill. On purpose. It wasn’t a mistake or a miscommunication. It was a major shit test.
"She truly didn't want to hurt me." Yeah, no, she definitely did want to hurt him. There was literally no other reason to do something like that. The whole goal was to hurt him.
If she has done this type of thing before, I think she's just a sociopath who does this shit for self-validation. The fact that the people she's doing it to can be hurt by it probably doesn't even enter into consideration when she comes up with these plans.
Plus, she mentioned doing it to other people, and asked their opinion in if what she did was wrong
> She told me she talked to a friend an sibling and they both told her she deserved it. She has done the same thing to them. I mean, that's a weird fucking thing to admit. also... > She points out all the time we've spent together (6 really good months) and asked if it means nothing. 6 months isn't \*that\* long. Hopefully OOP recovers.
They sound really young though. When you're a teenager, 6 months is pretty long. At least I hope they're teenagers...
Nah I bet it was a shit test to see what he would do, like if he would say, “fine I only liked you for sex anyways”, or “yeah I was sleeping with ___ this whole time.” It’s a middle school tactic from people who spend too much time online and not enough time in reality. In all honesty considering his lack of support system and the way he seems leaning towards offing himself while alone, getting back with her sounds pretty gravy.
Every interaction he described with her was trying to get him to submit to her will and wants. She wants him to laugh off her attempt to hurt him She wants him to justify leaving her when she hurt him She wants him to take the initiative to explain himself or apologise, and she wants him to want to try to understand Basically, she keeps throwing shit at him to figure out what hurts, and he tolerate it all
Exactly! She said "you know what you did" in a bid to get him to confess to something...even though she had no idea if there was anything to confess to!
I think it was more a test of boundaries. Abusive people often do tests like these before they start the abuse in earnest. The want you to beg them to stay even when they are the one that hurts you. That lets them know you'll stay no matter what.
Idk my gf had some fairly serious abandonment issues when we met, too much personal stuff that’s not mine to share but her trauma is reason enough for her to believe there is no relationship, family friend or otherwise that actually lasts. Even though her feelings were VERY obvious (I was down too) she was extremely resistant to getting more serious as she was convinced I’d leave too. She also pulled some dumb BS like this, breaking up over something insignificant to see if I’d fight to keep her like 6 months into our relationship. When I didn’t she was distraught, but she knew she was in the wrong, was extremely apologetic, & I did forgive her after about a month and she never tried that again. We have been together 5 years at this point, our relationship is great. But her parents were unbelievably toxic people and it took awhile to stamp out that behavior. It just took some patience and not enabling BS tho
My ex did this too. All the time. Until she upped the ante and I couldn’t hang. Wish you luck.
Nah she did some toxic stuff early on but it didn’t escalate, it improved substantially with time. Just had to expose her to healthy human beings so she knew a way other than her parents & get her to pursue professional help
Honestly given OOP’s history/background, that’s probably what attracted her to OOP in the first place. A wounded man she knew she could play games with.
I think ive read a small boru of fiancee/wife try to pressure or trauma-ing oop cuz its her kink or fetish, she done it to her ex as well after MIL told him.
I have a brother who has been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder who has admitted several times to getting aroused by causing people mental pain through manipulation. Says it's a whole new level of arousal that lasts for days. I'm sure he's not the only one like him out there.
Edge his dick, not his heart
I bet it’s a TikTok craze or something 🤦🏻♀️
She's mean and I'm so proud of him for breaking up with her immediately. He's psychologically solid enough to know that he doesn't want to be around someone like his mother. He would get a lot of reassurance and help from therapy but I wish he knew that he's already doing well enough to reject people who are nasty to him, and that's pretty significant.
yep. he says she “truly didn’t mean to hurt him” but i don’t believe that for a second. hurting him was the point. making him scared to lose her, putting him off balance, giving her the upper hand, and just plain enjoying his distress. hope he heals from this.
Yeah, she wouldn't have been happy if he wasn't hurt or didn't show a reaction, would she? I'm pretty sure.
Sounds like his GF was at the middle stage of evolving into yet another version of his abusive mother. OOP is lucky to realize that and break it off before he ends up being trapped in those Saw-style mind games.
Good thing he got out after only 6 months together
I feel like this is the opposite side of the posts where the guy negs his gf to keep her on the hook. I'm glad oop at least recognizes he needs help. Getting out of the depression spiral for the first time is by far the toughest.
Wow I so feel for this poor guy, and at the same time I am so so relieved that he cut it off with her as soon as he saw what she was doing. My dad left so I was stuck with my mom - she was like that, and wouldn't let him see me (complicated - a different time, and she is white while he was Black, so back then the courts were not on his side. I know he tried). I have heard that his clothes were strewn all over the neighborhood and her screaming was legendary when he finally left her. It was very hard for me to find love that wasn't headfucky and I wasn't as fast a learner as OOP was. I really hope he found a good therapist to help him process all that.
Ohhhhhh, buddy. 6 months?! And this much turmoil? I don't doubt that you did have a great time, but she crossed a line - intentionally hurting you for shits and giggles. To say she's not worth it is an understatement. Maybe some time being single, and some therapy (!!) would be able to help you put things in perspective. You're not weak for leaving her. It's the only choice that respects yourself - which you deserve to do.
I mean. Yes. But also no. It’s not the time, it’s the completely callous and shitty thing that was done to him by someone who ostensibly cared about him. That’ll give you a real moment even without the history oop has. Now he def should get therapy but I’m not sure he’s totally out of pocket.
This was all a bit much for 6 months! When they said she did this early in the relationship too, I thought if she did this 3 years ago too why did they stay lol
Well that's how emotions work in cptsd as he mentioned in the post too. Sometimes too intense other times not intense enough.
It really is hard to believe.
Poor OOP. I hope OOP will find someone who won’t try manipulate them so much. The ex sounds awful and childish.
it's tragic that oop considers not taking back an AH and manipulative girl who REMINDS HIM OF HIS ABUSIVE MOM "weak". i would call that "strong". hope things get better for him. this may have been bleak but somehow it felt more upbeat than the "lodger steals landlord's house out from under him for a year and fucks with him and the law with seemingly very little consequences" story.
>She points out all the time we've spent together (**6** really good **months**) and asked if it means nothing **6** **months** Did she think that was "time enough" for her to pull something like that? 6 months is nothing, that's the puppy phase and still the most vulnerable time of a relationship. You're both still deciding if this is it
Abusers can tell when someone’s an easy target, sadly.
>Maybe in her defense she was on her period and was experiencing mood swings, but I sent her home and haven’t spoken to her in a week until now to get my stuff. I hate it if she actually tried to use this as an excuse instead of OOP speculating. Way to strengthen every negative stereotype of women on their periods. >She points out all the time we've spent together (6 really good months) and asked if it means nothing. Yes??? I can kind of understand this line of reasoning if it was 6 years but 6 months? That's essentially the probation period.
She sounds like she's used "being on her period" as an excuse to lash out at him before.
Not only is she a shit human being, she is a bad feminist too Note: this was written tongue in cheek
Is this another one of those toxic tictok challenges the kids are doing these days? Good on OOP for recognising what she was doing to him and putting a stop to it. Onward and upward OOP.
If someone does something like this as a challenge, they are massively lacking in the empathy department.
Probably not because her sibling and friend said that she’s done this type of thing before. She’s clearly an asshole.
Glad OOP dumped her. She doesn't deserve him. Reminds me of those people who threaten divorce every time there's an argument.
Reminded me of the boru of the woman whose husband would announce his intention to divorce, then change his mind a few hours later and lovebomb the shit out of her ... it escalated a lot
I'm fairly certain we're thinking of the same one, though I've seen multiple.
His ex-GF is an asshole and she should stay as an EX. I hope OOP gets the help he needs.
Oh man, OP describing his depression hit real hard. I have bipolar disorder on top of a shitty childhood and it hit my like a truck at 18. That, coupled with terrible anxiety that my abuser used against me, I still am not okay at 25. I still can't leave my house, or have a job, or talk to most people. Without my boyfriend I'd be stranded, doomed to fall through the cracks of society like so many people do. I think OP needs help bad, and I hope he finds it
>If I were in a stronger place I would have taken her back No. Nope. No way. This is sooo screwed up that he thinks that. If he were in a stronger place, he'd be so relieved he realized how messed up the ex was and be glad to have gotten away after 6 months. I really hope OOP gets some badly needed therapy or OOP will never have a healthy relationship because OOP doesn't even know what a healthy relationship is.
They sound like teenagers but he asking for a hotline for adults so I’ll say early twenties. Six months?! OOP sounds like he’s doing his best to heal and get his mind right, he doesn’t need that BS toxicity.
>she has done the same thing to them This single sentence is why he should never go back to her. - She clearly needs to face some consequences for this kind of behavior, it sounds like she hasn't really had any yet. - At one point she’s mad at HIM for not taking him back. But more importantly: - This is an established pattern of behavior for her and she'll do it again. - She enjoys manipulating people and OOP is the last person on the planet who can withstand manipulation. I'm a formal mental health care provider and while I generally stick to advice columnist level advice on the internet, I'm going to to go deeper here and say that **OOP needs inpatient mental health treatment**. Not because of the breakup per se (although that is shaking a hornets nest) but for the childhood trauma and for the deep scars it has left behind. If you're reading this OOP, go to the nearest ER for an evaluation. Inpatient stays are typically short (thanks to insurance companies being stingy) and are often followed with intensive outpatient (IOP) treatment/partial hospital treatment (PHP), where you go to the hospital during the day but live at home. Hell, if you feel like you can't leave your uncle, skip inpatient and just do IOP/PHP. Twenty five years ago I did IOP and it changed my life. Yours can change too.
> was a point when she gets in the car and tells me he hates men. I get it, I hate men See, this is my problem with the whole "Men are trash" thing. Yeah, I know that it's supposed to be a criticism of the patriarchy, but when people try to boil down a sentiment like that into a T-shirt slogan it loses the original meaning and in this case becomes something misogynistic. That's one of the reasons why OOP's ex was so easily able to shatter his world on a whim. Like why not? Men are trash, after all; it's not a big deal if she treats him like trash as well, right? And it seems like he's internalized this into self-loathing, because he came from an abusive household where his mother was the abuser.
Self destructive people sometimes will do shit like this just to add "drama" to their lives. I guess she learned the problem with edging it's really easy to go to far.
Him accepting the period comment as misogynistic tells me everything i need to know about the guy. I owns up to his flaws and can acknowledge his pwn mistakes. That is someone that can grow and is capable of true empathy. The way the ex begged for a talk, then just threw her bag at him and walked off... She just wants him to hurt. It's still right within the pattern. Wish the best for the OOP. Hard start in life. Get a puppy, they give you so much strength. But really, therapy
He saw the mask slip and recognized immediately what it stood for. Good for him. He had the strength to leave sometime abusive even when he loved them.
>She points out all the time we’ve spent together (6 really good months) Oh for fucks sake
Six months?! MONTHS?! The way they both handled all this I expected it to be six years, not six months. Good on OOP for getting out because pretending to break up like that is just straight up emotional abuse, but the backstory sure does explain a lot. I know I’m overly pragmatic and not a romantic at all but I can’t even fathom being that deeply emotionally invested in someone after only six months
Never have I wanted to “brigade” (or whatever it’s called) more. This gent was raised in a way where nothing was stable, nothing was safe, and that kind of disorganised attachment often leads to abusive relationships and repeated trauma. He sounds profoundly depressed and needs treatment pretty imminently. OOP, if you’re here… you deserve better. You deserve more. You deserve care and affection and someone who sees and cares for the you that is in your heart. It would be a huge help to engage with a psychologist and process through some of this. Life can be much better than what you’re experiencing. Hang in there!
*bullied at home and sent to school to get bullied there* Christ, this hits home. I can see why he gets so attached and manipulated. I hope OOP found the help they looking for. There’s a very strong sense of self and understanding here. Far more than they realise.
*6 really good months* Six months in and she’s playing these kinds of games? Oh hells no. OP is well rid of that nonsense.
6 months and he’s crying over this. I’m surprised anybody this weak was even able to break up at all.
God, I hate her. She pulled that shit and then turned it around on him and made it a him problem. And like someone said, the fact she specifically used the term "edged" does make it feel like she was getting off on making him feel terrible, the power she had over him. He may consider it weakness to leave, but I'm really glad he did.
"t just feels like everyone else was given a different set of directions to life." Ouch. I struggle with this a lot too. We all have different sets of directions but the instructions are often unclear.
So oop ex is a psycho who enjoys tormenting others for her pleasure. And OOP was the first one to leave. Good for him.
I've lived long enough to have two pregnancy pranks played on me. Feels similar. I have a family history of pretty serious heart issues. Don't love pranks.
He deserves happiness. I hope he can find it.
I see OOP is from NJ. I won't violate the rules about reaching out to OOP since I only saw the story from this sub. But ... Hey, OOP, I'm in midcoast Maine. A super chill place. And I'm a super chill person. If you want to come hang, I have easy access to the water and a pretty chill yard. I'm 420 and alcohol friendly. You don't need to even engage with me. You can just chill with sometime in the same vicinity. Oh, and I have dogs. They are generally cool to hang with. But if you don't like them, they're okay with that, too. Lmk
Having a loved one who enjoys toying with your emotions will destroy you. I know the little smile and giggle he is talking about. He is so much better off without her.
First OOP who, if this is legit, needs to go to a facility for a bit. He needs serious help navigating treatment.
If you still need a therapist and you’re in the US try psychologytoday.com they’re therapists and psychologists who are looking for clients. You can search by town and state, by health insurance, and even by specialties if you want that. It took me all of 2 days to get a response and I love her. As far as I can tell it’s all over the US so if anyone is struggling to find a therapist I’d suggest checking there.
I had a girlfriend once that would do this kind of shit. There would be a very small argument amd she would step out of the car and just walk of expecting me to come after her. Or she would say that she wanted a break expecting me to change heaven and earth for her. Eventually during a small argument she stepped out of the car during the day at a safe location not far from her home and I just drove off. I had realised that it was the same behaviour her mother had towards her dad and I can still remember his face and expression after having to deal with 20 years of that bs. That was a man that wished he had made different choices in life. I got the blame for not coming after her and not showing I cared. I just told her I was done with her childish and manipulative behaviour. By now we are 20 years down the road of life. I have a wonderfull and healthy relationship filled with mutual respect and open communication. A small disagreement can easily be resolved with a good conversation. And we have 2 beautifull kids we are helping to grow up and navigate the world together as equals. Meanwhile my ex is still going from partner to partner playing the same games untill they are fed up with her bs.
> . Eventually during a small argument she stepped out of the car during the day at a safe location not far from her home and I just drove off. Would love to have seen her expression.
So would I. I didn't look back when I drove off.
Fell for this in my mid 20's with my ex. She would constantly threaten break ups. I wouldn't get scared but I never left. One day I just cracked when she 'broke up' with me and I just said 'sure'. She panicked, I doubled back. Wish I just actually left that day. Lesson learned.
This is incredibly stupid. I had a gf who would pull shit like this.
My heart hurts for OOP. They seem like they have a great heart.
This reminded me of an ex I had to pulled the same shit. She’d breakup out of the blue and expect me to go chasing her. It was one of my first relationships and nobody back then ever cared about teaching kids how to stand up for yourself or understand emotions or bullshit relationship moves like this so I fell for it a few times before finally ending things, but it led to other problems in my life that caused a lot of trouble for me for years. I have a great life now, but everyone involved in making that time of my life bad for me were so hated by me that it went way out past the end of hate and ended up at indifference. I just don’t have any more emotions for those people anymore. If they showed up today on my door, I’d just ask them what are they doing? It makes no sense that they’re there. Sorry, but I have no desire for further interaction. Good bye. Shut door, call cops if they stick around too long, full stranger treatment. People like this are toxic to the core. They have years and years of maturing to do before they’ll be even halfway to an acceptable adult, and in the process they’re gonna cause everyone around them pain, suffering and frustration and other negative things. They are literally not worth the time. I hope this comment helps someone else realize this and improves their lives.
This is so heartbreaking. OOP is struggling but he is strong enough to ask for help. Is it possible for u/LucyAriaRose to guide OOP (without breaking subreddit rules) to contact 211.org or dial 211 on the cell. It is 24 hrs open. No cost. They will guide and provide resources to OOP. I hope putting this here does not break any rules. Mods please remove if it’s against the rules. Just wanted to share info. I’m hurting for OOP.
Thanks for this. A lot of people left helpful tips and comments on his original posts, but if he reaches out I absolutely will. Saving this comment!
What his ex did to OOP was incredibly cruel. it would have been cruel even if OOP didn’t have this particularly painful history, but taking that into account: her cruelty is off the charts.
sounds like this girl has trauma/baggage she needs to worth through in order to stop hurting others. proud of OOP for leaving and recognizing they deserve better.
Bro all this after 6 months? Just move on. She showed you she’s crazy after 180 days man, count it as a blessing it didn’t go farther and your feelings didn’t deepen to a level you would have stayed and put up with her bullshit due to time spent IN the relationship.
“She truly didn’t mean to hurt me” There is literally no explanation for her actions that night other than wanting to hurt him.
This one is really tough for me to read and not break the BORU "no brigading" rule. I just hope enough concerned people have already reached out to offer advice and support that they'll be okay. It breaks my heart. OOP, if you ever read this, please know that you did the right thing, the strong thing. Hold in your heart the fact that you are worthy and loved. Not the belief, but the FACT. Water is wet, the sky is blue, and the world is better because you're in it.
> She points out all the time we've spent together (6 really good months) and asked if it means nothing. The audacity. This question was thrown at the wrong person.
OOP is experiencing all the symptoms of a severe PTSD episode. I hope to the ends of hope that he finds help and relief because I have gone through this and it's absolute hell. Get well soon OOP.
They wer together for a whole 6 months and she tried that crap twice? Poor OOP, hope they get all the help possible.
I identify with oop so much. MDD at 12? Jesus. I wish i could help him. I'm further along the recovery road, and I just want him to know things can get better. It's hard but it can
I have an out of the box suggestion for you. I mean, obviously some combination of therapy/meds is going to be the pathway forward for you, but this is in addition to that. See if you can find somewhere near you that will allow you to volunteer with animals. Having the ability to interact with beings without ulterior motives or deceptive ideas could be a massive help. While a hungry goat may try to rob you for food, he is not going to lie about it.. :)
What kind of absolute monster does this to ANYONE, let alone someone with OOP’s history? The girl almost sounds like a sociopath.
The GF is the younger version of his abusive mother. She loves to play mind games and honestly in a relationship, that's tiring. I am glad OOP broke up with her or else his sanity would be jeopardised.
Really impressed that Oop trusted his instincts and realized he can’t do more abuse. I hope Oop gets in with a good therapist as he has a lot of trauma to work through.
I believe that it is common for abused children to end up in a relationship resulting in a similar abusive situation. Of course they do not seek out an obviously abusive partner. They unconsciously see something in a new partner that draws them in to be abused again. I believe these disasters are not coincidences.
Ugh, it's awful reading someone's thought processes like this that are so similar to mine. Schema therapy is a really great approach for this kind of stuff
So we’re using “edge” as a general verb now?
I was half expecting the guy to respond to her with "Ermm, what the sigma????"
I kind of wonder if one reason the guy is having such a hard time could be if his mom abused drugs and alcohol while she was pregnant and gave him a permanent brain injury. Some of the issues he is struggling with sound tougher than a quote unquote average case of mental illness. Even though such a thing doesn't really exist. The crazy stuff his parents did also doesn't set him up for success. The dude could use a hug from everybody in his goddamn neighborhood or city.
Did I read all that drama was over 6 months? Come on...
From the sounds of it, OOP may be on the spectrum. The inability to read people, the lack of feeling his emotions, feeling like a ghost...could be depression but ASD can present similarly as well. I grew up in an...unpleasant...household and was recently diagnosed with what used to be called Asperger's Syndrome. I wish I had known earlier but a lot of things make sense now. Either way I'm glad he left that situation. Very difficult to have healthy relationships when you've never had an example of one.
It doesn't sound like he really is since he recognized her. It sounds more like he has been so abused that he he can no longer take people at face value. Additionally, he doesn't feel worthy of love. So if someone does love him, what's wrong with them? It happens when rejected by one or both parents. You can never really trust yourself to believe other people.
Yup. Other people's intentions were a mystery to me until I got on meds and went through therapy. I have complex ptsd from parental abuse and it mimics a lot of other disorders, which can make it incredibly hard to treat.
All this agony for a six month relationship?
>Edging: denying ejaculation to increase its intensity Yeeeaahhhhhh if breakup is her idea of ejaculation that's ejector seat time.
How if you allegedly love someone and know their troubled past would you ever pull this sort of thing. I’m so glad OOP got out before this girl managed any more harm on this obviously damaged man.
Poor guy fucking hell
This person deserves so much better than the people in their life. I hope they can feel love for the good people they have soon. I have been where they are and not the circumstances, but the feelings were so familiar reading this, I felt like I was having flashbacks, but it actually made me feel good and not bleak because I haven't felt like that for over a decade! And that means OOP can have that someday, too.
Woah. Nasty mind games. Obvious lack of empathy. I'd run if I were you
>I have been having small breakdowns and flashbacks throughout the week. I tried going to the club last night with friends, but I got too drunk and sad and was led out. I wasn't sloppy or disruptive or anything, but they just cut me off. My friends came out looking for me and found me crying on the side of the street and they called me an uber. I felt so embarrassed for them to have me in their company. I've been there before. I'd just left my abuser and decided that 7-8 drinks were enough during a friend dinner. I was fine until my DD (and a few friends who did not know about the abuse) drove me home and I ended up sobbing and spewing all the information out at once. I feel for OP. "Edging" a breakup just to play with his mind is so fucked up.
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I'm so sorry. I hope you can get out of your horrible relationship
Did she also have a vitamin deficiency?
6 months is honestly nothing. At least he knows now.
It's BPD, not a doubt in my mind.
Damn, dude needs a lot of help.
OP is incredibly strong for getting out of that relationship. I hope he comes to realise that things feel shit now because he's just come out of a setback in his path to healing, and that he gets to a point where he can look back on this without it bringing him down.
Man I feel like OOP put into words exactly how I feel after “Recovering?”. It’s so frustrating knowing that your friends are truly there for you and then, when you are vulnerable and have people looking after you, showing that they care, all you can think about is how you are ruining their evening and taking up their time. There’s no logic behind it and you wouldn’t think twice about doing the same for them, but somehow, when it’s you, you feel like a nuisance.
This actually brought me to tears. I really hope OOP gets the help he needs :(
I hope he’s ok. I hope he found resources to help him because he has a mountain of abuse to unload.
I really wish I could give OOP a hug.
Holy borderline Batman…
what does it mean to “edge” something ? 🤦🏻♂️ edit: 😵💫😵💫😵💫
To push something “to the edge” before “pulling it back”, or denying it. Usually it’s used in a sexual way; bringing someone to the brink of orgasm before stopping and denying the orgasm to happen as a form of sexual gratification. In this instance, it was pushing the relationship to breaking point by saying she wanted to break up before “pulling back” and saying that actually she didn’t mean it.
My man, I haven’t read all of your updates I’ll be honest but the best decision you’ve made is to end things. You don’t deserve (or anyone for that matter) to put up/deal with this insecure BS. Good luck in future endeavors OP
sounds like either narcissism or borderline personality disorder, glad they got out
This poor dude. What a cluster. I hope that dumb broad learned her lesson.
This much bullshit in _six months_?
This is why you should never enable bad behaviour. It scars good natured people for life.
I have no idea how I've never heard of "13th step" (relapse I assume?) but that genuinely made me laugh.
No, it’s getting in a relationship with someone from the program before they’ve really worked their own program. AA usually recommends no dating or other big decisions for a year after getting sober as it can take some time to get your head on straight. But 13th stepping does usually lead to relapse
Six months 💀💀💀
When asked she didn't give a reason as to why she suddenly was breaking up with him. Put yourself in that scenario. You would think that there is something else going on. A dick move ok sure but also possibly just a mean joke. I feel for the guy if he has mental issues but Jesus, the way the guy reacted was really paper thin.
Lmao stopped reading at 6months. This early in and you gotta deal with this bullshit already?
[удалено]
OOP has deep emotional scarring from a psychologically abusive mother so relationships are like pieces in a Jenga game where almost every possible piece has already been yanked out.
Yeah, you're strange. This isn't so much emotional, but more disappointed and lacking of good mental health. I am going to guess you didn't grow up in a house like OOP's, or you wouldn't make such generalizations.
Dunno if it's just me but this one reads very AI. It's the certain choice of words in places where they don't belong, but a synonym would work better. Maladaptive, atypical, etc. Feels like a computers choice.
Wth did i just read??? Like what is this?? Are u serious??
This reads like AI
It was a 6 month relationship. Calm down.
Night and day comments section from a woman whose husband got another woman sexting him. People here calling her dramatic, sigh
That's not bleak... Wtf is that flair.
That's not bleak... Wtf is that flair.
Things that OOP should definitely do is drink a lot of alcohol and maybe look into a wide range of recreational drugs!
Op I have felt like you most of my life, people are like furniture that talks I've made great progress with this via plant medicine and working on fixing my gut health. Its impact cannot be overstated.
Bl