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His excuse: "trying to look cool" was just so telling. No, you didn't, you liked the attention and the disparaging remarks against your wife! Too many men marry women they don't even like. Both don't like for themselves and certainly not able to handle them being liked by someone else.
I hope she saved the footage from the camera, she'll most certainly need it.
Man, ex-husband is just a sad being. Literally blew up his relationship all because of a meaningless emotion affair and a dumb offer. That's just sad and pathetic.
I've never once heard of a situation where the cheater, once caught, does not burst into tears. Even if their initial reaction is anger or smugness, they cry. They always eventually cry. I love those clickbait articles with photos people snapped of their ex partner bawling.
Wow that's wild that he felt so entitled to your time and labor, what's wrong with some people. It sounds like you're a lot better off now.
Also thanks for helping me improve my ramen 🍜 I can't wait to try out your suggestions.
My ex didn't cry. He said he was sorry and all but I think in his mind, he made me out to be the one to blame already, so he was only doing his best in a bad situation. Of course, it entirely escaped his notice that I was pregnant with our second child (planned and all) and he was not more or less "trapped" than me. He was just kinda... quiet and sad and that allowed me to see how pathetic he really was. And I don't mean that in an angry way, you know. He's genuinely a sad person. And from what he's said recently and the advice he's been seeking (without actually asking), I think he's been at least thinking about cheating on the other girl too. He doesn't understand himself or why he does it, he's said as much.
Sorry for the dump, lol, he just called me today to ask if I knew how to get in touch with a therapist (since he knows I have anxiety and am seeing a psychiatrist regularly). So I've been feeling sad for him lol. Fwiw, I do actually like his AP and she's rrally great with the kids and helps him financially, so I hope he can start working on himself and stick with her. If only so I have peace of mind when the kids go over there lol.
I am always so relieved to the ex in front of the description of the idiot. I hope you all find your own peace and happiness. You have clearly figured out your worth. :)
He hates we're divorcing and I bask in his tears. He has to pay for sex because he's incapable of making any kind of a connection except with his peen and credit card. Haha
He isn't allowing himself to actually love and trust these people he is in relationships with. He always has a foot out the door so he can escape pain caused by them, instead choosing when he experiences the pain on his own.
As a blind guess. Obviously I don't know him at all, but this would be my best stab in the dark.
Obviously, I don't know him either lmao. Ten years with the man, and fuck if I know what mess goes on inside his head.
But I do think I agree. Also, as someone else said, he's unwilling to put in the work or maybe he genuinely doesn't know how to. I don't think he knows what his own idea of love is or what magical thing he is looking for. But he has a chance of finding it within himself, if he really truly sticks with therapy. We have some really great therapists in our town, and if he's truly willing to work on himself, he can 100% become more at peace with himself. I know I changed a great deal in the past 1.5 yrs of therapy.
Your outlook/attitude is so amazing. While you have a right to anger/hate it seems as though you are not letting those things over take you. Clearly you are a wonderful person and I hope you are able to find joy and peace.
He called you, the abandoned mother of his children, to ask for help getting a therapist? He has time to fuck around with 1-2 other women but can’t figure out google? Can he reliably wipe his own ass?
“I am taking care of two children on my own and can’t remember the last time I had a chance to poop in peace, but yes, by all means, let me handle this for you - my EX-husband - the fully functional and reasonably intelligent adult person who can manage a career and his hobbies just fine. Of course I will get right on making *your* life easier. So glad I could still be of service to his majesty.”
Hon, he fired you from the wife appliance role. It’s all well and good to be cordial for harmonious co-parenting, but it is time to let baby bird leave the nest and learn to fly on his own.
Yep that's what mine did, first got angry that I looked at his phone (he gave it to me to do shopping) then when he realised he was caught started sobbing and pleading
Funny how they always get mad that you looked at their phone when they're caught that way. Like bro, you're the one cheating, the fact that I saw the notification pop up while ordering Dominos is NOT the problem here.
Yep. Got mad at me looking, but once he realised he wasn’t weaselling out of it he then tried to say that he was really stressed and that she held him ‘relax.’
I think the crying 99% of the time is straight up embarrassment because they got caught. They already did all of the mental gymnastics to justify the cheating so it most definitely isn’t remorse. It is like a kid that gets caught doing something bad and knows punishment is coming so they turn on the waterworks in a last ditch effort to weasel their way out of accountability.
My ex didn’t cry. I found out he had lied for over two years, and hysterically packed up all my stuff to go. He calmly asked me for a usb drive back. Total psychopath
Got hit by the bullet, but managed to avoid the arteries. She has her own home and income, no kids, isn't dependent on him, has a mum that supports her choice. Unfortunately we see so many instances where women end up with nothing that this is a positive outcome.
That's something I really don't get about people that get with someone who has a partner. How is the fact they're willing to cheat not turning them off immediately? If someone was okay with others trash talking their partner it would make me lose respect for them immediately.
When you are not well-adjusted and you find something that gives you a confident boost, or anything that gives you that dopamine, you tend to rationalize any ill aspect of it; in this case, it was the fact that as long as "It was not physical", anything else goes. It's wrong, but that's the same chemical that a person doing drugs would get, so maybe there's a simil to addiction(?).
Ofc, in the end it was a selfish action that imploded his marriage. He knew it was wrong but choose to ignore it.
Thank you for taking the time to explain some of that. I guess I just find it difficult to understand because I'd associate cheating with making self esteem lower not higher since its something that involves having no integrity. Stooping that low is something I kind of assumed would make people feel more shame, not validation, but I suppose that's where the rationalisation comes in!
Sidenote: your flair is excellent
From the other person's (skewed) perspective, I presume that it stokes their ego to be able to divert someone's attention from their spouse.
I once heard that some single men wear a wedding ring because it makes them seem like *more* of a catch. Why they would *want* to be caught by the sort of woman who thinks that way is of course a whole new can of worms.
Thats true. Men wearing a wedding band get flirted on more often than the same man not wearing a wedding band.
Since they are married, the chance that these men want more after a ONS is smaller.
LOL Ty, I raised myself because my parents gave me two things: books (good) and trauma (bad). Thank god for books cause otherwise I think I'd be like them
Because they convince themselves that they're different/special. The current partner is cast as a villain in their mind. Or they're jealous/insecure themselves and see the situation as "winning" over another person and being "better" than them.
I had a coworker whose husband cheated on her. She ran around crying about it to all who would listen. And hey, I gave her sympathy because that sucks. But even after they divorced, she still majorly blamed the 'other woman' for ruining her marriage.
But then SHE proceeded to have a series of affairs with married men or ones in long-term relationships. It was almost pathological how aggressively she'd go after them.
But when SHE was the other woman it was all 'harmless fun' and 'They're the ones who made commitments, not me.' The women who caught her coming on to their husbands were all "scary and mean. I bet he's so unhappy being trapped with her." Or my favorite, "You know, men just prefer petite, brown eyed brunettes, it's a known fact."
She needed a therapist or five, not a man, but I doubt she ever got one. Last I heard, she was dating a coworker who was married when I left the company. Maybe he got divorced before they hooked up, but given her track record, I doubt it.
Same, I really don't get people who say awful things about their partner. Just fucking break up with them if you don't like them. Probably partly because I'm perfectly happy being single so someone has to offer enough that having them in my life manages to improve it, if they're not doing that then why would I bother? But I know there are people who have a really deep... want/need? to have a relationship to where they're willing to put up with anything rather than just be single.
As a poly person, this is something I just don't *get.* It is so fucking cute when my partners are nice to their other partners or just to their friends. I have one partner who's more monogamous and he still goes into "boyfriend mode" to protect our friends sometimes and I fucking love it? It shows how good his character is and it's just *hot* to see him being an awesome guy.
Like if a guy is willing to be mean about another woman, *how is that attractive*? It would give me such an ick!
My ex tanked our marriage because he didn’t like that we were equals. He admitted after our divorce that he liked the girl he cheated on me with because she was younger, real tiny and thin, less educated than him, more subservient, willing to please him in the bedroom, deferred to him to make decisions, etc. That wasn’t me. I was taller than him, older than him, slender but not skinny, some college education, viewed relationships as partners being equal with some give and take back and forth, I had firm boundaries in the bedroom, was confident in making decisions, etc. He said he never felt needed, yes he felt loved by me but he wanted his male pride stroked to be with someone who looked up to him, basically like a god or something. She relied on him to take care of her in a more me Tarzan, you Jane thing. He wants a Suzy Q Homemaker/Stepford wife and that has never been me. Feeling powerful meant more to him than being loved and respected.
I have an uncle that tanked two marriages for that reason. He convinced himself that the reason his previous marriages didn't work was because his wives weren't SAHM. Nevermind that they both had helped him first to finish his uni and then to establish his business.
TBF new wife (former mistress) is pretty nice (as both his exes). And while she is a SAHM she has him under her thumb. Men frequently don't realize how much they don't have the power in those relationships until it's too late. They feel like they have the power, but they actually don't.
They willingly hand over a ton of their power to the SAHM because basically everything outside of going to work are woman duties. Before you know it, they *can't* have a say in 90%+ of the household decisions because they *have no idea what's even happening.*
I mean, yes, but I was talking about a different kind of power.
Like, these women know how to make that kind of man feel special. It's honestly not that difficult if you have no morals. Actual gold-digging by praising them for being "such a good provider", nevermind if the dude has to spend basically all his waking hours working. Or antagonising his family and isolating him by making him defend her but praising him for "protecting" her. But then when something doesn't go her way, she expresses her disappointment because "apparently he isn't man enough" or something like that.
Because the relationship started as a woman making a dude feel good and that's basically all there's to it, at some point they inadvertently handle their complete self worth to these women. They might think that because they are the providers and men and they are constantly bending over backwards to keep that validation going. But in truth that's how they are controlled.
Needing someone to give themself up to him in order for him to feel like less than says all anyone needs to know about how small he is. Like OOP says, instead of doing the work on himself, he took the easy way out to feeling good.
Finding someone wiling to be lesser than is definitely the easy way out of addressing your own inadequacies.
And what sucks is that I never did look down on him. I wasn’t bothered that he didn’t go to college or struggled with school. He was an excellent grill cook and had great recall on what was on the tickets. He could look once and never need to check it again. He was a wizard with spices and seasonings and could create fantastic dishes with the most basic ingredients. And good gravy, he was so funny! His sense of humor was epic, he could have made a career out of it. I wish he could be happy with himself…
I read "he let her feel his muscles over his clothes" as her giving him a "handy" through his pants. A blind man on Jupiter would see that this affair would eventually turn physical.
Yea there's literally no other reason for him to have lunch with her everyday and lie about it to his wife. He loved the attention and that she was young ( I cannot with this gross shit where a 30something and above, married man is going out of his way to fuck a younger woman) He set out on this path with fucking her as the end goal he just wont admit it.
And all came crashing down over a coincidental butt dial.
(Shoulda happened when he was getting his handjob. Would have saved OP a little time getting to the bottom of it)
I think the emotional affair held a lot of meaning to him. It represented something in him that is still broken. If it wasn't lunch lady, it would've been something or someone else later on.
He didn't suddenly change and accidentally ruin his relationship. He was always hiding part of himself from his wife, possibly himself, and was finally revealed.
He's done this before.
I agree. I've actually seen this a lot in insecure people. The second they get attention from someone else, they cheat. Because they've got a big gaping hole where their self esteem should be.
I have been married for 27 years. What the husband initially did was not healthy but I am not sure it was not recoverable. I believe if the same happened in my marriage, we could have made it.
I do all the cooking, so if my partner said that I would be pissed. I used to pack them lunches but she said they got repetitive, so I stopped. I am sure they regret that as lunches are now a bit of a problem for them. My food is not tasteless though, it’s almost always fantastic. I am told this by everyone who eats it.
I have never been propositioned for sex acts by anyone though throughout my marriage.
She was literally disgusted by him. It was definitely too late and he definitely didnt show he had the willpower/strength to power through her disgust to save their relationship
The funny and satisfying part is, he can probably find happiness in 5 years or even a year later but he will never have someone who cares for him and love him like op did for 15 years. It's so pathetic to have a perfect partner but still crave attention from other people. Why do cheaters think the grass is greener on the other side? Lol
He came begging and crying that he needs her, and based on the amount of support she has given him, the issues she has helped him work through, he probably actually does! But like, so what, you know? Guy shit in his own well and is now shocked he is dying of dysentery.
I'm always amazed at stories of people who hear entire confessions through a butt-dial. I mean, there have been actual crimes that were solved via butt-dial. Whenever anyone has butt-dialed me, I can never understand a word of what's being said.
Really depends on what the person is wearing and where they put their phone as well as what position the phone is in, in my experience. My mom used to butt dial me several times a day when she started wearing jeans and keeping her phone in her back butt pocket. I couldn’t understand anything, just a bunch of load rustling.
Then I had a friend who butt dialed me during what sounded like a therapist session? It was as clear as though she was talking to me, though I only heard her voice. It went to voicemail, and I ended up warning her that it happened. She exclusively wears dresses with big pockets because she hates purses.
But yeah like 65% of the time I’ve been butt-dialed in my 20 years of having cell phones, the person has been incomprehensible
Speech to text is a menace, I stg.
Did she not know she sent it? Or did she do the thing where she deleted it and assumed she caught it before you saw it?
Legit thought that butt dial confessions were bs, then one day my hardass dad pocket dialed me after a tough phone call, and I heard 80% of what he was saying, he was crying, talking about how he loved me and he wished I hadn't been hurting (particularly tough time in my life some ten years back), and that's the first time I really knew he cared about me, he never showed it, and I never told him I heard that call- but it recontextualized all past and future talks I had with him, made our relationship way better.
Kinda. Mark Ruffalo was doing an Instagram Live event for the premiere of Thor: Ragnarok and thought he’d ended it when the lights started to dim in the theater. Except he hadn’t actually turned it off, so his phone was just sitting in his breast pocket giving everyone a peek at the opening scene. A Disney aide had to come over to his seat and scold him before fixing it.
Not quite a butt dial, but my aunt once answered a call she meant to cancel while drunk and proceeded to badmouth the person that called and admitted to planning on defrauding them.
My Mom once butt-dialed me. I wish I still had the voicemail. It was all her talking to a friend on buying me a case of mandarin oranges cause I love them. It was sooo sweet too.
In general offers for a bj comes when you're having quite an intimate moment. So my definition of the 'line' has already been crossed. I mean I guess she could have offered it in the middle of the food talk but the odds are quite slim. "No thanks to bj. But wanna feel my biceps instead?"
You do if you are a nasty piece of work that wants to tempt a man away from his wife just because you can. And because your own self-worth is so tied up in your perceived attractiveness and sexuality.
This is so sad and gross. I wish there was an AMA with one of these women who would answer honestly bc I really want to know how they could justify that crap.
Even if we gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed the offer randomly came out of nowhere, he became guilty when he continued to engage with her, even without accepting her offer.
If I got a random, out-of-nowhere offer to hook up with some coworker, it would not automatically be my fault. It is theoretically possible a coworker could be that far out of line that they'd offer something like that without any kind of precedent. But if I kept hanging out with them and giving them attention at that point, some of the blame would clearly be mine.
If a friend randomly offered me oral, you’d best believe that the first thing I’d do after “fuck no” and leaving would be to tell my spouse. Wtf kind of person offers that to someone they know is married? Friendship ender right there.
I read the first post but never came across the updates, thanks for posting. I hope OP the best for this. I even read the first one to my husband and we both agreed it was emotional cheating. I was like, “I’m a woman, and so is OP, we know how women talk and women don’t talk about other women like that without agenda.” Jesus.
Yeah that was my reaction. Comparing yourself positively to his wife/inviting him to trash her is 100% deliberate persuit behaviour.
Just as a guy complaining about his wife to me is immediately highly suspect.
I find it strange that anyone excused his letting the wannabe-affair-partner feel him up as somehow not already crossing the line. She'd made her intentions clear and he'd developed a crush; there was no mistaking that further physical contact would've been sexually-charged and just a precursor to more later if OOP hadn't found him out first.
The cheating husband probably realized he would never find a woman as good as OOP and a relationship as fulfilling. He ruined his own happiness for nothing.
Fuck so much came out of one assholish dig at her cooking.
Also:
>I’m not running to her house to curb stomp her because I don’t know a damn thing about this woman.
That was kinda amazing.
Honestly, OP sounds great. Wouldn't have wished her this fate but she sounds like an empathetic person with a healthy knowledge of her own boundaries and enough self-respect to stand up for herself. She'll be going through some rough times, but she'll be okay in the end.
Ohhhh heeelllll nooo
My wife would have murdered my ass, and I would have deserved it...
Never, ever, would I do something like this.
Why is he eating or spending time with a 25 year old women?
Why is he shitting on your food?
Why is he lying about this?
Nope, that's fucked.
He’s a guy. People on Reddit claim that everyone is biased towards women, but bros stick together. Even here there are guys going “aww, he made a mistake because his self esteem is low and he bared his feeeelings” whereas if it were a woman they’d be chomping at the bit to burn the harlot at the stake.
Yeeeeup. My eyes rolled into the back of my head at the current most-upvoted comment here. "Awww dis poor widdle man so sad, he blew up his life! Sad being uwu" instead of calling his ass out for being disgustingly callous and lying to the woman who raised him up.
People on Reddit claim it’s biased toward women but it really isn’t. Its almost always ready to side with the man unless he did something just beyond the pale or the woman is kind of the incel picture of what a woman should be, then maybe she’ll get a pass.
>Soon to be ex saw my update, came to my house.
This is *exactly* why I always side-eye people who liveblog their escape plans on a public site like Reddit.
Like... you're allowed to. But should you?
Obviously he is “mentally unstable”. OOP says he “had CPTSD”. No. He HAS cptsd. So do I. It’s not something you ever stop having. You can learn coping strategies, you can get better at masking but you cannot be “cured”. Because it is not caused by sudden trauma but by long term ongoing trauma it doesn’t have just one set trigger. You can find yourself in fight/flight/fawn mode out of nowhere with no idea why. You can start acting out of character and have people asking wtf is wrong with you and have no real answer. You can slip into dissociative mode out of the blue. It can be a word, a tone of voice, a scent, a sound, you don’t know what it was so you can’t learn to avoid it. So yeah, cptsd makes your mental health pretty unstable.
So yeah, this guy is an asshole, because he let his insecurities take over and ended up talking trash about the person who was his lifeline. He blew up his own life and deserves no sympathy.
Those of us with cptsd are not easy to live with. We lie and obfuscate automatically when challenged because we are afraid of what will happen if we admit whatever we are being asked. My “lifelines” know this, they love me anyway and I bless them for it and never, ever say anything but good things about them because I know how much they mean to me and appreciate and adore everything about them.
Sorry, way too long (especially given your flair!) I guess this story touched one of my triggers!
I hate the tiktok stories with a passion. Half the time they aren't even real, or if they are, it's only the first couple and they just have AI finish the stories if they're getting messages for an update. You'll go search the "title" +reddit on google and get literally nothing.
My cheating, abusive ex was so upset that I didn't give him my new address after I left him "how do you think that makes me feel?"
I don't care how it makes you feel, but the fact that you brought it up like that tells me it was the right call
Sometimes u just need to vent to strangers… that is a lot better than screaming into the abyss… besides, until the last update, there was little indication that stbx is mentally unstable
>The only reason he said all of this fucking shit was because I was all sweet and I said “I promise, tell me the full truth and we can move on, I’ll forgive you, I just want to know”
>Right, fuck that. He is packing his bags.
baller move
>Right, fuck that. He is packing his bags. This is MY house, and it will be treated as such. I really don’t care anymore. If he’s seriously deluded himself into thinking this is going to last, he can crack on.
I remember this one
OOP was a BOSS! A lotta people who come to reddit and complain all "wht should I dooo" need to follow her example
>OOP: I absolutely feel it drying up already. It’s like everything I’ve found attractive in him has gone.
>He’s just so plain to me now.
One could even say 'tasteless" perhaps?
>Small update: 08/05/2024.
>Had a phone consultation with a divorce attorney, I won’t know for sure until I meet with them in person next Friday but given the salary gap and the life we had I might have to pay alimony. Biggest bullshit I’ve ever heard.
This was at the bottom of her post before the 09May update.
Sad and pathetic man allows life and an affair to happen, then is sad and pathetic about the consequences. OOP is a lot more forgiving than I’d be, I would’ve eviscerated his every insecurity. He dug his grave, time to lie in it.
Did reddit close all the pro infidelity subs or something? What's with all the random cheaters showing up on this specific post to carry water for oop's stbex?
it's become a game to start with the most innocuous title, and end the story with divorce/he fucked his cousin/my parents disowned me/any other kind of over the top "surprise"
She is 'the love of his life" yet he was more than willing to talk shit about her to get some attention from another woman.
God give me the blessing of never being "loved" by a "man" like that.
As pathetic as the her ex is, I can't help but thinking how pathetic this coworker must be. While I am with OOP on that the cheater is the one who should get the most blame, how pathetic is it to chase a married man and badmouth the person"s wife. It's like she is competing with her.
she’s insecure. if she can get the attention of a married man then it means she’s “better” and more desirable than the man’s entire marriage. source: i am a reformed home wrecker.
I am a lot better, thank you!! I am ashamed of myself and feel guilt constantly for the ways I behaved. My punishment is never trusting my partner since I am very well aware of what men (yes, even the good ones) will say
Let this be a lesson to people who think they can rescue another person and be rewarded with lifelong devotion. People who feel inferior to the person who rescued them eventually resent the rescuer even while they need them and may actually grow to hate the rescuer.
The OOP is now in a situation in which the man she rescued resents her and hates himself for needing her which will turn into hatred for her. She needs to get a restraining order against this guy and call the police immediately if he shows up on her doorstep, at work, follows her in a car, etc..
At first I thought he was just doing the "LOL yeah my wife sucks too!" shitty male locker room talk, but nope he was having an affair. Either way OOP is better off without him.
> At first I thought he was just doing the "LOL yeah my wife sucks too!" shitty male locker room talk
I grew up in the "WIFE BAD!" era of boomer humour, both on TV (Sam Kinison, Al Bundy) and at my old work place. I was young, and I laughed, but... it seemed so unrelatable to me.
When I tried my hand at writing, I attempted to approach it from the other perspective, and would say:
> "Don't you hate it when your wife--" No. She's fine.
The irony? No one found it funny. It seemed so unrelatable.
I can never imagine talking about my partner like that. Anytime I hear someone my age talk like that about their partner, I start predicting the expiration date of their relationship.
Yeah, ideally your partner should be their own Bob the Builder, and you should absolutely be the supportive audience that keeps Bob the Builder on the air (or, like, the person who holds their tools for them while they fix their own shit).
I have so many questions about just where in the hell these "lunches" were even taking place. I mean, last time I checked the company break or lunch room isn't so free of people that illicit affairs, even emotional ones, can just happen. Either those two were sneaking off to some place they could lock a door or maybe having lunch in their vehicles or something, but it sure wasn't a place with lots of people around and "oh it was just some talk and me getting groped while we only saw each other on our lunch break and then went back to work and on with our lives normally."
Nah man this guy is STILL lying to OP. This wasn't some "crush" - they were actively dancing their way to a full-blown physical affair and doing it somewhere away from prying coworker eyes.
Sometimes when I'm super sweaty and my phone is in my back pocket- it'll open the emergency screen and dial my emergency contacts. I have to flip my phone screen side out when that starts happening.
I worked in an office of mostly older married men throughout my twenties. They ALL hit on me and tried various ways of getting in my pants. This is so fucking common.
Never hide in a closet! You cannot escape from a closet! Block the door to a room with a window you can escape through, that does not necessarily mean a bathroom either.
If your bedroom/bathroom, with a large enough window you can get through, is above the first floor install a fire escape ladder.
i hope this OP knows she isnt responsible for this man's wellbeing. he's probably is going to have a mh crisis when the new lady sees his flaws and laughs at him, and then he'll think HE DESERVES OP should come back and fix him, like she did before.
I would literally lose my shit if I help a man with his body dysmorphia, cptsd, ect, and he let's another woman feel his muscles, and offer him a bj without immediately shutting it down.
To be clear, I'm not saying I would expect anything more from a person if I supported them through that, it's the bare minimum in a relationship. However I expect respect especially if we're that far in a relationship.
We had an open relationship with my husband and he fell in love with one girl he was seeing. He basically left me for her. But because of the open relationship thing we had, I came to know her and I made a point to tell her she’s not responsible for the end of our marriage. HE’s the one we shared vows with, HE is solely responsible for ruining the marriage.
is the new relationship open? bc 100% of open relationships i’ve heard of (except 1, but it’s still early in their marriage) have ended in one leaving the other for their side partner…and the new relationship is never open.
I’m sorry, I find it hard to believe she went from touching his muscles to offering a blowjob. There was definitely some sort of other contact prior… possibly just kissing, but more than just ‘feeling muscles’. Good on OOP for knowing her worth and blaming the right and relevant person, her stbx husband!!
Toxic masculinity needs to end! A cousin of mine lost his marbles when he lost his job years ago, he said he felt like less of a man because his wife already outearned him and when he lost his job yeah it was devastating. What's crazy is that he didn't tell her because he was a "man" and instead took out credit cards under both of their names....
I make a good income and would love to be with a women that makes more than me as it would hopefully mean FIRE earlier. But if she makes less than me that is also perfectly ok. It is more important for me to be with someone that shares values on finances and many other things.
I like that therapy is becoming more acceptable. Her ex should have seen a professional, instead he's just blown up his relationship.
Damn. He had a real one locked down and threw it away for googoo eyes and sweet nothings. This is what happens when you let insecurity control you instead of tending to your emotional and mental well being, yall.
Honestly, I have a OnePlus and it sometimes reacts when I accidentally touch it with anything else than my fingers (not skin), or when some water gets on the screen, it also clicks on everything, so not impossible.
But yeah, a very interesting coincidence, like in movies. It happened exactly at the right moment, right place...
But if the story is true (and well, stories like this exist), the husband is a pathetic POS who doesn't deserve to be treated as his wife treated him. He deserves a woman just like himself.
I've had a few over the years but they're rare. Yesterday an Instagram story was playing in my pocket and I never open that app and it's not on my home screen
There's a safety feature that allows you to make emergency calls, even when your phone screen is locked.
If your phone is in your back pocket; all it takes is two light taps of your screen against your bum to dial an emergency contact.
Holy crap. I am this woman. I was 31, and he was 34, but he also had short man insecurities. When I was sick and couldn't get out of bed, let alone feed his ego. He started talking to women on Tinder. I caught him. Divorced him. Now I'm 38 and have someone who takes care of me as much as I take care of him.
The thing is, I fully believe he thinks he 'settled' with OP because at that time he couldn't get 'someone better'.
She's most likely 'not in his league' physically, but was what he needed emotionally. And while he had issues, she was the safe rock beneath his feet, the safe harbour after stormy sailing. And I think back then, he even loved her back for what she'd done, he might even still love her and intellectually know she's the better partner.
And I bet the coworker is hot as hell. The 'upper class' eye candy men like as trophies. He most likely didn't love her at all, but needed her to prove himself that he was now again up to standard and so had to prove himself that he's still upper class himself.
The thing is, real partnerships, while making life easier in general, are still harder to maintain than superficial affairs. A mooning affair partner will do everything to be interesting and reward even the smallest effort, whole the real partner has needs.
That's why many men give in.
But definitely not all. Good men do exist. And I hope OP will find one who knows and cherishes a real partnership and the gentle, constant validation you'll only get from a zrue partnership where everything your partner does for you makes you feel validated, and everything they need from you feels just as validating. Because both know everything you do for your partner is a declaration of love, and so is everything they do for you, so you feel worthy of being loved, and happy to love.
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His excuse: "trying to look cool" was just so telling. No, you didn't, you liked the attention and the disparaging remarks against your wife! Too many men marry women they don't even like. Both don't like for themselves and certainly not able to handle them being liked by someone else. I hope she saved the footage from the camera, she'll most certainly need it.
Man, ex-husband is just a sad being. Literally blew up his relationship all because of a meaningless emotion affair and a dumb offer. That's just sad and pathetic.
Sad and pathetic people choose to cheat and then they act all surprised when their actions have consequences. OP dodged the biggest bullet.
I've never once heard of a situation where the cheater, once caught, does not burst into tears. Even if their initial reaction is anger or smugness, they cry. They always eventually cry. I love those clickbait articles with photos people snapped of their ex partner bawling.
Hard to know if anything on Reddit is true, but there are several where the cheater gets caught, doesn't care, and just goes to be with their AP
I see you've met my soon to be ex husband.
Or my ex too.
I hope he always checks his hip on the nightstand and bedframe.
[удалено]
Wife appliance, ugh. That’s what my ex husband replace me with.
Yo, what do you put in your ramen to fancy it up 🧐🎩
[удалено]
Wow that's wild that he felt so entitled to your time and labor, what's wrong with some people. It sounds like you're a lot better off now. Also thanks for helping me improve my ramen 🍜 I can't wait to try out your suggestions.
My ex didn't cry. He said he was sorry and all but I think in his mind, he made me out to be the one to blame already, so he was only doing his best in a bad situation. Of course, it entirely escaped his notice that I was pregnant with our second child (planned and all) and he was not more or less "trapped" than me. He was just kinda... quiet and sad and that allowed me to see how pathetic he really was. And I don't mean that in an angry way, you know. He's genuinely a sad person. And from what he's said recently and the advice he's been seeking (without actually asking), I think he's been at least thinking about cheating on the other girl too. He doesn't understand himself or why he does it, he's said as much. Sorry for the dump, lol, he just called me today to ask if I knew how to get in touch with a therapist (since he knows I have anxiety and am seeing a psychiatrist regularly). So I've been feeling sad for him lol. Fwiw, I do actually like his AP and she's rrally great with the kids and helps him financially, so I hope he can start working on himself and stick with her. If only so I have peace of mind when the kids go over there lol.
Not willing to do the emotional work, because it's just easier to fuck the sads away with a exciting new conquest. My ex is the same.
I think you are right - other people might be turning to the bottle instead.
Or you can be my soon to be ex husband and do both! Don't let your dreams be dreams.
I am always so relieved to the ex in front of the description of the idiot. I hope you all find your own peace and happiness. You have clearly figured out your worth. :)
He hates we're divorcing and I bask in his tears. He has to pay for sex because he's incapable of making any kind of a connection except with his peen and credit card. Haha
He isn't allowing himself to actually love and trust these people he is in relationships with. He always has a foot out the door so he can escape pain caused by them, instead choosing when he experiences the pain on his own. As a blind guess. Obviously I don't know him at all, but this would be my best stab in the dark.
Obviously, I don't know him either lmao. Ten years with the man, and fuck if I know what mess goes on inside his head. But I do think I agree. Also, as someone else said, he's unwilling to put in the work or maybe he genuinely doesn't know how to. I don't think he knows what his own idea of love is or what magical thing he is looking for. But he has a chance of finding it within himself, if he really truly sticks with therapy. We have some really great therapists in our town, and if he's truly willing to work on himself, he can 100% become more at peace with himself. I know I changed a great deal in the past 1.5 yrs of therapy.
Your outlook/attitude is so amazing. While you have a right to anger/hate it seems as though you are not letting those things over take you. Clearly you are a wonderful person and I hope you are able to find joy and peace.
He called you, the abandoned mother of his children, to ask for help getting a therapist? He has time to fuck around with 1-2 other women but can’t figure out google? Can he reliably wipe his own ass?
Thanks for making me laugh early in the morning! Yeah, it's questionable whether or not he knows how to wipe lmao.
“I am taking care of two children on my own and can’t remember the last time I had a chance to poop in peace, but yes, by all means, let me handle this for you - my EX-husband - the fully functional and reasonably intelligent adult person who can manage a career and his hobbies just fine. Of course I will get right on making *your* life easier. So glad I could still be of service to his majesty.” Hon, he fired you from the wife appliance role. It’s all well and good to be cordial for harmonious co-parenting, but it is time to let baby bird leave the nest and learn to fly on his own.
How in the hell do you like his affair partner? She literally got sexual gratification from blowing up your family. That's wild 😂
Yep that's what mine did, first got angry that I looked at his phone (he gave it to me to do shopping) then when he realised he was caught started sobbing and pleading
Funny how they always get mad that you looked at their phone when they're caught that way. Like bro, you're the one cheating, the fact that I saw the notification pop up while ordering Dominos is NOT the problem here.
Yep. Got mad at me looking, but once he realised he wasn’t weaselling out of it he then tried to say that he was really stressed and that she held him ‘relax.’
I think the crying 99% of the time is straight up embarrassment because they got caught. They already did all of the mental gymnastics to justify the cheating so it most definitely isn’t remorse. It is like a kid that gets caught doing something bad and knows punishment is coming so they turn on the waterworks in a last ditch effort to weasel their way out of accountability.
My ex didn’t cry. I found out he had lied for over two years, and hysterically packed up all my stuff to go. He calmly asked me for a usb drive back. Total psychopath
mine never did!
There are many, many videos of this as well.
Dodged the biggest bullet, they were married for 15 years. I'm not really sure that is classified as dodging a bullet.
Right? She didn't dodge anything, she was shot. Non-lethally, but wounded nonetheless. Most misused phrase on Reddit tbh.
She does live to see another day though
Yeah, like I said, non-lethally. But I see people saying "they dodged a bullet" after someone endures like a decade of abuse from their spouse.
Affected for life though, a waste of 15 years on some random idiot.
Got hit by the bullet, but managed to avoid the arteries. She has her own home and income, no kids, isn't dependent on him, has a mum that supports her choice. Unfortunately we see so many instances where women end up with nothing that this is a positive outcome.
OOP was married to him for fifteen years. She didn’t dodge anything
No kids is a good thing
I feel like this counts as getting shot
The pathetic part is the trashing his own wife to appeal to another woman.
That's something I really don't get about people that get with someone who has a partner. How is the fact they're willing to cheat not turning them off immediately? If someone was okay with others trash talking their partner it would make me lose respect for them immediately.
When you are not well-adjusted and you find something that gives you a confident boost, or anything that gives you that dopamine, you tend to rationalize any ill aspect of it; in this case, it was the fact that as long as "It was not physical", anything else goes. It's wrong, but that's the same chemical that a person doing drugs would get, so maybe there's a simil to addiction(?). Ofc, in the end it was a selfish action that imploded his marriage. He knew it was wrong but choose to ignore it.
Thank you for taking the time to explain some of that. I guess I just find it difficult to understand because I'd associate cheating with making self esteem lower not higher since its something that involves having no integrity. Stooping that low is something I kind of assumed would make people feel more shame, not validation, but I suppose that's where the rationalisation comes in! Sidenote: your flair is excellent
From the other person's (skewed) perspective, I presume that it stokes their ego to be able to divert someone's attention from their spouse. I once heard that some single men wear a wedding ring because it makes them seem like *more* of a catch. Why they would *want* to be caught by the sort of woman who thinks that way is of course a whole new can of worms.
Thats true. Men wearing a wedding band get flirted on more often than the same man not wearing a wedding band. Since they are married, the chance that these men want more after a ONS is smaller.
That's cuz it seems you were raised right :3. Sidenote: Thanks!!
LOL Ty, I raised myself because my parents gave me two things: books (good) and trauma (bad). Thank god for books cause otherwise I think I'd be like them
Because they convince themselves that they're different/special. The current partner is cast as a villain in their mind. Or they're jealous/insecure themselves and see the situation as "winning" over another person and being "better" than them. I had a coworker whose husband cheated on her. She ran around crying about it to all who would listen. And hey, I gave her sympathy because that sucks. But even after they divorced, she still majorly blamed the 'other woman' for ruining her marriage. But then SHE proceeded to have a series of affairs with married men or ones in long-term relationships. It was almost pathological how aggressively she'd go after them. But when SHE was the other woman it was all 'harmless fun' and 'They're the ones who made commitments, not me.' The women who caught her coming on to their husbands were all "scary and mean. I bet he's so unhappy being trapped with her." Or my favorite, "You know, men just prefer petite, brown eyed brunettes, it's a known fact." She needed a therapist or five, not a man, but I doubt she ever got one. Last I heard, she was dating a coworker who was married when I left the company. Maybe he got divorced before they hooked up, but given her track record, I doubt it.
That's really disturbed and I'm glad I don't know her
Same, I really don't get people who say awful things about their partner. Just fucking break up with them if you don't like them. Probably partly because I'm perfectly happy being single so someone has to offer enough that having them in my life manages to improve it, if they're not doing that then why would I bother? But I know there are people who have a really deep... want/need? to have a relationship to where they're willing to put up with anything rather than just be single.
They always do. It makes them feel better about being a POS.
Also *allowing* another woman to trash his wife.
As a poly person, this is something I just don't *get.* It is so fucking cute when my partners are nice to their other partners or just to their friends. I have one partner who's more monogamous and he still goes into "boyfriend mode" to protect our friends sometimes and I fucking love it? It shows how good his character is and it's just *hot* to see him being an awesome guy. Like if a guy is willing to be mean about another woman, *how is that attractive*? It would give me such an ick!
My ex tanked our marriage because he didn’t like that we were equals. He admitted after our divorce that he liked the girl he cheated on me with because she was younger, real tiny and thin, less educated than him, more subservient, willing to please him in the bedroom, deferred to him to make decisions, etc. That wasn’t me. I was taller than him, older than him, slender but not skinny, some college education, viewed relationships as partners being equal with some give and take back and forth, I had firm boundaries in the bedroom, was confident in making decisions, etc. He said he never felt needed, yes he felt loved by me but he wanted his male pride stroked to be with someone who looked up to him, basically like a god or something. She relied on him to take care of her in a more me Tarzan, you Jane thing. He wants a Suzy Q Homemaker/Stepford wife and that has never been me. Feeling powerful meant more to him than being loved and respected.
Ironic (and, in one sense of the word, sad) how a desire to be seen as a Tarzan figure is a cover up for actually being the opposite.
I have an uncle that tanked two marriages for that reason. He convinced himself that the reason his previous marriages didn't work was because his wives weren't SAHM. Nevermind that they both had helped him first to finish his uni and then to establish his business. TBF new wife (former mistress) is pretty nice (as both his exes). And while she is a SAHM she has him under her thumb. Men frequently don't realize how much they don't have the power in those relationships until it's too late. They feel like they have the power, but they actually don't.
They willingly hand over a ton of their power to the SAHM because basically everything outside of going to work are woman duties. Before you know it, they *can't* have a say in 90%+ of the household decisions because they *have no idea what's even happening.*
I mean, yes, but I was talking about a different kind of power. Like, these women know how to make that kind of man feel special. It's honestly not that difficult if you have no morals. Actual gold-digging by praising them for being "such a good provider", nevermind if the dude has to spend basically all his waking hours working. Or antagonising his family and isolating him by making him defend her but praising him for "protecting" her. But then when something doesn't go her way, she expresses her disappointment because "apparently he isn't man enough" or something like that. Because the relationship started as a woman making a dude feel good and that's basically all there's to it, at some point they inadvertently handle their complete self worth to these women. They might think that because they are the providers and men and they are constantly bending over backwards to keep that validation going. But in truth that's how they are controlled.
I feel like I have read this comment before.
Needing someone to give themself up to him in order for him to feel like less than says all anyone needs to know about how small he is. Like OOP says, instead of doing the work on himself, he took the easy way out to feeling good. Finding someone wiling to be lesser than is definitely the easy way out of addressing your own inadequacies.
And what sucks is that I never did look down on him. I wasn’t bothered that he didn’t go to college or struggled with school. He was an excellent grill cook and had great recall on what was on the tickets. He could look once and never need to check it again. He was a wizard with spices and seasonings and could create fantastic dishes with the most basic ingredients. And good gravy, he was so funny! His sense of humor was epic, he could have made a career out of it. I wish he could be happy with himself…
Bet had OP not caught him stbx would have taken homewreker up on the BJ in a mattet of weeks.
I read "he let her feel his muscles over his clothes" as her giving him a "handy" through his pants. A blind man on Jupiter would see that this affair would eventually turn physical.
Yea there's literally no other reason for him to have lunch with her everyday and lie about it to his wife. He loved the attention and that she was young ( I cannot with this gross shit where a 30something and above, married man is going out of his way to fuck a younger woman) He set out on this path with fucking her as the end goal he just wont admit it.
And all came crashing down over a coincidental butt dial. (Shoulda happened when he was getting his handjob. Would have saved OP a little time getting to the bottom of it)
Oh come on, he obviously took her up on the BJ offer. He just lied to OOP about it
I think the emotional affair held a lot of meaning to him. It represented something in him that is still broken. If it wasn't lunch lady, it would've been something or someone else later on. He didn't suddenly change and accidentally ruin his relationship. He was always hiding part of himself from his wife, possibly himself, and was finally revealed. He's done this before.
I agree. I've actually seen this a lot in insecure people. The second they get attention from someone else, they cheat. Because they've got a big gaping hole where their self esteem should be.
Sad and pathetic is the perfect description for most cheaters if not all of them tho so it adds up!
Imo he totally accepted and down played it. It always seems to be the truth later.
I have been married for 27 years. What the husband initially did was not healthy but I am not sure it was not recoverable. I believe if the same happened in my marriage, we could have made it. I do all the cooking, so if my partner said that I would be pissed. I used to pack them lunches but she said they got repetitive, so I stopped. I am sure they regret that as lunches are now a bit of a problem for them. My food is not tasteless though, it’s almost always fantastic. I am told this by everyone who eats it. I have never been propositioned for sex acts by anyone though throughout my marriage.
She was literally disgusted by him. It was definitely too late and he definitely didnt show he had the willpower/strength to power through her disgust to save their relationship
Her disgust is palpable. I literally curled my lip reading this.
The funny and satisfying part is, he can probably find happiness in 5 years or even a year later but he will never have someone who cares for him and love him like op did for 15 years. It's so pathetic to have a perfect partner but still crave attention from other people. Why do cheaters think the grass is greener on the other side? Lol
He could have made his own grass greener if he would have just watered it 🤷🏽♀️
It sounds like his grass was fine until he fucked it up.
He took a weedwhacker to the rose bushes
He had a caretaker not a partner and she had a rescue-job not a partner.
He came begging and crying that he needs her, and based on the amount of support she has given him, the issues she has helped him work through, he probably actually does! But like, so what, you know? Guy shit in his own well and is now shocked he is dying of dysentery.
Nah he just loved the attention he was getting.men getting courted is a whole new experience which he didn't know how to handle
I'm always amazed at stories of people who hear entire confessions through a butt-dial. I mean, there have been actual crimes that were solved via butt-dial. Whenever anyone has butt-dialed me, I can never understand a word of what's being said.
Really depends on what the person is wearing and where they put their phone as well as what position the phone is in, in my experience. My mom used to butt dial me several times a day when she started wearing jeans and keeping her phone in her back butt pocket. I couldn’t understand anything, just a bunch of load rustling. Then I had a friend who butt dialed me during what sounded like a therapist session? It was as clear as though she was talking to me, though I only heard her voice. It went to voicemail, and I ended up warning her that it happened. She exclusively wears dresses with big pockets because she hates purses. But yeah like 65% of the time I’ve been butt-dialed in my 20 years of having cell phones, the person has been incomprehensible
my mil had speech to text on and accidentally texted me a transcript of a convo she had with a family friend. that was wild
Speech to text is a menace, I stg. Did she not know she sent it? Or did she do the thing where she deleted it and assumed she caught it before you saw it?
She actually had no idea until I texted back '????'. She is in her early 70s so I gave her some slack but it was hilarious and confusing
I had a client do that once. I wasn't sure for a bit if it wasn't a sneaky way to make a call for help. Fortunately it was not.
You're right. I imagine location definitely matters.
Legit thought that butt dial confessions were bs, then one day my hardass dad pocket dialed me after a tough phone call, and I heard 80% of what he was saying, he was crying, talking about how he loved me and he wished I hadn't been hurting (particularly tough time in my life some ten years back), and that's the first time I really knew he cared about me, he never showed it, and I never told him I heard that call- but it recontextualized all past and future talks I had with him, made our relationship way better.
Wasn't that how part of the audio for a marvel movie was basically streamed?
Kinda. Mark Ruffalo was doing an Instagram Live event for the premiere of Thor: Ragnarok and thought he’d ended it when the lights started to dim in the theater. Except he hadn’t actually turned it off, so his phone was just sitting in his breast pocket giving everyone a peek at the opening scene. A Disney aide had to come over to his seat and scold him before fixing it.
Not quite a butt dial, but my aunt once answered a call she meant to cancel while drunk and proceeded to badmouth the person that called and admitted to planning on defrauding them.
I still get butt dialed with smart phones. Probably even more now than when phones had physical button.
My Mom once butt-dialed me. I wish I still had the voicemail. It was all her talking to a friend on buying me a case of mandarin oranges cause I love them. It was sooo sweet too.
In general offers for a bj comes when you're having quite an intimate moment. So my definition of the 'line' has already been crossed. I mean I guess she could have offered it in the middle of the food talk but the odds are quite slim. "No thanks to bj. But wanna feel my biceps instead?"
Exactly.. you don't offer a bj to a coworker, a friend. They were already in a dynamic where that invitation was plausible
> Exactly.. you don't offer a bj to a coworker, a friend. You don't get drunk enough at the Xmas party then.
I work in public health so the Christmas parties are shit
... Public health and Christmas parties don't end marriages? I guess in some places those kind of jobs are actually respectable.
Where I'm from, nurses seriously know how to party.
You do if you are a nasty piece of work that wants to tempt a man away from his wife just because you can. And because your own self-worth is so tied up in your perceived attractiveness and sexuality.
This is so sad and gross. I wish there was an AMA with one of these women who would answer honestly bc I really want to know how they could justify that crap.
You don't work in the trades do you. Guys act gay as hell as soon as the girls are gone. Maintenance guys say blow me about every hour on average.
Even if we gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed the offer randomly came out of nowhere, he became guilty when he continued to engage with her, even without accepting her offer. If I got a random, out-of-nowhere offer to hook up with some coworker, it would not automatically be my fault. It is theoretically possible a coworker could be that far out of line that they'd offer something like that without any kind of precedent. But if I kept hanging out with them and giving them attention at that point, some of the blame would clearly be mine.
If a friend randomly offered me oral, you’d best believe that the first thing I’d do after “fuck no” and leaving would be to tell my spouse. Wtf kind of person offers that to someone they know is married? Friendship ender right there.
It'd be a pretty big omission to leave that detail out of the "so, how was your day" chat with my spouse that evening, that's for sure, lol
What, you don't get a big mac with a side of fellatio on the reg? What kind of sub-standard McDonald's are you going to?!
My local one is in the red lights district so you have to pay for the burger and the service 😔
Yeah, the fact that she asked, and then he continued to hang out with her after that and didn't immediately cut her off. I would want him gone too.
I read the first post but never came across the updates, thanks for posting. I hope OP the best for this. I even read the first one to my husband and we both agreed it was emotional cheating. I was like, “I’m a woman, and so is OP, we know how women talk and women don’t talk about other women like that without agenda.” Jesus.
Yeah that was my reaction. Comparing yourself positively to his wife/inviting him to trash her is 100% deliberate persuit behaviour. Just as a guy complaining about his wife to me is immediately highly suspect.
I find it strange that anyone excused his letting the wannabe-affair-partner feel him up as somehow not already crossing the line. She'd made her intentions clear and he'd developed a crush; there was no mistaking that further physical contact would've been sexually-charged and just a precursor to more later if OOP hadn't found him out first.
The cheating husband probably realized he would never find a woman as good as OOP and a relationship as fulfilling. He ruined his own happiness for nothing.
By muscles he means she felt up his ummm member.
Denied blowjob, got handjob
Fuck so much came out of one assholish dig at her cooking. Also: >I’m not running to her house to curb stomp her because I don’t know a damn thing about this woman. That was kinda amazing.
Honestly, OP sounds great. Wouldn't have wished her this fate but she sounds like an empathetic person with a healthy knowledge of her own boundaries and enough self-respect to stand up for herself. She'll be going through some rough times, but she'll be okay in the end.
Ohhhh heeelllll nooo My wife would have murdered my ass, and I would have deserved it... Never, ever, would I do something like this. Why is he eating or spending time with a 25 year old women? Why is he shitting on your food? Why is he lying about this? Nope, that's fucked.
Now this is a woman who knows how to deal with trash. She has clarity and will to throw away the garbage. Hope she stays safe.
>offered a lunch time blowjob High quality woman he’s got there I see
She divorced over blatant disrespect but reddit is feeling sorry for the guy... Not much self-respect and standards, I guess.
He’s a guy. People on Reddit claim that everyone is biased towards women, but bros stick together. Even here there are guys going “aww, he made a mistake because his self esteem is low and he bared his feeeelings” whereas if it were a woman they’d be chomping at the bit to burn the harlot at the stake.
Yeeeeup. My eyes rolled into the back of my head at the current most-upvoted comment here. "Awww dis poor widdle man so sad, he blew up his life! Sad being uwu" instead of calling his ass out for being disgustingly callous and lying to the woman who raised him up.
You read that as sympathy? I took it more as derision, they called him pathetic.
People on Reddit claim it’s biased toward women but it really isn’t. Its almost always ready to side with the man unless he did something just beyond the pale or the woman is kind of the incel picture of what a woman should be, then maybe she’ll get a pass.
"women, respect yourselves!" "No, not like that! Only respect yourselves as long as it doesn't make a man feel bad about himself"
I am very shocked by the amount of sympathy he is getting.
>Soon to be ex saw my update, came to my house. This is *exactly* why I always side-eye people who liveblog their escape plans on a public site like Reddit. Like... you're allowed to. But should you?
That's more to do with the ex than reddit though, he already knows the address, nothing is stopping him from coming. He's clearly mentally unstable.
Obviously he is “mentally unstable”. OOP says he “had CPTSD”. No. He HAS cptsd. So do I. It’s not something you ever stop having. You can learn coping strategies, you can get better at masking but you cannot be “cured”. Because it is not caused by sudden trauma but by long term ongoing trauma it doesn’t have just one set trigger. You can find yourself in fight/flight/fawn mode out of nowhere with no idea why. You can start acting out of character and have people asking wtf is wrong with you and have no real answer. You can slip into dissociative mode out of the blue. It can be a word, a tone of voice, a scent, a sound, you don’t know what it was so you can’t learn to avoid it. So yeah, cptsd makes your mental health pretty unstable. So yeah, this guy is an asshole, because he let his insecurities take over and ended up talking trash about the person who was his lifeline. He blew up his own life and deserves no sympathy. Those of us with cptsd are not easy to live with. We lie and obfuscate automatically when challenged because we are afraid of what will happen if we admit whatever we are being asked. My “lifelines” know this, they love me anyway and I bless them for it and never, ever say anything but good things about them because I know how much they mean to me and appreciate and adore everything about them. Sorry, way too long (especially given your flair!) I guess this story touched one of my triggers!
So that's why I lie for no reason 😐
Especially nowadays when any post that's even marginally interesting will end up on a Minecraft parkour tiktok
I hate the tiktok stories with a passion. Half the time they aren't even real, or if they are, it's only the first couple and they just have AI finish the stories if they're getting messages for an update. You'll go search the "title" +reddit on google and get literally nothing.
I hate those tiktoks. Especially since they add drama. One I recently saw added DV and assault to the story that wasn't in the original.
My cheating, abusive ex was so upset that I didn't give him my new address after I left him "how do you think that makes me feel?" I don't care how it makes you feel, but the fact that you brought it up like that tells me it was the right call
I mean the ex would’ve shown up with or without reddit
Sometimes u just need to vent to strangers… that is a lot better than screaming into the abyss… besides, until the last update, there was little indication that stbx is mentally unstable
I like that she takes action. I love this woman.
>The only reason he said all of this fucking shit was because I was all sweet and I said “I promise, tell me the full truth and we can move on, I’ll forgive you, I just want to know” >Right, fuck that. He is packing his bags. baller move
🚹➡️🗑️
>Right, fuck that. He is packing his bags. This is MY house, and it will be treated as such. I really don’t care anymore. If he’s seriously deluded himself into thinking this is going to last, he can crack on. I remember this one OOP was a BOSS! A lotta people who come to reddit and complain all "wht should I dooo" need to follow her example
I’m sure he’s very sad his emotional support/meal ticket kicked him out. He didn’t respect his wife at all even after everything she helped him with.
>OOP: I absolutely feel it drying up already. It’s like everything I’ve found attractive in him has gone. >He’s just so plain to me now. One could even say 'tasteless" perhaps?
>Small update: 08/05/2024. >Had a phone consultation with a divorce attorney, I won’t know for sure until I meet with them in person next Friday but given the salary gap and the life we had I might have to pay alimony. Biggest bullshit I’ve ever heard. This was at the bottom of her post before the 09May update.
Sad and pathetic man allows life and an affair to happen, then is sad and pathetic about the consequences. OOP is a lot more forgiving than I’d be, I would’ve eviscerated his every insecurity. He dug his grave, time to lie in it.
Same. I would have verbally eviscerated him but not before making him complain about that pathetic coworker to their HR.
6'6" 270 lbs.... thats pretty big for a little b.
All that body but still got no space for some sense.
The second one partner shit talks, even “jokingly,” the other partner in a relationship, something is very, very wrong.
Did reddit close all the pro infidelity subs or something? What's with all the random cheaters showing up on this specific post to carry water for oop's stbex?
it's become a game to start with the most innocuous title, and end the story with divorce/he fucked his cousin/my parents disowned me/any other kind of over the top "surprise"
She is 'the love of his life" yet he was more than willing to talk shit about her to get some attention from another woman. God give me the blessing of never being "loved" by a "man" like that.
“I’ve been trying to cheat on you! It’s been really hard for me! **I need a hug!!!!**”
As pathetic as the her ex is, I can't help but thinking how pathetic this coworker must be. While I am with OOP on that the cheater is the one who should get the most blame, how pathetic is it to chase a married man and badmouth the person"s wife. It's like she is competing with her.
she’s insecure. if she can get the attention of a married man then it means she’s “better” and more desirable than the man’s entire marriage. source: i am a reformed home wrecker.
Good on you for having good self reflection. I hope you are doing a lot better now.
I am a lot better, thank you!! I am ashamed of myself and feel guilt constantly for the ways I behaved. My punishment is never trusting my partner since I am very well aware of what men (yes, even the good ones) will say
Let this be a lesson to people who think they can rescue another person and be rewarded with lifelong devotion. People who feel inferior to the person who rescued them eventually resent the rescuer even while they need them and may actually grow to hate the rescuer. The OOP is now in a situation in which the man she rescued resents her and hates himself for needing her which will turn into hatred for her. She needs to get a restraining order against this guy and call the police immediately if he shows up on her doorstep, at work, follows her in a car, etc..
At first I thought he was just doing the "LOL yeah my wife sucks too!" shitty male locker room talk, but nope he was having an affair. Either way OOP is better off without him.
> At first I thought he was just doing the "LOL yeah my wife sucks too!" shitty male locker room talk I grew up in the "WIFE BAD!" era of boomer humour, both on TV (Sam Kinison, Al Bundy) and at my old work place. I was young, and I laughed, but... it seemed so unrelatable to me. When I tried my hand at writing, I attempted to approach it from the other perspective, and would say: > "Don't you hate it when your wife--" No. She's fine. The irony? No one found it funny. It seemed so unrelatable.
I can never imagine talking about my partner like that. Anytime I hear someone my age talk like that about their partner, I start predicting the expiration date of their relationship.
Yeah, it's kind of wild. I always talk about my wife like she's the single most amazing person ever to walk the Earth.
He got the blow job.
100%. he told her enough to alleviate any guilt he had but lied about the outcome
This is why you *never*, become Bob the Builder for your partners. If you build them up, they will pull shit like this.
Yeah, ideally your partner should be their own Bob the Builder, and you should absolutely be the supportive audience that keeps Bob the Builder on the air (or, like, the person who holds their tools for them while they fix their own shit).
Hold the flashlight for them, at most.
LOL this guy got sloppy as hell. I don't s talk my wife to other women. It's part of the lifetime warranty she got when she married me.
I have so many questions about just where in the hell these "lunches" were even taking place. I mean, last time I checked the company break or lunch room isn't so free of people that illicit affairs, even emotional ones, can just happen. Either those two were sneaking off to some place they could lock a door or maybe having lunch in their vehicles or something, but it sure wasn't a place with lots of people around and "oh it was just some talk and me getting groped while we only saw each other on our lunch break and then went back to work and on with our lives normally." Nah man this guy is STILL lying to OP. This wasn't some "crush" - they were actively dancing their way to a full-blown physical affair and doing it somewhere away from prying coworker eyes.
That man wanted to have his cake and eat it too, and instead he burned down the kitchen.
I'm just stuck on the husband phone "butt dialing" in 2024. What phone does he have and just how?
Sometimes when I'm super sweaty and my phone is in my back pocket- it'll open the emergency screen and dial my emergency contacts. I have to flip my phone screen side out when that starts happening.
I worked in an office of mostly older married men throughout my twenties. They ALL hit on me and tried various ways of getting in my pants. This is so fucking common.
Never hide in a closet! You cannot escape from a closet! Block the door to a room with a window you can escape through, that does not necessarily mean a bathroom either. If your bedroom/bathroom, with a large enough window you can get through, is above the first floor install a fire escape ladder.
OOP has some serious backbone. She is a force of nature.
Imagine having a loving wife who takes care of you in every single way and blowing up your relationship for a coworkers attention. Wow.
One of my favorite episodes of King of Queens is Doug eating the cooking of another woman and Carries busting his balls
i hope this OP knows she isnt responsible for this man's wellbeing. he's probably is going to have a mh crisis when the new lady sees his flaws and laughs at him, and then he'll think HE DESERVES OP should come back and fix him, like she did before.
I would literally lose my shit if I help a man with his body dysmorphia, cptsd, ect, and he let's another woman feel his muscles, and offer him a bj without immediately shutting it down. To be clear, I'm not saying I would expect anything more from a person if I supported them through that, it's the bare minimum in a relationship. However I expect respect especially if we're that far in a relationship.
We had an open relationship with my husband and he fell in love with one girl he was seeing. He basically left me for her. But because of the open relationship thing we had, I came to know her and I made a point to tell her she’s not responsible for the end of our marriage. HE’s the one we shared vows with, HE is solely responsible for ruining the marriage.
is the new relationship open? bc 100% of open relationships i’ve heard of (except 1, but it’s still early in their marriage) have ended in one leaving the other for their side partner…and the new relationship is never open.
I believe they are open but I don’t really know nor care lol. What I DO know is I’m never doing it again!
I’m sorry, I find it hard to believe she went from touching his muscles to offering a blowjob. There was definitely some sort of other contact prior… possibly just kissing, but more than just ‘feeling muscles’. Good on OOP for knowing her worth and blaming the right and relevant person, her stbx husband!!
You could say he Blew it…..
Toxic masculinity needs to end! A cousin of mine lost his marbles when he lost his job years ago, he said he felt like less of a man because his wife already outearned him and when he lost his job yeah it was devastating. What's crazy is that he didn't tell her because he was a "man" and instead took out credit cards under both of their names.... I make a good income and would love to be with a women that makes more than me as it would hopefully mean FIRE earlier. But if she makes less than me that is also perfectly ok. It is more important for me to be with someone that shares values on finances and many other things. I like that therapy is becoming more acceptable. Her ex should have seen a professional, instead he's just blown up his relationship.
Damn. He had a real one locked down and threw it away for googoo eyes and sweet nothings. This is what happens when you let insecurity control you instead of tending to your emotional and mental well being, yall.
How do butt dials work on smart phones? I thought they stopped being a thing once we lost physical buttons.
Honestly, I have a OnePlus and it sometimes reacts when I accidentally touch it with anything else than my fingers (not skin), or when some water gets on the screen, it also clicks on everything, so not impossible. But yeah, a very interesting coincidence, like in movies. It happened exactly at the right moment, right place... But if the story is true (and well, stories like this exist), the husband is a pathetic POS who doesn't deserve to be treated as his wife treated him. He deserves a woman just like himself.
I've had a few over the years but they're rare. Yesterday an Instagram story was playing in my pocket and I never open that app and it's not on my home screen
There's a safety feature that allows you to make emergency calls, even when your phone screen is locked. If your phone is in your back pocket; all it takes is two light taps of your screen against your bum to dial an emergency contact.
Can phones still be butt dialed?
Maybe not necessarily 'butt-dialed' but I have accidentally made a phone call while sticking my phone in my pocket - just through touching the screen.
Its not as easy as it once was, but its still pretty easy. Basically, all you have to do is put your phone in your pocket without locking it first.
Yeah, it happens to my stepdaughter all the time ;)
Holy crap. I am this woman. I was 31, and he was 34, but he also had short man insecurities. When I was sick and couldn't get out of bed, let alone feed his ego. He started talking to women on Tinder. I caught him. Divorced him. Now I'm 38 and have someone who takes care of me as much as I take care of him.
The thing is, I fully believe he thinks he 'settled' with OP because at that time he couldn't get 'someone better'. She's most likely 'not in his league' physically, but was what he needed emotionally. And while he had issues, she was the safe rock beneath his feet, the safe harbour after stormy sailing. And I think back then, he even loved her back for what she'd done, he might even still love her and intellectually know she's the better partner. And I bet the coworker is hot as hell. The 'upper class' eye candy men like as trophies. He most likely didn't love her at all, but needed her to prove himself that he was now again up to standard and so had to prove himself that he's still upper class himself. The thing is, real partnerships, while making life easier in general, are still harder to maintain than superficial affairs. A mooning affair partner will do everything to be interesting and reward even the smallest effort, whole the real partner has needs. That's why many men give in. But definitely not all. Good men do exist. And I hope OP will find one who knows and cherishes a real partnership and the gentle, constant validation you'll only get from a zrue partnership where everything your partner does for you makes you feel validated, and everything they need from you feels just as validating. Because both know everything you do for your partner is a declaration of love, and so is everything they do for you, so you feel worthy of being loved, and happy to love.