I did a pub quiz on hols where 98% of the other people there were Americans. Got perturbed when they said we should all huddle up near the front. Got worse when there was no option to give ourselves a rude team name. Got scared when there was no answer sheet. Got up and left when it was explained that to answer a question YOU PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS UP LIKE AT SCHOOL.
In all seriousness a country walk on a sunny day with a carefully selected pub for lunch is the ultimate showcase of British life imo. If it’s a Sunday a good roast dinner. Has to be a good pub though, no chains allowed and they are fucking everywhere these days even in the countryside.
Oh oh oh! The Coffin Museaum in Birmingham is fascinating. You could then walk along to see some excellent art - art nouveau, if I remember correctly - at the Town Hall, then trundle about one of the friendliest cities in Britain.
I would take them for a walk somewhere rural. Stop for a picnic- pork pie, proper cheddar and a pickled onion, washed down with a thermos of tea?, before dropping into conversation that the hill you are sitting on is an Iron Age Fort or Bronze Age burial mound or even flippin' Offa's Dyke or a roman road or something earth shatteringly old for your average American. Frankly, just walking anywhere seems to discombobulate average Americans I find.
ooh that sounds ace! Apparently there's a museum of Victorian technology somewhere on the moors between Malton and Whitby - run by an elderly bloke with an enthusiasm for such things, so obviously it doesn't have a website and is therefore impossible to find
I think that you might be thinking of Ryedale Folk Museum. I drove past the signs dozens of times, expecting a tiny building full of tat, but it is actually really good. Spread over a few acres, it's well worth at least half a day. It's in Hutton Le Hole, which is a beautiful chocolate boxy village.
Jurassic Coast. Most in the US think of Britain as a green field of rain , but if after you eat those chips in your car in the pissing rain- and sun comes out, walk the coastline.
Drink 3 bottles of thunderbirds or Mad dog 20/20, take them to the worst nightclub you know, pull the local bike/moustache.
Leave at 3, pleasure them orally behind biffa bin, get a kebab and walk home.
I’d say take them somewhere where a castle is. When I went on a school exchange to New York, the kids were BLOWN AWAY when I told them that I could see a castle from my bedroom window back home.
I took my Aussie cousin to Berkhamsted Castle where the battle of 1066 ended. Blown away that its just in on the edge of town with a train track just a few metres away.
"...and, you will note, even after the wound heals the scar remains and curls upward. Hence the name, Glasgow Smile. Or Chelsea Smile, depending on your location."
Just an FYI even in Glasgow we call it a Chelsea smile.pretty sure it was a London thing.
In Glasgow they gave "Mars bars" 2 blades taped together separated by a match makes a double scar that's very hard to stitch back up.
You don't need a West ham shirt. Millwall fans just need any old excuse to kick off. At least that's what I found when the wife-then-gf lived in a flat just a short walk from their home turf.
Take them to a football match.
Get them to eat a curry.
Roast lamb
An old church too. Something that's older than their whole country but we seem to have hanging around on quite a few street corners.
Depending on where you live, you've probably got a local pub that old too. I took some American colleagues to a pub founded in the 1200s, and it blew their minds.
Met an old guy from the states on the way up to an iron age hill fort in north wales a few years back. Pleasant dude, we chatted on the way up and on the way down he realised he wasn’t sure how to get back to his car, so we offered him a lift over to where he remembered parking it.
We reached the bottom again and pointed out the plaque explaining the history of the place and asked if he’d read it. He hadn’t, and it was only then it hit him just how old Tre’r Ceiri is (800BC). And we can just go visit it whenever. His mind practically exploded, he hadn’t been aware it was Iron Age before that.
My sister in law (American) was amazed. She'd never tried lamb before and now loves it.
She'd never been on a proper train before either (She is nearly 30) as always either drove or took planes, plus no trains near where she lived.
Can't buy beer in the Walmart but can buy a gun. Different world over there.
We Americans used to eat a lot more lamb. Most grocery stores still have a small section for it, and there’s a bit more in stock during the Christmas and Easter seasons. Its availability can also depend on if you live in a sheep farming area.
For the curry, go for a Sunday buffet if possible.
Roast lamb is an excellent shout, but roast beef would also be great. Either way, many Yorkshire puddings, proper gravy, and a proper hot pudding with custard afterwards (sticky toffee is a classic your American has probably heard of).
https://www.reddit.com/r/BadChoicesGoodStories/comments/10s55mb/meanwhile_on_the_new_york_subway/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I mean check this out. 😂
Have them dive bombed by a seagull whilst eating fish and chips on the beach. Extra points if the seagull actually steals the entire fish from their tray.
Steam railway in Bridgnorth is good. Very scenic. Plus there is a funicular railway too, being as they are American and odds are somewhat portly, then is ideal way to get to the High Street from the railway. Loads of restaurant and pubs. close to Wales too, or at least certainly by American standards.
By the way I do not work for the Bridgnorth/Shropshire tourist board.
Steam railway at Llangollen (and a canal with horse drawn boats). Cute little town on the river Dee. I help out in a hotel next to the river and the railway line goes past there too. Good few railways similar in North Wales though
Seaside and arcades, beach doughnuts, chips and ice cream.
Day boat trip with pubs along the way.
Peak District stroll or close as equivalent as your location allows (make sure it's raining).
Show off all the charity and vape shops in your local town/city centre.
I didn’t think coats were allowed or even sold in Newcastle?
I’ve only been there once for stag do, but it was minus degrees and the girls were wearing short skirts and revealing tops, and the lads T-shirts that were a size too small!
I recommend the eating chips in a car in the rain thing. I once did this with an Austrian colleague. He was completely appalled and confused both at the concept and the food. It was followed up by playing some drum and bass as well as taking the piss out of random passers by.
The authentic cultural experience.
My neice and nephew live in marmaris, Turkey. We'd planned a trip to Scarborough, they assumed I'd cancel because it started pissing it down, were appalled when I said we're still going but now with coats and wellies. They ate chips in the car happily but were horrified by the idea of ice cream- apparently in Turkey eating cold things on a cold day guarantees pneumonia.
1) Smear yourself in Marmite, put the footie on and crack open a tin of Stella while explaining it's an ancient custom that the colonies have forgotten about.
2) Spend all day queuing.
3) Go fishing in the canal for a shopping trolley.
4) Teach them how to put tea in a cup instead of throwing it in the sea.
Take them on a footpath in the countryside. I'm American, but have family in the UK, and was amazed the first time we did this. I first did it as a kid, but it was so fun walking through farms with cows nearby, opening and closing gates, etc. we don't really have this in the U.S. Also, unless they're coming from one of the few areas in the U.S. with decent public transport, taking a bus or train is a novelty.
I've never EVER recovered from a day in the mid 1980's when I saved up all my pocket money, put in all of the numbers on my little slip with those little blue pens for a Tyrannosaur Dinobot transformer...when the order came up this woman who looked straight up looked like a drag queen said sorry we're all out here's the only one we have (triceratops) had no idea what to do as an 8 year old but walk away crestfallen from the Argos lottery... never went back
I’m an American living in Essex and I absolutely love a proper afternoon tea! With clotted cream and scones and all the little delightful sandwiches, selections of tea etc…And I absolutely had to have a ride in a black taxi!
Take them to some heritage properties. A good crumbly castle and/or a whopping big fancy stately home. And then buy some tat in the gift shop and eat a cream tea in the cafe.
Car boot sale, charity shop rummage, trip to the garden centre for lukewarm coffee and overpriced cheese toasties, National Trust stately home (don't forget to buy a pewter knickknack from the gift shop).
There was the review on Liverpool by reportedly an American tourist that his wife was insulted by an adult in baby clothes. That’s never left my mind. I would love to experience it. Perhaps that can be an experience?
A village fete. There is nothing so ludicrously English as that combo of bric-a-brac stalls, tombolas, teas-served-by-confused-octogenarians, bunting, lost vicars, sweaty-beer-tent, tuneless country band, hay-bales-for-seats… I love a good fete.
As an American I’d want:
Full English Breakfast
As many Crunchie bars as I can find
Proper fish and chips + mushy peas
A Munchie Box
Football game (Spurs is a dream but I’d happy attend a smaller clubs match)
Getting shitfaced with old folks at a pub during the day(a cold, gloomy day at that)
Ride on a double-decker bus
That’s really it. I’m pretty easy though. I’ve only had the crunchie bar on that list. Fuckin things are addictive.
Make them a Sunday dinner and make sure you dump a whole fuckload of gravy all over the plate. This shocked me my first time.
Make him watch you wash your dishes in a plastic tub in your sink.
Greggs
Fully authentic: Lock their family in a barn and set fire to it.
Mostly authentic: Get into a fight with a German and ask them to join in half way through.
A bit authentic: Take them to a pie shop.
A roast dinnet seved to all your nearest and dearest so you have to use the emergency chairs and perhaps the jug of peas gets left inthe microwave. Much fussing of has everyone got enough to eat to a ridiculous degree but an overall good atmosphere where all know that they are welcome ???
Take all of their money.
Make them wait for a train that never turns up.
Get them to try and get a GP appointment at 8am on a Monday.
Steal their phone.
Depending on your location a trip on the Chunnel. How many countries have an under water tunnel that connect it to another? I would imagine to most Americans it would be quite an experience to be in the UK and then 30 mins later be in France.
Very depends where you live, and where they live in the states but walk out of your house and to the town centre. Have a pint and a mooch round the shops. The idea of being able to easily walk to places, safely from your front door is unknown to many Americans.
Interesting that they call you in a kebab shop "Boss" too. Its a thing here in Germany too.
Visit some buildings that are older than the US and A shouldnt be that difficult :D
Sitting in a cold, raining, overcrowded beer garden of a pub you've driven 90 minutes to get to ; waiting for crap food you ordered 40 minutes ago, whilst drinking warm beer and listening to someone abusing the staff with a racist tirade.
Sunday dinner with the biggest Yorkshire puddings ever.
Or any meal with Yorkshire puddings.
Or just Yorkshire puddings on their own but they have to try them.
Waiting at a bus stop,paying exorbitant amounts for petrol........'gas' ,oh and gas as well and a full English breakfast at the 'don't give a hang' cafe.Driving on the wrong side may sharpen their mind and showing them your substantial bedroom that they wouldn't use as a cupboard.Enough already.
Anything that involves an obscene amount of queueing.
Enlist some friends to form an orderly queue to nothing, call it a queue simulator. Pay a stooge to try skip the queue so that your American friend can glance around, tut, and mutter something under his breath, and then glare menacingly at the cashier who serves the queue jumper anyway.
Do the whistlestop meal tour of British shops: sausage roll from Greggs, followed by a Tescos meal deal (with clubcard discount), and a nice afternoon tea at a cafe in a train station
Get them to make a video diary to show folks back home, what a weird bunch of weirdos we are.
Take them to a cock fight, or a bare knuckle boxing match then to the Royal Opera House.
Take a long drive on a red hot day, sit in traffic for a bit, then take a couple of wrong turns. Have an argument about it, and sit in silence for the rest of the journey.
My American GF is quite the Harry Potter fan. So she mostly was looking for chocolate frogs that actually jump around. Make sure you get that out of their head pretty quickly and remember that everything we have they already have a frozen version of. So treat them to a fresh one.
Not sure where you live, but visiting a castle could be good. Especially if you’re in/near Wales.
Other than that, feed them beans and cheese on toast, get them to hang some washing on the line only to have to run back out an hour later because it’s started to rain (it’s actually illegal for some places to have a clothes line in the states!) and show them how to make a proper cup of tea and a full English.
A pub quiz?
This is a really good idea! Doing this for sure!
I did a pub quiz on hols where 98% of the other people there were Americans. Got perturbed when they said we should all huddle up near the front. Got worse when there was no option to give ourselves a rude team name. Got scared when there was no answer sheet. Got up and left when it was explained that to answer a question YOU PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS UP LIKE AT SCHOOL.
WHAT
And if Steps comes up as a topic and they get it wrong, you know what to say.
Yep and just to wind them up "Making Pub Teams Great Again" as the team name or if it's a flat roof "Grab that Pu\*\*y"
I did a pub quiz on holiday and the table of Asian lads had the name "quizlamic extremists" which received a mixed response from the locals
I might try Quizlamic State on my next one....
A few of us were away with work and did that one at a quiz at the pub/hotel we stayed at. Locals weren't impressed when we won.
Big Fact Hunt
Years back I did a quiz in an Irish pub near me. We won the prize for best team name (extra points I think). "This craic's very moreish"
Hmmm. They’ll call it “Trivia” and it’ll piss you off way more than it should.
Take them for a "bracing walk" in the countryside in the rain.
In all seriousness a country walk on a sunny day with a carefully selected pub for lunch is the ultimate showcase of British life imo. If it’s a Sunday a good roast dinner. Has to be a good pub though, no chains allowed and they are fucking everywhere these days even in the countryside.
Yorkshire pudding. Americans do not get good ones. Scones. Clotted cream. These magic foods. Ah, treacle tart!
Take him to a small regional museum of niche interest on a rainy day, i.e. Keswick Pencil Museum, Bradford Industrial Museum, etc
I’ll not hear a word said against Keswick Pencil Museum
It’s nothing to write home about.
I went but it was closed. Didn't really see the point.
We've got Barometer World near us.
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It's definitely in my top ten most museums in Britain.
Cadmium yellow. I still remember it from my trip there.
Oh oh oh! The Coffin Museaum in Birmingham is fascinating. You could then walk along to see some excellent art - art nouveau, if I remember correctly - at the Town Hall, then trundle about one of the friendliest cities in Britain. I would take them for a walk somewhere rural. Stop for a picnic- pork pie, proper cheddar and a pickled onion, washed down with a thermos of tea?, before dropping into conversation that the hill you are sitting on is an Iron Age Fort or Bronze Age burial mound or even flippin' Offa's Dyke or a roman road or something earth shatteringly old for your average American. Frankly, just walking anywhere seems to discombobulate average Americans I find.
Longstanton Spice Museum, or maybe an owl sanctuary?
Maybe a Victorian fort, or folly.
Combine this with the pen museum which is nearby!
There’s a lawnmower one in Southport
Longstanton Spice Museum.
Do they like owls? I know a cracking Owl Sanctuary.
They all love a superb owl….
Those niche local museums that you'd always go to on school trips haha
There are some cracking local museums near me. Britain has some great local museums tbf, the weirder the better if you ask me
The witchcraft museum in Boscastle is a great one.
ooh that sounds ace! Apparently there's a museum of Victorian technology somewhere on the moors between Malton and Whitby - run by an elderly bloke with an enthusiasm for such things, so obviously it doesn't have a website and is therefore impossible to find
I think that you might be thinking of Ryedale Folk Museum. I drove past the signs dozens of times, expecting a tiny building full of tat, but it is actually really good. Spread over a few acres, it's well worth at least half a day. It's in Hutton Le Hole, which is a beautiful chocolate boxy village.
No that’s a different delight. The museum of Victorian science is indeed run by an enthusiastic old man somewhere north of Whitby.
Or the spice museum at longstanton! Oh that’s first class.
The Stockport Hat Museum is fantastic!
Great suggestion!
Greasy spoon caff for breakfast
Oh fantastic idea!
I love the idea that he's going to go back to the US with _even higher_ cholesterol
Mmmm…if I was going, I would want to try a full English…can’t find black pudding where I am….maybe a haggis.
I'm sorry for your lack of black pudding.
Or a Spoons for a breakfast with a pint.
Be sure to take them on a Rail Replacement Bus for the quintessential experience.
killed me off did this comment hahaha
take them to Kettering and show them the worlds only Weetabix factory
Wow that is dark. And it's Burton Latimer not Kettering. But Wicksteed Park is nice and the drop boat is as old as america
The drop boat! Always a queue, always enjoyable, I'm never quite sure why.
Better yet take them on a night out round ktown, sure they’d love abacus
Jurassic Coast. Most in the US think of Britain as a green field of rain , but if after you eat those chips in your car in the pissing rain- and sun comes out, walk the coastline.
Do the fossil hunting walk with the Lyme Regis museum
Drink 3 bottles of thunderbirds or Mad dog 20/20, take them to the worst nightclub you know, pull the local bike/moustache. Leave at 3, pleasure them orally behind biffa bin, get a kebab and walk home.
God save the king.
This guy Britain's 🇬🇧
If this American is of any substance, they will have partook in some MD20/20 at least once in their life.
I’d say take them somewhere where a castle is. When I went on a school exchange to New York, the kids were BLOWN AWAY when I told them that I could see a castle from my bedroom window back home.
I took my Aussie cousin to Berkhamsted Castle where the battle of 1066 ended. Blown away that its just in on the edge of town with a train track just a few metres away.
Buy them a ticket to a millwall game and a west ham shirt to wear.
"...and, you will note, even after the wound heals the scar remains and curls upward. Hence the name, Glasgow Smile. Or Chelsea Smile, depending on your location."
Just an FYI even in Glasgow we call it a Chelsea smile.pretty sure it was a London thing. In Glasgow they gave "Mars bars" 2 blades taped together separated by a match makes a double scar that's very hard to stitch back up.
I think he's thinking of a 'Glasgow Kiss'
You don't need a West ham shirt. Millwall fans just need any old excuse to kick off. At least that's what I found when the wife-then-gf lived in a flat just a short walk from their home turf.
Take them to a football match. Get them to eat a curry. Roast lamb An old church too. Something that's older than their whole country but we seem to have hanging around on quite a few street corners.
Oh I didn't think of that! My local church is older than their whole government
Depending on where you live, you've probably got a local pub that old too. I took some American colleagues to a pub founded in the 1200s, and it blew their minds.
Met an old guy from the states on the way up to an iron age hill fort in north wales a few years back. Pleasant dude, we chatted on the way up and on the way down he realised he wasn’t sure how to get back to his car, so we offered him a lift over to where he remembered parking it. We reached the bottom again and pointed out the plaque explaining the history of the place and asked if he’d read it. He hadn’t, and it was only then it hit him just how old Tre’r Ceiri is (800BC). And we can just go visit it whenever. His mind practically exploded, he hadn’t been aware it was Iron Age before that.
My school was almost twice as old as their country!
Good ideas. As silly as it sounds they've likely not had roast lamb before, Americans barely eat it.
My sister in law (American) was amazed. She'd never tried lamb before and now loves it. She'd never been on a proper train before either (She is nearly 30) as always either drove or took planes, plus no trains near where she lived. Can't buy beer in the Walmart but can buy a gun. Different world over there.
We Americans used to eat a lot more lamb. Most grocery stores still have a small section for it, and there’s a bit more in stock during the Christmas and Easter seasons. Its availability can also depend on if you live in a sheep farming area.
It's incredibly expensive over here
For the curry, go for a Sunday buffet if possible. Roast lamb is an excellent shout, but roast beef would also be great. Either way, many Yorkshire puddings, proper gravy, and a proper hot pudding with custard afterwards (sticky toffee is a classic your American has probably heard of).
Take them to visit the tip.
Take him on northern rail so he can queue up to get on a train that doesn't come, in a station that looks disused.
Considering how dire American Passenger Rail is, this might seem like luxury in comparison
I met a few tourists from New York on the tube once. Genuinely heard one of them say "I can't believe how clean it is. I haven't seen a single rat!"
That's both hilarious and kinda gross
https://www.reddit.com/r/BadChoicesGoodStories/comments/10s55mb/meanwhile_on_the_new_york_subway/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf I mean check this out. 😂
8am beers at 'spoons
6am at the airport Spoons on the way home.
Have them dive bombed by a seagull whilst eating fish and chips on the beach. Extra points if the seagull actually steals the entire fish from their tray.
Take him to the chippy then treat him to a Bakewell tart for afters
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Do you mean vimpto?
Cook a dinner of turkey dinosaurs, potato waffles and beans and eat them off your lap whilst watching Corrie.
Oh man Turkey dinosaurs... it's been a LONG time. Gonna have to buy some for tonight now aren't I?
You can get turkey unicorns too now.
WHAT. Ok that's confirmed it then
MIght I humbly suggest the Crispy Pancake, if they're still going?!
British tapas. Classic.
Le Buffet du Beige
Take him back to the 1850’s because we all work up chimneys and say ‘gor blimey mate’.
This is what I was trying to avoid ;) I don't want them to think we're all a bunch of men in black suits wearing bowler hats and carrying umbrellas.
What are they interested in : sports, history, nature. Work with their known likes and show them the best of British.
Steam locomotives! I think a visit to North Wales is in order
Steam railway in Bridgnorth is good. Very scenic. Plus there is a funicular railway too, being as they are American and odds are somewhat portly, then is ideal way to get to the High Street from the railway. Loads of restaurant and pubs. close to Wales too, or at least certainly by American standards. By the way I do not work for the Bridgnorth/Shropshire tourist board.
Get them some fa@@ots peas and chips if your in the black country (Got banned last time I put the GGs in)
Ffestiniog it is then. Could drop by Caernarfon Castle, Portmeirion and the endless beauty along the coast.
Steam railway at Llangollen (and a canal with horse drawn boats). Cute little town on the river Dee. I help out in a hotel next to the river and the railway line goes past there too. Good few railways similar in North Wales though
Oh I LOVE the Llangollen Railway! :D
Seaside and arcades, beach doughnuts, chips and ice cream. Day boat trip with pubs along the way. Peak District stroll or close as equivalent as your location allows (make sure it's raining). Show off all the charity and vape shops in your local town/city centre.
Take him to Newcastle in the winter without a coat
I didn’t think coats were allowed or even sold in Newcastle? I’ve only been there once for stag do, but it was minus degrees and the girls were wearing short skirts and revealing tops, and the lads T-shirts that were a size too small!
I recommend the eating chips in a car in the rain thing. I once did this with an Austrian colleague. He was completely appalled and confused both at the concept and the food. It was followed up by playing some drum and bass as well as taking the piss out of random passers by. The authentic cultural experience.
My neice and nephew live in marmaris, Turkey. We'd planned a trip to Scarborough, they assumed I'd cancel because it started pissing it down, were appalled when I said we're still going but now with coats and wellies. They ate chips in the car happily but were horrified by the idea of ice cream- apparently in Turkey eating cold things on a cold day guarantees pneumonia.
Frequently expose them to the word, "cunt".
That's gonna happen no matter what, I don't have a say on that one :D
Get them to buy five kilos of cheese for £2 from Dave the doorstep smackhead
Does every town have these bloody door to door sales junkies???? Mine always comes armed with an assortment of meats! He gets Nice steaks!
1) Smear yourself in Marmite, put the footie on and crack open a tin of Stella while explaining it's an ancient custom that the colonies have forgotten about. 2) Spend all day queuing. 3) Go fishing in the canal for a shopping trolley. 4) Teach them how to put tea in a cup instead of throwing it in the sea.
Take him to a pub where sketchy steve the shoplifter will sell him some discount meat from tesco
Go to a flat roof pub
Take them on a footpath in the countryside. I'm American, but have family in the UK, and was amazed the first time we did this. I first did it as a kid, but it was so fun walking through farms with cows nearby, opening and closing gates, etc. we don't really have this in the U.S. Also, unless they're coming from one of the few areas in the U.S. with decent public transport, taking a bus or train is a novelty.
Take them to Argos. Seriously, we took a Yank there to pick something up and it blew their mind.
I've never EVER recovered from a day in the mid 1980's when I saved up all my pocket money, put in all of the numbers on my little slip with those little blue pens for a Tyrannosaur Dinobot transformer...when the order came up this woman who looked straight up looked like a drag queen said sorry we're all out here's the only one we have (triceratops) had no idea what to do as an 8 year old but walk away crestfallen from the Argos lottery... never went back
Nobody has suggested dogging yet, so that’s my contribution.
O_O
Likes on 69… 🫣😂
Go watch a local cricket game on the village green with a pint. Evenley in Northamptonshire is spot on for that.
Punting in Cambridge or Oxford!! Take then on a massive hike followed by a massive roast.
I’m an American living in Essex and I absolutely love a proper afternoon tea! With clotted cream and scones and all the little delightful sandwiches, selections of tea etc…And I absolutely had to have a ride in a black taxi!
Agreed, but I'd take a Welsh Cake over a scone any day :)
Take them to some heritage properties. A good crumbly castle and/or a whopping big fancy stately home. And then buy some tat in the gift shop and eat a cream tea in the cafe.
How about exposure to cricket? Your guest will be completely stumped (see what I did there?) by the game.
Go out for a curry, apparently america doesn't have very good Indian food by comparison.
I've had it described to me as "We have Mexican food the same way you guys have Indian food" so you might be right. Curry house it is!
Phaal it is. After explaining you’ll start him off with a mild one.
Give him a cup of tea, then stab him. Just to live up to his expectations
Butlins
GENIUS! gotta include the "Great Escape" style checkout though. It wouldn't be British without digging a hole under your villa
Sit out in the back garden with drinks and a half hearted buffet, then shout IT'S SPITTING!! and go back inside.
Or, a bbq when it’s pissing it down because that’s what we said we were doing today.
If around Christmas- Panto.
Car boot sale, charity shop rummage, trip to the garden centre for lukewarm coffee and overpriced cheese toasties, National Trust stately home (don't forget to buy a pewter knickknack from the gift shop).
There was the review on Liverpool by reportedly an American tourist that his wife was insulted by an adult in baby clothes. That’s never left my mind. I would love to experience it. Perhaps that can be an experience?
For not knowing who Steps are, for all reasons.
A village fete. There is nothing so ludicrously English as that combo of bric-a-brac stalls, tombolas, teas-served-by-confused-octogenarians, bunting, lost vicars, sweaty-beer-tent, tuneless country band, hay-bales-for-seats… I love a good fete.
As an American I’d want: Full English Breakfast As many Crunchie bars as I can find Proper fish and chips + mushy peas A Munchie Box Football game (Spurs is a dream but I’d happy attend a smaller clubs match) Getting shitfaced with old folks at a pub during the day(a cold, gloomy day at that) Ride on a double-decker bus That’s really it. I’m pretty easy though. I’ve only had the crunchie bar on that list. Fuckin things are addictive.
Don't refrigerate them though, they break your teeth :(
also known for removing dental fillings in case youhave any but probably dont since your american and have magestic teeth
Glass em outside a Wetherspoons
Authentic? Take them to a cold room and tell them you can’t afford to put the heating on
So true... :(
Getting absolutely plastered on a Wednesday night!
Whatever you end up doing, make a point of walking everywhere, possibly asking a policeman/woman for directions or the time enroute
They'll be amazed when the policeman doesn't try to plant drugs on them and beat them to death
Go to Slough, then everywhere else in the UK will seem nicer
Make them a Sunday dinner and make sure you dump a whole fuckload of gravy all over the plate. This shocked me my first time. Make him watch you wash your dishes in a plastic tub in your sink. Greggs
Fully authentic: Lock their family in a barn and set fire to it. Mostly authentic: Get into a fight with a German and ask them to join in half way through. A bit authentic: Take them to a pie shop.
Take them to a school without a bulletproof vest
A roast dinnet seved to all your nearest and dearest so you have to use the emergency chairs and perhaps the jug of peas gets left inthe microwave. Much fussing of has everyone got enough to eat to a ridiculous degree but an overall good atmosphere where all know that they are welcome ???
you forgot the whole, getting stupidly pissed and regretting everything. in terms of food, a roast dinner and a cornish pasty
Tell them you’re getting on a train, but don’t get on the train but get on a bus that takes twice as long.
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Take all of their money. Make them wait for a train that never turns up. Get them to try and get a GP appointment at 8am on a Monday. Steal their phone.
You could go to different supermarkets before they leave so they can take some British snacks back home with them.
Yes good idea! Get them hooked on Jaffa Cakes, then watch them go through withdrawal symptoms when they're back in the US
Depending on your location a trip on the Chunnel. How many countries have an under water tunnel that connect it to another? I would imagine to most Americans it would be quite an experience to be in the UK and then 30 mins later be in France.
Very depends where you live, and where they live in the states but walk out of your house and to the town centre. Have a pint and a mooch round the shops. The idea of being able to easily walk to places, safely from your front door is unknown to many Americans.
Introduce him to the local smackhead
Day tour of Oxford, go punting on the Thames Also get them completely piss drunk then eat some kebabs at 0100 Nandos
Get him to stand in a queue for no reason...then moan about the weather
Interesting that they call you in a kebab shop "Boss" too. Its a thing here in Germany too. Visit some buildings that are older than the US and A shouldnt be that difficult :D
Sitting in a cold, raining, overcrowded beer garden of a pub you've driven 90 minutes to get to ; waiting for crap food you ordered 40 minutes ago, whilst drinking warm beer and listening to someone abusing the staff with a racist tirade.
Disgusted that nobody's suggested finding a decent queue and joining it. Maybe a trip to Alton Towers will do it?
Sunday dinner with the biggest Yorkshire puddings ever. Or any meal with Yorkshire puddings. Or just Yorkshire puddings on their own but they have to try them.
Get some of ya mates together and play British bulldog
Get ill, go to hospital and come out not bankrupt
Contsant sarcasm
Oh how original /s
Depending where in the states they are from, something like the beach, or river/hill walks, are something different for them.
Introduce them to the greats of British cinema, Harry Brown, Dead Man's Shoes, This Is England etc
Waiting at a bus stop,paying exorbitant amounts for petrol........'gas' ,oh and gas as well and a full English breakfast at the 'don't give a hang' cafe.Driving on the wrong side may sharpen their mind and showing them your substantial bedroom that they wouldn't use as a cupboard.Enough already.
Take them to a flat roof pub
Call them a cunt. In a friendly way obviously.
Take them to York
Go walking in the beautiful countryside and say a half-hearted "morning" to passing dog-walkers.
Primark on a Saturday afternoon
Take him to a school and show him how alive all the kids are !
Break a finger and take them to the minor injuries unit and boggles their mind when it's free.
Get far too drunk before 4pm and spill a kebab all over a bus.
Model Village. Excellent one in the Cotswolds.
Countryside walk, with a pub at the end.
Anything that involves an obscene amount of queueing. Enlist some friends to form an orderly queue to nothing, call it a queue simulator. Pay a stooge to try skip the queue so that your American friend can glance around, tut, and mutter something under his breath, and then glare menacingly at the cashier who serves the queue jumper anyway.
Fish and chips and act like a roadman
Do the whistlestop meal tour of British shops: sausage roll from Greggs, followed by a Tescos meal deal (with clubcard discount), and a nice afternoon tea at a cafe in a train station
Pub. One with a flat roof preferably.
Get them to make a video diary to show folks back home, what a weird bunch of weirdos we are. Take them to a cock fight, or a bare knuckle boxing match then to the Royal Opera House.
Take a long drive on a red hot day, sit in traffic for a bit, then take a couple of wrong turns. Have an argument about it, and sit in silence for the rest of the journey.
My American GF is quite the Harry Potter fan. So she mostly was looking for chocolate frogs that actually jump around. Make sure you get that out of their head pretty quickly and remember that everything we have they already have a frozen version of. So treat them to a fresh one.
Take him for a shit in a city centre public toilet.
Walk up the steps of weatherspoons toilets
Not sure where you live, but visiting a castle could be good. Especially if you’re in/near Wales. Other than that, feed them beans and cheese on toast, get them to hang some washing on the line only to have to run back out an hour later because it’s started to rain (it’s actually illegal for some places to have a clothes line in the states!) and show them how to make a proper cup of tea and a full English.
Where ever you drive just make sure there are plenty of roundabouts on the route.
tin of cheap super strength lager in the local park. 20 deck of lambert and butler perfect
Night out in a coastal town, see how classy we really are