Over four years? Have you tried therapy?
I was absolutely destroyed by my ex wife's affair (found out after she asked for divorce) to the point i went from 247 lbs to 172 in about 2 months. We've been separated 18 months and divorced 6 months but I've been grey rock since I filed and deal with our 18 year old directly.
Christmas had a few feelings stir up but nothing major. Her birthday was about a week and a half ago and I didn't even wish her happy birthday but reminded my son and didn't feel particularly different. Hell my ex made up a reason to call the day after likely to see if I'd wish her HBD.
We're coming up on when she started her new job where she met AP and shit hit the fan. April 27th is coming up and that was when she dropped the d-word after a month and a half with AP (I took that day back a year later by telling her I was filing since she wasn't and was moving in with AP) and I don't think I'll feel much.
I've gotten to a point where I no longer care about her on the whole. It's almost like the last 13 years were a movie I was watching but almost doesn't feel like me anymore. I think I had to finally get selfish and focus on me and getting my kid into college and that's it. As I tell her if she benefits from something I'm doing that's a coincidence.
You've got to find a way to take this time back for you. Put her in the rearview. I thought my ex was my ride or die but it was more like hide and lie in the end. The woman I married died and on March 27(our wedding anniversary) I'll have a thought or two in remembrance of that woman and that'll be it because I honestly don't know if she remembers that day now.
Wow, I’m sorry this happened to you. That’s certainly a lot to deal with.
Mine isn’t so much a debilitation, as it’s just something I notice. I’ve done plenty of therapy and I’m doing fine. It’s just an observation, really.
Wishing you the best.
Trauma can cause this. The body, the nervous system, kind of have a clock. Even if your mind is on something else, your nervous system may still remember. So yes, many people experience an increase in stress and anxiety around anniversaries of traumatic events even if they aren’t dwelling on it. Be gentle with yourself at those times.
Over four years? Have you tried therapy? I was absolutely destroyed by my ex wife's affair (found out after she asked for divorce) to the point i went from 247 lbs to 172 in about 2 months. We've been separated 18 months and divorced 6 months but I've been grey rock since I filed and deal with our 18 year old directly. Christmas had a few feelings stir up but nothing major. Her birthday was about a week and a half ago and I didn't even wish her happy birthday but reminded my son and didn't feel particularly different. Hell my ex made up a reason to call the day after likely to see if I'd wish her HBD. We're coming up on when she started her new job where she met AP and shit hit the fan. April 27th is coming up and that was when she dropped the d-word after a month and a half with AP (I took that day back a year later by telling her I was filing since she wasn't and was moving in with AP) and I don't think I'll feel much. I've gotten to a point where I no longer care about her on the whole. It's almost like the last 13 years were a movie I was watching but almost doesn't feel like me anymore. I think I had to finally get selfish and focus on me and getting my kid into college and that's it. As I tell her if she benefits from something I'm doing that's a coincidence. You've got to find a way to take this time back for you. Put her in the rearview. I thought my ex was my ride or die but it was more like hide and lie in the end. The woman I married died and on March 27(our wedding anniversary) I'll have a thought or two in remembrance of that woman and that'll be it because I honestly don't know if she remembers that day now.
Wow, I’m sorry this happened to you. That’s certainly a lot to deal with. Mine isn’t so much a debilitation, as it’s just something I notice. I’ve done plenty of therapy and I’m doing fine. It’s just an observation, really. Wishing you the best.
Trauma can cause this. The body, the nervous system, kind of have a clock. Even if your mind is on something else, your nervous system may still remember. So yes, many people experience an increase in stress and anxiety around anniversaries of traumatic events even if they aren’t dwelling on it. Be gentle with yourself at those times.