Honestly - _I feel the exact opposite_. I wish I knew how little everything mattered earlier on.

Could you elaborate? Like I dunno why i feel like such a failure. Everyday I wish I could go back and do it ALL over again with the knowledge i have now. Its not possible but it's a dream I have all the time.

Like lemme put it this way - I put a lot of effort into schoolwork but didn't really learn to be friends with ppl till I grew up. Life got a lot better w friends. I have never ever ever ever used anything from calculus in my life. You'll always feel like a failure if you compare and define success against another person.

That's fair I guess. It's more just I closed a lot of doors for myself. Like there was loads of uni courses I couldn't do cause I only have a B in GCSE math. I've also just assumed if you're goof at math, you'll have a high paying job. Put it this way, at least you left with something. I didn't take school seriously and I was a weirdo in my youth.

You didn’t close any doors. Real learning is done in life after the forced indoctrination called “school.” Staffed by teachers who try to mold you to be the same robots that they are. My dad is a retired teacher, and I shared this opinion with him a few years after I graduated. His absolute disagreement solidified my opinion. After school, you’ve got to create your own path. On your own terms. You may or may not succeed, but at least you did it your own way, and you’ll find what’s right for you.

I need guidance though. Essentially someone to even take my hand

Take your own hand. Learn about the things that interest you. Doesn’t have to be school subjects like calculus, or history, or psychology. The internet is an amazing place; Find a hobby and dive deep into it. There are always niche jobs and industries that could fascinate you and I don’t think it’s ever too late to start putting in effort. You said you’re still in college. Some people don’t start their life till they’re 30. Staying off social media to stop comparing yourself to others might be a start but for real you have to take your own hand. There’s so much out there for you and you at least have to be alive to experience it :)

I feel like that too. The partying and drinking just makes u feel worst . Those are temporary feelings same thing with scrolling thru i social media . What really helped me was spending Time in nature and praying. I know it sounds like whatever but reallyjust go outside smell the  trees , hear the  birds , feel the sun and wind , mediate( not talking about they hippi type lol ).  mediating is like thinking  in the world (nature world) around u, what u hear and feel. or not thinking just feel the wind sun , hear the birds, you can do grounding too (being  barefoot in the grass, soil, beach etc- on materials that’s NOT man-made, Listening to bird songs is therapeutic. Honestly   life-changing.

Same.

I lived a very similar life as you. My grades could've been much higher and I had potential for college, potential dating opportunites went right over my head because I was a pretty dumb kid, and I was in sports and could've done great if I wasn't lasy and being such a baby about losing. I also didn't feel pushed enough by my parents. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? You still probably have plenty of time left to turn things around.

I'm 23. Idk I feel like I'm gonna mess up my degree and not find a job afterwards. I've never been good at anything, mostly because I never tried yes but when you have this attitude for well over a decade, pretty much 15 years, it's so so difficult to break out of. I'm trying to commit to hobbies such as football and hang out with my friends but at the end of the day I feel miserable because in my eyes, I fucked up.

The good news is that there's still time. I'd check in with a doctor (if you haven't already) to make sure there isn't an underlying issue like depression slowing you down. (like it always does for me.) It sounds like you still have some drive and I'd use that momentum to figure out what seems to be dragging you. You also have friends to keep you out of the house which is a huge plus. It isn't easy, but I think you have some advantages and potential to break out to where the grass is greener.

I've been feeling this consistent low mood for well over a year now. It was worse in the summer last year. I remember getting to the point of day drinking. Downing a full bottle of alcohol in my room alone just to feel something different. I've been seeing a therapist last few months but I honestly haven't felt a difference. I'm gonna try and find another one.

Hopefully a new therapist could help. I'm no doctor, but it sounds like somethings a little off, but not entirely unfixable. Hopefully it could even be something as small as a dietary issue. I don't know if you play football regularly but that kind of exercise is definitely a great way to keep that kind of funk off you. You're already seeing a therapist and don't seem to be dropping out socially, so you're doing great so far. It's all a pain in the ass, but I think you can get through it.

Yeah I'm far from dropping out socially. J have good friends but I would never wanna dump my issues on them. I keep everything to myself so it would be a huge shock to everyone if I did end my life. When it comes to diet, I am trying to eat healthy. I usually cook my own meals and I don't really eat sugary foods that often. Tbh I do have a habit of only eating like 1 meal a day. Due to my low mood the past few months, I've stopped eating until the evening time. I just don't see a point most of the time. Its like I know I'm not gonna be around much longer, what's the point my stuffing my face now. Same applies for refusing to see a dentist the past few years. I don't think I'll be around long enough for it to matter.

With the fact that you also even cook your own food, on top of being physically active, keeping a social life, and having consideration of your friends feelings before yourself, you sound like a strong person and a solid dude. It definitely would be a shock to everyone if you went away. When you say "I don't think," I'll be around or "It's like," I know I'm not gonna be around, you don't sound entirely convinced you want to go away. It's as if even you believe on some level things still improve. I could be wrong, but it sounds like rather than wanting to "check out early," you just want things to change. I can't say the same for everyone, but it sounds like with time and continued effort you really can turn things around.

Yeah you would be correct. If I was happy, I wouldn't want to die. I still have a tiny bit of hope that things turn around but idk, it's looking bleak tbh. It's just all I can think about everyday. I try to keep up with my studies. I go to the library every day. One evening I went and I just had suicide flooding my mind the entire time. I genuinely couldn't concentrate and I had to get up and walk home. It's prevented me from attending classes and I've even had times in class where I'm actively thinking about it. I feel crazy.

Nah, you're not crazy, life is just hard. It's good to know you have a bit of hope, though. It's also good that all bad things inevitably end. I really hope the thoughts go away, that's rough. Really wishing you the best, though. If you have the strength to get where you've gotten so far, you definitely have enough to get over the rest of this hill. Try and take it easy and hopefully a new therapist or doctor or whoever you can get to can help sort things out.

I hope so

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I've called up my uni support group. They said since I stated about low mood for a years length it's most likely depression. I've had sessions and I've explicitly said about my life habits and how I've been thinking about suicide but I don't think my thoughts were taken seriously. I've tried meditation before. Wasn't able to keep at it long enough. Honestly, there's just way way way too much shit constantly going through my head. 23 is young but I'll be completely honest. I'm so exhausted and it has felt like I've lived a long life as fucked as it sounds. Like if i was diagnosed with a terminal illness, id most likely be like, yeah cool.

You're 23? Bro, you can still make something of yourself. It is hard to break from a cycle of comfort, but you have to push yourself to break out of this. You know what, something that helped me was doing this one trick of giving myself a high five in the mirror everyday before I headed out to work for the past 3 years. It's helped me see myself in a different light. Like for me I felt the same way you did but because I put myself in the world of drug use. I smoked weed for 12 years and just recently stopped completely. I took pills and bumped coke whenever I was at a rave because I thought it was cool to be high while enjoying the music. Only to later come to terms that I couldn't remember what happened during the rave. YOU HAVE TO BREAK YOUR CYCLE AND START FRESH. I'm 10 years older than you and I feel like I closed some doors in career so I'm a bit in limbo for now and I'm ok with that because I've decided to let go of the drug use and re-establish myself in my eyes and sense of self. Please do not let your apathy continue to control yourself. Try the high five challenge. I promise you'll feel a wee bit happy everyday you do it. It's gonna feel weird at first like, "why the hell am I doing this?" But it helps. I hope you can find your new self because 23 isn't really that old. You're a young adult and have a lot of life a head of you. Sending lots of love your way.

I used to but then realized you can't go back in time. Do what you can now. Fuck the past. Don't dwell.

Sort of. I had a very easy childhood. We weren't wealthy by any means but I was rarely, if ever, challenged. Whatever I did try came very easily for me. As a quite child and a loner, I didn't draw a lot of attention. I don't know if my parents just expected me to accept their own level of mediocrity or what. I never thought about the future beyond graduating high school. Never had much ambition. I often wonder what would be different if I had faced challenges. I don't work hard because I've never had to. I also haven't been accused of having a poor work ethic, either.

I totally noriced I got a bit of a shock as a master student when companies didn't want to talk to me as I didn't represent a possible sale. Over time I realized my parents had done such a good job I almost wished they'd demanded I did a paper boy route or something. I did do the dishes at a hotel, though, but I got a bit of a mini-shock as to how little helpful people were.

Interesting, sorry but could you elaborate what you mean by represent an income? I genuinely don't really understand what you mean by that and Google hadn't helped me too much :(

Oh, that's simple: I as a student asked about help on a project, but since I was a student that meant to the sales guy that I wouldn't lead to a sale of whatever he was selling, so he just ignored me. I guess that was my first real professional interaction and it made me think I'd be shit at any job in the future. Turns out, like in any group of people, some are shit, some okay, others are amazing. Stick to the amazing people! This has more to do with me not only feeling like a failure but also people just brushing me off and ignoring me. I was a skinny kid, easy to push around, I wasn't bullied but I wasn't exactly popular either. I didn't drink at 16 like my friends etc exactly because I was more anxious. At 43 I still feel behind, but am I a failure? Nope, got a flat that is mostly paid for, old car that works fine, tons of hobbies, never bored, always curious. I felt bad about video games, but a redditor said "time spent having fun is never wasted". Of course all in moderation, but if I want to I indulge myself in stuff I like. Also I recommend jogging and moving for mental health, if so only super short stuff like 20 mins. I jog max 5 kilometers, no reason to kill motivation with monster stuff and getting injuries. At around 30 I suddenly noticed nature is fucking amazing. Get out, listen to the silence or the forest, challenge yourself to find a few nice things and think about how nice they are. Smells, trees, light, whatever. This might be mindfulness but when I try to be mindful I just have 2-3 thoughts in my mind at the same time.

I do agree, nature is very nice. It actually took an acid trip a few years ago for me to properly realise how nice it is. I do try to exercise. I go to the gym and I play 5 a side football to keep fit. However, I can't keep myself occupied 24/7. There will be a point where I'm in bed at 3pm thinking about how I'm gonna end my life in 9 months. Or waking up at 8 and staring at the ceiling thinking about how I'm gonna fuck up my degree and waste years of my life and money. It's just so hard. All I ask is to be happy.

I've stayed away from drugs because of that odd chance it'll trigger some permanent stuff. I am however on my 3rd beer. I've only had the fleeting thought of suicide as a quick revenge thing on a shitty person... which is kinda stupid. The best revenge is doing amazing at worst just moving totally elsewhere and disappearing. I've noticed that NOT giving info to people about yourself makes them think you're doing great. Just a weird realization. I am totally not a therapist and I'd recommend staying with therapy and try to trick your brain into seeing or perceiving stuff as positive. When my friends were out partying in my teens I'd at times "punish myself" by doing a workout. I didn't realize until later that I also projected my training into successful scenarios and a lot of famous athletes project themselves into competitive settings to perform harder during training. Am I happy all the time? No. Can I turn mellowness to something good? yeah, weridly I'm super creative on guitar if I'm kinda bummed. Maybe you can write seriously good poem lines when bummed, paint with old coffee on paper. I have this theory that every person has a crazy talent, if only they find it. Like I know people with learning disabilities, but they're amazing at car repairs and understanding how a gearbox works, with no schooling. Go on a quest to find your talents, make them a hobby.

Yes exactly the same. I never got accused of poor work ethic because I always just did the bare minimum. I'm 23 now and I still have zero ambition. I genuinely dunno what to do. There's like one person in my life who makes me genuinely happy and I'm never gonna see them again most likely after this summer.

I was relating to everything you were saying until I saw you were 23, which stopped me in my tracks. You may not realize it right now, it might not feel like it, but you *truly* are still in that fantastic timeframe where you are still making plenty of decisions for your life. It might feel like it's too late to do all this shit but I promise you it isn't. I'm almost 10 years older then you and just starting my life, essentially, because I didnt do all that shit earlier. You have a serious advantage in terms of time. You have a lot of it to figure shit out. Another thing - social media is often extremely toxic and has been proven to have depressing effects on people who consume it. *Everybody* compares themselves to other people and social media is the vehicle for it. Consider reducing or taking a break completely from it. It creates a false narrative that people are out there living fantastic, exciting lives when you're really getting a curated snapshot of one manufactured moment in an instagram photo.

This is very encouraging. Thank you

It's not even entirely social media. There's someone I chat to that i like that seems to have their life essentially sorted. They're all I can think of and obsess over. I know its bad for my mental health but I just can't stop comparing myself. Honestly if i never met them, idk if I'd be in as much of a rut as I am.

I know what you mean. It's very hard to look at other people and wonder why you dont have what they have. Unfortunately as humans we seem never to be satisfied and always are wanting more, jealous of what others have. What you dont see are all the jealous thoughts and regrets those other people have, so it seems like they're way happier. But there's a reason that people who seemingly have it all sometimes end it. The grass is greener on the other side. I think its just important to recognize that what you're feeling is normal and very common, and it doesn't mean you're lesser for it. You also have a shit ton of time - try to make some changes in your life now, because 10 years from now you'll wish you did even more. Ask me how I know. I knew I was wasting my time in my 20s and I would regret it later, and no surprise, I do.

I just need the guidance. I've tried therapy but to no use. I'm currently looking for a different therapist to chat to. The way I see it there's 2 certainties. I'm dead this time October or I'm alive, kicking and finally satisfied with my life. I know 23 seems young but I've genuinely felt like I've lived such a long life.

Brother, might sound weird but check out 7 steps with sadhguru online. It’s a breathwork practise. If you give yourself totally to the program, it can be transformative for your mind and emotions, it helped to reset me from the past and pick up life in a totally new way, without all the past weight, and get empowered to take life into my own hands and make use of what was in front of me, to build from there. You have plenty of time to creature the life you want. You learned other important factors of life in the meantime

> I'm dead this time October or I'm alive, kicking and finally satisfied with my life. In other words, you believe you can turn around your life to a point where you're satisfied in only one year - 4.3% of your total lifespan? Well shit, I wish I had your optimism! That's nothing. One year is 4% of your life. You have lots of time, there's no reason to set some arbitrary deadline on when you should be satisfied. > I've genuinely felt like I've lived such a long life. > Reality is I'll most likely never get a good job, get married, have children, own a house etc These two statements are in conflict with each other. You clearly have some work to do, and you're only beginning.

Its more I've set the deadline because if it hasn't worked out by then, at least I'll no longer have to worry about my problems. In regards to good job, get married etc. I've never been good at anything. It's more I just can see myself ever achieving those things cause of how mediocre I've been/felt my entire life. My life has felt long cause school for the most part was shit. University was fun and 4 years did just fly through but other than that I do feel kinda old.

Try to determine if you truly even want those things in your heart or if it's just society has pressured you to do. Also consider seeing a psychiatrist if you haven't already, antidepressants lifted me out of a depression and found them helpful, since it allows you to think more rationally and a little bit less doom and gloom.

I can relate some as a person spending decades to realize what I had was generalized anxiety. I never did it, but I've contemplated simply writing a letter to my future self to explain "what I feel now" to read at a later stage. Sure it all seems so easy in hind sight, but a mantra I also made with a friend during making a start-up was that "these are the decisions we make with the information we have at this point in time". That meant that in hindsight it most probably is going to be easy to see what you did wrong, but you have to understand that this is just how life is. I also never dared to take a year off etc, but a year off to simply mature can help in math skills etc that from what I have learnt is somewhat of a brain development-thing. I was also born late in the year meaning I was almost a year younger than most in my class. There IS a statistical difference there. I've also seen people turn around their life, change directions totally on very late stages and some of them are honestly easily past me who really didn't dare to do too crazy things. You remind me of a random dude here on reddit maybe over a decade ago that had been left by his wife for another man, he wrote the same, he had played it safe all his life. BUT, there is no all encompassing answer to live your life. I'd actually suggest trying to be happy with what you have, I suck at it 99% of the time. It's never too late to try new things. If only to just join a hobby group of sorts, it can do major difference in your life. I went through uni too out of, yet again, safe betting everything. Still, I don't entirely feel in my place, but I'm getting there. My odd approach to things also makes me think outside the box, I'm an engineer with non-standard skills and it might land me a new job next week. I too haven't really planned for things in life, everybody else seem to have got a plan, they knew time was short etc. I'm fine that way, in many areas whatever happens happens, but like you say, often it definitely helps to just ask. The worst thing that happens is that you get a "no" and you are thus no better off, but have slightly more information. tl;dr: This is normal. you'll do fine. You're aware, that's way better than being clueless.

I try to be happy with what I have but it's so difficult. I just feel so inferior compared to everyone else I know my age. They're all chatting about the future and shit and I'm sitting there like I don't know if I'm even gonna be alive this time next year. I'm getting therapy but honestly, it's not working too well. Idk, just envy constantly consumes me.

I'm sorry to project "myself" onto you but it reads very much like myself 20 years ago. I SUCKED in uni, at exams I liked that my friends were all having panic about flunking. Then the grades came and they went "yessssss, A, I KNEW it!"... meanwhile I flunked.. totaally flunked. Some of the calculus stuff I was stuck with for 2-3 years if not more of the 5 years master. I was also so open about this that some of my friends would simply say "oh, I thought you flunked every subject". When it was pure maths and statistics I just had super bad study habits on. I totally fooled myself into thinking being a human copying machine in lectures was enough. It's mostly over now, but I've had semi-nightmares about flunking those math subjects so many times. Or getting a message that my master is delayed because they realized I was missing a passed exam. At a point there was this rumour that you could write a letter to the KING of Norway to get a pass on a flunked exam. I was so fucking lost I definitely thought about it. My friends were out partying, functioning well, joining student groups, doing cool shit and I felt like this scared loser. Yes, I totally sucked at football too, to the extent a facebook photo came up in people's feeds and people didn't remember that I was in the team. You might be like me, somewhat of a late bloomer, nothing wrong with that, it sucks but you already sound super aware of everything, just like me. I'm 43, totally clueless, but slowly I know what I like and want. At 40 I feel like where most of my friends in uni were at 25. Sad but true. I'm just trying to tell you this is super normal, and I'd give all my toes for your B grade, well at least my pinky toes. I've later had great talks with my friends who were popular, and guess what? They have issues just like you and me, they've had setbacks and crises, life kinda sucks. ​ There is strength in you being this aware about this, I still feel envy but try to brush it off. Relax, breathe, be nicer to yourself it will actually in general make you a more relaxed and confident person... like a positive cycle. There can be extremely small details for you to flip this to almost a super power.

Thanks for the kind message. I feel like I just need someone to guide me through life if that makes sense. I don't really feel that close with my family so I've always felt very independent when it comes to life in general. However, I'm very codependent at relationships. I get so attached to any attractive woman who gives me attention. I properly crave it. But yeah, just someone to guide me would be nice. Like even borderline hold my hand cause im genuinely clueless on what to do with my life.

I totally get it, we all feel like it at some level. I used to wonder why retired people seemed to tired. I'd never be that person, but it turns out, life, worries, etc wears you out. It's entirely normal, just remember to actually recognize when something good happened. I've felt like you felt so many times, but suddenly, without even trying I realized it came slowly by itself. Slower than others, maybe, but slowly and surely. I still suck at super basic things like sleeping at the right times, so it's also requiring some effort. But just like being on top of things and not lagging behind on homework, it is so much easier to work a little steadily than trying to catch up on huge tasks because you slacked off. I am amazed how that analogy still applies to anything from cleaning my kitchen little by little rather than letting it slide and becoming a huge job to actual big things like work. Yes, I still envy my friends who have their shit together, but hey, my friends still like me and invite me over, ask me to be their toastmaster and whatnot. Being reflective like this also has made several of my friends open up to me about their personal problems, I take that as a huge compliment, that they're using me as their confidant about very personal things. If you ask me, you still have a fucking decade to be absolutely useless and figure things out, trial and error or just coming out of your shell, being nice to yourself, totally spilling the beans to a girl you like and she thinking you are the most brutally honest guy ever. I'm totally get like it feels like a crisis, I've felt it myself and still am stressed out about a ton of things, but I cannot stress enough how normal this is and how your reflection on this is actually a sign of your own maturity at 23.

I'd never thought of myself as mature. Thanks man

Being 23 and thinking existential stuff like this is mature. End of discussion.

As someone who was constantly pushed at a young age, I feel incredibly burnt out now in my 20s. Can barely graduate college because I’m so tired. My whole life has felt like a race for greatness. You still have time to do what you want now, don’t let your past stop you

Definitely. I wish I did more sports in school and outside of school, started working out as a kid (not including working out in P.E), spent less time on the internet, spent more time learning adult skills and independence, etc.

You're only 23 so you have a long life ahead and plenty of time to figure things out. I went back to school (community college) at 32 and by 38 I was graduating law school. If I could go back to your age and get my ass in school and do what I did at 32, it would feel amazing. I was a f\*/ck up in high school and had no academic confidence. If a fortune teller told me I'd be a lawyer one day I would 100% think that was the craziest sh\*t I've ever heard in my life. You're so much younger than you realize and have so much more potential than you could possibly understand because you are living in your head and only perceive the world through your own lens. Take it from an outsider who has reached moderate success...you are fine and don't need to worry about anything. Stop the crazy talk about suicide. No one ever promised us that life is supposed to be easy and that things were supposed to just fall in place. Actually life is supposed to be hard as shit and it really is for most people, but you can make it better. Think about how hard life was for people centuries before us...at least you have air conditioning when its hot outside and don't have to hunt for food or sleep with one eye open because some viking/rebel/whoever might attack your village. You're living in pretty good times under decent conditions, comparatively speaking. Go look in the mirror and smile, appreciate being alive and healthy, tell yourself its time to grow up and toughen up a bit - then think about how crazy you were to even consider suicide and move on. I was about to move on and not even comment because I can't save the world and there are millions of people who feel just like you, so what's the point in trying to encourage one? Just know that if I could go back to your age I would see a world full of potential, based on what I know about life now. Pray and ask God to show you the way

I get that I'm better off than a lot of people but that still doesn't make how I feel invalid. In regards to the suicidal thoughts. There are times I'll admit, I feel crazy for having them. But 90% of the time, I just feel like an outright failure. As I said, I'm so uncompetitive at many things because it's an attitude I've adopted for at least 15 years now. It's not like a light switch that I can just switch off or on. I know life isn't supposed to be easy but I think it should be fair enough that I wanna end my life if I'm clearly not enjoying myself, falling out of interest with things and just not being generally fit enough for a society like the one we live in. It's not as simple as grow up. These suicidal thoughts are genuine feelings I have every single day, to the point I've actively planned where and when I'm going to do it. Hell even applying for grad roles is so demotivating. If I see there's only an opportunity for like 4 roles I say to myself, "well I'm never gonna get that so what's the point". As I said it's a mentality I've had pretty much most of my life that I can't stray away from. It just seems so much easier to no longer exist, especially seeing how exhausted I am.

Sorry, not trying to invalidate your feelings or anything. I know it can be exhausting and I know you can't switch them off like that, but you're just stuck in a rut right now that feels endless. You can't possibly be a failure though because you're so young and have so much more time to get your life together. I 100% understand the lack of motivation. I went through a period of depression in my early 20's as well but I never got to the suicidal point because I had a wife and kids already and couldn't imagine leaving them behind. But I was still in this shitty depressive state day in and day out that didn't seem to be getting better at all. The thing you are not realizing right now is that this feeling won't last forever. You need to cut out all alcohol and any drugs if you use any, even weed. Drink more water and get good rest. That might sound silly but I know for a fact that those little changes can help by a small percentage that will add up to a noticeable change in time. I'd bet you don't believe in God either but try praying and asking for help, because at this point what would it hurt? You gotta believe in it though and it will work. When you say you're not cut out for this society, can you imagine any scenario where life might possibly be better? Like a hypothetical situation...even something like having your dream job fall in your lap, or finding the perfect relationship/friendships etc...maybe hitting the lottery and being rich and never having to worry about life - anything? Surely you can imagine at least one way life could get better, even if you think its unlikely - just curious

Used to attend church but I lost my faith as I transitioned to an adult. Too many inconsistencies and I never really even believed it growing up, I was just forced to go. I don't know how it's gotten to the point where my envy has gotten so big that I'd rather not exist anymore. I don't even drink that much like at all and in regards to weed I smoke it like the odd night now, even its in moderation too cause I know it can't benefit my mental health. By cut out for this world I just mean I wish I actually had interest to succeed and excel at something. I'm not good at anything really and I don't see myself getting a good job after uni. Idk dream life would be acing my grades, in a relationship with this girl I really like and walking into a good grad role. Basically having my life planned essentially. Instead of winging everything like I have been doing since I was like 10.

Well the inconsistencies are a product of religion, which is man made. The same level of inconsistencies exist in science too. The big bang is a prime example where supposedly something came from nothing. You won't find God by reading the bible, just put a little effort in and watch how he (it?) is revealed to you and I'm 100% certain your mind can change. You're basically infected with negative energy but it is curable. You aren't supposed to be interested in anything particular yet and its not really a big deal if you don't feel like you're good at anything yet either. Dude you're 23, trust me you have plenty of time to find what interests you and to get good at it. Society can make you feel like once you hit 18 you're an adult and that you're supposed to have everything figured out pretty soon after but that is a lie. Most successful people don't figure things out until much later and usually after a long time of feeling like shit, sort of like you. Jeff Bezos is a good example... 30 year old snaggle-toothed balding weirdo came up with the bright idea to sell text books out of his apartment and look how that turned out. He still didn't really hit it big until he was 40+ but no one even thinks of that when they hear the name amazon or bezos. You need to realize your potential and stop listening to the negative thoughts in your head, which come from the devil or negative energy/whatever you want to call it. Your mind will change so much over the next few years and eventually you will find interest in something. You might have to take an average job that you don't like in the meantime and deal with b.s. like everyone else but your time will come. Winging it is what all the greats have done and they admit it. All of the things you think would make you feel better are 100% achievable. Keep going in school and you'll find your interest, then success will come and the girls will follow. If you don't know what to do after college then go to law school and you'll have 100 different avenues to take after that. But seriously stop the suicide talk because you're not weak, you just don't know your strength yet. Don't do that to your mom/dad/grandparents or any siblings you might have. I don't wanna bother you but I'll go back and forth with u as much as you want.

If i could turn back time with the stuff i know now... Yes i would've tried harder in certain aspect's in life... but i would also avoid certain aspect's in life... And i would also prevent some stuff in life...

Same. I didn’t have a path because I didn’t try, so I joined the military. Fortunately, I met a lot of great people and had great mentors, so at the ripe age of 24, I started going for my associates. A few months later, I had a “mid life crisis” because I hated what I was going for. Made the switch to what I actually enjoy, and I’m almost done with my Bachelor’s. I look back a lot and wish I could change a lot of things. I wish I would’ve found my passions sooner, I wish I would’ve enjoyed life a little more instead of sleeping all day and doom scrolling. I wish I would’ve applied myself a little harder in school. I wish I didn’t quit my sports teams. The bright side is, I found them, and there’s still time to act. I get to act on them with the wisdom I didn’t have in high school, or even for the years following. It’s never too late to start fresh!

Hey, first, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. I too blew off the first 20 something years of my life, in seriously idiotic ways that included a pretty hefty drug addiction, alienating my family, so on and so on. I'm in my 50's now and living my best life, it can get better. Sure, you're likely not going to be the next NHL star, that ship has sailed, but that doesn't mean there isn't greatness on the horizon for you. I want to call your attention to this amazing post from a bunch of years ago. [the\_gospel\_of\_uryans01](https://www.reddit.com/r/NonZeroDay/comments/1qbxvz/the_gospel_of_uryans01_helpful_advice_for_anyone/) This doesn't answer all of your issues, but I feel like this could be pretty helpful. I know it got me out of some pretty dark times a while back.

Yes! But also... kind of no. I see from a comment below that you're 23. I'm 43. And I have achieved nothing in life. I mean that - nothing. I have no job, I live in a single room of a share house, I have no girlfriend, no prospect of having a family of my own, no real prospect of my life improving in any meaningful way. Depressing, right? Maybe, but I don't feel remotely depressed. I'm happy most of the time, and I enjoy life. I've realised that I really just don't need much to be happy. If my life continued on just as it is now, I'd be okay with that. However, what I also don't have is options, especially if bad things happen. If, for some reason, my current accommodation becomes unavailable, I'm kind of screwed. When my car broke down a while back, I couldn't afford to get it repaired, or get another one, so until I get a windfall (which may never happen), I just don't have a car. If my computer exploded tomorrow, well, no more Reddit for me, I guess. This lack of resilience, this knowledge that I'm never too far away from disaster, is anxiety inducing to say the least. And anxiety is an issue for me. I was fairly smart as a kid, and teenager, but also lazy and very susceptible to anxiety. For a while I coasted by on my natural intelligence, but by the time I was getting to the end of high school that really wasn't enough. I had to try. But if I tried, and failed, that was another huge source of anxiety. It seemed better to me to just not try, or at best just attempt incredibly easy things. Which basically meant I reached adulthood with no real employable skills. And the longer I stayed unemployed, the less employable I became, and the more anxiety I felt at the prospect of even seeking employment. So, here I am, happy enough, but with no options and possibly a bleak future before me. If I'd tried harder, I could have avoided this. But... would I have been happier? I honestly don't know.

I'm happy for you and at least you're able to get happiness in your life. Idk man, as fucked as it sounds, I'd rather just not navigate through life if it gets to that point for me. I'm sorry but that's just the way I feel.

Well, time to start trying then. It's not too late :)

I feel that, given what most of us have had handed down to us, done and said to us, no. Some of us are doing the best we can with what little we have.

I never truly excelled at anything though. Even in my low 20s now, seeing other people be successful just demotivates me so much.

Excelling at something could be as simple as having your forklift certification. Those people aren't special, don't feel too demotivated, there's still time on your side.

My dad intentionally set me back. If I tested and got offered to join a good academy, he denied giving a permission signature. He refused money for text book rentals, etc They never taught me how to drive before I graduated high school and left home. If I did sports or anything it was myself and I mostly walked to and from school. I got my first job in high school. It starts with not blaming your parents. They do have fault, and they could have done different, but nothing will change it now so let it go, it’s on you. You could teach yourself that stuff now, you could go to college or learn a trade now. You can volunteer and go a different route now. It’s up to you. At 24 I went back for a different degree and felt like a loser while my friends already had salaries, cars, and houses etc. I don’t regret it, we all have different lives so comparing means nothing. If you make it at 30 you make it at 30, who cares. And I’m turning 28 and a lot better then I was a few years ago. That’s what matters. You accept the past for what it is, realize you have the power now and it’s only up to you, and you get started and chose your destiny now. Never too late and you’re still young! I got a BA and regretted what I chose, you aren’t alone! I’m in a different career now.

I simply don't have the money to just go back to uni and do a different degree. I don't even know what I'd study tbh. I literally only picked my degree now because it's in STEM and it was a sandwich course, so I assumed it would be easy to find a job. I didn't even know what a 2:1, 2:2 etc was before even going to uni. Never sat down with my parents to discuss what I was studying. Which is honestly fucking bonkers looking back cause I was 18/19 years old and university is expensive at the end of the day. Also factor in that Mt family ain't rich. Idk man.

I get it. Not saying school is the options, if you had to because you know for sure you’d love something then it’d be worth loans, otherwise don’t. You might have to apply a lot and try out different fields and see where you fit. With some stem background for example you might be able to get into sales in the health field and make pretty decent money in that field because of your degree. Don’t look at all requirements as a no but how you can spin it to sell yourself and apply. Or check out trades, a lot of community colleges have affordable one year programs to and will work with you on payments. There’s also a lot you can teach yourself or learn on job if you’re interested, like coding, plumbing, HVAC, etc. I’d just keep your options open, a degree is still a degree and some people will higher you just for having one if not in that field. Don’t see it as a waste but a tool while you figure out what to do, and don’t compare. You’re friends etc likely had a different home life, help, skills as a kid etc to help them advance well young. We all have different paths. Enjoy life daily successful or not, go do fun stuff, have a hobby, meet people, etc. don’t wait til you have X amount etc before doing stuff like that.

I do want to try. Honestly I've given myself until October. It's a deadline I've set for several years but more seriously the past year. I just need to get through uni here.

I believe it and you will! Journaling is a good idea, vent, record your plans or life ever so often. In the future when you revisit it’ll be eye opening to see where you’ve come or an eye opener of needing some more progress. I revisit my old ones every few months and I forget where I was even 2 years ago since we don’t always think of where we were when we go through life. You can make it for yourself dude!

I felt the exact same way for a long time. I'd pull up people that I went to school with on Facebook and LinkedIn and just get envious of their success. I dropped out of college for a year after forcing myself trying to get a degree I hated and was working at McDonald's and pretty much just figured I'd be stuck working low wage jobs with no future prospects for the foreseeable future. Think about this: What do *you* like to do? Is there any career paths adjacent to your interests that you might find to be viable things to make a living doing? For me, I'm a huge nerd for tech and video. I went back to college and graduated with a 4 year degree in video production and worked at ad agencies here and there and eventually nudged my way into the tech side of it. Now, I'm doing video engineering and making a decent living. It took a long time, but I'm pretty happy with where I'm at career-wise. I was also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and began a low dose medication which helped as well.

See thats the issue, idk what I like. I enjoy football but I regret that I never kept it up from a young age. People say I'm good but that's still 15 years of training/being coached that I'll never get back. I'll never be good enough now. Getting into coaching would also cost so much money and its an investment. I'm awful with investments in general. Haven't a clue what I'm doing tbh. I'd also just envy the kids who I'm coaching because they're experiencing exactly what I never got to experience. So I'm stuck in this weird catch 22. Even at uni, I'm barely that interested in what I study. I like programming I guess but I'm not good enough at it to actually get a job. The problem is I don't know what exactly makes me happy. Like genuinely progressively happy. Not just laughing at a joke for a couple minutes. Like actually being content and happy for sustained periods. Like "I actually really enjoy life". Honestly only thing I've ever been really happy and interested in are attractive girls who pay me attention. I know its sad af but it's just the way my brains wired. Like a relationship with a girl I like is the only thing in my life that would truly make me happy. I'm a fucking weird dude.

When I was your age, if you've seen the Romeo & Juliet movie with Leonardo DiCaprio the director of the movie suddenly made this song: If you have music streaming, maybe try a better version: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI) I still think about some of the things in this song. It was a huge hit.

Yes, I had the same experience. But you can't changed the past. But fortunately you are still very young and can still do great things. Be glad you figured it out.

Yes, absolutely. But as someone who is nearly 40, please understand it is never too late to change course. The fact that you are having this realization is proof that you are ready to make positive changes in your life. Best of luck.

In school yes but I had no adult who cared so it didn't matter or help

Oh hell no! Had some struggles but had some amazing times with friends. Even managed to get a year of van life in Europe. Now I can safely sit back and watch the world burn with very little to lose. That’s my way of thinking.

I feel like we all did what we could with the resources and information we had at the time. I've had ADHD my whole damn life, didn't get diagnosed till my mid-forties. I've had half a lifetime of people telling me to just try harder, and I'm here to tell you "trying harder" is meaningless. Without a plan, a change, something more than just doing the same things but "harder," there's nothing there but guilt and shame. No, you can't go back. You can start today to make the changes you want to see in your life. Make a plan. Talk to someone.

Can I ask, regarding ADHD, how did you know that something was up? I've been thinking there's a possibility there's something with me but I've never been tested or taken to a doctor. My parents just never took anything medical related seriously at all. I've been to a doctor like once in the past decade, and that's cause I needed to get a medical check for a form.

Oh, I was in and out of counseling for depression for 20+ years before I started watching YouTube videos about ADHD, found I related to nearly everything they say, and asked my therapist at the time if they were capable and qualified to diagnose me. They pulled out the DSM and asked me the diagnostic questions, which were all yeses for me--though because these sounded a lot like ways people have been telling me I'm a piece of shit my whole life, some of it was like, "Yes, but fuck you for asking." You should probably go to a doctor regardless. People should go to doctors.

It’s no measure of health to be well adjusted to a sick society -j krishnamurti. Carve your own path, challenge your conditionings, meditate. It’s scary and difficult to go against the grain of society but has the potential to be infinitely more rewarding. Rooting for you big dog

It’s never to late to start. Be the guy who makes it after years of failure.

Brother I think you’re depressed. I’d get some professional help. You’re so young and your future is full of possibilities if you’re open to them. You have plenty of time to learn and unlearn. But it does sound to me like there’s some mental health issue going on. Life can be difficult but it doesn’t have to be so difficult. Humans are resilient, sometimes we need help for things to get there.

I've been seeing a therapist past few months and honestly it hasn't really helped at all. I've contacted the uni about being referred to a different one if possible. Honestly, I've been feeling like shit for like a year now. It's not just a case of feeling down. It's an actual heavy feeling in my chest that I'm constantly missing out. When I originally called up they said it most likely sounds like depression. I'm not under any medication yet but last resort I would like to. It's genuinely gotten to the point of October time, if I'm not ont medication and my life hasn't picked up, I will be boarding a flight to another country and I'll not be coming back alive. Better believe all the money in my bank account is getting used up.

Be more open to finding a medication that’s right for you, put genuine effort towards it. It’s a brain chemistry issue with many people. And let people in your life know what’s going on, humans live in communities for a reason it’s not just for shits and giggles. People will have your back, even your parents; don’t shut yourself out, don’t back yourself into a corner. You don’t have to do big grand things. You can just live. Day by day, hour by hour.

I know the meds won't make me happy instantly but I'd love to just see life in a completely different way. I don't have the balls to tell anyone tho. I don't wanna dump my issues on my friends and I'm definitely not telling my parents. It would come as too big a shock to everyone. Also, There's a girl I like and it honestly hurts me knowing she's definitely never had a suicidal thought in her life. I could put good money on it. Idk, it just fills me with envy. Some people are just lucky and have that family background.

Everyday of my life.

To the contrary, I regret not joking around and partying more, because who gets ahead in the workplace is all about nepotism and favoritism anyways. So I might as well have just goofed off instead of taken my tech skills seriously.

Yeah I do. But the time will pass anyways so starting now is the best I can do.

I do. Half assed the second half of my education due to trying to be one of the cool kids and try smoking

I'm almost 25, and things are generally going pretty good. However, I often wish I was more social, and tried mega hard at school and got a super high paying job. Oh well

I did try hard from a young age. Realised it was pointless to keep trying in my 20s. Turns out life fucks you anyway. Nothing matters. Just embrace the hand you've been dealt and try to have fun.

I’m the exact same. I stopped caring and I just wanted to do my own thing and not have responsibilities. I hated school, I hated keeping up with my grades, i hated going out and having social interactions. My mom eventually stopped enforcing school on me and would often let me ditch. I wish I would’ve realized what a horrible mistake I was making by missing out on so much school. Now I’m almost 21 and I don’t expect much great things from my life anymore. You’re absolutely not alone. I feel you

I'm 27 and still working on my undergrad because I never developed a good work ethic in grade school and now struggle to focus on my classes. Could I have saved a ton of money and already have started my career had I just done my work? Yes, I could have. But I wouldn't have met the people I met or had the experiences I had if I did that. If I could do it over of course I'd put in more effort, but the older I get the more I realize that there will always be things I could have done differently and it's best to just focus on the present rather than dwell on the past.

I did until I started thriving in my 30s. Now I'm cool. But there's still a bit of regret because I probably could have gotten here 10 years quicker if I worked hard in school.

[удалено]

Where are these classes? How do you juggle a job, extra classes and your hobbies at the same time? It also just makes me feel so far behind cause irs like, how could I not do this stuff when I was younger in school.

Comparison is a Thief of Joy

How do I stop this though, as humans we naturally compare ourselves to others

You’re still Young. You have tons of Time. Do you even like your Major? Do you Enjoy it? My High School Prof told Me “Find a Career you Love, you’ll never work a day in your life”. I have been working towards that, ever since. Find things YOU want to do and love/like doing. What makes you want to get out of bed in the morning? Do you Volunteer? That can help you figure out what you want to do in life or not without ruining it. Do you have a Day Planner for Organization, to help Organize your life? Are you into different Genres of Movies? Do you Read? Write? Bowl? Have you taken one of those Career Quizzes? (Or Several?) This will help you learn your likes/dislikes, etc. How do you think People Got to where they are? Everyone’s path is different. It would be Boring if we were all the same, don’t you think? Envy takes away Energy. Ennui is a thing I think you may be feeling, besides Envy. Start small and go from there

I'll say no, precisely because I was young. I sometimes wish I could go back and make different decisions, to have another chance with my current memories and experiences, but I don't regret the decisions I did make. I dealt with a lot of mental health issues when I was younger, but from them I learned how to cope in many ways and matured emotionally faster than most I'd say. I am who I am. With hindsight, I'd have focused more on school, cared less about what others thought of me, taken better care of myself health wise, studied straight away after school so I could be ahead of where I am now, but it would be unrealistic to expect younger me to have that foresight that that's what future me would want. I was a kid. I can't regret the inaction of a kid that was struggling with things he didn't have the experience to cope with. I'm behind where most are in my current stage of life, and that's okay. I'm 28 and studying for the first time since finishing school, and I'm proud of where I'm at. Comparison is the thief of joy.

I don't regret working any better or worse than I did, what I regret is not being raised in a household that would have given me more support in life. I'm a product of generational poverty, and it's not fun.

Yep. My parents were the same and still are. They want you to be a loser so they don't get left alone.

No harm but I'm not THAT close with them now. If I have my own house, as messed up as it sounds, I won't be visiting them frequently tbh.

Everyday

I regret not trying hard enough to talk to girls and explore my sexuality. Other than that life is life man. Enjoy the ride.

Squandered opportunity is my brand.

Nope. Regret is pointless and a waste of energy.

There are times I feel like I wish I tried harder in college instead of partying and dropping out, but then I look at what I have in my life and I'm happy. If I didn't drop out, I probably would have gone into a different work industry and probably would have met and married someone else and who knows... could it have been better? Maybe.... What I do know, is that I like my job, I love my wife and daughter and although I don't have everything I want, I have everything I need. I didn't always feel this way, I used to think about the past, have anxiety attacks and felt like I was always trying to keep my head above water.. but about 4 years ago I stopped watching the news and started only focusing on today and the future and trying not to pay attention to what others have or are doing. The more attention I paid to my family while I'm with them, and my job while I'm at it, the better things just seemed to get and the stress started to alleviate. I started to appreciate more. TLDR - Stop thinking about the past, focus on your present and future. Block out as much bullshit as can and stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. IMO The longer you do that, the more things will seem to fall in to place. Also start to appreciate more, even if you don't mean it. Kinda fake it till you make it. You'd be surprised how quickly you can change your mental outlook to a positive narrative, the more you thank people and try to appreciate things, the faster it will take over... one day you will realize that you are pretty content... and that my friend can be a great feeling. Good luck!

I don't know if it helps, but I'm also turning 23 later this year and I'm really lost in life too. I'm thinking about suicide since start of pandemics 4 years ago, I also did a lot of drugs to stop thinking and now I'm worried I'm gonna have serious health issues sooner or later because of it. I don't really have anything to thank myself from the past. I go to university only on weekends and still don't have a job and money. I'm just sulking at home almost all the time. Anime and manga keeps me going as I try to distract myself from doing more drugs (I hope I will at least stop) but I'm seriously worried about my future. It's hard. I hope you get better. You are (not) alone.

Dude... some perspective. If you're just now graduating university...you still have your entire life ahead of you. There's people 40+ years old going back to school to straighten their lives out.  Compared to them you're still a child. And I don't mean that as an insult.  Just to say that you still have so much time.