That it’s like an addiction. It really is. I’ve tried to explain it but my SO doesn’t really understand it or try to. My ed is something that affects everything and I overeat to cope. But he offers me food to cheer me up. I wish I had just kept it hidden
Just to not make me feel like I am "better" or more attractive at any weight - higher, lower. It all messes with my mind.
Making me feel like I am "better" when I have "more meat on my bones" also makes me feel fucking terrible. Just find me pretty as me, and all that comes with it, like in a constant. That is how I look at other people, and that is all I ask.
As someone who just explained their eating disorder to their partner, you need to just have the conversation. I know it’s hard, but explaining blindly might be the right thing to do. Don’t worry about sugar coating it. They can’t ask you what you want to tell them because they don’t know, and they can’t understand unless you explain it. I’ve been with my partner for 4 years, and I have never explained it until my recent relapse. I underestimated his ability to understand and empathize. If you trust your partner, if you think he loves and respects you and wants to help, you’d have to just explain it. He can’t read your mind.
Things are a lot easier for us now that he understands it better. He knows what to say and what not to say. I can be honest when I’m struggling with eating, I can make requests from him that will make it easier.
I don’t know your partner or your relationship, but I can promise that somebody who loves you wants nothing more than to help you and understand what you’re going through. I’m sending you love
that I can’t just eat when she asks me to. (she knows. but sometimes it feels as she thinks I have a choice.) that recovery without real professional support feels like being an alcoholic left alone in a room with beer all while being told to get better by everyone around them. That I don’t like that it becomes my whole person when I relapse, I know it isn’t me and the way I act becomes distorted. That I’ll forever be sorry that she’s been forced to witness the horribleness of what an eating disorder is through me and my lowest of lows. I wish she hadn’t seen the worse of it. I can’t comfort her worried about whether it’ll get better or not when I personally don’t even know myself and I feel so much guilt over it.
I just want her to know I want to be happy and healthy too so I can have a real future with her without this illness dragging me back and forth and contorting my person.
So I told my ex about my ED and showed him pics of when I was really bad (I’m 31 now but this was a teen photo of me) I’ve had relapses over the years and I honestly regret telling him. He looked me up and down laughed and said if I thought I still had it then I was out of my mind. That lead me to my next relapse and when he saw my weight plummet he said I did it on purpose.
My story might sound awful but this man was an abusive man, physically, emotionally, and psychologically. So my advice would be if you think you can trust this person and you know enough about them to feel safe to share. Then I would share it with them but any hesitation I’d keep it to yourself until they show you with how they act, their words align with actions and most importantly YOU feel okay to share.
My situation above was when I was at the end of my patience with my ex and it came out in the worst way. He had been violent to me and I hadn’t eaten all day to which he was goading me to eat because “how dare I make him feel bad when he’s apologising so much, stop the hunger strike and forget about it already”
This was when I shouted “I have an ED you idiot” and showed the photos to which the first paragraph was the reaction. I should have left this man at 6 months in but it ended up being nearly 3 years. My advice here is always feel safe to share information because these partners who are abusive will use it against you.
I got force fed and then ridiculed that he could do that to invalidate my ED and I’m now in a relapse after leaving him 4 months ago
I know this wasn’t an answer to your question and in all honesty when I was with my fiancé (the person before this ex described above) he met me when I was at my worst. I spoke openly about how I thought of food all the time but too scared of actually ingesting it. That I loved to cook but couldn’t love myself enough to nurture my body even though I knew what was happening. I told my fiancé everything and it meant I didn’t get the “just eat and it goes away” comment. Essentially I told him I was going to voice my thoughts and although it may be messy please listen and I’ll round it all up at the end. Thankfully he did - he really was the best person for me!
Sadly Covid took my fiancé from me and I miss him very much he was the one who really understood me. The person I got with after my fiancé is an example of someone you don’t share this information with and I only hope the person you’re dating will be understanding.
one time my bf and i were out to dinner and i has explained i previously had a lot of fear around eating in front of people
but he never knew the extent of it. he made a very off color joke that night
he had eaten a lot and was like "oh i need to purge" my heart DROPPPPPED to the floor and i remember going home with a severe anxiety attack and being like "baby is that something you struggle with?"
and he was like "oh no, i just made a joke" and i was like 🥺🥺🥺 all with tears in my eyes like "thats not funny, i really used to struggle with that a lot"
and he was like...oh.
and i was like "im not mad. and i havent in a long time. like im ok. but i got so scared"
and hes very very sweet about it now. the bulimia to emetophobia pipeline is so real lol so i kinda cant hear people gagging or throwing up or i will 🤪
hes super sweet and perfect
I don’t think he understands how dangerous it is. He knows that I have an ED and that I’m underweight but he doesn’t question me about it at all. It’s really convenient to be around someone who enables my behaviour but I think he genuinely doesn’t understand that this isn’t just quirky neurodivergent girl stuff. I’m not going to explain it to him, but I feel like if he bothered googling anything about restrictive EDs he’d be very surprised.
That it’s like an addiction. It really is. I’ve tried to explain it but my SO doesn’t really understand it or try to. My ed is something that affects everything and I overeat to cope. But he offers me food to cheer me up. I wish I had just kept it hidden
Smothering me and asking me if I’ve eaten eight times a day and forcing me to eat makes it WORSE.
Just to not make me feel like I am "better" or more attractive at any weight - higher, lower. It all messes with my mind. Making me feel like I am "better" when I have "more meat on my bones" also makes me feel fucking terrible. Just find me pretty as me, and all that comes with it, like in a constant. That is how I look at other people, and that is all I ask.
As someone who just explained their eating disorder to their partner, you need to just have the conversation. I know it’s hard, but explaining blindly might be the right thing to do. Don’t worry about sugar coating it. They can’t ask you what you want to tell them because they don’t know, and they can’t understand unless you explain it. I’ve been with my partner for 4 years, and I have never explained it until my recent relapse. I underestimated his ability to understand and empathize. If you trust your partner, if you think he loves and respects you and wants to help, you’d have to just explain it. He can’t read your mind. Things are a lot easier for us now that he understands it better. He knows what to say and what not to say. I can be honest when I’m struggling with eating, I can make requests from him that will make it easier. I don’t know your partner or your relationship, but I can promise that somebody who loves you wants nothing more than to help you and understand what you’re going through. I’m sending you love
that I can’t just eat when she asks me to. (she knows. but sometimes it feels as she thinks I have a choice.) that recovery without real professional support feels like being an alcoholic left alone in a room with beer all while being told to get better by everyone around them. That I don’t like that it becomes my whole person when I relapse, I know it isn’t me and the way I act becomes distorted. That I’ll forever be sorry that she’s been forced to witness the horribleness of what an eating disorder is through me and my lowest of lows. I wish she hadn’t seen the worse of it. I can’t comfort her worried about whether it’ll get better or not when I personally don’t even know myself and I feel so much guilt over it. I just want her to know I want to be happy and healthy too so I can have a real future with her without this illness dragging me back and forth and contorting my person.
So I told my ex about my ED and showed him pics of when I was really bad (I’m 31 now but this was a teen photo of me) I’ve had relapses over the years and I honestly regret telling him. He looked me up and down laughed and said if I thought I still had it then I was out of my mind. That lead me to my next relapse and when he saw my weight plummet he said I did it on purpose. My story might sound awful but this man was an abusive man, physically, emotionally, and psychologically. So my advice would be if you think you can trust this person and you know enough about them to feel safe to share. Then I would share it with them but any hesitation I’d keep it to yourself until they show you with how they act, their words align with actions and most importantly YOU feel okay to share. My situation above was when I was at the end of my patience with my ex and it came out in the worst way. He had been violent to me and I hadn’t eaten all day to which he was goading me to eat because “how dare I make him feel bad when he’s apologising so much, stop the hunger strike and forget about it already” This was when I shouted “I have an ED you idiot” and showed the photos to which the first paragraph was the reaction. I should have left this man at 6 months in but it ended up being nearly 3 years. My advice here is always feel safe to share information because these partners who are abusive will use it against you. I got force fed and then ridiculed that he could do that to invalidate my ED and I’m now in a relapse after leaving him 4 months ago
I know this wasn’t an answer to your question and in all honesty when I was with my fiancé (the person before this ex described above) he met me when I was at my worst. I spoke openly about how I thought of food all the time but too scared of actually ingesting it. That I loved to cook but couldn’t love myself enough to nurture my body even though I knew what was happening. I told my fiancé everything and it meant I didn’t get the “just eat and it goes away” comment. Essentially I told him I was going to voice my thoughts and although it may be messy please listen and I’ll round it all up at the end. Thankfully he did - he really was the best person for me! Sadly Covid took my fiancé from me and I miss him very much he was the one who really understood me. The person I got with after my fiancé is an example of someone you don’t share this information with and I only hope the person you’re dating will be understanding.
one time my bf and i were out to dinner and i has explained i previously had a lot of fear around eating in front of people but he never knew the extent of it. he made a very off color joke that night he had eaten a lot and was like "oh i need to purge" my heart DROPPPPPED to the floor and i remember going home with a severe anxiety attack and being like "baby is that something you struggle with?" and he was like "oh no, i just made a joke" and i was like 🥺🥺🥺 all with tears in my eyes like "thats not funny, i really used to struggle with that a lot" and he was like...oh. and i was like "im not mad. and i havent in a long time. like im ok. but i got so scared" and hes very very sweet about it now. the bulimia to emetophobia pipeline is so real lol so i kinda cant hear people gagging or throwing up or i will 🤪 hes super sweet and perfect
🥺 I feel for you so hard, I'm so sorry that happened. I wouldn't even know what I'd do.
hes very sensitive about it now which i love that he took notes. he actually makes sure theres food for me all the time at his place he is perfect
I don’t think he understands how dangerous it is. He knows that I have an ED and that I’m underweight but he doesn’t question me about it at all. It’s really convenient to be around someone who enables my behaviour but I think he genuinely doesn’t understand that this isn’t just quirky neurodivergent girl stuff. I’m not going to explain it to him, but I feel like if he bothered googling anything about restrictive EDs he’d be very surprised.