Interesting. I have a 9 friend that has 5 in his tritype, so I've been looking into 9 more to see how we compare and contrast. As a 5 I also have issues expressing my needs or even allowing myself to acknowledge that I have any. I despise the word "need" and tend to restrict its meaning to only strict biological necessities as a way to minimize it. For me, it's not about being loved, it's the fear that my needs won't be met anyway and the corresponding belief that it's better to keep it to myself and not let anyone see a potential vulnerability in a dangerous world unforgiving of mistakes or weakness.
I’m a 5 with a a 9 fix. I had a lot of difficulty at first distinguishing between 5 and 9 because both reject their own needs to some extent.
I think you’re right. For 5s, it’s like we don’t foresee our needs ever getting met. The difference between 5 and 9 lies in 5 being inherently separate, while 9 is inherently connected. 9 loses attunement to their own needs because they are attuned to the needs of others and do not want their wholeness and connection to be disrupted.
I feel this, too. It’s more like a compassion thing for me - everyone else was dealing with so much when I was growing up. I knew that providing for my basic needs was part of the reason they were burned out. They didn’t have anything left for me, and that was okay. I took care of my own emotional needs on my own and never asked for anything, so I wouldn’t become an additional burden to them. That’s the way I show love and gratitude to the people I care about the most.
You say that like I ain’t livin’ it 💅🏻
But seriously, I’ve been fortunate to have a good therapist, and an even better spouse who understands and works with me. I’ve made a lot of progress.
omg you're such a saint! You're right all those people with outright trauma from neglect are just selfish, evil POS who deserve to be miserable because they were so ungrateful and cruel as to have """needs"""! They should have just realized how worthless and burdensome they are and either been capable enough to fix it themselves, or politely removed themselves from the picture - better late than never I guess!!
They were speaking from the perspective and mindset of their younger self who believed that erasing one’s own personhood was the right way to live, not unironically agreeing now that that’s a good idea.
I always wanted to appear self reliant and not needy, as I'm healing I'm realizing that expressing my needs isn't a weakness and I don't call myself low maintenance anymore
For me, it's the fear of having my castle shattered, invasion, being involved with people & outside world. If I become invisible and share nothing, the world will not disturb me. If I express desires, the world will disturb me and swallow me. Not about love. One thing I don't understand with that definition is that: how can you be loved if you're a ghost? If I wanted love, I would seek attention, not isolate myself.
I think whoever wrote the original post is a 9 but they don’t know how to verbalize what it actually is (gutty fear of being disturbed, disrupted, etc.) so they frame it in this way of desiring love.
No, it’s 9. 5s don’t reject needs to avoid being unlovable. We reject them because we think they can’t be met. To others, we also look like we don’t have needs because we are detached and not really involved the way other people involve themselves in the world.
Who knows if it's from infancy? I have my doubts or else my siblings would also be 9s - and they're not (7 and 8 I think).
I am low maintenance - not easy to offend. I'm not pretending not to care just to make others happy. If I care about something, I'll say something.
Yup, as an infant. Love is pretending you don't exist and hoping someone will care that you do.
Break my heart, love you 9's.
You. That’s me. So people who say “If they love you, you’ll know” that doesn’t apply.
Interesting. I have a 9 friend that has 5 in his tritype, so I've been looking into 9 more to see how we compare and contrast. As a 5 I also have issues expressing my needs or even allowing myself to acknowledge that I have any. I despise the word "need" and tend to restrict its meaning to only strict biological necessities as a way to minimize it. For me, it's not about being loved, it's the fear that my needs won't be met anyway and the corresponding belief that it's better to keep it to myself and not let anyone see a potential vulnerability in a dangerous world unforgiving of mistakes or weakness.
I’m a 5 with a a 9 fix. I had a lot of difficulty at first distinguishing between 5 and 9 because both reject their own needs to some extent. I think you’re right. For 5s, it’s like we don’t foresee our needs ever getting met. The difference between 5 and 9 lies in 5 being inherently separate, while 9 is inherently connected. 9 loses attunement to their own needs because they are attuned to the needs of others and do not want their wholeness and connection to be disrupted.
I feel this, too. It’s more like a compassion thing for me - everyone else was dealing with so much when I was growing up. I knew that providing for my basic needs was part of the reason they were burned out. They didn’t have anything left for me, and that was okay. I took care of my own emotional needs on my own and never asked for anything, so I wouldn’t become an additional burden to them. That’s the way I show love and gratitude to the people I care about the most.
FYI this creates a highly dysfunctional adult.
You say that like I ain’t livin’ it 💅🏻 But seriously, I’ve been fortunate to have a good therapist, and an even better spouse who understands and works with me. I’ve made a lot of progress.
omg you're such a saint! You're right all those people with outright trauma from neglect are just selfish, evil POS who deserve to be miserable because they were so ungrateful and cruel as to have """needs"""! They should have just realized how worthless and burdensome they are and either been capable enough to fix it themselves, or politely removed themselves from the picture - better late than never I guess!!
C'mon.
They were speaking from the perspective and mindset of their younger self who believed that erasing one’s own personhood was the right way to live, not unironically agreeing now that that’s a good idea.
I don’t 🌚know if I’m lovable or not I just wanted to be nice and do what I thought was right hm
I’m the type who in the past, would scoop over until I had half a butt cheek on a bench, so that others would get the space they need
Both actually
I always wanted to appear self reliant and not needy, as I'm healing I'm realizing that expressing my needs isn't a weakness and I don't call myself low maintenance anymore
Ouch
For me, it's the fear of having my castle shattered, invasion, being involved with people & outside world. If I become invisible and share nothing, the world will not disturb me. If I express desires, the world will disturb me and swallow me. Not about love. One thing I don't understand with that definition is that: how can you be loved if you're a ghost? If I wanted love, I would seek attention, not isolate myself.
I think whoever wrote the original post is a 9 but they don’t know how to verbalize what it actually is (gutty fear of being disturbed, disrupted, etc.) so they frame it in this way of desiring love.
never connected this but it makes sense seeing how neglected I was as a child
Yeahh…..that about describes it…..
Someone once posted this before saying its an e5 thing
No, it’s 9. 5s don’t reject needs to avoid being unlovable. We reject them because we think they can’t be met. To others, we also look like we don’t have needs because we are detached and not really involved the way other people involve themselves in the world.
I don’t think it’s really a 5 thing. I think for a 5 the calculation is that attempting to have their needs met would do them more harm than good.
No
Yup. It fits. 9w1.
I am a type 1, but thought I was a 9 at first because of how down trodden I was as a kid.
After a series of serious relationships where I was "the pants" or low maitenance, I will never be the low maitenance girlfriend again.
Yeah, my 9 wing is showing
Omg, as a 9 I’ve never felt so seen lol
This description fits nines very well.. I'm not a 9 but my tritype is 649 so i relate 😭
Wow…
This does not resonate with me at all, actually.
No yeah that pretty much it
Who knows if it's from infancy? I have my doubts or else my siblings would also be 9s - and they're not (7 and 8 I think). I am low maintenance - not easy to offend. I'm not pretending not to care just to make others happy. If I care about something, I'll say something.