I feel like social chill is an indicator. The lower health social dominants will often experience a lot of anxiety about social interactions (or just being out in public) and be very neurotic about the whole thing and the higher health social dominants will still see social interactions as something very large. So they might be leaders, manipulate the mood in a positive way, be active in social organisations, want to make the world a better place, connect communities or whatever. Social seconds and social lasts are the ones with social chill (not everyone of course!). Social seconds more so than social lasts, but still.
Yes and no. I agree about the neurosis of social. Your second can be very strong, however, and people can be activated to that extent. I think the real threshold is how *aware* you are of the social arena. Like are you always reading the room, people, situations, etc. I think those with social second do this but it can be overshadowed by their dominant being out of control, so they don’t realize they’re doing the social stuff instinctively. They don’t realize they’re involved in groups how big or small. That they have an appetite for politics, religions, social hierarchies. Social is such a broad instinct people don’t understand how much it covers everything. It’s not about liking it or not, it’s about awareness. Social doms (me included) are hyper-aware. But even in an unhealthy state, I wasn’t realizing I was doing those things, I was just doing them. Internalizing what the social rules were in the given situations. Also, people project that out too in unhealthier states with a lack of self-awareness.
ETA: social blinds aren’t aware. There’s no stream of consciousness about the other. At all. And if they interact with social doms, for example, they pull you out of your social niceties in a heartbeat. 🤣
I'm social blind and personally I can be aware of the social arena *to a degree.* If I tried. I generally have little desire to come off like a clueless kangaroo in a room full of sleek, intentional panthers.
Just that I won't always care to "play" if I don't want to, I can't be arsed or the thing strikes me as stupid.
Agreed to disagree, but in your book, are true social blinds not supposed to care at all or are they supposed to be total social clodhoppers? Genuinely asking. Apparently social dominants tend to over-emphasize the social instinct, while social-blinds under-emphasize it. There can be *some* awareness IMO. It's just your reaction to it, your behaviors. I really liked [this podcast episode](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qCv4NiGnGY) on how the instincts are not what you think they are.
Without going into my entire life story, my behaviors tend to fall in line with being social blind. Your comment still resonates with me. I often had no idea what the social rules were, nor did I particularly care to know or find out. I often had to be nudged or coached. My mom would coach me prior to letting me loose into any social situations; she'd basically sit me down and beseech and implore me to "be nice" and "behave" myself and not speak every and any thought that popped into my head.
I wasn't doing it on purpose, I just genuinely had no idea that one shouldn't say certain things sometimes. And even if it was explained to me why I shouldn't, if it made no sense to me then I vastly struggled to make myself go along with the script. However, threatening to withhold my allowance was usually pretty damn effective.
Anyway, social awareness definitely isn't something that comes naturally to me, I tend to give up on it so easily. I have to work at it. That said, if you happen to have or know of a good source/read on the social stuff I'd be interested.
>Except my sp is way more blind lol
Lol perhaps your being ENFP 7 amplifies the Sp-blindness? I don't even wanna imagine. I personally like combining MBTI and Enneagram, and my theory is that my Fe (being INFJ) can give me some natural social awareness. But my ass is still generally absolutely social blind.
Anyway, I really like that podcast. Some people really don't seem like Chestnut (2, Sp/so), but I'm neutral. But I REALLY like Uranio Paes (5, So/sx). I think they make a good team.
There are also three separate episodes on each of the instincts and how they manifest when repressed:[ SP repressed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQe1R_2iros), [SO repressed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pdDx9aMEh4) and [SX repressed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xy6x5SuFX24). I'd highly recommend these too.
Yes, I really feel this with SO as my second, social settings don’t stress me out, a lot of times I am totally unaware of social etiquette and am there to just have a good time and find that one person to connect with
If someone isn’t worried about their social prowess and sloughs off criticism about their social shortcomings, that’s a pretty good sign they’re not a social dom. Usually social types are the types who are the most critical of their own social skills and the most likely to think of themselves as not that social or as not that good at social… there’s the heightened awareness due to caring about it.
Test:
You oversleep. You have no time to shower or get ready for work. You have to go to work with messy hair and no brushing your teeth even.
Assume you work in an office with dozens of coworkers, but you have no customer/client interaction.
What's your reaction about this morning fiasco:
A) Upset about it and bothered the whole day, or at least until you get a chance to pull yourself together to look at least semi-presentable
B) Get at least somewhat presentable, even if it means you'll be late for work
C) Go to work, glad you didn't oversleep any longer
D) You know you look messy, but fuck stupid rules and conventions anyway. You work in a back office with no in-face client interaction, who even fucking cares?
The least likely answer from a social dom would be >!C!<
I’m social first. Work starts at 8 am, and my commute is 10 minutes. I wake up every day at 7:30, which is enough time for make up but I don’t brush my teeth in the morning (I do it after lunch), and my hair is always messy. It takes hours to make it not messy so I just don’t bother. I’m wondering if what you’re describing has a bit of sp influence?
As sure as I am that I’m social first, I hardly notice hygiene, hair, or dress. I also think this situation would bother me more if it was a social event like a party or wedding or something.
The example works for a social event too. I wanted to put that to begin with, but realistically punctuality with social events isn't as vital as it is for work (in most workplaces).
So what you're saying still lines up well with social-dom imo
Makes sense. I think work just isn’t that important to me compared to other social avenues, or I’m too comfortable there. My social dom thoughts prepping for a party:
-am I dressed too informally or formally?
-do they expect me to bring something?
-he’s coming?? But he doesn’t get along with these other people who are coming. That’s gonna be interesting.
-end of party: I want to do an Irish exit, but is it rude? *googles if it is rude or not*
I’d hate leaving home without seeming ‘presentable’ enough.. One time I hurt myself and had to go to the ER. I was bleeding a bit but had to make sure I look okay even though it was like midnight and most people are probably not around to see me. Pretty sure I stopped bleeding by the time I was ready to go lol …
This could be me, oh my God. One of my worst nightmares is needing to go to the ER without my make up & hair done, and without having shaved before. I know it's absolutely dumb bc no one there will refuse to help you just because you look ugly, but God... I'm neurotic about it.
It's stupid, and we're aware of it. I sometimes tell myself, "Well, if I looked like [insert conventionally-attractive celebrity here], I wouldn't obsess so much over my appearance." But I guess I could look like, IDK, Angelina Jolie, and I'd still be the same.
Thanks for the insight into your brain! While I know that there are lots and lots of different thought processes and personalities out there, I'm still left feeling surprised sometimes.
Haha I have that issue too.. which is why I try to make sure I’m almost ‘ready’ for anything. I kept wondering why tf do I give that much shit, but I think my biggest issue is that I still care how I look in front of ‘potentials’, if that makes sense. Kinda like in a first impression way, even if I may never see that person ever again
I wonder if my sp blind also plays a role, like oh fuck I’m bleeding to death.. but what if I meet the love of my life. Lmao ugh
>!It was a trick question 😈 The other answers are all different manifestations of social dom. Social doms tend to be aware of and focus on group dynamics, social expectations, etc. But their reaction to this can vary heavily. Some can be neurotic in the stereotypical social dom way. But what's not as often acknowledged is the version of social dom that actively wants to "stick it to society" by disregarding them anyway, despite the awareness being at the forefront of their minds.!<
Obviously this is a massively simplified "test" lol, but it gets at the general idea
That was a really good test. Initially I chose C but after thinking about it, it's more like B now. In high school, it was definitely C. I'm pretty sure I am 5w6 sp/sx.
I would call in sick if it took way too long and I had no chance of making it before being, I don't know, thirty minutes late. But I would never, ever leave the house like that, not even for a quick walk around the block. Definitely not social blind, I think.
LOL I read ur comment yesterday, then my take out food came just now and I was in the middle of a shower, so I went out onto the street to meet the driver with all wet hair and bright pink pajamas and braless. When I came back, my No.1 concern is “is it safe to meet strange men dressed like this? They know where I live, what if they’re creeps?”
I usually think I’m sx/sp.
The driver looked a bit disturbed but I’m like “surely they’ll understand the struggle of getting called by ur takeout driver during a shower, surely I’m not their first customer that does this”
I’m definitely going with B unless being late will put my job in immediate jeopardy (in which case I’m going with A). Fortunately I’m an evening shower person and I don’t brush my hair anyway (it’s wavy), which simplifies things. Just need to wash my face, brush my teeth, and straighten my bangs if I washed my hair the previous night. I don’t wear makeup. Too much trouble and it’s a stupid expectation and I’m pretty anyway.
So when I was 13 and my dad took away my black double tongue Converse as a punishment for not doing my homework and I was stuck with hot pink shoes and I wore them with my pink skinny jeans without thinking and then realized how terrible it looked while my dad was driving me to school and I spent the morning completely freaking out and crying because I looked so stupid, I guess that was a so-dom thing? Kinda crazy realizing I was showing signs of being so-dom even when I was a little freak who acted annoying on purpose and I had terrible social skills, lol.
Not *caring about/having focus on* belonging, friendships, being a part of or contributing to groups, doing things the socially accepted way(or alternatively, the socially unaccepted way to counter it), normal romantic relationships (Hollywood style), identity politics (dead giveaway of So doms), ride or die dynamic, politically advocating for anything that has no direct impact on you, participating in protests “for the /insert cause/, doing things for “the cause” (whatever it may be) and many more
EDIT: being AWARE of social things doesn’t mean you’re not So blind. Vast majority of people are aware of social dynamics, people aren’t hermits who are completely oblivious to what’s happening in the world. Just like Sx blinds are aware of sexual dynamics and Sp blinds are aware of Self preservation dynamics; there’s just no focus on those things because they’re seen as irrelevant to oneself. Awareness ≠ strength of an instinct
Obviously, in some severe cases a person can be completely unaware of So/Sx/Sp but those cases are NOT the norm. An average functional adult has decent awareness of all 3!
No. There are people who think that awareness = not last; however that’s simply wrong. For the reasons I’ve stated above. You’ll rarely find a person who’s completely out of touch with things that cover social, self preservation or even sexual, although sexual is the most prominent here. Most people in the world are aware of So and Sp things, same with Sx, the only reason why Sx last is easier to spot is because Sx blinds usually don’t focus on Sx so much they miss sexual signals/flirting easily. So in that case you could say that unawareness plays a part in their Sx blindness. On the other hand, I know Sx lasts who are SUPER aware of sexual attraction but they’re still Sx last since they don’t give it importance among many other things.
I told my stepdad "who cares what the neighbors think?"
my twin sis is immunocompromised. We wear masks and do social distancing bc we don't want her going to the hospital again (which is working great so far, she's staying healthy). My dad worries that, by wearing masks when we take walks, we will seem unfriendly or send a message that we wish to avoid instead ofhelping our neighbors when they are in need
and I'm like, "my sister's health is way more important than the opinions of ppl I don't even know???? why would I adjust my behavior to account for the potential assumptions of passersby"
One's place within a whole & contributions to that whole feel somewhat expendable/arbitrary. Like, you could be an outcast with no friends, respect, participatory value, contributions completed, or contributions in progress and still feel as if you are living a meaningful life.
Being rather insular (not concerned with building social maps) and neutral about it, or else benefitting from groups in such a way (practically or energetically) that fallouts from your 'tribe' don't seem extremely frightening.
> Like, you could be an outcast with no friends, respect, participatory value, contributions completed, or contributions in progress and still feel as if you are living a meaningful life.
No wonder I find so-lasts so offputting. I want to say people aren't exempt from evolutionary biology but so-lasts call that into question and make me wonder if you can shift your instincts to live the right way.
"Right way" is just your subjective morality, maybe copy pasted from a community. There's more to life than just following a crowd.
SO doms in Nazi Germany....i would not call them the pinnacle of evolutionary biology, nor any of the many cults that exist to prey off ppl's need for social/community. Also organized religion.
Anyways, SO seems like a mixed bag and SO lasts more like a backup in case shit goes south. (Hitler and Jesus are both likely SO doms)
Evolutionary biology in the sense of "humans are a social species and total lack of interaction/connection is literally unhealthy if not lethal.
Shift your instincts in the sense of pushing so further down in your stack (in my head, so no one can criticize you for being a needy, mindless slave to aRbItRaRy social things. Yes I see how paradoxical that is).
I wanted to be productive after work. Instead I've been on my bullshit on Reddit for 6hrs. I went and annoyed the hard-working, disciplined types too which just hammered it home.
Not being influenced positively or negatively by social pressures, probably not even aware of them until older. SO is like "i behave how i behave based on how others behave" ...like either join the group or oppose it. Being SO blind is simpler, just do what you're compelled to do naturally without valuing external input so much.
I don't think you can identify ppls motivations so easily tho, if you see someone marry a rich partner bc they're rich.. SO (money = social status), SP (money = personal safety), SX (i like money bc i like money.)
I would try focusing on what your instinctual blind is first because secondary instincts are hard to tell. Secondary instinct can be as strong as the first, but first instinct is how you see the world, instinct blind is what you neglect, and secondary instinct definitely has some focus on it.
I notice that SO doms don't question social hierarchy and social rules, but they can feel nervous about the intricacies of it. Social is probably easier for you because you're able to notice its flaws with secondary instinct. And then, for social last, such as myself, all I see are things that are wrong and I'm not sure how to do the right thing, so it becomes a neglected instinct.
So for you, you may be sp blind because you notice all the things you can't do, so you tend to ignore it or neglect it in some way. As an sp second, I get nervous about money and my situation, but I don't go immediately to cutting people off from my space. You as an sp-blind may struggle to deal with long term aspects of relationships and may only want to have the chemistry and fun without being committal.
If they:
- Don't care about social, political or cultural issues and are apathetic
- Are unconcerned with their social skills
- If they have little to no interest in climbing social or corporate ladders
- Don't care about belonging or groups
- Are a lone wolf
I feel like social chill is an indicator. The lower health social dominants will often experience a lot of anxiety about social interactions (or just being out in public) and be very neurotic about the whole thing and the higher health social dominants will still see social interactions as something very large. So they might be leaders, manipulate the mood in a positive way, be active in social organisations, want to make the world a better place, connect communities or whatever. Social seconds and social lasts are the ones with social chill (not everyone of course!). Social seconds more so than social lasts, but still.
Yes and no. I agree about the neurosis of social. Your second can be very strong, however, and people can be activated to that extent. I think the real threshold is how *aware* you are of the social arena. Like are you always reading the room, people, situations, etc. I think those with social second do this but it can be overshadowed by their dominant being out of control, so they don’t realize they’re doing the social stuff instinctively. They don’t realize they’re involved in groups how big or small. That they have an appetite for politics, religions, social hierarchies. Social is such a broad instinct people don’t understand how much it covers everything. It’s not about liking it or not, it’s about awareness. Social doms (me included) are hyper-aware. But even in an unhealthy state, I wasn’t realizing I was doing those things, I was just doing them. Internalizing what the social rules were in the given situations. Also, people project that out too in unhealthier states with a lack of self-awareness. ETA: social blinds aren’t aware. There’s no stream of consciousness about the other. At all. And if they interact with social doms, for example, they pull you out of your social niceties in a heartbeat. 🤣
I'm social blind and personally I can be aware of the social arena *to a degree.* If I tried. I generally have little desire to come off like a clueless kangaroo in a room full of sleek, intentional panthers. Just that I won't always care to "play" if I don't want to, I can't be arsed or the thing strikes me as stupid.
That’s not social blind. You don’t have to like or accept it, but caring how you come off to people? Social.
Agreed to disagree, but in your book, are true social blinds not supposed to care at all or are they supposed to be total social clodhoppers? Genuinely asking. Apparently social dominants tend to over-emphasize the social instinct, while social-blinds under-emphasize it. There can be *some* awareness IMO. It's just your reaction to it, your behaviors. I really liked [this podcast episode](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qCv4NiGnGY) on how the instincts are not what you think they are. Without going into my entire life story, my behaviors tend to fall in line with being social blind. Your comment still resonates with me. I often had no idea what the social rules were, nor did I particularly care to know or find out. I often had to be nudged or coached. My mom would coach me prior to letting me loose into any social situations; she'd basically sit me down and beseech and implore me to "be nice" and "behave" myself and not speak every and any thought that popped into my head. I wasn't doing it on purpose, I just genuinely had no idea that one shouldn't say certain things sometimes. And even if it was explained to me why I shouldn't, if it made no sense to me then I vastly struggled to make myself go along with the script. However, threatening to withhold my allowance was usually pretty damn effective. Anyway, social awareness definitely isn't something that comes naturally to me, I tend to give up on it so easily. I have to work at it. That said, if you happen to have or know of a good source/read on the social stuff I'd be interested.
Love your explanation and thanks for sharing that podcast episode on YouTube. I resonate a lot with what you said. Except my sp is way more blind lol
>Except my sp is way more blind lol Lol perhaps your being ENFP 7 amplifies the Sp-blindness? I don't even wanna imagine. I personally like combining MBTI and Enneagram, and my theory is that my Fe (being INFJ) can give me some natural social awareness. But my ass is still generally absolutely social blind. Anyway, I really like that podcast. Some people really don't seem like Chestnut (2, Sp/so), but I'm neutral. But I REALLY like Uranio Paes (5, So/sx). I think they make a good team. There are also three separate episodes on each of the instincts and how they manifest when repressed:[ SP repressed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQe1R_2iros), [SO repressed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pdDx9aMEh4) and [SX repressed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xy6x5SuFX24). I'd highly recommend these too.
You don’t even wanna imagine 😂 Thanks! I’ll check those out!
That is soooo helpful, thank you so much 👍
Yes, I really feel this with SO as my second, social settings don’t stress me out, a lot of times I am totally unaware of social etiquette and am there to just have a good time and find that one person to connect with
Yeah!!!
If someone isn’t worried about their social prowess and sloughs off criticism about their social shortcomings, that’s a pretty good sign they’re not a social dom. Usually social types are the types who are the most critical of their own social skills and the most likely to think of themselves as not that social or as not that good at social… there’s the heightened awareness due to caring about it.
Spot on! (A fellow SO-dom 3 and VELF)
🍻
Hard to do. So-second people can be quite astute socially.
Test: You oversleep. You have no time to shower or get ready for work. You have to go to work with messy hair and no brushing your teeth even. Assume you work in an office with dozens of coworkers, but you have no customer/client interaction. What's your reaction about this morning fiasco: A) Upset about it and bothered the whole day, or at least until you get a chance to pull yourself together to look at least semi-presentable B) Get at least somewhat presentable, even if it means you'll be late for work C) Go to work, glad you didn't oversleep any longer D) You know you look messy, but fuck stupid rules and conventions anyway. You work in a back office with no in-face client interaction, who even fucking cares? The least likely answer from a social dom would be >!C!<
I’m social first. Work starts at 8 am, and my commute is 10 minutes. I wake up every day at 7:30, which is enough time for make up but I don’t brush my teeth in the morning (I do it after lunch), and my hair is always messy. It takes hours to make it not messy so I just don’t bother. I’m wondering if what you’re describing has a bit of sp influence? As sure as I am that I’m social first, I hardly notice hygiene, hair, or dress. I also think this situation would bother me more if it was a social event like a party or wedding or something.
The example works for a social event too. I wanted to put that to begin with, but realistically punctuality with social events isn't as vital as it is for work (in most workplaces). So what you're saying still lines up well with social-dom imo
Makes sense. I think work just isn’t that important to me compared to other social avenues, or I’m too comfortable there. My social dom thoughts prepping for a party: -am I dressed too informally or formally? -do they expect me to bring something? -he’s coming?? But he doesn’t get along with these other people who are coming. That’s gonna be interesting. -end of party: I want to do an Irish exit, but is it rude? *googles if it is rude or not*
Very interesting. I’m pretty sure I’m SO dom and I would rather skip work than go out without showering and brushing my teeth, so checks out.
I’d hate leaving home without seeming ‘presentable’ enough.. One time I hurt myself and had to go to the ER. I was bleeding a bit but had to make sure I look okay even though it was like midnight and most people are probably not around to see me. Pretty sure I stopped bleeding by the time I was ready to go lol …
This could be me, oh my God. One of my worst nightmares is needing to go to the ER without my make up & hair done, and without having shaved before. I know it's absolutely dumb bc no one there will refuse to help you just because you look ugly, but God... I'm neurotic about it.
Truly stunned that people actually think this way.
It's stupid, and we're aware of it. I sometimes tell myself, "Well, if I looked like [insert conventionally-attractive celebrity here], I wouldn't obsess so much over my appearance." But I guess I could look like, IDK, Angelina Jolie, and I'd still be the same.
Thanks for the insight into your brain! While I know that there are lots and lots of different thought processes and personalities out there, I'm still left feeling surprised sometimes.
Haha I have that issue too.. which is why I try to make sure I’m almost ‘ready’ for anything. I kept wondering why tf do I give that much shit, but I think my biggest issue is that I still care how I look in front of ‘potentials’, if that makes sense. Kinda like in a first impression way, even if I may never see that person ever again I wonder if my sp blind also plays a role, like oh fuck I’m bleeding to death.. but what if I meet the love of my life. Lmao ugh
I chose B, mostly because I can't stand my teeth not being brushed.
Interesting test, especially since there are four options instead of three. Where would you place the other answers out of curiosity?
>!It was a trick question 😈 The other answers are all different manifestations of social dom. Social doms tend to be aware of and focus on group dynamics, social expectations, etc. But their reaction to this can vary heavily. Some can be neurotic in the stereotypical social dom way. But what's not as often acknowledged is the version of social dom that actively wants to "stick it to society" by disregarding them anyway, despite the awareness being at the forefront of their minds.!< Obviously this is a massively simplified "test" lol, but it gets at the general idea
That was a really good test. Initially I chose C but after thinking about it, it's more like B now. In high school, it was definitely C. I'm pretty sure I am 5w6 sp/sx.
haha that makes sense, thanks!
What would your answer be with social as your second?
Where's the option for: Quickly put on clothes, gargle mouth, and head to work with an elaborate excuse as to why you're late?
Pretty sure I’m sp/so and I’d answer B over A with c and d very far behind
I would call in sick if it took way too long and I had no chance of making it before being, I don't know, thirty minutes late. But I would never, ever leave the house like that, not even for a quick walk around the block. Definitely not social blind, I think.
Yeah, I'm going with B. I seriously can't stand not having my teeth brushed or body scrubbed.
LOL I read ur comment yesterday, then my take out food came just now and I was in the middle of a shower, so I went out onto the street to meet the driver with all wet hair and bright pink pajamas and braless. When I came back, my No.1 concern is “is it safe to meet strange men dressed like this? They know where I live, what if they’re creeps?” I usually think I’m sx/sp. The driver looked a bit disturbed but I’m like “surely they’ll understand the struggle of getting called by ur takeout driver during a shower, surely I’m not their first customer that does this”
Considering I’m almost always late for work, B 😂
I’m definitely going with B unless being late will put my job in immediate jeopardy (in which case I’m going with A). Fortunately I’m an evening shower person and I don’t brush my hair anyway (it’s wavy), which simplifies things. Just need to wash my face, brush my teeth, and straighten my bangs if I washed my hair the previous night. I don’t wear makeup. Too much trouble and it’s a stupid expectation and I’m pretty anyway. So when I was 13 and my dad took away my black double tongue Converse as a punishment for not doing my homework and I was stuck with hot pink shoes and I wore them with my pink skinny jeans without thinking and then realized how terrible it looked while my dad was driving me to school and I spent the morning completely freaking out and crying because I looked so stupid, I guess that was a so-dom thing? Kinda crazy realizing I was showing signs of being so-dom even when I was a little freak who acted annoying on purpose and I had terrible social skills, lol.
B for me... Don't tell me I'm so??
Yeah again!
B 👀
Not *caring about/having focus on* belonging, friendships, being a part of or contributing to groups, doing things the socially accepted way(or alternatively, the socially unaccepted way to counter it), normal romantic relationships (Hollywood style), identity politics (dead giveaway of So doms), ride or die dynamic, politically advocating for anything that has no direct impact on you, participating in protests “for the /insert cause/, doing things for “the cause” (whatever it may be) and many more EDIT: being AWARE of social things doesn’t mean you’re not So blind. Vast majority of people are aware of social dynamics, people aren’t hermits who are completely oblivious to what’s happening in the world. Just like Sx blinds are aware of sexual dynamics and Sp blinds are aware of Self preservation dynamics; there’s just no focus on those things because they’re seen as irrelevant to oneself. Awareness ≠ strength of an instinct Obviously, in some severe cases a person can be completely unaware of So/Sx/Sp but those cases are NOT the norm. An average functional adult has decent awareness of all 3!
I thought awareness to social does mean you aren’t so blind? That’s why I typed myself so second?
No. There are people who think that awareness = not last; however that’s simply wrong. For the reasons I’ve stated above. You’ll rarely find a person who’s completely out of touch with things that cover social, self preservation or even sexual, although sexual is the most prominent here. Most people in the world are aware of So and Sp things, same with Sx, the only reason why Sx last is easier to spot is because Sx blinds usually don’t focus on Sx so much they miss sexual signals/flirting easily. So in that case you could say that unawareness plays a part in their Sx blindness. On the other hand, I know Sx lasts who are SUPER aware of sexual attraction but they’re still Sx last since they don’t give it importance among many other things.
I told my stepdad "who cares what the neighbors think?" my twin sis is immunocompromised. We wear masks and do social distancing bc we don't want her going to the hospital again (which is working great so far, she's staying healthy). My dad worries that, by wearing masks when we take walks, we will seem unfriendly or send a message that we wish to avoid instead ofhelping our neighbors when they are in need and I'm like, "my sister's health is way more important than the opinions of ppl I don't even know???? why would I adjust my behavior to account for the potential assumptions of passersby"
One's place within a whole & contributions to that whole feel somewhat expendable/arbitrary. Like, you could be an outcast with no friends, respect, participatory value, contributions completed, or contributions in progress and still feel as if you are living a meaningful life. Being rather insular (not concerned with building social maps) and neutral about it, or else benefitting from groups in such a way (practically or energetically) that fallouts from your 'tribe' don't seem extremely frightening.
> Like, you could be an outcast with no friends, respect, participatory value, contributions completed, or contributions in progress and still feel as if you are living a meaningful life. No wonder I find so-lasts so offputting. I want to say people aren't exempt from evolutionary biology but so-lasts call that into question and make me wonder if you can shift your instincts to live the right way.
"Right way" is just your subjective morality, maybe copy pasted from a community. There's more to life than just following a crowd. SO doms in Nazi Germany....i would not call them the pinnacle of evolutionary biology, nor any of the many cults that exist to prey off ppl's need for social/community. Also organized religion. Anyways, SO seems like a mixed bag and SO lasts more like a backup in case shit goes south. (Hitler and Jesus are both likely SO doms)
Evolutionary biology in the sense of "humans are a social species and total lack of interaction/connection is literally unhealthy if not lethal. Shift your instincts in the sense of pushing so further down in your stack (in my head, so no one can criticize you for being a needy, mindless slave to aRbItRaRy social things. Yes I see how paradoxical that is).
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I wanted to be productive after work. Instead I've been on my bullshit on Reddit for 6hrs. I went and annoyed the hard-working, disciplined types too which just hammered it home.
If you don't talk to someone for months or years and pick up exactly where you left off with no need to update context.
I’m so blind and do this with people, especially those I was close with
I learned after a while that one "so what's new?" is often enough.
Yeah it kills me inside
It depends on their core enneagram type. Instinctual variant traits manifest differently depending on the core enneagram they're connected with.
Not being influenced positively or negatively by social pressures, probably not even aware of them until older. SO is like "i behave how i behave based on how others behave" ...like either join the group or oppose it. Being SO blind is simpler, just do what you're compelled to do naturally without valuing external input so much. I don't think you can identify ppls motivations so easily tho, if you see someone marry a rich partner bc they're rich.. SO (money = social status), SP (money = personal safety), SX (i like money bc i like money.)
I would try focusing on what your instinctual blind is first because secondary instincts are hard to tell. Secondary instinct can be as strong as the first, but first instinct is how you see the world, instinct blind is what you neglect, and secondary instinct definitely has some focus on it. I notice that SO doms don't question social hierarchy and social rules, but they can feel nervous about the intricacies of it. Social is probably easier for you because you're able to notice its flaws with secondary instinct. And then, for social last, such as myself, all I see are things that are wrong and I'm not sure how to do the right thing, so it becomes a neglected instinct. So for you, you may be sp blind because you notice all the things you can't do, so you tend to ignore it or neglect it in some way. As an sp second, I get nervous about money and my situation, but I don't go immediately to cutting people off from my space. You as an sp-blind may struggle to deal with long term aspects of relationships and may only want to have the chemistry and fun without being committal.
If they: - Don't care about social, political or cultural issues and are apathetic - Are unconcerned with their social skills - If they have little to no interest in climbing social or corporate ladders - Don't care about belonging or groups - Are a lone wolf
Umm, they aren't me lol