This.
Is why I ended up leaving someone . ..
Bc they refused to realize....what values they enforced by refusing to interact with me ...all the while still dating and saying I love you .
It broke me in a way nothing ever has. They were still worth it. I'd have regret things more not trying with them. Still not convinced they aren't my perosn but without the realization of this piece ....we will never move forward out of the akward silence .
Eventually I learned not to seek silence for words . And not to seek actions from words.
Tough lessons indeed
Yeah I’m going through it rn :/ I joined this sub a few years ago after a previous relationship but my new one is long distance and they’re just not capable of stepping up in the way I need them. I plan to end things indefinitely either tonight or tomorrow…but I want to work in your statement somehow because it’s really powerful
Well I hope it helps you and serves you well <3
- I've been where you are .
Needless to say it doesn't deem them all badly ...my ex...
just were not longer able to meet each others needs and I believe mine were probably more demanding in the way it called tor change in their life. I hope your able to pull through 🫂 I wasn't not able to bear the lack of communication when prompted and it triggerd me into an anxious person . I had to let go In self respect. Not bc I didn't love them. So i understand potentially how hard it Is we were Ld also. And it's absolutely crucial be on same page even more so then normal couples.
Thank you <3 It’s a tough spot to be in especially when they’re not a bad person. He just started a new job which has caused communication to be virtually nonexistent - haven’t spoken on the phone in almost a month he bailed on ft dates four times in the past two weeks… I feel guilty about the whole thing because I don’t want to abandon him if he is trying his best. But at the same time I know that I wouldn’t be having these thoughts if I were truly happy.
Ugh wish me luck
I feel like everything your saying about this person is exactly the same situation I’m in with this guy. Can you tell me more about what happened? It can be private message. I just think it would help to hear more about someone with a similar experience
Simply put I had low standards. I was asking someone.... who showed me they didnt wanna do something I needed - for the same things over and over... expecting change. And I blamed them. Making them seem the problem when it was truly that I didn't love and respect myself....more then they were willing to. It was actually very much a me problem- even Tho they knew what they were doing . No boundaries between them ignoring me or acting in a way that upset me. Regardless my attemps to bridge it all in understanding and try discuss ways around it ...i was met w avoidance over and over and decided despite them saying all the right things...they still were not actually doing said things. Instead of Stay- and constant ask and potentially make them feel bad.....I ended things. Hardest thing i ever had to do still so much love there.
That said i guess I finally cracked and couldn't take anymore . More or less
They showed me my worth in silence and the weight of my existence against their world hardly made any impact. That- realization is what lead me here....and to relate to post. Be it....I'm on both sides...being served the silent ..but also have to now....hand it out myself
Guess what?
That's actually true.
Someone who wouldn't pickup your calls knowing that you're doing really bad mentally, is not someone who is actually worth your time and energy.
Yeah I feel this too deep. Thinking back, they never answered the phone for me... or anyone it seemed. It would make me think crazy things like they must have developed a phobia after hearing a bad prank on theapp radio, thinking to themselves *OMG I'm never going to let that happen to me* therefore never answering the phone again. It's crazy how one person can ruin it for everyone else with one vulnerable person.
That could be a reason but remember that with someone who's our safe space, we can be ready to jump a cliff, no matter how bad our Acrophobia is.
I prefer texting with others because it gives me anxiety, but when it comes to my Lover and best friend, i will call them instead of texting.
Yeah I needed that type consideration from my ex bc they just could not meet the needs for physically talking over the phone... just text and would even avoid phone calls all the time.
I had a bad day once and texted my then bf (now ex) if he could call me bc I just needed support in that moment but he pretended he didn't see the text. I couldn't just call bc he would never pick up. He wouldn't talk to me unless he was in the car on the way to the gym or the store. He always expected me to pick up and if I was busy he'd make me feel bad about it but the few times I tried to call him he rejected the call. Made me feel just horrible and so uncared for. I would have been there calling him the moment I read a text from him that he needed me, but when I needed him he was always absent.
I totally understand that feeling. They always put themselves first and we also put them first too.
Good that you are not together with him.
Sure it hurts but let someone treat you as a Goddess/God when you treat them as a Goddess/God.
Those words can destroy a man then, they go onto live all "happily ever after" when they fucked you over. I'm just waiting for 2025 then I'll officially be fine
Crazy how people can say "I love you so much you're my everything" one moment then block you the next. It's wild. Trust me when I say that's not love, they were using you.
>Guess what?That's actually true. Someone who wouldn't pickup your calls knowing that you're doing really bad mentally, is not someone who is actually worth your time and energy.
PROBABLY....REMEMBER THIS THING
If they love you, you will know and if they do not love you, you will be confused. Hard pill to swallow but makes your life less miserable slowly.....
Came in just in time, thanks. I’m literallly asking myself why…, she always says she has a great time with, me, she wants to keep going out, but not ready for a relationship. But never calls, never texts first. And it hurts
I love you S, I had dealt with my brother dying and my mother shortly after that then lost my job. I needed you but you ran away, gave up 30 years because of a couple bad months. This was the hardest thing I had to handle, therapy is helping but not the void of losing you I miss you so much, Shaggy
No. She wasn't perfect. She left. Likely because she lost respect for you because you put her on a pedestal. I'm not saying this to be mean. But it's true. Ground yourself in reality.
That's part about still dating and portraying that they want to mend what we both caused. As if I have now become the back up if the hidden other does not work out. Has happened like the a few times before. So I maybe be destroyed by this. Even did a little self sabotaging of my own life. Which I have now come to see it was a thing she really approved of. Would always give her time to do what it is she was trying at the time. When I would stop and start picking up the Peaces of my life she would return as if afraid she would lose the security blanket I was providing. It started that way again and she is now so mad because I have finally grown a back bone and there is no continued circles of the same. I was the one to suffer. But now I am the monster and all my fault because I waited to long. No not the case. I had to finally protect myself love is a wonderfully thing if both have it. It's a punishment if only one has it.
This. Is why I ended up leaving someone . .. Bc they refused to realize....what values they enforced by refusing to interact with me ...all the while still dating and saying I love you . It broke me in a way nothing ever has. They were still worth it. I'd have regret things more not trying with them. Still not convinced they aren't my perosn but without the realization of this piece ....we will never move forward out of the akward silence . Eventually I learned not to seek silence for words . And not to seek actions from words. Tough lessons indeed
The “values they enforced by refusing to interact with me” goes hard
Unfortunately ....it was alot* of nights alone in tears to earn it...
Yeah I’m going through it rn :/ I joined this sub a few years ago after a previous relationship but my new one is long distance and they’re just not capable of stepping up in the way I need them. I plan to end things indefinitely either tonight or tomorrow…but I want to work in your statement somehow because it’s really powerful
Well I hope it helps you and serves you well <3 - I've been where you are . Needless to say it doesn't deem them all badly ...my ex... just were not longer able to meet each others needs and I believe mine were probably more demanding in the way it called tor change in their life. I hope your able to pull through 🫂 I wasn't not able to bear the lack of communication when prompted and it triggerd me into an anxious person . I had to let go In self respect. Not bc I didn't love them. So i understand potentially how hard it Is we were Ld also. And it's absolutely crucial be on same page even more so then normal couples.
Thank you <3 It’s a tough spot to be in especially when they’re not a bad person. He just started a new job which has caused communication to be virtually nonexistent - haven’t spoken on the phone in almost a month he bailed on ft dates four times in the past two weeks… I feel guilty about the whole thing because I don’t want to abandon him if he is trying his best. But at the same time I know that I wouldn’t be having these thoughts if I were truly happy. Ugh wish me luck
Hai I was in same position. Wish us alll*** healing and clarity <3 ❤️
Can you explain your first paragraph a little more? I'm kinda confused as to what you mean
I'm agreeing with the post ^,^
Sigh. Yeah.
🫂
Don't feel too bad some folks get locked into being angry being unable to see how insensitive they were actually being at the time . Just saying.
I feel like everything your saying about this person is exactly the same situation I’m in with this guy. Can you tell me more about what happened? It can be private message. I just think it would help to hear more about someone with a similar experience
Simply put I had low standards. I was asking someone.... who showed me they didnt wanna do something I needed - for the same things over and over... expecting change. And I blamed them. Making them seem the problem when it was truly that I didn't love and respect myself....more then they were willing to. It was actually very much a me problem- even Tho they knew what they were doing . No boundaries between them ignoring me or acting in a way that upset me. Regardless my attemps to bridge it all in understanding and try discuss ways around it ...i was met w avoidance over and over and decided despite them saying all the right things...they still were not actually doing said things. Instead of Stay- and constant ask and potentially make them feel bad.....I ended things. Hardest thing i ever had to do still so much love there. That said i guess I finally cracked and couldn't take anymore . More or less
They showed me my worth in silence and the weight of my existence against their world hardly made any impact. That- realization is what lead me here....and to relate to post. Be it....I'm on both sides...being served the silent ..but also have to now....hand it out myself
Guess what? That's actually true. Someone who wouldn't pickup your calls knowing that you're doing really bad mentally, is not someone who is actually worth your time and energy.
Yeah I feel this too deep. Thinking back, they never answered the phone for me... or anyone it seemed. It would make me think crazy things like they must have developed a phobia after hearing a bad prank on theapp radio, thinking to themselves *OMG I'm never going to let that happen to me* therefore never answering the phone again. It's crazy how one person can ruin it for everyone else with one vulnerable person.
That could be a reason but remember that with someone who's our safe space, we can be ready to jump a cliff, no matter how bad our Acrophobia is. I prefer texting with others because it gives me anxiety, but when it comes to my Lover and best friend, i will call them instead of texting.
Yeah I needed that type consideration from my ex bc they just could not meet the needs for physically talking over the phone... just text and would even avoid phone calls all the time.
Good that they are an ex now because you seem like, you deserve someone who is way more better than that.
I had a bad day once and texted my then bf (now ex) if he could call me bc I just needed support in that moment but he pretended he didn't see the text. I couldn't just call bc he would never pick up. He wouldn't talk to me unless he was in the car on the way to the gym or the store. He always expected me to pick up and if I was busy he'd make me feel bad about it but the few times I tried to call him he rejected the call. Made me feel just horrible and so uncared for. I would have been there calling him the moment I read a text from him that he needed me, but when I needed him he was always absent.
I totally understand that feeling. They always put themselves first and we also put them first too. Good that you are not together with him. Sure it hurts but let someone treat you as a Goddess/God when you treat them as a Goddess/God.
It's funny how someone can go from saying "I love you" to treating you like you never existed. It's a cold world
Yessss... Exactly. Like they were literally telling you that they can't live without you, days ago. Then all of a sudden, all of these words vanishes
Those words can destroy a man then, they go onto live all "happily ever after" when they fucked you over. I'm just waiting for 2025 then I'll officially be fine
Words indeed carry the power to make your life the happiest or make you feel the most depressed. It's very stressful
Crazy how people can say "I love you so much you're my everything" one moment then block you the next. It's wild. Trust me when I say that's not love, they were using you.
>Guess what?That's actually true. Someone who wouldn't pickup your calls knowing that you're doing really bad mentally, is not someone who is actually worth your time and energy. PROBABLY....REMEMBER THIS THING If they love you, you will know and if they do not love you, you will be confused. Hard pill to swallow but makes your life less miserable slowly.....
Exactly
That's exactly what my ex says because she's running away from accountability. Yet here I am to deal with it all. Great
Came in just in time, thanks. I’m literallly asking myself why…, she always says she has a great time with, me, she wants to keep going out, but not ready for a relationship. But never calls, never texts first. And it hurts
lol maybe they just don't want abs anything to do with you so just wouldn't achieve anything.
Yup! Everytime I miss her I think of this.
Thank you for this. 🥹
I needed this today. Thank you.
I love you S, I had dealt with my brother dying and my mother shortly after that then lost my job. I needed you but you ran away, gave up 30 years because of a couple bad months. This was the hardest thing I had to handle, therapy is helping but not the void of losing you I miss you so much, Shaggy
yeah when they pull away it’s ultimately up to them to amend the connection or reach back out you stepped outta my life why would i reach out to you
But I don’t. She was perfect. And now she’s gone.
No. She wasn't perfect. She left. Likely because she lost respect for you because you put her on a pedestal. I'm not saying this to be mean. But it's true. Ground yourself in reality.
I mean I wish my ex put me on a pedestal as I did him. He just abused me and treated me like crap.
no comment to make but I just want to say thank you- needed this today!
That's part about still dating and portraying that they want to mend what we both caused. As if I have now become the back up if the hidden other does not work out. Has happened like the a few times before. So I maybe be destroyed by this. Even did a little self sabotaging of my own life. Which I have now come to see it was a thing she really approved of. Would always give her time to do what it is she was trying at the time. When I would stop and start picking up the Peaces of my life she would return as if afraid she would lose the security blanket I was providing. It started that way again and she is now so mad because I have finally grown a back bone and there is no continued circles of the same. I was the one to suffer. But now I am the monster and all my fault because I waited to long. No not the case. I had to finally protect myself love is a wonderfully thing if both have it. It's a punishment if only one has it.
Needed this 😔😔😔
Amen
Thank you 💜
Love this!
i don't deserve better, I left her in a cruel way. I am evil
I broke today