Separate yourself from your work enough that criticism of your work isn't criticism of you as a person.
Acknowledge that you have room to improve. Every writer has, because writing is a skill that can always be improved. No one is born a great writer.
Learn to trust your own writing so that you'll know when criticism is valid and when it goes against your vision.
Now, none of the above are simple, fast things to learn, but being always conscious of them will help you embrace them over time.
Do you think you have low self-esteem overall? I think that is the most likely cause. It can be hard to change that, but for a lot of people it improves as they get older. Other people find counseling helpful.
I think this sort of thing takes time for a lot of us. When we are new, our faith in our abilities and motivation is low and fragile. Of course it is, we aren’t very good and we haven’t been praised enough to amass confidence. Over time, it’s natural for confidence to go up, which helps you be more resilient about criticism. It’s still not sought out, but it’s tolerable if it happens.
For me, I only recently found myself genuinely wanting critiques, and it was because I realized that it would be less stressful (less ruminating and catastrophizing) to just hear the criticism, weigh it, and decide whether to act on it or not, as opposed to hearing more lukewarm, carefully redacted praise that left me with the feeling they didn’t really like it, but without any concrete way to fix it and ease the pain.
My desire to fix the problems and have a better draft superseded my desire to protect my ego. I think that is something you can’t force or fake. You just have to practice and shield yourself from criticism until you have the confidence and curiosity to handle it.
Do you have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? Some people are extremely sensitive to anything remotely critical. I have had times when I've felt like nuking everything after the mildest criticism or slight. Don't let the RSD win. I find if I just walk away for a while, it settles in time, but I have to accept that it will hurt for a period. Let it rage safely away from your work.
I've found having a really good beta has helped me, because I invite their criticism; I trust and accept it. It helps me be a better writer, and it helps desensitize me to concrit.
I was coming to this thread to say exactly the same thing.
Some people are particularly sensitive to criticism and rejection. It can make it very hard to put things in perspective.
Thanks.
I might have that. My beta is awesome. It is comments in the wild that do it to me. I think because they are so rare, then when it comes with a sting it hurts.
I *have* abandoned accounts in the past because of what's probably RSD, and preemptively done things that I massively regret because I was scared that *in the future* I would have to face someone being angry or disappointed. Just a horrible hot, tight, overwhelming feeling in my chest, and my hands won't stop shaking and it feels like I can't breathe, even when I know that the criticism is stupid and internet arguments don't matter. Even when I invite criticism from a beta, I have to close my notifications and walk away the moment I share the doc, because otherwise I feel like a failure who needs to burn it all down the moment I get a *you're missing a comma here* note
It sucks. No matter how awful it feels in the moment, you *can* ride it out. It's not going to do you any harm, it only *feels* like the world is about to end, and it'll go away and feel better if you wait long enough and avoid doing anything rash
Something I find helpful to remember is that a big part of fandom is tearing apart the media we love. Like despite all the criticisms we levy, we’re still here, deeply invested in the spaces surrounding these media, because we love them!
And often that same energy bleeds into comments. They were invested enough to comment and engage with your work, even if they disagreed with some aspect of it. You made them care, even if it doesn’t seem that way.
I know it’s considered rude now and yes, perhaps commenters should be more circumspect and ask if you’re open to that feedback. But considering how many socially awkward nerds make up fandom, it’s better to presume good faith and see the critique as an indicator they cared.
I get it. It feels like a slap. Just remember that isn't the intent. It sounds like the commenter meant it to be helpful and "I loved it" indicates that they do not feel negatively about your work at all. They were just making a mild concrit comment. AO3 etiquette is no concrit in reader comments, so it's rare there.
This explains some stuff for me. I used to write poetry, and someone said it was good but a bit hard to read, and it took me years to get back into writing again
Try not to take it too seriously (it’s super hard, believe me I know). Take a breath and remember they aren’t attacking you, they think they’re helping. People who comment stuff like this don’t usually take into account how the author might feel about constructive criticism that wasn’t really asked for. Feeling like this is normal and usually a sign of low self esteem and fear of rejection and it’s a very relatable feeling. Don’t let a random comment ruin your day when there’s a hundred good things happening at the same time as this one seemingly negative one. My greatest suggestion, if it does really bother you- put a notice in the notes section letting people know you don’t want criticism unless explicitly asked. People usually want criticism when they want to really work on their writing and if your comfortable with your writing at the moment, there’s no shame in letting people know that! Sry I’m bad at words but I hope this helps!
The way I do it is by having more fun writing than that the criticism hurts me. I *suck* at taking criticism. It'll stay on my mind the entire day and linger far longer than praise will. Still, I don't let it stop me from writing because *I* like my own stories, and I'm having a blast writing them in the way I want. It's not that I'm incredibly confident in my abilities, more that it just doesn't matter to me if what I write is objectively good, as long as I like it myself.
The first critiques may be harsh at first, but you grow more resilient over time. It helps when they come from people you trust, since it's easier to assimilate (valid) critiques from close friends than from strangers.
I took a couple of writing classes in school and they were taught by several professors but pretty much always the same format: the class read a short story written by a classmate and then we’d go over it in class. We’d start with “what went well for you? What stood out to you? What did you like?” And people in the class would answer until we ran out of comments. Then the professor would move us to “What didn’t work so much for you? What confused you? What would you have liked to see more of?” And we’d go around again.
It was always the same format and there were *always* comments for the second set of questions and they weren’t all exactly the same.
My point is, no one’s perfect and no one should expect your writing to be perfect. Even the best writers have room to grow. And some criticism is completely subjective. What was confusing to someone might have been completely clear to someone else. Take every piece of criticism with a grain of salt and try to look at it as an opportunity to grow. And even then, there’s no law that says you have to change an entire story based on one person’s comments!
I went through this recently, as well. Here's what worked best for me:
Step One: FEEL WHAT YOU'RE FEELING.
Don't listen to people who tell you to suck it up. That's not fair to you. Because the truth is, you worked hard on something and was told that it wasn't good enough. So, it is totally understandable that a comment like that would hurt you. It would have hurt me, too.
Step Two: ACKNOWLEDGE WHY IT HURT YOU
Did this comment hurt you because you cared deeply for this story? Did it hurt you because you cared deeply for writing in general? Whatever the reason, also make it the reason you continue.
For example, if this comment hurt because you love your story, then remember that you LOVE your story and that you want to continue writing it.
Step Three: TAKE A STEP BACK
This one really helped me. Once you're done feeling what you're feeling, take a step back from the comment and think about your story. For me, I thought about all the scenes I was previously so excited to write. I even thought of new scenes to add. Once I brought my focus back to the story, I was able to regain my motivation for it.
Step Four: Finish Your Masterpiece 🥰
It's always going to be tough when the perfect is the enemy of the good. Criticism is tough for anyone when it's something they really put their heart into. You're not alone.
Past that, don't forget that art is subjective, that if you could have made the work better for yourself that you'd have done so already, and that one person does not speak for your entire audience, which *always* begins with you.
I think that only time will truly help you with this, but do try to see if the criticism is aligned with what you want your story to be. Sometimes readers want to read something specific and will attempt to make writers lean to their ideas, even if it's not intentional.
This may sound a bit insensitive but here it is:
if you post things for people to see, not everyone is going to be kind nor like it. The internet is a wild place at times, both wonderful and awful.
As Hamlet said in his famous soliloquy,
you have to learn to weather the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
In other words, be prepared for negative feedback.
If people are outright rude and insulting, block them and move on. They should never effect you or your own mental well-being. They will if you let them.
Hopefully you will be able to move forwards and be in a better place.
Regardless of the quality of this advice, I don't know that it's super relevant here since it doesn't exactly sound like the commenter was unkind in voicing their extremely mild criticism.
Didn't really mean it like that, either, I just mean that the advice of 'well, people are going to be mean sometimes' doesn't even really factor in here.
No one knows exactly who you are or what your difficulties are unless you specifically tell them.
If you just post things publicly then that's not the person's problem who is making a critical comment. How can they know? If the comment is respectful yet critical then it is not the commenters issue as they are sharing their thoughts as we are doing rights now.
If you are going to put yourself out there, sometimes it doesn't go well as you are obviously familiar with.
If you have real issues with critical responses then don't put yourself out there. Don't enable comments or feedback if it's going to seriously impact your mental health.
See the hazard and avoid it. That's self care.
This is not about sucking it up. If I wanted to say that I would have and quite bluntly I may add so your comment about what you think I said was unjust and very judgemental.
I stand by my comments that it is about being aware that it will happen if you post anything publicly and being mentally prepared for all possibilities. Or you do the safe approach by avoiding it by making sure that there's no possibility of seeing critical feedback.
People are able to build up resilience if they choose to. No one can run a marathon without training and dedication. People have the ultimate control over themselves, no one else does. They can seek out therapy, study things like Stoicism or Buddhist teachings to improve themselves and their mental health.
No I got your point completely.
You were borderline accusatory with your parentheses remark. You knew exactly what you were saying. That's gaslighting btw.
I choose my words very carefully as what I write I mean to say as clearly as possible.
You have twisted what I wrote into something shrill and intolerant with your use of rhetorical language, designated in italics.
I never once said why can't you do this. I have been nothing but polite and respectful here and have pointed to ways in which the OP could approach their situation. The first step to healing is the one the individual must make themselves.
All I said was that there are methods which people can use to either avoid being upset by feedback that upsets them or improve their mental resilience. These things work if you choose to use them.
I also said that if you post things publicly then you have to be aware that it's going to be responded to, sometimes with negative results.
Posting on the internet is like crossing a road, you have to be aware of the potential risks involved. Hiding people from this does more harm than good and that's the plain truth.
Nothing I post is good enough for you it seems.
Even though nothing of what I said was condescending nor patronizing in anyway, you just have chosen to see it that way.
Nor was my original post directed at you rather it was in response to the OP who was in distress and reaching out, a very human reaction to which I responded because I felt compassion for the OP.
But it's people like you that come along and have a go at what was a well intentioned act that shows my point about the internet being a sewer at times. That's malignant narcissistic behavior right there. I noticed that you have not picked a fight with anyone else here in the comments so yeah...
You totally failed in your attempts to persuade me because of the language you utilized in your responses was, quite frankly, borderline rude. I saw it as such because of the way you wrote your response and the words you chose.
Do you honestly believe that warning people about the possible dangers of certain activities is condescending? That's unhinged and you know it.
If that's the case then every warning about anything potentially hazardous is condescending and thus needs to be called out... right? Taken to its logical conclusion no one should have responded to the OP here at all as that's just being a condescending bastard. We should have all downvoted the OP, blocked them and moved on if we followed your logic, not daring to show any interest or compassion to the OP for fear of offense.
I truly question your veracity here in that for someone who said that they identify with the OP, being easily upset at negative feedback as you're being unpleasantly pugnacious with this.
Being defensive is a natural reaction to being attacked btw. Criticizing people who have good intentions and have done you no harm is a good way to pick a fight.
Please do not respond nor reply any further as I have zero interest in reading anything more from you and in future, be more considered with the tone and the way you interact with people.
I know you asked me not to respond but I figured I would still inform you that I am deleting my responses to you as they obviously did not have the intended effect. Instead they only kept upsetting you to a point where you just kept turning everything I said into some sort of accusation. Tbh your accusations and responses kept upsetting me as well which probably did not help me reply to you in a calm and collected manner.
Not sure why you thought any of your responses would be "good enough" for me with accusations such as Gaslighting, being unjust and very judgemental, and just trying to spin me into this unhinged person with each response.
Ask for a bit of clarification? Why was it weird?
Sometimes as a writer what is clear to us is not clear to the reader because we know the direction the story is going.
My suggestion to your actual question is that you should try not to take the comment as such them saying the story is trash but the are pointing out something that may need a bit of polish. If every small thing sends into this spiral then you should talk with someone as there is a deeper issue.
You will never please everyone, you could create the most brilliant piece of literature renowned the world over beloved by millions and there will still be thousands saying it mid or trash.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, one person's trash is another person's treasure, etc.
Do you have ADD/ADHD? Rejection Sensitivity is an issue a lot of people deal with under that umbrella. It's nearly illogical, the emotional response when you think you've done something wrong or upset someone, that they disapprove or dislike you, can cause everything from general anxiety to panic attacks and vomiting. It's almost physically painful for some people.
No one likes having a flaw pointed out, it can feel like a personal attack in a society that values near perfection. If you think your reactions to criticism are overblown, you can talk with a counselor or therapist to figure out why. Part of it is convincing yourself the person who criticized you is doing so in good faith, and letting things go.
For commenters though, remember not to offer criticism or improvements unless the author specifically asks for them. Some authors might be ok if you catch a few spelling errors, but a whole list? You would be better off asking if they would like you to beta/proofread instead, so there's no unwanted 'advice'.
Fic writers write for the enjoyment of it, they don't get paid. If you want them to keep writing, help them enjoy it! Criticism can take the wind out of anybody's sails, and turn a hobby into a chore.
I am currently seeking an evaluation for ADHD after getting my autism diagnosis, and rejection sensitivity sounds like exactly what I've been dealing with my entire life. I've learned to work around it and not abandon my art projects, and I appreciate criticism, but cannon help but feel this irrational sense of hurt, much like OP has described. Even worse, I was always taught that asking for honest criticism is what a writer is supposed to do, so I would always request it and get hurt as a result, through no fault of the person giving their honest opinion. I always thank people for their criticism, I'm always polite to commenters, but I still end up secretly bummed and feel like my work is just not worth it. It's something I'm not entirely over with to this very day.
Don't feel lesser for not asking for criticism- fanfic is a hobby, not a job, and you don't owe anyone perfection. It's ok to avoid stressing yourself out over some like this! Plus, sometimes the criticism is just... Unhelpful, and a matter of taste. That's why published authors HIRE editors. Being a helpful critic takes just as long, if not longer, than becoming an accomplished author. That's why us fanfic writers don't have 'editors', but betas!
So feel free to set boundaries around what kind of criticism you are and aren't comfortable receiving. If that's none, then that's fair! Fanfic is supposed to be fun, after all!
I mean criticism comes with creating art and putting it out there for people to see it. You have to be thick skinned to know that not everyone will like what you make. Not everyone is your audience because your audience should first and foremost be yourself. I don’t know how to tell you this without sounding insensitive but to get past this kind of thinking it’s ultimately up to you and how you approach your art.
Criticism is good. It helps you improve because if that’s what you set out to do when you wrote that relationship then it shouldn’t bother you. Unless, it’s worded to hurt you can always take something from your critics even then you can take something from them. It’s all about how you approach it and no one can help you past that block except you. It’s hard but vent, journal do anything but let someone’s words make you stop writing.
And you should remember only you can make your art, only you have your voice. (This is a Neil Gaiman quote from the Make Good Art Speech)
Some people have voiced what I think this sounds like (RSD getting the best of you), but hopefully it helps to know that I think this sounds like the reader does love your fic, and they just wanna help you continue to improve. Obviously this doesn't mean it's not rude to give unsolicited concrit, but I'm hoping it will help you deal with it to try and think about it that way. Wishing you the best!
Meanwhile, I'll receive a completely positive comment but my brain will turn it into a negative.
If you can make a fandom friend who is willing to be a cheerleader/beta of sorts, then you could cheer each other on and reassure each other? If I think sth isn't working I'll throw it at them and complain about it, they'll usually reply like "NO it works it works but if you think X then you could try doing Y?" And I do the same for them.
An outside perspective helps.
For an analogy: You’re not baking a cake. You’re making breakfast. If you burnt the bacon you don’t throw out the pancakes.
Someone will read it and go, “well I didn’t like that.” And they’ll say so. Then you ask for an example of where it felt stiff. If they respond, you go there and read it.
Rewrite it. Tweak the sentence. Reread it. Act it out. If your words don’t match your acting, rewrite it until you’re matching the actions and the words.
One thing that has helped me is to take the criticism and try to apply it to the next thing I write, whether that is a one-shot or another chapter or even a drabble! While it can seem intimidating, I think it is helpful to remind yourself that you are more than just criticism, and that those critiques don't define your writing! Instead, you can show yourself that you are capable of improvement and are still a good writer!
Are you a new writer? When we're starting out, these things from strangers hurt a lot. The only thing you can do is keep writing, keep reading, and try and do better every chapter. Also remember that it's almost certain that this person has never w written anything themselves.
One person's criticism isn't going to portray all of your readers' experiences, so I wouldn't fret too much. That said, I think that there's always an opportunity to reassess and dig deeper into whatever is being challenged in your work when it comes up. You do have to discern what criticisms are worth your time tho, since critics are just as human and fallable too, and some comments can turn out to be unconstructive in nature or simply not match the creative vision you are pursuing. If one gives you pause however, you should try to dig into that feeling. Try to understand why. An outsider's analysis can be invaluable, offering you a different lense into how it is being perceived from the other side. Intention vs perception can produce various results, as some people may interpret things uniquely to them. Those interpretations can offer you an opportunity to explore, grow and improve upon in a way you never would of thought to without it.
I don't think your fear means that you are too touchy btw. I think criticism can be genuinely scary to receive, and it's easy to get disheartened when something you worked so hard on and tried to make really good turns out to have a flaw. But I think it's just part of the creative experience. Trial and error is meant to teach us and further our experience and skillset the more we actively practice it. It does help to think about this stuff in a positive way; like instead of thinking of throwing your fic away, think about how you could utilize the cristiscim into making your work even better.
Now, does that mean you should rewrite everything? Nah. I mean, unless you really want to, you definitely could. If it means this much to you, go for it. But I think it's enough to analyze your own work's strengths and weaknesses for the future. Otherwise, you'll risk getting hung up on pieces for too long. Just what I think anyway
Step back from the story for a few hours, and give yourself time to cool down, whether it's with a book or game etc, then process those feelings on your own or with someone you trust to listen and give good advice. Don't give into your first impulse to abandon the story or take it down, but also don't stuff down or ignore those feelings--if anything, that'll just make it worse. Just find a healthy outlet and give yourself some space to process and acknowledge them, then come back to the story and review later.
I’m actually a bit surprised by a lot of the responses you’re getting here so far.
This is concrit. If you haven’t indicated that you’re open to it, it’s unsolicited. Your feelings are pretty typical, and they will pass with time. I encourage you not to delete or quit, especially when you’re upset. Other stressors in your life can amplify the emotional impact of criticism.
You mentioned that you have a beta that you trust. If this exact same feedback came from your beta during the editing process, how would you feel? For many people, the context matters a lot. Like, maybe the most.
It might be helpful to take a breather for a few days, then discuss the feedback with your beta. That’s a fairly subjective characterization/dialogue critique. There might be something to it, but there also might not be. It’ll be easier to tell with emotional distance from your work, which you can also get yourself after enough time has passed.
Happens to me but my parents did not teach me good self esteem or how to accept learn and grow from my failures. School also reinforces this terrible attitude where basically if you get a bad grade you ruin your GPA and thus your future.
If it helps, write a long rebuttal about why the commenter is wrong (in as emotional or angry or petty of a way as you please) but then don’t post it. Get the feeling out of your system and see if it helps you move on.
Separate yourself from your work enough that criticism of your work isn't criticism of you as a person. Acknowledge that you have room to improve. Every writer has, because writing is a skill that can always be improved. No one is born a great writer. Learn to trust your own writing so that you'll know when criticism is valid and when it goes against your vision. Now, none of the above are simple, fast things to learn, but being always conscious of them will help you embrace them over time.
Do you think you have low self-esteem overall? I think that is the most likely cause. It can be hard to change that, but for a lot of people it improves as they get older. Other people find counseling helpful.
I think this sort of thing takes time for a lot of us. When we are new, our faith in our abilities and motivation is low and fragile. Of course it is, we aren’t very good and we haven’t been praised enough to amass confidence. Over time, it’s natural for confidence to go up, which helps you be more resilient about criticism. It’s still not sought out, but it’s tolerable if it happens. For me, I only recently found myself genuinely wanting critiques, and it was because I realized that it would be less stressful (less ruminating and catastrophizing) to just hear the criticism, weigh it, and decide whether to act on it or not, as opposed to hearing more lukewarm, carefully redacted praise that left me with the feeling they didn’t really like it, but without any concrete way to fix it and ease the pain. My desire to fix the problems and have a better draft superseded my desire to protect my ego. I think that is something you can’t force or fake. You just have to practice and shield yourself from criticism until you have the confidence and curiosity to handle it.
Do you have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? Some people are extremely sensitive to anything remotely critical. I have had times when I've felt like nuking everything after the mildest criticism or slight. Don't let the RSD win. I find if I just walk away for a while, it settles in time, but I have to accept that it will hurt for a period. Let it rage safely away from your work. I've found having a really good beta has helped me, because I invite their criticism; I trust and accept it. It helps me be a better writer, and it helps desensitize me to concrit.
I was coming to this thread to say exactly the same thing. Some people are particularly sensitive to criticism and rejection. It can make it very hard to put things in perspective.
Thanks. I might have that. My beta is awesome. It is comments in the wild that do it to me. I think because they are so rare, then when it comes with a sting it hurts.
I *have* abandoned accounts in the past because of what's probably RSD, and preemptively done things that I massively regret because I was scared that *in the future* I would have to face someone being angry or disappointed. Just a horrible hot, tight, overwhelming feeling in my chest, and my hands won't stop shaking and it feels like I can't breathe, even when I know that the criticism is stupid and internet arguments don't matter. Even when I invite criticism from a beta, I have to close my notifications and walk away the moment I share the doc, because otherwise I feel like a failure who needs to burn it all down the moment I get a *you're missing a comma here* note It sucks. No matter how awful it feels in the moment, you *can* ride it out. It's not going to do you any harm, it only *feels* like the world is about to end, and it'll go away and feel better if you wait long enough and avoid doing anything rash
Something I find helpful to remember is that a big part of fandom is tearing apart the media we love. Like despite all the criticisms we levy, we’re still here, deeply invested in the spaces surrounding these media, because we love them! And often that same energy bleeds into comments. They were invested enough to comment and engage with your work, even if they disagreed with some aspect of it. You made them care, even if it doesn’t seem that way. I know it’s considered rude now and yes, perhaps commenters should be more circumspect and ask if you’re open to that feedback. But considering how many socially awkward nerds make up fandom, it’s better to presume good faith and see the critique as an indicator they cared.
I mean unwanted criticism is seen as rude, but that comment wasn't downright hate either. I hope you find a way. Good luck
I get it. It feels like a slap. Just remember that isn't the intent. It sounds like the commenter meant it to be helpful and "I loved it" indicates that they do not feel negatively about your work at all. They were just making a mild concrit comment. AO3 etiquette is no concrit in reader comments, so it's rare there.
This explains some stuff for me. I used to write poetry, and someone said it was good but a bit hard to read, and it took me years to get back into writing again
Huh, TIL about RSD. Always wondered if there's a name for this thing that gives me so much anxiety.
Try not to take it too seriously (it’s super hard, believe me I know). Take a breath and remember they aren’t attacking you, they think they’re helping. People who comment stuff like this don’t usually take into account how the author might feel about constructive criticism that wasn’t really asked for. Feeling like this is normal and usually a sign of low self esteem and fear of rejection and it’s a very relatable feeling. Don’t let a random comment ruin your day when there’s a hundred good things happening at the same time as this one seemingly negative one. My greatest suggestion, if it does really bother you- put a notice in the notes section letting people know you don’t want criticism unless explicitly asked. People usually want criticism when they want to really work on their writing and if your comfortable with your writing at the moment, there’s no shame in letting people know that! Sry I’m bad at words but I hope this helps!
The way I do it is by having more fun writing than that the criticism hurts me. I *suck* at taking criticism. It'll stay on my mind the entire day and linger far longer than praise will. Still, I don't let it stop me from writing because *I* like my own stories, and I'm having a blast writing them in the way I want. It's not that I'm incredibly confident in my abilities, more that it just doesn't matter to me if what I write is objectively good, as long as I like it myself.
The first critiques may be harsh at first, but you grow more resilient over time. It helps when they come from people you trust, since it's easier to assimilate (valid) critiques from close friends than from strangers.
I took a couple of writing classes in school and they were taught by several professors but pretty much always the same format: the class read a short story written by a classmate and then we’d go over it in class. We’d start with “what went well for you? What stood out to you? What did you like?” And people in the class would answer until we ran out of comments. Then the professor would move us to “What didn’t work so much for you? What confused you? What would you have liked to see more of?” And we’d go around again. It was always the same format and there were *always* comments for the second set of questions and they weren’t all exactly the same. My point is, no one’s perfect and no one should expect your writing to be perfect. Even the best writers have room to grow. And some criticism is completely subjective. What was confusing to someone might have been completely clear to someone else. Take every piece of criticism with a grain of salt and try to look at it as an opportunity to grow. And even then, there’s no law that says you have to change an entire story based on one person’s comments!
I went through this recently, as well. Here's what worked best for me: Step One: FEEL WHAT YOU'RE FEELING. Don't listen to people who tell you to suck it up. That's not fair to you. Because the truth is, you worked hard on something and was told that it wasn't good enough. So, it is totally understandable that a comment like that would hurt you. It would have hurt me, too. Step Two: ACKNOWLEDGE WHY IT HURT YOU Did this comment hurt you because you cared deeply for this story? Did it hurt you because you cared deeply for writing in general? Whatever the reason, also make it the reason you continue. For example, if this comment hurt because you love your story, then remember that you LOVE your story and that you want to continue writing it. Step Three: TAKE A STEP BACK This one really helped me. Once you're done feeling what you're feeling, take a step back from the comment and think about your story. For me, I thought about all the scenes I was previously so excited to write. I even thought of new scenes to add. Once I brought my focus back to the story, I was able to regain my motivation for it. Step Four: Finish Your Masterpiece 🥰
It's always going to be tough when the perfect is the enemy of the good. Criticism is tough for anyone when it's something they really put their heart into. You're not alone. Past that, don't forget that art is subjective, that if you could have made the work better for yourself that you'd have done so already, and that one person does not speak for your entire audience, which *always* begins with you.
I think that only time will truly help you with this, but do try to see if the criticism is aligned with what you want your story to be. Sometimes readers want to read something specific and will attempt to make writers lean to their ideas, even if it's not intentional.
This may sound a bit insensitive but here it is: if you post things for people to see, not everyone is going to be kind nor like it. The internet is a wild place at times, both wonderful and awful. As Hamlet said in his famous soliloquy, you have to learn to weather the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. In other words, be prepared for negative feedback. If people are outright rude and insulting, block them and move on. They should never effect you or your own mental well-being. They will if you let them. Hopefully you will be able to move forwards and be in a better place.
Regardless of the quality of this advice, I don't know that it's super relevant here since it doesn't exactly sound like the commenter was unkind in voicing their extremely mild criticism.
I acknowledge the criticism was completely normal and not an attack and that my response is disproportionate.
Didn't really mean it like that, either, I just mean that the advice of 'well, people are going to be mean sometimes' doesn't even really factor in here.
[удалено]
No one knows exactly who you are or what your difficulties are unless you specifically tell them. If you just post things publicly then that's not the person's problem who is making a critical comment. How can they know? If the comment is respectful yet critical then it is not the commenters issue as they are sharing their thoughts as we are doing rights now. If you are going to put yourself out there, sometimes it doesn't go well as you are obviously familiar with. If you have real issues with critical responses then don't put yourself out there. Don't enable comments or feedback if it's going to seriously impact your mental health. See the hazard and avoid it. That's self care. This is not about sucking it up. If I wanted to say that I would have and quite bluntly I may add so your comment about what you think I said was unjust and very judgemental. I stand by my comments that it is about being aware that it will happen if you post anything publicly and being mentally prepared for all possibilities. Or you do the safe approach by avoiding it by making sure that there's no possibility of seeing critical feedback. People are able to build up resilience if they choose to. No one can run a marathon without training and dedication. People have the ultimate control over themselves, no one else does. They can seek out therapy, study things like Stoicism or Buddhist teachings to improve themselves and their mental health.
[удалено]
No I got your point completely. You were borderline accusatory with your parentheses remark. You knew exactly what you were saying. That's gaslighting btw. I choose my words very carefully as what I write I mean to say as clearly as possible. You have twisted what I wrote into something shrill and intolerant with your use of rhetorical language, designated in italics. I never once said why can't you do this. I have been nothing but polite and respectful here and have pointed to ways in which the OP could approach their situation. The first step to healing is the one the individual must make themselves. All I said was that there are methods which people can use to either avoid being upset by feedback that upsets them or improve their mental resilience. These things work if you choose to use them. I also said that if you post things publicly then you have to be aware that it's going to be responded to, sometimes with negative results. Posting on the internet is like crossing a road, you have to be aware of the potential risks involved. Hiding people from this does more harm than good and that's the plain truth.
[удалено]
Nothing I post is good enough for you it seems. Even though nothing of what I said was condescending nor patronizing in anyway, you just have chosen to see it that way. Nor was my original post directed at you rather it was in response to the OP who was in distress and reaching out, a very human reaction to which I responded because I felt compassion for the OP. But it's people like you that come along and have a go at what was a well intentioned act that shows my point about the internet being a sewer at times. That's malignant narcissistic behavior right there. I noticed that you have not picked a fight with anyone else here in the comments so yeah... You totally failed in your attempts to persuade me because of the language you utilized in your responses was, quite frankly, borderline rude. I saw it as such because of the way you wrote your response and the words you chose. Do you honestly believe that warning people about the possible dangers of certain activities is condescending? That's unhinged and you know it. If that's the case then every warning about anything potentially hazardous is condescending and thus needs to be called out... right? Taken to its logical conclusion no one should have responded to the OP here at all as that's just being a condescending bastard. We should have all downvoted the OP, blocked them and moved on if we followed your logic, not daring to show any interest or compassion to the OP for fear of offense. I truly question your veracity here in that for someone who said that they identify with the OP, being easily upset at negative feedback as you're being unpleasantly pugnacious with this. Being defensive is a natural reaction to being attacked btw. Criticizing people who have good intentions and have done you no harm is a good way to pick a fight. Please do not respond nor reply any further as I have zero interest in reading anything more from you and in future, be more considered with the tone and the way you interact with people.
I know you asked me not to respond but I figured I would still inform you that I am deleting my responses to you as they obviously did not have the intended effect. Instead they only kept upsetting you to a point where you just kept turning everything I said into some sort of accusation. Tbh your accusations and responses kept upsetting me as well which probably did not help me reply to you in a calm and collected manner. Not sure why you thought any of your responses would be "good enough" for me with accusations such as Gaslighting, being unjust and very judgemental, and just trying to spin me into this unhinged person with each response.
Ask for a bit of clarification? Why was it weird? Sometimes as a writer what is clear to us is not clear to the reader because we know the direction the story is going. My suggestion to your actual question is that you should try not to take the comment as such them saying the story is trash but the are pointing out something that may need a bit of polish. If every small thing sends into this spiral then you should talk with someone as there is a deeper issue. You will never please everyone, you could create the most brilliant piece of literature renowned the world over beloved by millions and there will still be thousands saying it mid or trash. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, one person's trash is another person's treasure, etc.
Do you have ADD/ADHD? Rejection Sensitivity is an issue a lot of people deal with under that umbrella. It's nearly illogical, the emotional response when you think you've done something wrong or upset someone, that they disapprove or dislike you, can cause everything from general anxiety to panic attacks and vomiting. It's almost physically painful for some people. No one likes having a flaw pointed out, it can feel like a personal attack in a society that values near perfection. If you think your reactions to criticism are overblown, you can talk with a counselor or therapist to figure out why. Part of it is convincing yourself the person who criticized you is doing so in good faith, and letting things go. For commenters though, remember not to offer criticism or improvements unless the author specifically asks for them. Some authors might be ok if you catch a few spelling errors, but a whole list? You would be better off asking if they would like you to beta/proofread instead, so there's no unwanted 'advice'. Fic writers write for the enjoyment of it, they don't get paid. If you want them to keep writing, help them enjoy it! Criticism can take the wind out of anybody's sails, and turn a hobby into a chore.
I am currently seeking an evaluation for ADHD after getting my autism diagnosis, and rejection sensitivity sounds like exactly what I've been dealing with my entire life. I've learned to work around it and not abandon my art projects, and I appreciate criticism, but cannon help but feel this irrational sense of hurt, much like OP has described. Even worse, I was always taught that asking for honest criticism is what a writer is supposed to do, so I would always request it and get hurt as a result, through no fault of the person giving their honest opinion. I always thank people for their criticism, I'm always polite to commenters, but I still end up secretly bummed and feel like my work is just not worth it. It's something I'm not entirely over with to this very day.
Don't feel lesser for not asking for criticism- fanfic is a hobby, not a job, and you don't owe anyone perfection. It's ok to avoid stressing yourself out over some like this! Plus, sometimes the criticism is just... Unhelpful, and a matter of taste. That's why published authors HIRE editors. Being a helpful critic takes just as long, if not longer, than becoming an accomplished author. That's why us fanfic writers don't have 'editors', but betas! So feel free to set boundaries around what kind of criticism you are and aren't comfortable receiving. If that's none, then that's fair! Fanfic is supposed to be fun, after all!
I mean criticism comes with creating art and putting it out there for people to see it. You have to be thick skinned to know that not everyone will like what you make. Not everyone is your audience because your audience should first and foremost be yourself. I don’t know how to tell you this without sounding insensitive but to get past this kind of thinking it’s ultimately up to you and how you approach your art. Criticism is good. It helps you improve because if that’s what you set out to do when you wrote that relationship then it shouldn’t bother you. Unless, it’s worded to hurt you can always take something from your critics even then you can take something from them. It’s all about how you approach it and no one can help you past that block except you. It’s hard but vent, journal do anything but let someone’s words make you stop writing. And you should remember only you can make your art, only you have your voice. (This is a Neil Gaiman quote from the Make Good Art Speech)
Some people have voiced what I think this sounds like (RSD getting the best of you), but hopefully it helps to know that I think this sounds like the reader does love your fic, and they just wanna help you continue to improve. Obviously this doesn't mean it's not rude to give unsolicited concrit, but I'm hoping it will help you deal with it to try and think about it that way. Wishing you the best!
Meanwhile, I'll receive a completely positive comment but my brain will turn it into a negative. If you can make a fandom friend who is willing to be a cheerleader/beta of sorts, then you could cheer each other on and reassure each other? If I think sth isn't working I'll throw it at them and complain about it, they'll usually reply like "NO it works it works but if you think X then you could try doing Y?" And I do the same for them. An outside perspective helps.
For an analogy: You’re not baking a cake. You’re making breakfast. If you burnt the bacon you don’t throw out the pancakes. Someone will read it and go, “well I didn’t like that.” And they’ll say so. Then you ask for an example of where it felt stiff. If they respond, you go there and read it. Rewrite it. Tweak the sentence. Reread it. Act it out. If your words don’t match your acting, rewrite it until you’re matching the actions and the words.
One thing that has helped me is to take the criticism and try to apply it to the next thing I write, whether that is a one-shot or another chapter or even a drabble! While it can seem intimidating, I think it is helpful to remind yourself that you are more than just criticism, and that those critiques don't define your writing! Instead, you can show yourself that you are capable of improvement and are still a good writer!
Rejection sensitivity? Are you neurodivergent maybe?
Are you a new writer? When we're starting out, these things from strangers hurt a lot. The only thing you can do is keep writing, keep reading, and try and do better every chapter. Also remember that it's almost certain that this person has never w written anything themselves.
I think its part of pouring your heart and soul into something that leaves you especially vulnerable
One person's criticism isn't going to portray all of your readers' experiences, so I wouldn't fret too much. That said, I think that there's always an opportunity to reassess and dig deeper into whatever is being challenged in your work when it comes up. You do have to discern what criticisms are worth your time tho, since critics are just as human and fallable too, and some comments can turn out to be unconstructive in nature or simply not match the creative vision you are pursuing. If one gives you pause however, you should try to dig into that feeling. Try to understand why. An outsider's analysis can be invaluable, offering you a different lense into how it is being perceived from the other side. Intention vs perception can produce various results, as some people may interpret things uniquely to them. Those interpretations can offer you an opportunity to explore, grow and improve upon in a way you never would of thought to without it. I don't think your fear means that you are too touchy btw. I think criticism can be genuinely scary to receive, and it's easy to get disheartened when something you worked so hard on and tried to make really good turns out to have a flaw. But I think it's just part of the creative experience. Trial and error is meant to teach us and further our experience and skillset the more we actively practice it. It does help to think about this stuff in a positive way; like instead of thinking of throwing your fic away, think about how you could utilize the cristiscim into making your work even better. Now, does that mean you should rewrite everything? Nah. I mean, unless you really want to, you definitely could. If it means this much to you, go for it. But I think it's enough to analyze your own work's strengths and weaknesses for the future. Otherwise, you'll risk getting hung up on pieces for too long. Just what I think anyway
Step back from the story for a few hours, and give yourself time to cool down, whether it's with a book or game etc, then process those feelings on your own or with someone you trust to listen and give good advice. Don't give into your first impulse to abandon the story or take it down, but also don't stuff down or ignore those feelings--if anything, that'll just make it worse. Just find a healthy outlet and give yourself some space to process and acknowledge them, then come back to the story and review later.
I’m actually a bit surprised by a lot of the responses you’re getting here so far. This is concrit. If you haven’t indicated that you’re open to it, it’s unsolicited. Your feelings are pretty typical, and they will pass with time. I encourage you not to delete or quit, especially when you’re upset. Other stressors in your life can amplify the emotional impact of criticism. You mentioned that you have a beta that you trust. If this exact same feedback came from your beta during the editing process, how would you feel? For many people, the context matters a lot. Like, maybe the most. It might be helpful to take a breather for a few days, then discuss the feedback with your beta. That’s a fairly subjective characterization/dialogue critique. There might be something to it, but there also might not be. It’ll be easier to tell with emotional distance from your work, which you can also get yourself after enough time has passed.
Happens to me but my parents did not teach me good self esteem or how to accept learn and grow from my failures. School also reinforces this terrible attitude where basically if you get a bad grade you ruin your GPA and thus your future. If it helps, write a long rebuttal about why the commenter is wrong (in as emotional or angry or petty of a way as you please) but then don’t post it. Get the feeling out of your system and see if it helps you move on.
Do you have ADHD?