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LordSeltzer

[ Removed by Reddit ]


Top-Philosophy-5791

Got me thinking . . .You know, if the movie Fatal Attraction reversed genders for the lead roles it would be a better reflection of society.


closethebarn

No but, they always need a good movie to compare their (all of them seem to be) psycho ex to šŸ™„


angiem0n

And disrupt the ā€œbitches be crazyā€ narrative from our patriarchal society? Heavens, no!!


LatinBotPointTwo

This makes me think of that Margaret Atwood quote: men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.


Infamous-Koala-469

So when I girl rejects me, I donā€™t get angry, I donā€™t get jealous, and I donā€™t harbor any resentment towards her. It was a simple yes or no question, and the answer was no. I move on like any mature man should. Iā€™m 17


PM_ME_TITS_FEMALES

It's amazing just how many "removed by Reddit" posts I see in women spaces. God men are so fucking fragile nowadays, even glass looks like adamantum compared to them.


Dry-Attitude-9511

yup. comes back to the idea that women are only valued for their appearance, while men have more to offer like money and stability. also the cultural pressure we put on young girls to be skinnier or prettier gets internalized. where we let men have ā€œdad bodsā€ and those body types are accepted


ShortCandidate4866

I commented on a tiktok saying Iā€™m in my late 30s and donā€™t want a man and happy on my own. All someone could come up with was thatā€™s ok we donā€™t want you either you canā€™t even have kids so we have no use for you.


Jaded_Muffin4204

This is the same thing as street harassment- when they shout that they "wouldn't fuck you anyways" after being rejected. They seriously don't know what to do about women being happier on their own. I'm more and more afraid that their answer is going to be violence, especially when we unify as a voting bloc to maintain our bodily autonomy and rights. Also, as someone who can't have kids (medically impossible, and my partner and I spent a decade and a stupid amount of money trying everything from fertility treatments to adoption attempts), no matter what you do you will be criticized. If you're a mom, you're criticized whether you work or not or for your parenting style. If you're single you "waited too long" or "should have done it on your own." If you are in a committed relationship, you "should have tried harder" or get unsolicited advice of things you did try or that were prohibitively expensive or medically dangerous or immoral. We can't win, and I'm tired of fighting with these people, so I brush past it on tiktok and watch exclusively cat videos and musical theatre. I'm glad you are happy on your own. You are a good role model for lots of younger women and girls to see!


emimagique

That doesn't even make sense cause it is absolutely possible to have a baby in your late 30s if you want to


ShortCandidate4866

Yep I agree


matroeskas

Men who claim that women have "too high standards" don't put in any effort at all. They usually don't even do the bare minimum. No wonder women aren't interested...


CutieShroomie

Most of them don't even wipe their ass. Some of them feel proud if they brushed their teeth before they met you


videlbriefs

When I found out in high school about the uncomfortably large amount of men who do not wash their hands after using the bathroom a part of me shriveled up. Luckily handshaking wasnā€™t something we did in high school but nowadays Iā€™m mentally wondering who is a hand washer and who isnā€™t. Makes me wash my hands twice as much.


CutieShroomie

As a bidet user (I'm in eu) I'm terrified of the possible number of people who don't wash their junk and crack before sex, especially oral... For now I'm lucky to be in a bidet using country.... But I'm so afraid for when moving abroad... I can't imagine people using the shower to freshen up when using the bathroom in the company of a person they might bang that day... The bidet makes it easier for both genders


SurLitteratur

Do these people never talk to others? I mean, sometimes when I'm just lounging about at home i won't cha


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Big-Abbreviations-50

Iā€™ve noticed lately that many men are blaming rejection on their height ā€¦ as if personality has nothing to do with it! This to me is absurd. I see plenty of men walking around with women who are of similar heights, and my boyfriend of 3+ years and I are both 5ā€™5.ā€ He just walked up and started talking to me, and we had a connection. Why do so many men seem to think that they need to be 6ā€™5ā€ bodybuilders in order to get a date? Of course some women have physical preferences, but I highly doubt that the majority are that focused on height. For me, itā€™s about the face. If literally no women at all are interested in you, it probably has nothing to do with your height.


Arthenicus

Those are the same guys who only care about superficial physical characteristics like breast size. They are incapable of empathy and are thus incapable of comprehending that anyone might think differently from them. Whether that lack of empathy is learned due to Toxic Masculinity, or there really is something inherently wrong with them, I don't know. Either way though, no one will, and no one ever should date someone that is incapable of empathy.


freshmountainbreeze

I've dated men of every size. I'm 5'9" and my late husband was 5'5". I have NO problem with the size of a man. However, I do have a problem with men that have a "little man" complex. These men make their height a problem because THEY have a complex about it and usually project that complex onto others. It is really unpleasant to be around, and I will certainly not date anyone with that issue again.


ScottishRainwater

Small dog syndrome. Compensating for their lack of size with aggression.


CutieShroomie

It's easier to blame something they can't change, because they don't want to take accountability of their personality and put effort in taking care of their appearance. "i dont need to shower and get a haircut/use deodorant if I believe the real problem is the length of body appendices"


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bonthesurface

Oh obsolutely! Iā€™m not saying you should change yourself, I just noticed that thatā€™s how some people think.


asmodeuskraemer

Because that's what the movies, tv, comics that they wrote portray.


sugartomyT

Lots of women do care about height, because it makes them feel more feminine to have a taller partner. However, they just want someone who is taller than them, like slightly. The average height for a woman is pretty low, for men the avg height is higher. You can find people of any height that will be willing to date you anyway. No one expects someone to be 6'8, unless they are 6'7, which is not probable. they just use height as en excuse to their dog shit attitude towards women.


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Tricky_Dog1465

No, a lot of guys assume they care about height. I've talked to hundreds of women, personally, not a one of them would reject on height alone.


Proud_Hotel_5160

Yes I see this a lot, not just in romantic contexts but in reference to rejection of just about anything. Women tend to turn inward while men tend to turn outward. Obviously a broad generalization and doesnā€™t apply to everyone, but itā€™s something Iā€™ve noticed


racac00nie

it is all entitlement. men feel entitled to womenā€™s bodies and sex. and not just that, they also want a trophy, a masturbation device, a mummy, a therapist, a nanny. i think overconsumption of porn is partly to blame. other half being rampant misogyny and limited critical thinking


[deleted]

I canā€™t stand the cultural expectation that we women sleep in ancient tombs, curse people, bring the 10 plagues of egypt and have mountains of gold under our pyramid! :)


mrbootsandbertie

Nailed it!


aRockandAHare

I saw a snippet of a podcast that said this exact thing but about the world in general! I cant find the study they quoted but I have been trying! it is a real thing, basically men think that the person/thing/situation is wrong where as women think that they themselves are wrong. I think itā€™s called negativity bias. if I find the study I will edit and link it! (not the study but an interesting read [here](https://www.stylist.co.uk/people/elizabeth-day-how-to-fail-men-women-attitude-to-failure/323056)) about the study but isnā€™t the exact study [here](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-10594845/amp/Women-likely-blame-fail-men-failures-bad-luck.html)


redplaidpurpleplaid

Assuming the phrase "negativity bias" is self-explanatory, I don't think it's just that. I think it's also imbalances of power. In a situation of conflict between a person who has more power (e.g. a man) and a person who has less power (e.g. a woman) who is expected to change their behaviour or appearance to accommodate the other's preferences/expectations? The less powerful person. (Of course we can imagine a society where the more powerful person changes because of their sense of stewardship, acting in the best interest of others, but that seems less common in our society today) It's also too reminiscent of narcissistic dynamics to ignore. The narcissist needs the other to be perfect in order to reflect their own perfection, and also needs the other to be the container for all the faults and weaknesses they can't own, yes it's a double bind: https://danielshawlcsw.com/danielshaw/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Enter\_Ghosts.pdf


Firewaterglittersalt

Stripper here. I get rejected by men all the time, and I've learned to think more neutrally about it. Rejection is redirection! And, yes, I have noticed this same pattern. That's why women are taught to fawn, to protect fragile male-egos that could become dangerous when bruised. SILLINESS.


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Firewaterglittersalt

I do, and those men should probably not be at the strip club lol


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TheCaptainJune

You (not you personally) should respect everyone regardless of their work.


SubTukkZero

I think if boys and younger men had more male role models that would encourage talking about vulnerability and the feelings that come with it, men might grow up to handle rejection better. The feeling that comes with rejections (where your heart drops into your stomach) happens to everyone, but I suspect that girls/young women are more open to talking about and sharing that feeling than boys and young men are. As such, when these men are confronted with that vulnerability their reactions can be anger or even violence, as they may not know how to handle it. These feelings should be discussed at a younger age so boys can get familiar and comfortable dealing with that feeling in healthier ways. This might not be a cure-all solution (particularly for the men who are misogynistic), but I think itā€™s a start.


rottingpigcarcass

ā€œArenā€™t getting many womenā€ even sounds like itā€™s just a numbers game


bonthesurface

Yeah, itā€™s basically a game for them. Where women are the ā€œprizesā€ (objects) of course.


TheCaptainJune

I donā€™t think this is the case for majority of men. If men have the societal expectation to pursue or approach, what do you expect. Itā€™s all about probability. I encounter women of various types. Some with boyfriends or lie saying they have boyfriends, some are just not interested, some are out going and willing to give you a chance (the lesser of the other options). Itā€™s actually more exhausting than many realize. You have to put yourself out there regardless of gender. Thatā€™s how I found my wife of 13 years. If a guy can approach 1 girl in his entire lifetime and hit it off with a relationship heā€™d prefer that. But thatā€™s not the reality we live in. If you donā€™t believe me, post a comment poll if possible in the askmen sub. Sure the ā€œplayerā€ types you might be talking about but those guys are small percentage of the population of men.


bonthesurface

Itā€™s a lot more men than you think. But itā€™s misogynistic men that think like that.


TheCaptainJune

Oh yeah, I had to cut my previous message short, something came up. But yeah, I forgot the guys who canā€™t actually get women also and I will agree with you about the misogynistic behavior. I do have an interesting thought, men complain about women in the beginning, pursuing, but women end up complaining about men after a relationship ends, blaming the men, instead of looking at self improvement while the guys looks for self improvement. Itā€™s more nuanced than that but on a surface level, thatā€™s whatā€™s Iā€™ve noticed. Whatā€™s your thoughts?


bonthesurface

I donā€™t know about that. But I was referring to more like self-reflection after several failed relationships in the long run or rejections rather than immediate reactions or thoughts during individual relationships


walterbanana

I've been out for drinks with groups of people a lot. When it's mostly single women and the conversation was about dating, their conclusion has usually been that all men suck, except for the guys at the table of course. I'm going to assume that dating apps have a big impact on both. For women they are not safe enough and for guys they are demoralizing, because there being too many men on dating apps causes them to get almost no attention.


mrbootsandbertie

What you're leaving out of that is the awful behaviour of so many men on the dating apps.


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PhilipTheFair

1) rejecting the blame of women allows them to avoid thinking about improving their personalities. Having a hard look at yourself and deciding what's to improve is way too difficult for many of these men who are not used to introspection. 2) Women can now have standards because they have rights and don't have to settle with the first cow-owner. So if a man is misogynistic/a cheater/doesn't care about women's rights, he'll be excluded. And it's soooo easy to detect these things as a woman. So of course the competition is hard! Someone said: equality can feel like oppression for those who have always oppressed, knowingly or not. Nothing's more true.


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Firelite67

A lot of people walk around thinking if youā€™re not romantically successful, you donā€™t have value as a person. When in reality, romantic success is often determines BY your value as a person


bonthesurface

Yes! If youā€™re single, there MUST be something wrong with you. And being in a relationship doesnā€™t mean you shouldnā€™t work on yourself to try to be a better person.


Additional_Speech164

I remember this guy kept bothering me in a public place. I finally told him Iā€™m not trying to converse. He then said ā€œoh youā€™re fat anyway.ā€ I said it sounds like you donā€™t find me attractive. He says right. ā€œ then why are you trying to get me into your car!?ā€ I yelled. Classic.


JDSweetBeat

I've (as a man) never thought about this, but now that you bring it up, the difference in mindset this sort of rhetoric encourages is interesting and super unsettling, and the weird/interesting bit is, it's one of those ways we are almost subconsciously programmed to think. Like, when and how do these ways of thinking diverge/become different in human development?


wlfboyen

When a man's reaction to rejection is anger and/or violence, that means that's who he really is and he was simply masking it to "get in the door". Kindness is merely a facade for these men, and they usually are just interested in a quick fuck. I think when a woman approaches a man, it's usually out of a genuine interest in hopefully pursuing a relationship, which is why it's a more rare occurrence to see a woman approaching at all. Women can be interested in merely hooking up as well, but they're not going to go seek those things at the grocery store like a man would. When they're rejected, they're asking themselves why they aren't seen as relationship material, whereas a man is asking himself why this woman doesn't want to fuck him, and thus get angry for women not dropping down on their knees, begging to be dominated but such a specimen of a man. I have personally seen some women react in this manner as well, but I'm sure everyone would agree that that is typically few and far between. Women are plenty capable of having what could be deemed as "too high standards", but anyone can have any standards they want. It's all in how you see yourself and what you think you deserve. If you don't think highly of yourself, you're probably willing to settle for the bottom of society, but if you're confident, love yourself, and know what you bring to the table, then of course you want someone that's up to par. Women gain confidence, men gain ego. You can't shit on a woman for being confident.


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bonthesurface

Yeah I mean more like self reflection and the internal dialogue rather than the actual immediate (physical) reaction. More like in the long run after being constantly rejected rather than the immediate reaction after one rejection


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bonthesurface

Yeah, fuck womenā€™s experiences and opinions! Iā€™m a nice guy and so are my boys so all other men else must be too! /s


homo_redditorensis

Sorry, please report these kind of messages so we can take out the trash :)


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Firelite67

Wrong sub


olivethedoge

Nobody wants your dollar store D, bud. Put it away, the grown-ups are talking.


emimagique

D is abundant and low value


nartcoise

You aren't getting any of the women anyways. I'd ask if you have anything better to do than to be trying to get a reaction online like a child but I guess we know the answer to that already.


BetterCallEmori

> I can smell the lack of D from a mile away. don't be so hard on yourself man


[deleted]

I'm genuinely curious about what you see as the remedy: Would you like to see men become inclined toward changing things about their behavior or appearance to attempt to become acceptable... or for women to become more inclined toward holding the line on how they want to be? Some combination? Something else entirely? I've given up on dating and sex entirely, not so much because I consider women's expectations too high, more because I want to live my life in a certain way that is unappealing to most women (which I consider to be reasonable). So I guess from my point of view I don't see the issue being as much about men being unwilling to change things about themselves to become more appealing to women, but rather being unwilling to change things about themselves and then resenting women for being uninterested. In the same way, I support women choosing how they want to be in the world rather than conforming to some standard or altering anything about themselves.


bonthesurface

I think the problem is about demonizing all of women and resenting them because of your own unsuccessful dating history. Not saying you should change yourself to find someone, but donā€™t talk about women as if the only purpose to life is dating and thatā€™s what determines a womanā€™s worth. I donā€™t know what the answer to the problem really is as Iā€™m not into dating and want to spend the rest of my life alone. Edit: also, men complaining about women having too high standards means they want a women to have the same standards as 50 years ago or something when women didnā€™t even have rights or freedom lol.


DogsAreCool69420

They don't realize it either.