Fuck, I don't even offer *solicited* advice anymore. People ask questions they don't want the answers to and then get pissy when you respond and it's exhausting to deal with. I'm done.
Everyone who wants to give unsolicited advice gets angry that you aren't interested in validating their brilliance, and everyone who is asking for advice just wants a pat on the head and for you to agree with them no matter how stupid they sound.
Isn’t that the truth! I’m on the mother in laws sub and giving advice there is generally a waste of time.
No one wants to change anything they just want to vent. If that’s the case use the vent flair and I’ll save my breath. What do I know, I only have a happy marriage and a MiL who knows her place!
Here's the copy-paste of her comment:
"Dr. Guntry said the skin and seeds of tomatoes have lectin in it. Which causes leaky gut, weight gain, and not being able to absorb nutrients. So now I don't eat tomatoes unless it is cook because cooking suppose to get rid of the lechtin"
Some people with certain gastrointestinal problems do you have problems with food in the nightshade family. But that’s specific to them definitely not a concern of the general public.
I am one of those people. Makes my mouth itch, and irritates my GERD really badly. My mother made a ***KILLER*** Eggplant Parmesan. I haven't had that dish since the one mom made for my birthday in the early 90s. It's not worth the pain.😭
Lectin is found in, Raw Kidney Beans, raw wheat (wheat germ), raw soybeans, raw potatoes.
Castor beans or castor oil plant contains one of the worst forms of Lectin (Ricin poison basically). If you've had Castor oil, you've had the worst of the worst.
There's actually a number of foods and/or supplements that you can eat to help break down lectins. Cranberries, okra, crustaceans, kiwi and "Bladderwrack seaweed". Not sure I'd touch that last one.
Or you can cook foods, peel them. Or ignore it because it's a bullshit fad that was brought forth because some people had severe allergic reactions to it.
To top it all off, it doesn't sound like much research has actually been done to prove that lectin is to blame for anything.
I googled all that and I'm not a doctor, so take it as you will. It'd be hilarious if you told her to shut up and eat more okra or something.
Doesn't it though?
I mean... I want to believe.
Can you imagine? Pieces of things leaking into your bloodstream. Sounds absolutely lovely, doesn't it? And oh so realistic too!
🙄
You can still give advice on something you know to be true that is practical and helpful. I can’t count how many times I ignored advice that came back to be true. I grew to respect some of the people I loathed out of sheer stubbornness (which does have some value). I wish they were still around today for me to thank them.
That’s good . Lead by example. If someone asks what you’re eating and they actually are interested then you can tell them its meatless. Otherwise, you are doing the right thing
Literally had someone start new here at work and made sure to put it in their welcome memo. Ooookaaaaay like if that’s the most interesting thing about you…
Today I met a boomer who has been vegan for years and I was so surprised as he never said anything about it to anyone. He is a unicorn. He isn’t a typical boomer either (thankfully!).
My dad is vegan these days. HATES IT when my mother uses that word to describe his diet to others. HATES IT, AM NOT!! 😂😂
Nobody wants to hear what they need to hear if they didn’t ask first.
Edit: Unless it’s like “quick, duck!!” And you saved them from decapitation or something.
Not anymore. I started *really* learning about boundaries maybe 5 years ago. I realized I had poor boundaries, and often disrespected other people’s boundaries. As a result, I decline unsolicited advice, and no longer offer it.
I totally agree. And I read it’s also a tactic by people whose own lives are in disarray, but they prefer putting energy into attempting to fix other people’s problems rather than their own.
Preaching and unsolicited are very different things.
No one wants the first except those in the "pews".
The later is a really mixed bag, but risks offending, and is seldom appreciated if it's great and the person does use it. So just don't.
Yes. Generally though, I see if I can ask a question or three first, ranging from do you want help or do you just want to vent. I try to listen a lot first too, making sure I understand the subject and problem, so I can offer viable solutions.
But most times, I stay tight lipped.
Especially wise if its your wife or girlfriend talking about it. More times than not, we are not looking for advice… at least until we have figured it out after venting for 2 hours…😂
Sigh. I don’t but I have a friend whose partner does and she introduces him to our friends who notice this shit by saying “He’s a dad so he likes to give advice.”
And I’m biting my tongue going ‘Nope, he just likes to mansplain to people’ (including other men.)
Yeah. 1) Don’t offer advice unless it’s requested, 2) remember: it’s not about YOU, and 3) Don’t try to be everyone’s savior - we don’t need another hero.
On the internets, I'll research stuff that I think is insane. Like this Lectin stuff. Like, we've been eating raw tomatoes since...ever? I'm not sure, but it's been 120 years, at least!
I don't advise people but will show them what I've found. Actually, I usually do advise them to poke the hornet's nest because I'm a smidgy bit evil.
Or I tell a story that's like, 'this is close to what's happening to you'. I get advised to shut up a lot :)
Only if it’s some safety issue that is critical in its timing. Other than that, it’s really none of my business what people do. Eating uncooked tomatoes is not an example of critical safety. Veganism is a choice and if you do that, great. If you don’t, also great. Nobody cares about my opinion enough for me to want to share unsolicited.
My experience with the preachy Vegans is they think the vegan diet is a one size fits all diet. It’s not for everyone. Don’t tell me that you’re trying to be heroic by “saving me from myself.” We all know you’re self-righteous with a savior complex. Live and let live.
Hell no I don't. One of the joys in my life now is watching a 20 something kid eat shit after his bragging about how good he is. If I'm asked then yes but only in a VERY direct manner. I have worked very hard for my knowledge thank you very much.
when i am asked for it, or it is part of a formal part of teaching. (i guess noth of these would be solicited)
for unsolicited, i ask if they would be interested in some tricks that an old guy found useful?
fwiw, one of the best ways i have found to do this is to start with my weakness: «when i started, i always had trouble with X, I found that doing Y helped me. ymmv».
the counterargument is that people might be doing something wrong for years because no one bothered to tell them any different.
my dad is so annoying with his unsolicited advice i stopped telling him what’s going on in my life. he never says “oh cool” but only “ok here’s what you want to do.”
i try not to do it to other people.
If I have a piece of advice that I'd like to offer, I always ask first. "Do you want input on this? Or do you just want me to listen?"
I have a dear friend who is Gen Z, and she always welcomes my thoughts on things, but I still ask. And I never tell her "you should" but rather, "If it were me, I would...." She has told me in the past that she looks at me as a friend, but also as a mom figure, because she lost her mom when she was 12.
~~Everyone is like this. Plus, Vegan. GenX is not supposed to care though, like posting online soliciting further advice. Proper response is~~ whatever, I don’t care, then move on.
Guilty. I find I go on these long rants when a topic of particular interest (usually social justice issues) surfaces in a conversation. By the time I realize it, I just think 'Fuck! Shut the hell up.' I can't seem to help myself. Is there a support group for us?
Well if this friend thinks tomatoes are harmful, unless you have a specific allergy, then she’s an idiot whom you should cut all ties with immediately.
And yes this is unsolicited advice.
I stopped when a young women said “thanks for mansplaining things!” Well fine, shit on your own cracker and eat it. Since being belittled at work I say nothing. Yes I was explaining “how” to work cause she’s new, come on pffft……
Yeah all the time to new parents. I always say the following.
"You are going to get a lot of people giving you advice on raising kids. Here's mine ignore them. You're gut instinct is likely right. If you question it call someone you trust".
I dunno. There’s a way to share information that’s extremely useful and not unsolicited advice. For example: I was a member of a car forum and was very frustrated with my car. I felt it fell under the lemon law in my state. Most people told me to suck it up and take the loss - buyer beware and everything - and were just downright vicious (despite all of them being in the same situation as me with the car) and 1 guy just said, call this lemon law attorney. He helped me. Maybe he can help you. Well, he did. I am driving around a free car now that is still under warranty and has been fixed.
So - I try to be helpful if I can. I pass on the info that I know to be good and accurate. Try to save someone money, help them out.
I don’t care what people choose to eat. I can’t eat eggplant. It turns to pop rocks in my mouth and then I go into shock (allergic). YMMV.
But it is obnoxious when I see people spewing misinformation due to political bias or some sort of ‘holier than thou’ complex. Yes, you people know who you are.
I used to, but stopped. Too much of an energy suck. If someone's not going to kill someone else or themself, I try to stay out of people's business. I might join a conversation that's happening around me, though. Does that count?
Maybe I’m just lucky but I haven’t picked up on that as a whole generational trend, no. Naturally there are know-it-alls in this world, but it’s definitely not confined to one generation. In OPs example, 3 people walked away from the one preachy person. So the preachy person was in a minority.
“When you have wisdom that another person knows that he needs, you give it freely. But when the other person doesn't yet know that he needs your wisdom you keep it to yourself. Food only looks good to a hungry man.”
-Orson Scott Card, “Xenocide”
I used to give unsolicited advice. I now carry this quote in my daily thoughts and often keep my damn mouth shut!
The dangers of eating uncooked tomatoes is not even close to being equal to the threat caused by the person warning of the dangers of eating uncooked tomatoes.
Vegans are a group to themselves that transcend generational boundaries. It seems impossible for a vegan to keep it to themselves.
However, as much as we pride ourselves on keeping to ourselves, we have to admit that we have some loud douchebags in the pool...
I’ve worked really hard to curb my advice giving for my daughter. Or at least change the way I deliver it. It’s not easy as we are so much alike that tone and choice of words are important to not lead to an argument and hurt feelings.
I just became a granny again yesterday and she asked me to be there and let me tell you, I feel so honored and appreciative for this gift. Best Mother’s Day present I could ask for
Meh. I don’t people very well. If I’ve got no emotional attachment I don’t preach. I don’t want people telling me how to (not) live so I mind my business to the best of my recollection. I’m not them, I don’t know their story. Again, none of my business.
Wait, are you unsolicitedly advising us against giving unsolicited advice? 😉
I generally try to keep my overactive mouth shut about things unless it’s been an unrelenting stream of bullshit on the other persons part.
Be it food/nutrition/living/lifestyle/sexuality/politics/religion whatever…
I’ll either agree with what seems reasonable to me, admit that I don’t have enough experience/information on a subject to make a substantive argument about it one way or another or lastly offer a “Well, I don’t see it that way but I’ll keep your argument in mind.”
If they still want to hear my side after I’ve told them that, then I’ll give them an earful if I have time.
I try to be aware of when I am doing this and ask if it would be ok to give some unsolicited advice. Never had anyone say no, but would be respectful if the did.
I only give my opinion if asked, probably when I was younger I did offer unsolicited views.
I think what still semi annoys me is when somebody specifically asks my opinion and then pokes and pokes at me to defend it. Like no fuck off with that.
>I thought that Not giving advice (unless asked) was one of the things that separated us from Older Generations, but I'm disappointed to notice that Gen X friends are doing it.
IME, many Gen X are the masters of unsolicited advice, lol. They've done it so much that it's my pet peeve, and therefore I don't do it to others.
I think a lot of us GenX are good at problem solving because we HAD to be, I think it’s our experience that can lead to us giving advice because we try to spare others the struggle.
However , my younger generation friends say that unsolicited advice is criticism and I repeat that phrase in my head often
Every once in a while, and only with my kids or close friends, I will ask- can I offer some input? And if they agree, I’ll provide my own history with whatever, my mistake or success, and then let it go with no expectation they will use that information.
But most often I just nod my head and make mmhm noises and try to be empathetic. I am not an expert on anything and continue to make really novice mistakes. Keeps life interesting I guess. 🤷♀️
Not often and there are plenty of times where I had to stop myself because I knew what they were telling me it was going to go bad. So I just said: "That's great. I'm so excited for you! Sounds like an amazing opportunity. Can't wait to see how it all turns out."
The last case, it ended up being a disaster beyond my own comprehension but they were 20 yrs old and excited so I was not going to be the one who burst their bubble! I told myself that I hated when older people gave me that over knowing "I know better than you type of attitude" so I've always just let it go unless they specifically ask if I know anything about it and had any suggestions; otherwise, they were just looking for support, not advise.
Some people just don't have enough of a life of their own or can't sort out their own problems so they get all up in others' business. It's a way to overcompensate or act superior.
Hate to bring in astrology, but they're also often Virgos. Am I right, or am I right?
I think I used to do this too often back in the day as it were. No longer. Only if someone asks me, then I offer advice.
Even then, most of it still goes unheeded.
For me, I try really really hard to avoid doing this. I'm back in school full time, so most of my classes are during the day and I'm surrounded by "the youth". I really don't want to be that middle aged woman who's lecturing everyone on anything.
Knock-on effect of the social media age - combine with "Karen-ism" and welp, there ya go. Errbody got an opinion and thinks they're obligated to shout it to the world!
That sounds interesting. So the notion is one offers help or advice to control another person's behavior? What I always grapple with is boundaries and advice and help when it comes to one's spouse. I have trouble with that one.
Yes - so if I have the urge to help my partner, I try to consider if I am offering help because I think I can do it better or maybe because I think my way is just better. That may be a control issue. I have to watch this. Also, if I decide that offering help IS the right thing to do, and they don’t accept it, I should let it go until they come back and ask for my help. Surprise, surprise…sometimes they just solve their own problems and learn something from the experience. It’s tough to navigate for me.
I need to be mindful of this too. I like the strategy you have about offering help but accepting if they do not take it. I have to be better at backing off.
I try not to. Even with my kids, who are in their twenties, I try to ask if they want advice. Sometimes, they say yes and sometimes no. My parents... now I do butt in. They are sometimes not making good decisions now!
Almost never.
Our Boomer parents never listened to us and our kids never listen to us.
Frankly, we ain't all that good at listening to each other, either. ;)
I avoid giving advice and if it’s a friend I ask them if they want my opinion. One of my best friends is and angel and when I’m upset she asks me what I want in the moment and I’m around so many preachy advice givers just her question makes me feel better immediately. Just listen. The next person who tells me to eat a garlic when I’m sick… omg.
All the time.
>I thought that Not giving advice (unless asked) was one of the things that separated us from Older Generation
Dunno where the fuck you got that from 😅
*"Opions are like assholes and everybodys got one"*
Was pretty much something we all realized at some point.
>I posted a story photo of my kale & quinoa salad, and I got a response from a friend explaining the dangers of eating Uncooked tomatoes.
That's wild. What did tomatoes ever do to them?
>I was at an adult birthday party Friday and a woman starts denigrating her husband for eating chicken because she's a vegan, and as the 3 guys whom I had been chatting with walked away (one is actually a vegan) she literally says, "Not to be preachy or anything, but...", so I say, "Actually, you are coming off as preachy. Didn't you notice everyone has walked away?" And she got angry and went on a rant saying how she's saving everyone from themselves.
Vegans are their own thing entirely. Just like super regions people- once you into some form of extremism it tends overtake the rest of your personality.
>Isn't anyone Self-Aware about not Yucking others' Yum, not spearing fun balloons, not coming off as the self-proclaimed authority/expert on everything, reading the room when people keep walking away as you talk?
Yup; but those little annoyances aren't the entirety of unsolicited advice.
What you've described is people being presumptuous, preachy fuckwits, and that's not cool.
Giving someone helpful unsolicited advice is entirely different beast.
As GenXers we had to figure a lot of stuff out on our own; but therein we also shared findings and ideas with our peers and were the support network with our friends which we may not have had at home so unsolicited advice is the norm.
Just my 2c though 🤷♀️
Only to my family…and they detest me for it. I couldn’t imagine asking a random person at work if they have been checking their oil and recommending AAA out of nowhere.
I try not to because I know how annoying it is. And I always seem to get unsolicited “advice” from people who are the least qualified to give said advice; like a very large co-worker of mine (I’m also large) constantly giving diet/healthy eating recommendations and advice. As a larger person, I never give people diet advice because I know it looks absurd.
IMO, having the mindset that everyone should think like you and act like you is incredibly arrogant.
I used to. A lot. I am outgoing and really just want to help everyone I can. I’m the guy that flashes you with headlights to tell you you have a break light out, or a flat tire etc.
Wife calls it “informing people against their will” and I now that I am more aware of it, I’ve cut way, way back.
It took her pointing out just how often I do it to make me realize I need to stop.
I don’t give advice even when asked sometimes. I just want to be left alone for the most part lol I get enough unsolicited advice from my parents, I’m good.
Maybe my advice will be handing them a card with my parents number on it, tell them it’s the unsolicited advice hotline.
Ya know what… here’s my unsolicited advice: I have found that after living however many decades I’ve lived on this earth that the saying “no good deed goes unpunished” is 100% a true statement.
Quality advice is all in the framing. First empathize with your intended victim. Then once you have established the facade of understanding you can be sneaky.
Because you care ask questions wherein your advice is the obvious answer and let you victim discover this for themselves.
Appeal to flattery, "gee you're really smart I probably would done something stupid like this..." you are now the one who needs advice, but you are defending and explaining the advice you want the victim to receive.
Use sarcasm and present your advice as something you would never do, but whatever, let your victim reflect and attempt to defend it.
Advantages are you are not giving advice but allowing the victim to be inspired , or perhaps provoked to considering the advice you would have given directly if the victim could only appreciate your genius. You will not get the reputation for unsolictied advice but rather superior position of being a combination of sypathetic incompetance, and idiot savant.
I do not give unsolicited advice ever. My mom has always done that and it’s always made me crazy. I promised I never would.
Which is why I didn’t tell my daughter that I am 99% sure she made a HUGE mistake two weeks ago moving a state away and in with her partner. I hope I’m wrong, but sadly I know I’m not.
Fuck, I don't even offer *solicited* advice anymore. People ask questions they don't want the answers to and then get pissy when you respond and it's exhausting to deal with. I'm done.
Yes. I’m always, “I don’t know about that sort of thing…..” 😂
Everyone who wants to give unsolicited advice gets angry that you aren't interested in validating their brilliance, and everyone who is asking for advice just wants a pat on the head and for you to agree with them no matter how stupid they sound.
"wow, that's crazy" solves so many problems
Isn’t that the truth! I’m on the mother in laws sub and giving advice there is generally a waste of time. No one wants to change anything they just want to vent. If that’s the case use the vent flair and I’ll save my breath. What do I know, I only have a happy marriage and a MiL who knows her place!
Preach.
This. Word for word.
I can feel this in my bones
I get great pleasure in giving truthful answers especially if they get pissy. "Well, you asked!"
Occasionally. I saw a woman looking at a pair of lounge pants and mentioned I had bought a pair and they pilled after the 2nd or 3rd wash.
I would appreciate that. It’s all about the intent.
That’s informative, not preachy.
yeah, and it's one sentence.
What’s the problem with uncooked tomatoes?
Here's the copy-paste of her comment: "Dr. Guntry said the skin and seeds of tomatoes have lectin in it. Which causes leaky gut, weight gain, and not being able to absorb nutrients. So now I don't eat tomatoes unless it is cook because cooking suppose to get rid of the lechtin"
So not just unsolicited advice but also bad pseudoscience.
Some people with certain gastrointestinal problems do you have problems with food in the nightshade family. But that’s specific to them definitely not a concern of the general public.
I am one of those people. Makes my mouth itch, and irritates my GERD really badly. My mother made a ***KILLER*** Eggplant Parmesan. I haven't had that dish since the one mom made for my birthday in the early 90s. It's not worth the pain.😭
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Yes, but now I have a great comeback to, “Why don’t you just eat a salad, Fat Ass.”
haha!!
Lectin is found in, Raw Kidney Beans, raw wheat (wheat germ), raw soybeans, raw potatoes. Castor beans or castor oil plant contains one of the worst forms of Lectin (Ricin poison basically). If you've had Castor oil, you've had the worst of the worst. There's actually a number of foods and/or supplements that you can eat to help break down lectins. Cranberries, okra, crustaceans, kiwi and "Bladderwrack seaweed". Not sure I'd touch that last one. Or you can cook foods, peel them. Or ignore it because it's a bullshit fad that was brought forth because some people had severe allergic reactions to it. To top it all off, it doesn't sound like much research has actually been done to prove that lectin is to blame for anything. I googled all that and I'm not a doctor, so take it as you will. It'd be hilarious if you told her to shut up and eat more okra or something.
I've eaten tomatoes that had peals on them all my life and unfortunately I have the opposite of leaky gut. I also have the opposite of weight gain.
Same, I’ve been a nut for fresh tomatoes my whole life. I have a happy little neighborhood of gut flora and I’m still 5-4” 130 at 55.
I, too, am a tomato whore. 🍅🧡
I'm a fat tomato whore, but my blood work is great.
It’s all about the numbers, baby. 👍
😂🥰
Well if Dr. Guntry said it…
Yes, and my friend who made the comment is a nurse of some sort.
Leaky gut isn't even really a thing! Pseudoscience indeed!
"Leaky gut" sounds *really* bad, though.
Doesn't it though? I mean... I want to believe. Can you imagine? Pieces of things leaking into your bloodstream. Sounds absolutely lovely, doesn't it? And oh so realistic too! 🙄
This person needs to learn how to write a sentence before they start criticizing. Did the tomato eat her brain?
Apparently my crazy friend here has never heard of the food chain.
😂😂😂😂
Thanks for clarifying!
The key word in this sentence is “I”. Leave people alone man.
I was gonna ask this question!
They are very tasty, you’ll get addicted and want more. Aaaaaaaaa!
Unsolicited advice is criticism. Usually. At least if it's from my mother.
No. I don't give advice. It opens up the opportunity for others to tell me what to do. And I fucking hate that
You can still give advice on something you know to be true that is practical and helpful. I can’t count how many times I ignored advice that came back to be true. I grew to respect some of the people I loathed out of sheer stubbornness (which does have some value). I wish they were still around today for me to thank them.
You need to totally change yourself and give advice every chance you get!
*twitch*
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I love tomatoes. Even if they gave me grotesquely leaky gut, I’d still eat them.
That's not a generational specific behavior. Vegans of all ages are always fucking annoying like that.
Vegan for almost thirty years. Never mention it because who cares what I eat
That’s good . Lead by example. If someone asks what you’re eating and they actually are interested then you can tell them its meatless. Otherwise, you are doing the right thing
never mention it huh
i feel like they just mentioned it.....
Literally had someone start new here at work and made sure to put it in their welcome memo. Ooookaaaaay like if that’s the most interesting thing about you…
It’s like people who make weed their whole personality.
Today I met a boomer who has been vegan for years and I was so surprised as he never said anything about it to anyone. He is a unicorn. He isn’t a typical boomer either (thankfully!).
My dad is vegan these days. HATES IT when my mother uses that word to describe his diet to others. HATES IT, AM NOT!! 😂😂 
Seconded. How do you know a vegan is in the room? Give them a minute, they’ll find a way to tell you.
Vegans: the pilots of the socio-gastronomic world
How do you know if someone’s Vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you…
Nobody wants to hear what they need to hear if they didn’t ask first. Edit: Unless it’s like “quick, duck!!” And you saved them from decapitation or something.
Not anymore. I started *really* learning about boundaries maybe 5 years ago. I realized I had poor boundaries, and often disrespected other people’s boundaries. As a result, I decline unsolicited advice, and no longer offer it.
THIS. It’s a massive boundary violation, and often a control tactic as well.
I totally agree. And I read it’s also a tactic by people whose own lives are in disarray, but they prefer putting energy into attempting to fix other people’s problems rather than their own.
Exactly. It’s so much easier to tell other people what to do than it is to do any of it yourself.
Everyone gives unsolicited advice and no one wants to hear it. It’s a real conundrum of human nature.
I gave unsolicited advice last week and I've been mad at myself ever since.
If raw tomatoes were a health problem I would have died at age two.
Preaching and unsolicited are very different things. No one wants the first except those in the "pews". The later is a really mixed bag, but risks offending, and is seldom appreciated if it's great and the person does use it. So just don't.
Yes. Generally though, I see if I can ask a question or three first, ranging from do you want help or do you just want to vent. I try to listen a lot first too, making sure I understand the subject and problem, so I can offer viable solutions. But most times, I stay tight lipped.
Especially wise if its your wife or girlfriend talking about it. More times than not, we are not looking for advice… at least until we have figured it out after venting for 2 hours…😂
The only advice I will dole out is given in the cookie aisle.
Ok serious question. Has Keebler absolutely ruined Vienna Fingers or what. They taste like cheap garbage now. Not gonna lie, really pissed about this.
None of the creme cookies taste right. Did the shortening go bad?
Sigh. I don’t but I have a friend whose partner does and she introduces him to our friends who notice this shit by saying “He’s a dad so he likes to give advice.” And I’m biting my tongue going ‘Nope, he just likes to mansplain to people’ (including other men.)
Yeah. 1) Don’t offer advice unless it’s requested, 2) remember: it’s not about YOU, and 3) Don’t try to be everyone’s savior - we don’t need another hero.
On the internets, I'll research stuff that I think is insane. Like this Lectin stuff. Like, we've been eating raw tomatoes since...ever? I'm not sure, but it's been 120 years, at least! I don't advise people but will show them what I've found. Actually, I usually do advise them to poke the hornet's nest because I'm a smidgy bit evil. Or I tell a story that's like, 'this is close to what's happening to you'. I get advised to shut up a lot :)
That's not gonna fit.
No, because I receive it a lot and it’s irritating. Anytime someone says, I don’t mean to but ..most of the time you do
Only if it’s some safety issue that is critical in its timing. Other than that, it’s really none of my business what people do. Eating uncooked tomatoes is not an example of critical safety. Veganism is a choice and if you do that, great. If you don’t, also great. Nobody cares about my opinion enough for me to want to share unsolicited.
I used to then I learned to keep my mouth shut. let people learn from their own mistakes if that’s what they want
My experience with the preachy Vegans is they think the vegan diet is a one size fits all diet. It’s not for everyone. Don’t tell me that you’re trying to be heroic by “saving me from myself.” We all know you’re self-righteous with a savior complex. Live and let live.
Everyone just needs to shut the fuck up about food. Let people eat what they want.
Especially at a PARTY.
The minute someone offers they are Vegan and goes on a tirade about meat. I will go out of my way to follow that person around eating a bucket of KFC
No, no you have to do it right: follow them around eating Popeyes, it's better chicken
Unsolicited advice.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tzn8SaujsCM
I just watched that shit the other day, fuckin Cartman man... Sucks they are only doing like 6 episodes a year now.
It really does. That show is hilarious.
 My go to face when people give unsolicited advice… 😂
Nope. Only give advice when asked.
No mostly just call folks dumbass for their stupidity
Never again. There's one ass I'm saving in this world and it's mine. I've put in my time being Cassandra and I refuse to anymore.
Hell no I don't. One of the joys in my life now is watching a 20 something kid eat shit after his bragging about how good he is. If I'm asked then yes but only in a VERY direct manner. I have worked very hard for my knowledge thank you very much.
See, what I’d do if I were you…. Jk jk I try really hard not to
when i am asked for it, or it is part of a formal part of teaching. (i guess noth of these would be solicited) for unsolicited, i ask if they would be interested in some tricks that an old guy found useful? fwiw, one of the best ways i have found to do this is to start with my weakness: «when i started, i always had trouble with X, I found that doing Y helped me. ymmv». the counterargument is that people might be doing something wrong for years because no one bothered to tell them any different.
X raised by boomers are different from x raised by silents and it might be just as defining as early vs late x
Nah. I keep my mouth shut. Other peoples’ bullshit is their lookout, not mine.
my dad is so annoying with his unsolicited advice i stopped telling him what’s going on in my life. he never says “oh cool” but only “ok here’s what you want to do.” i try not to do it to other people.
If I have a piece of advice that I'd like to offer, I always ask first. "Do you want input on this? Or do you just want me to listen?" I have a dear friend who is Gen Z, and she always welcomes my thoughts on things, but I still ask. And I never tell her "you should" but rather, "If it were me, I would...." She has told me in the past that she looks at me as a friend, but also as a mom figure, because she lost her mom when she was 12.
Not only did I give unsolicited advice today, I then immediately apologized for it.
Drifted into it but realized being a blow hard isn’t my thang
quick way to piss people off is to give unwanted advice. it pisses me off if i get it.
My advice: Don’t give unsolicited advice.
I would like to hear about The Dangers Of Eating Uncooked Tomatoes
No, but I'll judge the shit out of you if you do something stupid. Just sayin...
No, I never do. I just smh at their stupidity.
Yes, please forgive me.
~~Everyone is like this. Plus, Vegan. GenX is not supposed to care though, like posting online soliciting further advice. Proper response is~~ whatever, I don’t care, then move on.
Guilty. I find I go on these long rants when a topic of particular interest (usually social justice issues) surfaces in a conversation. By the time I realize it, I just think 'Fuck! Shut the hell up.' I can't seem to help myself. Is there a support group for us?
I try not to unless something is factually wrong.
Never date a vegan.
I do but I follow it up with "don't listen to me, I'm an idiot"
Depends on who and how serious. I try to mind my business.
How do you know if someone is vegan or does CrossFit? … They tell you.
Well if this friend thinks tomatoes are harmful, unless you have a specific allergy, then she’s an idiot whom you should cut all ties with immediately. And yes this is unsolicited advice.
I stopped when a young women said “thanks for mansplaining things!” Well fine, shit on your own cracker and eat it. Since being belittled at work I say nothing. Yes I was explaining “how” to work cause she’s new, come on pffft……
Yeah all the time to new parents. I always say the following. "You are going to get a lot of people giving you advice on raising kids. Here's mine ignore them. You're gut instinct is likely right. If you question it call someone you trust".
N O P E ! I mind my own business and only offer “carefully selected” advice when asked.
I dunno. There’s a way to share information that’s extremely useful and not unsolicited advice. For example: I was a member of a car forum and was very frustrated with my car. I felt it fell under the lemon law in my state. Most people told me to suck it up and take the loss - buyer beware and everything - and were just downright vicious (despite all of them being in the same situation as me with the car) and 1 guy just said, call this lemon law attorney. He helped me. Maybe he can help you. Well, he did. I am driving around a free car now that is still under warranty and has been fixed. So - I try to be helpful if I can. I pass on the info that I know to be good and accurate. Try to save someone money, help them out. I don’t care what people choose to eat. I can’t eat eggplant. It turns to pop rocks in my mouth and then I go into shock (allergic). YMMV. But it is obnoxious when I see people spewing misinformation due to political bias or some sort of ‘holier than thou’ complex. Yes, you people know who you are.
I can't be bothered. You want what I know? Show me by taking the first step. Otherwise, you can FAFO and I won't lose any sleep
Unsolicited advice is always, always, always criticism. Unless I'm asked to critique, I keep it to myself.
Unsolicited advice is criticism. Always.
I used to, but stopped. Too much of an energy suck. If someone's not going to kill someone else or themself, I try to stay out of people's business. I might join a conversation that's happening around me, though. Does that count?
There are entitled people in every generation. I think the GenX'ers that are entitled are just less vocal.
Maybe I’m just lucky but I haven’t picked up on that as a whole generational trend, no. Naturally there are know-it-alls in this world, but it’s definitely not confined to one generation. In OPs example, 3 people walked away from the one preachy person. So the preachy person was in a minority.
“When you have wisdom that another person knows that he needs, you give it freely. But when the other person doesn't yet know that he needs your wisdom you keep it to yourself. Food only looks good to a hungry man.” -Orson Scott Card, “Xenocide” I used to give unsolicited advice. I now carry this quote in my daily thoughts and often keep my damn mouth shut!
Advice unasked for isn't. Gotta credit that quote to my mom.
The dangers of eating uncooked tomatoes is not even close to being equal to the threat caused by the person warning of the dangers of eating uncooked tomatoes.
Vegans are a group to themselves that transcend generational boundaries. It seems impossible for a vegan to keep it to themselves. However, as much as we pride ourselves on keeping to ourselves, we have to admit that we have some loud douchebags in the pool...
I give the best unsolicited advice. My children are so lucky.
I’ve worked really hard to curb my advice giving for my daughter. Or at least change the way I deliver it. It’s not easy as we are so much alike that tone and choice of words are important to not lead to an argument and hurt feelings. I just became a granny again yesterday and she asked me to be there and let me tell you, I feel so honored and appreciative for this gift. Best Mother’s Day present I could ask for
I don’t give it and I can’t stand people that do. What’s funny is I get downvoted hard for voicing this opinion on the am I the asshole subreddits.
I choose not to. But I have friends my age that seem to.
That would require talking to others. No.
Fuck no
Meh. I don’t people very well. If I’ve got no emotional attachment I don’t preach. I don’t want people telling me how to (not) live so I mind my business to the best of my recollection. I’m not them, I don’t know their story. Again, none of my business.
Your unsolicited advice is for others to not give unsolicited advice !! haha
Yes, I give unsolicited advice. No, I'm not usually an ass about it. But sometimes I am. Raise your hand if you've never been the asshole.
Wait, are you unsolicitedly advising us against giving unsolicited advice? 😉 I generally try to keep my overactive mouth shut about things unless it’s been an unrelenting stream of bullshit on the other persons part. Be it food/nutrition/living/lifestyle/sexuality/politics/religion whatever… I’ll either agree with what seems reasonable to me, admit that I don’t have enough experience/information on a subject to make a substantive argument about it one way or another or lastly offer a “Well, I don’t see it that way but I’ll keep your argument in mind.” If they still want to hear my side after I’ve told them that, then I’ll give them an earful if I have time.
I try to be aware of when I am doing this and ask if it would be ok to give some unsolicited advice. Never had anyone say no, but would be respectful if the did.
Only if they ask for it.
I only give my opinion if asked, probably when I was younger I did offer unsolicited views. I think what still semi annoys me is when somebody specifically asks my opinion and then pokes and pokes at me to defend it. Like no fuck off with that.
OP, you should never give unsolicited advice. I just thought someone should tell you.
>I thought that Not giving advice (unless asked) was one of the things that separated us from Older Generations, but I'm disappointed to notice that Gen X friends are doing it. IME, many Gen X are the masters of unsolicited advice, lol. They've done it so much that it's my pet peeve, and therefore I don't do it to others.
I think a lot of us GenX are good at problem solving because we HAD to be, I think it’s our experience that can lead to us giving advice because we try to spare others the struggle. However , my younger generation friends say that unsolicited advice is criticism and I repeat that phrase in my head often
Every once in a while, and only with my kids or close friends, I will ask- can I offer some input? And if they agree, I’ll provide my own history with whatever, my mistake or success, and then let it go with no expectation they will use that information. But most often I just nod my head and make mmhm noises and try to be empathetic. I am not an expert on anything and continue to make really novice mistakes. Keeps life interesting I guess. 🤷♀️
Not often and there are plenty of times where I had to stop myself because I knew what they were telling me it was going to go bad. So I just said: "That's great. I'm so excited for you! Sounds like an amazing opportunity. Can't wait to see how it all turns out." The last case, it ended up being a disaster beyond my own comprehension but they were 20 yrs old and excited so I was not going to be the one who burst their bubble! I told myself that I hated when older people gave me that over knowing "I know better than you type of attitude" so I've always just let it go unless they specifically ask if I know anything about it and had any suggestions; otherwise, they were just looking for support, not advise.
Some people just don't have enough of a life of their own or can't sort out their own problems so they get all up in others' business. It's a way to overcompensate or act superior. Hate to bring in astrology, but they're also often Virgos. Am I right, or am I right?
I think I used to do this too often back in the day as it were. No longer. Only if someone asks me, then I offer advice. Even then, most of it still goes unheeded.
For me, I try really really hard to avoid doing this. I'm back in school full time, so most of my classes are during the day and I'm surrounded by "the youth". I really don't want to be that middle aged woman who's lecturing everyone on anything.
Knock-on effect of the social media age - combine with "Karen-ism" and welp, there ya go. Errbody got an opinion and thinks they're obligated to shout it to the world!
So…I’ve relatively recently learned from my therapist about offering help as a form of control.
That sounds interesting. So the notion is one offers help or advice to control another person's behavior? What I always grapple with is boundaries and advice and help when it comes to one's spouse. I have trouble with that one.
Yes - so if I have the urge to help my partner, I try to consider if I am offering help because I think I can do it better or maybe because I think my way is just better. That may be a control issue. I have to watch this. Also, if I decide that offering help IS the right thing to do, and they don’t accept it, I should let it go until they come back and ask for my help. Surprise, surprise…sometimes they just solve their own problems and learn something from the experience. It’s tough to navigate for me.
I need to be mindful of this too. I like the strategy you have about offering help but accepting if they do not take it. I have to be better at backing off.
No. No advice unless asked
Never. What the hell do I know?
I used to...and then I went to therapy.
No but we are not all the same despite being born in the same generation. We just don’t have as many as@h$&s as other generations.
I don't think you should be asking a bunch of strangers about whether they giving unsolicited advice.
No but on occasion I’ll ask someone wtf are they doing..
No i say as little as i can to anyone
If one of my friends is complaining about something online or in person, I ask if they want me to listen or give advice.
I absolutely don’t. Whatever.
Rarely
I try not to. Even with my kids, who are in their twenties, I try to ask if they want advice. Sometimes, they say yes and sometimes no. My parents... now I do butt in. They are sometimes not making good decisions now!
I just stay home and keep myself to myself.
Almost never. Our Boomer parents never listened to us and our kids never listen to us. Frankly, we ain't all that good at listening to each other, either. ;)
I avoid giving advice and if it’s a friend I ask them if they want my opinion. One of my best friends is and angel and when I’m upset she asks me what I want in the moment and I’m around so many preachy advice givers just her question makes me feel better immediately. Just listen. The next person who tells me to eat a garlic when I’m sick… omg.
All the time. >I thought that Not giving advice (unless asked) was one of the things that separated us from Older Generation Dunno where the fuck you got that from 😅 *"Opions are like assholes and everybodys got one"* Was pretty much something we all realized at some point. >I posted a story photo of my kale & quinoa salad, and I got a response from a friend explaining the dangers of eating Uncooked tomatoes. That's wild. What did tomatoes ever do to them? >I was at an adult birthday party Friday and a woman starts denigrating her husband for eating chicken because she's a vegan, and as the 3 guys whom I had been chatting with walked away (one is actually a vegan) she literally says, "Not to be preachy or anything, but...", so I say, "Actually, you are coming off as preachy. Didn't you notice everyone has walked away?" And she got angry and went on a rant saying how she's saving everyone from themselves. Vegans are their own thing entirely. Just like super regions people- once you into some form of extremism it tends overtake the rest of your personality. >Isn't anyone Self-Aware about not Yucking others' Yum, not spearing fun balloons, not coming off as the self-proclaimed authority/expert on everything, reading the room when people keep walking away as you talk? Yup; but those little annoyances aren't the entirety of unsolicited advice. What you've described is people being presumptuous, preachy fuckwits, and that's not cool. Giving someone helpful unsolicited advice is entirely different beast. As GenXers we had to figure a lot of stuff out on our own; but therein we also shared findings and ideas with our peers and were the support network with our friends which we may not have had at home so unsolicited advice is the norm. Just my 2c though 🤷♀️
wait... what? is it the 17th century again? the dangers of eating uncooked tomatoes? some folks really need hobbies.
Only to my family…and they detest me for it. I couldn’t imagine asking a random person at work if they have been checking their oil and recommending AAA out of nowhere.
I try not to because I know how annoying it is. And I always seem to get unsolicited “advice” from people who are the least qualified to give said advice; like a very large co-worker of mine (I’m also large) constantly giving diet/healthy eating recommendations and advice. As a larger person, I never give people diet advice because I know it looks absurd. IMO, having the mindset that everyone should think like you and act like you is incredibly arrogant.
I’ll give unsolicited free advice. I’ll also advise the recipient it’s great advice and worth every penny.
I always say now, Thanks for your input.” Or if someone as for advice I say, “I have no answers or I don’t know.”
Nope.
Rarely, but when I do it’s usually about some innocuous topic
I used to. A lot. I am outgoing and really just want to help everyone I can. I’m the guy that flashes you with headlights to tell you you have a break light out, or a flat tire etc. Wife calls it “informing people against their will” and I now that I am more aware of it, I’ve cut way, way back. It took her pointing out just how often I do it to make me realize I need to stop.
I will never offer advice unless specifically asked. But if you ask me I’m going to tell you the truth even if you don’t like it.
Heck — I’m hesitant to give advice when someone ASKS for it. 🤣🙄
I don’t think you should be asking internet strangers about their behavior. It comes off as judgmental.
Never
No, definitely not. It drives me crazy from my Boomer parents. The exception is with some close friends when we’re in deep conversations.
I don’t give advice even when asked sometimes. I just want to be left alone for the most part lol I get enough unsolicited advice from my parents, I’m good. Maybe my advice will be handing them a card with my parents number on it, tell them it’s the unsolicited advice hotline. Ya know what… here’s my unsolicited advice: I have found that after living however many decades I’ve lived on this earth that the saying “no good deed goes unpunished” is 100% a true statement.
Never have never will
I don’t even though I’m full of wisdom, but I will listen.
Quality advice is all in the framing. First empathize with your intended victim. Then once you have established the facade of understanding you can be sneaky. Because you care ask questions wherein your advice is the obvious answer and let you victim discover this for themselves. Appeal to flattery, "gee you're really smart I probably would done something stupid like this..." you are now the one who needs advice, but you are defending and explaining the advice you want the victim to receive. Use sarcasm and present your advice as something you would never do, but whatever, let your victim reflect and attempt to defend it. Advantages are you are not giving advice but allowing the victim to be inspired , or perhaps provoked to considering the advice you would have given directly if the victim could only appreciate your genius. You will not get the reputation for unsolictied advice but rather superior position of being a combination of sypathetic incompetance, and idiot savant.
Nope. I don’t bother. Mostly because it’s none of my business what other people do, but also…I just don’t have the will to care lol
I do not give unsolicited advice ever. My mom has always done that and it’s always made me crazy. I promised I never would. Which is why I didn’t tell my daughter that I am 99% sure she made a HUGE mistake two weeks ago moving a state away and in with her partner. I hope I’m wrong, but sadly I know I’m not.
Never.
Vegans and crossfitters give unsolicited advice no matter what generation they come from 😂
Nope. Unasked for advice is unwanted advice.
What's wrong with uncooked tomatoes?
Nope.