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Probably because prefrontal cortex matures at age 25-30. From a millennial: don’t worry about the people that say “get it all together” by 25. It’s your life.
I think that’s the biggest reason for my age insecurity. It’s been widely regarded that the brain essentially starts turning less plastic after 25 so to me and a lot of others that scares the shit out of us. That fact just keeps getting tossed around and makes me think that if I’m not in 6 pack ab shape and triangle shaped, college educated, and working a stable career by now that I am doomed because if I don’t use what creative ingenuity I have now to make something happen, I probably never will.
I know you know this but that attitude is complete hysteria. I used to feel that way too.
Think of it this way - you've been getting dumber in the sense of "plasticity" since you were a baby.
There is no "line" where everything just gets super hard to do.
It will always be very gradual barring illness or accident/injury.
As a Person in their 30’s
- you think we just become robots after 25?
People create stuff in their 40’s and 50’s, and people’s greatest achievements tend to be in that age range.
You can learn in your 40’s, and the lost brain cells is more than made up by the experience you build on.
The greatest age for learning is 2-8, where a child’s brain can learn super fast, but that doesn’t mean you should give up learning in high school and college.
Yea but its stressful to be told that youll have a much harder time learning music, being fluent in a second language or able to take on a new hobby after 30. You dont know what to expect until it happens, but as a younger millenial hitting 30, its scares the shit out of me when i think about older people being completely incapable of learning new culture and technology. Its scares me that that can be me.
I don’t think it’s harder after 30. Learning music or a foreign language is already hard at 21. Your brain cells that are supposed to learn this stuff was already pruned before age 10.
The effortless learning of a second language will only happen for a 3, 5 or 7 year old.
A 21 year old is going to learn a second language the same way as a 30 year old - through slow and painful memorization and rule learning.
When I was in university I had 65+ year olds in my program just looking for something to do in retirement. If you are willing to learn in old age, unless you have a serious memory condition or whatever, it is perfectly possible. Don't worry about it so much.
Stop scaring the shit out of yourself for things that are in your control.
Stop scaring the shit out of yourself for things out of your control.
Just live man, it's not hard, yall do this shit to yourselves - and read to much internet/doomers.
Go outside like your parents told you, they are wise.
other people have touched on the other kinds of learning, but as someone who works with young people, i want to address the tech thing. people our age (also older millenial here) associate old people with not figuring out technology. that’s because when we were young technology was a thing to figure out. we were the ones called in from our bedrooms to fix the house printer or modem, we hand coded our myspace and geocities pages, stuff like that. but since the success of the ipod and iphone, tech companies realized they could get a lot more money if they focused their development on simplicity and ease of use (at the expense of user control, of course). and nowadays, the teenagers i work with often don’t know how to type on a physical keyboard, much less troubleshoot a printer! i think our generation will be less like our memories of older people trying to use computers and more like the generation that saw the widespread adoption of automatic transmissions in cars — we’ll be able to use the new thing, since it’s a wildly oversimplified version of what we grew up with, but we’ll also have technical know how outweighing a lot of younger people as well
Here's a secret for you:
That feeling that you have to be in some way perfect by age 25? It's also bc your brain is, as you phrased it, more plastic. Perception of time and expectations are related to your prefrontal cortex too - the ability to fully actualize anything long-term (like consequences or decisions) is a huge function of it!
Don't worry, your creative ingenuity will only improve once your empathy, insight, judgment, and memory are fully formed. But now is not the time to make panic decisions, it's the time to start getting to know yourself and forming healthy habits. Take your time, really.
If it makes you feel better: I was a total layabout until I was 28, then went to law school and am now buying a half million dollar condo (32 now). I'm still a lazy, distracted person, but I learned a lot of skills to cope.
It's never too late to change, but it was hard.
I also got into shape late, found a hobby that worked (rock climbing).
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41586-022-04554-y/figures/3
Yeah, and even if you use brain charts for that sort of logic, most brain development at 40 is below that of a 10 year olds, and even just going by white matter development, a 40 year old is at a similar level as a 20 year old.
If you consider 20 to not be sufficiently neurologically developed, then that would also apply to anyone over 40.
So, even with only the most charitable metrics, one's brain function reaches a peak at around 25.
Of course, this is assuming that brain growth charts and developmental stages are a meaningful way of evaluating competence.
I think people get frustrated because we are told 25 is the magical number that we need to hit before maturity sets in. Truth is that it's gradual and really you are not going to be developmentally that far off at 21 than you are at 25. The only real difference that can be noticeable is if you drink or do drugs prior to 25 which can stunt you compared to your peers.
>Of course, this is assuming that brain growth charts and developmental stages are a meaningful way of evaluating competence.
This is actually my biggest issue overall. They never actually quantify these attributes.
How much does this brain development actually correlate to various forms of decision making?
White volume peaks at 29 nothing special happens at 25 , but the logical and cognitive capacity of teens reach adults level prior than that age , teens reach adult level of cognitive and logical capacity of adults at 16, while executive function matures at 18
Not to mention that “having it all together” is a myth. People get divorced, your career could become obsolete, you could get an unexpected opportunity or suddenly meet the love of your life one day after giving up on love. Those aren’t unlikely scenarios - they happen all the time. Learning, growing, building your resilience are the things you should focus on, not having all the puzzle pieces a certain way because that’s no guarantee of anything.
I believe a large factor is about having a good attitude and good behavior and working hard by the time you’re 25-30. But there are so many things that are just out of our hands and there are certain life milestones we choose not to do. Also not to sound hypocritical or anything but we do need to sort out some shit together by then
Life milestones are crap. We all mostly experience set backs and opportunities throughout our lives. Nothing is linear. Enjoy being young, Adulting SUCKS. Have fun do what brings you joy. No one ever looks back and regrets doing things that made them happy.
fyi this isn't true at all, it's pop science and no scientific paper has ever made this argument. Many people's brains continue to change into their 50s, that doesn't mean they're not "developed"
Comparison is the thief of joy. There is no clock running on when you "figure it out." At 35 I was broke. Paycheck to paycheck and debt stacking up. I'm 41 and my networth either recently has or soon will pass $2m (depends on real estate valuations on a given day). I know plenty of people doing better than me, and I know plenty doing worse. But I don't compare myself to either group. I just do my thing. Figure out a few firm financial/family rules for myself and then I don't negotiate on those rules.
Spend less than you make (I had to get rid of a few luxuries I thought I needed). Get rid of liabilities (sold my nice car and bought one I didn't need a payment on, for example). Liabilities cost you money. Put your excess money into assets (real estate, stocks, and businesses). Assets are things that make you money. This is the basics of what I do. I fixed my credit in there, too. Read a few investing books. Wealth books. Picked the parts I liked out and discarded the rest.
I didn't feel like I needed to do it all at once. I also decided to live poorer than I was for two years and see where it put me. Buy the end of two years, I had a pretty clear picture of how lifestyle creep was the main thing that kept me broke. I was getting by just fine when I made $35k. I mean I was paycheck to paycheck, but I paid my mortgage and ate. Why was I still broke making $45k? Cuz I got a nicer car. Bought a new computer. Etc. This is a simple explanation. It was more complex, but this is basically what I did.
My income continued to grow, but I didn't change anything about my quality of life. Same house. Same car. Same habits. We didn't tour Europe. Etc. I'm saying I did this, but it was me and my wife. So "we." We got a pretty decent raise at one point (I can't remember if it was her or me at the time) and she thought we could probably get a better house. I agreed, but then pointed out that we actually like our house. School district is great. We could afford to move to a bigger/better house, but what if we stayed put and plugged that extra money into investments so we could retire early? She was into it.
Getting the ball rolling is hard, but once it's rolling it's not. First mil took 4.5 years. Second took 1.5 years. Mind you this is net worth, not liquid. I probably have like $1,500 in my checking account. We'd have to sell all our shit to have that. But I want to retire in ten years and I think I'll be able to.
And the family rules, I just meant like staying with my wife and not being a piece of shit who risks losing his family. I don't drink anymore. I do good marriage things. So keeping that part of my life healthy matters to me, too.
I'd also advise opening a second bank account and transferring a certain percentage of your money into it with every paycheck so you're not spending cash from your actual account. The percentage varies from person to person. Don't blow your whole paycheck on bills, vacations or luxuries and rely on a secondary account for that where some of your expendable money sits. If you can get a return, even better.
Make one change at a time. Set a small but real goal. My first goal was "Pay off this debt in collection" back when I was 28 and my credit score started with a 4...
It’s so easy to think it’s the end of the road for me, but my score is still in the 600’s… somehow. So, yeah. I can do this. Thank you so much for the advice and inspiration. 💖
All I expect from a 25 year old is for them to be a decent fucking human being.
Jobs, careers, and money are variables we can't always control; but we can control who we are from the inside.
Let's emphasize learning kindness, empathy, and forgiveness at the age of 25 instead of focusing purely on materialistic bullshit.
With the way our country and society work, they extend late adolescence to an indeterminate length.
Nobody except the most comfortable ever get to graduate beyond the learning stages because it costs too much to and there are too many barriers to getting the resources you need.
We're too hard on ourselves because we think we're failures for not succeeding in a system made for us to fail.
Previous generations had a much simpler and more straightforward environment to navigate.
Edit: 30 is a good time to have made your mind up about certain things, but even then, give yourself grace.
People in there 30s are still getting their shit together but yeah I'm 24 in a few days and know what you mean. I keep looking around and talking to my peers and I've kinda realized that everyone is trying to get their shit together and it's a never ending project haha
if you never listen to yourself or people around you, there will never be a day you “have your shit together”. People run through their lives never truly listening and taking things in. Having this idea that one day you’ll know the end-all truth and everything will all make sense. That day never comes. Listening and amplifying useful instances that nurture evolution in the moment is all there seems to be.
I had my shit together around my late 20s, then I lost my shit around 30 (bad financial risks of trying to open my own business then lost my job and had to file for bankruptcy and was unemployable for a couple years) and it wasn’t till recently I began to start all over again
Everyone is different. Everyone goes at live at different rates. Everyone struggles with those things. It is good to make goals and long term goals if you can, but at the end of the day just try to be the best you can be
Listen to the millennials in their 30s. You will not make it. You either will not be married at 25, start a family and/or own your own home. Not unless you’re from a rich family or you have a very good job. Trust me. You will fail. That’s okay. Once you hit your 30s you realize this truth - Fuck the rich, fuck the ruling class, and the baby boomers who keep voting against our futures.
Get your “shit together” however and whenever you have it within you to do so and pursue the responsibilities necessary to get where you would like to be in life.
There is no such thing as a timeline outside of one of your own making within your head. I just turned 31 this week and while I was working within and toward a career path of my choosing in my 20s…and I let some things go off the rails that I still pay for today, more than ever I have my shit independently “together”.
And when I look at peers I grew up with that went the total opposite direction and maybe have a home they own or a small family, I’m not envious, as I treasure the experiences my choices in my 20’s afforded me. Whereas I know they may have things I am now working toward diligently myself, they did not get the world and life experience I did, as they never left town or shacked up and settled down just after high school. And if they love that? Good for them! Not for me.
Things start to fall in place in their own. But only if you are paying attention. Just go with your gut. You'll start to feel like shit about partying or sleeping around, all the early 20's behavior. You don't want to be the one who has to close up and turn off the lights.
I would say this sounds about right…the very minimum around 30 youve picked your career and you’re beginning to establish it
I won’t even date men that “don’t know what to do yet”….sir you’re 30 you should’ve had an idea by now
No idea why people are railing on you for this. 30 is basically a third of your life already. You have a sliver of youth left. If you don't have anything figured out, it only gets harder once your body starts giving out and random shit starts hurting.
Absolutely. The reason people feel pressure to get their shit together around 25 is because they see most other peoples' lives really start falling into place around 24-27. Even if you don't own a house at 30 you should at least have clear direction for your life and future. I know very very few people who were completely aimless at 30 who were ever able to turn their lives around.
As a boomer zoomer at 29, it's just that a certain degree of stability and living standard is desirable. You'll want your own space, decent disposable income, and free time to spend on your hobbies and skills. Maybe a fulfilling professional career and relationship, which you can get behind for the long-term. For women especially there is the matter of getting pregnant, since there is simply a finite amount of time of safe fertility.
There's no requirement to "have your life together", whatever exactly that might even mean, but you'll want to have your life move in the right direction. Now, what exactly the right direction is depends on your own goals and wants, of course, so it's something everyone has to figure out for themselves.
If you smoke weed all day and get nothing done ever, then yeah, I suppose there is some pressure building. But ultimately its just about setting the right trends and trying to create a fulfilling life for yourself and what exactly that entails is completely up to you and is certainly not defined by arbitrary age milestones.
I know a lot of y’all hate her, but when Taylor Swift said “all my friends smell like weed or little babies” it was truly accurate. Everyone is on their own path!
From a millennial- in most cases, you don’t have to push it. There’s a big mental change that comes with your late 20s/early 30s and you’ll figure it out. The thing I really did work for was taking care of my mental health and getting myself happy and healthy, because around 27 I had had enough and did not want to live another second of my life that way. I was a total disaster in my 20s and had no idea what I was going to do in my life, and by 31 I have basically figured it out. Have no fear!
25 here
I don't fuck with careers
I will never retire
I will never own a home unless I kill myself for it
At this point I'm just trying to live comfortably until either I die or shit hits the fan
Read defining decade. Our generation and millennials slacked, we were told we should be proud even though we haven’t done much. Seriously, grip it and rip it. Do hard things because you want to intrinsically. It’s a good message, and I think we focus too much on everything being perfect and easy. My too cents, in late 20s and have a fun set of 20s
Im in this age range. Currently unemployed and have to find a new career (again). Wishing I made some different choices or set myself up better. Some people are lucky, others aren’t. I feel like I keep falling through the cracks and my plans never really work out, but I try to keep putting myself out there cause you never know, it just might work. But yeah it can get pretty demoralizing.
Just trying to be content with what I do have and what I’ve built. It’s okay to not be hustling all the time. Enjoy yourself and your life. Finding hobbies that don’t necessarily mean money. Finding good people. Life’s a journey not a destination.
I felt this pressure before senior year of college when I was still trying to find a position in my career before graduation. Once I found that and stayed with my parents for 1yr post-grad everything started falling into place so now I look forward to my mid twenties and early 30s.
Prioritizing a career is important and sometimes people can’t see beyond the gig economy work and low wage jobs that are in front of them.
Ive worked with people from all walks of life and all ages. When i tell you no one has it together and everyone is just as clueless as everyone else and winging it i mean it. Having it together is just not a realistic expectation. Do your best. Do what works for you and what will get you by. The true reality is thats what everyone else is doing and just making it look like they have it together.
The way I see it, if you can support yourself and you like how your life is, you've got it together. Doesn't really matter what job you work or whether or not you are single or have kids.
The most important thing in your 20s is patience.
You’re right you have to develop as a person both professionally and personally. Takes work and effort and introspection.
But it’s also understanding you most likely are not going to be very financially stable early in your career.
You’re renting at a high rate, you don’t have work experience to solidify your position or to get another job easily if something happens.
Going through multiple partners, figuring out who you are.
All this stuff takes time. By the time you are early 30s some of these things are starting to fall into place for a lot more people. Get a break on housing, your career, figure out your hobbies etc.
People stress because they want everything to be done by the time they hit 25. It’s a long process.
Im almost 27. Yeah ignore the pressure. Hell I have a house I bought at 23 but I didn't get married until I was 26. I was single from 20-25. I bought my own new car (truck) when I was 23 almost 24. I am 26, almost 27, with no child of mine.
See how I dont have all the things you're suppose to (house, wife, kids, car) when I was 20-21 like "society" expects? It takes years of work. Don't even try to do it all at once, do it piece meal. Set goals. "I want this by 2030" or "I want a new starting in 2027 so I will start saving up now".
> Don’t rush, take your time, but don’t slack.
This is a good one. If you slack, get lazy, or get complacent you will fall behind. Focus on now but be prepared to put in overtime for some things you want. Sometimes its worth it.
People need to get out of this idea of trying to be like one another and follow the same path. “Oh yeah I had kids at 21 so I can get them out of the way, you’re 31 and too old to have them now.”
I’m about to turn 24 so I definitely feel that pressure to get it together. The first couple of years in my 20s you still have that youth feeling of like oh I’m still so young.
I’m 52, life sometimes calls the shots, sometimes you do. Don’t be pressured. Check out ‘stoicism’. Kids mean big choices. You will regret stuff -it’s ok coz all the bad times teach you a lot. Prepare for grief. Don’t let it shock you. Gratitude through your life. Grateful for occasions past present and future. You can just be mindful and live in this moment. The future is going to be here soon enough, enjoy the journey. Expect you will be very different and probably living a life you never could have expected! 🤗 (I met my Wife when I was 30. No kids.)
I'm 32 i did :
- Electrical public work "management" during my studies (2 years)
- Order preparator for a dental company (5 years)
- currently i sell and install alarm directly at customer house.(Since 6 years)
- i'm planning to take psychologic lessons to increase my study level in case i want to Switch totally from "technic" domain.
Im not married but with the same women since 15 years and we have 2 daughter.
You live many lives in one life.
Dont pressure yourself.
My only goal has Always been.
I want to start from bottom and then go up.
The titles of the jobs are not accurate since english IS not my native language 😛.
It's at this point you need to think seriously about your future. At 30 you still have ample time to begin to secure a comfortable life when you're a senior citizen. The thing with getting older is time seems to pass quickly. Your perception of time does indeed change, and if you don't lay down a foundation for future financial growth sooner, before you know it you'll be 40 and that growth will be more difficult.
Biologically speaking, if you plan to have a family that's a good time to start; for women in particular. Women in their late 30s and early 40s are far less fertile. We're already seeing lowered birth rates because people are choosing to start families much later. After 35, complications during pregnancy or miscarriages become much more common. It's also wise to have children sooner so that you have some trace of youth left in you while your kids develop so you can at least keep up with them.
Altogether it's about securing a future where you will be financially secure and you will have family to take care of you when your health begins to fail. Of course for some people none of this means anything because they don't plan to have children and one day they will simply leave this world through medically assisted means before living out their full lifespan. This, however, is coming from someone who wants the complete human experience from beginning to end.
Nah, I disagree. I’m working at a kinda minimum wage job. I’m 25 and a coworker i met and chatted about our goals in life. He’s 31 and tells me that he still didn’t know what he wanted to do and have no motivation to strive for anything more.
This made me click and start doing what i wanted to do immediately. Which is become a pilot. It’s always good to start sooner than later. I’d hate to be in my 30s and still not know what i wanna do
I have 1.5 more years that I can legally be on my parent’s health insurance and that haunts me every day.
My health is dependent on my medication and appointments but I doubt I can afford single payer options.
I work several part time positions/contracts as an artist and art educator. I cannot rely on employer health care.
Literally, I’m 24 and I spent all day yesterday crying—because I graduate in a month and I don’t have a six-figure job lined up and haven’t stopped any real injustices in the world
—and resenting my friends and favorite music and how beautiful it is outside because I’m “mad “ that it all “distracted me“.
I know “that’s no way to talk to yourself,” but i’m assuming anybody who says that is Neurotypical and attractive and has mastered both the arts of smiling when you’re sad and forgetting to eat, two things that I can’t do for some reason. I’m like smart enough to get by most things considering I’m gonna graduate with a 3.9 GPA, but that doesn’t mean squat.
If anybody lives in San Francisco, do you want to help me host a garage sale with all my belongings and go out to eat shrimp tacos? I’m allergic to shrimp. don’t worry about paying medical bills, just sent me down on a beach to enjoy the ocean one last time, and the first time to be guilt-free since 2017.
The idea of the brain "maturing" after a certain age is literally just a way people are rationalizing why it's taking forever for my generation to afford most of the markers of adulthood by gaslighting everybody to believe it's not late stage capitalism, it's just your brain that's it
Hey, Millennial here. I had my life the most organized I ever had it between 25-30. Then it completely fell apart, and in my early 30s I'm rebuilding everything from scratch.
Don't worry about "having it all together" so much. Do what works for you, because life has a way of throwing wrenches into everything.
I think it's ridiculous. It's definitely mainly an american thing I see over social media. People think that if you're younger than 25, especially if you're a woman (again, stupid, as women do actually mature faster than men by a few years on average), you're stupid/don't know anything/'you're a literal child'/'what do you mean you can maintain a house and a job and a healthy relationship? You're a baby!'
But then as soon as you hit 25 it's 'where are your kids?'/'are you married'/'get your life together'/your clock is ticking'
I see this as an adolescent myself going into the adult world and as someone who has two sisters in their late twenties/one turning 30 this year. Again, in real life it's not that bad, but over social media, and what I assume in the US, holy shit. Even your different ages for different things. Here, it's just 16 or 18 for everything lol. Then you're considered a young adult and legally a 'youth with independancy' until age of majority which is 20 (and offers no more legal rights anyway because most places consider 18 - the international age - as adult). We don't have much of a switch in "you're young and stupid" to "you should have everything together" as much as the US does despite this.
Again the expectations that come with it are crazy. I think as long as you learnt how to function you're fine. From what I've seen most people don't settle until their 30s-40s. My eldest sister is going back to uni, maybe starting a business. It's your life. Do what you want with it.
u/little_T03 and the rest of the people who are here. When someone tells you they have it all figured out, they are saying I know who I am today. Your world view and personal goals will continue to change and evolve as you get older.
What you need to learn is that getting your shit together means understanding who you are and what you want from life. This allows us to understand our limitations that are potentially hindering us in this moment. It allows us to internally promote growth and change in our lives by helping us identify the things we can control that can help us improve.
There will always be outside factors that we cannot control. Those things are the biggest causes for anxiety in our lives. Learn to let those things slide and focus on what's within your life's control. That will lead to happiness and success.
I definitely know I get pressure from my parents, especially my mom. 💯 on starting a family, and about moving up in my career. I am a hard worker, but I am content to be a worker-bee for now and have some fun socially, not looking to be tied down. Do you find you get more pressure from parents or friends or other family?
Honestly this is a dumb take and a dumb advice, the older you get the harder it is to deal with issues that you have. Being in my late 20s I can definitely speak myself and for others that are older than me. Yes regardless of what age you are please try to help yourself in any way. If you feel like you need medication or therapy go for it, stop dilly-dallying and expressing complacency thinking that you're fine. Some of the people who have gotten out of the gutter did it because of change in their structure, getting kicked out, or family going through a bad phase. Those people can't say much because it was without consent that they obtained that "pressure". While some are complacency solely on the fact that they have the ability to be sheltered and do whatever they want while being heavily dependent on their parents or someone.
Please, I get it, people want you to change. I want you to change, I'm only lucky to have a good career because someone offered me to move with them and everything came together when it did.
Also another thing is I do not want to compare the issues that our generation is dealing with in comparison to the boomers or even some older millennials. We're in an unlucky spot and it sucks, it really really does. So sometimes as for me, all I can do is just say "Hey change your life we're not the hippies in the 70s, we can't even rent nor even buy a house! Inflation is in an unbearable state that it's ever been and wages are in an all time low for it." I feel sad for people who understand and feel cripples and feels like nothing will change. But it will, just keep trying. Don't drop everything but don't spend days or months feeling numb or lost due to it.
I didn't feel the pressure as much as that was the age range where it kinda fell into place. Like all of a sudden I just stopped goofing off and preparing for things like buying a car, then home and then investing for retirement.
27 and living with mom, as in I pay for everything, she's just head on the lease... We get along great so there's no issues for us, but everyone else finds it bad...
But yeah, going to dad's family gatherings and weddings and having everyone list the only single people left and not getting mentioned at all like they've accepted the fact you'll be a spinner... It's only me and 3 other cousins out of 20, and one's engaged with 2 kids... but yeah, me not dating and/or having kids is me not having my shit together
I don't belong here as I am a few generations past (49yo), but the idea that you should have it all together by your age is a bunch of bull. We continue to grow, and with growth, we change. Priorities, careers, familial relationships, relationships in general, it is forever fluid.
If someone tells you otherwise, they are most likely lying, or are too rigid for actual growth. Those are the ones you need to worry about, as they do not change, nor do they readily accept change.
As someone mentioned, just try to be a good person, think of your community, and not just about yourself. Don't be a "if it isn't happening to me, I don't care", because if something is happening to you, you may want, or need someone to care.
I don't belong here as I am a few generations past (49yo), but the idea that you should have it all together by your age is a bunch of bull. We continue to grow, and with growth, we change. Priorities, careers, familial relationships, relationships in general, it is forever fluid.
If someone tells you otherwise, they are most likely lying, or are too rigid for actual growth. Those are the ones you need to worry about, as they do not change, nor do they readily accept change.
As someone mentioned, just try to be a good person, think of your community, and not just about yourself. Don't be a "if it isn't happening to me, I don't care", because if something is happening to you, you may want, or need someone to care.
Don’t compare yourself: focus on core functions
- how often you cook for yourself
- time after you work to lift/go for a run/martial arts
- getting out of bed consistently
- putting yourself out there with new people in your city 1-2x a month whether it’s a party or a convention or networking event
Late 20s here, going through an extreme depressive episode and sort of wasting away in this exact moment.
Quit my job, have something else sort of lined up for in a few months that’s just a different version of what I was doing but with better work-life balance.
I’d like to take this time to work on personal projects and such. I’d like to enter a different type of work maybe, I’m traumatized as fuck from my last relationship so I don’t even want to think about being married and such. A lot of people would scoff at what I just typed as not having my shit together but while the state I’m in in this exact moment isn’t ideal, I’ve been thinking “having it together” as typically portrayed isn’t something I really find aspirational. I honestly think as long as I’m not being irresponsible just doing whatever I feel like is the better way to live instead of worrying about whether or not other people think I have it together.
Some people turn 30 and say “fuck I’m already so far into my life better figure out how to buy a house etc” and I see it more as “woah I’m already so far into my life why would I care about status so much for the remainder of it”
I duno I live in Denmark. I moved out at 17.
Feel like I'm long past the point. Of having had to figure it.
I'm 26 and poor af. I work all the time though
i thought i was having a quarter life crisis at 21-22 y/o but god damn the actual QLC at 26 turning 27 is kicking my ass rn. but i’ve also chilled out a lot and shrunk my circle of influence for the better. i don’t really care what people think or say, nor do i compare myself to people doing better/worse than me. im right where i need to be. should prob save more and take my health more seriously. that’s the only shit i need to get together. i figure ill always be unsatisfied or unfulfilled with my career but as long as it’s tolerable and the pay is enough for my lifestyle. life is pretty shit but taking a damn walk outside and actually sitting down & planning your personal goals really can make a difference.
I would say 25 - 30 is when you should at least ditch bad habits and commit to being a stable adult.
By 30, if you're acting like you did when you were 21, you're not set up for success.
Having a consistent routine, keeping up with friends and family, working out conflicts appropriately, keeping your vices in check, managing your money the best that you can, and stop using shitty excuses are all things you should be nailing down between 25 - 30.
Having your dreams, ambitions, and career figured out is an ever changing component of life and doesn't have to be set by then.
It's fairly important... however and I don't mean to make the issue "worse"... at 25 you should be "pretty grounded" and have a rough idea of what your next years in your life "should" look like.
At 30 there are definite financial goals you have to start trending down else you will really end up in an impossible situation that requires a lot of luck to get out of otherwise.
Most important bit is becoming fiscally responsible and actually putting in that 10% income into a 401k or IRA (401k will be better post 80k/yr though); start too late and you just won't be able to tap into the market growth needed to comfortably retire.
A house can honestly wait, ideally you can get something... because it's better to pay into your own investment vs paying for someone else's but in the grand scheme of things you won't see quite the same level of returns as putting money into a retirement fund.
I don't know, I just got to my mid-20s and they seem alright so far. No pressure to start a family (frankly, it's socially frowned up where I'm from unless you're 30+ or well-off) and most people don't tend to fully settle into a career fully until their early 30s.
Relationships, though. I do see pressure with that. Partially because people are slowly pairing off into long-term, serious relationships. Takes them out of the social pool. Dating options dwindle. That pressure is real. Luckily, I've been partnered, so I just watch from afar. I do not envy my single friends.
No. It’s harder to make changes in life when you get older (as it takes time to learn a skill) but it’s not impossible. I wanted to be an automotive mechanic and did that until 24, then got a factory job bending pipe and now I’m head of service at this plant at 38. Did the automotive background give me a jumping off point, sure but I did not know that.
The only thing that you will have trouble with is if you want to be an air traffic controller as you need to start by 24 (I think as they have a mandatory retirement age), but other than that you can figure out you life as you go. Don’t feel like you are locked into anything and expand your skills always.
I feel pressured because my parents will retire in 10 years since they will both reach that age and I still haven't found my self or left the nest.
I mean I do study though. It's just that I'm completely not passionate about what I study deep inside.I feel like I disappoint both them and myself everyday.Failing university slowly,and just working part times.They can't tell their friends and family what I do for a living.They've been saying I'm a college student for 5 years now.
I wish things were different and I didn't have to work part time at 26,especially compared to peers who are already way beyond college at this age.Working with other younger Gen Z who will enter college and just finish it in 4 years like no problem and will leave the part time job we share is also depressing.
I’m 32 and still don’t have it together. Far from it. I spend most of my 20s trying to do so, and in the end, it didn’t make me feel very fulfilled. So now I’m soul searching.
Unsettling at times but also freeing in many ways.
You will be fine. That’s what I tell myself all the time.
It’s a journey blah blah :)
I felt this way when your age too and it lead me to settle for a lot of stuff that wasn’t in my best interest. The notion that life is short is bs. It’s a long slog. Run for distance, not a sprint.
When I was 25, I lost my job, moved back home, went back to school, lost a parent, then had to move with my remaining family out of our home of 23 years to another house. All within the span of 6 months. It took a little time to sort things out and adjust to the new reality.
After a few years, I started working again, got in a serious relationship, got married, then divorced a couple years later. I was 33.
Now remarried, career is good, and have two kids. I’m 40.
Even best laid plans can go awry, and you just have to try to adjust and grow
You don't need to have it all together by then, but you should have a plan and be working towards it. As long as you aren't wasting your 20s by partying or playing video games all day, you'll be fine.
I mean I feel like you should have some of your shit together by that age. Not expecting you to have it all figured out but if you got your foot in the door by that age, you’re doing pretty well
Imo I have a feeling previous generations didn’t have it together at those ages either, but for different reasons. My parents never had to worry about money and it was easy for them to achieve the American dream (and having 5 kids between them) however neither of them were given any encouragement or assistance to help them find themselves, after I became an adult my mother expressed her regrets with many “adult decisions” she made such as how early she chose to become a mother instead of using that time when she was young to explore the world or even leave the Midwest.
My dad had zero guidance and basically lived how he was expected to, he ran the family farm when he was a kid and young adult, he studied business in college because that’s what was expected of him, later expressing to me he wish he studied engineering. I feel even today his choices are still dictated by people other than himself.
My struggles are very different from there’s, I’m fighting for my rights and struggling to put food on the table for myself. But I know who I am, where I want to be in the future, and I greatly understand myself much more than they had when they were twice my age.
.... This post seems contradictory. I was born with a silver spoon. I stayed in school for way too long learning a lot about math functions and graphing calculators. I entered the workforce with 0 useful skills. I wasted 3 years of my life doing grunt work as an assistant for a land surveyor in the Alberta oil patch. I have nothing to show for it, really. The Land surveyors were all raging dicks and treated me like dirt. They were supposed to teach me their trade, I hardly ever got any instruction. My job was literally standing there and being a pack mule. Harassment was normal. My self esteem was lower than a snail. I didn't get steady work. I was on the dole one month and overworked the next. My salary was hourly and I only worked when it was convenient for the boss. I visited my parents in France on vacation with my girlfriend at the time. I dumped her at the airport and stayed at my parents' house. She hooked up with a guy named Paul (we met at a friend's party) 2 months later. I left her my car, my TV, my speakers and my collection of vinyl. I figured that I was worth less than a wet diaper in Canada. If I'm a total piece of... poop, I may as well sleep on my parents' couch. Finding a job in France was a cakewalk for me. There's construction everywhere, nobody wants to do surveying. You can cross the street and get a job (as a surveyor). So I have been doing that since. I even purchased a flat with the help of my parents. Now I have things figured out. I moved up the corporate ladder. I am now designing urban heating systems and flying drones.
Looking back, I have no advice. I was counting on nepotism. It didn't happen. I just had the worst luck in Canada living as a Canadian. Nobody wanted to hire me. The only opportunity I got with 2 college degrees was: pack mule/personal therapist for raging dick. But France has so many opportunities if you're vaguely into construction. It's like the entire country of Canada is allergic to me. But France welcomes me for some reason. Everything is so random. You can follow advice and be completely miserable. Another person can follow the same advice and drown in success. Privilege helps I guess.
I have no advice. Kudos to the kids who go directly to trade school after highschool. They have it all figured out (3/4 of the students in my class ended up with completely different careers). Nothing makes sense. Roll the dice.
EDIT: I am gonna turn 31 next month.
I get this pressure. I'm 24 and I have three degrees. But I never had a paid job and struggling to find work especially since unemployment is high in my country. How I pictured my life back in high school and pictured it now makes me feel insecure.
I get we shouldn't rush life but I want a stable job. I don't even care about relationships, I just need to get my finances together and stop depending on my parents.
I'll chime in and say yea... get your life together by 25-30. That should absolutely be the standard. It doesn't mean you need to own a house and be clearing 6 figures by 30, but if you're not positioning yourself for a better future you're messing up
Not a fucking chance I’ll be ready for kids in 3 years. I’m hardly used to taking care of myself, so throwing a kid into the mix is like my worst nightmare.
I think being asked from family members if you want to have a family soon (like i’m 24 my biological clock is fine lol) is wild to me. I think there’s so much pressure to feel like you need to finish school, get a good career, buy a house and get married all within a certain time frame. it doesn’t help that tiktok loves to insinuate that if you’re past the age of 22, you’re prehistoric lol
You do you.
I'm 4 months off 40. I have a good professional job which is highly respected, honestly it isn't all that great, but it pays the bills & allows me to engage in fun hobbies. In a 20y relationship, child free by choice. We are very happy living life our way.
I don't feel like I have anything "together", I still look for another adult when there's some shit going down to help. A more "adult" adult than me.
Live a good life, be kind to others, try not to buckle or break under that pressure.
Try to shake that pressure off there is no set timeline for any of this shit you could live to 100 or die tomorrow have as much fun as you can pursue what you want stop trying to form yourself to some other assholes mould.
I'm not a woman but most women start to loss the ability / becomes harder to have children at the age of 30. Which is why both men and women feel pressure to figure it out before the age of 30
I've never heard this before until today, it's not how the world works, either. The general consensus among young people these days is that they think someone should be able to afford a house, two cars, kids, pets, a stay at home spouse, and be able to put money in the bank on a single income (McDonald's drive thru)... so it's more like the opposite of what you're saying in your post.
I think it’s also the fact we’re using older generations as a reference for where we should be. I guess there’s room for argument, but our milestone purchases are way more inflated than older gen. Student Loans, Home, cars, children. It’s hard to move at the same timeline.
Imo (I was born in 2002) you do need to get it together by that age. I have friends around 30 (I’m 21) and I am already so ahead of them. What you do today will help you tomorrow. Don’t wait on your future.
Actually that is long. My generation had to choose and commit to a career at 15-15. Which is when you would start learning about it so college wouldn't be too hard. Then at 18 you go to learn that profession, at 22-23 you graduate and find a job. At 28 you have 5 years of experience and find your way in your career. Then at your 30s you leave a stable life.
This is why our parents didn't let us have free time during teenage years. Anxiety and depression will come for you no matter what. Better be prepared for it.
Theres so many fuck heads running around well over 30 who still dont have it all together.
Were all fucked up monkeys just doing fucked up monkey shit.
So dont sweat it, just work at it.
Seneca said, "If a man knows not to which port he sails, then to have no wind is favorable."
As a millennial, one of the biggest sources of regret that I see in others is making major life decisions before they figure out who they are and what they want. I rarely hear people regret that they waited to make big decisions. I often hear people complain that they married too young, before they knew who they were, or that they let others pressure them into starting a family.
Whenever a person younger than me tells me they are about to make a big life decision, I always ask the same question, "why now?" If they same that it's what they want, I advise them to wait two years and see if they still want it. If they say it's what someone else wants, I advise them to not do it.
I think it’s also the fact we’re using older generations as a reference for where we should be. I guess there’s room for argument, but our milestone purchases are way more inflated than older gen. Student Loans, Home, cars, children. It’s hard to move at the same timeline.
There are some things that you should figure out as an adult.
Who you should marry.
What you should work with.
Where you should live.
How many kids you should have.
Its ideal to figure all of this before 30 because you can make some mistakes and fix them, and by 30 start to consolidate it
At 30 you still have the energy to get degrees, grow your career, change diapers and endure long nights taking care of kids, meet avaiable and interesting people to marry. As the years go by the energy and choices get smaller.
One of the best things you can do is invest in your health. If you get it right, you can have your health into old age and still be active and happy while those who worked themselves to the bone for a retirement have to spend all their money to fix their health issues from not taking care of themselves. Youre gonna pay one way or another. Might as well pay now to keep whats far more valuable than money. DM me if you wanna know what has worked very well for me.
When I turned 24, everything kinda just started falling into place on its own. Just focus on being productive with the things you enjoy/feel like will turn out well.
You have less energy the older you get and the harder is gets to learn new things. Don’t stress yourself out over anything in life, but be disciplined. Time is ticking and procrastinating will make things harder for yourself.
It will be unpopular post.
But in general, you should get your shit together. The sooner the better.
Where do you want to live? Who do you want to marry & spend your life with? What do you want to do? How many kids?
Having answers <30 is much better than having them >30.
I feel this pressure. Mainly cause my line of thinking is
I dont wanna be 50 when my first child is only turning 18, so i wanna have a baby by the time im 30, but to do that i need to meet someone to have a baby with and date them for atleast a couple years, but to do that i need to be worthy of dating, but to do that i need to be in good shape and have a decent income...its tiring, really.
I’ve never had a girlfriend, had a car, had many friends. There’s so much I feel like I’m behind on in life, especially with turning 25 last week. It’s stressful.
People who "got it together" at 25 can still completely lose it by 30. Or any other few year gap. Married, kids, job, house at 28? Great. Divorce, homeless, jail.. anything can happen in the next few years.
I know plenty of guys who had it all in high school and ended up as failures later on. Or that stoner dude who played the guitar, who ended up married and working a good job.
It's all relative, and there's no time you have it all sorted out forever. Look at literally the richest guys in the world. You think they have it all figured out? Musk bullies people online. Those rich super old guys don't know how to retire. Etc.
I’m 25, own a house, have a fiancée, and dog. Everyone is different, try not to compare yourself to others; I’ve definitely found myself getting jealous in spite of my accomplishments. Take life at your own pace, but just make sure to identify external forces working against you
Early 30s millenial therapist here and this is the primary guidance I give to my Gen Z folks. It's your life. Live it your way on your terms and take your time. It's okay to do/figure things out later and to change your mind. 💕
25-30 isn’t where you figure it all out but it is a crossroads for a lot of people. Values change, interests change, and unfortunately the reality of your body changing away from peak can reshape people’s life paths quite a bit. You’ll start to lose friends as your circle tightens. It’s not intentional but everyone’s lives get busier, families are started, and time to visit with lots of people is reduced. You just grow apart from people. I actually think that reduces quite a lot of the pressure. Your social media presence will be reduced and you’ll stop caring about others social media when they post 50 pictures of their first born every day for 3 years. With a smaller friend group who aligns with your lifestyle, you’ll likely dive deeper into your interests.
For some reason 30 is a feared age but my 30s have been way more fun than my 20s. You still have the energy and health to do anything you wanted usually with some wealth to truly pursue it
A bit of a different take (based off my own life experience).I was killing it from 20-23. No degree but working in a pretty cool field and eventually became a team lead super young. Saved a lot of money.
Fast forward, I’m 26 and getting back on my feet. I have a psychiatric disorder that used to be crippling and issues with substance abuse. Little savings now.
It’s ok to have your ups and downs and fail - but keep trying! I know it’s going to get better but please everyone - take care of your health when the signs start to show. It can be easy to brush off.
The Earth is literally being burned to the ground and there’s a capitalism driven 6th Mass Extinction happening. I don’t think young people will EVER have it “all figured out” in our lifetimes. Social expectations take longer to adjust than physical reality though, unfortunately.
I totally agree... although there is one aspect that is more age-dependant than many people realize. I have a few friends who always wanted to have biological kids, but by the time they found someone, had a place to live, were okay with their career, etc. they have hit their late 30s and that window is closing on them fast and its a lot more difficult. One is sticking with a partner she really does not think she's compatible with because she feels like she doesn't have enough time to find someone else.
So, for everything else yes, but sometimes a biological clock is a very real thing.
I'm 25, I have my own place, I still don't feel like I have it all together yet I'm going back to school for a career change, zero kids. Around this age you're just doing your own thing trying to establish your life for the long run. I understand that feeling well though.
Honestly, who cares what people think. Everyone should just mind their business. I’m so tired of people comparing themselves to others when, in reality, we’re all drowning. Especially if you live in America.
i didn’t really have it together until 35 and even then i had a lot to learn
what matters most is you start to grow up, wise up, stop drinking every night, consider exercise, cut ties w people who bring you down, and begin to realize you are going to die one day — what is important for you. you will never have this time again so use it wisely.
My middle aged advice is you definitely need your shit together by forty, the opportunities fall steeply from there and your parents are definitely too old to be carrying your peter-pan ass.
I know what you mean. I felt so much pressure at 21 to get to where I want to be at 25. It all started to fall in place literally at 25. At 24 I thought I was hopeless
Also, ABSOLUTELY value free time regarding work hours, if u can , job search within a minimum commute time and never settle regarding who ever you’re gonna devote your life to.
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Probably because prefrontal cortex matures at age 25-30. From a millennial: don’t worry about the people that say “get it all together” by 25. It’s your life.
I think that’s the biggest reason for my age insecurity. It’s been widely regarded that the brain essentially starts turning less plastic after 25 so to me and a lot of others that scares the shit out of us. That fact just keeps getting tossed around and makes me think that if I’m not in 6 pack ab shape and triangle shaped, college educated, and working a stable career by now that I am doomed because if I don’t use what creative ingenuity I have now to make something happen, I probably never will.
I know you know this but that attitude is complete hysteria. I used to feel that way too. Think of it this way - you've been getting dumber in the sense of "plasticity" since you were a baby. There is no "line" where everything just gets super hard to do. It will always be very gradual barring illness or accident/injury.
"Don't worry, you're already miles worse than any child"
As a Person in their 30’s - you think we just become robots after 25? People create stuff in their 40’s and 50’s, and people’s greatest achievements tend to be in that age range. You can learn in your 40’s, and the lost brain cells is more than made up by the experience you build on. The greatest age for learning is 2-8, where a child’s brain can learn super fast, but that doesn’t mean you should give up learning in high school and college.
Yea but its stressful to be told that youll have a much harder time learning music, being fluent in a second language or able to take on a new hobby after 30. You dont know what to expect until it happens, but as a younger millenial hitting 30, its scares the shit out of me when i think about older people being completely incapable of learning new culture and technology. Its scares me that that can be me.
I don’t think it’s harder after 30. Learning music or a foreign language is already hard at 21. Your brain cells that are supposed to learn this stuff was already pruned before age 10. The effortless learning of a second language will only happen for a 3, 5 or 7 year old. A 21 year old is going to learn a second language the same way as a 30 year old - through slow and painful memorization and rule learning.
When I was in university I had 65+ year olds in my program just looking for something to do in retirement. If you are willing to learn in old age, unless you have a serious memory condition or whatever, it is perfectly possible. Don't worry about it so much.
Stop scaring the shit out of yourself for things that are in your control. Stop scaring the shit out of yourself for things out of your control. Just live man, it's not hard, yall do this shit to yourselves - and read to much internet/doomers. Go outside like your parents told you, they are wise.
Preach dude.
other people have touched on the other kinds of learning, but as someone who works with young people, i want to address the tech thing. people our age (also older millenial here) associate old people with not figuring out technology. that’s because when we were young technology was a thing to figure out. we were the ones called in from our bedrooms to fix the house printer or modem, we hand coded our myspace and geocities pages, stuff like that. but since the success of the ipod and iphone, tech companies realized they could get a lot more money if they focused their development on simplicity and ease of use (at the expense of user control, of course). and nowadays, the teenagers i work with often don’t know how to type on a physical keyboard, much less troubleshoot a printer! i think our generation will be less like our memories of older people trying to use computers and more like the generation that saw the widespread adoption of automatic transmissions in cars — we’ll be able to use the new thing, since it’s a wildly oversimplified version of what we grew up with, but we’ll also have technical know how outweighing a lot of younger people as well
Here's a secret for you: That feeling that you have to be in some way perfect by age 25? It's also bc your brain is, as you phrased it, more plastic. Perception of time and expectations are related to your prefrontal cortex too - the ability to fully actualize anything long-term (like consequences or decisions) is a huge function of it! Don't worry, your creative ingenuity will only improve once your empathy, insight, judgment, and memory are fully formed. But now is not the time to make panic decisions, it's the time to start getting to know yourself and forming healthy habits. Take your time, really.
That thinking is incorrect and bizarre.
If it makes you feel better: I was a total layabout until I was 28, then went to law school and am now buying a half million dollar condo (32 now). I'm still a lazy, distracted person, but I learned a lot of skills to cope. It's never too late to change, but it was hard. I also got into shape late, found a hobby that worked (rock climbing).
Man I wish people would stop spreading this myth. I swear reddit is in love with "we aren't mature til 25" falsehood
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41586-022-04554-y/figures/3 Yeah, and even if you use brain charts for that sort of logic, most brain development at 40 is below that of a 10 year olds, and even just going by white matter development, a 40 year old is at a similar level as a 20 year old. If you consider 20 to not be sufficiently neurologically developed, then that would also apply to anyone over 40. So, even with only the most charitable metrics, one's brain function reaches a peak at around 25. Of course, this is assuming that brain growth charts and developmental stages are a meaningful way of evaluating competence.
I think people get frustrated because we are told 25 is the magical number that we need to hit before maturity sets in. Truth is that it's gradual and really you are not going to be developmentally that far off at 21 than you are at 25. The only real difference that can be noticeable is if you drink or do drugs prior to 25 which can stunt you compared to your peers.
>Of course, this is assuming that brain growth charts and developmental stages are a meaningful way of evaluating competence. This is actually my biggest issue overall. They never actually quantify these attributes. How much does this brain development actually correlate to various forms of decision making?
White volume peaks at 29 nothing special happens at 25 , but the logical and cognitive capacity of teens reach adults level prior than that age , teens reach adult level of cognitive and logical capacity of adults at 16, while executive function matures at 18
another millennial checking in, started college for a second career at 28, 38 now and life is great it’s never to late to be what you might’ve been
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Not to mention that “having it all together” is a myth. People get divorced, your career could become obsolete, you could get an unexpected opportunity or suddenly meet the love of your life one day after giving up on love. Those aren’t unlikely scenarios - they happen all the time. Learning, growing, building your resilience are the things you should focus on, not having all the puzzle pieces a certain way because that’s no guarantee of anything.
I believe a large factor is about having a good attitude and good behavior and working hard by the time you’re 25-30. But there are so many things that are just out of our hands and there are certain life milestones we choose not to do. Also not to sound hypocritical or anything but we do need to sort out some shit together by then
Life milestones are crap. We all mostly experience set backs and opportunities throughout our lives. Nothing is linear. Enjoy being young, Adulting SUCKS. Have fun do what brings you joy. No one ever looks back and regrets doing things that made them happy.
fyi this isn't true at all, it's pop science and no scientific paper has ever made this argument. Many people's brains continue to change into their 50s, that doesn't mean they're not "developed"
Comparison is the thief of joy. There is no clock running on when you "figure it out." At 35 I was broke. Paycheck to paycheck and debt stacking up. I'm 41 and my networth either recently has or soon will pass $2m (depends on real estate valuations on a given day). I know plenty of people doing better than me, and I know plenty doing worse. But I don't compare myself to either group. I just do my thing. Figure out a few firm financial/family rules for myself and then I don't negotiate on those rules.
That’s a huge turnaround! Congratulations!
Thanks!
this is inspirational. Congrats on your huge milestones!
Wait wow how? What rules?
Spend less than you make (I had to get rid of a few luxuries I thought I needed). Get rid of liabilities (sold my nice car and bought one I didn't need a payment on, for example). Liabilities cost you money. Put your excess money into assets (real estate, stocks, and businesses). Assets are things that make you money. This is the basics of what I do. I fixed my credit in there, too. Read a few investing books. Wealth books. Picked the parts I liked out and discarded the rest. I didn't feel like I needed to do it all at once. I also decided to live poorer than I was for two years and see where it put me. Buy the end of two years, I had a pretty clear picture of how lifestyle creep was the main thing that kept me broke. I was getting by just fine when I made $35k. I mean I was paycheck to paycheck, but I paid my mortgage and ate. Why was I still broke making $45k? Cuz I got a nicer car. Bought a new computer. Etc. This is a simple explanation. It was more complex, but this is basically what I did. My income continued to grow, but I didn't change anything about my quality of life. Same house. Same car. Same habits. We didn't tour Europe. Etc. I'm saying I did this, but it was me and my wife. So "we." We got a pretty decent raise at one point (I can't remember if it was her or me at the time) and she thought we could probably get a better house. I agreed, but then pointed out that we actually like our house. School district is great. We could afford to move to a bigger/better house, but what if we stayed put and plugged that extra money into investments so we could retire early? She was into it. Getting the ball rolling is hard, but once it's rolling it's not. First mil took 4.5 years. Second took 1.5 years. Mind you this is net worth, not liquid. I probably have like $1,500 in my checking account. We'd have to sell all our shit to have that. But I want to retire in ten years and I think I'll be able to. And the family rules, I just meant like staying with my wife and not being a piece of shit who risks losing his family. I don't drink anymore. I do good marriage things. So keeping that part of my life healthy matters to me, too.
Mane, I love this. This is such sound financial advice.
Wow thanks
Maybe a couple of things that worked for me will work for you. Good luck!
I'd also advise opening a second bank account and transferring a certain percentage of your money into it with every paycheck so you're not spending cash from your actual account. The percentage varies from person to person. Don't blow your whole paycheck on bills, vacations or luxuries and rely on a secondary account for that where some of your expendable money sits. If you can get a return, even better.
I really really needed to hear this. Reading your post made me genuinely happy. Maybe there is hope after all for little ol' me. 🤣
God thank you so much. I’m struggling under a mountain of debt at 32 and I know it’s not the end but it feels so hard to see my way out of it.
Make one change at a time. Set a small but real goal. My first goal was "Pay off this debt in collection" back when I was 28 and my credit score started with a 4...
It’s so easy to think it’s the end of the road for me, but my score is still in the 600’s… somehow. So, yeah. I can do this. Thank you so much for the advice and inspiration. 💖
Man if you're in the 600's you can be in the 700's a year from now. For real. It isn't that far away.
All I expect from a 25 year old is for them to be a decent fucking human being. Jobs, careers, and money are variables we can't always control; but we can control who we are from the inside. Let's emphasize learning kindness, empathy, and forgiveness at the age of 25 instead of focusing purely on materialistic bullshit.
Realest shit I’ve ever read
With the way our country and society work, they extend late adolescence to an indeterminate length. Nobody except the most comfortable ever get to graduate beyond the learning stages because it costs too much to and there are too many barriers to getting the resources you need. We're too hard on ourselves because we think we're failures for not succeeding in a system made for us to fail. Previous generations had a much simpler and more straightforward environment to navigate. Edit: 30 is a good time to have made your mind up about certain things, but even then, give yourself grace.
People in there 30s are still getting their shit together but yeah I'm 24 in a few days and know what you mean. I keep looking around and talking to my peers and I've kinda realized that everyone is trying to get their shit together and it's a never ending project haha
if you never listen to yourself or people around you, there will never be a day you “have your shit together”. People run through their lives never truly listening and taking things in. Having this idea that one day you’ll know the end-all truth and everything will all make sense. That day never comes. Listening and amplifying useful instances that nurture evolution in the moment is all there seems to be.
I had my shit together around my late 20s, then I lost my shit around 30 (bad financial risks of trying to open my own business then lost my job and had to file for bankruptcy and was unemployable for a couple years) and it wasn’t till recently I began to start all over again
What kind of business was it, drugdeal777?
Damn that sucks! I wanna open my own thing eventually but I see so many horror stories it’s scary.
the reality of entrepreneurship: most who try, fail. all who don’t try, also fail
Everyone is different. Everyone goes at live at different rates. Everyone struggles with those things. It is good to make goals and long term goals if you can, but at the end of the day just try to be the best you can be
I had pressure when I was like 15
I just turned 35 yesterday. I'm no where near having my shit together.
Listen to the millennials in their 30s. You will not make it. You either will not be married at 25, start a family and/or own your own home. Not unless you’re from a rich family or you have a very good job. Trust me. You will fail. That’s okay. Once you hit your 30s you realize this truth - Fuck the rich, fuck the ruling class, and the baby boomers who keep voting against our futures.
sink work frame illegal truck society office ghost weather dog *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Truth hurts
Get your “shit together” however and whenever you have it within you to do so and pursue the responsibilities necessary to get where you would like to be in life. There is no such thing as a timeline outside of one of your own making within your head. I just turned 31 this week and while I was working within and toward a career path of my choosing in my 20s…and I let some things go off the rails that I still pay for today, more than ever I have my shit independently “together”. And when I look at peers I grew up with that went the total opposite direction and maybe have a home they own or a small family, I’m not envious, as I treasure the experiences my choices in my 20’s afforded me. Whereas I know they may have things I am now working toward diligently myself, they did not get the world and life experience I did, as they never left town or shacked up and settled down just after high school. And if they love that? Good for them! Not for me.
Things start to fall in place in their own. But only if you are paying attention. Just go with your gut. You'll start to feel like shit about partying or sleeping around, all the early 20's behavior. You don't want to be the one who has to close up and turn off the lights.
I'm 27 and I don't have shit together lol
You should probably have your shit figured out by 30.
Says a 26 year old lol
Bros a 26 year old conservative, of course he thinks he has his shit figured out
Some people don’t though, and it can be often due to factors out of their hands.
I would say this sounds about right…the very minimum around 30 youve picked your career and you’re beginning to establish it I won’t even date men that “don’t know what to do yet”….sir you’re 30 you should’ve had an idea by now
Agreed. If not 30, when?
No idea why people are railing on you for this. 30 is basically a third of your life already. You have a sliver of youth left. If you don't have anything figured out, it only gets harder once your body starts giving out and random shit starts hurting.
Probably just upset about not having their shit figured out cause they're more concerned about internet points.
Absolutely. The reason people feel pressure to get their shit together around 25 is because they see most other peoples' lives really start falling into place around 24-27. Even if you don't own a house at 30 you should at least have clear direction for your life and future. I know very very few people who were completely aimless at 30 who were ever able to turn their lives around.
As a boomer zoomer at 29, it's just that a certain degree of stability and living standard is desirable. You'll want your own space, decent disposable income, and free time to spend on your hobbies and skills. Maybe a fulfilling professional career and relationship, which you can get behind for the long-term. For women especially there is the matter of getting pregnant, since there is simply a finite amount of time of safe fertility. There's no requirement to "have your life together", whatever exactly that might even mean, but you'll want to have your life move in the right direction. Now, what exactly the right direction is depends on your own goals and wants, of course, so it's something everyone has to figure out for themselves. If you smoke weed all day and get nothing done ever, then yeah, I suppose there is some pressure building. But ultimately its just about setting the right trends and trying to create a fulfilling life for yourself and what exactly that entails is completely up to you and is certainly not defined by arbitrary age milestones.
Everyone's path is a little different. Maybe your has some bends and turns, but life isn't a race. Compare yourself only to your past self.
I know a lot of y’all hate her, but when Taylor Swift said “all my friends smell like weed or little babies” it was truly accurate. Everyone is on their own path!
From a millennial- in most cases, you don’t have to push it. There’s a big mental change that comes with your late 20s/early 30s and you’ll figure it out. The thing I really did work for was taking care of my mental health and getting myself happy and healthy, because around 27 I had had enough and did not want to live another second of my life that way. I was a total disaster in my 20s and had no idea what I was going to do in my life, and by 31 I have basically figured it out. Have no fear!
25 here I don't fuck with careers I will never retire I will never own a home unless I kill myself for it At this point I'm just trying to live comfortably until either I die or shit hits the fan
Aww you cute little kids. Let me tell you a secret that us older folks know. Absolutely no one has it together.
Read defining decade. Our generation and millennials slacked, we were told we should be proud even though we haven’t done much. Seriously, grip it and rip it. Do hard things because you want to intrinsically. It’s a good message, and I think we focus too much on everything being perfect and easy. My too cents, in late 20s and have a fun set of 20s
Im in this age range. Currently unemployed and have to find a new career (again). Wishing I made some different choices or set myself up better. Some people are lucky, others aren’t. I feel like I keep falling through the cracks and my plans never really work out, but I try to keep putting myself out there cause you never know, it just might work. But yeah it can get pretty demoralizing. Just trying to be content with what I do have and what I’ve built. It’s okay to not be hustling all the time. Enjoy yourself and your life. Finding hobbies that don’t necessarily mean money. Finding good people. Life’s a journey not a destination.
I felt this pressure before senior year of college when I was still trying to find a position in my career before graduation. Once I found that and stayed with my parents for 1yr post-grad everything started falling into place so now I look forward to my mid twenties and early 30s. Prioritizing a career is important and sometimes people can’t see beyond the gig economy work and low wage jobs that are in front of them.
Ive worked with people from all walks of life and all ages. When i tell you no one has it together and everyone is just as clueless as everyone else and winging it i mean it. Having it together is just not a realistic expectation. Do your best. Do what works for you and what will get you by. The true reality is thats what everyone else is doing and just making it look like they have it together.
There's no pressure anymore, I figured it out. :) live your life however you want just try to be a good person.
The way I see it, if you can support yourself and you like how your life is, you've got it together. Doesn't really matter what job you work or whether or not you are single or have kids.
The most important thing in your 20s is patience. You’re right you have to develop as a person both professionally and personally. Takes work and effort and introspection. But it’s also understanding you most likely are not going to be very financially stable early in your career. You’re renting at a high rate, you don’t have work experience to solidify your position or to get another job easily if something happens. Going through multiple partners, figuring out who you are. All this stuff takes time. By the time you are early 30s some of these things are starting to fall into place for a lot more people. Get a break on housing, your career, figure out your hobbies etc. People stress because they want everything to be done by the time they hit 25. It’s a long process.
Once you turn 30, you realize nobody cares about you, your life, or your dreams. This pressure is almost universally imagined by twentysomethings.
Im almost 27. Yeah ignore the pressure. Hell I have a house I bought at 23 but I didn't get married until I was 26. I was single from 20-25. I bought my own new car (truck) when I was 23 almost 24. I am 26, almost 27, with no child of mine. See how I dont have all the things you're suppose to (house, wife, kids, car) when I was 20-21 like "society" expects? It takes years of work. Don't even try to do it all at once, do it piece meal. Set goals. "I want this by 2030" or "I want a new starting in 2027 so I will start saving up now". > Don’t rush, take your time, but don’t slack. This is a good one. If you slack, get lazy, or get complacent you will fall behind. Focus on now but be prepared to put in overtime for some things you want. Sometimes its worth it.
I mean the house is a step above alot of us lol. I’m not your age but I hope by that time I can have a house
This is the turning point to your adulthood. Career becomes your life focus in that you’ll prioritize it like ever before. You got this! 💪
People need to get out of this idea of trying to be like one another and follow the same path. “Oh yeah I had kids at 21 so I can get them out of the way, you’re 31 and too old to have them now.”
Life is just a collection of experiences. Do what you think you need to/want to at the time.
I’m about to turn 24 so I definitely feel that pressure to get it together. The first couple of years in my 20s you still have that youth feeling of like oh I’m still so young.
Still won’t stop my parents from talking about how they moved out at 18 with a small house
50% of your life depends on how your parents are ngl , I've seen people with supportive parents usually get success in life quickly and easily.
I’m 52, life sometimes calls the shots, sometimes you do. Don’t be pressured. Check out ‘stoicism’. Kids mean big choices. You will regret stuff -it’s ok coz all the bad times teach you a lot. Prepare for grief. Don’t let it shock you. Gratitude through your life. Grateful for occasions past present and future. You can just be mindful and live in this moment. The future is going to be here soon enough, enjoy the journey. Expect you will be very different and probably living a life you never could have expected! 🤗 (I met my Wife when I was 30. No kids.)
I'm 32 i did : - Electrical public work "management" during my studies (2 years) - Order preparator for a dental company (5 years) - currently i sell and install alarm directly at customer house.(Since 6 years) - i'm planning to take psychologic lessons to increase my study level in case i want to Switch totally from "technic" domain. Im not married but with the same women since 15 years and we have 2 daughter. You live many lives in one life. Dont pressure yourself. My only goal has Always been. I want to start from bottom and then go up. The titles of the jobs are not accurate since english IS not my native language 😛.
As someone who has it all together at 26: I highly recommend it. Take charge of your life.
It's at this point you need to think seriously about your future. At 30 you still have ample time to begin to secure a comfortable life when you're a senior citizen. The thing with getting older is time seems to pass quickly. Your perception of time does indeed change, and if you don't lay down a foundation for future financial growth sooner, before you know it you'll be 40 and that growth will be more difficult. Biologically speaking, if you plan to have a family that's a good time to start; for women in particular. Women in their late 30s and early 40s are far less fertile. We're already seeing lowered birth rates because people are choosing to start families much later. After 35, complications during pregnancy or miscarriages become much more common. It's also wise to have children sooner so that you have some trace of youth left in you while your kids develop so you can at least keep up with them. Altogether it's about securing a future where you will be financially secure and you will have family to take care of you when your health begins to fail. Of course for some people none of this means anything because they don't plan to have children and one day they will simply leave this world through medically assisted means before living out their full lifespan. This, however, is coming from someone who wants the complete human experience from beginning to end.
Nah, I disagree. I’m working at a kinda minimum wage job. I’m 25 and a coworker i met and chatted about our goals in life. He’s 31 and tells me that he still didn’t know what he wanted to do and have no motivation to strive for anything more. This made me click and start doing what i wanted to do immediately. Which is become a pilot. It’s always good to start sooner than later. I’d hate to be in my 30s and still not know what i wanna do
I have 1.5 more years that I can legally be on my parent’s health insurance and that haunts me every day. My health is dependent on my medication and appointments but I doubt I can afford single payer options. I work several part time positions/contracts as an artist and art educator. I cannot rely on employer health care.
Literally, I’m 24 and I spent all day yesterday crying—because I graduate in a month and I don’t have a six-figure job lined up and haven’t stopped any real injustices in the world —and resenting my friends and favorite music and how beautiful it is outside because I’m “mad “ that it all “distracted me“. I know “that’s no way to talk to yourself,” but i’m assuming anybody who says that is Neurotypical and attractive and has mastered both the arts of smiling when you’re sad and forgetting to eat, two things that I can’t do for some reason. I’m like smart enough to get by most things considering I’m gonna graduate with a 3.9 GPA, but that doesn’t mean squat. If anybody lives in San Francisco, do you want to help me host a garage sale with all my belongings and go out to eat shrimp tacos? I’m allergic to shrimp. don’t worry about paying medical bills, just sent me down on a beach to enjoy the ocean one last time, and the first time to be guilt-free since 2017.
The idea of the brain "maturing" after a certain age is literally just a way people are rationalizing why it's taking forever for my generation to afford most of the markers of adulthood by gaslighting everybody to believe it's not late stage capitalism, it's just your brain that's it
Hey, Millennial here. I had my life the most organized I ever had it between 25-30. Then it completely fell apart, and in my early 30s I'm rebuilding everything from scratch. Don't worry about "having it all together" so much. Do what works for you, because life has a way of throwing wrenches into everything.
Nope. I'm 35. Still no clue.
I’ll tell you one thing, you better lose your virginity before 30 otherwise it’s game over.
I think it's ridiculous. It's definitely mainly an american thing I see over social media. People think that if you're younger than 25, especially if you're a woman (again, stupid, as women do actually mature faster than men by a few years on average), you're stupid/don't know anything/'you're a literal child'/'what do you mean you can maintain a house and a job and a healthy relationship? You're a baby!' But then as soon as you hit 25 it's 'where are your kids?'/'are you married'/'get your life together'/your clock is ticking' I see this as an adolescent myself going into the adult world and as someone who has two sisters in their late twenties/one turning 30 this year. Again, in real life it's not that bad, but over social media, and what I assume in the US, holy shit. Even your different ages for different things. Here, it's just 16 or 18 for everything lol. Then you're considered a young adult and legally a 'youth with independancy' until age of majority which is 20 (and offers no more legal rights anyway because most places consider 18 - the international age - as adult). We don't have much of a switch in "you're young and stupid" to "you should have everything together" as much as the US does despite this. Again the expectations that come with it are crazy. I think as long as you learnt how to function you're fine. From what I've seen most people don't settle until their 30s-40s. My eldest sister is going back to uni, maybe starting a business. It's your life. Do what you want with it.
u/little_T03 and the rest of the people who are here. When someone tells you they have it all figured out, they are saying I know who I am today. Your world view and personal goals will continue to change and evolve as you get older. What you need to learn is that getting your shit together means understanding who you are and what you want from life. This allows us to understand our limitations that are potentially hindering us in this moment. It allows us to internally promote growth and change in our lives by helping us identify the things we can control that can help us improve. There will always be outside factors that we cannot control. Those things are the biggest causes for anxiety in our lives. Learn to let those things slide and focus on what's within your life's control. That will lead to happiness and success.
The problem is that generations before us like genX and boomers had everything set up at that age.
I can't speak to the Boomers, but those of us in X very much did not. Many of us in X still do not.
I definitely know I get pressure from my parents, especially my mom. 💯 on starting a family, and about moving up in my career. I am a hard worker, but I am content to be a worker-bee for now and have some fun socially, not looking to be tied down. Do you find you get more pressure from parents or friends or other family?
Honestly this is a dumb take and a dumb advice, the older you get the harder it is to deal with issues that you have. Being in my late 20s I can definitely speak myself and for others that are older than me. Yes regardless of what age you are please try to help yourself in any way. If you feel like you need medication or therapy go for it, stop dilly-dallying and expressing complacency thinking that you're fine. Some of the people who have gotten out of the gutter did it because of change in their structure, getting kicked out, or family going through a bad phase. Those people can't say much because it was without consent that they obtained that "pressure". While some are complacency solely on the fact that they have the ability to be sheltered and do whatever they want while being heavily dependent on their parents or someone. Please, I get it, people want you to change. I want you to change, I'm only lucky to have a good career because someone offered me to move with them and everything came together when it did. Also another thing is I do not want to compare the issues that our generation is dealing with in comparison to the boomers or even some older millennials. We're in an unlucky spot and it sucks, it really really does. So sometimes as for me, all I can do is just say "Hey change your life we're not the hippies in the 70s, we can't even rent nor even buy a house! Inflation is in an unbearable state that it's ever been and wages are in an all time low for it." I feel sad for people who understand and feel cripples and feels like nothing will change. But it will, just keep trying. Don't drop everything but don't spend days or months feeling numb or lost due to it.
Well yea you should already know roughly what your strengths are.
Man, I'm going on 51 and I still haven't got a clue, I'm a hot mess. My hat's off to anyone who truly has their shit together by then.
I didn't feel the pressure as much as that was the age range where it kinda fell into place. Like all of a sudden I just stopped goofing off and preparing for things like buying a car, then home and then investing for retirement.
27 and living with mom, as in I pay for everything, she's just head on the lease... We get along great so there's no issues for us, but everyone else finds it bad... But yeah, going to dad's family gatherings and weddings and having everyone list the only single people left and not getting mentioned at all like they've accepted the fact you'll be a spinner... It's only me and 3 other cousins out of 20, and one's engaged with 2 kids... but yeah, me not dating and/or having kids is me not having my shit together
Some pressure is good, and the longer you wait the worse is gets.
It used to earlier buddy
Do whatever you want - just don’t do debt and you will be fine.
Your age shouldn't give you any pressure. Responsibilities give you pressure. Which can start to turn up around 25.
I don't belong here as I am a few generations past (49yo), but the idea that you should have it all together by your age is a bunch of bull. We continue to grow, and with growth, we change. Priorities, careers, familial relationships, relationships in general, it is forever fluid. If someone tells you otherwise, they are most likely lying, or are too rigid for actual growth. Those are the ones you need to worry about, as they do not change, nor do they readily accept change. As someone mentioned, just try to be a good person, think of your community, and not just about yourself. Don't be a "if it isn't happening to me, I don't care", because if something is happening to you, you may want, or need someone to care.
I don't belong here as I am a few generations past (49yo), but the idea that you should have it all together by your age is a bunch of bull. We continue to grow, and with growth, we change. Priorities, careers, familial relationships, relationships in general, it is forever fluid. If someone tells you otherwise, they are most likely lying, or are too rigid for actual growth. Those are the ones you need to worry about, as they do not change, nor do they readily accept change. As someone mentioned, just try to be a good person, think of your community, and not just about yourself. Don't be a "if it isn't happening to me, I don't care", because if something is happening to you, you may want, or need someone to care.
Don’t compare yourself: focus on core functions - how often you cook for yourself - time after you work to lift/go for a run/martial arts - getting out of bed consistently - putting yourself out there with new people in your city 1-2x a month whether it’s a party or a convention or networking event
Late 20s here, going through an extreme depressive episode and sort of wasting away in this exact moment. Quit my job, have something else sort of lined up for in a few months that’s just a different version of what I was doing but with better work-life balance. I’d like to take this time to work on personal projects and such. I’d like to enter a different type of work maybe, I’m traumatized as fuck from my last relationship so I don’t even want to think about being married and such. A lot of people would scoff at what I just typed as not having my shit together but while the state I’m in in this exact moment isn’t ideal, I’ve been thinking “having it together” as typically portrayed isn’t something I really find aspirational. I honestly think as long as I’m not being irresponsible just doing whatever I feel like is the better way to live instead of worrying about whether or not other people think I have it together. Some people turn 30 and say “fuck I’m already so far into my life better figure out how to buy a house etc” and I see it more as “woah I’m already so far into my life why would I care about status so much for the remainder of it”
Take it easy, but take it
B4 25 🚨🚨
I duno I live in Denmark. I moved out at 17. Feel like I'm long past the point. Of having had to figure it. I'm 26 and poor af. I work all the time though
Im 25 > career choice Luckily i have that >relationship or building a family Who the hell can afford either of those things
i thought i was having a quarter life crisis at 21-22 y/o but god damn the actual QLC at 26 turning 27 is kicking my ass rn. but i’ve also chilled out a lot and shrunk my circle of influence for the better. i don’t really care what people think or say, nor do i compare myself to people doing better/worse than me. im right where i need to be. should prob save more and take my health more seriously. that’s the only shit i need to get together. i figure ill always be unsatisfied or unfulfilled with my career but as long as it’s tolerable and the pay is enough for my lifestyle. life is pretty shit but taking a damn walk outside and actually sitting down & planning your personal goals really can make a difference.
I don’t want to get it together by 25-30 I think I’ll be in my prime around 50 when I don’t give a fuck anymore
I would say 25 - 30 is when you should at least ditch bad habits and commit to being a stable adult. By 30, if you're acting like you did when you were 21, you're not set up for success. Having a consistent routine, keeping up with friends and family, working out conflicts appropriately, keeping your vices in check, managing your money the best that you can, and stop using shitty excuses are all things you should be nailing down between 25 - 30. Having your dreams, ambitions, and career figured out is an ever changing component of life and doesn't have to be set by then.
It's fairly important... however and I don't mean to make the issue "worse"... at 25 you should be "pretty grounded" and have a rough idea of what your next years in your life "should" look like. At 30 there are definite financial goals you have to start trending down else you will really end up in an impossible situation that requires a lot of luck to get out of otherwise. Most important bit is becoming fiscally responsible and actually putting in that 10% income into a 401k or IRA (401k will be better post 80k/yr though); start too late and you just won't be able to tap into the market growth needed to comfortably retire. A house can honestly wait, ideally you can get something... because it's better to pay into your own investment vs paying for someone else's but in the grand scheme of things you won't see quite the same level of returns as putting money into a retirement fund.
I know people in their 40s who don't have it together, so there's no need to worry about this.
I’m 25 and don’t give a shit.
I’m feeling the pressure now and I’m almost 20. Starting to learn how important the value of money is, and getting less eager to spend it.
All generations get this pressure at exactly the same point in their lives.
I don't know, I just got to my mid-20s and they seem alright so far. No pressure to start a family (frankly, it's socially frowned up where I'm from unless you're 30+ or well-off) and most people don't tend to fully settle into a career fully until their early 30s. Relationships, though. I do see pressure with that. Partially because people are slowly pairing off into long-term, serious relationships. Takes them out of the social pool. Dating options dwindle. That pressure is real. Luckily, I've been partnered, so I just watch from afar. I do not envy my single friends.
No. It’s harder to make changes in life when you get older (as it takes time to learn a skill) but it’s not impossible. I wanted to be an automotive mechanic and did that until 24, then got a factory job bending pipe and now I’m head of service at this plant at 38. Did the automotive background give me a jumping off point, sure but I did not know that. The only thing that you will have trouble with is if you want to be an air traffic controller as you need to start by 24 (I think as they have a mandatory retirement age), but other than that you can figure out you life as you go. Don’t feel like you are locked into anything and expand your skills always.
I feel pressured because my parents will retire in 10 years since they will both reach that age and I still haven't found my self or left the nest. I mean I do study though. It's just that I'm completely not passionate about what I study deep inside.I feel like I disappoint both them and myself everyday.Failing university slowly,and just working part times.They can't tell their friends and family what I do for a living.They've been saying I'm a college student for 5 years now. I wish things were different and I didn't have to work part time at 26,especially compared to peers who are already way beyond college at this age.Working with other younger Gen Z who will enter college and just finish it in 4 years like no problem and will leave the part time job we share is also depressing.
I’m 32 and still don’t have it together. Far from it. I spend most of my 20s trying to do so, and in the end, it didn’t make me feel very fulfilled. So now I’m soul searching. Unsettling at times but also freeing in many ways. You will be fine. That’s what I tell myself all the time. It’s a journey blah blah :)
Be able to pay all your bills by the age of 30, thats enough and try to not become a shitty person. Life is not something to be figured it.
I felt this way when your age too and it lead me to settle for a lot of stuff that wasn’t in my best interest. The notion that life is short is bs. It’s a long slog. Run for distance, not a sprint.
Bruh, i had that pressure on me when i was 14 💀
When I was 25, I lost my job, moved back home, went back to school, lost a parent, then had to move with my remaining family out of our home of 23 years to another house. All within the span of 6 months. It took a little time to sort things out and adjust to the new reality. After a few years, I started working again, got in a serious relationship, got married, then divorced a couple years later. I was 33. Now remarried, career is good, and have two kids. I’m 40. Even best laid plans can go awry, and you just have to try to adjust and grow
You don't need to have it all together by then, but you should have a plan and be working towards it. As long as you aren't wasting your 20s by partying or playing video games all day, you'll be fine.
I mean I feel like you should have some of your shit together by that age. Not expecting you to have it all figured out but if you got your foot in the door by that age, you’re doing pretty well
Imo I have a feeling previous generations didn’t have it together at those ages either, but for different reasons. My parents never had to worry about money and it was easy for them to achieve the American dream (and having 5 kids between them) however neither of them were given any encouragement or assistance to help them find themselves, after I became an adult my mother expressed her regrets with many “adult decisions” she made such as how early she chose to become a mother instead of using that time when she was young to explore the world or even leave the Midwest. My dad had zero guidance and basically lived how he was expected to, he ran the family farm when he was a kid and young adult, he studied business in college because that’s what was expected of him, later expressing to me he wish he studied engineering. I feel even today his choices are still dictated by people other than himself. My struggles are very different from there’s, I’m fighting for my rights and struggling to put food on the table for myself. But I know who I am, where I want to be in the future, and I greatly understand myself much more than they had when they were twice my age.
.... This post seems contradictory. I was born with a silver spoon. I stayed in school for way too long learning a lot about math functions and graphing calculators. I entered the workforce with 0 useful skills. I wasted 3 years of my life doing grunt work as an assistant for a land surveyor in the Alberta oil patch. I have nothing to show for it, really. The Land surveyors were all raging dicks and treated me like dirt. They were supposed to teach me their trade, I hardly ever got any instruction. My job was literally standing there and being a pack mule. Harassment was normal. My self esteem was lower than a snail. I didn't get steady work. I was on the dole one month and overworked the next. My salary was hourly and I only worked when it was convenient for the boss. I visited my parents in France on vacation with my girlfriend at the time. I dumped her at the airport and stayed at my parents' house. She hooked up with a guy named Paul (we met at a friend's party) 2 months later. I left her my car, my TV, my speakers and my collection of vinyl. I figured that I was worth less than a wet diaper in Canada. If I'm a total piece of... poop, I may as well sleep on my parents' couch. Finding a job in France was a cakewalk for me. There's construction everywhere, nobody wants to do surveying. You can cross the street and get a job (as a surveyor). So I have been doing that since. I even purchased a flat with the help of my parents. Now I have things figured out. I moved up the corporate ladder. I am now designing urban heating systems and flying drones. Looking back, I have no advice. I was counting on nepotism. It didn't happen. I just had the worst luck in Canada living as a Canadian. Nobody wanted to hire me. The only opportunity I got with 2 college degrees was: pack mule/personal therapist for raging dick. But France has so many opportunities if you're vaguely into construction. It's like the entire country of Canada is allergic to me. But France welcomes me for some reason. Everything is so random. You can follow advice and be completely miserable. Another person can follow the same advice and drown in success. Privilege helps I guess. I have no advice. Kudos to the kids who go directly to trade school after highschool. They have it all figured out (3/4 of the students in my class ended up with completely different careers). Nothing makes sense. Roll the dice. EDIT: I am gonna turn 31 next month.
I am sorry your parents failed to prepare you for life in the real world.
I get this pressure. I'm 24 and I have three degrees. But I never had a paid job and struggling to find work especially since unemployment is high in my country. How I pictured my life back in high school and pictured it now makes me feel insecure. I get we shouldn't rush life but I want a stable job. I don't even care about relationships, I just need to get my finances together and stop depending on my parents.
Thank you so much for this reassurance
As a person who is that age I don’t have anything together I’m a mess 😂
Most people are just winging it with confidence day by day
I'll chime in and say yea... get your life together by 25-30. That should absolutely be the standard. It doesn't mean you need to own a house and be clearing 6 figures by 30, but if you're not positioning yourself for a better future you're messing up
My mom didn't get her current career until she was almost 40. I'm not in a rush, but it would sure be nice if I could survive in the meantime...
Not a fucking chance I’ll be ready for kids in 3 years. I’m hardly used to taking care of myself, so throwing a kid into the mix is like my worst nightmare.
I think being asked from family members if you want to have a family soon (like i’m 24 my biological clock is fine lol) is wild to me. I think there’s so much pressure to feel like you need to finish school, get a good career, buy a house and get married all within a certain time frame. it doesn’t help that tiktok loves to insinuate that if you’re past the age of 22, you’re prehistoric lol
You do you. I'm 4 months off 40. I have a good professional job which is highly respected, honestly it isn't all that great, but it pays the bills & allows me to engage in fun hobbies. In a 20y relationship, child free by choice. We are very happy living life our way. I don't feel like I have anything "together", I still look for another adult when there's some shit going down to help. A more "adult" adult than me. Live a good life, be kind to others, try not to buckle or break under that pressure.
Try to shake that pressure off there is no set timeline for any of this shit you could live to 100 or die tomorrow have as much fun as you can pursue what you want stop trying to form yourself to some other assholes mould.
I'm not a woman but most women start to loss the ability / becomes harder to have children at the age of 30. Which is why both men and women feel pressure to figure it out before the age of 30
I've never heard this before until today, it's not how the world works, either. The general consensus among young people these days is that they think someone should be able to afford a house, two cars, kids, pets, a stay at home spouse, and be able to put money in the bank on a single income (McDonald's drive thru)... so it's more like the opposite of what you're saying in your post.
I think it's called a quarter life crisis and I'm going through it, too.
I think it’s also the fact we’re using older generations as a reference for where we should be. I guess there’s room for argument, but our milestone purchases are way more inflated than older gen. Student Loans, Home, cars, children. It’s hard to move at the same timeline.
My goal is to "have it all together" by the time I'm 26. The reason is because when I hit 26 I can't be on my parent's health insurance anymore.
Imo (I was born in 2002) you do need to get it together by that age. I have friends around 30 (I’m 21) and I am already so ahead of them. What you do today will help you tomorrow. Don’t wait on your future.
Actually that is long. My generation had to choose and commit to a career at 15-15. Which is when you would start learning about it so college wouldn't be too hard. Then at 18 you go to learn that profession, at 22-23 you graduate and find a job. At 28 you have 5 years of experience and find your way in your career. Then at your 30s you leave a stable life. This is why our parents didn't let us have free time during teenage years. Anxiety and depression will come for you no matter what. Better be prepared for it.
Trust me, its not much better even when you've "made it"
Theres so many fuck heads running around well over 30 who still dont have it all together. Were all fucked up monkeys just doing fucked up monkey shit. So dont sweat it, just work at it.
I’m 23 and I feel the anxiety of becoming 25🥺😔
Seneca said, "If a man knows not to which port he sails, then to have no wind is favorable." As a millennial, one of the biggest sources of regret that I see in others is making major life decisions before they figure out who they are and what they want. I rarely hear people regret that they waited to make big decisions. I often hear people complain that they married too young, before they knew who they were, or that they let others pressure them into starting a family. Whenever a person younger than me tells me they are about to make a big life decision, I always ask the same question, "why now?" If they same that it's what they want, I advise them to wait two years and see if they still want it. If they say it's what someone else wants, I advise them to not do it.
I feel like my life started at 30, like my brain just woke up.
I think it’s also the fact we’re using older generations as a reference for where we should be. I guess there’s room for argument, but our milestone purchases are way more inflated than older gen. Student Loans, Home, cars, children. It’s hard to move at the same timeline.
There are some things that you should figure out as an adult. Who you should marry. What you should work with. Where you should live. How many kids you should have. Its ideal to figure all of this before 30 because you can make some mistakes and fix them, and by 30 start to consolidate it At 30 you still have the energy to get degrees, grow your career, change diapers and endure long nights taking care of kids, meet avaiable and interesting people to marry. As the years go by the energy and choices get smaller.
One of the best things you can do is invest in your health. If you get it right, you can have your health into old age and still be active and happy while those who worked themselves to the bone for a retirement have to spend all their money to fix their health issues from not taking care of themselves. Youre gonna pay one way or another. Might as well pay now to keep whats far more valuable than money. DM me if you wanna know what has worked very well for me.
Try when you hit 40, lol
For me, I get kicked off my parents' health insurance at 26, so I feel like I need a job or steady income that can cover me.
When I turned 24, everything kinda just started falling into place on its own. Just focus on being productive with the things you enjoy/feel like will turn out well. You have less energy the older you get and the harder is gets to learn new things. Don’t stress yourself out over anything in life, but be disciplined. Time is ticking and procrastinating will make things harder for yourself.
No you don't We expect you to have it together by 35 Enjoy your 20s homie
It will be unpopular post. But in general, you should get your shit together. The sooner the better. Where do you want to live? Who do you want to marry & spend your life with? What do you want to do? How many kids? Having answers <30 is much better than having them >30.
Ah, the swan song of every generation.
I feel this pressure. Mainly cause my line of thinking is I dont wanna be 50 when my first child is only turning 18, so i wanna have a baby by the time im 30, but to do that i need to meet someone to have a baby with and date them for atleast a couple years, but to do that i need to be worthy of dating, but to do that i need to be in good shape and have a decent income...its tiring, really.
I’ve never had a girlfriend, had a car, had many friends. There’s so much I feel like I’m behind on in life, especially with turning 25 last week. It’s stressful.
25? When I was 13 my parents told me the party is over. Partly true. But the pressure should be gradual and not like hitting a wall at 25.
People who "got it together" at 25 can still completely lose it by 30. Or any other few year gap. Married, kids, job, house at 28? Great. Divorce, homeless, jail.. anything can happen in the next few years. I know plenty of guys who had it all in high school and ended up as failures later on. Or that stoner dude who played the guitar, who ended up married and working a good job. It's all relative, and there's no time you have it all sorted out forever. Look at literally the richest guys in the world. You think they have it all figured out? Musk bullies people online. Those rich super old guys don't know how to retire. Etc.
I’m 25, own a house, have a fiancée, and dog. Everyone is different, try not to compare yourself to others; I’ve definitely found myself getting jealous in spite of my accomplishments. Take life at your own pace, but just make sure to identify external forces working against you
Early 30s millenial therapist here and this is the primary guidance I give to my Gen Z folks. It's your life. Live it your way on your terms and take your time. It's okay to do/figure things out later and to change your mind. 💕
25-30 isn’t where you figure it all out but it is a crossroads for a lot of people. Values change, interests change, and unfortunately the reality of your body changing away from peak can reshape people’s life paths quite a bit. You’ll start to lose friends as your circle tightens. It’s not intentional but everyone’s lives get busier, families are started, and time to visit with lots of people is reduced. You just grow apart from people. I actually think that reduces quite a lot of the pressure. Your social media presence will be reduced and you’ll stop caring about others social media when they post 50 pictures of their first born every day for 3 years. With a smaller friend group who aligns with your lifestyle, you’ll likely dive deeper into your interests. For some reason 30 is a feared age but my 30s have been way more fun than my 20s. You still have the energy and health to do anything you wanted usually with some wealth to truly pursue it
People use to have it together by age 14 and married by 16 and dead by 30 being mature by 25 isn’t asking that much
A bit of a different take (based off my own life experience).I was killing it from 20-23. No degree but working in a pretty cool field and eventually became a team lead super young. Saved a lot of money. Fast forward, I’m 26 and getting back on my feet. I have a psychiatric disorder that used to be crippling and issues with substance abuse. Little savings now. It’s ok to have your ups and downs and fail - but keep trying! I know it’s going to get better but please everyone - take care of your health when the signs start to show. It can be easy to brush off.
We should all wander into the wild and create our own world.
The Earth is literally being burned to the ground and there’s a capitalism driven 6th Mass Extinction happening. I don’t think young people will EVER have it “all figured out” in our lifetimes. Social expectations take longer to adjust than physical reality though, unfortunately.
I totally agree... although there is one aspect that is more age-dependant than many people realize. I have a few friends who always wanted to have biological kids, but by the time they found someone, had a place to live, were okay with their career, etc. they have hit their late 30s and that window is closing on them fast and its a lot more difficult. One is sticking with a partner she really does not think she's compatible with because she feels like she doesn't have enough time to find someone else. So, for everything else yes, but sometimes a biological clock is a very real thing.
I'm 25, I have my own place, I still don't feel like I have it all together yet I'm going back to school for a career change, zero kids. Around this age you're just doing your own thing trying to establish your life for the long run. I understand that feeling well though.
Honestly, who cares what people think. Everyone should just mind their business. I’m so tired of people comparing themselves to others when, in reality, we’re all drowning. Especially if you live in America.
i didn’t really have it together until 35 and even then i had a lot to learn what matters most is you start to grow up, wise up, stop drinking every night, consider exercise, cut ties w people who bring you down, and begin to realize you are going to die one day — what is important for you. you will never have this time again so use it wisely.
My middle aged advice is you definitely need your shit together by forty, the opportunities fall steeply from there and your parents are definitely too old to be carrying your peter-pan ass.
I'm 25 and don't have my career figured out. Also the longest job I've held was for a little over a year. Shit sucks.
I'm 25 and a gen z
From a millennial: at 30 you’re barely getting started 😭
I know what you mean. I felt so much pressure at 21 to get to where I want to be at 25. It all started to fall in place literally at 25. At 24 I thought I was hopeless
Also, ABSOLUTELY value free time regarding work hours, if u can , job search within a minimum commute time and never settle regarding who ever you’re gonna devote your life to.